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#criminal found family
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I’ve said it before I’ll say it again, leverage is so good, it’s so good
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aggimaginary · 1 month
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THEY'RE BACK... SO SOON!!!
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thirstypanda87 · 1 year
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Haven't posted one of these in a while...Villainous Found Family AU Incorrect Quotes
Hans: Everyone, calm down! We're grown-ups, let's deal with this like adults!
Gothel: So, we're just going to wing it and hope for the best?
Hans: Obviously. Now, Turbo, pass the shovel.
Turbo: LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR THE LOWER CLASS!
Dawn: And here we have a capitalist.
Gothel: Did you just-
Syndrome: Let us all take a moment to appreciate that all of human history, human language, and the universe itself aligned to make this joke possible.
Dawn: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.
(that could be her life story)
(Scenario: Phoenix has decided to let Hans petsit their cat for an afternoon)
Gothel: I suppose you think Hans is more nurturing than I am.
Phoenix: G, there are prison cells more nurturing than you are.
Charles, bruised and disheveled: We might have gotten into a bar room brawl back in the city.
Hans: Well, that was entirely predictable.
Charles: One of them punched a gang member.
Hans: Randall?
Charles: Dawn, actually.
Hans: Oh, that was going to be my second guess.
*Turbo and Syndrome playing minecraft*
Turbo: Oh no, oh no, oh no-
Syndrome: What’s wrong?
Turbo: I did a thing.
Syndrome: You regret the thing you dID-
Turbo: *screams*
Syndrome:  What the fuck did you do- *sees mass of aggravated Piglin* Damn it-
Turbo: *screams again*
Ernesto: I like your new pants!
Phoenix: Thanks, they were 50% off!
Ernesto: I’d like them better if they were 100% off. *winks*
Phoenix: The store can’t just give away clothes for free.
Ernesto: That’s… not what I meant.
Phoenix: That’s a terrible way to run a business, ‘Nesto.
Dawn: *Texts a selfie to the group chat* Hey besties!!
Randall: *Texts a selfie clearly parodying Dawn's* hey bEsTiEs !!1!
Dawn: I literally hate you so much.
Prof. Callaghan: Sorry I’m late, I was doing things.
Charles: Hi, I’m ‘things’.
Ernesto: Ovejita... you've been cuddling with me for over an hour now.
Dawn: *muffled* mm hmmm :)
Ernesto: Maldita sea. I should be annoyed but you're adorable.
Gothel: Ugh, there’s always that weak bitch in the group who isn’t down with murder.
Gothel: *glares at Prof. Callaghan*
Prof. Callaghan: Well, sorry I have morals!
(as long as Abigail isn’t in danger, of course)
Ernesto: Maybe the real monster was the friends we both literally and figuratively murdered along the way.
Prof. Callaghan, looking through his clothes: Has anyone seen my top?
Hans: Charles's in the kitchen.
Gothel: When I was young, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rockstar. I'm not proud of it.
Prof. Callaghan: You're kind of proud of it. You work it into a lot of conversations.
Randall: I just wanted to say that over the years, I have come to regard you as… people I met.
(he knows he loves them)
Randall: Everyone knows that Santa is an invention designed by the big five corporations to sell tinsel and video games to an unsuspecting public.
Prof. Callaghan: The whole “childhood wonder” stage just blew right past you, didn’t it?
*Ernesto drunkenly wanders around the house and Dawn is drunkenly giggling*
Hans, completely sober: *sighs* Well, looks like it's just me and you against the world, Randall.
Randall, going to his room: Nope, just you. *shuts door*
Prof. Callaghan: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-
Charles: I wrote you a poem.
Prof. Callaghan, already crying: You did?
Randall: There are three ways to handle a difficult situation. The right way, the wrong way, and the de la Cruz way.
Dawn: Isn't that the wrong way?
Randall: Yes, but it's faster.
Gothel: So, what is Dawn to you?
Ernesto: The reason I wake up every morning.
Gothel: ...That’s adorable.
Dawn earlier that morning, barging into Ernesto′s room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!
Randall: When you said 'Magic in Bed', I wasn't expecting this...
Kaa: *pulls out a card from her deck* Now, was thissssss your card?
Randall: Holy shit-
Dawn: You’re my best friend, I would do anything for you.
Ernesto: I want you to eat 3 meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
Dawn: Absolutely not.
Syndrome: Are oranges named orange because oranges are orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
Randall: Which came first, the orange or the orange?
Prof. Callaghan: Orange was first used to refer the fruit 1280 years ago but was not used as a color until 1000 years ago.
Ernesto: What was the color called before then?
Dawn: There was no color, duh! Everything was black and white!
Hans: Alright, who’s hogging the Netflix account? I’ve been locked out all week! Gothel: Sucks to suck! I’m already on the 8th season of Friends! Charles: Not me. Hans: Don’t lie. I know it’s not Dawn or Turbo. Charles: It’s not me, really! Hans: … Charles: …But it might be Phoenix… Hans: You gave Phoenix access to our Netflix account!?!? Charles: They wanted to watch Orange is the New Black! Hans: I’m going to kill you.
Randall: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, it's “intelligent” and “really cool”.
Randall: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.
Charles: *nudges Prof. Callaghan at 3am* Pretty fucked up that we depict the moon as a girl and the sun as a boy. They're just floating rocks in space. Bob? Wake up, Bob! Listen! They're sexless!
Prof. Callaghan: The sun isn't a rock, go back to sleep.
Syndrome: I just heard Charles call Epsilon a “fucking liar” because he barked like someone was at the door and no one was there.
Prof. Callaghan: You have to apologize to them, Charles.
Charles: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!
Syndrome: Don’t mansplain this to me!
Gothel: Wh- I’m a woman! I can't mansplain anything to you!
Syndrome: …Well, I’m a feminist, and I believe a woman can do anything a man does!
Ernesto: So you like cats?
Phoenix: Yeah.
Ernesto: *tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table*
Charles: I didn't drink that much last night.
Hans: You were flirting with Professor Callaghan.
Charles: So what? He’s my husband.
Hans: You asked if he was single.
Hans: And then you cried when he said he wasn’t.
Hans: Is it still visible? Where Anna slapped me?
Syndrome: Your face looks like a “don't walk” signal.
Dawn: Your face looks like a photo negative for the Hamburger Helper box.
Gothel: A palm reader could tell Anna's future by looking at your face.
Randall: The phrase “talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening” doesn't work for you, because the hand is your face.
Hans: ...A simple “yes”  would've sufficed.
Dawn: Remember, when burying a body, make sure to cover it with endangered plants so it’s illegal to dig up!
Dawn: Make sure to follow me for more gardening tips!
Charles: Last night I found out Bob is a sleep talker.
Hans: Oh, really?
Charles: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3 am.
Dawn: (holding Ernesto’s spine as the rest of him lays in pieces on the ground) I got your back, bestie!
Ernesto: Ovejita, do you think this is funny? Give me mi columna!
Dawn: (giggles) Gosh, you have no stomach for this joke.
Ernesto:(scowling) Ovejita I swear to god…
(I never include enough skeleton puns in these)
(during the interviews)
Randall:I wouldn’t last two minutes without the family.
Randall:...Randall: Tell any of them I said that and I’ll put you through the shredder.
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risingphoenix87 · 2 years
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That time again; more villainous found family quotes!
Gothel: Yesterday, I overheard Dawn saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Ernesto replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.
Dawn: I hate taking off my glasses, because without them, my vision goes from Full HD all the way down to buffering at 240p and I just can't handle that.
Hans: Why are your tongues purple?
Prof. Callaghan: We had slushies. I had a blue one.
Charles: I had a red one.
Hans: oh.
Hans:
Hans: OH.
Turbo:
Turbo: You drank each other's slushies?
Dawn: You know what’s funny about Ernesto? He's my best friend, and anyone who’d hurt him is someone I’d murder, probably.
Syndrome: You’d be stupid to lay a hand on me.
Randall: Oh, you’d be surprised how much stupid shit I do.
Ernesto: We all have our demons.
Ernesto, grabbing Dawn: This one’s mine.
Prof. Callaghan: So what’s the plan?
Randall: I don’t know. You’re smart, *points at Charles* he's mean, come up with something.
Syndrome: Regular soda is too sweet!
Turbo: Diet soda has a weird after taste!
Syndrome: No! Ugh, oh my god. Diet soda is THE BEST! It doesn't have sugar! It's SPICY!
Turbo: It has other weird stuff in it! I'll take REGULAR sugar in my REGULAR soda!
Syndrome: It's SO SWEET like it's a dessert though! Diet feels more like a drink!
Turbo: I'm going to physically attack you.
Syndrome: Which is better, Gothel?
Gothel: Oh, I usually drink water!
Turbo: Wha- NO!
Syndrome: DISGUSTING!
Syndrome: Vegetable oil is made from vegetables, coconut oil is made from coconuts, so BABY OIL-
Hans: CAN'T WE JUST HAVE A NICE FAMILY DINNER FOR ONCE?!
Dawn: Holy shit, Charlie, do you know what this means?!
Charles: Kid, whenever you start doing this, nobody knows what you mean.
Hans: It’s funny how well you and Randall get along. Didn’t he hate you at first?
Turbo: Randall hates everybody at first. It’s his way of reaching out to people.
Hans: What the hell were you thinking?
Charles: I heard releasing birds at a wedding is romantic!
Hans: You released OSTRICHES!
Hans: What did you two do?
Dawn:
Ernesto:
Hans: You’re not in trouble, I just need to know if I have to lie to the police again or not
Prof. Callaghan: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes?
Charles: For the dogs.
Prof. Callaghan: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs?
Charles: They don't know how.
Hans: Randall, you're testifying in an aggravated assault case tomorrow, and the D.A. is worried about how you'll present yourself on the stand.
Randall: Why? I'm fine on the stand!
*flashback to Testimony #1*
Randall: Look, I'll make this real simple so even these dumdums can understand.
Randall, to the jury: MAN DID CRIME.
*flashback to Testimony #2*
Randall: I'm sorry, could you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face?
Defense Attorney, next to the crying defendant: ...Crying?
*flashback to Testimony #3*
Randall: And when this is over, I'm gonna find you and I'm gonna break those little fingers.
Judge: Could the witness please stop threatening the stenographer?
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hischiersdraisaitl · 9 months
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Just Desserts (A League of Olympians Short Story)
SUMMARY
Sometimes, karma doesn't just come fast enough. So what do you do? If you're Grace Vandre, you get the rest of your team to help you nudge karma in the right direction and nudge it a little bit faster, that's what you do. Or: someone learns the hard way that trying to ruin Isaac van Doren's life with false allegations brings nothing but the wrath of the League (especially Grace's wrath) upon them.
WORD COUNT: 12.7k
NOTE:
This is the first ever original work I've ever posted anywhere. I used to post some fanfictions back in the day, so posting an original work is very new for me. Technically this story takes place after the first book in the series, but I haven't gotten around to actually writing the first book just yet (just a super vague outline). This short story more or less is just an exploration of the characters and their dynamics with each other, and the way I wrote it, it can be read independent of any of the other (future) works in the series. As of 07/24/2023 this work has only been crossposted on AO3 (under my username @/atvrvxia). I do not give permission for this story to be reposted anywhere else. For context: The League of Dark Olympians is a group of criminals who are hired by the Agency to track down and stop criminals who are worse than them. It's very much inspired by Suicide Squad (2016), Leverage, and even a little bit of Six of Crows. And they're called "The League of Dark Olympians" because of their codenames. And that's really all you need to know going into this story.
WARNINGS: none. just a lot of swearing and some mild threats but nothing too graphic
MOVIE NIGHTS used to only mean Twin Movie Nights: a once a month thing that Grace and Isaac would do together. They hardly get to spend time together now that they were older and had their own busy lives: Isaac was the CEO of van Doren Tech, and Grace travelled the world with her team of criminals, chasing after even worse criminals and occasionally conning a rich person.
You know, typical adult things.
But now Movie Nights aren’t just Twin Movie Nights; sometimes it’s Team Bonding Movie Nights, or Team Bonding Featuring the Twin Brother Movie Night. Tonight it was just a regular Team Bonding Movie Night, and it was hosted by Laurel (codename: Hephaestus or Heph).
Like always, Grace showed up at least half an hour early at Laurel’s apartment. Out of everyone in their team, the two were the closest. Not only were they able to talk about technology and machines with ease, but Laurel was the closest in background to Grace; who understood better than the others what it was like to be underestimated and what it was like to feel like you have to constantly prove yourself.
Safe to say, Laurel was like the sister Grace never had and the one she wished she actually had, as opposed to the younger brothers she did have.
“You know you’re not due to be here for another half hour, right?” Laurel asked as she opened the door to let her inside. Grace simply smiled and held up the brown paper bag.
“I come bearing gifts… mainly that gross beer you like to drink,” she said in lieu of a greeting. She also made a face at the mention of the beer. How Laurel can drink it was beyond her, but taste was subjective after all. Grace was more of a rum and coke kind of woman. “’Sides, I figured it would be easier to set up with two pairs of hands instead of one.”
She stepped inside the apartment, allowing Laurel to take the paper bag and she looked around the place. Laurel’s apartment was just so… Laurel. A lot of people who were well-off or came from wealthy families usually preferred a modern, minimalistic, looks-like-a-mausoleum approach when it came to their apartments. But not Laurel: her studio apartment was warm and inviting, and even though she had tidied around the place, there was still some of her projects that were laying about. One of which was on the coffee table.
“You working on something new, Elle?” Grace asked as she walked towards the coffee table and leaned down to inspect it. “Wait, is that a password decryption device?” Her eyes lit up, and if she didn’t know any better, she would have reached over to touch the item. But she had been around Laurel enough to know that she did not appreciate it if you touched her projects without her permission.
Dylan learned that lesson the hard way when they first started working together. It ended with him on his back on the floor, wheezing and promising he won’t swipe any of Laurel’s projects unless he was given permission.
“Yep,” Laurel answered, beer bottle cracked open and in her hand. She took a sip and gestured towards the device. “Go ahead and check it out. I’ve made some modifications so that it takes a lot less time to decrypt passwords. Figured you’d be the only one to appreciate it,” she smirked.
Grace chuckled. Wasn’t that the truth? She was the hacker (her codename was Athena), and Laurel was both the mastermind and maker. Who else would better appreciate such a device, other than the person who would use it the most? She carefully picked up the device, examining it closely.
Meanwhile, Laurel had turned on the television and changed the channel to the news. “Seriously? The news?” Grace asked, without tearing her eyes away from the device. She gingerly turned it around to continue her examination. She could do without the news, if she’s being honest. The whole world was shit; nothing new there. It’s been going to shit since she was a kid, and it would probably continue to go to shit until long after she was dead.
Laurel ignored the comment; not a single peep out of her. Despite her intense examination of the password decryption device, Grace can hear the news report from the television.
“… been arrested at her vacation home in the Hamptons for embezzlement and money laundering… Sources say that this had been going on for years,” the news anchor person said.
“Idiots,” she heard Laurel sigh. It was only then that Grace lifted her head to look at her. She can tell that Laurel was more or less judging the woman for getting caught, rather than embezzling from the company she worked at.
“Not everyone’s a criminal mastermind like me, or the others,” she reminded her.
Laurel cocked her head, raising a brow. “If you all were masterminds, you wouldn’t have gotten caught.”
Grace set the device back down on the table before she waved her hand dismissively, despite the now-familiar way her stomach twisted at the reminder of how and why she worked with Laurel now. She’d long since accepted it, of course. But that didn’t mean she liked being reminded of her failures. It was definitely a pride thing. Even if getting caught might have been the best thing to happen to her, she’s not going to just forget it easily.
“We still lasted how many years before the Agency caught us?” Grace asked innocently, batting her lashes at Laurel, who simply rolled her eyes and took a swig from her beer.
“Touché,” she conceded. “Anyway, you said you wanted to help out?”
The news was still going on in the background and Grace glanced at it, and saw that the topic had now moved on to… the increase in carjackings around the city. Considering that she doesn’t own a car anymore since this was New York City that she lived in, it wasn’t going to affect her.
“Yep,” Grace nodded. “What do you need me to do?”
“Bring out the pizzas from the kitchen, as well as the sides. I’ve got the plates, cutlery, soda and cups all ready for us,” Laurel instructed her.
Seems simple enough. Grace nodded again and went to bring out the five boxes of pizza that Laurel ordered. The first time they had done Team Bonding Movie Night, Grace thought two pizzas between five people was more than enough. Then she saw how Will and Dylan demolished the pizzas. Ever since then, she learned to order at four to five large pizzas whenever she would be the one to host. “Oh, did you get one with extra onions?” she asked as she carried the boxes to Laurel’s dining table.
“Yes. I know how much you like your onions. I made them add a stuffed cheesy crust too,” Laurel told her with a grin.
Grace returned it with a beam. “You’re the fucking best, Elle,” she said seriously. She went back into the kitchen to grab the other boxes of sides: fries, potato wedges, fried pickles (which only Laurel would eat), as well as chicken wings and dips. She set them down on the table, arranging them so that they’re surrounding the pizza boxes, which were laid out across the table. It was a lot of food, but better a lot than not enough.
As she finished up setting the table, there was a knock on the door. Laurel went to answer it, and Grace followed her once she was done.
The door opened to reveal the remaining three members of the team: Morgan (codename: Nemesis), Will (codename: Deimos) and Dylan (codename: Hermes). Each of them were carrying two brown paper bags each. “More booze, guys?” Laurel asked with a grin.
“Don’t you know it, Elle,” Dylan winked, before he stepped inside. He bumped his shoulder against Laurel’s in greeting, then grinned at Grace. “Ace!”
Grace chuckled at the nickname, a warm feeling spreading throughout her body, before taking the paper bags from Dylan. “Dyls,” she nodded, smiling back at him.
She could feel Laurel, Will and Morgan’s gazes burning the back of her head, but she didn’t turn around to look at them. She was not in the mood to hear it. She carried the paper bags to the dining room, peering inside. “Oh sweet! You got rum!” And it was her favourite brand too.
Reaching inside, she took out the bottle and opened it. She grabbed a plastic cup, filled it a quarter of the way before she topped it off with some cola. “Well, I figured that you would be nicer with a little bit of alcohol in you,” Dylan spoke up, waggling his brows at her.
She rolled her eyes, but there was a fond smile that curled on her lips. She’s grown used to his teasing over the past year. And it wasn’t like Grace couldn’t handle a little teasing; her tongue was as sharp as her mind, after all. “And is this your way of saying you’d rather I be nice and an alcoholic?” she asked as she brought the cup to her lips.
“I can neither confirm nor deny,” he declared, before he took a fry and popped it in his mouth.
“Hmm, we both know you like it when people are mean to you, Dyls. You have a kink,” she shrugged casually, which made him cough.
“I do not!”
She simply hummed under her breath, believing she had won that round against him, and took another sip of her drink before she joined the conversation that Will, Laurel and Morgan were having.
• »»————- ➴ ————-««
If Grace was being honest, half the time that they did Team Bonding Movie Night, she could scarcely pay attention to the movie(s) that they watched. Even when she had done these movie nights with Isaac, it was more about spending time together rather than watching the actual film. She was lounged across Laurel’s armchair, legs dangling from the arm of the furniture and working on her third slice of pizza. Her phone was on her lap and she was watching the others.
Dylan was across the room from her on the other armchair, while Laurel was in between Morgan and Will on the couch. Will was watching the movie intently; so intently that you’d think that he was studying a building’s blueprint. Grace had no clue why her cousin was so invested in the movie; it was a horror comedy after all. Maybe Will was trying to get ideas. Although she was pretty sure that he’s already thought of creative ways of murdering people, considering he’s a hitman.
She shrugged those thoughts out of her mind and went back to her pizza, but not before glancing at Dylan. His legs were pulled to his chest and he had a thoughtful expression on his face as he watched the movie playing out on the screen. The chair he was sitting on was the closest to the television, which caused the colours from the screen to reflect onto his face. Objectively speaking, she’s known that he’s an attractive guy with his dark hair, blue eyes and roguish smile. If he wasn’t attractive or charming, he wouldn’t be the best thief in the world nor would he be one of the best grifters she’s ever encountered. Grace used to wonder if Dylan was constantly faking his charm, especially when he was around the team; trying to get them to lower their guards down. But then she had come to see that he’s just like that. Of course he laid the charm on thick when it comes to a mark, but his friendliness and charm were genuine. She subconsciously bit down on her lip, before she caught herself staring; cheeks flushing.
Fuck.
She glanced again at the trio on the couch and saw that they were all still watching the movie. She let out a quiet sigh of relief. Grace knew she would not be able to live down the teasing from them if they caught her staring. She shook her head again, finished the last bite of her pizza and turned on her phone. Pulling up Instagram, she scrolled through her feed and swallowed.
Thank the gods above that she did, or else she would have spat out the bite she had been working on.
“What the actual fuck?!” Grace yelled in outrage and disbelief.
Her outburst caught the attention of her friends. “Grace?” Laurel’s voice— it was Laurel who spoke up, but Grace was glaring at the screen as she read through the post.
“Oh that mother—“ a ton of expletives in different languages slipped past her lips. Her grip on the phone tightened. Each word of that post made her sick to her stomach and simultaneously make her blood boil with unimaginable rage.
She liked to think that despite being quick to anger, she was almost always able to rein it in and be able to act accordingly. Plans were not made in haste, after all. It took careful planning and strategizing— she was a strategist. And yet, every cell in her body was screaming at her to hunt down Elizabeth Campbell and strangle the woman.
She forced herself to tear her gaze away from her phone. The more she saw those words, those false accusations— yes, she knew they must be false because she knew her twin brother like the back of her hand— the stronger the urge was to throw something at Elizabeth Campbell’s stupid face. And she can’t act based on emotion— it had never served her well in the past.
Her gaze landed on her friends, all who had their phones out. From the way that Dylan’s brows were furrowed, Morgan’s look of contempt, Laurel’s wide-eyed shock and the nearly imperceptible way that Will’s jaw clenched— Grace knew that they were reading the exact same thing she had read.
“Oh this is so messed up…” Laurel breathed out.
Grace’s hands clenched into fists and she had to force herself to take a deep breath. How dare Elizabeth Campbell blatantly lie? How dare she hurl a false accusation against Isaac? Take ten deep breaths, she told herself, before she can do something she was going to regret. She tried to focus on her breathing, but all she could think of was her brother— her kind, sweet, caring brother and what he must be feeling right now.
Despite being twins, Grace and Isaac couldn’t have been more different. He was technically older (by only three minutes and yet sometimes he acted as if he was three years older) than Grace. He was the picture perfect heir to the van Doren’s computers and electronics company: polite, charming, kind, intelligent… he was the perfect son. The perfect child. Growing up, it was clear Mark and Elizabeth van Doren favoured their eldest son over the others; over their only daughter and their three younger sons. She should resent Isaac. She’s supposed to resent Isaac for the love and attention he received, while she had been deprived of both.
But she didn’t. Because he was the only one of their siblings who ever stood up for her; the only one who ever gave a damn about her. Even when she had been disowned at fifteen, he was the one who tried to help her in any way that he could— whether that was leaving her a box of groceries so that she didn’t have to steal food or leaving her some cash so she can fill up on gas— he was the only one who ever cared.
The entire world could be against her and it had been against her for over half of her life. But none of that mattered because she had Isaac in her corner.
And now, it was time for him to know that she’s in his corner.
“As if it wasn’t bad enough she left him at the literal altar and ran off with another man, she’s now claiming that Isaac abused her?” Grace fumed. “Who does that? Who the fuck does that?” she exclaimed, waving her hands around. Cursing and venting helped cool her down a little— just a little. She was still very much seeing red at this point.
It was Dylan who spoke up. “Someone who wants to control the narrative.”
That was actually a pretty smart answer and the one that made the most sense. Sometimes it was hard to remember that for all his dumbass remarks, Dylan can be quite smart and observant when needed— you don’t become the best thief in the world if you were oblivious. But there were times when you could almost doubt him… and then he goes around and point out stuff like this. Of all of them, he and Will were the best at reading people; their motivations, desires and even their tells. She shouldn’t be surprised, but Dylan had a habit of constantly surprising her.
There was a loud crunching noise, and Grace turned her head towards the source. Morgan was standing there with a crushed plastic cup in hand; the remaining liquid inside the cup had spilled over her fist and dripped onto the wooden floor. She looked downright murderous. “False accusations to control the narrative?” Morgan asked through gritted teeth.
Grace had no doubt that had it not been for Laurel’s comforting hand on Morgan’s shoulder, or even Will’s gazed locked with Morgan’s, that Morgan would have flung all self-control out of the window, hunted down Elizabeth Campbell and murdered her within the hour. As furious as Grace was, as livid as she was, this was a very touchy subject for Morgan.
False accusations had a way of ruining people’s lives and no one knew it better than Morgan Wilson. Grace at least was able to rein in her anger, thanks to years of practice. But Morgan? She wielded her anger like a weapon. Too many times they had almost risked a heist or a mission because of her temper. It used to annoy Grace how hot-headed Morgan got. But she understood her better now. So if Morgan was going to seriously hurt Elizabeth to teach her a lesson or even murder her, Grace quite frankly, wouldn’t stop her. Or, ideally, she wouldn’t stop her. Realistically, she would have to stop her because then that would mean a one-way trip back to prison for Morgan, and also because getting physically hurt was not enough of a punishment for Elizabeth.
“What do you mean about the controlling the narrative?” Grace found herself asking out loud. If her head was any clearer, she would have been able to figure out the motivation behind the accusation. But the blood was still roaring in her ears and the heat coursing through her body had not receded. She can’t think clearly.
"It was all over the media when she left Isaac at the altar," Dylan explained. "People were not kind to her at all, calling her names and sending her hate. They called her heartless."
"And a few other choice words and names that are more accurate," Grace mumbled under her breath.
"So," he continued as if Grace hadn’t spoken, "her reputation was ruined. From what Grace had told us about her, she's the type of person to care about her reputation, her looks and her wealth more than anything else. She's trying to justify her leaving and cheating by claiming abuse. People would see her as a more sympathetic figure now and then Isaac would be the one vilified by the press."
They all fell silent at that. "And we know how the justice system works… It's not even 'innocent until proven guilty' anymore. The press already got wind of this and we all know that that basically means he has to prove his innocence if he wanted to save his reputation but even then… it would never be the same," Morgan snarled.
"And if his reputation is ruined, then it would also affect VDT's stocks, which would affect the employees," Grace finished. The anger had left her body, leaving her feeling hollow and empty. Was this what her brother was feeling right now? She should call him. But she also knew that since the news just broke, he would be talking to his lawyers and his PR team.
She didn’t care about the family company. She didn’t care about the van Doren legacy. She stopped caring the moment she was told she was no longer their daughter. But Isaac cared about the company. He cared about the people who worked for him because he’s a stupidly kind person with the biggest heart she knew. She didn’t care about those people, but she cared about him.
"So what do we do about this? We can't let her get away with this," Morgan declared, looking at each and every single one of them, almost as if daring them to argue with her. None of them did.
“Well, we have to be covert about it,” Laurel decided.
“Yeah. Which means Chloe can’t know,” Will said with a pointed look. Chloe Lacroix was technically their boss. She had been the one who had come up with the idea for the League and had thus formed the team. She had final say in everything, and Laurel was her subordinate; there to make sure that these criminals they hired would stay in line.
“It goes without saying,” Laurel sighed a little exasperatedly, rolling her eyes. Grace was quite proud. There had been a time not long ago when Laurel would have hesitated and outright denied them the opportunity. After all, their work ‘contract’ had a very specific clause about not abusing the immunity the Agency gave them for personal use.
“Guys,” Grace spoke up, sitting on the arm of the chair she had occupied earlier. “I appreciate this, I do.” Because being appreciative and grateful is how you feel when people want to fight for you and your brother. “But we can’t just act without Isaac’s approval. I mean…” She hesitated. “It’s his fight.” She doesn’t like it, of course. But they were adults and they were more than capable of fighting their own battles.
Will folded his arms across his chest, taking a few steps until he was directly in front of her. He towered over her easily, especially since she was sitting down. “So text him,” he said. “And ask.”
It actually was that simple. Isaac knew what she really did for a living and he had met Laurel, Morgan and Dylan; even hung out with them a few times. Of course her twin brother would endear himself to her team. He took the whole ‘team of criminals’ thing in stride— barely blinking an eye when Dylan swiped his watch the first time they met, and barely flinching when Morgan glared daggers at him for the first hour that same night.
She knew better than to text anything incriminating. So she took out her phone and took a few minutes to type up the text.
To: Womb Mate Say the word and it would be taken care of.
It took a few minutes because she kept going back and deleting what she was writing, before she eventually settled on that one line, and sent it. By the time she looked up, Will had gone and in his place stood Dylan who was peering down at her phone. She glared at him. "Must you be nosy?"
"I wouldn't be me if I wasn't," he countered. "And seriously? Not even a 'hey, how're you holding up'?"
"That's a stupid question to ask him, because I'm assuming he's not okay. Would you be if your ex fiancée leaves you at the altar for another guy and then claim that you've been abusing her to the press?"
Before Dylan can utter a reply, Grace’s phone buzzed. She checked the notification screen to see a new message from Isaac. She opened it and was greeted by two words:
From: Womb Mate Do it.
A smirk crept on her lips and there was a gleam in her eyes as she looked up from her phone to look at the rest of her team: Dylan was practically vibrating with excitement; Laurel’s lips were pursed, a calculating look on her face that Grace had dubbed her ‘scheming face’; Will’s arms were folded across his chest and she can see the way his hands clenched into fists; and finally Morgan with her narrow eyes and a tension in her jaw, her fingers still wrapped around the crushed plastic cup.
They were all furious on Isaac's behalf but they were all also itching for a chance to utilize their skills for non-mission purposes. Sure, it was nice to send horrible criminals to jail, but there was something so thrilling and exciting about using those skills to ensure that a regular person got what they deserved. It was feeling just like old times— when they were on their own and wrecking havoc where they went. The only difference was that they had each other now and they’re able to utilize their skills together to make the job easier and more efficient.
"He gave us the green light,” Grace declared, a warm feeling spreading throughout her body.
Elizabeth Campbell won’t know what hit her.
»»————- ➴ ————-««
The goal was simple: expose that Elizabeth Campbell was lying about the allegations. But discrediting her was not enough: this was not just punishment for lying, but a punishment for ruining an innocent's life for selfish reasons. Elizabeth Campbell was a rich girl. Grace (as well as Laurel and Will) knew better than anyone that people with that upbringing often had skeletons in their closet; skeletons that they wished would remain hidden because if it was exposed, they would be ruined forever.
When she’s not working with the League, Laurel had to go in at the Agency and help out other agents, but she also did promise them that she would do everything in her power to keep anyone else from finding out what they were up to. So that left Grace, Dylan, Morgan and Will to do the digging.
Grace was pretty sure that Morgan, Laurel and Will had discussed a plan of sorts that ensured that she and Dylan would be paired together because Morgan was very quick to volunteer with Will on tailing Elizabeth, leaving Grace and Dylan to case Elizabeth’s apartment and bug her place.
It took over a week to properly case her apartment, and way, way less time than that for Grace to hack into the surveillance system of the building. It was necessary in order to put the footage on a loop; ensuring that neither she nor Dylan would be caught on camera when they made their way into the building and all the way up to Elizabeth’s penthouse suite, disguised as cable providers.
Dylan carried a bump key with him, which he used to let them inside of the suite. Grace immediately wrinkled her nose in distaste the moment they stepped foot inside.
Everything about the suite screamed 'wealth': the spacious entryway with the high ceilings and marble floors, floor to ceiling windows that showed the skyline of New York, the artwork displayed on walls, the state of the art sound system and TV along with a crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling. The furniture was sleek and modern in the living room and the kitchen had granite countertops and top-of-the-line appliances. Grace hated it. It reminded her too much of her family home and the mere association made her stomach churn.
The two of them made their way through Elizabeth’s place, and Dylan let out a low whistle. Grace turned, watching him as he stared up at one of the paintings that hung on the wall. If they were in a cartoon, Grace was quite certain there’d be hearts in his eyes. There’s nothing Dylan Reeves loved more than art, that was certain. “Wow… do you know how much that Monet would sell for on the black market?”
She did, but now wasn’t the time nor the place. With a roll of her eyes, she reached out in front of him and snapped her fingers a couple of times. “Focus, Dylan,” she sighed, a little exasperatedly. “We’re not here to steal anything from her.” They’re just there to bug her place and hack into her devices.
A quick glance at the watch on her wrist showed the time: 2:09pm. Morgan and Will had both assured her that Elizabeth would be out during that time, as she had a yoga class till 3pm. The studio she went to was about ten minutes away, but regardless of how much time they had, she didn't want to risk it. "You have the bugs on you?" she asked Dylan, who nodded. "Good. Place them in her bedroom, behind a vase… Make sure every room has at least one. Even the bathroom."
It may sound gross, and it was definitely gross at times, but it’s been proven from experience that people talked when they were in the bathroom. And Grace needed all the dirt she could get on this horrible woman.
Dylan started placing the bugs in various places, while Grace went to find Elizabeth's bedroom. It was large, with an ensuite bathroom and the same view of the skyline from the living room. There was a glass desk at the corner with her laptop and tablet. Grace hurried over to the desk, taking out a flash drive from her pocket along with Laurel’s upgraded password decryption device.
She easily bypassed the login screen on the laptop with the decryption device, before inserting the flash drive. She clicked on it, downloading the software that would allow her to have remote access to Elizabeth's laptop as well as her webcam, which would take a while to fully download and install.
Grace then took the tablet, used the decryption device once more and downloaded the mirroring app, which she then hid under one of the apps that was already installed. It would be hard for Elizabeth to stumble upon the app, as Grace chose to hide it under one of Elizabeth's never-been-used apps before (according to her tablet's storage details). While waiting for the software to finish downloading, Grace found herself staring at the different photos framed on the wall, frowning.
"Okay, all the bugs have been placed in every single room," she heard Dylan announce as he came into the room, but she paid him no mind, her attention focused on the photographs.
"Come here and tell me what you see," Grace instructed him. Dylan looked at her and she stared right back, before he sighed and looked at the framed photographs.
"No pictures with Isaac," he commented slowly, chewing on his lip.
"Yes, but what else?" Grace prompted.
"I see… photographs of her and Frederic Astor, which isn't unusual since she left your brother for him and they’re in a relationship," Dylan continued before stopping short at a photograph of Elizabeth with a brown-haired man, a sharp jawline and an arrogant look. "Isn't that…?"
"A photograph of her with Adam Lancaster, the heir to the Lancaster estate and fortune in England," she finished. The Lancasters were an aristocratic family; very wealthy and had quite the collection of family art and jewels. Grace had stolen a few pieces from them some years back. They were wealthier than the Astors (who owned a chain of luxurious five-star hotels worldwide) and the Campbells (who were quite famous in the film industry) combined.
It seemed like a normal picture; the two of them at a gala with Elizabeth dressed in a low-cut gown and diamonds dripping from ears and wrist and Adam Lancaster in a tuxedo. But Grace saw more than just that. There was something about the way the two were posed together that seemed innocent enough, but her gut was telling her that something else was going on. There’s no time stamp on a the photograph so she can’t be certain when this was taken. But she did make sure to snap a quick picture of it with her phone.
"You’ve got that look on your face again,” Dylan remarked. Grace looked away from her phone, blinking at him.
“What look?”
“That look when you’re deep in thought about something. You scrunch your nose, you frown at whatever you’re staring at, and I can practically see the gears turning in that pretty head of yours.”
She definitely was not flushed when he said that. Normally she would deflect. No one wanted to know what she’s actually thinking about. Years of being brushed aside for your brother would do that to you. But she was also learning that Dylan and the others did care what she thought. They wanted to know what she was thinking about and her thought process. “I’ve seen pictures of them together before. But there’s something different about this one,” she admitted. “I just need to figure out when it was taken and then I’ll know for sure if my suspicions are correct.”
She looked back to the devices. Once the software had been installed, she pocketed the flash drive and the decryption device. "C'mon. Let's get out of here." Another glance at her watch showed the time as 2:56pm. "Let's hurry. Her class is almost done," she added as they both left the room, but not before ensuring that nothing seemed out of place.
Dylan locked the door once more with the bump key and then they exited the apartment building. Once they were outside of the building and back into Dylan’s car (parked a couple of blocks away), Grace took out her laptop and stopped the loop footage, taking it out and allowing the surveillance footage to operate in actual time.
“You think maybe she was also messing around with Lancaster?” Dylan asked as he began to drive them back to Grace's apartment.
“Maybe,” she admitted. “She’s a social climber. And Lancaster… he’s the golden ticket.” Never mind the CEO of a computer and electronics company or even the spare heir to a chain of luxurious hotels; the aristocracy was right at the top, just below actual royalty. Once you were in, you were in.
And she knew better than most just how desperate some people were to be a part of the elite.
»»————- ➴ ————-««
Later that night, Grace’s laptop was turned on and connected to several of the monitors that hung on her wall: a real-time footage of Elizabeth's bedroom from the webcam, still showing a dark and empty room; Elizabeth's social media accounts and finally, her banking and credit card statements. Grace was looking through her own tablet, which she was using to look through Elizabeth's tablet, trying to look through her messages and emails.
"So she just… had her phone synced with her tablet?" Morgan asked. She had pulled up a spare office chair to look at the numerous monitors. Will and Dylan were both huddled together on the small sofa that was pushed against the wall— the sofa that Grace often slept on when she was too tired to go to her bed after surveillance. Laurel was perched on the arm of the sofa, also staring at the screens.
"Yep, and it makes it easier for us. We don't have to get near her phone, but all her messages, emails, notes… We can see everything as soon as it's synced," Grace smirked. God bless whoever decided to invent online storage and syncing all your data across all your devices. It made it a lot easier for her to get the information she needed.
She kept looking through Elizabeth's emails— dear lord did that woman not know how to read her emails? Nothing made Grace shudder more than seeing all those unopened emails; that number was way too high in her opinion. Elizabeth was an actress, so most of her emails were about auditions, although Grace can see she's been getting emails about being the spokesperson for a charity for abused women and other similar charities. She wrinkled her nose and her lip curled in disgust at that, before she moved on to other emails.
That being said, the photograph of Elizabeth and Adam Lancaster was still lingering in her mind. “Hey, Will?” she called out, looking away from the emails to look at her cousin. “Any chance you and Morgan saw Elizabeth meeting up with Adam Lancaster?”
"Lancaster?" Will echoed, narrowing his eyes as he raised his head to meet her gaze. Of course he knew who Lancaster was; she’s pretty sure that he had gotten into a physical altercation with him when they were younger. Not that Grace blamed him: Adam Lancaster was completely unbearable to be around. How he was related to someone like Adelaide Lancaster, who so disgustingly kind-hearted and sweet was beyond her.
“Adam Lancaster? Of the Lancaster estate?” Laurel questioned, raising a brow at Grace.
“The very same one,” Grace confirmed. Of course Laurel would know of him: her family ran in the same circles as the van Dorens. Except, while the van Dorens were old money in America, the Beauforts were old money from France that had only moved to America in the late nineties.
"Give me a second…" he began to flip through his notes, stopping after a few moments. "Where’s he currently residing at?"
Grace put her tablet down on the table before taking her laptop. She first went on social media, easily finding Adam Lancaster's Instagram page. "So he's definitely in New York City," she announced, seeing the geotag on his latest post, which was dated a couple of days ago. She went through a few more posts, looking at the dates and the geotags. "Looks like he's been here for a couple of months, which means…" She pulled up the DMV database and began doing a search. Almost instantaneously, his American driver's license popped up. "He's staying at the Rivereast, probably renting or owns an apartment there. It's on 92nd in the Upper East Side."
"Well fuck me," Morgan breathed out as she looked at Will. Grace caught the way Laurel was staring a little too long at Morgan when she said those words, but she also saw the way Will was eyeing Morgan. Huh. Interesting. There was a tease to be said there, but now wasn’t the time nor the place. "We saw her go there a couple of days ago but we had no clue who she might have been visiting. She went in there for about a couple of hours then left."
"So she's cheating on Astor with Lancaster," Dylan deduced.
"It makes sense. Frederic Astor may have come from old money but Adam Lancaster comes from an aristocratic family," Will pointed out. "And Lancaster is the heir to his family estate; Astor's not even close to inheriting it, since the chain of Waldorf-Astoria hotels is owned by his cousin, Wyatt."
Grace then exited the DMV database and went back to the tablet, trying to see if she could find any messages between Elizabeth and Lancaster, but found nothing. "Alright, no messages between them to confirm anything; not even on her socials. They follow each other, but that's about it…" she trailed off before shrugging. "If she makes any calls to him while she's at her apartment, I can definitely listen in and record them. But just to be safe, Will and Morgan, can you continue to tail her and try to get evidence of the cheating?"
"Yeah, for sure," Will nodded in agreement, as did Morgan.
"It's getting late," Laurel interrupted. "We should probably get some rest.” A quick glance at the clock on the wall showed that it was a little after midnight. They’ve spent hours pouring over the information they’ve gotten and it wasn’t a bad start, since they’ve deduced Elizabeth having an affair.
Everyone left after that, but not without saying their goodbyes. Laurel was the last one to leave, and she gave Grace a comforting hug, which she awkwardly returned. She’s still getting used to physical affection, but she was getting better at it, she liked to think.
Grace glanced at the footage on her laptop from the webcam in Elizabeth's room, still empty and dark. There was no noise, no audio being transmitted by the bugs into her laptop either. Grace pulled up an audio recorder on her laptop and pressed 'record'. That way, if Elizabeth did make any sound or call anyone, she could still listen the next day. Grace was nothing if not prepared and she was determined to get the proof that Elizabeth was lying about the abuse allegations, no matter how long it would take.
But she can’t sleep. Not yet. There’s still too much adrenaline coursing through her veins and she’s determined to find more of the dirt that Elizabeth Campbell was surely hiding. She wasn’t just going to humiliate her by exposing her affair. That was too nice, too tame for what she did to the most important person in Grace’s life.
No; Grace was going to destroy her.
»»————- ➴ ————-««
A couple of nights later, Will and Morgan returned to Grace's apartment with the photographs taken from the digital camera they brought with them. Grace was elated and began looking through them. All of the photos were taken in broad daylight so there was no denying their identities: there were a few of them holding hands and looking too close to be just friendly, and several of them kissing, along with a couple of them going into a motel room and a few of them on their way out. Each photo taken had a date and time-stamp solidifying proof that the photos were recent. "Good job guys," Grace grinned as she looked up from the camera.
"So when are we sending the photographs?" Will asked, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jacket.
"We need proof of her lying about the allegations first. I can't believe that's the one taking forever for us to find proof of. I figured she'd be going on and on about it to a friend or something," Grace complained. "Seriously; I listened to her rip her assistant a new one because the girl brought her a cup of coffee with regular milk instead of almond milk." If she hadn't despised Elizabeth Campbell before, she certainly did now. "And don't even get me started about the couture talk!"
"Sucks for you," Dylan smirked from his place on the living room couch, ignoring Grace flipping him off. He was on his phone, playing Candy Crush while Grace had been looking over at the photos. She can confirm it was Candy Crush because of all the sound effects she’s been hearing. It used to irritate her, hearing these sounds and all the noises that came with working in a team. She had been far too used to quiet her entire life. Now though, it was welcoming, because it meant that she wasn’t alone.
Laurel, unfortunately, was not there that night. Something about working overtime and having to deal with the paperwork from that other mission she was supervising on. Although Grace did make sure to keep her updated on everything using a burner phone.
There was something else too that she required Laurel’s help with, and thankfully, she had given Grace the names of some contacts who can help her out. She had sworn on her skateboard collection that Grace won’t be in trouble with this person and she won’t tell the others about it until the time was right. Considering that Grace knew how much Laurel treasured her skateboard collection, she believed her.
"What I don't get is why someone who's all about the high-end life check into a motel like that," Morgan commented as she went to Grace's fridge and took out a bottle of beer. She took out her pocket knife and used the bottle opener part to take off the cap, before taking a long swig from it.
"Counter-measure," Will replied as he moved to sit beside Dylan. "Famous people who have affairs definitely use motels to make sure paps don't catch them. 'Cause who would think that someone rich would willingly check into a dumpy motel when they can be at a five-star hotel?"
"Rich people, I swear to God," Morgan huffed, shaking her head. She moved to sit down beside Will, who was now wedged between Dylan and Morgan on the couch. “The things they do to hide their affairs.”
"Tell me about it," Grace replied wryly, before going back to listening to the audio tapes and hoping that Elizabeth could just talk to someone about the allegations and explicitly state that they were false. This part was the one she hated the most— the waiting. But she had to push through because she was doing this for her brother. He had been patient with her for over thirty years (and it was not an easy anything when Grace was involved); she can afford to attempt being patient for another few weeks or however long it took to get the proof that he didn't hurt his ex.
»»————- ➴ ————-««
Four more days.
That was how long it took.
Four more days of eavesdropping and having to endure listening to rants about the incompetence of her assistant, the snarky comments about her so-called friends and the incredibly disgusting phone sex with Frederic Astor (Grace felt the urge to wash her ears with holy water after that). That was how long it took before Grace got the proof she so desperately desired. Once she realized that Elizabeth had called her best friend Maya Johnson (some trust fund baby she barely knew anything about), she immediately began to record the audio. Lucky for her, Elizabeth had put Maya on speaker phone, so Grace can hear both ends of the conversation.
MAYA: Elizabeth, babe! So, what's the deal with you and van Doren? Did he like, seriously hurt you? I mean, you should have seen it coming, Elle. Like he's got a freaking psychopath for a cousin and wasn't his twin sister like, psycho too? Didn't she like, throw a drink at someone and ruined their attire? That entire family is just psycho as hell!
Grace rolled her eyes and scoffed. Like she hadn't heard that one before. Still, she felt mildly offended that Maya Johnson was calling her 'psycho' over something so trivial.
If anything, she should be considered psycho for other things she had done. But throwing a drink on someone was so… not grounds for being psycho. Although Maya calling Will a ‘psychopath’ made her frown. You could say whatever you wanted about her, but she drew the line at insulting or talking shit about the people she cared for. Did Will have anger issues and post-traumatic stress from his time as a Navy SEAL? Yes. But that definitely didn’t make him a psychopath. If only she could jump in and correct these two idiots who clearly lacked the presence of a braincell. But, she needed to keep quiet since the conversation was being recorded.
ELIZABETH: C'mon Maya. As if he could ever hurt me. MAYA: But didn't you say that he did? ELIZABETH: Of course I said that. Isaac isn't capable of hurting anyone even if he tried. He's too soft for my taste. I mean seriously; I tried to get him to choke me or tie me up in bed and he wouldn't even agree to do it.
Grace made a face and nearly gagged. She did not need to hear about her brother’s preferences in bed or his non-preferences. Nope. She was sorely tempted to tap out of this conversation, but she steeled herself and powered through. You’re doing this for your brother, she told herself. Do it for Isaac.
MAYA: So he never even hurt you? ELIZABETH: Not even once. I just said that so people would like, stop coming to his support. Do you know how many producers took back offers for roles when I left him at the altar and my reputation pretty much tanked? One of them even said that they can't even hire me for the role because people would see me as the lead and immediately give shit reviews. Now, I'm getting so many offers and I think someone even offered to do a biopic for me. MAYA: Well, sucks to suck for him. That's pretty smart of you to do though. It's your word against his and you know how easy it is to believe that a woman is being hurt by a guy. ELIZABETH: I know, right?
Grace tuned out the rest of the conversation. Her hands had clenched into fists and were shaking. It wasn't even just about Isaac anymore; Grace was completely disgusted at the utter lack of care and remorse that Elizabeth had about lying about being abused. She might not have been the model citizen or even the nicest person in the world, but she would never claim to be abused or even raped by someone when nothing ever happened. Those were serious allegations and Elizabeth just didn't care. There were women who were actually being abused being too scared to speak up because they feared they wouldn't be believed by authorities and someone like Elizabeth had the audacity to lie about it?
She took a few deep breaths in an attempt to quell her anger. It would do no good for her to lose her cool. Besides, she got the proof and that was what was important. She waited until the call was over before pressing the ‘stop recording’ button.
Grace saved that audio file into her folders, before deactivating the bugs in Elizabeth's apartment. She then grabbed the digital camera that contained photos of Elizabeth and Adam Lancaster's affair, plugged it into her laptop and downloaded the photos. Once they had been downloaded, she began to compose an email to her contacts who were journalists and bloggers, attaching the photographs of the affair.
The moment she hit ‘send’ and she heard the little ‘whoosh’ sound that came with sending an email successfully, she leaned back against her chair and smirked.
Phase One was complete.
»»————- ➴ ————-««
LATEST NEWS: HEIR ADAM LANCASTER AND ACTRESS ELIZABETH CAMPBELL SPOTTED TOGETHER IN NEW JERSEY! WHERE IS FREDERIC ASTOR?
LADIES: IT SEEMS THAT HEIR ADAM LANCASTER IS OFF THE MARKET!
WHERE IS FREDERIC ASTOR AND WHAT DOES HE THINK OF THE LANCASTER-CAMPBELL AFFAIR?
DISCULTURE 🗸 @disculturenews ● 17 hours ago ( 09/06/2023 ) [photo] [photo] Adam Lancaster and actress Elizabeth Campbell are caught locking lips! Does this mean that she and Frederic Astor have called it quits? 12k replies 24k retweets 64k likes
↳ emma (taylor’s version) @emmaswiftie293 ● 16 hours ago
if they’ve called it quits, wouldn’t they have announced it or something?? plus, she was just seen with frederic a couple of weeks ago out on a date
↳ jenny loves 21 days of anarchy @21doafanforever ● 16 hours ago
girly either moves fast or she’s been cheating because the math ain’t mathing
↳ joaquim nowak stan account @criticizerule ● 13 hours ago
calling it now: she’s totally cheating on him! she has a history of cheating, didn’t she???
↳ ethan sanders is my husband @peachpride ● 12 hours ago
well for that one, she had an excuse: @isaacvd was ab*sing her and hurting her!!
↳ joaquim nowak stan account @criticizerule ● 12 hours ago
so what’s her excuse now??
monica higgins @flyroughly ● 5 hours ago ( 09/08/2023 ) [video] [video] no way guys, this is insane bc?? @fredericastorofficial1 straight up threw a f*cking tantrum so this means that @ellecampbellxox was totally cheating on him!! 8k replies 15k retweets 25k likes ↳ ethan sanders is my husband @peachpride ● 4 hours ago
@ellecampbellxox : so was @fredericastorofficial hurting you too??
TROUBLE IN PARADISE? ADAM LANCASTER SPOTTED IN HEATHROW AIRPORT WITHOUT HIS BOMBSHELL ACTRESS PARAMOUR
ELIZABETH CAMPBELL IN NEW YORK LOOKING WORSE FOR WEAR: DID SHE CHEAT ON FREDERIC ASTOR OR WAS SHE CHEATING ON ADAM LANCASTER ALL ALONG?
marry me elian barnes @bulletbeachstan ● 1 hour ago ( 09/09/23 ) so anyone else find it kinda weird that @isaacvd hasn’t done any sort of meeting or conference yet?? i mean his ex went and told the entire world that he was hurting her and he didn’t say anything?? and now that his ex is revealed to have been cheating on two guys, still nothing?? 80 replies 2k retweets 3k likes ↳ joaquim nowak stan account @criticizerule ● 58 minutes ago
i don’t think it’s weird but it is a little concerning and confusing. he should be setting the record straight but he hasn’t done or said anything yet. altho personally i’m beginning to think that maybe the allegations were false because if she can cheat twice… who’s to say she won’t lie?
↳ marry me elian barnes @bulletbeachstan ● 46 minutes ago
no i get it! i know he doesn’t owe anyone anything, but from a business standpoint, he should say something. and i’m with you. getting the vibes that she might be lying and she hadn’t said anything about frederic hurting her… it’s all just weird and sus to me.
»»————- ➴ ————-««
If there was something Grace loved, it was watching how the media ran with stories, especially gossip stories. The Lancaster-Campbell affair dominated social media; trending for a good week before everyone eventually forgot about it and jumped onto the next scandal. Nevertheless, the damage was done.
But Grace wasn’t finished just yet. Now that Phase One was done, she was moving onto Phase Two.
About three weeks after the first round of stories about the affairs circulated the internet, the same journalists and bloggers who posted about the affair opened their inboxes to see an email sent to them with no message and only an audio file attached to it. The subject line simply said "Listen Now". Each of the people who received the messages downloaded the file and listened. Once they were done, they all began to write and within hours, the first round of articles were posted and began to circulate the internet.
»»————- ➴ ————-««
ELIZABETH CAMPBELL: EXPOSED AS CHEATER AND LIAR
CAMPBELL REFUSES TO ANSWER QUESTIONS REGARDING LEAKED AUDIO
DIOR ANNOUNCES SEVERANCE OF TIES WITH ELIZABETH CAMPBELL; CONDEMNS ACTIONS AND LIES
DISCULTURE 🗸 @disculturenews ● 10 hours ago ( 09/26/2023 ) [audio] [audio] Shocking! Leaked audio clips reveal that actress Elizabeth Campbell had lied about the abuse allegations against CEO Isaac van Doren. 24k replies 50k retweets 75k likes
↳ carbonora is the best pasta change my mind @pastaismylife ● 9 hours ago
holy shit… listening to this audio and i’m completely and utterly disgusted?? how remorseless and coldhearted can you be?
↳ linda harrison @lindaharrison1 ● 7 hours ago
i liked to think that no one was ever really evil, but holy fuck @ellecampbellxox just proved me wrong
↳ connor loves kat evans @katevansstanforever ● 6 hours ago
right?? like how heartless can a person be??
HAUNTED MOVIE OFFICIAL 🗸 @hauntedmovieofficial ● 5 hours ago ( 09/27/2023 ) Due to recent revelations, we will be recasting the role of Anya. The role will now be played by the talented @aileenrhodes who had blown us away with her talent. Welcome to the #HauntedFamily Aileen! 2k replies 40k retweets 25k likes ↳ anya ivanova is the love of my life @bookscooksandsocks ● 4 hours ago
oh thank god!! i’ve seen @aileenrhodes ‘ previous projects and can honestly say she’s a much better anya than @ellecampbellxox could ever be
↳ cordelia barnes @ deliabarnes872 ●1hour ago
right?? pretty sure a lot of roles that @ellecampbellxox got were not deserved at all! @aileenrhodes you’re going to kill it as anya <3
↳ aileen rhodes @aileenrhodes ● 10 minutes ago
ty delia<3
Elizabeth Campbell 🗸 @ellecampbellxox ● 4 hours ago ( 09/27/2023 ) no room in life for fake friends who take what was said in confidence, twist your words and spill them out into the world. 24k replies 50k retweets 10klikes ↳ joaquim nowak stan account @criticizerule ● 4 hours ago
wow, you are so delusional?? i really hope that you learn your lesson someday.
↳ ethan sanders is my husband @peachpride ● 3 hours ago
@ellecampbellxox hang in there girl!! the ‘leaked’ audio was probably doctored or faked. anything is possible with the technology today!!
↳ dominik nowak thirst bot @fasterthanabullet ● 3 hours ago
why do you keep kissing her ass?? she’s never going to notice you.
TRANSCRIPT FROM ISAAC VAN DOREN’S MEDIA CONFERENCE ON 09/28/30 IN FRONT OF VAN DOREN TECH HQ
[ISAAC VAN DOREN stands behind a podium that was set up in front of the entrance of VDT HQ. Cameras are flashing in his face; questions are being thrown at him by everyone. he looks somber, but not unhealthy] ISAAC: [raises his hand and everyone instantly quiets down] I didn't want to hold a press conference when these allegations against me were presented to the media nearly a month and a half ago. I know people would think that I was only going to do that to try and save face; to deny the allegations. [pause; everyone is quiet. he looks at the crowd that had gathered before him] Because if I deny, then it would just prove my guilt; that's how we do things now don't we? We presume someone is guilty until they are proven innocent. And the truth is, I never laid a hand on Elizabeth. I had loved her enough to ask her to marry me. [he pauses and takes a shaky breath] When I first heard about her claims, I was confused, more than anything. What had I done to her to make her hate me so much, when all I ever did was love her and try to make her happy? [he blinks several times; eyes shining with tears; clears his throat and stares into one of the cameras] For the longest while, I asked myself that question. And having heard that audio… Well, I don't know if it would ever bring me any sort of closure. I was told that… forgiveness was the way to go, so Elizabeth if you are listening or watching this.. [he breaths a little shakily; tear rolling down his cheek and small sad smile] I forgive you. [silence for a few moments, before noise breaks out] RANDOM REPORTER: So you had nothing to do with the conversation being leaked? ISAAC: [wipes away tear and looks at the reporter in genuine confusion] I genuinely had nothing to do with it. How could I? I haven't spoken to her nor been around her since she left me at the altar. [clears his throat] I’m afraid that’s all I have time for today. No more questions. [turns around and heads back into the building, ignoring more questions being shouted at him]
sage becker @sagelybecks ● 2 hours ago ( 09/28/2023 ) [video of van Doren conference] kind of wild but also he’s not wrong? we spend so much time assuming people are guilty and make them prove their innocence. it’s a shame that his rep was almost ruined because of someone who was a selfish liar. wishing @isaacvd nothing but the best <;3 1k replies 5k retweets 25k likes
»»————- ➴ ————-««
A few blocks away from VDT HQ in Manhattan, at a small café, Grace sat alone at a table beside the storefront window. A cappuccino and sandwich, both untouched, were on the table before her. The press conference was displayed on the TV at the café, with nearly every customer and staff watching eagerly. She brought the drink to her lips, a small and private smile hidden behind the rim of the cup. Once the conference was over, she took out her phone to look through her Twitter and Instagram feeds. She doesn’t even hide the delighted and satisfied smile at all the tweets and messages, as well as the trending hashtags regarding Elizabeth Campbell.
Her phone buzzed with a notification banner. Grace set down her drink on the table and clicked on it.
From Womb Mate Thank you.
Her smile turned fond and a little soft, before she texted back a reply of her own.
To Womb Mate Any time.
»»————- ➴ ————-««
A couple of months passed. The air turned colder and the leaves have fallen when the League came back from yet another successful mission in France. They decided that the best way to unwind would be to have another Team Bonding Movie Night, and this time, Grace volunteered to host it. She ordered Chinese for takeout, rather than the usual pizzas. They were munching on dumplings and noodles, with Scream playing on the TV, when the intercom buzzed; signaling that Grace had a visitor waiting to be let in.
When she heard the voice speak, she grinned and buzzed them right in. Not even a few minutes later, there was a knock on her door and she rushed to open it, revealing her twin brother. He was several inches taller than her, but they had the same dark hair and brown eyes, which was where the physical similarities ended. He was also still dressed in a navy blue suit and tie, which meant he had literally just finished working before he arrived at her apartment. “Nice of you to make time in your busy schedule for your favourite sister,” she teased, stepping aside to let him in.
“You’re my only sister.”
“And therefore, your favourite by default.”
He simply rolled his eyes, though there’s a smile tugging at his lips. He’s exasperated by her, but there’s no denying he loved her. Grace knew Isaac like the back of her hand after all.
“Hey guys,” Isaac nodded and grinned at the others, who all greeted him back with enthusiasm. “I also didn’t come empty-handed.” He had a couple of white boxes in his arms and Grace helped him carry them to the coffee table in her living room. They opened the boxes to reveal a variety of pastries: chocolate croissants, slices of different-flavoured cheesecakes, cookies, brownies, and even a few donuts.
Dylan let out a whistle. “Damn. See, this is why I love it whenever you join us for Team Bonding Movie Night, man. You bring the good stuff!”
“Glad to know that you love me for what I bring to the table, Reeves, and not for who I am as a person,” Isaac chuckled, sitting down on the carpet right next to Laurel. Grace took a croissant and sat at the edge of the couch, right next to Dylan.
“Hey, I like you just fine. But the stuff you bring us every time you come over? Unmatched,” Dylan explained as he grabbed a donut.
“I’m surprised you were able to join us tonight,” Will remarked, “I figured you might be a little busy.” He was sat on the armchair by himself, still working on his fried rice.
To anyone else, that might have sounded a little snarky or judgmental. But Will spoke like that to everyone— even his own cousins. It was why Isaac was unfazed and not at all offended like others would be. “It has been a busy couple of months following the… Elizabeth incident.”
“You can say it, dude. It’s not just an ‘incident’; it was a fucked up scandal that almost ruined your life and nearly undid all the progress you made with your company,” Morgan said bluntly.
Isaac made a face: nose scrunched in distaste, and brows knit together into a frown, before conceding with a nod. “Yeah… Well, I never did get the chance to thank you guys for that. I mean, I thanked Grace but I never did thank you. All of you,” he said, looking at the others.
“What makes you think we had anything to do with it?” Morgan questioned.
Isaac smiled. “Because I know you wouldn’t have let her done anything alone.”
“Well, of course we won’t let her do it alone. Well… they wouldn’t let her do it alone. For legal purposes, I unfortunately could not have helped out the way they did,” Laurel said with a small smile, although there was a twinge of guilt in there. Grace knew that she hated not being more involved, but she really couldn’t do anything without risking her job. Covering for them was the best that she could do, and Grace had tried to assure her it was more than enough. “And besides; she’s one of us.”
Isaac’s smile turned fond at that. “I know. Still, thank you.”
The conversation turned much lighter after that. They told him about the mission in France: how successful it had been, and also how fun it had been to enjoy Paris for a bit before they had to head back home. Morgan recounted the story of Dylan trying to flirt with a French girl as part of a bet with Grace, and how he mixed up the words for ‘fuck’ and ‘kiss’ and ended with coffee getting poured all over him— which had Isaac laughing loudly. “I will say this, Dylan: never bet against my sister, because you will almost always lose,” he declared.
“I know that now,” Dylan grumbled, ears turning red from embarrassment. It was quite cute seeing him like that. Had Grace been a little jealous when she saw him flirting with the French girl? A little bit (but she would forever deny it). But, seeing him strike out and her winning the bet did make her feel better about it. Just a smidge.
She looked at her brother again; seeing him laugh and smile so freely and without care. It was a good look on him. The last few months (or the past year if you were to include his disaster of a wedding day) hadn’t been kind to him. She hadn’t seen him look so relaxed in ages. At one point, Isaac had taken off his suit jacket and tie, and the sleeves of his button-up were rolled up. He didn’t look like the CEO of a multibillion dollar tech company. He looked like just like every other thirty-something year-old man, who was hanging out with his friends and having a good time.
It was nice seeing him without the stress and heartbreak that had been weighing on him.
“Um, guys? Why don’t we turn on the news?” Laurel suggested with a frown, interrupting the conversation. She had been looking at her phone while Morgan was telling Isaac the story and something appeared to have caught her attention.
Grace exited Netflix and switched to the cable news channel, where they were met with breaking news. The camera showed Elizabeth Campbell being escorted from her apartment building and into a police car and the banner under the shot read: "Disgraced Actress and Socialite Elizabeth Campbell: Arrested on Charges of Embezzlement".
"What the hell?" Isaac breathed out, sitting up and his eyes were wide.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Morgan gasped out. Even Will and Dylan looked shocked and surprised. The only ones who didn’t look surprised were Grace and Laurel.
"Embezzlement?" Isaac repeated, staring in disbelief. Everyone fell silent when the news anchor began to speak.
"NYPD is collaborating with the FBI in this investigation, but a source within the NYPD has told us that Elizabeth Campbell has been funneling funds from her family's charity foundation and depositing them into her banking accounts. An employee at the foundation who wishes to remain anonymous has confirmed to the authorities that the missing funds were taken out by Campbell on a nearly weekly basis…"
Isaac turned to look at them. "I never saw that coming… and I’m guessing none of you guys knew?”
Everyone but Grace and Laurel shook their heads, which made them all stare at the two. Laurel and Grace exchanged looks. “Wait, did you frame her for embezzling?” Dylan asked, turning to look at Grace.
“Surprisingly enough, I didn’t have to,” Grace said honestly. “I was just looking through all of her banking and credit card statements, and noticed the insanely large amounts of money she’s been transferring into her accounts. I did hack into the bank accounts for the Campbells’ foundation to confirm my hunch and I was proven correct. She moved the funds to an offshore account first, before sending it to her own account.” It was honestly one of the laziest embezzling she’s ever seen: most people moved their money to several offshore accounts and they never send it to their own personal chequing accounts.
Let it be said that Elizabeth Campbell, for all the lies she’s said and the people she’s hurt, was not a criminal mastermind.
Morgan and Will looked at Laurel. “And you knew?” Will asked.
“Grace did tell me about the embezzling, and all she asked for was that I give her a list of people she can send the evidence to without getting in trouble,” Laurel admitted. “I figured she was going to tell you guys.”
“I didn’t want to say anything about it until I was sure that she was going to be charged,” Grace explained, looking at the team. She had finished her croissant by this point, and her hands were a little clammy and her lips were a little dry. She was thrilled and satisfied that Elizabeth had been charged, but she also did just keep a secret from her team.
They didn’t look mad. A little confused, and a little annoyed maybe. But nothing that indicated anger or betrayal. “You’re a fucking genius, Grace,” Morgan grinned, holding up her drink as if to toast to her. “I’m not happy you kept it from us, but I have to say: that reveal was stunning.”
Grace grinned back, a warmth spreading throughout her body and her shoulders relaxed when she realized that they were not at all pissed off at her. “Thanks for not being too mad that I kept it from you guys.”
“Why would we be mad? You found something that destroyed her for good,” Dylan told her with a proud smile. Her heart most certainly did not flutter in her chest at the sight. “And I agree with Morgan. The reveal was absolutely amazing. Ten out of ten.”
“Proud of you, Gracie,” Will nodded, giving her a small smile.
She met Isaac’s eyes and he nodded subtly towards the direction of the balcony. She stood up, wiped her hands on her jeans and pushed open the sliding door. Winter was coming; she could feel it in the way the air bit at her cheeks and the trees that were now nearly barren. At least she was wearing a sweater so she wasn’t completely freezing. Isaac followed her on the balcony before sliding the door shut.
The twins stood there, silently staring at each other for a few long moments. The only sound that could be heard were the cars driving below them and the occasional horn being honked. “You know that I can’t really read your mind, right? Twin telepathy is not an actual thing,” Grace said, breaking the silence.
Isaac chuckled slightly. “No, I know. I just…” he sighed and shoved his hands in the pockets of his trousers. “I don’t know how to thank you. I thought that… the Lancaster affair and the leaked audios… I thought that those were it, you know? I didn’t expect there to be anything else.”
Exposing an affair and a liar should be enough to ruin someone’s life. But Grace didn’t just ruin Elizabeth Campbell’s life— she destroyed her. “Well, there was. Ruining her reputation wasn’t enough, Zac.”
He leaned his elbows against the balcony railing, staring out at the city skyline. Grace angled her body so she was also staring out at the night sky, but she was staring up at the crescent moon above them. “I wanted to destroy her for what she did to you,” she admitted.
Isaac was silent, but she could see the way he perked up slightly, showing that he was listening. “I don’t…” Articulating her feelings was rather difficult, especially when she spent so much of her life repressing them. “You had no idea how angry I was when I first heard about how she left you at the altar,” she breathed out. She glanced back up at the moon, because it was easier to talk about her feelings when she’s not making eye contact. “I wanted to go after her then. But you didn’t want me to. And I respected that.”
“But then these allegations… I knew they were fake because I know you. And I just thought it was so fucking unfair, Zac.” She closed her eyes, the cold air helping her not feel as heated as she had been months ago when she first found out. “She doesn’t get to succeed in life when she tried to destroy yours. She doesn’t get to have a happy ending, when she robbed you of yours. When you gave me the okay to handle it, I vowed that I wasn’t just going to ruin her. I was going to destroy her. Because you did not deserve any of the shit she put you through. The heartbreak, the stress, everyone wanting to fucking cancel you over some fake allegations…” Grace opened her eyes and exhaled loudly. Her eyes stung and she clenched her hands into fists; nails digging into the skin of her palms as she tried to keep herself from crying.
“You’re my brother. My twin brother. You’re the only one who has ever looked out for me, who ever stood up for me, even when we were kids.” She was getting a little choked up now. “You’ve always been in my corner; supporting me and helping me and being so patient with me.” Despite her best efforts, a few tears rolled down her cheeks. She wiped them away with her sleeve hastily, glancing at her brother, who was now facing her. “For once, I wanted to be the one to do something for you.”
She turned to look at him, and was surprised to see the tears in his eyes. Grace’s bottom lip wobbled. Within seconds, Isaac had wrapped her in his arms, pulling her in for a tight hug. She let out the softest exhale, and she slowly returned the hug. “Thank you,” he whispered. “And honestly, Grace… I know you didn’t have to do this for me. But I really, really appreciated it.”
Grace let out a watery laugh and they pulled away from the hug, both of them wiping away their tears. “You’d have done the same for me if the roles were reversed. Although I’m sure your methods would have been way more subtle,” she joked.
“Oh definitely more subtle. I don’t have your expertise when it comes to hacking,” he smirked, elbowing her playfully.
“We should head back inside,” she suggested.
“So you can sit next to your lover boy?”
Grace nearly choked and she elbowed him back, hard. “Shut up!” she hissed, cheeks turning red. “Unless you want to talk about the little thing you’ve got for that redhead interior designer who was working on your apartment?”
Isaac stared at her with his mouth open. “How do you know about…?”
She wasn’t blind or an idiot: she had stopped by his apartment, met Evangeline Connors-Reed and saw how Isaac looked at her. “I read it on your face when you introduced me to her,” she said with a grin. “I’d say to go for it, if you’re ready. She seems nice and genuinely sweet. You know, perfect for you and your Prince Charming…” she gestured at his frame. “Whatever.”
“So articulate,” he teased.
Grace did the mature thing and stuck her tongue at him. “Fuck off,” she grumbled, without any heat. “Let’s get back inside because it’s freezing.”
She pushed the sliding door open and stepped back inside to the warmth of her apartment. Once Isaac was inside as well, she slid the door shut. She walked over to the dining table and poured herself her usual rum and Coke. With her drink in hand, she turned around and watched Isaac interacting with her new family; laughing and joking, falling into easy conversation with them as the movie played on in the background.
Elizabeth Campbell had hurt her brother; humiliated him and tried to ruin his life. In the end, she was exposed for the true liar and serial cheater that she was. Plus, she was facing criminal charges and she no longer had a career to go back to. Her life was destroyed. In Grace's opinion, Elizabeth got her just desserts and more. She would do it all over again without a single ounce of regret or hesitation.
After all; no one messed with Grace’s family and got away with it.
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deadsetobsessions · 5 months
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Tim Drake had a lot of free time.
In between the time little Timmy was deemed old enough to not need a nanny and his ninth birthday when he got his first film camera, Tim Drake had so much time after school to explore his big, empty house. And so he did, hours upon hours were spent exploring his house.
Mansion, Tim corrects himself. His house isn’t a house. It’s an abandoned mausoleum disguised as a mansion. He intimately knows every creak of the floorboards in the out of the way galleries, every heavy weight curtain shut closed so what little sun that makes it way through Gotham’s gloom is reflected in order to protect the artifacts stored within the walls. Tim probably knows the exact amount of fleur-de-lys on the fourth sitting room’s wall paper- by extrapolation from preexisting data and personal data collection. Basically, he laid on the floor and counted.
Tim had a lot of time. He also had a lot of artifacts to pore over, making stories as he goes and double checking the actual history of the object.
Tim thinks he’s an artifact, almost. To his parents, at least. A child, a thing, they collected at one point in their lives and put on display at the galas they deem worthy to return to Gotham for. Perhaps he’s worth even less, had his parents bothered to look at him more than the lesser art pieces in their storage-mansion. The story everyone knows about him is prerecorded by people who weren’t really there.
Regardless, Tim Drake knows every single corner of his prison mansion. He’s catalogued everything, after all, on a nice spreadsheet. 
And that’s why, as he entered the fifth- and least used- guest bedroom, Tim’s attention immediately cut to the wrong bit of detail. Eyes flickering between the indent on the bed, the mussed- but not terribly dirty- state of the sheets, Tim slowly backed towards the door. His eyes fixed on the spot on the bed, he called out a soft “hello?”
He immediately cringed. He’s not an amateur, and that little “hello” was a mistake that might get him killed.
Tim trembled as the panic set in, tears pooling at his eyes. He wished Batman and Robin were here, they’d know how to-
There’s something appearing on the bed. Tim Drake stares as a glowing figure with white, wispy hair and a black hazmat suit appeared sitting cross crossed on the guest bed. His gloved hands were held out in the universal I-mean-no-harm gesture.
“Don’t- don’t panic!” The thing said, looking rather panicked itself. “I’m, uh, Phantom.”
Tim Drake’s curiosity and mystery-solving mindset slammed down on the toddler’s mind, quickly banishing the fear and panick in favor of interrogating this new, exciting thing.
“I’m Tim. Are you…” Tim frowns, wishing he had Batman’s intimidating growl. “A ghost?”
“Got it in one, kiddo. I’m, uh, not here to harm you. Or steal anything! I just wanted to rest.”
Tim blinked. He decided right then and there that he likes this person. This… Phantom. If his trust was based on the fact that the loneliness was worse than a dead person, no, it wasn’t.
“I thought you sleep when you’re dead..?”
——
Danny stared at the child in front of him, watching the kid- Tim- pout at something. Danny is distracted from the staples holding his ghostly guts from falling out of his non-consensual vivisection when the kid asks him if he’s a ghost.
“Got it in one, kiddo!” Oo, he should tone down the energy. Danny’s too tired right now to maintain that level when speaking to Tim. Now, gotta reassure the kid he means no harm before he reports Danny’s presence to whatever authorities around.
His parents, at best. The cops, at worst.
“I’m, uh, not here to harm you. Or steal anything!” He could tell he landed in some richie rich mansion by the opulent decorations in a seemingly impersonal room alone. “I just wanted to rest.”
Ancients, that had been more honest than he’d wanted. He really was out of it.
“I thought you sleep when you’re dead?”
Danny snorted.
“Yeah, but you can almost never have enough sleep, you know?”
The toddler looks unsure but nods anyways.
“Listen, would you… not tell anyone that I’m here? I’ll be out of your hair soon, promise.
Tim looks like a smart kid. There’s no way he’d fall for-
“Okay.” He fell for it. Danny blinked, stupefied. “My parents won’t be home for a while.”
“What.”
Tim shrugged. “You can stay. The housekeeper is only around a couple of days.”
“You… are you supposed to tell me that?”
Tim sent him a derisive look, clearly bolder now that Danny made no moves to hurt him.
On his cherubic but skinny face, the effect is both adorable and absolutely devastating.
“You’re hurt.” Tim fidgeted with his hands. “I can… I can get you water…?”
His core purred.
“Please. Thanks… Tim?”
The kid beamed at him and left.
Crap. New fraid member it is.
——
Danny, naive: “Surely him trusting strangers is just a one time thing, he’s so well behaved”
Tim, staring Danny in the eyes as he jumps out of the window to go stalk his vigilantes: “I’m gonna go take a walk in Crime Alley”
——
Tim gets Danny water, but it’s tap water from Gotham and is infected with both an ungodly amount of toxins (that doesn’t affect either of them bc one’s dead and the other had been chugging it since they were a baby- Gothamites get bottled water or from Wayne Foundation’s Clean Water Stations) and also like trace amounts of ectoplasm.
Danny: woah this is so healthy water!
Tim, pleased because Danny ruffled his hair: yes, I’m perfect
The rest of Gotham, if they knew: making warding sigils against these two eldritch gods
——
Basically, Danny gets attached and stays mostly because of said attachment but also Danny could see Tim’s budding world dictator tendencies and went yeah gotta curb that
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dykedvonte · 1 month
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Most unrealistic part of Fallout New Vegas companions is that they all just disperse from you once the story is complete. Like you fought a war with and/or for me, a REVOLUTION, and you just fuck off after all that???
In my mind they all just sit in the Lucky 38 having Always Sunny-esque conversations with each other and the Courier until they venture out to get shot at for fun.
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whoisspence · 2 months
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my brain refuses to understand that reid is not actually their son
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There’s a scene in Criminal Minds where an HR rep comes to give a presentation on sexual harassment in the workplace and it’s clearly based on actual behavior from Morgan and Garcia.
So now I’m imagining a similar situation with Roy and Jamie. All of Richmond AFC sitting through mandatory harassment training when the slide comes up of “Examples of Innapropriate Behaviour” and it’s like:
1. Asking coworkers to tie strings around their genitalia
2. Tying colleagues to a bicycle and yelling “mush”
3. Making employees repeat degrading remarks about their own appearance
And Roy’s just like:
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coolingrosa · 1 year
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Hc that Error doesn’t mind Nightmares tentacles b/c they more like goopy slime than a persons hand or body. So instead of being left out Nightmare just wraps him up in a cocoon and calls it a day
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aggimaginary · 9 months
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The Bad Guys: The Musical chapter 1 - In The Heights
Next
Hello everyone. I am very sorry I couldn't post this story during Summer because I had a lot of projects, I had planned for my Summer. Since it's almost the first semester, it's not too late. It's still Summer, so I consider this a summer story.
Anyway, I decided to make The Bad Guys: The Musical because Mr. Piranha was my favorite character because he was voiced by Anthony Ramos, who previously voiced my favorite Trolls character, King Trollex from Trolls World Tour. Both movies are owned by DreamWorks, and it inspired me to create the Bad Guys story involving music, like in Trolls. Sam Rockwell, who voiced Mr. Wolf, also featured in Trolls World Tour as he voiced Hickory.
Since Piranha proved to be a singer in the movie as well, I wanted to create a story that focused on him, his singing talent, and his dream to be in a musical band and be famous for his talent, but I would also like some drama as his friendship with the rest of the Bad Guys was put to the test when he almost fulfilled his dreams.
I also got the idea of this story from my childhood movie, The Fox and the Hound 2.
So, for now, enjoy the first chapter of my story.
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In a beautiful morning, the sun rose from the horizon, and shined the busy streets and buildings of Los Angeles. Birds were now flying in groups, a few vehicles were already driving on the road, and people just woke up and ate some breakfast. It was a busy city, but not as busy as a group of former criminals/vigilantes whose hideout was under the bridge of the 6th Street Viaduct.
An alarm clock suddenly rang, until a green fin slammed it down to turn it off. Mr. Piranha, the short but strong and terrible Bad Guy, woke up exhaustingly on his little bed. He didn't want to get up in the morning, but every day was another day. All his friends couldn't do whatever they wanted without one would still be in their room. Piranha let out a big yawn before sitting up on his bed. He stared at the pictures of himself and his friends on the wall, having great moments with each other. Piranha smiled as he was happy to be living here in America with his friends ever since he left his home country, Bolivia.
Piranha tiredly left his bedroom while rubbing one eye with his fin. When he was headed to the fridge, he noticed on the calendar that it was his week to take out the trash. That was just great. He just woke up, and now he found out it was his turn to take out the trash. Well, everyone on the team got their part, so this was his part now. Piranha marched away to pick up all the trash around the hideout to take them away.
He came out of the tunnel, carrying a huge garbage bag. The bag was so big and heavy for a small little guy, but Piranha could handle carrying this bag. He is the "muscle" of the team! He could carry heavier than a ton of bricks. No harm was done to this little guy. His team's hideout was located under the 6th Street Viaduct bridge, so taking out the trash would be a lot. They had to keep their location hidden, despite their reputation having changed. The trash bins were somewhere up from the hideout, and someone had to search for the trash bins. And that someone had to be Piranha. It was his day to take out the trash after all.
Piranha took the long way to find the trash bin. Expectedly, he stepped on the gum. Luckily, it was on the sewer lid. He had to kick the gum off his shoe and leave it on the sewer lid.
youtube
Piranha: Lights up on Los Angeles, up at the break of day I wake up and I got this little waste I gotta throw away Pop the grate at the crack of dawn Sing while I walk down the alley
Hey, what's up, papa?
Finally, he found a trash bin at the side of the road. Surprisingly, Piragua Guy was traveling with a cart of Piragua.
Piragua Guy: Ice cold piragua! Parcha China Cherry Strawberry And just for today, I got mamey!
Piranha then encountered the Piragua guy with a friendly greeting...
Piranha: Oye, piragüero, como estas?
Piragua Guy: Como siempre, Señor Piranha
Piragua guy handed a cup of piragua to Piranha for free, and proceeded to push his cart to sell more of his piragua.
Piranha appreciated Piragua Guy's offer as he continued singing while heading back to his hideout.
Piranha: I am Piranha, you probably already heard my name Reports of my looks are greatly exaggerated Exacerbated by the fact that my syntax Is highly complicated 'cuz I emigrated To the single greatest little place in the USA: Living the Bad Guy lifestyle! I love it! Ah man, I'm a front of it And beyond that Ever since I left my fam I haven't gone back For now, I gotta get on lots...
When he arrived at the hideout, Piranha headed to the fridge to make breakfast, but he found out that something was wrong...
Piranha: No good ingredients? Hold up a second Why is everything in this fridge plain and lacking? Let's just go outside now, explore the streets 'Cuz no vibrant tastiness for the early breakfast isn't light and sweet!
Just then, Wolf came out from his bedroom, "Hey, Piranha!"
"Wolf, we don't have enough to make a good breakfast," Piranha reported.
"Oh, we can go to FasTogether. We can head there for a cheaper meal."
"Nice!"
Piranha: That was my amigo, Wolf, you already know how he surfed He practically brought me here, this territory is his turf Now you're probably thinking: "Is this a life of crime?"
Then, Snake came out of the room, rubbing his eye with his tail, "Is it already wake-up time?"
The other two Bad Guys came out from their respective rooms as well, just woken up from bed.
Piranha: Well, you never know the pack Hands on wheel, picked me up to teach me how to never lose a step back Keep the crew together for goals, take them to the escalator I hope you're writing this down, I'm gonna test ya later
Ignoring Piranha just suddenly singing for no reason, the other Bad Guys proceeded to the elevator where their car was, and Piranha just followed them while singing
Piranha: We already passed the test, on another level Change the views, switch sides, but only temporal Fighting to wisen up, mischief for loosening up And ever since our work rise up Our lives and shells became strong and tough And to us, that's just enough
The Bad Guys hopped into the car, fastened their seatbelts, and Wolf drove out of the tunnel from their hideout. They found a way to head into the road, and headed to Boyle Heights, where most of the residents started singing about their everyday lives.
Boyle Heights residents: In the heights I flip the lights and start my day There are fights And endless dreams And prices to pay
In the Heights I can't survive without café I serve café Yet the future seems like a million years away!
En Boyle...
Meanwhile, back at the Bad Guys' car, the song continued with Piranha.
Piranha: Next up to my side, there's Snake Doesn't deal with anything flakey But he's good at being shady And behind me was Shark, his heart is caring and tender My big brother who knows the strings, used the plaster
Snake: Piranha, are you singing again?
Piranha: Got to get into the good mood, chico!
Snake: Just pick up the pace, don't keep us waiting
Shark: It's still right up ahead there, babe
Piranha: Yeah, a man's gotta dream...
Wolf: Don't mind him, he's all excited 'Cuz he'll be meeting his bug again!
Piranha: (immediately blushing) Don't look at me, I have been expecting him to cook all morning this week!
Tarantula: FasTogether runs all night
All: There's plenty to eat!
As the Bad Guys arrived at their favorite restaurant, Wolf parked the car on the sidewalk, and, just in time, two ladies they knew just crossed the crosswalk.
A journalist mother was followed by her daughter, who copied the former's every move when they walked the crosswalk.
Mira: And then, Mira walks into the room... With Mariposa and new dooms! Another blonde ditz today Refusing to groom the tomb
It's true! He protests he's innocent his whole life.
Piranha: Mira
Mira: Court says he burnt workers like smores.
Piranha: Mariposa
Mira: But his autocrats will give him more!
The Bad Guys: No way! Seriously?!
Piranha: That's right. The Rose girls!
Mira and Mariposa: Hey, Piranha!
Mira and Mariposa waved at the Bad Guys, who waved back at them before heading towards the door of the restaurant. Piranha was left behind and Mariposa rushed towards him and hugged her favorite babysitter.
"Will you babysit me again?" The little girl asked.
"Si, chica. Sure I will," Piranha rustled her hair, making Mariposa giggle.
"Mariposa!" Mira called out to her daughter, gesturing that it was time to go.
Mariposa released Piranha from the hug and skipped along to follow her mother before turning back to her favorite babysitter, and squeaked, "Bye!"
Piranha smiled back before getting interrupted by his female friend.
"Piranha!" Tarantula called, who was waiting at the door, "Come on!"
"Chillax, chica, you know you love me!" Piranha teased.
Tarantula rolled her eyes as she crawled in, and Piranha caught up with her.
Inside the restaurant, the Bad Guys were standing in line to get to the counter to order their food. A lot of people were hungry this morning. There were a lot of customers ordering food.
Piranha: Just a little quip from Webs, like a boring sister Her sarcasm makes blisters And now, you know how we roll With a shining camera we control People used to come and go when around us But you see now, nobody is giving any fuss Everybody's got a role, everybody's got a dream Yet complain as I sip my coffee and smirk While watching the good ones hop to work You can hear the: "One dollar, two dollars, one fifty, one sixty-nine. I got it. You want a box of muffins? What kind? That's two quarters. Two-quarter soda. Done in no time. You need a bag for that? The tax is added." Once you get some practice at it You see how they get everything automatically Getting scrambled eggs, sprinkle sugar on the cream and practically Everybody's wins, yes! Just already passed the mess, Tick the checks, wonder what's next
The song continued with the people of Boyle Heights singing the story of their morning.
Boyle Heights residents: In the heights I buy my coffee and I go (I buy my coffee and I go) Set my sights On only what I need to know
In the heights Can be tight But even so When the lights go down, I blast my radio!
Just then, Chief Luggins burst into the restaurant, just in time the Bad Guys finally reached the counter to order with the restaurant owners, Mr. and Mrs. Gardener, took care of taking orders.
Chief Luggins: You ain't got no skills
Piranha: And that's Chief Luggins
Chief Luggins: Yo, lemme get a
Mrs. Gardener: One sausage and egg muffin)
Chief Luggins: Yup, and lemme also get a—
Wolf: (Daily News)
Chief Luggins: And a—
Shark: (Post)
Chief Luggins: And the most important, my...
Mr. Gardener: Favorite coffee, one cream
Snake and Tarantula: Two sugars!
Chief Luggins: I'm the number one earner (What?!) The fastest learner (What?!) At least I know every alley and corner
Wolf: (Yeah, you can)
Chief Luggins: I'm makin' moves, I'm makin' deals, but guess what?
Piranha: (What?)
Chief Luggins: You still ain't got no skills!
Piranha: (Hardee-har)
Chief Luggins: Hornet's gonna show up yet?
Piranha: Shut up
Shark: Hey, little brother, don't get so upset
Piranha: Man...
Wolf: Tell Hornet how you feel, maybe steal a meal
Or you'll be hearing
Wolf, Snake, Shark, Tarantula, Mr. Gardener, Mrs. Gardener, and Chief Luggins: You got no skills
Just then, it was Hornet's turn as he came out from the kitchen, carrying a tray of food, and his co-workers danced in two lines and both sides.
Hornet: Nooo! No no nooo! No no nooo, no-no-no! Nooo, no-no-no! No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no, no-no-no-no-no!
Stay on sight, eyes forward until you've done the deposit It's all on my hands, no time to search through my pockets One spill from the cup, one slip, should not rock it Keep your head high now, you're already out of the closet
No, no, don't let this fall down...
While Hornet flew towards the customers' table with their order, the Bad Guys, Mr and Mrs. Gardener, and chief Luggins watched him while waiting for Piranha to make his move.
Tarantula: Yo, here's your chance; ask him out right now!
Hornet: Work's nearly done, maybe I should have a raise.
Wolf: Do something, make your move, don't be fazed!
After Hornet served the food the customers' ordered, Piranha bravely walked towards Hornet, and lightly poked him on the back to get his boyfriend's attention.
Piranha: Hey!
Hornet: You owe me a bottle of cold champagne!
Piranha: Work doing alright?
Hornet: Just longer work for credit and I'll be on the rich train!
Piranha: Well, the victory dinner is on me...
Hornet: Okay!
Wolf: Piranha, ask him out
Shark: No way!
Hornet: I'll see you later, so...
Hornet gave Piranha a wink before heading back to the kitchen to continue working, and Piranha just dreamingly watched him go, hoping he'll see his boyfriend later for another date.
The trance was interrupted when other Bad Guys, Mr. and Mrs. Gardener, and Chief Luggins burst into laughter for Piranha being too slow and speechless to speak up to Hornet, not to mention too slow to reach his real goal in life.
Wolf: Oooh... Smooth operator, aw, damn, there she goes! Yo, bro, take five, take a walk outside! You look exhausted, lost, don't let life slide! The whole hood is struggling, times are tight And you're stuck to this corner like a streetlight!
Taking his friend's advice, Piranha headed outside for some fresh air, and, all of a sudden, the residents of Boyle Heights were on the streets, dancing to the beat of the song in the background.
Piranha: Yeah, I'm a streetlight, chokin' on the heat The world spins around while I'm frozen to my seat The people that I know all keep on rollin' down the street But every day is different so I'm switchin' up the beat
Cause I came here with nothing, searching for a little more And sure, it can look poor, at least there's the front door And it's all about the legacy that created me, it's destiny And one day I'll be on a beach with governors writing checks to me
Boyle Heights residents: In the Heights, I hang my flag up on display
Piranha: We came to work and to live and we got a lot in common
Boyle Heights residents: It reminds me that I came from miles away
Piranha: No need to look, we are not stopping
Boyle Heights residents: In the Heights Every day, we work all day
Piranha: Until the day we go from being broke to being free
Boyle Heights residents: In the Heights I've got today!
Piranha: And today's all we got, so we cannot stop This is our block!
Boyle Heights residents: In the Heights I hang my flag up on display
Piranha: (Lo le lo le lo lai lai lo le!)
Boyle Heights residents: It reminds me that I came from miles away (Before I came from miles away...) In the Heights It gets more difficult every day
Piragua Guy: (Every day)
Boyle Heights residents: And tonight is so far away...
Piranha: But as for mañana, mi pana Ya gotta just keep watchin'
Boyle Heights residents: (In the Heights!)
Piranha: You'll see the late nights You'll feel the bright sights
Boyle Heights residents: (In the Heights!)
Piranha: Blossom and the green ice I ain't gonna say it twice
Boyle Heights residents: (In the Heights!)
Piranha: So turn up the stage lights We're takin' a flight To a couple of days in the life of what it's like
All: In Boyle Heights!
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The scene all changed when Piranha smiled while humming and having his eyes closed. Turned out, the whole musical number was just in Piranha's head. Everything was all in his head, his daydream.
The Bad Guys were in FasTogether, but they dined outside instead as the restaurant was still in ruins. It was still under renovation, so the customers were told to be dining outside. Business was still going to earn enough money for the renovation.
"Hey, Piranha! Wake up!" Shark shook Piranha awake from his daydream by shaking his shoulder.
The little fish snapped away to reality as he didn't know what just happened while he was daydreaming, "What? What happened?"
"You were humming for 15 minutes! You haven't eaten your food yet!" Snake said while pointing at a fried fish sandwich that Piranha ordered.
"Oh, right!" Piranha quickly grabbed the sandwich, and took a bite from it.
The Bad Guys were sitting on the table with an umbrella on top, shading themselves from the heat and the brightness of the sun.
Shark was still chewing on his burger, but he was uncomfortable dining outside "I hate eating outside. I wish we could eat inside. There's air conditioning there."
Wolf sighed as he explained while pointing to the restaurant, which had cardboards covering the windows, but it was dark and dusty inside, "Ever since the FasTogether kitchen burned down, Mr. and Mrs. Gardener had to make a lot of renovation in this place. The business is still going but there's a lot of adjustments for the time being."
As the other members of the Bad Guys understood, Piranha was fiddling with his sandwich as he thought of something or someone else than a burning restaurant interior, "Is Hornet coming after his shift?"
"Well, you know that bug. He wanted to change and forget his past. He'll come around at his own pace," Tarantula noted.
"I... guess so," Piranha hoped.
Ever since he and Hornet started dating, Piranha wanted to hang out more with him, but Hornet had been caught up with work, they dated less than usual on the first time of their relationship.
Speaking of Hornet, he arrived just in time in front of their table after serving another customer, "Hey guys."
"Hornet!" The Bad Guys greeted him happily.
"Did I miss anything?" The bug asked eagerly.
"Your boyfriend here really missed you. Isn't that sweet?" Tarantula cooed.
This made Piranha feel a little embarrassed that Tarantula tattled about his feelings, and Piranha looked awkwardly at Hornet, who was also blushing surprisingly.
Piranha wanted to drop the topic it was a little awkward and continued eating his sandwich.
Hornet snapped out of it as he was trying to stay focused on his job, "So... uh, here's your receipt." He put the receipt down on the table.
Wolf then pulled a 5-dollar bill from his pocket, "And here's your tip."
"Thanks, Wolf," Hornet happily accepted the money, even though the whole group shared the same money. It didn't matter. Coming from his friends made him so happy, "I'll meet you guys later at lunchtime. Mr. and Mrs. Gardener gave me a half-day for my hard work."
"That's great, Hornet." Snake smiled, feeling proud of his bug friend.
"Maybe we can do a little heist again?" Piranha suggested.
"Sure," "Hornet nodded smilingly. He liked the sight of Piranha, his best friend... his boyfriend. He really loved this fish, and he'd do anything for him, even if he had to sacrifice his work for him. The insect then shook his head to snap out of his thoughts, and said, "I'll see you later, guys." He flew off back into the restaurant to get some more orders as his friends waved goodbye to him.
Though Piranha expected something from Hornet, he didn't want to request it because of work, so Piranha just dropped it, and looked down, feeling a bit disappointed that Hornet forgot something. To his surprise, Hornet returned to Piranha's side, and said, "Almost forgot!" he kissed him on the cheek, "Bye!" He then flew away as fast as he could back into the restaurant.
Piranha was very surprised by that. He couldn't believe Hornet had almost forgotten yet did what he wanted from him. Guess this is what it's going to be from now on. Now that they're boyfriends, their relationship would evolve into romance. The feeling was new to both of them, but Piranha loved it hard, and wanted to stay that way with Hornet.
As soon as Hornet left, the Bad Guys finished up their food, and threw away their trash.
"Come on, we have to head back to the hideout," Wolf noted as he led his friends to their car on the sidewalk.
Piranha just finished his sandwich before throwing the wrapper away. Before he could follow his friends, he looked back at the restaurant, still thinking about Hornet. He wished he could see him sooner than lunchtime. Piranha quickly ran to the car before his friend would leave him behind.
As Wolf drove the car on the road of Boyle Heights, Piranha looked out the window, and began to wonder that, if these people worked really hard for their dreams, he wished he could reach his someday. He hoped there would be a sign for him to reach that dream.
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The beginning of the chapter is a reference from In The Heights which Anthony Ramos was starred in. I even used the opening song from the movie from this chapter. I had been studying the location of the Bad Guys' hideout under 6th St. Viaduct bridge, and I found out it was near Boyle Heights, a neighborhood in Los Angeles, California, located east of the Los Angeles River, so that was why I decided to use the reference of the opening song of In The Heights.
Special thanks to TU4QU0I53T4IAN6L3 for helping me with the song lyrics. There were a lot of lyric changes for this song to fit Piranha and the Bad Guys universe.
In this story, Piranha and Hornet are a couple, but ever since their official relationship, they haven't gone out on a real date yet due to Hornet's working schedule.
FasTogether finally appeared and was still in business since its incident in The Bad Guys season 1 chapter "The Bad Blog". It is also shown that FasTogether restaurant was located in Boyle Heights, despite being an All-American restaurant.
Mira Rose and her daughter Mariposa only appeared in Piranha's musical daydream. Mira was "voiced" by Stephanie Beatriz who also appeared in "In The Heights" movie with Anthony Ramos as one of the Salon Ladies. In this story, she sang the Salon Ladies' verse from the original song. As a reporter, Mira's verse indicated Former President Donald Trump's current news.
I hope you like my first chapter of The Bad Guys: The Musical so far. This was a really good story to write. See you guys soon!
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mazelicious · 10 months
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Three types of Criminal Minds fans:
1. Only there for Boygenius
2. Thought Jemily was canon and realized it wasn't too late
3. Mourning the family they don't have.
Oh you thought one of the groups was people who like criminal shows?!!
Bold of you.
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risingphoenix87 · 2 years
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More Villainous Found Family AU Incorrect Quotes!
*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*  
Hans: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.  
Everyone:  ...
Prof. Callaghan: ...I did. I broke it.  
Hans: No. No you didn't. Ernesto? 
 Ernesto: Don't look at me. Look at la oveja.
Dawn: What?! I didn't break it.  
Ernesto: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?  
Dawn: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken. 
 Ernesto: Suspicious.  
Dawn: No, it's not!  
Randall: If it matters, probably not, but Gothel was the last one to use it.  
Gothel: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!  
Randall: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier? 
Gothel: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Boggs!  
Prof. Callaghan: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Hans.  
Hans: No! Who broke it!?  
Everyone: ....
Randall: Hans... Ernesto's been awfully quiet.  
Ernesto: rEALLY?!  
*Everyone starts arguing*  
Hans, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.  (smirks) Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
(the little sneak; well, he has to remind them of who they are)
Prof. Callaghan: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.  
Dawn: What if it bites me and it dies!?  
Ernesto: Then you’re poisonous. Dios mio, Oveja, learn to listen.  
Randall: What if it bites itself and I die? 
Charles: That’s voodoo.  
Gothel: What if it bites me and someone else dies?  
Dawn: That’s correlation, not causation. 
Randall: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?  
Charles: That’s kinky. (winks at Prof. Callaghan) 
Prof. Callaghan: Oh my God. (blushes like mad)
Hans: We are not mad. We are just disappointed.
Prof. Callaghan: No, we are mad.
Hans: Yes. We are. We are livid. But we are going to let this one slide.
Prof. Callaghan: No, we’re not!
Hans: I am not a mind reader, Professor!
Prof Callaghan: Would you slap Dawn-
Randall: Yes.
Prof. Callaghan: I didn't even finish!
Randall: Sorry, continue.
Prof. Callaghan: Would you slap Dawn for 10 dollars?
Randall: I would do it for free.
Dawn: Rude…
Ernesto: If I run and leap at Dawn, she will most certainly catch me in her arms. 
Ernesto, running towards Dawn: Coming in! 
Dawn: No! I’m holding coffee! 
Dawn: *Drops coffee and catches Ernesto*
The Squad: *walking at the mall*
Hans: Hey, have any of you guys seen Syndrome? He's been gone for a while..
Dawn: Eh, nope.
Ernesto: No, I haven’t...
Charles: Probably ran off to McDonald’s or something.
Syndrome: Hey.
Hans: Ooh, there you are-
Dawn: What the-
Charles: I- where were you?!
Syndrome: Walking right behind you guys.
Charles: You seem familiar... have I threatened you before?
Syndrome: When will Ted himself...finally show up to the talk?
Turbo: The final boss.
Prof. Callaghan: You guys know TEDtalks stands for technology, entertainment, and design talks, right?
Syndrome: I will not let Ted hide behind these lies any longer!
Hans: So, Charles is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.
Prof. Callaghan: Why?
Hans: Because I've caught him trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.
Charles, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.
Dawn: Why were you up yesterday until 3am?
Ernesto: How did you know I was up until 3am?
Hans: We could hear you clapping to the FRIENDS intro every 25 minutes.
Syndrome: So according to the cease and desist order I got, apparently you can’t ‘legally’ be a lawyer if your license is ‘cut out of a cereal box’.
Prof. Callaghan, singing to the tune of I Kissed a Girl: I killed a guy, and I liked it-
Charles, whispering: Should we call the exorcist?
Syndrome, also singing: The taste of his cherry chapstick.
Randall, appalled: Call the exorcist.
Dawn, talking about Turbo: Is this a friend of yours, Randall?
Randall: Kind of? Not really. He's in my life and there's nothing I can do about it.
(I kind of think this is how Randall views the squad in general…or at least pretends to view them)
Charles: We’re playing Scrabble. It’s a nightmare.
Syndrome: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great.
Charles: Not when you’re playing with Callaghan, it’s not. He puts words like “ephemeral” and I put “dog.”
Randall: Hold on, I can explain!
Charles: Really? Can you now?
Randall: I can if you give me a minute to think of a convincing lie.
Prof. Callaghan: We’re all in this together. If one of us falls, we all fall. Nobody is expendable on this team.
Gothel: Sounds fake but ok.
Dawn: Hey, wanna hear a funny joke?
Hans: I only like dark humor.
Dawn, turning the lights off: What do you call a fake noodle?
Hans: ….
Dawn: An IMPASTA!
Charles: [raising his cane] You won’t be so beautiful when I’m done with you! 
Gothel: Aww, you think I’m beautiful?
Dawn: You spent all our money on THIS??
Ernesto, putting tiny raincoats on ducklings: They live outside. They need this.
Ernesto: Hey, let’s mess with Carlos, amigos!
Prof. Callaghan: Hey, Charles, your momma so fat-
Charles: My mom committed multiple war crimes and is now locked in solitary confinement in a Bolivian prison.
Randall: Well, uh- your dad-
Charles: My father left when I was two to be captured and consequentially sacrificed by a group of feral ferrets.
Prof. Callaghan: The fuck-
Dawn: Well then...
Ernesto: Stop, Oveja!
Dawn: Your grandparents so-
Charles: My grandmother floated into the sky like a balloon with too much helium when my grandfather spontaneously combusted.
Charles: You cannot best me, mortals.
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flambo19 · 5 days
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Stellaron Hunter Game Night 🎮
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doctorwhommm · 11 months
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🛸 it all started out as a mild curiosity in a junkyard …. 🛸
(open for higher quality)
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brightgoat · 1 year
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Bad found family trope.
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