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throwaway-yandere · 3 months

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Hello! I'm so sorry for this— I really didn't want to ruin the festivities— but I need to open yandere fic emergency commissions; my target is 15 USD. My school uniform has been torn to shreds in the machine and I can't exactly budget this week's allowance since my university is rather strict based on the manual. I'd do my best to write a minimum of 3k words + a drawn GIF header similar to these

[I honestly don't know wtf I'll eat this week at this rate kinda panicking rn cuz my scholarship stipend still hasn't arrived for months hahahahahha. To put it in perspective, the uniform I need costs 8 USD why are they so damn expensive when the fabric has the lousiest threads in the planet, and I have F2F classes for 3 days straight starting this Monday to Wednesday, then again at Friday to Saturday and I usually budget my meals to be 1 USD. I'm SEAsian, I'm just converting the amount to USD but I eat those 1 cup of rice + hotdog every lunch but of course the university canteen closes at night and it's a bit more expensive outside hAHAHHA 😭😭😭]

I write for: genshin impact, honkai: star rail, fire emblem: three houses. Can be x reader or OC character [please provide information for the latter]. Here are some samples of my writings...

If the Pedestal Is Beautiful... (Zhongli)

Apotheosis Upon Your First Feast (Scara & Pantalone)

Classical Conditioning (Dottore)

I Got Reincarnated As A Server NPC (Diluc)

The things I don't write are: full NSFW smut scenes & adult/minor pairings

I'll put the commissioned fic a priority above all my other works. Please message me if you're interested. Thank you so much for taking the time to reading this, have a blessed February!!!

Edit: THE SLOT HAS BEEN FILLED OMG IM SO RELIEVED 😭😭😭😭 THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME OUT I CAN NOW WORK FOR MY ALLOWANCE THIS FEB 😭😭😭😭

#Important!!#commissions #im really sorry to bring this up i genuinely don't want to whuahdhshuhuhu i really feel bad for asking for help like this #It's the blog's anniversary soon and instead of making it feel happy it feels like im dampening the mood with my irl financial situation #I am so genuinely sorry but i just don't know how to keep living like this anymore hahehsuwikdjahahhahah sorry sorry auu #If you feel terrible reading me vent in the tags about all this uhhhh pretend its a joke hahahwudjkawkxs i don't know wtf i should be doing #With 1 fucking uniform. How many times dl i have to wash this sht jajdjsjhAHAHAHhahjeiskskkd #writing commissions

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unforth · 9 months

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Y'all (general) really really need to exercise the block buttons more.

An opinion you don't agree with? Someone makes you uncomfortable? Something you don't like? Even just a person whose way of presenting information makes you uncomfortable (even if you agree with them)?

Block.

BLOCK.

B.L.O.C.K.

Look, I get it. I used to think seeing opinions I didn't agree with was important, that exposing myself was a way of staying informed. But finally, I hit a breaking point - I already knew the viewpoints I disagreed with, and seeing them every day was making me miserable.

I've blocked liberally since then.

And the most remarkable thing happened: I routinely see posts where lots of people are disagreeing with the same person...and I already have that person blocked.

Because the most insidious thing about letting myself see the negativity and things that made me unhappy all the time is that leaving it all there gave me the impression that there were a LOT of vocally awful people saying things that hurt me.

But there aren't.

There's actually a surprisingly small number of people who get off on trolling or are so marinated in hate that they have to spew it all around them, and when you block those people, the world gets much more peaceful.

You're not growing as a person by exposing yourself to rhetoric that hurts you. You're just hurting, which is exactly how those people want you to feel: they want you to be in as much agony as they are.

Don't give them the satisfaction.

BLOCK THEM.

(tbh I've hit the point that I think people who willfully, deliberately, loudly, intentionally don't block are engaging in a form of self-harm. seriously, you're not taking a noble stand, no one cares if you don't block except the people hurting you.)

#unforth rambles #my mutuals all know this so i'm preaching to the choir #did i see a bad jiang cheng take again #yes yes i did #but specifically i saw a bad jiang cheng take triggered by anti deciding to vent stupidity instead of blocking the things they didn't like #and then a stan engaging instead of also blocking #both these people would be happier if they blocked #like antis you do realize if you hate a character your best bet is to block the people who love them right #sorry the back and forth is just exhausting #i blocked the anti #and i almost blocked the pro too #stop engaging it's pointless just do your own thing and block the people who you don't agree with #it's not creating an echo chamber #i promise you're not a better person because you let the same terf or anti or racist or whoever #expose you to their toxicity over and over #you've already given them a hearing by reading their first drivel ya know the one that led you to block them #if you know enough to know they're terrible why would you want to give them a hearing on literally any other topic #block and move on #there are so many better people out there who are actually worth your time and energy

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penwrythe · 6 months

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Learning how to be comfortable with being uncomfortable is important. I'm genuinely not okay when I hear, see, and research more about the genocide happening in Gaza, the history of Israel's founding, and its terroristic actions. It is important for me to know.

Taking short breaks (usually a couple of hours or so) does help when things get too much. Then, I return and continue engaging with reblogs on Palestine.

I really don't know what else to say, but this genocide must end. All genocides must end and must never happen again. Keep talking about Palestine, Armenia, Congo, and Sudan! Keep protesting! Keep fighting!

What is important now is to be as loud as you can be! Raise ruckus! Make your voice unavoidable! Be as annoying as possible! Do not let your representatives ignore this!

#// vent #// vent in tags #also eat butt biden you piece of shit I hope you don't get elected #no possibility of a ceasefire my ass WHAT THE HELL IS FUCKING STOPPING YOU FROM CALLING A CEASEFIRE #HOSPITALS SCHOOLS AND PLACES OF WORSHIP WERE BOMBED #YOU HAVE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE PROTESTING AROUND THE WORLD AND FROM THIS COUNTRY DO YOU NOT FUCKING HEAR THEM #Jewish protesters were arrested too; how does their protesting against Israel warrant arrest??#Some of them were also doxxed and harassed but they protesting is bad somehow okay I have serious questions about this #they do not want this at all; why are we arresting them??#what are we fucking doing? Denying someone's right to freedom of protest. Freedom of speech. For saying stop killing people.#god forbid the marginalized rise up and raise our voices once we understand what happened to us and what will happen to others #we all stand together we will see a better world; a world we finally be free #but that means the US needs to really take a bit of time to really realize it's own history and learn from it for once #how the hell I got here? What happened to my people? I read the stories of slaves who barely survived the boats on the way here #....annnd I remember that some history books in the South omit that part. What's up with that?#And the Native Genocide here too? The broken promises the US made to steal more land and kill more people #Why this keeps repeating???#palestine #tw colonialism #genocide

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detransraichu · 19 days

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broooo not my ex making posts abt how hard it is to come to terms with being conventionally attractive while having low self-esteem issues and how wild it is to get compliments randomly on their appearance when they go out and how they're worried that their new transmasc boytoy is only into them bc they're hot -_- i'm tired... meanwhile i'm just seen as a gremlin now that i'm not hyperfem... they truly have the biggest issues in the world lol

also they were like "omg turns out i'm not ace i just needed a bf lol" and i'm like yeah. i know. you've been lusting after male characters for years. you were horny as fuck just not for me bc i didn't transition. you only made moves on me when you were bored, lonely or drunk. i always asked if that was the case and you were like no baby it's just your insecurities i don't need you to transition uwu. for 5 years. my trust issues are thru the roof now yayyyyy /dies

#lay text #i'm being mean and petty ugh #my heart kinda hurts but talking w my counsellor abt it helped #it rly helps to have a neutral third party to vent to #also i still think my ex is a good person i don't actually hate them i love them as a friend. but i do hate what they did to me #i hate that they went along w us dating bc they're too much of a doormat. i hate that they thought abt breaking up w me for years #but never told me bc they were worried i wouldn't survive without them financially or emotionally #feels so fucking infantilizing #now i'm so much better off without them despite being broke #that was my first and only real relationship my first time my first everything. i'm so embarrassed wtf i was RIGHT i was right all along #i was right it wasn't just insecurities they straight up never wanted me they wanted future transitioned male-passing me #it was all lies!!! from the get-go!!! meanwhile i did so much romantic bullshit and i was wearing rose colored glasses!!!!#and i was a big dyke. being with a woman who identified as a woman would've made me 2000x happier anyway. we could've just stayed roommates #i'm so bitter guys. i feel so jaded but i'm trying not to be :/#and now they have so much luck in their love life #and i'm just a lonely gremlin dyke who only attracts polyam/casual girls who only want me on the side #where tf is my love story :'( i've been trying SOOO FUCKING HARD to gain my ex's affection for 5 freaking years i was the most loveydovey g #i deserve a love story i think i've really earned it by now!!!!!#so much love to give #now they have it so easy wtf. feels unfair ngl. i'm happy for them obviously they deserve happiness too. but i am still bitter >:/#trying to process these feels instead of repressing them for once. i have a tendency to bottle up angst bc i think i'm bad for being mad #but nope those r healthy emotions!!! i can work thru this #it just sucks #if you read all of this bs i give you a cookie 🍪 <3

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antifathomable-shapeshifter · 1 year

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i want to pierce flesh and organ with my long sharp teeth.

i want to kill and consume.

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melit0n · 24 days

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"The more that I grow, the more that I've come to know; it's hard to be someone and it hurts to be nobody."

#I'm thinking about making a personal tag for all the music I post #something like 'Mel's Mixtape'? I feel like I've already seen that somewhere though so I don't wanna be copying anyone #if anybody has any ideas let me know!#+ that lyric gutter punched me when I first listened to COAP #(bit of a vent/rant incoming so nobody feel pressured to read)#I've spent the majority of my life with anxiety (especially social anxiety) and depression #so I got stuck on the idea of being a 'nobody'; a person you never even notice just drifting through It All #but then I got jealous (per say) of people who had big friendgroups and were 'popular' etc and wanted to become 'somebody'#a person maybe even in the public eye #so I spent years trying to make myself into someone I wasn't and spent the whole time suffering #and eventually people realised I was not what I wanted to be (I wasn't like *them* in that sense) and they spent their days making sure ->#I knew it #so yeah #it is hard to be someone but it hurts to be nobody #even so I've found myself a good middle spot with a few friends who know me for *me* a good major and a lot of lovely moots #I ain't someone but I ain't nobody either <3 #mel's thoughs #spotify #half•alive #half alive #conditions of a punk #coap #nobody (song)#melitunes

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irritablepoe · 9 months

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Little rant about my friend and consuming media lmao

Ok how do you consume media and still have NO IDEA who even the main character's name is? I recommended tma and bsd to a friend - well he started both. I ask him about it - like who his favourite character is or what he thinks of it - and he's so.... Confused almost? Like he just shrugged and said that he actually had no idea what was going on - which ok is kinda fair with bsd but like. you know the characters at least. Each one of them is introduced in some dramatic way, you can't MISS any of that and surely there's at least one character that gets your attention/that you relate to/that you find interesting. I mean ok maybe you forget the name or sth, but you at least remember the characters when I describe them to you, right? But no, my friend had no idea who for example Dazai was - DAZAI?! Like. What???? Or Atsushi.. the fucking main character???? Or chuuya???? Or - anyone??? I was so perplexed. How can you watch something and still have no idea about what you're watching?

The same happened with tma. I recommended it, he listened to the first few episodes. I asked him what he thought of Jon. HE DIDN'T KNOW WHO JON WAS I MEAN WHAT???? Oh idk he's just the guy reading the fucking statements. Before every statement he says "audio recording by Jonathan Sims" like how can you... miss that?

Idk, am I just consuming media so intensely or is he just... I don't even know.... Disinterested in engaging with the media one is consuming? It's not even that he doesn't like it. I asked him and he said it was good. But what exactly does he find good when he has no idea about. like. anything.

#vent post #personal #ranted to my mum about it as well and she said it might be bc he's stoned out of his ass the whole time #hhhhh #but i think more and more people don't have media literacy anymore #like they don't consume media critically they just watch whatever gets their attention first #it feels so dystopian....#like wasting your time on those types of media just so that you're passing the time and not engaging with it #idk if that makes sense #i think I'm kinda hurt as well bc i thought we could talk about these series together #i even watched some of the things he enjoyed but he doesn't have a clue about them either #he always says that i become the “expert” on those mediums anyways so he doesn't have sth to add to the conversation #but that's not at all what i want? like I'm not the expert of anything i just want to talk about what he enjoys #and maybe get him to talk about things i enjoy as well #this all feels so bitchy I'm so sorry #ok rant over ig #thank you for reading all of that🙏💕

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streetslost · 4 months

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with any oc. if you're not going to give them the effort of reading all their headcanons and backstory or the like. the least you can do is read their basic stats. i don't mind helping people with cat's long ass backstory and intricate details.

but when people have no idea her basic stats then it just feels demeaning tbh.

#just thinking about how in the past #i have had people just. not know basic shit #due to previous fcs even i've had people #not even know i was an oc #i had people follow me and make me starters as a KITTY PRYDE #due to my very first fc #like all you needed to do was GLANCE at my blog to know i was an oc #give ocs or ANY BLOG the decency to read basic stats #you have no idea if they're canon divergent or the like #stop making assumptions about characters or #trying to lump them into what you want #respect your rp partners everyone #....this rant is for NO reason other than passed experiences lol #like from a ways ago #there's a reason i don't follow others first anymore (:#&&. to be deleted #negative //#sort of but will tag just in case #vent //

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practically-an-x-man · 4 months

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4:21 PM on the first day of the new year

my mom: we need to talk about the car

#i don't want to talk about the car I don't even WANT the car!! at all!!#but they're making me buy it from them so i can continue driving to my sfx school #meanwhile my dad's also talking about buying another car bc 'with your sister learning to drive soon we'll need another car eventually'#which reads to me as 'we're buying another car so your 17yo sister can effectively have it. yknow to go hang out with her friends'#'oh you need to drive into the city to get your education? buy our car. market value. yeah i know it's 12 years old & has engine problems'#tw vent #vent post #vent

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lucyvaleheart · 4 months

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#sigh. another vent post....#almost getting tired of making these but. I'm just.... I just don't really have much else I can do without botherin people #uh pretty big trigger warning for this one BTW #don't read on if you're low on spoons and whatnot. genuinely it's fine and I will be fine I always am #but like. yknow. when shit sucks it fucking sucks #anyway. uh. I just can't stand the idea that I might be bothering someone #so at least this way my stupid cries for help have a possibility of getting me some without making any specific #person feel obligated. yknow? maybe you see the post maybe you don't #Maybe you don't read all the way maybe you do. either way you can choose if you have the spoons to reach out #without feeling guilty either way. I hope.#.......i kind of want to fucking kill myself again #.....it used to be a much rarer thought. and I used to be much less struck by intense loneliness and longing like this #but I just feel so fucking needy. so desperate for attention and love and it hurts so much if I don't get it #and like. it's realistically nobody's fault but my own yknow... i need to ask for it more. i know that. i just suck at it #and then I can't ask. so I don't get attention. and in turn I feel neglected. secondary. like I'm not anyone's primary focus #and it just fucking hurts so much and it's just my own damn fault and I don't know how to fix it.#......i do. I need therapy I need meds or something. that's the answer here really #picked out a psychiatrist. need to call and make an appointment. but adhd and executive function and anxiety (that last one I need meds for)#mean it's very hard to both remember and then actually perform the task of calling the fucjing Dr #......believe me I'm trying.....like fuck I'm trying so hard.... and I started bawling having seen sparkles and ms robot girl reblog that #post from me about letting prev know you're proud of them. bawled when quinn called me cutie last night. bawled when #ginny said they wished they were here.... fuck me I do too I want to be the focus of someone's attention so so so so badly #fuck #...............it's redundant to say at this point a second time but. goddess above its a little scary how much I wanna kill myself #........sigh #....anyway. please do not feel obligated to respond to this in any way. do what you got the spoons for.#thank you for even reading all of this shit if you've gotten this far. i love you deeply and with all my heart. I'll be fine I promise #won't act on it no matter how strong the feeling is. just.....hurts in the meantime. but I'll be ok. I promise #................fuck. im going back to bed

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throwawayaccount3482348873289 · 4 months

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Response

Thank you to Jade/Lolthia @/edens-gemstone for replying to the previous post. I will make an exception in replying as yes, there was a part I forgot to add, which is additional evidence to prove that all your accusations in the comments below are completely false. Allow me to address them one by one.

At the end, I will include some follow-up questions to add additional context for other users.

THE ACCUSATIONS

“Also you literally stalked my tumblr after this, rb posts about Adam that I wasn’t comfy being rb and possibly sent me harassing anons (idk for sure)”

I do not have a Tumblr. This account is made by someone else, posting on my behalf. But if you really are confident that it’s me reblogging these posts and sending harassing anons, post the blog and the anons. If you don’t know for sure, why did you post this?

“You literally just… didn’t want me included because I wouldn't let you ship your OC with Ibara.”

As seen here, this claim is completely false. I explicitly mentioned that I had no problems with the pairing, but asked them to let me know prior next time to ensure the RP is consistent. I may have vaguely talked about an original story I was writing with my OC and Ibara outside of RP, but within the context of the RP, I have clearly stated that I was fine with the direction Lolthia wanted.

None of what they had mentioned was communicated to me at all before the start of the RP. They didn’t even acknowledge what I said, just responding with ‘well I figured it would be obvious’.

Lolthia’s behaviour here is consistent with their stated intention in the previous post: to RP not because they want to collaborate, but because they want other writers to expend time and effort to fulfil their self-ship fantasies, without giving as much in return. Therefore, they didn’t bother giving context, let alone asking if their RP partners were okay with it.

“You even stopped our RP after getting mad about me dating Ibara.”

Lolthia stopped the RP themselves after I confronted them for ranting on their public blog about a communication issue they were unhappy with in this server.

Someone alerted me that they were talking about their RP server on their blog. I was concerned about those in the server who were on Tumblr. As their RP partner, I requested that they delete it and talk to us first in the future. We then had the following conversation.

The conversation ended with this rude remark and Lolthia proceeded to be inactive for a long time before starting the argument in the previous post.

“I got tired of constant pings asking me for stuff”/ “I… asked to stop being pinged because I was going through enough”

I need you to understand that you are the admin of the server. We needed your help to create threads to hold our RPs in. Instead of not saying anything when we pinged you only to throw a tantrum about it, why didn’t you pass the permissions or moderator roles to someone else, or at least notify us that you’d be inactive for a certain amount of time?

In the post where we were planning an RP and pinged you - If your interpretation of ‘maybe they can come in later to keep the narrative consistent’ is us excluding you, that’s honestly a you problem, mate.

TO LOLTHIA/JADE

Only one of the claims you have made against me is correct. Yes - presently, I do not like you. But it’s not because you are whatever you identify as, or that you ship with a specific character.

I do not like you because you vagued your own server members, including myself, on your public blog. When I found out and asked you to edit out the mention of our server at minimum, you still had the gall to try to convince me it didn’t affect anyone but yourself.

I do not like you for insulting my friends and I as writers by saying we were ‘just an alternative to character.AI’ all along. And as people, by comparing us to the hate anons who had sent you death threats when we did nothing of the sort. Then, twisting the above into these accusations, without a shred of proof to go with them.

I am a ROLEPLAYER. Ibara to me is no more than a character and piece of intellectual property.

You:

Explicitly conveyed that your position was to use us to help you get validation for your alleged ‘relationships’ in a similar way to Character.AI.

Took out your jealousy towards other fandom members onto us, even getting emotional when we merely talked about and shared screenshots of characters you liked.

When we didn’t give you attention to your liking, accused us of ostracising you and wanting you dead.

Threw a tantrum at us for pinging you for basic admin duties as the server owner, because it wasn’t attention or praise.

The only irrational one here is not myself, but you, and the hard evidence in these two posts is overwhelming.

I won’t be entertaining any further responses. Please be reminded that any attempt to post my personal information publicly will be met with action by me.

TO OTHER USERS

Q: Did you make both these posts and the document?

No, these posts are follow-ups to the document containing evidence, made by a different person.

Q: Why did you feel the need to engage them rather than leave the server?

We had already talked only amongst ourselves, ignored any vents they had and began our own server long before these events.

Engaging them was at first a personal choice to defend my friends, who had done nothing wrong. At the time, I was not aware that this was common behaviour for them.

The comparison between us and the death threat anons, which could affect my friends’ reputations, was the most compelling reason for me to attempt straightening this out.

Q: Why has this post been made almost a year later?

Yes, I do agree that from the looks of it, Lolthia’s actions are old news. After I was informed, I personally did not want anything to do with them, and decided to let it go.

However, recently, my friends in the same fandom spaces have not had the luxury of curating their own online experiences because according to them, they are constantly remaking blogs. Furthermore, it was not easy for them to work up the courage to make this post, as being wrongfully accused of wanting someone’s death is not easy for anyone. So, I decided to back them up with the hard evidence they lacked.

Thank you for reading.

#ok to reblog #ok to rb #I may as well also say something in the tags (I am the one posting on someone else's behalf):#I myself hope this is the last post made on here as well. There is nothing more to add honestly.#This is honestly getting tiring. I know you will read this Jade one way or another. You will come across it.#If you have evidence for the contrary and can prove that you are in the right please do so (I already know you can't).#You will claim to be 'harrassed' but that is not our intention (anyone sending you harrassment or threats is not behavior we tolerate).#(Also no we are sending no one after you nor 'stalk your blog'. Don't act as if we don't have anything better to do... Because we do)#Let me tell you a secret Jade: You are NOT important. We only had enough of your behavior online since it does not change. At all.#It affects others - It affected us and it is affecting the communities you are in as well as a good portion of their members.#Please let it go already. But you can't. Because... As you said yourself 'Any attention is good attention'.#And some of your current mutuals will try to say 'it adds fuel to the fire'. This is not the intention in any way.#The only intention is to document Jade's online behavior and warn others. Because they have already gone too far.#This is to document and prove that they are no different no matter where they go. We only want to spread awareness.#It is not just me and the other person who are sick of it. Many others are sick of it as well. We want it to stop.#Their actions affect others nowadays as well. Only last month there was yet another incident heavily affecting another person.#Why? Because Jade thought it was necessary to make a 'callout post'. Even though the situation was long over.#This should have been long over and everyone involved is trying to move on. But you Jade make it impossible. This has gone on far enough.#Not to mention having been exposed to your drama and graphic vents (which at least sound suicide baity) have also stressed me out.#I kept out of the drama but it was affecting my mental state as well. All because you manage to land yourself into so many controversies.#I moved blogs because I had enough of your shit. Seeing it day in and out does a lot to a person.#'But no one cares about me' - We do not wish you ill (that is the truth) but this has to stop somehow. You are not the victim here.#It's always others but honestly... Given how much shit you got yourself into maybe you are to blame. This isn't normal after all.#Maybe ask yourself what you are doing wrong. But you won't. You never will. You will paint us as 'the bad ones' here.#That's the only thing you know how to do. You cannot owe up to anything and you are proving it time and time again. Even now.#Why do you get defensive now and not when the document dropped? Because there is solid evidence for your bullshit. That's why. You know it.#Deleting because you will throw a temper tantrum? No. Forget it. But again if you have proof for your claims come forward.#To me personally if you wish. But beware: This is not the first time I have dealt with this bullshit. I know this behavior all too well.#You are pulling bullshit I have already seen. My advice is to just log off already and sort your problems out.#This is not the first time I dealt with your type. You show the pattern I honestly expect and you will react as I expect.

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