#depending on the kindness of strangers
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Inspired by this post
Steve had watched the world end a hundred different ways. He’d lived the same day more times than he could count, watching the people he loved die or feeling himself die. There were things worse than death. There were memories he didn’t dredge up for fear of calling them into the waking world.
He'd held onto hope for the first twenty recurrent days, which had dwindled to a sense of steely determination until he’d lost count of the days. Then all that was left was the comfort of repetition. He was Sisyphus pushing the boulder up the hill, day in and day out. Steve kept trying and failing to save Eddie until it was all he knew.
Maybe he was Prometheus, who stole fire from the gods and spent his life paying for it, tied to a rock while birds picked at his liver, only for it to grow back with each morning. Prometheus whose name, by definition, means forethought; one’s ability to consider possible futures. Steve had spent a small lifetime considering futures. It wasn’t a comparison he would’ve made on his own. That was Eddie, who’d spent his childhood with his head in thick tomes of fantasy and mythology.
Eddie Munson came to him like cheap furniture, in crudely disassembled pieces that Steve had been working tirelessly to put together. Each new loop brought him another piece of Eddie. His favourite colour was blue. He only woke up early on weekends to watch cartoons. He liked too much cream in his coffee.
The Eddie that existed in a world where Steve stayed with him and Dustin during the swarm of bats had told Steve his biggest dream was to make enough money to buy Uncle Wayne a proper home. His biggest fear was that when he died, no one would remember him.
Days or months later, with Steve repeating the same damn day, he’d finally learnt why Eddie’s love for his uncle ran so deep. Wayne had taken him in before his dad went to jail when the man caught Eddie holding another boy’s hand. In that world, Steve had stayed with Eddie in the RV as the rest of the group searched War Zone.
Eddie’s mother died when he was six. He’d told Steve that later, or earlier. Steve had and has lost his sense of past and present. Eddie loved his mother deeply, though was unsure if that love had been misplaced. He recalled two mothers, one who read him bedtime stories and threw herself around the kitchen each morning with her wild theatrics and another mother who was distant and whose temper could turn on a dime. Eddie wasn’t sure which of those mothers was his and which was the mother of memory. All good storytellers know the story shapes itself in the retelling. Eddie’s mother was Janus, god of duality.
Steve understood. He loved and hated his parents. These feelings weren’t mutually exclusive. Steve loved Eddie because he’d spent the last hundred-odd days getting to know him, but Steve hated Eddie because he kept dying. Until he didn’t.
The boys lay side by side in the red-blue soil of The Upside Down, their bleeding sides caked with mud and demonic bat viscera. In the end, Steve wasn’t sure what’d done it. It’d been so long since he’d lived Eddie’s original death that it’d been smeared by the haze of memory and conjecture. All he knew was that a sea of bats lay dead around them and that it was over. Finally, over.
Steve removed his hand from where it was pressed into his side and extended it to ensnare Eddie’s. He felt muscles tug and tear from the walls of his ribs with the effort. Blood flowed freely from the cavity, but Steve didn’t care. He wanted to hold Eddie’s hand. Holy shit, they’d done it.
Somewhere along the way, Steve had fallen in love. It’d taken him ten more iterations to reconcile with the fact he could not only like a man but love him. That was months ago, in Steve’s time. It was old news.
“Steve, you still with me?” Eddie asked, his voice horse.
He was hurt, though not as badly as Steve. All his wounds were superficial. He’d be okay. Steve had been so sick of watching Eddie die, he’d been willing to put his body on the line to make sure it didn’t happen again.
In this loop, he was still ‘Steve’, not ‘Stevie’. They hadn’t grown close enough yet. Eddie only called him ‘sweetheart’ in the iterations where they kissed. Steve wanted to kiss him, but there was the taste of iron in his mouth.
“I’m okay,” Steve insisted, squeezing Eddie’s hand. He felt a sharp pain shoot through his side as Eddie pressed his hand into Steve’s wound.
“Christ, there’s a lot of blood,” Eddie muttered to himself.
He was bad with blood. He’d scraped his knee down to the bone when he was seven and ever since, the sight of gore made him queasy. Steve wasn’t meant to know that yet. In this iteration, he hadn’t told Eddie about the loop. He’d tried before, but it never helped.
Pain and blood loss drag Steve down into a familiar oblivion. He expected to wake at the beginning of the loop, emerging in The Upside Down from Lover’s Lake, but instead, he found himself in a hospital room with Eddie in a bed by his side. It was late, too late for visitors, but Eddie wasn’t sleeping. His eyes were trained on Steve, equal parts concerned and curious.
“You scared the shit out of me,” Eddie confessed, as Steve’s eyes met his.
Steve wanted to cry or scream. He wanted to untangle himself from the knot of cords and tubes to crawl beside Eddie in bed as they had curled up together in the back of the RV dozens of times before. He needed to hold Eddie to know he was alive, to understand he wasn’t going anywhere. Steve blinked away tears, balling his hands into fists. He didn’t want to scare Eddie.
“I scared you?” Steve choked out a mixture between a laugh and a sob.
Eddie didn’t know what to do. He never knew what to do when people cried. Steve learned that in the iteration where they’d lost Dustin. He didn’t want to think about it.
“You almost died, man,” Eddie explained.
He somehow understood Steve wanted him closer. Eddie got out of bed, clutching his I.V. drip as he flopped into the chair by Steve’s bedside. He wanted to hold Eddie’s hand again, but he was out of excuses. He could tell him the truth, but he didn’t know what good it would do.
Steve was still used to thinking of possible futures. He was Prometheus who, unlike Sisyphus, escaped his torment. Steve wondered what happened to Prometheus after he was rescued. Did he return to a normal life? Does anyone bother to ask? Prometheus’ story is always about punishment. Afterwards, he was a footnote in the story of Hercules, but once the heroes leave the story, what’s left?
Eddie would know the answer, but it wasn’t a conversation he’d had with this Eddie. That Eddie was dead. This Eddie was and wasn’t him. This Eddie was Janus, god of abstract duality, god of beginnings and ends, god of life and death.
“Sorry my lame-ass face is the first one you had to see. Robin and the kids were in here all day. Wheeler left flowers,” Eddie tacked on awkwardly.
This Eddie didn’t know Steve. They were strangers. Of course, things were awkward. He couldn’t know he was the one person Steve wanted to see more than anything.
“No, Ed’s—.” Slip of the tongue.
“Eddie. I’m really glad you’re here, man.”
They were back to square one, but Steve could work with that. He’d been working with that for months. This time, Eddie would remember. This time, they had the luxury of taking things slow.
“One thing’s been bugging me all day,” Steve began.
After hundreds of days of getting to know Eddie, Steve had learnt a few shortcuts, a few ways to jump-start his way into Eddie’s heart.
“Can you explain what the hell Mordor is?”
It was a tried-and-true method. By that point, Steve knew Eddie’s response off by heart, but he wanted to hear him say it. Eddie gave him the same perplexed look he always did when Steve asked. It was as though Eddie thought he knew too much like there was some secret he wasn’t letting him in on, but he didn’t challenge Steve on it. He never did.
“Harrington, have you heard of Lord of the Rings?” Yes.
“No.” A million times.
“Tell me about it.”
Read Part 2 Here
#steddie#steddie ficlet#steve harrington#eddie munson#stranger things#drabble#ficlet#Metalhoops writes#I read the post yesterday#and I've been thinking about it ever since#the plot kind of ran away with itself#but I like how it turned out#I'm considering a part 2#from Eddie's point of few in the weeks/ months that follow#depending on if people are interested#shoutout to#@theamazingbard#for the idea
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You guys ever think about how Gale is the easiest Origin companion to lose in your initial meeting?
Shadowheart only turns against you if you try to take the artifact. Lae'zel turns on you if you side with the tieflings against her. In both cases, neither of them WANT to kill you, they WARN you, and you have to push past it.
Astarion and Wyll are both pretty amicable past their introduction scenes. To lose them, you have to purposely tell them "no." And with Karlach, you have to ignore literally all the context clues AND her begging you not to fight.
All of those are you choosing "no, I don't want to travel with you/fight me."
And then there's Gale. Stuck in a portal, helpless, hoping whoever comes by is a kind enough soul to aid him.
If you leave him after he reaches through, even with the intention of coming back, you lose him forever.
If you're the Dark Urge, you can straight-up kill him on sight without meaning to.
If you want to save him, you have to succeed a strength check (or a magic check, depending on your class). It lets you retry it once, but it's possible to have bad luck and roll low both times.
And then he's just...gone.
Forever.
Blew up somewhere between Realmspace. Alone.
It makes me sad.
#bg3#gale dekarios#there's something to be said about this wizard's life depending on the kindness of strangers#first the portal. then the flute. then talking him out of destroying himself because he was asked to#this man is a sweet tragedy waiting to happen and the player is the only thing keeping him from dying
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an excerpt of the newest chapter of the halfway house fic based on this past post. Enjoy :)
“Steve, come get your furry little menace! He’s chewing up my laces again,” Robin grumbled.
“Maybe if your laces are ruined, you’ll finally buy a new pair of shoes,” Steve snarked. Steve walked to the living room to find Robin attempting to tie her old Converse only to snatch back her hands every time the kitten took a swipe at the laces in question. “He’s just a baby. He wants to play.”
“He can get his own laces to play with, then. And there’s nothing wrong with my shoes. I’m not going to go buy new shoes when these are perfectly functional. And my favorite color.”
Steve scooped the kitten up even as he kept reaching for the laces and cuddled him to his chest. Steve rubbed gently behind the kitten’s ears until the kitten relaxed into tiny purrs.
“What do you think, Dustin? Should Robin get new shoes? Raise your paw if you agree with me,” Steve said. He lifted the kitten’s right paw and waved it a bit, making the kitten squirm. “See, he agrees with me.”
Robin snorted and rolled her eyes at his teasing smile. “I still can’t believe you named him Dustin.”
The kitten chose that moment to start climbing up Steve’s shirt to reach his shoulder. His tiny claws pricked at Steve’s skin through the thin fabric but they were so small, they barely hurt at all. Steve laughed as the kitten settled on his shoulder and began to mew at the top of his lungs.
“It’s not my fault he looks like a Dustin,” Steve insisted. When he brought the kitten home two days ago, Robin tried to name him something else but Steve put his foot down about it. He found the kitten, and he thought the kitten was a Dustin, so no other name was allowed.
Dustin let out another mew so loud he nearly toppled over. Steve pulled him off his shoulder with an amused huff. Dustin wriggled incessantly in his hands. Steve lost his grip on him but thankfully he had gotten him close enough to the ground by then that the fall was negligible to a cat.
“Okay, okay, we’ll play for a little while, you needy baby.”
He and Robin were waiting for payday to run to the pet store for more supplies. They were lucky that their neighbor across the hall had an old litter box that her cat had outgrown, and a couple of spare food bowls. She had even given them a few cans of wet food, cooing over the kitten all the while. Dustin, apparently, was a charming little guy. He obviously took after Steve. Robin had punched him on the arm when he said as much.
In the meantime, they were using old bits of string and a little orange ball Robin had stolen back when they worked at a mini-golf place. The kitten seemed to enjoy them well enough but Steve planned on getting him fancier playthings and some catnip. He rolled the ball across the floor and the kitten chased after it. He pounced on it, wobbly, which sent the ball rolling again for another chase. Steve laughed. Robin giggled along with him.
“He’s lucky he’s adorable. Otherwise we’d be having problems, him and I,” Robin said with a grin. Her mischievous demeanor softened slightly. “I’m glad you found him, you big old softie. Now you can stop moping so much.”
Steve ducked away when she reached to ruffle his hair.
“Yeah, yeah,” Steve said, lightheartedly. “Maybe if I do a good job with him, someone will finally let me have a kid.”
The kitten had apparently gotten bored of the ball and was attempting to climb up the back of the couch. Steve quickly grabbed him so he would damage the upholstery. He booped the kitten’s nose.
“What do you think, baby? Will I be a good dad? Be honest.”
Dustin grabbed his finger and gnawed at it while making the most precious sounds. A purring mew. Steve’s heart melted; though from what he had read, he really shouldn’t let Dustin get accustomed to using his hands as playthings.
Steve resigned himself to losing half his paycheck to cat toys.
Continue on Ao3
ps: i do not do reader tag lists or whatever those things are called. i tag all my writing with 'trensu tells stories' so please just follow that tag if you wanna keep up with my stuff, thank you
#trensu tells stories#hawkins halfway house for homeless horrors#stranger things#steddie#buckingham#(at least the full chapter on ao3 has that ship; it didn't quite make it in this excerpt)#not my favorite chapter tbh#like it's fine#but i feel like some parts got kinda clunky maybe#i'm already mostly done with the fifth chapter i think#though depending on how i tie that one up i might split it into two chapters#i haven't decided yet#i'll be glad when i'm done with it#i have so many unposted wips i could be working on#you know i haven't touched my st/tma fusion fic in MONTHS??#and that's the one i really really wanna finish!!#it's been kind of a daunting project though#so as you can tell#i've been distracting myself with other wips
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in need of just a little help right now...
So, since the new year began, I've been doing substantially better at keeping up with my bills while being able to keep a roof over my head. But for the week ahead (Feb. 25 - March 2) I'll be coming up short because my car insurance (GEICO) puts a hold on the funds in my checking account several days in advance of the payment date (the 28th). This month, it's coinciding with the day I have to pay for my room. I'm hoping to raise enough to cover the shortage, as I won't get paid until the 29th. Even a small donation will help, and reblogs of this post would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance for any help anyone can manage!
$0 / $151
https://ko-fi.com/sobeautifullyobsessed
#coping with homelessness#depending on the kindness of friends and strangers#homelessness#tw: homelessness#ko-fi donations#ko-fi support#urgent need#urgent request#financial aid#financial assistance#community aid#community assistance#kofi donations#kofi support
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(Mini little fic idea, post Vecna)
Eddie wanted Steve and Wayne to get on, and at first, he was utterly ecstatic when they did.
But Steve starts to come over to watch various sports games, laughing and jostling with Wayne on the couch whenever one of their teams wins a point, or scores a goal or whatever, Eddie starts feeling inadequate and useless.
He watches from a distance, too wary to approach, too scared of upsetting the equilibrium. After all he's spent years rolling his eyes and grumbling about football and baseball and basketball to take a seat next to them now. He's more than made his bed now, years of sulky teenagehood in the making. It's not their fault, he knows. It's all his own, a drama of his own creation.
He watches as Wayne laughs and jokes, haphazardly waving his beer and cackling with delight, with the sort of son that he deserves. A son that brings calmness and stability instead of late night police escorts and a mountain of medical bills.
The empty, cavernous hole in his chest aches as he sits there (pretending to work on his campaign), through game after game, match after match. Wayne had given up so much for him. He could have had a family of his own, instead of raising his brother's useless, wretched kid. He could have gotten married, had a real home and an easy life. A beautiful, doting wife to give him the world.
Instead, Wayne had been cursed with a fuck up for a nephew, a shitty fold up bed in a shitty trailer and a job that was ageing him before his time. A vexing, frustration of a life that he didn't deserve. That Eddie had made worse by default.
Eddie knew he was selfish, and loud, and easily excitable and distracted. That he was used to getting his own way in these walls, barely noticing and sacrificing a thing while Wayne quietly suffered instead. It had been the same for his parents. They'd wanted a normal kid too, but even his dad's temper hadn't been enough to dampen his ability to irritate.
He'd tried to be quieter for Wayne in the past. Better behaved, his personality crammed into a tiny internal box to make himself more palatable, easier to love and want around. But Wayne had been offended by it. Claimed Eddie shouldn't have to change himself for anyone, not even his guardian, to be honest with who he is.
But looking over at them now, Eddie felt like he should have tried harder. Sure, 'being himself' was the fucking care bear motto spat out by well meaning adults trying to convince the weird kids they'd be ok. But he could have tried harder not to be so difficult, he could have watched Wayne's sports games with him and graduated high school and handed over his earnings instead of buying dumb shit.
The gnawing, desolate guilt consumed him. Steve was sweet, charming and polite, a parents dream (also...absolutely fucking gorgeous and the best sex Eddie had ever had, but that was besides the point). He could understand why Wayne has found it easy to befriend him, hell Eddie unquestionably loved the bones of him, but it put in sharp relief how Eddie just didn't measure up to the barest minimum standard, let alone what his uncle deserved.
So instead, he started taking on extra shifts at work, pulling as many as he could so that he could try and convince Wayne to drop his hours and start taking it easy. He kept the house tidy and even helped nurture the blossoming little something that was growing between Wayne and Claudia, spending more nights with Steve so that they could canoodle out of sight of Dustin's sullen glares.
He was exhausted, but it was worth it to see Wayne less on edge, back on the day shift since Eddie was finally picking up the slack. Now he had time for 'guy nights' with Steve, expanding to include Sinclair and the newly resurrected Chief Hop too.
"You're a good kid, Ed." Wayne told him one evening, and despite everything, Eddie was unprepared for the avalanche of emotions that it unlocked.
I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.
His brain chanted, automatically.
But I want to be.
#eddie munson#wayne munson#steddie#Wayne Munson/Claudia Henderson#munderson#?#Wadia? Clayne?#Eddie wanting his two favourite people to bond and then using it to self sabotage under his own insecurities#because what's more important? self expression or family?#inside he's an insecure little boy that thinks he's gotta be good to be loved...and he's starting to get scared he's not good enough#especially after the Vecna stuff...he feels like he has to make up for it all#(of course this all comes crumbling down when Wayne calls him out for being 'normal' but that's another story)#i wish we'd got more of the tiny little Munson family...just one scene where they interacted 😭#i kind of think they're a little bit dependent on each other...a solid family of two learning to add more people in#stranger things ficlet#unbeta'd we die like season 4 vol. 2's canon on this hellsite#(basically Eddie is not used to sharing Wayne and it unlocks The Fear in him)
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Kazuki: we should have told her to POUND SAND
Rei: in front of Miri?
Me: character development on the part of Rei that he knows in front of the child isn't the place to have a custody dispute but I agree with Kazuki and wouldn't have said it so politely
#certified hater of when people are raising a kid and their biological parent swoops in all like ''i have rights''#if i still ground my teeth when i was stressed this episode would have made my dentist very unhappy#or happy depending on how capitalism poisoned they are#logically miri is safer when her mother#but acting like she has any kind of high ground after leaving her daughter in the case of total strangers for months??#talking about ''i can't leave miri with you you're assassins'' like?? she didn't care about that like over 6 months ago!!#i'm not a parental reunification hater#in fact i love it.#but i am a hater of ''i'm automatically superior parent material because i'm biologically related to the child" till i die.#buddy daddies#suwa rei#unasaka miri#unasaka misaki#kurusu kazuki
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I'm so thirsty for good omens content that I genuinely just considered reading the Bible
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Yesterday my middle cat Atena donated blood and saved the life of another little kitty named Ollie. She was not super happy about the vet visit but she got loads of treats after and had some very long and cosy naps. I am very proud of her and happy we could help Ollie and his family, and like to think if Atena and I happily did this for another kitty, then there *must* be other good people out there looking after Dashi while we are still apart
#pers#tbd#it's alright if i cry#multiple things can be true at the same time#god i hope MOST people are good to kitty cats they are so small and innocent#and to each other while we are at it you know#be good be kind and be part of the world you wish to live in#this family who has ollie was so desperate to find a donor cat they said they searched so hard and no one turned up and i messaged them at#4am and had no idea they were so !!!!! I didn't even think they had seen the message#jesus what it means to depend so completely on the willingness of random strangers#many thoughts#dasha most of my thoughs
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Personally I think the best bet for Grishas is to form secret societies and live like vampires. Be in contact with and support each other because being in hiding alone is difficult especially with the risk of wasting sickness but let the humans think you were nothing but a myth. Which will happen. Over time. Any other scenario seems like a temporary fix. This is more permanent.
I don’t have any particular ideas about how to “fix” the world tbh! I think anything will end up posing its own problems one way or another, because politics and life kind of just be like that. And even permanence is purely a matter of scale; if we’re talking about a large enough frame of time, it ceases to really be a thing at all.
However, this idea seems rather close to what we see in Demon in the Wood, no? It did sound like Baghra and Aleksander, living in complete isolation, were the outliers. That being said, having any sort of robust communication or support network between the pockets of secret societies would require resources and competence to implement. Meanwhile the wider and more sophisticated the network of communication, the more in danger of discovery by the general populace they will be. It’s a trade off. Are we valuing the support network more or the security of isolation? How far in either direction? How are the resources for the network even being obtained and is that feasible/practical over just not really trusting people outside of your secure pocket community?
It also doesn’t help that being Grisha isn’t a surefire hereditary thing. So unknown quantities joining in, and also threats of random children coming into their power outside of the pocket communities and blowing everyone’s cover will be a given.
Assuming a very particular trajectory of in-universe cultural and social progression, I could easily see a typical urban fantasy genre style of underground magic society/“masquerade” situation arise. (Like with vampires!) But I do think that would be highly dependent on the right people with the right resources existing at necessary junctures, everyone collectively choosing to hide their power at the same time, and also some sort of larger scale enlightenment movement that pushes the average person to disbelieve magic. And even then there would be a high threat of discovery unless the said network of societies have a shit ton of resources and the inclination to use them in that way. But like it’s feasible as a worldbuilding route.
Frankly, you could very easily port over the entire Grishaverse to a modern Urban Fantasy environment, with the Darkling as the corrupt wizard leading the underground society of magic users. Who’s just very zealous about remaining secret from the general population.
Whether it’s a “better” solution would depend on what we’re prioritizing here? But I don’t think it would be that much more permanent than the canon situation.
#idk does this make sense?#I’m trying to say that it’s all very relative and dependent on one’s individual values (in universe)#and from a top down perspective what kind of story is being told#grishaverse#shadow and bone#meta#i ramble sometimes#all the bendy punctuations#a mysterious stranger has appeared
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tma au shuake brainworms now
#text#ren is so lonely/stranger coded. he could go either way depending on what you focus on#akechi is the kind of obsessive i think most eye guys are but i dont know about that 🤔
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🙃🔪.
#i'm mad about being treated badly and i wrote two very long draft posts but it doesn't matter. the details don't matter.#u just cannot treat me like i'm an incidental object while depending on my support while also berating me passive aggressively for something#-i did not cause and was out of my control#i literally just existed near it and was an easy target to lash out at.#while also being completely uncaring about & not acknowledging any of the support i agreed to help u with or the factors that made-#any of that difficult for me.#like u just can't.#i'm not even the focus of this person's ire i'm literally incidental to her#it's ok tho i matter to people and i have self esteem and i'll be fine.#there are ppl hurting more than me so i'm finding good places to air my own stuff w/o that getting messy#reminding myself that being kind to and offering support (with healthy boundaries) to strangers usually does not feel bad like this.#i can and will offer support again in future but i can also change or revoke it when i'm being dehumanised.#me#ramble#(this is a vagueblog but it is not about anyone who would be able to read this.)
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Here’s to the three Steve Harrington/Peter Parker fan fictions on Ao3
#it’s such a random ship (to me at least)#and it’s pulled me in#kind self sacrificing idiots#realizing they have that problem together#Steve getting Peter to be more confident#Peter helping Steve be less of a mean girl#OR LIKE it changes depending on which Peter#andrew garfield#Spider-Man and Steve being absolute bitches (affectionate) together#polycule with Eddie Munson 👀???#like hell yes#steve harrington#Peter Parker#Steve Harrington/Peter Parker#i will make my own content if I have to#stranger things#marvel#spider man
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i should join an ax throwing club. there’s an lgbt one in my area. im not healthy enough to be running nonstop for hours yet again. but boy can i throw hard o3o
#rant#1 i got to throw axes 2 weeks ago and man i was so good at it#2 entirely unrelated#yall know how im nonbinary. which mostly for me means im bigender#and i feel like a guy 90% of the time but i identify with feelin like a girl at times so im nonbinary#also i just. do not care about gender for myself. except that its stupid theres ways society views u based on how u look as a stranger#real stupid if i tell someone im a guy or girl how they tend to treat me different. so like. aside from that no i dont care about gender muc#anyway it is. so funny to me in hindsight how my parents raised me in so many traditionally masculine ways (but of course#whats usual for raising a boy depends on the culture and family lol. because while its typically how u raise a boy#my family was raising ALL the girls this way so it was the expectations put on us FOR being girls)#and like. some of it was toxic masculine bullshit like no crying#no emotions. do stuff on your own. be strong. be independent. never ask for help. be successful or we punish u. u dont deserve emotional#support etc. :/#but then other stuff was like? just expectations kinda generally put on boy kids.#like oh mejos covered in dirt cause kids play outside and get messy. she played fighting outside cause all kids do. she can go fix the#fence or heater or washing machine cause 'all kids' can repair stuff. she can go fix the wiring or tv or cable. she can go put oil in the ca#car. she's got to play sports EVERY YEAR cause a lil girl HAS to play sports. shes GOT to be tough cause lil girls DONT cry#she cant complain unless she literally needs the hospital cause big girls don't cry when they get hurt. they suck it up and get over it#alone. also kind of niche stuff tho#like how boys get conditioned more often to solve problems than learn social skills (legos versus dolls). how boys tend to expect#to solve a problem when communicating. so i hear stuff and wanna go fix things. i like feeling needed. whereas usually girls#get conditioned to empathize as first response and that as 2nd. and vice versa.#in fact i only learned emotional empathy communication as a teen with friends cause ooh boy my mom communicates like a typical closed off gu#so does my dad. (tho he does try some empathy communication skills cause its how he'd try to talk to me - since he felt i should be emotiona#lly supported. but still needed to learn to fix things on my own. which was annoying. aqlways fixing everything myself -.-)#anyway just. its funny to me in retrospect how EXCEPT for the beauty/clothing standards when i hit age 10 (and sudden expectation#to smile and pleasantly give ppl things before they ask). i was otherwise entirely socialized like my dad probs was#and moms probs was. and for some reason my mom mustve gotten raised like a little boy usually does. or decided it was better for her kids#to raise them like that? like. as a result i think my sister and me and my nieces ALL got fairly masculine social skills#and hobbies and internal expectations. its just for us thats also what a 'girl' is supposed to be. so genders stupid
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OC SPEECH MANNERISMS.
i was tagged by @indorilnerevarine @nuclearstorms @liurnia @morvaris and @swordcoasts thank you so much beloveds, ily!!!
tagging: i feel like this already made the rounds so i’m tagging whoever wants to do this <3
BASICS
NO. OF SPOKEN LANGUAGES >> 1 / 2 / 3+ (english, french, spanish, sign language + can understand a bit of italian since she can speak spanish)
TONE OF VOICE >> high / average / deep
ACCENT >> yes / no
DEMEANOR >> confident / shy / approachable / hostile / other (polite, stoic)
POSTURE >> slumped / straight / stiff / relaxed
HABITS
head tilting / swaying / fidgeting / stuttering / gesturing / arm crossing / strokes chin / er, um, or other interjections / plays with hair or clothing / hands at hips / inconsistent eye contact / maintains eye contact / frequent pausing / stands close / stands at a distance
COMPLEXITY
VOCABULARY >> ⚫️⚫️⚫️⚪️⚪️
EMOTION >> ⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚪️
SENTENCE STRUCTURE >> ⚫️⚫️⚫️⚪️⚪️
PROFANITY
FREQUENCY >> ⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️
CREATIVITY (in regards to profanity) >> ⚫️⚫️⚫️⚪️⚪️
BOLD THAT APPLY
arse / ass / asshole / bastard / bitch / bloody / bugger / bollocks / chicken shit / crap / cunt / dick / frick / fuck / horseshit / motherfucker / piss / prick / pussy / screw / shit / shitass / son of a bitch / twat / wanker
THIS OR THAT
straightforward or cryptic? / finding the right word or using the first word that comes to mind? / masculinity, neutrality, or femininity? / formalities or with abrasiveness? / praise or equivocation? / frankness or lies? / excessive or minimal hand gestures? / name-calling or magnanimity? / friendly or blunt?
IMPORTANT QUESTIONS
DO PEOPLE HAVE A HARD TIME HEARING OR UNDERSTANDING YOUR CHARACTER? almost always / frequently / rarely / never
DOES YOUR CHARACTER’S POINT COME ACROSS EASILY WHEN THEY SPEAK? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never
WOULD YOUR CHARACTER INITIATE CONVERSATIONS? almost always / frequently / sometimes / never
WOULD YOUR CHARACTER BE THE ONE TO END CONVERSATIONS? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never
WOULD YOUR CHARACTER USE ‘WHOM’ IN A SENTENCE? yes / no / only ironically
YOUR CHARACTER WANTS TO MAKE A COUNTERPOINT. WHAT WORD DO THEY USE? but / though / although / however / perhaps / maybe
HOW DOES YOUR CHARACTER END CONVERSATIONS? walk away / ask if that’s everything / say that’s everything / give a proper goodbye / tell their company they're done here / remain quiet / they don’t
WHAT SOCIAL CLASS WOULD OTHERS ASSUME YOUR CHARACTER BELONGS TO, HEARING THEM SPEAK? upper / middle / lower
IN WHAT WAYS DOES THE WAY YOUR CHARACTER SPEAK STAND OUT TO OTHERS? accent / vocabulary / tone / level / politeness / brusqueness / it doesn’t
BASICS
NO. OF SPOKEN LANGUAGES >> 1 / 2 / 3+ (italian as mother tongue, english + can understand spanish and even say a few lines)
TONE OF VOICE >> high / average / deep
ACCENT >> yes / no
DEMEANOR >> confident / shy / approachable / hostile / other (polite, stoic) + way too smug for his own good
POSTURE >> slumped / straight / stiff / relaxed
HABITS
head tilting / swaying / fidgeting / stuttering / gesturing / arm crossing / strokes chin / er, um, or other interjections / plays with hair or clothing / hands at hips / inconsistent eye contact / maintains eye contact / frequent pausing / stands close / stands at a distance
COMPLEXITY
VOCABULARY >> ⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚪️
EMOTION >> ⚫️⚫️⚪️⚪️⚪️
SENTENCE STRUCTURE >> ⚫️⚫️⚫️⚪️⚪️
PROFANITY
FREQUENCY >> ⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚪️
CREATIVITY (in regards to profanity) >> ⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️
BOLD THAT APPLY
arse / ass / asshole / bastard / bitch / bloody / bugger / bollocks / chicken shit / crap / cunt / dick / frick / fuck / horseshit / motherfucker / piss / prick / pussy / screw / shit / shitass / son of a bitch / twat / wanker
THIS OR THAT
straightforward or cryptic? / finding the right word (just to say something wrong to piss off someone lmao) or using the first word that comes to mind? / masculinity, neutrality, or femininity? / formalities or with abrasiveness? / praise or equivocation? / frankness or lies? / excessive or minimal hand gestures? / name-calling or magnanimity? / friendly or blunt?
IMPORTANT QUESTIONS
DO PEOPLE HAVE A HARD TIME HEARING OR UNDERSTANDING YOUR CHARACTER? almost always / frequently (sometimes he expresses himself with italian sayings translated in english that...ofc don’t make much sense to anyone that doesn’t know about them) / rarely / never
DOES YOUR CHARACTER’S POINT COME ACROSS EASILY WHEN THEY SPEAK? almost always / frequently (but with same problem as above sometimes) / sometimes / rarely / never
WOULD YOUR CHARACTER INITIATE CONVERSATIONS? almost always / frequently / sometimes / never
WOULD YOUR CHARACTER BE THE ONE TO END CONVERSATIONS? almost always / frequently / sometimes / rarely / never
WOULD YOUR CHARACTER USE ‘WHOM’ IN A SENTENCE? yes / no / only ironically
YOUR CHARACTER WANTS TO MAKE A COUNTERPOINT. WHAT WORD DO THEY USE? but / though / although / however / perhaps / maybe
HOW DOES YOUR CHARACTER END CONVERSATIONS? walk away / ask if that’s everything / say that’s everything / give a proper goodbye / tell their company they're done here / remain quiet / they don’t
WHAT SOCIAL CLASS WOULD OTHERS ASSUME YOUR CHARACTER BELONGS TO, HEARING THEM SPEAK? upper / middle / lower
IN WHAT WAYS DOES THE WAY YOUR CHARACTER SPEAK STAND OUT TO OTHERS? accent / vocabulary / tone / level / politeness / brusqueness / it doesn’t + rudeness sometimes
#tag games#i remember doing smth like this for violante and moira once so now it's the besties turn <33#sorry i rambled a lot in tags so jfsjdk be ready#fenix's speech patterns are so important to me...making him speak and be incomprehensible is everything to me.#the thing about his vocabulary is that basically he doesn't show it but he has a wide knowledge + his vocabulary in italian is far more#impressive than in english but he knows. he just knows. about the emotion jfhsdjk i said this once but he can sound quite lethargic when#he speaks. to show he doesn't care + english doesn't let him go off on the emotion side + he can get quite lively on some occasions when#he's excited about smth. about his general bastardness: it's fenix. it's him u know how it is#for vesper: well in general it kind of depends she can be friendly but still look a bit hostile. she has a bit of a >:c face even when she#doesn't mean (i love her) and in general doesn't trust easily strangers so unless you're her friend already she will sound kind of..mean#but she speaks a lot from emotion. rage annoyance joy ecc ecc it shows. it just shows i love her madly you all can't imagine#and she swears a lot bc my beloved you are allowed to. if someone goes u shouldn't swear that much you're a woman she would simply kill them#also about the languages: spanish and italian sound very close so it's easy for them to catch on some words and phrases (as an italian: i#can understand some spanish fjkds) plus they teach each other words and things in those languages a lot <33 fenix hates french tho#and can't understand it for shit. he's not going to admit it but he finds it quite hot when ves speaks french :) me too king#i love making those kind of things because it shows me how similar these two are even if they feel so different idk how to explain myself#or maybe it's just each other's influence u know..this makes me sob and cry. lovers/friends influencing the other behaviour so they sound#and act like each other my beloved#I'LL SHUT UP NOW SORRY#oc: fenix#oc: vesper
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so i had a thought and. stranger things really does just have a ton of romance, doesn’t it? like .... it’s everywhere? there’s steve and nancy, nancy and jonathan, joyce and bob, joyce and hopper, there was dustin pining for max, max and lucas, mike and eleven, that will-they-won’t-they with steve and robin in season 3, billy and mrs. wheeler (don’t get me started), dustin and suzie, plus all the stuff going on in season 4. it’s just .... the duffers do know that they don’t have to pair off every character, right? a character can just not have a romantic subplot. like, that’s a thing that can happen. do they know this? because i need them to know this.
#yes it was specifically season 4 that made me think of this#and made me realize how it was kind of a problem before now#seriously that's a lot of romantic subplots#regardless of how i feel about any of them. that's a lot#stranger things#stranger things spoilers#my post#i think - THINK - it's only erica and murray from the main cast (depending on your pov of alexei) who haven't been given a romantic subplot
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(View the post above to get the context of this) (also trigger warning for the tags because mentions of ⚠️suicidal thoughts⚠️ and ⚠️Abuse⚠️)
I’m back at it again bitches, I found a new Fnaf song that might fit Billy, the song I choose might not make much sense so I might explain them in the tags. Terribly sorry (again) for the utter sadness I’m gonna put you through :’D (note: I will using the ending part of this song because I feel like this part fits mostiest)
Lyrics:
“SO YOU SAY YOUR NOT AFRAID
BUT CONTORTIONS IN YOUR FACE
THEY KEEP GIVING YOU AWAY
[Take a good look >:)]
THERE IS TERROR IN THE MASK
GETTING CLOSER TO YOUR DESK
WE’RE BEHIND YOU ON THE BED
[WE’LL SEE YOU SOON!! >:D]
HAVE YOU FIGURED OUT ‘ITS ME’
WITH YOUR THEORY?
[as the darkness smoothers the light :0]
SO YOU MANAGED TO SURVIVE
ALL THAT MEANS IS
y o u l i v e t o d i e a n o t h e r d a y :)
NOW THIS IS
G O O D B Y E !!!”
Song : FNAF SONG “Goodbye” - by TryHardNinja
#billy hargrove#stranger things#Fnaf#angst#now on to explaining the lyrics in relation to Billy#for the first bit I feel like it would simply be about how Billy thinks he will one day not be afraid of his father#<— that one day he will stand up to him like he used to…but his mother isn’t around#<— hasn’t been in almost a decade and the fear is just to much to bear and Neil feeds on the fact that he has made his own son hopelessly#<— scared of him#for the second portion it is quite evidently clear that Billy puts on a mask depending on whom he’s interacting with but of course it#<— starts to take a toll on him and he’s scared that people will see through his mask#<— see his guilt his anger his pain his tiredness…the real him#<— he doesn’t want them to know the real him so he will do anything in his power to bottle up everything#the third bit can kind of correlate to the party finding out he’s the host for the mindflayer#<— and it can also be seen as how the mindflayer is slowly taking over Billy..digging him deeper into the darkness with no light in sight#the last portion I feel like it talks about how Billy is trying to survive the abuse and the shitty card he has been dealt with#<— but he doesn’t get to survive it because he ended up dying before getting away from Neil#<— Billy probably had a kill yourself or get killed mentality because sometimes he would just give up#<—which is probably why constantly he would tell himself that he’s going to die by either his own hands or his fathers#the ‘now this is goodbye’ part is obviously alluding to his gruesome death by the mindflayer#i hope this all made sense I think I made more confusing I’m sorry
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