#can u tell i gave up w the outfits like halfway | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

messyworldfanfictions · 4 years

Note

Kinda weird request but I'm really sick rn, can u request daddy Martin and the reader being a bratty sub but the reader is sick with a head cold so Martin is trying to ease her symptoms w/ sexual stimulation (fun fact, sex helps relieve the common cold!) but the reader is pushing her luck and getting really bratty so daddy has to get ~very firm with her

Pairing: Martin Whitly x reader , Martin Whitly x you

Warnings: Vaginal fingering, Dom/sub, oral sex, orgasm, bratty subs, daddy kink, latex kink, …

A Notes: Hi anon & others, hope you’ll like it !

Constructive criticism are welcome, English is not my first language so I apologize for possible mistakes. If you see errors, please tell me! :)

Have fun !

You can add you to the tag list here

****************************************************************************************************

You were lying in your bed, your body covered with black silk blankets, your nose red from the irritation of the kleenex you used all day long. A terrible headache was piercing your skull and every time you sneezed it was worse. You had asked Martin not to go to work because you wanted him to stay with you, but he didn’t give in to your whim despite your supplications and threats to sulk. He told you that you were not a child and that you could stay alone and take your medication.

But you’d been taking these meds for a week and your health hadn’t really improved, you hated taking them. The syrup was disgusting, it tasted like minty pepper and the pills you had to take were so big that they hurt your throat when you swallowed them. Today you decided not to take them, you wanted to show Martin that if he didn’t take care of you, you weren’t going to do it for him.

You heard the front door slam, Martin had just come home and you could hear his footsteps walking up the stairs to your room. The door opened quietly and Martin entered, still dressed in his white doctor’s outfit.

« So Y/N, how do you feel? " he asked as he closed the door, putting his bags on the small table in the corner of the room. The room was poorly lit and it was already dark outside, so he moved closer to the bed to get a better view of you.

You were staring at the wall in front of you, avoiding his gaze. You pretended he didn’t exist, completely ignoring his question.

He sighed and sat on the bed next to you. “How long are you going to sulk? "He was staring at you, you could feel his eyes on your face.

*Silence*

He sighed in irritation and grabbed your chin, forcing you to turn your head towards him, you tried to resist but his grip was too strong and the pressure on your chin started to hurt. You let out a whimper of pain and protest and you finally looked at him with furrowed brows.

« You better stop acting up, right now. » Martin said in a warning tone.

"Or what? Are you going to spank me ? ” You replied sarcastically, you knew he couldn’t physically punish you because you were too sick. He was staring at you, emotionless, not even a hint of anger. You know he’s trying to maintain control. His grip loosened around your chin and you pulled away, turning your face to the wall in front of you.

“ I am going to give you your medicine,” he said as he got up from the bed, walking to the little box where your pills from this morning were. A little grin appeared on your lips, you couldn’t wait to see his reaction when he saw that you hadn’t taken his damn meds. “I’ll put tomorrow’s pills in the…” he didn’t finish his sentence, you didn’t look at him, but you were convinced he just saw that you hadn’t taken your medication. He was standing still and staring at the little box full of pills.

You slowly turned your head towards him, he decided to look into your eyes and innocently you asked him « What ? A problem, Daddy ?“

You could see his jaw tightening. He smashed the box hard against the table, the sudden noise made you jump. He began to walk towards you until he was inches from the bed.

"Don’t play that game with me, little one. You know you’ll lose. ” he spoke in a stern voice.

You lower your head so he couldn’t see the expression on your face, he was intimidating you.

“Why didn’t you take them ? ” he asked, impatience reflected in his voice.

Still with your head lowered, “Because …”, you said hesitantly, “because I hate it, the pills are too big, and the syrup is not good,” you answered timidly, crossing your arms on your chest with an embarrassed expression on your face.

He raised a surprised eyebrow, “Are you sure there isn’t something else? " He accused.

"No. » You lied.

"You really are a bad liar, you know daddy don’t like it when you lie, it makes daddy angry. ” he said as he sat on the bed, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear. “Is this what you want? To make me angry? Admit it. ” he asked as he bites his lip, sliding his index finger along your chin.

“Yes…” you murmured coyly, nodding your head. “I wanted to… Punish you because you didn’t stay with me” your eyes resting on the black silk blanket.

You looked up at his face, he was smiling. “Punish me? ” he mocked. “The only thing you’re doing is punishing yourself because you’re still going to have to take them now, and I’m going to make you swallow them. »

Your face twisted in a grimace of disgust "Nooooo, daddy please… I don’t want to take them! They aren’t working anyway! ” as you complained, Martin had got up to take the syrup, the spoon and your pills that were on the table. He sat on the bed next to you, ignoring your pleas. He poured some syrup into the spoon and gently brought it to your mouth, but you turned your head with a grumpy expression on your face.

“Y/n…” he warned. “If you don’t open your mouth, I’ll make you open it myself. "he said in a stern tone.

You shrugged.

"Fine” he growled, grabbing a firm grip in your hair, you opened your mouth in surprise and he pushed the spoon into your mouth, pouring the red liquid into your mouth and forcing it down your throat. He released your hair the next second. “Don’t shrug at me ever again, you understand? I said I won’t punish you because you’re sick, but if you insist, I can change my mind?.” He punctuated his words by grabbing your thigh firmly under the blanket.

You loved the punishments Martin gave you when you teased him, but there was one you hated and he knew it … Once you were very impolite to him and as a punishment he tied you to the bed and smacked you on your thighs again and again. You hated this punishment, that was very painful and you didn’t take any pleasure from it. Feeling his hand squeezed on your thigh, you knew he was threatening you to do it again.

“NO! …N-no, I’m sorry Daddy…” you said in a hurry, begging him with your eyes.

He removed his hand, took the pill and presented it in front of your mouth, that you kept closed. You looked at the pill and then you looked at Martin. He sighed impatiently, “You don’t want me to force it down your throat, do you? »

You opened your mouth, resigned and he put the pill between your lips and gave you some water to swallow it.

He stroked your hair, kissing your forehead and stood up « See ? It wasn’t that difficult. » He gave you a soft smile. "The medication are working, it just takes a bit of time to start working. I’m going to make you feel better, for tonight at least. ” he said, pulling the blanket away, you were wearing a long t-shirt that was way too large for you and it was halfway up your thigh. He smiled when he realized you were wearing his shirt, he thought it was pretty cute.

Your face was a sulky pout, he moved his hand over your thigh and stroked it with his fingertips going towards your inner thigh. “Are you sure this is going to work, Daddy? I’m not really in the mood…” You asked innocently.

He looked into your eyes and put his index finger to his lips and shushed you. He gently grabbed you by your forearms and pulled you down so that you were well pressed into the mattress. His hand continued its way up your thigh before touching the white fabric that separated his soft fingers from your private parts. He moved his hand away and whispered, “I’m going to get something, when I come back, I don’t want to see a single piece of clothing on your body, is that clear? »

"Yes daddy. ” you nodded. He got up and left the room.

A few minutes later, you were naked, lying on the bed, your body covered with chills because you were cold. Martin had just entered the room and you noticed that he was wearing latex gloves, the ones he used at work. He also had a tube with a transparent liquid inside. You were a little nervous because you didn’t know why he had put those gloves on.

When he sat on the bed you couldn’t help but ask him in a hesitant voice “D-Daddy, w-why are you wearing this and…” but before you could say another word he pressed his hand against your mouth. “You are being very difficult today. I’ll take care of you, just relax. If you ask one more question, I’ll gag you. ” he whispered with a smile.

It was tempting to disobey him, you loved it when he gagged you, it was your favorite punishment with a good spanking. But you decided not to upset him.

Martin caressed your face with one hand while the other touched your thigh. Martin’s thumb traced your lower lip and you letting out a shaky breath. His index finger pressed past your lips into your wet mouth. You closed your lips around his fingers, gently rubbing your tongue along the soft skin.

His hand slipped from your thigh to your womanhood and you felt his fingers tickling your entrance as you were still sucking his finger. Suddenly he pressed his thumb on your sensitive spot and you moaned.

“Already so wet for me, I knew you would like it. ” he whispered.

You began to move your hips, hoping his fingers would accelerate, but he grabbed your hips and pushed them firmly against the mattress. “Don’t move, let me do it,” he ordered.

After playing with your little piece of nerves for a few minutes, Martin dipped a finger inside of your wet pussy, and you gasped as he began fingering you slowly. You were now shivering in pleasure, the coldness had turned into warmth, and it was running through your whole body.

You whimpered as he added another finger, using his thumb to rub your clit. He took his index finger out of your mouth and took the tube filled with the transparent liquid, he took some of the liquid and gently put it on your vulva, it was lube. You felt his two fingers penetrating you again and again and you hoped that he would insert a third and your wish was granted. You moaned and he stayed still for a few seconds as your flesh adjusted to the intrusion, And he began to come and go faster and faster. The feeling of the latex inside your hole was exquisite.

You wanted to touch him, to feel his hardness, so your hand touched his thigh to reach up to his cock but before you could succeed, he grabbed your wrist firmly.

« No, you don’t touch me tonight, just relax and let me take care of you. » he ordered.

« Daddy… let me suck your cock, I want it… » you practically begged, still trying to touch his cock but he slapped your hand.

“Sh-sh-sh-sh, what did I say? If you do it again I’ll be forced to tie you up. "He warned.

You smiled defiantly at him, and with a quick gesture you grabbed his bulge and started stroking him through his pants. Suddenly he grabbed your wrists, "You insolent brat. "he growled and grabbed a rope next to the bed and tied your wrists to the headboard. He leaned towards your ear and whispered, "We’ll talk about your punishment later. »

He positioned his face between your legs and pushed his three fingers brutally into your wet entrance, you moaned in pain at this intrusion "If you hadn’t been so cocky I wouldn’t have done this, now shut up and feel. »

Your stomach burned as the tip of his tongue meandered around your button, slowly pushing his fingers into you as he alternated between sucking and lapping at your clit. You could feel his salt and pepper beard against your sensitive skin. You wanted to touch his soft curls while he was pleasing you, but you were restrained and it was so frustrating…You moaned loudly and bucked your hips onto his fingers that huddled against your walls. Your chest heaved as your thighs started to shake on either side of his face, suddenly you felt a wave of pleasure washing over you. Your orgasm started to explose through your body, you could feel your wet cunt clenching around his fingers as they slowed down, prolonging your pleasure. He slowly removed himself from between your legs. Your breathing was deep and heavy, you were trying to catch your breath.

He smiled at you, and you smiled back at him. You felt much better, your headache was gone and you felt much more relaxed.

« Sleep now, love. » Martine said, brushing his lips over your forehead.

« Thank you, daddy » you sighed, curling you in the blankets

#martin whitly #martin whitly x reader #michael sheen #martin whitly smut #Prodigal Son fanfiction

234 notes · View notes

chaeryybomb · 4 years

Text

𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐬 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰

ITZY: IT’z ME

TITLE SONG: WANNABE

it is really really catchy!! i immediately liked it after my first listen. it reminded me a lot of “dalla dalla”, like it has the same arrangement as “dalla dalla”. i really like the beginning of the song where it has the turning sound.

my favorite part is ryujin+chaeryeong rap part and lia’s “it’s none of your business, i do my own business”

MUSIC VIDEO

it’s probably my favorite mv they have produced so far. the scenes were all very pleasing to watch and love the solo scenes of the girls. my favorite scene would be lia’s and ryujin’s scenes. like, w o w

CHOREOGRAPHY

the choreography is amazing!!! ryujin has the entire world at her feet because of the shoulder move, which by the way I still cannot understand how it works

the point choreography of it is also really nice, the one there they circle their face with their hand and where they slide their hand across their chest when they sing “i wanna be me me me”

i absolutely love the dance break! it is definitely my favorite part of the dance

STAGE PRESENCE / STAGE OUTFITS

bro ryujin is literally killing this era. p e r i o d

also I can see that the girls have improved so much! especially lia! she’s gaining more and more confidence and it looks amazing on her. as usual, yeji’s stage presence is a m a z i n g. yuna has definitely improved as well. and so has chaeryeong!

my favorite outfits of them is the mv solo scenes outfits. i just think it really suits them. and i love love love how they’re trying new hairstyles this era, unlike “dalla dalla” and “icy”s era when everyone had almost the same hairstyle for every stage.

i love how they actually let yeji perform with her hair down instead of the usual ponytail and that they gave it to yuna lmao. seriously, the hairstyles for this era is really diverse. and of course ryujin’s iconic blue hair. and I really like chaeryeong’s hair this era idk why but I do

also I love the fact that their outfits are mostly pants, they look so much more comfortable performing in them + yeji with a jacket is pretty dangerous

also, has anyone noticed that Lia has gained some weight?? which is a good thing! halfway through “icy” era, lia lost a lot of weight and I’m really glad she had gained some weight this era!

ALBUM SONGS

i know ITZY’s concept is about self confidence and the songs are more upbeat but personally I’m not a fan of it all

the album itself is catchy and nice but for me, the songs aren’t the type of songs that I’ll play on repeat

out of all of the songs, i don’t really like “ting ting ting”. i just can’t seem to like, vibe(?) with it

but my favorites of the album is “nobody like you” and “you make me”

+ lia’s iconic “you make me... speechless!”

OVERALL

overall, i felt that this comeback was definitely an improvement for itzy in dance and vocal wise. I’ve watched a few of their mr removed ( by the channel “lyma” bc it’s the only one I trust ) and their all quite stable, I’m surprised how stable ryujin can be she does the shoulder move. like I said before, lia has improved a lot in this comeback, she’s like jihyo where their voices doesn’t fit their groups initial concept, but with time, lia can improve like how jihyo did. yeji is really stable and i can understand why she gets most lines. yuna has improved and chaeryeong has been quite stable since debut, so i think she could get more lines. my only complain is that I wished that chaeryeong was the center during the dance break, considering the fact that she’s the main dancer

NCT 127: NCT #127 NEO ZONE

TITLE SONG: 英雄；Kick It

fun fact! the Chinese word “英雄” in the title means “hero” which i think is quite fitting for this comeback’s concept.

i immediately for hooked on after the first listen, yes it's that catchy

lemme introduce you to some new thangs

as someone who learns taekwando, this is the song that u can work out to lmao. it's the fuel to ur flame and makes u wanna fight someone

also jungwoo baby!! he's back!! and bitch did he gREW I THINK HE'S ALMOST JOHNNY'S HEIGHT

the highlights: taeil's high note!!! yuta+haechan "baby we go wild, 127 squad"

also johnny!!! with lines!!

MUSIC VIDEO

I just really love the entire music video okay

it's martial arts!!! it's like my hobby!!

and bruce lee!! who doesn't love bruce lee?? i absolutely love this concept in general and the music video does justice

like all the martial arts reference and bruce lee reference!!

my favorite part is when they were all dancing in the rain lol and when like behind the doors u can see silhouettes of someone fighting

CHOREOGRAPHY

hnnnnnnnngggggggg

i cannot stress e n o u g h how much I love this choreography, especially the dance break!!! it's so satisfying to watch!!!

and mark's "fight" scene in it!! bro!!

this has definitely became one of my favourite nct dances along with "black on black" and "cherry bomb"

also the part where taeyong does his "enter the dragon", the kick he does is called a side kick and lemme tell u how much I hate doing that shit so props to taeyong for doing not only, but two of it in the dance

++ center!! haechan!! the way he just smoothly slides into the center lmao

STAGE PRESENCE / STAGE OUTFITS

despite taeyong, yuta and johnny's really rude outfits from the mv, those are one of my favourites actually. they look like fighter outfits that came out from a bruce lee movie

and the bomber jackets outfits!! please I want one so badly!!! bc I'm a sucker for bomber jackets lol

bro yuta's hair colour + belly piercing

that's *chef's kiss*

and haechan's mullet!! it looks good on him!! he better start growing an actual mullet or so help me-

stage presence *inhales* were so so so so amazing

nct just has amazing stage presence in general tbh

also, johnny lowkey looks scary in this comeback besides the fact that he's also a giANT

ALBUM SONGS

you know despite the scary album cover, 70% of the songs are soft af

and yes I like it

my favourites are "sit down!" and "boom"

johnny's "don't get up, don't stand up, please don't put your hand up, and don't make me tell you again. sit down!"

bro the difference between nct dream's "boom" and nct 127's "boom" tho

johnny's rap in "dreams come true" tho

and jaehyun's high note in "day dream"

OVERALL

overall, I'm really happy to stan nct and be enjoy the comeback lmao

but yeah I really like this comeback as u can tell lol

i wonder if they're gonna release a "kick it" english version

but to be honest, this era would've fit winwin so well like, winwin himself can do flips and shit and it would've fit him so well

ELRIS: JACKPOT

TITLE SONG: JACKPOT

okay I know that their comeback was in february but it was during late february and they promoted in march

and I finally know all of their names so u can write a proper review on them now lmao

so from what I understand, elris basically went m.i.a and came back with 2 new members

the song is definitely catchy and like I said, this is really solid group. they have a really good rap line and vocal line, plus they could all be main dancers and there's no visual hole

ej and chaejeong is a great addition to the group

plus hyeseong and sohee's vocals are!! really good!!

and bella's basically a triple threat y'all

MUSIC VIDEO

the music video is really aesthetic

i like it a lot lol

the gambling concept they have on is really nice to see

CHOREOGRAPHY

ah yes the choreography

the choreography is really fun tbh

i like the chorus part the best and yukyung's bow and arrow move in between the chorus

STAGE PRESENCE / STAGE OUTFITS

ej and bella has really strong stage presence and I've watched bella on mixnine a few times

and chaejeong's purple hair stood out as well.

the one who caught my eyes is yukyung

and for the vocals, I'm quite surprised to see that karin is only 17 years old, I thought she would've been older

i really like their outfits despite coming from a smaller company, it's all bling bling and classy

ALBUM SONGS

i just wanna say chaejeong has a good set of lungs lmao, her vocals in the b-sides is really good especially in "this is me"

the entire album gave me a bit of a video game vibe like cherry bullet's "Q&A"

maybe it's because the soundtrack is like, upbeat and strong at the same time

my favourite is "this is me" and "like I do"

"this is me" reminds me of blackpink's "forever young" bc they almost have the same arrangement

both of the songs are like upbeat girl crush kind of song with a strong beat drop for the dancebreak

OVERALL

overall, elris is definitely underrated but I have a feeling they will rise to fame like everglow, if only they debuted this year, they could've been like monster rookies.

AleXa: Do Or Die

TITLE SONG: Do Or Die

okay so i feel like a lot of the english lyrics felt a bit out of place,,, idk maybe it’s just me. i think the song is quite nice, like for a sci-fi concept, i thought it’d have more heavier edm/beat drop but it actually feels light and nice to listen to it. i really like the chorus of the song and when she said “I’m a one girl army”

MUSIC VIDEO

okay ngl, I zoned out from the song bc I was so immersed into the mv. like, it reminded me a lot of the movie “alita: the battle angel”.

also the cgi?? that’s some rlly good cgi lemme tell u that, the villain of the mv was rlly scary lmao

also I really like her fight scenes with the the bad guy

CHOREOGRAPHY

the choreography looks rlly complicated, and personally I feel like it doesn’t suit alexa?? like, I know she’s talented but she almost looked out of breath during her performance stages. the choreography looks like it suited a group song better cause alexa was constantly moving. she’s a solo artist and I feel like solo artists shouldn’t do such complicated choreography unless they have a really good control over their breathing and vocals

STAGE PRESENCE / STAGE OUTFITS

I really like her outfits, it suits her a lot, though I want to see alexa perform with her hair down

my favorite outfit of hers is the white outfit that she wore in the beginning of the mv

as for stage presence, she has good stage presence but I can see that there’s room for improvement. alexa is still quite new to the solo artist game, in time she can definitely improve on everything

OVERALL

overall, i feel like this is quite a powerful comeback. like I said, alexa needs to get a better control of her breathing. but other than that, i can see that she will be quite popular in the future.

SEJEONG: Plant

TITLE SONG: Plant

the song itself is so calming?? like, it’s the perfect song to listen if you want relieve stress or something. and her vocals are so beautiful and emotional. these type of songs fit her voice so much!!

MUSIC VIDEO

the mv is literally the definition of “plant aesthetic”

literally

it’s such a pleasing sight to watch and the mv itself is truly aesthetic

CHOREOGRAPHY

okay I know “plant” doesn’t have a choreography as expected but “swim away” does so

the choreography is so simple and it honestly fits the song. i also think that with the lack of an intense choreography, sejeong’s voice can be more clearly heard since “swim away” requires her to use falsetto a lot

so with a simple choreography, she can sing in falsetto without trouble

STAGE PRESENCE / STAGE OUTFITS

sejeong literally radiates emotions when she sings, when she performs “swim away”, there’s a playful and mischievous aura around her

when she sings “plant”, you can literally feel her raw emotion through her vocals

sejeong has the potential to be a really successful solo artist!! her voice basically suits almost any style, ranging from “semina” to “not that type”

her outfits for this is so cute, i love the white dresses she wears when she performs “plant” and her outfits for “swim away” is so so so so c u t e

ALBUM SONGS

feel stress? listen to the album

need to calm down? listen to the album

the entire album itself is calming and soft, like i have a playlist for soft/emotional songs and the entire album is in there

my favorite song of the album is “hopes for tomorrow”

if y’all have seen my post about songs where the music momentarily stops and just plays the idol’s vocals, yeah that song is exactly like that

it sent shivers down my spine when I first listened to it, seriously listen to it when you have the time cause it’ll be worth it

OVERALL

overall, this is a really nice comeback and one of my favorites for this month. sejeong really has potential to be a solo artist as big as chungha. and tbh, she should’ve went solo in the first place. she really reminds me taeyeon bc both artist produce very emotional songs. i don’t know gugudan is currently doing besides the fact that mina is still an mc, but sejeong really could blow up as a solo artist.

𝐇𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐌𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

KANG DANIEL: 2U

this song is so playful and mischievous lmao. the entire mv gave me a scooby-doo kinda vibe idk why, maybe it’s bc the guard was chasing them. the song itself is really catchy, like, the entire album is catchy. also I’m really glad that daniel can now perform his songs bc apparently he was almost banned from doing so(?)

ONG SEUNG WU: Gravity

bro I feel like ex produce members are making a comeback SKSKSK

this song is like, a parallel of sejeong’s song. it gave me the same vibe okay. it’s really sad okay, I like sad songs

the mv reminded me of that BTS webtoon, you guys should go read it btw, basically in the webtoon jin has to save all the members in a day to change the future but whenever a member dies, the day resets itself. in the mv, it looks like ong was trying to save the girl from drowning and whenever he failed, the day resets itself, which I found rlly cool btw

STRAY KIDS: Mixtape: On Track

my dudes, my only theory is that jeongin has a crush on hyunjin okay

bro changbin has a nice set of vocals, I stg the rap line is out to put the vocal line out of business lmao. the song gave me the same vibe as their ost from “extraordinary you”, both written by changbin, so basically, changbin is a romantic guy-

MCND: ICE AGE

okay ngl, I have mistakenly read the group’s name as McDonald’s way too many times

but nonetheless, I like the song

a lot

my favorite part is when the rap mentions the group members names, like yo that’s so cool wtf

also the group members are really young??? Win, the blue hair dude, is LITERALLY the same age as me wtf

FAVORITE: 또 LIE

( I can’t find a proper gif sksks )

these girls dropped “loca” and went missing since then lmao

“loca” is a bop tho

“lie” kinda has the same arrangement as “loca” and the same vibe with it

+ gaeul(?) the blonde, she’s really a full package, she can rap, sing, dance AND she’s the leader??? damn

also I love go ahra

WINNER: HOLD

hHHHHHH IM GONNA MISS JINWOO

I love love love love the song and the mv, their so funny wtf sksks literal crackheads. I’m also really happy that AKMU’s Suhyun was in the mv, it makes me feel happy knowing we get YG Artists interactions okay

jinu’s voice is usually really soft and stuff but his voice in this song made me went like: tHAT’S JINU???

anyways stan winner y’all

ONEUS: A Song Written Easily

tbh, I stanned ONEWE bc “regulus” is a fucking bop and now I might need to stand ONEUS. all I know is that I really like Hwanwoong’s voice and Leedo’s voice. and the rappers can sing too??? like nice that’s some Han Jisung kinda shit there. I really like the chorus of the song and someone said if “starry night” had a little brother, it would be “a song written easily”. which I 100% agree, and it’s also really suitable considering the fact oneus and mamamoo are from the same company. It also reminds me of a song that I can’t put my finger on???

SUHO: Let’s Love

I feel when your ascend to heaven, Suho’s voice is what you hear at the gates. My dude has been underrated for too long. Remember when I said I have an entire playlist for emotional/soft songs? Yeah Suho’s album is in there. My favorites are “O2” and “Starry Night”.

#march comebacks review #comeback #kpop review #kpop #itzy #stray kids #suho #exo #mcnd #nct 127 #ong seung wu #kang daniel #sejeong #favorite #winner #alexa #elris #meg.reviews

25 notes · View notes

chrysolina · 6 years

Text

Clinging to you

Asks - Hiii! How’re u? I was wondering if you could do an imagine where the reader is dating cevans, and over hears I’m saying that she’s too clingy and he might break up with her? Then she avoids him for days. And the reason she’s clingy is bc she thinks she’s going to lose him? But chris didn’t know that and realizes how much he misses and loves her? Love ur page btw seriously - anon

Hiii! Can you do a fic with cevans x girl reader. She overheard him saying that she’s too clingy and sometimes he just wants to be alone and is thinking abt breaking up w her and so she ignores him for days but he doesn’t know why but they get into a fight about it after ? Basically angst to fluff? -

Thank you both for this amazing ask!! Here it is, hope you enjoy 💕

Summary - Chris is getting tired - tired of your clinginess to him. So much so, he wants to end your five year relationship - but how can you with a massive obstacle soon to be in the way?

Word count - 2.6k

Warnings - angst, swearing, fluff, mention of sex

M A S T E R L I S T

Photoshoots, Chris hated them. As much as he was a kind soul and wasn’t one to complain, he wasn’t having any of it today. A humid, gripping air hung around LA the whole day and the studio was no different, the air-con was trying it’s best to cool everyone but with the recent heatwave that had just passed, it just wasn’t enough.

Ever since he was a baby, Chris never liked the heat - period - it still made him as cranky, snappy and generally frustrated at the most mundane or innocent of things even now, thirty six years later.

Through all the hair styling, outfit changes, prop swapping, flashes and clicks of the camera, he was continuously keeping his cool - until you, literally, stepped through the door of the studio. He didn’t understand why but as of late, you had been rather clingy with him - far too clingy, if Chris had further words for it.

He hadn’t dared to say it to you yet but your incessant clinginess only made him want to tear away from you and call it quits. He was a lone spirit, an independent one at that and he just couldn’t stand the cramped feeling you gave him whilst you were around him.

You smiled, waved and said hi to him whilst the hairdressers were sorting his hair, like most would, you expected him to smile back and either tell you to come see him or say hey back but no, Chris just glared daggers into you, making your happy go-lucky smile drop in an instant. You didn’t digress too much over it however, you shrugged it off and went off to the lunchtime buffet that had just opened on the other side of the studio.

After a while, things weren’t adding up. The head photographer had called it time for lunch just over twenty minutes ago and Chris hadn’t showed up. With a huff, you asked his and your manager if he knew where he went, to which he replied ‘I think he went to his dressing room darling’, you thanked him and paced quickly to Chris’ room.

Halfway through your walk, a god-awful gut feeling stabbed your insides like a katana ‘what if he doesn’t want to see me? What if he’s mad at me?’ You shrugged off the thoughts, clenched your now incredibly valuable handbag closer to you and kept walking.

The dressing rooms were deadly silent bar your heeled sandals clicking on the tiled floor, a cool air whipped past your neck and made you hold your body whilst it shivered. Although it was from afar, you could hear Chris’ voice bellow through his dressing room and seep out of the flimsy door and its gaps, making you puzzle at the anger in his voice.

You didn’t want to knock the door and ask how he was, as bad as it was you wanted to listen to what on Earth had got him so riled up and moreover, who he was talking to.

As best as you could, you stayed pressed against the wall next to his door and steadied your breathing so you could hear what he had to say. “You have no clue how fucking ridiculous she’s being right now man,” who was he on about? “She’s driving me fucking insane with her constant fucking neediness!” He wasn’t talking about you..was he?

“Chris I’m sure it’s just a phase,” you knew who’s voice that was on the speakerphone, Scott. “Y/N’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Believe me when I say that bro,” wait...was Chris venting about you? Neediness? Your head began to spin with all the accusations.

“More like the worst thing to happen to me.” You could almost visualise Chris’ face when he said that about you. Unbeknownst to you, tears began to cascade down your cheeks freely at the painful words that Chris kept spewing out about you. “She really does make me want to run to the fucking hills Scott.”

“You don’t mean that Chris.”

“The fuck I do, Y/N’s just become too much for me and I can’t stick it anymore...how much will mom and dad hate me if I came back home without Y/N?” No, he wasn’t thinking about this now, of all the times right now he was choosing to do this now?

Before you actually let out a sob, you bolted straight out of there and straight to the ladies toilets to basically bawl your eyes out. You sat on the toilet seat and looked at the pristine photo that sat in your bag, waiting to be shown to the world and more importantly, to Chris; you couldn’t bare to look at the image after hearing what he had to say about you - his fiancée, his supposed ‘rock’, his ‘everything’ - was it all a lie?

After a twenty minute cry alone in the full toilets, you cleaned yourself up, refreshed your makeup and wandered out to an awaiting Chris and your manager. To your disgust, Chris smiled at you like as if you had come back to life from the grave and went to go and hug you but you ducked away from him with a coldness you never thought you’d have.

“Right then Y/N, are you ready?” Your manger asked you kindly, you were to feature in the magazine shoot alongside Chris - due to your own stardom - in some very pleasing photos.

“Actually, can I reschedule it for another day?” You smiled sadly at him and watched out the corner of eye Chris’ brows furrowing in question.

“I think I must’ve eaten something disagreeable and I kinda threw up in the toilet just now,” you partly lied clean through your teeth and smiled weakly at your manager, your colourless parlour catching his eye.

He was the first to know about your recent stomach bug that had lingered in you for the longest while now and was quick to understand your position right now, being sick in this heat must be awful.

“Of course, how about I bargain for this Friday? It’ll give a bit of time then,” he smiled and ignored Chris head moving from you to his manager a flurried way. Three days to get well again and do the appropriate precautions, a squeeze but perfect.

“Wonderful, thank you so so much Charles.” You sighed, waved your goodbyes to everyone bar Chris and paced off to your car in the parking lot.

Without notice, a large hand caught your forearm and pulled you back a step of two. “Where’re you going Y/N/N?” Chris partially snapped at you and tried to look you deep in the eye but the facade you put on prevented him from doing so.

“I’m going home Chris,” You snapped and yanked your hand out of his vice-like grip with such a strength, it made him look twice. Chris panicked, he needed to talk to you and ask you where you were going.

As quick as he could, his hand caught yours and held you still. “Why? Y/N what’s going on?” Chris whined and pleaded to you like a child who wanted his favourite candy. You clicked your teeth and yanked your hand away again, this time taking a step away for precautions sake and kept your handbag close to you.

“Nothing that’d concerns you.” You snapped furiously and steamed away to your car around the back of the studio, your hand holding the side of your stomach protectively.

What a mess the supposed best day of your life had turned out to be.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Instead of holing yourself up for the rest of the afternoon and evening, you chose to be as productive as possible with your free time before Chris came back home to your shared LA home.

You out all your clothes in suit protectors int he wardrobe and kept everything neatly together in case the worst came to be tonight, you cleaned the house, baked a chocolate cake for all times sake, took Dodger for a walk around the local trail and emptied your valuables from your shared safe in your dresser.

By the time the photo shoot was finished and they were packing away, you were all set for the worst and was calmly watching the evening lights flicker in the distance, your feet dangling peacefully in the pool, Dodger laying next to you and your phone.

Like the devil’s calling, you could hear the said actor’s car pulling into the driveway, the engine stop and the door slam shut with a loud slam that jolted Dodger out of his dazed slumber. Before Dodger could get up and run to see Chris, he had already come through the door and likewise, slammed it shut with a fury that made you sick to stomach.

“Y’know you can sometimes be a real bitch Y/N Y/L/N!” Chris yelled and echoed through the entire house, his footing more like stomps as he neared your form by the pool. Dodger jumped out of the way and paced back in the house, as if he already knew to leave his parents alone.

“It’s part of my speciality.” You deadpanned and kept your head forward, refusing to look at Chris who stood beside you.

“Sixteen times Y/N, sixteen times I called and you never answered. Lord knows how many times I text you.” Chris ranted and raved and paced back and forth behind you. You didn’t budge though, you just stared off into the distance holding your tongue from saying something real bad.

“Look who’s being the clingy one now, Christopher.” You chided with a dead-like face and smiled internally once the pacing stopped and you could feel Chris’ eyes on your head. Chris’ heart dropped mike and miles at your words and immediately thought back to the heated conversation he had with Scott earlier.

He couldn’t articulate any words and only looked at you stunned. “No words now, hm? You seemed to have plenty earlier, didn’t you Christopher?” This time your urned to look him dead in the eye with a glare that could easily freeze over hell and its counterparts.

Slowly, you rose to your feet and stood only a few inches away from Chris’ sullen form, eyeing him up as of you were going to murder him.

‘How did you hear...” Chris trailed off and let his mouth go slack at the sight of you, red eyed and pale as a dead person - he did this to you, he knew it.

You scoffed at the Bostonian as if he had said something utterly ridiculous. “C’mon Chris, anyone at leat ten foot away could hear you slagging me off!” You snapped and pushed past him back into the house, your feet getting especially wet.

“I wasn’t slagging you off!” Chris suddenly shouted from the patio doors, making you stop dead in your tracks.

“Weren’t you? Cause it sure fucking sounded like that Chris.” You snapped him off again and began to walk to the staircase.

“I had every right to do so Y/N!” Chris’ voice echoed around the house and made you stop again, this time with tears rolling down your cheeks.

“You’ve been so clingy and up in my business lately, it’s driving me fucking insane. ‘Oh Chris help me here. Chris can I come with you here. Can I come with you there. Can you tell me this, that and the other. Come with me here Chris. Do this Chris. Do that Chris.’ Do you get what I’m saying Y/N?” Chris yelled at you shaking form and didn’t let up, not like he saw your shaking anyways.

“You’re clingy Y/N, admit you did wrong and apologise.” Chris demanded and it made your blood boil in rage. Apologise? Apologise for being unwell? Apologise for being pregnant with his child? Your stubbornness wouldn’t allow it.

Instead of doing the usuals yell at each other gimmick, you turned around and sulked towards him as if you were sorry, as if you had a lot to apologise for. Chris’ cold glare never left you whilst you stood before him, your eyes plastered to the floor. “Tomorrow is coming Y/N. Anything would do.”

Without any second thought, you stood straight and slapped him straight across the face, sending him stumbling back a step or two. “Give me a fucking break Evans! Five years we’ve been together and you were willing to throw it all under the bus and run away just because I’ve been a little clingy lately?” You screeched at him, not daring to hold back.

“I hope you’ve got a big heart because I’ve fucking over this bullshit. You wanna throw away us, fine but just remember, you’ll also be throwing away a possible son or daughter too.” Your voice broke into a sob near the end of your speech. You couldn’t stand it anymore, to stand here in his presence was making you feel light on your feet in the worst possible way.

You didn’t bother to look back at Chris and bolted for the stairs, cradling your small bump and holding your head in the process. Your ran to your once-shared bedroom and shut the door tight, your legs giving away and crumbling from beneath you once your back hit the thick wood.

It could’ve been minutes or hours later, you felt yourself being hoisted off the floor bridal style and placed gently on your bed. Your eyes fluttered at the sudden feeling of wet salty lips on your own, you didn’t know what to do; reciprocate the kiss or leave it?

Reciprocate or leave?

No matter how cumbersome his words were on your mind, Chris was your one love, your fiancé, your everything and you couldn’t imagine anyone else filling that role; ever.

Just before he was going to pull away, your smaller hands flew to his bearded cheeks and pulled him back down to kiss you like never before. It was a kiss that neither of you had ever shared before, it was so powerful, so loving and so apologetic you couldn’t help but allow Chris’ frame to slide in between your legs and his arms circle around you like a warm blanket.

Once you opened your eyes, you were met with the face of a scared, broken and elated Chris who looked like he had been slapped square in the face with - oh wait, he had.

You tentatively touched the bright red area and watched him wince at the touch, much to your horror. “What did I do to you..” you mumbled in a breath and rubbed his other cold, wet cheek with your thumb.

“No baby, what did I do to you?” Chris’ forehead leant against yours lovingly and stared into you Y/E/C eyes longingly.

“Where shall I start?” You tried to lighten the mood with your joke but it seemed to be taken the other way once Chris’ lips met yours again in a steamy, passionate kiss.

“Let me make it up to you Y/N...” Chris sighed into your mouth, hooked one of your legs around his hips and ground his forming erection softly against your core, giving you the precise idea he had.

“So long as you don’t go a-wall on us again, then yes. Love me, Chris.” You sighed at the motion down below and slowly under the belt of Chris’ jeans.

Tags - @patzammit

A/N: if anyone’s up for it, I’m thinking of doing a small smut following this watery ass ending lol. If anyone’s interested ofc * (:

*A/N: since school stuff has got mega crazy all of a sudden I may put a future smut off until I can get around to it!! So sorry everyone!! )):

#chris evans #steve rogers #captain america #marvel #steve rogers x reader #chris evans x reader #chris evans headcanon #chris evans fluff #chris evans x you #chris evans imagine #chris evans smut #chris evans x pregnant!reader #imagine steve rogers

3K notes · View notes

maximilliandelirium · 6 years

Text

somebody out there hates you

a/n: hhhh i wrote this in a pre-nanowrimo mania. wanted to post to ao3 but it’s acting weird so i thought i’d throw it up on the blog for now. notice me senpai fills me with joy, so i was inspired to make *~art~* the setting is anime japan so nothing is accurate and the points don’t matter (pssst! support me on ko-fi!)

Summary: Suzuki joins an anti-cafe out of curiosity and begins to re-evaluate his relationship with Yamato. Suzuki/Yamato (Idol Senpai/Rocker Senpai)

Suzuki didn’t go online that evening intending to join an anti-Suzuki fan café. He usually didn’t dwell on his haters at all. But tonight, curiosity got the better of him. He’d been trawling the net after a long practice when he stumbled across a link to the anti-site. (Suzuki liked to Google himself; so what?) When he followed it, he realized he couldn’t read any of the message boards without an account.

That’s a good thing, I guess, he thought. He didn’t really want to see what people were saying about him. He decided to forget about it and do his homework instead.

At least, that was what he tried to do. He kept thinking about it as he struggled over his assigned reading. What did they talk about? Did they make fun of his hair? His personality? Maybe they picked apart his lyrics. The longer he thought about it, the more he wanted to know.

Suzuki tossed his book aside and re-opened his laptop. He hadn’t closed the browser window. The link was still there. Yamato was always telling him to consider his weaknesses so he could improve. This could be beneficial. If Suzuki tried understanding where these people were coming from, he might be able to win them over, or at least get better at what he did.

It didn’t take much to make an account. He had to create a new email—he didn’t want his regular one linked to the site. After that, he spent half an hour trying to come up with a screen name. It was imperative that no one know who he really was. His usual handle—“SuzuStar”—would give him away like a shot. Suzuki was also disappointed to discover that “YamatoFan#1” was taken. Eventually, he settled on “notafan1234.”

Never having been on an anti-site before, Suzuki wasn’t sure what to expect. He was surprised by how plain it was. The header image was just the name of the page in bright red letters, along with a picture of his face with a “no” sign superimposed on it. He scrolled through the list of threads.

Break Suzuki’s new MV!

New Anti-Suzuki Memes

Worst Lyrics Poll (CLOSED)

Suzuki kept scrolling, horrified and fascinated. He found a thread titled “Important question for Yamato fans—should he be friends w/ Suzuki?” He clicked on it. He jumped when he saw the selfie he and Yamato had taken at the school festival. The original poster had written a caption beneath it.

Ugh. I don’t get why Yamato wastes his time with this guy. They don’t have anything in common.

A user named MerryPip added, Lol same. Yamato actually has talent.

Suzuki frowned.

They probably just hang out because they go to the same school, someone else said. Yamato doesn’t want to be mean.

Tbh, SuzuYama shippers make me sick.

Yamato shouldn’t keep feeding them by hanging out with him.

They only do it for fanservice. I bet it’s in their contracts.

Suzuki hadn’t been planning on responding to anyone, but the last comment had sent him over the edge. They had no right to question his friendship with Yamato. They didn’t know anything about him. He typed, Maybe Yamato and Suzuki are friends because they get along and like to hang out.

A response appeared in no time. As if, Lonelygrrl said. Suzuki is too much of a ditz to get along with Yamato. He totally cramps his style. Yamato is just humoring him because the fans like it.

Blood rushed to Yamato’s face. His fingers flew to the keys. That’s not true! How do you know Yamato is just pretending? You don’t have any proof. You’re just making stuff up!

The backlash was swift and immediate. A gallery of photos flooded the thread with red outlines drawn around Yamato’s eyes and mouth, along with whole paragraphs explaining why his smile was faked, or how he couldn’t stand to actually touch Suzuki.

His hand is just hovering here, Lonelygrrl wrote. All their selfies are faked. Their managers get together and tell them where to go. Like playdates.

Suzuki slammed the laptop closed. He sat back, fuming. When his head cooled, Suzuki reached for his phone. He wanted to ask Yamato about this. (Yamato was saved in his contacts as “Yama heart eyes emoji, guitar emoji.”)

Did u know there’s a whole website that hates me? Suzuki texted.

Yamato answered quickly: No, but I’m not surprised. There’s always haters. You find one?

Yeah. I made an account.

WTF why?

I wanted to see what they were saying.

Delete it. That’s a waste of time.

A waste of time. That’s what the anti-fans had said Yamato was doing by being Suzuki’s friend. He wanted to tell Yamato about it. But it had made him nervous. What if they were right? What if Yamato was only pretending to be friends with him? They’d become closer through school performances. Was that the only reason Yamato continued to hang out with him?

Suzuki texted back: Ur right. They’re just mean.

Don’t let it get to you. Some people have to be negative for no reason.

Suzuki put the phone aside. He wouldn’t go back on the site. He’d just forget about it. Yamato was his friend and that was that. It wouldn’t do him any good to second guess it. Suzuki opened the laptop one last time to close the browser. There were a few more replies.

Jesus, when will trolls learn not to come in here? MerryPip complained. Do. Not. Feed. The. Trolls.

I’m not a troll, Suzuki thought, closing the window. He would delete the account tomorrow. Right now, he needed to get back to work.

The next morning was rough. Suzuki hadn’t realized how much time had passed last night while he’d been reading the message boards, and by the time he completed his homework, it was 2AM. He shuffled into class, yawning.

“Late night?” Reiji asked as Suzuki walked past.

“It took me two hours to finish the reading.”

“Me, too!” Takeru said. “And when I finished, it felt like I didn’t understand it at all.” He looked over at Ren. “What did you think?”

Ren lifted his head slightly. “Huh? I didn’t finish. I fell asleep halfway through.”

“You’re kidding. We have a quiz on it today.”

“I can probably get a good enough grade with what I know.”

Suzuki spotted Yamato sitting on the windowsill. He had his guitar balanced in his lap and he was strumming it idly. The things Suzuki had read last night started to seep into his mind. He pushed them away. I’m not going to think about it.

“Yama-kun!” Suzuki called.

Yamato glanced up and smiled. It looked real. Relief washed over Suzuki as he walked over. Yamato continued plucking on the strings.

“Hey,” he said. “You look beat. What’s up?”

“I got distracted by the internet last night and did all my homework late.” Suzuki blushed. Yamato liked to tease him for being irresponsible sometimes. “But I did get it done!”

“Oh yeah. That site you texted me about. I hope you didn’t talk to anyone.”

Suzuki laughed nervously. “No. Why would I?”

“They’re trying to get a rise out of people. Starting an argument is just what they want.”

He laughed again, this time more forced.

Yamato tilted his head to the side. “You okay?”

“Yeah. It’s all good.” Suzuki waved a hand. “Let’s stop talking about it. Do you still want to go shopping today after class?”

“Sure. Just remember to change before we go out. I don’t want to get chased by your crazy fans again.”

“I wouldn’t forget,” Suzuki said. He winked and stuck his tongue out. “Are you sure you don’t like the exercise?”

“I’m sure.”

Yamato met him in front of the school after classes let out. No matter how many times they went out in public together, Yamato never stopped staring at Suzuki’s outfit. Suzuki didn’t understand why he rolled his eyes every time he saw it.

“What’s the matter? This is what I always wear,” he said.

“I know. That’s the problem. We’re getting you some new civilian clothes today.” Yamato grabbed the hem of Suzuki’s t-shirt and gave it a tug. “How many of these do you own?”

“A few.”

“You’re supposed to be in disguise. Why would you wear a shirt with your own face on it?”

“Because,” Suzuki said, lifting his index finger, “no one would ever suspect I’d wear my own merchandise. This face distracts them from looking at mine.”

“If you say so.” Yamato let go.

They walked into town, then took the train to the best shopping district. Though Yamato and Suzuki bought their clothes at different stores, they agreed that this part of the city had the best shops. The only problem was that it was crowded. Just getting off the train was a nightmare. Suzuki almost lost his hat.

“Is it just me or are there more people here today than usual?” he asked, squashing it back on his head.

“I think you’re right. There must be a promotion going on.” Yamato stretched to see over the crowd. “That one you like isn’t as busy. Let’s go to that one first.”

They pressed through the crowd. Suzuki bumped into a woman carrying a dozen bags and made her drop all of them. He spent a few minutes helping her pick them up while bowing and apologizing. She gave him a dirty look. He wondered if she would’ve been as mad if she knew who he was.

Or could she be one of the anti-fans?

Suzuki hadn’t thought about it before, but those names online had real people behind them. They could’ve been from his own school. It was scary to think about. There might be some in this crowd. Suzuki readjusted his mask and sunglasses, making sure his face was completely hidden.

“Suzu—!” Yamato cut himself off as he came jogging over. They’d gotten separated. “I turned around and you weren’t behind me.”

“Sorry. It’s hard to stick together in all this.”

Yamato sighed and looked around. Then he grabbed Suzuki’s hand. “Come on,” he said. “We need to get you a new shirt.”

The changing room was cold. Suzuki quickly pulled on one of the shirts he’d brought in. It was a purple galaxy print. There were three mirrors placed in the corner of the stall, giving him a rounded view. He was pretty satisfied with his appearance. Suzuki had often been told he had a good face. And his rigorous dance practices kept him in good shape. Yet…

Earlier, while Yamato was going through leather jackets, Suzuki had pulled up the anti-café on his phone. He needed to know if they knew where he was. His fans tended to track his movements. His haters might do the same thing.

Though there wasn’t anything about where he physically was, but there was a new thread: “Is Suzuki actually handsome? Yes/No?” He knew he shouldn’t read it. It didn’t matter what a handful of bitter people on the internet thought. But the urge was too strong.

It’s supposed to be his major selling point, but I’m a girl and I think he’s kind of lame.

His hair color looks so fake and not in a good way.

Didn’t he gain weight recently? No one’s gonna stick around if he keeps putting on the pounds XD

Imo he’s kind of short.

I’m 178 centimeters! That’s above average! Suzuki was shorter than Yamato, but that didn’t mean he was tiny. He remembered what Yamato had said about not engaging them. He wanted to set them straight.

The school festival selfie had reappeared. Suzuki had been proud of it at the time. His and Yamato’s costumes were perfectly coordinated, they’d posed in front of the best decorations in the classroom, and they’d gotten a perfect angle. This site didn’t seem to agree.

Look at this lame-ass Star Sailor costume.

I stg Suzuki drags Yamato into his weird interests all the time.

is it supposed to be funny? Who are they trying to appeal to?

It had taken every ounce of Suzuki’s self-control not to go off on them. Star Sailor was one of his great loves. It was one of Yamato’s as well. That was the whole reason they had coordinated their cosplays.

Unable to stomach any more, he had turned off the screen, gathered a few shirts and gone into the dressing room. He examined himself in the mirror. He still looked fine. Suzuki plucked a strand of hair. Was it too yellow?

He took off the galaxy shirt and pinched his stomach. Suzuki wasn’t as muscular as boys like Makoto or Katsuo, but he had a lithe figure. Nothing seemed to have changed. Sometimes Suzuki’s manager warned him not to indulge his sweet tooth too much. Maybe he should start taking that message more to heart. He felt a pang of loss just considering skipping the cakes at the school’s café.

Suzuki shook his head. He was letting the anti-site get to him.

When he emerged from the dressing room, he spotted Yamato coming over, his arms weighed down with jackets and black jeans. He eyed Suzuki’s pile.

“Did you find anything good?” he asked.

“I like this one.” Suzuki pointed at the galaxy shirt. “What do you think?”

Yamato shrugged. “You look good in everything.”

“Aw, Yama-kun, you’re so sweet!” Suzuki said in an over-the-top cutesy voice. He shimmied his shoulders for extra effect.

Yamato rolled his eyes and gave Suzuki a light smack on the arm. He disappeared behind the curtain. Suzuki put away the clothes he didn’t want while he waited. He wondered if Yamato had hate sites, too. It didn’t seem possible. Yamato was so handsome and talented; it was hard to imagine a bunch of people getting together just to make fun of him.

Suzuki pulled out his phone again. He went through his pictures until he found another selfie he’d taken with Yamato. It was from the last time Yamato had hung out at his house. Suzuki hadn’t made it public. He didn’t know why. It was a good picture. There wasn’t anything scandalous or illegal in it.

He supposed he hadn’t wanted to share it because it felt more personal than the others. They were both in sweatshirts and pajama pants, their faces lit up by the blue light from Suzuki’s TV. Suzuki was leaning heavily on Yamato, who was grinning at the camera. Suzuki was smiling fondly up at Yamato.

If those jerks online could see this picture, they’d realize Yamato wasn’t faking his feelings of friendship. Suzuki couldn’t post it, though. This picture was just for him and Yamato, no one else. He sighed and closed the photo gallery.

Yamato came out of the dressing room. “I’m ready if you are,” he said.

“Are you buying anything?” Suzuki asked as he headed for the counter.

Yamato shook his head. “I’m going to shop around a bit more. Do you want to get some bubble tea after the next stop?”

“Only if we go to that one place next to the arcade.”

“Okay, but you’re not dragging me into another DDR competition.”

Suzuki put his arm around Yamato’s shoulders. “Come on, you’re not that bad. You almost beat me last time.”

Yamato shook his head. He copied Suzuki’s gesture, linking them closer together. He gave Suzuki’s back a pat. “I’ll leave the dancing to the trained idol. Some other time. Now go, it’s your turn.” He nudged Suzuki forward.

Suzuki reluctantly let go of Yamato. He brought his shirts to the girl working the cash register. She smiled at him.

“You and your friend are cute,” she said as she rung him up.

“Thanks! I try.”

She giggled. “Have a nice day.”

“Did you flirt your way to a discount?” Yamato asked.

Suzuki’s eyes widened behind his sunglasses. “You can do that?”

“No, idiot.” Yamato took Suzuki’s hand again. “Maybe you could, but I wouldn’t. I hope she didn’t recognize you.”

“She didn’t. If she had, she would’ve asked for an autograph.”

They could never get a seat by the windows, otherwise their combined fans would fill the restaurant. Suzuki was half thankful for the privacy it afforded them, but they had to sit in a dim corner where there wasn’t much space. One of Yamato’s legs rested against one of his own.

“What kind did you get?” Suzuki asked.

Yamato glanced up from his phone. “Honeydew. You wanna try it?”

“Sure.” Suzuki took a sip from Yamato’s bubble tea. They had never worried about germs. The tea was perfectly sweet and mellow. He passed it back, a smile on his lips.

“You know, that’s the first time you smiled this afternoon,” Yamato said. “It feels like you’ve been gloomy ever since we left school.”

“Really?” He hadn’t noticed. “I guess I’m just tired. We’re already talking about the next comeback.”

“They should let you have a break. I’ve been talking to my agency about a vacation.” Yamato lowered his phone and met Suzuki’s eyes. “We could go somewhere. Hawai’i maybe. I’ve always wanted to do a shark tour.”

Suzuki shuddered. “That’s scary!”

“They put you in a cage. It’s not dangerous.”

“You can do that. I want to get a tan.”

Yamato knocked his leg against Suzuki’s. “But you’d want to go? With me?”

“Of course.”

Yamato’s eyes lit up. He smiled. “Awesome. We can get it cleared with your manager. There’s a little while before our next break. We could go then if your team says it’s okay.”

Hawai’I with Yamato. Suzuki imagined what it might be like. Sun, sand, and the ocean. Swimsuits. Sleeping in. Hawai’ian food. He sighed wistfully. Ever since he had first seen travel programs for it on TV, he’d always wanted to go. The best part might be going with Yamato. They could run around together as much as they wanted. They’d have their own hotel room.

“Will you ask your manager about it?” Yamato said, pressing Suzuki’s leg again. He was chewing on the corner of his lip.

“I will. I’ll text her now.” Suzuki fished his phone from his jacket pocket. He braced his leg against Yamato’s. He took comfort in the pressure. Yamato was strong. It felt good to lean on him.

Some of the other guys invited them to karaoke after school that weekend. It was Hajime’s idea apparently, which meant he’d roped in Soujiro, who was bringing the twins, and so on and so on. Things usually turned out this way. If someone mentioned a party, everyone ended up unofficially invited. Ikemen wasn’t a small school, but word spread quickly, and the upperclassmen were all connected by a web of association.

Suzuki didn’t remember who specifically asked him and Yamato if they wanted to tag along. It might’ve been Ai. Anyway, they showed up at the karaoke place after everyone else had already arrived thanks to an unexpected fangirl sighting.

“You guys are late,” Tokiya said.

“We just got chased halfway across the city,” Yamato said, tossing his jacket onto one of the couches. “Give us a break.”

Suzuki removed his mask, sunglasses, and hat. He took stock of the group. Ai had brought Tokiya and Ryuu, but Kurou was nowhere to be seen, meaning there’d be a fight later. (Ryuu and Tokiya always fought.) Soujiro and the twins were there, wearing casual clothes for once. Yuu and Baa had shown up as well. Suzuki would never get over the goat head. Takeru was there, probably having heard about the outing through word of mouth.

“Sorry, we ordered food without you,” he said.

“It’s fine. We can get something later.”

Suzuki settled in beside Yamato. He had asked his manager about the vacation. She hadn’t gotten back to him yet. He was starting to get nervous. Running from their fans earlier had only made Suzuki want it more. After this comeback. If the single does well, then I earned it. She can’t say no.

The other third-years had already lined up a decent list of songs. They must have been feeling nostalgic, since most of the music was from the 80s and 90s. Takeru, being Takeru, shared some of his food with Yamato and Suzuki while Hajime launched into a heart-felt ballad at the top of his lungs.

It was times like these that made Suzuki wish he wasn’t an idol. Being a senior in high school wasn’t easy, but there was so much more freedom. You definitely didn’t get hate comments. You could hang out with whoever you wanted. You didn’t get chased when you went outside. He could never just quit though. He loved music. He loved performing. But it was nice to just be with friends and not on a stage.

Yamato nudged him with his elbow. “Are you going to sing?”

“Obviously!” Suzuki hopped up. “I wonder if they have one of your songs on the machine.”

“Ooh, do it!” Ai said.

Yamato looked embarrassed. “Come on…”

“What?” Suzuki scrolled through the song list. “Are you scared I’m gonna ruin it? I’ll let you cover one of mine?”

“You should do a duet,” Hajime said. “Give us the collab everyone’s been waiting for!”

Takeru nodded in agreement and Ai applauded. “Yeah!” he said. “Do that!”

Yamato got up and walked over to the screen, picking up a microphone for himself. “Pick something we both know. One that’s in my range.”

Suzuki kept scrolling. They had a couple of his songs, as well as a few of Yama’s, but none of them were duets. Then he spotted something. He let out a cry of excitement.

“Yama! The Star Sailor duet! From the musical.” He grabbed Yamato’s upper arm and squeezed it insistently. “Remember? The part where Selena hears Damian join her from offstage, and then he comes down from the ceiling?” He shook Yamato’s arm for emphasis. “Let’s do this one. Please?”

“Wait, you’ve seen the Star Sailor musical?” Ryuu asked with a smirk.

Yamato blushed. “It’s good,” he muttered. To Suzuki, he said, “You really want to do this one? It’s kind of…”

“I know all the words,” Suzuki said proudly. “I could sing it without looking at the screen.”

Yamato still looked hesitant. An upsetting thought reared its ugly head. Suzuki remembered the discussion in the anti-café, about their Star Sailor cosplay. I stg Suzuki drags Yamato into his weird interests all the time. Suzuki’s heart sank. What if Yama really was only going along with it to humor him? Liking a sparkly and romantic mahou shojo wasn’t Yamato’s style. And he probably hadn’t wanted to broadcast any interest in it.

“Um, we don’t have to,” Suzuki said. He reached out to scroll down the list again. “There’s probably another song we can both sing in here.”

“No,” Yamato blurted, color still high in his cheeks. “I want to do this one.”

“Are you sure?”

Yamato nodded. “You can have Selena’s part. The notes are too high for me.”

Relief washed over Suzuki. He might be humoring you again, a mean voice whispered in the back of his head. He tried to ignore it. As long as he got to sing with Yamato, he didn’t really care. He pressed play.

They might have been in a random karaoke room, surrounded by classmates, but Suzuki poured his heart into the performance. He loved the Star Sailor musical. He thought it was hopelessly romantic. Especially the part where Damian appeared. Suzuki started the duet and Yamato jumped in after a few bars. His voice was perfect for the song. It was like he really was Damian.

If Yamato had seemed uncomfortable before, he had shaken it off. He sang with confidence, turning to face Suzuki and holding out his hand. A thrill went through Suzuki as he took it. Yamato even twirled him under his arm. They could have been onstage. Suzuki had no trouble imagining Yamato in the top hat and mask (seeing as he’d worn the costume before). He also had no trouble seeing why Yamato’s fans left strings of hearts in the comments on his selfie posts.

Suzuki was starting to feel lightheaded. It might’ve been because the room was hot, or all his breath was going into the duet, but at the same time, he knew that wasn’t the real reason. Yamato drew him in a step closer. They were reaching the end of the song.

In the musical, Selena and Damian ended their duet by putting their foreheads together, eyes closed. Then, just before the stage lights dimmed, they would kiss. It was cheated, covered by strategic hand placement, but Suzuki squealed every time. Now, as his head came to rest against Yamato’s, he had a crazy idea.

What if Yamato kissed him?

Suzuki’s heart started to pound. Yamato’s face was so close to his. It would take just a tiny movement for their lips to touch. Even though the actors usually closed their eyes, Yamato was looking straight at him, and Suzuki couldn’t tear his gaze away. He’d forgotten everyone in the room. They might as well have been alone.

Then, the last note of the song faded. Yamato stepped back. Suzuki released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Yamato’s hand was still in his. Suzuki was shaking. All around them, the other third-years applauded. Someone whistled.

Suzuki came back to himself just in time. He raised his and Yama’s hands between them and swept into a low bow. “Thank you, thank you,” he said. “We’ll be here all week.”

“You guys were great!” Tokiya said. “It was just like seeing the actual musical. Right, Ryuu?”

Ryuu shrugged. “Don’t ask me. I’ve never watched Star Sailor live.”

“Oh really? Then what was that about telling Kurou how much you liked the actress that played Queen Pyrite?”

Ryuu’s mouth opened and shut indignantly. He turned away to hide the blush that had spread across his face. “Shut up, Tokiya.”

Yamato insisted on walking Suzuki home. None of their fans appeared, so it was an uneventful journey, but Suzuki’s heart hadn’t stopped racing. Yamato was at his side, keeping pace and chatting about his plans for a new song. Suzuki only half-registered the words he was saying. The rest of his mind was occupied with the ups and downs of his voice, his smile, the way the streetlights made his hair glow.

Suzuki remembered how Yamato had held his hand earlier and while they were shopping and wished Yamato would do it again. It had felt nice. He was tempted to bridge the distance between them, to reach out and mesh their fingers. Suzuki put his hands in his pockets instead.

Could friends hold hands whenever? He didn’t think there was anything weird about it, but most of the people he saw holding hands were couples. He could ask Yamato, but that seemed awkward. Why was he even getting the urge to hold hands in the first place?

“Suzuki?” Yamato had somehow ended up behind him. His brow was furrowed in concern. “Isn’t this your place?”

Suzuki looked back. He’d kept walking past his house. “Oh,” he said, grinning sheepishly. “Sorry, I was distracted. Thinking about stuff.” He jogged back.

“You’re such an airhead,” Yamato said warmly. He ground his knuckles against the sides of Suzuki’s head, not hard enough to hurt. “What would you do without me?”

Suzuki laughed, swatting Yamato’s hands away. “Mean! That’s it, we’re rivals now.”

Yamato smirked. “I couldn’t be your rival. I’d crush you, and I don’t have the heart to do that. It’d be like kicking a puppy.”

“Woof!” Suzuki’s chest grew arm as Yamato burst into a fit of giggles.

Yamato took off his cap and mussed his hair. “Go on, your mom’s probably worried you got kidnapped by a crazy fan.”

“Text me when you get home,” Suzuki said.

“Will do. See you at school.”

Suzuki watched Yamato go until he vanished around a street corner.

Yamato texted him about twenty minutes later to let him know he’d arrived home safely. Suzuki tried to do his homework, but his thoughts were a jumble. He couldn’t concentrate. After an hour of struggling, he took a bath and changed for bed. If he couldn’t do his homework, he’d go to sleep now and wake up early to finish. And yet…

Suzuki lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. What had happened tonight was different from how things usually went between him and Yamato. He remembered the light, fluttery feeling in his chest when Yamato had held his hand, and how it had doubled when their foreheads were together. He remembered looking into Yamato’s eyes as they’d sung the Star Sailor duet at the karaoke place.

Friends didn’t react that way. Suzuki knew that. A friend didn’t set your heart racing just by touching you. They didn’t spawn butterflies in your stomach. Suzuki was starting to tremble just thinking about it. Heat burned up his neck to his ears.

If he was being honest with himself, he had imagined kissing Yamato before. It was impossible not to. There was a whole legion of fans who thought they should be a couple. Suzuki had never missed an opportunity to please them. He thought it was actually rather sweet. Yamato had laughed at first, but in general had approached the whole thing with good humor. With that sort of thing going on, it was hard not to imagine what it might be like if they actually were together.

Yamato seemed like he’d be a good kisser. He’d probably kissed lots of girls. Had he ever kissed another boy before? Probably not. Suzuki touched his lips. He had faked kisses with girls for MVs, but had never done it seriously. Yamato might laugh at his inexperience.

But he might also smile as he kissed him. He might hold Suzuki to him in a firm embrace, stroking his hair. He might also push Suzuki against a wall and kiss him fiercely, channeling the energy of his music into Suzuki until they were both breathless.

Suzuki opened his eyes. He hadn’t realized he’d closed them. He took a deep breath in, then let it out. His imagination usually didn’t go that far. Suzuki felt a little uncomfortable. It was probably wrong for him to think of Yamato like that, but now that he’d started he couldn’t stop.

He pictured being able to hold hands with Yamato all the time, not just in a crowd, kisses before class, cuddling with each other while they watched movies… His heart surged. The thought of being with Yamato as more than a friend had made him so happy he couldn’t want anything else.

Suzuki wasn’t stupid. Maybe somewhat naive at times, but not stupid. He knew what he was experiencing. He loved Yamato. He had been loving Yamato for a long time now. Why shouldn’t he? Yamato was so artistic and brilliant and kind. It was just now occurring to him that his feelings ran over the edges of platonic affection into something else.

At the same time, Suzuki knew he couldn’t tell him. Yamato couldn’t possibly return his feelings. Even if he did, they couldn’t date without it being plastered over every magazine cover and celebrity news website. He thought of the message boards on the anti-Suzuki site. Those people would riot if Suzuki even hinted at the idea of loving Yamato. They might even go so far as to threaten him. And, worst of all, what if they were right? What if Yamato was only his friend because he had to be?

Suzuki didn’t want to believe it. He refused to. But the seeds of doubt had been sown. If he confessed to Yamato, and what those people online said was true, then he’d just humiliate himself. They’d never be able to hang out again. Suzuki feared that the most. He’d rather hold these feelings inside rather than run the risk of losing Yamato’s friendship.

He rolled over and buried his face in his pillow. If he stayed like this long enough, maybe he would smother himself and never have to think of it again. He lifted his head eventually. It got too uncomfortable.

“I’ll just keep going like everything’s the same,” Suzuki said out loud. “He’ll never find out and we’ll keep being friends. I won’t have to give him up.”

�� Still, the resolution filled him with pain. He would never have that relationship with Yamato. It wasn’t going to be easy. Yamato would only have to touch him to send ripples of longing through Suzuki. He would have to train himself not to react, not to reciprocate where it wasn’t wanted.

He got up and found his MP3 player in his backpack. He put his earbuds in. Suzuki had every single album Yamato had released. He started with the first one, for nostalgia’s sake. As he listened, he imagined Yamato was singing just for him.

Pretending everything was normal was a lot harder than Suzuki realized. Yamato was everywhere. They were in class together all day, ate together during lunch, and even hung out after school. Suzuki didn’t want to stop hanging out with him; that would just make Yamato suspicious. But it was getting more and more difficult to focus on history and science when they studied together.

They were at Yamato’s apartment that afternoon. Yamato lived alone, which Suzuki used to think was a good thing, since there was no one to bother them if they decided to stay up all night watching anime. Now, he desperately wished there was someone to ward away his thoughts of kissing Yamato.

Yamato ran his fingers through his hair. He looked frustrated. “I’m not getting it,” he said. “What about you?”

Suzuki shook his head. He hadn’t even been trying. The whole study session was turning out to be counterproductive. How do people with crushes survive?

“Do you want to take a break and play Mario Kart?”

Suzuki shoved his notebook aside. “Absolutely.”

Hopefully, a game would keep his mind off of contemplating the feel of Yamato’s lips against his. He settled into Yamato’s couch, controller in hand. They weren’t competitive with each other in any area except Mario Kart. Soon, he’d want to strangle Yamato instead of make-out with him.

The plan worked, for a little while. Suzuki got swept up in the races, he and Yamato resorting to cheating by bumping into each other in real life and trying to wrestle the controllers out of each other’s hands. It was just like how things had been before. Suzuki relaxed.

However, things took a turn when Yamato hit him with a shell, right before Suzuki was about to win Rainbow Road. Bowser dashed across the finish line while Princess Peach was still spinning out. Suzuki threw down his controller and started pummeling Yamato lightly with his fists.

“I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!”

“I’m just playing the game,” Yamato laughed.

“That was my win, you cheater!”

“Shells are a part of the game. You hit me with a blue shell a couple tracks ago. How is this any different?” Yamato grabbed Suzuki’s wrists. “You still got second place.”

“I should’ve been first,” Suzuki said. “I did the shortcut and everything.” He struggled against Yamato’s hold. “Let me go. I’m not done beating you up.”

Yamato pushed him backwards, pinning him to the couch. He hovered over Suzuki. “Oh yeah? I’d like to see you try. When you were hitting me, it felt like being stung by a mosquito.”

Suzuki went red. He tried to break free, but Yamato was strong. He went redder as he became more aware of their position. What was this, a scene out of a shojo manga?

“Okay, okay,” he said hastily. “You win. Fair and square. Can you get off me?”

Yamato let go. He leaned back. Suzuki lay there for a second longer, trying to catch his breath. Had he actually been wanting Yamato to kiss him like that? To just lean down and…

Suzuki shook his head. He had to get out of here before he did something stupid. He sat up. “Um, I should probably head home. I promised Mom I’d eat dinner with her tonight. She says she barely gets to see me.”

“Oh.” Yamato sounded disappointed. “It’s still early.”

Suzuki coughed. “Yeah. I said I’d help her cook, too.”

“Alright. I’ll walk you.” Yamato started to get up.

“Ah, no thanks!” Suzuki squeaked. He winced at the sound of his own voice. What was wrong with him? “I can make it on my own. I have my disguise and everything.”

“Are you sure?”

Suzuki nodded. He gathered his notebook and school things as quickly as possible. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow! Good luck on the physics homework.”

Yamato followed him to the door. “Text me when you get home?”

“Sure!” Suzuki chirped (too brightly, he realized). Then, before he could embarrass himself any further, he rushed out the door.

Suzuki made good on his word to help his mother make dinner. She’d been surprised to see him home so early, but glad to spend time with him as well. Suzuki’s schedule was so hectic that they rarely ate dinner together, let alone cooked together. He wasn’t as good as Souma in the kitchen, but he managed.

A part of him wanted to tell her about Yamato. He had a good opportunity to when she asked how he was doing. In the end, he said Yamato was doing fine and left it at that. He didn’t want to bother his mom with that kind of thing. (Truth be told, he was embarrassed to mention having a crush in the first place.)

After dinner, he holed himself up in his room. Suzuki knew it was the last thing he needed right now, but he logged back onto the anti-café. No one had banned him yet. Suzuki hadn’t commented since that first time, so they’d probably forgotten he was there.

It was full of the usual hatred and vitriol. Suzuki picked a thread railing against his and Yamato’s relationship. He scrolled through it for a while, his heart sinking lower and lower until it reached the Earth’s core. They despised the idea of him and Yamato together, whether they were friends or dating.

It can never happen, Suzuki thought. His fans might turn on him.

Suzuki finally closed the thread. Then, because he had no one else to turn to, he texted Jae. Jae was currently in South Korea, visiting family and the other members of his group. Suzuki hoped he wasn’t too busy.

Hey sunbae, Suzuki wrote, do you ever get hate comments?

It didn’t take long for Jae to text back. oh totally. happens all the time.

How do you deal with them?

i try to ignore it. block out the haters

It was good advice. A no-brainer, honestly, if only Suzuki could follow it. have you ever found a whole site that hates you? an anti café?

man don’t tell me you have one of those. you’re a ray of sunshine! how could anyone make a whole anti-café devoted to you?

Idk either. It’s really been getting me down. What should I do?

Jae spent a long time typing. Suzuki watched the little ellipses dance while he waited. Eventually, Jae wrote back, you can always block the site or their comments. it’s nothing to be ashamed of. you don’t owe them anything tbh. if they’re not actually sending you constructive criticism, if all they’re doing is trying to tear you down, then kick ‘em to the curb ㅋㅋㅋ seriously tho, don’t read that stuff. it breaks my heart that anyone could be so mean to my hoobae

T^T you’re the best jae-sunbae, Suzuki replied.

i try 😉 is there anything else i can help with?

Suzuki hesitated. He could trust Jae with anything. But could he trust him with this? Maybe if he was vague, Jae wouldn’t realize who Suzuki was talking about. He took a deep breath and wrote, yeah. Have you ever had a crush on someone who’s like, your friend?

are we talking about yama?

Suzuki nearly dropped his phone. He typed a response with trembling fingers. Haha nooooooo where did you get that idea? I’m talking hypothetically.

sure, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), Jae replied. so in this hypothetical situation, is the crusher a j-idol and the crushee a rockstar?

(^◇^；) no…

suzuki literally everyone on the planet thinks you guys are dating. even my mom thinks so.

Suzuki huffed. That doesn’t make it true! he typed. Answer my question: did you ever have a crush on a friend, yes/no?

Again, it took a while for Jae to reply. yep! didn’t work out but hey! it was someone else in the music scene. you know how it is. not that you should get discouraged! you and yamato would be super cute together.

Suzuki blushed. He thought for a while about what he should say. He typed out, do you really think so? what if a lot of people got mad?

you shouldn’t care about what other people think. it’s your personal life.

What if, hypothetically, it’s just one-sided and I ruin our whole friendship?

i doubt it would ruin your friendship, Jae wrote. i’m 99.9% sure yama likes you. have you seen how he looks in your selfies? heart eyes <3

Suzuki’s blush deepened. No way. Jae was just trying to make him feel better. Then again, the duet in the karaoke room gave him a sliver of hope. But that was a performance. They were acting like Damian and Selena.

What about the other 1%? Suzuki wrote.

you doubt my judgment?? look, even if he doesn’t feel that way about you, your friendship won’t tank just because of a little crush. not if it’s real and i think it is.

Okay. Thanks again, sunbae <3 I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing.

anytime! it’s good to be home, but i miss everyone over there TT take care of yourself!

Suzuki locked his phone screen and lay down. Talking to Jae had helped, but he still couldn’t bring himself to confess to Yamato. He didn’t understand how Jae could be so confident when his own crush hadn’t worked out. He knew just as well as Suzuki how hard it was for idols to date normally.

Even if Yamato liked me back, I’d get flayed alive. Probably by my manager, too. His manager still hadn’t given him the green light on the vacation. Suzuki was starting to think that was her way of saying no. It might be better if he didn’t go. Hawai’i was a romantic place, right? What if Suzuki got carried away and blurted his feelings? It would defeat the purpose of a relaxing getaway.

I should tell Yamato I can’t come with. Suzuki would do it tomorrow, at school. He’d rip the band-aid off, so to speak, and get it over with. Hopefully Yamato wouldn’t be too disappointed.

Suzuki didn’t get a chance to tell Yamato the next day, because Yamato was suddenly super busy. He was on the phone with someone before class started, and he spent every break scribbling in his notebook. He disappeared during lunch before Suzuki could even ask if they were going to eat together. It wasn’t that strange, really. 3-A was full of students with irregular schedules. For example, Takahiro had taken off for some part-time job earlier.

However, Yamato wasn’t there the next day either, so Suzuki couldn’t tell him then, either. And then Suzuki had to skip a day to spend it in a recording studio. He considered texting Yamato about it, but he would rather tell him in person. It seemed a bit too important not to discuss face-to-face.

Suzuki finally got a chance when he and Yamato both arrived late in the school day. He guessed Yamato must have been recording something as well. He was dressed down from his usual leather jacket and had left out a few piercings. He only did that when he had an early morning session.

“Are you free to walk home today, Yama?” Suzuki asked as they jogged up the stairs to 3-A. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

“Today’s no good.”

“What about tomorrow morning?”

Yamato shook his head. “Busy. Sorry.”

Suzuki paused. “What’s going on? Are you prepping a new release?”

Yamato didn’t answer. He just kept going. Suzuki stared at his retreating back. What was the big secret? Yamato usually shared any and all details about his projects. He’d been talking about a new song after karaoke. Were the two related, or was this another thing altogether?

What if I made him uncomfortable? Suzuki thought, gripped by terror. Or what if Jae was trying to be helpful and told him I have a crush on him? He knew he was jumping to conclusions. Yamato was busy; that was all. Even so, he felt nervous. Why hadn’t Yamato answered him?

Suzuki investigated Yamato’s fansites. He wasn’t making special appearances anywhere. There were no concert announcements. Not even a rumor of an album release. So what was he doing? He hadn’t walked home with Suzuki or asked him over for a while. They didn’t even have lunch together anymore.

A sick, heavy dread settled in Suzuki’s stomach as he logged onto the anti-café. It got worse. The café was overjoyed.

No suzuyama sightings lately! He finally dropped him!

Heard rumors from school that they’re split up.

Maybe S*zuki will take a hint and stop clinging to Yamato like a puppy

It’d be like kicking a puppy. Suzuki’s mouth went dry. He tossed his phone into his backpack. Did Yamato really see him as a dog, stupidly following him everywhere? He’d played along with the joke that time, but now it stung.

“Romantic troubles?”

Suzuki jumped a foot. Ai was standing right behind him, his quiver slung across his back. He didn’t wait for an invitation to take the empty seat next to Suzuki. Suzuki had thought he’d been alone in this courtyard, but Ai must have had a tracking device implanted in every boy in school.

“I’m not having romantic troubles,” Suzuki lied.

Ai smiled skeptically. “It’s about Yamato, isn’t it?”

Am I really that obvious? Suzuki’s shoulders sagged. “Not you, too.”

“What, is it a secret? Even that nice girl at the café knows.”

Suzuki put his face in his hands. If everyone knew then how could Yamato not? He’s avoiding me, since he realized I’m bad for his image.

Ai patted his knee. “Cheer up! You could do a lot worse than Yamato.”

“Not if he hates me!”

“Why do you think he hates you?”

“He’s been avoiding me,” Suzuki said. “At first, I thought he was working on something, but he wouldn’t tell me anything about it. And don’t say he’s throwing me a surprise party. My birthday isn’t coming up.”

“Hmm, that’s tricky.” Ai rubbed his chin. “He usually shares all his projects with you, right? Maybe he’s seeing someone else?”

Suzuki went cold. He hadn’t considered that possibility. Had Yamato started dating and not told him? No, that couldn’t be. Someone would’ve snapped a picture or started a rumor by now, and the fansites were quiet.

“No.” He shook his head. “He would’ve told me for sure.”

Ai shrugged. “Then he’s probably busy. You shouldn’t get too worked up, Suzuki. Guys like him sometimes have trouble communicating their feelings. He might be focusing so hard that he hasn’t had time to tell you about it. Kurou does the same thing. He gets tunnel-vision when he’s working on a play.”

It made Suzuki feel a little better, but it didn’t inspire confidence. He couldn’t shake the feeling that Yamato was purposefully ducking him.

“Anyway, I’m meeting Sousuke for an archery showdown,” Ai said, standing up. “He’s going to regret challenging me. Are you going to be okay?”

Suzuki nodded. “Thanks for the advice, Ai. Good luck.”

Ai shot him a thumbs-up before he left. Suzuki remained where he was. He didn’t know how long he sat in the courtyard, staring at the flowerbeds. His phone buzzed, snapping him out of it.

It was Yamato. Suzuki had been expecting his manager. His heart thumped rapidly. He opened the message. Hey Suzuki, can you come to the music room?

He was torn. Should he go? Yamato had asked him, but what if it was just to say that they shouldn’t hang out anymore. Or worse, that he didn’t return Suzuki’s feelings, which were apparently so obvious that they could be seen from space? Eventually, Suzuki gathered his courage and went to the music room.

School had finished for the day, so the music room was deserted, except for Yamato and Suzuki. It was quiet. All the clubs were meeting on the other side of Ikemen. Yamato was leaning against the piano, fiddling something. When Suzuki got closer, he realized it was his MP3 player.

“Hey,” Yamato said. He sounded nervous. “Sorry for ghosting you. I was working on an important project.”

A bit of relief crept into Suzuki’s veins. “Really? Why didn’t you just say so?”

Yamato blushed. “Well, uh, it was kind of a surprise. I didn’t know whether it would work out. I, um… here.” He held out the MP3 player. “Listen.”

Suzuki took it. He put an earbud in. There was only one track on the device, untitled. He hit play. A second later, the sound of Yamato’s voice filled his ears. Yamato’s singing voice was wonderful and familiar, but the backing track didn’t sound like his style at all. It sounded more like Suzuki’s music than his, though there was a hint of Yamato there, too. The more Suzuki listened, the more it grew on him. The lyrics were about stars burning bright for centuries, their light stretching across galaxies long after their death, and gazing at the same sky as someone you loved. A lump formed in his throat.

“What do you think?” Yamato asked when Suzuki finished.

“Amazing, like always,” Suzuki said. “Is this going to be on your next album?”

“Actually…” Yamato scuffed the floor. “I was thinking it could be on yours. I wrote it for you to sing, if you want it. I figured it was the least I could do, after you made me that mixtape for my birthday.”

Suzuki couldn’t believe it. Yamato had written him a song. Not just one to listen to, but one to sing. The lump in his throat got bigger. “W-what’s the occasion?” he asked, his voice trembling.

“No reason. I just wanted to do something special, I guess. Do you like it?”

Suzuki nodded vigorously. He couldn’t speak. Before he could stop himself, tears began to flow down his cheeks. I’m so dumb. I thought he was ditching me this whole time, and he was working on a song. For me. He covered his face, but it didn’t stop the noise from escaping. It was like a dam had burst; all of Suzuki’s feelings rushed out in one go.

“What are you crying for?” Yamato asked, gently removing Suzuki’s hands from his face.

Suzuki hiccupped. He was so embarrassed. He hadn’t meant to cry. “I…” he tried to say. “I was afraid you were tired of me.”

Yamato sighed. “I’m not tired of you, Suzu. Have you been paying attention to what those losers online are saying? I told you they’re full of it. Come here.”

He folded Suzuki into his arms. Suzuki let out another involuntary sob. He buried his face in Yamato’s shoulder. It was sturdy and strong. His t-shirt was soft. Yamato alternated between patting his back and rubbing circles.

Eventually, Suzuki cried himself out. He stepped back. Yamato let him go, but he kept his hands on Suzuki’s arms. He was looking at him with concern.

“Are you okay?”

Suzuki nodded and sniffed. “I’ll be fine. I didn’t want it to get to me, but I guess…”

“They’re just bitter and pathetic people who have nothing better to do with their time.” Yamato gathered Suzuki’s hands and held them against his chest. “They’re not real. This is. And any fan of mine who talks that way about you isn’t a real fan. If they can’t love you as much as I do, then that’s their problem.”

Suzuki blinked. He wanted to wipe away a few stray tears, but he didn’t want Yamato to let go of him. “You love me?” he asked, half-stunned.

The realization seemed to come over Yamato at the exact same moment. A blush covered his cheeks. “Did I say that?”

“You did.”

“Well… I mean, of course I do. You’re my best friend.” To Suzuki’s dismay, Yamato dropped his hands. He ran his fingers through his hair, disturbing the spikes. “I thought you already knew that.”

“I do now.” Suzuki smiled, trying to mask his disappointment. I shouldn’t be disappointed at all. Yamato’s friendship is super important to me, too. “I love you, too.”

Yamato blushed deeper. “Alright, alright. Let’s not get carried away.”

Suzuki laughed. This was good. He knew now that Yamato wasn’t going to abandon him. They were still friends. They could continue performing together at school. It would be fun. At least I had a chance to say it to him out loud, even if he doesn’t know how much I really mean it.

Suzuki blocked the anti-café. He had to stop using it to punish himself. Besides, he couldn’t forgive them for leading him to believe Yamato didn’t care about him. He made sure to delete his account too, just in case the urge overpowered him, and he lifted the block.

It’s been fun, he thought. He instantly felt better. Things returned to normal. Suzuki approached his manager with Yamato’s song. He leaned heavily on the idea of marketing it as a collaboration and watched as the yen signs appeared in her eyes. After that, she shocked him by giving him permission to go to Hawai’i.

“If the song does well, we’ll find time for a vacation,” she promised. “I couldn’t answer you before, since there was a lot up in the air, but you deserve some time off.”

“And I can go with Yamato?”

“If your schedules line up, I don’t see why not.”

The next morning, he told Yamato by throwing himself into his arms and shouting, “We’re going to Hawai’i!”

“Your manager said yes?” Yamato said, brightening.

Suzuki nodded. “She said that if the collab works out, then I can go with you. As long as we’re free at the same time. Hawai’i, Yama! Hawai’i!”

Yamato actually swung him around the classroom but stopped short when their homeroom teacher gave them a death-glare. Suzuki let go and jumped back.

“Oops. Sorry, sensei.”

“You’d better concentrate on passing your exams before talking about Hawai’i,” the teacher warned. “And don’t do that again. You could’ve knocked over the desks.”

It didn’t bring Suzuki’s mood down at all. He was walking on air. Later, when his and Yama’s managers called about some kind of music industry party, he agreed to go without hesitation. Yamato was a little more reluctant, but he caved when Suzuki said they could go together.

All in all, life was good. Suzuki still wanted to kiss Yamato. He still wanted to hug him as tightly as possible and tell him how he felt, but he couldn’t bear to mess everything up. Why sabotage a good thing? Yamato clearly only thought of him as a friend.

And that was fine. Everything was fine.

Suzuki enjoyed getting dressed up for public appearances. Yamato didn’t. He always looked uncomfortable in suits. Uncomfortable, yet handsome. Suzuki’s heart felt like it was going to leap out of his chest.

“I hate ties,” Yamato muttered, playing with the end of his.

“Then don’t wear one,” Suzuki said. He stepped forward and undid the knot. “It’s a formal party, but no one will care. See, I think you look just fine without it. Undo a couple buttons, and voila! Rock superstar Yamato is red carpet ready!”

Suzuki might have been mistaken, but Yamato appeared flustered. He turned towards the limousine their managers had arranged to drive them to the event and held open the door for Suzuki.

“After you,” he said.

It was after sunset and traffic was bad. Suzuki checked the time. Unless they learned how to teleport, they were going to be late. Oh well, in that case they’d make an even more striking entrance. Suzuki stretched out, putting his feet up on the seat. They were barely moving.

Yamato, meanwhile, was reading something on his phone. Suzuki didn’t know what it was, but it appeared to be irritating him. He kept frowning. Finally, Yamato tossed the phone into the corner and folded his arms. He huffed, a deep furrow forming between his eyebrows. Suzuki was torn between laughing at his grumpiness and wanting to comfort him.

“What’s up, Yama-kun?” Suzuki asked.

“Oh, it’s…” He stopped, turning pink. “It’s stupid.”

“You did something stupid?” Suzuki knew he sounded a bit too eager, but he couldn’t help it. He was dying to know.

Yamato rolled his eyes. “Yes, actually.”

“Are you going to tell me about it or am I going to have to tickle you for information?” Suzuki wiggled his fingers to demonstrate.

“Don’t!” Yamato pulled his legs up onto the seat, as if to shield himself from Suzuki’s attack. “Jesus, Suzuki we’re in public.”

“No, we’re not. The windows are tinted and the partition’s up. Now tell me what made you so mad.”

Yamato relaxed. He retrieved his phone—which was undamaged—and passed it to Suzuki. Suzuki’s eyes widened. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing: an anti-Yamato fansite. For a few seconds, he just stared at it. Then he began to actually process the words he was looking at.

Yamato’s style totally clashes with Suzuki’s. Don’t know why they’re friends.

Do u remember when he was talking about how “””fake””” Zuzu is? He said in a press conference that ur not a real artist if u don’t write and produce ur own songs. What a snob. Did he ever apologize for that?

Suzuki laughed out loud. He glanced at Yamato. “They have a point. Did you ever apologize to me?”

“It’s not funny.”

“It is!” Suzuki kept scrolling. “This whole time you were telling me not to pay attention to the haters and you didn’t even follow your own advice. Aww, Yama, don’t feel bad. Wait a minute.”

There was a new reply to one of the comments by a user named, “st4rpower826.”

Do you guys ever get tired of talking trash behind the safety of your computer screens? Why don’t you say this stuff to Suzuki’s face and see how he takes it. Last I heard, he and Yamato were still really close. He doesn’t get mad until you insult his friends. If you actually cared about him, you wouldn’t do this.

It had a bunch of negative replies. Suzuki looked at Yamato again. Yamato was chewing on his lip.

“Is this you?” Suzuki asked, pointing at the screen.

“That could be anyone.”

“It’s you! You made an account!” Suzuki grabbed Yamato’s shoulder and shook it. He was laughing uncontrollably now. “You made an account so you could fight with them! Oh my God. That’s my birthday in your username!”

Yamato’s ears were growing steadily redder. “You have to make an account to read the message boards,” he muttered. “You know that. Someone was going to come along and tell them off eventually. Might as well be me.”

“How did you get that username? That’s, like, a prime fandom username. When I went on the anti-Suzuki boards, YamaFan#1 was taken.”

“No one else spelled with a four for the A.”

Suzuki was still giggling. He continued scrolling. “How long did you have this?”

“I went searching for one about me the same night you went on yours. I was curious.” Yamato smiled sheepishly. “I could take all the garbage they spewed about me but when they started throwing you into the mix, I got really upset. So I fought back. Didn’t do much good though.”

“These people say we’re so different, but we actually have lots in common, huh?”

“Yeah…”

“Oh, here’s a familiar one: ‘Suzuki is friends with Yamato for fanservice. Yamato wouldn’t be as popular if people didn’t think he was gay for Suzuki.’ People were saying the same stuff on my anti-site.”

Yamato’s blush had spread down his neck. “They’re crazy.”

“I know.” Suzuki turned the screen off. “You shouldn’t get into fights with people online, even if they are being jerks. We know the truth.”

Yamato nodded. He rubbed the back of his neck. “You know, it was really stupid, but I started to get scared that they might be right. Just for a second. Seeing all that old stuff I said made me wonder if you were still angry with me, and you were pretending not to hate me for the sake of getting along.”

“I don’t hate you, Yama.” Suzuki kneaded Yamato’s shoulder. “I’ve always thought you were cool, even when you were criticizing me. I could never hate you. Do you wanna know why?”

“Sure,” Yamato said, his lips quirking into a smile.

Suzuki kissed him. His heart was pounding a mile a minute, but he had never felt more sure of anything in his life before. The hand on Yamato’s shoulder was steady. When he pulled away, Yamato was staring at him, his eyes huge.

“It’s because I love you,” Suzuki said. And because he couldn’t help it, he winked.

The words were barely out of his mouth before Yamato returned the kiss. It took Suzuki by surprise, almost knocking him backward. He managed to hold himself up by catching hold of Yamato’s other shoulder. The realization that Yamato was kissing him sank in about two seconds later. Suzuki’s imagination had been lacking. Actually kissing Yamato was better than anything he could’ve dreamed up.

Yamato was holding him, one hand braced against the small of Suzuki’s back, the other cupping his chin. His mouth was soft and smooth and warm. Suzuki tasted a hint of lip balm. He leaned into the kiss, following Yamato’s movements. Then, Yamato pulled Suzuki onto his lap. Both hands slid to Suzuki’s hips.

“Suzuki,” Yamato breathed.

“What?”

“I don’t want to go to this party. Do you?”

Suzuki didn’t have to think about it. “No.”

He gave Yamato another lingering kiss as he got off his lap, then went to knock on the partition. It rolled down about halfway. Suzuki held up a hand in apology.

“Sorry,” he said, “but could you take us back to Yamato’s place?”

The next morning was strange. After they’d been dropped off at Yamato’s house, he and Suzuki had spent the rest of the night watching movies and making out. When they were too tired to keep their eyes open a second longer, Yamato let Suzuki borrow a t-shirt and pair of pajama pants, and they had fallen asleep in his room.

Suzuki woke up thinking last night had been a dream. He wasn’t surprised by coming to in Yamato’s room. (They had sleepovers all the time.) What reminded him that it was real was feeling the weight of Yamato’s arm around him. Suzuki bit back a fresh fit of giggles. He couldn’t believe it. He had kissed Yamato last night. Yamato had kissed him back.

Yamato stirred and lifted his head. It seemed to take him a minute as well. Then he smiled. He kissed Suzuki’s cheek. “Good morning,” he said softly.

“Good morning,” Suzuki repeated. He wondered if they could get away with staying in bed all day. Their phones had been blowing up all night, to the point where they’d set them to silent and left them in the living room.

Yamato groped for his alarm clock. “It’s almost noon.”

“My manager is probably going crazy right now because I didn’t show up.” He laughed at that. She was going to kill him later, but there were other things on his mind right now. “Is there anything important going on today?”

“No. There’s just you.” Yamato nestled himself against Suzuki again.

“We can stay in today,” Suzuki suggested. “We’ll play video games and make pancakes.”

“And make out,” Yamato added. He stuck his tongue out and wiggled it around.

Suzuki slapped his hand over Yamato’s mouth, laughing helplessly. “Gross! Don’t do that. You’re not a member of KISS.”

Yamato laughed as well. He let go of Suzuki and rolled out of bed. “Come on. I’ll make you pancakes. I bought blueberries.”

The apartment complex was quiet. Everyone was either sleeping in or out. Suzuki helped Yamato get out the mixing bowl and the skillet. There were, in fact, blueberries in the fridge. (Suzuki may have helped himself to a few before putting some in the batter.) Yamato started a pot of coffee, promising Suzuki that he still had the French vanilla creamer he liked.

While they were waiting to flip the first pancake, Suzuki decided to bring up the question that had been on his mind since he’d gotten out of bed. “So… are we boyfriends now?”

To his credit, Yamato wasn’t caught off-guard, though he did hesitate. “I don’t know. I want to be,” he said. “Things are different for us.”

“I’d be fine dating you in secret. Plenty of celebrities do it.”

“Me too, but I don’t know how long we could keep it up. There’s a lot of stress involved.” Yamato did the flip. It was clean. He passed the spatula to Suzuki. “It would definitely make some of our fans happy.”

Suzuki grinned. “Maybe that’s how we should justify it to our managers.”

“Yikes,” Yamato said. “Honestly, I don’t want to think about it right now. I just want to eat and destroy you at Mario Kart again. We can talk about the serious stuff later.”

“Can’t you go easy on me?” Suzuki whined. “I’m your boyfriend.”

“What makes you think I’d go easy on you just because we’re dating now? I never let you win when we were friends and that’s not going to change now.”

“You’re so mean.” Suzuki pulled his eyelid and stuck out his tongue. “Yama-kun’s a bad boyfriend. I’m gonna tell the whole world, so no one will steal you from me.”

Yamato laughed. He put an arm around Suzuki’s waist and brought him in for a kiss. “No one could steal me from you,” he said when they separated. “I love you.”

Suzuki put his head on Yamato’s shoulder. Life was good. The world might as well be limited to this small kitchen. To him and Yamato, and no one else. “Love you, too.”

#notice me senpai #skillshot labs #fanfic #oneshot #fluff #light angst

1 note · View note

catfish-and-the · 6 years

Text

aight ive been getting super emo over my favourite sunny eyed dreamboat boy mr sir van mccann so im just going to record my catb concert from three years ago here so it doesnt “wisp away with the sands of time” as i wrote in seventh grade (not after the catb concert) disclaimer i kno that some catb fans say that catb arent the same as they were way back when and im not here to counter that but this is what happened to me when catb were still small and it was 2015 and i know that things mustve changed but im here to document my own experience my hands are shaking btw

June 9 2015 - Varsity Theatre, Minneapolis MN

We got to the venue super early cos we wanted front row or something super fuckin close to front row and yeah man there were maybe like 5 people ahead of us super cool i had my clear backpack, my classic clear concert backpack, and im not really sure how we passed the time but eventually i was “sent on a mission” to see what lies in the alley between the venue and the adjacent building and so i walk over as casually as possible and i pass by the alley and turn my head and lo and behold tall boy Van is standing there in his green reflective sunglasses and dark outfit and i fuckign STOP cos van just he radiates this wonderful energy of that classic leo magnificence but hes smiling, hes friendly and he waves to me and i, being socially inexperienced, am too afraid to approach him so i wave back and WALK BACK THE WAY I CAME. so van watches me pass by the alley, wave at his wave, and then go back. super weird. i regret it but i think its funny. all i know is van smiled at me and he waved at me and i did something clumsy

concert: fuckin grand man i love the balcony, i love the red lights, i loved being second row dead center in front of dreamboat boy i love hourglass i still have my all time fav catb song rango on video fuckin class tops every concert ive been to so far bc i was second row (but am was so good too)

post concert: we were waiting s o l o n g for catb to come out. they didnt come out. I again was sent another mission back to the alley and there i saw a Very Tall Figure and was like fuck. somehow we approached and somehow I got pushed to the front so alas im standing in this narrow fucking alley at like midnight w a very tall man (whos beaming at me, sunglasses OFF) and since im in the front vans like approaching and i was yellin at myself like dont fuckign stand there bihinch so i muster the courage to meet him halfway and he greets me and holds out his hand for me to shake (I shake it) and here things start getting a little blurry in terms of order so here it is, most likely out of order but who will ever know for sure:

Somehow we hug. I forgot if i asked or if it just happendd but we hug. Hes very soft and very warm and he smiled.

i told him how great the concert was and how much i loved his music and how his concert “made my night.” He said something (while smiling) and then he said “youve just made my night” and of course i insist that hes made MY night cos like... no ones ever told me i meant something before so i told him again “you made my night” and HE SAYS “YOUVE MADE MINE” AGAIN LIKE BOY...... TAKE MY COMPLIMENT (he won the argument i left it at “no, you made my night”)

i remember that i got him a gift and a letter so at some point i pull it out and hand it to him. He smiles and says thank you, “i’ll be sure to read it” and tucks the letter into his chest pocket meanwhile i also hand him a little stuffed turtle and i, being a Weakling in social situations, quickly explain that i hope he likes it and that “im not sure if you like turtles, but-” and he cuts me off and reassures me that h eDOES like turtles and he takes the Little Turtle in his hand and bends down next to me (cos im small and van is Tall) and tells me about the time a fan gave him a little turtle bracelet ehich he wore almost all the time and pointed to his wrist of the arm he wore it with (i forget, oh dear. i believe it was his right?) (”but it broke”) and he looked at me and smiled while we were in that position his presence is very warm and then he straightens back up and holds the little turtle in his hand up against the golden streetlight where he “promises to take good care of it” and i swear the pure joy on his face the entire time made me fall in love (though it fell dormant until 2018)

At soe point i take a very bad, very poor quality selfy with van but to this day it remains on the back of my clear phonecase becasue we looked so happy despite the terrible lighting and it reminds me of him. van had to bend down next to me to take the picture, and his arm was around my shoulders. He was hesitant to stand back upright cos he thought i wanted ot take more. i didnt (another regret but boy do i treasure the one selfy)

I hand my phone to catbs old manager for group pics. He (the manager) and van take selfies on my phone, which i dont discover until later

we take group pictures. we r all happy. i havent looked at those.

i know its time to leave because i want the other fans to meet the band. I dont want to leave obviously. I ask van for another hug. I hold on to him very tight, and he does the same. i can only reach his collarbone, despite him bending down to reach me.

Van has an endearing way of hugging, ive noted, where we hug at the side (my right, his left) together while the other sides are kinda separate, not touching, but u have ur arms wrapped around eachother, my right arm underneath his left and onto his back while he can quite literally put his entire arm around me, the opposite arms are kind of around each other. I try to go onto my toes to hold on to him closer because he feels like a safe haven and he makes me feel like i belong somewhere and he makes me feel tranquil and warm and everything positive but not in the jittery excitement kind of way, just peaceful. I hold on to him very tight. its the last time.

We wave goodbye. its very cold without him despite being warm enough to wear a skirt and short sleeve

I go home and remember that i have another little turtle, but this one is blue and a bit worn (thus i gave van the green one). I name it Van and keep it on my bookshelf.

#sometimes when im upset i repeat these details to myself in order to ingrain it into my memory forever becasue #im so afraid of losing it and of losing the memory of him.#and this is why its so hard for me to believe that hes changed (for the Not Better) because when i met him #you couldnt mistake the pure happiness on his fasce and no one really has ever looked that way because of me before #and so ever since then i like to call van my best friend because tast how he made me feel like we were best frineds #but i know we arent and i think it would be sad to call him that when these days i do have friends so i call him my 'Best Fendi' cos hes a #'designer boy' and fendi is pretty close to friend in terms of spelling and ive realized the yellow lights are the yellow of fendi hahah #oh man im oging to cry i havent iver tried writing stories that are based off of this but ive never written anything so specific #like plotlines tossed this is what happened this is what i remember no characters to hide behind nothing this is it #its been htree years and i still havent gone back to listen to tyrants or watch my videos i know ill cry if i do #it was the first time i felt like i belonged somewhere because up until then the only friends i had were toxic friends #so i like to think of van as my first friend #ok im fuckign rambling now im going to stop here hahahhahhah #ignore me #june 9 2015 #if if if #this is why im so in denial of what youve been saying about van changing i just after that i couldnt believe #i cant believe that what they say and the boy i met are the same #even though rationally i know they are right but Emo Me loves to disregard it thus this blog is still functioning #with love letters and sappy tags and heart eyes #maybe i wont ever come to accept it #and so van became one of my fav boys not just catb as my top 4 bands but van himself #i dont knwo i dont have enough control over the english language to descrive everything i dont i wish i did #💚💚💚

9 notes · View notes

sorceressmidnight · 7 years

Text

Midnight Sorceress

Chapter: 5/? [1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - ?]

Chapter 5: Look At You!

Words: 2925

Warnings: Some cursing, self harm mentions, depressive break down

Primarily following the events of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, it revolves around an original character.

Description as posted on ao3: A member of SHIELD is forced to struggle with her mental stability and keeping her secret as the craziness surrounding the Avengers crashes around her. She ends up befriending Tony and Pepper, who help out her mental health a great deal, but will they be able to help her with her secret? Something that could destroy her if she uses it too much… What will happen when Tony tries to convince her to use it to help the Avengers?

Read on ao3: here

Tags: @txnystarkimagines @h0bsyrup

Hit me up if you want to be tagged in future chapters.

This chapter happens after Captain America Winter Soldier.

Wow, it's been forever since I've written in here… So, uh… Tony is fine and well, despite his stupidity. I've been spending a lot of time with them lately. Tony told me that I had drunkenly showed off my powers… I was pretty mad and upset when I found out, but he insisted on trying to develop something so that I could use my powers without exhausting myself… I'm not sure how that's going to work out, but I'm willing to try it.

“Nat… I don't have anywhere to go to… I've lived here since I started…” Kiana whimpered, tears streaming down her face. Natasha pulled her into a hug, gently petting her as she cried. “Why don't you ask Tony? I haven't seen you happier in the longest time since you've been hanging out with him and Pepper.” She smiled down at her, pulling out a napkin to wipe the tears from her face. “But everyone's going to find out about my powers! I… I…” she began to hyperventilate as she struggled to talk, gripping the other tightly. “Shhh, sweetie. I deleted everything about you and Sammy from the files. I know how much it means to both of you. I would never let anyone put you in harms way,” she squeezed her tightly, trying to help her calm down from her slight panic attack. “What about Sammy?! I… I can't let her go back to-” She pressed her forefinger against her lips, pulling her head down to rest on her chest and gently petting her again. “I made some arrangements. She's going to be Bruce’s assistant until she can get on her own two feet. So, if Tony lets you move in, then I'm sure you'll run into her every now and again.” Kiana relaxed into the hug as she said that, closing her eyes and mouthing out ‘Thank you’.

The incident between Kiana and Natasha happened shortly after the Winter Soldier started appearing. It was during this incident that Natasha and Steve found out that members of HYDRA were in the deeper levels of SHIELD. Natasha had gotten into the files and released them to the public, exposing HYDRA, but not before making sure that a select few were deleted from the database. It was shortly after her talk with Nat, that Kiana found herself looking for Tony or Pepper back at the tower. “Tony…?” she called out, heading towards his lab after not finding him or Pepper in any of their usual spots. “Sir, Miss Mariveil is currently looking for you.” Jarvis spoke, causing Tony to hit his head as he tried to sit up from under a desk. “Fuck,” he hissed, “where is she?” “She is on her way to the lab, sir.” “Thanks,” he murmured as he got up, rubbing his head. He then met her in the hallway before she got all the way to the lab. “Hey, what's up?” “Hi… um…” she licked her lips, twirling her hair between her fingers while avoiding eye contact. “W-would it be possible… to stay here for a while? U-until I can get my own place!” He blinked, realizing why she asking him, gently wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “Sweetheart, you can stay here as long as you need to. Don't feel pressured to find a place, but if you want to, you can.” “Thanks,” she smiled up at him, leaning against him. “Let's go set up your room, then. I'll buy your furniture.” “Y-you don't have-” she was stopped by a finger against her lips. “I want to.”

It was a month later and Kiana was adjusting fairly well in her new environment, helping Tony with his odd experiments and keeping him company when he struggled with insomnia. She helped Pepper with slight cleaning, knowing that there was someone who came in and cleaned, but liking to keep it decently well kept. She could only handle so much mess before she felt a need to clean, so she understood why Pepper needed to have it semi-tidied up. The two have also been keeping an eye on her, at first checking her arms daily to see if she had relapsed or not, but about halfway through the month lowering it to about twice a week. “Kiki!” Tony shouted as he ran up to her, grabbing her hand. “Come on, I have something to show you!” Her eyes widened as he dragged her down into his workshop, leaving her utterly confused and unable to quite say no. Once they arrived, he let go of her hand and pulled a cloth off of whatever it was he wanted to show her. In front of her was what looked like a black dress with a cyan design along it and matching knee-high boots. It was sleeveless, a strip of material on either side keeping it up at the shoulders, and ended about mid-thigh length, maybe knee. It was hard for her to tell without a height comparison. Upon further inspection, she could see that the black part of the attire was a sturdy leather, while the cyan seemed to resemble wiring of some sort. “Try it on!” “... You made this for me?” her brows arched as she crossed her arms. “... Yes. I told you I was making something for you. I figured a whole body suit wouldn’t be your style. I purposely left it sleeveless so that your arms wouldn’t get irritated. To make up for lack of coverage on your legs, I made the shoes boots. So, try it on!” She pursed her lips, staring over the outfit before giving a sigh and letting Tony take it off the mannequin and taking it from him. She disappeared into another room to change, slipping out of her clothes and into the dress he had made for her. It ended a bit lower than mid-thigh so when she pulled on the boots, there was barely any space from the knee-high boots and the bottom of the dress. She walked out the room, going back to the workshop to show Tony how it looked on her. “That looks really good on you. I was worried about how the dress might fit. Anyway, now the real experiment begins,” a grin spread on his lips. “I want you to use your powers to lift up this machine.” “Tony… That's really-” “Shhh. Just try it.” Her brows furrowed slightly, hoping he knew what he was doing or she was going to punch him later. From everything she had known about her powers, the weight of the machine was a little heavier than she could handle. She had no idea what the ‘suit' he designed did, so she wasn't quite sure on what might happen. After taking a deep breath, she lifted her hands up in an attempt to lift the heavy object with her powers. She managed to get it about an inch off the ground before a loud thud sounded, crashing back onto the floor. Tony quickly grabbed her before she fell back, getting her in the nearby chair. “Okay, so not quite the percentage boost I was hoping for… but thankfully the suit recorded the data so I can work on fixing it up. Sorry,” he apologized, not wanting for her to put as much stress on her body as she had done. “It's okay… Can we try something smaller next time?” “Of course,” he smiled and gently kissed the top of her head, “just take it easy for now and lemme know if you need anything.” “Probably a nap… but as soon as I have enough focus and strength to get out of the suit,” she mumbled, leaning her head against the chair with her eyes closed tightly.

Pepper sat with Kiana as the two worked on folding laundry together. They both agreed to have a big laundry day once a week so they don't need to think about it until the next laundry day. It made it easier on them so that they could focus on other things during the other days, especially since Kiana needed to rest every now again after testing the suit. She had tested the suit two different times in the past few weeks; one time was far too high percentage wise and caused the machine to fly through the ceiling, while the other time was just a bit higher than the first so it didn't wear down on her as heavily, but did exhaust her. “Tony isn't pushing you too far, is he? He stops when you tell him to, right?” she asked, brows slightly furrowed with concern. “Yeah, he's been pretty good about it. He helps me to bed and usually makes sure I'm eating periodically and making me extra comfortable on days we do tests.” “That's good! I get worried when you do, but I'm usually out those days… so I never know until I get home.” she sighed, folding the shirt in her hands. “It's fine. Tony’s been a great care-taker when I've been down, so don't worry so much. I'm sure one day you'll be there to help when I need it.” she smiled at her, helping place the clean and folded laundry into the basket. They dropped off Tony’s clothes first, hanging up and putting things in the drawers. “Hey, I was thinking maybe we could have a spa day? I dunno if that's really your thing, but I figure after these past few weeks you deserve a day of relaxation.” “Um… I've never really done the whole spa thing, but I'm willing to try it out.” she gave a half smile, shrugging her shoulders. “Alright, I'll make reservations for tomorrow, then. I’ll also warn Tony, so he doesn’t freak out and think we’ve been kidnapped,” she giggled.

“You're wearing short sleeved shirts again,” Sammy said with a soft smile. Tony and Bruce were currently working together as Sammy and Kiana watched off from the side. “Yeah… It hasn't been easy, but they've been helping a lot. I see your resentment for Bruce has disappeared a little.” “Shush,” she laughed, shaking her head, “he's… I'm glad Nat put me here. It's helped me, too.” “Maybe you should join Pepper and I next time we go to the spa.” “You're going to the spa now?” her brows arched. “Yeah… It's actually helped a lot with relaxing. I still spar, practice my martial arts, and swim. It's just nice to sit down and get pampered now and again.” she shrugged her shoulders, watching as the two boys talked. “Maybe I’ll join you guys. Bruce keeps insisting I take a day off, but I don’t have anywhere to go really. I mean, he’s probably only doing it because he wants some alone time, but I… I just want to lay low for a while longer… I’m sure my dad’s trying to figure out where I am… and… I don’t want to be forced to go home…” Kiana moved closer to Sammy, pulling her into a tight hug and gently rubbed her back. “We have a great support system. I don’t think anyone would let that happen. I know I wouldn’t ever, and Nat…” she blinked, thinking about what the redhead would do. ‘Nat would probably murder all of her family…’ “Nevermind what, but Nat would certainly help!” she waved her hand nervously, not wanting to bring any more graphic thoughts into the other’s mind. “Thanks, Kiki… That means a lot.” “Squirrel--” Tony shouted out, beginning to call her ‘squirrel girl’, before he felt a tug on the collar of his shirt. He cleared his throat, “Uh… Sandra!” Tug. “T-tammy?” Tug. “S-sammy! That’s right! I knew her name. Uh… Sammy! We need something to drink.” Sammy couldn’t stifle her laugh as she watched Tony struggle with her name, being pulled forward by seemingly nothing tugging on his collar. His brows knitted together as she walked away, still laughing. He walked over and pinched the other female’s cheek. “What was that all about?!” “You shouldn’t call people nicknames they don’t like,” she retorted through giggles, grabbing his hand and removing it from her cheek. “You shouldn’t try to choke me unless we’re in the bedroom, dear.” “I wasn’t choking you~” she chimed, batting her eyelashes, “I was just tugging on your shirt a little.” “If you wanted my shirt off,” he smirked, winking at her, “all you had to do was ask.” He started pulling his shirt up, laughing when he felt her pull it back down, a faint blush on her cheeks. “You are now banned from taking your shirt off in front of me.” “Aww, come on~” he laughed, putting a hand on her shoulder, “don’t be like that.” She sucked air through her teeth, making something akin to a ‘tch’ noise, “You deserve that.” “Seconded.” Sammy added in, shoving a drink in his face. “You don’t even know what happened!” he pouted, taking the drink. “Don’t need to. I trust Kiki’s judgement.” The real ‘argument’ began when the three of them heard Bruce snicker at the situation, just loud enough for them to hear him. That’s when Tony got really pouty.

“Look at you!” Clint said as he hugged Kiana tightly, picking her up and swinging her around once. “What’s that supposed to mean!” she giggled in response, arguing about not making her dizzy again. “I was worried when Nat told me you’d be staying with Stark, but you look like you’ve been doing a hell of a lot better since the last time I saw you.” He ruffled her hair and pulled her to sit at the table nearby, handing her one of the bags he had been holding. She looked inside, pulling out sweet and sour chicken over rice. “Aw, you remembered my favorite. Anyway, it’s been a lot easier than I expected it to be, especially with Pepper there. Sammy’s there too, but with Bruce.” She opened up the food and started eating, watching as he began eating the food he had gotten for himself. “Yeah, she told me about that too. I’m glad to see your arms are healing up nicely… finally. You know you could’ve come to Nat, Sammy, or I at anytime, right?” he asked, gently pinching her cheek. “I know… I just… I didn’t want to bother you guys…” “You’re not a bother,” he retorted quickly, pinching both cheeks. “Oww! Stoooppp! I get the point! Anyway…” she murmured, rubbing her cheeks, “I am really glad to see you again. It feels like it’s been forever.” “Yeah…” he sighed, “a lot has happened since then. Everytime we turn around seems like something else is being blown up, huh? The world’s seen simpler days… Also… do they know about your?” His brow arched in concern, not wanting to fully finish his sentence as they were in public. “Yeah… Tony read my file and I told Pepper. I’m sure Bruce picked up on it, since I mess with Tony all the time. I’m not sure if Happy knows, though… They’ve been pretty cool about it all, though. I’m thankful for that. Sammy’s been doing a lot better, too. I think Bruce has helped her out a lot more than she would like to admit,” she giggled. “That’s good to know. She can be thick headed at times, but then again so can you.” He poked her forehead lightly, causing a groan from her. “Just keep an eye out for yourself, okay? Don’t let anyone overwhelm you and do what you need to in order to keep yourself up. I don’t want to see you falling back down again.”

“Sir, Miss Mariveil has disabled the cameras in her room. I believe something may be wrong,” Jarvis alerted Tony. His brow arched as he stood up, placing whatever he had been working on down on the nearby table. He made his way up to her room, brain running through every possibility of why she might have done it. He put his hand onto the door, jiggling the knob to find out that it was locked. “I don’t have time for this,” he grumbled as he pulled out a screwdriver, working as quickly as he could to open the door knob, managing to have what he needed all right in his pocket. He was thankful that he was tinkering before this. He swung the door open and flipped the light on, eyes darting around the room before seeing a huddled figure covered in black in the corner of the room. He quickly made his way over to her, pulling the blanket down so he could see her face. “Kiki? What’s wrong?” He looked over her face, noticing her red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. “I…” she coughed out, voice shaky as it was clear she had been crying for a while. “I’m…. I’m sorry…” “Sorry for what, sweetie? What happened?” He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her against his chest and gently rocking her back and forth. “...” She removed some of the blanket, showing him the knife she had been holding onto; her knuckles were white with how tight she had been gripping it. He took it from her and placed it on the other side of him, going back to holding her. “Did you…?” She shook her head in response. “I… I almost did…” “It’s okay, I’m here now.” he said softly, rubbing her shoulder and trying to sooth her from her episode. He stayed with her for the rest of the day, trying to help her avoid flaring up in another attack.

#tony stark #original character #tony stark x original character #tony stark x oc #tony stark x reader #iron man #marvel #marvel cinematic universe #mcu #avengers #marvel fanfiction #iron man fanfiction #avengers fanfiction #black widow #natasha romanoff #hawkeye #clint barton #pepper potts

6 notes · View notes