#but where do i belong in all of this? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

willowfey · 1 year

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#i am not doing well girlies #disclaimers that i am fine i'm always fine i will always be fine but hooo boy i do not feel fine lol #everything is always overwhelming i am always sad everything feels itchy #every single morning for weeks ive woken up with an anxiety bellyache and no matter how tired i am still i just have to get up #everyone i look up that i used to know is like. married and having babies or working their dream jobs and i just. im happy for them. i am #but where do i belong in all of this?#i know everything feels worse lately bc we're moving house and the routine changes and empty rooms feel Bad #plus my mom has not been doing well mentally which i feed off so it's just. you know #but will i ever Not feel like im so far behind? will i ever Not be deeply unsettled by even the mildest changes?#everything is so slow and so fast at the same time and it makes my head spin and we have a new friend who has a son my age and i was hoping #idk. that he'd be somewhat similar to me? falling behind a little bit too? maybe i could make a friend irl that understood a little?#but then i casually ask about him and oh no ofc he has a partner and family of his own etc etc #right. that's what i'm supposed to be doing at this age.ha #so many ppl i went to school with are married now. im turning the age this year that my mother was when she HAD me #meanwhile ive never even kissed anyone never even held a boy's hand never had any attention like that ever and #i wonder so often what it's like to be wanted by someone but ive never felt more undesirable #i cant imagine anyone looking at me and Wanting me. and at this point as romance obsessed as i am idk if i could even handle it #and the other night i was having anxiety dreams over the fact that i rly want kids but even waiting until im 30 thats only 5 years??#and 30 is already fucking five years away from being considered a GERIATRIC pregnancy?? but im not even done being a kid myself!!!!#and also who the fuck is gonna have a kid with me?? and who knows if i can even get pregnant when i rarely have a period ??#and i cant imagine not liiving with my mom and sister but does that mean i'll live with them forever??#will i be 30 35 40 45 still feeling like a kid? or worse.. will i not feel like myself at all?#will i be married to someone i dont love madly simply bc im so terrified to be alone?#or will i hold so tightly to my stories and fantasies that i will be alone bc nothing could ever live up to them?#will it even matter what i want? will anyone ever want me to even give me the option? or will this all stay hypothetical forever #im just. stressed. and i thought i'd be more by now.

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ohitslen · 10 months

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Sharing a blanket

Request by @volaenii ✨

Accidentally incorporated this to my uni au oopsieeees

#maybe I got a lil too excited and ended up doing this whole thing #it just kept escalating OWSGHII hope this suffices #enough angsty stuff let’s bring out the silly stuff #they are so stupid I love them sm uGHH #the context is that they just moved in and they have barely any belongings #they have blankets but the idiots washed them all without considering the fact that they sun dry their stuff #so they only have 1 blanket for both of them until the rest dries off and the house is so cold at night #they’re fighting for it. but this happened. and it was so warm and comfy they ended up too relaxed and slept too much #this happens at least once a month until they eventually settle into just sleeping together when that happens eventually #imagine Kni finding out about this #I want to do those images where ppl cover themselves with random shit bc there wasn’t a blanket but with this two petty mfs #trigun #vash the stampede #trigun stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #vashwood #trigun fanart #vash #wolfwood #nicholas trigun #lenssi draws #Trigun Uni! AU

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thepringlesofblood · 5 months

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feel free to add more, I just think it's funny that there's at least 3 musicals that have a 'high school is extremely bad' song and in 2 of them multiple teenagers die and in all 3 multiple teenagers get grievously injured. like they weren't kidding that high school really do hell.

#i didn't include any from mean girls bc none of them really have a big 'high school sucks' section #'where do you belong' is close but they mostly just describe things rather than pointing out how bad they are #or ascribing that badness to high school as a concept'#personally i think if you set a musical in high school #you are legally obligated to have a song where you acknowledge that the concept of high school is bonkers #original post #heathers #bmc #be more chill #npmd #nerdy prudes must die #also someone still gets grievously injured in mean girls even though it's not like. horror or dark comedy #like all these other ones are #which i think is hilarious #you can't have high school without serious bodily harm #they're also all opening numbers that are like half dialogue

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fuwaprince · 4 months

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👉👈 Hi friends! I have a long, serious post made just for you(!) that isn't full of spoilers, smut or mooning lawn gnomes. Please read if you can, this is a 💥 mutual aid request 💥

It has been a horribly painful and long while as most people following/keeping up with me know. and in a few days I'm going to be down $1500, which is basically all my fucking $

I can't afford Christmas for anybody, which sucks and I'm very sorry. I can't even take care of myself and haven't been, which also sucks and I'm very sorry

Landlords spontaneously raised rent on me more than halfway through this month as punishment for not getting to my house chores and not communicating, to be totally honest with you. I feel ashamed and awful about it but I didn't want to clean the place while multiple ppl living here had tested positive for COVID and kept walking around unmasked... I am not fully vaxxed because I've been too depressed to get any kind of necessary medical care done and I didn't want to catch COVID in the middle of my finals week for the semester. I woke up to being angrily and rudely bitched at first thing after the last of my finals (I passed at least). It wasn't a humanizing text. Fuck the mistreatment though. Rent is now almost doubled and it won't be lowered

There was no room for negotiation and I truly believe they've resorted to pricing me out of living here because the group of renters psychologically tormenting me wasn't effective (actually- putting a picture of my rapist on the fridge rly was super effective in getting me to isolate myself in my room all day and so was outing me as trans to the transphobic ass neighbors.... But I didn't and still don't have any place better to move out to, like the way they were hoping I would. Yes, I have looked and BEGGED btw)

I want out of here NOW, but I can't leave. I tried and had to come back because it was the best option. I can't afford to stay in a motel/hotel/BnB just to get away from them for a day or two during Christmas. I don't have any friends who I can spend the holiday with either. During the semester, I resorted to convincing classmates with keys to locked buildings to let me crash in them while they worked at night and I would leave before anybody showed up. Now that school is out, I can't do that. I don't have any family I can reach out to for support or friends who I can depend on for immediate help. I have been crying day in and day out for weeks. I have records of it posted throughout my blog. Literally crying for days on end. I'm being so fucking transparent

All that lump of text is to explain to whoever is out there, who might be listening and willing and able, to please consider helping me, if and ONLY IF able. I know times are tough and if you'd rather use your $ for other reasons or just don't have any to spare, don't sweat it and take care! 🫂

I've thought about what I could do for a long time and have helped myself how I can. It isn't enough. I've applied for so much assistance. Been approved and been sabotaged by my inhumane mom (who does not love me) via stealing my legal documents and letters and hiding them for months. My mind jumps to grim places but I'm clinging for dear life to whatever hope I have left that says things will get better. I wish I knew somebody with a business that I could work for. Part of me feels so fucking terrible for asking for help because I feel like a waste of all your resources. I feel like I shouldn't ask, like I really do not fucking deserve help, but there are friends online who care, who I know mentioned being interested in helping in whatever ways they can

So to the people who care to seriously me, I'm ready to accept it: please send me nice words to get through this and feel less alone. It feels pathetic to ask but I would love a nice letter. A nice card even. Kind words of any kind would go a long way. It means more to me than food. I have felt so broken and every day feels like a test to figure out how badly I actually want to live

I'm also leaving my cash app and paypal here in case anybody would like to do more than what I'm comfortable asking but probably very likely will inevitably need very very soon. I will be left with fucking nothing and I will have no idea what to do once rent is paid

Thank you to those of you who have sent love, offered to listen and heard me out. I really wish it wasn't so hard to survive. I'm trying to feel better knowing there are people out there who are also without help and hoping the best, but it doesn't make me feel any better or comforted tbh. I just wish the help was there for us. I wish there was a place to go for spare love, care, compassion, empathy, kindness, humanity, generosity... I need that more than I need $. Call me stupid but that's what I live for. I don't live for paying to survive in terrible conditions. I live for love and to smile with friends

I hope to write back to the friends who have already been so kind as to message me soon btw. I'm sorry for not replying sooner. Your overwhelming support is sincerely sweet and sometimes I cry because I can't believe people are so nice (to me???). It'll give me something to do that doesn't make me feel like dying! :') so thank you thank you thank you *fist bump*

Hope you're all doing as well as you can and that somehow things get better. Hope anybody else struggling like me doesn't make the mistake of isolating like a sick and dying animal. You deserve love. You deserve support. Don't be like me. Have the courage to reach out to the people who care about you for help as early on into your emergency as possible. Don't let your situation snowball because you spend so long trying to figure out if you're worth it!!! This Random Tumblr user is here to tell you that YOU ARE. Sending my infinite everlasting unconditional love. Be nice to yourselves. Be nice to each other. Fuck the hateful assholes who wish I would just kill myself already. Tell your friends you love them. Happy Holidays!!!

And here's a single picture of a mooning lawn gnome at the very end, as a treat! I told you this post wasn't full of it.... It just ended with it 👉👉

#i decided i rather write a help post rather than a suicide note or my own obituary #sorry to ask for your attention AGAIN #mutual aid #important #help #i'm very sorry #mutuals can all kick my ass once for not abandoning me during these times #i wish i had a $ goal but i do not as of now #I'm taking it a day at a time #doing my very best and trying so damn fucking hard.. please help #i rly would just like to escape and have my own tiny place one day.... some place i can live and love happily in #i was on the steets earlier this year and living out of my ex's car. i do not want to go back to that out of desperation #i have been through so much just trying to survive in place where i don't feel like i belong or welcomes me #i need help #babbling

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stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage · 5 months

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So I went searching for special dialogue for a romanced Alistair, who stayed with the wardens, about a HoF who made the ultimate sacrifice. Specifically for what he says in DAI. For reasons.

I know what he says about her when she's alive in DAI, so I was curious if he'd saying anything about her if she's dead, like Leliana and Morrigan do. After reading through all sorts of forms and reddit posts where most of the answers were "huh I dunno what he says in DAI, I've never done that route," I eventually found out what he says.

Nothing.

Romanced Alistair says nothing about a dead HoF in DAI. At first I thought this was odd? Surely there's something referencing the fact that he and the warden were in love? even if just for fanservice like in DA2? Some of the comments on these posts blame it on Bioware doing bad writing again but it's hard to tell if they actually mean that, or if they're conflating "I don't like this" with bad writing because honestly? I disagree.

Intentionally or not, Alistair not saying anything about his dead lover is completely in character for him. He doesn't know the Inquisitor. Why should he tell them anything about the love of his life that he lost ten years ago? He's not as open about that stuff like Leliana or Morrigan.

You know what's actually out of character? Alistair giving a random stranger he met for two seconds an item that belonged to his dead lover because "she doesn't need it anymore."

Wasn't it enough to ruin his face, DA2? Did you really need to throw in some botched fanservice as well?

Wait a minute, Varric's telling this story...

Alright, new headcanon: Varric is, as per usual, full of shit. Alistair did give Hawke an item because he felt bad that he couldn't help them with the qunari except it wasn't anything special. But that's not interesting enough, so Varric lied and said Alistair gave Hawke an item that belongs to THE Hero of Fereldan for the sake of showing how super special Hawke is.

#alistair theirin #hero of fereldan #varric tethras #da2 hawke #dao #dragon age origins #dai #dragon age inquisition #imagine alistair reading tale of the champion and getting to this part where he gives hawke an item that belonged to his dead lover #how insulted do you think he'd feel?#also i bet he gets a lot of questions about her regularly because everyone wants to know what the hof was *really* like #but he knows that they don't want to actually know her. they just want an exciting story with a big heroic figure at the center #oh also i couldn't find anything in video or on those forms but if by chance i DID miss anything and he actually says something #and we've all just missed it then let me know and i'll correct this but i haven't found anything and given dai's been out for a while #you'd think there would be something to easily find y'know?

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possibly-a-table-or-just-gay · 2 months

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My recent Hobbit hyperfixation has culminated in me writing a Hobbit/LOTR college au of questionable quality. Whether I continue it remains to be seen, but for now enjoy whatever this is.

Edit: there are lil offshoots to this now! 1 2 3 4 5

Also if you like this pls reblog it, it helps way more than likes! I'm pretty sure I turned reblogs back on

#au where thorin is a history professor and the fellowship + kili fili ori and the bardlings are all students #if i do continue this it will feature eventual bagginsheild with lit professor bilbo #and gandalf will be the old man stoner who somehow ended up the backbone of the entire university and meddles where he doesn’t belong #i have Ideas if you couldn't tell #the hobbit #lotr #the fellowship of the ring #thorin oakenshield #fili and kili #fíli #kíli #tauriel #legolas #aragorn #college au #lotr college au #any thoughts are greatly appreciated #the hobbit/lotr college au #i make shit sometimes

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pepperpixel · 1 month

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“put me on a pedestal and i’ll only disappoint you

tell me i’m exceptional, and i promise to exploit you

gimme all your money, and i’ll make some origami honey!

i think you’re a joke!!! …but i don’t find you very

fuuuuuuu~nyyy”

More tagr art!!! Assorted stuff this time! Featuring some cute chibi stuff. Some solo gaz’s, a lil uhhh. Comic of an altercation.. and a very belated Halloween pic I started drawing last Halloween and didnt finish lol. Also featuring lyrics from pedestrian at best cuz that song rllly rlly fits my ver of tak lol.

#invader zim #gaz membrane #invader tak #tagr #iz tak #iz gaz #tak #doodles #there toxic yuri!!! they’re all over the place!!! tak is tsundere insane alien who fueled by revenge it’s gonna be rough!#I think. there relationship would slowly grow and develop as gaz is helping tak w all her injuries #but I think they’d end up having a true true falling out sometime after take fully healed and gets her ship back.#and they’d be split up for a few years maybe? idk how long I’d want it to be. but! yeah.#absence makes the heart grow fonder and makes u realize how fucking stupid u are #and eventually they’d reunite and shit would be better lol #I don’t want them to be at each others throats forever that’d suck lol #theyre just definitely are moments where there at each others throats in the beginning #but they r also moments.. where they both feel true belonging and acceptance. like they never have before… and it blows there lil minds…#I also dO want gaz to go into space at some point w tak cuz that’d be fucking awesome #after they reunite again they can go explore the universe a bit #these r all very half baked ideas btw and also my brains mush cuz ive been drawing all day #so please excuse if said ideas suck. also please excuse all the typos lol #I might change my mind on the them separating idk… or maybe make it a shorter amount of time… idk!! I havent thought thru all this shit lol #it’s not like I’m gonna write a story or actually make a comic I’m just drawing random fanart #I don’t need to have all these thoughts all solidified lol

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taz-writes · 9 months

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here's a hot take for today

the narrative function of sex is the same as the narrative function of fight scenes is the same as the narrative function of songs in a musical

no i will not explain

#taz talks #writing #actually i WILL explain but i'll do it in the tags #these each serve the same function within their respective appropriate genres #each one is a kind of revelation #they heighten the connection between 2+ characters and highlight relationships and feelings and needs #they are out of place in genres where they do not belong and/or as curveballs when the narrative did not provoke them from the start #but they have the same sort of emotional/dramatic build-up #talk -> sing -> dance (talk -> yell -> stab) ((talk -> flirt -> You Know))#and they are all expressions of intense physicality and intimacy through physical gesture and interaction #they are fundamentally empty and boring if there is not a deeper purpose or drive behind them #although they can still occasionally be entertaining on their own if your audience is specifically seeking that experience out #people who do not like them will be very unhappy to encounter one where it isn't supposed to be #it is very easy to ruin the mood with poor word choice #many people have an inherent sense for terrible ones but it's often difficult or complicated to explain precisely why a bad one fails #when executed properly they are a very raw and intimate expression of a character's most fundamental needs and desires #the fluff is stripped away and there is nothing left but a series of needs. conflicting or cooperating.#and even when you're lying during one it's still a form of truth #none of these things are remotely necessary to tell a powerful or compelling story but if you're going to use them you need to do it right #also all 3 of these things are difficult if not impossible to write if you are not both interested in them and personally invested #this post brought to you by me trying to write smut about my dnd characters and failing because i generally hate /reading/ smut #so i have none of the vocabulary or instinct for it that i do for. say. graphic violence (or lyrical poetry)

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celestialrealms · 7 months

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Honestly I think the saddest thing about the Nightbringer timeline to me is just how alone Diavolo is. Tbh, the only person he really has at this point is Barbatos (and I would never devalue their relationship. It’s my favorite in the franchise. An elderich monstrosity swearing undying loyalty and being a friend and parental figure to an abused and othered child will ALWAYS get me)

even Mephisto, there’s a distance there because of their upbringing and the current political situation in the Devildom.

Yes, Diavolo says he helped the brothers for selfish reasons… and that’s true to an extent! But the fact that people who think he’s taking advantage of them for the sake of using them for the Devildom have been vehemently proven wrong. He’s literally just lonely, and is in fact going against the grain of how the nobility wants him to treat them as much as he can.

Is it healthy to keep people in his life by having them swear loyalty to him? No. But imo, it I do think it is a purposeful parallel to how controlling of his brothers Lucifer is. They are both pride demons with similar daddy issues, after all. Diavolo just didn't have a family surrounding him to look after

Except he’s on the outside of that. He doesn't want to be, but he is. At least in the current timeline we had those arcs where Diavolo was able to form more genuine connections to the brothers. I loved that!! But now in the Nightbringer timeline… he’s having to deal with so much and at the same time has none of those connections to the brothers any more.

Idk. It just makes me a hundred times more sad than anything else. Sorry not sorry.

Especially since Solmare refuses to let Diavolo romancers prioritize and care about him in any way.

#does this make sense? i honestly cannot write this kind of post my brain is too mushy to get my thoughts out properly lmao #i keep wanting to get this point across about diavolo but i feel like i'm not that best at it sowwy #this is why i dont write meta #obey me diavolo #obey me nightbringer #obey me #obey me shall we date #long post /#diavolo #thinking about the parallels of diavolo and barbatos being so alone and how they both said that the connections they made #re. the brothers for diavolo and diavolo for barbatos were all for selfish reasons... & shaking them up in the glass jar where they belong!#also anything they do wrong is objectively cute silly and funny on account of their pretty privilege

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smol-hell · 2 months

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enjoying your pov?

#on top where i rightfully belong #let me do all the work while you watch #😇#smol hell

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justafriendofxanders · 2 months

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i go back and forth a lot on my interpretations of ats s5, ie. what parts of spike are 'in character' or not, but the one thing that stays constant is my belief that spike and angel fucking would have fixed most of this.

#not that it would have fixed their problems i just mean it would introduce new problems that i would find entertaining as a viewer #anyways i don't like saying a character would NOT say/do that but sometimes i'm not sure if he (spike) SHOULD do that #in terms of showing off the more interesting parts of a character while also carving out a unique arc/dynamic for him on a new tv show #ats rw #i think what's misunderstood about spike is that he's NOT a solo sigma male lone vigilante bad boy action hero #like i think angel is actually the one who has a history of isolating himself #but spike is your friend who always has to be in a relationship (which i think btvs got correct with harmony)#idk. i think oz has that line in btvs where he's like 'i gotta go do that guy thing where i isolate myself now'#and i think that gets transposed onto spike when he goes on the 'guy show' doing 'guy things'#and then kinda blended up with the tension that many of the guys on ats experience between #being a tough guy capable of doing things on his own versus the desire to belong in a crew #but like. that's not a 'guy' thing that applies to all men. that's a thing that certain individuals experience. and spike is not one of the #like i don't think spike cares about how he fits in with society or the collective but i think he DOES care about how individuals #he's close to perceive him #anyways. today on 'reading too much into a tv show that stopped airing 20 years ago'#i gotta make a separate post about this #buffyposting

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girlandherfandom · 2 years

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I am once again pleading to you brothers in rock to not let Gerard's legs distract you from the fact that Stomachaches by Frank Iero and the Cellabration is celebrating their 8th birthday today.

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tennessoui · 1 year

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where’s my toxic dark academia au where the Jedi Order is a prestigious private university for rich kids who are all a different flavor of beautiful and fucked up, and Anakin is the kid they let in on scholarship once every a few years and he comes in scrappy and defensive and in love with the daughter of the family who is sponsoring him (and maybe half-adopted him when he was 10 so it’s a bit fucked up all around)

and he meets this pretentious dickbag of a student on his hall who is so cold and aloof that anakin can’t stand him, this guy obi-wan who’s so beautiful and untouchable and who sees right through him

I imagine they fuck in the most explosive way where they’re in the middle of a very loud fight in some bathroom in some rich kid’s house and neither is sober, and obi-wan says some awful shit about anakin being in love with Padmé and if his adoptive parents knew they probably would wish they hadn’t adopted him and anakin says some awful shit about how obi-wan’s been sent to boarding schools all his life cause his father never wanted him, and it starts as a fight but they’re just punching each other with their mouths and probably crying too

#Kit’s silly lil AUs #cw: drugs #(maybe these tags do not go together lol)#obikin #give me that toxic same age obikin #scholarship kid anakin in a world of burnouts and trust fund kids #trying to belong #maybe after their first time obi-wan decides he’s gonna take him under his wing #and show him the high society fucked up kids ropes #only there’d be so many scenes where anakin slowly finds out how fucked obi-wan is #and he slowly starts caring more and more #in a way that genuinely scares him so much #that he leaves before he graduates??#ends up writing a book about it ten years later (all names changed)#and obi-wan finds him because in the book he is not shy about calling obi-wan the great fucked up love of his great fucked up life #lol I guess this has very little in common with Star Wars

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brehaaorgana · 4 months

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People joke about ADHD all the time, even swear up and down they totally think they also have it, but then if you ask for an accommodation, to please please please provide things in fucking writing, EXACTLY what they want and need, you will even work it out WITH them, like they promised they would do — repeatedly over and over, and then you don't get it people really will fucking be like:

I am using the incorrect bathroom (TM) to place my shelving and store my things. Homegirl literally removed various sundries and toiletries from a CLOSED CABINET and SHELF because she's interested in boundaries and accountability for my mess.

I said months ago I wanted to improve things for her comfort level and needed a written list of what precisely that fucking looked like in order to achieve it and not miss anything she deemed important. I explained how ADHD works, why I needed a written reference. Why I had to have it laid out, and if something needed changing we needed to write it all out. I would've made the list myself, but they said they would make it for the whole house to hold up their end of things. And, thinking this was a very reasonable adult solution to keeping the house in good shape, I said okay, come up with the list of expectations and what is needed and that way we can update how we handle chores. Awesome. I will do that to uphold my end.

No list ever gets made or drafted or anything despite my bringing it up, knowing we need to do it, but I DO get berated for failing to meet expectations and boundaries that were never fucking provided or delivered and include "don't store toiletries in this particular bathroom because I don't like it."

I can't believe I am a goddamn adult who gets treated like an idiot child for expecting adult communication instead of snide ass passive aggressive bullshit and basic respect for my things.

Because when I fucking get home, my shelving has been removed and a cabinet emptied of my things and placed in the "correct" bathroom.

🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

Oh shit she solved it, this doesn't look cluttered at all!

What a vast improvement to storing things in appropriate storage!

#my mortal sins include a laundry basket in the kitchen which is where the laundry room is #doing something INCOMPREHENSIBLE to work with my adhd like use the downstairs bathroom to get ready in the morning #instead of the upstairs one because that works best for me and keeps me moving in the morning #storing hobby supplies i was using in the living room in a milk crate basket to clear space at night easily #i left an oil painting to dry on a tabletop easel on MY coffee table and she tried to clean it up causing some of the paint to come off #i used to keep an empty up placed on the mat next to the cat water fountain to remind me to fill up often #not a mess of cups not half emptied cups. a dedicated refill cup tucked behind the fountain #when it kept getting removed i switched it up and placed the cup on top of the cat food bin to clearly indicate it was a cat item #no this is UNACCEPTABLE #also all my coats were removed from the coat rack i feel insane #coats GO ON THE COAT RACK #have you ever had someone actively sabotage your tools to manage your adhd bc its not fun lol #'i can understand why it feels shocking now' literally the most vile snide snake shit when you didnt communicate boundaries at all #its not communicating an expectation to gather up my personal belongings and dump them somewhere else and then text me about it during work #this is how you know shes only ever lived with blood relatives before this lol the entitlement #adhd blogging

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