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relishredshoes · 3 years

Photo

Interview given to The Severus Snape and Hermione Granger Shipping Fan Group.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/199718373383293/

Hello CorvusDraconis and welcome to Behind the Quill, thank-you so much for sitting down with us to chat.

You’re a well known and beloved figure in the SS/HG community for your many stories - including a personal favourite of mine, A chance for happiness.

Okay, let’s jump right in. What's the story behind your pen name?

I have always had a fascination for the shiny things and the Northwest Coast depictions of Raven the Trickster/Creator, and, I tend to hoard (and get super protective) of my art supplies. Corvids have always been a positive sign in my life. They tend to show up when I’m feeling down and engage in funny antics in the yard. As for dragons, I’ve always had a love for them and think the Western depiction of them as dangerous beasts with no mind but for hoarding treasure and killing people only to be slain by a knight quite despicable.

Which Harry Potter character do you identify with the most?

Severus, actually. I see a lot of my life in his. Hardships, challenges, bullying— trying to be something better and later wondering about unwise decisions. I have a very similar dislike for dunderheads, but I do not share his inclination to denude rosebushes of their petals. Do you have a favourite genre to read? (not in fic, just in general) I have always preferred fantasy and sci-fi.

Do you have a favourite "classic" novel?

I am not sure if you would call it a classic novel, but grew up on all things Tolkien (and even puzzled through the Silmarillion at the grand age of seven), and have a special place in my heart for Watership Down. While I’ve read pieces like War and Peace, Iliad, Ulysses, Pride and Prejudice, Grapes of Wrath, Moby Dick, Great Gatsby, Little Women, Catcher in the Rye, Tom Sawyer/Huckleberry Finn, Scarlet Letter, Don Quixote, To Kill a Mockingbird, Animal Farm, Jane Eyre, Lord of the Flies, Tale of Two Cities, Heart of Darkness, Robinson Crusoe, Alice in Wonderland, Great Expectations, Odyssey, Frankenstein, Dracula, Crime and Punishment, Heart of Darkness, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, The Secret Garden, Treasure Island, Anne of Green Gables, Les Misérables, Peter Pan, Gulliver’s Travels, all things Jack London, 20000 Leagues, etc.— they never captured me as aptly as Anne McCaffery’s Dragonriders of Pern or Mercedes Lackley’s the Last Herald Mage. Though, if I were to pick classic stories I read more than once (litmus test for things I like) it would be things such as The Secret Garden, Call of the Wild, Wild Fang, The Hobbit, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, and The Last Unicorn. At what age did you start writing? The moment I could pick up pencil and paper, I was writing. I had notepads full of stories I wrote as a kid. Alas, my dad found them one day when I was off to college, made fun of them, and I came home and burned every single one in mortification.

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

The moment TV shows did “stupid things” to their characters. I used to write things about Beauty and the Beast (the old CBS show) when they killed off the main character, Knight Rider, Robocop, Transformers— there are probably far more that I just don’t remember now. I was writing it long before there was a fanfiction dot net or a term to even call it. What's the best theme you've ever come across in a fic? Is it a theme represented in your own works? I am a shameless romantic for the beauty within and sometimes the quite literal love for a monster (not just some person who acts like a monster and changes into a better person.) The misunderstood monster is perhaps my most favourite theme, and it shows up in my stories often if not always. What fandoms are you involved in other than Harry Potter? I ship SessKag from Inuyasha, Lucard/Sophie from Dracula: The Series, and Loki/Hermione when I’m feeling crossover-y. If you could make one change to canon, what would it be? Do you have a favourite piece of fanon? Other than my favourite fanon that Severus lives/survives/finds a better life free of two masters and his guilt, I would say I would want Harry to wise the heck up and realise his father was a swine, his godfather was an almost successful murderer that used his own best mate to try and kill off another student, and his mother wasn’t all that hot either. I would want him to find value in himself without having to make stuff up about his “perfect” parents. Then again, I would want Vernon/Petunia to be arrested for child abuse and put in gaol, but— then the story would have been very different XD Do you listen to music when you write or do you prefer quiet? Sometimes quiet, sometimes music. But usually, I am best mates with Spotify.

What are your favourite fanfictions of all time?

In the HP universe: I honestly don’t read many of them because I’m always writing my own stuff XD, but when I really feel like I need a good Ron bashing SSHG HEA, I read just about anything by IShouldBeWritingSomethingElse. However, that being said, I often return to “The Sun is Often Out” by Hannah-1888 for just the right amount of angst and HEA to make me happy.

In the Inuyasha universe: A Trick of Fate by PristinelyUngifted

In the Marvel universe: Mutual Respect Sends His Regrets by moor

In the Star Trek universe: Gratified By Your Company by starfleetdream

Are you a plotter or a pantser? How does that affect your writing process?

I go by the seat of my feathered rump, to be honest. Inspiration is a fickle, unpredictable beast, and I usually don’t know what is going to happen until it does.

What is your writing genre of choice?

Fantasy

Which of your stories are you most proud of? Why?

Chance of Happiness because it was my very first publication. It may not have been my best, but it was my first, and it very well could have been my last yet somehow wasn’t.

Looks Can Be Deceiving and One Step Forward, Two Decades Back are two epic tales that seemed to demand being written. The fact I finished them was something I think deserves a little pride.

Did it unfold as you imagined it or did you find the unexpected cropped up as you wrote? What did you learn from writing it?

Looks started off with me attempted to write Dramione just once. It failed. Draco demanded to be her brother of the heart, Viktor came in and said “nope she’s mine,” and no one was more surprised at the outcome of that story than me. The characters did what THEY wanted.

I learned that trying to plan a story from start to finish is useless when the characters decide what they want. The story demanded more, and I was just a conduit that typed it down. For me, at least, attempting to outline and plan is utterly useless

How personal is the story to you, and do you think that made it harder or easier to write?

I think every story I write is personal in some way. The inspiration comes from somewhere inside, and I often have no idea what it is until I go back and read it later. I think the story wrote itself in a lot of ways, which made it easier in a way, but there are a lot of things I can’t say were from personal experience because as a high fantasy of talking gryphons and such I can only imagine it. There is no basis in real life on how any of that would go down. There is a freedom in that but also many challenges in making it real enough to identify with despite how alien and fantastic the idea is.

What books or authors have influenced you? How do you think that shows in your writing?

Dragonriders of Pern introduced sentient dragons and the idea that despite a vast difference in species there could be teamwork and love between the two as they teamed up against a greater threat.

The herald-mage books by Mercedes Lackley were also important staples in my childhood because it impressed the values of responsibility despite having powers others did not, and that people were fallible despite greatness and potential.

Gandalara Cycle by Randall Garrett and Vicki Ann Heydron: I cannot tell you how often I read this story. I had dog ears on these novels because there was so much I loved about them. It was a search for humanity when displaced in a seemingly alien world, societal clashes, and the great sha’um (the giant rideable cats) that were the main characters’ partners for life.

The Enchanted Forest Chronicles by Patricia C Wrede: A princess rebels against her arranged marriage by running away to be a dragon princess.

All of these books had creatures in it that chose to partner with a human and be with them for life, not as lovers that you find in the more modern supernatural romance blender out there, but the ultimate friend for life— the family you choose.

Do people in your everyday life know you write fanfiction?

Oh heck no. Hah. They have their secrets, and I have mine. Personally, I think mine are more healthy than theirs.

How true for you is the notion of "writing for yourself"?

Very.

I write for myself. Sometimes I’ll write a story for one of my betas or a sshg friend, but for the most part, I write for my own entertainment because nothing like what I write is out there. There is a lot of SSHG out there, but mine is almost always a creature feature story. I blame X-Files growing up. It tickles me that others enjoy my stories, but in the end I write to get things down and out of my head. They just so happen to entertain others as they do me.

How important is it for you to interact with your audience? How do you engage with them? Just at the point of publishing? Through social media?

I will often engage in A/N talk at the end of chapters, but I really don’t engage in the fandom. I loathe social media. That being said, I read every review, and while I don’t reply to everything because FF dot net is a horrible platform for messaging anymore (or ever was really)-- I appreciate every single one. Sometimes it helps to know people are enjoying the story for the story’s sake.

What is the best advice you've received about writing?

Get a beta, even if you are pretty good at writing. Get one because a second pair of eyes will catch things you don’t. Read your own stuff out loud. If you trip over it, your audience will too. If you stumble, so will they.

Get a beta who isn’t afraid to tell you that your shite stinks in places and you make no sense. You may want a cheerleader, but what you need is a beta. If you are super lucky, you can have both at once.

What do you do when you hit writer's block?

I play computer games and sew things. I’ve sewn a lot of things lately. Scrub caps and masks for work—

There has been a lot of writer’s block lately due to the times, and I will not write when I’m uninspired. I will not force inspiration. That’s not fair to me or those unfortunate enough to share in the reading. I want to be able to go back on a story I wrote and enjoy it and not curse at myself. XD

Has anything in real life trickled down into your writing?

Sometimes certain catch phrases and things from real life friends have trickled in as a sort of Easter egg (unbeknownst to them since I don’t tell them I write fanfic). Sometimes random news stories or whatnot find their way in. Lessons of the day. Random events. Things that are too odd not to stick in my brain somehow. I can’t say I always do it on purpose, though.

Do you have any stories in the works? Can you give us a teaser?

No, I have a goal this year to finish off the unfinished stories. This is made harder because Dragon and the Rose keeps adding more and more bunnies into the idea bin, and my brain wants to run with them, but I’m like NO DANGIT, I HAVE STUFF TO FINISH STILL! It’s a hard thing trying to finish what you start when so much interesting stuff pops up and waves at you like “heeeeeyyyyy I’m cool too!”

Any words of encouragement to other writers?

Keep writing but remember you can always be better. You can always improve. Writing isn’t a popularity contest. It isn’t about how many reviews you get or how many fans you may or may not have. Write because you want to write. Write what you like not what other people like. Write for you because in the end, you are the one who goes back to read it and say “I wrote this story, and I still love it” instead of forcing yourself to write something just because the topic is “popular” and gets a lot of visitors. Write something you’ll be proud to go back and read and enjoy. You’ll find when you write something genuinely, readers will come. And if only one person leaves you a paragraph review on how much your story meant to them out of someone else’s hundreds of “great!” (with nothing else)-- think of what you value more.

If my story helped someone through a dark time.

Just one person—

Then it was a good effort.

Maybe that person didn’t have the bravery to leave a message. Maybe they are ashamed. Maybe they send you a PM instead of a review.

That is, to me, the ultimate reason why I realised that despite writing stories for myself that there are people out there that needed to hear my story at just the right time in their life. If my story can bring a little joy to someone else, then it doesn’t matter how many reviews I have. It doesn’t matter that I don’t have thousands of reviews like “that other author.” What matters is that I told my story; someone out there read it and it spoke to them.

I love hearing from people and what they liked about my stories, but I also am glad that there are some people out there who secretly like my stories but do not feel safe enough to review.

So, I would say to the aspiring author: write for yourself but share it. You never know whose day you will make with your story. They may never tell you. They may tell you years later (happened to me!). There is a good chance that someone out there needs your story as much as you need to write it. That being said, find yourself a beta to share your journey with you. You may find a few friend in the process.

Thanks so much for giving us your time.

You are quite welcome.

#fanfiction #fanfic #ss/hg #snamione #writing

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babyklovesmovies · 4 years

Audio

I’ve been curating this for a while but I figured I’d finally share it, here’s my Widojest musical theater playlist that gives me all the feels and I play on repeat until Critical Role comes back into my life.

1. “You Were Always a Better Dancer Than Me, Astrid” -Autumn Orange

Just a good one to start things off featuring a moment where we first got that glimpse into our smelly wizard boys feelings for a blue tiefling.

2. “The Color of Your Eyes” -Daddy Long Legs

If you haven’t heard of the musical Daddy Long Legs, DEFINITELY check it out. I have a lot of songs from the musical on here because I get SUCH Caleb and Jester vibes from the two main characters. In this song I imagine Jester is writing in her journal to the Traveler and telling him all about the “blue eyed” wizard she just met.

3. “The Man I’ll Never Be” -Daddy Long Legs

“If I tell you the truth at least, would I lose your esteemed affection. Would you hate me and curse my name? I'd only have myself to blame” Caleb has always been terrified of Jester finding out about the full extent of his past and the murder of his parents/man he used to be mostly because he would risk never having her see him the same way again.

4. “Charity” -Daddy Long Legs

With this song I constantly am reminded of the “I’m the transmutation wizard but you’re the one who changes people...” moment. I mean you can just hear it in the lyrics “How easier it is to give than to let yourself receive. For what you have given me came out of the blue. What you have done for me I never could do. Charity. Just who is helping who?”

5. “I’m A Beast (Reprise)” -Daddy Long Legs

If Jester ever does find out, I imagine our self deprecating wizard boy would say something along these lines.

6. “The Secret of Happiness” -Daddy Long Legs

Just imagine this song paired with the Widogast’s Unicorn Hamster Amber moment and it will give you all the feels. “I've discovered, The secret of happiness is, All the stars that shine....That her happiness is more precious than mine...”

7. “Popular” -Wicked

Added for obvious Laura Bailey C2E2 2018 reasons ; ) Jester is giving our stinky wizard boy a makeover.

8. “Waving Through A Window” -Dear Evan Hanson

Caleb closes himself off from the world and from other people because he’s so afraid of hurting them like he did his parent’s but ultimately he’s hurting himself. “Step out, step out of the sun. If you keep getting burned. Step out, step out of the sun. Because you've learned, because you've learned...”

9. “If I Could Tell Her” -Dear Evan Hanson

Caleb was one of the first members of the group to really see through Jester’s happy go lucky front and notice the feelings Jester keeps hidden deep down. Think especially the “I think it is an act. She is an amazing woman but talent is different then happiness” moment when Jester is dancing by herself. “And he wondered how you learned to dance. Like all the rest of the world isn't there But he kept it all inside his head. What he saw he left unsaid If I could tell her.”

10. “Suddenly Seymour” -Little Shop of Horrors

Caleb has always been there for her waiting in the wings and I just also think of Jester with the “daddy left early, mama was poor” line. (Though on the contrary, The Ruby of the Sea is doing VERY well ;)

11. “I Know It’s Today” -Shrek the Musical

This is mostly a Jester song, Jester spent years shut up in her room like a blue Rapunzel. That can do a lot to a person.

12. “In My Own Little Corner” -Cinderella the Musical

Also another Jester song, while being shut up in her room, Jester’s imagination can still roam free. Who knew that her imagination would create a god? ;)

13. “Pulled” -Addams Family

Imagine Caleb singing this one, at the start of the campaign he was much more closed off but Jester’s perkiness can really rub off on a person and bring out the jokester underneath. Caleb is making more jokes and smiling more when Jester’s around. Though losing those defenses can be scary, especially when you have so much to protect with a past like Caleb’s.

14. “Who I’d Be” -Shrek the Musical

When I hear this song I immediately think of the moment when the others ask Caleb what he would have done after the Academy if he hadn’t met Trent and he wistfully mentioned how maybe he would have been a teacher with a lot of books and things to teach. But he doesn’t think he deserves such happiness.

15. “I Think I Got You Beat” -Shrek the Musical

Think of early Jester and Caleb when they would argue about dirtiness or the differences in how they view money. Also keep in mind the hard pasts they both have had to overcome to get to where they are now and how they aren’t as different as they would think.

16. “Heaven’s Light” -Hunchback of Notre Dame

My poor boy Caleb is “uselessly in love” with Jester but he never believes that he deserves Jester’s light. “I knew I'd never know, That warm and loving glow Though I might wish with all my might, No face as hideous as my face, Was ever meant for Heaven's light..”

17. “Unworthy of Your Love” -Assassins

Kind of in the same vein of the previous song, Caleb doesn’t believe he deserves someone as perfect and wonderful as Jester. Also, Jester as Squeaky Fromme pining after a cult leader like the Traveler seems pretty fitting ; )

18. “Evermore” -Beauty and the Beast

“I'll never shake away the pain, I close my eyes but she's still there, I let her steal into my melancholy heart, It's more than I can bear”. Jester just has that effect on people. You can’t hide your heart forever Caleb.

19. “Being Alive” -Company

As Caleb starts opening up to the group more, he grows more confident and starts thinking maybe he does want people in his life. Maybe he does deserve love. Also, think of Yasha as the rest of the company urging him along like the classic “Do you love her?” scene.

20. “That’s How You Know” -Enchanted

Yasha and Nott being the unlikely matchmakers nudging Caleb along to open up more about his feelings always makes me smile, against Caleb’s classic pessimism.

21. “Lost in the Woods” -Frozen 2

Think Caleb and the group searching for Jester all that time after she was kidnapped. Maybe insert Frumpkin instead of Sven. ; )

22. “What Do You Know About Love?” -Frozen the Musical

Jester was cooped up for so long she has no idea what love is supposed to be besides what she reads about in her smut books. With this song, just think about the moment when Caleb and Jester were discussing Jester’s feelings for Fjord and what being in love is about.

23. “Inside Out” -Gentleman’s Guide to Love And Murder

Think the “Frumpkin is stored in my heart...then you must have a really big heart!” moment. Jester sees the good person within Caleb and his enormous heart. “An oyster shell itself is unassuming, But look inside, you'll find a pearl The man who otherwise is unpresuming, May share the same blood as an Earl.”

24. “Shall We Dance?” -King And I

The waltz scene. That’s all I gotta say.

25. “I Could Have Danced All Night” -My Fair Lady

Caleb could have danced forever with Jester. I was hoping they would have a reprise at the party but no such luck.

26. “I See The Light” -Tangled

Again, the Widogast Amber Lights moment gave me MAJOR floating lights in Tangled vibes and I was HERE FOR IT.

Anyhoo, thank y’all for going on this musical journey with me. Word on the street is Critical Role might be coming back soon (but I hope they take the time they need to be as safe as possible). Until then I will continue to eat these small Widojest crumbs and play this song on repeat.

All credit for the cover art I referenced in the playlist goes completely to https://hla-rosa.tumblr.com/, please check them out!

#widojest #caleb widogast #jester lavorre #jester #caleb #critical role #musical theater #mighty nein #broadway #liam o'brien #laura bailey

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anitmb · 4 years

Text

Part 1 of how I run my game

Was wondering if you have any guidelines on how you run your sims3

So I got this ask and a request from @lilidebergerac to talk about how I run my game.

First the technical part of trying to create a smooth runing game

- I use awesomemod, and almost all Nraas mods.

- I don’t have SP on.

- I don’t use memories (the constant snapping of pictures for all sims is just an insane way to slow down your hood and save)

- I also play fairly small worlds. I’m currently playing in Greymont Bay, which is a big world, but I’m playing the empty version and building my own lots.

- I also use small lots (less things for the game to load when entering the lot). In my current hood i didn’t replace all the big lots in the city center with smaller ones, but I did build small buildings on those lots.

For example this bakery is on a 30x30 lot, but the actual bilding is quite small.

Here is an overview of my town. Even though the long lot is (maybe) 50x20 it’s still quite lightly built.

I also like small residential lots. Not only does this help keep the game running smoother, but it also helps with decorating. It’s easier to make a tiny lot look cozy, than a huge one.

- My main hood currently only has the 6 founding families, but I will at some point do some family planning so the population doesn’t grow too big.

- I’m also playing an uberhood in another save and currently it’s the SV sims and Moonlight Fall sims and so far it’s been running quite nicely, but the save times are long compared to my main hood. And they will get longer when I integrate more sims into the hood.

Then the technical part that just fits my gameplay

- I have disabled tourists and paparazzies and all the performing sims from SHT. I also disable starys, wild horses and the unicorn. Disabling strays and the horses is actually a game performance trick as well. Also my strays are always very buggy, so I can’t even adopt them.

- I also disabled any random sims moving into the hood. I only want my people to populate the world.

- I have disabled all sting sounds using Jonha’s mod.

- I’ve also disabled all music using twoftmama’s mod at naughty sim asylumn, but I can’t link to that, because it requires registration and I have lost my password and I’m not receiving a reset-email.

Disabling the sound is such a god send. I have honestly forgotten how noisy TS3 is unmodded, when every fulfilled want has a whole choir singing you praise :D

- I have also disabled many silly things that I don’t like. For example zombies.

- I bury my dead in the tomb because I don’t really care for ghosts and that’s again some lag save when you don’t have them roaming around.

- I also always delete the time traveller machine when it appears in a new hood. I don’t want my game cogged with future travelling.

- In my current hood I’m still debating will I ever allow my sims to travel. Honestly there is no need for this as the world has basically everything from beaches to dive spots to water to boat on.

- I don’t use any of the game options that generate random sims like the date finder. I also disable any “generate random sim”, options for example bringing back random sims when using the ambition time travelling machine.

I’m sure there are more things I do but can’t remember right now :)

I will write part two, which will be more of a how I play the game, next week.

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thisnerdsadventures · 4 years

Text

i accepted a job offer!

it’s been like four years coming, but now announcing the next adventure i will embarking on after college: i’m really excited to share that I accepted a full-time software engineering position at Stripe! (a mid-sized company focused on payment platforms, responsible for a large portion of e-commerce, chances are that if you’ve ever bought something on the internet, your money’s probably gone through Stripe) If you thought that this blog would die after I graduated, you were wrong haha you cannot get rid of my shit content

How it happened

The past few months have been a lot of interviewing (read: a lot), a lot of leetcoding, and a lot of managing timelines and emails. I actually haven’t slept through the night since like September because of my anxiety levels (which is really bad!!!!) so I’m really glad that this whole thing is over. My application season started in mid- to late- August: I had a goal of applying to one company every day, and I kept that up for a couple weeks. Going in, I kind of had a plan of what kind of companies I wanted to apply to - I was planning on taking my return offer originally, but I wanted a few more potential offers to have negotiation leverage when the time came, and I also wanted to see what was out there too. A couple places also reached out to me, so I followed up with them. All in all, I ended up pursuing 10 companies across big tech, a couple unicorns, and some finance firms.

Interview Hell

I have this grand idea of writing a really in-depth guide to how to do interviews + how to find internships + how to handle the system because there are a lot of weird tips and tricks that make it a thousand times easier to get a job, but only if you’re in the know (which is really dumb, as the industry is still pretty gate-keepy). But until then, I’ll just talk about what the interview process was like after this. So I heard back from a lot of those companies asking for what we call “online assessments”, which are basically timed coding tests where you have to code a solution to problem(s) in some x number of minutes or hours. These questions range from coding merge sort to coding a recursive dynamic programming solution to some optimization problem. A lot of companies send these out to everyone and then resume screen, and some might resume screen and then send these out. I admittedly didn’t prepare too much for these, I got pretty lucky and knew how to do most of the problems based off of the years of practice I’d had already (turns out coding every day for like 3 years is actually really good practice already).

A couple companies skipped ahead to the first round phone interview stage. After the online assessments, I got a wave of several first round interview requests, which are usually over the phone for an hour. One of them was a Karat interview, which is some third party, unbiased interview company, and all I remember from this was trying gauge how I did from the body language of my interviewer’s tiny Zoom screen, and I could tell absolutely nothing. It was nerve-wracking. One phone interview lasted for 20 minutes out of the hour it was supposed to take, and I thought I had failed on the spot. I did actually leetcode in preparation for these problems, and most of them ended up being easy - medium questions, usually simple applications with tricky twists, like implementing certain data structures from scratch with O(1) runtime methods. Most of these were early-mid September, squeezed into hour-long breaks in my day.

Final Round Hell

After all these, I ended up moving forward in all of those interviews to the final round, which are usually series of 3-4 video interviews, back to back, usually technical in nature. I thought the one hour phone screens were rough, but this was a real test of stamina. This is also where timing got really tricky for me, because I was trying to time my interviews such that any offers I got would align together in as much of an overlapping window as possible, so that I could negotiate offers a lot easier and see all my options at once.

Preparation for this was also hell - it was a lot of Leetcoding, a lot of interview research online, a lot of going over my stories. I vary between three main stories for all the possible behavioral questions people could ask me: the nonprofit project Amplify that my friends and I worked on, my intro CS class final project, and my previous internship project. In the end though, it was a Lot of leetcoding, I learned so much about graphs and searches and backtracking and DP, I cannot even tell you. I haven’t thought about topological sort since 2017. And somehow, some way, it actually came up in one of my interviews, and WOW i knocked that one out of the park.

My Stripe final round was actually one of the first ones I had way back in mid-September. It was four interviews back to back, three technical, and one more behavioral. I remember feeling generally confident, but not 100% afterwards, mostly just exhausted. Most of my on-sites were in early-mid October - I think I had six days of final interviews over 2 weeks, so I was literally about to pass out at all times. I was really looking forward to travelling this semester too for final rounds (I would’ve gone to New York, Chicago, SF/Bay, Detroit ..... sad). I also had several calls with career centers, people from different companies, recruiters, other info sessions, etc. I started out wearing nice clothes, but in the end, it was over for me - I was in sweats and a tshirt. In this two week period, I was lucky enough to grab a few offers - my return offer, but also a few offers from other companies, including Stripe, whom, at this point, I had given up all hope on, since they told me in late September that they wouldn’t know whether they’d have a spot for me. I remember getting the call back while picnicking with my friends, absolutely shocked I was in the position that I was.

Decision Sweat

At the end of the day, from the places I interviewed with, I ended up getting official offers from 5 places (1 of them being my return offer), 1 tentative offer (I think they ghosted me though because my deadline was too soon), 1 ghost (again, my deadline was too soon so I think they gave up on me), and 1 reject (that one was a really rough interview).

Let me be clear - I hate decision making. I am really bad with any sort of decisions. This process was worse than my college application decision. I’ll make a separate post in about a month or so detailing why I made the decision I made to go to Stripe instead of back to Google, but broadly it was because I wanted to try something new and take risks. It was a really hard decision because my last internship was really awesome and I loved the team I worked on, but ultimately the lack of a guarantee of returning to that team and the allure of working at a new place was too much to overcome. I talked about this every day with my friends and family and mentors, I made a whole decision matrix, but at the end of the day, I did end up flipping a coin on Facetime. Stripe was tails, and the coin flipped tails, and then I screamed and went to sleep. so that was that

I really have to thank the people in my life for bearing with me during this period - I think I must’ve been really obnoxious with how much I was talking about it, but I’m glad that they were there to hear me out every time I flipped my decision. And more generally, my friends and family were the reason I got through MIT, and did all the cool things that I talked about in my interviews and pushed me to learn and strive for the best. And most importantly, they’re the ones who celebrate my interests and accomplishments and push me to try new things. [this whole blog post is one sappy rant about how much i love my friends and how they got me to where i am ok end rant end post]

#what should i tag this now that im out of college #SWE

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woofety · 4 years

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@valentinaonthemoon tagged me to say 6 random things about myself - thank you, dear, and also grazie, cara!! <333

Let’s start with a thing I actually succeded in doing this year: I finally managed to lose a bit of weight! Last year in November I had enough and started to gradually work out and eat a bit better and I lost almost 19 kg! It was kind of a nightmare, considering my overall lazy and greedy ass and the fact that I haven’t been slim and in shape since I was a little kid, it’s a result I’m rather proud of! I’m still hoping I’ll be able to lose another 5 kg (my aim would be 55kg), but more importantly let’s hope I can mantain it because damn there are periods in which I definitely struggle to eat correctly, especially as in my family we are generally people who enjoy more caloric dishes (so you can imagine the struggle during the festivities, for example), and well, I’m Italian, so yeah, you get the gist, we have pretty good food and recipes here! But I made all this effort to arrive where I am, I have no intention of going back to where I was if I can have a say about it, damn it!

After receiving the thrilling news that “All I want for Christmas” by Mariah Carey is the n.1 hit of these festivities once again, and given that I already couldn’t stand listening to it on the 3rd November, last night I was randomly searching for a metal cover on YT just for to have a laugh about it and I found this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEy6VCBtALs. Result: I spent the entire evening listening to this madman making metal covers of songs, some of which I never thought they could be conceived! It was an entertaining night for sure!!

I’m developing an unhealthy (because it might lead me to buy them) love for Funkos - but, I mean, look at these cuties:

(yes they’re about to leave to Lapland for their next mission :p - you can’t see it in the picture but at where the sign points there are other shelves in which there are little statues of Santa and his elves - beat that as a “magical place” Phil lol )

I don’t even know how this started, the point is I was first gifted with a Dumbledore Funko by a friend (I didn’t really get the reason why Dumbledore since I never expressed a particular preference over him, but whatever, it’s still pretty cute and his gown matches the violet/lilac tone of my bedroom, where he is currenty stationed), then I couldn’t resist buying the Goose Funko I found at Disney Store and, shortly after I started watching Agents of SHIELD and worshipping Melinda May, I found that her Funko existed so after some debating with myself whether I should spend my money in such a trivial way I concluded that I decided to treat myself so I bought her; after that could I leave her all alone? Of course not, so Coulson arrived! At some point I guess I’ll buy Daisy as well so the family is reunited at last! Anyway, all this was to say that I have another mighty need in this department:

CARA DUNE!!!!!!! SHE’S SO FREAKING CUTE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO STAY AWAY FROM HER?!!?! Well, right now I’m resisting, let’s open bets as to how long it will last lmao!! And there was another one first I fell in love with:

:’D I told you I have a problem! XD

I am here writing this ridicolousness while instead I have to finish decorating a goddamned tea box my mother and I wanted to give as a gift to her friend, and given that according to me it hasn’t turned out so well (I hate rice paper, I repeat, I HATE RICE PAPER), my mother thinks it’s fine, moreover we already struggled a lot but managed to install a forsaken closure because the box originally didn’t have one and the lid didn’t perfectly close the box, so I have to finish this thing instead of following my instinct to throw it in the trash straight away... And what I have to do next is glue a canvas stripe all around the box along with a button and shells... I’m sure I will finally make a mess with the canvas stripe, I’m certain of it, but I’ll have to at least try and pray to be able to give that... thing... to her in a decent state... *sigh* This, if I haven’t screwed up already with the glitters I decided to put in the picture - I don’t know yet, I have to wait until the glue dries... In the meantime I might as well transform in a unicorn for all the glitter I have on me! Oh, not to mention that before I began this project I already was making little pictures that I wanted to hang in my kitchen... Guess with what? RICE PAPER! Why do I inflict these stupid ideas upon myself? *facepalms*

I only recently installed Whatsapp on my phone, despite my annoyance with it, Zuckerberg and so called “social networks” in general (says the one who has been on Tumblr for years, but I don’t really count this one :p ) but it seems that people believe it is easier to communicate this way, instead of sending SMS, and while I have to agree regarding sending pictures or videos, for mere text messages, apart from the character limit per message (something you may guess I have always struggled with :p ), I don’t really see what need there is of another app to communicate with people... Given that the main reason I did it is to contact people for “business” and such and not to use it to send every single stupid thing to friends (I tolerate it as long as it’s occasional and with people I’m close with but I’m generally annoyed by continuous calls and messages so I wouldn’t stand people showering me with tons of messages on a daily basis, something that I sometimes see happening to my parents and friends) and that to friends (who actually already know my “allergy” to all this) I explained once again not to go crazy on me, threatening (even if as a joke) to use the blessed “block” option, I just hope that some people who have my number and I haven’t seen or heard from in a while (and with reason) won’t take this as a suggestion to rekindle anything (it would be also pretty hypocrite from their part, since I haven’t changed my number in years and they theoretically had always had the chance ro call or text me, with or without Whatsapp), because I won’t have any of it!!

I won’t go away for the festivities, apart from maybe a one-day-trip to San Marino for my birthday, as I’ve never seen it during Christmas and I haven’t been there for two years and well, I miss that place, after going for many years for the Medieval fair... I hope I’ll manage to do it! In the meantime I would like to visit again one or two museums in my city, and who knows, hopefully next year is the year in which I finally go visit the Uffizi in Florence - I have wanted to go there for years, but the few times I went to Florence I never managed to take some time to visit the museum; my plan is now to go to Florence just for that and spend the entire day in it, no distractions whatsoever (and on my own, so I can freely visit what I want and at my pace, not having to accomodate the needs of anyone else I travel with)! >:)

#valentinaonthemoon #tag games #sort of #ok I really have to go back to the box #update: the glitters turned out fine and actually they made the picture slightly better covering some imperfections #(lol 'imperfections' is an understatement)#I'm now in the middle of applying the canvas stripe WISH ME LUCK #btw I hope in the next days I'll have a bit more time and energy to reply and comment to posts and messages here #I'd like to already jump to the day following my birthday to hopefully have some more relaxing days #long post

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kbrown78 · 5 years

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Monthly Wrap Up: July

July didn't quite go how I planned it to. First, there was my families vacation to South Carolina. I brought several books with my because I thought I would just be able to crank out within a few days, but our stay was much shorter than usual and even during traveling I wasn't able to read as much for various reasons (fear of planes and driving in the dark). So in that time frame I was only able to complete 3 books, which was good but nowhere near what I was hoping. Than work started getting busy, and I had to deal with some graduate school stuff, so I didn't have as much time for reading. That all being said I was still able to complete 10 books, most of which were good and I gave 3 or 4 stars to (there were a few notable exceptions), and accomplished various reading goals, like completing the Reading Frenzy's Runaway with the Circus Readathon (which consisted of 6 prompts) and did my classic of the month. I will also say this month had a huge variety of books, both in the genre and status, and while I still definitely gravitate toward adult fantasy, I feel like picking up books outside of my preferred genre is becoming easier as I end up liking more and more of those selections. To summarize, despite not getting to all the books I wanted to and the three 1 star reads, this month was really solid and I definitely found some books that I could add to my favorites of the year.

Morning Star by Pierce Brown: Darrow must complete the mission of the Sons of Ares, to break the chains of Society, but the events of the previous book have completely changed things. With dwindling resources and allies, Darrow and the Sons of Ares make a final stand against the tyranny of the Sovereign and the Jackal. Upon rereading this book, I'm definitely glad that Brown is continuing the series because I don't think this works well as a finale. When I read the last book in the series, I want to feel that full emotional impact and want a sense of resolution from the ending. I'm not saying everything needs to be completely fixed, I like having a few loose threads, but this ending leaves me with such a sense of uncertainty that I almost feel anxious, which is not something I want from a finale. My biggest issue with this book was probably the pacing of the book, and how everything was just rushed so it could be crammed into one last book. I know there's a lot that this book had a ton it needed to cover, and without a doubt one of this series strongest feature is its action, but something was off and this seemed to produce a ripple effect that tainted other elements of this book. The stakes didn't feel as high, despite the fact that they were potentially world ending stakes. Characters arcs were incomplete, with only Darrow and Sevro having really progressed in any way (and even then I have mixed feelings about Darrow's arc), and romances were really forced into the narrative with little chemistry between the couples. New characters that were added in honestly had little impact. There was, however, 1 major highlight of this book, and really the whole series. That was the villain, The Jackal. As a villain, he is terrific. He's terrifying, amoral, cunning, and deceptive. He isn't a fighter, but that's what makes him so dangerous, because he knows how to get others to do the fighting so that all opponents underestimate him. His petty grievances against his family, and self worth issues make him human, but he is anything but humane. He's honestly one of the best villains, ever. Morning Star was a fun, enjoyable read, but it really lacked the development that it needed to elevate and complete it, and as a finale it really is disappointing. Morning Star received 3 out 5 stars and for the Circus Readathon was my pick for the Flyer prompt “a book set in space.”

Out of the Easy by Ruta Sepetys: When I completed Sepetys novel Salt to the Sea, I loved it so much that I decided to read the rest of her books. I took this one with me when I went on vacation because I would be in South Carolina, and since this book is set in the south I thought it would be the perfect time to read it. This is a historical fiction set in New Orleans during the 1950s. Josie is the daughter of a prostitute with big dreams of leaving behind all the prejudice and brothel that she has grown up in and starting fresh with a college education from a prestigious college. I admit I had high standards going into this one because of Salt to the Sea, and while Out of the Easy wasn't as good, I still liked it. There were a few hiccups however. This narrative lacked direction at times, to the point where things just stalled, with no action or quiet moments. I also didn't like the romance. It wasn't awful but very predictable and just didn't have enough substance or development, especially when compared to almost every other relationship. The one other thing I struggled with was the setting itself. The writing just didn't convey the vibrancy of New Orleans, which is shame because New Orleans has such a colorful reputation. Most of these complaints, however, were minor and this book managed to pull of a really solid, more mature narrative without being depressing. Characters were the highlight of this book because all of them had a life like quality to them, but the best one was probably Josie. Watching as various relationships shape who she is, working hard to achieve her dreams, and having to tackle disappointments and harsh realities made her She's definitely a flawed individual, but I think that at least makes her relateable and sympathetic. Still not as good as Salt to the Sea, but a decent good and one of the better historical fiction novels that I've read. Out of the Easy received 4 out 5 stars.

Stories of Your Life and Others by Ted Chiang: Since I was going on vacation, I just wanted a nice quick read, and I tend to overall like short story collections. I wasn't sure what I expected going into this, I think I was hoping for something like Ken Liu's Paper Menagerie anthology, but that wasn't what this collection was. It was exclusively science fiction stories (though there were a couple stories that blurred the lines) but the most surprising aspect was definitely how many hard SF stories there were, which is a sub genre I'm not comfortable with yet. Those stories were definitely my least favorite because not only did I disliked what they focused on, physics theorems and mathematical proofs (which I've always struggled with) but also from a writing stand point these stories were the weakest. There were several issues present in most of the stories (weak endings, cold tone, impersonal characters, and disjointed narratives) but they were just really all present and emphasized in the 2 hard SF stories (Story of Your Life and Division by Zero). On the bright side, there was some very good stories that I really loved that I think nailed everything a short story should be. My favorite 2 stories were Tower of Babylon and Seventy Two Letters, both of which would get 5 stars. The individual stories get mixed reviews from me, ranging from poor 1 star, to average 3 star, to excellent 5 star, and despite the fact that execution felt weak in most of the stories, most of the stories at least had some interesting themes. Overall thought it was a decent collection and I'm glad I read it, but I wish I had known it would be just SF stories. As a whole, Stories of Your Life and Others received 3 out 5 stars.

The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle: This is classic fantasy story that somehow managed to stay under my radar until a couple years ago. I honestly didn't expect much out of it, but at the very least it would be a quick, easy read, with a simple premise of the last unicorn going on a quest to find the rest of her kind. After completing this one, it actually managed to exceed my expectations. It definitely hit all the beats of a classic fantasy: a long quest, medieval European setting and myths, wicked king, magic and prophecy. There's a lot of elements about the book that could make me dislike it, because I have struggled with several epic fantasy novels in just this past year. The difference is that The Last Unicorn is significantly shorter than the other books, and that is without a doubt what makes it work for me. Instead of dragging the story out as long as possible to make it seem grand and epic (because everyone's trying to emulate Tolkien), Beagle gets right to the point and keeps everything at a smaller scale. This pays off because almost every scene feels worthwhile and I'm actually invested in the characters, who were all interesting and well written. Even things I would normally irritate me, I thought was well done. Specifically the prophecy aspects of the narrative. Prophecies are so overused, and rarely done well, they usually make the story feel cheap. In The Last Unicorn, the prophecy wasn't a fundamental part of the story, but it did add layers and the way it played out was done in such a poetic way that it really was a satisfying addition to the narrative. There were also some great themes in this story, in fact the whole thing felt like a mystical allegory for growing up, and I personally love finding good coming of age narratives. There was a lot about this novel that just worked for me and I thought was well executed, but there were a few missteps. Most were minor, like one filler scene (that was a bit weird), and the juxtaposition of modern pop culture reference being present in a medieval setting, but the biggest issue I had was the ending. It was a vague and just felt like I was missing something (though I can't pin point exactly what), but the ending definitely dropped the rating a little. All in all this was a solid fantasy that stands the test of time, and I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a good stand alone fantasy novel. The Last Unicorn received 4 out 5 stars and was one of the books I read for the Reading Frenzy's “Runaway with the Circus” Readathon.

Brisingr by Christopher Paolini: Long books can be a struggle to get through, especially if you become increasingly frustrated with the story, and oh boy was that the case for this one. Over 700 pages, and I'd say about 600 of those pages was just filler. Most of the story was dedicated to sub plots which I think were supposed to add to the characters and the world (like the Dwarves electing a new king) and the only events that tied the book to the rest of the series was at the very beginning and end of the book, which makes the entire book feel unnecessary. To add insult to injury, this tome of a book was almost exclusively in the POV of people I didn't care about. Eragon was annoying at first, but now he's just bland because his purpose in this book seemed to just be a mouth piece to spew exposition. There's also the detail of him having made allegiances to everyone he comes in contact with, and while this could have been an interesting plot point and character flaw (since everyone points out that he's basically spread himself to thin) nothing really comes of it. Roran got a lot more screen time in this book, and I hated his POV in the second book and I disliked it even more in this one, because he doesn't do anything and doesn't deserve all the leadership he gets. He's basically a discount Eragon, his chapters were so grating that I just started skipping them all together. The ultimate slap in the face though, was the removal of Nausada's POV. She's my favorite character, by far, the most complex, and I really felt her absence. In general I was so disconnected from the story and the characters, that after days of finishing it I honestly don't remember most of what happened. It sucks because not only was this a favorite series of mine as a child, but also because I see glimpses of potential for this series to be elevated for adult audiences but nothing is done with it. I'll read the last book at some point, just to finish the series, but I'm in no rush to get to what will probably another disappointing tome. Brisingr received 1 out 5 of stars.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson: For a little over a year I've wanted to read this book. Granted it's a mystery which falls out of my usual genre, but it was receiving enough attention to make me curious. Almost immediately I had issues with this book, and those issues stretch through the entire narrative. First is the writing style. Larsson (or at least the translator, since this was originally published in Sweden) seems to use a very dry style, utilizing the precise words that are needed. I have a history of disliking books with a dry style and this one was no exception. The result was that I was honestly bored, felt like I was reading a lot of filler that focused on what exactly everyone looked like and what they were doing, and just in general very detached from the narrative. The other part of this book that was off putting for me was the sexuality and sexual violence. Like this is definitely a novel I would only recommend for an adult audience. I already knew there was going to be a rape scene with Salander, but there was more than just that, which I was not expecting. It just builds up, from the male protagonist constantly having casual sex, to the way men regard Salander, to Salander being explicitly raped twice, then a missing person case turning into a hunt for a sexual sadist with a trail of bodies. It was so bleak and really turned me off from the narrative. Combining the writing style and sex, and I ended up skimming the majority of the book, because every time I tried to fully read, I just felt worn down. Speaking of which the mystery narrative wasn't that good. I've seen worse but I wasn't invested in this one at all, there were some notable holes in it, and toward the end it was pretty obvious who was the killer. I wasn't invested in the characters because they basically felt like archetypes that I either disliked or had seen way too many times, although Salander did manage to have a few shining moments. Basically there was nothing that I liked about this story: the tone, the writing, the violence, the characters, and the story itself. I personally would recommend just watching the movie if you're curious about this one, since I could see it potentially being better in movie format. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo received 1 out 5 stars and was my pick for the PopSugar prompts: “set in Scandinavia,” “published post humously,” and “features an amateur detective.”

Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell: The only reason I read this book is because I wanted to knock out some challenge reads. I didn't expect to love this one, it's not in a genre I gravitate towards and Rowell's books strike me as a mix between John Green and Nicholas Sparks novels, neither of which I have any interest reading. However, this novel fulfilled 2 prompts, so I really needed to get this one done. Honestly, this one felt like I was reading fanfiction. The writing was choppy and juvenile, the dialouge was awkward and unnatural, the characters were card board cutouts made from a collection of cliques, there was no chemistry with the romance (love interest was a bit of creep at times), and whenever there was a plot it was melodramatic moments that the author was trying to force. Even though this was supposed to be a coming of age book, with the protagonist going off to college, and being in a fandom (with the fictional fandom being a blatantly gay Harry Potter), it delivered on none of that. If you want a good book on fandoms, with a well written protagonist with social anxiety, I would skip this book and just read Eliza and Her Monsters. Everything about this book was lazy and awkward and was even uncomfortable at moments, and I'm just glad I got it over with quickly. Fangirl received 1 out 5 stars and was my pick for the PopSugar prompts: “set on a college campus” and “author whose 1st and last name start with the same letter.”

The Strange Case of the Alchemist's Daughter by Theodora Goss: This book was in a word, fun. All this book wanted to do was tell a fun story, and I think it delivered on that. The whole story focuses on Mary Jekyll as she discovers that her late father was part of a secret organization of scientists that might be connected to a recent string of murders in London. Along the way she meets several other women in the same predicament as her, and together they work to stop the mysterious Society of Alchemists before it's too late. Loved how the whole book is just a nod to several iconic literary figures, especially of Victorian Literature, but it really focuses on the females and the effect that their “fathers” had on them. The way the book was written, as a sort of memoir with each of the girls adding in their own commentary, worked well because it gave us some insight to each of their personalities as well as making slight commentary on the Victorian Era. Surprisingly I also liked how the mystery was handled, because that's usually where a story comes crashing down for me. I think that's because it took it's time to develop and arise naturally, kept the stakes relatively small, and set the groundwork for a series long conflict. I thought Mary was a pretty good protagonist, a practical minded leader and good hearted individual. While the book keeps the plot simple, which worked, its also kept most of the characters simple, which did not entirely work. For most of the girls, and even other side characters, I felt like they weren't developed much outside of their original context. Which meant that I didn't feel much attachment to them, nor did I get a feel for their inner dynamics, which is rather important for group based stories. Granted the book didn't suffer too much from it and we have the whole just of the series to further develop them. In my opinion this book is ultimately just a fluffy story that's great for reading slumps. The Strange Case of the Alchemists Daughter received 4 out of stars and was my pick for the Circus prompt “Cotton Candy: a fluffy and light hearted read.”

Nevernight by Jay Kristoff: Hyped books always make me skeptical, because more often than not I've been burned by them. Initially I got this one as a gift for my sister because it seemed like the type of book she would enjoy, but I was intrigued because of all the praise it had been receiving. If the premise of this book sounds familiar, a young girl training to take revenge on a corrupt government that executed her family, that's because it is. At the start this book does feel just like a copy of Arya Stark's narrative, and even the rest of the story features overused tropes that I don't like (Mean Girl and Mean Teacher) but I think everything else about this book makes up for that. The world was really interesting, a blend of various real world time periods and cultures but injected a healthy amount of fantastical elements. Loved the Red Church and the various classes, aka Halls, because you actually get to see what the acolytes learn and how it would be useful. “Truths” was definitely my favorite because that was the class with poisons and chemicals. I also appreciate the fact that while this definitely is an adult fantasy, and has dark and grim elements, it never steps over the line of being bleak to an absurd degree like a lot of fantasy (adult and YA) currently is, which is nice because I hate grimdark books. Characters were all interesting to say the least because while each was unique, with their own quirks and motivations, they all have a cut throat streak to them since all are either assassins or training to be assassins. While I did like Mia and found her to be an excellent protagonist, she wasn't actually my favorite character, which speaks to how good the side characters were. All the relationships in this book were artfully done and really tugged on my emotions. Like I wanted to trust others and for true friendships to be developed, only for the rug to be ripped from under me and those relationships only to end in death or betrayal. Even liked the romance, which is saying something because it's hard for to find a romance I think works well (still didn't need the sex scenes though). As for the plot, I've already stated that there were some tropes and the story did drag at times, but overall I liked the story. I liked seeing the various twists and turns that it took, I thought the flashbacks were well utilized, all the pieces just clicked together, and by the end of the story I was on the edge of my seat with anticipation. There's also a matter of the footnotes, which I know some people don't like, but I personally liked them because of how they added world building but also conveyed the narrators wit. This book wasn't super original, but everything about this book was really solid and I honestly loved it. I'm eager to see where the rest of the series goes. Nevernight received 4.5 out 5 stars, and was my pick for the PopSugar prompt “religious setting,” and for the Circus Readthon prompts: “Big Top” (red, white, black colors on cover), “Grandstand” (hyped book), and “Ringmaster” (first book in a series).

The Art of War by Sun Tzu: Over the years, I've read a variety of books. Mostly fiction, mostly fantasy but I've also read plenty of non fiction and classics, yet this one is really isn't like any other book I've read. A blend of classical writing and non fiction, above all it's a book on military tactics. While the concept is good, and I did find this insightful, I don't read books that focus on military. It's such a dry, technical form of writing that I struggle to visualize and can't connect with, and as a result I just tend to glaze over battle scenes, even in fiction novels that I'm really liking. I also didn't like how the supplemental notes and translations were placed within the book, to the point where the writing felt very choppy, and I honestly struggled with getting through the last 50 or so pages. On that note, I think Art of War is an interesting read, that illuminates the delicate relationship between peace and war, and does make the subject of military strategy approachable and understandable, but the subject still isn't something up my alley, and there were times I was just bored when reading it (both due to the subject and the writing itself). The Art of War received 3 out 5 stars and was my classic read of the month.

Thank You Everyone

Keep Calm and Keep Reading

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greyjedireylo · 5 years

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"#it's tragic but truly excellently written tv shows from start to finish are like rare unicorns #i can pretty much name ones like that i've seen on only one hand" PLEASE NAME THEM PLEASE I'M DESPERATE

Breaking Bad (I know this feels like a basic bitch answer lmao but TRULY a master class of writing to the point where watching it feels like reading a really, really good, complex and layered and rife with symbolism but not in a heavyhanded or pretentious way book. it’s just really fucking good--tight and cohesive and intentional in a way tv shows rarely are.)

Avatar: The Last Airbender (putting aside my personal complaints about the endgame ships, essentially a perfect show from start to finish)

12 Monkeys (I’m always yelling at everyone to watch this show because no one watched it, but it’s so carefully crafted from start to finish, it’s honestly incredible how everything gets paid off by the end. includes my absolutely favorite take on the cyclical nature of time travel--when they try to prevent things from happening it’s the very act of doing that that makes it happen, which builds the stakes higher and higher and you think it all must end in tragedy but it builds to the most perfect and earned happy ending, I just can’t praise it enough.)

I think it’s a lot easier to write and end a comedy well, but a few of those that come to mind are Parks and Recreation and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, which were overall pretty solidly written and ended well (and knock on wood but I think The Good Place will too, but WE SHALL SEE)

#i would put fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood on here wholeheartedly but i am still technically 3 episodes from the end #and i've heard the americans is amazing from start to finish so i definitely need to check that one out too #asks

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ts-daydream-au-fanartfunart · 6 years

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Daydream AU Chronological Master-post

listenherebuddypalBecause I thought it might be helpful. Under the cut, so it’s easily updatable. (unless marked with ‘text post’ or ‘writing’ all of these are comics/art)

Initial Post/AU description.

Chrono link

notes: Related asks are nested within each other between page-breaks and/or ‘parent’ asks will have ‘child’ asks linked underneath indicated by a ‘->’. Newer content is un-bolded (other than w/in Concept Art). There will be occasional movement/duplication of asks that I’m unsure how to categorize (for that I apologize). Other than that, have fun and tell me if there’s any way I can make this master-post better/easier to read.

Concept Art:

Dragon Virgil

Dragon Patton/Stuffed animal hoard (mostly here because I used the Dragon Virgil design. ...and it’s cute, come on.)

Deceit’s Design

Thomas’s Design

-colored pics of Dragon V, Unicorn P, Fairy L, Roman & Thomas in one post.

Backstory:

Fairy Ring -Patton & Logan meet: 1 -- 2 -- 3

Patton- First Shapeshift (ask answer) -- Poachers ( ask answer, semi-prequel/sequel to First Shapeshift) -- HOOVES (ask answer, First Shapeshift sequel) --

Roman- Chase !!Manipulative Deceit!! (writing & ask answer)

Logan- Introductions (ask answer) -- Torn Wing !!Injury & Crying!! (ask answers -also found in Story Asks-): 1 -- 2 -- 3 (textpost) -- 4

Virgil- Dragons & Knights !!Death & Injury!!: 1 -- 2 -- 3 -- 4 (Virgil & Patton meet)

Main Story:

A Little Daydream (writing) -covers from the initial post to the first two comics.

“Please don’t turn me into a frog” -Roman meets a fairy.

“TADA”-Patton & Logan reunite.

Fireside (writing)

“MY SASH” -The reason Ro doesn’t have his sash.

Roman’s Reaction to meeting Virgil (ask answer)

Time to Meet Virgil

“Virgil if you-”

Light Logan ---(colored final panel)

Jam

Virgil’s got a human form? (ask answer)

“You look normal enough” -Roman brings his various magical friends into a village.

Homesickness

Home is... -- 1 -- 2 -- 3 -- 4 -- 5 -- 6 -- 7 -- 8 -- 9 -- 10

Non-Plot:

Sleepy Adventurers

“Hey, we’ve got the same glasses!” (text-post)

Roman & Thomas

Fairy!Logan doodles

Fire-breathing Virgil

Worldbuilding Asks:

Ages! (anon)

Virgil’s voice (anon)

Does Virgil have a tail? (anastasialestina)

Why was Logan hesitant on giving Patton his name? Text-post (anon)

How small/big can Logan get? (ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2)

How big can Virgil grow to be? (ifthecrownfitswearit)

Do things like Ghosts, Demons & Angels exist in this au? Text-post (puffthetrex)

If they’re traveling where do they sleep at night and where do they find food? And is Virgil a carnivore? Text-post (anon)

Does Virgil hunt? Text-post (anons)

So I’m guessing Logan’s of the Seelie court? Text-post (anon)

Aren’t faeries dangerous? Text-post (listenherebuddypal)

How does Two-headed Dee work? Text-post (artisticdragonwitch)

Had Roman ever seen a dragon before Virgil? Text-post (anon)

Story Asks:

Is Logan aware size-shifting isn’t very scientific? -this is the ask that caused a whole slew of theories that explained it... (justanotherpurplebutterfly)

How do Patton & Virgil meet? Text-post (anon)

3 questions- how did everyone meet, how did they react to Roman, & how did everyone react to Virgil’s human form? Text-post (anon)

Why does Patton Shapeshift into a Fairy & Roman as a form of transport (anon)

Logan’s reaction to Pat’s shapeshifting & how does Patton learn to control it? (anon)

You’re telling me Logan went a long time thinking Patton was captured by humans? Text-post (anon)

Where're Virgil & Logan’s families? (Dragons & Knights foreshadowing) (anon)

Do the others know about Virgil's past? (anon)

Art-Reply “Concerned Virgil”- asks in relation:

[What is logan's peripheral vision when standing on Virgil’s nose? (anon)

Patton can shapeshift that small -does he join along with Logan to see what he sees? (anon)

I just imagine Roman trying to join in on the fun, clinging to Virgil for dear life (anon)

Patton is Fairy Godmom Confirmed (fluidityandgiggles)

Why’s Virgil concerned? Text-post (anon) >> Technically aren’t they all small to Virgil? Text-post (anon)]

Seeing how Logan immediately examined virgil when he showed his human form... Text-post (anon)

Patton Dragon Shapeshift? (yamihatarou & anon)

Patton, have you ever shapeshifted into someone/smth female? (anon)

Gift-Ask (yoursdearesttravin)

Roman’s New Sash (the-cartoon-shwarma)

Who’s the most powerful one out of them? (anon)

-> How do you all describe power then? (enby-phoenix)

Does Virgil miss his mom? & Do the others comfort him? (reupload) (anon)

Do you miss home Roman? (justanotherpurplebutterfly)

-> Why is it Thomas’s fault you’re out here Roman? (anon)

Has Patton Shapeshifted into the same kind of appearance that Virgil’s human form is? (enby-phoenix)

-> Poor pat, did that hurt? (anon)

How does Virgil sleep in his human form? (reupload) (anon)

Will Virgil tell Roman what happened to his mom? (artisticdragonwitch & deafgirl-and-hercoven)

Patton, what’s your favorite thing about your friends? (deafgirl-and-hercoven)

Patton should get some saddle bags! (anon)

Explanations of saddlebags for Pat (thatrandomautist & anon)

Is Virgil ever without his cloak? (anon)

Did Virgil have a father? (anon)

Dragon Purrito & Can dragon’s purr? (this-is-ske)

Can Virgil purr as a human? text-post (anon)

Does Virgil’s human form look similar to Roman like it does w/ Patton? (anon)

Why did Logan stop wearing the fairy dresses? (anon)

-> Would Logan wear a dress again if Patton, Roman or Virgil made him one? (anon)

->> Would Logan be shy if wore a dress again? What if Patton made a dress for him? (anon)

You can’t live in the forest forever Roman. What’s your plan? (anon)

-> Well the first thing you need to do.... (anon)

Has Virgil given the others a ride on his back while flying? (ebony-wolf)

Ro, do the others know you ran away?... (the-cartoon-shawarma)

Do Roman & Virgil comfort each-other when homesick?--answered through “Homesickness” (the-cartoon-shawarma)

-> Roman, do you want to know what happened to Virgil’s mom? (deafgirl-and-hercoven)

->> So I guess Roman knows what happened to Virgil’s mom now? What does he think of that? (anon)

->>> Roman shouldn’t be supprised (anon)

What if (angsty idea)... (anon)

Does Roman ever get to see Thomas again? Is anyone looking for him? Does Thomas miss him too? (sher-soc-the-famder)

Hey Thomas! How are you? (pastel-anonymous)

-> A little stressed? Why not a lot?

(bromaster20)

You will find him, Thomas (anon)

Thomas do you know what happened to Roman? (deafgirl-and-hercoven)

-> Why not believe the kidnap unicorn part? (bromaster20)

->> Hate to break it to you but all stories have some truth to them.. (bromaster20)

Don’t worry Thomas, Roman’s on an Adventure! (anon)

Did logan ever get stuck on anything? (anon)

->> Lets Rephrase, Logan have you ever gotten stuck IN anything? (justanotherpurplebutterfly, coldmusiccollectorblog, & anons)

Hey Thomas, I’m sure he’s fine! (deafgirl-and-hercoven)

Would you mind talking about you and Roman, Thomas? Has something like this happened before? (sher-soc-the-famder)

Patton, what’s your favorite things to shapeshift into? (anon)

Joan, How’s that list Thomas gave you going? (anon)

Thomas are you worried about Roman, or are you mad? (anon)

-> Thomas how could you doubt Roman!? (anon)

Does Patton’s human form ever remind Roman of Thomas? (ajh-aaa)

Thomas don’t worry Roman’s fine! (the-cartoon-shawarma & anon)

-> Yeah, Roman’s homesick because he doesn’t think he can come home (anon)

Logan, how/when did you meet Virgil? (anon)

Thomas chill (anon)

Roman, do you think maybe Thomas is looking for you not for Treason, but because you’re his brother? (the-cartoon-shawarma)

Pat didn’t kidnap Roman (thatrandomautist & anon)

Joan, how do you feel about the fact that someone pretended to be you by shapeshifting? (anon)

Deceit, why did you drive Roman away from the castle? (anon)

Virgil, there’s no denying you’re adorable, I mean, at least Roman believes you’re handsome, right? (anon)

Logan and Virgil are adorable and Logan is small and huggable. Patton is just a dad, Deceit...he’s cool. 2 heads are better then one sometimes, and Roman.... (yoursdearesttravin)

-> Roman it ok!!!!!! (fangirltothefullest, coldmusiccollectorblog, demigod-in-tha-house, the-cartoon-sharwarma, & many anons)

->> Virgil! Patton! Quick, group hug! (bromaster20)

Wait. Did you imply that Deceit was Virgil’s dad? textpost (anachronistic-cat)

-> Is Deceit his brother? (the-doctor-demigod-wizard & anons)

->> Did they get along when they met? How old were they and how well does virgil remember him? (anon)

Has Logan ever torn/broken a wing? (anon)

-> oh no Logan what happened? (hiddendreamer67 & anons)

->> So I’m guessing Logan’s of the Seelie court? Text-post (anon)

->>> Did Logan’s wing get torn ‘cause he was thrown out of the court? (beyondthestacks, fangirltothefullest, & anons)

->>>> When Logan gets sad how do the others help him? (anon)

->>>>> “They shouldn’t have to make me choose...” did the Seelie court exile Logan because he befriended Patton? text-post (listenherebuddypal, fangirltothefullest, & anons)

Submission Posts:

A Logan Size-Shifting Theory (yoursdearesttravin)

Art Asks:

(includes any of the random non-story stuff. Ex: ask game art requests, most “Let Eat ...” Marco asks, most compliment asks, ect.)

I live for the Daydream AU (deafgirl-and-hercoven)

Baby Virgil, Logan, Patton & Roman (anon)

Dragon Virgil !!blood-lookalike warning!! (forrestwyrm)

Dragon Virgil ‘Look at him. He’s got Anxiety’ (anon)

Shy Fairy Logan (pendulumtess)

Soft Fairy Logan Reaction Doodle (anon)

Dragon Virgil w/kiddo (deafgirl-and-hercoven)

I gotta say Virgil looks hecka cool (anon)

Oh my gosh Virgil is adorable (enby-phoenix)

Love you, Virgil! (nexon-pandorlin-2034)

[Actually, Virgil is quite Dangerous- (bromaster20)

-> Thank you for the compliment! (bromaster20)

->> I’m sensing you are confused... (bromaster20)]

Patton you’re adorable and I love you (karmels-stuff)

Virge you’re adorable no matter how much you deny it (anon)

Virgil’s a fierce and handsome dragon... (pastel-anonymous)

Virgil is "Adorably Dangerous” (puffthetrex & the-doctor-demigod-wizard)

Patton, you’re adorkable (anon)

I noticed Roman’s shorter than the other’s when in human size/forms...(enby-phoenix)

Nah Logan, you’re precious (justanotherpurplebutterfly)

The purrito is the most adorable... (anon)

[Roman if it helps.... Virgil I do not agree with you just being adorable...(bromaster20)

... you are still an adorably dangerous noodle (bromaster20)]

HUGS (the-cartoon-shawarma)

Would his royal gayness like some tea & cookies? (pastel-anonymous)

-> What kind of cookies would you like? (pastel-anonymous)

Can we see more of that horse? aka: “Let Eat Cape?” (karmels-stuff)

Let Eat Shoe (anon)

->Hey Marco did you enjoy that shoe? (karmels-stuff)

Omg At least Roman can say Patton’s never tried to eat his sash (anon)

Logan I like your boots! (enby-phoinex)

Pure drago babe. Big Love. (anon)

So I was imagining where this could go..... (karmels-stuff)

Hey Roman! Do your socks have holes in them? (thatrandomautist)

*gives hugs and affection to Fairy Logan because he deserves it* (anon)

Other/Related Discussion:

[Incomplete asks (Anons) -1 (textpost) -2 (daydream AU Thomas Lineart) - 3 (Logan v TS sketch) - 4 (textpost)-]

I just saw the post with Logan comforting Roman and I’m like “Logan is now another older brother.... textpost (the-cartoon-shawarma)

Also people keep calling Virgil adorable..... textpost (fangirltothefullest)

Fantastic Fanart & the Like:

(inktober) Guarded - @whitewinery

Colored Virgil & Patton hug (Virgi’s got a human form?) - @ask-the-universe-travlers

Fairy!Logan - @maya-tl

Unicorn Patton in Last Unicorn Style - @fangirltothefullest

Patton, Virgil & Lo - @mad-as-moriarty

“Look at me, my name is Roman” Virgil - @sandersscribbles

(Secret Sanders) Merry Chirstmas Mom (Virgil) - @birdybabybird

Dragon Virgil - @owlwitch104

Fairy!Logan - @red--cosplays

Fairy!Logan - @dailypattondoodle

Exiled from Seelie Court - @listenherebuddypal

@nightmarejasmine came up with the name for the Daydream AU!! Which I am eternally grateful for! Thanks so much!

-note- if I missed something or didn’t link it right, feel free to bug me about it.

#Daydream AU #Master post #no I'm not done updating just tired and in need of saving it.

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meaningmaking · 5 years

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Sunday Tabs

09/02/19 06:37 PM

Like many people that try to consume more information than they have brain bandwidth for, I keep many tabs open with plans of one day ingesting them all and becoming a more enlightened man.

Unfortunately for my mental health and Google Chrome’s version updates, the thought of declaring tab bankruptcy gives me heart palpitations, so I just keep them open forever.

Here’s what I have open right now and some random thoughts.

🤖Serendipity vs. Algorithmy

The best algorithms give us all the things we believe we want, but what if what we want isn’t what we should get? What if what we should get is actually divergent from comfort, convenience and convergent with meaning, curiosity and alternate perspectives?

This article is a good starting point article to consider questions like these with links to more substantive and nuanced writings. I’m curious about this because I reflect often on how our sense of free will is quickly growing warped. Our understanding of the world seems to me to be shaped by algorithms that are well-designed and opaque.

They could be doing all the right things per the goals of these sorting mechanisms and we could be happy about it, but after some time, it feels to me as though something might just be missing.

🌲The vanishing groves

The amount of time I spend each week looking at and thinking about trees would surprise a younger version of me. I’ve been thinking about them symbolically and through an ecological lens. It’s a new subject for me—one that I know others have considered in far greater detail than I. I don’t know where I’m going with this rabbit hole of curiosity, but I have a feeling it is inspiring slowness, care, and depth within me.

I didn’t read this article. It’s 6400 words long. Maybe I’ll print it and actually get to it over morning coffee one day this week.

🐦 The Origins of Our Misguided Hate for Pigeons

I once told Charlotte that my spirit animal would be a pigeon. She laughed and has since pointed at pigeons from time to time and called them “Ankit.” It’s cute fun, and I still think pigeons are my spirit animal. They’re nonobvious. They’re kinda everywhere, not just the special places. They’re always just around noticing things. I imagine they lead rich spiritual lives full of appreciation for the world around them.

I didn’t read this article. Now that I think about it, I don’t want to read it. It might intellectualize this whole pigeon thing just a bit too much.

📉 The WeWork IPO

WeWork is an object of fascination for lots of people thinking about the future of business. Charlotte works there, which makes it doubly interesting to me, as I listen to her reflect on her experiences working there regularly.

Ben Thompson from Stratechery dissects the bull case around WeWork with a unique lens—comparing it to AWS in 2006. This was really interesting to me, as I’ve had difficulty fully grasping how WeWork could be worth as much money as the private market is suggesting.

📟 How GeoCities Suburbanized the Internet

The Internet was once built in the image of a “neighborhood.” Websites were like homes. We would decorate them and make them our own.

As information platforms (i.e. social media websites, blogging websites, etc.) became easier to use, websites become more standardized, which can make the experience of traversing the web feel like a game of efficiency and less like an adventure.

This thinkpiece explores how the internet was “settled” in the 90s and creating the web of adventure that the internet was. It makes me wonder how we might re-establish parts of the internet—neighborhoods—that feel the way the whole internet seemed to feel 10-20 years ago.

🏡 Playing house

My favorite part of traveling to a new place is living in someone else’s life, briefly visiting an alternate reality. Marked with novel, sometimes nonsensical aesthetics, bookshelves with thoughts I never considered considering, and love-filled photos of friends I’ll never be friends with, I feel like I’m gaming the one life I was granted.

(There’s a metaphor with unicorn blood and horcruxes here somewhere, I think)

This article articulates this 21st century blend of optimism, impatience, discontent, and voyeurism in words that I wish I wrote.

👨🏻 Daniel Eden’s website

Just some personal website I discovered via Twitter. I love a good personal website. One day this website might become a good personal website. For now, I’m just looking at other people’s websites and marinating.

This website feels like a good introduction to Dan. I don’t know Dan, but I get the impression he and I would have a lot to talk about. I’m also impressed by his resume and think he’s a smart and critical thinker by way of his library.

Makes me wonder if that’s what Dan was going for here. Also makes me wonder what I would want my website to convey about me. What do I want a random passerby on the Internet to feel or think about me?

💡 Take This Idea

This is a blog of random ideas for products, businesses, or just...things. I used to have ideas like these every day. Or at least, it felt like every day between 2011 and 2014. I was hungry to discover something to start. I was motivated to do things that made sense to me, to create a world that I wanted to live in.

At a certain point, I began to recognize that creating a world I wanted to live in would take lots of time, commitment and risk, which was way less exciting than just thinking of ideas. Not an exhaustive list of reasons, of course, but it seems as though the activation energy required of me to imagine new worlds (and products to make that new world a reality) is higher now than it was 5 or 10 years ago. That’s something I think I’m regularly fighting. Discovering blogs like this help.

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thebeethathums · 5 years

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Writing Question Tag Thing

Tagged by the always amazing @angryteapot and I stole their under the cut message because I am lazyyy.

Some of these answers are pretty long, so if you’re interested in learning a bit about me, then by all means, read under the cut!

Q: What is your coffee order?

Coffee isn’t really my jam. I’m more of tea drinker. I like most teas and I vary a lot but my current order is a London Fog... it’s like... Earl Grey tea with Milk and sweetener. Pretty good.

Q: What is the coolest thing you’ve ever done?

I don’t really consider myself cool thing kind of person but, to me, two things stand out. First, I’ve seen the Mona Lisa up close like behind the rope >:) My Grandmother was still spry enough at the time to travel with only minor accommodations but the Louvre is massive so they offered her a wheelchair. She graciously accepted and the guards let us go behind the rope so she could see. An amazing and serendipitous opportunity. Second, I cosplayed Lumpy Space Princess from Adventure Time at Comic-Con with a couple of friends dressed as Marceline and Finn and we met the voice actors for Marceline and her Dad! It was pretty awesome. YES, I’m a nerd. Deal with it.

Q: Who has been your biggest mentor?

Honestly, it was the lady my parents hired to help me with my college transfer application. She was a tough love kind of person (which I needed at the time) and one of the only people to tell me that what I could do art and writing wise HAD VALUE. That was kind of a turning point for me in a lot of ways. I will always ALWAYS be grateful to her for that.

Q: What has been your most memorable writing project?

OKAY. So fanfiction wise. Observers. Pretty obvi. Academically, my thesis for my English degree. I wrote about the idea of ‘the other’ in the Mass Effect video game series (ALL THREE OF THEM.) It was very long and involved lots of gameplay for research purposes. Personally, the most memorable for me out of them all would be the first short story I wrote. It had a really interesting concept and was well received by my peer reviewers and that made me happy which made it memorable *shrug*

Q: What does your writing path look like, from the earliest days until now?

I’ve always been a bit of a scribbler in a lot of ways. I had a poem published after some sort of school contest or something and I kept a sort of haphazard journal for years. To be completely honest, I didn’t start writing anything that wasn’t for school until fan fiction. That’s not to say I didn’t like writing. I just always channeled it into an academic setting. Which meant my teachers got A LOT of strange papers from me... to name a few: Aliens in Mystic anthropology vs. Aliens in modern media, Shakespeare's Effects on Science Fiction, Stage or Screen: How well do musicals translate into cinema, A Cinematic Analysis of Monsoon Wedding, Van Helsing the Hugh Jackman movie related Bram Stoker’s Dracula... among others. I think I also wrote an entire philosophy paper about unicorns at one point. I was that kid that always took a prompt somewhere the teacher never really intended. It wasn’t until I transferred to a different college that I felt like I had anything important to say story wise... and then fan fiction became an almost frantic outlet to get all of it out- followed quickly by some original work and more poetry. It’s been kind of a wild ride from there.

Q: What is your favorite part about writing?

Honestly, the control. I love being able to do whatever the heck I want with characters- mine or canon. Since I don’t really plan all that much when I write it starts out more of an idea like what if this person existed. What if they were all in this place. And then I get to run with it however I want and that is the best feeling. Soo... Control and details. I love world building.

Q: What does a typical day look like for you?

It depends on day. I’m not an early riser and thankfully my job doesn’t make be get up early at the moment. Work days I’m up by 8:30, work by ten, work either 7 or 9 hours. Then home and SLEEP. Front facing sales jobs for introverts are exhausting TBH. I hate it. Looking for something different ASAP. Off days are more relaxed but I’m a caregiver for my Grandma so mostly cooking and cleaning and then chilling with my puppers/writing/whatever else catches my fancy.

Q: What does your writing process look like?

Mostly staring at a google doc for an embarrassing amount of time. I only seem to have two writing modes. Staring or greatly inspired. When I’m actually writing good chunks it usually because I imagined some bits of how it will go over a day or so and then it just flows. Other times it’s staring and rewriting things a million times. I suppose that's pretty normal.

Q: What’s the best advice you’ve gotten?

Letting go of toxic people in my life. I’m a big giver in a lot of ways and shy so I don’t make friends easily... unfortunately its led to a lot of situation where I’m taken advantage of or stomped on emotionally. It took me a long time to learn to be picky with who you surround yourself with.

Q: What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned?

You can’t force other people to change. I’ve struggled with my relationship with my mother for ages and in an amazingly clear moment, I realized that no matter how hard I tried, if she doesn’t want to make a change to be a positive and more sensitive person toward me then she won't. I can’t force her to change her ways no matter how healthy it would be for both of us. Once I accepted this, things got easier to handle. I see her less but I know exactly what to expect when I do and let things roll off me a little better than I used to.

Q: What advice would you give someone who wants to start writing?

Writing anything, even if it's short and horrible in your mind, is better than writing nothing. Really. When I’m struggling I force myself to at least write something because a bad first draft can only improve whereas no draft can do absolutely squat.

Tagging: No tags. Don’t want to annoy anyone. BUT if anyone would like to answer them TAG me I would love to read your answers!

#personal #about BEE #tagged #writing

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jaqslastunicorn-blog · 6 years

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The Last Unicorn - Blog #1

When you think of a book with unicorns, you probably think of picture books for little girls, and you likely wouldn’t expect it to mix with things like critical thinking or literary significance. However, if you’d prefer a more interesting text starring our favourite mythical equestrians, I’d like to introduce you to The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle. This book has sold more than five million copies worldwide since its original publication, and is often said to be one of the best fantasy novels written of all time. I’m here to show you how this book, or at least the first half of it, has proven its beauty and significance to me.

The Last Unicorn can at face value be identified as a fantasy novel, shown through the medieval setting, an inclusion of supernatural and magical forces, and the titular unicorn. But if we look a little harder at the text, we can begin to argue how it fits the genre and literary movement of magical realism. We can define it as such:

“Magical realism, or magic realism, is an approach to literature that weaves fantasy and myth into everyday life,” (ThoughtCo).

Typically, literary works under magical realism are given a setting which matches the one we live in, but I believe that the juxtaposition of magic and reality in Beagle’s work are a unique nod towards this literary movement. This genre ends up contributing heavily towards the setting, and the setting reinforces the presence of the genre, and talking about them separately would bring up lots of the same points.

While on the topic of setting, we are given a beautiful one in The Last Unicorn. We don’t have an exact period in history, but we can infer through the first half of the story that it’s based off of medieval Europe, especially through the language and vocabulary used by Beagle. We are given a magical version of this period in time where mythical creatures (see: unicorns) used to be a big thing, but have either gone extinct or unrecognized by society. Beagle builds the world in The Last Unicorn with a kind of middle ground between enchantment and disenchantment. For example, he includes wizards and unicorns, but the wizards are disgraced and the unicorns are thought to be nearly extinct. This is important because unicorns as a species are forgotten by the world, further driving home the themes of finding one's own identity and self-realization. The setting is a stark contrast from the usual one, which most frequently is a fantasy world at its peak, containing magic in every aspect. We can see a similarity between this world and our own, with the cynical nature of many characters as well as the disbelief in magic. The idea of a world between fantasy and reality can be connected to the idea of growing up, for example, having society tell us that beings we believed to be magical (Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, etc) aren’t real. We become so used to these figures, and when we are told that they’re merely fabrications, we have to cope with the reality while also questioning the legitimacy of what we already believe we know.

Through applying an LGBT* lens to this text, we can begin to extract concepts of significant depth and meaning in reference to this literary work of fiction. The character of the Unicorn is richly profound, especially when connected to themes and motifs of identity and the self, which is much of what LGBT theory concerns itself with. First off, we can see an immediate and obvious connection between the traditional concept of unicorns and the nature of femininity, but we can further connect their species to the lesbian continuum, especially separatist lesbianism. The Unicorn stays in her lilac wood alone, in seclusion from anyone who isn’t like her, and specifically hides from humanity, which she refers to as men. In the first chapter, the Unicorn hides from men out of discomfort and fear:

“One day it happened that two men with long bows rode through her forest, hunting for deer. The unicorn followed them, moving so warily that not even the horses knew she was near. The sight of men filled her with an old, slow, strange mixture of tenderness and terror,” (Beagle 3).

She is apprehensive of leaving her forest in fear of coming in contact with humanity, but is motivated to venture out in order to find other unicorns like her who share her identity. In her journey into the outside world, she encounters an ignorant heterocentric society which is completely unaware of unicorns, assuming they’re a myth and that the Unicorn is simply a white mare. This further develops her inner conflict, resulting in her becoming angry whenever her species is ignored and identified incorrectly as just a horse. Flipping the coin of homosexuality, we can analyze the character of Schmendrick the magician through seeing him as a coded gay man. On an immediate level, we can connect his character to the traditional American definition and stereotype of a closeted gay male. Schmendrick is generally seen as an inferior and bumbling wizard who tries and often fails to successfully perform magic, leading to a struggle with his identity of a magician. We can see Schmendrick struggling in his attempts in chapter 3 to free the unicorn from her cage, saying,

“‘I dreamed it differently, but I knew… You deserve the services of a great wizard,’ he said to the unicorn, ‘but I’m afraid you’ll have to be glad of the aid of a second-rate pickpocket,’” (Beagle 48).

He is shunned constantly by the societal norms in this world for his lack of skill in magic, which we can connect to internalized homophobia in his failure to live up to the standards set by the heteropatriarchy. His struggle to live up to the acceptable title of a great magician can be connected to the struggle held within compulsory heterosexuality, and he wishes to change his identity while the Unicorn embraces it. The Unicorn at first is opposed to allowing a man to come with her, leading for the magician to plead to her to allow him to assist her in the journey. Gay coded Schmendrick is seen as inferior to the lesbian coded Unicorn, even further relating their dynamic towards the imbalance and mirrored concepts of masculine/feminine gender identity addressed in queer* theory. In chapter 4, Beagle tackles the idea of identity at its crux with an interaction between the Unicorn and Schmendrick the magician,

“‘There it is’, the unicorn thought, feeling the first spidery touch of sorrow on the inside of her skin. That is how it will be to travel with a mortal, all the time. ‘No,’ she replied. ‘I cannot turn you into something you are not, no more than the witch could. I cannot turn you into a true magician.’” (Beagle 60).

Schmendrick wants to be a more acceptable version of what he is, and strives to perform in ways deemed by society to be fitting for a wizard, but falls short. This aspect of self hate is far too common in internal conflicts of LGBT individuals, and we can see the conflicts that face Schmendrick the magician as literary parallels to this experience.

In conclusion, The Last Unicorn has proven itself to be a lovely text so far, and I believe it will carry that through the next half of the story. For what it lacks in obvious real world parallels and connections to our modern world, it more than makes up for that in thematic elements, as well as interesting and complex characters, masterfully crafted environments, and most importantly, unicorns. Who wouldn’t take the time to read an epic tale about unicorns? Surely, nobody I would associate myself with.

*I personally will refer to lesbian, gay, and queer criticism as LGBT criticism for these specific reasons: First, I hold the right to find the term queer to still be incredibly discriminatory and oppressive. I believe that we are able to reclaim it, but myself and a vast majority of the community agree on it being a slur. Opinions may differ and this is definitely debatable, but as a transgender lesbian woman, I don’t think we’re at that point yet. Second, it’s just easier and shorter than saying “lesbian, gay, and queer” theory, as well as how that title leaves out transgender and bisexual, a very significant portion of the community which shouldn’t be left out, but I digress. Should write an essay on this sometime? Perhaps! Only time will tell.

#blog 1 #text

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tifarobles · 6 years

Text

Sanity Check: Inside Mental Health

I will be alright. Everything is going to be fine. I promise.

At least that’s what I kept trying to tell myself. I had to. It had to be okay.

That’s how I got through 3 years of turbulent ups and downs and falling deeper into a debilitating anxiety disorder that seemed to be triggered by my miscarriage.

I was 16 when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I wanted to do all I could to avoid being dependent on pharmaceuticals. I’d experienced my mother going through a terrible time trying to stop taking Paxil and I didn’t want to go through that. I wanted to find other ways to deal with my disorder. I did a decent job most of the time. In fact, I don’t think many people even knew I was bipolar. It pretty much only impacted my romantic relationships and very close friendships.

I can point to exact times in my life when I knew I’d been depressed and even more times when I knew I’d been in pretty serious manic episodes. It was usually after a huge life change. It seemed like my body’s way of adapting to something new. However, I can’t pinpoint any of these episodes since being married.

I wasn’t sure if my symptoms were less noticeable in a more stable state or if I had somehow outgrown my disorder. I even wondered if Mike had somehow helped me overcome it. But I never really knew why...

Turns out, it had warped into General Anxiety Disorder. I had never experienced a true panic attack before the miscarriage. Suddenly, they were part of my daily life.

I assumed that once I was able to grieve properly and recover from the tragedy, that my anxiety would fade. However, it only seemed to get worse after Xander was born. It didn’t help that shortly after that I unexpectedly lost my job at Xbox while on maternity leave due to the position being eliminated.

This was my dream job. I had left a very stable, comfortable position in something I was very good at to pursue this seemingly perfect for me job. Everyone told me to take this job, even though I was 6 months pregnant. Even though I was on a brand new team for a brand new role with untred territory. I’d worked for 6 years to get into a position like this one. I had to do all I could for this job.

And just like that… it was gone.

On top of that, Mike was all set up to be a stay-at-home dad, so we had no source of income or insurance for our newborn baby.

The next day Trump was elected.

Let’s just say, that was a miserable week for my emotions. Could I ever feel happy again? I’d look at my son and feel happy enough not to worry.

It wasn’t too long before Mike found some remote work and I was hired at GTS. I had to take a substantial pay cut for this career move, but there were a lot of perks to consider and huge potential for growth. I assumed everything was coming together again and that my emotions would soon follow.

Adjusting to being a working mom was easier than I expected, but still very hard. However, feedback at work was telling me that I was really good at this job. I poured myself into it, taking trips to visit stores, sometimes doing work on weekends, trying to fit the role I never expected to fit. And I liked it. I loved the stores I worked with, and while there were challenging days, overall I felt happy.

As things always do in corporate jobs, things changed. There were some changes for the new year, including a pay cut. I had just switched to commision and was barely making my base salary. Luckily, by this time Mike had gotten a really great job and Xander was loving daycare. I thought it would be okay to make less than I’d ever made if I kept being happy. Was I happy though? I was stressed all the time, always thinking about work, always being completely exhausted from motherhood, trying to maintain so many things every day.

I would look at my life, and outside of raising Xander, I didn’t feel like I was doing anything truly fulfilling. What had happened to my creativity? When was the last time I’d written something? When was the last time I sang a new song? What would 16-year-old dreamer me think of where I was?

I was a good mom. That was the most fulfilling aspect of my entire life. My true legacy and something I had always wanted. He was perfect.

But don’t I deserve more? I’d feel terrible for thinking it. Like, what’s wrong with me? I have everything I’ve ever wanted.

But I knew that was a lie. I’d always wanted more.

Founding LPS came close to what I wanted to do for this world. It scratched that itch for me for years. But it was so much harder now being a mom. It was so hard dividing my time between LPS, Xander, Mike, work, family, friends, and (OMG do I dare think it?) myself! I couldn’t do as much for LPS as I used to and I hadn’t been as deeply involved in a long time. It’s just... different when I can’t go every week. Or maybe it’s different because I’ve been doing it for so long and I’m ready to move on to my next big fulfilling project.

But then I found out that I’d be going to GAMA, representing GTS. Maybe I could find my next project through GTS. Maybe it will be at the other end of the show. I felt honored to be selected. While at the show, I networked until 4am, getting up at 7am to be on time to have a few minutes of breakfast with my team. I became close friends with some other GTS employees while at the show who wanted to work with me more. I was excited for those opportunities. What more could I do with this great company?

Within a few weeks, I was in talks with the marketing department. I was told that I had all the skills that they were looking for. It sounded like a role I’d be good at. One I’d get to finally be creative full-time, something I’d never really gotten to try.

But they wanted someone who could travel. A lot.

I suddenly felt like I was suffocating under the choice between this amazing opportunity or being with my son on weekends.

I couldn’t do that.

I didn’t get the job. But I was still in sales. Yay? I didn’t know how to feel. I was barely making enough to pay for daycare on my worst months. I was literally working in order to pay to be away from my son all week. To do a job that I liked, but that I wasn’t really passionate about. Looking at the paychecks was scary. Everything felt scary. Like weirdly scary.

Car rides alone could cause anxiety attacks. And I had to do a lot of driving since Mike was commuting to Seattle and kicking serious ass at his new job. But I couldn’t keep going on like this.

The anxiety was unbelievable. I couldn’t see into my life. I couldn’t define what it was that I wanted. That too was scary. All I saw was being a good mom, but what else was I… good at? What was I passionate about besides my family? Had I lost my defining characteristic of passion? This thought alone could send me into a racing heart and tension headache. This was anxiety. But I didn’t understand it. I’d never felt this before.

I needed help. I couldn’t take off time from work for therapy. I couldn’t find a therapist outside of work hours. The anxiety had gotten worse. I experienced a 20-day headache. I went to the doctor… where I was first diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder. I scheduled 6 appointments with therapists. I took time off work to go. I started to take medication for the first time in my life. I had very little PTO for anything. I worked every hour I could to make up for it. I got worse before getting better. I took a medical leave.

On medical leave, I felt like I was seeing for the first time in… years? I would find true happiness in the littlest of things. Xander’s shoes, the smell of his hair, the cat following me around at 1am while I stayed up writing.

I was still passionate. I was still that dreamer. I was still defined by passion. I found passion in my story. I had found my project. It had been in front of me this entire time.

The project I’ve been wanting to finish for over 15 years. Over half of my life.

I looked at my life goals and realized I’d followed the biggest one already by having an amazing partner and child to share my life with. But what was next for me?

Why had I spent 3 years writing instead of having a social life as a teenager? Why had I studied for 4 years with no sleep to obtain a degree in Creative Writing? Why could these characters I created so long ago never once leave my mind? I could see their faces as clearly as the day I created them, drawn mediocrely on lined paper with colored pencils. Now created in every game that has a built-in character creator. Each person that I’d given deep back stories and interesting character arcs, with development far beyond what you’d think a boy-crazy, 14-year-old, awkward, opinionated girl obsessed with video games would be capable of.

I had to follow my dreams. It would never be the right time. “I have to do this before I turn 30,” I thought. As though I’d be able to inform that 14-year-old girl that her hard work would get published before she turns 30. High five her and let her know she makes a great mom and has a husband who knows how to dance, before flying away on a unicorn. I had to make a change. I approached Mike with the idea. He was fully supportive. He’d been with me on this journey through some rough times and questions like “What do I want to do with my life?” at 2am on random nights when I’d wake him up because I couldn’t sleep. He knew I would be happy pursuing this. He knew I needed happiness again. He knew we’d be okay, no matter what.

I don’t know if it’s the medication, my amazing therapist, the life changes, or my luck with having the most amazingly supportive family, but I am so happy. I can’t say the anxiety is gone, that is still a daily struggle. But I know I can be grateful for so many things and that helps calm me down. I am following my dreams. I can’t promise it won’t be a difficult adventure at times, in fact, I’m sure it will be very difficult. But I will be happy while I adventure.

#sanitycheck #mental health #anxitey #gaming industry

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