#can someone tell me if I’m close
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idk much about how f1 works but this is how I understood the logan situation
#can someone tell me if I’m close#I mean this is what it seems like to me#this isn’t hate don’t come for me#rahhhhh america#I’m a logan fan on the dl#and by on the dl I mean not at all#formula 1#f1#formula one#f1 memes#williams racing#ls2#logan sargeant#james vowles#the vowles verdict#f1 contract#god bless that second Williams seat#he does seem like a polite cat to me#williams f1
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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Me through most of Boom: Wow, this is a really solid dramatic episode.
Me when Moffat needlessly sprinkles in anti-faith sentiments without specifying that it’s blind faith in bad things that the Doctor doesn’t like, which makes it come off like the Doctor is just against religion generally:
#i get it edgelord you don’t care for religion. you don’t have to alienate religious members of the audience.#i at least appreciated that the doctor agreed with splice that gone and dead are different things and told her to keep the faith#but like. he immediately thereafter still tells mundy that he doesn’t like faith and spent the whole episode disparaging it.#which just feels so wrong for a show that’s supposed to be open minded about the beliefs and cultures all across the universe#i hate when writers gratuitously make the doctor take a hard and broad stance on something that he would NOT#reminds me of s8 when twelve suddenly hated all soldiers#as if some of his closest friends haven’t been soldiers? brigadier? benton and yates? sara?#big difference between corrupt military and literally every soldier#the same way there is a big difference between a corrupt religious organization or individuals who use religion as an excuse for cruelty#and like. ALL faith and the idea of having a faith that you live by whatsoever.#just because his comments were aimed at something corrupt doesn’t mean they weren’t WAY too sweeping as if he meant it on the whole#i definitely enjoyed the bulk of the episode but that just felt like it was done in bad faith and made me uncomfortable#and i just read moffat’s comment on the thoughts and prayers thing and UGH#i get why there are circumstances in which that can feel hollow — usually if it’s coming from a corporation that could actually do something#but can we not villainize all the normal people who genuinely mean that with love?#people who often CAN’T do anything but say prayers for you?#that IS a legitimate response and a legitimate action#someone can’t physically aid you but cares to take the time to talk to the God of the universe about you and your need and plead for you#don’t tell me that isn’t love or that it’s not really doing anything#sometimes that’s all you CAN do and it’s more than people give it credit for#blatant disregard and willful misunderstanding of faith like this just rub me wrong#it’s painting with a broad brush and it’s close minded#and yes i’m gonna post this. i’m feeling controversial.#my love/aggravation relationship with moffat continues#in the wise words of kira nerys. if you don’t have faith you can’t understand it and if you do then no explanation is necessary.#doctor who#dw critical#spoilers#dw spoilers
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I have… lots of thoughts on milsiril and kabru and the commentary on mixed-race family/adoption, in particular white parents with children of color. I think it’s really cool kui incorporated this into the story because lots of (particularly white) people just think adoption is this pure altruistic thing and don’t think about the negative affects it has on kids (again, kids of color) to not have people of their own culture to grow up with.
#I’m white so I can’t pretend this is something I am able to fully understand#and I feel like it’s not my place to write an essay on it? I’m sure poc could do it a lot better than me#but someone who is close to me is a poc in a kind of kabru adjacent situation#and I don’t want to give details bc this is personal and (obviously) not just to me so I don’t really want to talk about it too much#my point is. kabru ans milsiril just hit me really hard#I really love that kui made their relationship a relatively good one for the most part but she doesn’t just pretend it’s perfect#because it’s like. even if your parents are the best they can possibly be.l#if they don’t understand your culture that’s still a huge loss isn’t it?#and milsirils parenting skills….. definitely need a lot of work even if she means well#and the description of her adoptions as a ‘hobby’ makes it seem rather flippant imo#(not sure if that was just a translation thing tho)#but my impression is that kabru does still think of her fondly and is grateful for her taking him in and teaching him things#at the same time he does voice his frustrations about the cultural disconnect between them and her being ‘overprotective’#but yeah#like that kind of thing needs to be talked about I’m grateful that she not just doesn’t shy away from it but puts it in your face like that#.txt#dungeon meshi#oh also clarification#when I say kui talks about this stuff I do mean as an allegory#bc while I don’t think it is at all a coincidence that kabru is dark skinned and milsiril is white (coded?)#their skin color doesn’t really come into account here#it’s really the disconnect between elves and tall-men#but look me in the eye and tell me that’s not what she was going for
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the father-daughter relationships where they start off pointing their weapons at each other not liking the other to literally flying home together in the span of like…two days. or less. no but really. I’m dying over here.
#HIM CALLING HER LITTLE BIRD?:?:!?;:?;’vdv?:?:?#AND THEN BIRDIE?:?;??:?;?#‘were you going to give me to them?’#‘no.’#him thanking her for helping with his arm 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#AND THEM TALKING ABOUT STREAMER GIRL???? AND THE SMILE ON HIS FACE?????#‘I shouldn’t tell you unless you read it someday’#‘seems I must’#‘you must think I’m strange’#‘not at all. it’s quite impressive’ 😭😭😭😭😭#‘well you can’t…you can’t think like that. you go down that path it’s…it’s not good. you need someone to blame- blame me’ im blubbering.#‘my name is cee’#‘ITS NICE TO MEET YOU CEE’#him saying hold it like you love it and remembering that parallel on here to Joel ep6 talking about squeezing the trigger#that one guy was probably gonna kill her (and him) but Ezra said ain’t no way you’re hurting a hair on her head#‘you run fast and you don’t stop’ AND HE GETS SO CLOSE I SWEAR THEIR HELMETS TOUCH#‘YOU NEED TO GO. YOU GRAB THE GUN YOU GO. YOU CAN MAKE IT. GET OUT OF HERE’ JOELELLIE EP7#AND SHE GOES BACK FOR HIM AND THEN THEY GO HOME TOGETHER#im fine everything’s cool I’m not going insane over them I’m not.#prospect 2018#prospect#ezra prospect#prospect ezra#cee prospect#ezra and cee#pedro just adopts little kids left and right and it’s so. so good.
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Have you ever seen this clip? Feel free to ignore this ask if you have, but the post you just made about bobby w/ jaiden vs bobby w/ roier reminded me of it. For. Obvious reasons. Think you'd appreciate it yknow. 1 hit KO 😭
https://twitter.com/quackifi/status/1647301432356352000?s=20
linked again for easier access but YES i had seen that and it 100% was an influence towards that post. bobby and roier’s dynamic is so special to me for Many Reasons but the fact that they just endlessly dunk on each other with nothing but love in their hearts is very much up there
#muse talk#anon#LIKE. by god. you can just tell how comfortable they are w each other#and how much they love each other#like!! they wouldn’t be able to make those jokes if they weren’t so close!!!#they care for each other and that’s WHY they tease each other#they mean everything 2 me#animations family#i’m so glad someone clipped that it’s such a good segment
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I’ve been stuck on Master King’s trial for 9 hours of gameplay
#is the ending even THAT GOOD#don’t spoil it for me#but like#IS THIS WORTH THE TROUBLE!?#the amount of times I’ve gotten so fucking close only to just… NOT get it in the end#I have one run where I got to knight with 216 rings only to get immediately crushed by the fucker’s hand#can someone at least tell me if I’m even close to the end? or is there another 20 hours of bs to go#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sonic#sonic frontiers#sonic frontiers final horizon#I’m genuinely so upset#so tired#so frustrated#I want this to end#sonic frontiers spoilers#sonic frontiers final horizon spoilers#I genuinely want nothing other than death in this moment
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gave my number out to someone (god i wish i’d come up with a good reason to say no) and reeeaaaaaalllllllyyy wish i hadn’t but wouldn’t dare make the social faux pas of ghosting them because that’s mean and also i see him almost every day of the week
#kiwi shares their thoughts#he’s so… chatty#i have 0 things against him#but i NEVER have the energy to full heartedly interact with him whenever he tries to talking to me#and he’s just so exhausting to me for some reason#i don’t vibe with him enough to talk this often dude#there’s only a small group of people who don’t drain my social battery when i interact with them#and several people who don’t drain it as bad#but idk man this dude saps all my fucking energy and tests my patience but i don’t know why because he’s literally fine#the amount of times i have been THIS CLOSE to just… deleting the contact#if only i didn’t see him basically every day#i feel bad he wants to be my friend but it’s like he’s running and i feel like i’m being dragged when i’d prefer if we were just walking#anyone got tips on how to gently tell someone to calm down and fuck off#like can i put a text limiter on him#also i don’t know if it’s normal to him but he texted me “good morning”#bitch what#we literally are forced to see each other in like 2 hours the hell you mean good morning just fucking wait dude#my BEST FRIENDS AND I don’t even exchange good morning texts#that’s too much for me w someone who quite frankly is essentially a rando to me besides his name#anyways
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so I found a counselor (yay) and when I went in to fill out the paperwork for it after a very hard day I got very overwhelmed and sad and I started to cry, you know the kind where the tears just well up and spill over without any effort, and a man in the waiting room got up and handed me a box of tissues and it truly went right to the depths of my heart.
#it was such a Maria moment in that I would do that for someone in a heartbeat#but at this point I am used to people not doing it for me#(which is fine my tears are my business etc.)#but it killed me#also. i was talking about it to Nina later#because I didn’t know at first why it meant so much to me or felt different than other small kindnesses#and it’s because it was the quick and instinctive compassion of someone who has suffered#and it’s so piercing#like. as soon as I started to cry he was aware of me and immediately responsive#and he didn’t say anything but he didn’t need to#it was just this silent well#in him#anyway I would say it made me cry per my usual parlance but it actually made me stop#I was able to keep going#anyway sorry for making this all about ME on this Easter morning but I have been off tumblr for a week and a half#and I needed to record this moment as fast as possible#there is light in the darkness is such a truth …. but also it’s such a light#and also not to ramble more but it was so different and so specific as opposed to other kinds of compassion#it’s been a hard year and occasionally I’ve cried at school or students can tell I’m close#and their compassion (when it exists) is confused and dazed and shy and like it just woke up#because it probably DID#and it’s precious to me for that!#but the compassion that comes from knowledge is such a sure and steady thing#it is a hand on your shoulder#and it gives people such dignity and such grace that they can’t even SEE#because they’re just trying to get through the day#anyway it meant a lot to me and was like one of those blinding flashes into the depths of things#so thanks for listening. And Happy Easter!
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ok so if someone is decently knowledgeable about gender stuff and used to consider themselves nonbinary and use they/them and suddenly gets rid of public pronouns and says that their gender is ‘female’ (and they’re afab)…… that’s a little concerning, right? am i overthinking this, or does that sound concerning?
#not someone i’m close to but still. someone i always thought i might reconnect with someday#they don’t talk about any of this publicly so i can’t tell if any other opinions of theirs have changed#i also think they’ve unfollowed me but idk when and i’m also not sure because i’m on mobile and can’t really check#just going off the fact that it doesn’t say we’re mutuals if i go to dm them#this is someone i went to school with and i sometimes remember or refer to them as ‘the only other trans person that i knew of in my grade’#fwiw it’s not at all an issue if they’ve figured they’re not trans. obviously.#and the lack of pronouns isn’t an issue by itself and the ‘female’ thing wouldn’t necessarily be an issue by itself#but it’s everything together and the fact that they know this stuff idk :/#personal#hey if you’re reading this and it’s not what i’m worried about i’m sorry!!!!!!!! i hope you can appreciate my concern
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I worry this wound will never close and will continue to bleed
#I want to stop hurting so bad but im worried I never will stop hurting because of how much it still hurts and how it leaves me confused.#It’s been a few months and I still cry about it. My heart still aches and breaks when I think about it.#I thought they were someone who wouldn’t hurt me. but I guess I was fooled. I guess they always were that someone. Just hidden#it hurts to know that someone who I thought was a close friend and an ex got “together” in a way.#They aren’t exactly together together but together in a way where they’re kinda fucking#And that’s where it hurts. To know what they’re doing.#that was my closest friend. my actual soulmate I believed. and thats my ex. They got “together” a month later after we broke up.#after talking about it to a few people.. were they attracted to each other even when my ex and I were together? If so.. what was I?#And how could they do this so easily? Or am I just overthinking/overreacting?? I don’t know. I need someone to tell me#I look back when my friend & I were still friends. I think I started to lose them during the beginning of summer last year#I just tried believing I wasn’t and things would fall back into place soon. but they weren’t.#They just said one thing and left. Leaving me alone in the dark.#I don’t know.. I get it in some way? I was in a bad place and probably draining for them to stay but like#Idk.. I guess I can understand why they left me. but why get with someone who I dated and start.. fucking.#im so hurt by this. I’m worried this wound will never close and that I’ll be a wounded dog chained to the tree forever.
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Do…. Do people actually have an issue with stuff being written in present tense?
#I’ve heard of POV preference but seeing all these posts about how much people dislike present tense#maybe I’m just not an observant reader but I can count the number of times I’ve actively noted a book/fic’s tense on one hand#and almost always it was because I liked how it worked with the author’s writing style#you’re telling me people will consider dropping something JUST because it’s in present tense??#genuinely can someone explain this to me?#I know some people don’t like first person pov because it feels too close and ‘I’ didn’t do anything. the character did#(I don’t really see it that way and don’t mind first person though I prefer third person)#and second person pov is rare and people don’t like it for the same reasons (being told what they as a reader ‘did’)#(I personally like second person pov a LOT but also prefer it to be a little treat actually suited to the story)#but verb tense?? as long as it all works grammatically I don’t see an issue#a lot of the examples I see of how present tense doesn’t work is showing two paragraphs side by side in the past and present#and I will agree that the present reads worse comparatively#but also it’s because the sentences were obviously (at least imo) written and structured for past tense first#and then ‘translated’ to present tense if that makes sense#I personally like how present tense lets me play with my sentences#but also I know that when I play with time and have a character recount past events within their own internal musings I switch tense#which I would think is allowed?? but maybe that’s bad form and I’m proving the point why past tense is ‘superior’#(I don’t really care for fic writing purposes as long as it flows and isn’t distracting but who’s to say)#anyways this was long but yeah. genuinely curious about this one#white weasel talks#tbd probs
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Today I learned that essays and written work isn’t that hard. I just have adhd
#not in the funny haha quirky way#as in. I’m finally getting a diagnosis and got to try adderall and what would usually take me a week to write I wrote in 7 hours#it’s not that bad when you don’t write a sentence and go god I hate this! and take a 40 minute doom scroll break#like. thank god there’s something that works!! definitely made me nauseous and kinda gave me a headache. head might’ve been from no sleep#i finished out the semester#and still helped my ex study til one after 2 huge assignments#that’s crazy. usually I can’t form a sentence after 1#i was able to just. do stuff#thought. i should quit doom scrolling. and just closed the app??#and this is a normal thing people can just do#which sounds so fake but also. man. screw that. ur telling me that if someone when I was younger actually referred me to get tested I could#have had this sooner?? that I didn’t have to suffer for 20 years first???#it’s a really weird feeling. my head was just quiet. no loud obnoxious thoughts. when something did cross my mind I easily pushed it away#i was even more creative. i had ideas and I remembered them long enough to write down. it didn’t just slide right off#i didn’t go oh god my room is a mess I cannot work if the vibes are off#i didn’t even need music#i just up and worked#my ex kept popping in my room and laying down with me and I didn’t immediately jump into bed with her and take a 5 hour nap#i was able to talk to her and do work#and get up and sit with her for a little and go back to work#this is like. genuinely life changing#now I just need to find a good dose#probably not til January. i don’t need meds if#no. no. i definitely don’t function in general. i was gonna say I’m fine until there’s homework#and then I remembered laundry#however I still can’t do anything til I get back from Christmas break cause I gotta go thru my college#but there’s hope! next up is anti depressants#soup talks
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In my constant brain rotations of “why are people in the west so hard on mecha aside from the fandom can be a bit unfriendly” I think one thing I realized as much as I hate to say is how mecha is sometimes treated remind me of the constant hatred superhero stuff gets.
It’s such a weird comparison because with mecha I do not know what the root of it was-and I’d love to know why but I feel there’s either no clear answer or there is one and it’s stupid-where as for superheroes in the west while there’s still a dedicated community the mainstream audiences have become tired of them due to over-saturation, which I understand, but it’s caused such a massive dismal to the entire genre of it much like mecha.
People think superhero stories can’t have any substance because it’s all about fighting and not about the characters- yet forget the SIGNIFICANT impact they had to so much pop culture. How superhero stories were rooted within comic popularity, how superheroes inspired countless of stories, even so far as reaching japan since so much early anime was taken off of western media which birthed its own genre of superheroes. It’s no different to how mecha help started up the anime industry making it one of the most important genres to japans history, yet most people don’t know it and belittle it.
Yet in superhero story cases it’s even WORSE when people are against it yet then go to see one superhero movie because it’s animated and put it on a pedestal and don’t bother to try other superhero content even though they consumed is no different from the norm. It’s the exact same shit when people watch eva and then think all other mechas don’t compare to it, when the genre always had darker, mature and emotional elements, just only a select few decide to canter to a audience who doesn’t even accept what genre it’s from which makes it all the more frustrating to deal with.
I’m someone who’s hardly into superhero stuff even if some of it catches my eye but it sucks to see that the situation is pretty identical to how mecha is seen, that I can’t help to feel sympathetic whenever I see some comic book fans upset at the mainstream audience even if they too can be a little hostile.
#meg text#to clarify I do agree 100% live action superhero movies especially the MCU got really stale#but that doesn’t mean those movies being stale should single out all superhero content when the stuff before is still GOOD#I was in a server that wasn’t mecha but someone was like “I hate superheroes” yet the discussion was just about a old Justice league cartoo#again- what’s so wrong about the animated ones? when they were from a time pre-saturation and people praise shit like spider verse?#I seriously cant tell if this is also a factor of the ever growing issue of people don’t wanna check out old things despite their importanc#*me awaiting the day someone unironically saids the boys/invincible/spider verse is a deconstruction so I can sigh in pain with actual fans#I hope to god that doesn’t happen but it feels like it’s close to why people already say superhero movies don’t have characters#and maybe that’s true bc I haven’t watched a marvel movie in ages but also I think you more so mean “characters being expanded upon”#because… every story has characters… just some can lack dimension and depth… but their still characters…#oh and it’s funny how it’s always these two that get singled out for focusing on action but shonen gets a pass 😑#action doesn’t equate to less characters!! How do people not realize this?#it’s fine if not your preference but fights can LITERALLY be CHARACTER DRIVEN#a lot of them are in fact because there’s always a purpose to these fights! Even if the meaning is sometimes barebone#also I know there’s gonna be a mecha fan who hates superhero who finds this post#and hate to break it to you but I’m pretty sure the super in super robot came from superhero and just not super powered#especially when a lot of the stuff Nagai made/worked on was him clearly tackling a superhero story from another angle#of course mecha isn’t entirely a superhero genre since we have “reals” but the 70s robots? Oh yeah meant to be superhero’s#and what I said above I think the comparison is warranted because the downplaying is unreal sometimes#will say between the two superhero’s probably have it worse because mecha honestly is more so “im curious but idk more then 5 shows”#because my god I can’t have some conversations irl where this shit doenst get unnecessary heated#had a whole English teacher who wouldn’t stop complaining about superhero movies last semester in college 💀 it’s that bad#that said mecha still suffers from people liking one show and shooting down the other it’s just not as prevalent bc mecha content is low#it’s not dead like others say but it’s mainly been gundam and people now just think gundam is every robot (which is PAINFUL but whatever)#moral of the story is don’t judge a book by it’s cover especially when that book is actually really important to fucking pop culture
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It’s really fascinating to me how intricate “being in/out of the closet” can get when your identity is more complicated than “just gay or trans”.
Like, everybody knows that I’m a trans guy. Some people know that I’m actually transmasculine non-binary, if it comes up. My closer peers, friends, and family know that I’m actually genderfluid and shift between guy, non-binary, and very occationally girl. Only my best friends are aware that I also shift between xenogenders.
Even more complicated : I’m out to my mom as gay and asexual, but not bi or aro-spec. One of my sisters I’m out to as gay, the other I’m out to as bi and ace. Most people catch on pretty quick that I’m bi even if I don’t say it. My friends know that I’m bi and ace. My really close friends know that I’m bi, ace, and aro-spec.
#the closet really isn’t this dichotomy of in/out all of the time#especially depending on how queer someone reads to strangers#like most people who see me on the street would assume I’m a lesbian / bi woman#like. short dyed hair. soft punk/masc outfits. flat chest. anybody with an ounce of knowledge about queer people can clock me as queer#I do have a trans flag and pronoun pin on my backpack when I walk around campus which changes things a little#but the difference between assumed identity vs identity with strangers vs identity with close friends#can be so interesting and nuanced#and I’d say that compared to other people I’m quite open about being queer#if somebody asks me about my identity I tell as much as they’re interested in hearing#the only things I really keep close to my chest are having xenogenders and being aro-spec#mostly bc they take longer to explain tbh
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crying again lol ok
#purrs#and posting online abt it so i get immediate validation / support instead of asking for help from anyone im close to i know. but god fucking#damn it to hell. ok im going to be candid about this because it hurts so fucking bad. five years ago i met someone so important to me. and I#miss her so so so so much. and every space here i have a memory with her in. and she left in July and she’s gone. and im sobbing my eyes out#FOR WHY because it was over 6 months ago and im happier and she’s happier and we’re all happier. but i think im getting some aftershocks#being here for the first time without her exactly 5 years to the week we met: when she was so important to me. she was the whole reason i#even saw myself as something. and she’s fucking gone. she left. but she’s not dead like LMAO idk why im crying so hard when i could just#text her any time and tell her that i miss her. but idk. it’s just everything is stirring memories and they’re painful to think about now or#at least today because she’s gone and it all changed. i was just saying that i feel like im not having any emotions and tonight the grief ju#just rammed into me like a train and my fucking counselor sucks ass and won’t even help me work through it and everyone is busy and tired an#and im a staff coach so im not supposed to be having a fuckjng mental breakdown over **** pacing around in my bathroom at 1:23am but ive be#been thinking about her so much and remembering all the formative interactions i had with her here and missing her so much i want to explode#and die and p*ke and whatever. so stupid to cry about it but i fucking miss her. and i hate that she’s not here. and i’m trying so hard to b#be her but i have to be me but i can’t not have what she brought here and im just crashi ng and burning and can’t be honest and im having a#breakdown and crying so hard and i don’t know what to do. i ithink i’ll be fine after some sleep and reflection but my heart is like seizing#on itself right now and nothing takes my mind off it and i just keep crying LMFAOOOOOO. i hate it here#delete later#like how can you look at me like that and then fuck off to ****** 4.5 years later. you know? im about to punch a hole into the hallway#and i have to be quiet bc ppl are trying to sleep but it’s making me fucking crazy.#retreat tag
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