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beckyblah · 1 year

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Ummm I know I’m like a year late to the party but Zerxus except it’s all based off of expressions Luis made during the show

#exu: calamity #critical role #critical role exu #critical role fanart #critical role art #exu zerxus #zerxus ilerez #cr #cr fanart #cr Zerxus #my art

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mspencerdraws · 2 years

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Been a while since I've done CR fanart, but I'm halfway thru the last episode of and I just had to draw something. Whiiich ended up being a whole sketchpage of Zerxus Ilerez....>.> (My other Critical Role Fanart) (Find me on Twitter) Uncolored Drawing Below

#EXU:Calamity #exu calamity #calamity spoilers #critical role spoilers #Critical Role Fanart #Critical Role Art #zerxus ilerez #cr zerxus #Tempus #my art #critical role #sketchbook #sketch #drawing #digital color #mace of the black crown #fanart

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maesquirrel · 2 years

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You believed. And that is not a fault.

#critical role #exu calamity #exu spoilers #critrole art #cr fanart #cr zerxus #zerxus ilerez #my art #maeart #fanart #critrole

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mara-phelion · 2 years

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the more i think about it the more i realize that zerxus' situation is like so much more fucked up if we add elias' appearance in the situation

luis confirmed some part of zerxus did fall for asmodeus, but also mixed with convoluted paternal love, which sounds bad but it also makes sense when we take into consideration that while asmodeus pretty much looked like an uncanny valley version of his dead husband, that is also probably what zerxus envisions elias to look like especially when he grows up

there's that love and longing he felt for evandrin that he felt when died, and then there's also another form of that love and longing he felt for elias that he felt when they became closed off to each other

adding to that: he missed so much of elias and the last time he saw him, he was just a little kid who needed guidance and protection. then when he saw asmodeus, he exuded this energy of a need for someone to help him (dare i say a child-like helplessness and innocence)

for zerxus to be subconsciously battling between seeing evandrin and then seeing the son he feared he wouldn't see growing up before his eyes

the idea of him being torn between this demonic image of his husband AND his son, both being the most beautiful people he's ever known, and to see that face and those features on the literal devil himself must have been a wild ride for him

#critical role #exandria unlimited calamity #exu calamity #exu calamity spoilers #zerxus ilerez #cr zerxus #elias ilerez #evandrin ilerez #cr asmodeus #mara phelion: some thoughts head not that empty #exu wrap up #exu calamity wrap up

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primordialsneeze · 2 years

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Finally got the nerve to watch the last episode of EXU Calamity, and I had to stop in the middle to relieve my stress with some humor.

Zerxus with his face devoid of skin, his spine broken:

Patia, Nydas, Loquatius, and Laerryn:

Cerrit returning to his friends to find them all dead:

#critical role #exu calamity #cr calamity #zerxus ilerez #exu zerxus #cr zerxus #loquatius seelie #patia por'co #nydas okiro #laerryn coramar seelie #cerrit agrupnin #exu cerrit #exu patia #exu laerryn #exu nydas #exu loquatius #exandria unlimited calamity

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polar534 · 2 years

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Soooooo... I was combing through Taldorei Campaign Setting Reborn, and discovered this passage.

I'm sure this is just speaking of the perverse nature of hell, with the wording of left hand being more important (Sorry lefties, but the phrase isn't: His left-hand man). But I can't help but feel this passage specifically leaves out someone else maybe even more important. And that perhaps, at Asmodius's right hand lies Zerxus, the First Knight of Avalar. The mortal who was so arrogant he believed he could redeem the God who created the devils themselves.

#critical role #exu calamity #exu: calamity spoilers #cr zerxus #exandria unlimited calamity #cr spoilers #cr speculation #i know this book was written before Calamity #but it leaves such a perfect space for Zerxus #forgotten to everyone but the love still searching for him #cr theory #well #crackpot theory #at least

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chalkbird · 2 years

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it's been almost three months since the first episode of exu calamity and i still think about "whom did we betray" every single day

#every single day #i am not kidding #brennan lee mulligan #critical role #dnd #dungeons and dragons #exu: calamity #exandria unlimited calamity #exu #exandria unlimited #exu calamity #betrayer gods #cr zerxus #zerxus ilerez #luis carazo #cr calamity

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gxdsetmxnsters · 2 years

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Zerxus’ talk with Asmodeus near the end of episode 2 fucking HURTS. I know Asmodeus is essentially lying to garner sympathy, but he’s so compelling.

#【✑|Quoth the Raven】#zerxus ilerez #cr zerxus #critrole #critical role exandria #critical role exu #exandria unlimited calamity #exu calmity spoilers #cr exu calamity #exu calamity Asmodeus

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britcision · 2 years

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I dunno if anyone has discussed this yet but I’m on ep 3 of Calamity and how the fuck did Zerxus become First Knight of Avalir?

He doesn’t like the dang city

He doesn’t wanna be there

He’d rather go vibing with his griffin than attend ANY civic function

And he actively blames the mages of the city for not bringing his husband back, the previous First Knight

Did this shit just not occur to anyone?

Like no one in the city knows shit about fiends the whole thing with Admodeus I don’t think anyone could have done better, I just think you’d want a loyal/enthusiastic First Knight

He’s a very capable fighter and they’re mostly mages but they had all those eldritch knights and shit, he’s not the only dude with a sword in town

What are the hiring practices of this dang mageocracy

Everyone else is in a job they love, top of their fields, 10/10 crushing it, and Zerxus is just about 30 seconds from moving to a little cottage in the country

#critical role #cr exu tag #exandria unlimited: calamity #zerxus ilerus #cr zerxus #what does the first knight even do #does he have underlings #also #talk about awkward #‘hey you know how your husband died? you want his job?’

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primasveraas-writing · 2 years

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“and the world went away"

The title is from West Side Story. The full song lyric is “I saw you and the world went away.”

I listened to Billie Eilish’s “The End of the World” on repeat while writing this. It fits the theme very well, and I recommend listening while reading.

Exu Calamity spoilers lie ahead! And angst!

WORD COUNT: 1729

XXX

Zerxus is restless.

Sleep is plagued by nightmares, and his waking moments are filled with worry. Anxiety drowns him- he is busy as First Knight of Avalir, but there is still enough time for dread and worry to creep in during whatever quiet moments he stumbles into.

He tries not to think about his nightmares. The Replenishment approaches, and there is much to do. He will see Elias soon.

He tries not to think about his son. There is Avalir, bright, front, and center, and yet-

There is a dark pit in his stomach. There are holes in his heart. Some will never be healed, but his son- he is close, and his forgiveness alone could bring Zerxus back into the light. He could fix it all, if his sweet son had the strength in his own heart.

If Zerxus let him. If Zerxus truly wanted to heal.

And of course, that thought leads to greater fear and anxiety, and the underlying horror of what if he hates me? There are the nightmares, and the call to duty, and the still-throbbing loss of Evandrin, and underneath that, there is a quiet, thready pulse of my son my son my son- I’ll see him soon, and even if he hates me, I’ll see his face again.

He tries to picture his son, older- (You know I won’t look like this when you come home)- but all he sees is the young boy he had left behind. All he sees is Evandrin’s face, his eyes and his hair and his face, and although Zerxus can imagine his son, he cannot see him.

Quiet of his own making surrounds Zerxus. A part of him, that died years ago, misses late nights and early mornings with a newborn. Misses gentle snores and deep breaths in bed beside him, aches for the nonsensical chatter of a young child. He has not had a home since Evandrin died, and if his heart were whole, he might know the loss of one, noise and laughter and all.

The grief- what he feels and chooses not to feel- threatens to swallow him.

His nightmares get worse.

The Replenishment approaches.

Something is coming.

Something does. He hears his husband’s voice, sees his face, and pulls the Lord of Hells into Exandria.

There is chaos, and death is around every corner. The Ring of Brass is scattered and confused, and Zerxus cannot help them. He cannot think, cannot understand the magnitude of what he’s just done. But in all of it, in spite of everything-

Zerxus is foolish. When the world begins to end, he is relieved that his first thought is of his son- a cruel voice whispers that it took the end of the world for Zerxus to think of Elias before Avalir. A good father would always consider their child first.

Zerxus is not sure he’s a good father, but as the fires and screams begin, Zerxus fights his way to his son, before anything else can happen.

He makes his way down, down, down- through fire and smoke and death, to see his son. To warn him. To ensure his safety. To say goodbye.

He won’t recognize you. Not because your grief has shaped you, aged you, but because your soul has been blackened. You have changed, Zerxus Ilerez, and you are no father that Elias would know.

But nonetheless, his feet hit the ground- real ground, he is back on the earth, far from the clouds, for the first time in seven years-

Eaedalus greets him in the crowd of scrambling people, asks after his brother. He’s alive, Elias is alive-

“See him yourself,” Eaedalus says, and Zerxus finally does.

There is Elias- older and taller, and still so young in the face, but sorrow and wisdom and many more years of life shining in his eyes- and overwhelming love hits Zerxus, as strong as the first time. Love so powerful it chokes Zerxus, brings tears to his eyes, makes him stumble and his heart thud to a stop in his chest. Love like I cannot believe one person can feel this much and I think if I loved you any more it would destroy me.

(I loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you.)

Then he recoils in shock and fear, and Zerxus remembers that he is a monster, that he is covered in blood and gore, and worse still, there are horns sprouting from his head. He is marked by evil-

-and his son, 13, looks at him, and goes:

“Daddy?”

He is still a boy. Barely a teenager. Far from a man, no longer a child- until Zerxus looks in his eyes, and sees Elias, young and afraid, sees his son at five years old, before his world was shattered with grief and pain.

“Dad?”

“It’s me.” Zerxus is a traitor, a monster, to his city, to his people, to his son. “Just look at my eyes.”

There is no time. His city and the world are dying- Zerxus doesn’t have time to be here; there’s not enough time even for this rushed goodbye.

Elias deserves far more. He has deserved more his whole life.

You cannot choose him now. You are mine. You have dedicated years to this city, to your grief, to your own selfishness. You get minutes with your son. But you are mine for the rest of eternity.

“I have to go.”

Zerxus has only minutes. He got to see Elias’ face one last time.

His son stares at him, and there is fear and sorrow, and little else. He looks confused, and Zerxus doesn’t know what to do, how to comfort him- father and son, strangers-

“This is for you. Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about me and your father, it’s here.”

A book, instead of years of joy and time together, for the boy he loves but doesn’t know, hasn’t known, betrayed, left behind, failed. His husband’s flesh and blood, an echo of the person they both loved, and the only true remnant of the life they had together.

By dawn, Elias will be alone again, and that life will be truly gone.

“Dad, Dad- wait- I’m sorry! I’m sorry.”

There is so much regret, and it belongs to Zerxus alone. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“I do.”

In his hands, Elias holds a spell kite, complete and unsent.

They didn’t get to say hello, and now this is goodbye. Elias couldn’t bear to face his father, the man who abandoned him to grief, and now Zerxus is leaving again.

“I don’t know why I didn’t send it.”

I do. “It’s okay.”

“I don’t know why I didn’t-”

“You don’t need to explain yourself. I know why, and it’s okay. It’s okay.”

I have broken your heart a thousand times, in all the ways that parents do, and in so many more.

I’m going to break your heart again.

Please, please, understand, if only one far-off day.

“Elias, I loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you. Everything I’ve wished for you to know about me, it’s in this book. Take it with you.”

I have kept so many of my thoughts and dreams and wishes for him in this book.

My son, I loved your father so much that when I lost him, I forgot how to live.

I should have lived for you.

You were just a child.

When Zerxus looks at his son now, older and taller, sorrow and wisdom and years of life shining in his eyes, he still sees the boy he knew long ago, when their family was whole and happy, and things were right. That is the boy who begs for his forgiveness, who sees his father and what he has become and loves him.

He can’t breathe. He didn’t think anything could be worse than meeting Elias again. The love he feels, fresh and raw and renewed, was enough to kill him, and now it is mingled with endless grief, and it chokes him.

Elias- thirteen, seven, five- stares at him still.

“You will always be five years old to me, no matter how much you grow.”

My son, my son, my son.

All I will ever know is that I loved you.

“Dad!”

“I have to go.”

He tears himself away, and he feels his heart break over again the second Elias leaves his sight. Tempus nuzzles him, and then Elias is right behind him, holding the journal and spell kite and feather.

"Dad, tell me that you're going to be all right. Why do you look like this?"

Or: I cannot lose you too. What’s going to happen?

Zerxus cannot tell the truth, and cannot muster the strength to lie to his son, either.

“What you see on the outside doesn't matter, my son. Just remember what's here.” He looks at his son- young and beautiful and so much like his father. “Then you will always see me for who I really am.”

Before I was a monster, I was your father.

You will always be my son, no matter how far- how changed I am. And that matters

Tempus flutters his wings, and they lurch into the air. Zerxus hears Elias cry out, but he doesn’t look back until he is far above, watching Elias be dragged towards the ships until he disappears beneath clouds and smoke.

Avalir needs him now. If he helps the city, the world- then he gives Elias a better chance, too.

Avalir needs him now. He has failed his city, but there is an hour left.

There is nothing he can do and so much he can do. Dawn approaches. His son will live to understand, the Ring of Brass will die, and if Zerxus too lives, he will face a far worse ending.

Perhaps. Perhaps that is their fate. Perhaps there is more.

Zerxus turns to the sky and glimpses the last of the stars shining far above. Horns weigh heavy on his head.

The stars are bright before the break of day. He pictures how the next night will look, from the ground of a ruined world instead of high above on shining Avalir. Still, he knows that the night sky, hidden behind smoke and ash, will be the same bright and constant view when he finally sees it again.

#this fuckin series is so sad just kill me lmafo #exu calamity #exandria unllimited calamity #exandria calamity #exandria unlimited #zerxus ilerez #exu zerxus #zerxus x evandrin #cr zerxus #critical role #critical role fanfiction #critrole #cr #elias #cr elias #elias alterra #exu fanfic #exu evandrin #exu calamity fanfic

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jennguyen-draws · 2 years

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“Forgiveness” - a moment between Zerxus and Laerryn

Time stamp: Episode 4 2:39:00

Image description: [Comic illustrating the moment between Laerryn and Zerxus in episode 4 of ExU Calamity. Top panel depicts Zerxus kissing Laerryn on her forehead. Bottom panel shows them looking at each other. At the bottom is the quote “I forgive you…And so does Evandrin.”]

My other ExU Calamity fanart:

Tempus

Zerxus destroying the bar

It’s important to dream

There are many more dreams to come