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angeliclovely69 · 2 months

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HEAR ME OUT!!! LUTE X SICK READER WHERE THE READER DOESNT WANT TO DO ANYTHING PHYSICALLY AT ALL BC SHE DOESN'T HAVE THE ENERGY(walk, talk[bc it hurts her throat], or even drink water) PLS SEE WHERE IM GOING W THIS I NEED IT IN MY TIME OF PAIN

OMG YES!! Anything Lute and I’m screaming:)

Sick Day

Pairing: Lute x Fem!SickReader

Warnings: Lute being clueless, Sickness, Reader being a bit dramatic, maybe ooc Lute, soft Lute, fem reader

Note: In my mind Lute is a very caring person with her partner, but is also extremely clueless at times. So here:) Also this is really short because I got distracted while doing homework

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Maybe it was dramatic to be leaning off the edge of the couch trying to call for your girlfriend’s attention. Key word-trying. Your throat is making that extremely difficult since your dear Lute was in the next room, and you can barely talk above a whisper.

“Lute!” You whisper yell, what follows is a string of extremely loud coughs. Which, fortunately, gets her attention. “Huh?” Her voice is loud, but that’s nothing out of the ordinary.

“Lute!” You try telling again, it doesn’t work. So instead you send her a text.

I’m dying. Help.

Lute rolls her eyes, but stands up and walks into the living room nonetheless. “Maybe you wouldn’t be dying if your head wasn’t off the edge, hm?” She jokes. The strained laugh that leaves your throat catches her off guard.

“Are you good? Dying? Water? Cough drop?” She is almost panicking. Confused. Apparently this girl has never been sick, or maybe she’s just never witnessed another person sick.

“Help m….!” Your words are cut off by a string of throaty coughs. Her eyes widen. She genuinely has no idea what to do. Her first thought is to grab you a cup of water, but when she places it down on the table you shake your head. “Can’t.”

“What can you do?” She asks while unwrapping a cherry flavoured cough drop(the only kind you’ll ever accept). She softly grips your chin to open your mouth and places the drop on your tongue. “Nothing.” You whisper around it.

“That’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?” She asks, amused, while also being confused. You shake your head with a groan.

“Cuddle.” You manage, voice hoarse. She clicks her tongue, “you’ll have to make it to the bed for that.” You groan dramatically before coughing again. “Come on, drama queen.” She practically pull you from the couch. You wobble.

“You can’t even walk?” You give a little nod and sniffle. “Great.” Her tone is dripping in sarcasm, and you try to laugh. You can’t. She lifts you bridal style and carries you to your shared bed.

Tucking you in, she kisses your cheek. She gets in bed next to as you close your eyes, already half asleep. “Goodnight, dearest.”

#hazbin hotel lute x reader #hazbin hotel x reader #lute x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lute #hazbin lute #lute x fem!reader #fem! reader #sick!reader #taking care of sick partner #wlw love #wlw #fluff #wlw fluff #tooth achingly sweet fluff #hazbin hotel x y/n #hazbin hotel x you

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crybaby-bkg · 3 months

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“Why is my stomach in knots?” you grumble to yourself as you look in the mirror, quickly blending in your makeup. your hands move faster than they should, your nerves already shot to shit and the stiff, hard to blend blush is really starting to irk you. you frown when Bakugou pops in behind you, his face next to yours as he takes you in.

“Whaddya so nervous for?” he asks you, dipping down to kiss the curve of your neck. he’s learned to avoid your face until you powder yourself up, and then he can go crazy. but you’re still blending something wet on your cheeks, and he doesn’t wanna upset you more than you already are.

“What if our date isn’t perfect?” you whisper, finally setting down your brush, your hands wringing in your lap. but bakugou reaches over your shoulders, grabs your palms in his, brings them to his face to kiss and kiss at, despite the barely dried concealer you had swiped on them. he hugs you to his chest, careful still of your face, frowns at the way you try to hide your blooming smile at his affection.

“‘Course it’s gonna be perfect.” He reassures you quietly, pecking the side of your neck. “You’re gonna be there with me; that’s all that matters.” You pout at him through the mirror despite your smile, watching his own face soften as he takes in your almost ready face.

“But what if my date tries to order for me, and won’t let me finish a sentence?” You sigh all melancholy, rolling your eyes into your head. You giggle when he bites at the curve of your shoulder, trying to get away but he holds you tight against his chest.

“Then I’ll beat his fucking ass.” Bakugou mutters into your skin, feeling brave enough to steal a kiss on your cheek. Him being brave—the thought makes you laugh to yourself. Bakugou afraid of scaring you, the love of his life, and being afraid of your wrath from fucked up makeup when he battles villains all day. You turn in your seat, wrapping your arms around his neck when he kneels on the floor behind your stool. He almost looks like he’s praising you, with the way his chin tilts up and his gaze is hyper focused on you and you only.

“You’re such a nerd.” You tease, tucking your chin to your neck when he squeezes your thighs in his hands. He leans forward to steal another kiss, despite the way you lean away and try to push his face from yours.

“Shuddup,” he murmurs, bypassing your hand to peck your lips. He stands when you swat at him, kissing the top of your head this time as he makes his way out of the room to start getting ready. As he leaves, he speaks over his shoulder with a huff,

“And finish your face already. Stop depriving me ‘n shit.” He grumbles. You don’t comment on how red his ears are, his admittance of wanting to kiss you again and again, how he always does. You only blow him a kiss, laugh at the way his shoulders hike and his huffing under his breath, and finally finish getting ready.

#this is random but I like it ;)#didn’t mean to wink sorry 😞#but I lob him and wanna eat him whole #maybe I can make another part where he’s the one getting nervous for the date #despite being together for a while #love the idea bc it shows that you still care #still put in that effort into loving your partner everyday #and it makes me so soft!!!#okay gn my head really hurts and I’m getting motion sickness lol #bakugou treats! 🍬#—new treat in the streets! 🍫

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rexscanonwife · 2 months

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I was talking more about my s/i and Charles in their college years with a friend and I'm obsessed with them 😭🙏

I've got more stuff I wanna draw but for now take a little sketch of what I imagine to be their first kiss, a heat of the moment thing after he wins a fencing match, and a little comparison of my take on 20 year old Charles vs. 40 something year old Charles 😂 his youth and whimsy? GONE!!

#artfarts #self insert #self ship #🍞 my bread and butter 🍞#charles offdensen #metalocalypse #what working for dethklok does to a mf #my irl partners also a bit sick so ive been trying to take care of her 😭 but i wanna draw more things soon!!#like GRRRRRR MICROWAVING THEM IN MY MIND!!!#i imagine they had a little bit of a will they wont they slow burn for a bit ☺️💖💖#especially since charles is very Like That but they got around it ajfkg #ugghh my partner keeps making fun of me saying im obsessed and o . o #NOT SAYING. SHE'S WRONG #ugghh but yeah uh take this for now ajfkg

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heyitsmemel · 3 months

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hi hello gals and gays. Here is a rare wav from me struggling with the flu. The virus has mainly been in my chest but my entire body is so wrecked I was able to induce super easily. No talking bc I’m literally unable to 😭 Do not listen if you can't stand harsh coughing because it gets a bit rough. If it sounds a bit weird the first half of the recording is from yesterday and the second half is from today, bc the coughing is so much worse in the second half lmao. Ok that's it thankkk you for feeding me so good lately tumblr love u all <3

also personal rant about ableism and intentional contagion in the comments :///

#ok like I haven't been this sick in literal years and cuz im disabled i'm super mindful of spreading germs to others.#and i've had some family staying with me so I was like great leave me here to rot in my cave guys #my partner has been rlly attentive and is like i don't care about germs tehe so yesterday he comes into my room #and gives me a bunch of kisses on my head then swoops in and kisses me ON THE MOUTH #like im sorry i've been lying in a pool of feverish sweat for days and can hardly breathe what part of that makes someone go ooo gimme?#like ya hes just trying to love me but i put so much effort into being clean and now i will feel really guilty when he gets sick #sorry not sorry intentional contagion is not cute or sexy at all its just irresponsible #like i would love to live the life where my body works so well that I don't give a second thought to KISSING someone with the flu #i just feel like able bodied people never think about what its like living with a disability or a chronic illness #or have the slightest inclination of how privileged they are #my partner isn't even a fetishit he is just a dumbass #but ya i just wish he and the general population would think more :/#snzblr #snz #illness kink #snzfucker #snz wav #snzzzzz #snz blog #anyway thats all do what u want with my horn post

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amee-racle-ofmyown · 2 months

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a whisper in the autumn wind

Heist!Mark x reader | Words: 1647 | Read on AO3

A chill racks your body as you and Mark make your way through the cool night. You mentally curse, wishing you were wearing more layers, though you know anything more wouldn't have fit under the tactical vest that sits snugly around your torso.

Your heist partner doesn't seem to notice you shiver, busy making sure the coast is clear before proceeding and gesturing for you to follow.

You do your best to keep pace with your friend's manoeuvres as he darts an odd pattern through the museum, triggering a bout of slight nausea that causes you to stop in your tracks.

‘Hey, keep up!’ Mark whisper-yells, turning around just in time to miss you steadying yourself after a wave of dizziness.

Somehow you make it the rest of the way without collapsing or being seen, but you're now all too aware of the fatigue in your muscles and the soreness in your throat. Meanwhile, your partner in crime carefully but swiftly wraps the stolen artefacts and slips them into his bag.

Your prize this time? A series of ancient tablets that you plan to sell to an illegal collector. You can't imagine what practical use someone would have for these, but at the end of the day, a job's a job and money is money.

It is only on your way out, that you feel the tell-tale itch in your nose that you have been dreading all evening.

As you scrunch up your face, Mark looks at you in confusion.

‘Buddy, you've been acting off all night, what's up with you? You good?’

You nod, desperately wanting to move on and for this to be over with.

The first couple of sneezes you manage to quell without too much fuss, but you can already feel a larger one threatening your nostrils.

While crouched behind a display, hiding from some guards, comes the point at which you can no longer hide that you're suppressing sneezes.

‘Alright, we are so close to being scot-free— hey what are you —? You're not sick are you? Really? Now?!’

Mark shakes his head back and forth with a string of frantically whispered "no"s as you fight your reflexes, but it's futile.

The sneeze that finally escapes you is resounding, and there is a beat of stunned silence and lack of movement from every party involved before you and Mark react first, bolting out the exit with the guards in pursuit.

It's a mad dash with a lot of ducking and diving, adrenaline probably the only thing keeping your body going, but by some miracle the two of you manage to lose them, eventually making it to where your getaway vehicle is parked some ways away so as to not be suspicious.

Piling into the passenger seat, exhaustion hits you all at once and you're thankful that Mark is the one driving. You pull off your gloves and hat and he does the same.

With no one following you, your partner drives cautiously in order to not draw any unwanted attention, careful to abide by traffic laws and always on the lookout for cops.

‘There's tissues and water in the glove box,’ he says after a few minutes, expression hard-lined and inscrutable, eyes focused on the road.

There's a thick tension in the car, uncharacteristically quiet save for the limited traffic outside and the rumble of the engine. You blow your nose, and it feels awkward in the silence, only broken on occasion by your sniffing. You take a sip of water, grateful for the coolness against your chapped lips and dry throat.

Eventually, you decide you don't want to endure the tension any longer, and you're too tired to let your little mishap turn into an argument; it was your fault, after all.

‘I'm sorry.’

Mark sighs. He glances at you, then back to the road.

‘It's okay. It's not your fault you're sick, it's just… Why didn't you tell me?’

‘Didn't want to ruin the heist.’ You laugh, but it's strained and weak, void of any real mirth or humour. ‘But I guess I kinda messed up on that anyway, huh?’

He lets out a small huff of laughter. ‘Yeah, no shit.’

You look down at your hands, folded in your lap.

‘Hey, it's not a big deal,’ he consoles. ‘We got what we came for and we didn't get caught. That's about as much as we can say for most of our heists.’

Your gaze stays downcast; he does make a good point, but it doesn't stop you from feeling a little guilty.

Mark must notice, because he reaches across to place a hand on your shoulder reassuringly, other hand still keeping the wheel steady.

You put your own hand over his, grateful for the comfort. You close your eyes and will away the growing dizziness and brain fog, the warmth from his now ungloved palm reassuring.

‘Look buddy, I need you to know I'm not mad or anything, just a bit upset that you didn't tell me in the first place… and annoyed at myself for not catching onto the fact sooner. I just thought… I thought you felt like you could be honest with me about this stuff.’

There's an undeniable hurt in his tone that makes you look up at him. He is still intently focused on the road ahead, despite there being rather few other people and cars out at this time of night, and you know it's out of choice — he takes his eyes off the streets in favour of looking your way for much longer than necessary when he wants to. Usually you'd chide him for doing so, but right now you can't help but wish he'd properly meet your eyes, just for a moment.

‘No – I can. I can tell you nearly everything, I – I'm sorry.’ You take a steadying breath, organising your thoughts. ‘You were just – really looking forward to this one, and there was no better day for it, everything lined up perfectly for us to go tonight. This stupid cold had to turn up and it started out as just a sore throat, no big deal, and well… I thought I could stick it out a little longer despite feeling like crap, but…’ You trail off, turning to look out the window as he approaches your shared base, returning his hand to the wheel.

He pulls up, setting the car to park, and finally turns his head to fully face you, placing a hand on your knee to get your attention.

He says your name, and it sounds like a term of endearment. For someone so bold and often brash, he can be surprisingly tender, a side of him that rarely anyone but you gets to see. ‘I rely on you, and you can rely on me… but part of that means we have to tell each other these things.’

‘Yeah, OK…’

‘Pinky promise?’

‘What are you, five?’

‘I'm serious,’ he says firmly, holding out his finger to emphasise the point.

Smiling, you hook your pinky around his own and shake on it, but not without rolling your eyes first.

‘Good,’ he says, pleased. ‘Now that that's settled, let's get inside, hm?’

While Mark retrieves the loot and stows it for the time being, you let yourself in, settling on the small couch in the living room. You take off your shoes and unzip your vest, easing it off your aching limbs.

The nausea and dizziness seems to have passed but you feel hot, yet a little shivery, and you're on the verge of nodding off when Mark appears in front of you, pressing the back of his hand to your forehead. If it's even possible, you feel incrementally hotter with his touch as you return his concerned gaze through sleepy, half-lidded eyes.

‘I think you've got a fever, bud. C'mon, time for bed.’

You groan in protest, too drained to move, instead letting your head fall forward to plop against his chest, the soft texture of his plain black sweater a comforting feel against your fevered skin.

‘Oh boy, what am I gonna do with you…?’ he murmurs, bringing a hand up to pat your hair. He speaks softly, and with such affection that your heart would probably be doing somersaults if you weren't so tired and ill.

‘Alright, upsy-daisy.’ In one quick motion, he picks you up, carrying you bridal style to your room, and for once you don't object.

‘Hey, you better not make me sick too,’ he warns without an ounce of actual distaste, as you practically nuzzle your face into him.

He gently lays you in bed, tucking covers around you.

‘I'll be right back.’

You instantly miss his presence, tugging the blanket up a little around yourself.

He returns before long with a box of tissues, the bottle of water you'd been drinking and some painkillers, leaving them by your bedside. He places a wet face cloth beside you as well.

‘I know you're probably feeling cold but I don't want your temperature to get too high, so use this, and keep drinking water.’

You nod, about ready to drift to sleep.

‘Call me if you need anything, OK? I won't be far.’

‘Don't you want to sleep?’

‘I will in a little while, but you can still call me.’

‘Ok,’ you reply appreciatively. ‘Thanks for… looking after me.’

‘Someone's got to.’ He smiles at you gently, brushing a stray strand of hair from your face.

After a pause, he gets up to leave, pulling the door closed but leaving a gap the width of his face.

‘Rest up, buddy.’

He makes a quick kissing sound in your direction before shutting the door fully, his footsteps receding down the hallway.

Your face feels very warm.

Must be the fever, you think, placing the towel on your forehead with a yawn, before swiftly falling asleep.

#title from Violet by Wild Party #once again lolol I just really like that song #dude this so self-indulgent >-<😳#I miss being babied and taken care of when sick and it SHOWS😖#amee writes #ahwm #partners in crime #heist mark x reader #heist mark x y/n #heist!mark x y/n #heist!mark #heist mark #mark iplier #x reader #a heist with markiplier #markiplier egos #markiplier cu

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loving-jack-kelly · 10 months

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i think. for spot being in love is the biggest and most unexpected thing in the world to him he didn't expect it he doesn't quite believe it's real he can't get over it. and for race it's another tuesday. and this means that race says I love you first because it's not hard for him and race says it more often because it's not hard for him and race says it more casually because it's not hard for him but spot says it and feels it from his head to his toes and there are not three words in the English language that mean more to him than "I love you" to say. or to hear.

#ive long held for no real reason that spot is a poet #and i think he'd (exclusively in private with race) be the type of cornball to recite his own poetry to his partner in a quiet moment #i think spot shows his love in so many ways. race can just say it but the words get stuck behind his teeth. so instead he does things #makes lunches offers to do the shopping cleans up without being asked brings things home that will make race smile #writes sappy poetry soaked in layers of metaphor that only race has any hope to understand (and only race will ever get to see)#i think race knows how much weight spot places on the phrase 'i love you' and loves getting to give it to him so often #and also appreciates how much it means that spot says it to him and only him.#spot loves his friends but is not casual with I love yous. he will do things for them he will care for them he will stick up for them #he has only ever said 'i love you' to race #also his sister in aus where she exists tho. he loves her soso much #anyway.#newsies #sprace #spot conlon #racetrack higgins #race higgins #also spot Never gets sick of hearing race say it. doesn't matter if it's the first time ever or the tenth time in ten minutes #he's going !! he loves me!! in his head every time

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bidisasterevankinard · 9 months

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your hands keep me warm

buddie/G/ 859 words

Buck always is cold. As much as he remembers he always needed hoodies or jackets when most of his friends would prefer to wear T-shirts. But he wasn’t like them. His hands are always cold and his feets freezing when it's even a little bit chilly.

So he tries to never leave the house without a hoodie or sweater to keep him warm, and for being at home he has a huge collection of comfortable, warm, and super soft hoodies and warm fluffy socks of all the possible colors, and a collection of tea which takes whole cupboard in his kitchen. Buck likes to keep himself warm.

Especially because either way he wouldn’t be able to rest and sleep normally till he's warm and he can super easily catch a cold. Eddie still laughs a lot the moment Buck starts to have a runny nose and sore throat when he was cold for less than twenty minutes.

Buck always just makes a sad face and doesn’t talk with Eddie hiding in the layers of blankets till the cup of tasty tea appears in front of him. But even then he makes Eddie say sorry and only after that takes the cup in his hands, keeping both his big palms around his favorite big mug to try and warm his hands a little.

That’s actually exactly what is happening right now. Really cold and rainy weather came to LA, and no matter how Buck tried to keep himself warm, always wearing warm clothes, having an umbrella with him, and drinking a lot of warm drinks he still caught a cold and now feels really bad, lying in his and his boyfriend's bed, trying to keep himself warm under two blankets and wearing Eddie’s hoodie and sweats and his favorite green socks with hamsters. Chris bought it for his last birthday.

But no matter what normal people would already feel quite warm, Buck still feels like he’s outside in Pennsylvania in winter without clothes. He knows how it feels because once he was dared to do it at a party when he was eighteen.

He knows it’s not the best sight and if he’s not going to feel any warmer soon Eddie would definitely take him to the hospital, but Buck hopes the medicine his boyfriend promised to buy on the way from school, when Buck couldn’t even get up for breakfast with Chris, will help.

Eddie is actually the reason Buck is not in his super dirty from sweating all night in a hoodie and sweats and under the blanket they keep deep inside their wardrobe. Buck has zero strength to change anything in his position, but Eddie insisted on changing Buck in new clothes and giving him another blanket. He also made Buck his favorite tea and light fruit smoothie Buck drank fast and received an incredibly beautiful smile back for this and a kiss on his forehead.

Drifting between sleep and his thoughts, Buck hears how the door is opened, then someone takes off his shoes and goes to the kitchen putting groceries bags there, and comes to their bedroom.

“Are you sleeping?” Buck smiles when he hears how Eddie whispers it, not wanting if he is really asleep to wake him up.

“No, still can’t feel warm enough,” he answers quietly and then starts coughing.

“I’ll go take your medicine and will be back.”

In minutes Eddie is back with some pills and water for him and a sandwich from his favorite place. He ate a half and Eddie is not insisting on more then takes pills and goes back to try and try to fall asleep.

“Stay with me, please? I need hugs. You always keep me warm when we cuddle,” Buck pouts and makes the biggest puppy eyes to make his boyfriend stay with him.

“Of course, just let me take it all to the kitchen.”

Eddie comes back in second and takes off everything except his underwear and on Buck's raised eyebrow he simply answers.

“I’m always warm, even hot, and when you wear a hoodie under one blanket I never even wear a tank top. Now under those blankets, I would die either way. And I think you need a new hoodie,” Eddie takes another hoodie from their wardrobe and quickly changes Buck, but he still shivers when stays naked for a moment.

“I think we can leave one blanket for now, but the warmer one, please,” Buck says, already in position for his boyfriend to spoon him behind.

Eddie just chuckles but leaves one blanket and lies with Buck, moving so close that there is not even a millimeter of space between them, and his chest and stomach are completely pressed against Buck's back, one arm hugs him around the waist, and the other becomes Buck's pillow and Eddie uses it to sort through Buck's curls, knowing that it always soothes him and Buck falls asleep in seconds.

And what is happening now, feeling how Eddie keeps him warm and save and shows him his love Buck falls asleep in minutes.

#my fics #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie fic #buddie ficlet #it's fall soon so i needed sick fic cause it's my future soon #only without cute partner to take care of me #911 #evan buck buckley

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yesmissnyx · 4 months

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I loved that post about being a cuddle buddy alot. Because being a subby cuddle buddy is highly under rated I fell. I love being a warm cuddle toy for my partners to snuggle up to, and what ever else they need me to be to help them relax. ^^

Cuddling can be such a good part of a D/s dynamic 🥺💞

As a high-stress person, it's nice when my Domme responsibilities are mostly just giving gentle praise and letting someone cuddle and dote on me a little!

#ask nyx #I'm currently taking care of a sick partner so I could really use this 😭

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objectum-culture-is · 1 month

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Cleaning your girlfriend before making out .... and she tastes like wet tissue and antibacterial QwQ

#objectum #actually objectum #objectum culture #objectum culture is #dont get sick!!!!#take care of yourself as much as you take care of your partner!!!

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pixelatedraindrops · 8 months

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Getting sick from the rain? Jeez. You’re so pitiful, master…

…but as your adorable partner I can’t just leave you to suffer. So don't worry, I’ll help you out!

I’m forever haunting you, in sickness and in health 🌡️👻

#master detective archives: rain code #yuma kokohead #whumpcode #shinigami rain code #sprite edit #I know shes a ghost and can't touch anything #but what if she could??#yuma being frail as hell again lol #I just want a scenario where shinigami can actually be able to make an effort to help him ;w;#I love the idea of mascot/familiar partner characters helping their master/boss whenever they fall sick <3 #despite the teasing you know she cares about him deep down :3 #kanai ward being a city of endless rain gives me too many ideas #illness #sickness #fever whump #illness whump #sick edit #fever edit #illness scenario #hurt/comfort #whump edit #these edits aren't the best but I tried ;-;#editing the tissue she bit into a small washcloth was hard lol #SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME A HQ IMAGE OF THAT DANG SOFA X-X #my edits #rain code #pixeledits

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nobodybetterlookatme · 2 years

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Sick person going to their partner blubbering that they’re so so sorry but they’re so sick and they’ve tried so hard to not bother them but they just don’t know what to do now. Said partner gently hushing them and pulling them in for a hug, telling them that it’s alright, to just relax, that they’re right there to take care of them now

#whump #snz #snz kink #snez #sneeze kink #snez kink #sicknario #alternatively sick person can call their partner #an absolute wreck just sobbing into the phone #and their partner reassures them that they're okay #to not worry bc they're on their way #that they're gonna take care of everything #just soft things

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soldier-poet-king · 1 year

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Ur 20s are just discovering new types of isolation and sadness every day. Life is beautiful and glory glory glory amen. but also. What the fuck am I doing wrong

U know when u finally meet up with friends and everything just feels terrible and distant and things weren't /bad/ but they sure weren't good either? And you leave feeling worse than you did when you arrived? And you realize how little in common you have? And your concerns and priorities and interests are so violently divergent? And you wonder was it always this way? Or have things changed that dramatically? Have /I/ changed that dramatically? Have I been so isolated the last years of covid with tumblr friends being some of my only contact with ppl my age that I got so used to having people wild about the same intersection of concerns that I don't know how to deal with "normal" concerns anymore? Or has it always been this way? Were conversations about boyfriends and buying condos and yet another international vacation always this soulless??? This empty? This isolating?

I don't want to say like. Oh my friends are so detached from my lived reality and their concerns about wealth are so far removed from mine. As is their relationship stuff. And their family stuff. And sometimes they seem a little cruel and judgemental. Not to me. But to the world at large. And I don't have space for that kind of casual callousness in my heart anymore? And maybe IM the judgemental pretentious one, constantly stuck in a little introspective loop, so utterly disconnected. But maybe I'm not. Surely it's not better to live emotionally and spiritually emptier, even if it seems to an outsider more fulfilling. Or maybe the shared grad school experience was the common thread and it was always going here when we left school.

I love them dearly, but I don't KNOW them anymore it feels. Everything is so surface level. And theres nothing wrong with casual friends for dinner and terrible movies once a month. I just. Didn't expect it here.

#franposting #i don't know. i dont know #i always just feel so sick with it #whats worse is this made me APPRECIATE my family #and think oh theyre not that bad #my parents arent bad ppl jist bad parents #and now im like. well theyre shallow. but maybe everyone is #and once again. i am asking. where is my bff roomate(s) life partner(s)#its SO isolating #yes yes deep human desire to be seen and known and loved etc etc #and its universal and im not special #and im actually being pretentious and judgmental #i am trying to hard #but i feel So isolated #and i dont. i dont understand the casual callousness #how can you exist and not care? about everyone else and the world and every individual #how can there not be so much love and care and desire that youre aching and overflowing with it #how do you just. live? with no broader existential/moral/spiritual concerns #not even in a religious way! even just a secular humanist way #i dont understand and i think theres something wrong with mr #not special. just wrong. and im an odd duck and its fine (its not)#uguughihjihbiugzh im going to wash the restaurant smell out of my hair #open a cider. play video game. maybr watch snk. just. get out of my head #there is so much more to human existence and it aches #im going to end up like kierkegaard. so obsessed with introspection that i become an insane loner and drive everyone away ruin everything #except he was SMART. im useless dumb of ass #oh spotify were IN IT NOW

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