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iamthat-iam · 3 months

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Real vs Unreal 🤯

Jade has been in the LOA community for over a year now. It opened her up to many different possibilities, such as shifting to the MCU (Marvel Universe) where she is a superhero with super strength, super speed, and the ability to fly.

Everyday when she wakes up, and before she goes to bed, she does an intense visualization of this reality. Each time she does it, her "current reality" seems to disappear, until she opens her eyes. She knows that she's so close yet so far from shifting there! She decides to go on Tumblr and ask for advice.

She comes across some intriguing ND posts that say "You must collapse the duality between physical vs imagination and real vs unreal" and "All experiences are the same, no matter the label. Seeing a car in a 'daydream' is no different than seeing one 'in real life.'"

This seems to be different than what she learned from LOA, with the existence of a 3D/4D and 'fulfilling your imagination until it shows up in the physical.' She sends a blogger a question out of curiosity.

"Hi! I know that this is not a shifting blog, but I wanted clarification on a few things. For over a year now, I've been trying to shift to the Marvel Universe, where I'm a superhero with powers. Everyday I do a visualization where I am experiencing these things. I just saw your post that says all experiences are the same, and how seeing something in imagination is the same as real life. Does this mean the whole time I was visualizing myself in that reality, I was already experiencing that? It was real? I also want to know how imagination and physical are the same. Thank you." She inquired.

The blogger responds with, "Yes you already experienced it. The reason why there's no physical vs imagination is because your awareness, your true nature, is present during all appearances that come and go. We've just labelled certain appearances real or not real based on certain ideas we picked up through life. For example, many people think that experiences are only real when you are awake and you seem to be living through the 5 senses. They were also taught that things like fairies, dragons, supernatural abilities aren't real, so when they hear stories about people experiencing those things, it's a huge shock for them. But in reality, nothing is objectively real or unreal, all experiences are possible for awareness. You (as awareness, THAT, or " ") are the ONLY thing that is truly real. As the ultimate authority, only you can decide what is "true" for you or not."

Jade decides to take some time to really think about what this blogger said. Everything they said is a complete 180 from what Jade thought she knew about life and how reality works. So that means this entire time, she was already in the MCU? And the MCU is apparently just as real as what Jade calls "real life?" That is truly an interesting concept to ponder! The one thing that has Jade stumped, however, is the fact that she opens her eyes and continues to see her old life. She goes back to the blogger to ask about this.

"That's really interesting how I already experienced being in the MCU! So this technically means I can tell someone I "shifted" there, and they couldn't accuse me of lying? Also, I'm a bit confused on why whenever I open my eyes after visualizing, I still see my old life," She questioned the blogger.

"To answer your first question, no, they can't accuse you of 'lying' because that was a valid experience for you. The idea that you have to experience "shifting symptoms" or enter the void state to "experience another world" is limiting, and creates a barrier between you and whatever you want to experience. This is no disrespect to that community, if they want to "shift" or "enter the void state" to experience things, that is totally up to them. But ND is about not labelling experiences, and not treating them as if they are separate from you. All experiences are yours. It's natural for you, as an omnipotent being, to experience whatever you want instantly. As for why your "old life" continues to appear, there is no old life. There's no experience A turning into experience B, it's all nothingness. You said you visualized being in the MCU, have you noticed that the "old life" seems to disappear and you're totally focused on the visualization? That's because the "old life" never was in the first place!" The blogger explained.

That response made everything click for Jade. She finally feels free enough to experience the MCU universe or any other universe whenever she wants! "Thank you so much! This was very helpful and empowering!" She thanked the blogger.

And so Jade became the superhero she always wanted to be.

#non dualism #nondualism #consciousness #awareness #self realization #self

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olderthannetfic · 4 months

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Nearly 75% of fic on AO3 has less than 5 reader comments. Can we please acknowledge that lack of engagement in a positive fashion is the norm in fandom and that writers are expected to work for nothing in return yet readers are allowed to be entitled?

The source of my number

https://www.tumblr.com/transholmes/738776926733336576/and-even-those-numbers-on-the-lower-end-are

Hahahahaha.

Oh, anon.

Okay, first of all, I just posted a bunch of graphs showing exactly this, so not only am I well aware of it, but you also clearly don't read my tumblr much and are just here because some friend of yours is upset that I responded negatively to them about their dumb bookmarking opinions.

Second and more importantly...

No, no one is expected to do anything.

That's crazypants influencer talk where you think your hobbies are jobs that you have no choice about doing.

I suppose I do expect fans to have something at least marginally worthwhile to say—or else I'll block them for being whiny little bitches who make my day dumber as well as less amusing.

But mostly, what I expect is that people will do hobbies because they are fun. If I ever decide that writing fic is too boring, I will stop.

I write because it's fun.

I write original work for money too, and if you want to read that, you're going to have to pay Amazon your cold, hard cash. But I still do it because I enjoy the actual act of writing... at least a lot of the time.

What I see in the bookmark boo-hooing is a bunch of people who haven't noticed the last eighty thousand rounds of this same dumb wank and who not only expect to get the last word but expect that somehow I'm going to signal boost it on my tumblr as that... a tumblr known for contentious debates and nobody ever getting the last word till everyone's exhausted and never wants to hear about paper plates or beans again.

I also see that some of the thinnest-skinned people have fic patreons.

Now, I chose not to bring this up before because it sounds a bit below the belt in that "And thus you're morally impure and thus I can ignore your argument" way... But it's a consistent pattern in these conversations over time, and I do think it's relevant. The biggest sensitive babies are always the ones most afraid of bad reviews but also low engagement, and I think it's because they're caught in some half-pro, half-not limbo where they want the best of both worlds but keep getting the worst of both.

If you behave like a professional who is owed compensation, you can expect a more professional style of response to your work.

And what does the pro world look like? Radio silence. The occasional harsh review. Nobody caring why you wanted to write X or why you couldn't finish Y on time.

If you're here to socialize, you should look for a beta or a couple of good friends who like your blorbos and your style of fic, and then you can squee together about what you've written. It may not come in the form of visible AO3 comments. It may be in private chat.

In some cases, it may just be friends you can talk to about your writing but who aren't actually going to read it. I have plenty of friends who read different things than what I write.

That's what socializing and hobbies look like, dude.

It's fine to point out that many writers do get discouraged by low comment counts and then stop, so if I, as a reader in a fandom, want more, it behooves me to befriend writers and make them feel good.

But at the same time, writers get discouraged or move on to the next fandom all the time for all kinds of reasons. If the critical mass and the zeitgeist aren't there, then they aren't.

Do your hobbies for reasons internal to you.

If the main point is external validation, get into BDSM and find someone excited to indulge your praise kink. It will work a lot better than chasing fame via art.

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sgiandubh · 6 months

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Machiavelli took a day off

... when the Telegraph article was written in great haste, by someone blatantly given a last minute task, who had no fucking idea to whom she was talking and what exactly meant the PR vetted or even prompted questions.

Instead of a line-by-line analysis, we'll take things differently, on this page, using the '5 W rule of journalism' (or even non-fiction writing, in general, if you ask me):

Who? SRH, EP of the OL series and one of the two male leads of the TCND series, which will be shortly broadcast by Channel 4, in the UK and IE only (and Movistar in ES). The rest of the world is not concerned.

What? A promotional article, focused on the actor's personality, CV and projects.

When? At a particular moment in time, just after the SAG-AFTRA strike and before shooting OL's eighth and last season.

Where? Crucial to place it in LHR (to imply he is 'just visiting') and God forbid it would be in GLA, which (for some curious reasons) seems to be off-limits.

Why? An actor with solid credentials hopes to keep agents and employers interested, after above OL project is done, which is rather sooner than later. Also addressing (as per the actor's PR agent specific requirements) three particular issues: the Palestine letter, the Bond project and his 'private life'.

Onwards to the three issues at stake, which probably prompted the article. In chronological order, this time. And no, I am not going to address the Scottish independence mention, because this is a sincere, well-known position of his and this page never bitches about people's convictions - also because I educated myself on it and I agree with S.

Palestine:

It was important, for obvious reasons, to push damage control a tad further. Also, strictly from a hypothetical POV, I would be very curious to read your compare and discuss thoughts with regard to this particular post on this page:

A sort of answer came in the Telegraph paper, too. Not only to me (I am less than nobody), but to all the people (of which we were many) who thought he should not get involved in this type of debate:

This is not the first time he uses this specific talking point. Last time known to me was on the day the Queen died, on X (I looked for that post, but can't find it, because I am just a filthy lurker, like that: but it is there).

The really interesting question, therefore, is: does he/somebody monitor what is being said on Tumblr? The answer is, I think, yes, and it shows. Will it stop me talking in here? Nope, as I trust my discerning abilities, for the moment. Other than that, his damage control op does not bring anything new to the table.

Bond:

What can I say, Sir? While there's life, there's apparently hope. But that doesn't translate well, given the context of your interview. That spells desperate and it's not a great picture. Also, let us keep a pious moment of silence in fond memory of a 25 year old who had a dream and the dream went to Daniel Craig (who I detested as Bond, because every girl has her Bond and mine is Pierce Brosnan, amen).

I know people still speculate about it. I have very high reservations and I cannot, for the life of me, seriously consider even thinking about the possibility. He could do it with flying colors, no doubt. Does he stand a chance? I prefer to have zero expectations on it and be floored if it happens. If he naively still yearns/pushes for it, this interview could very well be as abysmal as C's VF tantrum.

'Private life':

Ugh. Slippery when wet. I have already touched the subject in a reactive re-blog of @samheughanswife's post about it and I will not get back to what I said even without reading the article.

Some more extraordinary wording, in here: 'there might even be space for a personal life' - begs the question 'when?' In general? (in general, all men are created equal, too - it's practice that kills the theory) Now? (it is my staunch belief the answer is yes). After OL? (then and now and after Hiroshima, too). Can you program these things? (nope, stars simply aligned) Heh. Enough said. Also, 'might' spells cheap insinuation to me. But that's just me, a blonde voice in the audience.

Now, onwards to the daughter thing. I believe this specifically addresses the cheap, abundant clickbait content on You Tube, hence the vague 'online' reference (not Tumblr, not fans, not blogs - he is not C, he kept it clean). Such as this very recent one (last 'clip' on the topic was five days ago):

The two I chose to share here, which are very conspicuous FAKES, are originating from the same 'source', an account that seems obsessed with S&C and has no problem changing its narrative three times a week, if needed. My opinion? PR induced shite, to prod numbers/interest and see what sticks.

No newborn daughter? I hear no lies.

As for OL leaving 'no time for relationships', ahem. *urv will be thrilled to read that, I bet the farm. As will Flukenzie Floozy, at least her - damn, she was persistent! Also, hello, back to 2014-2016 playbook, aren't we?

No new relationships? Whatever for, when IYKYK? I hear no lies.

'I want a cat' ('because she's great', says my shipper brain on autopilot), 'but I am too scared even for that'. Humph. A very poor lie. But admitting you wanted and got a Ca(i)t scares the bejesus out of you, since 2016. I hear no lies. Yes, I am being tongue in cheek and damn the consequences.

Morality of it?

The easiest solution is never to take personal questions in interviews or panels. Why These Two still do it completely mystifies me.

#shitshow

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cocogum · 3 months

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My honest reactions of episodes 5 and 6 (part 2)

PART 1 : HERE

(‼️ SEASON 4 SPOILERS ‼️)

Okay I just HAD to devote the full Alibert inn scene from episode 5 here CUZ WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT YUGO GOING BACK TO EMELKA!! I know I already mentioned Chibi and Grougal (as well as the tree Tofu tower) in part 1 but part 2 will basically be about all the rest of the inn scene cuz tumblr couldn’t let me have more than ten images per post (I know the site apparently lets u have more but I always use the phone for it so shush.)

But first, we finally get to see Alibert again after all those years 💕

Alibert. Sweetie. Baby. You can take care of two (technically four) kids with the addition of a freaking INN, you COOK for the customers, AND, ON TOP OF ALL THAT, you’re the MAYOR of EMELKA, that same place where you run the inn and take care of your adopted sons.

You do much more than just “taking care of an inn”, you got three jobs AND you’re still sane. You’re three in one, a whole package, props to you king. He’s such a boss ass man I love him 💕💕

NAH MAN

Not these ppl trying to avoid the inflation 😭😭 I don’t blame them tho. I would’ve said the same thing lol.

(Also is the wine a call back to Gustavio? Plz it would be so funny if the reason why Alibert is angry is cuz these ppl are saying how “bad” it is just so the prices can stay the same but also because he’s mad that they’re calling Gustavio’s wine “disgusting” even if they were all just trying to make him not raise the prices!)

Love how Yugo doesn’t say that same shit to Ruel after all those years of cooking for his ass and never getting anything from him.

Like even the whole Brotherhood calls Ruel a “cheapskate” but the only time where we see Yugo say that same shit is when he says that to his own CUSTOMERS?!?

Gurl bye Yugo’s such a silly little hypocrite!! 😭😭

OMG THE WHOLE FAMILY’S BACK TOGETHER!!

Adamaï get your stupid lizard ass over here.

It’s been so long since I’ve seen these two just laughing and hugging like this 💕💕💕

Also, Ankama tried being very slick with Az and his wife.

Nah cuz how can you not see these two and not think about Yugo and Amalia?? Does the thought never come to mind or what??

They literally give off the same energy, how did no one say anything before???!!?

THESE LITTLE TOFUS ARE OBVIOUSLY A SILLY PARALLEL TO THESE TWO AND NO ONE CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE.

Okay now the next part of the Alibert inn scene is very important to me so listen.

Recently, I came scrolling on @moths-are-better’s recent posts about Yugo and I came up on the one where he drinks the “milk” that was in the cup in the scene below.

But like-

@moths-are-better STOP LYING TO YOURSELF THIS IS CLEARLY WINE!!!

Look at all the other people drinking in the inn before they left: they all had that same kind of cup, insinuating that they were drinking wine (and also cuz they confirmed it was wine while trying to avoid any possible future inflations with Alibert).

I just love how Ankama deliberately shows us small scenes like this to remind us that Yugo can do adult things even though he looks like a kid. Because THIS is one of those scenes! Just look at how Alibert quietly pulls the cup of wine away from Yugo as soon as the guy starts ranting about his problems.

That’s clearly not milk lol I just love your delusions @moths-are-better 💕💕

But not only did this scene made me realize that nothing can stop Yugo from doing adult things despite how he looks, it also helped me realize that Yugo is the type to only drink when he’s having problems. We clearly see him about to drink more while ranting to Alibert before he carefully pulls the wine away from Yugo cuz he KNOWS Yugo would drink more just for that.

That level of attention to detail is amazing and I’m so glad I managed to catch up to the hints early on.

Alibert be looking like Yugo’s bartender AND therapist in just that moment alone lol

Ngl I would’ve loved to see a drunk Yugo if he had been able to drink more before Alibert intervened.

‼️ EVERYONE ‼️

👏 BE👏 LIKE 👏 ALIBERT 👏 ❤️❤️

This is making me wanna have kids too man….

His caring and calming attitude towards Yugo and the way he just treats him, cares for him, and acts like a responsible parent during all these years really makes me wanna do the same thing someday. Alibert is so good at his job(s) that he’s even beating a freaking goddess. Let that sink in. (actually any good parent like Alibert would beat the Eliatrope goddess’ parenting easily lol)

Alibert is genuinely so sweet, patient, thoughtful, and understanding of Yugo. Like even though he just heard Yugo say he finally found his true family, Alibert doesn’t take his words as insults and would rather just let him spill out all of his words to him.

When I said I missed these two like this, I really meant it. This inn is not only where Yugo was raised in but it’s also Yugo’s comfort place.

My ass knows this is foreshadowing.

It just knows.

Older Yugo where u at? We need to talk.

Ankama’s gonna ruin this family and laugh about it while eating some croissants.

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everythingiloveblog · 6 months

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Is Only Friends Slut-Shaming Boston?

"Sometimes bad people don't need a back story, they're just born sluts" Jojo Tichakorn

"I can’t (have sex with someone without knowing them), I’m not like Boston" Mew to Top in episode 1

"Whoever has you as their boyfriend is so unlucky. You’re slutty" Cheum to Boston in episode 4

"Serves you right for being slutty" Nick to Boston after learning about Gap’s revenge porn in episode 5

"Even a heartless slut like Boston has a lover" Cheum in episode 6

"Your slutty ass just sleeps with anyone" Ray to Boston in episode 6

"This asshole sleeps with everything that breathes" Mew about Boston in episode 10

"You sleep around too much and things get messy. Don’t you learn" Nick to Boston in episode 11

The whole Atom plot in detail with @chaos0pikachu

This post from @spicyvampire and this answer from @lurkingshan

And this is just what I remember from the show so I would answer...yes? I don't know how much of it is intentional, but it definitely feels like it, yeah.

...I actually have so many things to say I don’t even know where to start. Is anyone gonna read all that? I doubt it, but I still need to let it out.

Warnings: english is not my native language so have mercy & I’m writing this mostly by memory so I will definitely forget things or get things wrong

I really logged back into an old tumblr account just for this because I still can’t believe how people can’t see it. I know people are allowed to have their own opinions and see things differently but...really?

Many people have already written about this on Tumblr & Twitter so I will also add links and quotes from people smarter and more eloquant than me (I hope I’m allowed to do this. If not I will delete it)

First of all, this is not only about the last episode, it’s about what happened in OF since episode 1 + some interviews of Jojo and Ninew. So rewatching the finale only will not give you the full picture.

"Is the narrative is punishing Boston? Is the narrative punishing Boston because he is a slut? And not because he slept with his friend's boyfriend.

First of all, what is a slut? Sorry for the Wikipedia definition but :

‘Slut (archaic: slattern) is an English-language term for a person, usually a woman or girl, who is sexually promiscuous or considered to have loose sexual morals.’

Who is said to have a lot of different sexual partners or sexual relationships? Boston, Top & Sand (kinda).

Who is shown having a lot of different sexual partners or sexual relationships? Only Boston. We see him with Gap, Nick, Top, Atom & Boeing. And you know what? Let’s add all the pictures of the guys we see in his dark room while knowing that they were taken after sexual intercourse. That’s a lot!

Also big difference, Top and Sand are actively shown to want a committed, monogamous relationship. Sand just sleep with different people to avoid getting attached and getting hurt. Top is a newly reformed slut who "exists only to be Mew's True Love" (see chaos0pikachu’s take on Top, very interesting and sad tbh, he could have been so much more).

However, Boston is currently enjoying the slut life, he enjoys the freedom of being promiscuous. I just think this is interesting to note.

Boston may deserve to be 'punished' for sleeping with Top. Yeah, sure. But don’t you think it’s weird that he is the only one getting punished by the narative like this? And does he deserve this amount of punishment ?

Yes, the difference between Top & Boston is that Top feels remorse right away and Boston doesn’t. So while Top spends the 2nd half of the show pathetically trying to get Mew back (coughboringcough, sorry), Boston gets (and I hope I don’t forget anything):

- his car wiretapped by his jealous friend with benefits, which leads to an audio recording of Top and Boston having sex (also, Nick used the information to blackmail Top into staying away from Boston...weirdo)

- that same recording getting shared by Sand (after he stole the recording by lying and manipulating Nick). So now, 4 people (Nick, Sand, Ray, Mew) have been in contact and passing around an illegal, unconsented recording of ‘the sluts’, with little repercussion tbh

- punched by Ray in episode 6

- punched, almost drowned and told he should have never been born by Mew in episode 7

- Boston is also out of the friend group, but is still ‘allowed’ to be involved in the group project (fair enough)

- Nick telling a revenge thirsty Mew that Gap has illegal, unconsented video recordings of Boston having sex to blackmail him for money, aka Revenge Porn material (for what reasons??? Nick just cried to Boston that he would never hurt him on purpose...I’m still lost)

- Mew doing all that seducing Gap thing to get the revenge porn and threaten to show it to Boston’s weirdass, probably homophobic dad

- Nick trying to talk to Boston during the Halloween party in episode 8, without any apology for what he did, and still defending himself with "yeah but you slept with your friend’s boyfriend" deserves a mention imo (just in case we forgot i guess...)

- The whole Atom plot (really vile, I have no words). From Atom being the one insisting on having sex with Boston and Boston reluctantly agreeing, to the accusations, to Mew & Ray’s gross smiles during Cheum & Boston’s confrontation (sirs, Atom has been allegedly assaulted, what is so funny? Unless you don’t actually care about the truth, you just love to see Boston in that situation, actual monsters.) to Nick and Cheum empathy & compassion going towards Atom rather than Boston. Just, gross.

And it also leads him to be 100% out of the group and jeopardizes his graduation

- Not sure if I should add Nick basically saying "deserved" to Boston after he tells him that his friends left him for good, because I have no idea if Nick is saying because of the Atom thing or not

- And finally, the last episode (especially all the groveling, very uncomfortable)

Overkill much?

Especially compared to the other characters and their ‘punishments’ for their actions, we can clearly see a difference, no?

Here is a good post from @thewayuarent comparing Boston’s offenses to the other characters.

Boston (the only active slut) is the only character who ends up with a bad/sad ending

And what makes it a bad ending? It's not BostonNick not being endgame. It's not Boston ending single. It's the framing. The way the information is being presented.

Boston's last appearance in the show is him being rejected, alone, teary eyed on the floor on the side of the road while the other 4 monogamous couples end up with their unrealistic happy ending. It is super weird. It just feels mean, out of place, moralistic (and kinda boring). As if Boston was what was keeping them from being happilly coupled. And after an uncomfortable round of one-sided apologies to his ‘friends’ on top of that. Just, ew.

I recommand reading these posts :

- Look at this happy ending gifset of Boston by @technicallyverycowboy. He’s thriving, no?

- This post from @neuroticbookworm

- This post from @hellolimitless

- This post from @nozunhinged

- This post from @chalkrevelations

- This answer from @lurkingshan

- This good point from @odd-one-advocate and that good point from @no1petesimp (read the tags)

- This interesting point from @porschesbabydaddy, completed by this alternate universe where Boston’s spirit isn’t broken by @keepthetension, 10/10

This is Boston's bad ending, because it's not what he wanted

The ending Boston wanted was to be Nick’s boyfriend (romantic and sexual) for the 3-4 months he had left in Thailand, while being able to also get intimate (only sexual) with other guys. That is what he wants, and definitely not what he gets.

At least, Nick gets to have the last word, because ending the relationship is his decision, backed by Sand.

Non-monogamy could have been considered

It wouldn’t have hurt to see the characters involved have a conversation about non-monogamy, before the whole Boeing thing. Without framing it negatively, of course. But we didn’t get it.

About Nick and what he wants from Boston

He might have wanted a monogamous relationship from Boston from the start. Even though to me, it seemed more like, while jealous, he especially wanted to be loved by Boston and not only being seen as a sex doll.

Something I don’t really like about Nick’s characterization. He’s so wishy-washy.

"I love him, I don’t care about not being his favorite/number 1, I just don’t want him to hate me" to "the word boyfriend should only apply to me"

"I know what I’m dealing with, Boston is nasty but I’m nasty too" to "why are we (Nick and Sand) attracted to bad people" to "you’re not a bad person Boston" and then back to "I’m nasty too, so we suit each other"

"I love you for who you are, you don’t need to change" to basically "actually yeah be who you are, but without me, let’s go our separate ways" like????

I mean yeah, people are allowed to change their mind, but damn.

About Sand having Nick's back (and Cheum having Top's back)

I don’t know if we can count this as slut-shaming as I’m not sure he’s shaming Boston for being a slut. But Sand is definitely shaming Boston (the only slut).

Sand always has a negative things to say about Boston when he talks to Nick. But especially him saying ‘compared to Boston, you’re a saint’ to Ray (I have to laugh), and the ‘don’t lower the bar’ to Nick? Very icky to me.

And I would have been ok if we saw the same energy from Nick. Sand being like "you love him so much that you don’t love yourself". AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, SIR? Dating a man that calls you a whore every time he gets angry and hasn't apologized for it once? A man who pushes you around so much you end up being bruised? Peak of self love, methinks...

And Cheum being on Top’s side forever and ever from day 1 and she barely knows him.

Boston is just treated very differently. Even Nick, the only person shown to side with him sometimes, is only 50% on his side at most.

Boston had to apologize for what he did but never received a proper apology for any of the horrible things that were done to him

BostonNick post time-skip

Boston and Nick are supposedly main characters, and yet, are nowhere to be seen after the time skip. Boston gets a sentence, Nick vanishes. Their last scene (aka, their ending scene) in the show being the breakup. We don’t know how they feel about that months later. Are they happy now? Did they move on ? Are they single? Are they thriving? Are they miserable? We don’t know anything because we don’t see them. How good of an ending is that for the characters?

The narrative is biased towards all the characters and against Boston.

Now, I’m gonna talk about the directors.

From what I know, Nick’s story is inspired from Ninew’s love experience. And just with that information, I know damn well it’s impossible to get an objective point of view about BostonNick’s relationship. Ninew has no way to know what was going on in irl Boston’s life, his thoughts, etc. Which explains why they didn’t bother with his backstory.

+ Mew was supposed to be a good guy, loved by the audience and Boston, the bad guy. Jojo said "Mew is a guy that everyone is going to be in love with". Meanwhile, to the question about Boston’s lack of backstory he said "sometimes bad people don't need a back story, they're just born sluts" which tells me everything I need to know.

+ they did their best to not ruin the image? likeability? of the other characters:

"We knew we had to cast Khaotung because he is a very empathetic guy so even when Ray is bad, people like him"

"F*ck we didn't realize they would hate Top this much, so we tried to edit things to help reduce the hatred."

During the TopBoston elevator scene, Nick was actually there. But they cut that portion because they thought Nick was being too much of a stalker.

They also mention Mew 's violent dream about Top and Boston that was cut and the Ray blow up scene in YOLO having a more dramatic version which was obviously not aired.

You can’t do all that (and probably more), but still say "At the end of the day, after we're done with our part, the show belongs to the viewers. We love good and bad feedback and know it's [the show] not perfect, but we like that viewers can judge the characters for themselves." It doesn’t add up.

So? The answer?

Boston definitely got disproportionately punished for being a slut because it is heavily implied that his biggest crime was to sleep with Top, and that he did that because he is a slut. And all his other problems were related to having sex, while also being blamed to some extent for them.

While especially Mew, Cheum and Ray (and to some degree Nick and Sand) got off scot free while also being awful people (borderline criminals but not sluts I guess).

"If your writing penalizes the only character who remained promiscuous but absolves everyone who only has sex within their monogamous and tbh heteronormative relationship, that's the messaging you will inevitably give." @paciouspolca

(edit: I guess I have to specify that I don't agree with the heteronormative part of the quote, because I see that it understandably made some people angry but i don't think it's fair to negate the rest of the quote and the whole post because of it)

One last thing: this is the novel BostonNick breakup (written after the series script). From I’ve heard, the novel kinda works like a fix-it version of the series. And while I’m still not a 100% on board with it, this version feels definitely less punishing (and sadder actually, I would’ve cried if it was in the show).

#only friends the series #ofts #only friends #ofts boston #only friends boston #ofts nick #only friends nick #bostonnick

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nozunhinged · 5 months

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7 BL Newbie Moments of 2023 That Altered My Brain Chemistry

So I went through all my posts since the beginning of this journey and as much as I love dumping my insanity here without context or any punctuation, I feel that a lot of my fav moments deserve a bit more love and structure.

But first I need to put a bit of context so you won't be like "who the hell do they think they are" (aside from delusional I'm nothing, I promise) and my anxious overexplainer-heart is silenced.

My first BL TV show was Only Friends and only 5 months later I'm already throat deep into it (sorry). My watchlist is so endless that I sometimes (no, regularly) genuinely fear for my sanity. I'm still learning all the names and production houses but does that stop me from starting 10 other shows? NOPE.

I'm not new to queer fan spaces (avid manga reader since the yaoi days, my first ship was taito from digimon) but I am most definitely new to the brainrot levels these shows gave me.

And believe it or not, even though my shipper heart is over a decade old, I'm new to Tumblr and the fuel this platform added to the fire could burn down entire continents.

ANYWAYS if you're still here — please enjoy Noz's 100% self-indulgent moments!

1. The End And The Beginning - Only Friends

All I did was mindlessly scroll through the tumblr trends, no idea about how this website works, still sour and sad about the loss of my twitter bubble thanks to the elopocalypse—little did I know that fate would lead me to the wonderful world of BL shows! It was like this moment in isekai-esque movies where you get sucked into a world and you go WOOAAH once you arrive.

There was this show—on YouTube—100% unapolagetic about sex, relationships and queerness. Five minutes into the first episode, someone asks if they can bring their boyfriend to a hookup. This was ALL of my wildest dreams come true! Oh boy, was I naive.

I feel like Only Friends had me speedrun the whole BL industry. Branded pairs, production houses, fanservice, obsessive fans & haters, audience reactions influencing the storyline, EVERYTHING happened during Only Friends and I was just like "what the hell is going on here?" It was like the perfect case study for literally everything. Honestly I still don't really understand what's going on.

Unfortunately, this also led to the awful ending I erased from my brain and don't want to get into, I'm just gonna say Boston I will never forgive the writers for what they did to you. I dropped that show like a hot potato, filtered all possible tags and moved on — or so I thought.

I feel like I'm trying to recreate that first excitement when I discovered OF. But 20 shows later, I'm still not there. Does this make me sound like an addict? Yes, and this is why Only Friends EP 1 is my No. 1 moment that altered my brain chemistry.

2. The Boeing Incident - Only Friends

I talked about it just yesterday and I need to do it again because Boeing was the beginning of a thing that thought I'd never be capable of: lusting after real person TV characters. I talked about it in length here and here so the only thing I'm gonna add just for good measure is that I'd do anything, anything for a BostonBeoingNOZ threesome. Holy shit I'm cringing just writing this down but I need to get my point across.

3. Still Looking For That Kiss - Love in The Air

I know this is a general experience at this point but the chemistry between the couples in Love In The Air opened a whole knew world for me. I thought I knew chemistry but when I saw them, I realized I knew NOTHING.

It may sound weird but I'm still looking for that perfect kiss that's hitting all the right neurons in my brain. I have a hunch that one of these two pairs will deliver them one day, but until then I NEED to watch a million kisses for research.

This post by @talistheintrovert explains perfectly what I think about kissing in shows. Ji Chang Wook is still the blueprint for me.

But do I have a favorite BL kiss so far? Yes, yes I do. It's this ShinPeach beauty.

4. Main Lead Syndrome - Kiseki: Dear To Me

I am a second lead, side couple enby before I am human but I will defend these two until the end of time. My TL is flooded with Chen Yi, Ai Di, Nat and Louis while these two are over here falling in love over strawberry cake, cat analogies, failed cooking and all sorts of memory loss. Zongyi opened a fucking bakery for his babygirl and Zerui pretended to be a pretty dumdum to protect the love of his life.

I don't care how much you all love the two dumb (affectionately) gangsters, these two deserve the world, end of story. Also Kai Hsu and Taro Lin are bff's irl now, Taro said that Kai helped him get out of a very bad mental tate and I take that very personally.

5. The Fanservice is Fanservicing - Kiseki: Dear To Me

Speaking of Taro and Kai, the fact that I even know that they're bff's is another brainaltering moment that needs recognition because months later it led me to this TikTok of two actors I don't know of a show I don't watch, staring at them for ages and really considering watching it just because of it.

That is the power of fanservice my friends and I can put on my clownmask now because I avidly screamed left and right that fanservice should be forbidden when I learned about it. I blame Kiseki for that. But my point still stands, I hate actors doing stuff they're uncomfortable with. I just hope they're all friends and have fun and get that coin.

6. The One Just For Me - Playboyy

I've been lurking around Playboyy from the moment I found out they have the same writer as OF. And boy did it deliver so far! I already wrote a bunch here about which role Playboyy plays for me, but it's also a wonderful case study for my producer heart — watching the acting, directing, lighting, sets, props and storyline interact is fascinating.

People say the less you notice the better the show, which is correct, but I love all the flaws of this piece of media. IMHO it's the last puzzlepiece of the amazing, important social commentary the show delivers. All of the topics the couples represent need to get their very own show.

7. The Holy Grail - The Sign

Speaking of the less you notice — this is the sign for The Sign (again, sorry). There's a reason this show is loved and praised so widely because the production is on a whole other level. Adding the beautiful story on top of that, we have the potential for a holy grail here and I'm so in for the ride.

I keep saying I've entered the world of BL in it's absolute golden era. Never in a million years did I think I'd watch 5 shows simultaneosly but I love every single one of them so much I keep a whole spreadsheet on how I can be on time for every premiere every week alongside my work schedule.

Honorable mentions

KinnPorsche: VegasPete were my first dark, angsty, morally questionable couple ever (I'm a sissy okay)

Last Twilight: When I watched Extraordinary Attorney Woo, I cried several times about the wonderful media representation of disability. It means so much to me and Last Twilight is on par with that.

Bake Me Please: Thank you for giving me this beautiful kiss

Manner of Death: Thank you MaxTul for making gay makeouts fashionable

Bad Buddy: The one time I was glad I persisted so I could watch them most adorable phone scene on the planet

I Feel You Linger In The Air: It was too painful for me to finish but I loved the show with my whole heart and it deserves all the awards it got.

Kimi ni Todokanai: Japanese shows just hit different. I'll never get over the kissing Taiyaki.

The Novelist Series: THIS is how you kiss the one you're horny for my friends. Take notes directors.

Semantic Error: My fav webtoon -> Got Viki for the Series -> Found the BL corner of Viki -> Drew my attention to Tumblr -> This post.

Thank you for being the butterfly of my butterfly effect.

And thank YOU if you read until here! To a even more wonderful queer year 2024! I'm so ready for this ride.

#only friends the series #only friends #kiseki: dear to me #love in the air #love in the air the series #playboyy #playboyy the series #the sign #the sign the series #thai bl #japanese bl

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matan4il · 4 months

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Hi lovely @newnitz!

Regarding your ask, I'll be honest, I don't go around refuting anti-Israel posts, because I believe it is counterproductive to give them even more attention. Not only does it feed their egos, it can also help make their posts more visible, pushing them onto the dahsboards of more Tumblr users. But I've seen people take screenshots, and share them in their own posts while replying to the hateful false claims, I think that's a good way to go about it.

So here's a screenshot of the post you sent me, which was made 5 days ago, and yes, every line of this reeks of anti-Israel propaganda:

"Forced to withdraw... due to the losses" -> The IDF has said this war will last many months, and it is managing its fighting force accordingly. The article this post's screenshot is taken from (which isn't directly linked by OP, I wonder why) states the IDF has pulled out just 1 of 4 divisions deployed in Gaza, meaning most of the forces are still inside, and the IDF has been talking about rotating its forces. That's not what a military retreat due to losses looks like.

"Their government's plan to fight Lenanon" -> Hezbollah is not Lebanon, and Israel has been trying a diplomatic solution since Hezbollah started attacking it, shortly after Hamas massacre on Oct 7.

The two statements (from the IDF and the Israeli newspaper) do not actually contradict each other. If Hamas is believed to have at least 30,000 terrorist fighters (according to one Hamas senior back in Oct, they have over 35,000 terrorists), and the IDF estimates 9,000 were killed, that leaves 21,000 of them still alive, which is indeed the majority of Hamas militants in Gaza. And it also tells you why this war will be long, just as the IDF predicts, and does require management of the fighting forces. Something this post leaves out is that thousands of additional terrorists have been wounded or arrested, so the number of Hamas terrorist killed alone is not the only factor in figuring out whether the IDF is on its way to finishing Hamas off or not.

Then OP goes on to make another claim, which is both unsourced in the post itself, and (as far as I can tell) is based on accepting Hamas figures as is, when we know that Hamas lies regarding fatalities...

The way the post is presented (the two screenshots together make up the entire thing), it implies that somehow the contradiction (the one which I explained is not actually a contradiction) somehow shows that the IDF counts civilians as terrorists. There is NOTHING in that conclusion in the second part of the post, that is actually derived from the "contradiction" presented in the first part.

I can only assume OP uses the idea that the number of women and kids which Hamas reports amounts to roughly the number of total deaths Hamas reports minus the IDF's estimate of how many terrorists it killed, so OP is making the assumption that the IDF is simply counting all men killed in Gaza as Hamas terrorists. The issues with this is that, as I said, it requires believing Hamas' figures on how many women and kids, and total Gazans were killed, it ignores the fact that we already know Hamas does recruit women and teenagers, and it also ignores that the IDF is basing its estimate on reports from face to face battles and airstrikes, where the kills are more or less confirmed (as much as they can be in battle conditions), as evidenced by the fact that the IDF has said it has a hard time determining the number of killed terrorists in cases where that happens in underground terror tunnels (rather than in face to face battles). The latter is the reason why, if the IDF's number of terrorists killed is off, then it's likely to be an underestimate.

I hope this helped? Hope you're well! xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

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heymrsandman · 26 days

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Wanna Try Star Trek?

Hi tumblr! I love Star Trek, as do many of you, but it can seem intimidating to folks who are interested but don’t really how to approach such a large franchise. The thing is, Trek’s “golden age” lived in that delicious sweet spot where tv shows outside of soap operas were only just starting to learn about serialisation. These shows were built for drop in, drop out viewing. So I’m gonna write some beginner friendly summary/reviews of various episodes and you can see if it strikes your fancy. If you decide to watch an episode I talk about, please, feel free to talk to me about it!

Also, I made a big spinner wheel of all the TNG/DS9/VOY/ENT episodes and I needed something to do with it.

Today’s random pick is Deep Space Nine’s “Indiscretion”, episode 5 of season 4.

So real quick, Deep Space Nine aired between 1993-1999 and was set aboard the titular space station. It’s still the only Star Trek show not to be based on a ship. The long and short of the premise is that, after a long and gruelling occupation by the Cardassian Union, the planet of Bajor wins its freedom. Having no means of defending themselves from something like this happening again, Bajor reaches out to the Federation (the post-scarcity multi species utopia that humanity is part of) for protection. They send a Starfleet detachment to administer the space station the Cardassians left behind, commanded by one Benjamin Sisko, who has to manage the delicate political situation. This show is by far the most serialised of this era, but nowhere near the extent of modern shows.

First Officer’s Note: Starfleet is an all-in-one exploratory, scientific, defense and diplomatic service, and most of the shows and movies revolve around the various adventures of Starfleet crews.

Our episode today opens with DS9’s First Officer, Major Kira Nerys, receiving a call from an old friend named Razka Karn. He tells her that he’s found a lead on a ship she’s been searching for called the Ravinok. He won’t share the information over a video call, so she’ll have to come to him.

Ship Counsellor’s Note: Kira is a Bajoran, and was previously a member of the Bajoran resistance against the Occupation. Bringing in “one of Kira’s old resistance buddies” is one of the writer’s favourite ways to start up a plot for her.

The station’s security officer Odo shows up for a scene where he’s giving Kira a security report, but her mind’s clearly elsewhere. Odo asks her what’s wrong, and Kira asks whether he thinks she should go after the Ravinok. He tells her it doesn’t matter, as he knows she’s going to go anyway, so all he’ll say is “good luck”.

Usually, there’s some hand wringing over whether or not Sisko will send one of his officers on these personal missions, but here we skip right to Kira packing for her trip, only for Sisko to give her the unpleasant news that the Cardassian government wants in on the search too. See, the Ravinok was a Cardassian ship transporting Bajoran prisoners when it was mysteriously lost.

Kira’s come a long way in her feelings towards Cardassians since the start of the show, so she does (huffily) agree to delay her departure by 52 hours to allow a Cardassian delegate to join her.

Science Officer’s Note: Bajor, and by extension DS9, has a 26 hour day. This is one of those little writerly worldbuilding details that stays consistent, and really helps sell the idea of Bajor being its own place. Take note, aspiring writers!

It’s b-plot time! Sisko has been dating a freighter captain by the name of Kasidy Yates. Jadzia Dax, the Science officer, teases Sikso that things are getting serious, which Sisko denies. Kasidy then shows up to say she’s got an interview to sign up as a freighter captain for the Bajoran government. She’d be around all the time, she could even have quarters on the station! Sisko is clearly scared by the idea, but Jadzia is having way too much fun encouraging Kasidy to care. She’s a cad.

Back at Ops (the command centre), the Cardassian delegate arrives - it’s Dukat! Dun dun dun! Ad break!

Tactical Officer’s Note: Dukat (whose first name is never confirmed in the show, but some of the novels name him Skrain) is a major recurring character on the show. Sometimes an ally, often an opponent, but never liked by the crew. He was the officer in charge of the Occupation of Bajor during its final stages, with the rank of Gul. At this point in the show, he’s recently been promoted to Legate.

On their way to rendezvous with Razka, Dukat, galaxy brained individual that he is, decides to debate Kira on the merits of the Cardassian Occupation. When Kira pushes back on this, he says “I have to desire to debate the merits of the Occupation with you”. Charming guy.

We do get Kira’s motivation here, which is that the Ravinok was transporting a prisoner by the name of Lorit Akrem. He was the man who inducted Kira into the resistance, and one of the many friends and mentors she gained during that time.

Back on the station, Kasidy is telling Sisko over dinner that she got the job and how excited she is. All he can say is “it’s a big step”, and before long Kasidy gets sick of this and storms out.

Razka’s come through though, in his new role as a scrap metal merchant. He’s gotten his hands on a piece of the Ravinok’s hull. Kira and Dukat are able to use it to track the Ravinok to the Dozaria system, which conveniently has one (1) habitable planet.

Arriving at the planet, the pair are unable to determine much more than the wreckage’s rough location and decide to land their ship and explore on foot.

Chief Engineer’s Note: Star Trek is famous for its “technobabble”, made up science-y sounding phrases designed to create and solve problems. Due to the “ionic interference”, neither scanning for lifesigns or using their transporters to beam directly to the surface are possible. Ionic interference is a favourite of the writers, great for when you want to make sure a problem can’t be solved too quickly or easily.

Sisko is busy commiserating the situation with Jadzia and the station’s Chief Medical Officer Julian Bashir. They’re no help as Julian is also having entirely too much fun with this. Quark, the owner of the local bar, which is basically a space Dave & Busters, pipes in with his own two cents. Given that Quark is a Ferengi, and Ferengi culture is so misogynistic they make your average MRA look like a feminist ally, it’s not much help.

The Ravinok is found in short order, along with a series of 13 graves. Dukat sets about identifying the remains, and refuses to let Kira help. He claims that Cardassian funeral rites are very strict, and non-Cardassians must not view the remains. Hell, he even quotes a Bajoran religious leader to justify why she shouldn’t concern herself with the bodies of her fellow Bajorans. Luckily, Bajorans all wear earrings unique to their family line, so Kira can identify the bodies from those after Dukat excavates them.

Medical Officer’s Note: they’ve landed in a scorching desert, which Dukat loves. Cardassians are lizard-like and prefer hot environments. This was a major plot point in the season 2 episode The Wire. The desert shots were filmed in Soledad Canyon, California!

A little while later, Kira emerges from the ship’s wreckage with a passenger manifest to discover Dukat lost in thought as he stares at a piece of jewellery that she identifies as a Bajoran pledge bracelet. Dukat admits that he had an ulterior motive for coming on this trip, as he hoped to find a Bajoran woman by the name of Tora Naprem. She was his mistress, and he claims that the two were in love.

Not buying that last part. Also, Dukat absolutely has a thing for Bajoran women. It keeps showing up throughout the show. He even hits on Kira every now and then.

Anyway, Kira’s able to use an old resistance trick to track the survivors.

Later that night, as they make camp in a cave, Dukat manages to get a giant stone spike impaled in his ass. The sight of him hopping around in pain as he rubs a medical doohickey of the wound prompts Kira to burst out laughing, and Dukat even joins in. It’s not really a bonding moment, but there is a certain energy to it. An abatement of hostility, perhaps.

Whatever it is, it gives Kira the courage to ask about Tora Ziyal, the name of a civilian she found on the ship’s manifest. Dukat admits the truth, Ziyal is his and Naprem’s daughter. Dukat’ sensing the Occupation was coming to an end, planned to quietly ship them off to a neutral planet to live out their lives in peace, as neither Cardassia or Bajor would accept them. Kira, naturally, assumes he’s come to rescue Ziyal. Dukat says he’s come to kill her. Dramatic music sting. Ad break.

First Officer’s Note: Bajoran names follow Eastern naming order, meaning that Kira and Tora are family names. Also, Star Trek loves doing things in caves because they can build a new set out of the same few prop walls they have. It’s a fun detail to notice as you watch these shows.

The next day, Kira & Dukat are arguing as they pick up the trail. Dukat claims that he has too many political enemies, and a bastard child, let alone a half-Bajoran one, would give them ammunition to go after him. Kira accuses him of just being out for himself, but Dukat insists that he can only protect his family if he remains in power.

Are you getting a good feel for the kind of bastard Dukat is by this point?

This is all a bit much, how about another comic relief break in the b-plot? Sisko and his son Jake are having breakfast, and Jake mentions that he (and his friend Nog) spoke to Kasidy. As Sisko’s getting ready to give Jake a talk about the hard facts of life, Jake (having talked things through with his friend Nog) correctly diagnoses the problem as a fear of commitment. Sikso’s a widow, see, and it was his career that got Jennifer killed.

Sisko is rather bemused by this, but he can’t deny that Jake’s spot on. He asks if Jake said any of this to Kasidy. Jake says that he (and his friend Nog) considered it, but ultimately decided that Sisko should speak to Kasidy himself.

But now, at long last, we find the survivors. They’ve been taken captive by a mysterious alien race called the Breen, and are being forced to mine Dilithium ore from the planet. Presumably, it’s quite easy to do, as there’s only a few dozen survivors and no signs of heavy industry. There’s a young girl there too, presumably Ziyal.

Kira tells Dukat to go back to DS9 for reinforcements. Dukat refuses, and Kira’s obviously not going to leave Dukat with a chance to kill his daughter. Instead, they decided to mount a two person raid on the mines, which goes out without a hitch.

Well, except for the fact that Lorit died two years ago and a brief firefight gives Dukat a chance to slip away and find Ziyal. She instantly guesses who he is, having held out hope for the last six years that he’d come rescue her. Kira catches up to Dukat and threatens him at gunpoint to drop his rifle.

It’s ultimately Ziyal’s words that sway him, and Dukat can’t find it within himself to mow down his own child in cold blood.

Back on DS9, Sisko apologises to Kasidy, who accepts, and Dukat says he’s going to take Ziyal back to Cardassia to live with him. Aww, maybe he’s not such a bad guy after all.

First Officer’s Note: Yes, he is.

This is a pretty great episode. It was directed by LeVar Burton, who had been a main cast member on The Next Generation, and is remembered by many as the long running host of Reading Rainbow. He did especially well with the location shoots, making the narrow Soledad Canyon look like an expansive desert. Marc Alaimo as Dukat shows yet again why the writers kept bringing him back. He’s smarmy, oozy, hypocritical, but still retains a certain charm.

Though he only gets two short scenes, Roy Brocksmith does great as Kira’s old friend Razka. He was a jobbing character actor in the 80’s-90’s and if you’ve seen American tv from that era, chances are you’ve seen him in something.

The b-plot is a needed reprieve from the heavy nature of the main plot, but smartly it’s not played for broad comedy. Instead it’s more subdued, more grounded and relatable. Luckily, Kasidy sticks around and has a sweet relationship with Sisko, built on a genuine chemistry between the two actors.

Would I recommend this as your first Star Trek episode? Conventional wisdom would say no, it’s too steeped in the lore of DS9 and the relationships of these characters, it’s the start or mid point of so many character journeys. Sod that for a game of soldiers, I say. This is a great little story, and even without context for everything you can pick up what’s going on well enough to understand the emotional stakes. That’s far more important than knowing all the lore and linking plot points.

So, what’s next? Time to spin the wheel, I guess!

Oh boy, we're doing Voyager!

#star trek #deep space nine #star trek deep space nine #ds9 #st ds9 #please share and interact!#wanna try star trek

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hlficlibrary · 1 year

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HL FIC LIBRARY ✤ AUTHOR REC

AO3: wildestdreams

Tumblr: @thelavendrhaze

STATS:

✤ Number of fics: 22

✤ Posting Since: 2013

TOP 5 FICS:

1️⃣ don't make this easy (i want you to mean it) (E, 24k)

“Harry’s a player. All he does is chat everyone up. And guys like him are just--so ugh. He’s got that arrogant, self-assured smirk plastered to his face all the time. Always smug and stupid, like he could get anyone he lays his eyes on. All he does is make me mad and laugh all the time like he knows something that I don’t. That is so annoying.”

“But that’s just Harry,” Niall shrugged at Louis. “He doesn’t even try to flirt or anything. He’s just naturally charming, but that doesn’t mean he’s a player nor that he’s trying to get into everyone's pants. He’s just friendly. And he likes you. He doesn’t usually fall for people, but he fell for you.”

“Oh, should I feel special then?” Louis asked, snorting and rolling his eyes.

or Harry’s a frat boy who is head over heels for Louis and Louis wants nothing to do with him.

2️⃣ nobody shines the way you do (E, 115k)

“We might as well just date.”

Harry froze in his arms, his body stilled as he slowly lifted his head up at Louis to give him the most confused expression he’d ever worn. Louis literally wanted to fuck him into the next century. “What?” Harry asked. “Are you--.”

“No,” Louis said, shaking his head before Harry could go far with that idea and trap Louis into confessing his own feelings. “I mean...like I think I have a plan?”

“A plan?” Harry said slowly. “A plan other than me going to Peter’s tomorrow and groveling for hours; maybe even days?”

The thought of Harry doing that made Louis’ skin burn, but he schooled his expression well and nodded swiftly. “There will be no groveling. Well, there will be, but not on your end.”

or Louis pretends to be Harry’s boyfriend to help him win back his douchebag ex-boyfriend, but things don’t go according to plan.

3️⃣ please don't be in love with someone else (E, 18k)

Harry ran after Niall, out the door, pausing at the doorway, realizing he was only in his boxer briefs and yelled out, “Niall! You forgot your lunch.”

Just as Niall paused from all the way down the hall, the door opposite theirs opened and the hottest boy Harry had ever seen walked out, eyes widening when he spotted a half naked Harry.

Harry was so fixated upon the boy across from him, who was staring right back with his mouth now hanging open, he’d missed it when Niall bounded back towards him and grabbed the lunch before popping a kiss on his cheek and leaving again. The kiss snapped Harry out of his daze and he let out a breathy laugh as the pretty boy walked out furthermore, closing his door behind him. He gave Harry a small smile back, raising his eyebrows in amusement while looking down past Harry’s waist and then back up.

or The one where Harry and Louis are neighbors and there's a lot of overthinking, misunderstandings, Backstreet Boys sing alongs, embarrassing moments in the hallway, and pining. They somehow still make it work.

4️⃣ speak now or forever hold your peace (E, 23k)

“So, Louis is getting married.”

Zayn just blinked at him and gave a single nod in response to Harry’s sudden topic change.

“That’s all?” Harry asked. “That’s all you’ve got to say about it? Louis is getting married and all you do is nod your head?”

“What do you want me to say?” Zayn burst out laughing. “I didn’t realize that Louis was someone we still talked about.”

“He’s not,” Harry said firmly. “But right now --.” Harry let out a shaky breath and ran a hand through his hair. “Louis is getting married, okay? And he sent everyone an invitation -- he let everyone know -- but me.”

or, the one where Harry crashes Louis’ wedding. (A Love, Rosie AU)

5️⃣ you are in love (E, 270k)

The one where there’s late night coffee runs with deep conversations, lots of frat parties with cute frat boys, TV show references, numerous social network interactions, first kisses in the rain and a slow burn love story between two unlikely people.

HIDDEN GEM:

💎 go ahead, rip my heart out if that's what love's all about (E, 65k)

Nobody really understood Harry and Louis. Not even Louis. But for Louis, the world began and ended with Harry, and there were certain things he just wasn’t capable of explaining.

or A NorCal AU where Louis is the town troublemaker and everyone hates him except for Harry.

#hltracks #hljournal #hlcreators #hlsource #trackinghappily #trackinghome #yourlarrysource #tracksintheam #1dficvillage #wildestdreams #authorrec #ficrec

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chubsonthemoon · 1 year

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Binderary 2023 Wrap-Up!

Binderary 2023 is over, and I come bearing some stats, thoughts, and a compiled list of my QOTD answers! :3

Stats:

Books planned: 7

Books completed: 7/7 (woohoo!)

Fandoms: 3 (Yuri on Ice, Harry Potter, and The Sandman)

Total word count: 340,654

List of books (from left to right):

Maybe sprout wings by @moorishflower

Flower King by @landwriter

The Politeness of Princes by @aboxthecolourofheartache

Uncertain Results (also by Box!)

I'm caught inside every open eye (also also by Box :3)

Not pictured (on account of them being given away as gifts!):

My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie (aka xxxbloodyrists666xxx) (community typeset by @renegadepublishing)

Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches by @kazliin (typesetting by @ziezie13 <3)

QOTD answers under the cut (and these are copied directly from our DW post, just with added tumblr @'s!)

1. What does Renegade mean to you?

Renegade has, in all honesty, probably changed the course of my life! That's not hyperbole--it's had such a huge influence on my hobbies, my friendships, my academic trajectory, even my career. I was still in undergrad when I found ASH's post on fanbinding, and I was very lost as to what the next steps would be. And like so many others experienced, the pandemic only made things even murkier and more isolating. Then I found ASH's manifesto in June 2020, worked up the courage to join the Discord in July 2020, and found a community of like-minded weirdos who were just as passionate (if not even more so!) about their favorite stories, and a craft that I fall a little bit more in love with every day (well, most days. fuckin printers man XD). I wrote my honors thesis thanks to Renegade; I've made lifelong friends thanks to Renegade; I have my current job, in a field I love, thanks to Renegade. (My first Rocky Horror Picture show at Havencon 2022? All thanks to Renegade :D) This really feels like my forever fandom home-- even when I jump around from fandom to fandom, there's always a wonderful and supportive community to fall back on. In short, I really love it here, I'm so pleased with what we've done so far, and I can't wait to see where we go! ❤️

2. Favorite Fic

As everyone else who answered this, this question is IMPOSSIBLE. However, if you put a gun to my head and told me to answer right now, I'd have to say Tell Me About the Big Bang (my binding of it here!) It's one of the fics that has touched me most deeply and which has probably had the greatest influence on my writing. It was one of the first fics I'd ever bound, and I really wanted to rebind it to see how far I've come!

3. One thing you'd like to learn more about

GOD SO MANY THINGS. Backing! Headband techniques. Chisel trimming. Edge gilding. Tiny books. More advanced Cricut techniques. More cohesive and professional-looking graphic design. This hobby is really a dozen hobbies in a trench coat, and there's so much to explore.

4. Paper!

For my textblocks, I use 20 lb. cream Hammermill paper! I order it in 11"x 17" and get it cut in half for short grain, like a lot of other folks at Renegade. Recently I've started experimenting with quarto-sized Legal (8.5"x 14")and fell in love. I also want to try a bunch of the other paper that folks have suggested (looking at @robins-egg-bindery Mohawk Via o.o). For my endpapers, I usually use scrapbook paper from those scrapbook paper packs you can get at Michaels and Joann's (and when they're on sale...WOOF)

5. Cloth!

DUO BOOKCLOTH MY BELOVED. God I wish I'd gotten in on the Renegade group order - but ah well. Big fan of making my own though! There are just so many options to choose from, so it really expands what you can do (again: a dozen hobbies and crafts in a trench coat)

6. The Glue War

LOVE me some PVA! I know that it gives you less time to do things, but I get impatient XD. Plus it's cheap and easy to find and ready to use right out of the bottle, which is great. I've tried my hand at making starch paste + PVA with very mixed (ha!) results, although I had a wonderful time with some methyl cell that @simply-sithel gifted me at Havencon last year <3 So mayhaps will have to buy more of that for a future project!

I also love my Cricut Explore 2, Charlotte! She holds up very well, although I think she's due for a blade refill soon. I've just been setting my pressure higher and higher LOL

7. Machines

Love my Epson ecotank! I recently bought it--for the first two years I was going to my local print shop because the quality was great and I had a discount card. Unfortunately the discount card eventually expired, so I decided to bite the bullet and get my own printer. I really love it! I didn't want to have to deal with laser and printing in color can get pricey--the cartridges are just so goddamn expensive, although I do think laser prints in higher quality. Mayhaps a future purchase, because I'd really like to experiment with foiling!

8. Favorite binding technique

Ooh this one is interesting! I know which part of the process I enjoy the most, which is sewing! Kettle stitch my beloved. ALTHOUGH I am a sucker for the French link too--it's just so pretty! And we just had a wonderful workshop put on last week by @queercore-curriculum on their...embroidered binding/long-stitch binding (??? I don't know if there's an official name for it yet), which I LOVE. Glueless bindings are SO cool and I would love to experiment more with them.

9. Your best tip/trick

Ooh! Hmmm...I'd say: never bind while you're super tired/hungry LOL. I've made many a preventable mistake very late at night because I wanted to get something cased in or glued before bed when I probably should've waited till morning XD That being said, on the flip side I think you should never be afraid to experiment! Go hog wild!!! Use those glitter pens!! Try out that fancy silk for your endbands!! Try that new binding style! And if you fuck up, remember that's okay too! These are handmade objects and those mistakes are proud proof of that, and of your journey as a fanbinder. Stick 'em in the channel on the Discord, laugh and (maybe cry a little XD) about it, and then keep going. tldr; ya live and learn!

10. Favorite Detail

Ooh, this one's hard! I love leaving little Easter eggs in my designs. I'd say my favorite is putting my maker's mark on things! My imprint is Moonham Press (a fun mix of my usernames, chubsthehamster and chubsonthemoon), and the logo includes a little crescent moon. I'd actually been binding for about two years when I finally made the imprint--I used to think that it was...idk, kind of weird to put myself in the book? Like I was taking away from the story inside it. But then I got to thinking--well, hey, I'm the one who made this book, right? If nothing else, putting my mark on it tells someone who may pick it up one day that I was connected to this story. Some conversations with some folks at Renegade during Havencon 2022 also helped me embrace this. So these days I put my imprint logo in the typesetting, and I also put it on the cover somewhere! My favorite spots are either on the spine, between the title and author name, or on the back cover, in the bottom left corner :D

11. Spines

Spines are the bane of my existence. Haha, jk. They're mostly just tedious, since they're one of the only parts of the process that still require precise measurement (I've cut templates for everything else by now, and I use my guillotine to cut boards, so that goes super fast). For my thicker books I use Bristol board; I actually still use the same sheets I bought in 2020 when I first started binding--I didn't know how much I would really need so I think I ordered four massive sheets which will probably last me for ten years LOL. For my thinner books, I use Davy board, which is a pain to cut but gives the book a really nice board feel. And for my paperbacks, the spine is just the cover, which I make out of kraft paper for the backing + the decorative paper (usually scrapbook paper or something I've designed and printed)

12. Mistakes/Fails

Ooh BOY are there many. My most recent was my experiment with making a hardback quarto letter. I made the hinge waaaaay too small so when I tested the case the textblock was sticking out of it LOL. But I've been pretty lucky--this is only the second case I've had to remake in my time as fanbinder *KNOCKS ON WOOD*, but my printer fuck-ups when I was trying to figure out how to print on legal sized paper (since my printer doesn't duplex) probably make up for the luck I've had in the case department XD. Casing in, though--I think I've had maaaaaybe...two or three case-ins where I was completely happy with the results. A large part of this is because my guillotine doesn't cut completely straight, so my squares are never even LOL. But hey, I'm not getting paid for this, and I'm having fun, so eh.

13. Process

Ooh, interesting! My process has remained largely unchanged--I think the only thing that has really changed is now the frequency at which I print. I used to print at a print shop, so I'd make typesets in large batches--usually two to four books, sometimes more (I think the most I've done at a time is five?), and I'd make a day out of it. Now that I have my printer at home though, I can do things in smaller batches! I can also test print things, so I've been able to get a lot more experimental with my books sizes and my covers. Everything else has remained largely the same--the first book I did I typeset in MS Word, but everything after that I've all done in Affinity Publisher. I typeset > print > bind > take pictures! I really like how different each step is (like I said, twelve different hobbies in a trench coat), so there's always something different to do if I get bored. My favorite parts are probably designing covers and sewing the signatures!

14. Storage solutions

OUGH. I have one of those rollaway drawer thingies for all my tools, a dozen scrapbook paper containers, several large baskets for my vinyl and cloth, a hanging stand for my larger sheets of decorative paper, a standing desk which holds my Cricut and printer (a few of the aforementioned vinyl baskets are under this desk too), another rollaway basket thingy that holds my printing paper and my press (also under the standing desk), another desk which holds both my two guillotines and cutting mats (and under that desk are all my scrapbook paper containers and Cricut mats), and a final third desk where I keep all my sewing stuff and where I do my typesetting and other sitting-down parts of the process. And of course my shelves for all my books! This doesn't really give a sense of where everything is, but it's actually fairly organized, and for the most part I know where everything is (except for my FUCKING bone folder god that thing is always ending up in places I do not remember putting it XD)

15. Your Workspace

Ah, see my answer to 14! I'll probably upload a photo here later XD

16. Dust jackets and covers

Oooh, I've never made a dust jacket before--I don't think my printer could handle the wonky paper size that it requires, but they look really cool and I'd maybe be up for making one someday! And covers! Both my greatest love and my greatest enemy. They're super fun to design, but this is one part of the process that always feels like an uphill battle for me! There are so many skilled and talented folks in Renegade with GORGEOUS covers, and it's always a mix of being incredibly inspired and getting some design envy--but either way it's very motivating to keep me out of my comfort zone and to always keep trying new things. I use decorative paper and scrapbook paper mostly for the base material (although I've begun experimenting with designing things digitally and printing them out on Epson matte presentation paper), and then the rest is fuck it, we ball. I usually design the cover last, so I have an entire typeset and title page already when I begin, which makes things a little easier since I have an already established aesthetic to work with. My font selection is kind of determined by how small the text for the title/author name is, since my Cricut isn't great at cutting super small sizes (Times New Roman, funnily enough, is one of the only fonts that it can do at smaller sizes LOL so a lot of the text on my covers/spines are in TNR). I'm excited to keep improving and experimenting in this area!

17. Published inspiration

Ooh!! This one's fun--when I first began making my Master pages in Affinity publisher, I literally grabbed the first few books I saw on my shelf and said 'alright, this looks good' and haven't looked back since LOL. Those books were Vintage's editions of Toni Morrison's novels, Picador's Gilead by Marilynne Robinson, Vintage's edition of Willa Cather's The Song of the Lark, Fall River's omnibus editions of Shakespeare and Sherlock Holmes's works, Penguin Classic's Deluxe edition of Jane Austen's novels, and a few others that I can't remember. I looked at all these books, found what they had in common (for example, a simple title page before the decorative title page, the use of a single graphic or design at the beginning of each chapter, etc.) and went with that! I don't usually take inspiration from specific books, EXCEPT for a project I'm currently working on which I'm super excited about :3 More TK here eheh (ADDITION 3/7: I was talking about Maybe sprout wings here LOL)

18. Illustrations

FANART MY BELOVED. I LOVE including fanart in my books, because it's such a lovely demonstration of the communal nature of these stories and it's so fun getting to collect all the pieces. For free use graphics my favorite sites are Adobe Stock images and Heritage Library. Heritage in particular has a beautiful selection of free vintage graphics packs that I've used for years now. And very occasionally, wingdings fonts will have something I really like XD

19. Favorite tool

Despite my gripes earlier about always misplacing it, I ADORE my bone folder. It's a funky lil dude and it makes all my edges nice and crisp! I can't wait for the retreat bone folder fufu :3 Also a very big fan of my guillotine, which despite its flaws makes my life a hell of a lot easier in the long run, as well as my presses, which were handmade by my dad and do their jobs very well (squiiiiiiish)

20. Favorite part of the binding process

Oooh, this one's fun! I really like the actual construction of the book--sewing sigs is always relaxing and has been one of my fave parts since the very beginning. Recently I've started to really enjoy designing covers, especially if there are a lot of physical elements (like layering scrapbook paper or playing around with Mod Podge).

I had the absolute privilege to hold @clovenhoofbindery's copy of Away Childish Things at Havencon last year. Literally every book Space makes I fall in love with, and her designs are a HUGE inspiration for me. Everything from the typesetting to cover design to physical construction--I lose my marbles every time.

21. Inspo: The binder that inspired you!

Ohhh this one's so hard! Literally every time I check the #show-off channel in the Discord I'm struck by so many beautiful books. I'm going to cheat and name a few people here, but this list is by no means comprehensive and doesn't even begin to cover everyone I could name.

Everything @pleasantboatpress binds is just so beautiful. Their color choices are always inspired and their headbands make me want to cry! Their bind of Unconditional in particular had me foaming at the mouth.

The quality of everything @zhalfirin-binds makes, likewise, always blows me away. Her books are so polished and professional, and her photos make me feel like I'm in a museum when I'm trawling her blog for inspo!

@simply-sithel's tiny books are literally the coolest things ever! I'm still working my way through the Binderary vids and I can't wait to get to hers. Six plays with form in mind-bending and truly innovative ways, and her blog is wonderland of tiny and fantastical book creatures.

@teleportbooks's binds are the definition of classy and refined. They're so good at designing their books according to the contents of the fic--their binding of Thirty-Three Lashes in particular is just the best design centered around fic content and title I've seen. Their designs always make me melt a little when I see them!

@no-name-publishing's endbands are to DIE for. Like fr I am in awe every time!!! And Kam's cover + title page designs are a huge source of inspo for me--forever in love with this bind of theirs, with the beautiful painted cover + matching endpapers T_T

And of course!!! I (and everyone else) wouldn't be here without our beloved leader, @armoredsuperheavy. He's the first binder that ever inspired me, and he continues to do so today!

22. Inspo: The fic that inspired you!

My original answer was also my answer for 27 ("First bind"), but I'm gonna say something a little different here! I usually know pretty quickly whether I'm interested in binding something, but very rarely has a fic gotten me hook, line, and sinker the way @that-banhus's King of Infinite Space did. Like, from the first line I was like "oh god I need to hold this one." And eventually I did! :3

23. Author spotlight: Someone you've bound

AHHHHHH this one is so hard too! I've bound a good number of authors over the years, many of whom are my dear friends, and to spotlight only a single one would be impossible. So I'm just going to poke @dodici12, whose killugon fic See You Upside Down is one of the best killugon reunion fics ever in my very humble hamster opinion. Hiiiii Tessa ilysm <333

24. Author spotlight: Someone you'd like to bind

OOOOOH. Many, many fics are in my queue. I'll keep them to myself for now, since I prefer to ask for author permission via DM, but atm I have my eye on a few Good Omens authors whose work I adore!

25. Favorite bind by you!

THIS ONE IS SO HARD AJLSKDJF. I love all my babies so much and I'm proud of what I was able to accomplish and what I learned from each of them. However, if you put a gun to my head and asked me to choose right now, I'd have to go with my most recent bind of Maybe sprout wings by @moorishflower. I'm really pleased with both its construction and particularly the curation of its contents, which includes the work of nearly a dozen people. It was my attempt at capturing the communal nature of fanfiction's creation and dispersal, and it was also my Big Project this Binderary. I'm ridiculously fond and proud of it!

26. Favorite bind by someone else!

THIS ONE IS SO HARD TOO HELP. Okay this is only one of my many many favorites, but dragging Space back out here again to say that her bind of Away Childish Things permanently altered my brain chemistry. Like, the cutout!!! The patronuses!!!! The title page cutout???? THE KEY??? Again, I held this book in my hands IN PERSON last year and I'm still not over it. The quality of the work is absolutely bonkers crazy incredible and I think about it Often.

27. First bind

The very first fic I ever bound was On Stranger Tides by @theroyalsavage. It's still one of my favorite fics ever today--it has the perfect blend of action/adventure, romance, humor, and fantasy. It gives me the good ol' "roaming the high seas with found family and magic and pirates" ache. It holds a very special place in my heart!

FINAL THOUGHTS

28. Latest bind

See 22! But for funsises, I'm also ridiculously fond of the binding before that, of @aboxthecolourofheartache's fic The Politeness of Princes, because I got to do lots of fun arts and crafty things with the cover!

This was my first year doing Binderary, and I had such a blast! It's so crazy seeing how far Renegade has come, from a little Discord for book shop chatting (ASH mentioned in one of the talks how it was just called, like, "Bookbinding Discord" at the beginning LOL) to now. We're well on our way to a proper organizational structure, with several yearly events, in-person meetups, and thousands of members all over the world. And we have so much more planned! It feels truly special, and I'm so grateful to everyone who makes this possible.

Okay!! That's all from me for today, folks. If you made it this far, thanks so much for reading! <3

#binderary2023 #fanbinding #bookbinding #ficbinding

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alwida10 · 2 months

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Bestie, you keep talking about the viewership article of Loki for ages. When will you put it up? I'm going insane with people claiming its the best thing ever

Ahhhh 😱 my bad conscience learned to send Tumblr asks!!!! 😱😱 /joke

And yes. You got me there. 😭 after season 2 ended, I told myself it was necessary to wait a bit so the Google Trends graphs wouldn’t look so chopped off, and ended up procrastinating the post because I never wanted to think about *that* show ever again. 😭

But yes - be assured - while the defenders of the show are often vicious and try to make it look like it was generally loved, the stats paint another picture. (The same was true for season 1, though. I recommend taking a look at this amazing analysis posted on Reddit.) For now, let’s take the rough overview of season 2 from Google Trends here.

Google Trends only provides relative graphs (=percentages of a maximum), but in a way this makes it even better. The public interest in Loki peaked with season 1 (airing from 09. June - 14. July 2021). Season two (5. October - 9. November 2023) sparked about half of the interest. Overall, that’s a pretty clear picture season 2 lost a lot of viewer interest.

But let’s look into the details, meaning the single episodes. Here we have the first three ones (released on the 5th, 12th and 19th October).

Each episode marks a small peak in interest. Typically, the interest decreases over a season, so the first episode being the biggest hit is no surprise. The decrease however is. As a reminder: season 1 suffered a 30% decrease in viewership between episodes 1 and 3, which was considered horrible at the time. While this graph does not reflect viewership but Google searches, the decrease between episodes 1 and 3 is still 50%. (Also, I kinda prefer Google stats to viewership stats since they reflect how much real interest the series managed to create, leaving out all those people who mindlessly consumed the series without thinking further. It does however have the bias that an incomprehensible plot might inflate the numbers because people look for explanations online.)

The first peak in the next pic is again episode 3, followed by 4 (26. October), 5 (2. November), and the last episode (9. November). It’s easily visible that the finale has created the most interest. Sadly, Google Trends did not provide a graph where all the episodes could be compared, but based on the fact that the episode 3 peak was half as high as the one for episode 1, we can estimate that the episode 1 peak would have been at approximately 55-60% in this graph.

So why is that interesting? The two most interesting episodes were the opening and the finale. That’s not that unusual, but in the end, it still burns down to the fact that people kinda tuned out in between. I wouldn’t exclude the possibility that the major questions regarding Loki’s future (is he dead now? Can people visit him? How did this work?) inflated the peak for the finale.

Ok, but what about the actual views?

Well, I can never compete with thochi-1’s analysis, but I’ll do my best. But first this gem:

So, apparently, the 50% drop in Google Trends is associated with a 39% drop in viewed minutes.

For the overall season, the Hollywood reporter says this:

Summarized: only two-thirds of viewers from season 1 returned for season 2. The ones who did return showed about 15% less engagement in googling our beloved god of mischief.

I have another, personal reason to find that little fact particularly interesting. In the Loki survey, 26% of all respondents indicated they disliked the show. At the time of the survey, some people assumed this number to be falsely inflated, because I was more active in the “anti-series fandom”. Given the viewing numbers of season 2, I feel sadly validated. After all, the drop of 35% is even higher than my estimates.

#mcu loki #loki series criticism #loki series negativity #loki series critical #Writing is hard

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el-writes-things · 1 year

Text

in bloom🪷

hello! this is my first post on my writing blog :) which is kind of fun! (and very nerve wracking aaa)

so i offer to the haikaveh nation: a short, fluffy haikaveh oneshot (ish) thing! inspired by @enden-k ‘s fantasy au (written info here), go check that out, it’s super neat!

alright i’ll stop now :) hope u like it! (also, i don’t know how to work tumblr despite being on it for the last 5 years the formatting is horrible and i apologize)

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“You’re going to get sick if you traipse around like that,” Alhaitham called. Kaveh rolled his eyes with a groan, stooping to pick another of the bright yellow flowers that bloomed along the shore of the creek the pair had stopped at to refill their bottles. The water rushed around his ankles and the sun was warm, replacing his pain with something akin to pure light, thrumming in his body and through his veins, and Kaveh felt so good and healthy and strong for the first time in a long time, so he refused to let Alhaitham’s words force him out of the shallows. He slipped the flower into one of his braids and waded on.

“Stop nagging like an old woman. What does it matter to you? I’m the one who’s…”

Dying. I’m the one who’s dying, so why does it matter what I do?

He trailed off, then cleared his throat, turning to hide the way his smile dropped at the thought in that same moment, but it wasn’t as if Alhaitham didn’t know exactly what he was thinking about. He observed too much to simply be ignorant to Kaveh’s moods. “The one who’s paying your wages. Let me have my fun, alright?”

“You’re not actually paying me anything, dearest prince,” Alhaitham replied, flipping a page of his dark blue spell book from where he sat at the edge of the creek. If he’d noticed the swift change mid-sentence, he didn’t show it.

“You get the idea. And don’t they look pretty?” Kaveh insisted. He tucked another one of the star-shaped plants besides the mourning flowers in his hair, turning to smile at his traveling companion.

Alhaitham’s expression was unreadable as he scanned Kaveh’s new look. His pants were soaked with water, his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, his forehead was streaked with dirt, and his hair was slightly tangled from his desperate efforts to make the flowers stay still.

The witch’s large hat covered his elegant features as he stood before Kaveh could stare long enough to embarrass himself, but was that a hint of a smile that he caught? “Yes, you look great for a plant murderer. Can we leave now?”

“Fine, fine. So impatient.”

Kaveh straightened up and washed his hands of the accumulated dirt, watching clear droplets slide off his tanned skin and back into the creek with small ripples as he walked through the water to the other shore, where Alhaitham waited.

“You’ve got something on your face.”

Looking up, Kaveh collided straight into Alhaitham’s chest with a small “ouch”. Alhaitham looked entirely unbothered, reaching down for Kaveh. One hand held Kaveh’s face gently and the other wiped the smudge of dirt off of his forehead. Surprised by this display of kindness, Kaveh absently brought his hand up, touching the spot where he swore he felt a ghost of Alhaitham’s fingers over his skin.

Alhaitham examined the dirt on his fingers distastefully. “I’ll put this one on your tab,” he said, dusting off his hands. His darkly painted nails flashed dully in the sun.

“Hey. Hey, no, wait-”

Alhaitham smirked. “Your clothes are all wet. Do you want me to dry them off for you?”

Kaveh huffed. “Why, so you can put something else on my tab? No, thanks. They’ll dry off soon enough.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” was the only response he received, and the witch strolled off. Kaveh glared satisfyingly at his retreating back as he followed.

°˖✧✿✧˖°

Annoyingly, the witch was right. As usual.

The sun set much quicker than Kaveh had anticipated, and his clothes were still damp when it got dark. It wasn’t long before he was shivering, his teeth chattering almost violently in his skull. The desert was so much colder at night than strictly necessary, he decided, somewhat annoyed at the sudden change in temperature.

Alhaitham stopped again, turning to look at Kaveh up and down. If he wanted to dream, Kaveh would have said he looked almost concerned.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stop, princeling?”

“J-just a little f-further is f-fine,” he managed through his somewhat blue lips. He rubbed the cold skin of his arms sharply, trying to feel warm again. He missed the sun.

“I’m not dragging you around if you’re sick. We’ll stop for today, alright? You have no more say in the matter.”

Before Kaveh could protest, Alhaitham veered off the path and set to work constructing camp.

He wasn’t ever entirely sure if it was the usage of magic that made Alhaitham so quick to finish tasks that would have taken Kaveh much longer, but in what seemed like seconds, a tent was constructed and Alhaitham had created a small, interestingly blue fire. It sparked cheerfully, spitting bright green stars that flew from the heat, gleaming in the dark before sputtering out again, warmer than any fire he’d ever felt. Fascinating.

Alhaitham surveyed his own handiwork for a moment, seeming satisfied. He rummaged through his belongings, which he’d set beside the fire, not even stopping to glance at Kaveh when he asked, “Do you have a change of clothing?”

Kaveh tugged self consciously at his elaborately designed, and still damp, sleeves, shaking his head. “No. I don’t exactly have a lot of worldly goods, you know.”

“Hm. It’s a good thing that I’m much more prepared than you.”

The witch produced a set of clothes, similar to the ones he was wearing, and walked back towards where Kaveh was standing. “Wear these, until your clothes dry off. You can change in the tent.”

He deposited the outfit carelessly in Kaveh’s arms, along with a towel, and returned to poking around the fire.

Grumbling, Kaveh shifted the fabric around his arms. Deciding that he had no choice but to obey, he made his way to where the tent stood stoically against the night sky, pushing his way in.

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In spite of it all, Kaveh got sick.

He’d dried off and changed into Alhaitham’s clothes, which were shockingly soft and warm, if a bit loose. It wasn’t long before he had fallen asleep by the fire, bundled in blankets with the hot soup Alhaitham had made bringing a comfortable warmth to his skin, but it wasn’t enough. He was losing body heat, fast, and all of the blankets in the world couldn’t stop it.

When he woke up, cold pooling in the pit of his stomach and his fingertips nearly white with the feeling, Alhaitham was gone. Kaveh didn’t know why, but he was gone, and it scared him more than he’d ever imagined it would.

Shivering, he let out a low, pained noise. It sounded weak and pathetic, even to him. He wasn’t entirely sure why he had tried at all. It wasn’t as if he expected Haitham to suddenly come and save him. What would he do, anyways? Kaveh wouldn’t die from a little cold like this. It wasn’t the cause of any concern.

Even so, he found himself hoping against hope that Alhaitham would do something for him.

But what? his fever-addled brain demanded of him. Having no answer, he could do nothing more than drift off back into sleep once more, alone in the cold.

Where was Alhaitham?

°˖✧✿✧˖°

Kaveh awoke again to an unexpected feeling of total warmth.

It took him a moment to remember where he was. In front of the beautifully blue fire, wrapped in thick blankets, alone…

Alone? No, he wasn’t alone. Who…

“You’re awake.”

Arms. Around him? And it was warm, and he felt safe. Kaveh was still struggling to piece together full sentences, string together coherent thoughts. They glided away from him, like slippery silver fish just out of reach. Attempts to grasp them only caused them to swim further away.

It was still warm and safe, though, and he felt himself relax against his will. Into what, exactly?

Alhaitham brushed a strand of hair out of Kaveh’s face with surprising tenderness, tucking it into the carefully maintained braids, a bit messy and complete with the flowers he’d picked along with the dark red mourning flowers. Kaveh found himself leaning against his hand, and Alhaitham simply allowed him to remain there, his weight comfortably nestled against the witch’s from his spot apparently nestled into his lap. He felt Alhaitham’s every breath against his back, feeling insignificant, yet strangely comforted by it. He was small in the witch’s clothes and even smaller curled up in his lap, but he mattered to Alhaitham, and that was all that was important to him in that moment.

“You know, you were really cold when I got back. You worried me.” Alhaitham’s voice was calm, as usual, but Kaveh imagined that he heard some real concern there.

Kaveh found his lips curling into a smile, despite his weariness. He was feeling sleepy again, and comfortable, yet he managed to speak. “You were worried about me?”

Alhaitham paused for a moment, then flicked Kaveh’s hair back into his face again, feigning annoyance. “Don’t get such grand ideas. I intend to collect my payment from you, that’s all.”

“Mhm. And I suppose you’re going to put this on the tab?”

He was already slipping away again, his mind drifting towards dreams of old times and sweet-tasting memories before he could hear Alhaitham’s response. Alhaitham knew Kaveh was sleeping, but he responded anyway.

“No, it’s alright. This one will be free of charge.”

Holding the prince’s body in his arms a little tighter, Alhaitham let himself relax into the feeling of being so close to another.

#haikaveh #kavehtham #kavetham #kaveh #alhaitham #not my au!#writing

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rhondafromhr · 4 months

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Nerds corruption au chapter 5!!

Thank you so much to everyone who’s been reading so far! This is the first thing I’ve written in literal years and all the likes/reblogs/comments have been super encouraging :) Also, quick update: I have an ao3 account now (same username - rhondafromhr), where I’ll be uploading what I’ve written so far. I’m going to adjust the formatting and fix any mistakes I happen to catch but other than that it’ll be identical. After this, I’ll probably just update there and post the link on here whenever there’s a new chapter. Unless anyone strongly prefers to read it in tumblr post format (I can always do both). Hope y’all enjoy!

Previous chapters:

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

“We’re Gonna Become The Bullies” - Chapter 5: No Matter The Cost, Idle The Threat

Hey gang, I have another plan <3 Let’s all meet at Beanies when Max is done with football practice and I’ll give you the rundown

Suddenly, Stephanie’s a lot less excited to have her phone back. How did Grace even get her number? More importantly, why is somebody whose last plan almost ended in manslaughter out here cooking up more plans? Stephanie knows she probably shouldn’t encourage this, but her morbid curiosity is just strong enough that she’s compelled to reply: cool, see you guys there. This better not be about Grace’s campaign to cancel the dance. Stephanie may or may not have an itemized list of cute homecoming proposal ideas for Pete and she’ll be damned if she doesn’t get to use at least one of them. If only Grace could see that she’s totally wrong about co-ed dances. They’re not just an excuse to dry hump in the gym. It’s heavily in the mix, sure, but it’s not the only thing. There’s also underage drinking and dancing awkwardly. It’s an essential high school experience. Now that she thinks about it, Grace has probably missed out on a lot of dumb teenage shenanigans thanks to her sheltered upbringing. Huh, that’s actually kind of sad. Maybe if Grace is open to it, they can help her catch up.

Before she can ponder that too much, she notices Brad Callahan passing by in the hallway, which obviously means she has to stop what she’s doing to raise her fist at him threateningly and call him a weak ass bitch. He flinches and hurries along. God, she’s been doing that every single time she encounters him and it still hasn’t gotten old. She might feel bad if it was anyone else, but Brad sucks. The best part is knowing he can’t do anything about it. She’s beginning to understand why Max does this sort of thing.

She has a couple of hours to kill before they’re meeting up, so she opts to spend them in the library at least trying to get some homework done. Not her idea of a good time, but she figures she should keep her grades high enough that her dad doesn’t get on her case again. Between the better grasp of the material that she now has courtesy of Peter’s tutoring and once again having access to her favorite chill lo-fi study beats playlist on Spotify, it’s not as painful as usual and she manages to finish most of her math worksheet before heading out.

True to form, Grace is already there waiting for everybody when Stephanie arrives. She has two disposable coffee cups in front of her, at least one of which Stephanie assumes contains hot water (seriously, what is her fixation with drinking plain hot water? Even if she’s anti-caffeine, why not just drink herbal tea or something?). Stephanie orders a hot chocolate for Pete along with an iced americano for herself, then joins Grace at the cozy table in the corner. The dainty little bell attached to the door dings to indicate Ruth’s arrival.

“Hi, Ruth,” Grace greets her, sliding Ruth one of the drinks as she sits down “This is for you. It’s tea with honey, the barista said it would be good for your voice. Gotta make sure it’s rested up for the show!”

“Since when are you in the show?” Stephanie asks Ruth “I thought you were doing the lighting board.”

“As of right now, yes,” Grace answers for her “but if you saw her perform, you’d agree she should be the one up on stage, not Trevor.” She says his name with absolute contempt.

“I still don’t know about this,” says Ruth “What if we get in trouble? I don’t want this to affect my chances of getting into college. Everyone knows that’s where all the really spicy sexual experimentation happens, watch some porn!”

“Oh, that won’t be an issue. Haven’t you heard? I’m the hall monitor,” Grace replies.

“Wow, Chasity, no comment on the porn thing? You must be laser focused on whatever this plan is.”

“There’ll be plenty of time for Ruth to reconsider that vow of chastity later,” Grace says as Ruth emphatically shakes her head no “but right now the most important thing is to make sure that lead role goes to the person who actually deserves it.”

Max and Richie arrive next, barely taking notice of the rest of the group as they sit down. Max’s anxious energy is palpable (even if he’s no longer taking his bad moods out on them, he sure can drag down the energy in a room). Richie seems to be trying to talk him down.

“Max, there’s nothing to be worried about! You guys looked great at practice today. There’s no way we’re losing to Clivesdale tomorrow. This is what you’ve been training for,” Richie says.

Max doesn’t seem convinced. “Yeah, but that’s what I thought before the last game and we got destroyed. I don’t want to sleep outside again, it’s been getting really cold out! I could die from hypothermia and become a ghost. You know how I feel about ghosts, Richie!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Richie asks, racking his brain to try and figure out the connection between losing the big game and becoming a hypothermic ghost.

“When we lost to Sycamore, my dad locked me out of the house and made me sleep outside that night,” Max explains “but this is fuckin’ Clivesdale we’re talking about. If we lose to them, it’ll probably be for a week straight.” Richie, Ruth and Grace stare at him in stunned silence. Stephanie just gives him a sympathetic pat on the arm.

“Max,” Richie says, gentle and reassuring “we’re your sworn friends now, which means we’re not letting you sleep outside even if you single-handedly make us lose to Clivesdale. Just stay over at my place.”

“But doesn’t Paul, like, hate me?”

“Oh, he does not hate you. He’s just a little weary of you on account of the years of relentlessly bullying me. He’s going to be out of town, anyway.”

“Ooh, we should all have a sleepover, then!” Ruth says excitedly “That’s where sexy pillow fights happen!”

Stephanie shrugs. “Sure. Beats going home.”

“Oh, that actually does sound fun! My parents would never let me go to a co-ed sleepover, though,” Grace says wistfully.

“Just tell them it’s an overnight bible study and maybe conveniently forget to mention that the boys’ll be there,” Stephanie suggests “if it makes you feel better, I’ll even let you read, like, one passage to me so you’re not technically lying.” This elicits the brightest, most genuine smile she’s ever seen from Grace. Stephanie hopes the passage is at least one of the cool, violent ones and not something basic like “Love is patient, love is kind.” With Grace, it could go either way.

Richie doesn’t comment on everyone essentially inviting themselves over to his house. He simply leaves the table and returns with two mint teas, one of which he hands to Max.

“Here. This always makes me feel a little better when I’m anxious.”

“What? Thanks, bro. That’s so sweet.” Max can’t remember the last time he felt so loved. He never thought he’d have friends who care enough about him to bring him tea when he’s stressed and not let him freeze in the Michigan winter all night just because he loses a game.

All this talk about freezing to death reminds Stephanie that Pete’s hot chocolate is getting cold. Beverages at Beanie’s are best consumed piping hot - the spit is less noticeable that way. Hatchetfield has its fair share of strange, unexplainable phenomena, but why the health department has yet to crack down on this place might be the biggest mystery of all. Why people still come here fully knowing about the spit thing is a close second. Peter finally arrives and gratefully accepts what is now essentially gross, lukewarm chocolate milk.

“Alright, now that everybody’s here we can get started,” Grace begins “As you all know, the theater department cast Trevor in the lead for The Barbecue Monologues. Trevor!” Once again, she utters his name with vitriolic hatred. “Obviously, this is an absolute travesty and it’s our responsibility to fix it. I watched the rest of that rehearsal and he completely phoned in ‘Just For Once’. He can’t even get his lines right, let alone understand the emotional gravity of that song like Ruth does. You can’t tell me it’s God’s will to have Trevor up on that stage instead of her!”

“So, how are we getting Trevor off the stage, then? I need to know how deeply I should regret getting involved in this,” Peter quips. To his surprise, he doesn’t actually feel all that apprehensive. If anything, he’s kind of intrigued, wondering how they’re going to pull this off.

“Well, tomorrow morning I’m going to arrive at school for my usual morning duties and discover a heinous act of vandalism. I guess Trevor and his understudy decided to pull a little senior prank.”

“Wait, we’re framing Rudolph, too? Isn’t it way too convenient that the lead and his understudy both get in trouble this close to opening night? It’s going to look suspicious,” Richie replies.

“Well, those two do everything together! It’d be weirder if they weren’t both in on it. In fact, they’re so close they have these adorable matching friendship bracelets that they never take off. Except during dress rehearsals, that is. You got them, right, Ruth?” Ruth produces two thin, handmade woven bracelets from her backpack. “And at the scene of the crime, apparently, because that’s where they’re going to be found.”

“The scene of the crime?” Peter echoes back.

“The gym. They had the audacity to spray paint…” Grace lowers her voice to a whisper so the rest of the café patrons don’t hear the absolutely vile phrase leave her mouth “…‘Go Clivesdale’ on the wall right before the big game!” The rest of the group audibly gasps. Richie chokes on his tea.

“Go Clivesdale?” he sputters, “isn’t that taking it a little far? Maybe we should just write some swears or something.”

“Or anatomically correct nude drawings!” Ruth chimes in “I have a ton of pictures on my phone we can use for references.”

“Ruth, no. And Richie, the whole point is that it’s too far! We need to do something severe enough for them to actually get in serious trouble. Do you want Ruth to get her moment in the spotlight or not?”

Of course he does. Ruth has been by his side for years and helped him through some of the worst times of his life. He knows how much performing means to her. How she’s been missing out on it for years not for lack of talent or passion, but simply because her anxiety holds her back. If she finally feels confident enough to get up on stage, he decides, he’ll do anything to make that happen. Besides, Grace’s last plan worked out pretty well in the end.

“Okay, I’m in,” Richie says.

“For Ruth,” Pete agrees.

“I still don’t know her super well, but sure, for Ruth,” says Stephanie.

“See, this is why I love you guys! This plan is so smart and sneaky. I’d usually just beat him up and scare him into quitting, but this is way more fun!” Max adds.

“There’s a thought. That might actually be less effort than breaking and entering,” Stephanie muses. She is, of course, purely concerned with efficiency and is not at all thinking about the adrenaline rush she got from beating up Brad and itching to feel it again.

“We’re not breaking and entering. I’ve been a little preoccupied lately and I just might have forgotten to lock the side door to the gym this morning. We’ll just walk right in,” Grace responds with a wicked smile “speaking of which, we should head over. All the staff should be gone for the day. Steph, you’re our getaway driver!” They all follow Grace out of the café, blissfully unaware that they lingered for twenty minutes past closing time.

While her coworkers grumble about entitled customers ignoring their posted hours of operation, Zoe smiles to herself. She caught most of that conversation and can’t help but root for those kids. Committing sabotage to steal the lead role like that? Iconic. They’ve also stolen her heart. She wishes she was half as bold at their age. Their drinks will be on the house next time they come in. Maybe she won’t even spit in them.

The next morning, principal Blim arrives at work feeling less than his best, to say the least. He kicks himself for agreeing to attend “Thirsty Thursday” on a work night - he’s in his forties, who is he kidding? He really needs to stop hanging out with his cousin Barry. That guy was sure “in a hurry” to slam as many consecutive tequila shots as possible last night. He really didn’t care for Barry’s sketchy friend that joined them, either. He got way too drunk and made some comment about locking his kid out of the house whenever his football team loses. The dirtbag seemed completely serious about it, too. He knows Barry’s been going through it with the divorce, but he’s going to have a serious talk with him about how he’s been coping and the company he keeps. He drags himself to the teacher’s lounge for the coffee he desperately needs, trying to ignore the obnoxious fluorescent lights boring into his eyes and making the pounding in his head exponentially worse. As he makes his way to his office, he begs whatever higher power might be listening for a calm, uneventful day. Said higher power must be feeling vindictive, because he’s immediately greeted by a crying, frantic Grace Chasity.

“Principal Blim, thank goodness you’re here! I was doing my morning rounds a-and I stopped in the gym and somebody wrote-“ she sobs “it’s so awful, I can’t even say it!”

“It’ll be okay, Grace. Let’s head over there together and you can show me.”

There’s no need to panic yet. Knowing Grace, this could easily be her reaction to something that’s mildly crude at worst. At least that’s what he thinks until they enter the gymnasium and he realizes she’s absolutely right to be so worked up. See, there’s a beautiful, haunting, hyper-realistic mural of a nighthawk flying over the Hatchetfield Witchwood on the wall opposite the bleachers. It’s been there for about fifteen years now, painted by a former student who was slated to go to a prestigious art school, but sadly went out into that very Witchwood one day and did not make it to the end of her senior year. Now that mural has been desecrated in a manner absolutely unforgivable. As he gazes upon with horror, he drops his mug and the sound of glass shattering on the linoleum floor echoes through the empty gymnasium. This is the foulest, most offensive thing he’s ever seen in his life. He can’t even begin to imagine what type of disgusting human being would do something like this. “Go Clivesdale!” Somebody had the nerve to write “Go Clivesdale!” over the Nighthawk mural! Right before the big game, no less! He’ll catch the perpetrator and make them pay if it’s the last thing he does.

#nerdy prudes must die #npmd #npmd corruption au #max jagerman #peter spankoffski #ruth fleming #stephanie lauter #grace chasity #hatchetfield #richie lipschitz #barry swift #man in a hurry #cw child abuse mention #max jagermans shitty dad #lautski #cw alcohol #corruption arc

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20dollarlolita · 1 year

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Did you know that sometimes, you do something totally normal in the tumblr editor, something that you could accidentally do very easily, and it decides to eat your entire post? It just deleted over an hour of work? Did you know that it does that?

Isn't that swell?

THE RANDOM LOLITA 30 DAY CHALLENGE, DAY 10: 10 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IN LOLITA.

We're doing a challenge from 2011 and we're doing it very slowly. We're actually doing it even slower, because we wrote half of this post, hit ctrl+z, and tumblr just fucking deleted it with no way to get it back. Glorious. 10/10, fucking hate it.

This challenge number was a little weird for me. I've been doing lolita since 2011, and the answers that I would have given in 2011 are probably very different than the ones I'm giving in 2023. Having that framing makes me feel very nostalgic.

Let's get into it. If tumblr eats this again, I will be throwing the entire website out the door.

Number 1) A comfortable petticoat that stays the right shape, and that I don't have to worry about crushing.

Back in my early days, one of the first things that I bought for lolita fashion was a real petticoat. One of the most critical elements of a lolita fashion look is the shape, and having a foundation that gave me the right shape helped things that I was making look a lot more like real lolita.

(Early 2012)

My first ever petticoat, which is under the red dress, was made out of muslin and some walmart tulle. I believe it used this tutorial. While that dress wasn't ever going to look really lolita super well, the petticoat issue sure isn't helping.

These days I have a Wunderwelt petticoat that I got in 2016, and it's so very enjoyable to have a petticoat where the only concern is that it might be too big for a dress. I love how little work it takes to add the proper shape to a coord.

Number 2) Definitely lolita shoes.

When I wear lolita out and about, I've noticed that one of the things that changes stranger's reactions is the shoes. If I've got some distinctly lolita shoes, like RHS, people tend to ask if it's a fashion. If I'm wearing lolitable shoes that could also work in a non-lolita outfit, I get asked what costume I'm wearing.

(Late 2013)

Baby lolita me had a pair of black Mary Jane pumps from Target, and those were my lolita shoes for several months. In my first ever Bodyline order, I got some brown tea parties, and about a year later I bought these pink RHS and white flats.

And that was it. That was what I owned for lolita shoes from 2013 to 2016. Coords were black, brown, pink, white, or else I wore shoes that didn't match. Occasionally I'd go crazy and get some short boots into the mix, but this was my lolita shoe collection.

I have at least four tutorials in this blog about how to fix shoes, because I don't let my shoes die until they're absolutely dead and gone. Those brown tea parties are now painted gold and have been turned into very dangerous roller skates. I had to take a five-ish mile offroad hike in the white ones, which destroyed the bottoms as well as permanently staining the ribbon frill brown. These are, to this day, the only lolita shoes that I've ever thrown away. The other two pairs of shoes I still have.

My closet doesn't look like a BTSSB show room because I have to keep the rubbermaid tub of skulls somewhere, and the closet seems the best place.

In the seven years since I started buying lolita shoes again, I've collected several pairs. A lot of these pairs were in the $5-$30 price range, and none of them have been disposed of. This is just seven years of collecting shoes.

Number 3) Little details that are fast to add to a coord.

So, TJ Maxx sells these little clip on ribbon bows in their baby department, and they're my new favorite fast and easy accessory. They can go in your hair. They can go on your dress. They can go on your shoes. It's wonderful.

I've said a whole lot that making a lolita coord is about adding all the details that you think you should add, and then adding 3-5 more details. It's very easy to underestimate how detailed a handmade lolita piece should be.

Something that I didn't fully appreciate until recently, at least not to the extent that I currently appreciate it, is how much your overall coordinate can benefit from the same thing. If you CAN throw on some little extra bows and bracelets, it generally looks better if you do that.

I have very small wrists (both wrists together cannot hold a 4-week old kitten) and jingling loose bracelets often drive me nuts. I finally found out that stretch bracelets meant for kids will fit on my wrists, won't jinglejangle, and also won't pinch. As a bonus, they're like $1 for a 2-pack, so I went a little bit nuts stocking up on them.

I've got a couple of tutorials on making your own cheap, small details that you can just plop onto as many coords as you'd like.

Number 4) Sewing machine.

(Feb 2011)

My first lolita dress was handmade. Making my own garments and accessories has always been an important part of this fashion for me. I don't have as much to say about this, because it's just so constantly present in everything that I do.

I've learned about lolita fashion by sewing it, and I've learned about sewing by sewing lolita fashion.

(October 2010)

I made my first lolita dress on a pretty basic sewing machine (the precursor to the Janome 3160QDC). I've since sideways-graded to a really basic 80's Singer. Despite having a very fancy embroidery machine, I don't sew on it. My last service said I've done 5 hours of sewing and 170 hours of embroidery on that machine. I know what I need, and I have what I need.

Number 5) Five Below's $5 bike shorts

They're $5. They come in every color.

Your tights falling down? Bike shorts. Your bloomers pretty annoying to wash and so you want to keep them off your skin to avoid having to wash our sweat stains? Your car a little bit funky and you might need to lie down on the ground to change your tire? Bike shorts. Little old lady in a wheelchair might pick up your skirt to see if you're wearing pantaloons? and you're not wearing pantaloons? You're never going to be more glad that you have bike shorts.

When I was new to lolita and like 12 years stupider than I now am, I had smaller petticoats, and always figured that high-coverage tights and standard underoos were modesty enough, with bloomers being necessary for coords with socks. Get a fuller petticoat, and you stop feeling like that. Bike shorts at Target were like $15 a pair, because they're designed to be comfortable to wear when you're riding a bike. I'm not riding a bike. I'm walking through walmart to buy some milk. I'm not going fast because I have 5" of fake wood glued to the bottom of my foot. I don't need your comfort features. I need $5 bike shorts.

These have pockets in them so that you can stash emergency money or a fortune you got from Panda Express in 2020 that says, "Be ready to take an important journey soon," on it.

Yes, the pantaloons thing happened to me, and I actually was wearing bloomers. Yes, the woman pushing the tiny old lady in the wheelchair clearly had never been more embarrassed in her life.

Number 6) Men's undershirts.

Call it a singlet, call it an a-shirt, please don't call it a wifebeater. These things are made of a ribbed knit that stretches to accommodate boobs and curves very well. They're meant to be washed the heck out of. I can't throw my dresses into the washing machine on the crazy hard cycle and throw them in a hot dryer and figure whatever happens happens, but these things are THREE. DOLLARS. EACH. A whole lot of not perfect things can be forgiven when the under shirt is $3.

The neck doesn't work on OPs or some blouses, but they're also three dollars each, so I wear them any time I can. Women's undershirts are $12-18 EACH so I can't just buy 30 of them. If you want some bonus armpit protections, men's t-shirt undershirts are only like $5 each.

Number 7) Oxiclean.

A lot of lolita fashion is about our super fancy, super detailed prints. These are prints that look lovely when you're up close to them, so it's important to not have dingy and dirty and faded prints, especially when you paid good money for that printing. All hail Oxiclean.

I went to go take a picture of the jumbo boxes of oxiclean that I buy, but it looks like someone threw the box on the ground and then went to lie in her bed like nothing bad happened. (She wasn't hurt and I cleaned it up so she couldn't get it on her paws and lick it).

Also yes, my cat has her own little personal heater. It turns off if it's tipped over, so she will turn it off whenever she gets too hot.

Number 8) Parasols.

First of all, it turns out that finding offbrand parasols for lolita is a super cool challenge. They're not very common, so when you do find one, it feels like a big accomplishment.

I love parasols for a lot of reasons. I was going to get coffee with a friend, and someone was acting kind of strangely outside the shop. I liked that I had something in my hands to potentially use to keep that person away from me if they decided to approach me way too quickly. My doctor and I thought for a while that I had a condition where if I went in the sun, my skin attacked my internal organs, so I started carrying umbrellas for that. It's very sunny where I live. Before I lived here, I lived where it was very rainy, and having a nice couple of ruffled RainStoppers was good to have on hand.

(May 2011 | Sept 2013) I've actually collected parasols for longer than I've really been into lolita. Pic on the left was pre-lolita times. I absolutely loved that parasol and took it everywhere that I could. Pic on the right is the earliest picture I could find of my white RainStoppers that I got at Target, which I still have somewhere in my car. Mostly that pic is there because of my cats. Also the pictures just felt like a nice weird little bit of symmetry.

Anyway, when someone's taking a pic of you without asking, you can block it with your parasol. My relationship with parasols in lolita is complicated, because I feel like I shouldn't need to have a weapon with me, but here we are.

Number 9) All the info that baby me chronicled. Everything I've learned and everything that I didn't used to know. I have so much fun looking at my old cringe coords and all of the things I did that I know are wrong now. I really miss the way I fearlessly tried things out and the rate at which I churned out new pieces. There's some pieces that I don't have anymore and I miss those things. I used to have some old school AP socks that I have no clue where they are. Seeing the way I used to have my bedroom set up so that I'd still have space to sew. Looking at the dates on pictures and thinking about what I was doing back then. Most of these pictures are from back when cell phone cameras were awful, and I've had to edit all of them to get better exposure before putting them up. There's memories I have of us all carrying around digital cameras to save things, because cell phones just weren't there yet (also some of us didn't have pix messaging plans and had to pay 25 cents per picture to get them to our computers). I looked at the bottom of my pink RHS the other day and the tread's all the way worn off. That's so interesting to me, that I've worn pink-shoe lolita enough that I completely wore the tread off.

Jan 1, 2014 "Sometimes the best thing ever is to walk into Starbucks and watch a five year old’s eyes go as wide as they can, point at you, and say loudly “Mom, is that a real person?” Sometimes the best part is watching the mom go BEET red."

I remember that event so specifically. It was one of the first times I'd actually worn the head-eating bow in public. It took me several years to warm up to the head-eaters. I remember exactly what the mom and the kid looked like, but also until I read this post, I'd completely forgotten about this whole incident.

Number 10)

This blog, and the people who read it, interact with it, comment on it.

I really cannot explain how amazing this community is to me. I think the first time I saw someone link someone else a tutorial I made was just a couple of years ago. It was so exciting. Every time i meet someone who is afraid to get into lolita fashion due to the expense, and I'm able to tell them that there's a whole COMMUNITY of people who want to do lolita for less, it's amazing. I started this blog because I felt like I could make myself some accessories for not a lot of money, and I just needed the motivation to do it. But now it's so much better than that. I'm still making things for me. I make things I want and things that I'll use and things that I can make. But I'm also making them for other people, who also need the same kind of help. I teach myself new things so that I can answer questions I've been asked. Every time I have to research an answer for someone, that person has helped me grow.

It's just amazing. Thank you.

#20dollarlolita 30daylorlolita challenge #the random lolita

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