#cuz I see it now. I see the change. and I just. do Not fucking Like It
Note
Real talk
Im sooooo tired of Vox always being portrayed as the victim and Alastor the only one 100% responsible for their friendship falling apart
Did we all suddenly forgot that Vox is a terrible person too? He brainwashes his audience, he supports Val, he is willing to offer his lowest employees for Val to kill, he's also prob abusive to his employees as well, he stalks pretty much everyone, he has like 5 cameras inside Angel's dressing room, also it's like implied he's jealous of Angel because he gets Val's attention, him being jealous of Angel for being a victim of abuse is pretty messed up if you ask me. Oh he also told Sir Pentious to fucking kill himself and he also gets hard of seeing people in pain and get hurt! (Sure it was Alastor but still messed up)
" he looks so sad at the end of stayed gone when Alastor threatens him I feel so bad for him:(("
Really ? Well maybe if he had just kept his little hate boner for Al to himself instead of feeling to need to start publicly slandering him it wouldn't had happened. Just saying. Also I don't see how people feel bad for him. If anything he looks so extremely pathetic it's laughable I want to kick him
Okay this is kinda out of the point I want to make it's just many people who make him the victim seem to forget he's a terrible person so I just wanted to friendly remind everyone that he's as awful as Al ^^
Anyway
I think, we should acknowledge, that it's a complicated, and probably tragic, situation. What if, maybe, they're both as equal at fault for shit going down hills for their friendship. Vox because he doesn't respect others wishes and cannot take no for an answer, he prob tried forcing Al to move on with recent technology, which Al hates. ((His request to Al to join the Vees also prob meant catching up with the nowdays stuff and new technology, like the rest of them)) and Al because he was prob unnecessary cruel and brutal with his rejection.
I don't think Al was just using Vox like I've seen many people say. He allowed Vox to take a picture of them together. For Al to do that I think it confirms their friendship was genuine. "Ah but it's Alastor so that means it was fake cuz he's an evil manipulative bastard who only cares for him-" You're wrong, but also right lol. He's an evil manipulative bastard, but , he's also capable of genuine friendships with others (( did y'all forget Rosie lol? )). What I think happened is that, time passed , things changed. Vox became obsessed with new technology and tried to force Al to follow in, Al didn't like that, but instead of communicating with eachother and solving their problems by talking it out and respect eachother's wishes, they had an unnecessary argument and fight. They're both to blame for this, they're no victims in the situation and it's okay you can still sympathise with eithers side
Also people who make Al the villain for like not returning Vox's confession and feelings in most One sided Radiostatic videos/fics I've seen-- yikes.. I really hate that I have to literally say to PLEASE don't villiantise the aroace character for being aroace and rejecting confessions. It's extremely ace/arophonic (and yes I get to have a say to this, I'm a replused aroace videos/fics like this genuinely make me feel negative emotions) even if he was extremely cruel with his rejection -- villiantise the fact that he's an asshole- not his rejection.
yes I agree!! this is essentially a consolidation of points I've made before ksdlfglg
like yes, alastor's an absolute shithead but I think there are some people who forget that vox is also... not a good person. I don't think there's anything wrong with there being sympathetic aspects to vox but I feel like there's such a huge amount of fanwork where he's the only one portrayed sympathetically without showing his own bad points in their relationship, and I absolutely hate it when alastor is fully blamed for how vox is now and vox is seen as
yeah
vox got pissy at a rejection, that's not being able to take no for an answer, that's incel behaviour LMAO
feel like there's something to be said about people feeling the need to sympathise with the one with unrequited feelings compared to the one who has to deal with someone expecting romance from them when they don't feel the same. does it have to do with society's expectations about romance that unrequited feelings are more sympathisable?
but yeah I am glad that at least the "complicated" part of the description of their relationship implies to me it won't be as simple as "vox was the poor victim and alastor was just using him", I think it is much more interesting if there's no clear victim and both were at fault in a way
#ask#osrs.txt#I'm gonna avoid heavy tagging because I don't wanna attract discourse#onewaybroadcast#okay to rb if you want though
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Chapter 14: Into the lion's den /// Azriel X F!Reader
Summary: Y/N enters Koschei's lair and finally confirms some suspicions
Word Count: 2K
Warnings: Again mentions of trauma and grief.
Notes: I'm so glad that I have almost all the chapters written cuz my fingers are fucking useless now and I can't write 🙄
Main Masterlist
Worlds Apart Masterlist
The dark living room was immediately illuminated by faelights, papers scattered around the table, potions and a liquid simmering in a cauldron near the fire. She scrunched her nose at the rotten smell. A screeching, like a trapped creature sounded somewhere behind the closed doors that led to the basement, she shivered thinking what could be suffering in his hands.
Drawings adorned the walls, receipts and terrifying creatures. Her breath hitched as she recognized the circle with wyrd marks used to summon the ridderak. This was even more scary than Baba Yellowleg’s tent, the Matron would send her there regularly to check on the older witch and her home always made her bones cold.
“So..” He cleared his throat, those golden eyes turned to her direction, pinning her in place. “Tell me what. What troubles your heart?” He once again extended his hand and she quietly placed it onto his.
Mantyx almost gasped with the swirling of emotions that hit him when he touched her skin. Anger, hatred, pain, grief, pain was what burned brighter in that array of feelings that clouded her mind. He tried to take a look but he was met with a wall made of pure steel, unbreakable, unbendable and impenetrable.
But another thing caught his attention, singing beautifully to no one hear, a mating bond stood, he had learned everything about it in the years he was trapped there. A bond shared by two people that was stronger than everything, once the bond was accepted nothing could break it. He tugged at the string lightly, watching closely as she startled, her free hand flying to her heart. She didn’t understand what this was.
Near that cabin, a worried shadowsinger yelped in surprise as he felt a tug in his chest, like someone was pulling a string tied to his soul. Lucien looked at him with a raised eyebrow, asking him if he was alright. Azriel just shook his head, hand rubbing circles in his chest, in a soothing manner. His eyes focused back on the cabin door, he wanted to go there and kick it down, rescuing her but he knew he couldn’t.
“I see that you lost someone very important to you.” He pointed it out, going for the easiest approach, usually wasn’t hard to know what troubled people, they were too simple to read, always thinking they were good at hiding their emotions and thinking of him as a god for being able to read them like a cooking book.
“I lost everything.” She quietly replied, Y/N never really opened up to anyone after the war, just brushing their concerns off and focusing on her work to suffocate those drowning feelings. “I lost my sister, the only person that truly loved me, I couldn't even say goodbye. I lost my way, I lost myself after she was gone, and I don't think I'll ever be able to go back to what I was.”
Mantyx looked at her, the despair pungent on the tip of his tongue. The shadows in her eyes darkened as she frowned, tears glistening in the corners of her eyes. He took a deep breath, feeling all of her negative emotions fill the void in his chest, he had to suppress a smirk at it, he fed from negative emotions, draining them and leaving the person numb.
“You can’t ever go back, all you can do is keep going and adapt to the change.” He offered and she scoffed.
“I would give anything, do anything to get her back.” Mantyx approached her. It was like the light couldn’t reach it, being sucked into a black hole, not reflecting. If it wasn’t for his proximity she wouldn't even have noticed.
But there it was, resting with an unsettling melody, the wyrd key that opened the gate atop Ramiel, what she needed to get home. She couldn't risk getting it just now, or else he would kill her and all of their efforts would be useless.
“What if I told you that I can bring her back?” He offered and her eyes lifted from the key to his gold orbs. She never knew about the extent of the other Kings powers, if Erawan was that powerful she imagined how powerful Mantyx and Orcus would be.
“You can do it?” She inquired, doubt started to coat her thoughts, she missed Asterin, what if she could see her one last time, or even better, get her back fully?
“You just need to do me a simple favor in return.” She closed her eyes, that was the only way. She shook her head in agreement.
“What do you need?” She opened her eyes, determination burning in that gaze. “I’ll do anything.”
“Bring me Nesta Archeron.” He said and she nodded, Mantyx smiled. His hand extended towards the door that slowly opened to reveal the green island he lived in. “I’ll be waiting for your return.”
Y/N bowed to him, her eyes tracing the key that moved up and down with each breath he gave. She turned around, slowly walking outside, she could still feel his eyes on her when she crossed the bridge, so she didn’t dare to look to where she knew they would be, she kept walking forward until her frame disappeared from his line of sight. Just then she let out the breath she was holding.
⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆
Azriel and the others reached her halfway back to the Manor, she hadn't even noticed she had walked so much, her tensed muscles and shivering body were the only indications of the fear she had felt alone in that cabin. Azriel touched her arm, making her spin in her heels, collapsing against his chest. Shuddering breaths left her lips as she tried to calm herself.
“Did he hurt you?” She shook her head and Azriel breathed with relief, his shadows moved around her in a protecting way, ready to strike at anyone who dared get too close to her.
“We should go back, we don’t know what is lurking around in those woods.” Lucien advised, also worried about the fragile form that clung to Azriel for dear life.
They all started to head back, being surprised by the giant wyvern baring his teeth at them, poison dripping from his fangs, he looked anxious, like he felt all of her distress through the connection he shared with his rider, and by the way she pushed Azriel out of the way, stumbling until her chest and forehead were pressed against his nose, he probably felt.
Meraxes instantly relaxed with her touch, sniffing her scent and declaring she was alright. Y/N sobbed against him, her hands rubbing his leathery skin up and down, until she calmed herself down.
“I’m okay, I promise.” She breathed and the wyvern nodded, giving one last look to the males before stepping aside and allowing their access to the house. She let go of him, following the rest of them inside, plopping herself on the couch.
“Why did you go inside? You could be dead now.” Lucien slowly started, worry filled his voice, Y/N had become someone important to him and he couldn’t fathom the idea of her being killed by that damned monster.
“We needed answers.” She simply replied, shrugging.
“And did you get them?” Jurian asked, leaning against the wall that led to the kitchen.
“His name is Mantyx, the middle brother of Erawan and Orcus, a Valg King.” She started, all of the males looked at her. “He was the one who summoned the ridderak that attacked me, he was after Nesta and her powers.”
“Does he have a key?” Azriel asked, his eyebrows furrowed as the engines in his brain worked.
“He carries it around his neck.” Lucien cursed loudly, how would they get it?
“How did you get out?” Jurian once again asked all the right questions.
“I promised him that I would get Nesta.” Azriel's eyes widened. “I just needed to get out to tell you all this, chill.” She said to him, her blue eyes piercing him back in place and he didn’t dare to argue.
“What do we do now?” Lucien inquired, rubbing his temples.
“I don’t know about you, but i’ll have a bath, i’m feeling disgusting.” She said getting up, leaving the males behind her.
⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆
Her chest ached as she sat in the scalding water, trying to rub all those feelings away from her, but it was useless. She then reached for the book Morrigan had found in the Hewn City, not having time to read it in the trip until now. She opened the book and focused on the fancy handwriting, allowing her brain to shut down from the real world and just pay attention to the words in those pages.
“It was during the night that he came, talking with a sweet voice, promises of a better world and absolution to those who bowed to him and allowed his angels a home. The god of conquest was how they called him.
He brought her, with dark hair and dark eyes, she feeded from life and used the remains to build weapons made of human bones. They called her The Weaver, and her twin, The Bone Carver, one more terrifying than the other. They weren’t angels, they were the gods of death, draining life from the earth and eating our souls.
They talked about how lucky we were, claiming to be princes and princesses from their homeworld. No one knew how they came or where they came from, but all we knew was that it was all related to that necklace, made of a dark stone and with an unknown shape. They had come from the north, many guessed they were a plague sent by the Night Court to terrorise us, but even the High Lord feared them, he couldn't control them, no one could, so they took what they pleased.
It was Celeste Vanserra, the Fireborn that brought us hope, the most powerful fire carrier the world has ever seen. She locked The Bone Carver with the help of the cauldron in the prison first. This made the fae wars easier, but their army was too big to be brought down, so they had to change their strategy.
Divide and conquest is what they called it. They managed to separate The Weaver, and once again, with the help of the cauldron, Celeste and her fire locked Stryga in the woods, in a cabin no one dared to get close to. Whenever a general fell, their army fell with them.
The High Lords followed Celeste to the battlefield, following her command and doing what she said. The final battle was in the lake, where Celeste used her powers to create a fire circle around Koschei and his monsters, trapping him inside, not knowing this was his biggest weakness, her fire was the only thing that could kill him. But before Celeste could, he killed her, piercing her heart with a sword.
The High Lords seeing their strongest fall, decided that they weren’t enough to kill Koschei, so they used the cauldron imbued by their powers to trap his soul to the island. As long as this world still exists, Koschei cannot be killed, his soul is bound to the Earth itself. Only the power of the cauldron or the fire of Celeste can free him from his prison and finally kill him.
With their failure to end the biggest threat our world has ever seen, they erased Celeste’s name from history. If no one remembered her, no one would remember how weak they were compared to Koschei. But her fire was still alive in the blood of her offspring, and the family Vanserra is the closest we have to a chance of killing him, unfortunately those who don’t learn their history tend to repeat it.”
Y/N gasped, the water already cold as she discarded the book and jumped out of the tub, opening the door to her and Azriel’s room. He sat on the bed, eyeing her up and down, following the droplets of water that ran down her curves, but her sombre expression brought his eyes back to her face, ignoring the temptation of looking down.
“What happened?” He asked and she took a deep breath.
“I know how to kill him.”
⋆˙⟡☾𖤓☽ ⟡˙⋆
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#azriel#shadowsinger#azriel x reader#azriel x y/n#moonlightazriel#night court#velaris#acotar#azriel shadowsinger#sarahjmaas#azriel acotar#azriel x oc#worlds apart fic
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Holy fuck, man. What a trip Fearne has been on, huh?
You tell her how grateful you are to have her in your life, you flatter her, you tell her you need her, that you have to do this together. You have her make a promise that has this woman, born of chaos and fey, agreeing through shaking hands and a trembling voice.
You make her deceive your friends; you make her follow where they cannot know; you make her help you into this contraption; you make her feed this thing into you despite the fact that you both have been warned extensively of the risks. You make her watch you crumble and splinter and shatter and fracture and burst and implode. You make her watch you die, over and over and over and over, for a minute in agonizing bullet time.
You make her do all these things, because when she tries to back out, when she tries to not be the one who let you do this—how could you do this—
you tell her, "YOU PROMISED."
Because if there's one thing you know, it's that the fey do not break a promise.
#cant wait for her to fucking pissed for a very long time. shes really packing the entire human experience in a very short period of time.#critical role#cr spoilers#c3e77#fearne calloway#ashton greymoore#bells hells#just gonna get ahead of the um actually mfs and state that i am aware that its not confirmed that thats why ash brought up the promise#but boy howdy would it make for some great drama down the line huh?#edit: apparently i did not get ahead enough cuz ive had to turn off replies#since ppl were somehow interpreting this mini introspection piece as me infantilizing fearne??#anyway the first line is now changed to something a bit more neutral. after sleeping on it i do see how it was a bit aggressive at the top#other than that im not sure how else to reword without completely disregarding the core of the post#i might make more posts addressing this but im not sure yet. i wanna try to approach it in the best way possible.#but if it helps any the point of the post was not to say fearne had no agency. she had plenty of moments where she tilted one way or the#other. the POINT was to just shine some light on the emotional pressure she had been put under.#hasnt your friend ever asked you to keep a secret or promise that felt wrong or unsafe or made you anxious?#it has nothing to do with the amount of agency she had. ash wasnt holding a knife to her throat and forcing her to follow against her will#all i was trying to do was take this detail about his reminder of the promise that i thought was interesting and have some fun writing an#overview of the kinda stress she was under BEFORE theyd reached that scene. this entire ep was everyone discussing how grateful they were#for this family theyd made. and while im not saying ash was PURPOSELY emotionally manipulating fearne..#there is a level of unintentional manipulation when you pair the severity of his request with the convo theyd had 2 seconds prior#as well as the desperate need they all have to save each other NO MATTER WHAT.#ash was giving incredibly strong energy of a friend who peer pressures you into helping them do something that you know in your gut WILL#cause problems. hes a fucked up guy. theyre all fucked up guys. even if he didnt mean to “force” her into anything the pressure was THERE.#<- i feel like all of this overall gets my message across. i think maybe ill clean it up later into its own post.#im gonna try not to rush myself to get it done tho.#im under no obligation to explain myself. especially when ppl approach the misunderstanding by being rude af. but i do think it CAN#be clarified so id at least like to try to some degree
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Blue Lily, Lily Blue ch 15 // Mister Impossible ch 25
#pynchedit#adamedit#ronanedit#brydeedit#trcedit#tdtedit#Pynch#Adam Parrish#Ronan Lynch#Bryde#TRC#TDT#quote posts#i'm genuinely shocked still by the lack of fics featuring abusive!Bryde#either exploring the canon dynamic or making use of him in AUs#cuz like........this exchanged stopped me cold when i first read it#it's a dead ringer for when Adam was triggered by cabeswater/the night horror in bllb#are you mad at me? what did i do wrong? have the rules changed? why are you mad? what do you want me to do to make up for it?#and Bryde hasn't even said anything it's just Ronan getting a vibe and immediately jumping to ''i fucked up he's mad what did i do wrong''#it just feels so indicative of their vibe and the atmosphere that Bryde has fostered that that's Ronan's instinct#he doesn't do that with anyone else#i know Bryde is a manifestation of Ronan's own subconscious but that doesn't prevent him from being abusive#dreams have agency once their dreamt and Bryde uses his agency to be a dick to his dreamer alkfdgh#the amount of emotional manipulation and the way he undermines Ronan's confidence in himself#the way he controls Ronan#i'm still not over Ronan looking to Bryde for PERMISSION to see Matthew#i'm just saying ok i'm JUST SAYING this parallel speaks volumes to me it's emblematic of their whole dynamic#i'll shut up now#ps pls write fics with abusive Bryde and/or cult leader Bryde cuz they're the same thing tbh
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Goddamn Alador's face here.
He said he hasn't had a day off in 5 years and it fucking shows in his appearance & demeanor -- things that were chalked up to just be his personality but are maybe actually signs of his suffering -- but when you see Odalia threatening to really put the kids to manual labor the palpable fear on his face is devastating. (Like, her own kids!!!! It probably would've fallen mostly on Amity as she's the one skilled with abomination, but also probably would've resulted in forcing the twins to get abomination sigil sealed instead of studying any of their actual interests)
I feel bad hating him before, like yeah he was neglectful to the point of not talking to his kids prior to this pivotal moment of him finally standing up to her, but with this context revealed he probably hasn't really had a chance to talk to any of them since like... Amity's bday party where they forced her to ditch Willow, lest they become worked like cattle too. He's beaten down and mistreated but if he just shoulders it all himself at least the kids won't get too much of the overflow abuse, right?
Makes you wonder what his side of the bargain was to keep her from exploiting the kids, or how it got to that bargain to begin with. If the closeness they displayed back at Hexside was ever genuine, or if Odalia sought him out specifically thanks to Oracle magic and seeing a wealthy future and it was all some long con, or if maybe it was genuine at one point but then eventually over time it rotted from the core and suddenly Alador found himself locked into this nightmare.
This reveal alone really gives a lot of justification to all of Alador's previous behaviors, and thanks to King of all people he finally got to get out of dodge and save the kids in the process. Good for him. Happy divorce, dude
#toh spoilers#alador blight#odalia blight#tho she aint a blight anymore huh haha#cant believe i like alador now but hes a sopping wet paper bag of a man w a sad backstory & cool aesthetic so. well this is classic me#i have to formally apologize to this sad man. we were led to believe he was also abusive but hes just sadly unable to save the kids#no wonder darius became a hater. like 'youre choosing THAT over ME? fuck this im out. gonna go become bffs w a furry & overthrow the govt'#but legit this really puts a whole new light over his everything up til this point & its so sad to see. he was shouldering it so much that#the kids clearly had no idea & thought he had any chance of reasoning with her about anything meanwhile he doesnt even get a lunch break#even if this is a rushed reveal cuz of disney cutting so much stuff i do appreciate the time to show both separating parents when its#legit for the best & men being victims in a relationship. there was a lot going on here but hes a very powerful ally to have & the kids#deserve at least one parent that doesnt suck#no one @ me about hating him before cuz it doesnt matter my opinion changed but also he was still framed as ultimately uncaring back then#now its revealed just how wrong that was. it wasnt that he was distracted he just legit wasnt allowed to do anything but work#toh#tc posts
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Batman has/had some kind of miscommunication going on with every single one of his kids. The bat family is just one big miscommunication trope after the other.
#him and Dick have miscommunication about how they see each other. Bruce sees Dick as a son and Dick sees Bruce as a father#but they didn’t think the other saw them that way so they never told each other. that’s what led to their fights in Dick’s later teenage#years and dick quitting and becoming nightwing. he thought Bruce only saw him as a ward/robin so he thought that as long as he couldn’t be#robin Bruce wouldn’t want him#and if didn’t help when Bruce stopped talking to him when he left. though to Bruce it was because he thought Dick didn’t want to talk to him#and also Dick really needs to tell Bruce like ‘hey you put me on a higher pedestal then you put even yourself which is saying something and#and I don’t like that cuz that’s too much pressure for me. and also since you did it everyone else does it and has done it since I was Robin#and it’s literally just a matter of time before I break from the pressure cuz I’m not fucking Superman and I can’t take it’#and Jason with the whole UTRH thing. you know all Bruce had to say was that he had tried killing the joker over Jason multiple times and#maybe just explain to Jason WHY he doesn’t kill. a simple ‘you’re better than me because if I killed one person I’d kill everyone’#or it could even just be a simple ‘I do love you Jason youre the kid that I felt most comfortable loving’#and also maybe a ‘I don’t think anything changed after my death and that makes my death meaningless which I think goes against your no kill#rule because I hat is the rule of not a reminder taht death means something. and by that logic my death already went against the rule so why#can’t you do it again for the man that murdered me.’ and Bruce needs to make a presentation: ‘all the ways Jason’s death meant something’#and Tim just needs a simple ‘I don’t see you as work I see you as family.’ maybe even a ‘you don’t have to be the grown up in this relati#anymore I’m sorry you were one to begin with. you should’ve always been the child’#now his miscommunication with Damian goes much deeper but I’m one hundred percent sure if they sit down and air out all of their feelings it#would help a lot but I have a feeling that won’t happen#a ‘I have trouble understanding you because both your trauma and compassion run deeper than mine and I also never had to grow up to be a#weapon’ from Bruce and a ‘I don’t understand your optimism and moral stubbornness and easness why is it so easy to be good for u?’#his miscommunication with Cass stems from two things a simple ‘why are you so afraid to show how deeply you love?’ from Cass maybe a#‘I’m jealous of you because you’re better than me not only in fighting but morally and emotionally’ from Bruce should fix it#and Steph— look I’m not even going to TRY to get into that that goes SO much deeer and wider than any one else’s miscommunication#but maybe a ‘you reminded me of Jason at a time where that wasn’t a good thing’ from Bruce should start things up#for Duke a ‘I can never truly understand what you’re going/have gone through and for that I’m sorry’ from Bruce should suffice#maybe also Bruce telling him that just because he sees Duke as a son doesn’t mean he’s trying any less to get Duke his parents back#oh and babs just needs to go up to him and say ‘I don’t like that what happened to me happened for your story and not mine and I don’t like#that you don’t let me make it into my story’ and then Bruce can follow up and say ‘I see so much of myself in you and it makes me worry and#also I can never look at you without feeling guilty cuz you’re right what happened to you happened for MY story so I’m at fault’#then the two can go back to being too much like each other and sitting at their respective computers
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Them…. Cuz legit.. I’m forever n always gonna be obsessed w these 3 ghghg- I drew em all pixelated this time tho! Cuz I thought it’d be fun to mess around w the binary brush and stuff. And it was fun! So that’s good lol
#transformers#maccadam#tf tailgate#tf cyclonus#tf whirl#humanformers#???#mtmte#doodles#tried to draw all 3 in there canon holomatter avatar forms this time!#and… I started w whirl and def succeeded.. got to cyclonus and /sorta/ succeeded#(I had to change his clothes and some small details cuz I could not put up w how frilly and fuckin fancy he was ghghg.#like I do not have the patience for all that detail)#and then I got to tailgate and was like: *eyes closed emoji* ‘I Do Not See It.’#gGHGH LIKE. nah… I’m just gonna draw my own tailgate lol.#i stole his holomatter avatars outfit tho. cuz the clothes are ok#and I figure I should try and include /some/ detail of it considering I originally set out to draw the holomatter avatars lol#but anyway! yeah! more art…#also! kno I said the speedpaint for the whirl page would be out by now! but!#davinci resolve decided to fucking. explode and corrupt my entire project right as I was nearing the end.#and then I got my period the next day and I was like. I’ll just do this shit later gGHG#so u guys are still gonna get it just in a few more days ghgh#thank u for understanding lol#tailgate#cyclonus#whirl
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6:20
On my train of songs for DRDT cast! Hehe. (<- insanity is inside of me)
Been listening to a YYTD song for Rio Ranger, and tbh. Such David vibes, but also others.. dunno who tho. Rose? Nico???? Actually feels very Nico and David for some odd reason, now that I think abit more on Nico. Maybe Arei as well??
(the song is called “re:ARRANGEMENT”.)
Nah .... Feels moreso David, or maybe that's because he's the one living in my goddamn brain. He sucks balls, yet he's having the time of his life in my head (not rlly).
#time diary(?)#audrey/kellie's time diary#drdt#danganronpa#fanganronpa#danganronpa fangan#danganronpa despair time#drdt nico#nico hakobyan#david chiem#drdt david#im insane#(thinking of my fic while listening to my fav part of the sont and using that for david👍)#the “put a mask on so no one sees the fear. keep on laughing until the point of tears. is it painful? no i really cant say-#-IS THIS HAPPINESS? PAIN? FUCK! ILL CRY EITHER WAY!!- Am i loosing...? myself the more i change? Am i choosing...?#to become this deranged? -BUT IM TRYING TO BE WHAT EVERYONE WANTS- So I'll cover up it in a million new fonts#Oh Dad... Am i pretty enough for you know? Do you like how my skirt twirls? Do you like how my hair curls? Do you like how my legs shake?#'Cause im scared that you hate me. I can draw myself a new face. ....If this one's is not to your liking. ...Here!#Do you like me now?? Im trying! Im trying!! I need you to like me! I need you to like me! I need you to like me! I need you to like me! im-#” part is like. my favorite part of the song and ot just screams David to me. cuz he lives in my head and im trying to think how tf did he#end up like the lil shit he is. because i will choke him for his backstory/j#yytd#yytd fan song#rio ranger fan song#tbh i basically know nothing of yytd and all of the characters but man aren't the songs awesome as fuck
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heyo
#im a fucking liar and imma vent in the tags#a server i was in got fucking raided with homophobes calling me a faggot and telling me to cut myself#and i miss people that arent coming back#and you can guess if youve been following me for a while#i miss them#so much#but i feel like i cant talk about it#like they were the only person i could imagine spending my life with and just like that they were gone#i cant function at all...everything reminds me of them and it hurts#what am i supposed to do now? just act like it never happened? cuz i cant#they changed my life...and to forget is like forgetting the best parts of my life#but those memories hurt too much#and i miss my brother...but no...hes not moving back here#and hes happy there...but i miss him...#and maybe its selfish...but just seeing him leave and not talk to me every day? it hurts like hell#all i have is my friend#and i feel bad putting this all on her cuz shes amazing#and she doesnt need to try and fix it...it cant be fixed#and i just want her to realize that ill be fine on my own#but the truth is i wont#i cant even begin to think of what life would be like without her#she celebrates good things with me#mourns bad things with me#and i dont need her to feel sad or like she has to be responsible for me#and im so clingy to her that shes prolly so sick of me#like she prolly has had to stop herself from blocking me#and she fucking saved me so many times...and she doesnt know how many#i would be sitting there with a blade or pills in my hand and she would call or text and be a guiding light for me#and im prolly becoming codependant on her and i need to give her some space but i cant#anyways thats 30 tags now ummmmmm well ill prolly reblog this and keep venting cuz im a mess
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explodes into a billion tiny pieces
#i have to tell my mom/parents something. but i caaaaaaant#i hate it i HATE being honest with my fuckifn parents free me from my misery#i hate confronting them so bad. but not doing that has been hurting me in the long run i think#ideally we could just have nothing to do with each other and continue existing but tjats just not the case now is it#they��ve been so shitty to me in the past when i have tried confronting them but like my brother keeps telling me to cuz theyve ‘changed’ and#see me as more mature bc i’m almost 19 or some shit. but naw i just don’t believe it like i can’t. that’s bullshit#but you know. still have to fucking speak to them. i wish i could just scream my fucking lungs out at them and that’s that#💭.txt
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i'm so tired of fucking dealing with people today. i'm the only one awake in my house rn and somehow i'm still dealing with people
#not sure why my dad. a grown ass man. is unable to put shit away properly. i had to tupperware a random fucking container of beans in the#fridge#and when i open the garbage i discover he's fucking tossed a large amount (possibly all the rest. i didn't want to check cuz i'm already#upset) of my special meal that i have as very reliable and something i enjoy a lot that got made literally yesterday night#just thrown away for no discernible reason except that he didn't feel like putting it away#and my partner just won't tell me when the fuck they're free and hey let's just change plans last minute also my mom can't drive me EVER an#i won't bring this up til last minute meanwhile I'M the one going 'heyyyy mom i'm really sorry but could you pick up M on your way home fro#work even though it's way out of the way i'm sorry i didn't know until literally right now that their mom isn't even home'#and we see each other weekly if we're LUCKY but when i try and fucking arrange anything they don't know their plans at ALL somehow#and they never reach out when they do! but they'll text me 'i miss you :(( it's so unfair we never see each other we should just be witches#in a little cabin in the woods' like NO. WE SHOULD FUCKING COMMUNICATE ABOUT WHEN WE CAN ACTUALLY SPEND TIME TOGETHER#maybe spend less time talking about my ass with your bestie who you see ten times more than me and more time idk asking your mom when she#has plans???!?#kiwifae says shit#god sorry i'm fucking done tonight#bad sleep + shitty day + humoring my driving teacher for two hours + hungry practically all day + broken headphones#are not. a great combo#and it's only wednesday somehow. christ.
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I love to imagine Rebecca as trans like it just has become so ingrained in my mind it feels weird it’s not canon. She realized at a young age and her parents were supportive and let her present how she wanted and they used her name and pronouns, but they weren’t around enough to go the extra mile for her and make sure she was being protected. She was the target of some pretty bad bullying at school, both from the students and the staff, and Ashton was the first person to defend her. Ashton is cishet (cuz I think it’s funny) and hes kinda ignorant at first but he tries his best and he just likes Rebecca and wants good things for her and he’s so emo he scares away the bullies lol. And this was definitely a big part in Rebecca gaining feelings for him he just showed her this special kinda care that no one else ever did, and it’s what makes her extra insecure as the years go by. Cuz she wonders if maybe the reason Ashton never seems to reciprocate her feelings is because she’s trans and he just never thought to see her as romance material as a result. Which is a line of thinking that gets out of control really bad and she never gets to have the closure she wants with it either
She tells Isabella that’s shes trans just cuz they’re best friends and it sorta comes up eventually. Isabella was a tomboy growing up so she can definitely relate to the bullying shit pretty well and they are very protective of each other and vow to beat up anyone who talks shit about the other. They also just open each other’s minds a bit, Isabella helps Rebecca feel more comfortable in knowing there’s many different ways to be a woman, Rebecca helps Isabella maybe explore her feelings about her own gender and whether or not she’s really attached to womanhood. Zach finds out in a more casual way, it’s just something he learns cuz it felt weird that he was the only one who didn’t know and well. He’s a good guy, he wouldn’t mind. It’s not something the two of them ever talk about really, aside from bonding over a few shared experiences with having to deal with assholes. And really, being trans just isn’t something Rebecca wants to talk about too much, just because she’s gotten to a point where’s she’s experienced being stealth and she knows how quickly people can turn on you when they know, and she understandably doesn’t wanna deal with that shit. But because her friends are so supportive, she doesn’t exhale and let herself just exist naturally around them and it does help her feel less insecure about who she is
Sexuality wise I think she’s "straight" I think she’s spent most of her life looking at Ashton and just assuming she’d be with a man but once she finally gets to give up on him she has Moments with Isabella or like a certain fondness for Marianne and their shared love of history and other nerd shit and shes just like. Uh Oh 😟
#the letter#rebecca gales#my beloved my bestie my wife etc#ive also just written like in a scenario where she gets with luke shes gonna like get that dick and then shes like oh fuckkkkk#and its pretty frightening cuz luke is a notorious asshole but hes about to find out so she just lets it out#and hes weirdly chill hes just like ‘hnnnghh does it look like i fucking care about that right now daisy’#they uh. arent exactly a match made in heaven alkskf the way i write it like they are genuinely good for each other in a lot of ways#like i think they both can just help the other see important sides to themselves and improve#but i dont see them being like this happy long term couple i think rebecca can do soooo much better i think theyd get together when shes at#rock bottom and feels like no one will ever love her and she forms a bond with luke and she relates to him in a weird way#and this makes her feel worse like luke is the only one who sees the real her and she wants him because shes afraid hes the only one whod#tolerate her its just a very unhealthy situation and he has enough good in him to keep her on the hook#but enough bad in him to never satisfy what she needs and to make her feel like shit#its like. i dont think its IMPOSSIBLE for luke to be a good partner to her but hed have to do a LOTTT of changing that im just not confident#hed do plus like i mean hes literally a murderer and all of rebeccas friends hate him i dont think shed really be able to see past that#plus like hed be transphobic like maybe he isnt opposed to having sex with a trans woman in the moment but he certainly wouldnt be an ally#its all about whats convenient for him i think at best hed be like ‘youre one of the good ones!’#i kinda love lukebecca lol not in a ‘theyre cute’ way ew just in a. ‘their interactions are really funny and interesting’ kinda way#i want them to fuck nasty and i want rebecca to almost sink to his level but then rise above and kick his ass#and i want rebecca to be the one who got away for luke like losing her is the biggest wake up call of his life#and then rebecca lives her best life with her awesome friends and they work on communicating properly#and she realizes she doesnt need a man to complete her and then she writes a book and is loved pleaseeee
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Big milestone for me: talked to my boyfriend about my incredible bone-deep reluctance to feel/express intense emotions without distancing myself from them via humor or some other mechanism, something which has been causing a lot of issues for us because it gives him (and my friends and basically everyone else who is around me when the mood is serious) the impression that i dont care about other people's feelings or have empathy!
Im also very, VERY bad at verbalizing my feelings when the mood is serious so im incredibly proud of myself for being able to hold that conversation without shutting it down early with a "whatever i dont care" or juwt gping completely nonverbal!
#and i know the convo went well cuz afterwards he said 'now can we unlock whatever we just did eith you on the rest of your family'#so i know i did well :)#this is something that has straight up impacted every relationship ive been in with friends relstives etc#peoplw just tell me im mean bc im dismissive of others feelings and i never share my own#and i never wanted to chsnge that bc i couldnt see how to chsnge it without just changing who i am fundamentally#bc i just say what i think and like how am i supposed to not think things#but i think i was finally able to fucking capture the beast that causes this#so hopefully i can start improving and be more vulnerable and make others like and trust me more!#as a bonus my bf may start doing more chores#cuz of a whole branch convo where basically the same thing was happening for him but with concrete stuff like chores#and the way we were communicsting with each other was completely not connecting cuz our issues#were so equal and opposite that we simply couldnt hear each other#anyways. yay!
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hey so the alt text on that post about the tumblr staff being awful was actually the original alt text from xkcd where they got the comic from, and the person that added that alt text has since amended it to be a description. tumblr staff are still annoying though.
oh okay, thank FUCK the alt text got changed then cuz that's a shitty use of an accessibility feature
staff are definitely still annoying. i jumped over here from insta cuz i heard this place was better than other sm sites, and only a couple months after they start running it into the ground :)
#ashton is answering#also i haven't seen anyone talk about it but tags are FUCKED#i used to have several tags that i've used before pop up when i type “asht”#now it's only “ashton is talking”#and “ashton is reblogging” BUT ONLY IF I JUST USED IT#and i don't see why that would be an xkit problem cuz why would xkit do that-??#god i love useless changes that make using the site worse :))) (sarcasm)
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Funny thing happened during a little speedrun through Iokath-- see how Theron's next to Eight here?
Usually your ranged comp hangs out on the far side of the room to focus on their own enemy, but Theron immediately ran over when getting attacked by this caretaker droid, which amused me greatly because it felt like he was trying to hide behind him.
#swtor#ooc#*pats* don't worry he'll protect you.#he wasn't far from him at all which was why i was shocked that he bothered to move#eight *also* didn't change position so it really felt like one of those moments where the AI accidentally have more life than intended#their dynamic *is* like that in writing but it's even funnier to see it happen in-game#cuz 6 foot tall human who doesn't give off vibe of reliance relying on his smaller weirdo partner (platonic) is. lol#black cat and scruffy dog friendship#i actually thought it was kinda endearing cuz theron still thinks he's kind of freaky for being a killing machine#so eights probably thinking 'huh he's relying on me' and theron's like fuck. i didn't mean to do that (embarrassed)#i like to think this whole protection routine happened so often theron just defaults to it now but he didn't realize he was using eight as#his bodyguard LOL#lana: i saw that#theron: WH- look it's not that i can't fight he's just so good at killing things#their relationship is so dumb. aibo (partners. buddy. pal *deadpan voice*)
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wow i did not think it would be this quick
#mine#i was blocked NSMDMDMA#i mean it hurt but idc#like at this point i just want to be okay#i want you to be ok too bro#im so mad im extremely upset that u put me and the others through all the bs#but i also hope this is gonna be eye opening for you#god knows how much you need a reality check#i do hope one day we can try again#but its your fight. you will need to prove to me you can change and that you did change. i need to see the results#and the apology ofc - for the breaches of privacy and the lying and the manipulation and all that rot#cuz it fucked me up so bad#mind you i dont trust anyone now#like i trust one person and thats my best friend of years#bc theyve been here with me through thick and thin#thats it.#idk if i can ever trusr anyone again#but i finally know now i wasnt insane!!#all this time i thought i was going nuts cuz surely that wasn't normal??? IT WASNT! I WASNT GOING NUTS!#god#therapy is gonna be fun#screaming into the void
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