#yall know how im nonbinary. which mostly for me means im bigender | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mejomonster · 2 years

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i should join an ax throwing club. there’s an lgbt one in my area. im not healthy enough to be running nonstop for hours yet again. but boy can i throw hard o3o

#rant #1 i got to throw axes 2 weeks ago and man i was so good at it #2 entirely unrelated #yall know how im nonbinary. which mostly for me means im bigender #and i feel like a guy 90% of the time but i identify with feelin like a girl at times so im nonbinary #also i just. do not care about gender for myself. except that its stupid theres ways society views u based on how u look as a stranger #real stupid if i tell someone im a guy or girl how they tend to treat me different. so like. aside from that no i dont care about gender muc #anyway it is. so funny to me in hindsight how my parents raised me in so many traditionally masculine ways (but of course #whats usual for raising a boy depends on the culture and family lol. because while its typically how u raise a boy #my family was raising ALL the girls this way so it was the expectations put on us FOR being girls)#and like. some of it was toxic masculine bullshit like no crying #no emotions. do stuff on your own. be strong. be independent. never ask for help. be successful or we punish u. u dont deserve emotional #support etc. :/#but then other stuff was like? just expectations kinda generally put on boy kids.#like oh mejos covered in dirt cause kids play outside and get messy. she played fighting outside cause all kids do. she can go fix the #fence or heater or washing machine cause 'all kids' can repair stuff. she can go fix the wiring or tv or cable. she can go put oil in the ca #car. she's got to play sports EVERY YEAR cause a lil girl HAS to play sports. shes GOT to be tough cause lil girls DONT cry #she cant complain unless she literally needs the hospital cause big girls don't cry when they get hurt. they suck it up and get over it #alone. also kind of niche stuff tho #like how boys get conditioned more often to solve problems than learn social skills (legos versus dolls). how boys tend to expect #to solve a problem when communicating. so i hear stuff and wanna go fix things. i like feeling needed. whereas usually girls #get conditioned to empathize as first response and that as 2nd. and vice versa.#in fact i only learned emotional empathy communication as a teen with friends cause ooh boy my mom communicates like a typical closed off gu #so does my dad. (tho he does try some empathy communication skills cause its how he'd try to talk to me - since he felt i should be emotiona #lly supported. but still needed to learn to fix things on my own. which was annoying. aqlways fixing everything myself -.-)#anyway just. its funny to me in retrospect how EXCEPT for the beauty/clothing standards when i hit age 10 (and sudden expectation #to smile and pleasantly give ppl things before they ask). i was otherwise entirely socialized like my dad probs was #and moms probs was. and for some reason my mom mustve gotten raised like a little boy usually does. or decided it was better for her kids #to raise them like that? like. as a result i think my sister and me and my nieces ALL got fairly masculine social skills #and hobbies and internal expectations. its just for us thats also what a 'girl' is supposed to be. so genders stupid

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