#can’t believe after 10 years and 9 books this might be happening
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Keefe still not being in the book at almost 400 pages is worth it for the end of chapter 22! AHHH
#kotlc spoilers#stellarlune spoilers#Fosterkeefe#sokeefe#spoilers#stellarlune#kotlc 9 spoilers#can’t believe after 10 years and 9 books this might be happening
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Here is where I stand with the Global Conflict this week (no one asked lmao)
1. The top priority for me is stopping the genocide in Gaza, and, immediately after that, establishing a Palestinian state/two state solution.
2. Hamas isn’t going to peddle any kind of solution/compromise. Hamas essentially took their “We want to kill Jews” treatise and replaced “Jews” with “Zionists” but nothing has changed. If you can’t see that, you’re dangerous and probably stupid.
3. The hostages need to be freed (if they’re still alive, which let’s be realistic, they probably aren’t.) If Netanyahu actually cared about freeing the hostages, he would have done it by now, and a large number of Israelis recognize that.
4. Recognition of the hostages/ October 7th and recognition of the genocide/ deeply awful conduct of Israel can and SHOULD coexist.
5. Joe Biden is a useless little bitch. Having him as President again would still be better than four more years of Trump.
6. The Met Gala was not orchestrated by Big Zionism to distract from the invasion of Rafah and saying that it was is just blatant antisemitism. That being said, the Israeli military does frequently carry out large strikes on nights like the Met Gala and the Super Bowl when they know that the American news cycle will be focused on something else. Both things can be true. Also, the Met Gala is inherently a stupid thing to get excited about I’m sorry.
7. Student protestors do often fall into traps of antisemitism and say shit that could potentially harm Jews. What else is going to happen, when you gather a bunch of 19 year olds and tell them to yell as loud as humanly possible? That being said, I do have to believe that a vast majority of college protestors have good intentions AND, most of all, even if they don’t, censoring them and spraying pepper spray in their eyes is draconian behavior that the history books will not look kindly upon.
8. I’m so on the fence about boycotts, especially Eurovision. Because on one hand, banning Palestinian flags and keffiyeh’s from the performance is wrong. And I don’t think that Israel should be allowed to compete considering everything that the government is doing, like Russia was banned in 2021. That being said, it does make me sad that this 19 year old girl wrote a song about losing friends and family on October 7th and in response, she’s been booed and told to stay in her hotel room lest the angry mob tears her apart.
9. I do think that celebrities have some level of responsibility to use their platforms for good. That being said, this is such a complex issue that I almost don’t fault some people for not making a 250 character Twitter statement. I don’t think the dying children of Gaza care much if you block Zendaya or Olivia Rodrigo on Instagram. It also gets ridiculous when you go in the comments section of creators with like 100k followers and you see people posting Palestinian flags like yeah I’m sorry that blorbo from my shows isn’t personally flying to Gaza to punch Netanyahu in the face.
10. If you punctuate every single acknowledgement of the genocide with “but what about the hostages!!” or GOD FORBID “it’s sad that Hamas made Netanyahu do this” you have been propagandized by your local Hillel. No one made Netanyahu do this except Netanyahu. There’s no way you don’t know that by now. Wiping out Hamas: another thing that Netanyahu probably would have done by now if he genuinely wanted to.
11. Whenever I see lists of “here are the celebrities/professors/writers/guy on the street to block and throw rocks at because he’s a Mean Scary Zionist” I am reminded of the lists of synagogue goers that Nazis used to track down Jews and their families during the Holocaust. Seriously if you’re peddling lists of “Zionists” ripe for demonization you might want to ask yourself what you’re REALLY doing, and why.
12. Fun fact about me: I actually consider myself a Zionist. I do think, historically speaking, that Jews do need a safe place and a homeland to prevent us from being killed again like we seem to be every few centuries or so. I just don’t think that place has to be Israel, and I DEFINITELY don’t think Palestine should be subjugated for it to happen. But whenever I hear “Zionism = BAD” I just cringe a bit because… you keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means
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Nice post about Roy I like how kind your response was. But yeah as a Roy fan I find the idea that he would hate anyone but the man who killed his daughter to be silly. Cause like thing is Roy has a line till he doesn’t. Like you said Roy draws a line for himself with Cheshire but he never ever 100 percent commits. Even after the bombing and her holding a gun to Lian and threatening to shoot her while trying to escape prison, in his time with the League he still is hinted to love her and still lets Lian visit her. Flash forward to now they are still on again off again lovers/enemies. The old Titans ‘Roy breaks up with Cheshire’ story was written like it was the full end of their relationship but DC loves that concept and in comics they will always come back.
With Mia or people hurting his family Roy would not care at the end of the day unless that family member died sorry. Roy forgave a woman who babysat Lian and helped terrorists kidnap her and then broke his leg in an attempt to kill Cheshire. No he didn’t just forgive her he offered to let her keep babysitting Lian saying he didn’t think he had the right to judge anyone.
People other than Roy say he belongs in the light but Roy kind of hates that about himself and actively denies and resists it because he thinks the dirty work is the real important work. He worked in fantasy superhero CIA for years and even killed for them, left and made the Outsiders, initially didn’t want to leave and basically stayed till the last second till his mental health gave in, joined the League and didn’t actually have a great time with the group or ever really believe he belonged, had a horrible ending with that group and became a straight up villain after the ROA fiasco and worked on a team of villains all of whom except Slade he expressed some sort of sympathy for.
Roy just doesn’t give up on people and kind of really wants to do antihero work and tries to again and again. The age/maturity thing kind of gets it but that only matters where you connect Roy and Jason, they are peers and work together in some fashion off screen for a year in Outsiders, put a ROA recovering villain Roy with really any post UTRH Jason save Morrison Jason and you could write an intergenerational friendship arc easy.
People forget but before 52 first started a lot of people wanted a Jason Roy book. It was floated around as an idea for ages and rumor was even Winick made a pitch but can’t confirm. When 52 was first announced a lot of people thought not only that RHATO made sense and only Kory didn’t belong but thought the comic had real potential. And really it might have since Roy and Cheshire at one point would not have made sense for either character and notably everything about their relationship happened off screen. We give things a pass because of how well the stories are written. I think most issues with comics are people moralizing about the characters and saying they would never do this or that when 9 times out of 10 the writer just shat over the execution of a concept and the writing as is was shit.
-- i’m just going to include my thoughts down here --
I agree with everything you said about Roy just not being the person who holds a lot of hatred for people. He comes off as strict and even angry sometimes, but at heart, he’s one of the most understanding characters.
I always took Roy’s failed attempts at being an anti-hero as proof that it’s not what he’s meant to do. He keeps trying because he sees his sympathy and desire to do more as a sign that he needs to get his hands dirtier, but each time leaves him with the realization that he can’t be doing that type of work. He was reluctant to leave the Outsiders because he didn’t want to abandon them, that’s why he does leave as soon as Ollie provides funding for them (which he also does specifically because he knows Roy wouldn’t leave, no matter how much he wanted to, otherwise). The Outsiders did end in Roy himself realizing he couldn’t stay there.
I think Roy has always worked best in the various Titans teams he’s been part of. Unfortunately, Teen Titans (2003) set a new status quo with enough of the original Titans leaving and the team working under the leadership of younger members even when more experienced Titans were present. So we could never really go back to the titans as they were in any of the iterations prior to that.
I don’t think Jason and Roy worked together for a whole year; it was just Jason reaching out to Dick, and then subsequently teaming up with him and Roy to give them information of Black Lightning. Which definitely worked to let Roy know the type of person that Jason is (i.e. not a villain), but it was also very much through Dick, so it would again be a reminder of the time that Jason, as a child, teamed up with Roy and the others. Roy’s affinity to taking a guiding role when he works with team members significantly younger than him is just such an important part of who he is that I can’t get past it. I don’t mean to say that Roy’s going to treat Jason like a child, but that there’s going to be a significant gap between their friendship as compared to the friendship that post-flashpoint gave them. Roy is just at a completely different stage from Jason, who is essentially just beginning to catch up on life as a teenager. That difference can’t be ignored easily.
I didn’t read comics back then (and was also a very little kid lol) so I didn’t know about that being something people wanted back then! It must be disappointing to see how it’s turned out.
At the end of the day, I personally think that Roy and Jason could work together very well short-term, and then it would have to end in them walking their separate ways because Roy can never stay in the dark too long, whether he admits it or not. I get what you’re saying about good execution making all the difference, though! I just want to stay as consistent to Roy’s character as possible, so Jason and Roy as best friends/a long-term anti-hero duo never quite works out.
#submited by#anonroyfan#and there is also the fact that a lot of roy's writing post lian's death was just. bad. lazy at many parts#i hope this is coherent bc there are a lot of words and i proof read none of them
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It is 9:57 pm January 18, 2023. Almost time for bed count.
I was mentioning in the last post that there is a man that I see from a distance shooting the basketball into the hoop. Most of the time he gets it in. He seams to like the long distance shots something like how Steph Curry shoots. But he does it by himself to himself almost every day. I admire him because he keeps to himself and doesn’t bother anyone. He is white, maybe 45-55 years old and seems to be happy with this form of exercise or entertainment.
I bring this up because what he does with his time and why he does it is no one’s business. I America you can except use your right to freedom anyway that you want to as long as you are not hurting yourself or anyone else. This is one of the Benifits of democracy.
In a kingdom, you might be able to practice basketball in a public park but everything is built on the permission of the King or Queen. Everything is for the pleasure of the king or queen.
God has a plan, purpose and design for your life. I believe that my purpose is to help, assist, and serve the unemployed and assist them to bypass the employed working merry go round and spend time with their own business. It’s a pretty tall order coming from someone that is presently in a homeless shelter. With man it is almost impossible but with God it is possible even probable. If it is Gods will for you to do it, it WILL happen. I’m believing it. I am writing about it in this blog. You will see that even though I live life day to day like everyone else I believe that having God you my side is a HUGE advantage.
We always hear about success stories after they happen. For the last 10 years I have worked on this blog because it is as close that I feel I can come to writing a book. It is just a difference in time and timing. Most people write about success after they have already achieve it. They have to go back in their memory to remember what happened. Hindsight is always 20/20 but there is one distinct disadvantage. You can’t document the day by day activities, thoughts and observations where you look back at how you achieved the success. At Best you will rember the major things that got you to ride the success train.
This blog is to tell you the day to day events that leads to success
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Top 10 BAMFs of 2022
MF's it's BAMF time! - of the top 10 variety. Do I even need to say more?
I probably do.
It's that time to honor all the people we've seen out in these mostly fictional streets, doing all of the things that we wish we could do (without getting arrested).
Last year's champ - BLACK WIDOW
But, she dead, so... I doubt there will be a repeat. But, let's see.
RULES:
#1 - Must have badass power
#2 - Must have badass attitude
#3 - Must be relevant to the majority in 2022
BOOM! Let's do this:
Honorable Mentions:
Team Peacemaker
Liam Neeson (my white daddy, always in the mix)
Voldymr Zelensky (all politics aside - a real-life BAMF; didn't seem fair to put him in there with the fictionals)
Ashtray from “Euphoria” (you name a kid "Ashtray, and he's either gonna get his ass beat or be a BAMF... both kinda happened here)
Them “RRR” boys!
(I can’t tell you how much I love them and their movie. It hurts not to put them on, cuz this is now one of my favorite action movies, and they're awesome, but... no one knows what I'm talking about when I say "RRR"
Dude who fought a giant crab in “Love Death + Robots” ( if you don’t know, don’t worry about it)
Ben Affleck (you swoop in and take back your ex from a legendary MLB player... you get a mention)
The Woman King
The IronHeart
The Wendy Byrde (badassery or mental illness? you be the judge, but either way - RESPECT)
Sting, the wrestler (really just for being old)
Wednesday Addams
Emily (the Criminal)
Ok, now that THAT'S out of the way:
#10 - Them Stranger Thangs Kidz:
I know they don't look very intimidating - outside of the super-powered girl (Eleven), one might not have a lot of confidence in them, but I do!
Even though most of them look confused... and some look like they just shit themselves.
BUT, think about what they did -
They went after THIS GUY,
who's made a habit of making his victims levitate before crushing their eyes and bones.
They went after him on his turf, knowing there would be monsters screeching between them and him.
And not being sure if they could even defeat him.
That takes some giant BAMF BALLS
#9 - Predator Chick
I don't remember the character's name, but the actor's name is Amber Midthunder.
One more person who conquered their fears after seeing a beast be beastly, and then putting the smack down.
Extra BAMF points for being seemingly (in a misogynistic universe, so... all universes, I guess:) the weakest, and using that non-truth to her advantage.
#8 - The Batman -
(that’s his “what-the-bleep-you-gonna-do-about-it?” face)
Batman always belongs on this list. He's pretty much the standard. If I don't put him on the list, people start coming to my home in the middle of the night, and threatening to take my credentials away.
I don't even really need to say anything.
I could talk about how in this movie, he simply stares people down (in silence), while collecting data on them.
His enemies don't know what to think. He just let's them talk shit, while he computes how he's going to beat them down.
Then, there's the trailer:
He interrupts gang activity, beats the hell out of half of them, then makes a spectacle/example out of one poor soul who dared to ask "who are you?" THEN, my man responds to that question with "VENGEANCE". He could have said anything at that point and it would have been an exclamation point - "Batman" "The Night", "Steve" - doesn't matter.
You do all of that, and then shout out that you are vengeance incarnate.... yeah, BAMF.
#7 - Tom Cruise -
People (like myself) said the "theaters are dead". You've got OG's bitching about how the only movies people care about anymore are comic book movies. Then, Tom rides in on his motorcycle, and tosses "Maverick" at the feet of Hollywood.
Hollywood looks at it... they've heard about this sequel to (let's be honest) a bad movie, but they didn't believe it would ever happen.
The film was glowing and they thought maybe they heard angels voices coming from the film.
Masterpiece! I felt emotions I didn't know I could feel. And everyone must have been with me, cuz (at least for a moment) the theaters were booming again.
Then, my dude puts out two awesome trailers for Mission Impossible, and promotes it all while standing on a plane (real life!) that's IN THE AIR.
Clap your hands all ye people, for Tom BAMF Cruise.
#6 - Thor -
Again, I don't need to say anything, but I will.
I could mention that the villain coming after Thor has a blade designed to kill him.
Imagine if someone had a weapon called "The I'm going to torture and kill [insert your name] Blade".
He tries to get help from frickin ZEUS, and Zeus and the gang are all scared of this villain, cuz their names are inserted on the blade as well.
It's not just Thor's bravery, badassery, and muscles that has landed him on this list, but also his love. That's right, I said "love"!
He fights for his love (Natalie Portman), who's sick. This is Thor we're talking about.... nobody would have blamed him if he said "Look, baby, you're sexy and all, but you're sick... this is too real for yours truly, the-gettin-booty-god - a playa gotta play, you dig??"
(I mean we should blame him, but... he's so damned charming).
But, he instead stands by her, encourages her, and fights with, and for her.
Badassery of love.
#5 - Strange! -
Do you remember that time that you possessed a dead alternate version of yourself, so you could dreamwalk to a hellish realm, so you could fight a witch and save the day?
Ya damned right you don't! You know who can remember when they did that? - Doctor BLEEPING Strange!
He's super nerdy, and normally we can't allow nerds into Club BAMF, BUT exceptions are a part of life.
Plus, he fought a lil bit in that movie... with his hands and feet! I thought he was all about hocus pocus. I had forgotten about his training.
Rockin some tiger style, baby!
#4 - Gorr
I roll the r's on his name - seems more intimidating. "Gorr" (with no r's rolled) seems like a name for a simpleton, which
he def is not!
He went from a groveling worshipper to THE MAN you call when you want a GOD slayed.
You don't even have to call him... he's probably out there doing it already; that's strong work ethic, kids.
Do you understand how ballsy that is?!
You know gods to be immeasurably powerful and seemingly unkillable. You find out that most of them are a bunch of assholes.
So, you say to yourself "They ALL have to go. And imma make that cause my life's work."
That's constructive rage, kids.
So, badass that all of the gods (these powerful beings) are hiding out.
#3 - Namor
Everything about him is badass..
Look at him - you don't know if you want to fear him, worship him, be him, or bang him.
I imagine it's similar to how Prince made people feel.
Namor! Marvel's Prince!
He defended and saved his people. Led the building and reigning of a secret underworld kingdom.
Comes and goes, freely, to and from Wakanda... without their consent. Nobody does that!
That's like being able to break-in and raid Joe Biden's fridge whenever you want, and simply leave unharmed/unhindered.
(BAMF)
He'll beat your ass in the water, he'll beat your ass on land, he'll beat your ass in the air. Doesn't matter.
The only unBAMF-like thing about him are those chicken wings on his feet.
You gotta cover them up, bro! Not out of shame, but just in case someone gets hungry.
Now, we’re at the end.
These last two were hard to decide between. -
Black Adam and Scarlet Witch
Both crazy powerful. Both with BAMF attitude.
Black Adam, pretty much can't be stopped. You can slow him down, you can manipulate him, you can trick him, but beat him??
Maybe if Superman were still around. But, honestly, I think he’d hold his own against Supes.
His brooding anger will not be contained or deterred.
And then there’s the Witch! - who took out armies and super-powered groups (who's goal is to stop people like her) with little trouble.
She got a lil banged up here and there, but everybody can’t get that I-never-bleed clause into their contract, like The Rock :)
They're both kinda murderous though, right?? Not something that your rambling praphit wants to promote with #1 honors.
The big difference is their motivations:
BA didn't ask to be around in the present; he was set free by some dumbass Tomb Raider-wannabes, with a lust for power.
Black Adam is more like an emotionally wounded grizzly. You see it, it comes up to you and tells you to get out of the way.
If you don't, it'll murder you... and that's kinda your fault.
The Witch is a straight up bully. She's trying to reclaim her "family" (that she magically created while torturing a whole community btw), and she doesn't care who has to die in the process; especially not some lil Puerto Rican girl (America Chavez).
No bullies allowed at the top... unless they're complex, and their fury can be rationalized... and they're played by The Rock.
#2 - Wanda
#1 - BLACK ASS ADAM
#BlackAdam#MarvelComics#MovieReviews#Gorr#Thor#TheBatman#Praphit#johnpraphit#DCComics#ScarletWitch#praphitproductions.com#ActionHeroes#BAMF#LiamNeeson#Superheroes#StrangerThings#TomCruise#DrStrange#TheRock#Predator#Peacemaker#WendyByrde#RRR
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So, while I try to get the photos off the camera (forgive the poor quality, but I am not used to moving targets)
My con thoughts….
OMG! I must have been having fun. It felt like it only lasted five minutes!
I was so tired, since I ended up with only three hours sleep and woke up before the alarm, that I decided to head out a half hour before the con to minimize the traffic every bit I could. The con started at 10am, and I was there at 9:30. It ran until 5 and I got to my car at 5:10, so I guess I guess I maximized my time!
Now what’s funny is, I actually ended up the first person in! When I got there they already had lines snaking out the front of the convention center, but it turned out they were almost all folks that had purchased online and were there to check in. There was a cash line off to one side, but then a few if us noticed a cash line on the other with no one there. There was a little goof, and the guy running that side sold his tickets a few minutes early before they caught it. Three of us had bought tickets already, and the other two went off to do something. I waited at the door, so the moment they announced the con open I stepped in while all those folks lined up in the other lines were just started to get their wristbands. That will never happen again!
The good news is the con seemed well attended. The bad news is that spending was way down, judging from my many conversations with artists and dealers. That does worry me a bit. I want the con to thrive and folks to come back year after year. It’s purely selfish, of course. I need the sense of community it offers, even if it is only for a few hours once a year.
As always, I went around the room talking to all the artists, writers, makers, and the like I could. In fact it ended up taking me…you are NOT going to believe this…. 3 1/2 hours to go around the room just once! I used a lot of self control, resisting buying anything the first time. I made up for it.
I say I made up for it, and I did buy stuff, but it was like last year. Besides a gift for Mom, most of what I bought was of the “OHHH, you are so enthusiastic! Tell me all about your stuff and I’ll buy the cheapest thing you have.” sort. It had to be cheap, because I was trying to spread my money around to as many people as possible, and after buying gas I hadn’t had but so much left.
I really didn’t do any “I LOVE it! I have to have it!” buying because I’m not rich enough to do both. I could either buy those comics, stickers, buttons, etc from a dozen artists in need of a bit of love OR I could have bought that cool handmade felt hat decorated with mushrooms that I sighed over every time I passed.
That’s fine. What isn’t fine is how guilty I felt when I’d talk to folks and not buy anything. I don’t know which made me feel more rotten, when the artist is super delightful as they gush about the work but I can’t afford it OR when it is someone I have bought from before, and who remembered me, but I couldn’t afford anything.
Heck, one guy had a nice conversation with me about science fiction media mags from out day, and was the ONLY person I have ever met that was a Video Watchdog fan like me, AND gave me candy because I looked like I could use it…then I didn’t buy his new book just because I didn’t have enough left in my wallet.
And yet at the end of the day, what did I do? I grabbed a dejected guy leaving and hour early and told him I had been wanting to buy something of his, and then spent $5 on a photo he’d taken of the New Bern waterfront and awkwardly printed out and glued to card paper. Because, darn it, he can learn better ways to print his photos, and yet undoubtedly not making enough to pay for his booth might discourage him from trying again.
I’m weak. I can’t help it. I wish I were rich enough to buy something from everyone, but I’m not, and I shouldn’t feel guilty.
But I am too good at guilt! LOL At the big cons like Heroes I never felt this way, but then I didn’t have conversations to make it all up close and personal.
Some folks remembered me from last year, and since I was wearing a mask (yes, still) it was extra surprising. Several even remembered what I had bought! Am I that memorable, even with half my face hidden?
The most astonishing discovery from conversations was that the husband half of an artist/writer couple had actually lived in Jamesville, and his mother still lives around here! That was a shock! (though finding out his parents were only a few years older than me was another kind of shock! LOL) I talked with them way too long, mostly ragging on my home town with someone that could get it.
So I yammered. A lot. To think I spent a few decades barely able to speak to strangers, and not I can’t shut up. Loneliness does weird stuff to folks.
The most surprising booth was from the NC Aquarium. I think they were enjoying themselves, though I seem to have forgotten to photography the jellyfish hat one was wearing. I did get one of a taxidermy critter in a superhero suit that they had set up.
I missed ALL the panels. I never even got to dig through any of the boxes of old comics. I didn’t mean to, I just lost track of time.
Costumes were wonderful as usual. They said they had over 85 entries in the costume contest, and not everyone in costume took part. Honestly, the one that gave me the first moment of delight for the day was a Santa/Obi Wan mashup carrying a candy cane lightsaber and a Grogu elf! But there were all sorts of fun costumes, and gimmicks during the contest, like one guy pulling a fire trick in his hands or a Spidey that shot webbing so the audience gave up a “OOOOOOO” of surprise. The fact I hadn’t a clue who half the characters were is only a reflection my pop culture ignorance caused by a lack of money or time.
And as the dealers started packing up I hobbled painfully around the convention to say goodbyes, and ask people how their con went. My feet were in agony. The ankle braces, knee brace, and wrist brace were now causing their own pain. My awkward conversational skills had only gotten more awkward as pain distracted me. And yet I hated for it to end.
I didn’t want to go. Not really.
Here I was with people passionate about the things they loved. People who made things and wrote things and collected things, things that are fantastical. Things like I like, even when they aren’t exactly the things I like. People that I can feel a sort of “like me!” that I otherwise never get to experience in the real world.
On the way home I pulled into the mall to buy a thai tea with boba to drink on the way home. I have neither had a drink like that*, nor set foot in the mall, since 2019. It was a huge indulgence, but it let me delay the post convention blues until after the drive. It was one final special thing before real life returns.
So the con is over, a blur of memory that I can barely sort out. It flew by so blindingly fast it was dizzying!
I am soooo glad I got to go. It reminded me what it felt like to go places and do things. Even though I badly fumbled conversations and made an idiot of myself, even though I didn’t get to do everything I meant, even though I spent all the money I brought….It just felt so GOOD!!!
*You have NO idea how tempting even food court take out was by then. I haven’t had take out since my birthday last December (and even then didn’t buy a drink) so my empty stomach started telling me to buy a gyro from the place next door. I resisted that at least!
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Guard Your Heart
Hey everyone! Happy Sunday! Hope everyone is doing well! Wow, it feels like this week flew by! Look at it this way though! We're one day closer to being with our Lord and Savior forever! That's pretty good news in my book! I'm hoping it's good news in yours as well! All we have to do is love God with all our hearts, minds souls and strength and follow Him no matter what life may bring! It's funny though! Today's culture teaches something completely different! What do I mean? Well, have you ever noticed how Disney doesn't tell you to follow God? Almost every Disney movie is about following your heart. Even Disney shows. That's like ones of their biggest mottos. I know it sounds like I have been ripping on Disney the last couple of times and I swear I love Disney! Well, the old Disney. The new Disney is a whole different story. LOL Everything I've said has been true though. You can't name one Princess movie that isn't about following your heart. Children grow up to believe that that's the way it's supposed to be. Nothing can go wrong if you do, right? Unfortunately or fortunately though, it's not true. The Bible, the Word of God, says the heart can be deceitful. You can read it in Jeremiah 7:9-10. If you always listen to your heart, it can lead you down the wrong path. Wait, what? You're probably thinking that makes no sense. Your heart is how you love. True, but ever since the fall in Genesis chapter 3, sin entered the world. Therefore, God's perfect design was corrupted. Only for a little while of course because Jesus is coming back to set everything right. Until then though, sin is in us and will be until Christ's return. That's why we need His Grace and Mercy every day. Ever since sin came into the world, it stems in the heart. Matthew 15:18-19 can confirm that. You can also read Mark 7-20-23. Unfortunately, satan knows that and will do anything he can to get us to believe otherwise. Listen to your heart, trust you feelings, etc. For years, I can definitely say that I never believed my heart could deceive me. I heard the verse before that the heart can be deceitful and I knew it was God's Word, but it never really clicked until recently. Last year, I was talking to this guy. We seemed to connect and I started falling hard. I think he might have loved me too at 1st, although I still question it at times. He seemed to want to try with me and wanted to get to know me. He was always there for me at the beginning. A few months after we met though, things started to change. He was more distant and didn't seem like he wanted to try anymore. He wanted to date other women while dating me. We weren't exclusive at the time, so I thought I could try it. Ladies, whatever you do, do not tell the man you're interested in he can date other women. It will only lead to heartache. I lasted about 3 weeks and I couldn't do it. He even said he was falling in love with me while dating other women, so after about 3 weeks I said it's either me or them. I didn't exactly say it like that, but you get the jist. He chose me at the time. I was ecstatic. We decided to go exclusive. I was on cloud 9. Yeah, that lasted about 3 days. LOL He broke up with me saying he wasn't ready for a commitment. He wanted an open relationship. I wouldn't have it though. He also wanted to do a couple other things that didn't sit well with me. I was devastated. For a few months though, we kept going back to each other. I thought he would change and he kept messaging me. I was still in love with him after everything that happened. My heart kept telling me to give him chance after chance. The same vicious cycle kept happening though. We would get together or close to it, then he would break up with me or say he wouldn't date me if he couldn't date other women or do things that weren't good for him or us. I would stand my ground at the time, but as soon as he would message again, I would fail back in thinking he changed or would change. Don't get me wrong, our relationship wasn't all bad. He could be amazing at times, but he was just set in his ways that weren't good for either of us. The relationship was just toxic. I think I knew that it was from the beginning and he wasn't the one, but I didn't want it to be true. My heart kept saying give him a chance over and over again, you love him, so this must be it. Every lie you can think of was screaming at me because I was so in love. The heart can do no wrong, right? That still small voice that I kept ignoring though kept saying he isn't the one. It's time to let go. I didn't listen for months though, always turning back. I was following my heart. It took a lot of heartache for me to finally wake up and realize I needed to completely step back. That voice was God telling me this isn't who I have for you. Instead of trusting God though, I was trusting my heart. I finally had an epiphany though. Like ok, that's what it means when it says the heart can deceive and it's definitely true. You would think I would have learned that lesson a few years ago when I dated a psycho. Another story for another time. I'm apparently a very, very slow learner. LOL My point is that the heart can definitely deceive. We need to be careful to not always follow our hearts no matter what society says. If you do, it can lead you down a dark path. God is the only one who knows what's best for us. If something isn't in alignment with God's Word, then you should probably stay away from it. Actually, not probably, definitely. That's why it's so important for us to guard our hearts and stay in the Word. We need to train ourselves, our hearts, everything, to listen to God, trust and obey Him no matter what. Even if we don't understand something, we need to lean on God, not our own understanding. He will make our paths straight. It says so in Proverbs 3:5-6. How do we do that then? How do we guard our hearts and know when God is talking to us or our hearts are trying to deceive us? By praying continually and staying in the Word daily. Always keep God 1st place and don't make any idols. Don't give in to the desires of your flesh. Keep watch and stand firm in your faith because the enemy is always ready to pounce and deceive you. If you keep God 1st place though and always trust in Him, He will never lead you astray. Whoever has ears, let them hear. Well, I'm out for now friends! Have an amazing week! Until next time!
Lauren
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God Is Love
Today's inspiration comes from:
Every Woman a Theologian
by Phylicia Masonheimer
"'What does it mean that God is love (1 John 4:8)? Here’s how John described it:
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent His only Son into the world, so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." — 1 John 4:7–11 ESV
John’s passage teaches us three things about God’s love: love is God’s essence (v. 😎 , God’s love is sacrificial and self-giving (vv. 9–10), and God’s love is transforming — those who experience it want to give love to others (v. 11).
This definition of love diverges from our culture’s ideals. To love someone today can mean a range of things, including but not limited to endorsement, affirmation, unquestioning support, and attention. If you don’t affirm the choices someone makes — no matter how damaging or unwise — you’re deemed “unloving.” But how does this align with love as God defines it?
The love of Christ is self-giving and sacrificial. It’s also wise. God’s love is not in opposition to attributes like holiness and righteousness; it is complementary to them. In other words, these are not two poles on a globe, but two sides of the same coin.
You can’t have love without justice and truth, and you can’t have true justice without love.
When we as a modern culture moved ourselves away from God, we separated ourselves from both justice and love. Our justice is polluted by selfish opinions and lack of consideration for others; our love is diluted by the mistaken idea that affection equals endorsement. The Christian God upends these assumptions. His love will not be manipulated or separated from truth, and yet it is this truthful, faithful, hesed love (a “completely undeserved kindness and generosity”1) that chases us down and seeks us in our sin: “In Jesus, God has taken the initiative to seek out the sinner, to bring the lost into the blessing of his reign. He was, in short, the seeking God.”2
Jesus proved that God’s heart, holy as it is, is not to separate from the sinner but to invite the sinner to experience the Father’s love. Of course, humans may choose to reject that love, and by doing so they embrace separation. That choice has always been an option. But Jesus revealed God’s seeking, loving heart to humanity by entering into a relationship with people who needed the transformative love of God. This exposure to the Father’s heart changed them — and it changes us.
It changed me.
You can’t have love without justice and truth, and you can’t have true justice without love.
In the midst of my addiction to erotic fiction, I rode a pendulum between repentance and fear. I repented of my sin because I knew it was wrong. I was objectifying the people in these stories, objectifying myself, and objectifying my sexuality. I was filling my mind with the opposite of what is pure, noble, and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8). But my motivation for repentance wasn’t the love of God, at least not in those early years. My motivation was fear. I repented because I was afraid of God, afraid of sin, and afraid of what might happen if I lived there. In a way I think that was a healthy fear. Yes, we should recognize the consequences of sin and take them seriously. However, in Scripture such fear is always tempered by the open arms of God. But I didn’t see His arms as open; I saw them as crossed.
I believed this judging God saw my sin, and I felt shamefully exposed. At seventeen, a few years after I came to Christ and five years into the addiction, I read a book about God’s love. The sun rose, a switch flipped, and I understood why I continued to repeat the same patterns over and over. I did not trust God’s love. My repentance was genuine, but because I never felt truly attached to God, secure in His love for me and His grace over my sin, I returned to what felt safe: my sin. Of course, it wasn’t safe — it was damaging — but the familiarity deceived me. I was so unfamiliar with the affection of God that I ran to the very thing destroying my heart.
The love of God is the glue of Scripture. It’s the binding of the theological truths we study. The Christian God is distinct because He is, in every part of His being, love. Love is Him. There is no love in this world that can exist apart from Him. Every human love is an echo of the original hesed, the faithful, seeking love, brave enough to redeem the darkest sinner you know — even if that sinner is you.
We have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in Him. — 1 John 4:16 ESV
We know God’s love. But do we believe it? Until we do, we can’t live in it. Abiding comes from believing. God’s love is real, and it is for you.
For God so loved the world [you] that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever [you] believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. — John 3:16
Eternal life is not just beyond death. It’s real life now. It’s real life free from addiction and dependency and anger and bitterness. It’s real life knowing and believing God’s love is for you, not just for everyone else.
John Oswalt, The Bible Among the Myths (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2009), 71.
George Eldon Ladd, A Theology of the New Testament (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans Publishing, 1993), 81.
Excerpted with permission from Every Woman a Theologian by Phylicia MasonHeimer, copyright W Publishing.
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Title: Songs for a New Age: 10 Years After 9/11
Author: Steven Schwartz
Rating: 3/5 stars
This book isn't great, but it is interesting -- for me, it was the first time I'd been struck by a sense of "this is how it feels to be in a very different age." I'd been exposed to certain stories before, but this was the first time I'd really felt the weight of them as part of the everyday, or felt like they were really part of me.
In retrospect, I probably couldn't have predicted the particular age I'd be living in, which is to say, I couldn't have predicted what it would be like to be 10 years old on September 11, 2001 (or, indeed, to be almost 60 years old a decade later). The thing about that kind of experience is that it doesn't feel like it has anything to do with an era of history. When I was a young kid, I remember the first time I'd ever heard of 9/11 being on TV the morning after, listening to my parents talk about a story they'd read that night about how there was an emergency and the planes had hit the towers and people had died.
But it wasn't a story they were telling to me. It wasn't even a story they were telling themselves. It was a story about the lives and fears and anxieties of two ordinary people who happened to live in New York and were caught in the crossfire when the whole city was suddenly a battlefield.
This is the other thing about that age of mine: I was a child when I'd heard those stories, and a child's imagination has, for the most part, been a safe place. If you're a child, it's safe to believe anything you like, to be anything you like. Stories were just stories. You could pick and choose, and it would all fit. I had not been exposed to the fact that all this stuff was a product of an era. It all felt like ordinary life. In this book, I am not alone, because it is the world of the 21st century, but I can still feel myself on the outside of it, and I feel as if I can look right into it.
As I mentioned above, this was the first time in my life I had felt the reality of the 9/11 attacks, or of a world war, at all. And in any event, when the news started to break about what was happening in the Twin Towers on the first day, I knew the whole world would soon be dealing with it. I knew it would be the defining fact of my young life -- for my parents and me and the people all around us, it was the end of innocence. I knew it would be like a war, because it was. We all knew there was an end, and we all knew there would be a lot of blood.
I remember going down to the mall, where there were already people stocking up on bottled water, and feeling afraid. I remember feeling afraid of what I would do, if I went outside and saw the smoke or heard the sirens, and then feeling ashamed of my fear and not being able to figure out exactly how I could feel so frightened and not feel that way. The idea of "terrorist attacks" had not been used yet, as far as I was concerned. But it already seemed inevitable that one would happen, or at least, that one wasn't already happening all around us. I couldn't even imagine that the terrorists might be far away. We would be dealing with it, the whole world. My parents didn't know much about terrorism (nor did they know that they'd heard a story about how a plane might attack New York once and would never hear about it again); I was still living in the world where, when a plane goes into a building, nobody knows if the building will survive.
You can imagine the sense of dread, I think. And maybe you can't, unless you were there. For me, the dread and the sense of the world ending didn't actually come until months later. Then I realized that, while I had felt safe while watching TV the previous day, as far as anything that could happen in real life was concerned, I had had just two things to go off of: the first, of course, was what I'd heard from my parents, and then the second thing, which was actually the first, was the news itself.
I realized that there had been no actual experience of it. I hadn't had access to anything real to compare with what I was hearing about. I hadn't heard about a single actual plane hitting a real building. I had known that there had been a story like that, but that was it. "Did a plane hit the Twin Towers? No, I'm sure it didn't. It would have been much worse. I'm sure you remember those stories you were reading. Just remember that those buildings fell for no reason. It was a conspiracy story. It's not true." And then one day, when I really understood the implications of all of that, my world was torn in half. The first feeling was one of peace, a sense that all the scary, awful things that had seemed like inevitable fact since September 11 had now been taken care of. The next was a feeling of tension, a sense that my sense of what had already happened was about to be taken away. I was going to be exposed to a world where nothing I had known before was correct. I didn't know exactly what was going to happen, because the things I was going to be learning weren't exactly true, but it was certain that something bad would happen. I'd lost my sense of "this is a story of a story," and for me -- for someone who had always tended to avoid confronting any real problems that I could avoid, to turn a blind eye to them and pretend they weren't there, the idea of being confronted with these realities was terrifying. It was huge. I don't think I'll ever feel the same again.
The last thing is how much of it feels real. That's something I haven't really thought about much since. What I mean by that is, what I mean by "feeling in touch with the reality of the world around me" is something I still struggle with. This is another thing that comes from my youth. I wasn't really exposed to the idea that a lot of this was a product of the past. But it's harder, these days, to avoid that kind of feeling.
When I first heard about 9/11, it was as an extension of life. That was the way the world was, because it had always been that way. You couldn't make yourself different, couldn't even imagine you might be someone different. The world was already a world that was "like that," it was just that now there was a new thing to think about when you were at the mall or waiting in line.
When 9/11 happened, I was about 13 years old. Most of what I was doing was hanging out in my bedroom playing video games with the sound off, listening to the radio, occasionally hearing the news. So for me, it felt as if the world
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9-1-1 Masterlist
(B) means bullet-point format
(S) means Smut aka 18+
(F) means Fluff
(A) means Angst
(R) means Requested
Strike-through words are WIPs (Work In Progresses)
Evan Buckley
Right Person At Maybe The Wrong Time: Book 1- You and Evan were high school sweethearts and college but when he got expelled, he left without much explanation before you could tell him you were pregnant. Now 10 years later, you're working a shift at the hospital when you get word that a sniper has been shooting firefighters. You meet Eddie Diaz when you're the nurse in charge of his recovery and soon come face-to-face with the father of your child. How will you tell him that he has a child he doesn't know about and the fact that you might be falling for his friend?
Sinbound: Book 2- Y/n has been in her own little bubble since Eddie and her have made things offical and are expecting a bundle of joy, but what happens when all those problems come bubbling to the surface? Throw her ex who’s still in love with her in the mix and expect disaster.
Overboard- Playboy and wealthy Evan Buckley is living a life of leisure until he falls off his yacht and suffers amnesia. Y/n Y/l/n, a widowed chef with four kids who worked for Evan, arrives and claims she's his wife. Evan can't remember his past identity, but has trouble believing that he was ever meant to be a working-class father of four.
Friends to Lovers With Evan Buckley (B)
Spilling Of Blood In The Name Of Love (F) (S) - Y/n is a maid for the Kingdom of Kular where prince Buckley has found a interest to her. However king Eddie of the Vitalis Kingdom has visited the kingdom and fallen head over heels. After Eddie revels his plans to take the maid and prep her into a Queen a war is forged between the two nations. Who will win her love in the end?
The Devil’s Smile: Mobster Evan “Buck” Buckley- what happens when a dangerous criminal like Evan “Buck” Buckley falls in love with a goody-two shoes college student like Y/n Y/l/n? Shit happens.
What Happens In Vegas, Doesn’t Always Stay In Vegas (R) (A)- You and Evan get married on a whim in Vegas. You decided that it was a mistake and take off. What happens when your paths intertwine again?
Happier (A) (R)- Being in love with Buck but watching him love Abby was hard. So, you moved away. When you meet again in Texas due to a wildfire will everything come to light?
Nicknames: Buck and Eddie
Love Languages: Buck and Eddie
Evan Diaz
Right Person At Maybe The Wrong Time: Book 1- You and Evan were high school sweethearts and college but when he got expelled, he left without much explanation before you could tell him you were pregnant. Now 10 years later, you're working a shift at the hospital when you get word that a sniper has been shooting firefighters. You meet Eddie Diaz when you're the nurse in charge of his recovery and soon come face-to-face with the father of your child. How will you tell him that he has a child he doesn't know about and the fact that you might be falling for his friend?
Sinbound: Book 2- Y/n has been in her own little bubble since Eddie and her have made things offical and are expecting a bundle of joy, but what happens when all those problems come bubbling to the surface? Throw her ex who’s still in love with her in the mix and expect disaster.
I’m Stuck (B)(S)- When a separated woman new to LA needs help with a rather personal matter, who will she call? None other than the firefighter in every woman’s wet dreams.
Brazen and Buff: Boxer Eddie- Edmundo “Eddie” Diaz is an absoulute machine in the ring, but he’s also a beast in the bedroom. How will vanilla and kind Y/n react to this side of her sweet boyfriend?
Exploring Your Anatomy- Y/n Y/l/n is getting ready to start her day as an intern at Mercy East Hospital, but what happens when she finds out she slept with an attending aka her boss Edmundo “Eddie” Diaz?
Being High School Sweethearts with Eddie Diaz & reconnecting after the death of Shannon (B)
Spilling Of Blood In The Name Of Love (F) (S) - Y/n is a maid for the Kingdom of Kular where prince Buckley has found a interest to her. However king Eddie of the Vitalis Kingdom has visited the kingdom and fallen head over heels. After Eddie revels his plans to take the maid and prep her into a Queen a war is forged between the two nations. Who will win her love in the end?
The Lies We Tell & The Secrets We Keep- Edmundo “Eddie” Diaz starts an affair with his new personal assistant while on a business trip, while being trapped in a picture perfect marriage with a son. When his obsession to his assistant becomes too much to handle while dealing with his married life, he has a choice to make. Does he give into temptation and rid himself of his old life or get rid of his mistress and go back to his loveless marraige?
Anger That Swallows Us (R)-Eddie may lose another woman he loves. How can he survive without her? How will he tell Christopher?
Love & Need (R)
Nicknames: Buck & Eddie
Love Languages: Buck & Eddie
Prompts for asks/requests
All dividers ever used on my page are most likely created by: @firefly-graphics
#Eddie Diaz#eddie diaz x reader#evan buck buckely#evan buckley x reader#masterlist#oneshots#blurbs#drabbles
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First Love
Lucas Wong / Yukhei
"They say first love is a special experience that one would always hold a special place in your heart. Wong Yukhei was your first love in high school, but along the way, you had to say goodbye to him in order for him to achieve his dream of becoming a star in Korea. Yet fate and destiny plays its role in paving the two of you an intersection once more, will the two of you and up together at the very end?"
Warnings : smut, unprotected sex, mild angst, a child (pregnancy not described), tooth rotting fluff (all in that order, kinda)
A/N : this is one of my most heavily devoted works I've ever written, so please, of you're comfortable, drop a feedback to tell me if you guys like this writing style, thank you!
Lucas Wong of NCT and most importantly his own fixed unit, Wayv, the man who garners attention and love wherever he goes, that dazzling smile is sure to be captured by numerous cameras of awaiting fans.
But to you, Lucas was never Lucas, to you he was Yukhei, and more significantly, your ex from high school. Yukhei was your first love, you remember when the two of you had first met in Year 9, Yukhei was known for being a class clown and more of a klutz, girls would always have a soft spot for him even if they didn't like him in that way.
Yukhei was your desk mate for Year 10, the thing got you on your nerves about him was that he never took group assignments seriously, and was never at school on time, his uniform was wrinkly from rushing out of his house to catch the bus and always had a stationary missing, which means he had to borrow yours.
You never hated him, hate is a strong word, things were very neutral with him, most times, he unintentionally annoys you, but he'd always make up to you by bringing you a small bottle of apple juice the next day. The only time the two of you really fought was when he had not spoken up when his friends snatched your book away from yours to copy you off, brushing it off as a small matter.
You were quite an immature person back then, and no one can blame you, you were just a teenager, and being said that, you had refused to lend Yukhei a ruler when the math teacher did a pop quiz, so he had to use the dust pan as no one, other than you that is, brings an extra ruler.
It's not your fault, you thought back then, he shouldn't have depended on you to bring his share of stationaries. The next day, you walked into class to see his group of friends waiting at your desk to apologize to you, and as for Yukhei, he had yet again brought you a bottle of apple juice, with the addition of your favourite bar of Cadbury.
It was only in Year 11 when Yukhei had confessed to you, saying that all those annoying things he did to you were just to catch your attention, of all the girls he could've liked, he chose the one who was the most unattainable, go figure.
The next year, when the two of you were looking to apply to the same college, Yukhei broke the news to you that he'd be packing his bags for Korea, that the audition he had joined just for fun accepted him as a trainee in a large entertainment company in Korea that everyone in Hong Kong knows, SM.
At first you didn't approve of his decision, that his education was important as well, that he had a life here, with you. But Yukhei had given very valid reasons to you, that he wouldn't have passed the college entrance exams if it weren't for your tuitions until late at night in the public library, that he didn't really have an interest in studying. His most valid reason was that he didn't want to take a toll on you when you’re in college, he can't have you sacrifice your sleep and attention for him just to have him attain passing grades.
So you let him go, saying your last farewell to him at the airport as his girlfriend and ex girlfriend.
That was the last time you saw him, choosing to not stay in contact with him as you poured your soul into university life, studying like your life depends on it, you had a few boyfriends here and there, nothing serious, nothing that made you felt like your first love. Maybe you had trouble moving on, or maybe it was just stress, you thought back then, shrugging the thought off casually before diverting your attention else where, this cycle carried on until you came out to work.
Fast forwarding to March of 2019, you had unintentionally came across of a news online that Yukhei had finally been placed in his own fixed unit that would be promoting and performing in Chinese, which isn’t surprising, even the Thai member, Ten, was of Chinese heritage. What made your eyes widen was the fact that they were coming to Hong Kong.
At the day of the fan meet, you had took the day off from your boring low paying job at the law firm, so much for studying your ass off for bar exams, you’re just filing on a daily basis.
Before the day of the fan meet, you had lived off of instant cup noodles for a few weeks just to buy the album and their light stick. When you first listened to the album, you were proud of Yukhei’s rapping skills, you still recall the days when he’d struggle with his mandarin oral tests, the teachers there must be much better than you for him to improve so much, smiling fondly at the old memories.
You waved the light stick and sang along just like the other fans beside you, mesmerised by the performance that the boys are putting up, but your eyes were mostly on Yukhei, you would’ve never thought the once clumsy giant like him would dance as fluidly, executing the moves just as well as the other smaller sized members.
You watch as Yukhei introduces himself and his non Cantonese members in his mother tongue, a feeling of familiarity settling into your mind.
You are quite a confident person, but queuing up to the long table where Yukhei sat at the corner was nerve wrecking to you, what would he say to you? Would he recognise you? It hasn't been that long, but the two of you had done some changes to your looks.
The other members had greeted you with a friendly smile and a few casual questions like have you eaten, but they seem a bit taken aback by the lack of fan girl attitude that most of the fans in front of you had.
When you had got to Yukhei, he had dropped his marker on the floor, his head ducked out of sight to retrieve it, but when he came up to apologise, the words were stuck in his throat, as his eyes opened as wide as saucers. He coughed to mask the surprise on his face.
“Hi, how are you?” He asked as he took your album into his hands, scribbling something down.
“Good, how have you been?” although his hair is coloured, his eyes had contacts, and he wasn't in his messy uniform, the smile on his face never changed.
“Great, it's nice to see you,” to other fans and the staff beside him, they might think it's just one of the standard answers, but you knew Yukhei like the back of your hand, registering the twinkle in his eyes.
Soon, he had placed the album back into your hands, your fingers grazing gently as tiny sparks flew up your tips, eyes never breaking contact until the staff tells you to leave.
When you had sat down at a nearby cafe to get a cup of coffee, you took out your album and flipped to the page where Lucas had written something.
‘Hilton hotel, 9pm,' and his number under it.
At nine sharp, you waited by the hotel’s sitting area, not many people at that time as usually stores in Hong Kong open rather late, patiently you waited for Yukhei. Just as you were scrolling through posts on Instagram, a tall figure approached you.
A call of your name rolled off his tongue naturally, a wave of nostalgia hitting the both of you.
“I bought you a little something before I got here,” you said as you stood up, letting him guide you to the elevators.
“What is it?” Yukhei lets out a flustered laugh, scratching the back of his nape when he realised he didn't get you anything in return.
“Roast goose and Cha Siew, are they still your favourite?” you asked, hoping his taste hasn’t changed over the years.
“Yeah, man, I remember how we'd always get quarter of both after school at Uncle Chan’s,” Yukhei said, remembering how the boss of the restaurant had hung a photo of two of you on the wall, deeming the two of you his most loyal lovebirds.
“This is from Uncle Chan’s,” you told him as you followed him into his room, looking around, expecting him to be rooming with someone.
“Don't worry, I told Yang Yang to sleep with Ten for the night,” Yukhei said when he saw you looking for someone.
“Oh, that's really nice of him,” you said as you set out the food, the smell of Hong Kong's famous delicacies wafting in the air.
“Man, I really missed this,” Yukhei said as he pulls the arm chair that was a few feet away close to the desk, directing you into it and situating himself in the not so comfortable wooden chair.
“I missed this too,” you said mindlessly, eyes avoiding his before you ate a piece of meat.
“I missed you too,” Lucas confessed, yes there are many pretty girls in his industry, and Korea itself, but no one would be able to replace you, you were his rock all his life, other than his family of course, it's hard to build a connection with someone just as strong when things between the two of you never really ended, in a way.
Leaving on too good terms and without much closure for both of you kept one another thinking of each other. The two of you know, that after tonight, things would go back to normal, Yukhei would be Wayv’s Lucas, and you’d remain as his past, there would never be an outcome from whatever happens tonight.
So when the two of you were recalling memories and troubles the two of you got in school on the oh so comfortable bed, you couldn't help it, hooking a leg over Yukhei’s waist, just like how it started at the night of the graduation party, the night where the two of you lost your virginities to each other.
“I’d be gone tomorrow, we shouldn’t, I shouldn't do this to you,” Yukhei said, a firm believer that it's always the girl that is on the losing side, like he's taking an advantage of you, ever the gentleman.
“I want this for myself, Yukhei, it's not like it's our first time,” you said, trying to convince him.
“I still feel guilty about our first time, I left a few months later after that night, and tomorrow would be the same, I'll be leaving you once more,” Yukhei said as his big hands caressed your cheeks, eyes wide like a puppy, pupils reflecting an image of you, a perfect representation of his universe, you.
“I don't care, I’ve moved on from you as your girlfriend all those years ago, moving on from you after tonight won't be a challenge for me,” you said in a firm tone, one that Yukhei knows all too well, he knows you won't give up when you sound like this.
He could possibly break two hearts if he chooses to act on his impulses, but he missed this, he missed you, and so he threw all caution out of the window when he smashed his lips desperately against yours, chewing on your bottom lip with little force, it was something that would easily get you worked up back then, and to his delight, it still worked, letting him dominate the kiss easily, he let his tongue slid in your mouth, tasting the beer the two of you had just now with a mixture of strawberry lip gloss, you were still using the Nivea one you used all those years ago, this only fuelled his desire for you, his hands leaving your cheeks to locate your waist, pulling you closer to him.
When you were out of air, you broke off the kiss, reaching the hem of your shirt to pull it off, then waiting a few seconds for Yukhei to admire the red lace on your skin before unclasping your bra, letting your blossoms free, all the while as Yukhei looks on, like he was in a trance.
“I missed these,” he commented before taking a mound into his mouth, sucking on your nipple diligently while his other hand comes up to roll it in between the pads of his fingers, the pleasure from the action making you throw your head back, a slip of his name in between your whimpers.
You let Yukhei push you back, letting you fall onto his bed, you felt his hands wander up your skirt, his huge hands around your thighs, squeezing the flesh in his palms, feeling you, but stopped when he reached the hem of your panties, detaching himself from your chest, looking at you for confirmation.
You nodded at him, putting your hand over his to guide him higher, stopping at the curve of your cheek, pushing his hand beneath the clothe, dangerously close to your core, heck he could even feel your arousal already, eyes rolling back at the thought of getting you so worked up.
“Take it off, but you can leave the skirt, for old time’s sake,” you said.
Yukhei looked at you, confused at what you’re trying to say, until he realised you were wearing a pleated checkered skirt, just like the ones you wore back in high school, memories of the two of you sneaking around, having a quickie with your skirt flipped up immediately made blood rush southwards at the thought.
“Fuck, you expected this to happen?” Yukhei asked, shaking his head in disbelief, he was always the troublemaker at school, but oh how the tables have turned now.
“Didn't you?” you asked before getting up to put yourself in a doggy position, shaking your butt, taunting him.
Yukhei chuckled to himself before doing as you say, taking off your panties to reveal your slick covered pussy, dripping wet for him on display.
Yukhei spreads you open by pulling your cheeks apart to lick a stripe up your slit, making you shudder at the warm muscle that was intruding but very much welcomed.
Yukhei allowed himself to fully stuff his face there, inserting his tongue into your core, thrusting the wet muscle at a moderate pace before adding a finger to the mix, then two, stretching you open to let his tongue delve deeper inside, he then adds a third finger, the fullness finally hitting you, soon he did a come hither movement once he had located your sweet spot, his tongue and fingers rubbing against the roof of your walls deliciously, you would’ve lost your balance if it weren't for his hand supporting you by your left hip.
The constant pleasure that Yukhei so willingly inflicted upon you would've soon come to an euphoric end if he hadn’t halted all movement, pulling out his tongue and his fingers, which made you whine his name pathetically, something you wouldn't have done if it weren't for the fact that your mind was reduced to a ball full of cotton.
“Chill, I worked you up so I wouldn't hurt you with my dick,” Yukhei said as he positions himself at your entrance, his hand coming up to your face to tilt your head to his direction, zeroing on your lust filled eyes and the plump of your lips, swollen because of him.
“Are you sure you want this?” Yukhei asks you one last time.
“Yes, please,” you said, pushing yourself back to lightly grind on his length, a little bit of your arousal getting onto his cock, his dick getting so hard it's starting to hurt.
“Ever so eager, aren't you?” Lucas said before biting his lip at the sight.
“Just put it in!” you whined, tired of his teasing.
“Okay, okay,” Yukhei said before bracing himself for your tight walls, he's never nervous when it comes to others, but you? You always held a special place in his heart.
Yukhei spreads your cheeks once more before aligning himself to slip in an inch, eyebrows furrowing at how tight you were, he could tell you were clenching up, just like you did the first time when you were nervous.
So he bends down to your back, placing gentle kisses along your right shoulder blade.
“Don’t tense up, there’s nothing to be nervous about, we did this before remember?” Yukhei said in his most gentle tone ever, you nodded your head at his words, adjusting yourself to let yourself lose in the comfort of his touch, reminding yourself that although it's been a long time since you had someone as big as him, you’ll be fine in his hands.
Once Yukhei felt yourself unclench, he pushes in furthermore, you felt yourself arching your back to allow him to fit himself easier, before he comes to a halt, you felt so full, you haven't felt this way in such a long time, it was somewhat overwhelming, but it's the most complete feeling ever, a feeling you've never felt with any other.
The initial stretch was slightly painful of course, but the pain soon turned into pleasure, and being the gentleman Yukhei is, waited for you despite the huge urge to move, waiting for your green light.
When you told him he could move, he felt like the gates of heaven just opened, pulling out slightly to give you a shallow thrust, just to test the waters.
Even with that experimental thrust, you felt like you had a taste of heaven, eager to drown yourself in this new found pleasure that you were once so familiar with.
Yukhei grasped his large hands onto your hips, setting a moderate pace, still restraining himself from snapping his hips, but from how much slick you were dripping, soon you'd be begging for more.
Once you felt yourself familiarise with his big cock, the pace that Yukhei had set wasn’t enough, you wanted him to let loose, you wanted him to rail you, be damned if you can’t walk tomorrow.
So in the midst of all the pleasure, you let out two desperate words breathlessly, “ruin me”.
Yukhei had to do a double take, pausing his movements entirely just to check if that was his mind messing with him or it was really you, but one look at your desperate face, revealed to him that was in fact your words.
Yukhei allowed the animalistic side of him to take over, holding onto your hips that would sure leave bruises the next day, but you didn’t mind, not when you felt a sudden surge of pleasure coursing through your body. He angled your body higher, arching your back for easier access, thrusting harder and faster.
You could only submit yourself to him as your toes curled and your fingers dig into the linen sheets, you’re sure if his members were next door, they'd be able to hear every single sound you make, the sound of your ass cheeks clapping against Yukhei’s hips and your high pitched moans were flowing freely, but you didn't care, not when this could be the last time you'd ever be with Yukhei.
Soon, you could feel yourself getting closer to the edge, your legs were trying their best not to fail you, and you could tell your arms were getting sore from propping yourself up as the cord in your abdomen threatened to snap, you panted out the word ‘close’, and Yukhei immediately understood, fucking into you at an inhuman pace, you could feel yourself losing your mind as spit drips from your mouth, sanity slowly slipping away from you as you felt your impending orgasm, it started from the tip of your toes, your body convulsing as you screamed his name, succumbing into the pleasure, your core bursting, the strongest orgasm you've ever felt, making your whole body sag in defeat as you let Yukhei help you ride out your orgasm.
Just when you thought it was all over, Yukhei gently flipped you over, and that’s when you realised he hasn’t cum, so you lifted your legs higher to let him enter you once again, he was using you like his personal doll, and you love it a little bit too much to be considered normal, you struggled to keep your eyes open as you fought through the slight pain from the overstimulation, hearing Yukhei’s mumble of appreciation and endearments.
“Can you give me one more, babe? Just one more,” Yukhei said before circling his fingers around your clit, making your eyes snap open when you realise he wants you to cum once more, your hands coming up to push his hand away, but his other hand grasped onto yours.
“Just one more, please,” Yukhei begged with those puppy eyes of his, and how could you say no?
So you stopped struggling, nodding your head at his request before he quickens the pace of his hips and the ministrations on your clit.
Soon, you could feel Yukhei’s cock swelling inside you before he let out a groan of your name, thrusting in one last hard thrust before he painted your walls white, his lips capturing yours to silent you as you came once more, your nails digging into his shoulders, your eyes fluttering shut as you felt Yukhei ride out both your highs.
Once he was done, Yukhei crashed onto the bed beside you, his arms wrapping around yours, kissing your lips to distract you as he pulled out, hopping into the attached bathroom to bring out two towels, taking off your skirt before he gently cleans you up, when he was done he wiped the juices you left on him, your eyes growing big when you knew it was from when you squirted on him.
“Sorry, I didn’t realise I squirted,” you mumbled behind the hands that you had covering your embarrassed face.
Yukhei laughed at the cute sight, throwing the towel aside before climbing into bed again, removing your hands away from your face, kissing you deeply before looking at you in the eye.
“I loved it,” he said before pulling you closer, and almost instantly, you were lulled to sleep by the beating of his heart.
When you woke up, Yukhei was still snoring beside you, sleeping like a baby, you gently removed his hand from your waist, stepping out of the bed before gathering your clothes, putting them on, smoothing out the creases of your skirt.
Walking to the door, you glanced around once more at the sight of him, your heavy heart begging you to stay, to talk, and so you walked over to the night stand, ripping a piece of paper of the note pad and grabbing the pen next to it.
‘Goodbye and thank you for everything.’
You placed the piece of paper beside him on his pillow before kissing his forehead as a parting gift, closing the door as softly as you could when you left.
You knew this was the right thing to do, you made this decision once when he left for Korea the first time, you can't be in his way this time around, not when he's this far into his career, you can’t be selfish, he belongs on this path, he deserves it and you’re not going to take it away from him, you've stood on the side-lines all this time, he shed the limelight on you for one night, and that's all you should have, he's better off without you.
Yukhei felt himself grow cold when he couldn't feel the warmth of your body, jerking up to check if you were in the bathroom, only to find the door wide open, the room empty.
That's when he had spotted the piece of paper with your goodbye message, his heart clenching in pain, crashing onto the bed once more.
He didn't know what to expect, you had sent him off once, and now you left him without saying goodbye. He thought he could at least say goodbye.
Pushing his thoughts away, he gathered his things, packing up to leave for Korea.
His members could tell something was terribly off, they thought he was just in it for a casual hook up, but his expression tells otherwise.
The usual cheerful Yukhei was nowhere to be found, which meant Yang Yang and Hendery had to keep the mood light throughout the journey home, everyone knew to not say anything, only speaking when crucial.
It took Yukhei quite a while for him to get back to his goofy self, but even then, Kun, being the most observant one, saw a tightness in his smile, a faraway look in his eyes, whoever he had seen that night must've meant a lot to him, but he dare not to press, he knows Yukhei would open up when he's ready.
It was a normal Tuesday night when he had received a request to face time from you, without thinking much of it, excited to hear from you, he accepted, your beautiful face coming into view as he got comfortable on his bed.
“Hey, this is unexpected,” Yukhei said, not knowing what else to say.
“Yukhei, there’s something I need to tell you,” you said, eyes avoiding his.
“Yeah, what's up?” he asked, rubbing his nape, a habit he does whenever he's nervous.
“I'm um, I’m pregnant,” you said, choosing to not beat around the bush.
You could see Yukhei's face pale when he processed your words. Is it his? It's definitely his, it's almost a month since the two of you slept together, unless you slept with someone else?
“It's mine?” a dumb question, but he needs to know for sure.
“Yeah,” you said before the two of you come to a piercing silence.
“You could get an abortion, maybe?” Yukhei suggested after contemplating in his head, there’s no way he could be in the child’s life, and that's the best option for your sake, raising a child in Hong Kong is the most expensive thing to do, equivalent to buying a house there.
“I decided to keep it, Yukhei,” you said, glancing up to see the disbelief on his face.
“You can’t, you know I can't be there for you and you’re still so new in your job, you can't risk your life for this!” Yukhei said, not comprehending on why you'd do this to yourself.
“I already decided, Yukhei, and I don't expect you to take responsibility, this is my choice,” you said as tears threatened to flow.
“That isn't fair, it's not fair for the child! A child needs its father! You don't know what you're doing! Being a single mum is next to impossible in Hong Kong! You're putting the child in a horrible situation just for your selfishness!” Yukhei said before pushing his hair back, the feeling of an impending headache forming.
“How dare you say that?! I’ll raise this child perfectly on my own, I was just calling you to inform you of it, but since you don't want anything to do with it or me, I guess this is goodbye and don't call me anymore, I won't change my mind,” you said before your face disappeared from his phone screen.
Yukhei tried calling you immediately after, a day later, several weeks later, but you never picked up. Then he started stressing about his career, what would happen if someone were to find out? But he knows you as a person, and being a tell-tale is not one of your characteristics, yeah, he can just act like nothing happened, like he had never received this call.
He knows he's running away from his problems, but what other choice does he have?
Fast forwarding to July of 2021, Yukhei is home after his filming of the popular Chinese reality show in China, Keep Running, he feels at ease when he sees his family, finally reuniting with them, but only for a short two weeks time, before he has to leave for Korea once more.
It was a Friday night when his friends from home took him out for a drink, he was not so familiar with the clubbing scene in Hong Kong, but with the knowledge he has of this area, he knows many rich and young people often here, just like the girl kissing up his neck now, her soft hands running up the expanse of his thigh, getting dangerously close to where he wants her to be.
Yet Yukhei doesn’t remember her name, was it Candy? Apple? Some sort of name that had to do with food, he just remembered that she told him that she was an up and coming model, or trying to be anyways.
Just as she suggested to go to some hotel, Yukhei suggested for a quickie in the bathroom first, and so here he is now, being pushed to the door of a stall, her hands trying to unbuckle his belt.
Yukhei reached the back of his pocket for his wallet, opening it, looking for the condom he had placed there, but cursed when he realised he must've dropped it when he paid for drinks.
He told her to go back out and wait for him to get some, leaving the club and the musky smoke filled place behind him, the summer breeze blowing his hair all over, he brings the hood of his jacket up as he scans for a nearby convenience store, locating one at the street across.
When he got in, the scent of curry immediately greeted him, it was your favourite food, everyday after school, no doubt you'll drag him into one of these shops, just to share a bowl of curry fish balls, one of the most famous snacks here in Hong Kong.
He pushed the thought away, trudging to the aisle that was on the most right, where the condoms were at, hidden away from children. He took a box and made his way to the counter, opening his wallet to take out a few notes.
The cashier turned her back from stocking the cigarette shelf, scanning the box wordlessly.
“That would be 30,” she said when she looked up, but her hand immediately dropped the box when she saw who it was, and that's when Yukhei truly opened his eyes to see who it was, at first he was just miffed not knowing why the cashier froze, then he sees you, in the worn out 7 Eleven uniform, was you, the last person he’d be expecting.
“Why are you here? What happened to your job at the law firm? Why...” Yukhei didn't know how to ask, he didn't know if he deserved the right to ask, yet there's so many questions he had swarming in his head. Where is his child? Did you abort it in the end? Did you give it up for adoption? Were you fired from your job because of it?
“It's my shift right now, and you seem to be getting lucky tonight,” you said stiffly, holding up the box for him to see, sliding it across the counter
“It's for my friend actually,” Yukhei said, eyes avoiding yours, but immediately looking at you straight in the eyes, remembering how you use to be able to see right through him whenever he didn't do the revision work you've given him.
“Right,” you said, resisting to roll your eyes.
“You haven't answered me, why are you working here instead of the law firm?” Yukhei pressed.
You sigh at his persistence, not knowing what to say to humour him, so you didn't say anything, getting back to rearranging the shelves.
Yukhei bit his lip, not knowing what to say to you, but a million questions in his head, desperate for answers.
“Please leave if you're done with your purchases,” you said, you had a long day, and the thought of entertaining him was not something you want to add on your plate.
Yukhei looked around the store once more, grabbing a bowl of instant noodles from the shelf before making his way once more to the cashier.
“I’d like to have this here,” Yukhei said before pulling out some spare change from just now.
“Yukhei, what are you trying to do?” you asked in an exasperated tone, there's no point making small talk when there's no way the two of you would ever cross in each other’s lives ever again.
“I'm hungry, I want to eat noodles,” which wasn’t really a lie, all the alcohol he drank before gave him an appetite.
You sighed, turning your back to him, soundlessly waited for the water to boil before pouring it into the cup, sealing the top for it to cook. As you worked, Yukhei was having déjà vu, this was an all too familiar sight, nights at the convenience store studying till late at night in groups, you'd always share noodles with him as you taught him some dumb math formula that no one uses in their life after school.
He takes his bowl of noodles, opting to sit at the place closest to the counter, just looking at you, eating as slow as humanly possible.
When it was around three, you received a call.
“Hello?”
“...”
“You think you have a stomach ache? Celine jia is asleep? Okay, mama’s coming home okay?” you said frantically before shutting off the stove of the food at the counter, running to the back for a pack of meds, depositing some money into the register. You looked at Yukhei, frozen at his seat, cursing at yourself for not going into the back room before picking up the call.
“You need to go, I have something to deal with,” you said as you grabbed your bag, turning off all the switches in one go, making the place pitch black other than the lights from the lamp posts outside.
“Is that my child?” Yukhei asked, he can't allow himself to act like it never happened before, he ran away once, it's time to man up and shoulder on his responsibilities.
“No I fucked another guy before you and it's his child,” you deadpanned.
You walked down the street to flag for a taxi that is always parked there to get their club goer customers, Yukhei hot on your heels, you turned back to look at him questioningly.
“This is none of your concern, don’t follow me,” you said in a rather seething tone, you didn't mean to sound like that, but if he's going to be in the way of your child, then he’s not a friend.
“That's my child too, I want to know how they are, I have a right to do so, you studied law, you should know,” Yukhei retorted in the most friendly way possible, he knows he's in the wrong, but he wants to ensure his child’s safety.
“For fuck’s sake,” you cursed aloud before stepping into the taxi, leaving the door open for him.
You told the driver your address, sitting back to think of what's the problem, the kindergarten shouldn't be the culprit, it's a school with a good reputation, which also burns a hole in your wallet, but you don't mind, and it's not like you have much of a choice, education is deadly expensive here.
About 20 minutes later, you've reached home.
“That'll be 150, miss,” the driver said.
“What?!”
“Fares are different after midnight, miss,” the driver reminded you.
Before you could check if you had enough money on you, Yukhei paid for it wordlessly.
You got out of the car, rushing into the building and running up the stairs as quick as you can, unlocking the door, jabbing the keys into the rusty lock.
Taking off your shoes before you made your way to your room, spotting your son crouched in the corner of your bed, hands around his stomach.
“Hey, mama's home, I'll get you a glass of water to take your medicine okay?” you said before hurrying out, Yukhei passing you a glass of water at the kitchen.
“Thanks,” you mumbled before making your way back inside.
You open the package and passed you son a tablet, but looking at the size, you knew he’d panic to swallow something this big, so you broke it in half, telling him to drink a big gulp of water to wash it down and it'll be fine.
All the while, Yukhei was watching with wonder leaning by the door frame, even in the dim lights and the fact that he's still quite young, he could still identify his eyes on his son, the strong genes in his family, his father and brother all had those eyes, this boy is most definitely his.
The boy diligently does as you told him, taking a big gulp of water, so obedient, and from the way the two of you communicate, very mature for his age, nothing like the usual three year old.
When he was done, he noticed Yukhei’s presence, tugging your sleeve to whisper into your ear, eyes trained on him.
“That's a friend of mine, love, be polite, say hi to Yukhei gogo,” you urged.
Yukhei took this as a sign to get closer to his son, squatting down to meet his eye.
“You’re a handsome boy, what's your name? I’m Yukhei and I’m 22 this year, how about you?” Yukhei asked as he reached out his hand for the little boy to shake.
“I’m Wenghei, 3 years old. Why have I never seen you before gogo?” the child asks, looking at him with curious eyes, he's met some of your friends, but he's definitely haven't met him before, most people aren't as tall here, or not in his mother's circle anyways.
“Get some rest, love,” you said, tucking him into bed.
“Okay,” he said, a yawn coming out from his mouth.
You closed the door behind you, directing Yukhei to the small living room area, serving him a glass of water.
You walked to the trash bin, opening the lid to check its contents, a scowl on your face when you saw the root of your son’s stomach ache when you spot the plastic container that contained the two day old pizza from the freezer. Your roommate, Celine, must’ve gave him some as dinner, usually you'd leave some money for Celine to buy him dinner, but she must've been tight on money again, trying to find ways to squeeze in some spare change, you've warned her of her spending habits, always splurging on albums of her favourite stars, which reminds you.
“You have to go, I’m living with a roommate and I'm sure she's going to recognise you,” you said, a hand gesturing at the door.
“Wait, did you find out why he had a stomach ache?” Yukhei asked.
“Yeah, he ate something he shouldn't have for dinner, you have to go, I need some rest for tomorrow,” you said, struggling to keep your eyes open.
“Do you have anything on tomorrow? Can I see you, perhaps?” Yukhei asked, he didn't know what he wanted to talk about, but he just had to see you again.
“I’m tutoring a student at a coffee shop tomorrow, you can come right after,” you said, thinking that he just wants to know more about his son.
“Okay, goodnight then,” Yukhei said awkwardly as he walks towards the door.
“Goodnight,” you said, feeling a weight on your chest, dreading tomorrow’s meeting.
When Yukhei arrived at the café, he could see you sitting at the way back, a teenage girl sitting in front of you, back facing him, he sipped on his latte, observing you silently.
Your hair is much longer than it had been in high school, the bag hung by your chair very much worn out, and your eye bags were heavier than on days where Yukhei would stay up to prepare for promotions.
Soon, the student was packing up, leaving the table, Yukhei took this as a sign to move to your table. You had stood up to greet him, and that's when he saw, you had lost lots of weight, and he's not meaning it in a fitness way, he recognised the jeans you are wearing, you had these even back then, they used to be a perfect fit for you, that's why they were your favourite, but now, you were wearing a belt to hold it together, and still he could see how loose it was.
“Hey, you didn't order anything?” Yukhei asked, noting that the cup of coffee he saw just now belonged to your student.
“I got a coffee in my flask, cheaper that way,” you said as you packed up your stationaries.
“What did you have for breakfast? How about I order you a piece of cake?” Yukhei suggested, looking back to see what they have today.
“It's alright, I'm not hungry, why don't we get straight to the point? What is it you want to ask about Wenghei?” you asked, noting the time on your watch, you have to leave around noon to fetch your son from pre school.
“I, how about you? Why did you leave the firm? And how’s your parents?” Yukhei started off.
“Well, they said I would’ve been an embarrassment to the firm, you know, pregnant and unmarried, so they told me to leave, it's not like filing could be done with a big weight in my stomach, so I did as they said. Now I tutor kids English and work the night shift at the convenience store, and as for my parents, they kicked me out,” you said, laying down the cards, no point avoiding his questions, especially not when you're in a hurry.
Yukhei nodded at your words, registering the fact that he had a fault in ruining your hot shot lawyer dreams and completely destroyed your sensitive relationship with your parents, how is he ever going to forgive himself?
“I’m sorry,” Yukhei said, he didn't know what else to say, how could he make it up to you and your son? Will you let him even if he could?
“Don't be, this is on the both of us, are you going to ask about the share custody stuff? If so, I don't think we should continue this conversation, Wenghei doesn’t know who you are, and maybe that's the best case scenario, what point would be made if he knew you were his father but you're not in our lives? It'll break his heart. You've seen him now, maybe you can reconnect with him when he's older, I think you should just say goodbye before you go, if you want,” you said, saying these harsh words aloud wasn’t easy, you’re not entirely a cold hearted bitch, but it's for the best that your son didn’t know about his father, no one wants to know the fact that their father abandoned them twice, some truths are better to be untold.
“Can I see him one last time, maybe tonight? For dinner? I'm leaving in two days,” Yukhei said in a defeated tone.
“Yeah, sure, I'll take the shift off tonight,” you said, eyes avoiding his, you could just tell he’d have those sad puppy eyes on his face right now, you don't need anymore guilt in your heart.
“Hey man, where were you?” Jackson asked Yukhei, who was waiting for him at the harbour, they were going to Macau for a day trip today, his friend isn't late for the boat, but they did schedule to meet 15 minutes earlier.
“Something came up, and I need to head back around 7, there’s some people I need to see,” Yukhei said as they boarded the boat.
“So that leaves us 5 hours, should be enough,” Jackson said, checking his watch.
“I’m sorry about this, man, it just came up suddenly,” Yukhei said as they took their seats, apologetic because they have been talking about this trip for a long time now.
“It's okay, dude, but what's up? You look really stressed,” Jackson asked, taking in Yukhei's clenched jaw and furrowed brows, a stark contrast from his usually carefree expression.
“It's a long story,” Yukhei said as he mindlessly watches the sea from the little window of his seat.
“Well, if you don't mind, this is a 45 minutes journey, maybe we'll be able to find a solution together, what are friends for am I right?” Jackson offered, he wouldn't press his friend if he didn't want to tell him about it, but the two of them have been close ever since going on knowing brothers, coming from the same home country and everything.
And so Yukhei, for the first time, told his friend his long love story.
“You know, I think I have a solution for you, but let me ask you one thing first, do you still love her?” Jackson asked as he ate his pork chop bun, Macau’s famous local snack.
Yukhei pondered over his friend’s question, yes the two of you agreed to break up, but all the girls he dated after you, all had similar features or personality traits to you, he had dismissed it as just a type, but now that he had seen you again, he realised that the hole in his heart was always emptied for you, you were the missing puzzle piece all along.
“You don't even have to answer me, your face tells all man,” Jackson said, an oily finger wagging at the direction of his face.
“Yeah, I think I do,” Yukhei said with a sigh, “but even if I still love her, that doesn’t mean she loves me back, and what if we do love each other? We're living oceans apart,” Yukhei said in a defeated tone.
“Now here comes my solution, so you said she got fired from her law firm and is now tutoring kids and doing the night shift at 7 E, and got kicked out by her shitty parents, so she really doesn't have anything else here for her other than her son, why don't you suggest get to move with you? To Korea? It'll be way easier for the two of you to raise your son, even if the two of you don't get back together, I mean, at least you'll be able to financially support them, that is what you're willing to do right?” Jackson asked, hoping that his friend would uptake his part of the child support.
“Yeah, of course I want that, I just don't know what she'll say, or if she'd be willing, she doesn't speak the language and it's an entirely different environment,” Yukhei said, thinking back the days where he had a tough time adjusting.
“From what you told me, she sounds like a tough nut, but of course, this is all up to you, but just so you know, I would really like to be his godfather, and as for your doubts of her love towards you, she did name him after you, isn't it the same Hei?” Jackson said with a hearty chuckle, he could just imagine the fun they'll have together, he was always fond of children.
“Yeah, I’ll persuade her on this,” Yukhei said, he could already feel himself getting nervous for tonight’s dinner, it can’t be that much of a coincidence that his son’s last name resembled his right? Or is he and Jackson just being delusional?
“Now that's my buddy, now come on, finish your food so that we’ll make it in time for the next batch of Portuguese egg tarts, I remember they have a fresh batch around 4,” Jackson said, mouth salivating at the thought of more food.
When you arrived at the restaurant, it was fancier than what you had expected, feeling underdressed among the rich elite of Hong Kong in your old dress that you wear for every special occasion.
You asked if there was a reservation under your name, since Yukhei said he had it booked under you, and almost immediately, since not that many people can afford places like these, the waiter led you in.
“Mama, what is this place? We've never ate here before,” your son asked you.
“It's a French cuisine restaurant, we’re meeting gogo here, remember him? Or were you too sick that day?” you said as you placed him on the baby chair you had requested for.
“Yeah, I remember,” your son said as he looks around in awe, registering the pretty chandeliers that look so sparkly.
When the waiter handed you a menu, someone had joined your table, his hoodie pulled up so no one would recognise him, pulling it down when he saw that there wasn't any other customers around.
“Sorry, am I late?” Yukhei asked with a sheepish smile, a hand lifting up to check the time.
“No, we’re just early, say hi to Yukhei gogo, love,” you directed the last part to your son, patting his little hand to get his attention, smiling immediately when he lands on the tall figure.
“Gogo, you're here,” your son said excitedly, making grabby hands at him, letting his father carry him with a large smile on his face.
“Hey, buddy, don't you look excited to see me?” Yukhei said before blowing raspberry at his neck, making the young boy giggle.
What you didn't expect was to see someone coming up behind Yukhei, a little bit shorter and smaller in built, but when he pulled his hoodie down, you instantly recognised who it was.
“Jackson Wang?” you asked, blinking your eyes a few times to see if you were hallucinating.
“Hey, it’s nice to finally meet you, you look lovely tonight, and you must be little Wenghei, aren't you adorable, how about Jackson gogo take you out to buy toys, huh? I saw a big toy store just across the street, but only if your ma says yes of course,” Jackson said, giving you a side eye to Yukhei.
“Yeah, sure,” you said, it's not like the Jackson Wang is going to kidnap your son right?
“Don’t worry, I’ll watch him with my life,” Jackson said as Yukhei passes his son over to him, leaving the restaurant with his hood up once more.
“Is there something you'd like to say?” you asked Yukhei after he had taken the seat across you his hands were shaking slightly as he holds up the menu.
“I... I still love you. And I know I must sound like a jerk to you, hell I’d go back in time just to hit myself for running away, I'm really sorry for that. What I did was inexcusable, my career just stabilised at that time, and I was under immense stress from SM, you have every right to be mad at me, but I want to be apart of your life again, apart of Wenghei’s life as well, if you could let me have this second chance, I'll do anything to make the both of you happy,” Yukhei said in one breath, reciting what he had practised over and over again with Jackson in the car.
“Yukhei, I,” you were lost for words, you thought you were saying goodbye once more, that Yukhei and you would always end up in goodbyes, but now here he is, saying he loves you.
“Yukhei, you can't just say you love me for the sake of our son, and neither would you need to take responsibility for him, I chose to have him, and as for love, we can never be together, you’re an international super star now, and you're living in Korea, I don't think I have the energy to be in a long distance relationship with you, that would take a toll on Wenghei too, how am I going to explain to him that his father is in another country? He’ll always question your love for him and I don't want that,” you said, trying to hold in the tears that had built up in your eyes, your throat closing up, the cold facade you built for yourself crumbling down before his eyes.
“You can move to Korea, both of you, we can be a family,” Yukhei pleaded, his hands reaching forward to hold yours, his eyes searching yours.
“We can’t, what if we break up? What if your so called love for me, is just something you feel as a result of our child? You can't uproot the two of us when there's so many uncertainties, especially our emotions,” you said, you don't want either of you to be stuck in a relationship for the sake of raising a child, no one would be happy in the end.
“Love, you don't understand, I've never had a serious relationship after you, I tried, I really did, but I’d always think of you instead, how badly I wanted you instead of someone who reminds me of you, the thing is, I’ve always loved you, and I think you still love me too, or you wouldn't have named our son after me, am I right?” Yukhei hoped, why else would you come up with that name right?
Damn it, you thought to yourself, he saw right through you, maybe you shouldn't have named your son after him.
You looked at him and looked away, darn those puppy eyes, you’re sure you’re crying now, and Yukhei reaching over to wipe away your tears just confirmed it.
“I love you, it's always been you, only you,” Yukhei confessed.
“I, I love you too, Yukhei, and I was never mad at you for running away from us, I know how tough that industry is, but what if your fans find out about us?” you asked, slightly worried that he might lose it like last time.
“Then so be it, true fans would stay,” he said in an affirmative tone, reassuring you.
“You promise?” you asked, holding out your pinky, it would’ve been a funny sight to see if anyone saw the two of you now, crying and smiling at the same time.
“I promise,” Yukhei said before hooking his own pinky to connect with yours.
“If you leave us, Wong Yukhei, I’ll murder you in your sleep,” you said as threatening as you could sound.
“I plan to see our son grow up, so I'll value my life,” Yukhei said in utmost sincerity before grabbing a napkin to wipe away all your tears, you’re glad that you didn't wear any mascara today.
Just when Yukhei wiped away the tears in his eyes, Jackson was back with your bubbly child, his arm had bags digging into his flesh.
“Oh my god, that's too much, Wenghei why did you get so many, this is Jackson gogo’s hard earned money,” you said, lecturing your son.
“It's okay, he's an angel, this was all on me, and I guess things went well?” Jackson asked, eyes darting to your connected hands.
“Yeah,” you said, the biggest smile you had on your face.
“That's great to hear, I always wanted to be an uncle, now if you’ll excuse me, I don't think I should crash this family reunion any longer,” Jackson said giving his best friend a hug before leaving.
“So... What do you like to eat Wenghei? How about we get crème brulé,” Yukhei asked, pointing at the menu with childlike eyes, reminding you of the days where he’d get ice cream with you, splitting it on half for you to share.
“Sounds delicious.”
You let Yukhei order everything, sharing between the three of you while the three of you talked, Yukhei mostly directed the questions at his child, asking about his interests, his favourites of everything, ranging from colour to ice cream, eager to make up for loss time.
“How about we talk about where you'll be staying?” Yukhei asked after ordering dessert.
“Oh, I don't know what I'll be able to afford, I'll probably get another convenience store job again, so the rent can't be too high,” you said, dreading the thought of needing to learn a new language quickly for a job.
“Hey, you don't need to work anymore, nor pay rent, I already looked it up, there's an empty unit in our condo, the soundproofing might be a bit lacking, but that wouldn't be a problem if you don't sing in the shower like Dejun, we had a few noise complaints because of him,” Yukhei said, laughing at the fond times he had at the dorms.
“Yukhei, I know housing is really expensive there, are you sure you want to do this?” you asked once more, you don't want him to resent the financial burden the two of you would add onto him.
“What did I say to you just now? I said what I meant, I want the two of you to be in my life, forever. And don't worry about money, I saved up plenty and there’s many more jobs coming up for me, and moving out of the dorms would be the next step of adulthood to me, and we’ll get to spend so much more time together, right Wenghei?” Yukhei asked, pinching your son’s chubby cheeks teasingly.
“We’ll be living together, Yukhei gogo?” your son asked, a confused expression on his face, he had his attention trained on some pink fong video, something about dinosaurs.
“Yeah, Wenghei, we’ll be moving out of our little room, are you excited? We're going to a new country. Remember the dramas I watched with you? Korea has that big outdoor theme park you said you always wanted to go, and snow, you'll get to make snowmen during the winter,” you persuaded, hoping he won’t fuss too much about the move.
“Really? There’s snow in Korea?” your son asked, excited about the winter scene he’ll get finally see in real life.
“Yeah, real snow, not the bubbles in Disney land, are you excited?”
“Yeah, is Jackson gogo going to stay with us too?” your son asked, eyes darting to his new goodies before looking at you expectantly.
“Well, Jackson gogo has his own house and we have ours, but we can always visit him,” Yukhei explained.
“Hehe, okay,” your son said before getting distracted by the crème brulé set in front of him, digging in immediately.
“When do you want us to make the move?” you asked, thinking of all the things you have to pack, which isn't a lot, but you might have to courier some of your clothes over first.
“Whenever you want, I'll get our home ready as soon as possible, is there anything you need in the house? Other than the basics of course,” Yukhei asked, uncertain of any needs you have as a woman or maybe for your son.
“Can we have a study room for Wenghei? With a desk and shelves? We love to read, and he'll need a proper desk when he's older,” you asked, hoping it wasn't too much.
“Yeah, sure, I'll be sure to get it done,” Yukhei said, noting it down into his phone.
“But it's no rush on the study room part, he's just three after all, before I go, I have to apply visas for both of us,” you said, dreading the thought of filling up paperwork, you haven't done much of that ever since you left the law firm.
“Call me if you need any help on that, I'm sure my manager knows how to,” Yukhei said.
“You’re going to tell your company about us?” you asked, knowing how strict Korean entertainment companies are.
“They can't let me go just because of having my own family, they didn't let Jongdae, my senior, go, so we’ll be fine, I promise,” Yukhei said, reaching a hand over to hold yours reassuringly, his eyes looking into yours, filled with love and adoration.
“Okay, now how about we walk around the complex until 10? Wenghei doesn't have school tomorrow,” you suggested.
“Yeah, sure, we could even stay out later if you want,” Yukhei said enthusiastically, getting up slightly to call for the bill.
“You have a flight to catch tomorrow,” you reminded him in your motherly voice, which you regretted almost instantly, cursing yourself, reminding yourself to act more like an actual 22 year old, but Yukhei didn't say anything about it, hiding his smile by nodding deeply, almost like a bow.
“Okay, I just wanted to spend more time with the two of you,” Yukhei said, stopping when he saw the waiter coming back with the credit card machine, paying with just a glance at the bill.
The three of you spent your remaining time shopping and at the arcade, playing games with your son, Yukhei had insisted on getting you a new pair of sneakers, but you shot him down when he wanted to buy more stuff, especially toys for Wenghei.
“You can buy him toys when we’re there, it'll cost even more to ship more stuff over, and there's a risk of damaging the toys as well,” you said.
But of course your son threw a fit at the shop, all for some legos.
“Hey, buddy, I'll buy you lots the next time I see you, okay? I'll buy you one that's even bigger than this,” Yukhei said, squatting down next to his son, and even then he wasn't eye level with him, sometimes you forget how tall Yukhei actually is until you see a scene like this, or when you stand really close to him.
When it was 10pm, painful goodbyes were exchanged with a promise of face timing everyday, your son cried, and held onto his father dearly, and you haven't even told him Yukhei was his dad, but their bond is evident.
Yukhei held onto you and your son until his taxi came, and you waved until you couldn't see the taillights.
It's been a month since that fateful reunion, and Yukhei has squeezed in face times, calls, and texts in between schedules, giving you and your son time despite his busy career.
His company wasn’t too happy about it of course, but was somewhat glad that you weren't one to babble your business to gossip outlets.
You're now packing your things, one last time, you've been to the post office multiple times before to courier out your stuff to Korea, and every time a box reached his address, Yukhei would take a photo of it, telling you the stuff arrived safely.
Progress on your new home was quick, since it was already a fully furnished unit, Yukhei only needed to buy some furniture and things that cater to your son’s needs, he even picked out a pre school that teaches mandarin, perfect for your son’s adjustment in such a foreign country.
Tomorrow you'd be flying to Korea, a new country, a new start, but there was something clouding your mind, something you've been dreading, but today is the day you’ll tell him.
“Wenghei, can you come to mama for a second?” you asked, soon hearing your son’s tiny footsteps nearing you.
“Yes, mama?” your son asked, a hand around his precious teddy.
“There's something I need to tell you,” you said holding him close to you, letting him sit onto your lap.
“Remember how you asked me why you didn't have a baba while all your other classmates did?” you asked, trying to word it as nicely as possible.
“You said my baba had a really big responsibility, that he couldn't see us because of it, that he'll come back when he's free,” your son answered you, struggling to remember more details.
“Yes, good job, Wenghei, your memorising skills are getting better. Well, your baba is actually Yukhei gogo, he’s back now, and we can finally be a family again,” you said before holding in a breath, not knowing how he’ll react.
“Baba is Yukhei gogo? That's why we’re going to Korea?” your son asked, confusion written on his face.
“Yeah, do you like that he's your baba?” you asked, this could be the most important question ever.
“Yeah, mama, do you love baba? Does baba love you as much as I do?” your son asked, which very much surprised you, but expecting this sort of maturity from him.
“Yes, we love each other, and both of us love you as much too,” you said with a pinch of his chubby cheeks.
“Do we ever have to be separated from baba again?” your son asked, scared of losing his newfound father.
“No, never again, and can you do me one favour, Wenghei? I think the next time when you see your baba, you should run up to him and say hi baba, he’ll be very happy to hear you call him that,” you suggested, imagining the look on Yukhei’s face.
Your son giggled at the thought of making his father happy, agreeing immediately.
“Okay, now go to sleep, it's going to be your first time flying tomorrow,” you said, ushering him onto the bed.
“Okay, goodnight, mama,” your son said to you, just like he did every other night, he seemed to have accepted it very easily, maybe it was due to his age, but some day he might ask his father about his departure personally when he understands more, but that’s a hardship that’s reserved for another day.
The flight was relatively short, though it was rather hard for Wenghei at the start because of the pressure he had experienced in his ears, the crying and whining got you plenty of dirty looks from passengers around you, but you paid no mind to it, you’ve been through worst so this is nothing that can faze you.
When you got there, you saw a lady holding up a plaque with your name on it, her phone in her hand, checking all the moms who came out of the same lane as you.
She had a friendly smile on her face when she saw you, introducing herself in mandarin, being one of Wayv’s staff, a trusted one, according to Yukhei.
She talked to you about Yukhei in general, even giving your son a bar of mini KitKat, praising him for being brave on the flight after she had asked you how was your flight.
Around half an hour later, you've reached your new home, a nice looking condominium that looked about a few years old.
Unloading took quite some time, even with the help of the staff, but what surprised you was the person who was waiting for you inside the lobby.
“You're here!” you said surprised at the sight of the giant.
“Yeah, I am, wanted to give you a surprise, sorry I couldn't be outside, some crazy fans camp outside, can’t let them bring you and Wenghei any harm,” Yukhei said as he carried Wenghei, spinning in a small circle, looking at him with full of love.
“I understand, don't worry, I'm not a teenager girl anymore,” you said as you checked out the place, the sitting area had a couch set and free WiFi, this is a 180 from the living conditions in Hong Kong.
“Baba, did you miss me?” your son asked when he had stopped giggling from his father’s spins, which instantly ceased to a halt, eyes growing as wide as saucers.
“What did you call me? Say it again,” Yukhei said with the biggest smile on his face, all of his teeth were showing.
“Mama said you were my Baba,” Wenghei said like it was as simple as two plus two.
“Yeah... I am your baba, and you're my son,” Yukhei said before holding his son even closer, you could even see the tears at the corner of his eyes.
“Why don't we go see our new home Wenghei?” you suggested, seeing that some people have came out from the lifts, typical going to work hours.
You walked a feet away from Yukhei, not wanting to draw attention, holding onto the lift for Yukhei to bring all your luggage in.
Once you were at your level, you started loosening up, noticing that no one was around.
“This is my members’ unit,” Yukhei said pointing at a door, “And this is ours,” Yukhei said before opening the door for you, welcoming you into a warmly decorated home, every piece of furniture was placed and chose to accommodate your child, all the corners were covered with this e rubber safety stickers.
He showed you into Wenghei's room where the bed had all his favourite characters in the form of a plushie, his bed was soft when you sat down on it, and the blanket he had picked out was a soft fleece material, perfect for the cold weather.
Your son was going around every corner, awing at everything his father had gotten him, especially the Lego sets that were on his desk.
“Thank you, it's beautiful, his room,” you said when Yukhei wrapped an arm around your waist, bringing you closer to him, god how much you've missed his warmth.
“Go take a look at your room,” Yukhei said before pulling your hand into the direction of the master bedroom, welcoming you into a room with a king size bed and silk linen sheets, an aesthetic looking vanity that you've always wanted as a teenager, now as well of course, and a little reading corner just for you by the window.
“It's all I've ever wanted,” you said in disbelief, not knowing how could Yukhei pull this off in such a short time.
“You like it? I got some help from my members, especially Kun for the kitchen, you should check it out afterwards, you always wanted a big kitchen area,” Yukhei said as you laid on the bed, giving your stiff body a rest from the journey.
“Lay down with me for a while, I’m a bit tired from the flight,” you said, making grabby hands at him.
“Nah, I shouldn’t, this is your bed,” Yukhei said, looking flustered.
“Wong Yukhei, I’ve had your child and now you're acting all innocent?” you asked in an accusing tone, playing with him, which made him lay down next to you immediately, he didn't like getting you angry, thinking back all those days when you had lectured him just like that when he forgot to do his homework.
“You want me to sleep here?” Yukhei asked carefully, observing your expressions.
“This is our bedroom, where else do you want to sleep?” you asked, but was promptly cut off by Yukhei's lips on yours, smiling as he kissed you, gentle but expressing all his love for you, a hand lingering on your back, guiding you closer than him.
Many mistakes that had to be made had guided you here, but you've never regretted, for if it wasn't for the hardships and the crossroads, you wouldn't have found a home with the man you'll cross oceans for.
The end.
#lucas smut#lucas fluff#lucas wong#wong yukhei#wayv smut#wayv fluff#nct#nct smut#nct fluff#wayv#this is rather cliche sorry
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Part 1 Here! / Part 2 Here! / Part 3 Here! / Part 4 Here! / Part 5 Here! / Part 6 Here! / Part 7 Here! / Part 8 Here! / Part 9 Here! / Part 10 Here! / Part 11 Here! / Part 12 Here! / Part 13 Here! / Part 14 Here! / Part 15 Here! / Part 16 Here! / Part 17 Here! / Part 18 Here! / Part 19 Here! < This is Part 20!>
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A/N: There’s not going to be an update on Wednesday (it’s the day after my birthday and I’m going to go cry at the space station) lol. The next two parts will be like - alternative timeline/pov/intermission posts. Which will just be to add some depth to the story I guess. Stay safe! See you next Saturday!
* “Get out”
* You can’t have been parked more than five minutes before Jessica prys the driver side door open from the outside
* You’re hunched over the binder in your lap, hurriedly scrawling answers onto the worksheet
* Edward just sighs, moving to get out of the car
* “Wait-“
* You stop him by placing your hand on his shoulder
* Edward grins, so these are boyfriend privileges huh?
* You’re going to pick him over your human friends. Well he would be lying-
* “Give me the answer to the last question before you go.”
* Edward deflates
* Guess somethings don’t change.
* “It’s sin(x) equals 18”
* You nod, quickly writing down the answer
* “Thanks Edward.” You mumble learning over to press a chaste kiss to his cheek
* “Now get out”
* He stands outside the jeep a goofy grin on his face, a hand touching the place your lips were on his cheek
* Well at least some things change
* You don’t miss Jessica’s gaze on you as you put your binder into your backpack
* “So... what do you want to talk about Jess?”
* You don’t miss the incredulous look she gives you
* “So about Edward then”
* “Yeah, no duh”
* You let out a deep sigh
* “Where do you want me to start?”
* How far back does this story even go?
* Probably when you saw him that first time in Denali
* His angular face, and those deep amber eyes
* And those butterflies in your stomach
* “You can start with what happened after you guys left the party!”
* So you’re going to have to fast forward a bit
* “Well he was mad because-you know two against one- if it was anyone else it would have been a traumatic experience waiting to happen”
* She nods, thinking you’re talking about you
* You’re talking about something transitive happening to those boys
* For those boys if they tried something with you that is
* You were pretty far gone, you might have actually killed them if Edward hadn’t come to get you
* Not out of anger, just negligence
* At the very best they might have cried if you weren’t able to control your emotions
* “And then after - we were arguing- and then it was just happening”
* “You guys had s*x?”
* You sputter
* “Geez no! We were kissing, get your mind out of the gutter Jess.”
* “Well I don’t know (Y/N/N), he’s been pinning after you since freshman year a kiss just seems anticlimactic all things considered ”
* Besides you guys have this vibe around you-
* Like a sort of intimacy or something-
* You’ve both always had a sort of closeness.
* Like it was the two of you in one world, and then everyone else in another
* But now there’s a physical closeness to you both
* The kind of vibe people who are sleeping together usually give off.
* She saw it when you were together at the aquarium
* “Nah that’s impossible” you let out a long sigh
* “I’m pretty sure he wants to wait until marriage”
* Jessica sputters at that
* “M-marriage? Holy crap (Y/N)-“
* You nod, it’s such an antiquated notion.
* Especially considering you’re both technically dead
* Honestly, what could be more awkward than a couple of virgins fumbling around in the dark for a few hours on their wedding night?
* “He wants to marry you?!?”
* Oh
* Yeah that would be the normal thing to be concerned about
* “I’m not really sure” you scratch the back of your head
* “You’re my soul mate”
* He had said it so causally, like he was talking about gravity or the weather
* Like it was a universal fact
* The words make your stomach flutter
* Ugh you don’t have time to think about this
* “Well that’s what happened, and now Carlisle is always crying in the house and Esme is already planning weddings. Now come on we’re going to be late for class”
* You get out of the car before Jess can get a word in edgewise
* So this is really happening
* She sighs
* Well she’s be lying if she said she didn’t see this coming
* She knows there’s a lot of people competing for your affection
* Hell even Conner dropped his f*ck boy tendencies for you
* But Edward is the only one who looks at you, and only you
* Jessica’s guilty of it too, she’ll admit that
* You’re her first choice, don’t get her wrong, but if you don’t return her affections
* Well that’s fine, she’ll just date Mike, or Conner, or Bella or whoever
* It’s the same for the rest of them
* Conner will be bummed when he finds out-
* Mostly because he can’t believe he dropped his other side pieces
* But he’ll get over it
* Just like Mike did
* But Edward-
* There’s no one other than you for him
* She see’s it in the way he looks at you.
* If it’s not you, it’s just not any good
* So he’ll wait, maybe even his entire life, until you’re ready to love him back
* A small smile twitches on her face
* She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t happy for you
* “I wonder if anyone will ever love me like that” she mumbles to herself, right before flinching in surprise when you swing the passenger door open
* “Oh my god you scared me!”
* “I scared you?!? Jess this is my car, how am I supposed to lock it if you’re sitting inside?”
* “Oh right”
* You make it to class by the skin of your teeth, taking you seat between Edward and Alice in English
* “So what did you two talk about?” Edward whispers with a small smile while the teacher calls roll
* You roll your eyes
* “Like you don’t know”
* He has a sly smile on his face and you’re not sure why
* Alice starts obviously stifling laughter beside you
* Rude but okay
* Edward leans close to you, so close his lips are only a centimeter away from your ear
* Does he mind?
* Maybe he’s immune to sexual feelings, but being that close is doing things to you
* “I’m actually not waiting for marriage by the way”
* You can practically feel the grin on his face
* You look up to him, your golden eyes meeting his
* You were right he is smiling
* His smile takes a mischievous turn, and you feel his hand slide onto your thigh and give a teasing squeeze
* “Didn’t want you to have any misconceptions” he says with the same sly grin as he removes his hand from your leg and leans back in his chair
* Ah
* So that’s why Alice was laughing
* (Y/N). Exe is broken
Bonus:
* “Hey”
* Bella looks up to see the Jessica standing by her locker as she pulls her books out
* “Oh hey, did you get to talk to them?”
* “Um yeah, it’s about what we were thinking.”
* Bella nods, if she’s sad she’s not showing it.
* “It’s good that they’re together. He loves them a lot, I’m sure Edward will treat them right”
* Jessica nods, Edward does love you a lot.
* She watches Bella try to cram books into her bag
* She is kinda pretty now that she looks at her, in that angular face- snow white kinda way
* She’s no (Y/N)
* And she’s no Mike
* “Hey did you finish the trig homework? I was having tr-“
* But maybe-
* “Hey, Angela and I are going dress shopping in port a, do you want to come with?”
* Maybe they can be friends
* They both liked the same person, so they’ve already got something in common
* Bella looks at the blonde
* To be honest, she’s been holding everyone here at a distance
* In a few years she won’t see any of these people ever again, there’s no need to get attached
* Not after what happened in Arizona
* But still-
* “Yeah, that sounds like fun.”
* Guess she never learns
Tags: @moonlights27 @thebluetint @the100thtwilight @awesomebooklover17 @oneofthepotterheads @smileygirl08 @imdoingathingmom @iconicgguk @yrawn @alyciaswhore @little-horror-show @wicked-watering-can @lazydreamers @ xxxmuxxx @ideas-for-you-to-adopt @poisoinedhope @maryleigh8796 @moose-squirrel-asstiel @hotmessgoodness @jaimewho @corabmarie @what-am-i-doing10 @alluring-venus @imdoingathingmom @anotheryooniverse @im-tired-not-sleepy @emmettcullenisahimbo @my-super-musical-life @smolvampiregirl @it-was-all-a-beautiful-dream @mihikaahujaaa @werewolflover3252 @teenagezombiekryptonite @shynz @reclusive-chicken-nugget @monkeyluver4546 @wonhomarshmallow @bwbatta @bubblyabs @thatwaspossesion
#twilight#twilight imagine#twilight headcanon#twilight fanfiction#twilight reader insert#edward cullen x reader#edward cullen fanfiction#edward cullen imagine#bella swan x reader#bella swan imagine#bella swan headcanon#twilight saga#twilight saga imagine#midnight sun#superhero--imagines
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Moral of The Story. Chapter One.
Summary: Marrying too young out of highschool leads to a naive and failed marriage. Now 10 years later, word comes that the divorce was never actually completed. Bucky and Y/N have to come back together after all these years to settle what wasn’t all those years back. Passive attitudes, miscommunicated endings, and reminiscing of an old love all comes back for the two.
Pairing: Bucky x Y/N
Word Count: 2600+
A/N: Ok, here is the first chapter! If you have not already listened to the song that evoked this idea from my imagination land, I suggest giving it a go! Moral of the Story by Ashe. I’m excited for you guys to see what this story brings and I really hope I do it justice! As always, comments and thoughts are welcome as they help me grow as a writer and let me see what you guys notice:) ENJOY MY LOVES!!! <3
(The posting will be once every other day until I have finished the series. If I finish early, I will post an update once a day:)
Read the Prologue here first!
Chapter One:
"You already got the flight?" Nat asked, perched on Y/N's couch as she ran around frantically packing. "Don't you have a huge meeting next week with that new business? What was it called? Bee's Knees?"
"Yes, but it's not until Monday evening. I highly doubt I will be there longer than a weekend to sign a few divorce papers. I'm planning on coming back early that afternoon, so I shouldn't miss it," she answered, not even stopping to look at her as she ran through the rooms and bathroom in the apartment.
"How soon did you book that flight?"
"As soon as I hung up the phone with Murdock," Y/N sighed. Nat sent her a questioning look not knowing that name. "New lawyer. The guy who took over for the sleazeball known as Justin Hammer," she rolled her eyes.
"Right," Nat nodded. "So, are you staying at your dad's house?"
"I would take my dad's house over my mom and Jerry's any day. You know this," Y/N paused in her actions, sending her a bitch face.
"I know. Just didn't know if you'd be all fancy and rent a hotel room to escape the smothering that is bound to happen from good ol' Mr. Y/L/N," Nat grinned.
"It's been so long since I've seen him not via facetime. And we both know that's barely seeing him as he doesn't know where the camera is even after a hundred calls," she laughed.
"Parents. Either they're technologically challenged or know how to work it better than us. Never in between and it's weird." Nat watched as Y/N froze in her stance and looked lost trying to think of something else to pack. Deciding she needed a distraction, Nat changed the subject some. "Hey, did you get Melody to go on that date tomorrow?"
"Yes!" Y/N answered proudly. "I know your aunt wants grandbabies from her daughter, but that girl just needs a night on the town more than anything. She's in her early 20's and holes herself up at the office almost more than I do, and I'm the boss."
"Cousin's got my work ethic. What can I say?" Nat shrugged smugly.
"Well, she needs to get your spirit in living some too."
"Touche," Nat pointed. "I need to have Yelena take her out. She's the real party sister out of us two."
"That is true. How she's able to party for 48 hours straight and still wake up at 8 am for mimosas, blows my mind," Y/N commented on Natasha's younger sister. "She's only a few years older than Melody, right?"
"Yeah, Yelena is 24, and Melody is 22. They were best of friends growing up, but once they got to high school, they kinda went different routes about life. Lana, the party gal, and Mel the studious bookworm."
"I'm not surprised by either of those," Y/N shook her head before collapsing next to Nat on the couch. A loud breath and sigh escaped her body.
Nat watched as her mind escaped back to the original issue at hand.
"What's going on in that brain of yours, Y/N/N?" she said, softly touching her shoulder. "Not that I don't already know, but maybe letting it out will help unscramble those thoughts."
Y/N lazily rolled her head to the redhead next to her.
"How is he?" she asked.
Nat was a part of their friend group from middle school through high school. She kept up with all of them still, whereas Y/N kept up with all of them except one.
"I actually haven't talked to him in a while. Steve on the other hand..." Nat nodded. "From that source, it sounds like Barnes is just as surprised and freaked out as you."
"He's freaked out?" Y/N asked, a hint of interest peeking out.
"Who wouldn't be? You get a call from a lawyer saying your marriage is still intact after 9 years of breaking it off, I would be freaked out too."
"He deserves it. I hope he's just as freaked out as me, if not more," she responded bitterly, crossing her arms across her chest like a pouting child.
"Y/N," Nat sighed.
"No. Don't. Don't defend him to me, it's pointless," she put up a hand. "I know you're still friends with him, but you guys still don't understand the pain that that man brought on me."
"He fought for you, Y/N. He didn't mean-," Nat countered.
"Again, you're wasting your breath. Defending him now does nothing to change the past," she said stubbornly, getting back up and carrying on with her packing. "You can still take me to the airport tomorrow, right?"
Her best friend wanted to keep pushing, knowing she had harbored this heartbreak for too long. Sure what had happened between them sucked and was a horrible chapter of their lives, but neither made an effort to talk it out and understand the other's side of the story. Faults of being young, immature, and not knowing how to handle a grown-up decision.
"Yes, I'll pick you up at work at 10. Flights at 11:25, right?"
"Yes, and you know California traffic. That will probably get me there 10 minutes before my gate closes. I had to get an early flight though because that time difference is going to kick my ass. It'll be close to 5:30 in my head and 8:30 there by the time I land... " Y/N huffed, rolling her bag to the front door for tomorrow. "You mind taking this tonight and keeping it in your car for now? That way I don't have to lug it to work?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'll grab it on my way out. But we're still having a girl's night, right?"
Y/N laughed some before going to the kitchen to grab beers. "I Survived is already recorded and ready for us."
___________________
"Shit man... When's the last time you talked to her?" Steve asked, sitting across from his best friend in the chair diagonal from the couch, leaning forward on his knees after listening to the new news.
"Since I was supposedly signing our divorce papers. And even then, we didn't really talk. She sat there quietly straight-faced until it was signed and then rushed out the doors," Bucky sighed, still trying to wrap his head around the situation. "She was out of the state within the next hour."
Steve nodded before falling back into the single seat.
"So, do you guys have to see each other again, or is it one of those situations where you can sign separately?"
"I don't know. I just got off the phone. All I know up to this second is that Y/N and I have been married for the past 9 years without knowing it," Bucky said somewhat harshly. Steve didn't flinch at the tone knowing it wasn't directed at him. "I'm sorry. I-I just can't wrap my mind around this."
"It's ok. This is crazy shit, Buck," Steve waved off. There was a long pause before Steve decided to ask the question he was sure anyone would want to know. "Do you want to see her?"
Bucky slowly looked over to the blonde. God, he had been asking himself that question for the past 10 minutes himself.
On one end, yes. He wondered where she was now in life. How she was doing. What accomplishments he knew she would be making. He knew a few small things just by the whispers and small talk of her with their shared friend group that he still hung out with, but a majority of the time, they didn't bring her up around him. They knew what it did to him.
On the other end, he never thought about facing her again. I mean maybe for the year after their divorce, but when he never heard anything back from her all those times he still tried to reach out and she blocked him on almost all forms of social media, he gave up any hope of them falling back into good terms again. He hated it, but he wasn't going to push her when she clearly hated his guts.
And honestly, he deserved it. His young, stupid, college self was not a smart guy when it came to relationships. Even ones that had been there from the beginning of time practically.
Yet again, she wasn't perfect either. She made some mistakes of her own that pushed him to act the way he had.
"Hey, you both are older and more mature now. I'm sure you if you guys do have to see each other again, you can handle it like adults," Steve reassured, seeing Bucky's face turn to a soft frown. "Ok, so she may be a little stubborn..."
"A little?"
"Ok, a lot. But she's older now. She's not the 19-year-old girl that you remember," Steve defended.
"I believe that but I'm sure she still holds a grudge that is very, very, very, very-," Bucky was going to go on about 10 more very's before ending with BIG, but Steve cut him off.
"You don't know that," Steve shook his head.
"Really? Because usually when you no longer hold a grudge against someone, you might just reach out to that person and reconnect possibly," Bucky argued. "I mean that's what mature people do, right?"
"Not always..."
"So she's either not mature or still just as stubborn. Hell, for all we know, both," Bucky shrugged, pursing his lips.
"If you go into this with that mindset, nothing good is going to come out of it." Steve pointed an eyebrow at him.
Bucky rolled his eyes not replying to Steve. He knew he was right, but he was still bitter after all these years about how Y/N handled the situation. Sure, he messed up, but she had to. Yet she made him into this big bad wolf that was at 100% fault in the downfall of their relationship. It made him feel like shit, and though he tried to make amends knowing he did some fucked up things, she acted like she was Miss Perfect and didn't do anything wrong the entire time.
Damn, even after all this time, it still lit a fire in his chest with annoyance and hurt.
"When's the meeting?" Steve once again interrupted his thoughts.
"I guess Saturday morning. They said they were coming in on their off hours to fix up a few cases they found like ours," Bucky answered.
"How many cases were there?"
"Eh, I think he said it was single digits, but there were a shit ton of other cases in different areas that were worse off. The divorce ones are a small number compared to those."
"Damn. That sucks for all the couples who got a call today then," Steve huffed, running a hand down his face.
"Yeah, you're telling me..."
"Hey, we were going out with Wanda and Vis tonight. You still up for that, or...?" Steve stood up.
Bucky looked back at the beer on the coffee table and then at the TV still playing I Survived stories quietly in the background.
"You know what? I'm going to need a stronger drink than an IPA to get me to sleep tonight," Bucky nodded, standing and wiping his hands on his jeans before walking to his room.
"Looks like I'm the DD tonight then..." Steve sighed.
___________
"Vis," Wanda motioned to her fiance as he came back from the bar. "Nat just texted."
"About what? How is she?" Vis smiled as he sat next to her with Sam across from him. Sam tagged along at the last second since his other plans got canceled.
"She's good, but it's not about her," Wanda waved off, still reading whatever lengthy text was sent her way.
"Wow, that looks like a novel," Vis noticed with wide eyes as he looked over her shoulder.
"Wait 'til you hear what it's about."
Sam shook his head as he took a sip of the beer Vis had brought over.
After reading the rest of the text out loud from where she had left off, everyone at the table looked at each other with shock ridden faces.
"They're still married?" Vis said softly as if it was a secret.
"Apparently..." Wanda nodded with wide eyes.
"So that Hammer guy was a sham?" Sam questioned.
"I told her not to go to him. He had some shady hole in the wall kind of establishment," Wanda chided. "But she said they needed something cheap and fast. She hated his guts and wanted it out of it then and there. Plus, they were 19. They didn't have much money anyway."
"Why didn't they just ask their parents for help?" Sam questioned. "Isn't Y/N's mom loaded?"
"Yes, but she refused to help her. She said it was her own fault for getting married so young and that she had warned her. Told her she had to get out of the mess on her own," Wanda answered.
"What about her dad?" Vis jumped in.
"Bucky and her dad were close. She was off in Colorado for school and didn't want to put her dad through that or make him have to help her in cutting him off. Bucky was like the son he never had and they were bonded at the hip. No matter how much Y/N hated Bucky, she wasn't going to ruin or take away his relationship with her father. That would have been cruel, and Y/N is anything but that."
"Weren't Bucky's and Y/N's dad's best friends?" Sam asked.
"Yeah, they were old-time war buddies. They're the reason Bucky and Y/N had known each other since birth. But Bucky's dad died when he was about 13, and Y/N's dad, Thomas, kinda took him under his wing. Growing up a teenage boy without a father figure messes with you, and Bucky was on the edge of a bad path after losing his father."
"He's still rather close with Thomas, but I'm sure Y/N doesn't know that. Unless Thomas has said something, and with how everything came to an end for the two, I'm sure he doesn't bring it up knowing how tender of a subject Bucky is to her," Vis added.
"Makes sense..." Sam nodded. "I only knew you all from the start of college, so I'm still a little lost in all the beginning stuff."
"All good. It's complicated with those two. Their past and upbringing are so interconnected with the other, it makes their downfall all the more intense and messy," Wanda sighed. "God, if this is the news, he's going to be a wreck tonight..." She looked up worriedly at her fiance who shared the same concerns.
"It could go two ways. Either he comes in all solemn and says three words all night, or Steve's going to be the DD and he's waking up with a head-busting hangover," Sam noted with a small grin at the thought. "I'm going to go with the latter though."
"Poor guy," Wanda sighed, taking a drink with a sad face. Ever the sympathetic one.
"We'll be here to listen if he wants to talk. If not, we act like we have no idea and don't bring it up," Vision spoke up, throwing his arm over her and running his hand up and down her shoulder.
"I'm going to tease him still most likely," Sam shrugged nonchalantly. Wanda sent him a warning glare. "Fine, mama bear! I'll be nice... Until he starts making a fool of himself." He added the last part quietly.
Moral of the Story Taglist:
@taylormobley @ximaginx @vicmc624 @leyannrae
Marvel Tags:
@thejourneyneverendsx @death-unbecomes-you @heyiamthatbitch @lizzymacy555 @srrymydood @xa-dia @redhairedfeistynerd @morganclaire4 @connie326 @captain-asguard @mollygetssherlockcoffee @teenagedreams-bucky @shower-me-with-roses @pham-tastical
My Lovelies forever:
@natura1phenomenon @lauravicente @kakakatey @traceyaudette @notyourtypicalrose @laneygthememequeen @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @sandlee44 @thorne93 @thefaithfulwriter @essie1876 @greyeyedsmile14 @capsiclehan @xostephanie @averyrogers83 @awesomenursingstudent @gh0stgurl @cs-please @carls1022 @jjlevin @rainbowkisses31 @anise-d-castle6 @deannotmoose @their-bibliophile @kitkatd7 @willowbleedsonpaper @mariaenchanted @snffbeebee @couldabeenamermaid @rebekahdawkins @alyispunk @princess-annna
Bucky Barnes Tags:
@chloe-skywalker @charmedbysarge @jbarness @bellamy-barnes @katiaw2 @aikeia
#bucky barnes modern au#bucky barnes x reader#justkending series#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes series#bucky barnes modern series#bucky barnes au series#bucky barnes highschool#bucky barnes x highschool sweetheart#bucky barnes highschool sweetheart#bucky barnes x reader insert#reader insert#marvel#marvel au#marvel au series#justkending
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as requested, oouil trailer breakdown (it’s long sorry)
1: first of all, there’s that:
based on the overalls Bronwyn is wearing, I’m going to guess that this is the scene where Nate drives Bronwyn home after Simon dies. Also: there’s a beach and a highway which probably means that A) the Rojas live in a very wealthy and very far away area of town and B) there’s going to possibly be more beach scenes, which means the Jake, Addy, TJ beach scene in particular. And also Nate has two helmets? Who’s he driving around? Or does the show just want to practice good motorcycle habits in which case good for them.
2: next is Simon and Janae:
This specific quote, her bubbly attitude, and the face Simon makes right after she says it leads me to believe that at this point Janae is either totally on board with what Simon’s about to do, or she doesn’t know. Because book Janae hated Simon’s plan from day one.
and then, of course, there are the shots of the Bayview Four before all the shit that goes down, which probably means that there will be a montage or some sort of their lives beforehand.
3: also here:
Bronwyn’s crying, but she’s wearing the same shirt as she was at the lunch table which means that either she’s reading a post about herself before detention, or she’s just gotten the call about Simon. The background looks like a school, so maybe she’s looking at her real phone after Simon’s taken away because the fake one was what caused this mess?
4:
again, Addy’s looking at her phone, but wearing something different. This is probably after the big post about the Bayview Four, especially since she’s walking alone and not with Jake.
5: look how confused Cooper is:
all the other scenes of the B4 show them looking guilty, but here Coop looks like he has no clue what Simon’s talking about. Because he doesn’t, this is about him doing steroids instead.
6:
you tell him queen. also Bronwyn’s shoulder is next to Addy which means that this conversation happens after the teacher leaves to make sure no one was hurt during the fender-bender.
7: notice how Simon pouring the water isn’t actually shown:
none of the narrators watched him pour the water either. It’s not very big but it’s clever
8: he’s reaching out to Nate:
looks like Coop was right, he did regret it in the end
9: this is a good callback to Nate calling Addy useless in the books:
I can’t wait to see their friendship grow
10: Bronwyn’s coming back home at night, which only happens once in the book
probably a meeting of the B4? Or she was with Nate? She’s obviously not hiding something from her family though because she’s not being very conspicuous. Although that hoodie is the same from the football game, so maybe that’s where she’s coming back from?
11:
this is the Natewyn stairwell scene right? where he gives her a burner phone? He’s looking up at someone, so I assume it’s Bronwyn on the stairs.
12:
this scene was interesting because Cooper never outwardly accused anyone... but he’s suggesting it with Bronwyn. Also he’s wearing black and she’s wearing black so... funeral?
13:
this is probably Simon’s room? Not sure why they’d be in there but also it seems like it’s an early episode because they’re all accusing each other. And Addy says she knows everyone but Bronwyn, which probably means that the show might be going on a Bronwyn and Nate vs Cooper and Addy path until they work together.
14: okay so Cooper just goes to abandoned parks now?
maybe to meet someone? Maybe Kris? But Kris has an apartment.
15: the next few scenes are confusing. Addy’s taking,,, a pill. Idk what pill because she never did drugs. And Nate’s standing over a person. Maybe his dad? He’s very frantic so I think it is his dad
16: kind of unrelated but is that the funeral house or the Rojas’ house?
17: Oh wow there’s really some animosity between Cooper and Bronwyn huh? “Why should we trust you”? Cooper never really had an opinion on Bronwyn. Also, they never explicitly said they needed to work together this early on, I’m intrigued if they’ll follow through.
18: they’re making Detective Wheeler a real enemy here and you know what? They should she outed Cooper
19:
Also this is the cardigan Bronwyn wears when she tells Maeve that telling the truth won’t help anything, so I’m interested to see what causes Maeve to say that. And look at Nate looking at Bronwyn 🥺
20: again with the trunk scene what does Bronwyn keep in her car???
21: So Nate’s leaving that’s interesting. Either he’s packing his stuff when arrested but there would be more officers if that happened, or he’s running away? Not sure
22: Janae? And Maeve? In the same scene? That’s gonna be fun.
also if Maeve doesn’t yell at Janae about how awful Simon was then what’s the point? But also why does Maeve look so sad? I get that death is sad but she hated him.
23: look it’s an Evan sighting. Yuck
24: Look it’s Jake dressed up for what I have to assume is their homecoming
25:
is that Addy’s mom, Nate’s mom, or Simon’s mom? Judging by how broken she looks it’s either Simon’s mom or Nate’s mom.
26: Vanessa and TJ at a party together suggests that this is pre Addy drama, but also she looks really cocky.
27: I get why someone would assume this is prom, but also prom happens at the end of the year, it’s more likely this is homecoming.
Also Keely looks like... a lot.
28: What’s up with that safe?
29: Cooper’s chasing somebody that’s cool
30:
judging by the high heels I’m assuming Addy is spying on her old friend group?
31: Okay detective Wheeler is spying on Nate now? And also those people looked unfamiliar so the fight probably is a drug transaction gone wrong, which is why Det. Wheeler looks so pleased.
32: also mask? What? Is that Vanessa or Addy?
33: Nate, at a pool? Talking to a girl with dark hair? Vanessa and TJ at a pool? Is this a flashback type scene where Nate hooks up with Keely? Because in the teaser when Nate was kissing another girl he was wearing the same thing.
34:
okay so look at Addy’s face. She’s upset. Cooper is confused. Everyone’s looking at them. So I’m assuming that this is another post with the stuff about the Bayview Four, but it’s before Cooper was outed because you can just tell that he has no idea what’s going on.
honorable mention to Bronwyn untying that bow-tie btw
#one of us is lying#one of us is lying tv show#bronwyn rojas#nate macauley#cooper clay#addy prentiss#maeve rojas#vanessa clark#tj forrester#simon kelleher#janae vargas#long post#also i can't look at this anymore sorry if there are grammatical errors
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Fic Finder
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1. Hi, I'm looking for an Untamed fic, maybe you'll be able to help. It's a canon divergence AU in which WWX doesn't lose his core, Jiang Fengmian lives and it's implied that his core was transferred to JC (heavily implied; JFM retires as the Sect Leader after that). This is absolutely not the most important part of this fic but it's a paragraph that I've got stuck in my head and now I'm searching for the rest @_@ Thanks in advance! ~ @otemporaetmores
FOUND! by @notsobabblespace, who was reminded of I’m aching and I know you are too by edenwolfie (part 3 in series, M, 23k, wangxian)
FOUND! by @jim-is-spocks-thyla, who suggests ❤️ to arrive late is better than not to arrive at all by Moominmammashandbag
(M, 35k, wangxian) [ETA: Oops, not this one. JFM has no core, but he didn’t give it to JC]
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2. Hi Mojo! I’m in need of you/your followers help in finding a fic that I read a little while ago. It was a fic where Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi lived together in Cloud Recesses and their children were Sizhui and an OOC that was younger than him. I remember SiZhui faced a lot of criticism for not being the chief cultivator’s real child? And they were happy he had a younger sibling that would be sect leader in the future because he was blood. Come to think of it, this is probably an ABO fic too. Thanks for your time 💜
FOUND! @andidontmeanto believes this is Blue Blood by PotterheadAvengerDemigod (T, 91k, wangxian, my post)
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3. Aksks it's like 3 am but I just remembered a fic and I can't find it?? I'd really, really appreciate your help. It was a wangxian fic, maybe a oneshot idk, and lwj was kind of a nerd and wwx a badboy? So basically lwj has a massive crush on him and dresses up like wwx etc. (i think he even got an undercut) and after a party they sleep with each other at lwj's place?
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4. i’m looking for a fic set in the where lwj’s mother killed his father? i don’t think that was a main plot point but it did show up in his backstory - any idea what this might be? ~ @thehype
FOUND! @rentslirott thinks this could be ❤️the best of you by sysrae
(E, 42k, wangxian, my post)
FOUND! @castaways-logbook offers The Right to Care by travelingneuritis (E, 39k, wangxian, WIP)
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5. ... same as #6 ...
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6. Hello friend, sorry for the inconvenience but I wanted to see if you could please find me a fic that I lost but I only remember more or less the final part, it goes more or less like this, lan zhan and wei ying are kidnapped by jin guangyao and lock them up if not I'm wrong in some cells next to lan xichen after the fights jin guangyao dies but lan xichen did know how bad jin guangyao had done and he didn't care and then to get revenge he wants to kill wei ying but lan zhan kills him and sizhui gets scared It was more or less like that, please help me ~ @isa0123lol
FOUND! by @wangxiansfics who says that tragically it’s no longer available, but @dulachodladh found it on WaybackMachine here: Thread and Needle by haysel (M, 86k, wangxian)
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7. Hi, Mojo! I'm glad that you're back but I hope you enjoyed your time off tumblr! Can you and/or your followers help me find a fic? I think the summary was talking about wwx and somehow they were asking mingjue for help since he's the only one who can help. The summary was in italics and it's a dialogue from some guy? And a shorter summary below. Sadly this is the only thing I can remember but I hope you can still help me
FOUND! @alwayswenning suggests love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, wangxian, has it’s own fanfic here, I just finished this last night!, my bookmark)
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8. Sorry to bombard you as soon as you're back, but this one's driving me crazy--a modern AU where they met online. WWX thinks LWJ is an old man from how he talks. I don't remember much except the excerpt made it seem like he still was amused by/enjoyed talking to him, and Wen Qing was telling him it was a bad idea and to stop. It's not How to Fall In Love With a Catfish, tho that one is brilliant! (Also any top notch identity porn would be great) Hope your break was restful, you deserve it! Thanks
Here’s my #identity porn tag, but I’m not sure about this exact story.
I'm the anon for #8 on the fic finder. Though I'm excited to read it, the suggested fic isn't the one I was looking for. I swear I thought I saw it on here around a month ago or slightly more, but searches have failed me.
FOUND! Rating: General Audiences by Mishaa (T, 18k, wangxian WIP) - mysterious author LWJ (speculated to be an old man because of his formality) and infamous artist WWX paired up for an Untamed Big Bang (in an AU where JGY was the series’ antiheroic protagonist; this fic was written before the release of CQL.)
FOUND? could you be looking for Something Real by Latios (G, 5k, wangxian, my post) - wwx thinks lwj is an old man, but there’s no WQ. There are many pictures of bunnies.
SIMILAR! @emilysidhe thought of ID Bro Saga by Bowandtie (T, 39k, wangxian)
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9. Hey, how are you? Could you help me please? I've read 3 fanfics once, but I can't find them anymore. 1 - Nanny Problem, Wei is going to be the babysitter of A-Yuan, he is an omega and Lan is an alpha. 2 - Doctor Perfect, Yibo is an omega nurse and Xiao is an alpha doctor. 3 - The Baby of my Omega, Yibo is omega and Xiao is alpha, both of them are bodyguards, but Yibo has to protect Xiao in the beginning. I think they were at ao3, but I really can't find them. Can you help me please? Thank you!! ~ @weallmad
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10. Hi! Im happy you’re back. I hope you had a good break. I missed your recommendations, but at the same time i got a break from fics and actually studied to my tests haha. [Ah! I’m glad to hear your time was spent productively!] I’m looking for a fic like Linger in the Sun by etymologyplayground. In the fic im looking for wangxian slowly lose their senses instead of all of them at once. Like they lose their hearing, then touch, sight etc, They can’t see each other or hear each other. I’m sorry i can’t explain very well.
FOUND? Could you be thinking of ❤️shadows in the sun rise by Yuu_chi (E, 25k, wangxian)? Only lwj losese his senses one by one in this one, though.
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11. heyyy im trying to find this fic where wwx died the first time he was thrown in to the burial mounds then 10 years later he gets resurrected or something. I can't find it on AO3 and it's been bugging me for days. Thank you!
FOUND! Well, @moku-youbi offers both of these as possibilities:
Did I Not Explain Why the Sunset Turns Red? by 3988Akasha (E, 100k, wangxian)
we're starting at the end by Miss_Enthusiasimal (M, 95k, wangxian)
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12. Hi I am looking for a fic where wwx is a witch (/mage?) in a world where magic is being persecuted (especially in Gusu) except for Yunmeng/Lanling I think but they're still frowned upon nonetheless. Then after accidentally hurting Shijie, wwx runs away, and ends up hiding in Gusu pretending to be a servant to lwj (lwj is a prince, lxc is the emperor) but lwj actually knows of his identity and tries not-so-discreetly to protect him from being caught. Thanks!
FOUND! by @bibliobasilisk who gives us Witchfinder by misbehavingvigilante (E, 86k, wangxian)
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13. Hi! Firstly, I'm glad to see you're back, and I hope your break was a good one! I'm trying to find a LWJ/WWX story that I had planned to read and ending up losing before I could. It was set in the immediate aftermath of the 33 lashes, LWJ is in the Jingshi recovering when a healer(?) discovers he's pregnant (by WWX). It may have been a/b/o verse, but I'm not 100% on that. Part of the story was a flashback to when WWX was still alive. Thank you!
FOUND! by nonny themself. It’s Unexpected Surprise by Glucose_Gremlin (E, 4k, wangxian)
SIMILAR! @mondelgel suggests my heart is kept as pure as ice in a jade vase/一片冰心在玉壶 by Daledesu (M, 21k, wangxian, WIP)
SIMILAR! from @impending-cuttlefish: something new, something white, something blue by ariskamalt (E, 140k, wangxian, WIP)
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14. I'm trying to find this one fic where Jin Ling finds this diary that Wei Ying wrote as the Yiling Patriarch that basically reveals everything, including the golden core reveal and it even has training tips that helps Jon Ling improve. When Wei Ying comes back, he tries everything to keep him there because he is THE best uncle now. I need to find it because it is a N E E D.
FOUND? by @theladypeartree who says, “The Truth (Untold) is jl reading jyl's journals, not wwx's though. And mordant is jl returning wwx's journals that he found, not grew up with. Neither fit #14 properly, but I seriously could not find anything closer after two solid days of searching. Good luck!“
The Truth (Untold) by anxiouswreck0_0 (g, 3k, wangxian, jin ling & wei wuxian)
or this one on ffn:
mordant by tennisnotensai (M, 18k, wangxian, here’s the link for mobile)
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15. I have heard tell of a Sizhui/Jingyi fic where the boys end up going to Wangxian for advice about how to be intimate. Can you help me find it?
FOUND! @manaika-chan says this one is On Advisement by LaMachina17 (M, 19k, wangxian, zhuiling, chengyi)
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16. nm
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17. Hi! Sorry, do you happen to know that nsfw fic where wwx is still studying in the cloud recesses and he’s reading a novel (im not sure if it was from nhs) that features a cultivator couple and there’s a scene in the book where the woman was pegging her husband? Basically wwx got curious about this and tried fingering himself. I remember he was hiding in the back mountains and then lwj eventually caught him
FOUND? Could you be thinking of Deep in the Woods by malkinmalkout (E, 5k, wangxian, my post)?
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18. Ahhh I'm going crazy trying to think of a fic that I've read where Lan Zhan killed Wen Chao in a locker room and nie huaisang stood guard outside the door! Then lan zhan went to lan huan and said I killed someone and he said did they deserve it? Then it's fine. And I can't remember the name of the fic! Have you heard of it? ~ @uchihaautumn
FOUND! @artemisisdiana offers So Full Of Love (Wouldn't Know Where to Start) by witchupbitch (M, 54k, wangxian, WIP)
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19. Hi, I was wondering if you could help me find a fic. I read it a while ago and I don't really remember all the details but it was a modern au where Lan Wangji was a police officer in this small town and Wei Wuxian comes back after years, having left the town due to some stuff. Thank you in advance.
Btw love your blog. I live for your fic recs. [Thank you!]
FOUND? Could you be looking for medium blues by dark_and_terrible
(E,193k, wangxian)? It appears to be taken down atm, but it might come back (it’s done it before).
FOUND! by @grannyweatherwaxshat who offers When a Bird Flies, It Leaves Feathers by Bem_Kofi (not rated, 75k, wangxian)
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20. Hi mojo!! First of all I luv your blog Thank you so much for all those ficrecs. [You’re welcome!] Actually I’m looking for a fic I read months ago. I probably found the fic from your blog. But I can’t seem to find it now 😢 it was a modern au wangxian fic (inspired by call me by ur name?) wwx was like 5 years older than lwj. (And lwj was like 16?) Wwx lives in another city but he spent around a year in cloud recesses with lwj in the past. And wwx yanli and jc visits cloud recesses again and wangxian gets 2gether
~*~
[My ko-fi.]
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peach’s summer book list
i had a lot of fun compiling the list of books i read during the 20-21 winter, so i decided i would do a summer one as well! i still have a lot of books i own but haven’t read, so im definitely not lacking in material
if you didn’t see my winter list, how my book list works is basically like this: i read a book that i own but have not previously read, write a short summary immediately after finishing the book, write down my thoughts on the book, and then provide a rating for the book. i also might include background info on why i read this particular book/feelings about the author, but that depends on the book. that’s how each entry works
without further ado, let’s get started!
1. Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith
okay so i absolutely adore another book by andrew smith (written after grasshopper jungle) called the alex crow. it’s one of my favorite books of all time, so naturally i wanted to see if grasshopper jungle would make me feel similarly. just like the alex crow, grasshopper jungle’s plot is. so fucking weird. it stars austin szerba, a teenage polish kid who lives in ealing, iowa, and is often sexually confused regarding his girlfriend shann and his best friend robby. and in ealing, iowa, austin and robby accidentally and unknowingly unleash an unstoppable army of huge six-foot-tall praying mantis bugs that only want to do two things: fuck and eat. and i just have to say: andrew smith’s got an absolutely dynamo writing style. alex crow is similar, where it’s a book about kind of everything all at once, framed in a moment centering around teenage boys. it’s fantastic, and it’s more than a little gross, and i love it. this book made me feel so many things, and i thought austin was such an amazing narrator and main character to identify with. this book has it all: shitty teenage boy humor, fucked up science experiments, and poetic imagery that will make you want to cry. and explicit lgbt characters.
412/10 andrew smith what do you put in your water i just want to know
2. Burn by Patrick Ness
patrick ness has written a plethora of some of my favorite books (such as a monster calls, the chaos walking trilogy, and the rest of us just live here) so when i saw this one in the store i knew it would be a great one. burn is an alternate history fantasy that takes place in 1957 frome, washington, during the height of the cold war, and it begins with a girl named sarah and her father hiring a dragon to help out on their farm. but there’s not just dragons, farm living, and cold war tensions; there’s also a really shitty small town cop, a cult of dragon worshippers and their deadly teenage assassin, a pair of fbi agents, and a prophecy that sarah’s newly hired dragon claims she’s a part of. i think eoin colfer’s highfire was on my winter list, which also featured a story that included dragons and shitty cops, so when i first began burn i thought it was funny to have two books that had both things. you know, if you had a nickel etc etc. but that’s really where the similarities end because burn is entirely it’s own monster (dragon). burn is entirely invested in its world, and its fascinating. not only that, i had no clue where the book would take me next. there were so many surprises and amazing twists that honestly just blew me away. this book also includes beautifully written complicated discussions on family, race, and love - it features interracial and queer romances as the two most prominent romance plots which was such a nice surprise from a book i wasn’t expecting to have that kind of representation. this book is witty, fast-paced, and a very heartening read - i absolutely adored it.
9/10 dragons and becoming motivated by the power of love and friendship are so fucking cool
3. As Meat Loves Salt by Maria McCann
i hate this book! as meat loves salt is a historical fiction novel which takes place in seventeenth century england, which is going through a grisly civil war. the protagonist, jacob cullen, is a servant for a wealthy household and is engaged to another servant in the house. but due to certain events that are almost entirely jacob’s fault, he flees the house and is separated from his wife. from there, he joins the royal army and meets a kind soldier, ferris, and the two become fast friends. jacob and ferris’s relationship begins to bridge past friendly, and jacob struggles with his homoerotic feelings as well as the growing obsession and violence inside him. also, they try to start a colony. listen, i don’t know how to describe the book because so much happens, but it basically just follows jacob and all the terrible decisions he makes because he is, truly, a terrible person. ferris is kind and good, and jacob is scum of the earth. he sucks so bad. the entire time i was reading this book (which took absolutely so long), all i wanted was for jacob to just get his ass handed to him. i wanted to see him suffer. and it’s not like i just personally don’t like him - i believe the book purposefully depicts him as unsympathetic even though he is the narrator. i did enjoy the very in depth and accurate portrayal of what life would’ve been like in seventeenth century england, and i think it was interesting to read a character that is just the absolute worst person you’ve ever encountered and see him try and justify his actions, so if you enjoy that kind of thorough writing, then this book would be perfect for you. however, i did not see that bitch ass motherfucker jacob cullen suffer enough. i’d kill him with my bare hands.
2/10 diversity win! the worst man on earth is mlm!
4. This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab
i know ive had a friend tell me how great one of schwab’s other book series is, but truthfully i bought this book because the cover is sick as hell and it was on a table in the store that advertised for buy two get one free, i think. something like that. anyway, this savage song takes place in a future in which monsters, for whatever reason, suddenly became real and out for blood in a mysterious event nicknamed the phenomenon. august flynn is one of these monsters, but he takes no pride in that fact and only wants to feel human. kate harker is the daughter of a ruthless man and is trying her hardest to be ruthless, too, but deep down she knows it’s just an act. their city, verity, stands divided, and kate and august stand on either side - but when august is sent on a mission to befriend kate in the hopes of stopping an all out war, the lines begin to blur. this book rules. august and kate are such interesting and dynamic characters, and the narrative is familiar while still being capable of twisting the story around and taking the feet out from under you in really compelling ways. this savage song is part of the monsters of verity duology, and i can’t wait to dive into how the story continues and finishes.
11/10 sometimes you can judge a book by it’s cover
4a. Our Dark Duet by Victorian Schwab
this is the sequel and finale for this savage song and i’d figure i’d update everyone: fantastic ending, beautiful, showstopping, painful.
12/10 loved it and will definitely be keeping an eye out for schwab’s other books
5. White is for Witching by Helen Oyeyemi
oh boy. okay. white is for witching is about a house, and it is about the women who have lived inside of it. when her mother dies abroad, miranda silver begins to act strangely, and there’s nothing her father or her twin brother seem to be able to do about it. she develops an eating disorder and begins to hear voices in the silver family house, converted to a bed and breakfast by miranda’s dad; and she begins to lose herself in the house and the persistent presence of her family legacy. white is for witching switches perspective dizzingly and disorientingly between miranda, her twin eliot, miranda’s friend from school named ore, and the house itself. this story is a horror story as much as it as a tragedy as much as it is a romance as much as it is a bunch of other things. oyeyemi brings race, sexuality, nationality, and family into this story and forces you not to look away. this book is poetry.
(like i mentioned briefly, this book heavily deals with topics of race and closely follows miranda’s eating disorder. read responsibly, and take care of yourselves)
15/10 this book consumed me and i think i’ll have to read it another 10 more times to feel it properly
6. These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong
okay. okay. strap in for a ride. these violent delights is a romeo and juliet style story, taking place in glittering 1920’s shanghai. the city stands divided - not only between the foreign powers encroaching on chinese land, but also between the scarlet gang and the white flowers, who are at the height of a generations-long blood feud. juliette cai, heir to the scarlets, has recently returned from four years abroad and is determined to prove herself ruthless enough to lead. roma montagov, heir to the white flowers, is standing strenuously on his place as next in line due to a slip up four years prior and is desperate to keep hold of his title. and in the midst of juliette and roma’s burning history with each other threatening to combust, an unnatural monster lurks in the waters of shanghai, loosing a madness on scarlets and white flowers alike. this book has it all - scorned ex lovers, political intrigue, deadly monsters, and all set on a glamorous backdrop of the roaring twenties. i absolutely was enraptured by this book and the way it plays around the story of romeo and juliet so well that it easily became it’s own monster, but with the punches and embraces of something classically shakespearan. gong does just an absolutely breathtaking job of fitting this fantastical story amid the larger world of shanghai and the real life historical events that had shaken the city to its core. completely immersive and outstandingly heart racing.
17/10 i was chewing on my fingernails for the last thirty pages and will continue to do so until the sequel is released (our violent ends, 16 nov 21)
7. The Antiques by Kris D’Agostino
you ever heard of the american dysfunctional family story? this is most definitely that. at the same time george westfall’s cancer takes a turn for the worse, a hurricane hits the east coast, and suddenly all at once the issues of his health, the hurricane, and all three of his children’s achingly dysfunctional adult lives are crashing into each other. reunited by george’s death, the westfall siblings have to face their grief, each other, and the problems in their own lives they attempted to put on hold while planning their father’s memorial. this is a nice story about grief and loss and love and somehow finding the humor amidst it all.
(this book does include a depiction of an autistic child who does experience several pretty bad meltdowns due to ignorant people around him not understanding how to cater to his needs. im not an authority on what depictions are or are not harmful, but i do believe this depiction is ultimately loving and well-intended.)
7/10 it made me laugh and cry and was generally one of those books that somehow hit you close to home
8. Fierce Fairytales by Nikita Gill
fierce fairytales is a poetry anthology that reimagines classic fairytales from a modern, feminist viewpoint, acknowledging that the line between hero and villain, monster and damsel, are not as clear cut as the classics try to make you believe. this book also includes illustrations done by the author herself, which i think is really cool. my personal favorite story reimagining was the story of peter pan and captain hook, called ‘boy lost’ which looked at how peter and hook’s relationship began and rotted. all in all, i think this collection of stories had a lot of important things to say and said them in frank, easy to understand poetry and prose.
7/10 beautiful message and pretty prose, but at times a little cliche
and that’s all from the summer! my fall semester starts tomorrow, and overall i feel very good about all the reading i did this summer. i even read four other books not on this list for work! so i definitely feel like i made the most out of my time, and im really glad i was able to read so many stories that made me feel a variety of different things
thanks so much for reading this list, and let me know if you read or have read any of these books and tell me what you think of them!
happy reading<3
#book recs#book rec#book rec list#grasshopper jungle#burn#as meat loves salt#this savage song#monsters of verity#white is for witching#these violent delights#the antiques#fierce fairytales#just like my winter list i did write ever review immediately after finishing the book and i think.#i think here you can really tell what my immediate reactions were based on how the review is written fbfjfjd
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