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allied-mastercunt · 13 hours

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Yandere AM is cruel. But what kinds of yanderes would the main 5 be? Who would be safer to be with? (Plot twist it's neither of them/hj)

i love how since you don't know me well, you assume that the very mild version of yandere AM i showed so far is cruel to you.

The Five as yanderes

Ellen (book leaning)

The emotional type.

Ellen is the only one who kept some of her humanity. She still cares about the others. And she cares about you so, so much... All because you've shown her kindness the others don't show her anymore.

No, to the others, she's scum. She's aware of that. She knows they only really bother to take care of her because she let them all use her body. She's accepted that it was her only real value for the rest of the group. Well, maybe except for Benny, Benny was nice to her most of the time.

But you? You felt bad for how the others treated her. You offered her a shoulder to cry on. You offered to hold her, let everything out. And she missed being loved. She missed being cared for and held.

She becomes addicted to it. To you. She wants all of your attention, all of your affection, all of your love.

She'll scream. She'll cry. She'll beg.

She loves you. She needs you.

And she'll do anything in her power to make sure she gets you.

Gorrister (game and book mixed)

The wifebeater violent type.

There's very little left of what Gorrister used to be. A once passionate man who then lost himself, first to how his life turned out and then to that damn computer. He was now heartless, both literally and figuratively.

And yet, it would seem a certain kind of passion was... re-awakened in Gorrister. All because of your sweet self.

You tried so hard to reach inside him again. To try and find the man he once was. You could say you succeded, in a way. A very hurtful way, sadly.

Gorrister was now an angry man with an unhealthy attachment to you. He wanted you all to himself, no matter what he'd have to do to keep the small spark of light in his life.

And if beating you was the only way to get you to work with him? That's what he's gonna do, darling.

Ted (book and game mixed)

The manipulative type.

Ted is an expert at lying and manipulating people for his advantage. Especially now. He's a charmer, really! And you're just so easy for him, so nice, so sweet... He loves it.

He manages to wrap you around his little finger. He'll convince you that he's your knight in shining armor, that he's your only real friend, that you can depend on him, that he'll protect you...

He's your only friend around there, really! The only person you can really trust!

He's possessive and has a tendency to objectify his partners. Especially women. His mind was a truly dark place now, seeing as he barely respected anyone at this rate. You have to listen through his rants about how all the others are affected by AM and how he's the only sane one. He'll insult everyone, you included.

And then he'll gaslight you into thinking he's right and that you're slowly losing your mind because of AM. He's your only true beacon of hope, your only link to sanity.

And you'll do everything for him, won't you?

Benny

The worshiping type.

Poor Benny doesn't really understand love anymore, due to all the damage AM caused to his brain. But he understands all the kindness you've shown him. He knows you were the one who comforted him through all the pain caused by that damn machine.

Especially since you'd try to chase after him and help save him from more pain. You did your best for him, and he took your kindness when he could, his brain warping it into a worship-like obsession.

It starts off innocent. If he managed to find something "nice", he'd bring it to you. He would follow you, seek you out, do anything for your attention to be on him exclusively, even if he had to pull you away from the others and hold you down to cuddle him.

And he's very physically strong. He's not letting go, you're the most important person in his life, after all. The others need to learn that, too. Or he'll use those teeth AM gave him to rip their guts out.

But hey, their hearts would be a great offering for you.

To show just how great his love to you is.

Nimdok

The twó-faced type.

He's an old man who barely remembers anything about his past. You naturally want to help him, don't you? Of course you do, you're such a kind person...

But the truth is, even without his memory, you can never take the cruelty out of a monster. And he worked with doctor Mengele himself, he may not be as bad as the Angel of Death himself, but he's definitely no saint.

For you, though, he's just a poor old man that AM torments alongside the others. But the others...?

Well, he might not remember what he did, but he sure remembers how to be a scary motherfucker and how to form his incredibly detailed, whispered threats to make them all leave you alone. And of course, he will make those threats come true if needed.

You have no clue, of course. You think he's a sweet old man, the only one who's actually nice to you, unlike the others who push you away.

And the others... they get to see his true colors.

#ihnmaims #ask #anon #i have no mouth and i must scream #i have no mouth and i must scream x reader #ihnmaims ted #ihnmaims ellen #ihnmaims nimdok #ihnmaims gorrister #ihnmaims benny #ihnmaims ted x reader #ihnmaims ellen x reader #ihnmaims benny x reader #ihnmaims gorrister x reader #ihnmaims nimdok x reader

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idlenight · 1 day

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I'm curios- what are the reasons from the demo that you like hg? It can be under the cut if you want to avoid people getting spoilers!

I will use any excuse to blab about HG, you are an enabler anon.

WARNING: Public Revelations Demo spoilers (for route 4.2) under the cut

Secondary warning of a LOT of text lmao.

hgsib variable.... i am obsessed w/ u.

You are Hollow Ground. You wake up in the middle of the night because you're a little parched. You untangle yourself from your polycule to go to the kitchen and get a drink.

There, sitting on your kitchen counter, is the villain that had previously refused to show up to the meeting you invited them to and send their assistant instead. They are in full armor, you are in your robes (a little underdressed for this meeting).

They offer you a cup of your own coffee that they just made.

Personally? I would be alerting my bodyguards polycule to the intrusion. But no HG just, rolls with the punches. I respect that.

But to get into the actual nitty gritty and the Connections(tm) to sidestep, focusing on the friendly + mind conversation because that's what I saw in my run.

In the friendly conversation where sidestep takes their helm off you get so much insight into HG's relationship with their sibling.

"Believe it or not," you start, *if ((suit_terrifying) or (hgterrified)) realizing how absurd this must sound, "I do believe it will be more advantageous to work together than be enemies." "You have certainly proven that you would be a bad enemy to have," Hollow Ground admits. *if hgreveal "And I'm glad you're being sensible about this." The smile is real, as is the relief. *if hgmind "I wouldn't want us to be at odds. Not now."

a boss or hunter also gets this piece of dialogue that im unwell about:

"Oh I know exactly who would," Hollow Ground says, voice sharper than it has been so far tonight. "Lord Ember. That San Francisco fuck has been making moves on my territory. I wasn't sure if you were one of his plants until tonight." *if hgreveal ${hghis} ${eyes} meet yours. Certainty. You're on ${hghis} side in this.

'Certainty. You're on [their] side in this.' <- homie immediately willing to believe step is on their side because they're probably his sibling, why wouldn't they be?

With a thief step, this dialogue comes up

"Sometimes I can't be bothered though." You stare ${hghim} down, seeing how much leeway you have with your little stunt. "With the whole research thing. Is that going to be an issue?" "You..." Hollow Ground groans. *if hgmind "You really haven't changed one bit, have you?" *elseif hgreveal "This feels far too familiar."

and the mindtalk + being defensive:

"So what?" Your tone matches ${hghis}, because you have never once backed down from an argument. "Are you seriously surprised?" "I shouldn't be, you always were a little shit." The words are out, flat on the table between you, coins not heads or tails but on the edge, spinning freely.

HG's youngest sibling confirmed to have been a little shit. (this dynamic was made for River 'born to be a shithead little brother' Becker fr fr)

Although my favorite part of the mind talk is this:

*selectable_if (protected) #"You saved me," I gasp, focusing on that. "Why?" "You saved me," you gasp, trying to swallow the taste of blood and drowning. "Why would you do that?" $!{hghe} must have known what you were trying to do. You're not sure if Hollow Ground is a telepath, but there is some form of mental powers at play here, that you could feel. Something... "Hell if I know," ${hghe} @{hgsv lies|lie} and you know that now. Can taste the lie, not because your minds are entangled but because you can see it in ${hghis} eyes. *if hg_relationship = "dangerous telepath" "I should have let you drown like last time." "But you didn't," you retort, wiping your mouth. "You know something." *else "Liar," you retort, wiping your mouth.

"You don't know?" You can sense the disbelief, ${hghis} eyes narrowing. "Fuck. Of course. That makes sense. Too much sense." "No it doesn't," you protest. "Do you remember anything?" Hollow Ground leans forward, too insistent now, almost reaching out to touch. You lean back, putting space between you despite the protection of your armor. "About what?" Why are you the one being interrogated? What did you see in there? What did you feel? "Your childhood." The words land heavily, and you almost laugh. As if you were ever a child.

The way that i am obsessed with ["dialogue" he lied] in texts. ALso ugh, HG leaning forward, wanting to touch sidestep. To make sure they're real? to comfort them? to comfort themself? They want sidestep to be their sibling so bad, need it to be true.

In fact is sidestep dismisses it (our memories got entangled. it's nothing more than that), then HG begs them to answer the question anyway, and are very clearly unwilling to let it go even though they won't force the answer because they're at a disadvantage.

#"No," I say, which is technically not a lie. "Why?" "No," you say, which is technically not a lie. No childhood unless you count being newly decanted, fumbling your way through the world before your memory implant. "Why?" "Because you remind me of someone." Hollow Ground looks directly at you, eyes narrowing. "Someone who I thought I had lost long ago. Someone who should be dead." "Some people don't stay dead forever," you joke with your grimmest smile, but ${hghe} @{hgsv takes|take} it the wrong way, eagerly leaning forward. "Could it be...?" A pause, ${hghis} fingers tapping nervously against the table. "You would have been in your early teens. There was an... attack. They called it an accident, but nobody was fooled. You had been arrested, they said you suffered an overdose. They never let us claim the body, so I always figured it was police brutality. Didn't want us to see the evidence. I never thought there was a chance that you were alive?"

You can feel the hope radiating from ${hghim}. An old wound, reopened. Someone who loved ${hghis} *if afab little sister *elseif amab little brother *else younger sibling and is now hoping that ${hghe} had been wrong all along. That there is a chance there had been no death. No body. Just someone disappeared into the system for whatever nefarious purposes. Someone who might be sitting at the table across from ${hghim}. Maybe. Hope. The most powerful and addictive of drugs. *if (((amab) and (gender = "woman")) or ((afab) and (gender = "man"))) You know in your heart that it is wrong. Not just because you are a Re-Gene and never were a child. But because the child you saw in ${hghis} mind had been a @{amab little girl.|little boy.} And you never would have been. Not back then.

Hollow Ground loved their younger sibling, Hollow Ground hopes that they are wrong. They want to be wrong, they need to be. For a chance that their sibling can still be alive, sitting in front of them now, breathing.

I could go on but this is already long enough lmao. Thanks for coming to another one of my TEDtalks ✌️.

#fhr #fallen hero #hollow ground #fhr hollow ground #idle chatter #asks #fallen hero revelations

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mariyekos · 3 months

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I'm currently working on 3 D*MC fics as my mind latches onto different plot points and different ways to explore a character, and man, I really hope I'll be able to finish at least one of these by next month.

First one is my time travel fic that is currently stalled because I'm paralyzed by trying to fix early parts in the story. Some of them I need to change because I didn't realize I'd missed something big/had messed up canon until much later, or because I thought of something good later in the story that required changing earlier parts in order to maintain continuity. There's also the issue of characterization. I have a bad habit of swinging too far to the extremes with emotions, so I'm trying to temper both the characters and the overall mood so things don't feel too crazy. This one's currently 76.3k words. I feel like it'll end around 90-100k. I might cut out a few thousand words and shove them in a different fic as part of the same series because they don't feel super relevant to the main story, but could be a cute aside.

Second one is a fic I feel like I probably won't finish, because I'm hitting the mood of it with fic three and it was the mood that made me want to write it. It's a post-D/MC3 fic about Dante fighting with the increased presence/power of his demon side post-awakening his Trigger. In my daily wordcount doc, my comment when I started it was "obsessive gore time" for some context. It's about feeling too big for your own skin, and the fight between the urges that feel right to half of you but are disgusting to the other half, and how Dante tried so navigate that. 4.6k words at the moment and probably halfway done.

Third is a fic adapting what I wrote in another post that I will hopefully link in a quick edit to this post. Short version is at the end of DMC1, Dante finds Vergil in hell and raises the Qliphoth himself to fix Vergil. This fic also goes into that sort of obsessive mindset, though in a different way. Fic two is Dante going "what is wrong with me?" while fic three is Dante going "there is nothing wrong with me! definitely not! everything is terrible and maybe I'm doing some morally questionable things but hey it'll work out and it's not that bad so it'll be fiiiine (it will not be fine and what he is doing is nor forgiveable, but he's so desperate to save Vergil and not kill his brother again that he's wearing rose tinted glasses as an excuse to avoid all the red flags)". I worked on it today so it's the one that has currently captured my brain. It's currently 3.6k words and nowhere near done. I'm thinking 15k for this one, but I'm really not sure.

Anyway! That's a little look at what I'm working on now. I also kind of want to go back and fix some characterization/writing in the one D*MC Dante & Lady fic I have published so I might do that... I usually don't edit published fics in any way other than fixing typos/weird grammar, but this one is bugging me so I just might. We'll see.

#erurandomness #uh does tumblr still do that thing where only the first few tags make a post show up in the tags #because i am going to try to take advantage of that #i don't want this to clutter the main d/mc tag #but i do want it to appear on my own blog under that tag #eruwrites #i guess #man do i use that tag. i think i do #anyway was it 5 tags or 10 #i think it was 5 but they upped it to 10?#but that's 10 so!#edit apparently it showed up in the tag anyway so rip the tag. i won't add it after all

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braisedhoney · 11 months

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Draw your favorite ghost! Mine's Ember.

“That would be me. Surprise.”

(ayyy flaming hair favs club :D)

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moeblob · 3 months

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I am really tired of a situation rn.

#fe three houses #felix hugo fraldarius #me using felix on my angy days because he is my angersona? you bet!#anyway if you want to try to get someones money or something bc you hurt your own car banging into mine #can you try to be a bit more timely with it buddy come on you hit me on feb29 !#why am i getting your insurance company calling me today !#also i would like to point out i didnt do it and neither of us were hurt and i filed a claim with my own insurance comp #and also filed a police report bc he didnt even suggest calling the cops to the scene #so like yeah hey man maybe you and your insurance company can move a lil faster or smth #literally everything that happened the day of is - according to my dad - an intimidation tactic #i look like im 15 and he probably thinks he can take advantage of a new driver but ya know! tough luck!#im just really tired and stressed over multiple things not negative so getting this on top of it was like #bro .................... anyway my phone didnt pick up for some reason so i called back and then nothing got resolved #cause the person who actually called me wasnt around to connect the line to from the guy who answered #idk man just its a lot despite my v minimal energy #got a job interview on monday tho ! and then also next week is an eye exam #and you might be thinking isnt that a good thing to get your eyes checked? you are correct but i am horrified #there are two body parts that give me absolute anxiety and eyes are one of them #and i know my eye sight is declining and im just v anxious #its fine im going to be fine i just have to be anxious about it

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lesbiancarat · 1 month

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want to give my two cents on the AI usage in the maestro trailer--

i think seventeen doing a whole concept that is anti-AI is very cool, especially as creatives themselves i think it's good that they're speaking up against it and i hope it gets more ppl talking about the issue. i also understand on a surface level the artistic choice (whether it was made by the members, the mv director, or whoever else), to directly use AI in contrast to real, human-made visuals and music in order to criticize it. i also appreciate that they clearly stated the intention of the use of AI at the beginning of the video

however, although i understand it to an extent, i do not agree with the choice to use AI to critique AI. one of the main ethical concerns with generative AI is that it is trained on other artists' work without their knowledge, consent, or compensation. and even when AI generated images are being used to critique AI, it still does not negate this particular ethical concern

the use of AI to critique also does not negate the fact that this is work that could have been done by an actual artist. i have seen some people argue that it's okay in this context because it's a critique specifically about AI, and it is content that never would have been done by a real artist anyway because it doesn't make sense for the story they're trying to tell. but i disagree. i think you can still tell the exact same story without using AI

and in fact, i would argue that it would make the anti-AI message stronger if they HAD paid an artist to draw/animate the scenes that are supposed to represent AI generated images. wouldn't it just be proof that humans can create images that are just as bad and nonsensical and soulless as AI, but that AI can't replicate the creativity and beauty and basic fucking anatomy that's in human-made art?

it feels very obvious this was not just a way to cut corners and costs like a lot of scummy people are using AI for. ultimately it was a very intentional creative decision, i just personally think it was a very poor one. and even if some ethical considerations were taken into account before this decision, i certainly don't think all of them were. at the very least i feel like the decision undermines the message they want to convey

i would also like to recognize that i myself am not an artist, and i have seen some artists that are totally on board with the use of AI in this specific context, so clearly this is not a topic that is cut and dry. but generative AI is still new, and i think it's important to keep having these conversations

#melia.txt #also want to add that as musicians svt are more directly threatened by AI generated audio than they are by AI generated images #and yet AI generated images is what was used in the video #and i guess the MV director/production company are the ones directly responsible for putting that in there #whether it was their initial idea or not #and they work in a visual medium so perhaps that makes it more 'fair' but idk it just feels like #the commentary is around music. which makes sense. and using human produced music/sound #but then taking advantage of AI images #idk just feels weird #i mean i don't like it either way #like i said in the main post i understand the intention behind the creative decision #and i'm still happy svt are speaking against ai at all i do think overall they're doing a good thing here #i just don't agree with the creative decision they/the production company/whoever made #edit: deleted the part about not boycotting svt over this bc ppl were commenting about boycotting bc of the 🛴 stuff #i meant specifically /I/ am not calling for a boycott because of specifically the ai stuff #was just trying to make a general point that im not making this post bc i want to sabatoge svt or whatever #bc kpop fans love to pull that catd whenever u criticize anything #so yeah just removed that bit bc i dont want ppl getting confused what im talking about #respect ppl boycotting because of scooter/israel stuff but thats not what this post was intended to be about #edit 2: turning off reblogs bc im going to bed and having asomewhat controversial post up is not gonna help me sleep well lol #may or my not turn rb's back on in the morning

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thisfairytalegonebad · 5 months

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the problem with exclusively having hobbies that involve staring at a screen is that you can recognise that there is a problem and The Screens are probably making your mental health worse but when you decide to do something against that by not doing one of your screen hobbies your brain just starts fucking eating itself from the inside out and you end up feeling like absolute dogshit

#lads i am having a HORRIBLE day #a horrible two days really i was already feeling shit yesterday #because i'm not really playing any video game right now and ace attorney is too much visual novel not enough game to stimulate my brain #so i thought hey why not take advantage of that by simply trying not to play video games for a bit #but i didn't consider that the lack of OTHER hobbies means i just end up not doing anything at all #and good god i severely underestimated the absolute fucking depression pit i was gonna fall in by doing that #i'm not GLAD i'm going back to work tomorrow but i'm. hm. it'll be better than this i'm sure #anyway yikes i'm sorry for all the negativity this weekend #what a way to start the new year

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katya-goncharov · 5 months

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i have to go to an appointment to apply for universal credit tomorrow, and i'm so worried that the people there are going to be absolute assholes

#tbh i don't think i'm going to be eligible for it anyway because i'm pretty sure you have to prove you're actively looking for a full time #job. and i can't feasibly work any more hours than i am at the moment because i'm a part time student!#it's just that you know. i'm still not earning enough money to live on or to do anything except pay rent #but i've got such bad vibes from the application forms and the website and everything. it feels somehow so condescending and like #they really look down on you for needing benefits. but i feel like i SHOULD at least try because my parents are giving me so much #extra money at the moment and i already feel guilty for taking advantage of them #but i don't like putting myself at the mercy of the tory government!! not at all! and i'm worried they're going to be horrible #to me and make me feel like shit

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roarinsaurus · 5 months

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realizing it's not me and some people are just so incredibly self-centered they can't see anything as something other than an attack on them personally

#i literally put my everything into being kind and doing better and the people who completely shut down around me consistently #are the most self-centered people i've met. like. can't even try to understand other people's lives. i'm just an easy scapegoat #i don't even THINK to make a conscious malicious act towards someone but it's always painted like i am.#even when the other person ADMITS to intentionally doing things to hurt me #idk i'm genuine and certain people take advantage of that i think. i want people to like me and people see my insecurity and run with it #most people tell me how much of a joy i am to be around and i need to listen to them rather than a select few who don't even like me for me #just the me they can play with and torment #go and pout in a corner!! i'm gonna go be happy. i'm tired of you making my life hell because i wouldn't roll over for you #jay chatter

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bananitryithegoatman · 11 months

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I'm like 20-23 and for some reason besides my choosen family who's around my age I only get along well with people in their 40s.

Other people my age tend to not like me for some reason and I kind of creep them out? but when I talk to some 38 to ukrainian guy we can talk for like four hours and he always says "my god I still can't believe you're 20-23 I mean I can hear it in your voice but my god you are very very smart" which is kind of funny. My blood family is shit and I don't really have any parents, so I love having a company of older people around me, they usually a very nice to me and treat me like their younger brother.

I love older people, you guys are very cool.

#age difference friendship #positivity #positivity post #ps if anyone will say shit oh well you know that it's dangerous for you to talk to them they're not your friends actually they will try to #take advantage of you or some stupid bullshit i will bash your head #i am sorry you had horrible expirience #i had that too #but i am my own person with my own head on my sholders i can see when people are up to no good #and i am capapble of making my own decisions #and the idea of someone telling me that the person i trust and who trusts me is a groomer or smth just because they're older than me is #fucking annoying #so please don't go telling me this i will block you

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amplexadversary · 1 year

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.

#dot post #I am still chewing on the walls because my 2 favorite gundams are like the most neglected by fan and franchise alike #G Gundam has some really neat moments in older games that could be used to build a unique relationship to it and other gundams in crossover #but it's never used. SRW T had me so spoiled.#and Turn A is barely seen at all. I get it's hard to write but I feel like I need to see it in the same space as G and Unicorn #because Unicorn makes it a lot easier to write in with the time travel thing and it synergizes so well with G #also one of the SRW games that never got translated has a specific scene if you save the life of a particular character #I need it and I can't have it I feel like a cat trying to get into a cupboard about it #a different SRW game that isn't translated also takes advantage of Domon going into more of a mentor role but for Kamille #and holy shit I like Kamille and they aren't likely to re-explore that either.#(also I kind of want to see Domon butt heads with Quattro just a little)#and then there's another game with a one-off interaction with Ple and damn it I want to see more of that #but it's almost always a one-off moment. T *had* a more in-depth look at that part of his character #but sadly that also meant having to be subjected to Van #ignore morg #I'm rambling by which I mean I'm growling through a mouth full of drywall

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chika-nyan · 10 months

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Lies down. So it looks like my job is actively trying to moorder me so I’ll probably be mostly ded for a while. Honestly at a breaking point, can you believe vacation was just last month? :) Gonna keep doing my best to hold on for that mid-late spring exit/quitting time with next vacation but it’s going to be a trial forsure.

#I can’t quit now I’m 3/4 of the way to next vacay hour gifting u_u #I’ve come this far I at least need to nab that paid vacation…….#Done being nice work just takes advantage of any kindness I can muster #Please stop trying to call me in on my off days I need those to heal my shoulder 8’D #I came in anyway even when they called at 4am on a day I did not work when I would reasonably be SLEEPING but no not anymore u_u #I am done you will get no more extra hours from me #I don’t want to work more I’m hurting give those hours to coworkers u_u #The hours the company is being so stingy with :)#To the point that a petition is going around saying booooo you suck at staffing git gud binch!!!#Which I did sign because it is true git gud 8U)b #like even some customers have gone ‘you’re all by yourself????’ to me 8’D #I’m just saying ONE more person in the morning would help so much 8’D #Especially since we get tour busses on their way to the mountain starting as early as 7am until 10am!!!#There’s more bs but truly I am just so tired and upset but I hope I can make it to spring #Gonna take off Easter and also go to Sakuracon on the last vacay!#*lies down* But yes will try to give thumbs up out of the dirt mound atop me but will be mainly dead u_u #Sorry this was a long one big thanks if you read through u_u #*blows homie kisses at dorito buddos* Love you (bromo) don’t forget meeeeeee

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soullistrations · 2 years

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hen talking about the letters she wrote, 'confessions to an imaginary daddy,' and how she has to not only let her dad go but she has to let go of the dream of getting to know him again, a dream she was never quite able to leave behind

and the picture they found of hen in her dad's house, and the parallel of 'the longer i was away, the harder it was to come back' and the shannon of it all in the same episode. the way it's never the kid's fault, the way that the longing for an absent parent to come back doesn't negate the hurt caused by that same parent. the way hen never got the chance for closure, never got to confront him or tell him about her life, or even know him.

the way hen has never been able to fully shut anyone out--she can't turn eva away in season 1, she's the first to welcome buck back after the lawsuit, after all the hurt her mom caused her, she gives her second chance after second chance, and she does the same for so many others--i think it comes back to this, doesn't it? if the person is willing to come back, willing to try, how can she pass up that opportunity?

#it's one of my favorite parts of her character--this inability to write someone off completely #and its the reason that her shutting out eva hits so hard because eva takes advantage of that aspect of hen's personality!#eva kNOWS hen--and i am SURE that she used the nice words and the promises to do better more than once in their relationship #to get back into hen's good graces--to get her forgiveness because eva (unlike hen's parents) is willing to stay and try #until of course things go really bad and hen can't take it anymore #but then eva comes back #and she takes advantage of hen's desire to reconcile with the people she's loved and been hurt by-- to hurt karen and denny?#that's the one thing that hen can't forgive #not the hurt to herself but the hurt to her family is the reason that she finally cuts eva off for good #hen #911 fox #hen wilson

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tiredsadpeach · 1 year

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Did not need that lmao

#someone came into my dms acting like he wanted to lend an ear and then in the second message called me princess #psa DONT EVER FUCKING DO THAT TO A STRANGER #but yeah so now I’m enraged a little lol I hate that shit people like that just wanna take advantage of your mental state btw #because oh I comfort you and then you get attached to me and then next thing you know the relationship is hell #I also have a bf and bpd so yeah the last stranger you wanna randomly call pet names I am trying not to go absolutely insane on you #I know better but also what if I was an asshole as a treat #I won’t do anything other than complain tbh and maybe block #unrelated but said friend/fp that has been Yeah to me is a system and someone else is fronting rn who got in a lot of trouble with the host #once or twice sooo uh hope that doesn’t go bad (she’s 14 I think and gets manipulated easily and recently got access to the phone again)#she also replied to one of my normal tweets and idk if I should respond because what if it gets her in trouble?

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apathyfairy · 2 years

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age 0-18 is like i need to be older than i am now. i need to grow up so i can finally live my life. and age 19-21 is like ok i’m finally an adult but i don’t feel like it at all lol so..what am i supposed to do with my life ? and 22 and beyond is just feeling so old like you wasted your entire life and can’t relate to anyone and there’s nothing you can do about it at all

#i know im straight up wasting my life whatever that means and i literally cant remember the last 7 years because i did nothing #everything feels too late to start and i just feel like an idiot i feel like a literal baby whos never done anything ever before in the body #of like a 40 year old mother i have absolutely no concept of who i am or what is going on and i literally feel so old i want to kill myself #literally i see people my age and by see people i mean watch youtubers and im like ok theyre still young and then i think about myself and #im like lmao u are so old and u have no idea what is going on like i cant take much more of this. i think it's mostly because i spent my #whole life trying to be older because i was just never the right age for anything i always needed to be older for everything #and now i am and i missed my opportunities for everything i wanted to do and now im realizing i never took advantage of being young #and whatever midlife crisis i know but i just feel so out of it lately like im not even here and i just wasted my whole life and that's that #and yes midlife crisis not quarter life crisis because im not living much longer bc if i feel this way in my 20s i wont make it to #my late 30s #i just ! feel like i missed the part of my life where i do something good and can feel stable and like ok. ive lived some life and done this #and this and this and it's like no i havent. ive just been waiting for something to happen that's never going to happen and i dont even know #what the something i would be waiting for is but ive been waiting and nothing happens unless you do it yourself and i just waited too #long to figure that out and now im just a failure through and through #literally just dead weight floating around the universe

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allexiaah · 2 years

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i don’t think i can ever forgive anyone who didn’t wear a mask or vaccinate or take covid seriously after all of this shit not going to lie. after just now realizing i’ve lost two years to it. Two years of being a person, or going out and doing things I should’ve been doing as a kid free of responsibilities with other kids, and doing what little you even CAN do in a world where you can’t do jack shit without money. I already sat in front of a computer screen for way too long every day. Feel like I should still be in my second semester of high school after all of this. Don’t feel like I should’ve aged at all. I’m not good with memories in the first place (which is why i’m always taking pictures), and covid only made it worse. past two years have been a haze.

I don’t remember almost anything that happened, even when i think really hard about something i KNOW is there but can’t recall. I’m lucky if I remember it when someone else jogs my memory for me, even. I don’t remember good times spent with friends, or going for walks outside, or even a fuckton of school at all. I don’t feel like there are even years there, but there are and I can’t get them back. Time was already hard for me to grasp, but now I don’t know when I’ve done anything, and it fuckin hurts. it hurts. I feel

And now we’re getting Harmful Affliction 2: Monkeypox Edition, and nobody’s fucking taking it seriously! There’s no shortage of kids and teens like me who’ve lost a significant chunk of their lives, by the time they’re around old enough to go to school, to a pandemic, and are just now needing to walk into the world and know what the fuck they’re doing.

how is that okay? how is ANY of it okay?? How did nobody think for one fucking second about how much this would fuck us up? How did we not think this would last for years seeing the atrocious lack of action from ANYONE? How are we supposed to brush all of this off? there are kids in their developmental years who don’t know how to communicate because we haven’t been anywhere near each other for 2 years! except for, y’know, the pieces of shit who just COULDN’T FATHOM that and were the reason anyone with half a mind or any care for others at ALL were kept at home for years! I’m a now-adult with social anxiety that came LONG before covid, and probably has origins in a cult i was raised in for no shortage of time as a kid, but it’s been too long for me to know for sure. But this shit PREDATED covid for me. I can’t imagine there’s a lack of people who’ve lost literal YEARS of their lives to this and who don’t know how to pick up the pieces anymore or how they’re supposed to get better.

I don’t think I can ever describe to someone the kind of lonely and horrible it was to simply sit in the doorway to my room with a plate of food left outside my door or handed to me by family wearing masks just like I did any time I left it, listening to the rest of my family sing happy birthday to my sister at the dinner table downstairs, seeing the light from the dining room and a little bit of my mother from the doorway and nothing more, trying to sing along through a mask so I didn’t get anything in the air. I don’t think I can describe the kind of miserable it was to sit there with a birthday dinner that I couldn’t even taste, that had to be delivered because nobody was allowed to leave the house. I fucking RUINED my sister’s birthday, and it’s not like I went to a party or anything, or went out. It’s not even like it’s my fault. I went to school, I went home. I didn’t have much of a social life anyway. Transit or the school itself gave me covid. Even sanitizing and washing my hands after touching everything I could, and wearing a mask I never pulled down, not in class or ever, and doing the best i could? I still caught it. Even doing the best you can ask a human to do, I caught it. I can’t put into words how agonizing it was to be confined to one room for WEEKS, unable to leave for anything except to use the washroom across the hall. If you don’t think it’s that big of a deal? Try it yourself and see how long you can do it.

Back when they actually cared and still did close contact lists and all that, the person on the phone didn’t believe me when I told them I don’t go out. That I didn’t party or go out to see friends or go ANYWHERE outside of school. According to my mom, the person on the phone was in enough disbelief to ask HER after I said the exact same thing.

We’ve been living in a hell of ignorance’s creation for years now, and might be for years in the future, Or maybe we’re just not living at all. I feel like both apply.

I wish I could have those two years back, but i can’t have that. And it’s not even my fault that my friends and I can’t have them.

#allex rambles #vent #personal #please dont rb this lol #im just #god #was talking to my friend luna last night and remembering that i used to feel alive in spite of how horrible my depression was #and how school was. and how it all made it worse #what was usually on my mind was not knowing what the fuck im living for #and STILL i felt more alive then than i have in the past 2 years #It makes me want to cry and scream and throw shit #how was i supposed to feel like a kid when i was locked up for the past 2 years?#how am i supposed to feel like an adult now when I didn't get the opportunities i should've had or was too scared to kill myself or #my family with a virus that was fully capable of it to take advantage of those opportunities?#i already have shitty memory. that on its own terrifies me #i take photos of everything i do to try and keep a date and an image of the stuff i go out of my way to have fun doing.#because if i don't i'm terrified i'll forget.#knowing im forgetting mundane things and its like i might not have done them at all?#that it might be getting worse?#that's so fucking scary.#im only realizing now just how fucked up everything's been. i think i pushed it all back to cope at the time #and im only letting myself grieve and feel horrible now that i'm out of school and can afford to while im looking for a job #fuckssake.

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