#does he really come off as scary to people?
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In Your Dreams: II ☁️🌙☁️
Azriel x Reader
A/n: Heyy😖 sorry for the long delay. Lowkey, I don’t like using Y/n but since it’s more Azriel’s POV we just have to put up with it. God gives his strongest battles to his strongest warriors😔✊🏽
Summary: Az isn’t very fond of the newest member of the Night Court so much so that you even plague his dreams.
Warnings: Smut. MDNI.
Part I
Azriel could help but let his mind wander to that dream. To the way you looked at his mercy and how his name sounded coming from your lips. Those lush rosy lips.
THUMP
Azriel hits the ground forcefully, his sword flying out of sight.
Cassian rolls his eyes and extends a hand to his brother. “What the hells is it? You’re distracted this morning.”
Azriel takes his hand, standing to his feet. “Nothing.”
Cassian tugs Azriel’s hand and gives him a knowing look. “Is it the stuff with Elain?”
Azriel’s brow pinches in confusion for just a second before he answers. “No. There is no ‘stuff’ with Elain.”
As Rhysand had made it very clear to him.
For a moment he’d forgotten of the incident he shared with the Archeron sister. Of course, he has thought of her many times since but she is not what plagued his thoughts this morning.
It was you, quite the opposite, in fact.
While Elain is the picture of innocent loveliness and blooming roses, you are the essence of grim allure. The thorns of those roses.
Shit, he even forgot that he promised to take Elain to her favorite bakery as soon as he returned from his mission. He’d been so focused on not focusing on you that he hadn’t even tried to find her at all yesterday.
Another thing he adds to the mental list of reasons not to like you.
“Then what is it?” Cassian asks, readying his blade for more action while Azriel picks up his own.
Though his distaste for you is apparent, he hasn’t spoken of you to anyone but Rhysand. The only reason he ever does is to get him to do something about you. What that something is, he’s not too sure but anything works at this point.
“I have to take…Y/N with me on a mission tomorrow.” Your name feels so foreign on his tongue, chilling, as if speaking it would summon you.
Cassian shrugs, gesturing for Azriel to strike him first in their new round of training and he does. The two begin to spar once more.
“What of it?” Cassian asks dodging Azriel’s attacks.
“Only that I cannot stand the sight or smell or idea of her.” Az grunts.
“Yeah, I kind of got that.” Cass chuckles between blows. “Remind me why? is it because she out sneaked you?”
“She did not out sneak me!” Azriel growls. “Something is just off about her.”
“Like?”
“Like how bleak and foreboding she is.”
Cassian laughs, “I can’t argue with that. She’s definitely intimidating at first.”
“At first?”
“Well once I got to know her, I discovered that’s she’s actually pretty interesting.” Cassian swings his sword.
“Got to know her?” Cassians attack misses.
“Yeah. Shes kind of like you in that sense.”
Az staggers back, not from Cassian’s attacks but from utter shock. The accusation of being anything like you. “What do you mean by that? I’m not like her at all.”
“Just that some people aren’t as scary as they look.” Cassian doesn’t bother to strike Azriel in his baffled state.
Azriel really didn’t know what to make of it all, couldn’t picture you smiling and chatting away with Cassian. You’re all but a stonewall whenever he’s seen you. But Cassian wouldn’t just lie for the fun of it. Unless…
“Did Rhysand tell you to say that?” Azriel runs his hands through his hair, wiping the sweat that drips from his curled tips.
He doesn’t wait for an answer before returning his training sword to its proper area, Cassian in suit.
“Why would he?”
“Well he seems quite adamant on me getting along with her.”
“Maybe you should. She’s-”
“I get it Cass. Shes your new best friend but that certainly does not mean she has to be mine.” Azriel rolls his eyes. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a promise to keep.”
.☁️🌙☁️.
Thankfully, Elain wasn’t upset with Azriel’s forgetfulness, allowing him to escort her to her favorite bakery and even stopping by a jewelry shop for some new earrings.
“What do you think of these?” Elain asks pointing to a pair of small pearls.
Azriel leans forward, inspecting the timeless jewelry. “They’re very nice.”
Elain nods at the shop owner who adds them to the small pile of jewels she’s picked. “Maybe one more pair?” Elain sheepishly smiles.
Azriel nods. “Take your time.”
“How about you pick them?” Elain suggests. “They’re all so beautiful, I can’t choose.”
The idea makes Azriel smile at the middle Archeron sister. That she might like to wear something he chose for her.
Azriel scratched his chin examining the rows of elegant and extravagant jewelry. Gold, silver, diamonds, all kinds of jewelry that he knows she would appreciate but there is one piece that calls to him.
A unique piece for sure, nothing like he’d ever seen before. A silver pair of earrings with a stone so black it’s like looking into a void and the tiniest diamonds scattered across it like stars.
However, Elain is not who came to mind upon seeing them. It’s you.
The earrings would go flawlessly with your usual pure black attire but it’s the way they make him feel like he’s looking right at you.
His chest tightens. Daunting yet fascinating.
He hates himself for letting you distract him from Elain again. You, who could not be anymore different, should be far from his thoughts right now.
You steal his siphon, his thoughts, his dreams and he detests it. He just wants to return to the life he had before he knew of your existence.
“You seem to like those.” Elain’s tranquil voice brings Azriel out of his thoughts. “I’ll take them.”
The shop owner reaches for the unnerving jewels but Azriel stops him. “No, not those. The ones next to it.”
Azriel hadn’t even taken notice in the plain, diamond studs beside them and mentally cursed you for keeping him from finding a beautiful pair for Elain.
Elain nods and the owner rings her up.
The walk back to the house is silent. Azriel’s thoughts consisting of half trying not to replay his dream of you grinding on his cock and half wondering where the tension between he and Elain is coming from.
Did she know he was thinking of you when he saw the earrings? Was she upset that he’d chosen something so boring for her?
Whatever the reason, it’s your fault for being a parasite in his brain.
“You seem distracted lately.” Elain breaks the silence between them.
Distracted. The same thing Cassian had said this morning and what he is trying so hard not to let you do to him.
“It’s nothing. Just thinking about my assignment tomorrow.” It wasn’t a lie. You are the most troubling part of his work now too.
“Right, you’re going to the Hewn City with Y/n.”
Azriel’s eyes almost leave his skull at Elain’s comment. You are not a topic he EVER needs to speak of with Elain.
Elain giggles, “She told me about it.”
“You…talk to her?” Azriel asks incredulously. It’s one thing to hear that Cassian has spoken to her but Elain? Sweet, sunshine Elain?
Elain nods, “Why wouldn’t I?”
Azriel shakes his head. It felt like worlds colliding. World’s he didn’t want to mix at all.
It was foolish of him to believe Elain wouldn’t talk to you though. Despite her months of casting everyone out, Elain is kind hearted.
Even before the cauldron, when she was afraid of him, she still did her best to be polite.
“I just assumed she didn’t speak to anyone.”
Again, Elain laughs. “She gets along quite well with everyone.”
Another piece of shocking information. “Everyone?”
Elain nods. “I won’t lie, she’s a bit scary when she’s quiet, but one day she asked to join me while baking and I got to know her a bit.”
You approached her? Azriel didn’t think he could be anymore shocked but there he was his jaw practically on the floor.
That isn’t at all like what he imagined you to be like. With your cold and strange disposition, he couldn’t even imagine you and Elain in the same room, let alone baking together.
Now, Azriel by no means believes Elain to be a liar but the thought of you actually getting along with his family is so…bizarre. He needs to know for himself to believe it. So he set forth on his own personal mission.
.☁️🌙☁️.
Upon his departure from Elain at the House, Azriel begins the search for his first witness, Mor.
He beelines for her room, knocking on her door a bit too urgently.
She’ll tell me him the truth.
Mor opens her door, brow pinched in slight annoyance. “Want to knock a bit louder?”
“Have you spoken to Y/n?” Azriel wastes no time on formalities or her mood.
“About?” Mor shrugs.
“Anything. Anything at all.” Azriel sighs, growing impatient. He needs answers now, before he’s stuck with you for Gods know how long tomorrow.
“Uh…yes?” Mor’s irritation turning into confusion.
“And?”
She shakes her head, her confusion only furthering. “And what? I don’t know what you’re asking me, Az.”
“What do you think of her? What did you talk about?” Azriel runs a hand through his hair trying to calm his edge as he realizes how frantic he is coming off.
Mor taps her finger against her chin. “She’s great! We talk about clothes, we talk about clubs, we talk about boys.” Mor wiggles her eyebrows.
Boys? He didn’t care about that. He wants to know what she knows about you.
Yet he couldn’t help himself.
“What ‘boys’?” Azriel glances down the hallway, as if you’d appear there, staring him down as you always do. “Anyone I should be concerned about?”
Mor chuckles and rolls her eyes. “None. Unless you’re concerned with who she may share a bed with.”
Something like nausea twist in his gut. He did not need to know that. He will absolutely never need to know that.
“I am most definitely not. I mean, is there anything suspicious about her? Anything I should know?” Azriel shakes the thought from his head.
“Nope. She seems alright to me. Anymore questions that you can find out for yourself?”
Azriel resists the urge to learn every detail she knows and shakes his head, bidding her a good evening and setting off to search for the next subject to his questions. If there’s anyone that will tell him what he wants to hear, it’s Nesta.
.☁️🌙☁️.
Azriel finds Nesta lounging in the den, a book (that she obviously is very concentrated on) in hand.
Nesta isn’t fond of being interrupted while reading but this is important and time sensitive. He needs to know who it is he’s going to be stuck with.
Azriel clears his throat, stepping into the den. Nesta continues to read.
He clears his throat again, a bit louder this time.
“I’m busy.” Her eyes remain in the book.
“What do you think of Y/n.” Azriel decides it’s might be worse to try and ease her into conversation.
To his surprise, she actually looks up. A smirk stretches across her lips as she puts her book down and crosses her arms. “Why the sudden interest? I didn’t think you liked the poor girl.”
Poor girl? Nesta thinks you’re the victim here? He’s the one you stole from!
“That doesn’t matter. Do you like her or do you not?” Azriel asks, doubt begins to fill the hope he held out for anyone else to feel what he feels.
Nesta waves him off. “If you’re not going to tell me, then I’m not going to have answers.”
Azriel’s patience is worn thin at this point. He has a feeling he knows her answer. He just wants to rip the band aid off.
“My only interest is making sure she isn’t going to stab me in my sleep when I take her with me on my assignment tomorrow.” His hands rest on his hips, awaiting Nesta’s response.
Nesta scoffs. “I doubt that. Though it seems you might be the one doing the stabbing. You look like you’re going insane.”
“I feel like I am.” Azriel slumps onto the sofa across from Nesta and burries his face into his palms.
He doesn’t know what to think and he has yet to see any of this ‘great’ personality as Mor had described you. Anytime he has been around you, you’ve always been tucked away in a corner, languishing in your own mysterious presence.
“Stop being so stubborn and talk to her. Maybe then you won’t run away like a scared child when you see her.” Nesta pokes fun at him but he couldn’t deny that he mostly feels the need to flee when you are around.
Speaking to you does not sound appealing, not only because you seem as interesting as watching paint dry, but mostly because of how you make him feel.
Being face to face with you always results in his every nerve being on fire and a gripping ache in his abdomen that won’t go away. He’s on high alert, anxious that you’ll break from your spine chilling stillness and put your cunning skills to use.
You are a source of stress that he does not know how to relieve. Even after learning that you’ve earned his family’s affection, he can’t settle the unease that you stir in him.
But he’s afraid everyone is right. Maybe it’s best for him to grow a pair and face the discomfort to try and alleviate some it at least.
.☁️🌙☁️.
Azriel hesitantly searches for you throughout the rest of the evening and night, occasionally gathering the courage to peak into a room to see if you are there.
He has faced beasts and armies and kings yet facing you is what terrifies him?
The walk to the library felt long in the dead silent house. Not even Cassian’s snores can be heard from here and it only makes Azriel more nervous.
Since he could not find you anywhere else, the library seems to be where you hide at night.
He silently creeps into the library. The illumination of moonlight from the back of the room proves him right as he slips past the row of bookcases until he reaches the now open balcony.
There you were lying on the bench, eyes closed, hands tucked tightly to your chest.
Now he’s sure you are insane. Sleeping on a hard bench in the cold night.
Azriel stalks towards you, unsure if he should wake you or let you freeze the death. Maybe that’ll solve this whole thing.
But once again he just can’t walk away.
Your skin seems to glow in the moonlight and each strand of your hair glitters in the gentle night breeze. Peace replaces your usual stone features.
Heat pulses through his veins and his every nerve begins to vibrate with alarm just as he knew they would. Except there was something more.
It’s not only that he can’t leave but its as if once he gets close enough to smell you, to notice the details of your being and to be able to reach out and touch you, he is lost to an unseen enchantment that only draws him closer.
Azriel looks down over your sleeping form. His eyes roam over your nightgown clad figure. The hem, riding dangerously up your thigh, would do absolutely nothing to cover your center if you move half an inch.
Visions of his degenerate dream flit through his mind, the lewd things he did to you. The sound of your breathless moans and the feeling of your tight pussy contracting around his fingers as you came.
Unwelcomed desire pinches deep in his stomach. Despite his best attempt to push down the carnal feeling, all is for not when his eyes lock onto your lips.
Pink and plump and parted in your slumber, he cannot look away, can’t stop the vulgar thoughts flooding his mind. Hypnotized, his fingers twitch with the need to touch, to feel, to know.
Cauldron, he needs to know.
“Do you enjoy watching people sleep?”
Azriel jumps back as his heartbeat sky rockets. What the hells is wrong with you scaring someone like that!?
You look up at him through your lashes. “Well?”
What is he even supposed to say? There is no way to make staring at someone while they sleep sound normal.
Azriel swallows, “I was making sure you weren’t up to anything.” Turning the tables of accusations is one way.
Your brow quirks up. “Oh? And what exactly do you think I’d be up to?”
Azriel shakes his head as if it should be obvious. “Stealing.”
“Stealing? With my eyes closed?” You scratch your chin. “Though I probably could from you.”
Lightning strikes his pride. “You could not. Even the worst of the worst get lucky from time to time.”
The corner of your tempting lips curl into a smirk and a chuckle escapes them. You laughed. He made you laugh. Not at all intentional but still the sound weaves its way into the deepest corner of his mind, engraving its melody for what he knows will be eternity.
He wants to hear it again.
“Okay. So what would I be stealing?” You sit up. Azriel doesn’t miss the way your soft thighs glide against each other as you cross your legs.
“Whatever you can get your little hands on.” Azriel sneers, already regretting letting everyone influence him to speak with you.
“Hm. Well, I can get these ‘little hands’ wrapped around just about anything. Sounds like you’ve got trouble then.” The smirk on your lips turns devious, like a cat toying with a mouse.
Your choice of words incite that thrill in him again. The same one when he retrieved his siphon. The same one he felt fucking you with his fingers in his dream.
“Say I was stealing, what would you do to me?” You blink once, twice.
Azriel couldn’t ignore the thrum of his heart. Just as you had in his dream, you feign innocence. Chin tilted down as you watch him behind long fluttering lashes. “I’d…”
You did not want to know what he’d do to you. What he had done to you.
For stealing he’d send you somewhere as dark and cold as you. For your arrogant attitude, it would involve three fingers in your soaking cunt and your ass grinding on his throbbing cock.
“Rhysand would lock you away.” Azriel keeps himself out of the scenario completely. He’ll be damned if he shows you just how much your provocative choice of words affect him.
“He already didn’t do that.” You pout. His frown must be more apparent than he thought it to be because your vacant eyes fill with a devilish amusement.
It’s blow after blow at his dignity as a spy master. Azriel’s ego was never high to begin with but your words get under his skin. “Yeah, instead he decided to give a very important job to a less than impressive thief.”
You chuckle again.
Azriel scoffs. Why are you laughing at his jabs at you? Why aren’t you as annoyed and desperate to end this conversation as he is?
“I beg to differ. I did impress the High Lord.” You lean forward just an inch. An inch that seems like a mile to Azriel. “And I think I impressed you too.”
“Impressed by a common thief from the slums of the Hewn City?” Azriel wanted to hit where it hurt, to knock you off your high horse.
“Where I’m from you’re either a thief or a whore.” You shrug, brushing your hair over your shoulder. “I chose thief.”
The persistent ache deepens within him as he recalls the noises you made in his dream. The way you begged to feel his fingers and make a mess of you. The way he had made you his whore.
“Maybe you would have been better at the latter.” Azriel steadies his breaths, unsure if he truly meant offense. He wanted to mean it that way but his crude memories begin to blur that line between hate and desire.
You stand from the bench, eyes never leaving his with their crushing weight. “You think I’d make a good whore?”
You take a step towards him only this time he did not step back. You tilt your chin up, a knowing look dances across your expression.
“More than a thief.”
“Why?” You ask.
Why not? Is what he wanted to say. How could you not when you made such tempting noises and felt so fucking good against him.
Upon his lack of response, your sultry smirk returns. “Is it my body? My face?”
Both. Your figure is one thing but your face is a whole other. Your darkened eyes stare into his soul, cheeks tinted pink from the pinch of the cold air and your pretty lips just waiting to be kissed.
Gods, you’re incredibly beautiful. Every time he sees you, he notices something new. More and more beautiful each time.
Azriel can’t help but stare, unable to say the words he wished to say. All he could think is how badly he wants your hand on his chest. For it to travel lower and lower until he stops you. For his all consuming dream to become a reality.
“Tell me what would make me a good whore.” You challenge.
He couldn’t think. With you standing so close he can feel the warmth of your skin through his leathers. He could touch you, the real you, only inches apart.
He could know how soft your kiss is in a split second.
His eyes flit to your lips then back to your magnetic eyes.
Suddenly you burst into laughter. Full blown laughter as you clutch your chest from the hysterics.
Azriel steps back in surprise.
“Don’t tell me you want a kiss, spy master?” Your lips curled back in a full grin, perfect teeth gleaming back at him.
A mix of humiliation and awe swirl through his every sense. Cruel splendor you are.
You chuckle once more and wink at him as you make your way out. “In your dreams.”
If only you knew. He doesn’t know if he’s furious or turned on but either way, he’ll make sure you pay for it tomorrow.
.☁️🌙☁️.
Azriel plops down onto his bed, running his hands over his face, a deep sigh following.
What was he to do about you? That conversation went far worse than he anticipated. Instead of finding some kind of relief to his assumptions, he found that he wants to fuck you senseless. The attitude mixed with that silver tongue of yours is a lethal combination, cracking down on his hard exterior.
He only hopes you’ll stay silent so he can focus on the assignment instead of your lips.
His pants tighten at the thought of them. How your lips would look so good around him.
Azriel couldn’t help but squirm, the friction of his pants against his cock making him even harder inside them.
His hands don’t leave his face, embarrassment and desire flood his senses.
His hips move in slow, deep circles. The soft fabric of his briefs caressing him.
“Having fun by yourself, Shadowsinger?” Azriel silently gasps, sitting up to see you stood in the center of his bedroom. Nightgown clinging to your body, loose hair swaying at you tilt your head to the side.
“Get out.” Azriel growls. As much as he tries to avoid you, one conversation has you following him around like a lost puppy?
“That’s no way to talk to a lady.” You pout.
“Leave.” Azriel points to his door. Heart racing, from surprise or lust he doesn’t know.
You shake your head, silky thighs brushing against each other as you move towards him. “You don’t want me to leave.”
“Leave.” Azriel repeats hardly over a whisper, chest visibly rising and falling with each heavy breath.
“You don’t want me to leave.” You match his volume. Your condescending tone mocking his decaying self control as you come to a halt right between his thighs.
You look down at him with those enthralling dark eyes. Words, thoughts, air all elude him as you lower yourself.
Azriel’s eyes never leave yours, his lips part slightly in fascination at the sight you on you kneeled before him.
“Do you?” You ask virtuously.
Azriel subtly shakes his head
Your pouted lips morph into a wicked smirk. “Then tell me I’m better.”
Azriel blinks. Confusion trickling into his intoxicating lust. “What?”
“Tell me that I’m better.”
“A better what? Whore?”
You scoff a laugh. “Spy. Everyone thinks it already, just admit I’m better.”
The haze of infatuation decomposes into disdain. For only a second he forgot about that arrogance, that you aren’t this innocent, amazing person everyone thinks you to be. You’re rotten and he’ll make sure you know it. Tonight he’ll teach you.
Azriel roughly grips your jaw in his hand, jerking you closer to him. An inaudible squeak leaving your puckered lips as your eyes widen at the unexpected movement.
“You will never be a better spy than me. You’re hardly a good thief.” Azriel’s grip tightens, pushing your lips even more together. His index finger brushes over them before he presses it down hard to keep you silent. “I still think you’d make a better whore.”
Your muffled response is lost on him as he squeezes even harder. You flinch at the ache forming in your cheeks.
“You’re going to show me just how good of a whore you can be.” Azriel’s thumb caresses your jaw. You glare at him but it only earns you a wry smile. Seeing you start to become irate just as you make him every second of the day is so satisfying.
“Show me.” Azriel releases you with a shove of your face. He leans back slightly on his palm, it’s his turn to wear the arrogant smirk.
And it’s your turn to be speechless. You only sit there, jaw clenched and red with his finger prints, debating your next move. “Not until you give me what I want.”
Azriel’s smirk widens. “I don’t think you understand. You are going to give me everything that I want and you are going to take everything I give you. Every last inch.”
You sneer up at him, eye glaring with animosity. Yet you stay there on your knees for him.
“Come here.” He coos, gesturing you to lean closer. Hesitantly, you come closer. His eyes fixate on your mouth again as he brings his index and pointer finger to rest on your bottom lip. “Open.”
You don’t open. You only glare at him as his fingers play with your lips. Moving them side to side trying to find an entrance into your mouth.
“I said open.” Azriel growls growing impatient with your attitude.
You take a second, another before parting your lips slightly. Letting him slide his long jagged fingers into your mouth. They slide across your tongue, reaching even further until they touch the back of your throat. Knuckles pressed to your lips.
Your eyes squeeze shut holding back a gag, his fingers curling deep in your throat. “This is where I want my cock. All the way back here, baby.”
He pulls his drenched fingers from your throat, sending you into a coughing fit as you try catching your breath.
Azriel chuckles, completely taking pleasure in assaulting your pride. “Good whore. Now show me where it goes.”
Your chest rises and falls with heavy breaths as you glare up at him. “Fuck you.”
Azriel frees himself from the confinement of his pants. His throbbing member pink and leaking with need. You bite the inside of your cheek, contemplation in your stare.
You roll your eyes with a grimace before sticking out your tongue and dragging in from his base to his cum beaded tip.
Azriel takes in a sharp breath.
You roll your eyes again, taking his head into your mouth. Lazily and indifferent you bob your head around his tip.
Azriel scoffs, lacing his fingers through your hair and tugging you off of him. He leers down at you. “Don’t be a fucking brat. Suck my cock.”
He pulls you back down into him. Your soft whimper duly noted.
You wrap your mouth around his shaft, slowly sinking, throat stretching as he guides you further.
A strangled moan leaves Azriel when his head hits the back of your throat. You gag around him, clamping his stiffness.
His stomach tightens at the euphoric feeling. He can’t imagine you anywhere but here with his cock down your throat forever.
You go to pull away but his hand holds you down tightly.
“Not yet. Stay right there.” Azriel moans, grinding his hips into your face, wanting every inch of himself to be covered in your warm saliva. “Stay right fucking there.”
You gag again, reaching up and digging your nails into his thighs as his cock pulses in your throat. He groans pulling off of him again.
Your coughs are replaced by whines as you struggle to regain your breath. “Asshole.”
Azriel laughs at the image before him. Your cheeks pink from the pressure, drool dripping from your lips and eyes glossy. He reaches out, swiping his thumb over your tantalizing lips, spreading your spit across them.
You turn your head away, glaring daggers he knows you wish to impale him with at this very second. “Don’t fucking touch me.”
“Bullshit.” Azriel smirks. You raise a brow in question. “I think you’re bullshitting. You want my cock in your mouth. You want me to stretch that little throat of yours.”
Azriel gently caresses your jaw. Your eyes fluttering shut. “You want me to fuck your face until you’re covered in my cum.”
You open your half lidded eyes, chewing on your bottom lip. Unadulterated lust filling your gaze.
He could cum at this sight alone.
Azriel pushes your loose strands behind your ear and his hand slides to the back of your head, cradling you with affection. “Now suck it and make it yours, angel.”
You waste no time, taking him as far as you can, bobbing your head up and down, sucking and twisting and drooling all over him.
“Oh shit.” Azriel’s eyes roll to the back of his head. He grips your hair, not needing to guide you anymore. You devour him with an insatiable hunger, gagging and choking around him.
Azriel brings both hands to cup your face and hold it still. “F-fuck, look at me.”
You look up at him with wide eyes, tears streaking your cheeks. His hips thrust up into your tight throat, wanting to be impossibly deeper in your warmth. “You look so good choking on my cock.”
Your nose crinkles as you smile and what he assumes is your muffled attempt at giggling vibrates around him. “So fucking beautiful.”
Azriel continues to drive himself into your mouth. Tension begins to build inside him, hips bucking as he starts to lose his pace in the heightening feeling.
“I’m so close. Fuck!” Azriel pulls your mouth off of him. You whine at the sudden loss but quickly open wide and stick your tongue out with excitement.
Azriel groans taking his cock in his hand and stroking desperately as he tilts your head back. His tip brushing your tongue earning even more moans from the Shadowsinger.
Azriel lets out a long, breathy moan, feeling himself start to come undone. Shockwaves grip his entire body as hot white ribbons shoot across your tongue and face. A smile graces your lips as you hum in content.
Azriel gawks at his masterpiece in admiration.
You swipe your fingers over your cheek, gathering his seed and toying with it. You chuckle and he can’t help but do the same.
“I do make a good whore.” You smirk before leaning forward. Your eyes closing gently as you slowly tilt your head and come closer.
You were going to kiss him. Azriel’s heart beats even more rapidly. You were going to kiss him and he would finally know.
Azriel closes his own eyes, awaiting your lips.
.☁️🌙☁️.
Azriel opens his eyes to see the ceiling. He sits up finding himself in the same position he had upon returning to his room last night.
Another dream? How do they feel so vivid? You were right there, sucking his cock and making him cum.
Azriel sighs, making his way to the bathroom to clean up the mess he’d made of himself.
This is going to be the longest day ever.
Tag list:
@quinzzelx @mybestfriendmademe @quiettuba @kksbookstuff @bloodicka @lilah-asteria @honk4emoboyz
#a court of thorns and roses#azriel angst#azriel spymaster#azriel smut#azriel fanfiction#azriel x reader#azriel shadowsinger#azriel acotar#acotar smut#acotar
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could I get A E I J N for Ace please
Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?
Ace is a BIG quality time kind of a guy. He wants to do things with his darling. Like going for a ride on Striker, exploring a new island together, or even just hanging out in his cabin. He lives to spend time with you, and he'll drag you along to whatever he wants to do in the name of bonding time.
He's also a touchy guy. When out and about, he's either holding your hand or has an arm slung over your shoulder. In private, he's much more cuddly. You won't be able to get further than arm's reach from him. Every inch of him is pressed against every inch of you. Ace is strong as hell and just as delusional, so he'll make excuses for any lack of enthusiasm from you while easily keeping you in place.
It's all very intense, Ace doesn't do anything in halves. You are his everything, and he's going to make sure that he becomes your everything, too.
Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?
At first, Ace is very much keeping up a front around you. He wants and needs for you to think that he's this perfectly happy and normal guy. He has a sort of fake-it-til-you-make-it kind of mentality, but he never quite makes it. Eventually, cracks start to show, and then they shatter. His darling will feel like they have whiplash after witnessing their happy-go-lucky captor switch to the miserable, self-loathing persona.
Once the dam breaks, you become an unwilling pillar of emotion support. You're exposed to every facet of his extremely tumultuous character. It feels like you're being guilt-tripped to the extreme by him, but it's genuinely unintentional on his part. He can't help it. He needs to let you in, body and soul, even if he's dragging you in against your will.
Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?
Ace doesn't have a plan. He's going through the motions in life, and that also applies to you. He wants you to be there, sure, but he doesn't really have an end goal. He just wants to be with you forever. Marriage doesn't really cross his mind. Not because he's against that, he just feels like you guys pretty much are married already. What's a couple of rings and a sheet of paper really going to add to that? That being said, he would happily go along with it if you were fully in the throes of stockholm syndrome and brought it up, but that's really only because he's through the roof excited that you've finally accepted him.
Don't worry about him pushing to have children. While he does like children and is honestly great with them, he is terrified of actually having any. He doesn't want to pass along his problems to them and perpetuate a cycle of misery. That being said, he wouldn't be as opposed to the idea of taking in some random orphan that's in need.
Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?
Oh boy. Ace has intense jealousy issues. His deep rooted insecurity comes out full throttle, and it gets scary fast. Fortunately, it only applies to potential romantic rivals, so friends and family are safe at the very least. If he does snap, you don't have to worry about him hurting you, but that can't be said for whoever had the nerve to approach you. He doesn't give them a chance to back off. Once they've gone far enough to actually make Ace jealous, they are already past the point of no return. He'll beat them within an inch of their life, and possibly burn them to death if he was angry enough.
After this is over, and you are thoroughly traumatized from watching that, Ace pulls a 180 and starts babying you. In his delusional state, he believes that you are upset because that disgusting waste of life was bothering you. You'll learn quickly to avoid people when you're out and about with Ace.
Naughty: How would they punish their darling?
He can't do it. He already struggles with guilt from just keeping you with him. He could never actually harm you. The worst that can happen is that he might yell at you if you've been fighting back a lot and had frequent escape attempts. He'll be up in your face, and his yelling is genuinely terrifying after only ever dealing with his softer side. As soon as it's over, Ace feels like a monster and starts love bombing the hell out of you to try and make up for it.
#portgas d ace#portgas d ace x reader#one piece#one piece x reader#one piece x y/n#one piece x you#yandere#yandere alphabet#reader insert#x reader#yandere one piece
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Hii wanted to request a Bob headcannon, them with a French risistant
Ahh this is a super fun idea! Admittedly, I don't know a ton about the French resistance, but I'll give it my best go! Reminder that my requests are open for BoB, MOTA, and the Pacific!
More under the cut, cut for length:
Dick Winters:
-Really impressed with your work and works with you well.
-The relationship is born from a mutual respect and friendship—combined with shared goals, it makes it easy for the two of you to connect and fall in love.
-You promise to take him to Paris one day and you are the one who accompanies him on his leave :)
-Admittedly, he does worry about you because your job puts you in the line of fire, but he trusts you and your ability to handle yourself above all else.
-Does his best to learn some French and it's very very American sounding still, but hey, he's trying haha
-Waits until the end of the war to make a move because he doesn't want to mess things up with you
Lewis Nixon:
-Enjoys getting to know you during intelligence reports and other espionage acts. Is very impressed by you.
-Loves talking French culture and appreciated your music and art a ton….he’s an educated man, after all haha.
-Thinks you need to let loose every now and then with a drink and definitely offers it more than once haha.
-Comes to talk to you about the most random things; from strategy to drinking to his marriage problems to your life story.
-Always expresses gratitude and appreciation for the sacrifices you make to help Easy Co along.
-Probably hooks up with you at least once and then admits he’s fallen for you shortly before the war ends lol
Ronald Speirs:
-Pretends not to listen to any of the stories about you and mostly succeeds. He just figures out the truth and has mad respect for you and your job.
-Scary girlfriend with scary dog boyfriend privileges?? Sign me up.
-Loves getting to work with you in any capacity and will swap tips and tricks for taking people down haha
-Please just have a hot spar session with him. It’s life changing, I promise.
-Learns French quietly and on his own to better communicate with you.
-Probably comes back to Europe after the war to sweep you off your feet and admit his love.
Buck Compton:
-In awe??? You’re very cool and he’s very aware of that haha.
-Compliments you very sincerely and probably tries to get into whatever sports teams that you have in France.
-Also a college boy who is considering doing college in Europe solely so he can see you after haha
-Learns all of your body language so he can better understand how you’re feeling about things without having to ask you plainly.
-Is a great support system so please be a great support to him as well.
-Invite him to come recover in France, he’ll love that!
Carwood Lipton:
-Painfully shy about being impressed by you and your skillset. But he’s also paying close attention and praising your work.
-A great friend and ally to have wherever you travel. He’ll always have your back.
-He’s quietly harboring a crush that he would be mortified if anyone found out. Easy Company does find out and ships you two quite a bit.
-Is not going to make a move until Austria though because he knows that the war is a messy situation and relations between countries are already stressed.
-Very sweet about supporting you and always checks in on your emotions and how your family is doing. He CARES okay???
-Everyone is convinced you two are going to be married one day haha.
Joe Liebgott:
-Love at first sight?? Like DAYUM he is impressed and starry eyed and immediately flirting with you the first chance he gets.
-It does not go well and he needs a whole redemption friend arc where he proves himself to be a good friend first.
-Has cute German pet names for you that he will never speak aloud lol.
-Probably invites you to his foxhole for warmth (there’s only some slight innuendos in that instance)
-Makes a move shortly after Bastogne because that was sobering to realize mortality was so frail and it all just works out.
-You are the only person he will share his chocolate with haha.
Donald Malarkey:
-Meets you on D-Day and is just ???? Shook??? Bc who are you and where did you come from and how are you so cool?
-He’s super easy to talk to and connect with. He loves talking to you and hearing about your life.
-Also just wants to introduce you to American food and sports haha.
-Writes home to his family about you in passing and they are sus as hell about that haha
-Really gets to know you after his friends die and leave after Bastogne and relies on you a lot. You’re a great strength to him.
-Probably asks you if you’d like to come home to the US with him :)
Eugene Roe:
-HE SPEAKS FRENCH, YOU SPEAK FRENCH, instant besties, if only because he understands exACTLY what you’re saying haha 🤣
-You two gravitate easily towards each other for this reason but also, it’s really nice to have someone with actual medical training on your side.
-He loves hearing French folktales and legends and he’ll share some American and Cajun ones with you
-Always is the first to check on you after espionage missions or after you’ve been on the line. He wants to make sure you’re doing okay.
-Honestly very devoted to you but knows that the timing isn’t right and you both have jobs to do.
-But a hand hold here or there wouldn’t hurt…and neither would inviting him to France and to meet your family after the war haha
Bill Guarnere:
-An Italian American and his French S/O walk into a bar….truly the start to an iconic joke….except you two are great together??
-He falls for your devotion and the way in which you are so passionate about things. And he definitely lets you know that.
-He starts planning things out pretty early on and if you don’t have any family left, he’d be happy to make an honest Italian American out of you lol.
-Consistently had your back in battle and watches out for you.
-Go home with him to the US after he gets injured and he’ll take care of him. You’ll get a home and a family and someone who will love you forever.
-Honestly?? Too cute.
Joe Toye:
-Not about to admit that he thinks you’re badass but he certainly tells everyone else that haha
-Likes to see you relax and have fun with the guys and prioritizes making sure you feel included
-Is a great listener if you ever want to talk about how you’re feeling or what’s been going on lately
-Trains with you on shooting and hand to hand combat and is eager to learn from you as much as he wants to teach you too
-Definitely wrote back home to his family about you and admitted his feelings before Bastogne.
-Go home with him please :) he’ll love you forever
George Luz:
-This man probably has so many nicknames for you (a la Tony Stark style) and it’s a witty banter filled friendship.
-He’s not afraid of telling you how he feels and is very good at watching your six in the field.
-Is the type of guy to attempt horrible flirting in broken French. It’s painful for everyone haha.
-Everyone is aware that you two like each other and they’re coming to with increasingly deranged ways to get you two together.
-Loved hearing you talk about history and your culture and hobbies. It’s one of the few times he’s completely quiet and attentive.
-Comes back to Europe in a romantic grand gesture after the war to sweep you off of your feet.
#band of brothers headcanons#band of brothers asks#band of brothers imagines#band of brothers#band of brothers x reader#easy company#dick winters headcanons#dick winters x reader#dick winters imagines#dick winters#lewis nixon imagines#lewis nixon headcanons#lewis nixon x reader#lewis nixon#ronald speirs x reader#ronald speirs#ron speirs#buck compton x reader#buck compton#carwood lipton x reader#carwood lipton#joe liebgott#joe toye#donald malarkey#eugene roe#bill guarnere#george luz
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I’ve heard so so sooo many comments about daniel being off the pace compared to yuki and how people say it’s not the car anymore but the driver. What’s your opinion because I for one cannot take those comments about daniel as a danny girlie
it's truly not that bad - exhibit a;
look yes, the driver does make a difference, and thats why teams want a good driver pairing. but the gap isn't massive. by any means. the gap between yuki and daniel is joint third for smallest driver pairing differences. it's just about daniel fine tuning those moments and those corners where yuki excels more. he'll get there. i have faith. we've got some good upgrades coming apparently. him and pierre are working well together. and he is making improvements. i know the statistics can look scary at the moment with daniel only outqualifying yuki a couple of times. but im not horrified by the gap. daniel knows where he can improve and he's working on it. we go again this weekend! in this case to me, daniel is a driver making the difference. he knows where he needs to improve, is clear on his feedback, and actively works on this. meredith on twitter usually provides really good data breakdowns over the race weekend between yuki and daniel. if u havent already, check her out this weekend, as i think you'd find her analyses useful <3
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tbh, as a woman who hangs out in communities where alot of middle aged men are guaranteed to gather around, you really hit the nail on the head. i've yet to find a tf2 fic that actually captures that male camaraderie that i've seen from the men around me.
Also, knowing this is the queer website and that much of the TF2 fandom is transmasc, I'm gonna address this so these kids can't go "I don't do that!! I'm a man!! I know what men act like because I-"
Men in queer spaces don't act the same way in the queer space as they do outside of it. I know I don't, cuz people get judgy. Queer community does not like men or masculinity. If you look too much like a man, or act too manly/boyish, or engage in male behaviours even with other men, they will look down on you. The only acceptable men are behaviorally effeminate, androgynous white twinks. If you divert from this in any way—too masculine, too POC, too physically male, too tall or fat or broad—they will treat you like a predator.
So a lot of these people, if they are interacting with men, are often interacting with other young transmascs who aren't socialised in male behaviour yet (usually online), or with men in queer spaces only—men who are masking. And they think men are just like this all the time.
And any man who doesn't play up the effeminate harmless uwu-shyboy persona is now scary or being toxically masculine because he's engaging in friendly ribbing with another man while being in a queer space.
I noticed it especially when me and an older bear went to a queer event (separately, we didn't come together) and he was practically ostracised because he's tall and bearded and bald and hairy and fat and very obviously male. And it turns out he was a trans man and he felt he didn't have a place in this event because everyone shunned him, or somehow managed to bring up toxic masculinity and how they don't feel safe with men in certain spaces, all in front of him while very obviously targeting him. The younger transmascs, of which there was quite a few, agreed with this. They ALSO didn't feel comfortable with him there because he was TOO male despite being just as queer as the rest of them (if not more—he was in his 50s and the oldest person there and had been out since his early 20s, so he defo had the most life experience of everyone there as far as the trans folk were concerned).
So naturally he and I hit it off. We separated off from the group, got drinks, and spent the afternoon in the corner, just us, discussing boats and fishing and lightly ribbing each other and laughing to ourselves while everyone else kept giving us glares and side-glances. Men are not welcome in queer spaces. Masculinity is not welcome in queer spaces. People treat ANY instance of masculinity as toxic. And so these young transmascs lost out on a perfect opportunity to see how men actually interact with each other, because the only other men they're actually interacting with are other trans men who don't know how men socialised as male act either.
It's kinda sad, in a way. Cuz they're gonna continue not knowing, and when the day comes they're gonna be blindsided and not know a fucken thing about how to be men in social environments because they don't wanna listen to or observe other men, not even the transmascs what came before them. Masculinity scary or some shit. And this is why it's SO IMPORTANT to have people outside of your familiar circle or your social group or your echo chamber as friends. It's why you should befriend your elders and learn from them, not shrink in fear cuz beards are scary or something. Not everyone can be a skinny white transmasc twink and not everyone WANTS to be. Masculinity is NOT a bad thing.
Anyway rant over. Point is these people don't know what male comraderie looks like cuz they don't actually put themselves out there to experience or observe it. Or even just engage in media where it's plainly showcased. 🤷♂️
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// random rambling about Guzma and his relationships
I don't even know. I ramble. This has some discussions of child abuse, trauma, and manipulation.
This is very long by the way. Like. Actually though.
Okay to start off with, let's talk about Guzma and Elio.
Elio is what really led to Guzma being able to get help. Without Elio coming and beating the shit out of Guzma every time the guy ran into him, he wouldn't have had the motivation to get better. The big thing is that Guzma didn't really mean to get better in terms of himself, he just wanted to get better at battling. That has more to do with Hala, who I'll talk about in a bit.
So, now that Guzma's in a better place, he's also running into Elio a lot more. The kid lives right next to Iki town, and he's friends with Hau, so he shows up all the time. Not only that, but the kid was there to deal with the UB situation at the same time he was, and though Guzma would never admit it, he has a soft spot for kids.
So he won't say it out loud, but he really does care about Elio. He wants to make sure the kid has a good life.
Now, what about him and Hala?
Hala's been Kahuna for a while. Probably since Guzma was a kid. So while Guzma didn't know him personally, he did know him before the events of the games. And then when the big, powerful Kahuna came around and told him to stop being a baby, and that he would help Guzma become stronger, Guzma agreed. It was a bit begrudgingly at first, but he did agree.
But Hala knew that, in order to become better at battling, Guzma needed to get better in the rest of his life. He had to face his issues.
Guzma had, obviously, a lot of problems, especially after the situation with Lusamine (which I will also discuss). Being possessed by Nihilego reopened a bunch of wounds that had scarred over and pretty much forced them to the front of his mind. And that, amongst other things, freaked him out bad. It brought back memories he had forgotten, things that he'd purposefully ignored. Mostly, things to do with his Father. Guzma's dad was abusive, he did not treat his son well. And the Nihilego made him relive that, all in an instant.
The biggest things Hala has worked on with Guzma so far, though, are his anger issues and alcohol abuse. They've touched on the underlying trauma, but Guzma tends to get very uncooperative, especially with people like Hala, who are older, kind figures towards him. I think I've mentioned before how the anger issues stem from his father's abuse, but not in its own post.
So now we go into a bit of a Guzma and his parents, as well as Alolan society in general.
Guzma's reputation as an aggressive, violent person started as a defense mechanism. It didn't help against his dad, but he was already being bullied fairly often, and it did help with that. Kids were less likely to pick on the scrappy bug nerd when the scrappy bug nerd would start throwing punches if you looked at him wrong. But, it also backfired a bit. Nobody was willing to get close enough to him to realize that something was wrong. If he came to school with bruises and scrapes, it was automatically assumed that he'd gotten into a fight, that he was the aggressor. And he actively pushed away anyone who tried to get to know him.
He wasn't willing to accept any help that was offered. He was generally scorned by the people around him, and so he simply didn't trust them. This especially came into effect when he started his Island Challenge. He was so proud of himself. He worked so hard, he wanted to be captain. That was the best award he could've ever been given. But then he failed. He couldn't complete it, so he wasn't allowed to be a captain. And his dad was angry with him. And Guzma was scared. He was terrified. But he had his own pokemon now, and a Golisopod can be awful scary when it wants to be. So Guzma's dad got what was coming to him, and Guzma ran the fuck away.
And where did he end up? In a new group. Not Skull- This was a group under the Kahuna before Nanu. Guzma, in a way, got what he wanted. Approval. Of course, not everyone's approval, though. Tapu Bulu ended up rejecting its Kahuna for whatever reason, and striking that group down. Guzma lost the one group of people he had that he'd finally been accepted by. And he was pissed. So, he started Skull. He built his group up again, new. He leaned into the cruel, scary reputation he'd made for himself. And for the most part, they weren't actually that bad. Sure, they stole, they threatened people, but they needed to feed themselves. They were the people who couldn't get jobs, for whatever reason. Who were thrown out of their homes. Who needed someplace to go, but weren't accepted anywhere else. This was the place they were accepted. And that continued for a while, until Guzma got involved with Lusamine.
And that is a whole situation.
Lusamine needed someone who could do her dirty work. She needed someone to take her blame. And she found that in Guzma. He already had a reputation as a thug. So, she started to get in contact with him. She gave him that approval that he sought so desperately. She used his childhood for her own purposes. When he told her about how he failed, she told him that she was proud. When he told her that his mother never did anything to protect him, she told him that she would. She gave him things he needed, money and food and clothes and medicine to provide for his team, and he was so desperate to keep her. I don't think it was necessarily romantic, but he did love her, and she used it entirely for her own advantage. And once she had him solidly stuck in her trap, she started pulling strings. She removed the exits. If he needed a few days, she would threaten him with taking away something, or to step back. And he needed her. So he did what she said. Especially considering that she was a smart woman. She never made it an explicit threat. She kept it strong enough that he would panic, but hidden enough that he wouldn't catch on to what she was doing.
And this really hurt him, especially after the events in Ultra Space. He had been betrayed, and the fact that she never actually cared about him was shoved in his face. And that, combined with Nihilego literally possessing him for a moment, is why he's so freaked out by the idea of something controlling his mind, now. It's happened to him twice, though the how of it was different.
Now, backtracking a little bit. Let's look at Guzma and Kukui (and by extension Burnet).
Kukui and Guzma met about during their island challenges. They started at the same time, and from the same island. Really, the Island Challenge just provided a situation where Guzma couldn't escape Kukui's attempts at friendship. And he really did try! Guzma pushed him away at every turn, but Kukui kept on keeping on. They ended up rivals, somewhat. But, then they both couldn't complete the challenge. This obviously affected Guzma way more than Kukui.
Kukui was sad that he couldn't be a Trial Captain, but he had other things to work for. He put himself into his schooling, became a professor, and travelled! Which is how he met his lovely wife, Burnet. So for a long while, he wasn't in contact with Guzma. Even when he returned to Alola, he never really saw him. Skull, yeah, but not Guzma himself. And he was sad about that, but it was okay.
Then things really started kicking off! He saw Guzma again. And sure, that was exciting, but Guzma was even more against friendship than he had been before. But!! But then Guzma was taken in by Hala, and he couldn't avoid him. And he was a bit more willing to allow Kukui in.
Which leads us to ~about~ present day with those two. Kukui cares about Guzma a lot, and Guzma's working on letting him do that. Because Kukui and Burnet really do want to help him. And he needs it, even if it's hard to admit.
I think that he'd be more willing to open up to Burnet at first, despite not knowing her for nearly as long. Probably because he hadn't known her for as long. She knew her husband has a huge personality, so she was willing to be the balance to that. Just letting Guzma sit and ruminate with her. And he started to appreciate that, a lot.
Both Kukui and Burnet love Guzma, and he loves them, but again, I don't know if it would be necessarily romantic in nature. They have a bit of a qpr going on. More than just friends, but not quite romantic. Kukui and Burnet are absolutely romantic though.
Guzma's relationship with Plumeria is more simple.
She's been there for him through it all, and she's going to keep being there. She's the big sis of Team Skull, and she's not intending to let that go.
As well as his relationship with the other Alola kids.
He's gotten fairly close to them, especially Gladion and Hau. Gladion, because he did work for Skull, and he felt bad for the kid. Hau, because he's basically his unwilling big brother now. He'd never admit it, but he really does enjoy spending time with them. Most of the time, anyways.
That's the main major things I have to say. I hope this was interesting, lmao
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i am just so earnestly curious. i read the books a long time ago, i am struggling to put myself in the shoes of someone who doesn't know what's coming. the latest promo that has the sinister projection of L: does this come across as menacing to people who are book-innocent? do those audience members have anxiety about him showing up in paris?
i know he was fucking excoriated by a lot of viewers for season 1 and ep 5 especially (no matter one's experience with the canon), and a lot of people now despise the character.
but does like. anyone actually have concern abt the guy showing up and making trouble? it seems to be the reaction they want people to have, I'm curious if it's working?
#yes i'd love your thoughts (but ofc i am trying so hard to keep this out of the tags aha)#I feel like they gotta run this thing on like two different tracks:#appeasing the longtime fans who know what's coming but intriguing those new to the story#and this latest promo along with the chair photo from earlier seem to be directing ppl to be Concerned#as someone who can't unknow what's coming i'm curious how their choice to double down on making L unlikable is coming off#bc lbr he's at the center of this property and at this point they've cultivated a significant portion of audience who#wouldn't piss on him if he were on fire#and i hope they have some god-tier writing in store to hang a sharp u-turn on this massive semi-truck of hate?#i appreciate they have to meld a property she nearly retconned from book 1 to the rest of it and#the writers made a daring choice to demonize ldl and query ldpdls memory#i'm assuming for maximum angst and to make it all creatively come together#but framing him as the biggest Big Bad for s2 is a lil odd to me when you have the obviously sinister TdV crew *right there*#does he really come off as scary to people?#between the threat of ldl and the TdV are newcomers meant to see A as ldpdls soft(TM) savior love interest?#lol it's so frustrating not being able to see this innocent of the knowledge of events...to get how it's coming off to other viewers#i can't unknow the fucked-up flip side to this story#but i am v curious!
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everyone is sooo in love with vakori on account of le is so cool and smart and deeply pragmatic and is also completely batshit insane
#oc#monochrome#sketch#velan#vakori#rocaim#rocaim and vakori are rex and taz and adder and silas's parents#adder and silas get their looks from vakori; rex and taz to a slightly lesser degree get it from rocaim#rex specifically is like a sharper clone of him. fucks velan up all the time because their personalities are completely totally different#rocaim was very like. gentle and understanding. good with kids and well-liked by basically everyone. a very effective mediator#rex is obviously none of those things lmao. every time he says something particularly insensitive it surprises her for like six years runni#anyway rocaim is in love wtih vakori. velan is in love with vakori. vakori is aro as they come but insanely pragmatic#like. ok le's based loosely off my ex. like. so le's SCARY pragmatic. so fucking cool about it everyone with a brain is specifically like#'woag oh my god le's so pragmatic im in love with her'. anyway eventually le's like 'hi rocaim. here are the objective reasons that i think#that if we got married it would mean i had better standing and more power in the organization we're both committed to. would you be#opposed to possibly getting married with me on the grounds that it would get me respect and power' and rocaim. who is already head over#heels for ler specifically because le makes these kinds of decisions and sees with this kind of logic is like. Absolutely. 100%#then for the next four years of their formal engagement people keep taking rocaim aside and being like hey... i have bad news...#...that leya you're engaged to... le's not romantically interested in you the same way you're romantically interested in ler... le only#wants you because you're an Ath and le wants a voice in the interclan meetsings... and then when Rocaim is like yeah i know#thats why i want to marry ler isnt that like the sexiest fucking reasoning you've EVER heard. no one gets it but velan#who is also in love with ler for the same reasons but has no such claims to power#and who also is not equipped for a polycule nor willing to try to go behind rocaim's back because unfortunately for her. she is also in lov#with rocaim. me when im in love with my friend and my friend's wife and also i'm pretty sure they both reciprocate but they're both#married and i dont really know what to do about it and also all three of us are very Traditional and that is not the Tradition:#and then they both die and she never quite deals with that.#but she DOES get to raise their (surviving) kids :) most of whom are fucking nightmares#life is so difficult for velan. like actually#closerverse#cv
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thinking about deh again… like i think one of the things that makes deh age weirdly is that the latter portion of it is incredibly uncomfortable to sit through. and it doesn’t quite give you the full catharsis you expect (i.e full closure with all characters). so it gives you an exceptionally like. emotionally tense feeling. it’s so heavy. when i finished watching it the first time it took me like all night to process it and finally relax and sleep. i liked the discomfort a lot though, it’s rare that a story makes you sit through it and sit with it and doesn’t feed you the perfect happy ending.
the entire Moment of evan revealing everything to the murphys is like. not quite second hand embarrassment, it’s like. second hand “totally fucked” (spring awakening style) and second hand “i want to kms” (how can you not empathize with/have compassion for evan during words fail) and second hand pure desperation of wanting to be anyone else but yourself but also wishing you could want to be yourself.
but in the end the murphys DON’T totally fuck evan à la melchior gabor…like….because they got attached to him and still feel that attachment, because he helped them get closure, because they realize he was very troubled and the truth coming out could make him go out the same way as connor and they wouldn’t be able to stand the guilt and knowing they could have prevented it…again…that is SO compelling. it’s not even about redemption or forgiveness. his lies helped them, and if you’re really extraordinarily cynical, the lie (platitude) that you will be found (the original lie that evan was found by connor), that there’s always going to be someone who’ll come running also helps people…and it’s not really a lie if the musical itself found people, right….the layers of #ywbf in universe and out of it are insane and I honestly think a lot of them are unintentional considering. but i would argue those layers were originally intentional (since the original idea pasek/paul/levenson came up with was a cynical satire on parasocial grief) but layers later pushed away in favor of fully celebrating joyfully and optimistically their song and story and theme and audience at the time, removing the nuance, leading to the direction of the movie.
could deh the musical have said what it wanted to say with more sensitivity and grace? sure. but what it *does* say is worth accepting its messy conclusions for, because expecting things to be neat and tidy and perfectly moral is just another lie we force ourselves to present to the world that prevents us from ever finding each other.
#dear evan hansen#dear evan hansen analysis#dear evan hansen meta#evan hansen#i find it admirable that while making deh they originally wanted to make fun of these characters but the more they got to know them#the more compassion and empathy they felt for them.#every single character in the story deserves compassion. bc if they do not...there is no hope for the rest of us#i also think that the protrayal of mental illness as something complicated that does hurt people is actually valuable#its more damaging to pretend that the only people who deserve help are the ones who have never been mentally ill in the wrong way#the more walls we put up projecting false selves; the more it becomes impossible to tear them down and feel safe being *flawed*#if i had found deh earlier as a teenager at my most su/c/dal ywbf would have pissed me OFF lmaoo i would have gone#'ITS NOT THAT EASY!' but that undercurrent is there within the text when you *know* for evan its all a lie.#he wants to pretend what really happened didnt and move on with the rewrite like that but its not. that. easy. and he finds out the hard wa#the anguish will never end until we let ourselves be seen in all our monstrous glory and come out the other side caked in gore but Alive#i should make it its own post but like. every single chara in deh projects a false version of themselves to the world because they think#they have to. because they think theyre not allowed to show people their flaws and anguish and mistakes#'the scary truth is i'm flying blind' - heidi thought she couldnt let evan know this.#the truth is scary and uncomfortable#she tried to pretend she wasnt coming up short all the time - until she admits it in sb/ss -#and once heidi has allowed evan to acknowledge her flaws evan can finally believe she loves him#that he is loved despite everything he thinks is wrong with him. that she wont hate him for what he did. that the pain will pass#thats just an example#theres also more heidi analysis you can do in this vein with regards to her interaction with the murphys but ive already talked too much#meta#my.post#it takes vulnerability to begin to accept ourselves and others#i want like. to talk about the themes of the story with people#maybe thats too much to ask for in 2024#if theres anything you disagree with here or would like clarification on please feel free to interact!!!!
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uuuhhhhh wrote a segment of the ganonbeck thing on my phone (this whole thing isnt written on my phone i just have future scenes hashed out on phone) so i figured id share it for: giving a snippet of it bc why not, and to maybe get some feedback on writing ganondorf and the specific concept he talks about?
(this isnt indicatives of the whole fic just a scene delving into ganondorf’s personal conflicts and a little bit of worldbuilding or something. would appreciate some feedback or tips or whatever on this since im not sure if. i wrote this idea well. also hope its generally interesting/fun to read)
#salty talks#tbh tho i think this does kinda set up the dynamic between them and why ganondorf is drawn to linebeck maybe#linebeck is. hes funny in a good mood. he helps lighten ganondorfs mood and helps him disengage from serious stuff#he is also supportive of him fucking killing the king of hyrule. but hes mostly someone that helps ganondorf loosen up#ganondorf is this cunning wise man who holds lofty ambitions and is influenced by the history of his people and lets it motivate him#and linebeck is the image of the cat with the label ‘father i crave violence’ hes a lil ooc and chaotic but he thinks the hylian king sucks#this fic is mostly a lighthearted gay little thing where theyre both in lighter moods exploring the desert#but does have snippets like this about ganondorfs discontent with the hylian kingdom and linebeck struggling with his mental health#making it so it doesnt really exist in a vacuum and can feed into a possible future longer au fic idea#tbh been leaning into linebeck having a similar distaste for the hylian monarchy to ganondorf and carrying it into post ph#which fits in neatly with the headcanon that he is half gerudo so. pieces fitting together#this is mostly unedited btw so if it comes off as rough then yeah. its a first draft#topical with people talking more about the uncomfy way the zelda games approach imperialism n stuff#so i mostly worry about how i write about it here cuz its a concept im still new to and not sure how to really approach#if you saw the version with the images in the wrong order no you didnt#but seriously please let me know how i did writing what ganondorf talks about handling him is scary to me and i want to do good#ganonbeck#linebeck#ganondorf#they are tagged now rejoice
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what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?
i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?
a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?
in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.
girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.
there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.
for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.
something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.
is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.
most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."
a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.
#warm up#writeblr#this one has bothered me for a bit#any time a woman does something even passingly annoying we treat it like a fucking crime#hey man. women are allowed to be annoying. everyone forever is allowed to be passingly annoying#as long as they aren't hurting anyone/thing#like u wanna know something? i find it super annoying that men don't wear seatbelts#why arent there thousands of comments on driving videos thats just like : men try not to die in a car crash challenge#''this briefly annoyed me''. okay??????? AND????????????????? go get ur self a cookie and calm down about it#ur not entitled to control other ppl's experiences and emotions just so u can maintain ur own peace#if being briefly annoyed ruins ur whole day! you! need! therapy!!!!#men try not to become immediately angry about nothing challenge: level impossible#ps author is nonbinary. we didn't even get into the gender presentation thing#the fact men think it's SEXY that my voice is on the lower end....
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When jjk characters call you ‘clingy’
Feat. crybaby-ish!reader
Gojo, geto, toji
Cw: hurt, guilt, angst (if you squint)
This is inspiration from a mini series i read a few days ago by user @fumekara. It was so good, I love me some angst to hurt/comfort.
But i also wrote this from personal experience too, my bad yall i treat this like my own personal diary
Anyway, enjoy!
Satoru Gojo
He was pissed. He doesn’t typically show it much, but when he does, he gets kind of scary. He’s more quiet, his voice gets deeper, and his whole body language just shifts. So when the higher-ups piss him off after a very long meeting, the last thing he needs is someone to pounce on him. He usually loves it when you greet him at the door when you’re home for work. But today, he just wanted to strip off his clothes and hop into bed.
Gojo huffs as he leaves the elevator of your shared apartment and grabs his keys from his pocket to unlock the door. As he opens the door, he sees you in the kitchen grabbing ingredients for dinner. “Hi baby,” You softly greeted him. “Hey.” was all he said back. It confused you for a second because he’s never greeted you like that before.
“Is everything okay?” You walk up to him to try to kiss him on his cheek. “God- Y/n, please.” He grumbled, walking right past you and placing his briefcase on the table. “I’m just trying to help,” you defended, walking up to take his coat off for him. “At least let me take your coat-” That’s when he snapped. Something he’s never done to you before. “Y/n, I fuckin’ got it! Geez, you’re so fucking clingy!” He aggressively shrugged your hands off his shoulder. It scared you a bit, to see him so angry at you. You were confused, all you wanted to do was make him feel better. Were you really that clingy?
“I-I’m sorry.” your voice came out shaky and defeated. Hearing how small your voice sounded in response to him lashing out made Satoru’s heart shatter into thousands of pieces. He wanted to turn around and apologize, but the words weren’t coming out. By the time he turned to face you, Your back was already facing him, preparing dinner for the both of you as tears rolled down your face.
Suguru Geto
It was 2 weeks after Suguru deflected. 2 weeks since he committed mass murder in that village. 2 weeks since he left Satoru, Shoko, and the others. It was weighing on him and you could tell. Nothing but him, his two adopted girls, a few people who believed in his cause, and you.
You promised him you would go wherever he would go, and he was so grateful for it. He loves you deeply and would do anything for you. But some days just threw everything on him at one time, today was one of those days. Monkeys non-sorcerers begging him to exercise curses left and right, Nanako and Mimiko begging him to take them shopping, missing payments from those begging for his service. It was all too much. And the guilt was eating away at him.
He genuinely wasn’t paying attention to what you were saying and it annoyed him how much talking you were doing in his ear at that moment. You were both sitting outside watching the two girls play in the yard. “Y/n,” He interrupted you. “Don’t you have something better to do than to just bother me?” He sighed sounding so condescending. “What do you mean?”
“Must you always cling to me? Isn’t there something else you can do besides following me everywhere I go, at all times of the day?!” His voice raised a bit as if he was talking to a non-sorcerer. “I didn’t realize I was. I was only trying to tell you about what me and the girls did today,” You defended. “You’re always so busy, I rarely get to see you anymore.”
“Yeah, because you’re always underneath me. Sometimes-” He stopped mid-sentence because of the saddened look on your face. His eyes softened a bit. “Sometimes I just need my space.” He sighed. You only nodded and started to walk back inside. “Ok, I understand.” Your voice cracked. Leaving Suguru alone to think about what he had just said to you. As if he didn’t feel guilt then, he definitely feels guilt now.
Toji Fushiguro
Toji was a bit frustrated today. He was cheated out of his money after doing a side job, the bet he placed on the race he kept constantly telling you about fell through, leaving him with zero, and to top it all off, the child support payment was coming up. You being an empath and knowing your boyfriend so well, you wanted to help him any way you could.
He was sitting in the chair by the island in the kitchen with his fingers combing through his hair. He was on the phone with multiple people at once, trying to solve his money issues. “Shiu, you guaranteed me way more money than this! How am I supposed to cover this months child support with this amount?!” You walked up to where he was, wondering what all the commotion was about. “Baby?” You softly called out. You could hear Shiu on the other line trying to calm him down and explain the situation.
“That sounds like a bunch of bull and you know it Shiu, you better have my money by next week thursday or else I’m taking it myself.” He grumbled and hung up the phone. “Baby,” You gently placed a hand on his broad shoulder.
“What, Y/n.” He sternly said. You merely blinked a few times. “I was just checking to see if you were okay. What’s with the attitude?”
“I’m fuckin’ frustrated okay? Please leave. You aren’t helping right now.” He waved you off.
“I barely did anything, I just wanted to know if you needed help with anything-”
“Jesus, I said enough! I don’t need your help. Fuck, you’re so clingy.” His voice booming caused you to remove your hand from his shoulder in fear. Seeing your reaction caused him to think about what he said and how he said it. The last think he wanted to do was scare you. He wanted you to feel safe around him. But with the way you jumped at how he raised his voice, it saddened him a bit.
“Y/n, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” He was cut off by the sound of his child wailing in the background. “I’ll take care of it.” You said in the smallest voice, not even leaving him time to protest against it and apologize.
“Fuck.”
Part 2
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My experience with Luke (Punz)
CW: toxic relationship, racism, dubious consent
I know in the past i said that i would no longer speak about him publicly, and when talking about my experiences with abuse and emotional mistreatment i begged to keep it anonymous but after reflecting on this for a week and seeing so many incredibly smart and strong women tell their stories. they have given me the strength to say his name.
this is really scary to talk about because of the copious levels of harassment i have received from his fans in the past so if this spreads or gets out of hand i will simply log off.
If you read my last post, i nicknamed him 1.
So aside from everything i said there, there were a lot of things i didn’t include because they would’ve made it obvious that it was him and it could potentially backfire on me so, i’m very afraid to post this. but i’m going to do it scared anyway, because it’s not fair that he gets to just go and live his life worry-free as if he didn’t practically ruin mine.
Because I already made a very lengthy post about him, i won’t include everything i said last time to avoid being redundant but if i repeat myself, please bear with me.
In our year long relationship i had to endure emotional neglect, gaslighting, verbal abuse, one instance where there was dubious consent, and much more.
Starting off at the beginning of our relationship, that’s when i was getting copious amounts of hate and harassment from his fan base (warranted or not), he decided that our relationship must be kept private. he said it was to “protect” me from his fanbase when in reality it was to protect himself. it was so he wouldn’t get all the backlash i was getting. this is funny because one of the things i got called out for was saying the B slur (derogatory term used against mexicans/latinos). I won’t get into the nuances of if i could say it or not as a puertorican because that’s discourse that does not pertain to this specific situation. But you know who definitely can’t say it? A white boy from Massachusetts. When i was getting cancelled for this and getting thousands of tweets calling me names, he decided that was the perfect time to say “I mean you are a b***** aren’t you? my little b*****.” Now, he said this completely unprompted. I was in the process of writing my apology and he just said that. I tell you this because i immediately shut him down and told him that there was no universe in which it was okay for him to say that word and especially not one where he could just call me that. While i was reprimanding him, he was smiling and laughing. he apparently found it amusing to call me a slur. regardless, he gave me a half-assed apology and said he wouldn’t do it again. and he didn’t. but this wasn’t the only time he was weirdly racist to me. this was my first time being in an interracial relationship so i was led to believe that this was normal by all the white people around me at the time. But, sometimes my spanish accent would come out and he would make fun of me and the way i pronounced some words. He also refused to visit me in Puerto Rico when i lived there or come meet my family when i really wanted him to because he “didn’t like the heat” or “it’s dangerous there isn’t it?”. Once, while we were watching season 2 of Bridgerton, he implied that the Sharma sisters were “too dark” for him to be attracted to them. This hurt me because they are brown skinned girls. I am a brown skinned girl. Then this, combined with the fact that he told me once he wasn’t attracted to me made me feel like my skin color was unattractive. These are only a few examples i can think of at the moment, but i’m sure there were more. Our relationship ended in 2022 so some of my memory is a bit hazy. But, I do remember feeling inferior to him throughout the relationship because he was white and I was not. I chalk that up to all the micro aggressions i had to deal with because i had never felt that way around white people before.
Another thing i had to endure was him constantly making me feel like he was embarrassed to be with me. Because i was cancelled, he didn’t want to associate with me too much. He did defend me on multiple occasions, I’ll give him that. But, he only did it because his name was getting dragged in the mud along with mine. Excusing my actions made him look better for being around me. In reality he didn’t really care. Because he was such a big content creator and someone i looked up to professionally, I took his advice as law. He told me to tone down my personality, to keep a low profile, to change things about myself to be more palatable to his audience. The same audience that spoke about me like “The pussy can’t be that good punz please stop defending her”. So i changed a lot of things about myself and my content to better suit what his audience liked. He made me feel like if his audience liked me, he would be public about our relationship and stop hiding it. He told me the reason why he wanted to keep our relationship a secret was because he didn’t want to get hate for it. But this wasn’t true. On my 20th birthday he went to Las Vegas for a twitch rivals event. That night i asked to facetime him to say goodnight and he refused because he was at a hotel room with his friends and he didn’t want them to know that we were together. It was as if my mere presence or the utterance of my name was a source of embarrassment for him. And he didn’t let me forget it. It wasn’t just a public thing at that point. He didn’t want people to know we were together, period. This was devastating to me because I would talk to all my friends about him. I was so proud to be with him and I was just one more problem to him. He made me feel so small and insignificant just because his fans didn’t like me.
He would berate me a lot. Not just due to getting heat online, although he did do that a lot. But in general whenever we would get into an argument or a disagreement he would always call me names like annoying or weird or stupid. He would raise his voice at me if i did something he didn’t like and call me an idiot. And that really hurt, i felt like i couldn’t bring up anything or do anything without getting insulted. If I hadn’t seen him in a few days because he was too busy streaming and i asked to hang out he would call me needy, clingy, and annoying. Granted, he might not have been wrong, but that is not something you say to someone you claim to love. He also insulted me when i was in depressive episodes. I have BPD and at the time i was not being treated properly for it. So, I was all over the place emotionally and he was what i clung to for validation, reassurance, and love. I talked to him when we first started dating about my disorder and told him that if it seemed like something he couldn’t handle that he could opt out of the relationship. I guess he didn’t think it was that bad or something idk because whenever i had really bad depressive episodes, he would tell me I was too sad to hang out with. He said that my sadness was a burden to him. Which would be fair. But, once my mother had a conversation with him about me. She told him that i am someone who needs a lot of love and caring. She said that if he wasn’t willing to put in that kind of effort into a relationship to just leave me alone. He reassured her that he would be there for me no matter what. He told my mother that he would protect me and my heart. He did not. He took all the warnings I gave him and ignored them and then made me feel like I was the problem. And even worse, he would say that i was pretending to be sad to get his attention when he would neglect for days at a time.
There were also some smaller things like the fact that he made me feel really guilty whenever he would spend money on me. Also, he would be really mean about my eating habits. For context, i used to suffer from an eating disorder. I was anorexic and had a really unhealthy relationship with food during high school and my first year of uni. This relationship began when i was recovering from my ED. For me, eating was really hard. So i had certain comfort foods that, while sometimes unhealthy, at least it was something to eat when i didn’t feel like eating anything. He knew this. Yet, whenever i would crave some of these foods he would call me fat. Constantly told me I’d gain weight from eating all that junk food. Saying that to someone with an eating disorder is crazy. Other smaller things were that whenever I would post tiktoks where i was lip syncing or just looking good he would yell at me and say i was looking for attention. Same with Instagram or Twitter whenever i would post photos where I looked hot. He never planned out a single date for us. I would beg him to get me flowers and he did maybe once but i’ll get into that in a bit. He would make fun of me in front of his friends to make himself look better. He let his friends say really degrading things about me in his presence. For example, once when i was showering, i overheard him on a discord call with George and Sapnap and i heard George say “if you don’t go in the shower and have sex with Andi, i will”. Once, when i was really struggling with my legs (for those of you who don’t know, i have arthritis and it’s very painful. at the time i wasn’t diagnosed but i was in a lot of pain) I literally could not walk. I had to beg him to take me to the ER because i didn’t know what was wrong with me. He didn’t want to take me but eventually i convinced him, and while we were there all he did was complain about how long it was taking and that he would have rather been at home streaming. Whenever I would talk about my interests that i was excited about like shows or books he would be incredibly uninterested and say that those things were stupid and he didn’t want to hear about them. I know all of these seem very silly or superficial but cumulatively it was awful.
Now for arguably the most serious thing i’m going to talk about. I want to preface this by saying i am just telling my side of what happened. You can come to your own conclusions about this.
On April 25, 2022 it was our one year anniversary, and i had made a dinner reservation for us. I expected him to plan something throughout the day for us to do. He told me he was going to spend the whole day playing Valorant so I got upset and cancelled the reservation. After a very heated argument, we calmed down and i asked him to come over. He came over about an hour later with flowers and drinks (I was 20 at the time so I couldn’t buy the drinks myself). He brought Smirnoffs and Trulys. For context, I am a lightweight. I always have been. I literally get tipsy on half a cocktail. And that day, I hadn’t eaten anything because i was in distress over our argument. So we get to talking and drinking. I blacked out after my second Smirnoff. Apparently I drank 3 but I genuinely cannot remember anything after finishing the second one. The next morning i woke up naked in my bed. I woke him up and asked him “Luke, why am I naked?” and he said “Because you didn’t want to put your clothes back on.” When I clarified to him that that was not what I meant, he got defensive and said that he didn’t realize how drunk I was. He proceeded to tell me that I initiated sex with him and that i was very enthusiastic about it. He said he didn’t know i could black out on three smirnoffs. He made fun of me for being a lightweight and continued to make light of the situation. Then he mentioned that i fell off the bed at some point in the night and that it was funny how drunk I was. I then questioned him. Because if he thought that me tripping and falling off the bed because i was so drunk was funny, how did he not know that i was too drunk? He responded by saying that i fell off the bed only after we were done. That day I broke up with him. I’m still really confused about what happened that night. I don’t remember anything and all I have to go on is what he said to me. We were in a relationship at the time and he says he didn’t know how drunk I was so I’m not sure what to call what happened. A while after that day, his friend that hmu while we were broken up and I started talking again and i confided in him about that night. He told me to be careful saying things like that because they could get me into trouble. I spoke to some of our other friends about it and they told me it was no big deal and that it wasn’t his fault that he didn’t know how drunk I really was. Because I don’t remember, I have been led to believe that this is not a serious matter. You can think what you want, come to whatever conclusions you want. That is just my side of the story.
I want to add that I’m not proud of how I acted after the relationship ended. I felt really angry at all the shit he put me through and I guess a part of me wanted him to hurt even a quarter of how I did. So I started talking to his friend and got involved with him. This backfired on me because his friend ended up really hurting me too so ig i got my karma. But the thing that hurt the most is that because of what I did, some of our friends took his side in the break up. I was told that I did something terrible by getting involved with his friend that he was already insecure about and that he didn’t deserve that. These are the same friends who were witness to the dumpster fire of a relationship we had and all the things he did to me. They turned their backs on me because of this one thing I did. But stood by and watched as he treated me like garbage for over a year.
I will conclude this by saying that while this relationship has been “over and done with” for almost two years now, I carry a lot of trauma from it still. I still talk about him in therapy and have had to put in a lot of work to heal from what he did and i still cannot say that i am okay. I am very blessed to now have a patient and understanding partner who has helped me heal from that trauma and i just want to quickly thank him for that. Nobody deserves to go through what I did. While yes, it was a toxic relationship, and I had a part in that, it does not excuse all the awful things he said and did to me. This is my truth, thank you for taking the time to read it.
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she's mean, and he loves her for it.
summary: your peers wonder how the ever-so-annoying gojo satoru can stand being in a relationship with you
pairing: sunshine!gojo satoru x grumpy!female reader
genre: angst, fluff
warnings: none
Masterlist
"Did you guys know Gojo-sensei is dating-" Nobara looks around left and right before whispering your name in fear that you might be around.
"Ehhh?" Yuuji's eyebrows knit together. "No way. She's so scary and he's so...happy."
Nobara agrees, "She never smiles -- kinda looks like she has a permanent frown, too. She scares me."
"You think maybe she intimidated him to date her?"
Megumi watches as his two friends bicker about whether you and Satoru look good together, not realizing that you've heard everything they said. Megumi notices you've arrived to teach them and clears his throat, catching the attention of his two friends. He glances at you to check how you're doing after hearing what they said, but as expected, you remain professional and stoic. But Megumi knows better, he grew up under your and Satoru's wings after all.
"Shit." Nobara and Yuuji mutter under their breaths.
-----
It's fairly common for people to question your relationship with Satoru. He's this... happy-go-lucky guy who annoys everyone except those on the same wavelength as him, while you keep to yourself, prioritizing your alone time, and taking things seriously.
Sometimes, too serious.
You never let it get to you, though, because you don't really care what people say. You and Satoru are happy, that's all that matters. Until recently, when those jerk Kyoto students came over to train, they started talking about you and Satoru.
"She's so serious all the time, I don't understand how Gojo puts up with her."
"I think he's scared to breakup with her."
"I bet she's high maintenance."
"Honestly, why is he with her when he can be with someone who's... not so difficult?"
You grit your teeth at that last comment. You can't tell who said what, but it doesn't matter. Their words got to your head and now you're angry. Angry because you're scared they might be right.
Does Satoru think you're difficult? You're not entirely sure how to show them that yes, you deserve Satoru despite being the dark, grumpy person you are.
Sighing, you decide to go home instead of joining the dinner. Satoru's not in there anyway, he just got back from a mission and is waiting for you at home.
Once you close the door to your apartment, you immediately feel Satoru's arm envelope around you from behind. He smells like fresh mint -- just got out of the shower.
"Hi darling," he kisses your cheek.
"Hi, Toru." You take your shoes off and give him a quick peck before making your way to the bedroom to put your stuff down.
Satoru watches you slowly, "hm, aren't you supposed to have that dinner with the Kyoto students today?"
Your jaw clenches, taking a second before shrugging. "Decided to skip it. I'm tired."
He just hums, "In that case, you wanna watch Bridgerton with me after your shower?"
"Again?" You groan, "Isn't it like the third time you've watched it?"
"Yes, and?"
"I'll skip, thanks."
He blows a raspberry and leaves you to shower while he lays down on the couch to watch Anthony Bridgerton fall in love with his Kate Sheffield.
While you were in the shower, the words kept coming back to you. Somehow more exaggerated. You're difficult. He doesn't like you. He's just tolerating you. Why would he be with someone who doesn't even smile? Look at him, Gojo is the epitome of sunshine. You're nothing like him. Why would he like you?
Groaning, you let the hot water wash away your thoughts -- though they don't really go away. Maybe you should just try to be nicer to Satoru, be more cheerful.
After your shower, you see him lying down on the couch while watching his show, and you sit on the other end, silently dreading having to watch the same show again. But you're doing this for Satoru, so you will.
With a satisfied grin, Satoru saunters over and lies down on top of you, his head resting on your chest. You smile softly, enjoying the tight grip he has on you and his soft hair between your fingers.
"How was the mission?" You ask, "Did you have to go to Shoko?"
Satoru shakes his head, "Sweetheart, it's me we're talking about here."
"You can still get hurt, Toru." You pat his hair gently, "I've seen you bleed."
"I'm always careful. Don't worry." He kisses your hand.
You sigh softly. You know Satoru is always careful, it's just that he always goes on missions alone, and more often nowadays that it makes you worry. Yes, he's the strongest, but you never want to take that for granted.
"Toru," You call him again, a little hesitant, "You know I love you, right?"
He lifts his head from your chest, staring at you with those big blue eyes. "Of course. And I love you. So much."
He kisses you deeply, now switching positions so you're lying down on top of him. "So do you want to talk about it?"
"No.." You mumble. Of course, Satoru knows. He isn't stupid. He can sense when something's wrong with you, just like how you can feel the scar on his hip that wasn't there before. He did go to Shoko.
But none of you say anything. You just hold each other tighter that night. It's more than enough.
-----
Satoru is on another mission. It's supposed to be easy, at least that's what he said 3 days ago. You haven't heard from him at all in 3 days and you're beginning to worry. Your frown is deeper than usual, you sigh more often, and your fuse is shorter.
Everyone's more scared of you.
You let the kids take a break while you try to collect your thoughts. You can't be seen so distracted, not when Satoru left you in charge of them.
"You doing okay?" You hear Megumi's voice approach you.
Blinking away the tears that almost fell, you turn around to face him. "I'm fine, Megs."
"I told you not to call me that..." He sulks as he stands next to you, leaning against the wall. He can see you're distraught, and growing up with you, there's only been a handful of times he's seen you like this.
"You know he's going to be fine, right?"
You sigh. "I'm just worried."
You remember once when Satoru didn't come back for a week. He couldn't be reached, no one could track him down, and you were just at home, taking care of Megumi. The boy's more like you than Satoru, he's not exactly sensitive or cheery. But he knows when you're feeling sad, so he'd stay up with you, praying for Satoru's safety.
"Guys!" Yuuji runs towards you and Megumi.
"What is it, Yuuji?"
"It's Gojo-sensei-" He pants, "He's back!"
You run as fast as you can with Yuuji and Megumi, and you can finally see your white-haired, blue-eyed boyfriend limping his way back to the school grounds.
He raises his hand and waves to you with a big smile despite struggling to walk. "Tsk-" You frown even more, feeling the tears pooling again as you walk towards him and catch him in an embrace.
"Umph-" He groans. "Hi, baby."
You let go of him and check his injuries -- he's healed most of it himself, thank goodness, but the bruises are still there. "We need to go to Shoko-"
"Mm, that can wait." He pulls you to sit down on the soft grass, hugging you once again. "It's okay, I'm here now."
You choke on your own sobs and hug him tighter, sitting between his legs and burying your head in his chest. "You idiot."
"'M sorry for makin' you worry," he smiles gently, leaving kisses all over your face.
As you cup his face in your hands, you're suddenly very aware of the 3 pairs of eyes staring at you both. Noticing it too, Satoru covers your red, embarrassed face. "Okay, nothing to see here. Go.. do something. Scram. Skedaddle."
Once the kids are gone, he chuckles and thinks you're being really cute. "They're gone, sweets."
You glare at his teasing smile.
Satoru wipes away your tears, kissing your frown away. "What took you so long?" You ask after kissing him deeply, not letting him go.
A smirk lingers on Satoru's lips. "I took a detour to Kyoto after the mission to teach some kids a lesson."
#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru#gojo x reader#gojo angst#gojo fluff#gojo satoru x you#gojo x you#satoru x you#satoru x reader#satoru angst#gojo satoru angst#gojo satoru fluff#gojo satoru jjk#gojo x female reader#gojo satoru x female reader
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𝐈𝐓'𝐒 𝐀…
Sukuna
Pairing: Trueform!Sukuna x f!Reader
Summary: Sukuna comes to terms with the idea of having a daughter with you.
Warnings: MDNI, smut, vaginal fingering, anal fingering, double penetration, creampie, pregnancy, slightly ooc but still a misogynist, fluff at the end
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“What the hell are you doing?” Sukuna squints his eyes, looking down at you as you knit something for your baby girl. There’s no way of actually knowing the sex of your baby, but something tells you that you’re expecting a daughter. Sukuna negates the thought, assuring you that you’re carrying a son. He can’t possibly have a daughter, he’s always saying something along those lines.
“Just making a little something for our child.” You inform him, and Sukuna frowns. Your child is not going to wear something so pink because they’ll be a boy, Sukuna is sure of it. He snatches the cloth out of your hand and tosses it.
“Why pink? Are you saying we’re having a girl?” Sukuna questions, and you cross your arms. You look up at your husband, mad that he's tossed your hard work to the side.
“You have pink hair, Suku… Are you a girl?” You cock your eyebrow, and he’s not amused. He crosses both pairs of arms, rolling his eyes. Maybe he shouldn’t associate colors with a certain gender because you are right, he does have pink hair… But he also knows that you’re making a pink blanket because you think you’re having a girl.
“Make a blue one.” He orders, and you glare at him. You shake your head in response, you’re not making a blue one. He grits his teeth, grabbing the blanket that he just tossed to the side and shredding your hard work to pieces.
“Keep an eye open tonight, because when you least expect it, I’ll strangle you.” You warn him, and you’re dead serious. It’s clear that you’re carrying his child, you’ve never threatened to kill him before.
“If you even come close to it, I think I’ll fall more in love with you.” He chuckles, walking away, leaving you alone with your own anger. You let out a yell, cursing at him because the twinge of fear that you had for him completely faded a couple of months ago.
He holds no threat to you anymore. Sukuna wouldn’t have done anything to you anyway, since he hates that he loves you so dearly, but the realization that you carry his child and he’ll do no harm to you really gives you much more power and comfort. Sukuna finds humor in a very nonthreatening person, threatening to do something to him; especially when he knows that you can barely lift yourself up anymore.
He knows that you won’t even come close to succeeding in hurting him, and he laughs in amusement at the mere thought. But you’ll get him back, you know you will.
“I thought we were going to spend the day together?” Sukuna asks as he watches you get ready to go out. You never invited him anywhere, so he was shocked to hear that you weren’t at home. He isn’t well liked in public, there’s just something about being huge, having four arms and being extremely scary that people don’t like. Sukuna can kill anyone without a second thought.
“I thought so too before someone ruined the blanket that I was making for my daughter… So I had to get the materials to make it again.” You tell him, and Sukuna nearly gasps when you drop the d word. You’ve always refused to call the baby your daughter since you have no idea what the sex is, but it seems like you use it to piss him off. You click your tongue when you notice his reaction, “What? You’re so overdramatic. You’ve killed for fuck’s sake, why is saying daughter so scary to you.”
“Because we’re having a son!” He yells, getting defensive about it. You don’t understand why he gets upset at the mere suggestion that he’s having a daughter. Before you got pregnant, Sukuna never seemed to care about the gender of a hypothetical baby– Although you shouldn’t be shocked since your husband isn’t exactly the most fair when it comes to different sexes… Sukuna is a misogynist, that’s what you’re trying to get at. He treats all humans with the same disdain, but particularly women. It seems that you’ve forgotten because he doesn’t treat you the same way he treats everyone else.
“Sukuna, we’re having a daughter.” You reiterate, and you watch his eye twitch. You’re doing it to piss him off, he knows it, yet it’s working. “You wanted a baby, Sukuna. You knew there was no guarantee that you’d be having a son, but you still decided that you wanted one. You can’t cry about having a daughter.”
Sukuna takes a deep breath, surprisingly managing his anger well. He decides to leave the room, leaving you alone to do whatever the hell you want. You fuel his anger even more, yelling at him, “And don’t come back until you fix your attitude!”
You stare off into the distance, your hand resting on your bump. You begin to wonder what Sukuna will actually do, and you can’t do anything but hope that he’ll come around to the idea because you know Sukuna. He isn’t good whatsoever, he won’t hesitate to hurt her, even if she’s his own flesh and blood. You’re not sure you could stay by his side if he were to do anything, but you wouldn’t really have any other option either.
You decide to go to sleep, because thinking about it further won’t really help you in any way. You delude yourself, thinking that he’ll come around to the idea.
A large pair of arms wrap around you, waking you up from your slumber. Sukuna does it to try and be romantic, but he nearly suffocates you. You slap his arm, telling him, “Loosen the grip–”
He loosens his grip, which lets you know that he wasn’t trying to kill you. Thankfully. Sukuna would never do anything to harm you, but sometimes you swear you don’t know him much. It’s very rare when you get a heart to heart with Sukuna where he actually talks about him, he usually prefers to listen to listen, and to threaten anyone in the stories that offend you in the slightest.
“Can I say something without you getting mad?” You begin, still half asleep. Sukuna furrows his brows. Due to his lack of answer, you decide to speak, “You’re overreacting.”
“I just don’t know what I’d do with a daughter.” He confesses. He doesn’t know how he’d handle her, how to treat her fairly, how he would– He doesn’t know how he would do anything. He doesn’t know what being a woman entails so he won’t know how to teach her anything. He wants to teach her how to do everything.
“Everything you’d do with a son.” You reply. You really doubt that your child will be raised to have great morals, so there’s no point in really raising them differently. “Sukuna, how will it be different?”
“How will it not be different?” He sounds offended. There’s nothing similar between men and women. Sukuna’s hands go to your bump, his hand caressing it. “But for my heir, I guess I can make an exception.”
“Is that your way of telling me that you won’t make a fuss over the possibility of having a daughter?” You ask him, and his silence gives you an answer. Yes, Sukuna is fine with it, as fine as he can be at least.
His hand goes under your nightgown, caressing your thighs. You feel Sukuna kiss the back of your neck, and you squeeze your thighs, his large hand stuck between them. The man rarely touches you nowadays, seeing you as fragile as ever. You don’t know about the sudden change, but you certainly don’t mind.
“What changed in you?” You ask him as his hand goes up to your panties. He pushes them to the side because last time he tore something of yours, you got too mad at him so he’d rather not risk it. His fingers run through your folds before going to your clit, and you bite your bottom lip due to pure excitement.
“Was thinking about how I’d be nothing without you.” He confesses, letting you know that he didn’t come to terms with having a daughter– Sukuna is a man that fears nothing, at least that’s what you thought up until now. He fears losing you. It’s your issue… You’ve never paid attention to the love in his eyes when he speaks to you or about you. Sometimes you don’t realize just how much you mean to him. “Then I remembered how gorgeous you look carrying our son.”
“If you say that again I’ll–” You begin but Sukuna is two steps ahead of you. He pushes two large fingers inside of you. You can’t help but moan, covering your mouth immediately. One of his hands pulls your hand away, even in the dark he knows what you do. After all, you’re not just getting to know him, but he’s getting to know you too.
“Did I tell you to be fucking quiet?” He asks through gritted teeth. You have to be quiet at other times, like when the baby gets here and you risk waking them up. Now, if any of the servants hear, that’s their fucking problem. “Be loud, my love. Remind everyone who you belong to.”
“They know.” You tell him, which is quickly cut off by a moan as his fingers move faster. You feel his thumb graze your asshole, teasing you before he pushes it in. “Suku–”
“You’re not going to be able to stay quiet.” He ends up laughing. You never do because he’s just too much for you to handle. He curves his fingers so they hit your sweet spot. You shut your eyes, quickly succumbing to pleasure. You’ve missed this feeling so much, and he refuses to give it to you.
Sukuna loves when you turn into putty by his touch. It takes practically nothing to work you up, and you begin to squeeze around him. He smirks, knowing that it takes nothing for you to be practically screaming his name. Sukuna speaks into your ear, “Already so excited for me? Do you want more?”
“I need more.” Your voice sounds so demanding and Sukuna laughs. Another hand goes under your nightgown, his fingers focusing on your clit. You loudly moan his name as it all gets too much for you to handle.
“Is it too much?” He mocks you as your orgasm builds up, until you finally reach your peak, your legs shaking. Sukuna takes his fingers out, shoving the fingers that were in your cunt into your mouth, making you gag.
Sukuna lights a candle, providing some light in the room. You sit up, getting on top of him, undoing his robe. Your body yearns for more, and he smirks since he knows it. You lean down, your lips going on his, your tongue entering his mouth and pressing against his own. When you pull away from the kiss, you mutter, “I’ve missed you.”
You raise yourself, aligning the cock on the top with your pussy before slowly pushing yourself down on it. You take a moment to adjust to him since it’s been a while since the last time you’ve fucked her. You begin to bounce on him, and Sukuna spits in his palm, grabbing the cock on the bottom and teasing your asshole with the tip.
Sukuna holds you down when he begins to push the other tip in your asshole. Even though you’re expecting a child together, you’re still loud when he fills both of your holes. It’s too much for you to handle at first, but throughout the time you get used to it.
“Tight little cunt–” He groans, and he never thought that he of all people would end up touch deprived. But then he got too scared to hurt you in any way when you knew you were expecting, so he stuck to… Nothing. To suppress his dirty thoughts.
“Move.” You order, too tired to continue. Sukuna begins to move for you, thrusting slowly in and out of you. He continues at the pace you had set.
“Is it good? You’re making a fucking mess.” He says as he picks up speed. You throw your head back, one hand going down to play with your clit as he thrusts in and out of you.
“It’s so fucking good–” You answer. You’ve been needing this every single fucking night, and you’re lucky to be receiving it now. He’s finally giving into your cravings.
“You just love being filled up like a little slut, don’t you?” Sukuna’s hand goes up from your bump to your mouth, shoving two fingers into your mouth again. He feels the vibration of your moans through your tongue before you begin to twirl your tongue around his fingers.
Sukuna loves the way you take in his cocks, smiling at you at how well you take him– Of course he wouldn’t tell you though. Your hands go to his chest, using it for support as well as subconsciously digging your nails into his skin. It stings for him, but he can’t help but love it.
Sukuna does you a favor, his fingers rubbing your clit. Your eyes roll to the back of your head,
A second orgasm overtaking you. Sukuna feels you squeezing on both of his cocks, feeling himself get weak.
“Suku–” You loudly moan as you reach your second orgasm. Sukuna mocks you for it.
“What? Can’t handle it?” He asks, your nails digging deeper into his skin. He’s losing control, his thrusts getting sloppy. It’s been so long since the last time he did this– And when he finishes, he fills both of your holes with so much cum, and you swear you’re in heaven because there is no better feeling than this.
When he takes his cocks out, so much cum drips out of you. You end up falling on his chest, him wrapping a pair of large arms around you while another fixes your clothes.
“This is a nice way to apologize for misbehaving.” You comment, and Sukuna scoffs.
“Who said I was apologizing?” Sukuna is frowning, and you lightly smack his face which pisses him off more. He holds your hands so you don’t try to do anything more with them.
“I’ll take it as an apology.” You tell him. Sukuna wants to laugh, but he manages to keep a poker face. He grabs you up by your hair, putting his lips on yours.
“It was not an apology, woman. Shut your mouth.”
Bonus:
You swear that hell is freezing over because what the hell is the scene you’re witnessing. You’ve never seen Sukuna like this… You don’t think you are supposed to see him like this.
“Who’s a headstrong girl?” Sukuna is putting on a baby voice for fuck’s sake. For a daughter that he didn’t want. Your baby girl laughs, and he falls in love all over again. She’s just so fucking perfect– With her little eyes, her little nose, her little mouth, her four little arms, her soft pink hair. She’s everything to him.
“Do you need anything, Sukuna?” You approach them, but Sukuna pays little attention to you. He keeps looking down at his daughter who lays on your bed. She’s in need of a nap but Sukuna doesn’t like putting her to bed because she’s boring then.
“Yeah, how do I order another one of these?” He asks, and you furrow your eyebrows in confusion.
“Of what?” You respond, wondering what the hell he talks about.
“Another daughter.”
#ryomen sukuna#sukuna x reader#sukuna#sukuna ryomen#jujutsu kaisen sukuna#jjk sukuna#sukuna smut#jujutsu sukuna#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#ryomen sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n#ryoumen sukuna#ryomen sukuna x you#sukuna ryoumen smut#sukuna x reader smut
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141 AND HOW THEY ARE WITH SOMEONE WHO THEY DISCRETELY AND SECRETLY LOVE. LIKE MAYBE NOR A HIDDEN RELATIONSHIP, BUT MORE LIKE BEST FRIENDS AND THEY LOKE READER BUT READER DOESN'T KNOW. IDKK
141 secretly in love with their friend
Word count: 2k || No warnings || Reader: gender neutral. Pronouns "you"
Simon Riley, who always chooses to sit next to you. It’s not even that he lets you sit next to him, no – he goes out of his way to sit next to you. When you’re hanging out in a pub, with him and a bunch of mutual friends (mostly the rest of 141), he lets you choose a seat while he goes to get your drinks. Once he’s back, he places your glass in front of you and tells you to budge up so he can sit next to you. Though, after a few times, it became a routine and you naturally began to make some space for him. Others also know to leave at least one seat beside you empty. If someone forgets, or isn’t privy to this unspoken rule – Simon slaps their shoulder and wordlessly points to a different chair. And so far, no one’s had the balls to tell him no.
He’s a master of dark humour and dad-jokes, and he tells them no matter what reaction he’ll get. He’s used to people rolling their eyes at his puns, but he doesn’t really care. However, with you? It's different. He closely observes your reactions, taking note of things that genuinely make you laugh and things that seem to make you uncomfortable. He catches himself yearning for your reaction, wanting to make you laugh. While in a pub with friends, he keeps telling jokes and adding sarcastic comments, but does it so quietly that only you can hear them. And when he manages to make you laugh, he has a hard time hiding the proud look on his face.
He gives you the “scary dog privilege” and goes out of his way to make it obvious that you’re under his protection. He’s not possessive nor aggressive towards others, but he can stand his ground and you’d have to be absolutely crazy to willingly get on his bad side. So whenever he’s home, he comes with you to all the places you frequent and makes sure all the regulars see that you’ve got a big, scary-looking man at home. They don’t have to know you’re just friends. Honestly, he’d like everyone to think that you’re together. That would keep all the wrong people, all the creeps away from you – that’s what he tells you after not correcting a stranger who commented on you being a cute couple. He then watches your reaction closely, wanting to figure out how you feel about the idea of being together. Whether he has a chance, or should he back off.
If you playfully flirt with him, he smugly reciprocates. As much as he likes puns, he doesn’t use pickup lines, but his witty, flirtatious comments are enough to make your face feel all hot. And he always tells them in the most deadpan manner possible, while looking at you with a half-lidded, almost lazy, look in his eyes. And he doesn’t look away, wanting to see your reaction. To see the smallest twitch of a smile in the corner of your lips. To see you roll your eyes at him or turn away with a blush creeping on your face. He wants to see if you meant it. If you’re willing to take it further.
John Price, who does a bunch of domestic things with you and for you. He makes your friendship feel as if you’ve been happily married for the past 20 years. He rarely goes back to his own flat, most of the time staying at yours. It started with him popping by for a cuppa or to fix something. Now, however, you go grocery shopping together, he has his own drawer in your wardrobe, you have movie nights that you don’t even have to invite him to. You don’t actually live together, he sometimes stays at his place to keep the sense of normalcy. But then you wake up and find him in your kitchen, sleepily drinking a cup of coffee after letting himself in with the spare key you gave him. Fresh bread lying on the counter next to him, as he scrolls through news on his phone. He greets you and stands up to start preparing breakfast for both of you.
He lets you borrow his clothes. Though, that’s a bit of an understatement. He wants you to wear his clothes. That’s why he started to “accidentally” leave his jumpers and shirts at your place. Once you officially let him have a drawer in your wardrobe, he brings all of his best, most comfortable jumpers, even going as far as spraying them with his cologne, in hopes that you'll find comfort in them while he's deployed. He also keeps an extra jacket in his car, though he only offers it to you if he’s not wearing one himself. He won’t admit it, not even in front of himself, but giving you the jacket he’s been wearing ignites a warm feeling inside his chest.
If you playfully flirt with him, he doesn’t flirt back, suddenly getting more serious instead. He might laugh quietly, but sometimes he looks downright annoyed with your teasing. At least that’s what you think. In reality he’s just worried, overthinking the situation while a sombre feeling sets in the pit of his stomach. He feels like he’s betraying you. Here you are, feeling comfortable and safe enough to joke with him like this, while the only thing he can think of is to make you his.
Kyle Garrick, who takes you out as often as possible. He organises lots of platonic (please end his misery) dates. If either of you wants to check out a new place or simply go to your regular spots, he immediately calls you. Cafes, arcades, shops, parks, galleries, bookshops. At some point, it might make you think that he doesn’t have that many friends, but no. He just chooses to spend time with you over anyone else. While eating out, you often get into arguments over who’s gonna pay the bill. He jokingly tells you that he needs someone to spend the “military money” on, but he really just wants to see you enjoy yourself properly without worrying about the expenses. To see you, being taken care of. And he’d be so damn happy to be the one to do that.
He’s also very attentive to your likes and dislikes. While walking through shopping centres, he takes note of things you seem to want but end up putting back on the shelf. That being said, he’s the best gift giver. And it’s not just expensive gifts. Honestly, he rarely gets you pricey things, worrying that it might overwhelm you. But he doesn’t stop himself from getting you knick knacks, your favourite snacks, or even simply picking some flowers for you when you go on hikes.
While deployed, he sends you short letters, sometimes adding some local sweets as well. He knows it would be much simpler to just text you or call you, which he does, but he believes that handwritten letters are more meaningful. The first time he tells you that, you roll your eyes at him. He then asks, pretending to be deeply offended, if he should stop sending them since you dislike them so much. No matter your response, he’d be sending them anyway. And if he ever finds out that you kept all of his letters tucked away safely in a box somewhere in your room, he will have a hard time hiding the tears welling up in his eyes.
If you playfully flirt with him, his brain short-circuits. The best he can do is huff a laugh quietly and reply with a simple “alright” as he looks away from you, trying to play it cool. He doesn’t flirt back, simply because he can’t. His face gets all hot, sweat suddenly coating his palms. Did you mean it? Are you teasing him? Did you finally find out about his feelings towards you? His heart is just as frantic as his thoughts. He shakes his head and tries to casually change the topic, which only makes him look more suspicious. You, oblivious to his internal torment, probably interpret his reaction as discomfort, which makes you step back and avoid flirting with him again. This, in turn, leads him to even more panic, worrying that he’s lost his chance, as he tries to bring your conversations back on the more flirtatious track.
[Sorry to my Scottish readers, you might feel a bit excluded here. Anyway, Johnny still takes you on a fun road trip!]
Johnny MacTavish, who takes you on spontaneous road trips. If you’re not from Scotland, he takes you there to show you his hometown and places he used to go to with his family when he was a kid. He picks you up and drives north but takes an indirect route, stopping at different locations that interest you. You get stuffed with snacks that he prepared for the road and lose both your voice and your hearing from how loudly both of you sing. Throughout the whole trip, he discreetly takes care of you, casually opening the car door for you, making stops so you can stretch your legs, making sure you’re not getting cold. And so, instead of getting to your destination in seven-ish hours, the trip itself takes you two days. You stop midway and find a decent room in a small inn, ending up sharing it together. He keeps his distance, but he has a hard time stopping his eyes from lingering, finding great pleasure in looking at you getting comfortable and ready for bed. His voice gets low and calm while you talk, letting the late hour lead your conversation towards more meaningful, intimate territory. Next day, once you get to his childhood home, he introduces you to his family, and at some point you catch his mum giving him a strange look. When you ask, he tells you he doesn’t know what you’re talking about. However, what you don’t notice is that he turns away while saying it, trying to hide his reddening face from you. You might be oblivious to his feelings, but his mother figured out that her son is head over heels for you the moment you walked into their house.
He tries to teach you some Scottish phrases. You don’t really use them, worried that it would sound strange next to your regular, very not-Scottish accent. But then one day it slips out of your mouth. Maybe you got annoyed with him, which wouldn’t be surprising considering how often he teases you. The moment the words leave your mouth, a wide grin spreads across his face. He cheers like a lunatic, picking you up and twirling around with you in his arms. [And let me make myself absolutely clear – even if you’re a bigger person – you’re in the air. All you can do is dangle your legs above the ground and hold onto him for your dear life. His muscles are for practical purposes, not just visual.]
If you playfully flirt with him, he shamelessly flirts back. With one simple comment, you unleash absolute chaos upon yourself. Hopefully you’ve got more pickup lines up your sleeve, cuz you’ll really need them. To this point, he was keeping himself in check, making sure not to overstep any boundaries. But once you flirt with him, it’s a green light, game on – he’s not stopping anytime soon. He’s a very open flirt too. He’ll use the most cheesy pickup lines on you, a wide smile permanently fixed on his face. Seeing him wiggle his eyebrows at you doesn’t even surprise you anymore. He’s also a rather physical person, so you’ll have to get used to him leaning in and playfully bumping your shoulders or knees together, or constantly resting his arm around the back of your chair.
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