#can you tell living back home has brought up a lot of unresolved stuff | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kozumekenza · 3 years

Text

on my mind :: two

:: suna rintarou x f!reader :: playlist :: masterlist ::

:: taglist: open :: wc: 1.5k ::

After a drunken one-night stand with your ex, you thought you could get him out of your life for good. Unfortunately, the two of you can’t seem to keep away from each other. Why can’t you leave each other alone? And more importantly, why is he still on your mind?

tw: mentions of alcohol, hangovers, profanity, talk of sex, one-night stands

After a lot of deliberation and even more wine with Yachi, you both came to the conclusion that ignoring Suna and the one-night stand would be the best course of action. You were also hesitant to give back the National Team jersey you had taken, fearing that it would draw attention to what had conspired between you two.

Instead, you adopted the expensive jersey into your wardrobe.

So now you sat, head thrown back over the edge of your couch, fifth glass of wine in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other, bright red jersey with a large 12 and Suna’s name emblazoned on the back haphazardly thrown over your body. It was a comfortable jersey, plus, it was laundry day. You would wash it before (if) you ever gave it back.

Yachi stole the wine glass out of your hand before you could drain the rest of it.

“What the fuuuuck, ‘Toka? I was almost finished!”

Yachi just looked at you with a blank expression. “Y/n, you need to go to bed before you show up to your first day of work hungover. You’ll thank me in the morning. C’mon,” she grabbed your hands to pull you up, dragging you along all the way to your bedroom.

You cuddled into the sheets, trying to ignore the smell of Suna’s cologne on the jersey and failing miserably. Yachi brought you a glass of water and painkillers, then turned off the lights and bid you goodnight.

At least you knew why Suna was in Tokyo now. It made sense that he would make the National Team, and it was a major oversight on your part for accepting a job as a trainer for said team. However, there was nothing you could do now. You would just have to wait and see how it all played out.

You tossed and turned before finally surrendering to the comfort of the jersey’s scent. It was easier to fall asleep when you could pretend someone was next to you, anyway. When you ultimately dozed off, it was to memories of your ex-boyfriend’s calming hugs and bright smile.

---

When you arrived at the National Team Training Center the next morning, you were anxiously waiting for Suna to corner you about Saturday night’s events. Instead, you were able to walk all the way down to your new office across from the locker rooms without seeing anyone else. You set down your purse and backpack in your new office, smiling at the Assistant Athletic Trainer plaque outside your door. Popping back out into the hallway, you dropped a coffee off with your boss, Iwaizumi Hajime, whose office was adjacent to your own.

Practice didn’t start for another hour, giving you plenty of time to calm your nerves about seeing Suna. You booted up your laptop and began preparing the players’ training regimens. After about thirty minutes, Atsumu strolled into your office.

“Hey, y/n!”

“‘Tsumu!” He wrapped you in a big hug, lifting you off the ground and causing you to giggle.

“How’ve you been?” He set you back down and sat on the edge of your desk.

“Good! Lots of prepping for this new job, making sure all of your workouts are in order.” You gave Atsumu a light punch in the arm. You had missed joking around with him. Before you moved away from Hyogo, he was one of your best friends.

“Well, I hope it goes well. Hey, speaking of which, my shoulder has been kinda sore lately, think you could massage it for me?”

You just rolled your eyes and nodded. Of course, Atsumu would use your new position to his advantage. You could already tell that these next few weeks would be full of Atsumu begging for back massages when he didn’t really need them. On the bright side, at least if he was trying to scavenge a massage from you, Suna probably didn’t mention anything to him.

“Let’s go out to the court, practice is about to start. I’ll do it out there so that we aren’t late.”

Atsumu nodded, so you grabbed your backpack with your medical supplies and followed his lead to the court. You dropped your stuff at the bench and motioned for him to sit down. As you worked on his shoulder (his muscles were kind of tight after all), he talked about the temporary move to Tokyo and preparations for the upcoming Olympics. It was only April, but the competition would be here before anyone knew it. At least the team had the benefit of being at home for the duration of the Olympics. You couldn’t imagine having to adjust to a new timezone before competing at an international level.

As you two talked, more players began to filter in. Iwaizumi came out to check on you, scolding Atsumu for taking advantage of your trainer status, to which you just laughed.

“It’s fine, I promise. If I really minded, I would’ve told him to leave.”

“Alright, if you say so,” Iwaizumi looked at his watch, “Shit, I gotta go. It’ll probably be just you out here for most of the morning, y/n. I have a ton of meetings and work to catch up on, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay! I can handle it, don’t worry.” You smiled, trying to conceal the large amount of fear you still held for interacting with a certain middle blocker. Iwaizumi gave you a grin before turning and walking back towards his office.

Atsumu smirked at you, “He totally thinks you’re hot.”

You punched Atsumu in the shoulder, hard. “Shut the fuck up! And he does not, he’s gay, and he’s fucking married!”

“Hm, what a bummer. You’re too tense, you need to get laid.”

Your eyes widened as you slapped a hand over his mouth. “Atsumu!”

“Hey Atsumu, y/n, long time no see.”

Your heart dropped as you turned towards the unmistakable voice, one hand still on Atsumu’s mouth.

“Sunarin! What’s up?” Atsumu shrugged your hand off as he stood and gave Suna a half-hug. You stood to the side, slowly inching towards your backpack as a means of escape. If Suna turned his attention to you, you could just busy yourself with whatever you had in there.

“Fuck, y/n, it’s been forever since I last saw you.” You looked up at Suna, schooling your expression into something resembling calm, cool, and collected and ignoring the pounding of your heart.

You gave a half-hearted laugh, “Yeah.” Suna flashed you one of his signature grins, and you nearly choked on air. Why was he so attractive?

“You’re still as beautiful as ever.” Fuck. “So this is what you’re up to nowadays?”

“Yep!” You allowed a little grin to slip through. “Living the dream as an assistant athletic trainer!”

“That’s awesome. I always knew you would do something great.” Oh my God. “Well, it looks like practice is about to start. We should go out sometime, catch up! It’s been years since we’ve talked.”

You nodded and watched as he jogged over to where some other players were stretching, then turned and buried your face in your hands. What the fuck. He didn’t remember Saturday. That was good. Now you just had to play it cool around him, and everything would be fine.

You felt an arm settle itself on your shoulder. “He totally thinks you’re hot.”

“Atsumu, I’m going to fucking kill you.”

The man in question quickly removed his arm from your shoulder, giving you a questioning look. “The fuck is your problem with him? I know you two still have whatever from high school that’s unresolved, but you look like you want to die on the spot right now.”

“If I tell you, you have to swear you won’t tell anyone. Not a soul.” You could already tell you were going to regret this.

Atsumu brought his hand up with a cheesy grin on his face. “I solemnly swear. Now tell me.”

You sighed and internally cringed. You couldn’t believe you were about to tell Atsumu this. “On Saturday night, I got drunk and woke up in Suna’s bed,” you watched as Atsumu’s jaw dropped, “And he doesn’t remember anything, thank God.”

“Holy fucking shit, y/n!”

“Keep your fucking voice down!”

“Wait, wait, wait, it gets better,” you winced as you prepared yourself for whatever bad news Atsumu was about to bring, “He called me Sunday morning, talking about a ripped skirt and a bra some chick left, and that she stole his National Team jersey. You’re telling me that was you?”

Grimacing, you nodded.

“Damn, y/n. You’re screwed.”

You nodded again.

---

After a morning of tough practice, you were finally enjoying some peace and quiet at your desk. You ate the bento Yachi packed for you (she was a literal angel) and tried to avoid thinking about how hot Suna looked while practicing today. You couldn’t stop staring at him; every time you looked away, you somehow found yourself looking in his direction again.

Your buzzing phone pulled you out of your thoughts.

Osamu’s laughing voice filled the tiny speaker.

“Y/n! You slept with Sunarin! And he doesn’t even remember!”

You were going to murder Miya Atsumu.

taglist: @sunasexual @call-me-lulu

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jjkpls · 3 years

Text

first love (m)

genre : fluff, angst, light smut

pairing : kim seokjin x reader (f)

word count : 4.6k

warnings/content : mentions of sexual intercourse, mature language, infidelity, separated parents, unresolved past relationship, dad!seokjin, mom!reader

Seokjin doesn't mean to overreact. He knows he shouldn't. Knows you hate it. Knows, because he's been told enough times, that these types of reactions are unnecessary and possibly harmful for a child.

He can't really help it when deep down he knows he was meant to be an actor. Right before his actual birthday, his mother had dreamt of giving birth on a theatre stage, for God's sake.

But his father wasn't into it, given his ambitions, his own growing company and all the promising opportunities he envisioned both for him and for his only son. Therefore Seokjin went to law school, graduated with excellent mentions, followed an accelerated program in business development and managing and joined his father exactly where he was expected.

He isn't exactly complaining.

He likes his job, most of the time, likes the money and luxury that come with it especially and appreciates the work safety.

Now, you can't blame him for being quite the drama queen in his everyday life. All that pent up, buried alive passion for the arts of acting need to express, somehow.

That's what he'd say to you when you used to yell at him for starting weeping loudly in your ear when he'd call you to cancel a date last minute because he couldn't come, instead of just, cancelling it, aplogize, get over it like a normal person.

Or when you'd kick him in the ribs because he'd be all wild gestures and screeching screams when he'd teach your son to ride a bike and he would fall, as he should to learn, making the boy cry even when he wasn't hurt, solely from the projection of his dad's fear.

You're not here to tell him yourself but the glazed, annoyed roll of his son's eyes tells him precisely what you would. Those eyes are the worst. The prettiest he's ever seen. The ones he loves the most. The ones you also wear on your own pretty face.

"Since when?" He has a hand pressed to his chest, preventing a heart attack it seems, gaze wide and alarmed. Timothy sighs.

"A while. They were already together for Valentine's Day-" He explains patiently. That kid is sweet. The way he's slumped over, obviously annoyed to have to be the one telling his dad and having to deal with the consequences but still, he's watching over him with a soft eye, mouth torn in a sympathetic pout. He wouldn't mind his parents to get back together even though he is almost sure it wouldn't be a good idea for the both of you. He's heard tales of dysfunctional families, of parents hurting each other and their children and doesn't want that for any of you. He can't imagine it happen. You two are too good for that. That's probably why you had decided to separate in the first place.

Seokjin is quickly making maths in his head. Not really counting the time but situating himself in that time frame. Where was he at when she was out with this guy? What was he doing?

He may have been in Japan when it started. He remembers a call from you, you were asking him to take Timothy for a couple of days. You sounded embarrassed and he didn't know why but couldn't take the time to investigate, he had a flight expecting him and a conference call waiting to start in a couple of minutes. Important stuff. None of it would have mattered if he had known what you were up to.

"You okay, dad?" Timothy asks, awkward but kind. His mom basically.

"Devastated." Seokjin says with the widest grin on his face. He's not devastated. It'd be ridiculous to be for something absolutely predictable, fair and normal. He's not mad, nor disappointed. You deserve to be seeing people, have them desire you and make you feel good. He wishes it were him but if he can't do that, if you won't let him, he's glad you still can allow someone else to do it.

He's surprised though, he can't lie about that.

Honestly. That's stupid. But he didn't expect one second that you were seeing someone. You never mentioned anything and you didn't look like it. If there's a way you look when you're dating.

He remembers rosy cheeks and short skirts. You were younger.

"You think it's serious?" He asks casually, surprising even himself. His heart is in a turmoil but he showed enough to Timothy, acting like he was half dying, gasping for air and all.

"I don't know. She doesn't want to bring him home yet. Like, introduce him to me. I asked." Timothy, not only is he nice, he is smart. He's thirteen, shouldn't know much about Love and adults' matters yet. He's supposed to still be at that stage when one believes children and adults are two very distinctive race of humans, one that depends on the other and the other having it all figured it out, having reached a certain knowledge and expertise on all things and can't really be wrong on accident.

Timothy knows precisely what his dad would love to hear. And he gives it to him. Not to feed him vain hopes. Not even for this tiny hidden greed to have you back together. Simply because it's the truth and if for once the truth is pleasant to hear, then he should give it. Seokjin's smile only gets brighter. He shares a glance with his son, a glint winking his way and Timothy rolls his eyes, unable to hide the lift of the corners of his lips.

"Anyway, I heard you won that science fair at school?" Seokjin has already left his seat on Timothy's bed. He's rummaging through his leather bag and Timothy knows what it means. He has a present for him. Seokjin always has a present for him. Most of the time, he can justify it by some event or some success Timothy had encountered. The thing is they don't see each other that often, therefore, almost systematically, something new has come about and Seokjin can explain why he's brought a brand new console, a new laptop, a TV for his room or that one limited edition of this way too expensive branded pair of sneakers.

You used to get really mad at that. You'd say that he shouldn't, that he didn't need to bring him all these expensive stuff because what he'd like (it was a long time ago when Timothy was too young to have his own opinion and you would speak for him) is for his dad to be here more often. You'd say he wouldn't have to buy him shit for any other times than Christmas and his birthday if only he could be here for him. His dad would be his present.

It caused a lot of drama, a lot of crying. You had made sure not to scream, not to be too angry but Timothy felt from the way you squeezed him hard against your bosom that you were very upset. His dad had apologized, had said the most with his eyes only for you to understand. Timothy was staring, trying to get it too because he was involved, wasn't he? But that was one of those adults moments he wasn't allowed to participate in yet.

From then on, his dad wasn't late anymore when he'd set dates with him, his phone would be turned off when they were together and he would text him more often.

It was really nice. Because at first, Timothy felt that maybe if his dad wasn't so present it was because he didn't want to. For some reasons. He thought maybe he was too much of a coward or too nice possibly, to leave you two altogether, to disappear from your lives and start another one somewhere else, one he would have chosen and shaped as he'd want. Turns out Seokjin really appreciated his son and the time he got to spend with him. The more time they spend together, the more Timothy is met with awed eyes and whistling lips, impressed as his dad is by his smartness, his humour and hidden talents. He just was very busy. You explained that to him. That he was passionate by his work, that it required a sacrificial amount of time in one's life, and that he shouldn't ever take it personally because even he loved you and couldn't give you that time.

It's the conversation that led him to think that maybe his parents are meant to be, except they won't because... circumstances.

In any case, no matter how often they meet now, Seokjin still brings him gifts each and every time. The difference is that he has to think of a reason, sometimes make one up to not be struck down by your fury.

"Yes, I did."

"Of course, you did! Cause my son is the smartest." Timothy waits for the moment he says that his brain and the magic fuel filling it all come from him. It doesn't come. Instead, a neat white box is held in front of his face. There's a pretty tie made of ribbons glued in the middle, to hide the picture of what's inside, but there's no doubt that this is an iPhone. He rips the tie off and surprise surprise it's the iPhone 12.

"Mom is going to kill you." Timothy says first, before even thanking him, heart pounding from excitement and face split in two by the wide banana grin.

"Probably." He shrugs, unapologetic.

"Thanks, dad!" Timothy doesn't forget to add, eyes shiny and toothy grin even shinier.

He hopes so. That you're going to be mad. You two are too old to have petty fights now. You don't waste your energy in screaming and finding the worst things to say to hurt his feelings. You just cross your arms under your tits, clench your jaws and adopt that pout on your mouth, eyelids low and eyebrows high, the embodiment of condescendence and you look sexy as hell. He smiles and winks at you, calls you by an old pet name and you're swooning even though you try to hide it. No one is charming like he is, and no one charms you as he does therefore he's not too worried.

His son was just going around with this prehistorical device you dared to call a smartphone. With the broken screen, and the non-functioning selfie cam and the safari app needing a good ten minutes to charge one fucking page -this was deliberate as you wanted him to have a phone to call and text you and not go and lose himself on the internet or whatever. He's almost fourteen though and he's doing a great job at school and is such a good kid at home, he deserves it.

"I know and I don't care. I don't need you to tell me my son is good." You are infuriated. The perfect picture of you he had imagined, the only difference is that, you've just walked out of work, you seem to have had a rough day and your hair is a mess. With the wild locks hanging off of your bun, framing your pretty face, you look even better. "I don't want him to have something so expensive on him, first of all."

"His dad is richer than Cresus, what do you expect?" The cockiness dripping from every pore should suffice to make you explode. Of course, it doesn't. He has that stupid side grin. The one he's got you with in the first place.

"And what about- internet and even just the darn AppStore? He's too young to-"

"Are you worried about porn?" He frowns, you flush. That's precisely one of the things you think about. You don't want him to fall upon stuff he doesn't need to see -in your opinion for a good ten years at least- or start taking interest in social medias where creepy fuckers could hang out.

You flush because apparently, it's a word complicated still to hear from him. "I've made a parental software installed in it. And a localisation too. Not that we really need it with him but you know."

"Oh." All tension escapes from your torn face and tensed shoulders.

"Oh, wow, my first love is such a good dad." He mocks, voice high, hardly resembling yours, barely biting back a smirk. He even goes as far as swiping the right side of his bangs back, eyes closed, mannerism insufferable.

"Shut up." More flush. A fist to his chest for punishment. Bad idea. Apparently, he went back to the gym.

"You should be nicer because I have something for you too." He says, eyes glancing mischievously as his hand dips in the pocket of his trench coat. "Well. I don't want it." You cross your arms on your chest again which only serves to push your tits forward to him and he wonders what you're playing at. Probably the same game he plays when he winks and smiles and lifts his eyebrow to you.

"Wait 'til you see it." He sees the moment you realize it's a jewellery box. He reads the instant wild excitement, he catches also the gloomy shadow you try to paint over it because you don't want to accept it. How many times does he need to be told to stop? He won't ever stop.

"You can't buy me, Seokjin." You're eyeing the velour box in his hand, a tiny beautiful red in this large pearly white palm. You want it. You always do. You don't dare uncross your arms though because you know that if you even do something as reckless as taking it in your hand, just to have a look at it, you won't be able to refuse it.

"Of course, I can." More of that smirk. You glare, it makes him wheeze as he does.

You have never ever been able to refuse any of his shiny presents. You're not a gold digger, that's precisely why you felt so guilty all the time, accepting to receive from him things you could never afford for him -or yourself. He's born richer than you'll ever be, he loves to spend it on his loved ones -and on cars and designer clothes- and amongst everything else he loves, he adores covering you in shiny little rocks.

No one has ever worn diamonds the way you do. You look beautiful without them, magnificent with them. They were made to enhance your beauty and you were made to give them sense.

"You're such a dick." You say, tone way too monotonous to still have been in total control of your free will. Your eyes are glued to the shine of the two dainty clear earrings nested in the case. He's holding it open in front of your nose, like a hypnotizing stick. He sees your determination wavers. Your arms have just untied. Your hand is getting close. He smiles already savouring his victory.

"Take them, petal, I don't think your new boy could ever afford them." Your hand freezes mid-track, face falling you look up. He's a bit surprised to see guilt in those eyes. Shame and guilt. Even though, you have the right to see whoever you want. Obviously.

"How-" His head tilts slightly towards the hallway, where the bedrooms and the one Timothy is in, probably playing with his new phone. "Great. Bribing our son into giving you off my personal information."

"I gave him the iPhone after he told me." Seokjin feels the need to precise. His son loves him and he confided for this very reason. He wants to believe. He hopes that it's not because he's worried his dad would have a mental breakdown if he were to learn the news the day his mom would invite him to their wedding or something.

You sigh. You don't know what to say it seems. He doesn't want you to feel upset. He's not going to congratulate you either. He can't.

"Take them."

"He could- he's a doctor, you know." You sound like a petty little girl saying that, fingers aiming for the box but mouth reshaped by contempt.

Thankfully, the mesmerizing glee on your lovely face makes up for this last information.

A doctor.

He snorts, huffs and rolls his eyes.

"Are you really being disdainful over the noblest of all professions?"

"I bet he's not as handsome as I am." Seokjin says, staring away into space in a very Vogue kind of pose.

"And it's relevant because your face saves lives too, right?" You add to his clownery, biting on the smile wanting to take over your face.

"Precisely." You're already putting them on, watching your fingers work in the reflection on the microwave door. He's loving it. One is on, reflecting the light coming from the window, bringing a new sense to your whole stance. You don't look tired anymore. You look very fancy. Sexier than before. Your butt sways a little in excitement when you take a new look at yourself, now beautifully decorated and he's reminded of an idea he once had but never got to realize.

He wanted to have a fashion designer make a garter holder made of tiny diamonds. Solely diamonds. It would fit you just right, maybe a bit tight on you, would dig slightly in the meat of your thighs, enough to look fucking sinful and not too much so it doesn't hurt. He was quite young when he had the idea first and was probably not rich enough to make it happen.

He now owns a few palaces perched on the last stage of skyscrapers in three of the most expensive cities in the world and he would sell one in a beat if it meant he could get that for you and see you wear it for him.

You'd probably end up accepting it and then wear it for your new boy so that's out the question.

He doesn't hesitate when he reaches a hand forward, slip his fingers through the tie holding your hair in a bun and slide it off. You don't even flinch, he's still allowed to do that.

"You look beautiful."

"Thank you." You whisper with a smile, both for the compliment and for the present.

"You went to the hair salon." You nod, forcing yourself not to show your surprise. He doesn't need it to throw himself some flowers, "See? I noticed." He adds with way too much pride for so little.

"Your lenses work, congratulations." Sarcasm is the only answer to his stupidity, you both have figured this out long ago. "Is he nice?" Seokjin can't help but ask. He doesn't want to know too much about him. Kind of hopes that it won't be necessary as the guy won't last too long. But he can't resist his curiosity.

"Yes." You say without much of a hesitation. "Last week, he took me to this nice French restaurant in Songpa." You tell, eyes looking away, a bit pensive, mindlessly playing with one strand of your hair. Your face is taken over by that air. Seokjin realizes then that you really like him.

"I used to take you to very nice restaurants all the time, remember?" He's just messing around now. He knows it's not that relevant. Knows it won't get him higher in your regard,

"And I would spend half the date with the waiter while you'll have yours with your phone. I do remember." Especially given you don't recall your common past the same.

He does remember now that you mention it. His memory has been awfully selective and mainly, what he could picture when he thought about those times, is how beautiful you looked, how much he wanted you and felt like even sitting right next to you, he couldn't satisfy that need, was missing you even if you were right there, and the mind-blowing sex too. The later probably happening because he owed to make it up to you because indeed, his job was on the dates too and you hated that. He remembers the late mornings, the lazy ones, you'd make him carry you on his back because your legs and your hips hurt too badly.

"Ouch!" Toppling over, hand on his bosom where it actually really hurts, he yelps in agony, pretending to have been shot. You giggle and slap his shoulder, pester him to stop when you both hear Timothy ask from his room if everything's okay. You'd think he would know by now that his dad is just a clown whose shenanigans shouldn't be taken seriously.

"Are you seeing someone these days?" What a shame, Seokjin really thought for once he'd be solely cool and collected and handsome. Instead, he can feel his ears start to burn in embarrassment, walks a few steps back, pretending to want to throw a glance through the window when really, he'd do anything to not have see you notice.

"Someone?" He huffs. "Some three, actually some four or five. You know how the ladies get with me-" He sounds dumb as hell. It suffices to make you laugh. You've always laughed at his antics. Even when you were going through complicated times, like the pregnancy and the soon to follow break up, he'd try to dry your cheeks and lighten your gaze, heartbroken as he was to see you like that, and it would always work.

"And I know how bad you are with maths." He nods, doesn't look at you, simply stares at the shiny tip of his italian shoes. "You should call me sometimes, Jin." You don't need to tell him, he knows. You say that to him almost every single time. It's just you being kindhearted, the way you've always been. But first, he hates the idea that somehow, to some degree, it's a pity hand you're holding out for him. And secondly, he knows he'll fuck up if he calls.

He won't be able to talk about his job or politics or what's on the dumb tv these days. He'd probably start by asking what you're wearing and end it all by serenading you. What a bad idea. "You don't ever call, only Tim. Which is fine but-" He is lonely, he does miss you, but he's not that stupid. "I miss you too, you know." You look awfully sincere when you say this. There's still a sad shade to your eyes and he suspects it comes from you worrying about him rather than you simply wanting him more in your life. Maybe it's there for both reasons. He can't be mad at you for caring about him still, can he? Ultimately, it's sweet. It's not your fault he tends to be a loser in his very personal life.

He wouldn't know who he is trying to comfort when he strides forward and place a kiss on your cheek. The other one he's cradling in his palm feels warmer the longer he touches it. He doesn't let it go once he backs up and away. You're looking up to him with your eyes looking all round and childish. Quiet and in expectancy. You look like you do when you would wait for him to kiss you. His thumb brushes over your bottom lip and he smirks.

"Expecting me to kiss you?" He asks with an eyebrow raised high. Pretend judgment in his tone, even remonstrance. As if. "How scandalous, when you already have a boyfriend." You know he's just kidding and he can tell that. He wouldn't play with that if he wasn't sure. He doesn't want to hurt your feelings, make you feel wrong or bad in any way. He loves you too much for that. You could let him kiss you and he wouldn't hold you accountable for it. Therefore he does. Because he's dying to since the last time it happened a couple of weeks back. And when your own lips welcome his, with that much willing and tenderness, he suspects you've had too.

He doesn't allow it to go too far. He thought you would stop him, at some point, but you don't. He's the one pulling away when his tongue, instinctively, means to reach out for your own. He knows what comes after that, and what comes after that and after and after. And even if you transpire guilt and shame, he can sense in the way your eyes stare into his that you would have let it all happen.

He's not lacking in desire, he hopes you know that. Honestly, since earlier, and that random flash of the diamond garter holder, his brain is half clouded by the thought of your thighs and his face buried in between them. You used to make the most delicious sounds, pulling at the root of his hair and chasing your high with your hips. Also now that he's met your mouth again and he envisioned what could happen if he just let go, he can't help but think about that dresser in your room. The gigantic thing you wanted him and Timothy to put together as sort of a father and son enterprise to bound or whatever - he ended up paying a guy to do it for them and they played Mario Kart instead but you don't need to know that. Point of the matter is, that massive dresser has a massive mirror on its door and that massive mirror sits perfectly in front of your bed. And all he can think about is how bad he'd like to fuck you on your bed while you'd watch yourself in it. He'd pull back your hair, hold in tight in his fist like he knows you love so you could see your own cute face while his cock would reshape your cunt to its fitting, all this with the pretty little shiny earrings adorning your ears.

Fuck, what a concept.

And it is to say that right now, he knows, you'd let him. He's not that wicked though. He feels your too weak to resist him today therefore he's not even going to chance it. He doesn't want you to do something you'd hate yourself for afterwards.

"I should go, I still have documents to send for a new contract before-" He takes a look at the expensive watch heavy on his wrist, you roll your eyes. "Half an hour ago, great." He offers you a smile that doesn't reach his eyes no matter how hard he tries before he's off to the hallway, giving you his broad back. "I'm going to say bye to Tim."

"It's just- like that, Seokjin." The words are pretty badly chosen. They don't mean much. Seokjin still gets it though. He can picture you behind him, shrugging your shoulders and tilting your head to the side. It doesn't mean much.

"I know, petal. Don't worry." He throws over his shoulder, faux lightness in his tone even though his heart feels raw. It doesn't mean enough, is more accurate. This kiss like every single one of your shared looks and words and bickering and touches, they all mean that you still fit perfectly good together. However, it's not enough because somehow, someday, you came to the conclusion that you were not meant to be. He's confused as to why and how he agreed with you then. Here's the main reason why he never calls you.

When Timothy looks up from his new phone, wearing your eyes and his smile, he feels a whole new range of pain affected to his sensitized heart. How can you not see that you're meant to be?

A/N: Happy Lunar New Year :) this little thingy was inspired by Arsène Lupin and the relationship between Assane and Claire for those who watched it! I don’t know if i translated well the alchimy and unfightable attraction and connection they still have even after having seperated. ANYWAY, hope you all are doing fine, hope you liked this, LET ME KNOW what you thought, tell me about your day, your resolutions if you have any, what’s the weather like where you at etc lmao xoxo

PS: stay tuned for a new upcoming series i’m quite excited about ~~

#btswriterscollective #thekimlinenet #ksmutclub #bts fluff #bts smut #bts angst #seokjin fluff #seokjin smut #seokjin angst #bts scenario #seokjin fanfic #bts fanfic #seokjin scenario

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maddie-grove · 3 years

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The Top Twenty Books I Read in 2020

My main takeaways:

I’m glad that I set certain reading goals this year (i.e., reading an even mix of different genres and writing about each book I read on this tumblr). I feel like it really expanded my horizons.

There are a lot of proper names on my Top 20 list this year, which possibly means something about identity? That, or I just tried to read more Victorian novels.

Be horny, and be kind.

Now...

20. The White Mountains by John Christopher (1967)

In a world ruled by unseen creatures who roam the countryside in tall metal tripods, all humans are “capped” (surgically fitted with metal plates on their heads) at age fourteen. Thirteen-year-old Will Parker looks forward to becoming a man, but a conversation with a mysterious visitor to his village raises a few doubts. This early YA dystopia has gorgeous world-building (notably a trip to the ruins of Paris) and expert pacing. The choices Will has to make are also more surprising and complicated than I ever anticipated.

19. What Happened at Midnight by Courtney Milan (2013)

John Mason wants revenge on his fiancée Mary after she skips town following her father’s death...apparently with the funds that her father, John’s business partner, embezzled from their company. When he tracks her down, though, she’s working as a lady’s companion to the wife of a controlling gentleman who refuses to pay her wages, and John’s fury turns to sympathy and curiosity. This is a smart, well-plotted Victorian-set novella about a couple who builds a better relationship after a rocky start.

18. Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes (1943)

It’s 1773, and fourteen-year-old Bostonian Johnny Tremain has it all: a promising apprenticeship to a silversmith, the run of his arguably senile master’s household, and...unresolved grief over his widowed mother’s death? When a workplace “accident” ruins his hand and career, though, he must “forge” a new identity. Despite its jingoism and surfeit of historical exposition, I fell in love with this weird early YA novel. It’s a fascinating, heartbreaking portrayal of disability and ableism, and, to be fair, Forbes was just jazzed about fighting the Nazis.

17. Something Happened to Ali Greenleaf by Hayley Krischer (2020)

After universally beloved jock Sean Nessel rapes starry-eyed junior Ali Greenleaf at a party, his queen-bee friend Blythe Jensen agrees to smooth things over by befriending his victim. Ali knows Blythe’s motives are weird and sketchy, but being friends with a popular, exciting girl is preferable to dealing with the fallout of the rape. This YA novel is a complex, astute exploration of trauma and moral responsibility.

16. The Color of Law by Richard Rothstein (2017)

Rothstein details how the federal U.S. government allowed, encouraged, and sometimes even forcibly brought about segregation of black and white Americans during the early and mid-twentieth century, with no regard for the unconstitutionality of its actions. He brings home the staggering harm to black Americans who were kept from living in decent housing, shut out of home ownership for generations, and denied the opportunity to accumulate wealth for generations. It’s an impactful read, and I was honestly shocked to learn Rothstein isn’t a lawyer, because the whole thing reads like an expansion of an excellent closing statement.

15. My Friend Dahmer by Derf Backderf (2012)

In this graphic memoir, Backderf looks back on his casual, fleeting friendship with future serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, a high school classmate who amused Backderf and his geeky friends with bizarre, chaotic antics. Backderf brings their huge, impersonal high school to life, illustrating how the callousness and cruelty of such an environment allowed an isolated, troubled teen to morph into something much more disturbing without anyone really noticing. It’s a work of baffled, tentative empathy and regret that stayed with me long after I finished it.

14. Daniel Deronda by George Eliot (1876)

Gwendolyn Harleth, beautiful and ambitious but with no real outlet, finds herself compelled to marry a heartless gentleman with a shady past. Daniel Deronda, adopted son of her husband’s uncle, finds himself drawn into her orbit due to his helpful nature, but he’s also dealing with a lot of other stuff, like helping a Jewish opera singer and figuring out his parentage. I love George Eliot and, although this bifurcated novel isn’t her most accessible work, it’s highly rewarding. The psychological twists and turns of Gwendolyn’s story are a wonder to experience, and Daniel’s discovery of his past and a new community is moving.

13. The Plot Against America by Philip Roth (2004)

The Roths, an ordinary working-class Jewish family in 1940 Newark, find their quiet lives descending into fear, uncertainty, and strife after Charles Lindbergh, celebrity pilot and Nazi sympathizer, becomes president of the United States. This alternate history/faux-memoir perfectly captures the slow creep of fascism and the high-handed cruelty of state-sanctioned discrimination, as well as the weirdness of living a semi-normal life while all of that is going on. Also: fuck Herman and Alvin for messing up Bess’s coffee table! She is a queen, and she deserves to read Pearl S. Buck in a pleasant setting!

12. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens (1850)

Young David Copperfield has an idyllic life with his sweet widowed mom and devoted nursemaid Peggotty, until his cruel stepfather ruins everything. David eventually manages to find safe harbor with his eccentric aunt, but his troubles have only begun. Although the quality of the novel falls off a little once David becomes an adult, I don’t even care; the first half is one of the most beautiful, funny, brilliantly observed portrayals of the joys and sorrows of childhood that I’ve ever read.

11. The Rise and Fall of Adam and Eve by Stephen Greenblatt (2017)

Greenblatt examines the evolution and cultural significance of the story of Adam and Eve from the Bible to the modern day (but mostly it’s about Milton). I can’t speak to the scholarship of this book--I’m not an expert on the Bible or Milton or bonobos--but I do know that it’s a gorgeously written meditation on love, mortality, and free will. Greenblatt brought me a lot of joy as an unhappy teenager, and he came through for me again during the summer of 2020.

10. The Music of What Happens by Bill Konigsberg (2019)

Self-conscious seventeen-year-old Jordan is mortified when his widowed mother hires Max, an outgoing jock from his school, to help out with their struggling food truck. As they get to know each other, though, they realize that they have more in common than they thought, and they end up helping each other through a particularly challenging summer. This is an endearing, exceedingly well-balanced YA romance that tackles serious issues with a light touch and a naturalness that’s rare in the genre.

9. Red as Blood by Tanith Lee (1983)

In nine wonderfully lurid stories, Tanith Lee retells fairy tales with a dark, historically grounded, and lady-centered twist. Highlights include a medieval vampiric Snow White, a vengeful early modern Venetian Cinderella, and a Scandinavian werewolf Little Red Riding Hood. Fairy tale retellings are right up my alley, and Lee’s collection is impressively varied and creative.

8. A Room with a View by E.M. Forster (1908)

Unnerved by an impulsive make-out session with egalitarian George Emerson on a trip to Florence, young Edwardian woman Lucy Honeychurch goes way too far the other way and gets engaged to snobbish Cecil Vyse. How can she get out of this emotional and social pickle? This is an absolutely delightful romance that gave a timeless template for romantic comedies and dramas for 100-plus years.

7. My Ántonia by Willa Cather (1918)

Jim Burden, a New York City lawyer, tells the story of his friendship with slightly older Bohemian immigrant girl Ántonia when they were kids together on the late-nineteenth-century Nebraska prairie. It was a pretty pleasant time, give or take a few murders, suicides, and attempted rapes. This is one of the sweetest stories about unrequited love I’ve ever read, and it has some really enjoyable queer subtext.

6. Mister Death’s Blue-Eyed Girls by Mary Downing Hahn (2012)

In 1956 Maryland, gawky teen Nora’s peaceful existence is shattered by the unsolved murder of her friends Cheryl and Bobbi Jo right before summer vacation. Essentially left to deal with her trauma alone, she begins to question everything, from her faith in God to the killer’s real identity. Hahn delivers a beautiful coming-of-age story along with a thoughtful portrait of how a small community responds to tragedy.

5. The Lais of Marie de France by Marie de France, with translation and introduction/notes by Robert Herring and Joan Ferrante (original late 12th century, edition 1995)

In twelve narrative poems, anonymous French-English noblewoman Marie de France spins fantastically weird tales of love, lust, and treachery. Highlights include self-driving ships, gay (?) werewolves, and more plot-significant birds than you can shake a stick at. Marie de France brings so much tenderness, delicacy, and startling humor to her stories, offering a wonderful window to the distant past.

4. Maus by Art Spiegelman (1980-1991)

In this hugely influential graphic novel/memoir, Art Spiegelman tells the story of how his Polish Jewish parents survived the Holocaust. He portrays all the characters as anthropomorphic animals; notably, the Jewish characters are mice and the Nazi Germans are cats. I read the first volume of Maus back in 2014 and, while I appreciated and enjoyed it, I didn’t get the full impact until I read both volumes together early in 2020. Spiegelman takes an intensely personal approach to his staggering subject matter, telling the story through the lens of his fraught relationship with his charismatic and affectionate, yet truly difficult father.

3. At the Dark End of the Street by Danielle L. McGuire (2010)

McGuire looks at a seldom-explored aspect of racism in the Jim Crow South (the widespread rape and sexual harassment of black women by white men) and the essential role of anti-rape activism led by black women during the Civil Rights movement. This is a harrowing yet tastefully executed history, and it’s also a truly inspirational story of collective activism.

2. In for a Penny by Rose Lerner (2010)

Callow Lord Nevinstoke has to mature fast when his father dies, leaving him an estate hampered by debts and extremely legitimate grievances from angry tenant farmers. To obtain the necessary funds, he marries (usually!) sensible brewing heiress Penelope Brown, but they face problems that not even a sizable cash infusion can fix. This is a refreshingly political romance with a deliciously tense atmosphere and fascinating themes, as well as an almost painfully engaging central relationship.

1. Mansfield Park by Jane Austen (1814)

Fanny Price, the shy and sickly poor relation of the wealthy Bertram family, is subtly mistreated by most of her insecure and/or self-absorbed relatives, with the exception of her kind cousin Edmund. When the scandalous Crawford siblings visit the neighborhood, though, it shakes up her life for good and ill. I put off reading Mansfield Park for years--it’s practically the last bit of Austen writing that I consumed, including most of her juvenilia--and yet I think it’s my favorite. Fanny is an eminently lovable and interesting heroine, self-doubting and flawed yet possessed of a strong moral core, and the rest of the characters are equally realistic and compelling. Austen really made me think about the point of being a good person, both on a personal and a global scale.

#books #reading #rape #racism #genocide #murder #(it was a more cheerful reading year than these tags indicate)#(or was it? i don't know)

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thecursedhellblazer · 4 years

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‘Cause We’re Living in a Mad World

{ @adventurepunks }

(( Hiiii! I fished this out of a couple of memes I had done ages ago and...it seemed fun and it gave me the chance to ramble about stuff we mentioned, so...here you go! It’s mostly Nick and John, but I throw in some Zee because the gal deserves some space :3 ))

Who said “I love you” first Definitely John. He was either drunk or totally out of it for not having slept in days (or both) and Nick had been forced to escort his sorry ass to lie down somewhere. Among all the incomprehensible, nonsensical babbling he had been doing, at some point he had just gone on and mumbled something on the lines of “N’ aye, tha’ th’ bloody t’in’, Cap. I think I do love yeh...I bloody do”. By the time Nick had registered the non-sequitur, John had been out cold and drooling very much unattractively on his pillow, leaving his mentor to wonder, hardly for the first time, what the hell he was supposed to do about his disaster youth.

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background Neither of them does. John doesn’t have a phone (and that’s the reason why both Nick and Zatanna dread the times he uses the one in the Sanctum to phone Chas back to London...Two hours of non-stop Scouse rambling about everything one can find worth complaining about). As for Nick, he simply doesn’t bother with such things. However, John has one, slightly creased picture of him and Nick (a Polaroid taken by accident by some tourist who had been nice enough to hand it over to John) and another with the two them and Zee glued against the wall of his bedroom, right next to a group photograph of his closest English mates, a picture of him and Chas and a black and white one of a younger Cheryl. Also, Zatanna has made sure to have a better, properly framed picture of the three of them hanging inconspicuously from one of the walls in the main room of the Sanctum, not enough to catch the eye, but in a position that makes sure that you must look at it if you know that it’s there. Nick never acknowledged any of those, but you might catch his eyes wandering in the direction of the pictures every time he is in the room with them (yes, at times he dares to wonder in that reign of chaos that’s John’s bedroom).

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror John...when he is trying to be funny. Usually he writes the messages on some other window or piece of glass and then magicks them on the bathroom mirror when he knows that either Nick or Zatanna are inside. Of course, he doesn’t always get it right and at times the wrong person receives a message that wasn’t intended for them. Like Nick finding questions about women lingerie (he never asks, because he is pretty sure that, whatever John wants with it, it’s not something he wants to know or guess). The most memorable mishap, at least in Zee’s opinion, has been when, after having come back from one of her shows at 3 am and after a very much earned shower, she had found herself staring at the suddenly foggy mirror while the words “wudl u shag me een if I ws a gost?” materialised on it. Judging by the bad spelling and by how smeared the calligraphy was, John had to be shitface drunk, wherever he was. Not that the fact excused him in her eyes. Not in the least. She had marched out of the bathroom, told Nick that John wanted to talk to him and then had gone to bed. Useless to say, Nick had gone from confused to extremely unimpressed as soon as he had seen the note on the mirror.

Who buys steals the other cheesy gifts John is the one who, from time to time, comes back from his wanderings bearing “gifts”, pretty much like a not so domesticated cat would do. Thankfully, usually they aren’t dead animals (aside that one time with the still dripping goat’s head...but they don’t talk about it). They range from things he has won at the poker table to stuff he has either con out of someone’s hands or straight out nicked. He has learnt pretty quickly that he can’t tell Zatanna if he’s giving her something he has stolen, not after the one time she has forced him to return the necklace he had got her, much to his annoyance and embarrassment. This has also caused him to get more stuff for Nick than for her. She’s always suspicious now (and with reasons), while his mentor doesn’t really care how he has got his hands on it. The only one time the older sorcerer has shown concern about John’s kleptomaniac habits has been when the younger man brought home a very ancient, very valuable, and also very cursed book. The cleansing ritual took them hours. However, on the other hand, it turned out that the contents of said tome were very much worth the trouble, so John got away with just a mild scolding, much to Zatanna’s incredulity.

Who initiated the first kiss Nick did...after John had driven him crazy with half angry flirting and ambiguous provocations (and talks about shagging ghosts). The whole situation had started from a lot of unresolved tension between them (and not of the good kind), but considering where it has landed them...It might as well have been worth it, even if the original issue lies still mostly unsolved.

Who kisses the other awake in the morning If anyone does in the first place, it would probably be Nick, for the mere reason that John isn’t an early bird (unless he simply forgoes sleeping completely), no matter in whose bed he falls asleep. However, it’s still far more likely that Nick chooses to wakes him up by shaking him or with a shove, simply because something as light as a kiss wouldn’t do the job. Or it would lead to John getting his hands busy even before he has opened his eyes and that’s unacceptable when they have a schedule and lessons to attend to. A few times, John has crawled in Nick’s bed before dawn and, in those occasions, he is the one to wake his mentor up with kisses. There’s an equal chance of either being kicked out of the room pr being allowed to carry on, and, in his eyes, the second thing is definitely worth facing the risk of rejection. John usually gets his nicest wake up calls from Zatanna, when she lures him out of the sheets with a kiss on the cheek and the promising smell of coffee and bacon. She has also learnt to throw a fresh pair of underwear in his face before walking back to the kitchen, though, because that’s the only way to make sure he doesn't show up stark nake for breakfast.

Who starts tickle fights Tickle fights aren’t something that happens frequently, but they did happen. Mostly when they were all at least a bit tipsy. John started the very first one, almost accidentally, by rambling about how Cheryl used to tickle him till he cried and couldn’t breathe as a payback for when he messed with her things. Useless to say, that led him to ask Zatanna if she was ticklish and to the poor homo magi being assaulted. Nick had made the mistake to declare that he found the whole affair “undignified”, which had been enough to make John tackle and tickle him too. Zatanna might have retaliate, on them both (John for starting it, Nick for not defending her), even though, if asked, she would deny it. After that episode, both Zatanna and Nick have become very, very wary of whenever John is drunk and feeling both touchy-feely and playful. Of course, he still manages to find a way to catch them both off guard.

Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower John’s “asking” consists in him sticking his head inside the bathroom (or straight past the shower curtain) and make comments about how there’s just enough room for another person under the stream or about how great he is at scrubbing backs, full trademark smirk in place. Nick usually asks before anyone gets in the shower and it usually happens after a very intense roll in the sheet when all the participants might use a wash up. However, there have been times when he has just hopped in the shower while John was already in it, without warnings or questions, because the smug idiot can use a taste of his own medicine from time to time. The main issue with that tact is that John, after the initial moment of astonishment, always gets a bit too mesmerised to really grasp the lesson.

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch Nick can get completely absorbed in his studying and researches and John at times forgets that human beings need to eat to survive, so it’s definitely Zee. When she is around, she makes sure to bring them both, if not a full meal, at least a snack twice a day. She has found that it usually also prevents John from raiding their fridge during the night and, considering how messy that affair gets, it’s a very good thing. When Zatanna isn’t around, Nick is the one who has a more “regular” (if it can be called that) routine, so he takes over the task of keeping them both fed (also because John can’t be trusted around the kitchen at). There are times, though, when John knocks at Nick’s door, after making sure that the older man is done with whatever he’s doing, with takeaway already laid down at the table or saying that he has discovered a new pub that makes nice steaks or pizza and that they should totally go and try it out.

Who was nervous and shy on the first date Definitely John, even if, as per usual, he covered it up with cockiness and smugness. Especially since he felt like a idiot for being nervous in the first place. He and Nick had gone out plenty of times together (with and without Zatanna), so sharing a night that was perhaps a bit more intimate shouldn’t have been such a big deal. And yet, he still spent an incredibly long amount of time (especially for his standards) tidying himself up in the bathroom and deciding which of his clothes were more suitable for the occasion. It earned him a few raised eyebrows from Nick’s part, which made it clear to them both that the older man knew, but John obviously refused to acknowledge both the gestures and the fact.

Who kills/takes out the spiders Spiders are usually either left to mind their business. Zatanna might use her magic to coax them out of a window when they are in the way, but for the rest no one really cares. It doesn’t happen too often that they manage to get inside the Sanctum, so when they do...it’s safe to say that they have earned their right to stay. There are times, though, when the poor creatures become the unfortunate subjects of John’s practice. Once he has learnt how to open portals towards other realms, it has become very much not unusual to see him trying to shove the spiders inside very small rips in the fabric of reality. Nick has pointed out that he has no way to find out whether or not he has managed to send them where he was planning to, but he has soon given up trying to make John see his point, because his words always earn him nothing but a snicker.

Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk John, even if calling his drunk claims “love declarations” would be pushing it. For the most, what leaves his lips are comments about his and Nick alone time together and far too bold to be nice compliments. And, if he is really in the mood, also short rants about what he would love for them to do that they haven’t tried yet. Whenever magic or the undead start being thrown in the mix, Zatanna takes it as her cue to dump him in Nick’s capable, even if exasperated, hands and go spend the rest of her night elsewhere. The real slips can happen after John has ceased being loud, when his mind is more in Dreamland than on the material plane. They are quiet whispers, compared to all the noise he makes before, and that alone is very telling of how much more sincere they are.

#john constantine #nick necro #zatanna zatara #long post #(( this is me upgrading the whole ))#(( 'let's find the guts to tag peeps' ))#(( so I'm showering you with my idiocy ))#(( hopefully the effort will make up for the stupid ideas ^^" ))#adventurepunks #* My reality is eleven tenths perception. * ::headcanons::#* Once Upon a Time We Three could have had the World * ::John&Nick&Zatanna::#* Show Me the Way and We'll remake Destiny in Our Image * ::John&Nick:: {adventurepunks}#sv. Every Shade between Darkness and Light

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ravenfirelair · 4 years

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Steven universe future final review

so to give my review on the last season of steven universe. At first I thought the main purpose of this series was to complete some character story arcs and tie up lose ends that the previous seasons and the movie didn’t address, but boy, was I wrong! while I did like the season overall, I have some issues with it. The first half of the season felt very unfocused with a lot of one shot episodes that don’t lead up to anything, like when steven meets a bunch of rose quartz gems that look like his mom and he acts all awkward and uncomfortable around them which shows steven his clearly still not over have the lose of his mom even though they clearly established that he was in the previous season and in the movie, but the issue that steven still have issues to work out over his mom is never brought up again thoughout the rest of the season. The next episode focuses on volleyball or white diamond’s pearl and we discover that volleyball used to be pink diamond’s pearl and pink had some violent tendencies which caused the crack over volleyball’s eye and can’t be healed by steven because the damage is more mental then psychical. This might of implied that with pink diamond there was more to her then everyone thought there was and that she was not always the kind loving character we all know, but these issues are never brought again by the end of the season so they are left unresolved. Then the episode with bluebell felt kind of pointless because the whole episode was spend implying both aquamarine and eyeball rudy have turned good when in the end they really didn’t and they continue to hate steven instead of becoming friends with him and they just leave saying they will come back someday to get revenge, but by the end of the season they never do come back, so what was the point of that?

The episode with the two lapis gems felt kind of pointless too because the lapis gems don’t really change their ways and steven never becomes friends with them and they never show up again, so again what was the point of these characters? Then the episode where steven is over-stressed and overworked by trying to do all these different things with the gems at the same time by becoming fusions with them only to be an episode about good time management felt like really low brow writing. it felt like one of those chessy educational videos you whould show to little kids about simple life lessons, that kind of stuff I would expect from early 90s cartoons, but not from a modern progressive show like steven universe. Then there was the episode where bismuth started to have feelings for pearl when they have a night out together with friends, but again this never really leads to anything because this plot point never comes up in the season again, we never see them fully hook up together and we don’t see them become a fusion, so again what was the point of this?

But then comes the episode that me groan the most, the episode when steven proposes to connie, this is where steven and the season as a whole gets the most dumb. Connie is going away to college soon and steven thinks her going to college means they will become further apart, so he thinks proposing marriage to connie is the thing to do to keep them from growing apart, but he is not sure if it’s the right thing to do, so he asks ruby and sapphire for advice, which I think was literally the worse thing to do because even though ruby and sapphire did fall in love with each other they still done fully understand how human relationships work and that every relationship is different depending how each person feels for each other. Personally I think steven should of asked an actual human being, like his dad? That way he would have been given better advice, he would of know that even though connie was going away they still can have a good relationship and also know that 16 is way to young of an age to propose marriage in the first place and would have avoided her rejection in the first place.

Then comes the episode that eerked me just as much when steven and his dad go on a road trip together and end up at his dad’s childhood home, they break into his home and discover a lot about his past. I thought the episode was fine up until the last minute, we discover that steven’s dad never had a good relationship with his parents and that steven gets mad at his dad because he never had a normal childhood like his dad had, but those issues never get fully resolved in this episode. We never fully understand why greg never had a good relationship with his parents or why steven got so mad at his dad because he never had a normal childhood. Instead all we get is greg saying to steven that is proud of him for standing up for himself because he never did with his parents. While that is all well and good, it kind of makes it look like steven’s dad doesn't understand the real main issue going on here. Also I would of liked to have seen more of a redemption arc with jasper since this series is all about villains getting redeemed. Jasper remains stubborn and unable to change her ways or becomes friends with steven until steven literally kills her by shattering her and once she comes back to life she just fully accepts steven has her diamond and quickly changes her ways, I just would of liked to see more of a slow gradual change to her character.

Now on to the part of the season that I thought was both the best part and the most frustrating, mostly throughout the series we see all the trauma steven as experienced in his past is starting to take it’s toll on him and is coming out to the surface in negative ways by steven lashing out at people and more of his diamond powers coming out and reacting to all his stress in bad ways. I thought it was good in that we finally see the consequences of steven of going all these traumatic experiences and never really fully talking about it and steven constantly putting everyone else’s needs over his own. I thought it was good in showing how a character handles there own PTSD and that if it is not handled in a good way it can escalate in really massive bad ways and that’s okay to ask for help when you can’t handle it on your own. That being said though, it was equally frustrating to watch steven get worse and worse and yet he never seeks help, he constantly pushes the gems away even though he knows he needs help and the gems clearly see that steven is struggling but yet they do nothing. I know typically in this kind of situation other people should not push the person to seek help unless they want to seek help for themselves, but I think there is a point where someone else has to intervene in getting help for that person otherwise they end up doing something drastic to themselves (which eventually does happen to steven). So I think there were plenty of times the gems could of intervened to help steven before it got so bad he turned into a giant monster. Especially with garnet, if one of her powers is the ability to see into the future, she would have been able to foresee the consequences of steven not dealing with his issues properly or not seeking help and would do everything in her power to stop it, like maybe tell steven he if kept bottling up his issues and didn’t admit that he needs help he would turn into a giant monster.

Furthermore, if the whole point of these season was steven trying to deal with his trauma from all his past experiences, why wasn’t the whole season focused on that? Have the whole season focus on a slow burn of steven progressively getting worse and worse on not handling his trauma very well. I mean we do kind of get that in the first few episodes with steven being more short tempered, irritable and angsty, and more of his gem powers coming out, but that stuff constantly gets interrupted by one shot episodes the focus on different characters and issues that don’t lead anywhere and thus end up being really unnecessary. Then the series takes a drastic turn to escalate the big moment we all know was going to happen. So yeah, the pacing of this season felt very uneven to me.

Furthermore, I was not so sure steven leaving beach city was the best decision for him? I mean yes, I get that he needed to leave to get a break from all the gem world drama and finally be is own person and make his own path out into the world, but at the same time is further isolating himself from everyone he cares about really the best way for him to handle his trauma? Plus does steven even know how to function as an adult on his own? It’s pretty obviously implied steven never went to school, so it’s kind of unclear of how much he knows even the basics of things. Plus if he plans to live on his own from now on, where would he live? Does he know how to get an apartment or a house? Does he know how money works and eventually has to get a job? If so, what kind of job could he get? Plus him being at the age of 16 he is still considered a minor and not an adult, so he wouldn’t be able to do a lot of things adults can do. I guess those are a lot big questions the audience is left to figure out.

So yeah, again overall I liked this final season, but I had my issues with it. And far as the whole series of steven universe goes for me, I really like these series for being the progressive, unique and different show that it was. I liked how it started from a simple child-like beginning to slowly progressing to more of an adult show and had great character development with most of his characters. While I’m sad that it ended I know all good things must come to an end eventually and I thank this series for groundbreaking of what a cartoon show could be.

#steven universe #steven universe future #finalreview #tvseries review #cartoonnetwork

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fiercyy · 6 years

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if you can’t hold on, hold on [5/?]

summary: Post-Chunin exams attack AU. Sakura always wished she could relate to her teammates better, now she wishes she could take it back. Sasuke acquires some unwanted roommates and a team becomes a family.

(First)

Naruto does a lot of yelling. On the roof, in the hospital room, through the whole discharge process, on the way home to the apartment and as he makes instant ramen.

"It doesn't matter how annoying you are, she's never going to like you back," Sasuke says, just to be bitchy. He refuses to be chastened. "Moron," he grumbles into the plastic cup.

Naruto's chopsticks slam against the table with a clatter. He glares at the boy sitting across from him for an entire minute before picking up the cup of ramen and downing it in wide gulps and chews with his mouth open, without breaking eye-contact. Damnit. Naruto knows he hates it when he does that. Frustrated, Sasuke peels the container top the rest of the way off and throws it at Naruto. It spins like a shuriken and hits him edgewise- right on the forehead. Naruto pulls his off and tries to throw it the same way. It flutters between them, caught in a draft and settles on the floor.

"I'm not picking that up," Naruto declares.

"Yeah, you are."

"No I'm not!"

The rest of the night is lost to bickering. Sasuke ends up picking it up. The pair go to bed angry, on opposite ends of the same room. But at least their minds are taken off the empty one, just across the hall.

In his sleep, Sasuke rubs his shoulder. He has dreams of a brand on fire and snake eyes staring out of the darkness.

The boys have no idea where Sakura is staying.

That day on the roof, after Sasuke said what he said, she'd turned a bright, furious red. Her cheeks puffed out and she clamped her mouth shut over an apoplectic shriek. She stomped her foot and stalked to the edge of the roof and walked right off it. It was an admirably casual kind of showmanship that would have made Kakashi proud.

Naruto panicked, rushed to the ledge and leaned over, apparently forgetting her skill at walking up walls. She stomped all the way down, then down the street, out of sight.

She didn't come home that night.

At first, Sasuke's sure she'll calm down eventually. Naruto is doubtful. Soon, Naruto's worry infects Sasuke.

Sakura's never been angry with him before. Even when he'd done things that probably deserved her anger. She was more likely to redirect her anger towards Naruto. Maybe that's why he never thought of her as an angry person before? His teammate always bore the brunt of it. He wonders if he would have preferred her anger to her fawning. He's mildly jealous of Naruto- a feeling more familiar than he'd care to admit.

It's terrible, no one can ever know, but on some level, Sasuke likes her better this way. She doesn't bother him or cry over stupid things.

Sakura doesn't come home the second night either.

Without her, Sasuke doesn't have the energy to fight Naruto on his desire to have cup noodles for dinner again. Usually, they'd gang up on him and Sakura's mothering would leave room for Sasuke to sneak something green onto each of their plates. Sakura hates most vegetables. She's such a hypocrite, but she doesn't have any room to argue once they've shamed Naruto.

That night, Sasuke lies awake, listening to Naruto's snores. He's feeling guilty. What he said wasn't okay. At all. It was horrible. He'd kill someone for less. Unless it was Naruto, then he'd probably just beat him to a pulp. He doesn't even know how he'd react to Sakura saying such a thing. Maybe it's because it's beyond imagining. She never would.

He can't apologize though. Firstly, because he doesn't know how. Secondly, he doesn't think he was wrong.

Sakura suddenly thinks she understands him and can tell him how to feel and react to things. She has a taste of pain and thinks they're the same. Sure, he'd thought about it… a little. When she was still having really bad days, he'd think about how he'd felt, and what he wishes someone would have done for him. He tries to sympathize, but really he just pities her.

She seems mostly fine now though. She's been getting better. He wonders if she misses them because she never talks about them. He doesn't know how often she thinks about them.

What he does know is that she's not like him. Her every waking thought isn't consumed by their shortened lives, by their absence, by vengeance. She keeps going about her life. She goes on, while he can't.

And that's why Sasuke knows, with the conviction of a boy who's already seen too much of the world and understands very little of it, that her pain is nothing to his.

Which is why he isn't sorry.

Sakura moves back into the apartment on a Thursday afternoon.

Ino follows her in, carrying a cardboard box, head on a swivel. "I can't believe I'm in Sasuke-kun's apartment."

"Yeah," Sakura agrees uncomfortably, insincere. She never really thought about it before. Once, this would have been the biggest deal in the world, but she's been living with him for a month. She's seen him in his PJs. "Anybody home?" She calls.

Ino drops the box on the coffee table in the living room and wanders around, inspecting the place the way Sakura's mom might have. She tests the chairs for wobbles, straightens the pictures and knickknacks on the shelves.

Those didn't use to be there. Sasuke used to have serial killer walls. But Naruto brought his weird frog chachkes. And Sakura brought pictures.

Ino pauses at one of the two of them. Sakura doesn't remember for sure, but she supposes one of her parents must have taken it. It's so weird to think that Ino's the only friend who ever met her mom and dad. She remembers them. She loved them. "I miss them," Ino confesses, seemingly reading her mind.

She's been doing that a lot the last few days, it's one of the reasons she has to get away. Sakura loves Ino, but she knows too much.

Ino keeps trying to get her to cry, she thinks she's bottling it up. She thinks she knows what Sakura needs, but Sakura is finished crying. "I miss them too," she answers, resenting this performative gesture. Of course she misses them. What's your point Ino?

Sakura has cried a lot this past month. Now the tears are dried up and her heart is cracked in anger; a formless, thick, glutinous anger. And no outlet. Sometimes she doesn't know how to feel anything else. It's like it's taken up all the space inside her that used to belong to other things. There's no room for sadness or crushes or drive. There's just this.

She could leave, but she can't afford to live on her own. She doesn't have any savings. The paltry sums she received for missions went towards the lease on the house. When she'd graduated from the academy and the family finally had a third income, the Harunos had moved from an apartment to a house. And since… the attack, there hadn't been any missions available.

She couldn't stay with Ino forever.

And in a way, Sasuke's apartment had become her home. She misses her team as much as she resents them. There they went, going off and getting strong, while she stayed the same useless baby she was before. Except in a whole new angry flavour of orphan.

She's so tired of being a baby. She's tired of crying. She's even a little bit tired of living.

"Thanks, Ino," she says in a hollow tone. She's trying to hint that she should leave. Sakura needs her energy for when the boys come home and find her there.

"No problem forehead," if there's one thing Ino's bad at, it's reading the room. She comes closer and Sakura opens her arms for a hug goodbye, but the other girl surprises her. She pushes her hair back. It's only now that she realizes she hasn't trimmed it. She's overdue by two months.

"What?"

"I dunno, you just don't look like yourself, that's all," Ino sighs, "Mmkay, bye Forehead. I gotta go. When you wanna let me know what the drama is, give me a call."

"There's no-!"

"Save it." She waves over her shoulder and closes the front door behind her.

Naruto and Sasuke get in around eight o'clock.

Sasuke puts his set of keys on the hooks he'd bought for them after Naruto lost his keys for the tenth time in a week.

The pair are taken aback to find Sakura sitting on the couch, wool blanket thrown over her head, staring unseeing at the television as the news plays. She looks up as they come in. There's something in her eyes that neither can place. Nothing is better. There's a lot of hurt and anger here. This is a home of unresolved issues, lost children and trauma. But each other is all they have. And Naruto makes everything easy.

He vaults the armrest of the sofa and gets comfy right beside her, stealing a third of the blanket and throwing it over his head too. "What are we watching?"

"Haven't decided yet."

"Oh cool, let's watch the Mutant Firefighting Turtle show."

"There's no way that's a real show."

While they squabble, Sasuke mills around the kitchen, going through the motions of making tea like a ghost, caught behind a veil, unable to join the living.

"No fair, why do you always wanna watch boring stuff!"

"The Nature Channel isn't boring!"

"Sasuke wants to watch the turtle show, that's two against one."

"You're a moron, go read a book." Just listening makes him feel a little more alive.

For the first time in days, Tsunade emerges from Hokage tower. She brings one file on her walk. As she reads, her feet take her down the familiar route to the hospital. She helped build this place decades ago. It feels weird to be back.

She looks up at the beige stone structure and purses her lips. There's a trail of gouges up the wall, the size of a young girl's feet. Cracks radiate outward. It's easily fixed, a little plaster, a coat of paint, but what it means is a long-term headache.

She glares at the file. "This team will be the death of me, I can already tell."

(Next)

#sasusaku #sasukesakura #team 7 #fanfiction #sakura haruno #sasuke uchiha #naruto uzumaki #kakashi hatake #my fic #if you can't hold on #hold on #sakura naruto friendship #sasuke naruto friendship #post chunin exam au #post-chunin exams au #genin au

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spiritsandstealth-blog · 6 years

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Qunari; Salem

Coming off of this and this, because I have a lot of stuff that hasn’t been mentioned yet about Salem’s thoughts on The Qun, and he can get a bit... hostile towards people in The Qun

TL; DR: having his parents die to The Qun when he was 18 years old and the unresolved grief and guilt from having to run while they stayed behind has made Salem very distrustful of The Qun, and he sees it and its followers as a danger to he and his sister if he lets his guard down.

The biggest issue is that The Qun has no shades of grey when it comes to acceptance— you are either going to submit yourself to them, or you will die. There is no such thing as accepting differences and moving on (i.e. the fact that the only reason they ended their most recent assault and signed a treaty was because they were going to lose and knew it) nor is there much room for change. Not only that, but the entire belief system The Qun is based on tells them that it doesn’t matter the outcome, because The Qun will prevail. If your land is conquered by them, you either willingly convert, face qamek (which is like the rite of tranquility without lyrium), or you’re dead. There’s no option D, no room for any type of deal, and no treaty that will hold them back when the time comes that they can strike and win.

Salem isn’t a little kid— he knows this about The Qun. He knows that it is either full allegiance or nothing, and that his death means absolutely nothing to them. His parents were very loving, but they were also very honest on how dangerous it is to leave The Qun, and they made sure he knew that he might one day have to leave them behind if he wants him and his sister to survive. Most of his childhood memories involve moving around with various groups of Tal-Vashoth, many of them and their children now dead from elements, attacks by bandits, or even killed or victims of re-education from The Qun. The odds for a Tal-Vashoth having a normal life are very slim, most of Thedas distrusting them for the previous attacks by the Qun, and The Qun thinking of them as honorless things unworthy of a name.

Then his parents died, and he was suddenly a eighteen year old kid taking care of his blind, sixteen year old sister. He left his home knowing that he’d most likely never see his parents again, leaving for a healer’s cottage a day’s journey away while his parents died fighting for their escape. His father had made sure that they knew every single step of the plan— he’d built their home on a plateau, designing the cellar to give way to a hidden tunnel for their escape as Saachi and Oni fought above them— but that didn’t prepare him for the fact that his parents were gone. He went back to his childhood home a month later and found their bodies in the middle of the clearing he’d played in as a child, burned them because no one else would give them a funeral, and created two cairns before going back to his sister.

The main reason he left to join the Valo-kas was not for money— although he didn’t want to live on his sister’s mentor’s property forever— but because he was afraid of what he could do if he didn’t leave. In the year that he stayed with his sister, he would constantly think about getting revenge on The Qun for the death of his mother and father, planning more than once to go to Kirkwall and kill as many Qunari as he could before someone finally put him down. It wouldn’t even be hard for him— Kirkwall was literally less than a fortnight’s journey away— and he eventually made himself join the Valo-kas as a way to put distance between him and the nearest Qunari settlement.

(Even at the point of Inquisition, where it’s been almost five years, he’s still got a lot of anger built up when the conversation moves towards his family’s death, and has thoughts about revenge for his mother and father, although he’s been able to control them by staying busy).

Salem does not trust anyone from The Qun, no matter their race or gender or background. To him, The Qun is nothing more than a group of violent monsters who will either force you to adhere to their beliefs or will kill you for rebelling. His mother taught him about The Qun’s basic beliefs, and it’s terrifying to him that there is an enemy that will one day try to take over, and that there is no future in their agenda that is not where everyone is under their banner. It doesn’t matter how friendly the person is to him, or how long they have known each other— they are under The Qun, and any personal relationship they have will come second if a superior demands it.

Not only that, but if The Qun does take over, Mahvash will suffer a worse fate than he ever would. Saachi Adaar’s saving grace was her fear of dying in that split second after her kataam and Arvaarad were killed, otherwise she would have committed suicide because a saarebas cannot be trusted on their own for even a second. Even almost twenty years of hiding and fear couldn’t keep her from eventually dying for her family’s survival, so why would they care if Mahvash didn’t want to submit herself to being permanently silenced— and, since spirits are not allowed under the qun, she would lose her sight in more way than one if they didn’t kill her for the corruption first.

If someone is still a part of The Qun, no matter how far away they seem from the ones that raided his home and killed his parents when he was eighteen, he will never be able to actually trust their word. Yes, he will fight beside them, but he will always be ready for a betrayal to occur, or for them to disappear. He’ll be especially defensive when it comes to Mahvash— who he knows is more open and curious of The Qun— and try to keep her as far away from them as he can, because he is terrified of the day that The Qun comes for him and his sister. If a betrayal does come, he won’t even flinch, because he knows that they would have no problem murdering his sister once they’re done with him, and he will go down fighting if it means keeping his sister safe— that’s a damn promise.

NOTE: The only reason that The Iron Bull was even brought into The Inquisition was based on the fact that they had little to no one else except for a handful of bickering templars and mages, soldiers with little to no idea on how to fight, and random volunteers. A mercenary band that could handle full-fledged Tevinter mages was something they needed desperately, especially when they weren’t sure what they were up against. If it had not been for the fact that they had yet to even begin to know how to close the breach, let alone how to kill the demons pouring into Thedas, he would have said no and left it there.

#Meraad astaarit meraad itwasit aban aqun || the qun

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mock-ing-bird · 7 years

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In Defence of Sean Renard

As #Grimm draws to a close (Far TOO SOON), and it looks very like Season 6 is going to be Nick finishing off his ultimate enemy, Sean Renard; and resolving some unresolved questions to tie it all up in a neat and satisfying ending.

There is a lot I need to know.

At this point, I have to say that the ins and outs (rights and wrongs) of the stick that Nick found in Season 5 (keys and all that jazz) interest me a great deal less than getting the answers to some questions that have been burning a hole in my curiosity since Season 2 (or thereabouts).

Renard has done some very bad things, that cannot be denied, but somehow I have identified more closely with him, than Nick, from the beginning. It’s not that I don’t like Nick, it’s just that sometimes he makes me want to slap him hard.

Nick is the White Knight, the hero that we are supposed to cheer for on his quest to handle a legacy that he never asked for and didn’t really want. In the main, he handles it with grace and determination except when it comes to Renard. For instance, once he knew what Renard was, when did Nick ever think about trying to lure Renard to his side and keep him there. Answer to this, never, really.

Renard always seems like an abused child/animal to me. He gets his strikes in first before anyone can strike at him. It’s an instinctive protective reaction to his past. And what a past! We don’t know much of anything really, it’s fairly sketchy, but we do know that Renard was yanked out of French Literature class (fancy boarding school methinks) by his mother, aged 13, to go on the run for his life. On the run from his father’s wife. We don’t even need to extrapolate that his legitimate half brother would like to kill him, that’s pretty much a given. Therefore you can bet money that his earlier childhood, close to his father’s circle of influence was probably not exactly a barrel of laughs either.

What do we know exactly? Renard is half Royal, an illegitimate son, he’s also half Zauberbiest. This doesn’t mean that much, he has a sort of half and half woge, he has no powers per se, (unless a sexy growl and enhanced strength can be seen as powers), he is, at best, a hybrid, with a foot in each world but really belonging in neither.

Side Note: We are told that King Frederick (Sean’s father) ‘loves’ his sons. There is exactly ZERO evidence of this. Oft repetition of something does not actually make it so.

So. Hand-wavy stuff. Sean Renard arrives in Portland (somehow), joins the Police Force, rises to be Captain. Living in Portland gives him a home, a degree of safety, stability, and as a Police Captain he has a measure of power and authority. Things that a life on the run, never knowing when one of his father’s assassins are going to catch up with him and his mother and kill them, has never given Sean.

So after years of just surviving, he has a home, a degree of safety and stability and some real comfort. Wouldn’t you, in this situation, fight tooth and claw to keep it? Since tooth and claw are all that Sean has known over most of his childhood and into adulthood, his actions are bound to be magnified by his life experience.

From the start of Nick’s knowledge about what Sean is, he has held the Captain at arm’s length. I do get why, I really do, but a truly smart leader would know that alliance is the best way forward. You build alliances to protect yourself and gather resources that will help you going forward. Sometimes those alliances have to come with a big measure of forgiveness and a line drawn under past events.

Would Sean Renard have been a tricky prospect? Sure he would. He’s part Royal, he wants power and authority. This is clearly an offshoot of his need for stability and safety, (after all power and influence provides a lot of security). However, a simple risk/reward analysis would also tell you that long term, alliance makes a whole heap of sense. Sean has protected Nick on a number of occasions, while these have dovetailed with his own interests, they still came at considerable personal risk. Sometimes, Renard’s actions to protect Nick have actually run counter to his own best interests. Had he taken the key, given it to his family, he would have been at less risk than handing the key back to Nick did for him.

Put crudely: If you acquire a puppy, don’t bother to house break it, feed it only scraps, chuck it out of the house when you have friends round, don’t then be surprised when it attacks your friends and trashes your house. It doesn’t know any better. That’s all on you. Okay, so Sean is less cute little Shih Tzu, more lone grey Wolf, but the principle’s the same.

Juliette and the Sleeping Beauty Curse (courtesy of Adalind). Renard gets a potion from Adalind’s mother, Catherine, drinks it to purify his soul so that he can wake Juliette. Renard drinks it (seriously, kudos, that stuff looked like one of my mother’s attempts at tapioca pudding… my stomach curled up in sympathy), he then goes through agony, or are we supposed to take away from that whole scene that staggering around your apartment, tearing your clothes off like your skin is burning you alive, struggling to breathe is perfectly normal and doesn’t hurt a bit. Because that was not what I took away.

HUGE UNANSWERED QUESTION: If Renard’s soul was purified for him to wake Juliette, was his more co-operative behaviour in Seasons 2 and 3 because his soul was purified, or was that just random?

Renard dies trying to save Nick from the effects of another curse (Adalind again). Yes, there was a convergence of circumstances that led to Renard being shot, but you cannot get away from the fact that he was trying to save Nick from another curse.

He dies. He is brought back to life by his mother (this is a one way ticket, if he dies again, he stays dead). But something comes back with him. As the evil grows stronger, it’s pretty clear that Renard is terrified…

HUGE UNANSWERED QUESTION: What effect did the presence of Jack have on Sean’s hitherto purified soul? (Without the answer to the other question it’s hard to say).

After everything that has happened, Nick is still holding Sean as far away as possible. I see Sean’s actions in Season 5 being less an embodiment of evil, and more an act of desperation. He’s not exactly been smothered with love or shown that he’s valuable to Nick (and yes, the knife cuts both ways), so him cutting his losses (kinda need the answer to the Jack question here to make a proper evaluation), given everything that has happened to him both through the story and what little back story we have on him, nasty as it is, it makes perfect sense. He’s frightened, vulnerable. He thinks he needs to get back to being the aloof man he was before Nick and Grimm-ness. He has powerful cause to regret helping Nick, and he’s never been taught any different. All Nick has ever done is shove Renard away unless he’s needed him for something. Even Rachel, appeared to offer him love that wasn’t for dynastic reasons… why wouldn’t Renard fall for that? Someone who apparently wants him for himself. It was a crock, but a frightened, vulnerable man, being offered everything he thinks he’s always wanted, and a chance to hide himself away again (the kinder, gentler Sean made him more vulnerable, and for what??) of course he’s going to take what he thinks he wants.

If that comes from punishing the one person who he sees as being the cause of all of his vulnerability for no personal gain (did he actually gain anything by protecting Nick, not really. He died, remember). But even after that, he’s still trying, and still nothing. Well, me, I would have chucked up the non-existent benefits of helping someone who doesn’t care about me, my help or my well-being for the chance at real stability in a heartbeat, believe me. And I don’t have anything like Sean’s excuse.

Nick’s anger is understandable, but the fact that Nick is playing happy families with Adalind, and has a son with her, (don’t even get me started on how that happened), just infuriates me. Sean is Diana’s father. So yeah, Sean has come between Nick and Adalind and Nick’s son, but equally, Nick has come between Sean and his daughter. You cannot just airbrush Sean out of his daughter’s life. Boy, do they want to though.

Diana is clearly damaged. I feel as though Sean’s actions through the whole debacle of sending Diana away with Kelly Burkhardt were about giving her a life that Sean never had. It did not turn out that way, but since Sean has no reference points other than the knowledge that his paternal family are cruel and possibly actually insane, it was completely understandable. And Nick was involved too, yet somehow that whole circle was squared by having Nick and Adalind come together without any apparent additional consequences, and fall in love (yes, they make a cute, adorable couple, but my heart absolutely bleeds for Sean and Juliette/Eve).

[Hypocrisy 101: Reject girlfriend who saved your Grimmness and inadvertently became a Hexenbiest, for being a Hexenbiest. Fall in love with the Hexenbiest who raped you (hardly consensual sex if one of the parties to the sex is faking their identity), have son, and play happy families together (conveniently forgetting the whole “you find that attractive” moment when this Hexenbiest has her powers back, and the half-zauberbiest is standing there right in front of you)!! All the while hating the half-zauberbiest who has been (I grant you) a sneaky shit, but who has done his best to protect you from the second mentioned Hexenbiest’s attempt to destroy you.]

I don’t know what will happen in the end. Yes, Sean’s a sinner, but given everything that has happened, one way and another, he was already damaged long before the story starts, his association with Nick has had a negative impact on him personally. The man believes he is alone. He has acquaintances who use him, not friends. He’s never shown real love, or care or appreciation. He’s been through hell, several times, he has suffered and has never once had anyone show any concern for him.

Really, under those circumstances wouldn’t you choose the same?

However this pans out, I have always rooted for Sean Renard, and probably always will.

#Grimm #sean renard #nick burkhardt #endgame

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elainescookingforthesoul · 4 years

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TRANSCRIPT for Episode 1.02 "Maddie's Rice and Beans" (PART 2/2)

ACT II

[WELCOME-BACK MUSIC]

ELAINE: Welcome back and thank you for pouring your continued existence into consuming Elaine's Cooking Podcast for the Soul. I know that there are literally millions of other things you could focus on, and frankly, I do not understand why you are here. Why any of us are here. At a certain point, our extremely brief lives are a cracked pathway of unaccounted moments paved with meaningless content. We thank you for choosing us as your preferred meaningless content to stuff into the crevices of your inconsequential life.

[BEANS BUBBLE]

MADDIE: So the beans are nice and tender.

ELAINE: Yes, we've been here for a full one hundred minutes, and I could not be more ready to chow down. Let's drain and wash this pan, what do you say, Maddie?

MADDIE: Sounds perfect. Do you have a sink I can use?

ELAINE: Use the spit sink here. Why else would I set us up on a reclined R-1 dental exam chair, if not to make good use of this sink?

MADDIE: Perfect. Ooh--eesh.

[SPIT SINK SQUEAKS. WATER POURS]

ELAINE: Now that is a unique technique I'm observing. Care to describe it for the listener?

MADDIE: Well, I--OW--I don't have a colander, so--hahahaaaht-- I'll normally just use a fork and kind of hold back the material in the pan--HOO-- and try not to scald-- OW-- myself as I let the water sift out. Phew! One less dish to clean, right?

[BEANS DROP]

ELAINE: Very savvy. I'll just pick up those beans that dropped in the spit sink here to sample--mmm. They're quite moist.

MADDIE: I'm glad to hear it. We've all endured a lot these past few months: Nuclear holocaust, fear and famine, the rise of android patrolmen, and the death of many of my favorite celebrities and family members, but one thing I cannot bear is tough, undercooked beans.

[BEANS PLOP INTO A BOWL]

ELAINE: Well you're certainly setting the standard for this cooking podcast quite high, and I love it. So the red beans are now in a bowl, and the pot itself we're just gonna rinse out real quick so we can get started on the rice.

[WATER RUNNING, RAPID SCRUBBING]

ELAINE (CONT’D): I'm not going to worry about that residue. Call it a little bonus protein. Ready to start in on the brown rice, Maddie?

MADDIE: Certainly. Very similar to the kidney beans, I am using half a cup of brown rice. One thing I've noticed about cooking this particular rice is that although the back of the bag says that there is a simple one-to-two ratio of rice to water, it actually takes a lot more water than that to make this rice not burn and/or remain hard to the tooth.

ELAINE: The backs of cans and bags are often just guidelines towards getting a passable product. Always feel free to deviate or explore. After all, every meal could be your last.

MADDIE: Very true. So I'm adding half a cup of rice and one and a third of a cup of water to this pot.

[RICE AND WATER POUR INTO POT]

ELAINE: Good for you, Maddie.

MADDIE: And then I set this to a medium heat and we just wait about twenty to thirty minutes.

ELAINE: Well, I'd love to pause for a break from our sponsors, but it appears that we're all tapped out on those for now. If you'd like to sponsor the show, please email me at [email protected]. That's E-L-A-I-N-E...like "Elaine." M-A-R-T-I-N-E-Z-D-D-S. The "at" symbol. And then L-A-D-E-N-T-A-L-C- A-R-E followed by dot-org. I've found the dot-org part is absolutely necessary for emails. I used to think it was like the "w-w- w" thing that you could basically skip and still get the results you wanted. Not so with emails and dot- orgs.

MADDIE: True...Has it been twenty minutes yet?

ELAINE: No. Would you like to tell the audience where they can find out a little more about you? Any social media platforms you are active on?

MADDIE: I go on Facebook a lot. I find it enjoyable to catch up on some national disasters, check out some silly dog memes, and learn about the more trivial daily details of my friends and acquaintances that are still alive. Facebook ties those things together nicely, I think.

ELAINE: I agree. Even though it often lays bare the gasping canyon of frivolity we are all swirling around in, I find it comforting that we are all swirling together. Am I getting too sentimental?

MADDIE: Um...I don't think so.

ELAINE: When you consider the miraculous unlikelihood that we should exist at all, that in our immediate solar system, the Earth is the only planet with survivable temperatures during both day and night, and that the entirety of human existence on this anomaly planet is, when compared to the lifespan of one healthy individual, far shorter than even a normal-sized breath...well, it's comforting to know I'm not the only one squandering it on Facebook.

MADDIE: Let's check in on this rice! The water has parted the rice very delicately over the hottest parts of this pot.

ELAINE: I always enjoy the way that looks.

MADDIE: It appears that there is still plenty of water that needs to steam out. But unlike beans, I don't mind extra al dente rice. Plus, I'm pretty hungry, aren't you?

ELAINE: Truly. Shall we slough off a little of that extra water and plate our dish?

MADDIE: Elaine, you read my mind exactly. I'm going to turn my mic away for this part, this is very hot--eesh. Oof. Okay. I think we're ready to plate!

ELAINE: I've brought two big mugs from home. Mine has a big letter "A" with some pink flowers painted on it, looks like.

MADDIE: And this one has like a little elephant kind of built out of the mug itself, and the handle is--oh I wish the listener could see this-- the handle itself is the trunk of the elephant.

ELAINE: I was hoping you'd enjoy that.

MADDIE: Now, normally I'll have a bowl as well as an empty plastic sour cream container set out, dividing half for now and half for lunch tomorrow. But I'm happy to share this dish with you, Elaine.

ELAINE: I really appreciate that. As I'm sure you know, I am under crushing federally-owned debt accrued in pursuit of my DDS, which means I have to mail a fraction of my rations to my senator. And ever since the postal service went, if you'll forgive the pun, postal...

MADDIE: Say no more. This is why community is important, and why another coup is inevitable. So on top of that rice--oops, you got a little extra water from the pot there.

ELAINE: That's fine. Hydration is both important and mildly filling.

MADDIE: We'll just add these beans that have been cooling off on the counter.

ELAINE: Well, the hot rice kind of warms them up, I'll bet.

MADDIE: Exactly. Now we just stir this dish up and dig in!

[FORKS, CERAMICS SCRAPING]

ELAINE: Wow. The textures going on here are quite nice. We knew that the rice would be a touch undercooked, but I don't even mind.

MADDIE: Right. Cooking, not unlike life, is mostly about setting your expectations appropriately.

ELAINE: The kidney beans are very soft and delicious. I think if I added a bit of salt, it would be a very satisfying dish. As it is, what we've created here is approximately 20% of our daily caloric content.

MADDIE: Just enough to not go to bed hungry.

ELAINE: Simple and sufficient. What more could you need? Well, allow me to thank you for your time and efforts here today, Maddie.

MADDIE: It was my pleasure and literally what I would have done at home anyway.

ELAINE: This is the part of the show where we must part ways, potentially forever.

MADDIE: Aw, well thank you for--

ELAINE: Yes, the moment you leave my line of sight is the moment I stop being certain that you are alive and, from what I can tell, not crying. I would like to give you a hug so that I may feel that nothing has been left unresolved and that if you do die when I'm not looking, I can remember that we left on such terms that you were willing to press your body against mine for a moment. Do you consent to a hug?

MADDIE: Um... sure.

[CHAIRS SHUFFLE]

ELAINE: Mm.

MADDIE: Okay. Bye.

[APPLAUSE]

MADDIE (CONT’D): Um...do you still want a ride home or...?

ELAINE: Yeah, just sit over there and be quiet for a couple more minutes.

MADDIE: Okay.

ELAINE: This has been Elaine's Cooking Podcast for the Soul. If you would like to try this recipe at home, please be prepared to speak with my lawyer. All recipes found here will be rigorously copyrighted and available for purchase and subsequent use by emailing me at [email protected]. That's E-L-A-I-N-E...like "Elaine." M-A-R-T-I-N-E-Z-D-D-S. The "at" symbol. And then L-A-D-E-N-T-A-L-C- A-R-E followed by dot-org. Do not forget the dot-org, or I will not receive that message and you will be liable for plagiarism, which The State takes very seriously as you all know. Thank you to The State for their informative and mandatory advertisement mid-episode, and to LA Dental Care for their low-grade security and presumed support for the podcast. This is Elaine Martínez, not crying, hugging you goodnight.

[OUTRO MUSIC]

END OF ACT II

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