i should join an ax throwing club. there’s an lgbt one in my area. im not healthy enough to be running nonstop for hours yet again. but boy can i throw hard o3o

Obsession, Desperation

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Do you ever get so obsessed with someone that you dream of kissing them, proceed to call them as often as possible to try and talk things out with them and end up booking an entire flight because they won't talk to you? (/nsrs - don't actually do this 💀)

[ Transcript + Creds under the cut <3 ]

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Panel 1 : I've tried to call you, time and time again, i think you know this by now / I don't know what to say anymore... I don't know if you've even heard my voicemails / Listen, I just need to talk to you, talk things through, it's been so, so long, please

Panel 2 : I'm desperate for an answer / And like the rest of my desperation in my life, intrusive became impulsive / This is all very abrupt, but Rylan will look after my apartment in my absence

Panel 3 : I'll be back in a week's time

Panel 4 : - $158

Panel 5 : Cause I just hate the way you spoke / Green eyes make everything numb

Panel 6 : (I'm not writing everything that's on that ticket I'm sorry 😭)

Panel 7 : Gate 4 has just departed

/ // /

Scene 1 : Old Motel Room by Villareal Scenes Scene 2 : Mini Airport Lobby by Heritage

/ // /

I don’t think ppl give enough credit to rui for his dedication to fucking with people (outside of tsukasa of course) like. Knowing & acknowledging that nene wants nothing to do with him and Tsukasa on her first day of second year and deliberately following tsukasa to loudly ask if she’s getting along with people (just to be a jackass)? Implying his gift to akito will explode even though it won’t bc he wants to bug akito? Like I think rui at his core is full of love and a desire to make ppl smile but I also think he’s 200% committed to the bit first and foremost. If something will be funny he’s going to do it regardless of the consequences. Guy filled with zero social anxiety & a never ending desire to embarrass his friends.

I.....bye. I'm dead.

brainstorming mechanics for a bloody mary of my very own

literally every time I look at Verin's stat block in Netherdeep I laugh a little bit. he poses like he's in an emo photo shoot. he's referred to as a beacon to the town despite being the elven equivalent of 23. his weapon of choice is a glaive. absolute best boy, he might be a let down to his family but he sure is successful at carrying on the Thelyss name for drama.

when I tell you I would commit federal crimes for Michiru's backstory from her pov....

can we go back to when people would make little intro posts for new qsmp members i see people getting excited about the people in purgatory 2 and i’m just. man i don’t even know who many english speaking content creators are [in general, not purgatory specifically]

Emperor McGee’s Ophelia

i was tagged by the biblically accurate angels @cordiallyfuturedwight and @aprylynn for the september round up <33

i'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this combination of tracks but i'm simply not privy to it. tagging favs if you fancy it: @thvinyl @btscontentenjoyer @spicyclematis @hoseeok @kimchokejin @jihopesjoint @eoieopda MWAH and always @monismochi !!!!!!!

okay still on the topic of veth's "Nothing is more important than you" because honestly I think that is such an interesting and important character note for where she is emotionally at this part in the story. A long time ago, I wrote a meta about this scene (that tumblr thoroughly ate and is super hard for me to find again) predominantly because of the advice she gave to Caleb: "Burn your past." Veth is more aggressive in her advice in this scene than we see almost ever in the entire campaign. There's real fire and passion behind what she's saying to Caleb, even though the advice she's giving isn't very good or actionable for him. And I've always been of the belief that she's very much projecting her own feelings about her life onto Caleb in that moment because it's a thousand percent easier to tell someone else (particularly Caleb, whom she is closest to) that he needs to go scorched earth on his past than it is to admit to herself that maybe she wants to scorch out a little of her past, too. Especially when that past includes her husband and child, whom she loves, but is feeling deeply conflicted about because she's caught between two realities and versions of her life that simply cannot mesh together.

I think a lot of Veth's character arc in this segment of the story is so nuanced but subtle, which is why it's so rarely discussed, in addition to [insert 10 page rant about people ignoring Veth's character for other reasons here]. This quiet grappling with her impossible choices are truly highlighted by the men in her life she has romantic feelings for--Yeza and Caleb, who work really well to represent the desire for homemaking vs. the desire for adventuring. It's simple canon that Veth has at least a crush on Caleb at this stage, though honestly I'd expect it to be much more than that considering her internal conflict and what she actually says to Caleb in less than a 10-episode run ("I want to be with you--all", "I will always love you", "nothing in more important than you"). These aren't subtle hints about how she feels for him, but are rather on the nose, though I suppose they could be misconstrued simply because her relationship with Caleb has been routinely ambiguous and unfathomably intimate since the very beginning. But if that thread of understanding about how Veth is feeling gets lost, then full scope of Veth's conflict and the reason behind her projection in this moment gets lost as well because the two things Veth is feeling in that moment are a) protectiveness beyond the norm over Caleb and b) conflict over her place in the world. Anger at the bind she's found herself in where there isn't a perfect, happy ending and a choice does have to be made. It's something she's been putting off for a long time, since episode 59 when she first asked Caleb if he could just give her the answer of what she should do ("I ditched my husband in a den of monsters to go adventuring with you.")

The anger there is valid. After all, what has been easy and gone right in Veth's life? Why wouldn't she be angry and frustrated that even when everything should be working out in her life, there's one more thing lingering and tearing her heart in two, between the Nein and her home/son, between her feelings for Yeza and her feelings for Caleb? It just really occurs to me that if you choose to ignore Veth's very much canonical feelings for Caleb in this instance (which I've seen a lot of the fandom do), the drive for this outburst and the impact of it is lessened to such a notable degree. The real meat of what Veth is feeling and grappling with, in my opinion, becomes so much more opaque if you can't/don't acknowledge the feelings that are supporting it. "Nothing is more important than you." That's a categorically untrue statement. But maybe in one selfish moment, that's what Veth wants to be true.

watching boy meets world s2 is so funny bc it feels like every episode we're being told in some new way that cory has a severe case of comphet ... the way he just cannot understand how pairing off works no matter how hard he tries, the way he asks topanga out not because of any genuine feelings but because everyone else is pairing off and he doesnt want to be an outsider, the way he seems genuinely terrified of being in relationships and pursuing girls for the rest of his life like its an inevitability he does not want, the way he becomes way more enthusiastic about dating once eric tells him he doesnt even have to like the girl hes pursuing, the way he literally never pursues a girl because he likes her but because of some outside force (a dance, a party, the girl asks him first, general societal pressure etc), shawn telling him "the closet is your friend" ?????????? cory sees the idea of heterosexual relationships as an inevitability in life, he seeks it out not because he genuinely wants to date girls but because thats just what you're supposed to do if you're a guy. its just so interesting to me, especially because of how it completely contrasts the many retcons from season 3 and on that assert that cory, in fact, has been capable of feeling heterosexual love this whole time and actually has been dating topanga since the age of 5 or 3 or since infancy or whatever. i understand they try to explain away his aversion to girls in s1-2 by saying that cory just had a phase in which he was grossed out by girls and didn't want to date them, but even then i don't think a 12-14 year old who is going through a cooties phase would be THIS invested in trying to date several different girls just to not be othered. corys desperation for conformity and how that manifests itself in chasing after a heteronormative fantasy is so baked into his character and it feels so unintentional yet so purposeful at the same time

hot take but I genuinely love what everyone does in this fandom

play only one race? love that for you! play all of them? love that for you!

have a commander/canon ship? a general oc/canon ship? fuck yeah I love that! have just oc / oc ships? fuck yeah I love that too!!

follow canon to the letter? fuck yeah! say fuck u to canon and do ur own thing? fuck yeah to that too!!

have a ship/trope/fave character that’s popular? hell yeah, the more the merrier! have a ship/trope/fave character that isn’t popular? hell yeah, go for it!

have “boring” ocs? don’t listen to people who tell you your characters are boring, no one is allowed to tell you that, keep doing what ur doing and having fun. what’s “boring” to some people isn’t to others, so who cares? as long as you’re having fun then it doesn’t matter!

have a commander that is highly affected by what they’ve been through? have a commander that just takes things in stride? don’t have a commander? have multiple commanders? have a commander but focus on other ocs more often? all extremely valid and i love u

listen. I’m tired of seeing/having fights over what people do or don’t do in this fandom, no one is superior to anyone else for having different preferences. i love all y’all and what y’all do 💜

Hmmmm I think I need to rewatch these two episodes tomorrow when I haven't been awake and not vibing for 18 hours. Cuz I should have more thoughts than I do rn. There r thoughts,,,,, but there really rnt a lot of them, and I should be thinking about Them (my blorbos)

i dont Hate the ads, i can deal with them. but i DO hate the placement of them. twitch is dedicated to making sure you miss as much content as possible. the ads are practically guaranteed to play at the exact moment you were getting into it

have been reading fic & thinking abt my relationship to fic, which is of course also among other things a mirror of my relationship to my own psyche, and like—i think all the discourse abt its being ~internalized misogyny~ to mostly/entirely read m/m is not ultimately, whatever the truth of it, all that helpful, either to readers or to Women! but of course that doesn't stop me from feeling weird guilt abt the fact that i don't read more f/f than i do, because if there's anything i love to do, it's feel unhelpfully bad abt myself on the slimmest of pretexts…

however! i did end up reading some f/f earlier, specifically transfem f/f, and it got me thinking—basically what i'm usually mostly reading fic for is the romance/sex, right? like, don't get me wrong, i love when a fic gives me a gorgeous double helix of, like, casefic and romance twisted together, that's ideal, but fundamentally most of the time the feeling up is what i sat down at the table to eat. so in a complex aegosexual way it's a fantasy i'm—not projecting onto, exactly, i don't want to be one of the people in it; but, like, lurking in the wings of with eyes big love-crumbs, to steal a phrase from a relevantly-named poet. :) and so it's no wonder that mostly i don't want to read cisfemme4cisfemme stuff, because that's not a dynamic that feels like it has any room for me, or even like i'm particularly welcome in the room. but like. if it's trans women? i'm there, i love that for them and for me. if there's a butch? i might get tripped up by our differing lenses on gender feelings and stub my toe a little but even so i'm probably here for it. (thinking here abt that one butch/femme geraskier ~cisswap which is, like, a gorgeous bruise i keep periodically pressing. <3)

so really it's just like. shocker: i'm not personally moved by fantasies abt romance which feature conventionally feminine cis women whom i don't personally find relatable or sexually desirable! and when i put it like that, it really instantly dissolves the weird useless discourse-induced guiltgunk. like. give me a woman who's, idk, tall and charismatic and strong and clever and talented at something (though honestly it's like that siken revised tweet, a lot of those characteristics are ultimately negotiable!), like women i've historically crushed on irl, and then give me a pairing for her that's like. another woman who's also enough of those things, or a man who's—honestly the kind of m/f i'm open to would be its own whole post bc holy shit am i fussy, it very much does exist but for now let's just stick a pin in that one—or somebody nonbinary, which… idk that i've ever actually seen nb/f in fic? i'm sure it exists! but i'm not sure it exists in any fandoms i've been into. pondering the question did get me really thirsty for a good 'farmgirl (of the luke skywalker variety) is absolutely stunned-and-ringing-like-a-struck-bell captivated by confident flamboyantly genderqueer love interest (example wanted)' dynamic, though…