#don't you have anything better to do - azazel
Text
i don't know why im thinking about it, really. it doesn't matter much now.
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Thinking about Sammy again. Since he was a wee boy, childhood was not a luxury he could afford. To do something just for the sake of doing it, because it's fun, because it makes him happy, because it just feels good is a foreign concept. His choices serve a purpose. There's a reason. They're functional, utilitarian.
Look at how he treats his body vessel. Dean eats because he likes to eat because he likes the taste of food and the way it makes him feel. Sam eats because the thing is empty and if you don't fuel it, it hurts and then you can't hunt. He exercises because if you don't, the machine gets rusty and the parts don't work anymore and then it's useful to no one, a broken tool that can't fix anything anymore.
How can this serve me? How can this serve my family/brother/father? How can this serve the hunt? He probably picked out his high school options the same way. Functionally. "If I take drama I can become a better actor, a better liar. If I take psychology, I can better manipulate the witnesses to give up information I know they have. Biology would probably help with patching up after a hunt and an understanding of physics couldn't hurt. Maybe I'll take wrestling and shock Dean while sparring. Track for stamina. A second language, a third, a fourth for neural plasticity cuz lord knows demon killing isn't intellectually stimulating." Not one choice that poor boy has made was for him.
He's Dean's brother, his Sammy.
He's John's son.
He's Azazel's special child, boy king, blood junkie.
He's Lucifer's vessel.
He's a tool.
He's a weapon.
He's a means to an end.
His identity, his whole being, is based on someone else's ownership.
57 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi! i hope you don't mind me asking, but i need a certified opinion on sam winchester and you seemed like the person to go to :D
could you rec me some good sam-centric fic & character studies? preferably for early seasons or pre-series?
i'm showing spn to a friend and they like sam a lot, but we are both. somewhat afraid to go into the tag lol. so I figured you could have something nice bookmarked or there's maybe a rec list i dont know about.
thanks!
Okay I actually mostly read later seasons Sam stuff (or at least s5+) because the more trauma the better <3 but here are some that are either sam studies that include earlier stuff or earlier/preseries (like kripke era)
DO check trigger warnings! since these are (mostly) pre hell (and I would not read w*) they aren't as bad as some of the sam & lucifer fics I'd share, but some still have different potentially triggering themes (like addiction, suicide, etc, so please just be careful! I'm assuming you can check the tags on ao3 <3)
also some are 18+, not sure your age but I don't personally want my followers talking to me about nsfw content if they are minors. so be wary around that too, but they're all outer links so ao3 will have them rated/stop you etc.
Sam w/ OCD rec list & my old Sam rec list
samjess
Sunlight by sp8ce, samjess
The first time Sam tastes blood it's human blood, and it feels like shame and the closest he has been to truly human wrapped up in one. He's never been so safe and in love. The second time it's electric and consuming. He has nothing left, but the desire to chase the power and hold on to the objective of revenge, only still connected at her touch. The third time, he's pretty sure it will kill him, burn him like purifying light from the inside out. --- An exploration of Sam and consuming blood. This work is the first time: with Jessica Moore.
also if you like samjess sp8ce has later seasons ghost samjess too<3
sam & john
the type who doesn't burn by patrocluus
On a late October afternoon in 1997, John Winchester takes his son out into the woods and puts a bullet between his eyes.
make a mirror out of you by sp8ce - john kills jess (it's john pov though)
The thing about Jessica's death is that it makes Sa,m understand John more than anything else ever could and choose everything John's ever wanted Sam to choose. Azazel always seems to have John's silhouette.
sam / gen or multi
This Is the Way (The World Ends) by Lise
In Georgia hunting a skinwalker, Dean saw Sam. AU. Like, really.
Weblike Causality by sp8ce
Which came first? The fear or the inevitability?
instrument by sp8ce
Sam Winchester grasps with his own personhood.
Polaroid Sun Picture by sp8ce
Sam has been stalked his whole life in order to be manipulated into an instrument of his worst fears. He has no privacy to himself. He has no defence.
therefore I react by sp8ce
for a while, in the cage, all Sam sees is a tree.
(okay so I've tried to not give you any lucifer stuff but this one is a sam & learnt helplessness thesis for connecting past & present)
This Kid's Not Alright by safiyabat
What exactly did Sam get up to at Bobby's while Dean was at Sonny's? When John makes a very odd request of the older hunter, Bobby takes the boy into his home for a few months. It isn't an easy time for either of them.
the easy way out and the hardest part by queenbaskerville
Sam would rather die than be Lucifer's vessel. Lucifer will just resurrect him now, but there was a time before the seals were broken—a time before Sam broke the seals. To save the world, to save Dean—Sam knows what he has to do.
The Special Children by TheMightiestPen
After Dean reveals his Dad’s last words, he asks Sam to lay low for a while. This time, Sam says no. This time, Sam goes all in in his search for the other kids like him. S2 AU, for spnhiatuscreations on tumblr for week 5: favorite season.
sam & dean
Dear Abel by lowkey_existential_despair (it has samjess/early sam&dean basis okay)
It wasn’t always like this, is the thing. There used to be a time when caring about Dean was more than just a habit. There was a time, once, when seeing Dean with demon-black eyes would’ve been the worst thing in the world. But that was a long time ago. Now, he looks at this black-eyed version of Dean—wrapped in layers of chains, in pain, sobbing quietly—and he feels nothing. Nothing at all.
Purify by cenotaphy
"We know what happens when Sam drinks demon blood.
…but what happens when Sam drinks angel blood?"
Set at the end of season 4, before Sam gets out of the panic room.
Hell Fractal by sp8ce
Sam's last real memory is of Dean stabbing him after he let Lucifer out. Sam keeps, with varying levels of memory and awareness, waking up in the panic room. With Dean needing to kill him.
Man-in-the-middle by ambersock (who has some lovely fics <3)
Sam hears the driver’s side door open, hears footsteps approaching. He remembers that Dean still has Ruby’s demon-killing blade. Yet another voicemail fix-it.
The Choice by authoressnebula (authoressjean)
(this author has other early seasons sam&dean stuff)
One gun. One bullet. It's up to Sam and Dean to decide who will shoot the bullet…and who will die.
it’s not that i think i’m good, i know i’m evil by redskyatmorning
(author has good later seasons Sam stuff as well)
The conversation that leads up to Sam ending up in the panic room, again, to detox from demon blood.
Fade Far Away, Dissolve, and Quite Forget by Lise
You've seen isolation before, but not like this. It's not quite another hemisphere, but it's close enough.
Catharsis by BlueIris08
Sam copes with learning of Dean's promise to John in the classic Winchester way--with alcohol. Or, the drunken, angsty post-Croatoan/Hunted scene that didn't happen.
Don't Think Twice, It's All Right by WilsonTheMoose
In which Sam gets beaten up (rookie), Dean mentions the voicemail (idiot), and nothing really changes (figures). Fits into the first episode of season 5. For an anonymous prompt on tumblr asking for Dean hitting Sam in the earlier seasons. This is not quite what you wanted anon, sorry.
yeah, well, i don't want to by AreYouReady
He didn't do it on purpose. / Dean sabotages Jess's warding in pilot
Comets, Stars, Haunted Houses, and Other Things Best Observed from a Hundred Million Miles Away by occasionallyalways
See also: violent deaths; apologies; lightning. Or; Something happened in the panic room. Something went wrong. Dean finds out six years later.
sambrady
One to Save You by sp8ce
If Brady needs Sam, he'll be there immediately.
The Piece You're Missing by sp8ce
Brady can't seem to figure out why Sam won't give up on him. They have a conversation where he tries to dissect and understand why.
Out by TheMightiestPen (also sam&dean)
A god-possessed witch reveals a secret that Sam’s been keeping for a long time. The brothers handle it like mature, well-adjusted adults, for once.
sastiel
Grace (made perfect in weakness) by Sidewoundcore (CherryHollow)
After he is freed from the panic room, Castiel, rather than Ruby, is the first person to find Sam. In the end, it changes nothing at all.
atrophy & other stories by saintsurvivor
early seasons sastiel that is sam centric
Monster by Ginipig (voicemail fic so mostly sam&dean)
After everything that happened between him and Dean with the breaking of the final seal, Sam is having trouble moving on. Dean's weird, sort-of helpful angel friend wants to know why.
Not that it's any of his damned business.
Comfort by Never_x_Better
Sam's being tormented by Lucifer and Castiel just wants to help him. Nightmares, blood addiction, hallucinations, and fluff ends up leading the two friends down an interesting path.
Wishing Is Cold This Year by Lise
Dean has his head rather determinedly up his ass, so it falls to Castiel to take this one. Post 5.03ish.
what did you bury / before those hands pulled me from the earth? by starlightswait
It’s the strangest thing. Sam’s in the Cage. And then he’s not.
(technically post kripke but it's my favourite sastiel <;3)
Ruby Red by sp8ce (also samruby but I don't read or write a lot of samruby)
An exploration of Sam and consuming blood. This work has Sam reminiscing on Ruby. He then has more blood forced upon him by some hunters who think they can purify him. (can be read standalone or in series)
#fic rec#fanfiction#writing#sam winchester#sammy#spn#supernatural#fic#incoherents#wow that took hours. making rec lists is a time warp#also there are some of my beautiful mutuals who write beautiful later seasons fic. if i didn't include you it's cause I'm focusing earlier
206 notes
·
View notes
Note
How would Beelzebub and Azazel react to their S/O's suddenly carrying them into their arms?
A Helltaker request I can finally do.
...Aaaand writer's block is still there, especially for Beel, unfortunately. I really need to finish Second Circle.
Beelzebub
-Upon picking her up out of nowhere she instantly plays into the bit, giving a dramatic pose like the royal demon she is (or was).
-She is all for it, will call you her knight in shining armor as you carry her wherever into her palace of darkness you're going.
-This becomes a regular occurrence whenever you see her. She'll jump, expecting you to catch her when she goes anywhere and you won't be able to stop her. Better learn to be ready to catch her at any given moment.
-You can bet she's going to return the favor every now and then to test whether you can take it as well or not.
-If you can't and get flustered the roles will almost reverse just so she can see more of your flustered face. Or you'll both do it 50/50.
Azazel
-The poor angel lets out a yelp of surprise as she feels herself getting swept off her feet, not expecting the sudden boldness on your move.
-She'd seen this sort of thing in her studies before. Typically newlywed couples would do this where the groom would lift the bride off the ground as they left the church and carry her away.
-This immediately makes her mind drift to images of a hypothetical wedding for you two one day which only makes her flustered state even more apparent, ignoring the fact that it already was.
-As embarrassed as Azazel is though, she certainly doesn't mind it, not demanding you to put her down or anything, at least as long as you don't do it in front of everyone else.
-Lord knows Zdrada and Lucifer especially would show her no mercy if they saw this.
-Definitely makes her start at least writing basic plans for a wedding in the future if she's that comfortable in your relationship together, she would like to have the traditional kind that most people dream of having.
16 notes
·
View notes
Note
like why did [Nightcrawler] even fight Azazel and Mystique if all he had to really do was make a wedding for them!!
I've spent a solid minute laughing my ass off at this because I just imagined Nightcrawler threatening to marry Azazel and Mystique if they were to keep doing their criminal activities and escaping jail time and it just backfires
Nightcrawler : "You two are insufferable! Look at all the damage you've done ! Every single criminal of Ryker's island is now out because of you ! Mein gott, I swear if you keep at it I'm going to marry you to one another-...!"
Azazel: "What."
Nightcrawler: "Nothing. I said nothing. You're getting old- more ancient and are hearing voices. Now, en gard- !"
Mystique: "He said if we kept at it, he would officiate our own wedding ceremony."
Azazel: "So I did hear it right... Not that it changes much. Son, I'm used to people jumping to conclusions. You, on the other hand, teleported to them. How would that do anything to solve your problem and fix the situation ?"
Nightcrawler: *getting flustered from both embarrassment and anger* "It doesn't matter, just forget about it. You're going-"
Mystique: "Knowing him, he probably thinks the shackles of matrimony would change the deal and getting every criminal out here to be part of the attendance would better us as people all together."
Azazel: *turns to Kurt* "Is this really what you're thinking ? Titles, promises and a piece of paper don't fundamentally change a person, son, or alter their worldview to the extent you're hoping for."
Mystique: "A divorce or widowhood, on the other hand, ..."
Azazel: "Now, that is a life-changing or life-ending situation depending on who you're dealing with."
Mystique: "Setting the gains strategically, nibbling for extras thanks to a good lawyer, winning a few long lasting favors if you seem heartbroken or desperate enough to people, getting a few confessions out of those who have 'went through the exact same thing', ..."
Azazel: "Having a few mysteries and conspiracies surrounding your death, writing your own will, putting together all the paperwork, being free of your old life forever with no way of being traced back to it, ..."
Mystique: *sigh* "It's so annoying you need to be married to go through all that..."
Azazel: "Good thing it's the easiest and fastest step to take : How often do you have a priest available right away to do the job ? It must a sign. Perhaps we can even have a discount."
Nightcrawler: "Ach nein. Now they're thinking about it. Nein, they're just messing with me-"
Azazel: "Kurt, your mother wishes to stab me with one of the swords you're currently holding to take the insurance money related to 'unusual deaths'. It requires extensive planning and she wants to adjust what she has in mind depending on the model." *Azazel freely takes the sword away from his hand while Nightcrawler remains flabbergasted* "I heard of 'shotgun wedding' and expected a 'shotgun divorce' with Mystique but she wants it to be more of a 'blade divorce' to fit our particular situation. Very thoughtful of her."
Nightcrawler: "What have I done."
pahahahaha I love every bit of this please can Marvel hire you? You get these characters more than their current team
11 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hello! How are you ? Just one question! who do you think will die in the upcoming chapters of blue exorcist ? do you think anyone will die at all?
Hello anon! You're lucky because I'm having a nice easy week so I get to respond to you on the same day! (how rare)
Thank you for the question. I have seen this one come up recently within the fandom, especially with the manga ramping up for what seems to be a climax arc, but I never really had a solid answer for it. Kazue Kato is a master at misdirection and subverting expectations. She'd raise a death flag on purpose just for the lolz -u-"""
Personally, I don't see any of the main crew getting picked off, but then again, I didn't think Demon King! Rin was actually going to show up in his sweat pants so like... I'm just as scared as everyone else is.
I do think there will be some deaths though! And I'm hoping to see a few revives as well.
Spoiler warning for latest chapters under the cut
So from theories I've seen going around:
Renzou Shima has had major death flags on him for a while. This is probably just Kato trolling us though. I don't see any benefit coming out of his death anyways (snore) just kidding I love Renzou please don't die
Shiemi has said things that raised major death flags in the latest chapters, however, she's also under the protection of the Protagonist's Favored One's Halo, so unless Kato is a true masochist, I don't see her staying dead if worst comes to worst
Bon, probably also Kato's troll. Konekomaru is protected by the Cat Name Haver's Halo.
Izumo is in too much of a dire need for a glow-up to die.
Yukio is... cursed by the Protagonist's Favored One's Halo. Or at least he was but Rin feels a bit distracted lately. He'll live, but at What Cost? Couldn't say (probably a lot).
The Adults: Neuhaus is probably going to die. Shura might come close, but she'll hang in there so she can attend Rin's graduation. Lucy Yang might die. Lewin is favored by the author so I hope that means he's safe. Angel is not favored by the author so I really don't want to think about what's going to happen to him. Osceola better not die bc I need Rin to become his apprentice. Shiemi's mom is close to dying but I really hope she doesn't.
The Demons: I don't care either way so I never really thought about it (sorry demon lovers). If anything, it's more likely that we'll see demons that have crystalized, revive (Azazel, Armumahael, Shemihaza, Satan).
Also on a similar note, the demon eaters plot point was never fully resolved. Todou "died" off screen so unless Kato totally forgot about him, he's due for a comeback.
It's also interesting that Paku and Godaiin were focused on in the glimpse into the future. Nemu Takara also stayed back and is presumably still alive in that future, and those 3 from the kid's table still need to come back into the story. I doubt any of them will die ;w; that'd be too sad.
Jeremiah might die.
Dragulescu (??? idk how to spell his name) better die.
Other Illuminati: uhhh maybe the Lundstroms? I like Homare and I think she'll have something to do with Lucifer changing his mind about things. Lucifer isn't the main villain anyways so he's probably safe.
Rin... I don't think he'll be the same at the end of the manga, so to me, that counts as dying. Rin and Demon!Rin still haven't resolved their differences. Rin will have to choose a side, or face being forever unstable. But choosing will change him. Right now, he's living as 2 alter-egos/split personality. We've never seen him truly whole, and from the glimpses we have seen, he's kind of scary.
tl;dr Might die: Neuhaus, Shima, Lucy, Jeremiah, Dragulescu, Todou round 2, Rin (kinda)
#excuse any weird wording#i'm so eepy#ask#blue exorcist#ao no exorcist#text#rin okumura#okumura rin#aoex
22 notes
·
View notes
Note
would you be open to elaborating on the trilogy that ABM takes place in? What are the other books?
Hm. I've been sitting on this ask for a bit because, to be real with you, I'm really not sure how secretive I want to be. I think I'm just used to being secretive, but I don't necessarily gain anything from it, and I feel bad keeping people in the dark when they really want to know. So, here it is:
Book 1 is about Lucifer's rebellion, Book 2 is about the Flood (and Eden), Book 3 is about Armageddon and everything after that.
Book 2 is about angel Azazel, Book 3 is about angel Dina. (Don't worry, they're also all about Lucifer, Lucifer and Michael, and everyone you've already met.)
I pitched the trilogy once as "three books about three gay angels falling in love and destroying the world" so take of that what you will.
I have to mention that I planned to release the trilogy pretty quickly but given ABM doing.... better than I expected, to say the least, I got a lot more on my plate than planned. Things could take a little more time, so take this as my apology :')
#im still going to be a bit quiet about trilogy stuff because..... idk im shy#Why am I skipping over a good chunk of the Bible?#Im not! but you'll see :)#three GAY angels ruining EVERYTHING for EVERYONE#when ur queer and trans and fall in love w the wrong people#The ending btw is Lucifer and Michael gay marriage then living on a farm where theyll have 80 kids of course#mine#ask#will there be more orgies? yeah#i cannot WAIT for yall to meet Cain#and Baal in his silly era#and book 3 uriel ohoh#lots and lots to come#angels before man
63 notes
·
View notes
Note
hellooooo happy dff <3 Would John love Dean if he was a worm? OR (if you prefer a serious question) Was selling his soul to the demon that he'd been hunting for the last 22 years, half a lifetime, John's first resort for saving Dean? What was his thought process there? Was it instinctive and out of love or did he think Dean had a better chance of killing the demon and saving Sam than he did?
Dean being a worm would cause no appreciable difference in their relationship because John could still use him as bait 🥁
OKAY NOW THAT I EXPENDED THAT ENERGY
John 1000% did not believe that anybody could find/trap/kill Azazel except him, or they would've done it by now. He hoped that his sons would be able to continue the work should he die, but that's first and foremost because they had a vested interest in seeing the YED pay for killing their mother. Secondary to that would be because they had been trained in the necessary skills by John himself.
Pertaining to Sam specifically, yeah, I think John suspected that Dean would do better than him. I don't think John considered himself having done a great job either protecting or making decisions for Sam, though he did what he believed best at the time. Going by the constant peril that Sam was in through the Journal, going by the position Sam was in by the time John rode off to Hell, I think he was at his wits' end how to properly save Sam and he knew that Dean would be exactly as bloody-minded and tunnel-visioned about saving Sam as John had been about avenging Mary. Dean was (roughly?) the age that John had been when he started his campaign. It was like passing the torch.
Considering none of them ever had the follow-through to kill each other when it was an option, I doubt John thought Dean would go for the option of killing Sam. He just kinda threw that in there to impress upon Dean how crucial it was to save Sam (because John of all people knew how to manipulate Dean like nobody's business). Obviously John didn't want Sam dead, didn't want Dean dead; he was up against it and he'd run out of road.
Honestly sometimes I think it was a relief for him. Sam and Dean were together and could look out for each other, could carry on the mission. Sure, John would be sent to Hell, but if you looked at it from the right angle (and John was arrogant enough in his own abilities for this angle), he'd finally be mano a mano with Azazel without anything else getting in the way.
8 notes
·
View notes
Note
hello please expound on "he wouldn't be proud"
Hello! Alright, so, a couple of months ago there was a bit of analysis going around about the first half of Devil's Trap, specifically about how Azazel had possessed John to use as bait, etc. (If anyone knows what I'm talking about please send a link my way). And I remember thinking, isn't it strange/interesting that an extremely powerful demonic entity spent 24+ hours in John's brain, presumably scraping data, and still couldn't come up with something to fool Dean in the cabin? And you could say, well Dean knows his father better than anyone. And I love that-- not only because I'm invested in their relationship but also because I think that's true. Dean is John's longest relationship/partnership, and I think by the time John dies Dean is adult enough to have a more mature/nuanced understanding of his father, Dean is his confidant, they share all sorts of secrets that Sam is not privy to and which are revealed continuously over the course of the show (up to s14), Dean looks up to him and studies him and for that reason I would even say that John is probably the person Dean knows best, at that point in the narrative. So, yes, Dean is the person who knows John best in the world.
But I find this take not fully satisfying, because, actually, what Azazel says should have worked. This is how the dialogue in Devil's Trap goes:
Almost everything Azazel says a) is true and b) Dean knows is true. 1) "I won't miss" is the reckless bravado we see John exhibit throughout and which Dean actively calls him out on so --- sounds like Dad, and it's not crazy to imagine that he would want to take the kill-shot after he dedicated over two decades to hunting Azazel; 2) "Sam and I get obsessed" --- Dean himself has said this multiple times, and "You look out for this family" is what we observe to be true by watching the show, and we know Dean agrees --- and this actually could have been the weird un-Dad-like thing to say, but that's not what Dean singles out. It comes down to "he wouldn't be proud of me," --- and I actually think Dean is wrong here!
Maybe John wouldn't say "I'm proud" outright, but he surely wouldn't "tear [Dean] a new one," and we know this because pretty much every time we see Dean stand up to John in person, John folds.
We see this a couple of times in Dead Man's Blood.
After which John just turns around and gets back in his car and there is a momentary truce. He doesn't lash out at Dean, he doesn't try to instigate a physical fight, he doesn't say anything humiliating or try to undermine his position as mediator, etc. It's stark how differently he reacts to Dean and to Sam in this scene.
There are also the more obvious moments where the camera pans to Sam's face to show that "oh shit Dean is really stepping out of line here":
Sam is doing his oh shit face, and you can tell Dean is close to shitting his pants (if he hasn't already) --- but but again, there is no explosive reaction here. John just explains that 1) Azazel is extremely powerful, 2) John expects to die, and 3) "I can't watch my children die" --- he's vulnerable with them and expresses his anxieties and pretty much confesses his willingness to die for this mission. This conversation ends with a "this is an order" and they leave having (silently) agreed to follow John's plan. Of course, they don't, and we get this moment at the end of the episode:
Look at their little freaked faces--- and not only is John cool once again, he also agrees to their plan.
Next episode, Salvation, we have this interaction:
and Netflix doesn't transcribe this fully for some reason but John says, "You're right. I'm sorry," at the end there. Is he being dismissive? Sure. He doesn't clarify that "in fact, I was there in Lawrence," which leads me to believe that if he were there somewhere off-screen in Faith he wouldn't have mentioned it either. But, point stands, this guy is not getting off the bed to start a fight, he's not shouting, he's not throwing insults, etc. He's consistently mellower than we and Sam and Dean expect him to be, from the first time we see him interact with them in Shadow and reconcile with Sam (Sam is anxious about this moment throughout the season, but not Dean! He knows Dad is proud of Sam.)
And this scene in Salvation ends up with him going off with the decoy gun and giving up his shot at Azazel because he trusts his kids. He thinks they're competent! He respects them as partners on the job! And maybe he didn't always think this but after the events of the past year he's changed his mind. He's proud of them and he's proud of Dean, and he tells him in In My Time of Dying.
Is it 100% certain that John in the specific event of shooting-possessed-man-to-save-Sam would be proud of Dean? It's far from a sure thing, but we know Dean thinks his priority is always Sam's protection, as dictated by Dad. Why would Dad not be proud of him doing his job? Specially when he and Sam agree that there was no other way, it was Sam or the other guy? And when we know John is ready to shoot whoever comes through the door to kill Azazel, including the human victim?
Azazel's bit in the cabin should have worked. The reason it doesn't is because Dean doesn't believe Dad would say that. No matter how their dynamic ostensibly changes, it's too little, too late. Dean has already internalized a certain idea of where he stands in the family and what his dad believes about him --- that's the crux of the confrontation with his dream self in Dream a Little Dream of Me. Two years after John dies for him, Dean's innermost self believes that his father "didn't care if you live or die"!!! That's crazy! And I don't mean to say that Dean is delusional or exaggerates the trauma he experienced at his father's hands-- I'm saying that's how deep that shit runs. It's simply irrational and counter to the evidence. (And obviously even before we get to that point in S3, Dean articulates this same belief in S2 when he deals for Sam's life, believing his life would be meaningless otherwise).
The reason Azazel doesn't win that day is because Dean's daddy issues/ abysmal self-esteem win out, and that just makes me a little crazy! It's not that John wouldn't be proud of him, it's that Dean wouldn't believe him even if he said he were.
Yes, Dean knows his father intimately, and he knows him better than anyone, and still he doesn't know his father would die for him; he sees John sitting by his bedside in 2x1 and thinks that his dad is going to let him die. (No wonder Azazel mocks John with the sentimentalist line-- another thing he knows from being inside his head!). The profound failure to communicate on John's part here is staggering. After raising them single-handedly for twenty-two years, he has somehow left his kids, and his right-hand man/sonwife, with the impression that he would just let them die if it comes to it!!! It's so heartbreaking to watch their interactions and think about Dean's memories with that level of fucked-up-ness in mind--- because I can't help thinking that if Dean had spoken up earlier, as he was growing up, John would have listened. I don't think John deliberately raised Dean to be his dog; I think John's failure is not doing anything to cultivate Dean's personhood separate from himself, which is like, a parent's main job, and withholding the affection he does genuinely feel.
#I think I actually saw a little clip of pink? or drew barrymore? talking about this specifically- like deliberately asking their kids#to rebel against them bc they were too good#anyway-- tumblr deleted about half of this and I had to retype because I'm committed :|#john winchester
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
dear gods dear gods deargods
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
loaded questions // accepting // @electricea asked . . . 43, 44 and 45?
43. What is the biggest risk you’ve taken just to prove yourself?
❝ I've taken many big risks in my life. Little of them were to prove myself, I've always had . . . a different motivation than that. I guess the closest would be going after Ogre when he attacked our home. My mother told me to stay behind. But . . . I didn't listen. I felt I had become strong enough to protect her . . . I wasn't. I'm lucky I wasn't killed. ❞
❝ I guess it would be the entire war. I wanted to prove I could be a better ' ruler ' than Azazel was. Ultimately, I failed. ❞
44. What’s the boldest thing you do every day, just to feel like you’re still in control?
❝ Can't say I really do anything anymore. For now, I finally feel like I'm in control of my body & my life. Before, I'd restrain myself from indulgences, that could be anywhere from eating certain foods or spending time playing a game. I felt if I denied myself of these pleasures, I had self - control of myself, & could stop both my emotions or Devil from taking over. ❞
❝ I'm at peace right now. But feeling as if I'm in control is what I always struggled with. Never felt I was in complete control. Not of my emotions, not of my life, not of my fate. I tried to, but . . . it never quite worked. The boldest thing I did was bully everyone, killed people. I was once a wretched soul. ❞
45. What accusation would you defend yourself most fiercely against, even though you know it’s true?
❝ That I'm boring. I don't like to think I'm boring but . . . some people have claimed I have a lack of engagement, & I suppose that would make me seem boring. ❞
❝ I'm still discovering a lot about myself, so I don't know what would be true about me as of now. But I'd hate for it to be true that I'm not a person. That in the end, I'm . . . just a thing created for one purpose & I've outlived that purpose. That . . . my feelings are not of my own. ❞
#🔥 - ғᴏᴜɴᴅ ᴘᴇᴀᴄᴇ ɪɴ ᴀ ᴘᴜʀᴘʟᴇ ʜᴀᴢᴇ // (ic)#👿 - ᴡᴀɢᴇᴅ ᴡᴀʀ ɪɴ ᴀ ғɪᴇʀʏ ʙʟᴀᴢᴇ // (ic)#✏️ - ғɪsᴛ ᴍᴇᴇᴛs ғᴀᴛᴇ // (t8 timeline)#✏️ - ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ? // (inbox)
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Advance trigger warning for mentions of r*pe
Azazel: *born blind, wandering the roads of Cyrodiil alone*
Raven: *standing in the middle of the road with another Raven, and Gore* ... Tst. 'Ey. Check her out.
Raven (2): Mm? *leans forward to stare past his companion*
Gore: Gods, here we go.. Can't you just leave her?
Raven (2): Hah. Good joke, lad. Looks a bit dirty though, eh? 'Ow we know she ain't got anything?
Raven: You'd fuck a sheep with rabies if ye' could, be real now.
Raven (2): Ah, stuff it.
Azazel: *coming to a stop some feet in front of them* Are you gentlemen going to stand there and gawk all day, or would you kindly move?
Raven: Hah, er- 'pardon us', little miss. Couldn't help but notice ye' all by ya'self in the middle of these 'ere woods. Dangerous game you play.
Azazel: *her neutral expression falls into a glare* Is that a threat?
Gore: Oh.
Raven: Oh hardly, lass. In fact, we wanted to offer our services to ya'. We're bodyguards.
Raven (2): Eh? The hell're you on about, mate?
Raven: *grabs his friend by the ear and pulls him in close* Shut the hell up and follow along.
Azazel: ...
Raven (2): Aaaaah. I getcha. Yeah, bodyguards.
Azazel: I'm afraid I have no money to give you gentlemen. I can't pay for any services.
Raven: Ah, no need to worry about tha'. No payment required.
Raven (2): Although, if you'd like to pay in other ways-
Gore: *shoves him to the side with a glare* Enough out of you.
Raven (2): Oi! Mind your business, you runt!
Gore: Sorry about my brothers, miss. They're idiots.
Azazel: Brothers? You three sound nothing alike. *tilts her head* Unless it's more of a namesake for clan members.
Gore: Sound? We don't really look alike either, don't you think?
Azazel: I wouldn't know.
Gore: What?
Raven: Actually, yeah, what the hell's wrong with you anyway, eh lass? *leans in close, noting how she doesn't flinch or look away* Somethin's up with you.
Azazel: Aside from the fact your breath reeks and I would like for you to step away from me?
Raven: Aye? Careful there, lass. Hate for somethin' bad to happen to ye' cuz you decided to piss off the wrong person, yeah? *grabs her by the wrist* C'mon now. All we want is to help.
Azazel: Let go of me. *yanks her hand away, a spurt of fire spewing from her fingers*
Raven (2): Ah c'mon now, miss, don't be like that. We're only trying to help. 'Ere, whatsay we take ye' back to our camp? Yeah?
Azazel: ...
Gore: So much for trying to be kind.. Jo-Lee will have your head if you bring her back. You know his law.
Raven (2): To hell with Jo-Lee.
Azazel: Fine. Only because I know you lot wouldn't let me go even if I said no.
Raven: Hah! Smart lass. Come on, then.
~
Azazel: *walking next to Gore with the other two Ravens farther ahead* So, what are you planning to do to me?
Gore: I'm not planning on doing anything.
Azazel: Your band, then. Your 'brothers'. I don't think they noticed I could hear them whispering among themselves.
Gore: You heard them? Sharp hearing.
Azazel: My senses are sharper than most. Most of my senses, anyway.
Gore: You are blind, then.
Azazel: Blind. Not helpless. I burn everyone that tries to touch me.
Gore: Oh... I'm sure they intend to, um..
Azazel: Enslave me? Sell me? Rape me?
Gore: Gods- Our leader wouldn't let anything like that happen.. I don't think. If anything, he'll probably turn you away.
Azazel: I see.
Gore: ... You were expecting something like that to happen? You seemed.. oddly desensitized to it.
Azazel: I've had many people over the years try. Some even succeeded before I taught myself better.
Gore: ... Succeeded at what, exactly?
Azazel: Eh. Everything.
Gore: Oh. I'm.. I'm sorry.
Azazel: I don't think you have any right to apologize when you're willing to stand beside the people that want to hurt me.
Gore: I really don't want too, though. I would have felt better just letting you wander aimlessly like you were.
Azazel: How kind of you.
Gore: *sighs, looking around and realizing they were getting close to camp* Alright, look. I really do want to help you out of this.
Azazel: Why on earth would you want to do that? Surely you've killed lots of innocent people.
Gore: I don't know, a change of heart? I'd feel worse standing around and doing nothing.
Azazel: So you want to feel better.
Gore: Not necessarily. I just want to help. But you kind of have to trust me here, alright? At the very least, I can keep them away from you, but you have to stay close to me. If you start to feel like I'm not where you thought I was, or I'm getting too far away from you, call out to me, and I'll come back. My name is Gore.
Azazel: Gore? That doesn't sound like a name.
Gore: Ha. It isn't, really.
Azazel: .. My name is Azazel.
Gore: That doesn't sound like a name, either.
Azazel: *laughs* .. It isn't. Not really.
Gore: Haha. Sounds like an interesting story.
Raven: Oi, what are you two blabbering on about? Shove it, we're almost back.
Gore: ... Remember, stay close. When Jo-Lee turns you away, I'll bring you to the closest town, alright?
Azazel: .. Fine. Try anything and I burn you.
Gore: Fair enough. Wouldn't be the first time.
~
Raven (2): Aye, boss! We're back!
Jo-Lee: Hm? And who on earth have you brought with you?
Gore: Her name is Azazel. These two dragged her back to camp.
Raven: Lad's taken a liking to 'er. Bet he wants first dibs, haha!
Azazel: ...
Gore: I tried to remind these two about your rule with women, Jo-Lee, but they insisted-
Jo-Lee: Hmph. *turns away and focuses on his food* The hour grows late. Keep an eye on her for the night and then take her away from camp in the morning.
Gore: ...? But Jo-Lee-
Jo-Lee: You will be the one keeping an eye on her, Gore. If anything happens, it's on you.
Gore: ... Fine. Come on, you'll stay in my tent.
Azazel: Okay.
Jo-Lee: *watches as the group disperses, focusing on Gore and Azazel* Hmph. Just had to be today, huh. *stands and walks away*
Azazel: ...
~
Gore: *setting out an extra bed roll in his tent* So what're you doing wandering around here by yourself? Surely you have some family worried about you somewhere.
Azazel: I doubt it.
Gore: Hm?
Azazel: *sighs, kneeling and sitting on the ground* My father named me Azazel. It means 'scapegoat'. When I was born, and they realized I was blind, they found an excuse to pin every bad thing that happened in our family on me. Not enough food for the winter? It was because I couldn't do any work to gather any.
Gore: ...
Azazel: Although, in reality, they never let me try to help even when I offered. I thought for years I was actually a bad omen on my family. Turns out, they pissed off a daedric prince. Blinded me upon my birth, and cursed my family to hard times forever.
Gore: That's horrible.
Azazel: I hardly want pity. Spent the last couple years of my life just.. walking. Fighting. Surviving. Nowhere I went was safe enough for me to stay. Even in the Imperial City, there would be people trying to use me to their benefit just because they thought I couldn't defend myself. Jokes on them, now the capital of the Empire is minus one brothel.
Gore: Ha! At least you've got good fire in you. But how come you didn't just try to kill us when they stopped you?
Azazel: Plan was to just burn the whole camp down, to be honest. Until you offered your help.
Gore: Ah. Nice to know I've avoided death by hellfire.
Azazel: Among other things.
Gore/Azazel: *laughs, leaning close to each other with teasing grins*
Gore: Hah, ah..
Azazel: *sighs, falling back onto the bedroll and rubbing at the material with her fingers* This is soft.
Gore: Yeah? It's not a very good bedroll, I'm afraid.
Azazel: Better than sleeping on the ground. Or in a tree.
Gore: You can climb trees?
Azazel: Of course I can, I'm not a kit.
Gore: Right, right.
Azazel:
Gore:
Gore: A-Actually, that gives me more questions than answers. Suppose I should leave that for another time, though.
Azazel: Yes, perhaps.
Gore: Mm. Anyways, Jo-Lee's leading us to Skyrim tomorrow. There's good coin over there. *flops against his bedroll with a yawn* Can't believe he actually let you stay. It's weird. But maybe he'd let you come with us as far as the border. You could find a living in Skyrim too, I bet.
Azazel: Mm. Maybe.
Gore: Could always earn a bit of extra coin as a temporary healer for us. Had a bad raid last week.
Azazel: Is your band superstitious against Restoration magic?
Gore: I think if someone's got an arrow through their gut, they shouldn't worry how they get healed.
Azazel: Personal experience?
Gore: I have a lot of personal experiences.
Azazel: Har har.
#tw mention of rap3#goredev look away I'm not good at writing for gore yet LMAO#skyrim#tes#the elder scrolls#modded skyrim#dragonborn#ldb oc#skyrim gore#meet Azazel#Azazel oc
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Azazel, Heaven, and Everything In Between.
"No, I didn't mean to question the ineffable plan! I just asked a couple of questions about it! Please, don't cast me down!" Terrified wings tried to stabilize the body attached to them, flapping in an attempt to hold his body upright even as he cowered down at the feet of the Almighty. "I've not done anything to deserve such punishment!"
But his wings were already thinning. Bones shifted and scraped against each other, and then sprouted ink black feathers. The currently falling angel wailed and sobbed, clawing at the new, practically foreign wings. "I didn't..-! What could I have possibly done!?" It felt as though his eyes changed in the sockets. He couldn't move them as he normally would. His whole head turned each time he tried to look at something. Were these the eyes of an animal? One of the Almighty's own wonderful creations? Feathers sprouted from his ears and his hands took on the appearance of talons. "I haven't even had a chance to explain myself!"
"You shall be called Azazel until the end of time." Her voice broke through his cries, and the sky opened up. He had no time to react before he felt himself falling, physically falling through the air. His body burnt and his already-black wings became charred and ashy.
The falling angel could not do anything but accept what was happening to him, but he refused. He refused even as he tumbled to the surface of the earth, his wings cocooning his body when he hit tree branches and fell through layers of leaves and wood. The fallen angel sat in a moonbeam that managed to his the floor of the forest through the thick trees, and he looked up, his heavenly body draped in a thin cloth that now felt sinful and all too exposing.
"O, God, why have you forsaken me!? I hadn't sinned! I haven't even finished my work! My work that I was created by You to complete! O, God, please.. Forgive me even if I am unforgivable in your eyes!" He clasped his hands together in prayer and his palms started to burn. "I am nothing without..- without you..!" He dropped his head to the ground and wept, his tears falling to the forest floor to be absorbed by the Almighty's green earth. The angel prayed his weeping and pleading might reach the high heavens and redeem him. "All I ever wanted was to better understand! I will wait as long as I have to until you forgive me! I was your perfect angel! Why must I become a scapegoat for your plan!?"
Then the owl collapsed, flesh and cloth blending together in the moonlight, sobbing. And then he flew away.
This was a small writing piece I did a while back for @asleepyy 's Oopsie, Omens!
#good omens#good omens 2#good omens fanfiction#oopsie omens#fanfic#neil gaiman#michael sheen#david tennant#Oops! Aziraphale fell!#good omens 3#writing#writeblr#writers on tumblr
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I've been wanting to react to the new!Nightcrawler!origins! buuut instead I fell asleep every night. anyway I haven't gotten to read it so I'm going by summaries.
Overall impression: Way too convoluted. Even though Mystique/Irene parentage was what I wanted as well, they lit had to tie canon into pretzels to get there. But what does X-men canon even mean anymore? Well, that's the other half of my impression: Why even bother, since someone can sweep in ten or twenty years from now and undo all of this the same way they just undid The Draco? lol
Not that I'm not dancing on the moon because The Draco is gone. That is vindictive dancing though. I don't like that one of Kurt's few biggish storylines is kaput now... except also kinda not??? like i said convoluted. And that has a ripple effect on nearly every other storyline he's had since The Draco too, because so many of them have been linked to Azazel/the afterlife. You can worm about to keep the parts of them you like, sure, if things are already this messy then why not let them be even messier!
But what motivation is there for a reader of X-books to care. X-books are so short-sighted these days that nothing means anything anymore. Things I wanted to see happen so, so badly when I was in high school could happen now and would have like a tenth of the impact, because everything is just forgotten/erased when the writing staff changes and the new staff isn't interested what the previous guys did.
Back to the origins themselves. There should be some appreciation for the inclusion of so much pro-gender fluidity. On the other hand, it's Mystique, lol. I'm not sure how to feel. Mystique has been many things over the years, and since much of it has been a messed up psychopathic sex idol, it's been nice to see them giving her a lot more nuance a la Claremont. OTOH, this is all just because of Jennifer Lawrence isn't -__-; That Mystique is the most boring incarnation of her ever. I really don't want to see Mystique that way in the comics. She needs to tread the line that never comes too close to angels. But that does make it tough for her to represent a marginalized community... since she's also a serial killer, I mean.
Irene's part is fine. I don't really have complaints except it's again just so involved.
The Azazel bit is incomprehensible. Whut.
And last, this is very much just my personal feelings... but I just don't think Nightcrawler should be this Shining Light Hero. He's always been my favorite X-man, and yes, I always wanted better storylines for him. But IMO it is always stupid to parade before a character with drums and trumpets, shouting "He's the good one! It was prophesied!" I was already side-eyeing the Hope Sword REALLY HARD and now you tell me Irene manipulated things so Kurt would be raised by Margali instead of Mystique? AND this was SO important that they even got Xavier to wipe their minds AND HIS OWN so none of them would remember what Nightcrawler really is? Whyyyy???
I know every time they change something people complain so. What can you do. To me Nightcrawler will always be the best supporting character with main character energy. ALL the X-men are both supporting cast and main cast at the same time. There should never be one front and center X-man who hogs all the limelight *cough* and is Teh Special One *cough cough* because it's X-MEN not "Wolverine and the X-men" *WHEEZING COUGHING UP A HAIRBALL*
The summaries seem to suggest - though I'm not completely sure - that Irene... wanted Nightcrawler to suffer? So he'd learn compassion, I guess??? As if being a blue, demonic-looking monster from birth didn't already guarantee that... I'm hoping either I or the summary I read misunderstood that bit bc it really makes no sense to me. But her leaving him with Margali to protect him from suffering doesn't make sense either, all things considered... I can only assume Irene was thinking about Kurt Darkholme, who was raised by Mystique, or maybe that one What-If where Mystique kept him upstairs and wouldn't let him interact with the outside world at all, and he ends up fusing with Rogue...
It's hard because I WANT to like this retcon, but I'm so damn wary of what they're going to do with it! It's just as scary that they might actually go through with whatever they're planning for Crawler as it is that they might NOT, since they almost never make good on anything they promise... Like what the fuck is up with his missing soul is that whole storyline still a thing or not!?!?
But I'll end on a positive note: At least he's not lusting after Stacy X, encouraging mutant strippers to morph into female friends, or any of the other lad fuckery Austen tortured us with. Also bye bye Draco, yay.
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
I was one of the fools who just jumped back into X-Men through X-Men Blue Origins (we all make mistakes okay) after leaving the plot for waaay too long (circa 2016). It was a mixed bag of more bad than anything good (Nightcrawler standing around in his dollar store miles' Spider-Man suit was enough to tell me Marvel couldn't sell Kurt anymore) but do you wanna know what made me think something of value could come of it regardless of the subpar writing and retconing ? Nightcrawler will have one all new character dynamic with someone (Destiny) and a completely different shot at two long established ones (Azazel and Margali)
... It was only thanks to a friend that I found out the writer for this rubbish killed off Margali earlier in the same year the one shot came out (not once but twice in two different timelines) and Azazel was killed off through someone that WASN'T OUR NIGHTCRAWLER in another unrelated run. Then, X-Men forever #3 came out and Destiny is acting like Mystique pre retcon towards Nightcrawler but is using a wind wipe as an excuse for actions she did before receive it.
We've Been Tricked, We've Been Backstabbed and We've Been Quite Possibly, Bamboozled
I don't understand how this fandom and the writers have such contempt for Azazel and Margali but yet they love a complete nothing beyond Mystique's cheerleader like Destiny. And these preferences are like whatever who cares but when it gets to the point that Margali and Azazel are treated like crap that's when I have a problem.
Margali is a better mother towards Kurt than Mystique ever was and is certainly better than Destiny given that they actually interacted with each other over the years. Azazel has a good antagonising relationship with both Mystique and Nightcrawler that type of dynamic is interesting to read about. Also the fact he died by someone else's hand is just wow lmao. It would be nice if in time we get people hating this retcon as much as the Draco but I'm yet to see it happen, I don't spend time on the boards as much but I think if I did I would see a wider variety of opinions on this compared to the echo Chambers of Reddit where if you dislike anything that Marvel puts out you get down voted into oblivion and the most clueless X-Men fan gets up voted
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
'Stay.'
It wasn't a command. And Roman was once again reminded that this version of Camilla both confused and terrified him. Rather than demanding with harshness, it's a gentle plea within her soft voice. Had there been some sort of domineering tone to it, he might've just offered some muttered excuse as to why he needed to go.
He was busy-- and he didn't necessarily need rest or sleep like she did. It was optional; although his meat suit certainly would've appreciated it. Not that there was anyone in there with needs, he'd made sure of that. It had been more on the front of selfishness than him having some 'sanctity of human life' bullshit.
'You can pretend and act like you're so different from the others, but how good can you be? You're holding someone hostage inside their own body right now, you're no better.' Roman still remembered a time not too long ago when she'd looked at him with disgust and voiced her disdain for him.
Her words like daggers, sharp with the intention to cut him up.
"Meat suit was already dead." He'd retorted flatly, turning back to face her after nearly leaving Singer's because he 'didn't need this shit'. Not knowing why he even felt the need to whip around explaining himself to her- as if he needed to. He could've just left despite the tether, then it would've been on her to call him back if she wanted to continue throwing verbal punches. Remind him of what he was, the hatred she harbored toward him. "Gunshot victim.. he'd already been beamed up, Scotty…he'd flatlined, they called time- lights out. There ain't nobody in here with me." His words had been spit with the same amount of venom, "So.. got anything else you wanna reem me for.. or we done for now?"
At the time, Roman had just accepted they'd never be able to see beyond black eyes and soullessness-- she'd always circle right back around to what he was despite his intentions. When Camilla had been of her own judgement Roman remembered her trying to reason with the Winchesters and Singer that he'd gain nothing from lying to them about what he knew. She hadn't known he'd been listening, but he had. As long as she had Dean in her's, that animosity would remain.. they were the only family that she had left. She'd never do anything to compromise that.. especially side with a demon.
"Look--we don't gotta get along, don't even gotta speak to one another 'less we have to. I'm just intel, can leave all the personal shit out of the equation.. I tell you what I know, you do with that information what you will. Call me here, just make sure it's need-to-know basis.. Dean can bottle his noise up 'til this is over and take me out for what Azazel did to his family after- we all got bigger problems right now."
It hadn't been some lifetime ago-- they'd still only known one another for a few months now. Which is why it was unnerving how quickly she'd become something.. important to him. He did care what she thought of him, had wanted her trust and that sense of longing he'd been grappling with never faded out, it only grew the longer he was around her.
Roman's expression softens on her in slight at the singular word, shifting his weight in his worn combats as those doe eyes search his own. He swallows and nods, barely detectable.
"Alright.." he says quietly to her, his low and deep voice in that uncharacteristically gentle tone- the one he only ever held with her when she got like this. Confusing, infuritating.. he didn't know which it was more of anymore.
Once again he just finds himself full of excuses. They were states away from the Winchesters, Bobby, Ellen, that weapon stash, her books.. anything she had that could've protected her or evened the odds should anyone downstairs have caught wind that she was alone in the city, and taken their chances trying to catch her off guard.
He had to stay.. to keep her safe.
But deep down, he knows better. Those hex bags kept her invisible-- nobody had any idea where she was; wouldn't have been able to sniff her out if they tried and at the moment Caim and the others' priorities were more focused on the bigger picture. As satisfying as it would've been to take the last remaining Remington out for them, they wouldn't be seeking her out. The only thing that was keeping him in that hotel room with her was his desire to be there.
She'd just handed the excuse to him, by asking for him to stay.
Roman's dark orbs linger down on her when he goes to pass by, his shoulder brushing against her own as he strides over to one of the beds to sit down on the foot of it with an exhale. Unsure of what to do then. It would've been less uncomfortable gargling holy water than it was trying to do this little song and dance, pretend like what was going on wasn't going on.
"Should've picked up some cards.. or.. Monopoly or somethin'.." he finally mumbles, sniffing and lifting his gaze to her. His head of unruly hair shakes once as his gaze flicks away from her again; untrusting that his own eyes wouldn't wander all over her, palms spreading down his thighs as he shifts on the mattress.
And he knew.. of course he fucking knew that she was treading a line seeing if he would finally cross over it. But she was the only thing he was terrified of.. and never for the reasons it would've made sense for him to be. He'd have never given her that knife she had tucked away in her bag if that were the case. It would be more likely Hell froze over before he ever allowed himself to give into the temptation she was offering him. No matter how badly he may have wanted to. The dynamic was already a complicated mess as was.. he couldn't imagine how much more complicated it would be if he did.
'You're walking a very dangerous path, Roman.' Jericho's words echo in his mind with warning. God knew he was.
"Can't help but keep wonderin'.." he finally starts again, any sense of amusement he'd held before drained from his voice entirely as his dark orbs stay planted on the warped wooden floor of that seedy hotel room. "..once this ends.. however it does.." he pauses in thought, his gaze finally lifting in search of her.
"..say we kill Lilith- Caim.. stop the domino effect should they start breakin' these seals. Lucifer never pops the cage.. or the war happens, and humanity wins.." he lists through scenarios, shrugging at her a bit as his gaze lingers up at her and shifts.
"You ain't the only hunter, Camilla.." he says finally, a warning in his tone- a knowing one. "Dean.. I don't know any way of savin' him.. even if that's the case, there's just as many hunters like Dean out there as there are like you, like Sam.." he explains in an even tone, swallowing as he stares up at her from the end of the bed.
" ..once the behemoth is out the way.. we both know who the targets are gonna be and other hunters aren't gonna be so understandin' that we ain't all the same." He exhales slowly as he watches her, nodding and dropping his gaze again.
He didn't know what he was looking for. Typically it was her looking to him for reassurance and he wasn't even sure that's what this was. More that he was just explaining a valid reason as to why he wouldn't even let himself get close to her- not any closer than he already was. Ever since Jericho jumping down his throat over his priorities it had turned into Roman just.. scrapbooking moments he'd had with her, the seed already having been planted that there was as much an inevitability here as there was with Dean's clock ticking, as there was with this little pissing contest between Hell and the Heavens. And to Roman that inevitability was only going to be harder if he allowed himself to let her in anymore than she already was…
"Likelihood is I'm gonna have to disappear.. once this is over." he says finally, his tone lowering as he swallows again. Not wanting to look up at her again for fear of what he'd find there. The worst part was that it didn't matter if any line was crossed or not. Camilla had crept into that godforsaken organ in his chest like a thief in the night and he already knew that he wouldn't be the same afterward. She'd made him feel the closest to human as he'd ever get again.
He didn't know if that was better, or worse in the end of things.'
#ʰᵉ'ˢ ʰᵃˡᶠ ʰᵉˡˡ ᵃⁿᵈ ʰᵃˡᶠ ʰᵃˡᵒ ⁻ ᶜʰᵃᵒˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᶜᵃˡᵃᵐⁱᵗʸ#ᴄᴀᴜꜱᴇ ꜱʜᴇ ʙᴇʟᴏɴɢꜱ ᴛᴏ ʜ ᴇ ᴀ ᴠ ᴇ ɴ - ᴀɴᴅ ꜱʜᴇ'ꜱ ᴄᴏᴍɪɴ' ᴏᴠᴇʀ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀ ꜱᴜɪᴄɪᴅᴇ#r o m a n ;#c a m i l l a ;#aswg/xangelichellfire#writing excerpts#spn
2 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
academia625-blog
Sem título
mareller-blog
marelle reyes
jojoleonard
Take me home
syamsyamsblog
Untitled
betnaked-blog
There's Nothing To Hide, Transparency In Every Bet