#cdd protector
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"I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy" well I fucking would
#angercore#actuallyabused#actually abused#actuallytraumatized#actually traumatized#did protector#cdd protector#actuallydid#actuallycdd#actually did#actually cdd#actuallycptsd#actually cptsd#levi.speaking#my.posts
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i love you protectors
i love you protectors who struggle with your role
i love you protectors who feel overwhelmed sometimes or all the time
i love you protectors who are also persecutors , gatekeepers , prosecutors , caretakers , hosts or any other extra role
i love you protectors who hate your role sometimes or all the time
#endos dni#actually did#polyfrag did#did system#did alter#did osdd#osdd#cdd system#osddid#endos fuck off#protector alter
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am i the asshole for calling a protector alter "the mean / angry one"
so, context, i've been questioning DID on and off for about 4 years now (TikTok is what got me to research it, like ACTUALLY research it not just watch a couple of TikTok's lol) and a couple of months ago i realized i have some sort of protector alter after i got in a fight with my dad and they fronted. they had fronted b4 100%, but i always just thought i had anger issues, yk ?? but this time, i could literally FEEL myself be pushed out of front, like it was extremely disorienting and i could hear and see myself doing / saying things that I WASNT DOING.
anyways, because i have no communication w/ my sys, i didnt know what to call this alter, i had names for 2 other alters atp, sarah, whos a caretaker, and i have a basic idea of her appearance, and jack, whos a persecutor and again, basic idea of appearance. but this alter ? nothing, nada, no fucking CLUE
so, i have MaDD, or maladaptive daydreaming disorder, and in one of these daydreams, me (as in me in the daydream) ALSO had did, and in this daydream i referred to this alter as 'the angry one", and instantly i felt this SURGE of emotions that werent mine, like i felt SICK to my stomach, the feelings were so strong i got ripped out of my daydream. like i was just sat in the middle of my room trying to process what was essentially a psychic fuck you.
i realized pretty quickly after that that, yeah, that was a bit shitty of me, and ive been since calling this alter red, but i still feel like they hate me. i mean, idk for SURE, but im scared that they do.
so like. AITA ?
#system protector#madd#maladaptive daydreaming#aita#am i the asshole#plurality#plural system#plural community#cdd#cdd system#did system#osdd#didosdd#osdd system#didosdd system#dissociative identity disorder#otherwise specified dissociative disorder
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That moment when your emotional protector does their job and suddenly you’re the bad guy
#did system#actually did#did#did alter#cdd system#emotional protector#endo dni#endo supporters dni#system#dissociative identity disorder#traumagenic did
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You are angry because you are love itself
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*Maladaptive Daydreaming is the disordered form of Immersive Daydreaming/Dissociative Absorption (which I believe is the foundation of endogenic plurality experiences), therefore would only really apply to "disordered plurals" that don't have a CDD, similarly not all pwMD would identify as plural the same as most pwCDDs don't use that label
*"Plural Dissociative Disorder" is used here as the best phrase I can come up with to communicate disorders that involve systems of parts/alters/headmates as it wouldn't be a CDD. Although I recognise many do not like this term, everyone hopefully understands what I mean by it
This is the best summary I can find that I feel argues for why it should be included as such:
Arguments against: As a concept it may err ever so slightly too closely to the fantasy model of DID or give credibility to many aspects that the community has worked very hard to move away from.
Overlap: Early reports put comorbidity of MD and DID at only 12.8% but more recent reports have it at more like 40-50%. Prevalence of MD, that is the disordered utilisation of immersive daydreaming/dissociative absorption as a form of escapism, increases dramatically during periods of global unrest, the COVID 19 pandemic saw a marked increase in communities seemingly built around utilising Immersive Daydreaming/Dissociative Absorption such as the reality shifting communities which used guides very very similar to switching and imposition guides shared by the Willo/paragenic communities
Possible explanation for rift in community: many people simply do not have the ability to immersive daydream, and it would seem that the majority of DID research and literature has been written about and focuses on pwDID that don't have this innate ability. A lack of inner world and phobia of the inner experience such as no knowledge and access to parts are commonly described in literature but are at odds with the majority of online presentations of CDDs. It may be that more CDD systems are utilising an immersive daydreaming capability in a more (mostly)positive way thanks to community sharing of experiences, while those who do not have this ability are left dumbfounded by how much the online community doesn't match their experience. Similarly, those with CDDs who can and do utilise this ability would find more shared experiences with the wider plural community including identifying as mixedorigin because immersive daydreaming would be an ability that predates trauma development of a CDD or becoming disordered due to later trauma
Personal experience: I have both DID parts/alters and Immersive Daydreaming headmates. I find this a very useful framework to understand my experience as it allows me to differentiate the needs of both and ensure that one doesn't negatively impact the other. I also believe it's very important to differentiate between them in form and function, while not viewing one as more valid than the other. Treating all ID headmates as alters can quickly become overwhelming if healing is a goal while treating alters as ID headmates can be very damaging and make them feel like they're being exposed and need to retreat further or have protectors and persecutors lash out. I don't think it's wrong to acknowledge that right now there are pwCDDs who mistakenly believe they're endogenic plurals and disordered plurals that mistakenly believe they have CDDs (and potentially therapists misdiagnosing as well).
Psychs: Nijenhuis, Ross, Dell, and Somer all seem to be dancing around this issue from slightly different angles right now, Nijenhuis trying to differentiate purely trauma based pathological dissociative experiences, while Ross has explored a proneness to dissociation, Dell has explored a proneness to hypnotisability, and Somer first identified maladaptive daydreaming whilst also being one of the key researchers into trauma and dissociation over the last few decades. Outside of these there are many psychs that have noticed a marked shift in presentations of patients that supposedly have CDDs resulting in increased research into things like Imitative DID and Malingering/factitious disorder as it relates to DID. Identifying immersive daydreaming as a contributing factor to this change in presentation may help reduce the number of false negatives AND false positives.
I can also very much understand why some might find the particular language of "daydreaming" and "character" to be invalidating towards their headmates, there are cultural connotations to those words. This may largely be due to the research being done into non plural patients but that is clearly changing. There certainly seems to be acknowledgement of the autonomy that can be found when analysing MD through a plural lens though so this language may certainly change as endogenic plurality is brought into the literature more.
#syscourse#dissociative identity disorder#system community#plural community#endogenic#pro endo#maladaptive daydreaming
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Introduction
ᨒ↟↟｡ ˚｡ ↟ . . . HAVEN SYSTEM . . . ↟ ｡˚ ｡↟↟ᨒ
We are an autistic and polyfragmented DID system.
As a collective, you can always call us Plague or Hybrid and use our they/them pronouns.
We are bodily 24, white and European. Our first language is French.
We are taken and dating a wonderful artist who unfortunately does not have an account here.
We run @sys-confessions and @plague-aesthetics.
If you are here to look for the masterlist of traumagenic-only community blogs, find it here.
If you want to chat, feel free to DM us and we'll give you our Discord.
ᨒ↟↟｡ ˚｡ ↟ . . . DNI . . . ↟ ｡˚ ｡↟↟ᨒ
› Basic DNI
› Endogenic systems
› NSFW blogs
› If you are a pro-endo CDD system, don't bring up syscourse, and you'll be fine.
ᨒ↟↟｡ ˚｡ ↟ . . . ALTERS . . . ↟ ｡˚ ｡↟↟ᨒ
› Note: We won't always be using sign-offs and won't be listing all of our alters, even if they are active on our blog.
› [🐈⬛] Aster┊┊host and protector, he/they┊┊ #🐈⬛. . .
› [💥] Asters┊┊co-host and persecutor, he/him┊┊ #💥. . .
› [🌾] Rhye ┊┊protector and caregiver, he/him┊┊ #🌾. . .
› [🐇] ——┊┊caregiver, she/they┊┊ #🐇. . .
› [❔] Blurry┊┊ #❔. . .
› Currently dormant
› [🔥] Ignis┊┊persecutor and protector, he/they┊┊ #🔥. . .
› [🦇] ——┊┊anxiety holder, he/him┊┊ #🦇. . .
› [⚔️] Damocles┊┊protector and caregiver, he/him┊┊ #⚔️. . .
› [🔪] ——┊┊just a guy, he/him┊┊ #🔪. . .
ᨒ↟↟｡ ˚｡ ↟ . . . TAGS . . . ↟ ｡˚ ｡↟↟ᨒ
#plague hybrid
#plague reblogs
#system ask game
#plague spins
#pagan plague
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You know what? Let's talk about racial trauma today. Specifically mine. This is going to be a ridiculous long post (again), so bare with me. It's a bit of a trauma dump but not a vent. Tw for racism and internalized racism ofc.
To start, we're a black system, and we grew up in the suburbs. And if you know nothing else about the suburbs, it's primarily white. The area we were in was luckily in the Midwest, meaning that while there was still racism it wasn't as bad as the horror stories I heard in college.
Ok, so what were the effects of all this?
1) A lot of internalized racism. I'm not going to describe most of it for my own mental health, but it can be summed up pretty well with this video.
2) A huge disconnect to black culture that I still struggle with today. I feel like I don't know how to be a black person, and I don't know how to fix that. Combine that with some anxiety that you are "doing black wrong," and you got someone who's even more paralyzed to research their own culture.
3) Still suffering from the same generational abuse that is typical for black families but not having the same sort of community to help me process and deal with it.
And there's probably a ton more I'm not thinking of the moment. Now, how did this impact my system?
1) Not having a lot of alters that "look black." I'm fairly light skinned for a black person (but not mixed race). Combine that with the internalized racism mentioned above, and you have a child who fundamentally doesn't see themselves as black and is uncomfortable with reminder. We don't have a lot of concrete information on a childhood - much of it is a blur because, well, CDD - but what we were able to gather from drawings we drew when we were younger, we viewed ourselves as fair skinned, instead of the darker skin we actually have. Pretty much all of the older alters have fair skin or a straight-up completely non-human. Combined with the fact we currently split mostly fictives, there's not a lot of alters in our system who look like how our body does.
2) Similarly, almost no alters in our system resonate with black culture nor know how to act in a primarily black setting (although I will say there is no correct way to act besides being yourself). It's uncomfortable to feel that divide and have no clue how to solve it. This also manifests in a lot of animal alters, hybrid alters, and general shapeshifters.
Funnily enough, all this excludes our middle, who is enthusiastically in black culture (though he does know how to shape-shift between human and animal forms). So you have this fair skinned teenager who is very excited to be black and learn more about black culture.
3) I won't go too deep into this point as it's primarily the trauma that caused our system. But it permutations every aspect of our system. Our caretakers, persecutors, protectors, and trauma holder are all affected by this.
There's a reason I don't go into how my race affects my plurality; most of the effects are negative. I'm sure there's other poc that feel similarly. And you end up with an interesting but equally distressing post. Anyway idk how to end this post so the end. You can go home now.
Feel free to reblog it and comment on it if you like.
#syscourse#long post#alex+peter#been thinking about what a certain asshole said#so might as well talk about race and plurality
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Hi! I,, have a question with some specific context that could, potentially, spark some conversation.
I’d say its relatively important to the context to note that I’m also a dx DID system, but im an anon, so take of that what u will.
When our system’s body was around 11-12, our system’s host “created” an alter. Basically like the host had an active role in creating him as opposed to, idk, a regular split or something. What we do know is that this headmate/alter of dubious origin, has fronted in traumatic times and took role as primary protector for years until our current primary protector was reintroduced to the host through therapy. It was also how the host established communication internally with “the actual” system so early, before we knew we were a system.
My only question here is would that be considered “endogenic” origins for a headmate? By all means, we are DID system, and only split based on traumas and survival, but *literally* only this headmate/alter has caused internal conflict for the system, but especially the host who created him (and is still around).
The host originally believed that, when we were first diagnosed, there was absolutely no way that we could have DID because of the active creation of that singular alter, which our psychologist acknowledged, but pointed out otherwise, thru a slew of, like, legitimate reasons (its 12am and we leave for a trip soon, my wording isn’t great, but for some reason, I just cant *not* write this ask).
I, unnamed alter in the system, am wondering if active creation in an alter is possible? I guess in general? It was entirely a form of survival for ourselves at the time to make the alter/headmate of dubious origin, he was what the system needed at that time, but we wonder what terminology we would use for him, or what he would be considered, community wise ig. To be blunt, its almost a validation thing in a way.
Our system is anti-endo. We dont believe systems can form from anything other than trauma in formative years, but the active creation thing seems??? Not a normal experience and maybe, like, invalidating to our existence??? We have alters from before he existed, but he was like our ground zero in communication. The alter that helped “bridge the gap”. The host loves him, and he loves the host. They were attached at the hip until the diagnosis because his existence felt inherently invalidating BUT thats not the point and more venting
TLDR ;
The host actively made a dude in our head who ended up being a main factor in our survival at the time but because the host *actively made* the dude, as opposed to “normal splitting”, does that make him inherently “endogenic”?
Hi, that's normal! And anyone who says otherwise can fight me. Thank you for sending this, it's really not talked about enough.
CDD systems can and do "create" alters, though it's typically not quite that simple once you get into the subconscious.
Firstly, once the development of the sense of self is interrupted in childhood, you've already completed the step that "tulpamancers" are trying to learn. Personally, I don't believe it's possible to dissociate to that extent once the sense of self is developed (I think they're already highly prone to dissociative tendencies, take from that what you will), but CDD systems are already ten steps into the process and it's not out of the realm of possibility (and in fact, it's highly reported) that CDD systems frequently create alters in a number of different ways, including processes similar to willing and creating alters into existence. People with DID already dissociate really good, it's not shocking that we would be able to will a new member into existence with enough thought and pressure. We're just not thinking of it as something similar to endogenic or created alters until it's pointed out, or we understand that there's something deeper at play.
But that's active creation, and now we get into:
"If there's a need, the brain will supply."
This is more based on the personal interpretation of alters in the process of becoming aware, but can be applied to brand new alters.
One general interpretation is based in denial and a feeling of a lack of control, and is similar to active creation.
It's extremely easy to convince yourself that you did this, purposefully and with intent. That you chose systemhood and that you chose to create this alter. CDDs are caused by factors entirely outside of our control, and people will look for, and find, a sense of control in any way possible.
Including telling yourself that you're doing something consciously, even when you're not (loosely based on the same idea as this).
Which came first, the fragment or the need? Was there already a fragment floating around that you helped to pick a name and appearance, and that contained traits that you needed, whether you consciously knew you needed those traits in your system or not? Or did you realize you needed those things, and a fragment came forward to pick up the role?
It doesn't help that alters can be created from overwhelming situations (not just traumatic situations), and the brain is notoriously bad at letting you know when you're stressed and overwhelmed. Not only that, but alters can take years to make themselves known, making it impossible to pinpoint their creation (unless they know, but they usually don't).
So did you really pick that name? That trait? Or was it already there?
The second interpretation is simply misinterpretation.
I have an alter that took a liking to an OC and became that. Again, which came first, the character or the alter? Does it matter? Was I writing based on an alter that already existed but that I couldn't communicate with? Or did a fragment take a liking to the character and traits? Did I look at those traits and think, "I could really use that right now," and my brain agreed? It would be very easy to misinterpret the entire situation to mean that I created this alter, either by complete accident or purposefully, consciously or unconsciously. Where do we draw the line at "created" alters? Does it need to be active creation? Or creation after the fact based on ideas that you liked and wanted? Did you know you wanted them?
--
Mod Quill here to mention something: I also have "created" parts. Again, incredibly normal in CDDs. I also have friends with DID who have parts that "came from God" or "walked in" -- and out of all of those parts, they are all traumagenic, because that's how they choose to see themselves.
The fact that the alter is created doesn't make him endogenic, because based on your description, he's still forming due to the trauma that you've experienced. Now, if you want to call him endogenic, because of the creation process, I don't think anyone's going to stop you -- but you shouldn't ever feel the need to label your alters in that way. You are a DID system, simply put, and regardless of the individual causes of splits, you formed from trauma. You should only be labeling the individual splits if you find that helpful for your recovery.
This alter's creation doesn't invalidate your diagnosis, your trauma, or your system in any single way. It's incredibly common, and I fear that syscourse has made it seem like it has to be an endo thing, when it isn't in the slightest.
------
Thank you to Quill for bringing this back to the most important point. Don't let anyone dictate how you define your system and alters. So long as you're happy and healthy, who cares. That's literally the only thing that matters.
I want to make it very clear that it's not just alter creation that confuses systems, but alters seemingly not connected to trauma at all appearing suddenly or randomly, alters that wake up and immediately go back into dormancy (walk in/out), etc. These are all things that can appear to be endogenic, or mixed origin, but if the basis of your system, the reason you have a system in the first place, is trauma, then everything ties back to that, in the end, and in one way or another.
How you personally interpret your experiences and members, and the labels you use, are uniquely yours.
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advice-ask/vent. I genuinely just want to know what to do from here on out, because I'm honestly lost and a little scared.
There are a few alters in the system that our gatekeeper alter keeps hidden from me. As far as I know, I'm the only alter that gets this treatment. So I tried talking to the alters by myself. I wrote notes on the fridge, created secret Discord servers, etc. I just wanted to talk to them. Almost nobody in the system ever talks to me.
It's foggy for me, but apparently it worked and I did end up communicating with one of our alters. Somehow I scared him? So much so that our protector alter came out of dormancy to help calm the system. I don't really remember any of this (I think I remember being happy to finally have someone to talk to), I just know our gatekeeper alter fucking hates me, and I messed everything up. Our little alter told me she thinks I'm our persecutor alter.
I didn't mean to do anything bad. If she had told me that talking to alters before they're ready to communicate would mess up the system, I never would have. I just wanted someone to talk to.
yipes, our response got long! so it’s under a cut :)
hey, we’re sorry to hear that you’re struggling with this tough situation. due to your use of the term “alter,” we’re assuming you are part of a system with a complex dissociative disorder. we also have a cdd, so we’ll use our knowledge of these disorders and our own system to hopefully provide some useful insight for you.
our system gatekeeper also works hard to keep certain alters and parts separate from each other. when our host was first learning about the system, he pretty much could only get in touch with me and a couple other parts, and even then our communication was sparse and easily forgotten. in our system, this was done in order to keep our host from learning too much too fast as a means of protection. even now, after 3 years of working together building connections, there are certain parts who aren’t able to access each other. without more treatment and healing progress, this is how our system functions.
our host was the only part initially who was kept isolated from the rest of the system. this is because he fronts the most, and handles most of our day-to-day life. him learning too much about how our system functions before he was ready could have caused some serious repercussions. our mental health has never been great, and our gatekeeper keeping him separated from the rest of the system initially honestly kept him from having a breakdown or spiraling out of control.
it’s to our understanding that lots of cdd systems function this way. healing, recovery, and getting to know alters and parts… these are difficult, lengthy, and often overwhelming processes. it’s quite common for one alter to keep other alters separate or isolated as a means of protection and system-preservation. dissociative barriers can also exacerbate this, or make it even more difficult for alters to be in touch.
for gatekeepers, it can probably be extremely difficult making decisions regarding which alters should interact, what information should be kept hidden, and how quickly to divulge inside information to front-facing alters. your gatekeeper might also be struggling with this, and might prefer to keep you isolated from other alters as a way to play things safe. maybe having some sincere, open conversations with your gatekeeper could help you gain some insight as to how and why they (or she? not sure if that pronoun refers to your gatekeeper or your little) manage your system in the way that they do.
honestly, more than anything, therapy could probably help you and your whole system here. a therapist can help mediate between alters and help you all come to a better understanding about each other and your history. we know that not everyone is able to access therapy, but we truly couldn’t recommend it enough. having an outside perspective and someone outside your system who you can talk freely to really could make a positive difference.
we’re sorry this got so long… and please don’t think that we’re attempting to make excuses for your alters. rather, we are trying to explain what we feel might be going on. trust, communication, and positive bonds/connections do take time, patience, and effort to obtain. and we sincerely hope that you and your alters will be able to achieve this in the future.
good luck to you and your whole system with making progress and reaching mutual understandings in the future!
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🇵🇸 [ click this button daily to help support palestine ]
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heyo!
i consume all my interests critically and acknowledge when they or their creators have issues please for the love of god leave my blog if you think i cant watch/read/wtv something while also acknowledging its problematic elements🙏 i dont need you to come in my ask box and inform me a piece of media is problematic if im consuming it im probably well aware of the issues with it or the creators and i wont defend them
also the masses need to understand if i post anything related to shipping alastor hes still aroace in those my romance favorable aroace in a qpr ass is just having fun please be normal about aspec people in general
➙ info about us
⤍ poker, chorus, or fate
⤍ they/he, genderqueer aroacespec mspec lesbian
⤍ medically recognized c-did system
⤍ autistic, adhd, dyscalculia
⤍ cluster a, b, + c
⤍ physically disabled (pots)
⤍ bodily white + ethnically jewish and seventeen
⤍ current interests/hyperfixations ; hazbin hotel, i'm the grim reaper, honkai star rail
⤍ special interests ; music, psychology, my ocs, hazbin hotel
⤍ other interests ; fnaf, madoka magica, studio investigrave games, analog horror
➙ tags
⤍ reblog, fav, ect ; self-explanatory
⤍ words words words !! ; original posts
⤍ emoji tags ; which alter posted/reblogged
⤍ self-fulfilling prophecy ; mecore tag
⤍ home sweet home ; comfort tag
⤍ hopepunk ; humanity and hope tag
⤍ l ; sapphic photography
⤍ a ; angelic tag
➙ other blogs
⤍ @demi-and-awkward [main]
⤍ @enderenby404 [reblog spam]
⤍ @fishinabirdcage [vent/trauma blog]
⤍ @doomsdaydisorder [pd blog]
⤍ @polyfragcultureis
⤍ @hpdcultureis
⤍ @narcissisticpdcultureis
➙ frequent fronters
⤍ 🧋 ; they/it/mint/nova+ ; host, npd + hpd symptoms holder
⤍ 📻 ; he/she ; host, persecutor, bpd symptoms holder
⤍ 🌃 ; he/it ; co-host, soother
⤍ 🎶 ; coffin/thou/they/she+ ; co-host, homicidal thoughts holder ; @cantharellarius
⤍ 📼 ; vhs/they/he/she/tape ; pain holder
⤍ 🔥 ; he/disc/they ; protector, hpd symptoms holder
⤍ 🎰 ; he/wing/they ; relationship manager
⤍ ❓ ; blurry
⤍ 👥 ; three or more alters in front
⤍ 🍲 ; soup front
➙ dni
⤍ basic dni
⤍ queer exclusionsts (transmeds, anti mspec lesbians, anti mogai, ect)
⤍ 'narc abuse'/demonize pds
⤍ radqueer, transid, shipcourse in general
⤍ (pro)tulpas, endos interact with caution (i interact with any syscourse stance, i only won't interact if they have my syscourse stance in their dni)
⤍ believe cdds can be nontraumagenic / want to demedicalize polyfragmentation
⤍ believe ramcoa isn't real
⤍ zionist / pro-israel
#pinned post#i use this post as a tag guide lol#words words words !!#self-fulfilling prophecy#fav#home sweet home#space tag#misc art#laugh rule#userboxes#music reccs#movie reccs#polycule tag#📻core#🧋core#🌃core#🎶core#b#save#game reccs
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#tw death threats#tw suicide#tw sui#actuallydid#actuallycdd#actually cdd#actually did#cdd alter#did alter#did meme#cdd meme#did memes#cdd memes#cdd protector#did protector#cdd host#did host#host alter#protector alter#my.posts#levi.speaking
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Hello, we were wondering if you could make a term for alters that are like a persecutor but they hurt the system/people outside of it because they want to/they're like that. (Some of our alters don't like identifying as misguided protectors because they aren't misguided, they're genuinely dangerous)
im pretty sure this term already exists! It's called a prosecutor (persecutor that hurts someone outside of the system). But there is also another role similar to this that has been coined by @cdd-system-terms it's called "raver / raving alter"
#If you still want me to make the term I can though!#did#actually did#anti endo#did system#endos dni#system#endos fuck off#alter#alter terms#system terms
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WE NEED MORE POSTS TALKING ABOUT BEING SYSIAN AND PLURILLEAN AS LEGITIMATE ORIENTATION TERMS OUTSIDE OF BEING ASPEC.
That doesn’t make y'all invalid if a system is sysian or plurillean and that DOES make them aspec.
But not acknowledging this as a separate orientation reeks of sysmedicalism to a lot of us (as in, us, Rusanya), we see a lot of things that do this that aren't intentionally sysmedicalist but are like Just There as a direct result of plurmisic oppression (see: our vents about how roles are used, how people assume endogenics cannot have CDDs and how that implies to the world we're magically immune to trauma! regardless of your actual intentions, and similar vents).
Critical analysis skills are in fact at an all-time low and that includes being sociologically-minded, we finally figured out the words for it, thank fuck. Being able to treat a thing as legitimate as well as justified while also understanding some of the nastier aspects of the history of that thing does not suddenly mean you're endorsing the nastier thing lmao, that's like saying because you're using roman columns you're like, wdk, entirely and fully devoted a dead empire and everything it has ever said and done and condone every single tiny thing it did in the name of its wars and atrocities etc etc etc.
You get what we mean?????
But because (from our observations) that skill is just so blatantly not there for so many people everything is read in bad faith and it's assumed our intent is to attack when our intent is to, like, point out something we percieve is an actual problem. Like. Constantly. We feel like we cannot talk about things we percieve as issues (or at least, if not issues, maybe just things that are unacknowledged) pretty much ever lest we get disembowled by the online community. Jeez.
Saying it one more time: we could be wrong here, but our observations have indicated that a lot of people do not have adequate skills to identify the actual repercussions of living in a society. Not just the things that are told to you, but also what is NOT said, what is simply assumed, and what the meanings of words are to the normative power versus what YOU are saying.
And in order to like, discuss actual issues. And. Not rip people apart. That's...do people understand that is a necessary skill to have so you don't fall to propaganda, for starters?
We feel like this explains a lot of things (not in their entirety but as a common thread maybe?):
Antishippers
Sysmedicalists
Transmedicalists
Any -medicalist to be honest
People who fell down the alt-right pipeline in some way unintentionally (so, pretty much all of the above but like, can be its own thing too so worth mentioning)
And like, probably way more, but. Like. We know we're rehashing an ages-old discussion with ourselves especially when we say "propaganda exploits that type of ignorance and unwillingness to analyze things," and so, when we say "words MEAN THINGS" what we generally are saying, so, when you're deconstructing them, you HAVE to understand how those words are used when a normative power applies them to a marginalized one.
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That's why we also fucking fixate on system roles so much we think, they're the most direct example that we can easily apply that is relevant to us in a way that makes them easy for us to deconstruct. "Role" to us has a very specific connotation and in relation to the normative power, a "role" implies a point of purpose. The way singlets call their friends a "protector" implies a personality trait as in "oh my friend is such a protector, you know?" but saying "my headmates role is a protector" implies a point of purpose, something that as far as we are aware, is a concept introduced by singlets and then forced onto our communities as plurals and systems.
We will never tell people to stop using words the way they personally like, but, for us, the way we can see this being fixed is...just saying "my headmate is a protector" or "she's such a caregiver haha" because it no longer implies a point of purpose.
And the point of that analysis is more about "is it even useful to imply a point of purpose" because, as much as we all hate it, we DO live in a society. It's not exclusionism to ask yourself WHY you use a label, and the pathways that could have led you to that and what the alternatives could have been or could be.
A point of purpose is the language of dehumanization when applied to systems and plurals. So, let's make it so even respectability politics is no longer respectable. Nothing would make a singlet more uncomfortable than forcing them to admit we are people and to wrangle their own language against them.
Do you understand what Rusanya is trying to say when Rusanya says all of this? 😖
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ABOUT US
hello :-) this is a short intro post for us, collectively. in the links below the cut, you can potentially find more information on individual parts!
we have polyfragmented/complex DID!
our current headcount is over 200, but we don't even count fragments, so this number is more of a minimum.
we have other neurodevelopmental disabilities & mental health disorders - BPD, bipolar ii, autism, OCD & GAD, to name a few.
we are schizo-spec.
we run @sys-polls & @cdd-joy! :-)
our collective pronouns are it/odd/hx.
we are a-spec, transgender, neopronoun + xenogender users, & otherwise queer.
DM for our discord.
currently residing in south africa!
taken & not looking.
physical conditions/disabilities including hypermobility (marfanoid traits w/o cognitive aspects), POTS, anaemia & fibromyalgia.
that's pretty much all you need to know! our askbox are open for polite questions.
ABOUT PARTS
here is a bit of info on some of the parts that may post here! if a link is attached, you can follow it to view their little intro post.
THE VISCERAL CLUSTER:
🍄: finn (he/it) | host + BPD trait holder.
🍷: ill (she/skull/ci+) | BPD trait holder + protector-persecutor.
🎣: mr foster collins (they/he) | caretaker + anxiety holder.
🐛: dazey (she/they) | subsystem of differing roles.
💍: opal (she/it/they) | protector.
THE GRAVEYARD CLUSTER:
🫁: amaranth (it/hex/they+) | host.
☕: mr henry goodsir (he) | mixed part.
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The neuroplasticity (or lack there of) of CDDs is really interesting in how it manifests over time. Because in so many ways I really am still a 5 year old child quietly crying myself to sleep, or a 17 year old girl desperately trying to establish an identity of my own in a world that feels like it has no place for me awash a sea of hormonal changes (second puberty really hits so different and yet so similar). But it also really does afford the room for real growth and change.
That change comes at a cost though, which is that I constantly feel alienated from my past selves. I cannot remember what I used to think, or why I thought it, only what I did and said and maybe what I was interacting with and try to work out my thought process from that. It's like most people are playdough, constantly being reshaped to a lesser or greater degree but still containing all that they were, while I'm Lego, I can be disassembled and reconstructed, but the pieces are solid, adding new bricks as needed and discarding those that are not (or putting them in storage at least).
We are also, of course, products of our environment. When your life is marred by identity uncertainty, we look to our surroundings to give us clues of who we might be. When I was on Reddit and browsed /r/all I would see the occasional tumblrinaction post about the plural community, fictionkins, and IRLs and think "well that's definitely not me. Discovering I was trans and coming to terms with being a marginalised identity, it was discord communities that taught me what that could mean and what I should be ready to fight against. On twitter I was lucky, I found the traumacore/empty spaces community that helped me to process the images I saw in my head that I didn't understand, and use my trauma as a tool of creation.
Taking part in the system community, it was the older focused communities that helped me to understand myself. I honestly don't know what my syscourse stance was back then, if I even had one. There are aspects of the wider online community that just don't vibe with me, some were a little damaging, others were simply incomprehensible to me. Joining Tumblr definitely shoved it in my face though.
The only thing I can imagine is that I must have thought that endogenic plurality was this "other" thing, I knew about DID, what switching and fronting and host and protector and system meant in that context, but endogenic plurality was something else that didn't concern me and I hadn't really come across it yet. So I was absolutely confused as fuck when I came here and saw people using all those "DID" words to mean something else. When anti-endos said "you can't form a system without trauma" that made absolute sense to me at the time because system meant DID and that's caused by trauma, why are people claiming to have DID things and using DID words while also saying that they don't have DID? Actually I do still kinda think the terms should be separate but it's not a battle I can be fucked to argue about anymore.
Because the point is that while online spaces might not change all that much, and there will always be people who join those spaces and be influenced by the culture in them, there are always other spaces that will influence them differently. So while it's absolutely frustrating as fuck to see anti-endos repeating the same horrible origins discourse, and endos saying fucking awful stuff like "I think traumagenic systems cling to trauma as a cause because they feel insecure about being a system", we need to accept that it will still keep happening while the spaces exist and remember that the people from those spaces are the ones with the opportunity to change. To learn, to see things from a different perspective, and most importantly grow.
And if they refuse to? If they keep spouting the same points over and over and over again, refusing to back down or learn, reigniting old arguments and digging stuff up from the past because they just can't let go of it? Just leave them to it I guess, we'll all be off making ourselves and each other better ^^
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