#cacw didn’t happen
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Peter Parker headcanons
(just random thing i thought of that he would do)
so
he’s pretty shy at first because bruh
hes not smooth AT ALL
but if you keep trying to talk to him, include him whatever
he will never stop talking to you
hes a great friend so an even better boyfriend
and he’s hot asf
ned his ultimate wingman does absolutely nothing to actually help peter, so you definitely knew that he was crushing hard even before he started to try to ask you out
once you were dating he would plan the most romantic dates
he would hash them out with mj because obviously he needs them to be perfect
lets pretend for a minute that civil war didn’t happen
so peter and you are like interns and your also super heroes
peter didn’t know you were though before you told him
but tony knew so he hired you as intern the first time you walked into the lab
you both spend a lot of time in the compound
you especially because your home life isn’t great
the avengers are pretty protective over you
so imagine their surprise when you pick up the phone one day
like, “hey, babe,” or something like that lol
theyre like “oooo a s/o????”
you’re like how did you not know??? we haven’t been hiding it???
they’re like who is it???
you just roll your eyes and leave
peter shows up at the compound the next day for a lab
the two of you go up and get snack from the kitchen
he backs you up against the counter and like
lifts you so that he can stand between your legs and make out with you
Sam comes in and flat out screams
he starts yelling about how you guys are just babies and he’s blind
you guys sort of scoot your way out of the kitchen during his dramatics
at dinner everyone is looking at you and steve tries to give the talk
you and peter both recite WORD FOR WORD the captain america psa about sex ed and get the whole table laughing
Natasha comes up to you and grins, “he’s a good one, that peter,” she tells you.
you glance fondly over at him, talking animatedly to Steve about how star wars is so much better than star trek
”yeah. he is.”
#peter parker#peter parker imagine#headcanon#sweetie peter parker#he’s just a baby#super reader#implied abuse#tony stank#natasha romanoff#sam being dramatic#avengers#spiderman home coming#marvel#mc#cacw didn’t happen#imreader#making out#caught#oblivious
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this come up every 3-5 business months and we have to keep telling y'all grown adults that y'all are wrong
Hi I am here to remind you that tony stark was not in the right in captian America civil war and not to bring real world politics in to it but by now I'd think we'd seeing how utterly useless the un is. If Tony had cared at all to stick by the accords or if they had any repercussions at all he would’ve had to wait and go to the un and petition the un to say that there are fucking aliens attacking earth then ask them if he could stop then wait for their answer. But he doesn’t even have respect for the thing that he had a hand in making instead he played the victim and took no accountability in his part and said the avengers broke up and then said that’s why my idea for the shield around the earth was a great idea. The accords were abysmal and Tony wrote him a way out while the other members of the avengers either had to sign or retire he wrote into the accord that he was exempt so ofc he was going to peddle that thing he was going to face nothing. The only reason he was doing this was because an American mother made him feel guilty he didn’t feel guilty for the town of ppl whose were ruin he didn’t feel guilty abt Wanda’s brother and she was sleeping in avengers tower he got to see her more often then that singular woman. Tony broke the accords like 3 separate times and you want me to be on his side. Don’t get me started on Peter because y’all irondad fans are weird. Y’all want me to see the guy who canonically kidnapped a kid peter was 14 in cacw he didn’t have a passport until homecoming and Tony withheld any information from Peter so that he couldn’t make an informed decision on what happened and what team he would want to be on and Tony took a 14 year old Peter to Germany under false pretense to fight a fight that he had no business being in without informing his legal guardian that is the textbook definition kidnapping. Ppl can say team cap is wrong all they want but at least their team stayed together and respects ppls consent. Why would cap trust the un when just the last movie it was exposed that hydra was in the government. I truly believe that ppl who are team iron man throws out all logic because “bucky killed his parents” even though he was brainwashed and they beat his ass even though he started it that man is grown grown if he didn’t want to lose a fight he shouldn’t have started it. He didn’t even like his father yall get on Peter quil’s ass for his emotional reaction but that was a fucking emotional reaction and he got his ass beat. I’m sorry but his ego got him thinking he could take out Bucky Barnes who was formerly the winter soldier with his friends right next to him and thought Steve wasn’t going to do nothing. And to dispel this misconception Steve and Tony weren’t friends they were barely co workers they tolerated each other
#tony sought out general Ross and the un because he got his feelings hurt#without his team he knew abt way before the team#he waited until like 3 days before they had to sign it before he told them#he ain’t shit#anti mcu#anti tony stark#anti cacw#anti captain america civil war#long post
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Look, it was MCUSteve’s fault at the end of the day that he didn’t realize he had a thing for DILF’s until post CACW, if he figured it out sooner he’d have not done half the stupid shit he had pulled up until then!
That’s why he’s so done with his 2012 counterpart, he’s looking at his younger self thinking “you stupid twink you don’t even know what an embarrassment of riches you have access to right now”
(And no it’s isn’t MCUTony’s fault he didn’t come into his true DILFness until CACW, he was serving daddy by Avengers, Steve was just slow)
also 2012-15 avengers and aou era tony was still looking at all the avengers like they were the best thing to ever happen to him or otherwise having ptsd nightmares about them dying every night. this man WAS just as obsessed with steve as his other multiverse counterparts, he just also happened to think steve had no reason to like him or want to get to know him beyond work
@ mcu steve you absolute fool you could've had it all
#mod: answer#anonymous#bringing back the good ole 2012 mutual pining mistaken unrequited yearning#also by direct process of deduction#steve not having a home and a family via tony in mcu#made him think he had nothing left to stick around for in the 21st century and so he went back in time to peggy#both 616 & aa have proven this as well
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Post CACW Steve has several aliases and personas he can assume for undercover work, it’s good to have a rudimentary backstory for these personas in case he needs to fake his way out. And while all these fictions men have different jobs, abilities, social standings, they all end up with one thing in common, all of them are divorced.
See, much like Nat’s whole “affection makes people awkward” thing, Steve’s found that “people stop wanting to question you if you start talking about your recent divorce”. And like, it’s different divorces for each one, infidelity reasons, finance, substance abuse, etc. and people really, REALLY don’t want to talk to you if you make it clear it was your fault it happened.
Like explicitly: “I cheated and they took the kids”, or subtextually: “APPARENTLY I wasn’t home enough or didn’t help out when I was can you believe that????” And added to the verisimilitude is post CACW Steve’s Big Divorced Energy he exudes, ain’t no one gonna say, hmmm you don’t seem like a man that has been divorced against his will and aren’t ok
Bonus points for Tony and the rest finding out about Steve’s Rolodex of divorced men he can assume at a moment’s notice and are like ??? But Sam and Nat are like, no trust us it works somehow??
(Captain Stevens in 1970 heist was divorced, it was quite the scandal at the time but it’s rude to talk about in polite company (his lavender marriage fell apart when his wife ran away with her girlfriend to France because he was away so often))
Anon I love this so much dggffh. Steve giving off Big Divorced Energy is so real 😵 (right after his Big Slut Energy!!!!! no you cannot change my mind on that!!!)
I uhh might've started writing a drabble inspired by this? 👀
#so far it's 300 words#it started as them joking abt steve's divorced energy and a marriage proposal (literally wtf is it with me and proposals lately!!!!)#but somehow turned into a sexy friends to lovers thing#no idea how to end it tho#this might turn into a longer fic tbh#missed you!!!#stevetony#steve meta
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One of the weirdest things about MCU fandom is the cultural amnesia about stuff not being canon that is, in fact, canon, just because it didn’t happen at the point in time that people expected it to happen.
“The Avengers should have all lived in the Tower together but they never did :(” is the quintessential one, because...they did. It was in AoU, and later in CACW, after they moved out to the compound. of course, AoU and CACW are the most divisive movies in the fandom, so I’m not surprised that those particular details are overlooked, but it’s a little frustrating. (actually, a lot of this is stuff that was established in AoU and CACW, which are the next big ensemble films after A1. AoU has...hmm...The Horrors and CACW is...CACW...but like. dudes.)
#bedlam watches the mcu#coming in as an outside observer and as a completist it's been very...interesting
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Okay so Steve would definitely sass the shit out of politicians at galas and such, and would (diplomatically) call them out on their two-faced hypocritical bullshit. And he’d 100% do it with that insolent look on his face. Also, Secretary Ross would get a boatload of cleverly worded insults that didn’t seem like insults at first glance. I don’t know why we didn’t get more of this in cacw but I digress.
FURTHERMORE, no one in the compound would be spared; everyone would know that mister golden boy, Steve Rogers, is a snarky little trouble maker because he has some of the wittiest comebacks and responses and impeccable timing. Also, I know for a fact that that would transfer over to missions. He’s be sassing every bad guy that came his way and (if he was there) Bucky would join in because he’s just as snarky. Nat would be trying not to laugh as she’s kicking ass and taking names, Sam would laugh (but would mostly sass Bucky), and honestly, I would probably be cackling if I got to listen to that, even if I was elbow deep in hydra guts.
Me reading this message:
I just imagine anyone’s first encounter with Hurricane Rogers they’re just left standing there staring like wtf just happened did I black out
Or a poor new recruit getting punched in the face because they are standing there mystified by both the quality and quantity of shit talking coming through the comms
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“Witches” in the MCU + Loki’s Witchy-ness
So, I’ve had a very detailed interpretation of this topic for quite awhile and I’ve been waiting for the chance to meta about it. I’ve seen a few arguments in the fandom about what classifies as a Witch vs a Sorcerer vs a Mage in the mcu, and where Loki falls in that classification.
My basic headcanon is that- while “sorcerer” and “mage” and “magician” and “siedrmaster” etc are all individual categories with distinct definitions- the term “witch” is more of a slang politicised word for certain magic users. To put it simply, calling someone a witch is supposed to be an insult.
Witchery and the Demonisation of Outcasts
Part of the reason I sort of formed this idea is that real-world witchcraft in Salem and other places historically was a ruse to implicate women and some other people in fictitious crimes simply because they were defiant or progressive or separated in some way from the mainstream of society. I think it’s sort of the same thing in mcu-terms. (I haven’t decided if all magic users in the mcu see this topic the same way or if it’s just Asgardians, but nonetheless.)
I think in general a “witch” is a magic user who doesn’t have allegiance to a reputable organisation.
This is a little more complex because people (aesir in specific) tend to see independent practitioners as being untrustworthy and sort of rogue, whereas if they’re working for any entity thought to be associated with a noble cause, then that’s viewed as okay. (Examples being: Odin is a magic user, but he’s associated with government of Asgard so he’s good. The healers are magic users but they’re associated with the government so they’re good. Doctor Strange is associated with the sanctums so he’s okay. Etc etc)
MCU Witch Classifications
A perfect example of someone who’d definitely be considered a witch is Wanda. Maybe for a brief period in between AoU and CACW when she was at the compound, she could’ve been seen as just a magic user, but all through AoU and Civil War and everything post-CW she was a very rogue figure. She mostly flew solo didn’t really have ties with any specific organisation. The fact that she ended up a villain probably didn’t help the image of “witches” in universe either, but ya know.
Another example would be Amora from the tie-in book “Where Mischief Lies”. She was a student of sorcery on Asgard, but she didn’t work for the crown in any capacity, she was very underhanded, and she ultimately rebelled and got cast out. All throughout the book she’s referred to as a witch.
Mordo would definitely be considered one after he went off on his own. The idea of him once being a good guy working for the sanctums and then turning his back on it is a perfect illustration of how anti-witch people in-universe probably imagine witches.
Frigga is a little trickier. All throughout the movies she was never a witch because she obviously was loyal to the asgardian crown and used her magic to better Asgard, but Malekith called her one in TDW. This could imply that pre-movies before she married Odin she used to be independent practicing, or (and I think this is more accurate) Malekith was just using a common insult flung at mages.
Now, Loki. So, post-Thor 1, Loki’s definitely a witch. Like full stop. He fits right into the archetype. However, during the first movie it’s a little more tricky to say. He was a prince, so he definitely had allegiance to a noble organisation, and yet his brother and friends still referred to him as a witch (not sure if this is canon or fanon but I choose to believe it happened). I’m pretty sure this was more of a jab at him than an actual categorisation. As in, they were implying that- even though he was supposedly loyal to the crown- he was still underhanded and devious and not to be trusted. They weren’t insulting his use of magic, they were insulting him as a person. Whether or not he was actually disloyal rebel up to that point, is up to interpretation, but I would argue that yes he was. A little bit. In “Where Mischief Lies” (which is supposed to be canon), his struggle between trying to please his family and just going off the deep end and “being a full fledged witch” (actual paraphrasing of the book) is like the main storyline.
So anyway. That’s my rambling for today. What do you guys think? Disagree? Agree? Think I’m overthinking this way too much? I welcome feedback lol.
#Loki meta#Loki#witchcraft in the mcu#mcu#marvel meta#mcu meta#Thor 2011#Thor meta#Thor 1#Wanda maximoff#doctor strange#scarlett witch#Loki Laufeyson#Loki Odinson#Frigga#Odin
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CACW starting off the tonystarkification of phase 3 was bad enough but I swear the GP has amnesia when it comes to that movie and the teamironman takes you see go viral. like no one except for rhdy agreed w him by the end and switched teams. t'challa is the only (other than steve) to recognize bucky as a victim and help him, yet the GP seems to only pay attention to fight scenes & ignore actual characterization?? IW did a bad job of cementing the T'C/SR/BB teamup from CACW for the GP's memory
What’s hilarious about IW (or infuriating, depending on whether you’re a glass-half-empty kinda person??) is, because the Avengers movies went out of their way to pretend Bucky didn’t exist (I assume thanks to HA letting Whedon take her out for a drink), until Steve is walking right up to Bucky and hugging him in Wakanda, if you had only ever watched Avengers movies, you would have no idea who that guy is.
And then they go right back to pretending Bucky doesn’t exist in EG by having Steve react (slightly) to Sam’s resurrection, and having a Moving Stare Off when T’Challa comes back...
But his reaction to Bucky’s resurrection is not shown, and he is never mentioned even once, despite being the first person to turn to dust.
In fact, they mention movies Sebastian Stan has been in more than they mention the actual person Sebastian Stan is supposed to be playing in this universe.
And they thought ramming in a gratuitous director-cameo as Unnamed Gay would mask the scent of their gay panic?
Nope! It still stinks!
(And as for CW, which is just a trainwreck of bad characterisation for everyone tbh...
Well, Natasha has known Tony a lot longer than Steve, and a lot more intimately. And Natasha has also had access to the same info as Steve, which suggested TWS might have murdered Tony’s parents.
*totally justified in Stark’s case anyway since he co-founded SHIELDra and was buddies with ‘Arnie’ and knew TWS was ‘Sergeant Barnes’ way back in the 1990s- but moving on*
And yet, I’ve never heard any suggestion that Tony was going to hunt Natasha down and go on a homicidal rampage to punish her for lying to him about his parents’ deaths (including trying to kill Clint just to hurt her).
Because that would be stupid, right??
The Avengers movies reduced individual characters to bad campy one-note stereotypes of their solo movie selves, with the result that Avengers-Tony is just a bullying bro-wannabe mancave-having prick, and Steve is... some kind of Homelander-esque 'old-fashioned’ thing?
(Wrong! Steve was ahead of his time in the 1940s. ‘The creators got in-person death threats from American Nazis’ kind of ahead-of-his-time. So for him to be old-fashioned now, he would have had to be ‘of his time’ in the 1940s.)
There is this amateur writer’s belief (*cough*Whedonagain*cough*) that, just because conflict is interesting, therefore the only interesting way to introduce characters to each other is if they’re having an argument in every scene.
So they never showed Steve and Tony actually getting along.
(Honestly, the most unbelievable thing in AOU wasn’t the magic, it was Steve spending the whole movie glaring in disapproval every time Tony opens his mouth, but then saying ‘I’ll miss you’ at the end. They want to make Steve out to be a self-sacrificing verging on self-destructive type, but this only makes sense if he’s also a huge masochist!)
But then they expect us to believe not only that they did get along (well you didn’t show us that, you showed us the opposite of that), but that the end of their ‘friendship’ would be a devastating development for both of them...
When, in fact, all that happened is that everyone ended up living in paradise, looking their best selves, and Tony ended up engaged to his dream woman and conceiving a kid.
If that’s the result, they should’ve split the Avengers years ago!)
#long post#antitony#mcu critical#cacw critical#antiendgame#cacw meta#mcu meta#mcu#meta#toAyourQ#hey nonny#dat's me#endgame steve is a skrull#srsly you look closer at ANY character in cacw and there are major problems w/ their characterisation#but they do especially wrong by their black characters
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Ooh, Sam/Steve/Nat is just the best ship.
They are three of the best and hottest characters in the MCU.
Every two person combination is also great - samsteve, samnat, and romanogers are all top-tier ships.
They actually spend a lot of time together and care about each other deeply. Don’t get me wrong, I love ships where the two people never speak to each other onscreen as much as the next person (winterhawk my beloved) but there’s just something different about a ship with some actual canon meat on its bones.
Two years as fugitives living out of the quinjet and cramped, sketchy safe houses. It’s like one long “there was only one bed” scenario.
In fairness to the “where’s Bucky” commenters on that fan art, I do think “why is Bucky here?” every time I see something about the cap quartet. Though of course I’m not rude enough to say that on the post.
(P.s. thinking about them makes me regret that we never saw much of the adventures of the Avengers between Age of Ultron and Civil War, because the lineup we saw at the end of AoU [Steve, Nat, Sam, Rhodey, Wanda, and Vision] was amazing.)
I love the smell of fresh, immaculate takes in the morning!
I swear, samstevenat is the only poly relationship I can realistically picture, because they all have such a strong connection with the other two characters.
It’s like a rubik’s cube, but no matter where you turn it the faces come out perfectly solved. You have SamSteve, who have their meet cute + shared life experience and a deep sense of duty; you have SteveNat, who go from ‘coworker I like but don’t fully trust’ to ‘only person I can trust in this line of work and have shared multiple near death experiences with’; and then you have SamNat who sure, have less interactions, but still a relationship is there. Like I’m ready to bet that convo about Redwing in cacw happened more than once. And oh to see their reunion after Steve breaks team cap out of jail… No way Sam didn’t make some kind of remark at Nat betraying them (after all, last time he saw her, she was on the other side, taking away his wings and fighting them).
I can’t think of any other mcu trio that has the same range.
And yes, we do have plenty of evidence that these three are besties, but there’s so much missing time (especially between aou and cacw and cacw and iw) that you basically have free reign over the what the how and the where.
The aou-cacw time skip is perfect for consolidating the relationship/feelings: they live together, they work together, they train together for a whole year!! There is so much that could happen!! Undercover, fake relationship trope! Jumped-in-front-of-a-bullet-for-you-and-now-I’m-not-waking-up trope (Steve, I am looking at you)! Saved from becoming an Avenger pancake by flying Sam trope (for his and his back’s sake I’ll picture Nat in that one).
Also maybe it’s just me, but the movie nights that fandom love so much sound more likely with the Avengers 2.0 roster? Wanda literally uses TV shows to cope, Vision is just curious by nature and does whatever Wanda does, Steve has a long ass list of movies to catch up on… it’s almost inevitable that they spent some down time together watching tv shows or a movie. All it would take is Wanda watching something on her tablet while she cooks in the common room and one or two avengers strolling in and boom. Tradition set.
And then of course there’s the post-cacw, pre-iw time skip which is PRIME for things happening. I mean, these three just came from a pretty big rift, they are on the run for TWO ENTIRE YEARS, the living quarters are small and cramped, you can’t tell me they didn’t catch each other in various states of undress (Sam and/or Steve seeing Nat’s bruises after the events of the black widow movie!!), or that they didn’t have some middle-of-the-night, half-whispered conversations. Maybe Nat even told them about Yelena and her fake family. Maybe Steve told them some things about his life pre-ice.
Also, it’s a shame Sam canonically doesn’t know about Madripoor because it’s the perfect place for something debauched yet revealing of romantic feelings happening. Then again, this is what fanfic is for.
(Still, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t sell my organs for a 9 episode series of Sam, Steve and Nat eluding international surveillance, saving the world and being total badasses…
Plus a post credit scene of t0ny telling friday to delete all footage of the trio while secretly keeping a pic of bearded!cap because apparently he’s canonically that deranged about steve)
#samstevenat#natasha all your safe houses better be in cold countries#i need y'all to HUDDLE FOR WARMTH#also lol I thought the cap quartet hype had died down post cacw#what with people all happy about bucky in wakanda#it's funny quickly that changes when other characters#(steve)#is shown not sitting on his hands waiting for him#bulkyphrase#tbh never mentioning sam or nat in a canon story about steve is enough for me to make back out of a fic
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For the fic ask game:
3. 😂 A fic that made you laugh out loud.
6. ☺️ A fic that made you smile on a bad day.
12.💘 A fic you couldn't stop reading once you started.
15.📚 A fic you wish you could display on your bookshelf.
3. My Big Fat Wolf Wedding by AggressiveWhenStartled, galwednesday, quietnight, silentwalrus, skellerbvvt
“MARRIED?”
“Basically married. Permanently engaged anyway. Weres have their own deal.” Natasha sounds much, much too gleeful about Steve’s rapidly expanding personal hell. “So you better wake your blushing bride and tell him the happy news: that it was an accident and you had no idea what you were doing.”
“I,” Steve says, strangled. “I can’t do that!”
“You can’t?”
“He thought I was proposing! And he accepted!”
“Wow, maybe he’s just as dumb as you are,” Natasha says thoughtfully.
“I can’t just promise him a ring, take him home, drink from him three times in a row and then wake him up the next morning to say oops, just kidding!” Steve casts around, looking at his wreck of an apartment. “I don’t even have any good champagne!”
(Honestly could not stop laughing especially towards the end ;) )
6. a dream that feels so real to me by @greyhavensking
“What I’m driving at,” Steve says, tightening his grip on Bucky’s hand the same time he presses into his shoulder, giving him something solid to lean against, “is that those aren’t my favorite memories of you.”
That gets Bucky’s mask to crack a little, curiosity bleeding through the fracture lines. “Really? ‘Cause I seem to recall you’ve got a strange fondness for that one time I let Becca mess with my hair and she stuck about a hundred different ribbons and bows in it. You drew it, just so you wouldn’t ever forget the look on my face when I caught sight of myself in a mirror.”
Steve snorts, very much ignoring the daggers Bucky glares at him for the response. It is a good memory, his or not, and he’s almost sad that that particular drawing didn’t make it into the exhibit. But, no, that’s not his favorite, not by a longshot.
“First time I kissed you,” is all he says, eager to watch the play of emotions over Bucky’s face as he processes that.
Because the first time they kissed? Happened right here in the museum.
(Super sweet Night at the Museum AU ;_; I encourage reading the whole series!)
12. An Appropriate Omega (WIP) by BeauRadley
Steven Rogers, the Duke of Brooklyn, is in a bind. The provisions of his father's will mean he must marry before his thirty-fifth birthday or lose his mother's inheritance. The catch? He has to marry a suitable omega.
James Barnes is the third child of the impoverished Barnes family. If he or his sister don't marry before the season is out, their family will fall further into poverty. If he doesn't find someone else soon, he'll be forced to marry the sinister Lord Pierce.
The two men realize they can solve each other's problems, but will their marriage of convenience turn into something more?
(I just started reading this a few days ago and binged all of it. Now I am impatiently waiting for the next part lol)
15. This was the hardest one... If I had my way I’d print out all my favorite fics, bind them, and have a whole physical stucky library, sorted by author ;) alas...
The Hundred Year Playlist by girlbookwrm (stories are finished, series is ongoing, so far 300k+)
Steve and Bucky, start to finish.
"Come on, pal, it's me. Take another hundred years if you want, I'll still be here.”
(All these stories stand alone and are roughly canon compliant)
DREAMERS WITH EMPTY HANDS: Pre CATFA. Steve Rogers/Chronic Pain, with bonus Steve/Pining. 1924-1943
GOOD MORNING HEARTACHE, WHAT'S NEW?: CATFA. Steve/Emotional Pain, War Years Edition. 1943-1945/2011
THE TERROR OF KNOWING: Winter Soldier Years. Soldat/Fear, with bonus Baby Widows. 1945-2014.
FOOL FOR SACRIFICE: Avengers 1 - AoU. Steve/Losing Everything. 2011-2015
NO HOPE FOR THE WEARY: TWS-CACW. Bucky/Let Him Rest. The Big Recovery Fic, 2014-2016.
LAY DOWN YOUR WEAPON: Pre-IW. Steve/Bucky/their giant pile of Issues.
COMING SOON: Post EG and TFATWS season 1. Sam and Bucky's Multiverse Roadtrip (to get Steve back)
and
The Fray Will Well Become Me by mugwort and myrrh (almost 400k; stories are finished, series is ongoing)
Also known as the Magic Pixie Dream Steve 'verse.
Steve Rogers' father is an immortal sorcerer from another world. This changes some things some things a Hell of a lot, and some things not at all.
Or: sorcery, sex, soldiering, spy craft and shapeshifting.
fic rec ask game!
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The Pen is Mighty
Summary: Bucky goes to therapy where his shrink encourages him to write a letter to help acknowledge and sort his emotions and thoughts. (First person narrative from Bucky’s POV.)
Words: ~1.8k
Note: I wrote this before TFATWS was even a thing. It’s set after CACW and I totally ignore that Infinity War ever happened. This is part 3 of the Muscle Memory series with Bucky and OFC Dr Veroinca Edwards (though she’s not present in this fic). I wanted to show how some of Bucky's thoughts changed as he progressed through the exercise. The way he moved on a little from blaming himself to acceptance, how he started to acknowledge his real feelings for Veronica and how he progressed through the stages using different names for her.
Bucky’s “letters” are in bold block quotes.
Warnings: Angst, emotional hurt, Bucky is in therapy, past trauma, guilt. It has to be said that I’m not a therapist nor indeed have I been to therapy so none of this is accurate therapy stuff.
Main Masterlist
Sunlight permeated through the vertical blinds of Dr Daniel Rodriguez’s office. It was too bright and cheery for my liking, not very fitting at all for my mood.
I felt like an open wound that had been stuffed with broken glass and salt. I was a raw nerve, feeling everything and trying to feel nothing. It was all so impossible.
Dan had helped me get back a lot of my memories from before HYDRA, and the words. He worked with me all the while I was in Wakanda and was one of The Avengers’ go to emotional support team. We had weekly sessions but this one was an additional meeting.
Steve had made it clear he would book me in for a session if I didn’t go, but I had called the shrink myself anyway.
“I want you to write a letter.” Dan had told me at the beginning of our session. “It could be to yourself as a way to start forgiving yourself and help sort some of those emotions out. Or it could be to someone who you maybe want to get some things off your chest to. No one but you needs to see it if you don’t want to. One step at a time. But to acknowledge the things you feel is to take a step in the direction of a solution.”
So there I sat, at the table in the too bright therapy room, with a pen and an empty page in front of me.
What do I say? I needed to apologise for starters, but how.
Just write anything. Unburden your brain.
Ok, here goes.
Dear Dr Edwards,
I’m writing to you because my shrink says it’s a good idea to help me process my trauma and deal with some of the things I been feeling lately.
Nope. No good.
Dear Veronica,
I’m writing to apologise for what I did to you during your assessment. It was wrong of me to take it too far and I’m sorry that I hurt you.
I don’t know why you don’t like me but I accept that we’re not going to be friends. Maybe we could call a truce instead? I’ve
No good either.
Dear Ronny,
There are some things I want to say to you but obviously I don’t know how. It’s like there’s a knot inside that twists and aches. I don’t know what it is but it’s not like the trauma stuff PTSD. I know I’ve hurt you, and I’m sorry. I saw the reports and hate myself for what I did. You won’t forgive I won’t ask you to forgive me but please know I’m struggling with the guilt deeply sorry.
We don’t really get along and I know that’s my fault. I only ever seem to break things but I think that’s maybe because I feel like I don’t deserve better. I know you’ve tried to help me but for whatever reason I was unable to accept it. I’m sorry for that too. You don’t owe me anything but I appreciate all the things you have done, with the arm and all that.
Look, I’m not very good at
When we first met, I felt we had a connection but I’m not good for people so I pushed you away
Tony wants to send me back to Wakanda
When I overheard you saying to Wanda that you thought we had a connection I was
When you told Wanda that you’d studied me, it made me feel angry. I’d hoped I was more than just a project not just a project. I’ve been trying to become less subhuman and to be more myself. It’s taking time.
When you and I met, I wasn’t equipped for the kind of friendship you were offering that we may have had, and now that I am ready it’s too late. I wish I hadn’t pushed you away. I wish that I could take it all back but I can’t. No matter how you feel about me I have to tell you that I don’t hate you, you just make me uneasy. It’s not your fault, it’s mine. You’re a strong woman, confident and beautiful. If I'm honest with myself You’re a little intimidating.
I can honestly say that I don’t dislike you, if anything it’s the opposite. I like you a lot and that is something I shouldn’t feel. Everyone tells me that I deserve happiness but I don’t see it that way, I guess that’s why I pushed you away, because I was scared that you could give me that but I thought maybe you wouldn’t feel the same I don’t know if I’m worth all of that.
Nope. Can’t do this.
I scrunched the letter up and tossed it in the waste basket.
Dear Tony,
There are no words in any language that are good enough to say how sorry I am for
Ahh fuck!
I scrunched that one up too and it joined the first in the trash.
Dear Bucky,
You’re an asshat.
Pull yourself together. You’ve got a great chance of getting your life back together and if you can’t get a grip on yourself you’re going to fuck it up like everything else.
You were a victim of some
Don’t get stuck in your own head
Listen, punk. You’ve been through some tough times. You’ve known torment far worse than most and you survived. You came through the other side, not without scars, but you made it through. You’re stronger than this but not just that
It’s ok to be vulnerable. It’s ok to hurt. There’s no weakness in accepting help or asking for it. There’s no weakness in saying that you’re a victim. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging things were out of your control, and accepting that they happened. They weren’t your fault and you should forgive yourself.
You’re not alone and you don’t have to pretend like you want to be alone. Don’t be afraid to let people in. Don’t be afraid to cry. Don’t be afraid of yourself, you’re not a monster. Every day you spend crippled by your fear is another day that they win. Don’t let them win.
No matter what you’ve done in their name, you didn’t choose it. No matter how they broke you, it didn’t end you. No matter how you feel about yourself, it doesn’t have to be that way. You deserve
If I could give you 1 piece of advice it would be this: Forgive yourself. Choose happiness because you deserve something good in your life.
And for everything you think you’ve done wrong… I forgive you.
Sincerely yours,
A friend.
I wrote as if I was giving advice to Steve if he’d have been in my shoes. It was oddly liberating, thinking of my situation from the outside. I’d never really thought about it like that before, and how it would feel to watch my best friend go through all of this fucked up shit.
My eyes stung with withheld tears and my chest burned. It could have been indigestion I suppose but…
Quit the jokes. I told myself sternly.
It hurt. That was the bottom line. And everyone around me had a little share in that hurt. Watching from the side-lines was in no way the same as living it but if anyone understood what I was going through it was the people here at Avengers central. The collective trauma here in this compound was staggering. My own adding significantly to the substantial pile of baggage that these guys left at the door. Except I carried mine with me like a fucking pack mule.
The fear would probably always still be there but I could work on it. Take steps.
“How’s it going?” Dan had returned with two cups of black coffee.
“Alright, I guess.” I waved the paper in front of me. “I wrote stuff.”
He laughed; a quick and light chuckle. “That’s good.” He set a cup down on the table by my hand. “If and when you’re ready to share it you go ahead and let me know.”
“Knock yourself out, man.” I slid the page over.
He read slowly, pausing over some of the words, then he smiled big. “Oh we’re forgiving poor old Bucky now are we?”
I knew he was trying to lighten the mood a little, and it kinda worked, making me less self-conscious. I nodded, giving a slight thin-lipped smile.
“Good.” Dan clapped his hand on my shoulder, giving me a reassuring squeeze. “I think it’s about time he at least told himself it was possible.”
I can’t say that I felt unburdened but, having wrote a few things down and started thinking about them less abjectly, it at least gave names to some of the things I felt. Most of it was guilt. That one was easy. But there were others in there that I was unused to feeling, ones that had almost been tortured out of me by HYDRA. My friendship with Steve bridged the two lives I had occupied and rooted him in the one I had now. The other Avengers, I had a kind of camaraderie with that was reminiscent of my days with the howling commandos; it was something I could draw on. But the other feelings, they were corrupted by the emotional poison the HYDRA conditioning left behind.
Realising that made me think that maybe the negative feelings I felt about the good Dr Edwards hadn’t started off like that. Not Like my friendship with Steve but something a lot more dangerous. I liked her. I could say that with confidence now I’d been able to label that uneasy feeling as fondness. It was something that would leave me vulnerable, so I’d dealt with it the only way I knew how; I’d shut it down and treated it with hostility. Truly a soldier inside, I’d protected myself against that perceived weakness.
It might be too late to change any of that but it wasn’t too late to try not to make it any worse. I would talk to Veronica, soon. But for now my courage against the inner darkness was waning, I was just about done pushing the boundaries of my emotional analysis for one day.
There were a few more minutes left in my session with Dan. He talked about how terrible my handwriting was for someone who went to school in the roaring twenties and thirties, while I sipped the hot coffee and watched the sunlight through the blinds. It warmed a little spot somewhere inside that I had forgot existed. Maybe I’d go sit on the roof later and get some sun. It looked like it was going to be a decent day after all.
#bucky barnes angst#bucky barnes fan fic#bucky barnes recovering#bucky barnes needs a hug#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes in therapy#cloudy's writing
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They didn't have a bad break up. At least they didn't act like it. He kept liking every picture and thirsting on her posts after the break up and she also liked his posts often. She only started "hating him" when he was galavanting all over the world during covid and she had recently lost her grandpa from covid. And she shaded him like once or twice but also around that same time she unfollowed. She never did it again. I don't think he cheated. I always heard it was her who cheated with Ezra or Joshua Jackson not sure. / she didn’t often like his posts, in fact after their last pap walk, she liked only one post. It was always him who was constantly liking her stuff, to the point of when he took a long sm break after Brazil-gate, after it was over he went back and liked every single post of hers that he missed during his time away. And the cheating stuff first came from him when he did the whole Asia CACW press tour and acted like he was single in interviews/with interviewers during The Bronze promo. Joshua only appeared at the end of summer 2016, then in September Seb himself did a pap walk with another woman - a Greek model from Don’s gym. Ezra thing happened when Sebastian was already with Ellie. So IF the cheating ever happened, it was 100% Sebastian who cheated and there was plenty of clues suggesting that.
Also to anon who said that Seb payed for Margo’s vacations, are you high? First of all, Margo is rich and at the time was for sure richer than Seb. Second of all, there weren’t even many vacations to begin with. I know there’s this reputation that Margo had with the fandom, but she consistently worked every year with her projects ending up at indie festivals every time, did lots of acting work shops, plus her active work with charities. She only started to really vacation when she and Seb were already done. I’m not saying that she never did before that, but not as much as some people like to pretend.
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if in the main ikau Carter ends up falling in love with Quentin, wouldn't that make it harder for other potential ships in the ikau to happen? because her trust issues would be so much worse and, because she loved him, she'd be hung up on him despite making the right decision by walking away. it sort of ruins the possibility for ships or even platonic ships for the ikau so I'm like... having an idea but it's honestly pretty funny for something as sad as the ikau and a bit long to explain.
((not necessarily! So... the big thing right now to know is I haven’t gotten to the ikau rewrite just yet, so a lot of this is still in the works. I still haven’t worked out details with her and Quentin despite the one-shots I’ve written, and that’s all subject to change depending on how the rewrite goes. I’m focusing on her main one for right now, and then I plan on tackling the alt main and then the ikau! Also, with the timeframe I had set up for the ikau, in my mind, post-aou is,,, already changing - like, I had planned im3 to take place ‘bout a year after aou, with cacw following, but I may swap cacw and im3 around. I’m not sure just yet? since I still gotta write out everything before then and see where it goes, but, uhhhh yeah! It’s all in the works still, and I don’t,,, really have a whole lotta info to give atm! But, I definitely plan on including her and Quentin for sure, though idk all the details other than it was a fwb relationship, Carter thinks she was in love with him, and it having a bad fallout.
anyway, back to your actual question fsdghfdsjh - so, it... may or may not make other relationships harder for her to form, regardless of if they’re platonic or romantic in nature. The thing with Carter is that she’s had trust issues from a very young age, and most of her issues stem from Obadiah - not Quentin. Will her relationship with Quentin cause problems? Absolutely! But she’s someone who needs human connection, platonic or otherwise, even despite all of her issues. She does well alone in bursts - not all the time. Carter’s most definitely an ambivert by nature and, while she certainly doesn’t care for too much attention or being around too many people, she still needs that sort of contact. She also has her fear of abandonment, which conflicts with her trust issues, because she wants to get close to people, but at the same time, is afraid to do so. And that’s all in general, not necessarily because of Quentin. What I can say, however, is that her falling out with Quentin is going to make it even harder for her to open up with other people. She tried opening up with him, and he either didn’t take it as seriously as he should’ve or wasn’t listening, and that hurt. He was the first person she’d confided in about some serious issues, and his reaction wasn’t... great. She didn’t do it in hopes of him fixing her or anything of the sort, but she just... needs someone to listen. Who’ll take her off the pedestal she’s been stuck with.
also, with what I have in mind, is that Carter will have had time. Not a whole lot, but... just enough to get some things sorted out. At least, enough time to give her a start on sorting things out. So, regardless with how I plan on writing in cacw and im3, is that Carter has her fling with Quentin when she’s about 20 to 21, so it’s... roughly a year for their relationship. A little bit longer outside of them being fwb, and strictly as friends. However, the default I’ll be writing with in the ikau is that she’s 25, so she would’ve had a few years between the default pick up in the ikau, and her fling with Quentin. And during that time, she finally confronts a lot of what she’s been denying for so long (such as Obadiah being abusive), and starts to get help for her problems. She’s hit her limit, realizes she wants help, that she doesn’t want to be the person she is anymore, and finally does something about it. So that alone is going to give her some ease, and help her form other relationships, romantic or otherwise. What she needs first and foremost, regardless of whether or not Quentin is in the picture, is a therapist, not a partner. She’s an absolute mess and, that alone, would make it difficult for her to form any sort of relationship with someone else.
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1400 words written today -- went up to campus to (a) return some library books and (b) figure out where this fight scene is actually taking place while simultaneously trying to remember what this campus looked like in 2018 (what, you’ve never wanted your institution of higher education to be attacked by robots?), worked on a fellowship app I don’t feel particularly sanguine about, finally started rewatching CACW, which is just...not an enjoyable experience. Horizon 5 up hopefully tomorrow, but I wanted to finish CACW first to make sure I don’t actively contradict anything (though I think I’ve done enough spot-checking to be pretty sure I haven’t, but I haven’t watched the movie in full since last year some time). anyway, that’s not happening tonight because this movie is very long and very uncomfortable and I am making it longer by the fact I keep stopping it to heckle it on Twitter.
Snippet from The Horizon Line 6.
The blade end of Loki’s polearm punched through its throat and carved downwards. Natasha flipped back to her feet just in time to see the robot rotate the upper half of its body, slotted metal revealing an orange glow from inside it, and send a blast of energy towards Loki. It hit the god straight-on and knocked him backwards. Loki landed in a crouch a few feet away, looking annoyed but not harmed; Natasha didn’t see anything more because the robot had swung an arm out towards her, something like a repulsor glowing in the palm of his hand, and she had to dodge aside. The hole Loki’s polearm had made closed up with a snick-snick-snick of metal and Natasha thought, shit.
She could see Steve bashing his way through another batch of robots – the ones that stayed down when you hit them right – but there were apparently two kinds out here tonight.
“Enough of that,” Loki said, on his feet again as Natasha ducked another blast from the robot and shot it with her widow’s bites to see if that had any more affect. It didn’t.
Loki brought the shaft of the polearm down around the robot’s body and grabbed it with both hands, his heels leaving divots in the picturesque cobblestones as the robot tried to pull away. Its torso rotated around and it spat energy at him; Loki flinched as it hit him in the face, but didn’t release it.
“Help Steve, I’ll deal with this,” he said, his head jerking backwards as it blasted him again. “It’s made from the Destroyer; it’s my responsibility. Ow. I am King of Asgard and you will listen to me, Garmr gnaw your bones!”
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Doctor Strange and the Mommyverse Multiverse of Madness spoilers:
Damn Marvel for taking characters that I genuinely didn’t care for and making me love them. Like I guess I’m glad that I love them now but it’s happened twice so far 😂
First was with Natasha Romanoff, and when I first saw her up until about infinity war, I never really cared about her as a character. Minus CATWS cause I loved her there, but I now realize that my love is most likely due to the fact that they actually gave her screen time and purpose other than being the token woman/male gaze-y character. I’m very glad I eventually came around, because now I feel like I can actually appreciate her as a character, even if I can’t necessarily relate a lot. Unlike when I was say, 13, and could only rate to her because she was a woman as well.
Now Marvel has gone and done it again with Wanda Maximoff. I did not care for her character either, I hated (and still kind of do) AoU for many reasons, and her character just didn’t appeal me. I didn’t care for her much either in CACW, IW or endgame as she didn’t have much to do, other than to be blamed (looking at you CACW). Granted, I fell in love with her in WandaVision, and again in MoM. And why is that you ask? Screen time and characterization baby✌️ You mean if you actually flesh your characters out and give them a purpose people will actually start identifying with them? Shock.
Now for the sorta spoiler-y portion of this review: hot damn. This movie was great. The whole cast was amazing, but surprise surprise Elizabeth Olsen blew me away with her incredibly versatile acting and her presence in this movie. Like idk what they did to Ms Maximoff this movie but she was HOT. Maybe it was the confidence she (Wanda) had but I cannot stop thinking about her. And the scenes where she was dream walking in her other body- 👏👏👏. Like I was almost afraid. And her line deliveries were just so good. I have so many new fave lines 😂😂. And like I don’t support her actions, but I support HER 😂
I’m pretty sure they’re not done with her yet so my main prediction is that she’ll come back powerless or without her memories of any of this, or both, since she’s supposedly done with the Scarlet Witch, seeing as she only exists as the Scarlet Witch because of the Darkhold that was destroyed. Though I’m kind of over the powerful magic woman gets her powers taken away trope *cough* Witcher *cough* wheel of time *cough*. And who’s to say she needs to be redeemed, maybe she’ll just stay a morally reprehensible character 🤷♀️🤷♀️
Anyways this has just become a rambling of why I love women so sorry of you actually read this, but I will gladly watch h to us movie over and over again😶😶
#Multiverse of madness spoilers#spoilers#my ramblings#doctor strange and the multiverse of madness spoilers
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