#can we have a gender discovery without it including trauma? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zmbiiv4mp · 2 years

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𝔅ᴜɴɢᴏᴜ sᴛʀᴀʏ ᴅᴏɢs ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴs

𓂅 gender identity

𔘓 character(s) ⨾ Osamu Dazai,, Kenji Miyazawa,, Yumeno "Q" Kyūsaku,, Sigma,, Gin Akutagawa,, Ryūnosuke Akutagawa

𔘓 date & time ⨾ Nov.6th : 1:23AM - Nov.6th : 4:24AM

𔘓 reminder ⨾ these are my personal headcanons and I am in no way claiming that they are canon. these are my opinions and my interpretation of the characters. headcanons are a way for minorities to get represented in media, and not to ruin/change characters because you're unhappy with the canon version. everyone have a right to an opinion, and if you don't like mine you are free to ignore this post.

ⵌ OSAMU DAZAI

gender identity; transgender (ftm)

pronouns; he/him

when dazai was newly found by and taken in by mori, another one of the patients he (mori) was treating mistakingly mistook dazai (at the time) for a boy due to his short and messy hair. he never told the man that he wasn't and therefor kept being referred to as one, and after a while he started to dislike it when others (mori) didn't. He came out to mori shortly after by simply asking him to give him a new name and to call and treat him like a boy. shortly after his entire identification and legal information was changed and he was prescribed hormone blockers. when he got older and worked along side mori in the mafia, the prescription was changed and he was now given testosterone. around the time he was 18, and shortly before dazai left the mafia, mori (illeagly) preformed gender affirming surgery onto him.

ⵌ KENJI MIYAZAWA

gender identity; transgender (ftm)

pronouns; he/they

while living in his village, gender roles where anything but known. everyone worked and did what they enjoyed and where good at, creating a big social difference between sex and gender. exploring gender identities at a young age was normalized, which also proved to later be a big culture shock when he moved into the city and joined the agency. though, they secretly got help from dazai to get hormone blockers, plus have a chat about "passing" and if kenji valued expression over acceptance. ps, kenji is the only person other than mori and fukuzawa that know that dazai is trans.

ⵌ YUMENO "Q" KYŪNOSAKU

gender identity; agender

pronouns; they/it

With being locked up for so long, you eventually start to question yourself, including your gender identity. though they have only ever been referred to with it/its pronouns when ment to be dehumanizing, Q really didn't mind and even liked it. it have only had a few encounters with other people where they've had a conversations, but whenever it does happen, Q likes the look on their faces when they get confused and unsure of how to refer to it.

ⵌ SIGMA

gender identity; agender

pronouns; they/them

when first created from 'the book' sigma had a difficult time adjusting to the societal view of gender and gender identity. they had been told they're male, and yet something still felt wrong. it wasn't until they encountered terms and alternative perspectived that they understood and saw the way humans had been brainwashed and how they had managed to ruin their own minds.

ⵌ GIN AKUTAGAWA

gender identity; genderfluid

pronouns; fluid/they

starting off as a way to disguise themself in the mafia, gin noticed that they, at times, really enjoyed to dress masculine and that it sometimes felt more "right". they later realized they're genderfluid, but only between masculine and feminine gender identities. if possible, they usually try to present as the gender they feel most like, even though they rarely get the chance to due to needing to keep up their disguise. the only ones who know about gin's genderfluidity are ryūnosuke and higuchi, and for them gin usually wear a bracelet on fem days meanwhile no bracelet on masc or bigender days.

ⵌ RYŪNOSUKE AKUTAGAWA

gender identity; male

pronouns; he/they

it wasn't until two years after dazai left the mafia that ryūnosuke had recovered enough from the abuse that he had the self validation to even start to think about their own gender identity. when they did eventually find pronouns they felt comfortable with, the only person they told was gin.

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skaldish · 10 months

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What do you mean by “who you really are” as compared to “who you think you are”? Because any time you have an idea of who you are, wouldn’t that just be another way you’re thinking you are?

Like, unless you’re talking about somehow bodily *feeling* who you are instead of using conscious thought and critical thinking? But that doesn’t sound right at all

How can you know who you really are, without thinking it?

(Omg I love these questions /gen)

So, basically what I'm suggesting people do is differentiate "who they are" from "their idea of who they are" and to compare these two things to see if they're in agreement.

We tend to think of "the self" as "our personality," but I would argue the self is actually an ecosystem.

This ecosystem that makes you "you" is comprised of a few major things, which includes, but is not limited to:

Your values

Your will

Your lived experiences

Your feelings and reactions

Your choices

Your interests

Your somatic (internal, bodily) experience

Your cognitive experience

Your sexuality

Your gender

Your joys and pleasures

Your fears and dislikes

Your relationships with others (who you identify with)

Your relationships with the world (where you identify with)

Your body (including the brain)

I've found that the best way to know how all of these things fit together is actually through play.

Play is something we need do at all stages of our lives in order to own our continued self-definition and discovery. Case in point: I was finally able to experience who I am, as an adult, because I started doing improv theater after moving out of the house. The characters I wanted to play clued me in on my own nature, a nature that was very different from who I had to be growing up in order to survive, and therefore different from who I thought I was.

Contemplation is an important part of self-knowing, but it's ultimately speculative. While thinking is the vehicle behind self-conceptualization, thinking about who you are doesn't create an intuitive sense of knowing who you are.

The reason for this is because there are certain, vital parts of our minds that can only understand things through bodily expression and experience.

(Keep in mind that I have trauma-related dissociative tendencies. I'm not sure if a non-dissociative adult would have a disconnect between "who they think they are" and "who they feel they are" to the point they would identify these things this way. I've had to do this work very deliberately.)

Here's an example of the interplay: You can plan to build your wardrobe around aesthetics you know you like, but the only way you'll know if an outfit will actually "feel like you" is if you try it on and wear it around. And then you use information you got from that to make further decisions about your wardrobe.

No one part of the ecosystem has greater authority than the other, nor is one part of the ecosystem "supposed" to inform the self more than others. The trick is just kind of letting things shake out the way they want to and exploring from there.

#answered

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disast3rtransp0rt · 2 years

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religious trauma and star wars discourse: an inside perspective

I see a lot of posts like “You can’t blame the Jedi for Anakin’s downfall! They did everything they could for him and he chose to be fucking stupid!”

And sure, yeah, I see your point. But not everyone has read the novelizations and not everyone will (myself included) for one reason or another, and their opinions are based solely on the text and subtext provided by the films.

So consider this perspective from someone who was raised in a strict Evangelical household and is still working through a lot of religious trauma: Anakin Falls because he feels trapped by the Order and their expectations, which is a nuanced and complicated issue depending on which textual source we decide to pull from.

Anakin Skywalker was a little boy who’d been freed from slavery by a Jedi Knight, a group of warriors and protectors that he looked up to. That same Knight was then threatened with eviction from the Order for helping rescue, just so we don’t forget, a literal child slave. Of course Anakin’s going to feel indebted to Qui-Gon and to the Order for letting them both stay (and then additionally for letting Obi-Wan train him after Qui-Gon’s death).

He sees everything transactionally. That’s how he was raised. No matter how much meditation you do, some of the Council were right: He was too old to let that shit go. And there wasn’t enough time in his teenage years to process it properly before the Clone Wars began.

He has to step up to the plate and become the Hero With No Fear. He’s the Chosen One, the son of the Force. His body isn’t entirely his anymore, because it’s been commodified and claimed by the Jedi Order (whether or not they realize or acknowledge it).

So, as someone who was raised to identify hardcore with the ideology that sex = gender (which I no longer subscribe to at all), I was treated very differently from my brothers as a kid. I was always in the kitchen, always watching the babies, always cleaning the dishes etc.

But high value was placed on my usefulness as a “nurturer”, so I felt validated. This was good work. I was doing something helpful. I was being good in the way the people surrounding me expected. Until I got old enough to understand how exploitative and shitty Evangelicalism is and got the fuck away.

Can you see how I might relate to Anakin, then? How it might be hard to have incredible pressure placed on you to serve serve serve all the time, even though you were supposed to be free from that? No time to breathe, rules that dictate private areas of one’s life... Kinda like his childhood but just a little bit different.

Of course he’s going to want to rebel, but that guilt and that debt is so deep under his skin that he can’t shake it. Can’t let it go. If he’d been able to sit down and process the issues he faced as a child, without fighting a war as a slightly larger child, then maybe... I don’t know. Maybe he wouldn’t have Fallen.

Maybe he simply would have said his thanks, said his goodbyes, and left to raise his children with his wife.

But I was lucky enough to escape to college and outgrow the idea that my body would always be some kind of bargaining chip. I let go of the ideology I’d been raised with because there was space enough to work through my childhood bullshit. Anakin doesn’t have that luxury in canon. He’s got shit to do.

And as someone who still has issues eating dinner before my boyfriend after almost 6 years of therapy and a ton of self-discovery, that guilt-and-debt feeling I mentioned can hit hard. And it’s tough to get rid of. I’m still working on that at age 26.

So yeah, I don’t particularly care for the Jedi Order.

I don’t care that other people do like them, of course. I know it’s all just fiction and these are a bunch of made up dudes in costumes running around a set. It’s just been tough to read a lot of these posts that are so pro-Jedi from a context that I do not have or wish to have (the novels) and feel excluded or invalidated.

Anyway.

Thank you for coming to my literary analysis.

#star wars #star wars disc horse #the jedi order #jedi #the jedi #religious trauma #literary analysis #star wars novelizations #star wars movies #the prequels #star wars prequels #anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker character analysis #personal #perspective #mace windu triggers me so hard y'all i have to skip his scenes or i cry #just cause he reminds me of my pastor #anyway

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myfrogsnameisbob · 1 year

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To Be (Gay), Or Not To Be

Last year, I made a YouTube video called "I'm coming out.." on my YouTube channel.

The video is about my experience previously identifying as "gay" but no longer feeling connected to that identity. That realization came after years of self-discovery and inner healing, helping me understand that the root of my feelings of attraction toward other men was the pain and trauma I experienced as a child. I experienced this gender-based pain & trauma not only at home, but also on a social and societal (?) level.

Since "coming out" of the gay identity, I have received reactions ranging from silent solidarity to surprise to encouragement. Still, others have been quick to challenge my experience or ask for "updates" on my journey, as if growth is linear or straight... pun intended.

These reactions showcase a double-standard where individuals who "come out" as LGBT are praised, but those who are coming out of LGBTQ identities are dismissed, or even ridiculed.

This is evidenced by targeted hate toward organizations that share "ex-LGBT' stories (cite), censorship of media that shares similar stories (cite), and hate comments on YouTube videos of individuals with similar backgrounds.

Another major reason why this perspective is often silenced or not taken seriously is due to gender norms. Gender norms are embraced and upheld by many types of people, including LGBTQ individuals themselves as well as their allies. Since gender norms make it hard for people to dissociate sexual identity with any other trait (for example, regarding prescribed ideas of masculinity & femininity) and the degrees to which they are expressed, it seems like people use gender norms as a measurement of sexual identity. Thus, because | don't come across with a masculine affect, I must therefore (still) be gay.

This also tied in with the West's obsession with sex and therefore, sexual identity.

People find it hard to interact with others without knowing their sexual orientation and unless you are loudly proclaiming yours, one will be assigned to you based on the gender norms you do or don't uphold. While there are campaigns to encourage people not to assume one's gender, there is no such campaign regarding assuming one's sexual identity. Since when was someone's sexual identity anyone else's business?

The bottom line is that our society is set up for people to judge one's sexual identity based on appearance, mannerisms, actions, etc. But do those things actually inform our sexual identity or does that originate from a deeper place? I argue that they don't, since there are individuals that defy each one of those.

Sometimes I wonder that if gender norms weren't a thing, would I still have felt the need to identify as "gay"? Maybe I still would've. Regardless of speculating, I don't want to change who I was, but I do want to create who I am now and in the future -- and l'm the only one who gets to do that.

We all hear phrases like "be yourself," especially in reference to sexuality and sexual identity. This phrase should be more than just a catchphrase. Throughout my healing journey, I have learned that "being yourself” requires inner work to make sure that you are not identifying with past pain/trauma, societal norms or cultural pressures. It is also important not to claim an identity simply because it goes against the norm, which is what I feel I did on a subconscious level for so long. Breaking through all of these barriers is what makes us uniquely ourselves.

I don't have to be "gay"... I don't have to be anything. I can just be myself.

#lgbtq #lgbtq pride #queer #pride #pride month #kawaii #gay #lgbtqia

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healthup · 1 year

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Gay Test - What Does It Mean To Be Asexual?

There is a vast, lovely universe of identities to explore within the ranges of sexual orientations and gender identities.

For some people, knowing who they are and how they identify comes naturally. Others, though, may embark on a lifelong quest for knowledge based on their own growth and experiences.

But are you gay test is helping people to know there sexual orientation.

Our capacity to develop new terminology that more accurately describes how we feel about who we are, who we are attracted.

How we experience attraction has increased as our language surrounding identity continues to change. For the asexual population, this is especially accurate.

What is asexuality?

Asexuality is an umbrella term for anyone who experiences little to no sexual attraction toward other people of any gender.

Asexuality can vary in a lot of ways depending on our relationships and how we define our levels of sexual attraction, romantic attraction and aesthetic attraction.

It’s important to note that sexual attraction and romantic attraction are two different things; although, in modern society.

Sexual attraction can be defined as our desire to touch another person in an intimate way. We can be sexually attracted to someone without ever experiencing romantic feelings.

Romantic attraction, then, can be defined as our desire to have a deep, affectionate connection with someone else.

Romantic attraction can exist without us ever experiencing sexual attraction and it relies solely on establishing that close, emotional attachment.

You can be aromantic, which means you may experience little to no romantic attraction to other people of any gender.

Then, there’s aesthetic attraction, which can be defined as appreciation for someone’s beauty or appearance without having sexual or romantic attraction.

For people who identify as asexual, they may experience heightened levels of romantic or aesthetic attraction, but little to no sexual attraction to the people in their lives.

“It looks different from person to person,” says Dr. Rhodes. “For some people, it means they have a romantic partner but perhaps that relationship either doesn’t include sexual contact.

Someone who identifies as asexual might engage in sex as more of a way to show that they care, for example, rather than something they’re invested in.

There are a lot of misconceptions about asexuality. It’s often been wrongly confused with loss of libido.

One major misconception is that asexuality is a medical condition on its own that can be cured or treated.

Others like to think asexuality is like celibacy or abstinence. And then there’s the dangerous presumption that someone might identify as asexual because they’ve experienced some kind of sexual trauma or physical assault.

But Dr. Rhodes warns that these misconceptions are generally untrue and can be quite harmful.

“Associating asexuality with trauma does get harmful because, for many people, this is something that’s been a process of discovery rather than something that was inflicted upon them,” says Dr. Rhodes.

“The assumption that someone’s identity is a result of trauma can really take away the agency and hard work that person may have done to accept themselves for being asexual, especially when we live in a society that really values sexual and romantic attraction.”

And unlike celibacy or abstinence — which are temporary decisions based on one’s circumstances or beliefs — asexuality is an orientation, an identity and a state of being. It’s not a choice.

Types of asexuality

Like all sexual orientations that exist on a spectrum, asexuality can be fluid. Someone who is asexual may experience varying degrees of sexual attraction throughout their lifetime and it can vary from relationship to relationship.

Someone may use the umbrella term “asexual” as their defining identity. There are also several subgroups or categories of identities that have been created to better define the various degrees someone might experience their asexual identity.

The following list is not all-inclusive, but these are some asexual identities to be aware of:

Aceflux As a sexual orientation on the asexual spectrum, this identity is defined as someone whose orientation changes over time but generally stays on the asexual spectrum. For example, if you usually have no desire for sexual activity, but there are days or weeks where you do desire sexual activity, this might be an identity you relate to.

“Asexuality can change over time as people know themselves better and get a better picture of what relationships look like,” says Dr. Rhodes. “It’s something that can be in flux for a lot of people.”

Demisexual If you’re demisexual, you may only find someone sexually attractive if you’ve developed an emotional or romantic connection with them. If you don’t have that emotional or romantic connection, you typically don’t experience sexual attraction to others. For many people who identify as demisexual, they may hold off on participating in sexual activity until they’ve developed that emotional and romantic connection.

Fraysexual Someone who is fraysexual (or ignotasexual) may experience sexual attraction with someone at first, but then that sexual attraction fades over time once they develop an emotional bond. This identity can be seen as the opposite of demisexual.

Graysexual As asexuality is a spectrum, graysexuals fall into that gray area that exists between wanting and not wanting sexual activity. You may identify as graysexual if you experience limited sexual attraction on an infrequent basis. When you do experience sexual attraction, it may not be strong or intense enough to act upon it.

Lithosexual This sexual orientation refers to people who may experience sexual attraction to others but don’t want those feelings reciprocated. You may be uncomfortable at the thought of someone finding you sexually attractive and you may lose your feelings of sexual attraction if you discover those feelings are mutual. For these reasons, you may not seek out sexual relationships.

#gaytest #thegaytest #amigaytest #gaytestquiz

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liftwellnes · 1 year

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Teen Therapy in Boca Raton, FL

At Lift Wellness Group we take a therapeutic approach specifically for teens. Teens participate in talk therapy in a safe environment with a mental health professional with the goal to comprehend, communicate and express their feelings, uncover and solve problems, and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Lift provides one-on-one talk therapy sessions and group therapy.

Having your teen talk to a skilled therapist can provide the crucial help and support they need in this crucial period of their life.

When Does a Teen Need Counseling?

Therapy can support your teen through a variety of things, such as self-discovery, stress, life events, or mental health issues. Therapy can also be used to prevent minor issues from turning into problems later on.

Sometimes, even just a few therapy sessions can make a big difference to your teen’s overall well-being. Common reasons and conditions for which teens go to counseling include:

Anxiety disorders

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)2

Autism

Behavioral problems

Coping with a chronic health condition

Cultural or racial discrimination

Depression

Discovering sexuality, sexual orientation, and/or gender identity

Eating disorders

Grief

Loneliness

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

Personality disorders

Problems with self-awareness, self-esteem, or self-worth

Relationship problems

School and social-related issues like bullying

Self-harm, suicidal thoughts, or risky behaviors

Stress management

Substance use

Trauma

We treat all of the above and more through the following types of Psychotherapies:

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): Often used for teens with anxiety, depression, or trauma, a therapist specializing in CBT will help your teen identify harmful thought patterns and replace them with more positive ones.

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT): DBT will help your teen take responsibility for and find healthier ways of coping with conflict and intense emotions. DBT is often used for teens who engage in self-harm, who are suicidal, and/or teens with borderline personality disorder (BPD).

Family therapy: Family therapy includes one or more members of the family, including parents, grandparents, and siblings. The goal of this type of therapy is to improve communication and support among family members.

Group therapy: In group therapy, multiple patients are led by a therapist. This approach can improve your teen's social skills and help them learn how other teens constructively cope with mental health issues.

Interpersonal therapy (IPT): Commonly used for people with depression, IPT focuses on a person's relationships, addressing relationship problems and how interpersonal events affect emotions.

Mentalization based therapy (MBT): MBT helps children and teens who are struggling with their identity and with who they are.

Supportive therapy: Supportive therapy helps teens address and cope with problems in a healthy way as well as improve their self-esteem.

Trauma-informed therapy; is care in which our mental healthcare providers here at lift engage with a client in a manner that allows for implementation of an effective treatment process without re-traumatization. Trauma-informed care requires understanding that the trauma people experience in the past can negatively impact their current life. A trauma-informed approach involves adherence to principles for practice that ensure understanding and sensitivity to trauma-related issues regardless of an individual’s current presenting concerns.

Schedule An Appointment now!

#teen therapy #Teenagers #Counseling for Teens #teen therapist

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hellomynameisbisexual · 3 years

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Most people know to anticipate some degree of change when they’re in a committed, long-term romantic relationship: a desire for more nights in with Netflix instead of drunken ragers on the dance floor; the inevitable shift of physical appearances; the unexpected transformation of a side gig into a career. But many people assume sexual orientation is fairly stable—that whether you’re gay or straight, you’re “born this way,” and that’s what you’ll be forever.

That definitely isn’t always the case. But even though coming out as queer or bisexual in a committed straight relationship isn’t unheard of, a change in sexual identity is not something that many people anticipate happening within a long-term partnership, nor is it widely discussed. Despite the advancements in broader social understanding of LGBTQ issues made in the past decade, therapists Jared Anderson and Tamala Poljak told VICE that many of their patients fear that being bi or queer when straight-partnered could doom their relationship. There’s also a pervasive idea that a person in a hetero relationship can’t be LGBTQ because they have chosen to commit, and are presumably attracted to, a member of the opposite sex. But bisexuality is a valid orientation, and while it may feel intimidating to embrace this discovery and stay hetero-partnered, it’s by no means impossible.

“I believe both gender and sexuality [are] fluid, meaning we change throughout a lifespan,” Poljak said, adding that recent cultural shifts have likely led to light bulb moments for some individuals who has been denying or simply not recognizing their queer feelings.

Sexuality doula Isabella Frappier, whose work includes helping clients own and define their sexual expression, said that a person doesn’t need to have acted on any same-sex-attracted feelings in order to label themselves as queer or bisexual, and that bisexuality can be explored while still honoring an extant relationship, especially since everyone has different definitions of what it means to explore.

Bisexuality is often dismissed as a phase, and the idea that bisexual people are "just confused" persists. This is especially true for men; while bisexuality among women is slightly more socially acceptable (albeit because it’s fetishized and often viewed as an "experiment"), men often have to contend with the belief that bisexuality, as Carrie once put it on Sex and the City, is “a pit stop on the way to gay town.”

These myths stem from our society’s historically rigid approach to sexual expression. Experts are adamant that a person's bisexuality does not invalidate the love they have for their opposite-sex partner. According to Poljak, an associate marriage and family therapist, the idea that a person needs to “pick a side” is a rooted in heteronormative expectations.

The question, “Am I queer or bi enough?” can also weigh heavily on people who think they might not be all the way straight, as though there is a certain amount of "proof" that could confirm their sexuality. As much as those questioning might like to think there’s a litmus test that will tell them whether or not they’re truly bi, that’s simply not the case.

“For queer folks, it just isn’t so cut and dry,” Poljak said. “The hope to ‘figure it out’ and/or find ‘an answer’ is a pretty rigid idea steeped in heteronormative expectations. It also puts a lot of pressure on a person to have to declare one thing and stick to it. If you know you are attracted to one or more genders, then it’s really that simple.”

A journey into one’s queerness doesn’t have to involve sex outside of the relationship, or even sex in general. Just noticing that you’re attracted to other genders can be the extent of this exploration. The act of coming out to yourself, or maybe saying, “I’m bi. I don’t know what that looks like yet, and that’s OK,” has the potential to be extremely affirming.

You might find comfort in connecting with other queer folks, especially since identifying as queer might otherwise make you feel vulnerable or isolated. Some people are validated by coming out to friends and family, or by getting involved with the queer community. Frappier encouraged people exploring their bi/queer identity to go to LGBTQ events, read books about sexuality or written by queer authors, support bisexual artists and musicians, or join queer groups. Online, Reddit’s r/bisexual subreddit is a funny and informative space for bi folks to ask questions or simply discuss their experiences, while the Fluid Arizona resource page and Autostraddle's events and meet-ups can help queer folks build an IRL community.

If you decide you want to connect more physically with your queer sexual desires, but aren’t sure where to begin, start small. “I’d first encourage a person in this situation to start by considering the multiple ways they can explore their queerness on their own,” Frappier said. “That can be through watching ethical same-sex porn, or writing your own erotica.”

Experts strongly encouraged discussing your queerness with your partner eventually, as the secrecy can ultimately strain the relationship. (It can also contribute to the harmful idea that your queerness is somehow scandalous, or something to be ashamed of.) If you’re worried that your partner will react poorly, or you aren’t ready to share your feelings with them yet, consider talking to a professional, a trusted friend or loved one, or a queer friend who may relate a bit to what you are going through. Poljak, who is trained as an LGBTQ-affirmative therapist, said it’s crucial for people questioning their sexuality to have a solid support system. Studies show that bisexual people are at a higher risk of depression, anxiety, and experiencing violence than their gay, lesbian, and heterosexual counterparts. While staying in the closet can be a necessary choice for a myriad of reasons, research shows that the stress of concealment contributes to disrupted relationships, feelings of shame and guilt, and symptoms of anxiety and depression.

If you feel ready to talk with your significant other, avoid starting the conversation when either of you are tired or distracted, in the middle of a fight, or in any situation where tensions are high. Instead, choose a time when you both feel relaxed and won’t be rushed, like over coffee on a Saturday morning.

You don’t have to have everything figured out before you talk to your partner. Frappier said that it’s perfectly fine to tell them you’re in a questioning, exploratory phase, and then communicate what you’d like that to look like. There’s no need to choose a label unless you’d like to.

“Explain to [your partner] how you’ve been feeling, what you’re desiring to explore, and how you imagine that could look within your relationship,” Frappier said. She advised that it’s wise to let your partner know that your sexual expression is not a reflection of the relationship, but more about exploring a new part of yourself.

“Once you’re finished speaking, it’s important to give them space to share, and to really listen to how they are feeling,” Frappier said. “They may take it in stride, or need a little time to process it.”

Don’t stress if the first conversation doesn’t go as well as you’d hoped; this will likely be the first of many discussions. Anderson, who specializes in trauma and relationships, said that if any of these conversations get heated or overly emotional, it’s a good idea to press pause and revisit the topic once both partners have had a chance to cool off.

Couples therapy can also be extremely beneficial. “Ideally, both the person coming out and the partner of that person would be in individual therapy with a therapist who is trained in LGBTQ-affirmative therapy,” Poljak said. “The same is true if [you're] deciding to open your marriage, explore polyamory or emotional monogamy, and/or redefine your marital contract. The therapist needs to have more than just general knowledge of alternative, queer lifestyles, and understand the multiple systems at play.”

Psychology Today is the most thorough national network for finding mental health professionals, and allows users to search using various classifications, including sexuality and type of therapy (the “compassion-based” and “culturally sensitive” filters are good options for LGTBQ folks). Some health insurance plans allow users to filter for therapists who specialize in LGBTQ issues when searching for in-network providers. For POC-specific options, the National Queer and and Trans Therapists of Color Network is a good resource. For those struggling to find an in-person therapist, Pride Counseling offers digital therapy sessions via phone, messaging, and video call.

After your initial conversations and once you've sought any additional support you might find helpful, you and your partner may want to formulate an action plan. If you want to include your partner in your sexual exploration (and they are comfortable with that), the plan might include attending queer events, watching queer porn together, role-playing, engaging in threesomes, and/or swinging. If you’d prefer to explore your sexuality without your partner, but with other people, you may need to discuss opening up your relationship.

“Some folks find it exciting or even sexy, and perhaps a discussion unfolds about opening up the marriage or exploring poly or engaging in new kinds of play and fantasy with their partners,” Poljak said. “Maybe it even inspires their partner to share with honesty some queerness of their own that is emerging. Ideally, there is space for people’s differences and otherness to be expressed without having to lose the relationship, or having to abandon or sacrifice yourself.”

This sort of exploration is not one-size-fits-all. Regardless of the route you take, Frappier stresses the importance of discussing boundaries and safety throughout. If the two of you are struggling to find some sort of consensus when it comes to boundaries, that doesn’t mean the discussion regarding exploration is over forever. It’s very common for couples to have multiple conversations surrounding this topic, especially if one partner is asking to renegotiate the marital contract in some way.

Just as it’s reasonable for a person to want to explore their burgeoning sexuality outside of the relationship, it’s also reasonable for the other partner to say, “I’m not cool with that.” In some instances, it might be in the interest of both individuals to go their separate ways… and that’s OK, too.

“A marriage is a partnership that lasts as long as it’s right,” writer Nadia Rawls said after coming out to, and, later, ending things with her now–ex-husband. Rawls said she tried to make it work with her husband for six months, but ultimately realized that separating was the best option. “It takes a hell of a partner to help their spouse grow into the person they really are,” Rawls wrote. “Even if that means losing them.”

Rawls’s story is just one of many—Frappier and Poljak said that many couples make it work, too. It’s hard to predict how your partner might react, or how you’ll feel or what you’ll want, once you start exploring your queerness or bisexuality. That uncertainty is part of what makes the process of coming out in a straight relationship so intimidating. But the reward of being honest—both with yourself and with your partner—is the gift of a more authentic life. Regardless of the outcome, that is worth pursuing.

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harryglom · 4 years

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UNORTHODOX- The Price of Freedom

(Spoilers for the entire mini series Unorthodox)

Unorthodox is a very conventional story and also an unprecedented one.

It is at its core a coming of age story, a fish out of water story, a marriage story and a drama about finding a meaningful life. However it is also the first high-budget mainstream exploration of the lives of members of the ultra-orthodox Jewish community. It gives voice to a woman, and in-turn many women like her, who have never been seen or heard from in mainstream media. We are party to the self discovery of a woman who has had too much expected of her from God, her community and herself. She escapes to Berlin from New York, running away from a life without freedom to a liberal metropolis resting atop a historic centre of Jewish hatred, the regime her own grandparents had escaped from. The show refuses to give easy answers, happy endings or tragic melodrama: we are witness to a single part of Esty's story and in it we see her begin to assert power in her life or, at the very least, recognise she has more power over it than she had previously thought.

Esty's journey is shown in two timelines: her time in Williamsburg transitioning into a marriage with the well-meaning Yankee whilst under the watchful eye of the community and her time in Berlin, having befriended a group of liberal musicians who help her to adjust to the outside world. The scenes themselves are often matter of fact but the depth of the performances, the pacing, cinematography and music create an atmosphere that allows its naturalism to transcend into more than a slice of life drama. Berlin is distilled into its most outlandish: bars spill out onto the streets, clubs are loud and full of smoke, coffee shops are alien and austere, concert halls are modern and bright, fashion is extraneous, flesh is bared and squares are packed full of men and women from all walks of life. We can sympathise with Esty if her curiosity blooms or she gets overwhelmed by this modern world due to the sheer vividness of the city the show brings to life.

Between these frames, for most of the run-time, stands our protagonist: Esty Shapiro. Her world view is communicated quietly, often silently, in the way her eyes interact with the world around her. The subtlety of her characterisation is married with the movement of the camera: when Esty is stressed or determined we follow her closely, the outside world blurred into insignificance whilst when she chooses to observe the world, time is taken to pick up the sort of details she would also be acknowledging. From the smaller moments, like noting the strangeness of night club wrist stamps and the initial starkness of seeing queer intimacy shown in front of her without shame, or grander changes, like naked bodies at the beach or the beauty of an orchestra operating as a single organism-- the camera and Esty are unified. This makes us intimately aware of who she is, how much this experience means to her and, thanks to the flashbacks, how much she fights to be the person we see in front of us.

The behaviour of the Ultra-Orthodox community is realised with unflinching realism. Where lesser dramas would have made moralistic tales about any number of the themes touched upon-- post-Holocaust guilt, cultural trauma, matchmaking and arranged marriages, gossip and pride, gender roles, alcoholism and gambling addiction within the community, the relationship of the community to other Jewish streams and Israel, the tactics deployed to control the community and alienate those who do successfully escape-- they are explored as they would be experienced. These are all just parts of people's lives: they're presented anecdotally, matter-of-factly and, because of the pressures of the community to appear perfect, suppressed from being discussed explicitly. The most frank exploration of a single issue is in the third episode, arguably the show's best, where the story uses both timelines to interrogate and reclaim female sexuality. This may sound like hyperbole, but the rigidity and oppression of sexual norms, the objectification of Esty's body that is enforced by both men and women alike, recalls The Handmaid's Tale at its worse and it is abominable that any woman should live as deprived of information, emotional support or the right to consent. Even when Esty quotes the Talmud, that textually demands of men the pleasuring of women, Yankee simply says that women shouldn't read the Talmud. The frustration, ignorance and pain is expressed viscerally and uncomfortably.

Yet, in another way that recalls The Handmaid's Tale, the Berlin timeline adopts a very tactile filming style and direction that allows us to empathise with a point of view that has become more appreciative for what they've been denied: where desire cannot be stated frankly, where the language to invite affection is alien and bodies are beautiful and mysterious. This episode shows this reclamation of sexuality juxtaposed with the reveal of the moment Esty decides to pursue her freedom at all. With very few words at all, having withheld her thoughts from the blinded Yanky, she stands alone in a corridor and we know exactly what she is thinking. The catalyst for Esty running away is not the sexual imprisonment, the absolute lack of connection or personability with anyone around her nor the restrictions put upon her pursuing her passions but Yanky's demand for a divorce. It symbolises a multifaceted betrayal of her faith, her body, her dignity and, ultimately, every sacrifice she made for them. This triggers a single disillusionment that makes Esty's story possible: that this is no place for her child to grow up. This profound moment rests upon an incredibly moving performance and a script brimming full of understated depth.

The show should also be praised for some of its peripheral characters. Yanky is not a typical brute but a devout, vulnerable and lost little boy. Esty's aunt is as much an Orthodox woman as she is a fighter for her family's dignity. Moshe is no two dimensional villain but a man who played his hand at life beyond the walls of the community and lost. However the character most deserved of praise is that of Yael, an Israeli born music student at the conservatory Esty auditions for. She, as an Israeli-born Jew, takes Esty's experiences for granted, diminishes her community's felt Holocaust guilt, laments to her non-Jewish friends with uncaring abandon the terrifying reality of Esty's own life and calls her a baby machine. She represents a subtle nuance never before explored on television: that the wider Jewish community, for thinking they know about people like Esty and for wanting to distance themselves from being identified with that kind of Judaism, can actually be their most harsh and inconsiderate critics.

One character that could have done with more development is that of Esty's mother. Though portrayed to perfection, balancing a calm earnestness with a hidden maternal strength, there is not enough time to open her life up in the way it could have been. Queerness is visible in the show. There are two out gay couples, including one that Esty's mother is a part of. It feels strange that there is no articulation in either timeline of the homophobia that must have driven Esty's mother from the community but also the opinions that would be residual in Esty, having never been exposed to gay people in her life. Whilst the deftness with which some issues are taken as they are is admirable, this seems like a topic that would have invited a conversation between mother and daughter or, at the very least, Esty and anyone in her group of friends.

Regardless of any shortcomings, Unorthodox is a series that will stick with you for a long time. It offers a unique perspective of the modern world from the point of view of someone who has been locked away from it. Partly a modern-day fairy tale where modern life becomes a wonderland and partly the harrowing struggle of an outsider to find freedom. The series cements the success of its story with the ambiguity of its ending. We don't know how Esty will deal with motherhood, whether she will get her scholarship, how she will react to her grandmother's death, how she will fight against the community's attempts to intimidate her out of her child's life. The viewer and Esty have discovered the world together. She has friends and her mother on her side. We've seen her grow into a fighter and recognise, alone in a cafe with a quiet smile, that no price is too high for her freedom.

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pfenniged · 4 years

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My (Updated) Masterpost for Asexuality [2020]:

Some Youtube Videos I found Really Lovely and Validating:

Debunking Asexual and Aromantic Myths

Ace-Spec and Are-Spectrum Book Recommendations

And Some LGBTQIA+ Channels That Bring Up Asexual Experiences:

Rowan Ellis

Problems of a Book Nerd

Jessica Kellgren-Fozard

Some Shows with Confirmed Asexual Characters:

Sex Education

Bojack Horseman

Liv in ‘Emmerdale’ (UK Soap)

Historical Asexuals/ Demisexuals:

Emily Brontë: Emily Brontë was a very private person and as such it’s impossible to be entirely certain of her sexual orientation. Some Brontë scholars believe she died a virgin, never having had physical relationships with men or women. However, most Brontë scholars think that the content of her novels would suggest she may have been asexual, but she was not aromantic.

J.M. Barrie: The man who wrote Peter Pan into existence, was reportedly asexual. His marriage was never consummated and ended in divorce when his wife cheated on him. Because of his relationship with his neighbor children, and the subject matter of his books, some speculated Barrie was prone to pedophilia. Those who knew him closely vehemently deny Barrie ever exhibited such behavior. Instead his lack of sexual relationships was more likely due to his asexuality.

George Bernard Shaw: Renowned playwright George Bernard Shaw was a man far more interested in intellect than sex. He never consummated his marriage (also at the request of his wife, Charlotte Frances Payne-Townshend) and was a virgin until 29. Shaw told friends he appreciated the ability of sex to produce “a celestial flood of emotion and exaltation” but only as it compared to the “conscious intellectual activity” he strove for with his work.

Isaac Newton: Isaac Newton’s supposed asexuality is based on his recorded behavior and lifestyle. He had strict religious views, never married, was obsessive in his scientific careers, and supposedly died a virgin. Whether he truly lacked sexual attraction or was simply too immersed in making massive scientific discoveries to have a sex life is unsure.

T.E. Lawrence: Tragically, T.E. Lawrence – a man immortalized in the film Lawrence of Arabia – was sexually assaulted while held prisoner during The Great War. His lack of sexual and romantic relationships in life were mostly attributed to this trauma but some scholars argue he may have been asexual. He had no documented relationships with men or women. Most notably, since it was the turn of the 20th century, Lawrence was known to be non-judgmental of homosexuals. His personal orientation may have motivated his tolerance.

Florence Nightingale: Interestingly, though “the Florence Nightingale effect” is a situation where a caregiver develops an attraction to the patient they are caring for, the effect’s namesake, Florence Nightingale, was likely asexual. The famous nurse never married and instead chose to devote her life entirely to her work. She even refused a marriage proposal from a suitor who had been pursuing her for years. Nightingale rarely discussed her personal life and the term “asexual” was not widely used at the time, but asexual activists and scholars strongly suspect she lacked sexual interest.

Nikola Tesla: Nikola Tesla, the revolutionary engineer who was instrumental in the invention of electricity, also lived a life of celibacy typical of asexuals. He showed very little interest in sexual relationships throughout his life, preferring to focus on science. Many asexuals describe their lack of attraction as a blessing allowing them sharp focus. Once again, we have a person who could have been too busy (and brilliant) to focus on relationships, but who’s asexuality likely allowed him to be busy (and brilliant). [Fun fact: I am actually related to ol’Nikola. Sometimes it’s nice to even think about someone in my family being asexual, because it makes me feel like we’d both be able to get along together when we get fixed in our little studies, research, and schemes ♥]

Frederic Chopin: Famed composer and pianist Frederic Chopin is supposed to also have been asexual. While he lived with writer George Sand, she noted in her biography that their connection was affectionate without being sexual. She described their affair as “eight years of maternal devotion,“ also noting, “He seemed to despise the courser side of human nature and…to fear to soil our love by further ecstasy.”Whether Chopin was uninterested in sex, or had reservations about consummating the relationship for other reasons, is unclear. Many scholars believe the famed pianist lacked sexual desire altogether.

John Ruskin: Victorian art critic John Ruskin was known to be particularly uninterested in sex. Though Ruskin was once married, he reportedly showed no interest in getting physical with his wife. Typical of other asexuals on this list, his marriage ended having never been consummated.

Young Adult Fiction/ Books about Asexuality (NOTE: Some of these are coming out later this year, August and September 2020):

How to be Ace: A Memoir of Growing Up Asexual by Rebecca Burgess: Brave, witty and empowering, this graphic memoir follows Rebecca as she navigates her asexual identity and mental health in a world obsessed with sex. From school to work to relationships, this book offers an unparalleled insight into asexuality.

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, And The Meaning Of Sex by Angela Chen: An engaging exploration of what it means to be asexual in a world that’s obsessed with sexual attraction, and what the ace perspective can teach all of us about desire and identity. What exactly is sexual attraction and what is it like to go through life not experiencing it? What does asexuality reveal about gender roles, about romance and consent, and the pressures of society? This accessible examination of asexuality shows that the issues that aces face–confusion around sexual activity, the intersection of sexuality and identity, navigating different needs in relationships–are the same conflicts that nearly all of us will experience. Through a blend of reporting, cultural criticism, and memoir, the misconceptions around the “A” of LGBTQIA and invites everyone to rethink pleasure and intimacy.Journalist Angela Chen creates her path to understanding her own asexuality with the perspectives of a diverse group of asexual people. Vulnerable and honest, these stories include a woman who had blood tests done because she was convinced that “not wanting sex” was a sign of serious illness, and a man who grew up in a religious household and did everything “right,” only to realize after marriage that his experience of sexuality had never been the same as that of others. Disabled aces, aces of color, gender-nonconforming aces, and aces who both do and don’t want romantic relationships all share their experiences navigating a society in which a lack of sexual attraction is considered abnormal. Chen’s careful cultural analysis explores how societal norms limit understanding of sex and relationships and celebrates the breadth of sexuality and queerness.

Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann: Alice’s last girlfriend, Margo, ended things when Alice confessed she’s asexual. Now Alice is sure she’s done with dating… and then she meets Takumi. She can’t stop thinking about him or the rom-com-grade romance feelings she did not ask for. When her blissful summer takes an unexpected turn and Takumi becomes her knight with a shiny library-employee badge, Alice has to decide if she’s willing to risk their friendship for a love that might not be reciprocated– or understood. [A bisexual POC protagonist; adorable fluffy, easy and sweet read].

All Out: The No-longer-secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages: Take a journey through time and genres and discover a past where queer figures live, love, and shape the world around them. Seventeen of the best young adult authors across the queer spectrum have come together to create a collection of beautifully written diverse historical fiction for teens. [This features several different types of queer stories, from transexual freedom fighters, but also a very sweet asexual love story set in a seventies roller rink with a POC protagonist].

The Pride Guide: A Guide to Sexual and Social Health for LGBTQ Youth by Jo Lanford: Jo Langford offers a complete guide to sexual and social development, safety, and health for LGBTQ youth and those who love and support them. Written from a practical perspective, the author explores the realities of teen sexuality, particularly that of trans teens, and provides guidance and understanding for parents and kids alike. [Although this is a little rudimentary, I found it a great resource even in my twenties for someone coming out, or to slowly but carefully come out to those who may be uncomfortable or not understand asexuality, or not see it as a valid sexuality or lack thereof].

Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Katie Ormsbee: Natasha ‘Tash’ Zelenka has found herself and her amateur web series plucked from obscurity and thrust in the limelight. And who wouldn’t want fame and fortune? But along with the 40,000 new subscribers, the gushing tweets, and flashing Tumblr gifs, comes the pressure to deliver the best web series ever. As Tash struggles to combat the critics and her own doubts, she finds herself butting heads with her family and friends - the ones that helped make her show, Unhappy Families (a modern adaption of Anna Karenina, written by Tash’s eternal love Leo Tolstoy), what it is today. And when Unhappy Families is nominated for a prestigious award, Tash’s confusing cyber-flirtation with an Internet celeb suddenly has the potential to become something IRL if she can figure out how to tell him that she’s a romantic asexual. But her new relationship creates tension with her friend Paul since he thought Tash wasn’t interested in relationships ever. All Tash wants to think about is the upcoming award ceremony in Orlando, even though she’ll have to face all the friends she steamrolled to get there. But isn’t that just the price you pay for success?

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire: The story is set in a boarding school for teenagers who have passed through "doorways” into fantasy worlds only to be evicted back into the real world. It serves as something of a recovery center for boarders who find they no longer fit in, either in the “real” world or their own uncomprehending families. For a fortunate few it is just a way station until they can find their ways back to the worlds they do fit into; for others, it’s the least bleak choice in what may be a life-long exile. This unhappy ending for the students takes a terrifying turn when some of their number start turning up dead. A small group joins together in an attempt to expose the person committing these murders before it is too late to save the school, or even themselves.

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker: What if you weren’t sexually attracted to anyone?A growing number of people are identifying as asexual. They aren’t sexually attracted to anyone, and they consider it a sexual orientation—like gay, straight, or bisexual.Asexuality is the invisible orientation. Most people believe that “everyone” wants sex, that “everyone” understands what it means to be attracted to other people, and that “everyone” wants to date and mate. But that’s where asexual people are left out—they don’t find other people sexually attractive, and if and when they say so, they are very rarely treated as though that’s okay.When an asexual person comes out, alarming reactions regularly follow; loved ones fear that an asexual person is sick, or psychologically warped, or suffering from abuse. Critics confront asexual people with accusations of following a fad, hiding homosexuality, or making excuses for romantic failures. And all of this contributes to a discouraging master narrative: there is no such thing as “asexual.” Being an asexual person is a lie or an illness, and it needs to be fixed.In The Invisible Orientation, Julie Sondra Decker outlines what asexuality is, counters misconceptions, provides resources, and puts asexual people’s experiences in context as they move through a very sexualized world. It includes information for asexual people to help understand their orientation and what it means for their relationships, as well as tips and facts for those who want to understand their asexual friends and loved ones [A good beginning place to start if you’re considering your asexuality. Also provides reassurances about the most common stereotypes concerning asexuality].

Switchback by Danika Stone: Vale loves to hike, but kind of hates her classmates. Ash is okay with his classmates, but kind of hates the outdoors. So, needless to say they are both fairly certain that the overnight nature hike with their PE class is going to be a hellish experience. But when they get separated from the group during a storm, they have worse things to worry about than bullies and blisters.Lost in the Canadian wilderness with limited supplies, caught in dangerous weather conditions, and surrounded by deadly wildlife, it’s going to take every bit of strength, skill, and luck they can muster to survive.

Not Your Backup (Sidekick Squad #3) by C.B. Lee: Emma Robledo has a few more responsibilities that the usual high school senior, but then again, she and her friends have left school to lead a fractured Resistance movement against a corrupt Heroes League of Heroes. Emma is the only member of a supercharged team without powers, and she isn’t always taken seriously. A natural leader, Emma is determined to win this battle, and when that’s done, get back to school. As the Resistance moves to challenge the League, Emma realizes where her place is in this fight: at the front. [This is a third in a series, but the main character has recently come out as asexual at the end of the last book].

If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann: Winnie is living her best fat girl life and is on her way to her favorite place—Misty Haven and her granny’s diner, Goldeen’s. With her family and ungirlfriend at her side, she has everything she needs for one last perfect summer before starting college in the fall.…until she becomes Misty Haven’s Summer Queen.Newly crowned, Winnie is forced to take center stage at a never-ending list of community royal engagements. Almost immediately, she discovers that she’s deathly afraid of it all: the spotlight, the obligations, and the way her Summer King wears his heart, humor, and honesty on his sleeve.To salvage her summer Winnie must conquer her fears, defy expectations, and be the best Winnie she knows she can be—regardless of what anyone else thinks of her. [Another POC protagonist and promises to be a cute summer read in the vein of Gilmore Girls. Claire Kann’s first book was the adorable ‘Lets Talk About Love’ which reads as an asexual rom-com. This also promises to be absolutely precious.].

Immoral Code by Lillian Clark: Ocean’s 8 meets The Breakfast Club in this fast-paced, multi-perspective story about five teens determined to hack into one billionaire absentee father’s company to steal tuition money.For Nari, aka Narioka Diane, aka hacker digital alter ego “d0l0s,” it’s college and then a career at “one of the big ones,” like Google or Apple. Keagan, her sweet, sensitive boyfriend, is happy to follow her wherever she may lead. Reese is an ace/aro visual artist with plans to travel the world. Santiago is off to Stanford on a diving scholarship, with very real Olympic hopes. And Bellamy? Physics genius Bellamy is admitted to MIT–but the student loan she’d been counting on is denied when it turns out her estranged father–one Robert Foster–is loaded. Nari isn’t about to let her friend’s dreams be squashed by a deadbeat billionaire, so she hatches a plan to steal just enough from Foster to allow Bellamy to achieve her goals.

Loveless by Alice Oseman: The fourth novel from the phenomenally talented Alice Oseman - one of the most authentic and talked-about voices in contemporary YA.It was all sinking in. I'd never had a crush on anyone. No boys, no girls, not a single person I had ever met. What did that mean? Georgia has never been in love, never kissed anyone, never even had a crush - but as a fanfic-obsessed romantic she's sure she'll find her person one day. As she starts university with her best friends, Pip and Jason, in a whole new town far from home, Georgia's ready to find romance, and with her outgoing roommate on her side and a place in the Shakespeare Society, her 'teenage dream' is in sight. But when her romance plan wreaks havoc amongst her friends, Georgia ends up in her own comedy of errors, and she starts to question why love seems so easy for other people but not for her. With new terms thrown at her - asexual, aromantic - Georgia is more uncertain about her feelings than ever. Is she destined to remain loveless? Or has she been looking for the wrong thing all along? This wise, warm and witty story of identity and self-acceptance sees Alice Oseman on towering form as Georgia and her friends discover that true love isn't limited to romance.

The Last Eight by Laura Pohl: Extinction was just the beginning in this thrilling, post-apocalyptic debut, perfect for fans of The 5th Wave series. Clover Martinez has always been a survivor, which is the reason she isn’t among the dead when aliens invade and destroy Earth as she knows it.Clover is convinced she’s the only one left until she hears a voice on the radio urging her to go to the former Area 51. When she arrives, she’s greeted by a band of misfits who call themselves The Last Teenagers on Earth.Only they aren’t the ragtag group of heroes Clover was expecting. The seven strangers seem more interested in pretending the world didn’t end than fighting back, and Clover starts to wonder if she was better off alone. But when she finds a hidden spaceship within the walls of the compound, she doesn’t know what to believe…or who to trust. [I’ve read there is also aromantic representation in this book too, so helpful for the Aros out there as well ♥]

LGBTQIA+ Comics with Possible Asexual Representation/ Influence:

Lumberjanes: At Miss Qiunzella Thiskwin Penniquiqul Thistle Crumpet’s Camp for Hardcore Lady Types, things are not what they seem. Three-eyed foxes. Secret caves. Anagrams. Luckily, Jo, April, Mal, Molly, and Ripley are five rad, butt-kicking best pals determined to have an awesome summer together…and they’re not gonna let a magical quest or an array of supernatural critters get in their way! [I LOVE THESE COMICS SO MUCH I SWEAR THEY’RE SO DAMN CUTE ♥]

The Backstagers: When Jory transfers to the private, all-boys school St. Genesius, he figures joining the stage crew would involve a lot of just fetching props and getting splinters. To his pleasant surprise, he discovers there’s a door backstage that leads to different worlds, and all of the stagehands know about it!All the world’s a stage…but what happens behind the curtain is pure magic!

And Lastly, Extra Online Resources For Asexuality:

UCLA LGBT Campus Resource Center: Asexuality

The Trevor Project on Asexuality

Campus Pride: Asexuality

The Canadian Centre for Gender Diversity and Awareness

Asexuality needs to be a recognized as its own, unique sexual orientation, Canadian experts say

Asexuality.org

A Lot of Ace (An Ace Positivity Blog on Tumblr ♥)

#asexuality #masterpost #lgbt+#lgbtqia+#queer masterpost #queer rights #queer history #queer literature #you're welcome #but honestly I love everything on here besides the shows which I actually haven't seen outright #but it's good to know those are out there #also I need to read the newest books of lumberjanes and backstagers #because they're adorable #personal #a-lot-of-ace

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uncloseted · 4 years

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This is a little controversial but I think sexual attraction and romantic attraction can't be separated. I don't think you can be romantically attracted to someone without being sexually attracted to them. I DO think you can be sexually attracted to someone without being romantically attracted to them, in love with them, though. Which leads me to the idea that asexuality is a false thing that may come from self esteem issues rather than a real absence of sexual attraction. +

(sexual attraction anon) This is an opinion I hold privately, and I wouldn't impose it on someone who identifies as asexual. But I'm admitting it here because I think it's worth thinking about for people who consider themselves asexual. It might be an issue of not wanting to see yourself sexually, or not being comfortable with the concept of sex due to the inherent disgust it can bring. That's psychological issues to me and should be explored instead of taken as an intrinsic part of identity.

I disagree. Human sexuality is weird and comes in so many different configurations that it makes sense to me that some people are just sort of born without a sex drive the way that some people are born gay or trans. If you can be sexually attracted to someone without being romantically interested in them, it makes sense to me that the opposite can happen, as well.

But the amount of teenagers on the internet who have claimed asexuality as part of their identity does concern me. There are so many reasons why a person’s sex drive is low or nonexistent, and some of those reasons are actually quite serious in a larger context. There are basically a few categories that I think need to be considered when talking about nonexistent sex drive: hormones, medical, psychological hangups, confused about gender, confused about sexuality. For teenagers, I would also include a category that’s, “hasn’t reached sexual maturity yet”.

Digging into those categories, let’s start with hormones. If you have a hormonal imbalance (low testosterone or estrogen), your sex drive can disappear (or, if you’re young enough, never develop). Low hormone levels impact other aspects of a person’s life besides just sex drive- they’re also important for regulating bone and muscle growth, managing inflammatory responses, and regulating cholesterol levels, among other things. Being on a hormonal birth control pill can also impact your hormone levels, and some recent studies have suggested that hormonal birth control can lessen sex drive.

Going along with that, reduced or nonexistent sex drive can be a symptom of non-hormonal medical issues as well. Arthritis, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, coronary artery disease and neurological diseases can all cause sex drive to disappear. Mental illnesses, like depression and anxiety, can also cause a person’s sex drive to disappear. Certain medications, like SSRIs (but also blood pressure medications, corticosteroids, opioid pain relievers) can also impact sex drive. My point here is that before a person decides that asexuality is just a part of their sexual identity, they should make sure there aren’t other compounding factors on the medical side of things, because it could turn out to be a symptom of something more serious,

Then moving on to psychological hangups, I think there are a ton of different reasons why someone might be psychologically uncomfortable with sex. This could be anything from past traumatic experiences regarding sex, anxiety about their partner’s expectations of them, anxiety about how their body looks, anxiety about how they’ll be viewed in society... I was talking yesterday about “accelerators” and “brakes” in female sexuality, and I think sometimes people confuse their brain hitting the brakes due to psychological distress with not being interested in sex at all. I also think that sometimes people have underwhelming sexual experiences and assume the problem is that they’re just not interested in sex, when in actuality it was just bad sex. All that might sound like a cop-out but it’s not. Young people, especially young girls, are under a ton of pressure when it comes to their sexuality, and I understand the impulse to bow out entirely so as not to have to navigate it. The trauma that comes from being shamed about your sexuality is real. But I think it’s important to engage with those feelings and unpack them instead of ignoring them, particularly if the aversion to sexuality does come from a past sexual trauma.

Then there’s confused about gender or confused about sexuality. Basically this is just what it sounds like; sometimes it takes a while for people to realize that they’re actually trans or gay, and in the interim they identify as asexual. Sometimes this is because it’s psychologically easier to be asexual than it is to navigate what it means to be an LGBT+ person in society, and sometimes it’s because they just haven’t found themselves yet, but I think that’s important to consider as well.

And then there’s “hasn’t reached sexual maturity yet”. I got a bit skewered over this last time, I think, but I do stand by it. A lack of sexual drive or attraction to people when you’re a teenager is not unusual and doesn’t necessarily mean that a person is asexual. Sexual attraction, sexual drive, and figuring out what you like in bed is something that a lot of people don’t really learn about themselvesuntil they’re in their late teens or early twenties. Some people don’t even go through puberty until their late teens. And women in particular just sometimes develop sexual feelings a little bit later than men, especially in countries where female sexuality isn’t talked about a lot/demonized/otherwise associated with shame (see above).

I also think a lot of young people also have some misconceptions about what counts as “having sexual attraction” and what doesn’t- I think some people are under the impression that people who have sex drives want to have sex all day, every day, because of the way it’s portrayed in media, but that’s not true. It’s super normal to not want to have sex all the time, and that doesn’t (necessarily) make a person asexual or demisexual. It just means they have a normally functioning sex drive. A lot of people also need to feel comfortable with a person before sexual feelings develop, and that’s normal, too- I think there’s a misconception that if you’re a sexual person, you feel sexually attracted to everyone who’s “hot”, and while that’s the case for some people, it’s not the case for everyone. So I think sometimes it’s not actually a lack of sex drive, so much as the conditions aren’t right for the person to feel and recognise that they’re feeling sexual attraction, if that makes sense (again, accelerator/brake).

I think ultimately this boils down to a fundamental question- does your lack of sex drive cause you pain, psychological distress, or interfere with your life? If the answer is yes, then I don’t think it can be considered part of identity. If the answer is no, then I think it can absolutely be a facet of a person’s identity. But I worry that not enough people are examining/working on their relationship with their sexuality before deciding that they just don’t have one. That said, I also think that people are just trying to figure themselves out, and it’s okay if they identify as asexual and then realize down the line that they’re actually something else. Identity is a process of discovery, and sometimes it takes a while to figure out who we actually are.

TL;DR: asexuality is definitely a thing and can absolutely be a facet of a person’s identity. That said, I think it’s important to explore and question your relationship with your body and sexuality to see if there are other factors that might be at play, especially factors that have larger ramifications than just a person’s sex life. Sometimes it’s a sexual orientation, and sometimes it’s a sexual dysfunction, but I think it’s important to know which is which.

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reivenesque · 5 years

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Jay Halstead Whump Fic

A seemingly random series of attacks in Chicago targeting men and women of various ages, races and backgrounds ends with one of Intelligence’s own fighting for his life. His co-workers and friends; his family, are forced to confront the fact that one of them might not walk away unscathed this time around – if he manages to walk away at all.

Okay guys, the day no one (including myself) thought would ever come! I’ve finally decided to take the plunge/make the commitment and finally put this story out there for the world to see. Also seeing as I started writing this a couple of seasons ago so some characters who are deceased or have departed are not deceased or have departed in this universe.

Mission Objective

Chapter 1: The Case

They had three victims from three completely different backgrounds; three different ethnicities, age and gender and no matter how deep they dug through the trash the only thing they could find linking the victims to each other was the M.O and the fact that at the end of the day it just seemed to be a completely random series of attacks perpetrated by the same person for absolutely no reason.

“All victims were stabbed twice, once in the flank and once in the side. We believe he came up from behind and surprised them; the first stab wasn’t meant to kill, only to incapacitate. They also had bruising around the neck to support that theory. The second was to keep them down. Two of the three victim suffered multiple broken bones, bruises and contusions and internal damage from a beating but all three died as a result of severe blood loss. Whoever this guy is and whatever he wants from them, this guy has got some serious beef with these people.” Antonio finished his assessment and returned back to sit perched on the side of his desk.

“The only thing in common in these cases are the M.O’s,” Jay started, “The victims have nothing in common that we can find that links them to one another. Yvonne Miller: thirty-seven, mother of two. No priors, no record, nothing to indicate that she was anything other than a squeaky clean mom who does carpool on the weekdays. Hubert Harris the Third, fifty-three,” Jay placed special emphasis on the title, “Drill Sergeant in the army for over twenty years, no criminal record, no priors, not even a parking ticket. The fact that he went through life, much less the army and up to the rank of Drill Sergeant with the name Hubert Harris the Third meant that this was definitely not a guy to be messed with. And Javier Herrera, twenty-seven. Just got back from two tours overseas, spotless record on all fronts and an absolutely stand-up guy from what we gathered from the people who knew him. Had no beef with anyone. He was attacked in the alley behind his house; DOA. No witnesses in any of these cases.”

“Well the fact that their faces are pinned up on that board and their bodies lying cold in the morgue meant that they definitely had beef with someone, and I want to know who, where and why,” ordered Voight, his gravelly voice almost rumbling through the walls of the bullpen of the Intelligence headquarters of the CPD. “And I needed that information five minutes ago.”

A chorus of ‘yes, Serge’s rang up as everyone dispersed to return to their own desks.

It was a case they’d been working on ever since the discovery of the first victim, Yvonne Miller, a widowed single mother, in her apartment by her landlord almost three weeks ago. She died as a result of shock from the blood loss at the hospital later that day. The second victim died on the way to the hospital and the third was dead before the first unit was even the scene and neither CPD nor the Intelligence Unit was any close to identifying the killer. The best lead they had was a next door neighbour of the second victim hearing the sound of a male voice yelling what, according to him, sounded like Arabic, in the apartment the evening before the victim’s body was found. They’d found nothing to indicate that it was a racially motivated crime however. And there were no cameras at any of the exits or on the street and no one saw anyone coming or leaving the crime scene at any point before or after the attack, so they found themselves up against a brick wall in regards to that lead.

Essentially, they had bupkis.

So getting the call that another victim had been found beaten in his apartment later that morning did nothing to ease the tweaked up nerves of everyone working the case, only the fact that he was still alive and was on route to Med kept most of them from wanting to punch a wall.

“Troy Hargreaves,” said Will Halstead who was waiting for their arrival at the entrance of the hospital, starting his assessment without waiting for the go ahead, “Thirty-two; stabbed once in the lumbar area and once in the lower right abdomen, multiple contusions to the torso, broken ribs, ruptured spleen. He’s up in surgery as we speak. His injuries look severe but I’m optimistic about his chances. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that this definitely fits the same pattern as the other victims.”

Voight scrubbed his face with his hand almost like a nervous habit, but anyone who knew him knew that Voight didn’t get nervous. Most likely it was out of frustration and anger. They weren’t any closer to catching the guy and from what little they could deduce, it didn’t seem like he was likely to stop until he got whatever it was he wanted or whoever it was he wanted.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of sitting around with my thumb up my ass watching this guy get one up on us again,” said Voight, the frustration obvious on his face, not acknowledging Olinsky coming up behind him and placing a comforting hand on his shoulder to calm him down.

“It’s late, we’re all fired up from this asshole giving us the run around. I’ll wait for the vic to come out of surgery and update you on what I can get from him, the rest of you – go home, rest up and come back fresh faced in the morning,” said Olinsky, “Well, as fresh faced as you ugly lot can get,” he added with a wisp of a smile; his voice soft and his characteristic as of calmness extending to the rest of the team.

“Al’s right,” said Voight after a beat, exhaling tiredly. “Go home.”

“You sure, boss?” Ruzek asked, looking around at the rest of the group. It was obvious that the offer was the most tempting to him though all of them looked equally dead on their feet after almost going almost forty-eight hours without sleep trying to find the perp before he struck again only to have found themselves left in the bloodied dust trail once again.

“You gonna make me say it twice?” asked Voight with a stern look in Ruzek’s direction.

“No, boss,” said Ruzek immediately, arms raised in front of him.

“Then get the hell out of here.”

None of them struck around to be told a third time.

“I swear to god I’m gonna put two bullets right in the middle his face when we catch this bastard and then go home and sleep like a baby,” said Ruzek as he and the rest of the team made their way down the hospital corridor towards the exit.

Usually it’s be one of them – Ruzek, Kim or Atwater tasked to stay behind because they were the newer members, but Al had insisted and none of them really wanted to be alone with Voight in a closed space while he was in that particular mood.

“I definitely second the suggestion,” said Kim a little too heartily.

“Get in line,” said Hailey. The threat would have come across a lot more menacing had she not been in the middle of a yawn; her arms stretched high above her head like a cat.

“Well I for one would be happy if we managed to even catch the guy and put a stop to all this,” said Atwater. “That’d do my sleep a world of good already.”

Jay had many things to add to the conversation but the strength to say none of them. He was tired, physically and mentally so he just opted for an amused chuckle from where he was walking just a few steps behind the rest of the team

“How about a drink at Molly’s before we turn in?” suggested Ruzek once conversation had begun tapering off. “God knows we could all use a stiff one– or five.”

Atwater was immediately down for the plan though Hailey and Kim both seemed equally undecided.

Jay however wasn’t in the mood for the drink or the company. He was too wired from the lack of sleep and too much caffeine and quite frankly too pissed to be good company. Something about the case, especially the fact that two of the victims were Vets, just struck a chord in him. He always felt a strange sort of camaraderie, whether they were the victims or the perps, when it came to people who’d served. He imagined the victims being someone he knew, someone he served with – a brother. At the same time, the person who’d committed the crime could have just as easily been someone he knew or someone he served with.

Hell, it could have just as easily been him.

If it hadn’t been for Mouse being there for him – if there hadn’t been the thought in the back of his mind when he was at his lowest that he was just as much Mouse’s crutch as he was his; if it hadn’t been for the police force giving him an outlet to channel his silent rage and his trauma and anxiety, he could have just as easily turned out to be one of the people he put away.

Sure he had Will and maybe his dad to some extent, but they didn’t understand. They couldn’t understand. They weren’t there. They didn’t experience what he experienced. They didn’t see what he saw. They didn’t feel what he felt: the fear and helplessness and shame.

And they definitely couldn’t deal with it – deal with him, the way Mouse had been able to – by just being there, but just understanding without having to be explained; by knowing without having to be told.

Will had the natural instinct to want to fix everything; to find a source of the ailment and apply a treatment and a cure – that’s what made him such a good doctor.

But Jay didn’t need a doctor, he needed a brother and that was something Will was unable to be to him at the time. Their relationship had improved much since then, but still when situations like this arose, the absence of Mouse felt so much more apparent.

Jay knew he wasn’t going to be such good company – he could already feel like anxiety levels getting progressively higher the longer he remained in the vicinity of the hospital. Hospitals all smelled the same and had the same kind of aura pulsating off it. It didn’t matter if it was on home soil or in some run down building in another third world country – it always smelled the same and at that point Jay just wanted to be home.

“Nah, guys,” said Jay. “I think I’m gonna turn in early.”

“You sure, Jay?” asked Ruzek. “You’re gonna miss out. Atwater’s paying. This phenomenon only happens once in a blue moon,” he said with a mischievous grin. “Pigs might even fly!”

Atwater scoffed. “Yeah, Jay. I’ll be doing the paying with money from Ruzek’s pocket. You won’t want to miss the spectacle. I don’t think anyone but flies have ever seen the inside of his raggedy ass wallet.”

“I’ll have you know, Atwater, that I was voted ‘most generous’ by the whole sophomore girls swim team for two years in a row.”

“Yeah,” said Atwater, completely deadpan. “I’m sure teenage you was definitely generous with something.”

“Hey!” objected Ruzek, mock offended.

“Anyway,” said Jay, cutting into the conversation, “Based on this conversation alone I’m sure it’s gonna be a hoot and a half, but I think I’ll pass, You guys have fun though,” he said, which in Jay-speak meant that the conversation was done.

The girls had opted to join in for ‘just one drink’ which was usually code for ‘more than one drink’, but once Jay decided on a course of action, it was very hard to change his mind.

“You’re seriously no fun, Halstead,” said Ruzek teasingly at his retreating back.

“I’m loads of fun,” said Jay from over his shoulder, “Just with better company than you.”

Ruzek’s response was a hearty laugh topped off with a middle finger salute but Jay had already stepped around the corner and out of sight and didn’t see. He felt no need to turn back for a second look at his team; he’d see their ugly mugs in the morning anyway.

He took a detour to find Will on his way out – which was ironically easier in theory than in reality, especially considering it was his brother’s place of work – to take a rain check on their bi-annual game night get together. They hadn’t had one in a while, what with the influx of work on both their parts, and despite their insistence on not cancelling this time no matter what, Jay really just wasn’t in the mood or the headspace to want to be around anyone.

Jay wondered whether they should just cancel it all together because making plans was never something that aligned with their day jobs.

Fortunately Will wasn’t too disappointed by the cancellation, mainly because he’d been on the same train of through, only slightly more hesitant about it. He’d just come off a double shift and like Jay was planning on spending the night in the company of his own bed, which was a completely acceptable reason in Jay’s book.

They shared a hug and a casual insult before Jay finally stepped out of the hospital, into his truck and drove out of the parking lot with a roar of the exhaust.

Nothing else of importance happened the rest of the day.

tbc.

#jay halstead #chicago pd #whump #one chicago #reiven fics #reiven chicago pd fics #reiven whump fics

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tommyomalley · 5 years

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Overstated Harm

I have been thinking lately about harm—when it’s real, and when it’s exaggerated for political reasons. And as harm escalates, at what point does it require us to intervene on behalf of ourselves or others?

Yesterday, I recorded a conversation for my podcast Theater Fag with playwright Isaac Gomez. We met in the offices of Steppenwolf Theatre Company in Chicago, where his new play “La Ruta” is currently finishing a sold-out run. “La Ruta” is about the women of Ciudad Juárez, a Mexican border city that suffers one of the highest crime rates in North America, if not the world. Disproportionately impacted by the violence in Juárez are women, who regularly go missing without any hope of being found.

Obviously the situation in Juárez is an example of real harm. Like gay men with AIDS in the 1980s—like trans women of color in the United States today—the women of Juárez are dying preventable deaths at an insane rate, and nobody in the dominant culture gives enough of a shit to make it stop. Isaac’s play, “La Ruta,” is a tortured cry for mercy, one belonging to a theatrical tradition that includes plays like Larry Kramer’s seminal AIDS polemic “The Normal Heart” and “Twilight: Los Angeles, 1992,” Anna Deveare Smith’s verbatim account of the Los Angeles riots (in which Congresswoman Maxine Waters is a character, by the way).

In our conversation, Isaac and I discussed the roots of violence in Juárez, which Isaac attributed to toxic masculinity and failed US policy. Of the former, Isaac elaborated that he can draw a straight line from small acts of gendered insensitivity—microaggressions such as a man interrupting a woman to explain a point she was in the middle of making—to more grandiose expressions of violence, such as rape or murder. My impulse in the moment was to disagree and question the equivalence I thought Isaac was making. But after a night’s sleep on the matter, I think agree with Isaac’s general point—unchecked privilege corrupts, and if we don’t intervene when violence presents itself, it will escalate.

The women of Juárez are in a daily fight for their lives. The stakes for them could not be higher. That’s why, when people start to talk about feeling “safe” and the stakes fall somewhere short of life or death, it’s important to pause before offering our support and validation. Unfortunately, not all claims of victimhood are intellectually honest, and sometimes, folks who identify as victims are actually perpetrators. These situations require a different kind of intervention.

This week, the boys from Covington Catholic high school in a Kentucky have been all over the news, after a viral video clip in which one boy wearing a MAGA hat—Nick Sandmann—stared down an indigenous veteran named Nathan Phillips, who was seemingly just banging his drum. Since the release of that initial video, dozens more clips have surfaced, some of which show that Mr. Phillips intentionally walked into the Covington Catholic group, and others of which show an unrelated group of Black Israelites screaming nasty shit at every person who passed them, including the Covington Catholic boys and Nathan Phillips.

Some people claim these videos exonerate the Covington Catholic boys. Others say they implicate Nathan Phillips as a provocateur. What’s compelling to me is the immediacy with which reactions split along party lines. Lefties are Team Phillips, righties are Team CovCath. I have way too much trauma surrounding Catholic schoolboys of my youth to be impartial, but what I will argue is that the Covington Catholic boys are not victims here. I don’t want them destroyed, but I want to see some accountability. And when I see a lot of white adults minimizing their actions, I feel compelled to intervene.

The fact remains that Nick Sandmann stood aggressively close to Nathan Phillips, his posture and smirk fixed with a rigidity familiar to anyone who, like me, has been physically threatened or assaulted by a Catholic school meathead. Regardless of the aftermath, this was not a boy who was standing by innocently. He was full of the all the bravado an underdeveloped pre-frontal cortex allows, and that—to my eye—is undeniable in any of the videos I’ve seen so far. It’s an expression of the toxic masculinity Isaac mentioned in our discussion of “La Ruta.”

Part of the PR campaign the Covington Catholic community is waging involves blaming the Black Hebrew Israelites, a group of absolutely wild bigots that stand in public spaces and say naaaaaaaasty stuff about gays, women, etc. The reason for this PR move, I believe, is that Covington Catholic knows on some level that truth seekers will look at Nick Sandmann in those videos and see a young man eager for conflict, not peace. To avoid this murky discussion, they instead point to the Black Israelites as the instigators. “Look, these folks said faggot, that’s way worse.” Unfortunately, these two unrelated wrongs don’t change the interaction between Sandmann and Phillips on that video.

I was once a teenage boy, and I remember what a brutal period of self-discovery those years were for me. I made so many mistakes and treated folks around me with tremendous disrespect. To say the least, I’ve spent a lot of my adulthood making right the wrongs of my youth, and I am so lucky that every single fucking person wasn’t armed with a recording device when I was 16. I share this because I truly wish the best for the Covington Catholic boys—that they may overcome this moment, emerging on the other end with renewed faith and commitment to peace. I don’t see that happening, however, because as Nick Sandmann told the Today Show’s Savannah Guthrie, his only regret is that he didn’t walk away from Nathan Phillips (a subtle suggestion that Phillips was the aggressor), and he does not feel that he has anything for which to be sorry. If the only offense the Covington Catholic boys committed that day was Nick Sandmann glaring disrespectfully at an elder, then that would be enough to warrant an apology. Unfortunately, Nick Sandmann and whatever crisis PR firm is handling his case do not agree. (If you do not think Nick Sandmann’s glare was disrespectful, then let me ask you this: how would you feel if you saw him standing that way before your mother, father, grandparent?)

The problem is not so much the Covington Catholic boys as it is the adults who thrust victimhood on them. (And unrelatedly, I can’t help but imagine, if society cared this much about gay boys as it does about these Catholics then Bryan Singer would’ve been dealt with decades ago. But that’s another story.) The community that has built around Covington Catholic is absolute—the boys were not wrong, and any assertion otherwise is an attempt to ruin children's lives. Their supporters are misrepresenting the stakes in order to argue that MAGA folks are under attack. An attack on these boys gives MAGA supporters a chance to transfer their own feelings of victimhood, and so the amplification of their stories has created a deafening “poor me” echo chamber.

Speaking of poor me, in December I got into a Twitter fight with a playwright named Jeremy O. Harris, whose “Slave Play” was a controversial hit for the New York Theatre Workshop. The controversy wasn’t so much about the play as the playwright himself. I haven’t read or seen Slave Play, so I can’t speak to the piece’s merits, but I can speak to the way Jeremy behaves on social media, which seems to be carefully cultivated.

The initial buzz around “Slave Play” was huuuuge. As Jeremy himself said, the play went viral. The reviews from white NYC theater critics were overwhelmingly positive, with a few notable exceptions. On Twitter, however, criticism began to mount from a surprising corner: other black theater makers took serious issue with the way black women in particular are treated in the play. Some folks went as far as to say that Jeremy’s play was its own sort of violent act against black women, and they used things he’s said and tweeted publicly to support this. I won’t quote any of them, but it’s all there for you to find, if you want to.

All I can honestly say about Jeremy Harris is that I do not believe his social media persona is authentic. While “Slave Play” was enjoying an often sold-out run, he began tweeting about all the death threats he and his cast were receiving. For sure, horrific shit got hurled at Jeremy and his collaborators. At the same time this was happening, producers were looking seriously to bring the show to Broadway. Jeremy took to Twitter and called attention to the tweets and emails, claiming the threats he and others received numbered in the hundreds. I called bullshit on that number, and I wondered whether every mean tweet he received was actually a “death threat.” I suggested Jeremy was performing victimhood to engender sympathy that would distract from his critics and/or help facilitate a transfer, and perhaps that’s a leap too far. But I tweeted what I tweeted: I do not believe Jeremy Harris received “hundreds” of credible death threats over a play at an off-Broadway house. (For the record I never @ mentioned Jeremy on Twitter, he found my tweets on his own.)

In my back-and-forth with Jeremy, I made the mistake of roping critic Elizabeth Vincentelli into the discussion. Wasn’t really fair of me, because I don’t know her. But she was one of the only mainstream dissenting voices in her assessment of “Slave Play,” which she said ripped off better plays like “An Octaroon” and “Underground Railroad Game.” Elizabeth responded on Twitter to tell me that her problem was with the play, not the playwright, and she sort of scolded me for making inferences about Jeremy’s personality based on his tweets. Jeremy, who loves to herd critics on social media, jumped back in after EV’s capitulation, letting her (and me) know that “we stan critics.” The “we” referred only to him. Lol.

The funnier thing is that, two weeks later, on her podcast “Three on the Aisle,” Elizabeth did exactly what she admonished me for doing on Twitter—drawing conclusions about Jeremy the person—and she used much harsher language than anything I tweeted. She doubled down on the derivative nature of “Slave Play,” describing it as “a play that is embarrassing in its self-satisfaction and the way it revels in this empty provocation that is not really provoking, because people are just expecting it.” She elaborated:

“It’s is also written in an incoherent, smug manner that I found really, really annoying. Just the ineptitude of the writing was confounding, I felt. This play should’ve stayed in the oven, it was not ready to be pulled out… Reading the script afterwards, it annoyed me even more. The script is a window into the way this playwright’s mind works that is not really all that interesting.”

She later described anyone who was shocked by an event that happens in Jeremy’s play as “a target sitting still.” Harsh words for an artist and his audience. I wondered why she would be so brazen on a podcast yet conciliatory on Twitter. It made me wonder if she was afraid to bring the full weight of her position to Twitter, in writing, before Jeremy. And if that’s the case, then what positional power does she perceive that he has over her? Could be generational. Jeremy and his social media followers are presumably savvier to the medium than EV, which I imagine she would understand, so perhaps that’s part of the reason. Regardless, my question now, in light of everything, is: do we still stan critics like Elizabeth? (FWIW, I do. EV is one of the greats among NY’s theater critics.)

My beef with Jeremy truly isn’t so personal, although his personality seems challenging based on our Twitter interactions. That’s not real life, though, I know that. Jeremy and I have never met, only battled from our phones. Theater is the art I care most about, and I’m interested in who holds the power to create it.

Jeremy is a power-holder, despite repeatedly trying to position himself as an outsider. As far as I can smell, Jeremy is disingenuous in these claims, as he was when he overstated the number of actual threats he and others received. I believe that doing so helped bring attention to his play. Of course I have absolutely no concept of what it’s like to be a queer black person in America, but I do know that Yale Drama School—where Jeremy is finishing up his MFA—is the nerve center of NYC’s theater establishment. You cannot graduate from Yale Drama School and call yourself a theater outsider. Sorry. It’s just not honest. And when we allow dishonesty, for whatever reason, we allow injustice to escalate. And we stan only what’s just.

#la ruta #steppenwolf #theatre #theater #juarez #el paso #covington catholic #sandmann #phillips #catholic school #kentucky #march for live #harm #harm reduction #jeremy o harris #slave play #nytw #new york theatre workshop

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liftwellnes · 2 years

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janephillipsblog · 5 years

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One Yellow Rabbit’s 33rd Annual High Performance Rodeo

This year I decided to sign up as a volunteer, mostly as an usher, for the High Performance Rodeo which is a three week long international theatre festival, hosted by One Yellow Rabbit. I takes place here in Calgary every January and this year it was the 33rd year. I signed up for a lot of shows right away as the spots fill up fast.

Just before the festival began, I attended a volunteer session. Though I was late (my acting class ran over time), it was great as they went over all the shows (I found more that I wanted to see – somehow I had missed that Scott Thompson of Kids in the Hall was part of the line up), gave out door prizes (I was not lucky that day) and there were complimentary drinks and snacks (including wine and beer).

My first usher shift was on the second day of the festival, January 10, and was for Pearle Harbour’s Chautauqua. It was sold out, so I almost did not get to see the show, but in the end there was room for the volunteers. Billed as “Part Cabaret, Part Tent Revival, All Drag”, this show was a unique, intimate and interactive experience created and performed by Justin Miller as Pearle Harbour, an all-American gal and World War II stewardess. I loved its originality and the pace of the show kept the audience engaged throughout. I was so engaged that when I left the tent, I forgot I was an usher with a duty to pick up empty cups around the seats. Oops!

My second usher shift was on January 11 and was for How to Self-Suspend, written and performed by Mx Katie Sly. The piece promised to be provocative, thought-provoking and boundary pushing. We ushers were told that people may need to leave the space at some point (a few did) due to the subject matter dealing with trauma, abuse, pain, and sex. How to Self-Suspend is a performed memoir following Mx Sly escaping an abusive childhood in Montreal through to the discovery of their sexuality, gender-fluidity and eventually wholeness within themselves in the rope bondage scenes of Toronto and Vancouver. Mx Sly is a compelling storyteller who I found very likeable, which for me made the difficult subject matter easier to handle.

After a four day break I returned to the Rodeo to usher for Live Your Prime, with Damien Frost by the One Yellow Rabbit ensemble featuring Denise Clarke, Andy Curtis and John Murrell. This was a very fun and light-hearted show about an older man who had rose to fame starting with his book “Live Your Prime” and who now tours the country as a self-help guru with his son, Damien Jr. and wife, Darlene, a family who on the surface look like they have life figured out, but perhaps all is not what it seems. I loved the staging and the limited use of three, brightly coloured armchairs to create the various scenes. At the end of the festival, there were books for sale, including a lot of scripts by Canadian playwrights. With too many plays to choose from, I stuck this “non-fiction”. I bought copies of “Theatre of the Unimpressed” by Jordan Tannahill and Denise Clarke’s “The Big Secret Book”. After the festival, I got the chance to attend a talk at Poole Lawyers with Denise Clarke and so I got it signed there. Denise’s talk was about the book, Damien Frost, her life and One Yellow Rabbit which was very interesting and inspiring. My friend Denise (too many Denises!) and I had a nice chat with her afterwards too.

Crawlspace, written and performed from Karen Hines, was brilliant. The play is an account of her true- life real estate nightmare in 2006, after she purchased a tiny house in Toronto. Throughout the play, I empathized with Karen on many levels. Having worked as a REALTOR® now for nearly 12 years, I know that a real estate transaction really is all about caveat emptor (buyer beware). I have my own dead animals in houses stories (luckily not in my own residence) and I know the stressfulness of having to deal with pests and problems with the home (in my case, due to my own neglect). I also completely felt for Karen as she described how the home put her tens of thousands of dollars in debt and the traps that credit card companies created with their ever-increasing credit limits. Very inspiring and to think I almost didn’t get to see this play: first because the usher shift I signed up for was cancelled, then I was put on as an ambassador but this week warned that because it was sold out I would probably not get to see the play. I ended up doing coat check but there was room for all the ushers to watch the show so I was thrilled.

My fifth show to volunteer at was God’s Lake presented by A Castlereigh Theatre Project and Sage Theatre at the Pumphouse Theatres. The play, a work of documentary theatre, featured four actors playing members of the remote fly-in community of God’s Lake Narrows, Manitoba, following the murder of a young 15-year-old girl. The script is taken verbatim from actual interviews conducted in the community in 2017. I found this a raw and emotional piece and through the words of the community, it brought an understanding of the complex issues of life on the reserve and perhaps began to answer questions as to how a First Nations community can be torn apart by the cold-blooded murder of one of its youth. At each performance of a show during the High Performance Rodeo, a territorial acknowledgement of the Treaty 7 region is given and for this one, it was by a First Nations Elder. The performance ended with an Honour Song in which we all rose to our feet and then a short speech by the Elder indicating that as with a ceremony it is time to leave those negative thoughts with the Grandfathers and Grandmothers.

The sixth show for me was bug presented by the Manidoons Collective, written and performed by Yolanda Bonnell. The performance took place at the West Village Theatre in Sunalta and I loved how the stage was set up as if in a gathering with the audience all around. This one-woman performance was about indigenous women navigating addiction and inter-generational trauma. I found Yolanda Bonnell to be an extremely compelling and unique storyteller. At times, the story she wove was in places hard to watch and all emotional, however not without humour.

Into the final week of the Rodeo and the first show of the week for me was Café Daughter by Kenneth T. Williams, presented by Alberta Theatre Projects, starring Tiffany Ayalik and directed by Lisa C. Ravensbergen. Inspired by the early life of The Honourable Dr. Lillian Eva Quan Dyck, Café Daughter is a coming of age story about a young woman of mixed heritage (part Cree, part Chinese) growing up in Canada in the 1950s and 1960s. Filled with humour, though in parts it was emotional, I felt that this show was amazing and so well done. Tiffany Ayalik, as the sole performer, commanded the stage not only as the main storyteller, Yvette Wong, but also as all the other characters in Yvette’s life. Her physicality was awesome and I was in awe of how she smoothly transitioned between all these characters and brought them all to life.

Hammered Hamlet was a completely different experience. Presented by The Shakespeare Company and Hit and Myth Productions at the Legion, three out of the five actors downed four shots of whiskey before the show with the encouragement of the audience. This show was a total riot – what a great way to present Shakespeare! The show was supposed to only be 90 minutes with the intermission and ended up being more than two hours! I actually wished I hadn’t ushered for this one, as I think it would have been more fun to watch after a couple of drinks.

And now for something completely different…….Cow Love! Created and performed by Federico Robledo and Nanda Suc for the Société Protectrice de Petites Idées from Guingamp, France, this was 50 minutes of offbeat physical comedy. It combined acrobatics, dance, slapstick and pantomime and was thoroughly enjoyable to watch.

Macbeth Muet played at the Pumphouse Theatres on the same days as Cow Love. As both were only about 60 minutes long and both works of physical comedy, the plays were scheduled so a patron could watch them on the same night if they wanted too. As an usher, I watched them on different nights. For Macbeth Muet¸ I knew, when I was instructed to tell people that the show contains eggs and blood, that we were in for treat. Created by Marie-Hélène Bélanger, Jon Lachlan Stewart, and of course, the Bard himself, this was unique retelling of the Scottish Play without spoken words and with only two actors (Jérémie Francoeur as Macbeth and Clara Prévost as Lady Macbeth) with some help from some homemade puppets. Another steller show that I have been lucky to attend and I loved the soundtrack.

A about this time in the festival, the days are starting to meld together. A couple that came to see Cow Love on the evening I ushered for Macbeth Muet, I recognized, but thought they had attended the previous evening’s performance of Cow Love, when it actually was from Hammered Hamlet which was earlier in the week. They also were at Après de Deluge: The Buddy Cole Monologues when I was ushering for that.

The last show, for me, of the Rodeo, was Après le Deluge: The Buddy Cole Monologues, created and performed by Scott Thompson. Originally a regular Kids in the Hall character, it was a real treat to get to see it live. The Kids in the Hall was a show I got into as a teenager when I first arrived in Canada and Buddy Cole was one of my favourite characters. This show was definitely in my top three shows and as I type, my face still hurts from smiling and laughing so much. Just over halfway through, the microphone decided to play up, but Scott incorporated it in to his act. It was Buddy Cole that was having mic issues and being driven insane with sounding like he was speaking into a tin can. In the end he took off the mic (you don’t really need it anyways in the Big Secret Theatre).

After the show, Scott and his team were having a drink at the Laycraft Lounge next to the theatre as well. I thought about approaching him just to say how much I enjoyed the show, but I was too shy and just headed home with the books I had bought, though I didn’t realize I had left behind my water bottle until the train was making its way through downtown.

And so that was my first experience of the One Yellow Rabbit High Performance Rodeo. What a fantastic, but busy, three weeks. I did not see every show that was a part of the festival and there were some recurring events that I did not experience this year such as the 10-Minute Play Festival and The Veronicas (an award show where everyone wins). Of the shows I did see, I did not see one bad show, they were all unique, well done and fabulous to watch. I loved how some shows – How to Self-Suspend, Crawlspace and Bug were examples of how artists had “taken their broken heart and made art”. Generally, I was most impressed with the one-person shows, with the performer’s ability to command the space and keep the audience engaged the entire time. My top three shows for this year’s festival were Café Daughter, Après le Deluge: The Buddy Cole Monologues, and Crawlspace.

I am already excited about next year!

#HPRodeo #OneYellowRabbit #YYC #Theatre

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scifigeneration · 6 years

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Art and science come together to examine the power and perversions of perfection

by Julie Shiels

Patricia Piccinini, Graham, 2016 Installation view, Nicole Cleary

Review: Perfection, Science Gallery Melbourne.

It would be easy to assume that art and science occupy separate worlds. Art invites us to encounter “things as they are perceived and not as they are known” and relies on subjective experience to confirm value. Science strives to establish knowledge as fact through testing and peer review. Yet sitting at the core of both disciplines is the desire to employ curiosity, creativity, innovation and discovery to examine the world we live in. These intellectual frameworks create bridges between the two disciplines.

The intersection between art and science is the focus of Perfection, the latest pop-up show for the Science Gallery Melbourne. Part exhibition, part experiment it asks: “What does it mean to be perfect?”

Curated by a panel that includes a particle physicist, a computer scientist, a plastic surgeon and a musicologist, Perfection offers a set of reflections, calculations and speculations that engage with ideas about the perfect body, mathematical precision, quantum physics and a post-human world. We are invited to consider the current state of things and to contemplate what might constitute an ideal future.

XORXOR, Perfect O, installation view. Image courtesy of the artists

The slippages between art and science, and experiment and exhibition, are an active component of Perfection. Questions that straddle technology and art history are explored by XORXOR’s question: “Is it possible to draw a perfect circle?”

Marcus Volz, Lorenz Attractor 201, Digital animation. Image courtesy the artist

Marcus Volz’s digital animations, Lorenz Attractor and Natalina Cafra, employ complex 3D sculptural forms to visualise mathematical equations relating to atmospheric weather patterns and fractal diversity in molluscs. Reminiscent of late modernism and the idea of a perfect closed self-referencing system, these drawings ask whether art can be maths and maths can be art.

The lab-like conditions of Andy Gracie’s Fish, Plant, Rack v.2 speculate on a future post-human condition where the world goes on without us. In this experiment three systems interact: a blind fish emitting electrical impulses, a robot powered by the fish, and plants living in a hydroponic system. Other works that deal with non-human concerns explore ideas about a “perfect sound” and question whether light has consciousness.

The most prominent experiments in the exhibition, though, relate to the human body, identity and the self.

Throughout history, the body has been an abiding interest for artists — from the earliest forms of bodily adornment through Da Vinci’s concern with anatomy, to contemporary explorations of race, gender and sexuality. Technology takes things to a new level, enabling us to hack, modify and transform our bodies, and to use social media as a platform to manage our identity and present it to the world. As a potential extension of the body, the digital realm provides fertile ground for creative critique and exploration.

Ant Hamlyn, The Boost Project, 2015. Nicole Cleary

Ant Hamlyn’s The Boost Project and Tyler Payne’s Womanhours both address the pressures of social media.

Hamlyn’s six-metre-tall inflatable is a proxy for the body and the ego. Suspended from the ceiling, this giant orb gives form to the flux and fragility of an online presence. Each time it is liked via its hashtag, The Boost Project gets a 30-second burst of air. On a good day it has a substantial presence at the entrance of the gallery, but when it is ignored the orb slowly deflates, its firmness diminishes, and the suspended form takes on a droopy and dejected demeanour.

Payne’s Womanhours demonstrates the oppression of Instagram. In a series of videos, the artist employs her own body to reveal the level of self-correction needed to achieve the perfect self-portrait. She appears to endure an extreme physical and psychological makeover through female cosmetic rituals such as waxing, tanning, bleaching, plucking and shaving. The perfected self is captured for a fleeting moment in the virtual realm and the ritual is repeated all over again.

Orlan, Omniprésence, 1993. Image courtesy of the artist

Self-correction is also the subject of ORLAN’s performance practice and her body is the canvas for experimentation. No need to repeat these rituals; the interventions are permanent. For decades, ORLAN has undergone plastic surgery in order to shape her face to reflect a version of beauty expressed in the Renaissance paintings. Her new brow resembles the Mona Lisa and her chin belongs to Botticelli’s Venus.

Adam Peacock, Genetics Gym, 2017, video still. Nicole Cleary

In Genetics Gym, Adam Peacock speculates on how genetic technologies could allow us to design our bodies and cognitive dispositions, ramping up the prospects of self-improvement beyond internal and external modification.

Similarly, in Demiurge, Jaden Hastings has accessed her entire gene sequence and used artificial intelligence to analyse potential risks and provide information about what needs to be fixed to achieve a perfect state. In doing so, the artist inserts the machine into the process of human evolution.

Most artists in this exhibition speculate on self-improvement with respect to health, function and beauty, but we might also be driven to modify ourselves through fear. What if the desire to survive a cataclysmic event was the catalyst for reshaping the human form?

Patricia Piccini’s Graham has the perfect body to walk away unscathed from a car crash. Created in collaboration with trauma surgeon Christian Kenfield and the Monash University Accident Research Centre, Graham’s honed and sculpted anatomy will withstand the impact of a 30kph collision. Paradoxically, the unintended consequences of Graham’s modified feet and ankles would appear to make walking very difficult.

Few of us would choose to look like Graham, but he is a metaphor for the lengths we will go to be safe. How far might we go to protect ourselves or our children from threats like terrorism or global warming?

The prospect of hacking, modifying and transforming our bodies presents an unexpected conundrum. Scientific and technological advances inevitably open up an unfettered realm of personal choice when innovations hit the marketplace. But in The Paradox of Choice, economist Barry Schwartz shows that having too many options generates anxiety. It’s hard enough to choose a toothbrush today, let alone make an informed decision about the potential range of future body modifications.

Perfection raises questions about what constitutes a utopian or dystopian future, ethical or unethical practices, a perfect or an imperfect human. The exhibition provides no easy answers but invites us to shift our perception and engage with the world as it is now, and as it might one day become. Be careful what you wish for.

Perfection is showing at Science Gallery Melbourne until November 11 2018.

About The Author:

Julie Shiels is a Lecturer in the School of Art at RMIT University.

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license.

#technology #technopolitics #mathematics #Arts #art review #visual arts

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rheaitis · 6 years

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Writing has been #difficult this week. I was gonna write about my own mental state as part of Mental Health Awareness Month, but apparently I'm not well enough to be able to write that stuff out for strangers yet. Moving on, then.

Today marks the first day of US Pride Month, so the five media posts this month are all gonna be queer as hell. And, like, happy; no dead queers here, so buckle in that rainbow seatbelt, cause this is gonna be one gay-ass ride.

Today's media is some 38 episodes long, and both diverse and diversely queer. It's got transformative work, it's got early eighteenth-century politics, it's got pirates, it's got treasure, it's got lesbians and bi women and genderqueer historical figures, it's got long-term committed poly folk, it's got blood, it's got gore, it's got amaaaazing black women ruling their own communities with care and compassion, it's got disabled folk being given focus and allowed agency, it's got conspiracies and alliances and mentoring between people of all genders and generations, it's got really lovely cinematography and music, it's got Toby Stephens' fabulous micro-expressions.

That's right, gentlefolk, today's media consumption is Black Sails. This is more of a weekend binge project, or a month-long thing if you're inclined to be sensible about things. It is also aimed at creasedknees, because I want her to watch it so we can squee.

Black Sails is a prequel of sorts to Treasure Island, dealing with the adventure that leads to the discovery and burial of that treasure. It takes up Captain Flint (Toby Stephens), Billy Bones (Tom Hopper) and of course John Silver (Luke Arnold) from the novel, and peoples itself with various fictional and fictionalised historical figures of the time, most significantly Jack Racham, Anne Bonny, and Charles Vane, who function as foils to our heroes throughout the show. I'm going to talk about them in just a bit but first Our Hero Captain James Flint, whom I adore entirely. (I want to like John Silver, but as in the novel Silver is a marvelously done character, without ever being someone it's safe to trust wholeheartedly or really at all.)

Captain Flint kills someone in the very first episode, and he doesn't actually get any nicer. (Even that killing is preceded by the pirate crew taking a ship with due savagery, so if you dislike gore I sadly cannot recommend watching this series.) In fact he escalates considerably, up from individual acts of piracy to cannonades directed at cities, and the show doesn't particularly gloss over this violence or the human cost entailed. Flint is the most consistently Slytherin character I have ever seen (and the fact that he resembles his mother to the last and most infinitesimal degree is often jarring): a man of vaulting ambition and enormous rage, with a capacity to hold onto grudges undiminished over a decade and longer. I love him. I love him absolutely, and not just because he is so wonderfully tender with all the women around him without ever doubting or trivialising their personhoods or capacity for doing what they set hands and minds to, though that is admittedly a very large part of why. Flint is always furious, always hurting, always ruthless with himself and his crew and associates, groaning away from a primal wound.

Primal wounds are maybe a good way to talk about this show without showering people with spoilers, as so many of the main characters have such wounds, inflicted by living in systems characterised by ills ranging from slave trafficking, bonded labour, debt prisons, early marriage, sexual violence, weaponised misogyny and institutionalised homophobia, and too often and deeply realistically by the rutted interstices of such injustice. Again realistically, the show's leads do not emerge from these experiences as noble crusaders, but rather as a den of Slytherins desperate to get ahead in whatsoever manner they can, and find whatever they think of as safe harbour: from Max (one of the characters original to the show and superbly played by Jessica Parker Kennedy) who wants to leave behind her miserable childhood and exploited adulthood by gaining entry into the Big House where life is soft and easy, to Madi who wants to lead her enslaved people into liberty, to Rackham who wants to make his mark on the world through narrative instead of having his story told as one of crushing poverty and debt. Our villains have stories as well, but even the few delineated in any detail are effectively subsumed in the institutional machines of which they are privileged cogs.

But important as all these stories are in motivating and substantiating the show, Flint's is the wound at the core of Black Sails. There are problems with this centering of white queer trauma in a show that, set in West Indies, could and almost certainly ought to have instead centered PoC and enslavement. It does deal with these issues, and inarguably allows Max and Madi Scott together as much space as Flint. Still, one has to accept at the start that this is a show about queer resistance that includes other aspects of marginalisation, rather than being a show of marginalised resistance against the institutions perpetrating and perpetuation said marginalisations. Significantly, Max and Mr. Scott are not initially characterised as being interested in working towards liberation, but the viewer complaints about the slow reveal of Mr. Scott's plans in this regard seem as facile as the screaming about Flint being queer.

I can go on about this show endlessly, as T, poor child, can easily testify, because I love everything about it, from the cinematography, to the gore, to the wlw relationships and just Anne Bonny queen of my heart and every violent impulse. And I do think that if I was a better person I would dwell longer on the gorgeous and deeply complex relationships between Charles Vane, Jack Rackham Anne Bonny and Max, and how I want them all to be alive and married but for Charles and Max to never ever ever touch, OR for Charles to scrub himself raw and bleeding before he's ever allowed to be near Max, and also Max's brilliance and subtlety and compassion and ruthlessness, how she's clung on to kindness in a deeply unkind existence and how that in no way signifies a lack of Nature, red in tooth and claw, and the way her change of clothing reflects and reiterates her change of status and and just. Her faaace, her golden glowing beauty and that heart-stopping smile. But the thing is my interests were set early and I imprinted on exactly one sort of character as a child and I continue to love them more than anything, and much as I adore Max, and much as I worship Madi Scott's regal compassion and strategic mind and her trust in and friendship with Flint and her renewed affection for Eleanor (whom I love also! and who is so sharp and such a merchant-prince and so tramelled by her gender), well. Look. I love Flint. I love his anger, and his sorrow, and his everything. I think it's remarkable how Flint’s story goes from Achillean (my lover is dead I will go to war, my lover is dead I will burn down this town, fight this empire, challenge fate/gods) to Odyssean (I am home from the wars and here is my lover who has longed for me as I for him). But what I love the most is how in a story that is almost entirely about stories and how and when and by whom they are told, Flint gets to say, angry and wounded and betrayed again,

This is how they survive. You must know this. You're too smart not to know this. They paint the world full of shadows... and then tell their children to stay close to the light. Their light. Their reasons, their judgments. Because in the darkness, there be dragons. But it isn't true. We can prove that it isn't true. In the dark, there is discovery, there is possibility, there is freedom in the dark once someone has illuminated it.

I love it so much, so intensely, so much more than Rackham's playing around with narratival style and truth, I love my sad bi ginger pirate uncle, and so would you if you gave the show a chance. It's all on directseries.net, at fairly good quality, with subtitles and everything. Please pretty please?

#Black Sails

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