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lurkingshan · 9 months

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Intergenerational Trauma Challenge - 10 Years Ticket

Hello friends, it is time again for me to go deep on another entry on the intergenerational family trauma challenge list. When I first suggested the idea of this challenge and asked a few folks what shows we might consider for it, @wen-kexing-apologist and @waitmyturtles both immediately shouted “10 Years Ticket!” I hadn’t seen it yet, but I trusted their judgment that it belonged on the list, and moved it near the top of my watch priorities. And phew lord, does it belong on this list. The drama explores intergenerational trauma extensively via a story of multiple families living in a small town community.

So what is the deal with this drama? 10 Years Ticket is a Thai lakorn about four children and their families, all of whom are dear friends and neighbors, who are torn apart by the murder of one of their family members, by another of their family members. The two families whose blood ties were involved in the crime become bitter enemies, dragging the whole community into the fight, and crucially for this project, the adults push that trauma down onto their young children. As wka says, this show is about the harm that is done when a community breaks down rather than coming together in the wake of tragedy.

Before I start digging into the trauma themes in this one, a note on my overall experience with the drama: I was extremely engaged even as my emotions about different aspects of the drama were mixed. The cast is fantastic and the drama is gorgeous, but the writing has some significant weak spots (some of which I suspect may be based in lakorn genre conventions, which I am admittedly not yet well-versed enough to parse). I wouldn't unreservedly recommend this to everyone, but depending on which aspects of the story you are most interested in, there’s a lot to get out of it. If you love a great mystery with excellent judgment about what information to withhold and when and where to place its reveals? Fairly strong with some minor missteps. If you are here for romance? Nah–there are romance subplots but they’re not particularly well-executed and they are pretty extraneous to the main narrative. If you want a gritty crime story with realistic villains and a satisfying conclusion? You will be laughing your ass off and not because the show wants you to. But if you’re here for the family stories and deep examination of a community in crisis? 10/10, absolutely recommend. (cc @chickenstrangers and @neuroticbookworm for my overall review—stop reading after this friends, spoilers ahead!) @dribs-and-drabbles also tagging you as a fellow 10YT enjoyer and one of the like five people on this website who may have an interest in reading a ridiculously long essay about it. :)

So, let’s get into it! 10YT is an ensemble show with many characters with endless complex connections, so I am going to do this breakdown family by family for your sanity and mine. Right off the top, some themes you’ll see running throughout that are particularly relevant to an Asian context: taboo, saving face, filial piety, devotion to the nuclear family unit, conditional parental love, community ostracization, and denial of queer identity. And some content warnings for discussion of: child abuse, physical violence, gun violence, Alzheimer’s disease, substance abuse, and drug trafficking. From this point forward, I am assuming anyone still reading has seen the show, because lord would all of this be impossible to explain to someone who hasn’t. Shoutout to turtles and wka for reviewing to make sure I didn’t miss anything major and helping me with the screenshots for this post, and a general heads up that this is long long.

Our Star-Crossed Lovers

Before digging into the family relationships, a word about our star-crossed lovers at the center of this tragedy, because it’s important to understand it as we get into the families. The drama really did take its sweet time with this reveal, but in the end we understood why this relationship was such a big damn dramatic secret—Luk is about five years older than Mai and already a teacher, and Mai is still a student. Their relationship is rooted in taboo, which is why they are sneaking around and likely why Luk carries so much guilt and shame that she makes the incredibly stupid and selfish decision to punish herself and tear apart their families by lying that she murdered Mai. There are other reasons given—namely, that she wanted to save face for Mai and his loved ones and prevent people from finding out he was a drug runner—but they don’t really hold up to any scrutiny. Luk told this lie to punish herself and didn’t really ever give a thought to how in doing so, she was punishing and harming everyone else, too, not to mention utterly failing to save face for her own family, whose lives are destroyed by her lie (apologies for not mincing words here, I have zero respect for Luk’s decision and one of my biggest criticisms of the drama is that it tries to paint this as a noble sacrifice and act of love and position her as some kind of voice of wisdom, which, *blows raspberry*).

The Siraphuchaya Family

So let’s begin with the family at the center of our plot and the heart of our story. Their relationships with each other are quite varied and the lines of generational trauma between them complex, so I’m breaking them down into subsections. The key people in this family unit are Santi, the patriarch; Sai, Phukao’s mother and Santi’s current wife; Mai, Santi’s first son; Phukao, Santi and Sai’s son; and the woman haunting them all, Mai’s mother Ranya.

Mai and Phukao

The most wholesome relationship in this show by a mile, Mai and Phukao are half brothers who share a deep bond. They have different mothers and about a ten year age gap between them, which results in Mai taking on a role akin to a third parent and protector for Phukao in their abusive household. In turn, Phukao idolizes his brother and loves him unreservedly, and expresses sorrow and confusion about why their parents don’t seem to love Mai the same way they love him. Mai grows up in a household where his presence is clearly unwanted and resented, and Phukao grows up keenly aware that despite all the good he sees in Mai, others, including his parents, don’t feel the same way. And despite Phukao’s own experience of unconditional parental love, he bears witness to the conditional love his parents express for Mai and the violence that occurs whenever those conditions are not met.

Mai and Santi

Which brings me to Santi. From the beginning, we see that Santi treats his sons very differently. He is protective and loving toward Phukao, but antagonistic and quick to anger with Mai. We eventually come to understand that Santi is holding a burning resentment and hatred for Mai’s mother, Ranya, which manifests in his verbal, emotional, and physical abuse of their son. Santi is also a serious alcoholic and his substance abuse exacerbates the issue.

Even from the first episode before Mai’s parentage was made clear, the signs were there that Mai’s family resents his presence. Mai sleeps on a mattress on the floor in a tiny room off the main floor hallway while his baby brother has a big bedroom with a giant bed on the second floor of the house. His parents never seemed happy to see him; he is nearly always greeted with suspicion, distrust, or at best, indifference. They hold him up to Phukao as an example of how he can be treated if he doesn’t behave—in one early scene, Santi explicitly tells Phukao that if he misbehaves he will have to start treating him like Mai. In gatherings with the neighbors, they talk proudly about Phukao but ignore Mai’s presence. And Santi nearly always finds a reason to discipline Mai with physical violence upon his return home, which makes it easy to understand why Mai was spending as much time away as possible and looking for ways out.

We see Santi abusing Mai throughout the drama, often while Phukao and his mother Sai look on—Phukao in anguish, Sai in indifference (more about her soon). But the scene that best captures their dynamic and gets to the heart of the trauma that lays between them is in episode 7. Mai comes home from surreptitiously spending time with his mother, Santi sniffs out his secret, and the worst episode of abuse depicted in the show unfolds as Santi strings Mai up by a rope on a rafter in the garage and proceeds to beat him with a leather belt in full view of Sai, Phukao, and any onlooker that just happens to be passing by. Throughout the beating, Santi berates Mai for seeing his mother, insisting that she is evil and Mai needs to stay away from her. Watching it unfold, one gets the feeling that Santi is trying to literally beat any trace of Mai’s mother out of him.

What’s most interesting about this scene is the implication that Santi is deeply concerned for Mai’s welfare and genuinely trying to protect him from something, even as he himself is Mai’s greatest source of pain. Somewhere along the way, Santi’s emotions have become hopelessly tangled and warped to the point where this abuse “for Mai’s own good” is the only expression of love he can manage toward his eldest son. It’s horrific, it’s tragic, and it really makes you wonder what the hell happened between Santi and Mai’s mother to poison this father-son relationship so deeply.

The Ranya of it All

Ranya. What a character. What a piece of work. And yet somehow, what a deeply sympathetic portrayal of a woman forced into a life she didn’t want and rebelling against it to the point of cruelty. I did not like this woman, and yet I was unexpectedly moved by her story.

So what the hell happened between Ranya and Santi? They fell in love. They got married. And then Santi pressured her to have a child she didn’t want, because he was fixated on the idea of having a traditional nuclear family (for reasons the show never fully elucidated, but I extrapolate are related to some generational trauma he himself is carrying and a desire to be head of a new family to make up for whatever his childhood lacked). She went along with it despite knowing she did not want to be a mother because she was in love. And sure enough, once she had made it through the pregnancy and began her life as a mother, she was miserable. So she rejected motherhood and abandoned her family when Mai was only an infant, one of the greatest sins a woman can commit in any culture, and certainly in the Asian context where family values and collectivist mindset demands sacrifice for the good of the family unit over personal satisfaction.

And Santi hated her for it. Hated her because he loved her and she left him. Hated her because she didn’t give him the dream vision he had of a beautiful family. Hated her because he still wanted her. And ultimately, transmitted his impotent rage and twisted love from her onto their son. She, in turn, hated Santi for not being happy with just the two of them, and for destroying their relationship by forcing her into motherhood. And while she doesn’t hate Mai, she certainly doesn’t love him or care for his well-being.

When Ranya sails back into town many years after abandoning him, she is bitter and hardened and she sees Mai as a means to an end and an easy target. She appears to have similar substance abuse issues to Santi, and she is in deep debt. She needs money, Mai is desperate for parental love and affection, and she sees an opportunity to take advantage. And so she pushes Mai into working with one of the local drug running operations, tells him pretty lies about using the money he is making to buy them a house to live in together, manipulates him into further provoking Santi in her honor, and then skips town with all his money just as the shit hits the fan. It’s one of the last things Mai experiences before his death, a confirmation that neither his father nor his mother really loves him or wants to care for him, exponentially compounding his emotional devastation and leaving him utterly certain that no one will help him. After he is murdered in cold blood by the very people she pushed him to work for, she uses the opportunity to extort money from Luk’s family for years, only coming around when she needs cash.

Phukao, Santi, and Sai

In the aftermath of Mai’s death, Phukao’s family as he knows it falls apart. He has lost his beloved brother under shocking circumstances, he has been torn apart from one of his best friends as his family bitterly feuds with hers, his father has descended even further into addiction and depression, his parents fight violently until they eventually split up and his father leaves the family home, and through it all he does not feel the unconditional support he expects from his friends and neighbors. Oh sure, they support him, but they also support Kongkwan and her family, a fact which eventually comes to enrage and embitter him.

Because that’s not how this is supposed to work. If you’ve watched other Asian dramas, you are probably very familiar with the “bad seed” and community ostracization tropes, aka the belief that any blood relative of a person who has committed a heinous crime should be shunned and shamed by the collective community. According to that cultural norm, Luk’s family should be abandoned and ostracized by the community following her murder confession, and while that does happen to some extent, their circle of close friends and neighbors remain sympathetic to them, in particular caring for and protecting Kongkwan, everyone’s favorite fragile sweetheart.

As Phukao grows and becomes more and more mired in despair and desperation and (justifiable) anger at the injustice of it all, the community begins to view him as difficult, backing away from him, dismissing his feelings, and demanding that he stop making them think about it. Some of his closest friends and loved ones essentially withdraw their explicit emotional support and care for him, and in some cases condemn him and respond to his emotional outbursts with violence. And remember, for the entirety of this story, Phukao is a child. Yet the adults around him seem afraid of his emotion and utterly incapable of extending to him the same level of empathy they easily give Kongkwan and even Luk, our supposed murderess. Feels kinda gendered, doesn’t it? I can’t help but think that Phukao is being punished largely for failing to maintain the stoic model of masculinity that is so often modeled in Asian cultures.

And what are Santi and Sai doing while their son is emotionally falling apart? They are wrapped up in their own nonsense and sparing very little attention to his actual needs even as they try to control him and loudly proclaim their love for him. Santi is wallowing in his depression and isolation and drinking himself half to death, with noose imagery hovering around him so that we can’t miss how low he is driving himself. Though interestingly, he never turns to violence against Phukao to vent his feelings in the manner he did with Mai. Phukao is clearly a manifestation of the son and family Santi always dreamed of; he loves him in a much more pure way than he ever managed with Mai. And so while he can’t get his shit together to be a good dad to him, he is also not an abusive and terrifying figure to Phukao, to the point where Phukao becomes fixated on getting him to come home. Because for Phukao, despite every monstrous aspect of Santi he’s borne witness to, the only thing that will give him any comfort and feeling of security is having what remains of his family together and intact, as they are supposed to be.

While Phukao desperately tries to get his dad to come home, Sai is caught up in navel gazing over her regrets, as we come to learn that she had a great love before Santi. But Pin was a woman and Sai did not feel free to pursue their relationship, and so when she got pregnant she agreed to marry Santi and raise Mai, as well. But as we saw, she didn’t keep that commitment. Sai came into the marriage regretful and wistful over her lost love and her inability to pursue a life more aligned with her authentic queer self, and that manifested in both indifference to Mai and her husband’s violence toward him, and an unhealthy attachment to and pressure on Phukao to be “worth it.” Worth giving up the life she wanted, worth living with this man she clearly didn’t love, and worth never being with Pin.

Mai eventually turned her own anger and self-loathing about her choices on Luk and Mai, trying to tear them apart when she learned of their relationship because if she didn’t get to keep her “taboo” love, why should they? When Phukao begins to figure some shit out, lets go of his anger, and starts developing feelings for Kongkwan, Sai freaks the fuck out and tries to repeat the pattern, which feels rooted in her need to keep Phukao under her control and devoted to her to give her life meaning. She finds his interest in Kongkwan threatening and attempts to stamp it out. Unlike Luk, though, Phukao is not having it.

Kongkwan, Luk, Veena, and Somkiat

Over to the family on the other side of the tear in the fabric of this community. Luk, our star-crossed lover and faux murderer, is the eldest daughter of a seemingly pleasant family with no big stressors or clear markers of their own generational trauma. Veena and Kiat appear to have a decent marriage, stable financial status, and good relationships with their daughters, Kongkwan is thriving while Luk has finished college and become a teacher, and before Luk confesses to killing Mai, all seems well. There is a large age gap between Luk and Kongkwan that the show never explains—I expected to learn something deeper about their family, but we never really got there. As far as we know, they were a solid and functional family unit.

The intergenerational trauma for this family is instead depicted in the aftermath of Mai’s murder and Luk’s false confession. As I mentioned above, Luk’s choice to cover for Mai destroyed her family’s lives. They lost jobs, financial security, several homes, and many relationships, not least of which is the deep bond they once had with the Sirapuchaya family. And when a devastated Santi refuses to forgive Luk and hurls vitriol at her parents (justifiably IMO, what on earth were Kiat and Veena thinking showing up to Mai’s funeral to demand forgiveness for their daughter who had explained nothing), Kiat and Veena become angry and bitter and decide to hate him, and his child, right back.

This is of course a toxic dynamic, and Kongkwan and Phukao are the ones who suffer most for it. On the heels of losing her older sister, Kongkwan is also forced to give up her friendship with Phukao and told to hate him. Her parents start with small things like not inviting him to her birthday party (leaving poor baby Phukao out in the cold and all alone while his family falls apart) and eventually escalate to getting violent with him (both striking him in anger) and explicitly telling Kongkwan that Phukao is a bad person that she must avoid (ironically, giving him the “bad seed” treatment that Kongkwan should be receiving under cultural norms). Over time, Veena and Somkiat develop a seething hatred for Phukao that is actually quite visceral and difficult to comprehend; they seem to find him a symbol for all the unfairness they have endured and the easiest target for their rage and cannot get ahold of themselves enough to temper their reactions to him.

Kongkwan, a gentle soul, is torn between being a filial and obedient child and going along with an attitude and treatment toward Phukao that she knows is wrong, and it is plainly tearing her apart. Throughout the story, she is emotionally overwhelmed, swinging between deep sadness and bursts of defiant anger, and she often looks like she is one more provocation away from shattering. And as the community tears itself apart around her, Kongkwan is also mired in anguish and confusion about her sister’s choices. As Kongkwan mentions at one point late in our story, no one, including her parents, has ever bothered to question whether Luk actually committed this murder, but she has never believed the lie. She knows her sister well enough, or perhaps is just too gentle a person, to imagine that Luk could have actually done that to Mai.

And it’s important not to lose in all of this that Kongkwan loved Mai, too. His death was a loss for her as well as for Phukao, and no one really tended to her grief in the aftermath, which clearly runs deep based on the way she clings to objects that remind her of him (the film strip necklace, the Brother Uncle doll). She is just as broken by all of this as Phukao, they just express it very differently.

And before our story ends, Kongkwan will endure yet another devastating loss, when Veena is killed by the drug runners for witnessing their crimes and collaboration with dirty cops. This is compounded by the fact that Veena and Kongkwan’s relationship is in tatters when Veena is killed. Veena has just struck her in anger after Kongkwan demanded an explanation for why her parents were ripping her away from her friends and fought back when they once again tried to force her to carry their hatred for Phukao (her first real stand against her parents after being a dutiful and filial daughter through all their years of bullshit). Kongkwan takes off for the night with her friends to say goodbye before she is forced to leave, and in that short delay her mother is killed—another trauma that Kongkwan will have to bear forever.

This family is an utter tragedy, to go from stable and loving to this, and all because of their own bad choices. Veena and Somkiat both utterly collapsed under the weight of Luk’s choices and their fallout, compounding them exponentially with their own inability to regulate themselves, and pushed all their trauma down onto Kongkwan, who must now do the hard work of living on amidst the destruction her family has wrought.

Plu, Pum, and Yo

Phew, let’s take a break and look at this smiling family, shall we? I can’t believe I have already written this many words with nary a mention of my beloved best boy Plu, but that should tell you how much is going on in this show! While Plu gets caught up in the traumatic events that are deeply affecting his best friends and has some of his own family problems to deal with, he is not suffering from intergenerational trauma to the same degree as Phukao and Kongkwan. Plu lost his parents at a very young age (we do not find out the specifics of how), but is raised with attention and care by his wonderful grandparents who clearly love him dearly. He spends his childhood with close neighbors and friends and shares a deep bond with and protective instincts for his slightly younger friends Phukao, Kongkwan, and Lookzo.

So how is all this community trauma affecting Plu? He is a classic people pleaser and caretaker who just wants everyone to be okay. He also wants to support all parties in this situation without taking sides or hurting anyone’s feelings, which is of course impossible, but I do love him for trying. He took it upon himself to care for Phukao and be the big brother he needed in the aftermath of Mai’s death, but he always maintained his friendship with Kongkwan, as well, a fact that Phukao finds hard to accept. Plu is torn between his love for Phukao and Kongkwan, which becomes extra complicated when they get older and he develops (ill-advised and doomed) romantic feelings for Kongkwan that cloud his judgment and create a rift with Phukao. He is yet another person who hits Phukao without real justification, but unlike the adults he at least has the grace to feel ashamed (can you tell I am in my feelings about this??).

As all of this is unfolding, he is also dealing with his own family struggles, as Pom develops Alzheimer’s disease and her medical needs take a financial toll on the family, leading Plu to become involved with the same drug running crew that killed Mai, because apparently a legal job wouldn’t cut it to pay for Grandma’s prescriptions. (I should also mention here that via Plu’s involvement with the drug running crews we get a glimpse into some intergenerational trauma being passed down in those families, as the heads of each organization force a very hard life onto their children, but we’re not going to get into that because I have to stop somewhere or I’ll be writing this post from my grave).

In any event, Yo can clearly see that his grandson is lying and doing something dangerous to bring home money, but he doesn’t stop him, presumably because they desperately need it. And Pom’s deteriorating memory and mental health take a real toll on both Plu and Yo, who just have sorrow wafting off them in waves in every scene where she doesn’t recognize them. This is a family in struggle together, not causing struggle for each other, unlike Phukao and Kongkwan’s situations.

Lookzo and Oh

This section is going to be short because Zo and Oh have never done anything wrong in their lives and I know this. They are a perfect little father/daughter duo with an easy relationship, despite some sadness they must have endured around whatever happened to Zo’s mother (the show never gives us this information). Oh is a single father doing his best and he supports Zo through all her milestones and moods, creating a safe home where she can be herself and express her feelings to him without fear. He is also a sweetheart to her friends and welcoming to both Kongkwan and Phukao while maintaining his own friendships and acting as a mediator between their parents.

Zo’s main worries throughout the drama are twofold: she has a crush on an utterly clueless Plu (despite his silly little hats), and she is similarly torn between her love for Kongkwan and Phukao and resentful of all the adults around them trying to destroy their bonds with each other. She is honest and forthright and though she sometimes runs off at the mouth in ill-advised ways, she always owns it and if she was wrong she will immediately admit it and apologize. In one of my favorite scenes of the entire drama, she lights into Kiat and Santi for tearing the community apart and destroying her friends, and then collapses on Oh to sob about how exhausted she is by all this bullshit and how she just wants to live her life with her friends in peace. She is all of us, easily the most relatable character in this show, and I love her.

The Core Four

So after that exhaustive summation of all the trauma they are enduring throughout our story, I turn to the final question on all of our minds: are these babies going to be okay? I think the answer is a bit of a mixed bag with a tilt toward hope.

Throughout the drama, I kept wanting these kids to just get in the car, drive far away from their parents, and never come back. But this is an Asian drama and filial piety reigns supreme, so of course they were never going to abandon their parents. And if they can’t be free, at least Phukao and Kongkwan found some measure of peace in the end. Kongkwan still has her father and a newly released Luk to cling to in the aftermath of Veena’s murder and they seem committed to being better to each other and finally letting go of all the bitterness now that Luk has come clean about what really happened (I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that Kiat explicitly says he is grateful for Veena’s death because it gives him the opportunity to be a better dad, a fridging for the ages!). Phukao has made his peace with his parents’ split and given Sai his blessing to pursue her best lesbian life, and Santi has done a (wildly unrealistic IMO) heel turn upon learning Luk did not kill Mai, let go of all of his anger, and pledged to do better as Phukao’s father. These families will never be free of the decade of trauma they all endured and the scars it left on them, but they can at least finally move forward from it.

And of course, our core four kiddos stuck together and refused to let the adults succeed in destroying their relationships, though it was certainly a near thing. Even if things get better from here on out, they must live with the pain of all that they endured, and Phukao and Kongkwan in particular have suffered losses they will likely never fully recover from. It isn’t lost on me either that these traumatic events all occurred in the most formative years of their lives, when your experiences shape who you will become. They will carry these traumas through their lives and likely pass them down to the next generation, even if they manage to mitigate the damage better than their own parents did. If nothing else, we can say that at least if their bonds with each other are tattered, torn, and bruised, they are still intact. In the end, despite incredible pressure, ample doubt, and deep turmoil, they chose each other, and they will continue to care for each other through whatever life throws at them next.

#10 years ticket #thai drama #intergenerational trauma challenge #shan posts 5k words on family trauma #doing the most as per usual #also i originally had a lot more images in this but tumblr won’t let me be great so this is what we get #long post #shan shouts into the void

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raifuujin · 27 days

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“I just don't like Gosho's use of ideas nowadays” do you have some examples? I’ve been feeling the same but I still don’t have like articulate thoughts on it

Well, 'nowadays' has been for. About ten years, ish? The most glaring example that always sticks out in my mind is the Sun Halo MK chapters, with the complete and utter waste of the very common fanfic tropes of 'Aoko gets suspicions' and 'Kid gets injured around someone'. But it kind of matches the general problem I have with his writing that I don't think used to be this bad: He's trying to stuff too much around the strict case-by-case structure (or for MK, introducing the heist-by-heist structure) without actually giving anything focus. (And for MK it's so much worse because he writes it so rarely, that he makes everyone cameo every time but they tend to just get hand waves to whatever drama plot gets instigated by Kid having his next heist.)

For DC, it's the whole. 1) Overarching plot with the BO and suspects and 'here's the available suspects for who's involved with the BO that we introduce one at a time at the end of cases and then maybe leave more clues about them during future cases'. 2) Dangling character or relationship progress and then constantly pulling it away, usually as a joke. 3) When we do occasionally get some of the major plot, it's all at once and then maybe mentioned once in the next case, but otherwise completely dropped. (Amuro and Akai and Kudo tea party tease also lingers as a 'Gosho is just evil at this point'.) Basically rigid structure that doesn't allow for much of the subplots aside from breadcrumbs.

For the current situation, it's also tied into interview comments. Which. have no bearing on the story until he actually uses them. But instead of even that, the movie gets exciting stuff instead and puts it in a giant limbo of is it meant to be canon or not, because no one has been able to settle on that for any movie, even as some details get connected back to the manga more and more.

It's bad writing. Gosho has been a bad writer for a long time, and it's kinda just getting worse. It's my opinion that it's because he tries to have his case after case after case (because mystery manga), and then stuff little bits of everything else in the seams, whether it works well with the case he's writing or if it's a good delivery or (more usually) it's just. Kinda tacked on.

It's partially because of time investment, partially because I have low standards of entertainment, and partially because I want to see how it all ends that I stick with DC. MK is. Similar, but hurts more because I really hate how it morphed into the DC structure when old MK had more you could do with it. Gosho will never drop his rigid case-by-case structure at this point, but it really would be better if he did at this point. Things need development that they're not allowed to have. Or at least smooth out the lines between his hints. And stop with Heiji and Kazuha, just. God. Stop. Is this how people felt about Kid appearances? I feel like at least when people were mad about Kid, they knew nothing was going to happen from the get go, the romance 'tease' is just painful.

#dc thoughts #It's really just a general feeling that I know Gosho /can't/ write drama that well #The writing style he's picked really doesn't allow him to; whether he /could/ write it well or not #So I don't like him going for an idea that sounds like a fanfic idea #Because it's never going to be as fun to watch as just. A fanfic. Because fanfic writers don't have to stick to genre or anything #/They/ can take time to explore character dynamics and implications and direct continuation of the idea into multiple chapters #Gosho literally /can't/ do it. At best; it's okay. At worst; it makes all the characters look so much worse #Because the characters are smart or dumb to allow whatever situation Gosho wants to happen /right then/#Because he can't wait too long to properly build up fun little ideas; he just smashes them in and moves on #(The Fairy Lip heist is also lingering. Most of what sticks in mind is Kid; as per usual)

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cerise-on-top · 2 months

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Nikolai with a s/o who always has a hand on his chest? With consent ofc, and it’s always to feel his heartbeat. I think of this all the time and it’s always super cute in my head.

Hello! That is pretty cute!

Nikolai Always with Reader’s Hand on His Chest

Nikolai is a pretty laid back and chill sort of man, so he usually doesn’t mind you putting your hand over his heart. Maybe not while you’re walking, though, he doesn’t want you to trip. It’s very sweet to him: You wanna make sure that he’s alive? That he’s still with you? That his heart is still beating? Trust me, not even death could take him away from you. He’d dig his way out of his grave after killing the reaper with his bare hands himself. You can always put your hand over his chest while you’re at home together, though. It’s nice to feel you. After a while it would be reassuring to him as well, feeling that you’re there, that you’re with him. He thinks it’s sweet that you always want to be touching him, because if it was up to you he’d do the same thing with you. After some time, once he’s realized that you’re always touching him whenever you can, he tries to get into positions that facilitate you touching him a bit. Usually lies on his back when you’re cuddling so you have full access to him. Can and will fall asleep like that, but will also want to hold you back. Will also put his hand over your heart as well so he can “get back at you”. In reality, feeling your heartbeat is also just nice and reassuring to him. However, he sometimes might lie on your chest in order to hear it as well, something like it lulls him to sleep, after all. You can put your hand over his chest in public as well, though, he doesn’t particularly mind cuddling in public either. There’s a good chance you’ll be nicely clothed, though, so you won’t feel his heartbeat unless you slip your hand under his clothes. You can do that, he doesn’t care about strangers staring in public. However, once it’s time to continue walking around, release him. You can continue your antics once you’ve found another nice bench to sit on.

#cod #cod x reader #cod nikolai #cod nikolai x reader #tomorrow is finally friday for me right now. I am so tired. but tomorrow I'm gonna take a long long nap #I have the next two weeks off but I can't promise that I'll be able to post too much during that time for driver's license reasons #I'll try but I have a lot of errands to run then #besides it's not like I get too many requests in per day luckily. at one point I got 4 requests in one night #now I get one. maybe two at most per day. which is good. it's relaxing and doesn't stress me out too much either #at one point I had eight requests sitting in my inbox despite working on them ever day. that was really stressful #but these days I'm more willing to close my inbox. people usually don't mind the waiting too much anyway #I do work as fast as I can though but I'm gonna stick with posting one request per day. that's a much better pace for me #haven't written for Nikolai in a while though. I'm glad people still like me writing characters other than the girls as well #but it seems as though for now I've become a cod girls centric blog haha #I don't mind. I'm just glad that people like my writing enough to want to request it. I'll write for just about anyone of the main charas #two exceptions apply but I refuse to write for them. i just genuinely don't like them #but I like Nikolai. he's good he's nice. he seems like someone who'd be great at giving bear hugs

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francisfelidae · 9 months

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I made a little ceramic jessie from idletry (@gynandromorph's character) but she kind of looks terrible because well quite frankly i fucked it up. The good news is i realized as i was making her i could just make a jessie out of polymer clay and i could get more detailed/colors more accurate AND it would be easier. But i did it the difficult and stupid way first which seems fitting for jessie, which is why I'm posting her.

...That and im kind of impressed she didnt explode in the kiln; she's solid clay, not hollow.

#I also forgort her tail the MOST IMPORTANT OART #well maybe not most important but its cute #I wanted to use glazes to get cool colors/metalic effects but as per usual glaze forsakes me. Oh well #Idletry #Jessie gaylord #Also the clear coat isnt even so the underglaze is doing the thing where its like. Rough in the places where its extra thick #Goes w/o saying this jessie is not foodsafe and should not be put in a dishwasher lol

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orowyrm · 1 month

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i feel bad about something -> i pick at my skin to relieve stress -> i get upset about the damage i just did to myself -> i keep picking because i don’t know how else to ‘fix’ the problem i just made -> i realize how much time ive wasted doing all of this -> i continue picking even after it becomes actually painful as ‘punishment’ -> i finally get tired and/or something else calls my attention and i stop, clean up, and attempt to move on with my day -> i feel bad about everything that just happened -> i continue to feel bad about this and everything that happens afterwards until i can’t take it anymore and need a release so i don’t implode -> rinse and repeat

#i feel like this most likely qualifies as #self harm #even though it’s generally not in the traditional sense. whatever.#i’ve reached a point where most of the time it doesn’t even hurt anymore like there’s sensation but it’s not pain per se. usually when i #start to feel actual pain i stop because i don’t want to do any actual lasting damage #sometimes tho i feel like i just fall into a frenzy. theres something bad and evil underneath my skin #and while i don’t know what it is i’ve been aware of it all my life and am constantly striving to excise it #because it is the source of all my flaws and faults and the cause of everything bad that’s ever happened to me #someday i’ll get rid of it entirely but no matter how close i get it eludes me #<- damn okay we get it you have compulsions … relax dude

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chickensoupleg · 2 months

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oooh ok if you’re wanting prompts- robin chrissy and heather’s days off finally align, but they all have different things they want to do together. do they bicker? make a plan? compromise?? 👀

So I'm imagining they all have entirely separate jobs because of course they do. Robin's got her job doing whatever, let's say she's managed to snag a job (With Steve of course that's her work best friend never leave home without him) at the local Waffle House so her work hours are weird and sometimes she's going to bed the moment her wives wake up, Chrissy is working as a gymnastic coach, and Heather has somehow gotten herself into being a volunteer firefighter. Chrissy has the most flexible schedule (Get it) out of all of them.

They do love their jobs, but man is it brutal on their date nights.

Eventually they do manage to get a weekend together, and of course they don't want to waste it!

Problem is the how. Heather just wants to have a normal date night so she wants to go out and eat after a nice walk around town. Robin doesn't want to be near a restaurant because she is positive the waitress mentality will embarrass her in front of everyone ('Babe you work at a Waffle House it's not that fancy.') ('Heather baby my sweet sweet flaming ball of my miserable yet enchanting life I will accidentally walk into the kitchen if I'm not careful.') ('... Robbie why would you be in the kitchen?') ('Tickets.') ('Ah.')

Chrissy wants to spend the entire time in the house, cuddled up with each other and being lesbian wives doing lesbian wife things like holding hands and see how close they are to succumbing to building furniture for fun. As sweet and relaxing as that sounds somehow it feels like a waste just being home and doing absolutely nothing. They're not gonna have this much time again for a long while they might as well use it! (They do sleep in bed a little longer together regardless. Chrissy is a lump in the blankets, Robin has sprawled over everything, and Heather is octopused around the closest things which are usually either her girls or a pillow)

Robin wants to commit crimes of the loving but frankly a little concerning kind.

We can't let Robin commit crimes.

No matter how much Chrissy and Heather also want to commit crimes.

So they do bicker for a while over the span of a week before the actual days off in the form of many, many sticky notes stuck to bathroom mirrors, passing conversations, muttered sleepy time musings, messengers in the form of sending whoever they could convince to go between work places, phone calls, and even one (1) point in time where they were just in the same bathroom together.

In the end they ask Steve, date-life extraordinaire, for advice, who just tells them (in a fit of this man was rudely awoken) something about how girls like spas and stargazing. He's totally making something up.

It gives Robin an idea immediately, even if it makes no sense and takes a little convincing. A nice and relaxing spa day followed by shuffling off into the wilderness and laying underneath the stars! Perfect! No sitting around at home but also plenty of relaxation and being all date-y!

(It ends up being the greatest date night ever.)

(Even though Steve is a little worried when Robin came back with a photo of them in a tree while a bear was sniffing around at the bottom.)

(And when Heather came in to regale the tale of how Robin does not believe she could wrestle a bear.)

(... And how Chrissy accidentally kicked a bear in the face and apologised as told by Chrissy herself.)

#stranger things #robin buckley #heather holloway #chrissy cunningham #hollowbuckingham #pompompoolsailor #cunningway #bucklway #buckingham #steve is just their honourary extra and guy that knows what makes a good date #steve makes no actual final decision he is just there because that is robin's best friend why wouldn't she prod him for info #the girls were desperate by the way #alternatively i'm pretty sure they'd somehow end up committing crimes #just sets fire to things in an empty field and also see who is the better can shooter with real weapons #and perhaps end up just doing girls things like do an escape room or smash objects or devour strawberries like maniacs #or paint their nails. girl things #they won against the bear by the way #completely by accident but they won #nothing says a day off like a spa day followed by being chased by a bear #perhaps this is where they rock climb :)#they end the day with a relaxing bath together #and by together I mean TOGETHER #they got a massive bathtub for a reason!#someone falls asleep in the bath because someone else is massaging her head #making the most out of their days off #there is a small chance of kidnapping as per usual

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high-voltage-rat · 1 year

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Vyvanse is such a silly little drug. I get up at 11, take it at noon, what's a normal sleep phase I don't know her.

The first hour passes and I'm like "dude nothings happening except me getting sweaty and my heart's going a bit faster" and then I blink and it's another 2 hours later and I've just blitzed doing every chore available to me, organized all my shit for the day, read through 500 tumblr posts, watched some random-ass YouTube clips, and made myself food I don't want to eat because my appetite is suppressed but I know food consumption is a task. It's like all of my ADHD bullshit for the entire day happens at light speed over a few hours.

Then I sit down and can do The Big Task of the day for 5 hours or more and, unlike with a hyperfocus, can remain focused on it even after taking breaks to go do other stuff.

Then the end of the day hits and I'm tired and need to go to sleep but I still feel the Productivity Need so for some reason I watch 50 more "Educational" YouTube videos until it subsides and then finally fall asleep at 2am.

Like. Does it cure my ADHD? Absolutely not. Does it make me less chaotic? No. But does it allow me to consistently channel my ADHD energy productively? Oh, yeah. I'm not 100% sure that's what my doctors were going for when they prescribed it, but I gotta be honest I kinda love it.

#not video games #late nights with ali #nd blogging #actuallyADHD #I'm pretty sure my docs were intending for a bit more... how you say... stability?#but a lot of my ADHD traits don't go away. just the most important one- activation-based executive dysfunction #And honestly without that I think I like the way I function with the rest? usually anyway #If I'm in control of it. I love my hyperfocus. I love my bouncing around chaotically. I love being impulsively spontaneous #don't get me wrong. there are days where I do hate my adhd. when the emotional regulation problems kick in it's hell.#rejection sensitive dysphoria is a bitch. I can forget self care in lieu of 'more important' things. my working memory can fuck me over.#but in comparison to how I lived before medication? it's amazing. and I've learned to be fond of aspects of my disorder #and to live with the ones that are inconvenient. it's so nice honestly #I could do without the sweating and appetite suppression. but it is SO worth it to like my own mind again.#before I was diagnosed I knew I had it. so my only options were self medicating with caffiene and developing an anxiety disorder.#the thing that bypasses the dopamine-based activation is adrenaline-based activation #so I literally just. got so anxious about stuff I needed to do that it would trigger the adrenaline activation where dopamine failed me #I don't think I actually 100% KNEW that's what I was doing per se. but I do think some of my anxiety came from intentional doom spiralling #anyway moral of the story. Vyvanse helps with ADHD is some truly strange ways but at the end of the day it's a fucking miracle #New River Pharmaceuticals developers of lisdexamfetamine I am kissing you on the mouth

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camping-with-monsters · 11 days

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posting her because I can but I made a DDG related character strictly for an AU (she’s not canon in the slightest) about the idea of after Rouge’s death when her head was splattered, one of the seeds inside managed to find itself in an ideal spot to grow and thus creating a child that one, Rouge never got to meet, and two, Cinderella has no knowledge of.

She’s probably adopted into some other family now. Her name is Posy and I love her so much :) she’s 4 years old and you’ll definitely know that cause she always like to announce that. Posy likes to think she’s a little fairy princess because the way her back leaves grow makes them look like little wings and she loves that :)

Idk how much her current family knows about her uh. devastatingly harrowing origin but frankly she doesn’t know either so I mean. To everyone ever she’s a mystery but a sweetheart nonetheless.

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