also to add to my previous post, when i say blk yn go through crazy situations im exaggerating but i mean (“cause me personally!!!!!!!!!!!”) allowing the character to be treated in certain manner and be put in “awkward” positions. i also want to say that the “situations” seem unfulfilling like i wanted to say in the first place.

because of the unsavory situations she is put in she legit has to have characteristics that are straight up unnecessary if the wellbeing of her character was prevalent. and i have to say that because of blk yn stories that it applies to. (and no ian talking abt how ppl be complaining abt yn being “ghetto” 😒)

drama, comfort, or for fun, is cool and dandy but it’s the same type of thing and i’m not tryna come for the plug stories like don’t nbgaf like omg i’m so tired of hearing bout them freaking stories.

to the ppl who still decide to ignore how damaging fr CERTAIN! blk yn fics y’all remind me of the ppl who support tyler perry movies simply because it’s for entertainment and “he’s telling a story” (that not everyone has)

yep. those things are true but an impact worse than good is being produced. like bffr.

and i feel conflicted by even saying that because some ppl obviously genuinely relate or find comfort in those stories but at what cost. like is comfort worth change and progression?

me rn:

some ppl just really don’t gaf and don’t care to want better. please don’t let the ppl who don’t gaf sway you. for the ppl who do, reblog nice fics or write. blow them up so other blk girls can find them. we deserve it.

there are so many blk fics where yn is not going through those things and if there is “drama” is solved or there’s a healthy resolve. (there’s so many blk writers who need to be publishing books fuck tumblr or ao3 and tryna get reblogs. with all that talent girl MAKE SOME MONEYYYY! YALL STUFF BE GOOD.)

i’m dead serious. why haven’t you thought abt it.

but yeah. it is what it is we have to put more work in to change as people in general. but i really just want my ppl to grow. ppl find comfort in fics for a reason. i really think a good balance of what everyone is looking for and needs should be found. i know ppl gonna feel like ppl telling them what to do but they prolly the ones who don’t want the change for wtv.. reason… ahem..

ppl feeling hit by what i said:

there’s obviously a problem and as a ppl! why can’t we just fix it. like at least try.

side note:

there’s so many ways to get drama. also the smut after arguing piss me off this is off topic cause it applies to a lot of ppl who make fics but like damn. y’all ain’t gon talk it out. and it be the most weird arguments and stuff and you wanna squeeze lemons after that???

idk that annoys me like everyyyy time? and i think smut after arguments can be well written but ….

anyways the blk ff community to damn big for us to be sitting here starving acting like we don’t have food in the refrigerator to make something.

get it together yall. youn want what’s in the refrigerator go get your keys and buy something.

i’m tired of this shit that’s why so many blk writers stop writing or ppl stop reading because it’s too much going on all for some damn fake characters we wanna imagine ourselves with.

and i know for some ppl it’s abt the followers and all that which i mean to each is own i mean

sigh i was tryna be proper and cordial but i really want better for us but it’s so many ppl who go too far or do too little. and some are so sheep that they go with someone else’s opinion too. you know you tired of all the toxic fics say sumn. you know you tired of ppl constantly bringing up yn being ghetto for no reason (that shit piss me off so bad i can’t. they be so close but so farr) say sumn.

me after thinking someone finna bring up how unnecessary struggle love/toxic/extra smutty blk fics are but they end up just complaining abt yn using aave:

anyways i’m ranting. i wanted to say what i felt.

muah

hey, i started following you recently and ur bio says ur a hacker? any tips on where to start? hacking seems like a v cool/fun way to learn more abt coding and cybersecurity/infrastructure and i'd like to explore it but there's so much on the internet and like, i'm not trying to get into anything illegal. thanks!

huh, an interesting question, ty!

i can give more tailored advice if you hit me up on chat with more specifics on your background/interests.

given what you've written here, though, i'll just assume you don't have any immediate professional aspirations (e.g. you just want to learn some things, and you aren't necessarily trying to get A Cyber Security Job TM within the next three months or w/e), and that you don't know much about any specific programming/computering domain yet.

(stuff under cut because long)

first i'd probably just try to pick some interesting problem that you think you can solve with tech. this doesn't need to be a "hacking" project at first; i was just messing around with computers for ages before i did anything involving security/exploitation.

if you don't already know how to program, you should ideally pick a problem you can solve via programming. for instance: i learned a lot back in the 2000s, when play-by-post forum RPGs were in vogue.  see, i'd already been messing around, building my own personal sites, first just with HTML & CSS, and later on with Javascript and PHP.   and i knew the forum software everyone used (InvisionPowerBoard) was written in PHP.  so when one of the admins at my RPG complained that they'd like the ability to set multiple profile pictures, i was like, "hey i'm good at programming, want me to create a mod to do that," and then i just... did. so then they asked me to program more features, and i got all the sexy nerd cred for being Forum Mod Queen, and it was a good time, i learned a lot.

(i also got to be the person who was frantically IMed at 2am because wtf the forum is down and there's an inscrutable error, what do??? basically sysadmining! also, much less sexy! still, i learned a lot!)

the key thing is that it's gotta be a problem that's interesting to you: as much as i love making dorky sites in PHP, half the fun was seeing other people using my stuff, and i think the era of forum-based RPGs has passed. but maybe you can apply some programming talents to something that you are interested in—maybe you want to make a silly Chrome extension to make people laugh, a la Cloud to Butt, or maybe you'd like to make a program that converts pixel art into cross-stitching patterns, maybe you want to just make a cool adventure game on those annoying graphing calculators they make you use in class, or make a script for some online game you play, or make something silly with Arduino (i once made a trash can that rolled toward me when i clapped my hands; it was fun, and way easier than you'd think!), whatever.

i know a lot of hacker-types who got their start doing ROM hacking for video games—replacing the character art or animations or whatever in old NES games. that's probably more relevant than the PHP websites, at least, and is probably a solid place to get started; in my experience those communities tend to be reasonably friendly to questions. pick a small thing you want to do & ask how to do it.

also, a somewhat unconventional path, but—once i knew how to program a bit of Python, i started doing goofy junk, like, "hey can i implemented NamedTuple from scratch,” which tends to lead to Python metaprogramming, which leads to surprising shit like "oh, stack frames are literally just Python objects and you can manually edit them in the interpreter to do deliberately horrendous/silly things, my god this language allows too much reflection and i'm having too much fun"... since Python is a lot of folks' first language these days, i thought i'd point that out, since i think this is a pretty accessible start to thinking about How Programs Actually Work under the hood. allison kaptur has some specific recommendations on how to poke around, if you wanna go that route.

it's reasonably likely you'll end up doing something "hackery" in the natural course of just working on stuff. for instance, while i was working on the IPB forum software mods, i became distressed to learn that everyone was using an INSECURE version of the software! no one was patching their shit!! i yelled at the admins about it, and they were like "well we haven't been hacked yet so it's not a problem," so i uh, decided to demonstrate a proof of concept? i downloaded some sketchy perl script, kicked it until it worked, logged in as the admins, and shitposted a bit before i logged out, y'know, to prove my point.

(they responded by banning me for two weeks, and did not patch their software. which, y'know, rip to them; they got hacked by an unrelated Turkish group two months later, and those dudes just straight-up deleted the whole website. i was a merciful god by comparison!)

anyway, even though downloading a perl script and just pointing it at a website isn't really "hacking" (it's the literal definition of script kiddie, heh)—the point is i was just experimenting a lot and trying a lot of stuff, which meant i was getting comfortable with thinking of software as not just some immutable relic, but something you can touch and prod in unexpected ways.

this dovetails into the next thing, which is like, just learn a lot of stuff. a boring conventional computer science degree will teach you a lot (provided you take it seriously and actually try to learn shit); alternatively, just taking the same classes as a boring conventional computer science degree, via edX or whatever free online thingy, will also teach you a lot. ("contributing to open source" also teaches you a lot but... hngh... is a whole can of worms; send a follow-up ask if you want that rant.)

here's where i should note that "hacking" is an impossibly broad category: the kind of person who knows how to fuck with website authentication tokens is very different than someone who writes a fuzzer, who is often quite different than someone who looks at the bug a fuzzer produces and actually writes a program that can exploit that bug... so what you focus on depends on what you're interested in. i imagine classes with names like "compilers," "operating systems," and "networking" will teach you a lot. but, like, idk, all knowledge is god-breathed and good for teaching. hell, i hear some universities these days have actual computer security classes? that's probably a good thing to look at, just to get a sense of what's out there, if you already know how to program.

also be comfortable with not knowing everything, but also, learn as you go. the bulk of my security knowledge came when i got kinda airdropped into a work team that basically hired me entirely on "potential" (lmao), and uh, prior to joining i only had the faintest idea what a hypervisor was? or the whole protection ring concept? or ioctls or sandboxing or threat models or, fuck, anything? i mostly just pestered people with like 800 questions and slowly built up a knowledge base, and remember being surprised & delighted when i went to a security conference a year later and could follow most of the talks, and when i wound up at a bar with a guy on the xbox security team and we compared our security models a bunch, and so on.  there wasn't a magic moment when i "got it", i was just like, "okay huh this dude says he found a ring-0 exploit... what does that mean... okay i think i got that... why is that a big deal though... better ask somebody.." (also: reading an occasional dead tree book is a good idea. i owe my firstborn to Robert Love's Linux Kernel Development, as outdated as it is, and also O'Reilly's kookaburra book gave me a great overview of web programming back in the day, etc.  you can learn a lot by just clicking around random blogs, but you’ll often end up with a lot of random little facts and no good mental scaffolding for holding it together; often, a decent book will give you that scaffolding.)

(also, it's pretty useful if you can find a knowledgable someone to pepper with random questions as you go. finding someone who will actively mentor you is tricky, but most working computery folks are happy to tell you things like "what you're doing is actually impossible, here's why," or "here's a tutorial someone told me was good for learning how to write a linux kernel module," or "here's my vague understanding of this concept you know nothing about," or "here's how you automate something to click on a link on a webpage," which tends to be handier than just google on its own.)

if you're reading this and you're like "ok cool but where's the part where i'm handed a computer and i gotta break in while going all hacker typer”—that's not the bulk of the work, alas! like, for sure, we do have fun pranking each other by trying dumb ways of stealing each other's passwords or whatever (once i stuck a keylogger in a dude's keyboard, fun times). but a lot of my security jobs have involved stuff like, "stare at this disassembly a long fuckin' time to figure out how the program pointer got all fucked up," or, "write a fuzzer that feeds a lot of randomized input to some C++ program, watch the program crash because C++ is a horrible language for writing software, go fix all the bugs," or "think Really Hard TM about all the settings and doohickeys this OS/GPU/whatever has, think about all the awful things someone could do with it, threat model and sandbox accordingly." occasionally i have done cool proof-of-concept hacks but honestly writing exploits can kinda be tedious, lol, so like, i'm only doing that if it's the only way i can get people to believe that Yes This Is Actually A Problem, Fix Your Code

"lua that's cool and all but i wanted, like, actual links and recommendations and stuff" okay, fair. here's some ideas:

microcorruption: very fun embedded security CTF; teaches you everything you need to know as you're doing it.

cryptopals crypto challenges: very fun little programming exercises that teach you a lot of fundamental cryptography concepts as you're going along! you can do these even as a bit of a n00b; i did them in Python for the lulz

the binary bomb lab is hilariously copied by, like, so many CS programs, lol, but for good reason. it's accessible and fun and is the first time most people get to feel like a real hacker! (requires you know a bit of C beforehand)

ctftime is a good way to see when new CTFs ("capture the flag"s; security-focused competitions) are coming up. or, sometimes CTFs post their source code, so you can continue trying them after the CTF is over. i liked Stripe's CTFs when they were going, because they focused on "web stuff", and "web stuff" was all i really knew at the time. if you're more interested in staring at disassembly, there's CTFs focused on that sort of thing too.

azeria has good ARM assembly & exploitation tutorials

also, like, lots of good talks out there; just watching defcon/cansecwest/etc talks until something piques your interest is very fun. i'd die on a battlefield for any of Christopher Domas's talks, but he assumes a lot of specific x86/OS knowledge, lol, so maybe don’t start with that. oh, Julia Evans's blog is honestly probably pretty good for just learning a lot of stuff and really beginner-friendly?

oh and wrt legality... idk, i haven't addressed it here since it hasn't come up in my own work much, tbh. if you're just getting started you're kind of unlikely to Break The Law without, y'know, realizing maybe you're doing something a bit gray-area? and you can cross that bridge when you come to it? Real Hacking TM is way more of a pain-in-the-ass than doing CTFs and such, and you'll learn way more with the latter, so who cares lol just do the fun thing

A little fix it story

I just can’t get over the episode and needed to write about them and wanted to share for everyone who’s interested to read it and as desperate as me LMAO. Just want to say quickly beforehand, I took out the Maya part and changed the conversation, it’s not completely taken from the clip, FYI. But now, hopefully you’ll enjoy the story. I’d love to have you share your opinions on it, feel free to say whatever. Lots of love to you guys out there. Without further ado, have fun reading!!

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"Are you serious? You're running away now?" "What did you expect me to do? Sorry, but I'm not putting up with your bully squad and parties and all that, I barely recognize you anymore. I feel like you're a whole other person." "They're my family Fatou. They might not be perfect, and they made their mistakes, but they're family, and I'm here to help them. Glad to know you're so fed up with it. I tried telling you about it, you know, but you wouldn't listen." the exasperation in her voice evident. "When exactly? Because back there you openly rejected me, and now you just started even addressing it." "All the time, I've been going out of my way, opening up for you." "Sorry, but when have you exactly been opening up? I don't see it. You've been running away when I needed you." Fatou practically screamed, her emotions overtaking, beginning to cloud her judgment. She had to keep it together somehow. But her resolve was cracking, she was falling apart at the seams. "You wouldn't talk to me. You know in my world that's how conflicts are solved, by communication. And I feel like you don't really want to talk to me nor want me in your life." there was a certain desperation in her voice now, the tears more than visible and the vulnerability tangible.

Fatou laughed at that, leaving a dumbfounded Kieu My staring at her as if she had just smacked her in the face right then and there. "Sorry, it's just funny looking back at how long I've been practically pining after you. At that dance, I didn't just see you dance, I saw your interactions and your smile, that goddamn cute smile and I fell for you right there. I tried getting to know you casually, but as you noticed, I was way too nervous, you made me so damn nervous. Then I wanted to confess, but you kissed that dude and that kinda broke my heart back then. I mean you know what came after that, but I've never felt this happy and comfortable with someone in my life, without knowing them for long. That's rare, and it's just funny, I guess, how you couldn't see that." there was no turning back now, she laid everything out in the open, more vulnerable than ever and the fear in the back of her mind was pounding painfully, more scared than ever of losing it all now. Kieu was even more dumbfounded now, opening and closing her mouth a few times but seemingly at a loss for words. So she continued explaining herself. "You know I'm so sick of fighting, everything is going south right now. The cash queens, my family, school, my job, that I just lost, and now us. I don't even know where to begin with all the problems." she didn't know how to explain it, didn't want to dwell on her problems and make it seem like the end of the world, but she needed her to know somehow. Albeit the difficulty of opening up, she had managed to pull through, and honestly, she felt proud to have taken that step at least, no matter the outcome. Because it felt good, so good to let it all out. "I didn't know that" she finally replied, nearly in a whisper, while coming closer. "Can we please just talk about this and get it out of the way, I hate fighting, and you know, I do wanna be with you. I've been wanting that for so long. The thing is, I hate confrontation and I hate talking about my problems and putting them on others, which is why I didn't say anything. But nothing works out right now, and I'm getting so fed up with it. I'm sorry for not being there the way you needed me to, I've been so caught up with everything, and it's just hard to even see everything that's going on. I feel so overwhelmed 24/7" At that Kieu My hesitantly reached out, put her hands in Fatou's carefully, looking at her, gauging for a sign of rejection, before pulling her into an embrace. Seeing the clear distress, and hearing her finally open up about her problems, she didn't want to leave her standing there. So they stood there for what felt like forever, not wanting to let go. She put aside all the worries of the last weeks and decided not to dwell on it for now. It was the first step in the right direction. Fatou buried her face in Kieu Mys shoulder, crying, letting the tears that have built up for all this time just roll down her cheeks and soak Q's coat, not even caring a single bit about it. Kieu My in return kissed the side of her head, caressing her, trying to comfort her. "I just, I've been caught up in my own world too. You know, you didn't talk to me, and I've been really scared you don't even want this. I just need to know where I stand sometimes." she whispered, still embracing her. "I'm sorry Kieu My, I really am, God sometimes I feel like a bowl with a thousand holes you know? And then I forget everything around me, even the important stuff. Which is the reason why I fucked up my job, friendships, and everything. I'm sorry I didn't open up." Fatou eventually said, pulling back to look at her. "It's fine Fatou, and I'm also sorry for just assuming how to handle your problems, I shouldn't have done that. I guess we both need to work on communication and I want you to know that I'm here for you, ok? But please talk to me." "I'll try my best, I promise." "Now, um, do you still want to leave? I'd get it, with Constantin, you know, but I would be happy to have you stay. I wanted to call this off in a bit anyway. He needs to go home and rest. Would you mind coming up with me again?" "If you're not gonna push me away again, sure." she said with a humorous expression, letting her know she didn't really mean it that way.   Q just laughed at that, but still, there was an underlying worried expression and Fatou just knew what must've been going through her head and that she needed to assure her. She told her how she felt and for once, she had actually listened because this was important to her. If she wanted to know, she'd gladly tell her, no matter how often, because Kieu My was worth it. She was worth the effort. And she should be. "Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. And I want you to know that I'm not here for your looks, nor your party persona. I like and want you just the way you are Kieu My and I want us to be on good terms. So yeah I'm coming up, and I want to give your friends a chance and help you clean up. Don't worry about it" she assured her, carefully reaching for her hand, caressing her knuckles. When Kieu My just stared at her, practically in awe she couldn't help but make a joke. "You want us to freeze to death first or should we head up before they're starting to worry?" She smiled shyly at that, while nodding her head. It was one of those beautiful smiles that she fell in love with in the first place. But before they could enter the apartment Kieu My held her back pushing her closer to herself until there was no space left anymore, and she kissed her passionately, up until the point of no return. Fatou pulled back, completely out of breath, after what felt like forever, their foreheads touching, while she whispered "Let's talk later about everything ok? But if we're continuing now, I might not be able to make it into the apartment." She couldn't help the laugh that escaped her throat. With one final peck, saying more than any words could, she let her know it was all going to be good. Intertwining their hands, smiling at her reassuringly, she led her back into her apartment. Fatou could've never imagined the night to go this way, honestly, she didn't even know what to expect, but certainly not this. But she wasn't one to complain, and she couldn't be happier, feeling Kieu Mys hand in hers, still intertwined while she talked and laughed with her friends. Looking up into the sky, seeing the stars shine brighter than ever, she thanked the universe for having found her and taking another sip of the drink Ismail has made for her, she felt positive, yet nervous about what's to come this night, but she wasn't worried anymore. And she felt a little less stressed, and like she accomplished at least something in her life. It would all be good, and she couldn't help the giddy smile at that thought.

on the whole idea of the boys when they're older interacting with kids, what if one day a kid comes in with his family who's like rly shy and timid, like not bc of abuse he's just rly shy and with his family who are perhaps quite boisterous and he's not and he gets quite anxious and there's a whole thing where the boys are able to bring him out of his shell ;~; like when he and his family are sitting down for a meal dean comes out with their food and makes him relax bc hes so good with kids. he comes down during the night bc he heard a noise and got scared and cas is down there cleaning up for the night and talks to him about nature to calm him down and the boy is like :)) and then the next morning he's outside and there's other kids who are playing with sam and he's off to the side but sam notices and is able to bring him into the play and he ends up making friends with the other kids, and then by the time the family have to leave the inn he's like smiling and happy and he turns to his parents and is like 'can we come back here soon :D' and it's this rly nice moment, maybe from his perspective so we get to see others reactions to the boys :))

ALSO AS I WAS WRITING THIS I HAD AN EPIPHANY WHAT IF THE BOY IS JACK. DOESN'T NEED TO BE BUT IT WORKS KINDA WELL!!

awwww this is so cute!!! Maybe this could be combined with the prompt about cas helping the family with an autistic child and helping the parents understand their kid better....like maybe the kid is autistic and so he has a hard time talking sometimes and is withdrawn bc of difficulty interacting with others. and dean is so good with kids, even if he can't spot right away that the kid is autistic like cas would be able to, he can tell when he comes out with the food that the kid is in distress. like he's like and here's yours sir :) to the kid (dean is very polite but he is calling the kid sir as a bit of a joke to make the kid smile) and the kid like doesnt look up and the parents are like oh sorry he's just shy. and dean is like oh. hmmm. cause the kid has like his fingers clenched in his tunic. when he comes back out he like crouches next to the kid to make him feel more comfortable and is like hey :) i'm dean :) and the kid doesnt look up or say anything and the parents r like sorry he gets like this idk why. jack look at the nice boy and introduce yourself. (i didnt watch the later seasons but from what i see on tumblr.edu the consensus is that jack is autistic so!) and dean is like no thats ok he doesnt have to look at me/talk to me. and then to jack he's like. u know i have a friend who doesn't always look at people or talk to them and we get along just fine. so i think me and jack are gonna get along great :) and then to jack he's like. you know. my friend and i dont always talk using our voices. sometimes we use our hands! (i guess this is post meeting eileen- i've said this on a different post but once dean cas and sam r introduced to the concept of sign language they adopt it immediately bc cas feels so much more comfortable communicating like that when he's having trouble w/ words) and jack is like ??! so turns towards dean w/o making eye contact, clearly intrigued. and dean is like :) wanna see? :) and jack nods. and dean shows him a few basic signs and jack mimics him. and one of the words is upset. and then once jack learns it, dean signs "you upset?" to him. ;~; and jack nods. and dean is like. wanna tell me what's up? maybe i can help! and then jack does the shy kid thing of indicating with body language that they dont wanna say what's wrong out loud, so dean leans in and jack whispers into his ear "loud." and dean is like oh! i see! we can fix that :) can i tell your parents what you just told me? and jack nods. so dean says to the parents (who r looking on in bemusement) its a bit loud in here for jack. mind if i take him outside for a minute? and the parents are like oh! sweetheart why didnt you tell us? (they arent bad parents they just dont get jack and its the middle ages so its not like there is info out there) and jack shrugs and the parents sort of helplessly shrug at each other, bc jack not verbalizing issues is a common problem for them. and they r like um its ok u dont have to take him outside we will take him. but do u mind bringing our food outside and stuff. like can we eat there. and dean is like of course no problem! and theyre like r u sure? im sorry that u have to go out of ur way for us, im sorry about our son, he can be. kinda fussy sometimes. and dean is like literally dont worry about it!

so then jack's parents take him outside and they all eat on the porch, and dean keeps popping back over to check on them. and jack is clearly much happier and starts to become much more verbal now that he's not overstimulated. still shy and quiet but much more smiley and every time dean brings them something he's very quietly like "thank you."

omg! maybe dean notices that he's not eating his food and so he's like do we want something else? and the parents r like omg no omg im sorry he's just so particular about what he likes omg the food is great jack pls eat ur food dont be rude. and dean is like he's not being rude at all he's a very polite young man :) id be happy to bring something else out. and the parents r like. well. if you're sure...he likes things that r like. boring. like really really boring. like plain porridge with nothing in it and stuff like that. and dean is like mashed potatoes? and the parents r like yes! and jack perks up. and so he brings that out for jack. and he brings it out and the parents r like omg omg thank u SO much for going so out of ur way for our weird kid even tho he still wont look at u at all. they dont say that part they're not assholes to jack, its implied tho and jack kinda curls into himself bc hes embarrassed about causing problems. and dean ofc notices and is like. u know. my friend who talks with his hands can be very particular too. he doesnt like the noise in the dining room either, and he also only likes certain foods. and jack perks up again :)

ahhh he keeps coming out to check on them and he's like hey how u doing? and!! oh no maybe dean also taught him the sign for happy and he signs "happy" at dean ;~:

to be clear- dean doesn't make the connection that jack LIKE like cas, as in he's autistic, at least not yet. like i think he WOULD if he had more time with him, but cas is the only autistic person he's ever met, and he just met jack. dean def just thinks he's very shy, but he's great with kids and can tell right away that jack is upset, and he shows him the signs not cause he realizes that jack is actually non-verbal in that moment but because he really doesnt care if the kid doesn't want to talk to him, he just wants to help. and he shows him the signs and stuff bc he wants the kid to tell him whats wrong, but kids wont tell strangers that if u just ask upfront, you have to gain their trust a little first ;~; and dean understands all of this instinctually bc he's great with kids so he manages to figure out whats wrong and solve the problem even without realizing that jack is autistic. ;~;

the person who figures out that jack is autistic is definitely cas!! jack comes down in the middle of the night maybe not cause he hears a noise, maybe he just cant sleep bc he hates his routine being disrupted and being in a new place ;~; and the sheets feel all wrong and everything smells wrong and everything is different and he hates it ;~; so he comes downstairs maybe be he's crying and he doesnt want to wake his parents up. and cas is downstairs cleaning up still, it's totally quiet tho now so there is no overstimulation. and cas is like oh! a tiny person!! uuhhh.... he def panics a little bc he's not good w people and he's not sure what to do with a random crying child. maybe he briefly considers waking dean up bc dean is good with kids and also maybe he saw dean talking to jack earlier. but then hes like no dean is tired i dont want to bother him ill try to deal with it. and hes like um. hello. um. my name is castiel i am the owner of this inn. um i guess u dont care about that. um. r u ok? and then the kid signs "upset" ;~; and cas is like oh! bc thats their signs! so he signs "what's wrong, why are you upset?" back even tho like it's just their home signs so how would this kid know them. but he signed "upset" so cas responds kinda on instinct. and the kid does not understand anything other than upset bc dean only showed him like 5 signs and he kinda already forgot the other ones. but it doesnt matter! bc those r hand words like dean was talking about and showing him! which must mean this is his friend who doesnt like looking at people or talking!! and jack is verbally like. r u dean's friend who doesnt like looking at people or talking. and cas is like um? yeah i guess? thats me. and jack is like ! i am very particular too! and bc he trusts dean and now by extension cas, and believes dean about cas being "particular" like him, he doesnt feel embarrassed about admitting what's wrong. and he spills his guts hes like everything is WRONG i dont like how anything feels or smells or tastes and everything is different from how it is at home and i HATE it and mom and dad says thats rude but i dont want to be rude but i cant sleep bc everything is all wrong!!! ;~; and he says all this not looking at cas and waving his hands around his head. and cas is like......................................................................oh. hm. i see. this is Me.

so he's just very empathetic and is like im really sorry i totally understand, you're not being rude, i also feel that way whenever we travel and i also am very selective about what i can touch and eat and stuff and am very sensitive to the physical environment. i know i cant fix it all but is there anything i can do to help you feel better? do u want to try some different blankets? and he takes jack to the linen closet and is extremely patient as he brings down each blanket and lets jack touch each one and decide which is the best. and it DOESNT solve everything but just having someone take him seriously and listen to him makes jack feel so much better and hes eventually able to go back to sleep ;~;

in the morning theyre outside, sam who's like 16 or whatever is chasing the kids around playing tickle monster. and jack's parents try to get him to go play with sam and the other kids but he doesnt want to he's too shy and anxious. and cas keeps staring at jack like :( bc he KNOWS but he doesnt know what to do about it. he brings it up with dean and dean is like OH. i see THATS what was going on with him he's like you! and cas is like yeah :( idk what to do about it...

sam sees jack hanging around with his parents on the side and he's like hey! do u want to come play? and jack is like................ and his parents r like sorry hes really shy. and sam is like thats ok! i have an idea, why dont we change the game and we can play hide and seek! (bc that doesnt require jack to jump in to interacting with a big crowd of kids) he's like :) i bet u can hide real well! :) and jack is like! :D and he nods bc hes like whoa i CAN hide really well! and they play hide and ofc sam is the seeker but when he finds the kids he always kinda turns it into man hunt cause he's like ah HA i got u!!! and he chases them around. and eventually he finds jack and hes like mwahahahaha now im gonna EAT you!!! and jack like screeches and giggles and bolts away and sam chases him and the other kids, and basically he like tricks jack into playing the exact same game they were playing before by like easing him into it by not making the start of the game require walking up to a crowd of ppl. but then once they r in the game he's ok just running around with the other kids :)

meanwhile dean and cas watch this and dean is like. do u want to talk to the parents. and cas is like. :/ i dont know how to do that. like how would we even start that conversation. and dean is like. i can help u :) so he does! he's like hey u remember i was talking about my friend to ur son the other day? this is he! u met him when u were checking in! ive noticed that he's like really really similar to ur son and has some of the same issues, and we were wondering if u wanted to talk about how cas deals with some of those things? and basically dean eases them into the conversation and makes it unintimidating for both parties. and cas teaches the parents all about the concept of sign language, and how going non-verbal is more than just being shy, and like they start describing situations in which jack was like Weird theyre like one time he started screaming and crying and rocking in public we didnt know what to do! and cas is like well where were u? what was going on? and like helps them identify the kinds of sensory things that probably trigger jack and stuff. and just like. its a good convo.

omg and cas is literate by this point and maybe the parents r too and hes like. if u ever wanna write to me and ask me about more shit and whatever pls dont hesitate. and then they DO and basically they help this family understand and raise their autistic son and its great!!! :D

anyway this is a VERY long response i definitely just outlined a mini-fic here.

A Time Like No Other

Chapter 19

Misun

After the altercation between Shownu and Minhyuk, Misun decided that she should've never even come. She immediately went back to the hotel and packed up her things. 

Nori had been blowing her phone up with calls and texts and she just wasn't in the mood to talk about whatever had happened. Plus she didn't want to ruin her time with Jooheon. Nori was very selfless and she knew that if she caught wind that she was packing to leave, she would follow suit and that wouldn't be fair to Jooheon, he hadn't screwed up like Shownu so why should he suffer? A few hours had passed since she left the concert. She hadn't even stayed to watch it, that's how embarrassed and angry she was. A knock suddenly radiated off the door. Who could that be? She suddenly thought. Surely it wasn't Nori because she had a room key, of course. She sighed as someone knocked again. When she opened it she was very shocked.

“Minhyuk?” She exhaled.

He rubbed his wet hair out of his face. Apparently it had been raining. “I wanted to make sure you were okay. I got you into this mess so I feel like I need to fix it.”

She motioned for him to come in. “You were just being nice. Thank you for that.” She tossed him a towel because he was a little wet.

“I didn't mean for things to turn out like this. I really wanted y'all to spend time together. I guess I should have told Shownu.”

Misun giggled a bit. “I don't think telling him beforehand would've solved anything to be honest.”

He tilted his head a bit. “Why do you say that?”

“Because it doesn’t seem like the issue is me being here. Shownu seems jealous of the fact that we've been communicating with each other.”

“Oh that.” Minhyuk stared at the ground.

Misun took a deep breath. “Why didn't you tell him? No judgments here I just want to know.”

He chuckled as he looked up at her. “Because when he gets stressed he blames others and I knew he would think I was selfishly writing you. I really was just trying to keep you in the know of things. Nothing more.”

She nodded. “Eventually he will realize that you were being a good person. He'll get over it. Our problem has absolutely nothing to do with you.” She hit his shoulder a bit. “If you'll excuse me, I have a plane to catch.”

His eyes widened. “Why are you leaving?” He looked at her luggage sitting by the door that he hadn't noticed when he first came in.

“This has been a bit too much for me to say the least. I really think me and him need some space. He has too much on his plate right now, and he needs to figure out if I'm worth fighting for.” She gave him a small smile.

He grabbed her hand as she turned to grab her things. “Of course you're worth fighting for!” His gaze lingered.

She tugged her hand back softly and looked away. “Maybe he'll figure that out.” She grabbed her bag and opened the door.

“Can I at least make sure that you get to the airport safely?” Minhyuk asked.

She knew she was going to regret this but he was being nice so she couldn't refuse. She knew he already felt terrible for what had happened. “Sure, come on before Nori gets back.”

Nori

She and Jooheon had been out for a late dinner after the concert. He walked her into the hotel. They were walking hand in hand. Nori missed this feeling. She felt so free and happy when he was in her presence.

He kissed the top of her hand. “I'm so glad you're here!” Jooheon told her softly. She scuffled through her purse to get her room card out. It was dark when she opened the door.

He tugged her hand a bit. “Are you sure it's okay if I come in? I don't want to make Misun uncomfortable.”

Nori giggled. “Of course not. She won't care. We'll just be very quiet.” She pulled him in.

It was eerily quiet. Nori knew something was off because she didn't even hear Misun lightly snoring like she normally does. She flipped the switch to the lamp on. Tears immediately rolled down her face.

Jooheon pulled her into a hug quickly and rubbed his fingers through her hair as she cried into his chest. She didn't have to tell him what was wrong for him to figure out that Misun had left without telling anyone. “It's okay, baby.”

She shook her head. “No, I should've left the concert with her. She would have never left! She hasn't answered any of my calls or texts. She doesn't do stuff like this, Jooheon!”

“She probably just needs space. Put yourself in her shoes, how would you have felt if I did what Shownu did?”

She sniffled and pulled back a little from him. “She handled it a lot better than I could have. Why did he just let her leave like that? He should’ve stopped her!”

Jooheon shrugged. “I don't know. Men are stupid sometimes.” He pulled her down onto the bed and wrapped his arms around her tightly. “If I ever get stupid just punch some sense back into me.” He chuckled.

Minhyuk

He sighed loudly as he made it back to his and Kihyun's hotel room.

“Where the hell have you been?” Kihyun asked.

Minhyuk threw his wallet onto the nightstand and plopped onto his bed. “Trust me, you don't want to know.”

Kihyun sat up. “Now I wanna know more than ever.”

“At the airport.” He revealed under his breath.

Kihyun stood up, towering over him for a moment. “I'm sorry, maybe my hearing is bad but it sounded like you just said at the airport. . .”

Minhyuk nodded while looking up something on his phone.

Kihyun grabbed the phone out of his hand. “Why were you at the airport?”

Minhyuk snatched his phone back. “I just was.”

“No, you have to explain. You've been gone over an hour and you mysteriously was at the airport? Either you're lying or you're trying to hide something.”

“I don't have to explain anything, Kihyun. You're always trying to be the voice of reason and I'm really not in the mood for it! Just let it go.” Minhyuk stood to go to the restroom. He splashed water on his face.

Kihyun followed him and stared in the mirror. “You know I'm on your side, where have you been?”

Minhyuk stared at his reflection. “The airport.”

“Why?” Kihyun asked softly.

“Misun left.”

Kihyun squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “If Shownu finds out that you went to the airport with her he's going to flip out again. Why do you keep getting yourself deeper and deeper. Now I'm starting to think you might like her too.” He chuckled.

Minhyuk stared at the running water from the sink. He gripped the console tightly in silence. He didn't know how to respond.

Kihyun grabbed his shoulder and turned him so he could see his face. “No, you didn't catch feelings did you?”

Minhyuk simply rolled his eyes.

“You know you can't help who you like. I get it. You also can't always have who you want though.” Kihyun patted his shoulder. “Even if they deserve better.” He finished under his breath as he walked back to his bed. 

Minhyuk exhaled deeply.

i have, again, another story i feel like i can’t share in my usual social circles. this one is about my university. i can tell it’s going to eat at me. 

a student was found dead in one of our science buildings in the last two weeks. he had hanged himself. his friends posted his letter and stuff online, demanding that the university do something about it. it’s been posted on r.eddit. that kind of thing. 

it was mostly, almost entirely, because his advisor had been treating him like garbage and putting him in an impossible position. publishing a false paper with fake data. the advisor wouldn’t let the student withdraw the paper as his research started contradicting the advisor’s claims and stuff. it’s a little more complicated than that but i am having trouble figuring out how to explain it. but the student couldn’t handle the assault on his personal integrity, the knowledge that his entire career was toasted before he even got his degree, and the death threats from his advisor. 

i’m just... thinking. i’ve read similar stories, but from students who survived. and their careers were dead in the water! advisors who straight up stole their students’ work... complaining will destroy you, as a student. 

i complained. to the ombuds, if you remember, back in march and april. about my treatment. i wish more students had spoken up with me and tia. i worry that it will seriously prevent me from transferring departments. if you stir up trouble, YOU’RE the troublemaker. what if you turn on your new department next?? that kind of thing. 

the poor guy. i’m still sitting here thinking that could have been me. that could still be me. there’s no guarantee.

but like. how do you say that to your friends. you know? especially when i know they’re having a hard time too. 

i find it easier to complain about a situation in my life that is currently happening and will conceivably be over in the near future. like, i let them know it’s wrapped up and done. why would i go to them with a problem they can’t solve, or help me sit through? 

why would i tell them i’m having a bad day, for whatever reason, when it’s like... not something they can do anything about, and a problem that will be back with the same amount of overwhelming force again and again? better to just start a conversation and be around people who are talking.

i’ll poke at my confidence issues, sometimes, and i’ll talk about those feelings of wanting to die if it comes up on their part, to try and show i relate, i understand... but how do i go up to a friend and be like “i’m so lonely all the time. no one wants to be friends with me. i’m too much. i’m always too much.” like, they’re right there?? what am i implying about them??? 

it’s so hard to tell the difference between “opening up and being vulnerable” and “topics that are inappropriate for conversations with that person.” 

i don’t know if it’s getting more common or if i just hear about it more now because i’m in the field, but i’ve sat through multiple reports about suicides in academia now, while i’ve been here. and suicides in my field, as professionals. no matter how successful or well-respected you are, it won’t chase those feelings away. makes me feel hopeless. and i’m already so scared about the future.

another thing i can’t bring up with friends. i say the job search is going, or i’m concerned about my lack of progress. but i try to keep the mortal terror out of it. i feel like i already blew it, just by being who i am. drew the wrong hand of cards in life. got a body and a brain that don’t work. but you’re not supposed to say that to people. makes them feel like they gotta tell me how cool i am or something. like i’m fishing for compliments. talking about my lack of confidence feels the same. 

everyone just... likes everything i do! around my internet community these days. i kind of want someone to just yell at me already. get it over with. give me a direction to improve myself.

but that, like, assumes i need other people to tell me what to do (i do, i have no idea what’s real, i have no idea what i’m like on the outside, i have no awareness if i’m being inappropriate or if my humor is too dark). and it also assumes something else i’ve been grappling with. i guess, in a way, it assumes that there’s something about myself i need to improve? like, if i just fix myself, then everyone will like me? i can make everyone like me if i can figure out what the rules are?

but that’s not how it works. i know that’s not how it works. i know all i can do is be me and hope for the best. but i want to be better. i want to be kinder. i want to be smarter. i want to know where my mistakes are so i can clean them up and stop being so sloppy. 

like, of course, i want to be vigilant, and thoughtful, and careful. and it’s very disorienting to only really be getting positive feedback (and confusing feedback, but, that’s not about me really). but when i think about my friends i totally just accept that they are the way they are. if there’s a problem then communication solves it, but, there’s really just not... things that i would ever “improve” about them? the concept is kind of messed up, when i’m thinking about it with that orientation, haha. i want them to grow in the ways they want to grow, and to refine their skills in the way they want to refine them. like, i support them, whatever they wanna do. i guess i’m just not used to experiencing the same for myself, even after all these years. 

i’m worried about the future. it’s paralyzing. but i don’t think i should tell people i’m paralyzed with fear. sometimes, maybe, my therapist. but i guess i’m using that as a crutch to not have to be vulnerable around other people, ha. better to just let them think that i think comics are more important than job. 

i feel like a mess. i saw my psychiatrist today and i’m doing ok mood wise. but socially i guess i’m just contorting myself into new ways to be emotionally isolated. no wonder i’m lonely.

Mac and Dennis + calming each other down

July

Mac’s cheeks are strawberry red, and he’s sweating a shit ton when heenters the apartment. As much as it pains Dennis to thinks so, it’s a good lookon him. But Mac’s brown eyes slant down while he kicks off his Chucks, stompingover to the couch barefoot because, for some reason, the dude’s not wearingsocks with his shoes, even though it’s nearly 100 degrees outside. Gross.That’s fucking revolting. It’s disgusting. It’s… Whatever. Mac plops downpractically on top of Dennis’ feet; Dennis takes the liberty of settling them on Mac’s lap.

Dennis mutes the stupid murder mystery he solved within the first twominutes and watches Mac brood. He’s stewing in his own anger. It’s kinda hot.But never mind that. That’s not important right now. What is important isgetting to the bottom of why Mac’s upset and correcting the problem. Dennis isexcellent, a professional even, at fixing Mac’s problems. He’s God, after all.

“What’s up?” Dennis asks from where he’s sprawled out on thecouch, beer in one hand and the remote in the other. It’s a ridiculously hotsummer day, and he’s ignored his daily responsibilities for a little R ‘n’ R.He woke up this morning with a fierce, stabbing ache behind his left eye anddecided that was it. He usually tries to push through it, but it’s hot, and hedoesn’t want to be sweaty at all today, so he stays home, where his headachehas morphed into a dull throb.

He almost wishes he made Mac stay home with him too, but he’s got theAC cranked too low and is gorging himself on crime TV, two things Mac hates.

Mac doesn’t say anything. His face goes from red to flushed. He wringshis fingers together. He bounces his knee up and down up and down up and down,and Dennis almost loses his Goddamn mind because the repetitive motion hurtshis ears, and he can feel the pulsing in his bones. But Mac looks somehowpissed and terrified all at once, and Dennis doesn’t like that.

“Dude,” he tries again. “You okay?”

Mac shakes his head. He doesn’t offer an actual verbal response. Dennisis so not in the mood to deal with pulling teeth for an answer today. He sitsup, letting the plaid quilt fall to the floor. He nearly blushes when Macglances at his boxer and oversized t-shirt clad form only to quickly look awaylike he didn’t just look Dennis up and down. Uh huh. Two can play it that game.

Dennis nestles himself beside Mac. He knows Mac likes to keep himclose. That’s the only rational explanation he has for why Mac is so fuckingclingy and bossy toward him all the time. Dennis sorta likes the closeness too,but never tell Mac that because he’ll just feel empowered, and that’spractically Dennis’ only recognizable emotion. He places his head on Mac’sshoulder and traces his index finger over Mac’s hardened muscles.

“You look so great today, baby boy,” he says softly, gently,like he’s talking to a newborn kitten.

Mac shrugs. Nothing else.

“What’s wrong, Mac?”

It’s the question that sets off the unsteady, ragged breathing. Macclutches at Dennis’ - it’s actually Mac’s - shirt like it’s his only lifelineand hides his face in Dennis’ neck. His nose is snotty and hot and fuckingnasty, but it only takes a few seconds for the hiccups, followed by tears, toroll in like a tidal wave. Dennis wraps an arm around Mac’s quiveringshoulders.

Mac’s cries swiftly morph into sobs. Dennis rearranges them to wherethey’re both lying down, Mac lying on Dennis’ chest. Mac is a lot heavier thanthem, so it isn’t exactly what he would call comfortable, but the weight issoothing in its own way. Dennis isn’t having a bad day, not really at least,but this is calming him down regardless. He hopes it does the same for Mac,whose tears soak into his shirt until his chest and stomach are thoroughlydrenched.

“Breathe, baby boy,” Dennis whispers. “Just breathe.It’s alright. I’ve got you.”

God’s got you.

“You’re doing so well. Keep breathing,” he instructs.“Try to relax your muscles, babe.” Mac does so without question, justas he should. His shoulders release tension immediately.

Mac falls asleep just like that, snotty face hiding in clothing from1999. He doesn’t snore, so Dennis knows it isn’t deep, much less relaxing. Butthis was Dennis’ R ‘n’ R day, and now he’s sharing it with Mac. He runs hisfingers through Mac’s fluffy, gel free hair, peppering kisses on soft skinwhere he can reach. He lets himself drift off too, Mac shielding him from theAC and the rest of the world like a blanket.

Later on, when the sun is down, and the heat is less suffocating, Macawakens, smacking his dry, cracked lips and scanning the living room. Dennisthinks it’s a hauntingly beautiful sight all while hoping Mac feels at leastsomewhat better. Mac sits up and leans his head on Dennis’ shoulder again. Thistime, there are no tears or sobs.

“Den?” Mac’s voice is shot to shit.

He kisses his forehead anyway. “Yeah, bud?”

“Do we have any popsicles?” he asks quietly. “’s hot,and my throat hurts.”

Dennis pecks Mac’s forehead one more time before getting to his feetand walking to the kitchen. He finds a box in the freezer, used for when Dennisscreams himself voiceless on the really bad days. He grabs blue raspberry forMac and orange for himself and snatches two beers for the road with high hopesMac will be thankful.

Mac smiles just a tiny bit when Dennis hands him the unwrapped Popsicleand already opened beer. He starts licking the icy treat, and Dennis rubs theback of his neck, almost weary of breaking this moment.

But Mac pats the cushion right beside him, and Dennis settles in, barefeet tucked beneath him and Mac close by.

~

January

Dennis’ shoulders hunch as Dee squeaks and squawks everywhere. He keepsswirling his finger around the rim of his glass, filled with ginger ale insteadof beer. He flinches when Charlie opens the basement door and bounds back intothe bar like a bundle of untapped energy. Dennis cringes hard when Frankaccidentally elbows him, pistachio shells flying all over the counter in frontof him. He blinks heavily, rubbing his temples with sweater paw hands. Mac watchesall of this happen and knows they’re heading straight into the danger zone.

“I’m pretty beat,” Mac announces with a yawn, stretching tomake it seem that much more authentic because he doesn’t need or really want toleave, but Dennis definitely does. “You ready to go home, dude?”

Dennis clenches his hands until his knuckles turn ghost white. Macdoesn’t expect a response and doesn’t receive one either. He isn’t surprised.He told Dennis - all but forced him - to stay in bed today the instant he cameout of his room wrapped in the weighted blanket and Mac’s sweater, an oldwinter one that’s navy blue and red, that’s far too big on him. But Dennis saidhe’s fine; he’s always fine, apparently. He told Mac he had a headache andwould feel better once he got some coffee in his system. Dennis downed threecups before they even left the apartment, eyes fogged over with a blanknessthat scares Mac.

“We were gonna smash rats in the alley!” Charlie screeches.

“Yeah, quit bein’ a pussy. Let’s go rage,” Frank adds.

“They just wanna go home to bang,” says Dee.

“I will cut you, bitch,” Mac spits out at Dee, turning hisattention to Charlie and Frank. “And I’m not being a bussy, douche-face.I’m tired. Sue me.”

Charlie blinks. “Okay, dude. But I’m a wicked bird lawyer, soyou’ll probably lose. Fair warning.”

“It’s true,” Frank says. “He is a great bird lawyer.I’ve seen it.”

Mac rolls his eyes. “Whatever. I’m out. You wanna go with me,Dennis?”

Dennis doesn’t answer, but he gets to his feet, and Mac watches himsway as he tugs on his coat and shuffles to the door. He bites his lip while hesteps in the slushy snow. It doesn’t take a genius to know Dennis is megaoverstimulated right now, but, luckily, Mac is a genius. He can handle this. Heis an expert in all things Dennis, after all.

“Seat belt,” Mac whispers. He’s careful not speak loudly ortouch as they bundle into the Range Rover.

But Dennis shakes his head a tiny bit, pointing to the left side of hisneck with a trembling finger. Mac gets what it means.

“Please? For me?”

He just wants Dennis to be safe.

Dennis buckles himself in, face oddly blank considering his opposition.He covers his ears as the Rover roars to life. The rumbling from the engine isn’tdoing either of them any favors. There’s too much noise. Too much touching him.Too much of everything. Dennis explained it to him once, babbling fromexhaustion and nearly delirious from the overload. He hears everything. Feelseverything, even colors. It’s like when a computer freezes, too many tasks openand loading. He wants to jump out of his skin just to make it stop.

It’s horrible. Mac would never want anyone to feel this way, but, withDennis, it happens fairly often. Mac knows the signs - tiredness, wearing comfyclothes regardless of style or appeal, hiding in the bathroom, all that stuff -but knows it isn’t enough. Sometimes, like today, Dennis just tries to tough itout, but it never lasts. Sometimes, he gives up before he even gets out of bed,cuddling into his pillows and refusing any form of sunlight. Sometimes, heneeds Mac wrapped around him or in the living room or out of the apartmentbecause invisible sounds wrack through his brain, and he can’t handle havinganyone home.

They’re quiet on the car ride home. Mac focuses on the road whileDennis stares idly at the falling snow. Dennis inhales sharply when the snowmelts against his face while they walk inside. The five flights of stairsaren’t great either. The moment they’re inside, Dennis goes to his room andcollapses on the mattress, curling himself beneath the weighted blanket, earsplugged harshly with cold fingertips. His boots are wet and soaking into thecomforter, but Mac knows better than to touch him or speak out loud right nowwhen there are other ways to communicate. He grabs a pen and paper andscribbles, 'Shoes?’ before showing it to Dennis.

Dennis looks at Mac with glazed eyes. They’re so beautiful.

'Want me to do it?’ he writes next

Dennis gives another barely recognizable nod. Mac removes his shoesswiftly and gently. He can feel Dennis trembling through the brief touch. Restand darkness are often the only things that will calm him down at this point.Mac quickly writes, 'Want me to stay?’

Another nod. Mac almost smiles in relief because he likes being closeto Dennis.

'Living room or here?’

Dennis blinks twice; Mac gets the drift. He draws the black outcurtains just in case, removes his coat and boots, and lies down on the otherside of the mattress, far enough away that they’re not touching but closeenough that he’s right here in case Dennis needs anything.

Mac drifts off listening to Dennis’ light, soft snores. He doublechecks he’s in reach of Dennis before letting himself fall into a deep sleep.

Later on, when the snow clings to the cracked pavement, Dennis curlsagainst Mac, nestling against him, cheek smushed into Mac’s shoulder. He’s warmand smells like cinnamon, and it makes Mac tingle in all the right and wrongplaces. Mac soaks in the silence, letting Dennis get his comfort however hewants.

He’s groggy when he feels a single light jab in his ribs. He blinksheavily. He can barely see in this darkness, but he knows Dennis’ eyes are openand bloodshot.

Mac nods, giving him the go ahead.

Dennis doesn’t speak - usually doesn’t for a long time after theseepisodes.

Instead, Dennis signs 'I love you’ in the dreary bleakness.

Mac’s heart swells.

He signs it right back.

Fic: The 1st Annual First Nonary Game Survivor Snowball Fight

To: @reivolutionary-penguin

From: @morphogenetic

for @reivolutionary-penguin! you can probably guess which prompt I went with based on the title here, haha. happy holidays, and I hope you enjoy!

AO3 LINK

-

“So, let me get this…the four of you are taking an international flight…in the middle of December…to have a snowball fight?”

Akane sighs before answering. “Look, Junpei, we all have to do some stuff for Crash Keys. Aoi especially has some clients that he needs to talk to. The fact that it’s also going to be snowing back in Japan didn’t influence our plans in any way.”

“So the fact that you’re holding ‘The 1st Annual First Nonary Game Survivor’s Snowball Fight’ was just coincidental?”

A smile passes her lips before she answers the voice on the phone with mock seriousness. “First of all, we are absolutely not calling it that. That would draw too much attention from the wrong people. Second of all, it’s not going to be a snowball fight! We’re just going to be enjoying some time walking around in the snow. Aoi and I have been stuck in Nevada for almost three years now, we miss being cold!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Junpei says. “As if you four being competitive as all hell won’t make it turn into a snowball fight.”

“We’ll see on that, Jumpy. Not everything we do is competitive.”

She hears a long breath turn into a short laugh, before the voice on the other end quietly says “Love ya, Kanny,” before hanging up.

—

Well, this had started poorly. Before they’d even started the competition, all of Light’s clothes had been lost in bag check. The loss wasn’t a monetary problem – nothing was ever going to be a monetary problem for them at this point – but Aoi still despised spending (“wasting”) money on doubles of anything, so it was absolutely a ‘wasting five hours on clothes shopping while a grumbling emo man is breathing down our necks’ problem. Once this and the other two problems of ‘damn none of us have gloves’ and ‘Clover, that’s not an appropriately thick coat for the weather’ were solved, though, it was down to business.

“Alright, we all know the rules because we ain’t absolute idiots, but I’m still gonna go through them again, capiche?” Three nods. “Sibling teams, obviously. As long as you can throw the snowball with enough speed that it’s not just fallin’ to the ground, no guidelines on size. The team that hits their opponents the most times in the next fifteen minutes wins. If we somehow tie….I dunno, we’ll figure somethin’ out. Esper mind powers absolutely allowed, especially to coordinate with your teammate. Light, if you need it, feel free to ask for clarification on who you’re throwin’ at—”

“Oh, that won’t be necessary,” he says with his usual half-smile. “I can tell all of you apart by your footsteps, even in snow.”

“— alright, great, that’s what I figured, didn’t need to interrupt me,” Aoi mutters. “Uhh, anyway, I think that’s it. Any questions?”

“I have one!” Clover pipes up, not waiting to be acknowledged before asking, “Can we make snowmen and do snow angels and have hot chocolate after this?”

“…I guess? Good luck gettin’ anyone else on board, though, and count me out, I’m not covering myself in snow voluntarily.” He doesn’t acknowledge her groan before turning to his left. “Yeah, sis?”

“Did we agree on a reward for the winner?”

“Shoot, no, I don’t think we did. We’ll figure it out later, I s’pose.”

“Gee, not like you to be completely unprepared! What’s this about prepping a few years in advance?”

“Unless you immediately wanna lose a point to the Fields, I suggest shuttin’ up.”

Akane giggles. If you say so, Aoi.

He sighs a bit, only replying to her with a five-second mental groan, and rolls his eyes before continuing. “Alright. Guess we’re good to go. Head to your starting positions.”

With that, the four of them walk through to the corners of the park they’d selected for the fight. (Or, really, the park Akane had picked, after figuring out a location with minimal traffic and maximal space months beforehand, and that everyone else had agreed on, but that was neither here nor there.) They’d managed to arrive on a day where the snow was fresh, too, so the conditions really were ideal, minus all the problems they’d had before.

Ready, everyone?

Three mental nods.

Three, two, one…

—

The next fifteen minutes are a bit of a blur. Akane and Aoi had initially planned to keep track of each other’s movements via the field, and had attempted to make sure that, for the most part, they were behind the head of their current Field opponent. They had also both thought that Aoi, at the very least, would have some amount of camouflage from Clover when trying to hide from her from his white hair. The two of them, however, hadn’t realized that Clover would just mentally scream for five minutes straight, making it difficult for the two of them to actually communicate over the field feedback. (Apparently, her secret agent training had let her hone her skills to the extent that she could at least two-channel the field – not as good as Akane, but somewhat better than Aoi.) They’d also failed to account for the fact that Light could just hold snowballs in his prosthetic hand as long as he wanted without losing feeling from the cold, so no matter how close they got to him, thinking they were being surreptitious, he would turn and pelt them in the face twice each before they could hide and recover.

Five minutes in, and 3 points to the Fields’ 9, the Kurashiki siblings decide to make a tactical retreat to a particularly wooded area of the park. A bit of a waste of a time, maybe, but getting further behind isn’t an option.

Ughhhhh, this is impossible, Aoi groans. Light can just backload the snowballs, and Clover’s got that…weird…screaming thing. I didnt even know that was a thing you could do with the field?

Akane cocks an eyebrow. Really? I’m pretty sure that me mentally screaming made up most of the First Nonary Game.

Can we…not talk about that? We’ve got a snowball fight to win, sis.

Yeah, yeah. We don’t have long, you know.

Unsurprisingly, Akane’s skills at formulating plans under pressure come in handy as the two of them formulate their next idea. Stealth was clearly not going to work, especially since neither Light nor Clover was even remotely going for that approach. Instead, they decide, the solution is to incapacitate their opponents before hurling snowballs as rapid-fire as they can. Akane would take Clover, taking a front-on approach by throwing a giant snowball in her face before slamming small snowballs into her back. Aoi would tackle Light from the back (or, at least, as near his back as he could manage) and push his ears into the snow, making sure to dull his senses, or at least his ears.

With their hasty plan pulled together, they walk back, assured of at least a draw if not success.

—

As it turns out, the two of them shouldn’t have been assured of anything in a battle against two other espers. While the Kurashikis had decided to switch from stealth to aggression, the Fields had decided to switch their own tactics. Or, well, Clover had. Light was still storing snowballs in his left jacket arm – it wasn’t a broken strategy, so why fix it? Clover, on the other hand, had decided to alter her constant screaming tactic to constant silence. Let them communicate, but don’t let them think they aren’t being listened to. And let’s lie down in the snow, for good measure, so they can’t tackle us down.

So, at minute seven, two Fields, face down in a snowy field, try to crash the plans of the Kurashikis, simply by making themselves poor targets.

Keyword: ‘try.’ (In retrospect, it probably wasn’t the best plan.)

Hey, Aoi? Isn’t this kind of…weird? They’re both completely silent.

I mean… a little? Akane treads as silently as she can manage through the snow. It’s pretty likely that Clover changed her strategy of ‘just constantly screaming,’ but I can’t see what else they would be doing dif- oh.

What?

She pauses, muffling her laughter with her mittens. I. I think I figured it out.

What? Sis, what are you- oh. Oh my god. pfFTTT he LOOKS LIKE A FREAKIN’ DUMBA -

Akane doesn’t pause to listen – hard to pause when you’re dropping a snowball the size of your arm on a human, after all. She’s already started running when she hears the inhuman shriek that suddenly comes from the now snow-covered Clover.

“Oh, you are SO gonna pay for that!”

—

Clover.

NOT NOW, DUDE!

Clover.

WHAT DO YOU WANT, LIGHT.

I am thinking that this was, perhaps, not the best plan.

CALL ME ‘A BUFFOON OF THE HIGHEST PROPORTIONS’ LATER, NOW IS NOT THE TIME.

I was not going to call you that, I merely wanted to suggest another pl-

YOU AREN’T GETTING ANOTHER PLAN. BRO, YOU’RE A PHYSICS AND MATHEMATICAL GENIUS, FIGURE IT OUT ON YOUR OWN.

But —

Clover forcibly shuts off their field connection.

—

Light exhales – or, well, as best as he can exhale when he’s currently entombed by snow. To the best of his estimates, it’s been ten minutes now, and, at this rate, the Kurashikis are going to bypass their current score. He’s lost count of how many times Aoi has hit him in the back already, to the point that he barely even feels the next snowball. If it weren’t for the shouts of ‘COME AND GET THIS, EINSTEIN!’ vaguely echoing from above him, he thinks he could simply melt into the snow.

Hah. Melt.

As much as he’s annoyed at his sister shutting off their connection – a wall he would normally try to bypass, if he wasn’t in such irritating circumstances – Light still believes he can regain the advantage. He just has to pull this off, and the Field will be leveled. So to speak.

While the victorious laughter above him continues, he pulls off his prosthetic arm, and digs out a small space for it. (Logically, kind of a bad idea to do that while surrounded by snow, but victory in esper snowball fights supersedes logic.) He then stuffs the loose jacket arm full of snow, packing it as tightly as he can before loosely knotting the end.

“Come — get –!”

And come get he does. Light grabs his prosthetic before stabbing it upwards through the mound of snow above him, and, in one solid motion, springs upward, unties his jacket arm, and swings it towards Aoi’s face.

“What the absolute f-” he starts, before he sputters and chokes on the snow that’s just been swung into his mouth.

Light gives a half smile, before putting his prosthetic back in its proper place and spending the remaining two minutes of the match pelting his opponent with as many snowballs as he can.

—

In the end, they all managed to lose count of their total hit numbers, so Akane is designated the scorekeeper, to her dismay. It makes sense, given the fact that she’s the only one of them who can literally slip through space and time, but still. Not ideal, she groused, but she still does it anyway.

“Well, I got a total of 42 hits. Clover got…28? Aoi, you got 69 –”

“Nice.”

“– Light, you got 87 somehow? Man, I don’t even know how that’s possible. Anyway. That’s, let’s see, Kurashikis 111 points, Fields…”

“That would be 115 points for us.”

“Woohoo, hot chocolate is on you two!”

“I never said I was gonna do that, you pink-haired brat!”

“It would be unwise to discourage Clover from this. Once she’s made up her mind, she never strays from her path.”

“Oh, God, do I know that too well,” Akane groans, remembering the unfortunate end where Clover’s axe met Junpei’s arm. “Homemade, or cafe hot chocolate?”

“Uh, homemade, duh!”

The four of them make their way back to their hotel (which is definitely not conspicuously expensive for a few twenty-somethings, what are you talking about, dear receptionist?), only somewhat dissatisfied with the outcome.

Overall, though? A fair fight

—

Back in Nevada, one man wearing plaid wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.

“Aw, crap, I forgot to order the trophy!”

are you going to draw more of that lovely erasermic? :o

Unless I find reasons to stop shipping them in the near future, then sure~ as I said, I really like that ship

Anon said:i love it when you draw chris and josh, you should do it more!! Your oc's are great!!

THANK YOU! I’m really really happy to hear you like them! I draw them just as much as I wish to, tho haha

Anon said:THANK YOU FOR BLESSING US WITH MORE CHRIS!!

Anon said:Honestly I love your ocs so much! I like seeing your fanart because you really flesh out characters we don't get enough development of, but I really love seeing your ocs. I can tell you love them and enjoy drawing them just by looking at it, and that makes me love them even more! You're a wonderful artist!

SOB thank you!!!!! holy heck!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;O; I can’t believe how much love my kids get hahaha I’m so so grateful aaahhhh!!!!

Anon said:Okay, so I was just going to tell you how great your comic is (and it is), but I just read your last ask to that anon, and I'm sorry, but deku didn't do nothing to gain his quirk? Like, what? He risked his life and almost killed himself trying to say his exfriend/then bully? That isn't just "being nice"? He didn't know all Might would save him? He risked his life even though he was powerless just to help another person? He earned the quirk, all Might said so in the second episode, like, what?

Since you don’t seem to want a polite and civil exchange of opinions on this, and are actually being incredibly rude here (whether you meant for it or not, I don’t know) I hope you won’t mind me keeping this as short as I can. All Might worked in the beginning of the bnha manga as a textbook definition of a deus ex machina, came around, solved an otherwise unsolvable plot point out of the blue bending the laws that had just been established for that universe, and Deku literally (literally) didn’t have to go through any conscious trial, soul-search or any other self-aware journey with the intention of fixing his own problem. All he did was to be heroic and to be quirkless, which for him are circumstances since those are innate traits of his character. And the only singular thing he has is that he’s quirkless, his heroic personality is shared by all of UA (Mina acted in the exact same way in Kirishima’s backstory as he did to save Bakugou, didn’t get any cool op powers out of it)

All Might was supposed to give OfA to Mirio, the literal most heroic character in bnha, a boy who had been working his ass off to become a proper hero since he was a child, but instead he found a quirkless kid and decided that he deserved a chance to become a hero too. I’m not saying that’s not true, or that Deku didn’t deserve it. I’m saying that he didn’t actively or consciously do anything to gain that power. He simply acted in a way true to his self, and that was it.

I’m gonna have to make present to you that the next time I get an ask with that tone in my inbox I’m blocking you without answering. I’m not here to be called an idiot by the first random stranger I find online, if you want a conversation with me all I’m asking is for you to be polite, that’s not too much at all in my opinion.

Anon said:Your last BakuShima comic was so cute!!! AAAAA!! 💖

Thank you!!! I’m super happy you liked it!!!!!! :O

Anon said:I love you. So much right now. Can I give you a virtual hug because I swear

I dunno what I did to deserve this but SURE *holds u back*

Anon said:do you think you'd ever sell any minajirou merch? (maybe like the one with the flower background) because if you do i would buy 20 (not literally but,, i think you get the point) Sorry if this sounds annoying or anything! im just curious

Not annoying at all!!! If I remember right the one I posted was a bit small tho, I’ll have to see if I can work with the size in a way that would fit the default redbubble dimensions... if I can’t I’ll be sure to make the next one big enough to fit, tho!!!! And thank you for wanting to buy my stuff!!!!! :O

Anon said:I'M NOT THAT ANON BUT I CAN HELP W MOMOJIROUS & yes we totally agree they're fuckin gay and canon there's no doubts here. SO anyway I at least see them liking in each other exactly what you said- they have what the other lacks (or thinks they do), and still find the other to understand them and be interested in them in every sense of the word, also tol and beauty and smol and cute are def the first thoughts about each other, damn maybe I should have thought about word limit I need more space

Awwww anon I thank you for trying to explain to me why they work!!! But that’s not the problem I have with it at all haha I understand the ship on a superficial level perfectly, that’s why I ship it! I just can’t seem to find myself in the relationship anywhere, so empathizing with it comes harder than it does when it’s MinaJirou haha

Anon said:you draw kirishima's eyes so pretty I can't look away from them

THANK YOU Kirishima’s eyes are super pretty in canon, I’m so so happy I can portray that in my style well enough!!!!! :O

Anon said:Ok, sorry for going through ur hq!! tag sjeow, oh gosh I love ur art and ur art style and I love the way I draw the boys !!!! Aaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! Thank u for blessing my night!!!! I hope something makes ur day the way going through ur art *cough* again *cough* made my day!!! (Also a question: what's ur second fave ship from hq!! after bokuroo?? )

MATSUHANA :O and thank you so so so so much for liking my stuff!!!!!!! I hope you’re having a great day today too, anon!!!

Anon said:I love you Fran, but I completely disagree with what you told the last anon about the idea behind bnha. You had me with the positivity concept, and I would also love it if eri could fix mirio and nighteye, but the rest of that was just so far off to me; and probably for many other fans in this community. Like, first, a story does not have to be the level of snk or dgray man to have bad things happen. That is how all story telling has been since the beginning of time.

A good narrative story is never straight sunshine and happiness throughout, even if it doesn't involve death. People don't just enjoy the bad things that happen in a story because it's realistic or because it's sad, they enjoy it because that is how a story and it's characters grow. They make mistakes and learn from them; these moments help the characters change and pushes them forward through every new obstacle. 

 It helps drive them and gives their stories/actions/ideals meaning and gives the audience a reason to care. And that is where I wonder if we are even reading the same story, because this concept is shown throughout the entirety of bnha. It is no where near the "positive-to-a-naive-point" you seem to believe it is. The story starts off with a weak, defenseless deku being beaten by his once best friend?

Like, I really don't want to sound condescending, but I don't understand how you could come to this conclusion. Bakugou has an inferiority complex from hell and suffers constantly from his own inner turmoil, todoroki has an an abusive father with a horrid childhood, iida's brother/idol was paralyzed and almost killed, shigaraki unknowingly killed his parents as a child, toshinori may still be alive, but all might (the hero) is gone to the world forever,

eri was used and experimented on HER ENTIRE LIFE, believing she was a disease to the world and could only cause suffering. I could go on for pages about the suffering these characters have ALREADY gone through- but that is okay, because the story is better for it. Because we as an audience wouldn't have cared nearly as much for deku's gain of one-for-all, if it wasn't for the trials and turmoil he faced his whole life living as a quirkless child;

Bnha is a positive story, but it does not rely solely on positivity to get by. It is a story about determination; to push back against adversity, to go on even in the face of the unknown or impossible; even if fate itself is against you. It's about climbing your mountains and beyond that, dare I say, beyond plus ultra. It's is not trying to adhere to its genre, it's is trying to be everything the genre could be and more, and as succeeded thus far.

Which is why I can understand the disappointment from the last anon, because solving everything through friendship and "hand holding" has become a norm in this genre specifically- and bnha is anything but quick and easy ways out.

Sorry if this is long, and I really hope you don't take this as an attack against you or your opinion. If that is all bnha is to you, and if that is how you perceive the show, who am I to say you are wrong. But I hope you understand what I have said at least, because you still are a huge inspiration to me as an artist and in this community. Hope the rest of your day goes alright.

Alright, first off, if you don’t want to come off as condescending try and maybe don’t be condescending. I’m nearly sure you didn’t do this consciously, considering how you ended the rant, but going “are we even reading the same story” when you supposedly want a civil exchange of opinions is the worst thing you could do ever. You pretty much said “I don’t wanna disregard your opinion but here is a list of reason why you’re wrong and I’m right”, please next time you mean to keep it civil try and avoid that, because that sounds just as bad as you’d assume.

Second, I thank you for the recap of all the tragic backstories bnha gave us, but my answer was about conclusions to arcs, not beginnings. I literally never once said that bnha is a happy-go-lucky story from start to end, I only said it made an habit of reaching for the best possible conclusion it could ever go for by the end of every arc up until now.

“The story starts off with a weak, defenseless deku being beaten by his once best friend”, sure (aside from the “once best friend”, Deku and Bakugou were never friends to begin with, please do reread the second Kacchan vs Deku for Bakugou’s view on their relationship) that’s how the story starts, and it ends with Deku with the strongest quirk on the planet, mentored by his childhood hero, with a civil and friendly rivalry with his childhood bully, on his way to become the number one hero, happy and loved and respected. “”Bakugou has an inferiority complex from hell and suffers constantly from his own inner turmoil” again, sure, and he could have given in to it and become a villain or let his terrible personality just become worse and worse, every single bad thing happened to him could have made him closer to a bad guy or given him good reasons to go against the heroes, and instead he’s working to become better, is loved and cherished, has friends that will build him up and care for him and risk their lives for him, and is actually in a way healthier place than he was in the beginning. “Todoroki has an an abusive father with a horrid childhood” SURE and now he’s got his mother back, he’s learnt to be the bigger person and put distance between himself and his father to instead use him to reach his own goals, is happy and has friends and, again, he’s supported and loved and is in a way happier place than he was in the beginning. “Toshinori may still be alive, but all might (the hero) is gone to the world forever” yes, and in any other manga the reveal would have brought a whole damn lot of drama and people calling him a fraud and turning against him, but instead that scene is the most heartwarming one in the whole manga, the whole world supporting and loving him and yelling his name to cheer him on

I could go on, but I think I made it pretty clear? Every single arc, be it a character arc or a story arc, starts tragic to end up with the most positive outcome you can have for it. There isn’t one arc that has had a tragic conclusion yet. So is it really that weird for me to think it’s believable and not surprising at all that Eri’s story, for however tragic it might have started as, could also have a happy ending? That this manga never tried to present itself as one in which things can and will turn out for the worse?

I’m not even sure exactly what your incredibly long ask was about, man. What were you trying to prove to me? Which part of the answer I gave were you trying to disprove? You just went on about how sad everyone was at the beginning of the manga as if that proved somehow that Horikoshi isn’t actively working to give everyone the happiest future they could have. 

A recap of my answer is: “I personally don’t mind Eri having a fix-it quirk because it fits well in Nighteye’s plot and falls perfectly in line with how every other arc has turned out for the best up until now”

And you came at me with an eight asks long rant that can be summed up in “you’re wrong because people in the beginning of the story were sad”

Listen. I’m always open to conversations about different opinions and takes on a story. But, again, I’m gonna need you to be polite about it and open to an equal exchange. Simply going at the end “I hope you won’t feel attacked” and “have a nice day” isn’t enough if for the rest of the rant you talked to me as if you were assuming I’m an idiot. And I’m actually gonna need you to properly read my answers before trying to follow up with them, next time. Please. I don’t have the time to rephrase my answers sixty times just because people keep answering without actually reading them.

24 HOURS.

bellamy x raven

a little drabble about a day in the life of ravenbell in the somwhat early days of space squad. [ rating: nc17 for language and smut lite.]

word count: 1,778

5:02 AM – 196 DAYS IN SPACE.

“Systems check.” Raven spoke out, still shivering as her body adjusted to the metal and other materials pressed against her skin. This was the worst part about her mornings. Once a week she had to do an equipment check around the outside of the ring. It started off as just her and Monty, but then Bellamy began hanging around and watching him. Next thing she knew, Bellamy had learned enough to help her out with these.

“You’re green on communications, oxygen supply and pressure regulation.” He radioed back. “Still waiting to hear back on your filters.” The last sentence was spoken through a yawn that made her speaker crackle and buzz.

“You sound tired.”

“Well, someone kept me up last night even though she knew we had a four-thirty wake up call.” He spat back, a grin on his face. Bellamy watched her through the small pane of glass as she buckled her boots. “You ready?”

“Yep.”

“Regulating pressure.” Lights in the chamber began flashing as air hissed out. He waited until the light above the door flashed green before opening the hanger doors. “Enjoy your spacewalk, little bird.”

“Always do.”

Bellamy leaned back in his chair, sipping a hot cup of algae tea—a drink he was still getting used to. He missed coffee, but this would have to do. The automatic doors behind him opened and Echo entered, handing Bellamy a plate of their usual breakfast—algae salad and some kind of dried grain they had managed to pack before taking off. “Thanks,”

“Is Raven outside?” She inquired.

“Yeah,”

Echo went to the pane of glass, pressing her face against it and smiling when she spotted Raven. “She looks so small out there.” Bellamy nodded, stirring the grain and algae together. “Does it really go on forever?”

He grinned with a soft chuckle. “For the hundredth time, Echo. Yes, it does.”

“How can something go on forever?”

“Doesn’t a river go on forever?”

“No, it changes into the sea…and the sea changes into land. Nothing goes on forever.”

“Well, maybe it doesn’t go on forever.” He answered. “Maybe it changes.”

“Into what?”

“That, I don’t know.”

The radio crackled. “Bellamy, log a slight cosmetic damage to our front right solar panel. I’m coming back into the hangar to grab my repair kit.”

“Logged.” Bellamy answered.

“I’m gonna get back and help Emori with laundry.” Echo announced. “I’ll see you later.”

When he spotted Raven at the hangar door, he pressed a button to open it, then a series of more buttons to stabilize the environment so Raven could take off her helmet. He could tell she was eager to get inside, so he stood up to meet her to help her take off her suit.

“Hey,” He smiled once the doors slid open. “You look cold.”

“I think the t-t-temperature r-regulator on my suit is b-b-busted. The insul-l-lation helped but f-f-fuck, I’m freezing.” She replied and Bellamy worked quickly to get the suit off her. She was down to her underwear, arms wrapped around her frame.  “I c-c-can’t go b-back out there until I f-f-fix it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me it was busted?” He asked her, digging through a cabinet to find a blanket.

“I thought I f-f-fixed it. I g-g-otta take a b-b-better look at it-t.”

“Alright here,” He draped a blanket around her shoulder, then dropped to his knees and pulled down her underwear.

“W-W-Whoa, hey, this ain’t the t-t-t-time, B-Blake.”

“Shut up, Raven. I’m trying to get you warm.” He chuckled, tearing off his own shirt. “Skin on skin contact is better for heat transfer.” Once they were both nude, he collapsed them onto the small couch in the corner and wrapped them in the blanket. “There. Better? Fuck, you’re cold.”

She nodded. “T-T-Told you. But, this is g-g-good.” Raven went quiet for a moment, and he grew worried.

“Rae?”

“I’m here, I’m better.” She responded immediately. “It’s okay.”

“Okay.”

10:58 AM

“Bellamy.”

He jerked awake, lifting his head and squinting against artificial light in the room. Bellamy rarely slept on his stomach, only when he was truly exhausted—and he truly was. “What? What’s up?”

“Nothing.” Raven smiled, settling into bed. “You wanted me to wake you at eleven,”

Bellamy glanced at the clock. “It’s 10:58, I had two minutes, Reyes.”

“Oh, boo hoo.”  He laid back down, this time on his back and stared up at Raven, who straddled his waist and settled herself with her hands on his chest. “I fixed the temperature regulator on the suit.”

“Are you sure?”

She smacked his chest. “Yes, I’m fucking sure. We tested it.”

“Can’t have you gettin’ cold, Reyes. Your feet are already a nightmare when you get in bed—can’t imagine your whole body.”

“My feet are not that cold.”

“Little icicles attached to your legs. That’s what your feet are.”

“I hate you so much.”

3:12 PM.

“So what are our options?” Monty broke the silence, perched on a beam above the rest of the group in the common area.

Raven sighed and leaned back into Bellamy’s arm, draped across the back of the bench they were sitting on. “I can go out there and fix it, make a temporary solar panel coating from the light wiring in the storage deck.”

“That sounds fine.” Murphy responded.

“It’s not all the way fine, Murphy. That means 10% of the Ring would have to go dark.” Monty sighed, tapping the back of his head against the metal.

“It’s more like six percent.” Raven corrected. “I wouldn’t able to control where it goes dark, so it could go dark in a storage facility or…the common room.”

Emori sighed. “So, it goes dark. What does that mean? We just won’t have light?”

“Right,” Raven nodded. “We could use the torches, but it means we’d have to charge them a lot more frequently depending on where it goes dark—”

“Which means we’re pulling more energy from something we need like heat or water purification,” Bellamy finished for her. “Well, shit, Reyes. You got a problem.”

“I do. But I’ll handle it. Let’s get the panel fixed, reboot the whole system and see where it goes dark.”

A smile spread across Bellamy’s face, staring down at Raven. “You got this.”

“I got you.” She replied.

8:19 PM

The door to his room opened, and Raven strode in, carrying a large bag with her. Bellamy lifted his head from the book in his lap, and offers Raven a smile. “Hey,” He greeted her warmly.

“Hey you. You missed dinner.”

“Yeah, sorry, I got caught up in some textbooks.”

“What kind of textbooks?” She questioned, pressing up the book with her fingers. “Basic Mechanics,” She read off. “Basic mechanics of what?”

“Uh, like fixing refrigerator units and changing oil in machines.” He shrugged. “Figured I got five years to learn everything I can about anything that could go wrong here, and on Earth.” Bellamy let a long sigh fall from his lips. “I hear you and Monty spoutin’ off about stuff and I have no idea what you’re talkin’ about. I’m just trying to keep up.”

Raven frowned, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “Bell,” She whispered, catching his gaze. “You know I think you’re smart, right?” She asked. “I think you’re smart.”

He scratched the back of his head. “I mean, I know a lot about history, about…about uh, writing…but—”

“Yeah, I don’t know shit about that. Like, the Battle you were telling me about two nights ago…what’s it called—Battle of Sparta? If you asked me when the Battle of Sparta happened, I couldn’t tell you.”

“Thermopylae.” Bellamy said.

“Huh?”

“Thermopylae, it was the Battle of Thermopylae—Spartans versus the Persians.”

“See!” She exclaimed. “So what, I can solve a thermonuclear physics equation in less than an hour, but you know about shit that happened thousands of years ago. You know the importance of history, and documenting things. You tell stories. That’s important, Bellamy.”

A half-smile lifted his face, and he averted his eyes as a blush fills the apples of his cheeks. Raven leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the space between his brows. “You wanna make a deal?” He asked gently.

“What kind of deal?”

“Every day, you teach me somethin…scienc-y and I’ll tell you about a historical event.”

She nodded. “That sounds perfect. In five years you’re gonna be building a solar panel and I can tell the crew every myth in the book.”

11:23 PM.

“Bellamy,” Her voice is calmer this time, as to not startle him in the dead silence of space and the deep dark of their bedroom. He hummed in response, reaching out and patting her exposed thigh. Raven pulled him towards her, and he rolled on top of her, lips finding hers even in his half-awake state. Her movements become rushed, lifting his shirt off his frame and tossing it into the darkness.

“Again?” He chuckled, nipping at her collar bone. Raven wrapped her legs around his waist and moaned into his ear. “Again.” Bellamy nodded, reaching between their bodies to pull her underwear down to her knees. “Twice in one night, Rae? You’re getting a little greedy.”

“Well, it is my birthday after all.”

“Not for another…” He glanced at the clock. “Not for another thirty-seven minutes. Don’t jump the gun, Reyes.” She smirked and he freed one of her breasts from the confines of her tight bralette. His mouth attached, swirling his tongue around the bud.

“Shut up, Blake.”

“Yes ma’am,” He muttered, then pushed inside her.

12:09 AM.

“Raven,” He breathed into the night.

“Hm?”

“Happy birthday.”

She smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

5:04 AM

“Systems check?” Raven asked over the radio and Bellamy glanced at the screen.

“You’re all green, Reyes. Take your birthday spacewalk.”

“I’ll take it after the panel is fixed.”

“Well, since Monty hasn’t finished stripping the wire, you can’t. So, take your birthday spacewalk.”

“Fine,” She almost sounds disappointed.

Once she’s outside the doors, he picks up the radio again. “Does it look any different now that your eyes are a little older?”

Raven laughed. “Nah, same old boring space.” She goes quiet for a bit, just staring into the black. “It looks a little less endless.” She admitted.

“Yeah,” Bellamy nodded. “After I met you, it started looking a little less scary too.”

“You’re such a cornball, Bellamy.”

“Only for you, Reyes. Enjoy it. Hurry it up, though. You got an algae salad birthday breakfast and some alone time with your wonderful, appreciative boyfriend when you get back.”

“Ten-four, big chicken.”

“Happy Birthday, space case.”

so i said i wasn’t going to make any more out of character posts on ontari. which i’m trying to stick to even though i have like pages of shit i want to say already and i decided on this like less than twenty four hours. but i thought it was important to write at least one explaining at least why i find most of these whole the fandom hates the other half of the fandom shit and complaints the dumbest thing since drama in middle school. and here’s the breakdown as to why. a. this is the motherfucking internet. what does that mean ? it means we’re on the fucking internet which if ya’ll haven’t noticed tends to make people more comfortable with speaking their minds which by the way isn’t a bad thing. the way we fix problems is talking, not huddling up with people who think the same way we do and telling the other side they’re wrong. this isn’t world war iii. you can talk to someone about it. you realize that basically what we’re doing right now is creating partisanship in a fandom because ya’ll don’t wanna talk. the whole positivity movement while ( well founded ) is based on the idea hat we need to be nicer to each other in order to balance out the hate in the fandom. and the no hate movement ( while also well founded ) is based on the idea that people should put being kind above speaking their mind. neither of which i personally agree with. instead of getting mad at someone for hating one another part of the fandom why don’t you ask a better question:

why are they doing it ?

why is a person hating on, calling out, being salty over certain things. because more often than not in this fandom, there’s a fucking point to why they’re acting that way and instead of being like: yo don’t hate that’s wrong. without listening to their opinion and trying to wash it out by praising everyone or just telling them to not do something like it. maybe we should try to fix the problem instead. some things make some muns uncomfortable, while other things make other muns comfortable, which is why the roleplaying community invested this beautiful thing called the tagging system in which when someone posts something they can tag it with trigger cw or trigger tw and you can blacklist said thing allowing you to follow someone without having to worry about having to see this thing on your dash. which is a great first step in fixing it. but then you get to people like me personally who feel like there shouldn’t be a need to tag certain things and just don’t use tags. so how do you deal with someone like that ? the answers simple: you unfollow them. if you don’t like the content that someone is posting then unfollow them. even if you want to write with them, unfollow them. i know that i personally state that ontari is a private selective ( which means i only write with mutuals ) blog, but i’ve made various exceptions time and time again because i do like writing with people i don’t follow and sometimes i don’t follow them because their ooc stuff pisses me off on occasion and i don’t agree with them, and sometimes it’s just because i don’t follow multis. like there is no reason in which you would need to continue following and seeing content you don’t want in this fandom. there’s been waves of hate i’ve had friends come ask me about because they just don’t follow the people that it involves and they heard about it from someone who’d heard about it. 

but this also dosen’t solve the issue, rather it simply prevents confrontation. which is just now how you’re supposed to handle shit people. so calling myself out, i’ve been hating on the new kru’s a lot.  and i’ve explained why because i don’t like being told that im hating on things for no reason. because i don’t condone hating things for no reason. if you’re going to dislike something you better have a good goddamn reason. i made a post about this because i wanted to be clear and let people know, i don’t think the idea itself was a bad one. i’m all for creativity and spreading it but you need to understand that unless things in that post were met, i wasn’t going to jump on the bandwagon and think things were cool. i talked about it. i explained why i disliked what was happening and was shittalking about it and people talked back. muns from more than one of the new krus approached me and were like oh hey i may not have that information posted but you can always ask me bc i have it hced or asked me if they could use the thing as a way to develop their kru more. and now i’m chill with those krus, because now i can see them in a way i didn’t before. and i think that’s the main issue in the fandom right now, there’s a huge lack of communication because everyone feels like they can’t.

and i’m not saying i’m great bc im not. i talk shit behind people’s back and am chismosa af. but it’s because of the lack of communication in the fandom. if i feel comfortable around you. i’m not going to shitpost about something, i’m going to go straight to your face and tell you that i think you’re wrong ( also yeah i hate anon hate like ??? be an adult pls ). and what i expect is not for you to get offended but to be like bitch no you’re wrong when i’m confronting you about your character i want you to prove me wrong. when i’m confronting you about your behavior i want to see and hear your point of view so that even if i don’t agree afterwards i can understand and we can still be friends. thing is... if you play victim, and have a protection squad that rises to your defence every time someone says “um no i think that’s wrong” and they’re chanting about how you can’t say that because its “hate” then i’m not going to feel comfortable coming to ell you shit. ad the whole system of division and isolation in the community is going to continue.

so me being me: i’m not going to apologize for not taking an anti-hate pledge, why ? bcause  think the whole idea of not being able to tell someone you think what they’re doing is wrong is horrible. hey if someone was doing a wwii au with like blatant disrespect for the holocaust i think we’d all get up in arms no ? but if we’re going to start calling telling people that “hey i think that’s disrespectful” hate. then no. i refuse to make a pledge. because i’m going to say what i think. and i’m not going to apologize for not jumping on the positivity train because as awesome as i think sending people love is, i think the fandom needs to fucking fix its shit before we go around playing fairy god mother and pretending that everything is okay. you know what happens when people pretend shit is okay, yall remember the recession ? there’s a fucking bubble int he fandom rn and if we don’t pay attention to it soon, it’s going to fucking explode and ya’ll are going to start crying over it which you have no right to do because you never addressed the problem.

so this is a fuckin call out post at all of you:

START TALKING TO PEOPLE ABOUT SHIT YOU DON’T LIKE OR AGREE WITH. and even better DON’T TELL SOMEONE THEY’RE HATING ON YOU WHEN THEY COME TO YOUR FACE TO DISCUSS SMTH.

thanks. have a lovely day, yall know where to reach me. 

Going Beyond Face Value (#26)

 In this episode, Larry and I go into the essential character of a relationship between facts, theories, and conspiracies. What differentiates our understanding of politics and why does it even matter. The truth is what I want to know and why aren't we hearing about it. That means looking at every avenue of ideas and considering all possibilities. Acknowledging that we are all raised within an identical society-under law, conditioned to follow in the suite to a higher power.

 Now here is where problems start to rise, when we're unable to grasp who's authentic, also misinterpretation about misrepresented information. Which leads to accepting the truth. Its a back-and-forth debate over how we should interpret what's being presented to us as factual when we have no clue if there's an agenda behind what's presented. Even if we compare the different contexts and how the different contexts influence our interpretations- always leads into ambiguity, biased because no matter how it's interpreted there will always be a flaw-In all cases, there's always agenda behind the presented argument.   

 Political thought contains interchangeable concepts, defining this universal reasoning that's plastic within our mechanical mechanism.

Enjoy!

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    Transcripts for this episode can be found at the bottom.

    Get an interesting take away from this episode? Let me know about it in the comments section.

    Did you listen to the episode Habitual Resentment Invariably Leads To Self-Pity (#14)? When our own resentment is reinforced, we begin to search and look for injustices. Emotional reinforcement of self-pity leads to your personal self-created resentment.

          LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE

  Larry Oliver

Greg Favazza

Used Cars (1980)-IMDb

JoeBiden

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      SHOW NOTES

The difference between motivation and manipulation (The intent)

Our value proposition and how our delivery matters.

Try to picture how the outcome of a conversation between a healer, surgeon, doctor, and chiropractor. I wonder how that would play out. 

What makes a leader?

And much more.

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Defying Problems, How to Solve Through Refinment (#25)

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  Transcription

  You just never know how the day's going to turn out. Exactly. And that's why it's important to make sure you get that foundation because. I feel like once I have that in the morning, I can just face anything. Exactly, And without it the day, even if the day goes really well, it still seems a little out of order because for that morning ritual that morning habit, whatever we do, it's. [00:10:32] It's important. It is. And I'm trying to get the lady that I just started seeing the get on one of those. I think her life will be a lot less hectic. Absolutely. That's very true. I understand. And relate to that perfectly. Yes. What else has been going on this last week or so? Other than that. I [00:11:00] just, I had a lot of interviews actually. [00:11:03] I interviewed, somebody in Tokyo, Japan, I had one in Canada. However, she had to cancel and re Oh my God. I'm having a lot of these tongue twisters or these blank moments. Yeah. Reschedule. [00:11:25] And, so then there's that, then I have another one today, which of course with this guy, Jimmy Rex, you John entrepreneur guy. He also rescheduled on me and where's he out of? he is out of, I want to say, Los Angeles, huge. author slash entrepreneur and I just reached out to him, just winged it and he's sure, we can do that. [00:11:52] So rescheduling, have you ever, followed in your cat Lynn's stuff? [00:12:00] And Flint. Flint. Yeah. Pat Glenn. Yes. Yes. Smart, passive income. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Interesting guys got a lot of, a lot of really good tips, hints, for entrepreneurs as well as people in general. Yeah. I followed him for quite a while when I don't like about his information. [00:12:28] It's. It's so damn good that it keeps you wanting more. And then that's where the free stuff is over with and you gotta start forking money out. Exactly. Exactly. He delivers a lot of. Real value-packed, free stuff, if you will, but it's, it's, like the heroin dealer on the corner. He gives you that first fix free. [00:12:54] Cause he knows you'll be back and then yeah. Gotcha. Yeah. That's exactly right in a [00:13:00] positive way. Not, but a lot of the really good, people that deliver information. Operate on, on that same, model, because one, it works too. It's, a great marketing tool, not only for them, but you can transfer that virtually to any type of business or service, provide value at no cost. [00:13:29] And then people will naturally come to you because they look at you as a resource. once you're a resource and that person feels. Hey, that guy understands me and I feel comfortable with him. You probably have a client or customer for life unless you screw it up like 18 PS and spectrums and the large communication companies in the world, the large [00:14:00] insurance companies of the world. [00:14:00] I think they play Libby take liberties with their longterm existence. Customers. And that's my opinion for today. One of them now that's, it's interesting. I don't understand it though. As far as marketing and how to real people in. Cause I feel like it's almost manipulative in a way, but I know it's, something I need to adjust because I put a fine line between my character as far as. [00:14:32] Doing the right things. It's I took it to heart as far as following orders in away. And now I'm starting to see the gray areas and where it's acceptable and where it's not acceptable. What do you think? what do you think the difference is between manipulation and motivation? Motivation will be to inspire and motivate somebody [00:15:00] because it's for their own good. [00:15:03] They're just, they don't see it because it's, bigger than them. And you can see it because you have more experience or more knowledge and manipulation. that's. I think a monster in itself, but that's just to take advantage of them for your own benefit. Interesting. in, I think whenever I hear the word manipulate, I think of some sort of negative connotation, but sometimes when you really look at, the difference between motivating and manipulate it's to a fine line. [00:15:44] It's a fine line. Some of the motivational techniques aren't far off of manipulative [00:15:56] ways. We try to persuade people. [00:16:00] I think, but you hit it the most important part. I think you hit on the head in that motivation is for the benefit of the other person. Whereas for, the best of the other person, whereas manipulation may or may not take into consideration that other person or the other party or the other entity more selfish. [00:16:26] I want to get this person to do that for me because of my interests. Wait, are you saying, wait, what if it's the exact same thing, but it's just a perspective and how you look at it. what we talked about last time. It just depends. people, tend to feel that, and this is a generalization, but I believe, people tend to feel old school salespeople. [00:16:58] Picture of the used [00:17:00] car salesman with the big plaid sport coat and a white patent leather belt and shoes to match, or the big cigar in his mouth and a gold chain around his neck and backslap, and then, Hey, come on, okay. People tend to when you get that negative connotation of a salesperson and you might think manipulation versus. [00:17:23] Really professional salesperson that kind of asked a lot of questions, does a whole bunch more asking than telling. And then once he really finds out what your pain is, where your needs are if he's got the product or service to solve them. He'll propose those to you. And if everything went really well, you as the customer or the potential client will ask him, Oh, that's really cool. [00:17:54] What's the next step? How do I get that? What do I do now versus the [00:18:00] old school manipulation techniques were, these people were trained and here are the five best closes, and they spend a little time getting to know the person but spend an immense amount of time trying to close it, the person versus. [00:18:17] My little triangle works like that. And here at the base, the great big, broad base is you ask a bunch of questions. You get to know that other person, what are they need and how, what I offer fits into what motivates them, what helps them attain their goal. And then, that pyramid gets really small. [00:18:39] So when you get to the top, instead of worrying about closing you as the offer of services, don't have to close because. The person says, yeah, what do we do now? And I want him, I want, that. That's what I want. How cool is that? But then if we will look into the type of mindset that a car [00:19:00] salesman would have, a lot of them are working off commission. [00:19:03] So I think that's our ideal goal is to close the deal. I can see that. I just, I can't really see and wanting to help anybody but themselves, but that's, coming from me. Cause I grew up with a father who was a car salesman for over 20 years. yeah. And what I'm saying is even when, and I use a car salesman because very, almost everybody can relate to that picture. [00:19:32] I'm an old, funny movie is used cars. And, it's all built around this, generalization, the guy described because so many people can relate to them, whether it's on the car lot, or whether it's a door to door, high pressure, one call salesperson, so on and so forth. But professional salespeople are in every industry, [00:20:00] everything from, and this may shock some people, doctors, lawyers, Accountants engineers, all these people have to sell to get business, ultimately your marketing. [00:20:15] And then when you meet them because of effective marketing, whatever that marketing maybe, even if it's only the best marketing, which is word of mouth. Yeah. Susie said you designed their addition on their house and they really want it to be okay. That's that marketing that positioned the architect. [00:20:35] To get this potential client in front of them. And then he asked him a bunch of questions. He got to know them, or she got to know them and then built his or her presentation around their needs. So it's still if somebody [00:21:00] tells you they don't sell their line, Everybody is selling every day. The guy at the bar with the clever pickup line to the attractive gal is selling her on come home with me tonight. [00:21:15] The doctor that says, Hey, the only way we can fix your back is, I got to fuse these two lower discs. Really cause the chiropractor would say, there's no surgery necessary. And he would sell you on coming into adjustments three times a week. And then the natural healer would tell you, need to come to my yoga studio. [00:21:39] And then I got these special herbs and teas everybody's and I'm not saying anybody is in it for themselves, but the surgeon has no other way to heal somebody than to slice them open and do whatever he's going to do. And in order for him to stay in business, as much as we might want to [00:22:00] think that he's not in it for the money. [00:22:03] if you look at his house and his country club dues and his Mercedes, in his $500 shoes. Yeah. He, money is part of the motivation for him. There's more hopefully esoteric stuff there, but I really believe, selling is just communicating. And in motivating and some of the higher pressure salespeople may manipulate. [00:22:30] If in fact, you want to look at manipulation in, a negative connotation. So it's just, it's interesting. I would love to see those three in a room. I think that'll be interesting to a healer, a doctor, and or surgeon. And a chiropractor. I think that'll be a really fun conversation and listened to, but also the surgeon, as far as wearing the $500 shoes, that could be his own definition of [00:23:00] success as far as his work ethic. [00:23:02] And then we backtrack on everybody that's selling themselves. I think we're talking about their value proposition as far as we may work for a company that may be our profession. But ideally, we tailored our being around this type of delivery where accountability is number one. So when we were to look at a playbook and we go down the stats and see, Oh, we know Greg is sometimes late to his interviews. [00:23:33] He's usually five minutes short, but however, he is a nerd, he is consistently refining. We can count on him for that. I think, and what I've found life happens. So it's okay to be late every now and then, Yes. life happens. So you can't ever be too hard on yourself. Oh yeah. [00:24:00] That's very. [00:24:01] Hard to even fathom right now. What is it about why we as people are our most severe critics? Because we overestimate what reality really is. We catastrophize in our head the worst possible outcome, and none of that happens in reality. It's so true. And then what we perceive our reality is our perceived reality. [00:24:36] I think everyone's reality is their perception of this moment, of this situation. and many times their preconceived perception or notion is what causes procrastination or causes, whatever. Is causing them to face whatever the situation is. [00:25:02] [00:25:00] knowing you're not a news junkie, there was an interesting piece of news yesterday that go on the, almost for sure. Democrat nominee for president of the United States, Joe Biden announced his vice-presidential running mate. and that is Kamala Harris. Are you familiar with her at all? Neither would let's first, before we go any further, what, how do we, how do you feel about Joe Biden one? [00:25:46] And is he somebody. That's inlined with the type of character we were looking at last year or not last year. Last episode with, [00:26:00] John Lewis. [00:26:03] Yeah. I would say he's much more in line with John Lewis, then 45 is. Biden. It has served the country for 50 years, 45, 50 years in one capacity or the other, he, my thought on Biden. [00:26:29] Okay. To be real, to be really open and honest during the primaries. Before it was pretty much him. His vice-presidential Harris was my pick for the presidential candidate, even though it would be a real long shot for her as presidential candidate to win the presidency with Biden. As what I believe will be the [00:27:00] nominee for the Democrats. [00:27:05] Biden before he named his running mate offers the country and the country. Cause that's all it gets to vote on him. a very, direct change from what we have now. From chaos and narcism and no values and I'm in it for my own. Good. My own benefit in screwed the rest of you to somebody that has some humility, admits mistakes, is a leader, has leadership qualities. [00:27:55] has, has ethics [00:28:00] puts a few things before him or at least even with him, and, he knows his way around the international political realm also. so I'm happy with his knee as a person. I'm happy with his choice Harris. Harris has an incredible history. In the time she served the government. [00:28:31] She's an Indian black Senator of California. Prior to that, she was the first-ever female and black attorney general of the state of California, which. the trivia fact is that's the largest department of justice. She ran outside of the federal [00:29:00] department of justice. that's such a huge department of justice. [00:29:08] The only thing that tops it is the federal department of justice. No other state comes close to what she was in charge of. Oh, and she's very astute. If you watch, I know you probably didn't, but any of the hearings that she's participated in as a Senator, there's only, a couple of female senators, a few female senators, and she's, there's only, I think been one other black woman, female Senator in the country's history. [00:29:42] So there's, a lot of history being made right now, B because of his choice. And I think together, they offer a really strong team. And if Biden wins the election, if, [00:30:00] because of his age, that when the second term rolls around, Depending on his physical situation. If he were to step down, it would be easy for him to step down and hand the key to Harris. [00:30:16] And depending on what happened during those four years, she could very easily then become the first female. Okay. To be president of this country. What, for whatever. I think that's cool. is it important? I suppose from the standpoint that yeah, even you, the young lady can be president of the United States, even though some people now don't aspire to that because of what's happened in the last four years, opine, it's interesting that see, there's, a lot of things that are running through my head [00:31:00] is we have. [00:31:02] An upcoming election with a new individual and as any person would look in, say a dating world, you pattern recognize from previous experience experiences not to run into our date. Somebody that was a huge pain in the ass in your past. Now we have so much trauma in our heads that we have to. Really just dig into this individual who might seem like they have a hundred percent positive intentions. [00:31:41] And I think that's, I don't know. I don't, know what's going to happen with the outcome of that. And it does make sense as far as with he's choosing. I don't remember her name [00:32:00] to be his running mate. That is, that looks good. I said, but it just, seems to, it just seems like it's too good in a way, as far as what we have to that it's's like the ideal image of what America would want. [00:32:25] I agree with you. and I think there's a lot of people that are ready for that. When you look at the way the world looks now versus the way it did three and a half years ago, it looks a lot different in, many respects. One of the things here in our country that we've seen. w without trying to put a judgment on it and trying to stay as objective as I can, we've seen a lot of chaos, more chaos than ever. [00:32:58] And if you ask the [00:33:00] Democrats, they'll tell you it's the cause of the Republicans and Trump. And if you ask Trump in his. Followers, he, and they will tell you it's all because of the Democrats. and, that's part of the chaos is this crazy divided nation that we're in. And I don't really believe we've been this divided since the civil war, the division is deep. [00:33:28] It's hate kind of division. It's not. where two people can sit down and talk about their different opinions and why they support this person versus that person. It used to be, you could have those kinds of discussions. Nowadays, people lose friends and stop talking and seeing relatives because of, where they are on this, fulcrum, cause it's the crazy Seesaw thing. [00:34:01] [00:34:00] It just seems like it would be really nice to have some integrity and honesty and leadership, as honest as politicians can be, recognizing that there's a whole bunch of lying going on in politics. I get that, but not everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie. not everything that goes wrong is. [00:34:29] Because of the other team, not everything that goes right is because of me, my administration, I did this, this is the greatest economy in the world, no one would have foreseen it and just makeup stuff. 45 said I think it was last week. It might've been the week before. So if I've repeated this, it's just because it's so awesome. [00:34:57] Not in a good way, but [00:35:00] he was on the tarmac of the Cleveland or Cincinnati airport and was talking about Biden and how he's going to hurt this country. If Biden's elected, he will hurt the country. He will hurt the Bible and he will hurt God. he said those three things, the president of the United States. [00:35:23] Said that a potential candidate, because technically Biden's not even the candidate, but a potential candidate for the United States presidency will hurt God. Yeah. Whether you believe in God or not historically God's omnipotent. you'll talk to some people who will tell you, there's nobody more powerful than God yet Biden can hurt God. [00:35:51] Wow. I gotta tell ya if he's that powerful. Maybe we need him to calm everything down, and then [00:36:00] we'll deal with God later. I don't know. That's interesting. Are we looking at a shift in the type of presidential character? Like I believe with Obama, he is a peacekeeper. And then when we've had that, now we need somebody who's. [00:36:19] More towards war than now. Are we rolling? Rotating back down to peace. And then we look at the division between the Democrats and the Republicans and how much there's so much hate pointing at one another, but nobody's willing to take ownership and their own faults. To me, it just, I'm just, looking at this from a third person, as far as they're projecting their own past. [00:36:48] Failure's on to them as they are the reason, but it's just like history repeats itself. fuck. Yeah. cause we're we have this old school mindset. this is the industrial [00:37:00] mindset that we still have yet to adopt. And now we have AI happening. We have so much going on just a mass amount of knowledge yet. [00:37:10] Why are we still doing these primitive little. Just Pat. It just, makes me angry. It's just what are we doing? It's a waste of time. And not only is it a waste of time, especially when you take into consideration AI artificial intelligence is, really making so many decisions for politicians. the way they run their campaign is based so much. [00:37:40] If you run a good campaign, you're going to have a lot of data that you mind by way of algorithms. it's AI making all these huge decisions that people go around like this like it's not, but AI is getting more and more, [00:38:00] Into a situation where the amount of control it has is phenomenal. [00:38:08] And, I'm not, there's no judgment there, to a large extent based on the algorithms, of course, but AI doesn't lie. AI doesn't have, have to deal with scandals. and so there's a whole bunch of advantages to AI. but I think used in con right now where we are technologically AI combined with the human mind in human emotions can be pretty powerful. [00:38:42] Use powerfully use power. It's powerful, both, for the good of people or anything. That's powerful. It can be used. in a negative connotation for control and anarchy and so on [00:39:00] and so forth or for the good of people, the good common cause, which I think we need. I think the world's continuing to miss a lot, that it's a little esoteric, but I'm a leftover hippie. [00:39:15] And I firmly believe that what the on Warwick saying about. 40 50 years ago, what the world needs now is love. Sweet love. yeah, but with the AI, as far as that being good or bad, I want to know is who's actually programming it. What type of character an individual is. Yeah. What did they build into these algorithms from which AI will continue to get smarter and smarter No, that's interesting. even with the [00:40:00] scientific method on just proposing a hypothesis, it's still not even free of that bias. [00:40:07] Not even free of. Just leaning on what the individual's testing towards their favor, rather than against their favor. There's always something that's going to impact the end result. And I still feel like it's going to be the same thing every time unless there is a drastic change in something huge. and see that's where this old guy sees a huge benefit. [00:40:38] To AI in that, regardless of the bias, that was part of any, and all of the algorithms that were built for the AI as AI continues to advance and it's consuming all the data that's available because [00:41:00] AI, at some point will be able to consume. Every bit of data, it won't need new algorithms because the algorithms that it was given as part of this AI works like our mind, except on a scale that we can't begin to understand how, it can gather all this information and make unemotional decisions, make decisions based on the math, the zeros and ones. [00:41:33] No. so, I think from that standpoint, it won't take stuff into consideration that human emotion takes into consideration. if I make the decision to do this, how will I look in the eyes of those people? AI, I don't think AI can, maybe, I don't think he considers that. It says, based on this information, it's [00:42:00] B. [00:42:01] You know next. so it's interesting. It's we live in a world that's, it's extremely interesting. And I, think to a large extent, we're at a very interesting point, for, certainly for the country and for the world, what's going to happen in this election, for the country and the world is pretty damn important regardless of the outcome. [00:42:31] Oh, it's frightening. How much towing is going on relative to the election and the procedures and the election and the setups coming into the election. As far as methodology, mailing ballots, no mail-in ballots, one side says, Hey, The [00:43:00] election's rigged. It's terrible. It's just going to be rigged. [00:43:03] the Democrats are doing all are going to have all this fraud and Malin. Do you think that's gonna impact the people actually wanting to vote versus not? not necessarily the impact comes from when the results are presented to the. To the world, depending on who wins. the 45 is apt to say if he's not victorious, I told you it was rigged. [00:43:40] And so we're going to redo the election. That's what we're going to do. We're it. I have the power to shy. Am I the most powerful guy here, regardless of what the constitution says, regardless of this coat, these three code branches, I think we need to have another election because this is all fucked up. [00:43:59] We can't [00:44:00] even try to recount, we don't know what's fraud and what's not, and I'm not leaving office. What are you going to do about it? the Supreme court comes and says, you have to leave office. Or, and he's got a couple of high level military people that choose to side with him and, they secure the white house. [00:44:25] And yeah, he's our president. Who's, hadn't been a new election and he said that this selection wasn't valid, he's our leader. So I'm going to follow, there, comes into that play that, something we talked about from the beginning, and that's, ethical in value standards that military, I gotta report to the commander, gotta follow his wishes. [00:44:49] What point do you say, dude? Mutiny on this ship. You don't have a clue as to how to get, us out of this hurricane, the ship's going down, [00:45:00] we're taken over theoretically, That would see that play out. Cause I have a weird outlook on life. I always, I want to say catastrophize, but just analyze possibilities of what-if scenarios and. [00:45:20] Just the paint, the picture you painted for me, that is a possibility because from how my understanding on how he made office, it's like he had friends over in Russia or he, I feel like there was something with the relationship with that country that helped impact. His success as far as he was saying, Oh, I'm for them, I'm against them. [00:45:50] I'm not talking to them. I don't know if you're familiar with that. If you can shed some light on that. Are you talking about all the Russia, Russian interference, and his [00:46:00] relationship with Putin and yes. Yeah. first of all, to, just do a little positioning, recognize that before he was president before he was elected president, I think, before he ever publicly decided he was going to seek that office, Putin spent a lot of time together because the two of them together wanted to put a Trump Tower in Moscow. [00:46:34] Interesting. Yeah. And that's pretty well established. In a fact, they had conversations about a Trump tower, a luxurious Trump tower in Moscow. That's one of the reasons I believe, and this is opined. okay. I believe that, The United States. [00:47:00] Congress is so curious to get a full financial trail of Trump and all his organizations to see if there are any financial ties to Russia and, or the powerful Russian people leaders. To what degree does this influence decisions that. 45 has made and will continue to make, because all of the, excuse me, the 17, intelligence agencies here in the United States, way back when all agreed. [00:47:37] There was no question in their mind. That there was interference from, Russia. To what degree you can say this vote was because of their interference. Nobody can prove that, but when all 17 of our intelligence agencies agree on one fact to say that they're all corrupt, there might be a [00:48:00] handful of corrupt ones. [00:48:01] there's corruption all over at the highest levels of our government. We've seen corruption as we've never seen before. From a guy that was going to clean the swamp out. Yeah. What is your definition of corruption? it could come back to manipulation almost really when you stop and think about what's cropped. [00:48:27] corrupt is when. You are a leader of a country and you're supposed to be making decisions one within the constraints of the law, the constitution, and you go outside the constitution, because, your daughter is trying to get patents with China. that's corrupt. I think when you have other heads of state from other foreign countries, stay at your hotel. [00:49:00] [00:49:00] In Washington, DC when they visit, I think that's pretty fucking corrupt. I think when you go and play golf at one of yours. Country clubs and it costs, I don't know how many tens of millions of dollars to take your entourage. Cause you got to have your security detail. You gotta have your fucking, motor escort. [00:49:23] You can't rent from, enterprise and get a Cadillac. You need that great, big, heavy Bulletproof piece of shit, and all that, any need 83 security service guys serve secret service guys, and. When he became president, I think it's corrupt that the dues to your country, to the country club, that he hangs out, that he owns the dues, doubled the day after he was president. [00:49:51] Cause you want to hang with me, you gotta pay dude, and his, big deal, the way he's handled [00:50:00] COVID there's is there any fact to this? I don't know. Probably not, but I can draw. Lines and inferences. He doesn't like the economy shut down. Not because of what's happening to the working guy, the common guy, because nobody's traveling is fucking Trump towers, his moral Lago, his all his shit. [00:50:23] Nobody's going to cause nobody to travel. You want people that are traveling are politicians and people that absolutely fucking have to get on a commercial airline, Some of that is real corruption. it's when you're doing something for, to, advance your personal goals at the expense of others and, or it's absolutely unlawful. [00:50:53] you can find a law that says, no, you can't do this. And. [00:51:00] Be in this position, whether it's a business guy taking payola under the table, or it's the president of the United States taking income from his properties because his position in the office gives him the ability to have foreign dignitaries. [00:51:20] Yeah. You just stay around the corner here at my hotel. We'll take care of you there. No. that's pretty fucking corrupt, I think, but I'm just before he was running for president at like even announced, I think I have seen this, I was like on the Simpsons as far as they just show like him running. I don't know what year this was but just projected him going. [00:51:51] Up as president. And that was like maybe 10, 15, 20 years ago. It's been a while since I've seen the symptoms and it's like, where do they [00:52:00] get that information from? is that just a coincidence? Because at the time he was just a bizarre character. So they like who is the most outrageous individual we can play as running for president on this episode. [00:52:14] And they choose him well, way, back with him and. 15 years, 10, 15 years, certainly more than 10 years. he had interviews with many talk show hosts and radio show hosts, and, they would, and I don't know why they would ask a business guy in a pretty non-successful business guy. [00:52:41] when you figure he's taken six of his companies, all of which are basically one main corporation, bankrupt, I, I don't know how successful it is. but, and he'll tell you, he has nothing to do with success. He was playing the system. The laws are set up for [00:53:00] me to fuck people, and it's not the big wealthy banks that he fucks when he goes bankrupt. [00:53:06] But it's a little contractor that, painted the inside of the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City that presented him with the invoice. When he said, no, I'm not going to pay you. I don't have any money. And then that puts a lane on his, his, what did he be? His LLC or, just him in general. And over time, if it doesn't get paid off, they don't really get their money. [00:53:31] They never do because again, the LLCs or corporations or trust, whoever ultimately is, the entity that has it. There are no assets, there's no money. and another judgment, he doesn't give a shit. He's probably the most, this guy is probably leading a gate litigated more stuff than, anybody ever. [00:53:55] he still has hundreds, if not thousands of [00:54:00] currently filed lawsuits against him for the fraud, he committed relative to his university. Those are still pending and he can play with those people forever. Cause he keeps paying as attorneys. just keep it in court a little bit longer, it doesn't go away because they don't have the financial resources that he has. [00:54:21] And that's the other thing. Valarie says he's done a successful businessman and I know intuitively that he doesn't have near the wealth. He tries telling you he has, if he did, he'd show you his fucking tax return. There's no reason for them not to show his tax return unless he's fucking hiding something. [00:54:42] He tells you he's one of the richest guys in the world. Okay. Show me all the rich guys, show me where I can go find their shit. the only thing that makes you rich is you had this big foundation that you stole money out of. And the state of New York made you shut down your [00:55:00] charitable foundation because your family was living out of it. [00:55:05] God it's like, where does it stop now? Is all this true? supporters will tell you no, it's just shit made up from the other side. No, it isn't, I don't know, show us your fucking tax return and prove it, innocent people will prove their innocence after some period of time. [00:55:29] Yes. And it's a really easy way for him. The easiest thing in the world for him right now, if all this bullshit that the Democrats and the liberals are making up about him and how he corrupts the country and all these business interests that could be convoluted. Show us your fucking taxes. There's not a president in our history in contemporary history. [00:55:52] It has not shown us our taxes. You promise Mr. President, God, that sounds terrible. I didn't him. [00:56:00] 45. You promised you were going to show your taxes after you were elected. Oh, but you're being audited. IRS doesn't care who you show your taxes to, whether you're being audited or not. You can show your taxes anytime you want. [00:56:15] Show them. Prove it let these fucking accountants go through. Probably his return probably is this thick, he's got I dunno, 63 different entities, and all this shit, but let these accounts plow through all that shit. And then tell the American public, know this guy's clean as a whistle, his fear. [00:56:39] And I agree with this. If you put some investigators on mulling over paperwork, they're going to find shit wrong. we all have done stuff wrong, so he's, I'm afraid they're going to, find something wrong. Of course, they're going to find in with him, they're going to find a lot of shit wrong. [00:56:59] Cause [00:57:00] he did it on purpose. it wasn't an additional, a mathematical error, But I think having a complete financial picture of the guy could show the country, show the world financially, why he does some of what he does. Decision-making as a leader of the free world. And it'll be interesting. [00:57:27] Then to caveat when you were saying, we could also see where the corruption is actually taking place. As far as it he's done certain things that certain departments should have covered. That is where we can start backtracking and start eliminating the corruption from the ass, end out the mouth. Exactly. [00:57:52] And that picture I just described. And in that picture that you just described, that the scary thing is [00:58:00] where does the corruption end and how do you end corruption? Because a lot of the people that would otherwise have responsibility for ending corruption and going after the corrupt, they are indeed part of the corruption. [00:58:17] And so it's that, it's a circle and it's a tough circle. If anybody heard the interview between 11 on, Fox Life, Liberty and Levin when he interviewed attorney general William Barr earlier this week, most frightening interview I've ever heard. William Barr truly, I believe, truly believes that he is 40 fives, personal attorney. [00:58:53] And his job is not to head up the department of justice of the United States of America. His [00:59:00] job is to make sure that 45 is reelected and that he can offer him as much protection as possible. And if you listen to this interview, if you never heard any news ever about Trump and bar and the Mueller report and Russia, and. [00:59:20] What's going on with Senate hearings, congressional hearings, and just listened to this one interview. And it was Fox interviewing him. this guy is scary. He and Trump together. If they have one corrupt high level, military guy can take over, this is conspiratorial. I know that, but it's, that frightening. [00:59:47] W when you see those levels of, governmental officials, all line for each other. at some point in time, Nixon's closest [01:00:00] advisors said, dude, we got you, they got you, your cookie hands in the jar, your hands in the cookie jar. You got to come clean and Nixon looked at everything and said, yeah, you're fucking right. [01:00:17] My best stance is to resign. And hopefully, forward my vice president who will now be president will pardon me, which he did. And he deserved it. the man was he, was punished enough. I really believe, that term you use conspiracy Tutorial. Do you feel like that term has, is a bad taste in people's mouths when we're really trying to analyze different avenues of how this could play out? [01:00:55] When we start, I just feel like when that term gets thrown out there, people. [01:01:00] Just dismiss it automatically because it's associated with things that happen in the past or are projected into the future that is least likely to happen. But I don't understand why nobody wants to even consider that as a possibility. [01:01:19] Yeah. And that's, I will tell you, Not terribly long ago. in the last five or six years ago, I looked at conspiracy ideas and theories and thought, Oh, those guys are off their fucking rocker. And then I realized, fuck, we all have conspiracy theories because all of our theories, if they don't go with the mainstream, Are conspiratorial, aren't they? [01:01:51] if you walk down this way, but everybody else is going this way and I tell why you shouldn't be going that way, because based on my thoughts, [01:02:00] it's a conspiracy. when you look at our country today, it's so divided that almost everyone is conspiratorial. To one extent or the other, you got the people on the right side of the aisle. [01:02:17] just making up bullshit. And the people on the left side of the aisle are making her bullshit every now and then each side grabs a fact and distorts it hardly any, but most of the time, all the facts are distorted quite a bit. Cause they want to be manipulative or motivate us to get out and vote. [01:02:39] They come back to the beginning of our conversation and it's really key. that's why I asked that question. When you mentioned those two words, manipulation in motivation, manipulate, motivate. We see so much of both of those going on, [01:03:00] regardless of how you perceive it. And it comes back to, I believe in my conspiratorial theory, another yet another one media, because most of the information we consume is presented to us by media, by social media, by the major. [01:03:25] News outlets by all the talk shows all of this media. And we have so much of the media to consume. It's not like when I was growing up. we had three television shows, no rotary dial telephone. Okay. She knows where the no, in, a radio for one time, just with am stations and FM stations, but. Hey, now it's so easy to come up with a conspiratorial idea and then build a whole story around it. [01:04:00] [01:04:00] Show a video, that you've Photoshop pictures or Photoshop and who the fuck knows what's real today. Yes. it's fine. Me. I got a friend that continually sends me messages and half of them. And I don't tell them, this is, all made up. you can even see the phone, the bad Photoshop job in it. [01:04:26] And here's the fact, and I, and who am I to say that just the fact just based on where I found that is that factual info. I don't know. Where do you find the facts? That's frightened. So what are the real facts, pictures that are being displayed to you and they are somehow made up and not an authentic one? [01:04:53] I don't understand why people are going to that trouble to try to relay the information, to get the point across. [01:05:00] it should either make sense or not make sense. And then when, if we were to zoom back out and look at. With the crowd of people you're referring to going one way and another guy to go in this way. [01:05:13] I think those people that are going their own way have a higher level of thinking rather than following suit into the direction that they were told to go to based on what is being portrayed by the media. Because I am aware of the term portering as far as with framing. A certain message to get across, to make things look catastrophic, or to make things look consistent in society. [01:05:43] As far as there's so much, there's so much Trump, there's so much trauma happening on a daily basis. Come on, tune into channel 11, Fox two. They would just want to get viewers and that's disgusting. Cause if we really zoom out even higher and look at the person who's in charge [01:06:00] of. The actual, what is it? [01:06:02] NBC like the place that's in charge of all the fucking radio, the social media in general, it's comes down to one person when there's two different sides of, the government Republic news and, democratic news. It's being ran by one person with a sign. Is he on that's? What? Just blows my mind. It's. It's frightening. [01:06:28] And when you look at the power of social media, [01:06:37] the power of social media has, and the ease with which it is with which one or an entity can post anything on social media recently that, some of the social media platforms have been taking down purely. Unfactual, posts [01:07:00] could have an adverse effect on, people that would believe that shit. [01:07:06] But to answer your question, why do they even do that? Do people post these pictures that are incorrect? I think part of it gets back to something we said earlier today in this division, everything's. Black or white. All of a sudden there's no grayer. Everything's binary. you're with me. You're with, you're not with me. [01:07:29] If you're not with me, you're against me. it, this is good or this is bad. There's that? it is good for them, but it might hurt this group, but this big group it'll, it's good for it's no, it's. I have to show you how wrong you are to think the way you are. Look at this picture. [01:07:49] Did I Photoshop look at this picture, it says right here, or look at here, I can pull it. these statistics as you well know [01:08:00] numbers, statistics reports for everyone that says blue, you can find one that says red. Yes, you can blame the doctor that says, yeah, there's hydrate high hydroxy chlorine coup the drug that, Trump is pushing. [01:08:20] I can't even pronounce it well for a while as a cure in a therapy for COVID. you got a whole bunch of doctors that say, no, it's, not, there's only five, placebo research papers that are written and said, there's no effect. And then there's 2,500 doctors will say, yeah, it works. but no, we haven't done it with a randomized placebo test, based on what we've seen with these two patients at work. [01:08:49] So we're just in this world of. How do you even find a fact? and I think each of us [01:09:00] has our sources for what we believe to be factual and near as unbiased as one can be today. there's biased everywhere. Whether it's NBC or Fox, whether it's OAN or CNN, whether it's MSNBC or, Foxy or newsy, there's bias in everything that we all do in everything we do every, day that we're alive. [01:09:35] There's we make decisions and do things based on our biases. And. The real trick is to, regardless of your, for example, political or religious bias, the real trick is to whatever your job is to go out and do your job with trying to keep your bias under control. [01:10:00] yeah, I'm an atheist, so I don't like people that are religious. [01:10:07] But as a cop, I can't go shoot people as they come out of church, just cause I don't like those people. I have to, the judges making these decisions in court, they have a bias. Of course they have a bias. but they have to make their decisions without bias, 12 jurors on a jury. Each one of them has a bias, but their instruction is you go in there. [01:10:34] You disregard everything you think, feel or believe don't pay attention to anything you hear or read about this case? Just the facts that are presented here in court, and you make your decision. Is this person guilty or innocent? That's fucking impossible. So that was back to [01:11:00] trust and trust value, honor ethics like a boy scout oath, all those things help the old lady across the street. [01:11:08] And that's what I think is really missing in society in general today, but certainly very high governmental levels throughout the government, both on the blue side and the red side, the Democrats and Republicans, you listen to both of them and you're pissed off at both of them. You are there, they're both acting, both sides are acting like a bunch of little fucking babies. [01:11:34] Yeah. they just all are like in grade school, kids don't act as poorly as, badly as irresponsibly as our politicians do. And I'd like to believe that Biden and Harris. might from a leadership standpoint, whether they win [01:12:00] or lose grab hold of the politicians on both sides and say, this is how you run a campaign. [01:12:08] This is how you lead a country, especially a country in the world it's in crisis. we've got a public health crisis of some sort going on, regardless of who you want to believe. There's some shit going on. We have an economic crisis going on, regardless of why it's going on, it's going on. And we have people in the United States of America that should not be starving, that should not be living on the streets. [01:12:35] We've got enough, wealth in this country between a handful of people, literally, but as a country, we have enough, wealth to fix it. So that. that doesn't happen. That the poverty we have here, not only just, not only an urban yeah. Plight, in the Appalachian area there's [01:13:00] poverty like you. [01:13:01] And I probably can't even imagine Jen, in our wildest dreams that today in the United States, people are living in Michigan. Yeah, Michigan. That's exactly where I was going with Flint for seven years. I think it's been about seven years since it was discovered in the media about the water supply up there. [01:13:22] People are still dependent on bottled water today that lives in Flint. Nobody's done anything about that river that you know, has got all that contamination in it as well, depending on bottled water. Yeah. And most of these people probably don't have jobs cause they're factory worker kind of people. I don't know. [01:13:47] It's interesting. I think with Louisiana, there's something in their water as well. What if I'm not mistaken, can't get up their nose. I believe there's like a parasite or something that can attack the rain or something. But if we [01:14:00] rewind, let's look at the social media as far as if it doesn't portray the political agenda. [01:14:08] Shit gets pulled down. Is that some sort of a control, I would say, as far as being like, if you don't post what's relevant on what we're talking about, we're going to take your outside information and pull it down because we don't want to confuse people on what is actually being presented. [01:14:30] Certainly has the opportunity. To happen that way. A good example though, where, I think you see this censorship taking place because it is a form of censorship. Yes. But I think media in general has a duty to call your attention to, misleading statements. A good example was semi-recently, [01:15:00] were, 45. [01:15:02] Has said repeatedly, but this was after his first white house briefing. Recently, I want to say in the last 10 days where he said that children are virtually immune from COVID factually, that's just incorrect science based on the science it's incorrect. And so Facebook or Twitter, it was Twitter took that. [01:15:30] Tweet down and, they'd give you the reason, bait in a point you somewhere, where you can find a fact. And again, who's got the facts, as I asked earlier, who do you look to as factual? I don't know. I don't know. But what I will tell you is for however long, the CDC, for example, has been around. [01:15:51] It was the authority here in the United States relative to contagious and infectious diseases. For, I don't know, [01:16:00] 40 years, 50 years, 80 years, I don't know, long it's been around. I don't know it's been around for a while. And there were some prestigious doctors that, have led that organization to keep widespread epidemics and pandemics from help from occurring and helping the world deal with epidemics that might happen in their country. [01:16:21] So when. That group of scientists, doctors who specialize in that shit say, no, that's not right. I'm going to accept them over fucking an orange fucking leader that told us to go drink Lysol and sit under ultraviolet lights as a way to not get COVID. given that choice, that ABB I'll take B, I go with the science. [01:16:49] I'm curious though, as far as, who owns Twitter? That's one quick. That's my first question. And why was it taken down when [01:17:00] 45 says this? Yes, it seems pretty bizarre, but the fact of somebody in such high power says this bizarre thing and it's automatically taken down. Now, my question is, there a connection between somebody who owns. [01:17:17] That platform two 45. Yeah. that's if you listen to the politicians on both sides. Yes. I believe Twitter is part of a publicly-traded company. So there are many, stockholders that ultimately the board of directors gets to pick and choose the CEO it, and one might say, Just like Bezos is against Trump. [01:17:48] So anything that comes from Amazon or the Washington Post or any of the shit he owns is tainted. As far as Trump supporters go, that's just not. So [01:18:00] bayzos has at the end of the day if you collapse his empire, He's not going to lose his $65 billion. And if he loses $64.9 billion, he's still a billionaire. [01:18:17] Yes. financially he has nothing really to gain. He's attained that level in Maslow's hierarchy that he's into self-actualization that's all. And like he and bill Gates. they're trying to improve the world. Now with this wealth, they built with these platforms they've built. Now they can use this AI to deliver clean water, too, third, world countries. [01:18:45] And they do they're there. They're trying to do good. Do good. Or it's how they're not out trying to build Amazon bigger. for the sake of building Amazon bigger. You can, I think it's actually number three in [01:19:00] the fortune 500, I believe three or four. I can't remember the number. And then with bill Gates, I do remember reading about that with him, helping out their world countries, as far as getting that first, self-sufficient a wa like huge ass system, whatever it just cycles. [01:19:22] The rainwater, and just literally cycled shit and piss fresh water. Let's just be black. Yeah. That's exactly what it does. So that's, really good stuff. And I just don't understand why we can't have that in the political area. It is. I think part of its leadership, during Bush, during Reagan during Bush, during Clinton Carter, the there was not this kind of, there was hanky [01:20:00] panky politics is hanky panky at the end of the day, but it wasn't everything being done for one guy. [01:20:09] And I really believe, and I know I harp on this, but [01:20:16] all. 45 is concerned about is his himself, his entities and how the world perceives him in, the world. Laughs at him, I truly see him as an embarrassment. God bless Joe Biden, but Biden makes plenty of fo pause in his speech. who's smarter. I don't know. I guess Biden. I guess a lot of five years old, five-year-olds are more responsible and smarter than 45. [01:20:52] They don't say shit as stupid as he does. he comes out and just says, bizarre shit, whatever I think is [01:21:00] rolling off. End of his tongue. He just says, even though he's got a script, even though advisors tell him, no, don't talk about, the Lysol anymore. It's really not instant fix anything I need to fuck you. [01:21:12] I'm going to say what I want. and he goes up and sights people, to, have these attitudes, that COVID is not real. I don't know if it's real or not, but there's a lot of fucking sick people that have something that the world is trying to deal with. I would love to go into that, but also let's, look at that. [01:21:35] if we were to put those two individuals Biden and 45 against fifth graders, I believe there's a show called, are you smarter than a fifth grader? Do you think the political figures would actually win? And also the other one is I understand what the, with an individual, it's not about what they [01:22:00] say. [01:22:00] It's about how they act under pressure is the real character. So when you tell me that. 45 wants to say this and just disregard the paperwork that's been given that shows who he really is. Cause everything that's coming out is just shit that people made for him to say, but he really does not have the ability to control themselves. [01:22:25] So I can see with what you said earlier, as far as about being a narcissist. And I don't like that term that because it always gets thrown around in. And then just in the society in general, loosely. if we were to look at it in the DSM, five, it gets very specific and I'm not looking at it right now, but judging how just looking at, or remembering the definition, it shows a relation. [01:22:56] But since I'm not looking at this very moment, I don't want to say that, [01:23:00] but I just think it's really interesting on how things are playing out. Yeah, it is. And none of us really, even psychologists, people that, scientifically know this stuff know what's in that manual, all the symptoms of it. [01:23:19] because they're not treating him, they're not consulting with them. No one really has a, right. and, not so much a right, but no one has the facts to make that judgment. On him or anybody, but again, intuitively when you see someone act like this time and time again, if it looks like a duck and smells like a duck and walks like a duck, it's a fucking doc. [01:23:51] even though it doesn't walk around with a label, crack black, I'm a doc. but in whether he [01:24:00] is. A narcissist. He certainly has some narcissistic tendencies and behaves as if he is a narcissist, behaves as if he is a racist behaves as if he wants to divide this country further. For three and a half years, he's never really spoken to America every time he speaks. [01:24:29] Every time he holds one of his political rallies, he speaks to the 30% of the people that will always support him. And don't worry about getting enough people over to elect, him. can you imagine a president, a living president. Having his people contact a governor of a state, South Dakota to be specific and said, what will it take to get my head carved into Mount [01:25:00] Rushmore now? [01:25:03] And this is a fact nobody's disputed it. the white house has walked back. they didn't quite say that. And she did give them a little model of four foot model with his head on it. With, Lincoln and all the rest of the guys. but here's just shows you the stupidity. and this is just pure stupidity, factual stupidity. [01:25:24] I can point to that. Mount Rushmore is a national monument. It's a federal monument, the state it's not in their jurisdiction to make that call. It's the federal government. I don't know if it's Bureau land management or who takes care of that particular national founder. But, and again, if you're president, you're going to have one of your people, Hey, call up, call the governor. [01:25:48] She likes me. She gave me this model. Maybe we can get my head on it and maybe we can do it. they can do it with buzz saws and get it done before the election. That be cool. A picture of me in front of the mountain. [01:26:00] With my head carved on there and maybe the backside. you can see my ass too, I don't want to see my Dick cause it's real little, if you look at the size of my hands compared to these big jackets in this long time, and I know that's just his character, but yeah. [01:26:17] that's, pretty, compelling evidence that you got a narcissist there, while I'm alive and for him to say, it's no different really than president Obama accepting the Nobel peace prize. except that he didn't. Obama didn't give himself the prize. Trump wants himself carved into that monument. [01:26:46] There were a whole bunch, whatever the process is of how the foundation gives out those, the Nobel peace prize. That's how it happened, whether it was corrupt or not. I don't know, but it's something [01:27:00] Obama didn't have any choice in. He could have not accepted it. Yes. He just said, no, I don't want that. I'm just doing my job. [01:27:07] Yeah. and this was really in his first year as president. this was based on shit he did before being a president, I don't, understand all that, but what I do know, at least, from the late. Mid 1950s through present day, there's never been a sitting president or a living president did to ask to be on a piece of our money or carved into a monument, or, that's just bizarre shit who would do that? [01:27:44] I can see how they can say no. I need to carve my head on the front of, on Mount Rushmore. In fact, they could move out Roosevelt, just Ricardo his face into my face, and then I'll start from [01:28:00] scratch. He didn't see why he would ask as far as, Squigy real squeaky. Wheel gets the grease. [01:28:09] And I guess like you, you don't know unless you ask, all right. That's like logically in my head, trying to get something that you don't think you'll be able to get, but I'm just going to do it anyways. That would make sense. But what doesn't make sense is the fact that he's saying of what you're telling me is he's saying, I actually did look at the shit and. [01:28:30] Online, as far as sources go, and he did say this, but with the Lysol and the ultraviolet light, he doesn't take it seriously. So my question is, this actually a real thing that's happening? And I'm saying, what? Or what's the real thing is COVID this sickness, this thing that's going around killing 150. [01:28:57] 668,000. Thank [01:29:00] you. Yes. Is that real? Yeah, I, Okay. I'm thinking there's some reality to it. I really believe that. But here's where you, the dichotomies of leadership, when you joke about something that allegedly has killed a whole bunch of people. Yes. When you joke about that, then you get at least 30% of this country. That again, he can shoot, as he said, he could stand on fifth Avenue in New York city and shoot somebody and nobody will do anything about it. [01:29:42] So those 30% of the people that are behind him like that. When they hear him say, yeah, first of all, there's a threat because Lysol is a corporation. Their headquarters was just overloaded by phone calls coming in that day, [01:30:00] Okay. So life's all cure me. That's because these fucking idiots believe shit that comes out of his mouth he's leader of the free world for Christ sakes. [01:30:08] Why would he say that if it's not true? Why would he joke about it? As some number of things? People are actually dying from some. Some bug that call it, COVID call it the common flu, call it a cold, this is where the leader of the United States. If he, wasn't joking about it, I saw the, I saw him. [01:30:30] Why do that press briefing? He got pissed at the scientists. he got pissed at Burke's because dr. Burks wouldn't address it. And he went to the guy that he had in his pocket and the guy just said, Oh my God. he shrugged, what did you do with this guy? he wasn't kidding. [01:30:54] He wasn't sarcastic about it. I think I, after 69 years, I can judge a lot of people when they're being [01:31:00] sarcastic and I've seen enough of his shit and heard enough of his bullshit in Conway's bullshit to try to cover up his miss speakings. He doesn't misspeak, he's not an intelligent guy, but he's, a savvy streetwise guy. [01:31:18] Every time he says something he knows the reaction will get. And one thing he knows is that when he does this bizarre shit, he's always on television. He has all this fucking press. right now, people don't even know probably what Biden looks like. he hadn't been out and about since Kobe, that's an exact operation. [01:31:38] I know, he doesn't get all this free television. that's one of the reasons I believe. 45 started doing these COVID briefings again, and no doctor, none of the CDC people are in there. It's just him doing a little rally, a mini rally from the white house, brief press room for, [01:32:00] some crazy shit happening. [01:32:02] I have a one o'clock meeting with my copywriter. I'm redoing my website. Oh, shit. Is it already one 58? I just know. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. yeah, we can we'll end it right here. This is great. W a great episode. I think we talked about some interesting stuff builds you up or not. I don't know. It could be junk food, but it's food. [01:32:36] I'll get in touch with you later. Cause I wanted to see if you wanted to help, out with the social media. Cause I was going to start adding you on everything. Yeah, let's talk about okay. We can do, Hey, it was good seeing you and have a good rest of the week. I've got a few days left. Beat your [01:33:00] drum. [01:33:00] I will. You do the same. Thank you. Bye bye. Bye.

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