Call me Thaddeus or Thad. Please do not give me nicknames if we aren’t friends. He/zir pronouns only. It/it’s is preferred if we aren’t close but I have no true preference.

I am an alter in a system, if you don’t like that or are here to bitch and moan about it, I’d rather you leave now. I am a fictive introject from DC comics so I may occassionally mention it or mention source things. My role in our system & how it corelates to my source is no ones business. If I want to mention it, I will. It’s my blog. Our body is 23 and I am 20, if age is a make or break factor. I do follow back from @luvsickself.

I don’t do well with others. I don’t mesh well with most. But I do my best to at least seem approchable and civil.

You may be wondering why I made this blog at all at this point. I wanted a place to reblog posts I like, talk about my experiences within our system and maybe occassionally post my poetry. My poetry means a lot to me and I may only share some occassionally. I ask that no critisism is given on them. If they are labeled as not to reblog, respect that. My poems can be personal and it takes a lot for me to even post them. I may post abot books I am reading, Pokemon, Dead By Daylight, Stardew and Animal Crossing, DC comics, music that I enjoy, DIDOSDD posts, etc. I do post traumacore, and vent based media without tags. I will tag sui/cide, S/h, and SA posts along with any other heavy topic. If you would like to follow but need something tagged, please send me an ask or message and I will create a tag.

Here are some general tags that are not trigger tags (body horror, s/h, SA, Scopophobia, etc) or fandom tags: - #v; - vent based media. This will include traumacore - #a; - General art posts, usually not fandom based - #tpoems; - Poems I wrote - #p; - Other poetry based posts - #same - Posts I relate to - #f; - The F stands for Funny - #starboard - my favorites tag - #thad.txt - Just me talking. - #sys; - System posts - Divider Credits: X X X | Icon: X 

Basic DNI criteria, if you use slurs you can’t reclaim, you believe in “reverse racism”, you shit on people who are sexual assault survivor with hyposexual & hypersexual behavior patterns, you joke & invalidate about someone’s trauma unprovoked when it’s NOT your trauma, you mock and/or sexualize age regression, treat fictives as characters from the source that they’re from, if you believe fiction =/= reality, if you are endogenic or support endogenic systems, you belive protectors/persecutors are “evil alters” ans abusers, you use any mental illness as an excuse to be a dick or abuse others, if you’re a self proclaimed “unfriendly” person (you guys are usually abusers, so.) More can be added at any time. But you get the idea.

I know my dni seems like a lot, I would just like to avoid any conflicts. I do block at the first sign that youre a dick or if I just don’t like you much. I reserve the right to block anyone who makes me uncomfortable who rubs me wrong, sorry.  Please keep in mind I also tag / label my posts with do not reblog or do not reply to often, I ask that you please respect this. Even if you relate, even if it’s a post that says only systems can reblog, please listen to my labels. I do sometimes post vents here and I do often delete posts, vent post and other posts. I do what makes me feel safer even if in the moment it is not logical. I have BPD and very intense paranoia and act on it at times. Please be patient with me and respect my boundaries. Thank you.

Hiii i saw your matchups/cakes and I LOVE THEM. English is not my first language so i am sorry for any wrong spelings and grammar use lol. Can a Get a boy from Hq?????? I am a capricorn, with a lot of fire sign in my chart. ISTP. Tall girl, 175cm. Dark blond hair to under my shoulders, blue eyes. Lean bulid, but mby a little broad shoulders and waist. Enything else is normal ig. I indeed have cheek bones and jawline, a caps face traits a think. Stretch marked on my ass and things. Im just gonna keep my personality short cuz i dont know how to talk about myself. Im Shy and intro and first, then i will open up and become a messy and late-coming person. Im never on time to anything. Once you know me and logical thinking, feisty, dark humor type of funny, sly, stubborn, determind, strong minded, oberetiv and a daredevil. I will do enything for somthing in return. Nobody can hold me back. I am also a Clumsy person, a will let a word og two slip and offend somone, will break or forget somthing. Im always there my friends, help them out with everthing and my door is always open for them. Street smart all the way, i Can talk about enything and give tips and trix on enything. Im not the Life of the party, in a party im either outside or taking care of Ppl or i am sipping for other ppls drinks. I listen to pop/rock but i Can vibe to anything. I also love pasta. And cats, but im allergic): I overthink a lot, tend to bottle up on my emotions and then just let it burst when im alone. I got bullied as a kid, thats why i keep to myself and have Some close friends and then friends i dont trust that much. I like long lasting realtionships and friendships. I wont settle for somthing that i dont belive will work. I just want to feel safe and loved and held, lol. Am i rly ugly cryer btw so i wont look into another persons eyes. I train a lot, do sport shooting, wresle a lot with my friends and dad in a safe way ofc. I love to have a friendly and funny wtesle. I lough a lot. I said i do sport shooting, and i hate it when ppl take it the wrong way and starts to compare it to illegal activity. That my biggest pet peeve, and loud chewers. I LOVE CHEES AND CARD GAMES. Also late night means and snacks. My favorite time is like late at night, after sundown. Late night walks. Laser tag or paint ball is a must, Water and pillow fights AGH my dreams. Also, just to chill in a bathtub👌🏻✨Pfffff Idk what more. I would like a boy form Haikyuu, whos taller than me. Would be up to my randome and mby dangerous ideas, but also calm and relaxing when it fits the mood. Dosent need to know how to comfort a crying person, just like do the basics and ill be fine. THANK YOU SO MUCH😘

@sussebassen

Romantic Matchup

Tendou Satori

How Y’all Met

Ahhhh

Y’all had a class together

And EVERY SINGLE DAY you would show up late

Every. Single. Day

It doesn’t matter if you we’re 5 minutes late, or 15 minutes late

You never showed up on time

This peeked Tendous interest...

So, he asked you about it

You then explained how you never try to be late, it just always happened

Then one day

Satori was walking to class

The bell was going to ring soon so he was trying to hurry

Then he saw you

You were also just trying to get to class ON TIME for once

But you tripped...

And you fell...

And ALL of your papers went everywhere 🥲

You silently cursed to yourself before rushing to pick up your things

And you we’re startled when a certain redhead began to help you

You guys had gathered all of your things before RUNNING to get to class

And you guys were still able to make it on time 😃

The teacher made a remark that maybe you should hang around Tendou more often if it gets you to class on time

Little did he know that you would do just that

Apparently you both had similar interests

So you guys became really good friends

And feeling began to bloom over time

Poor bb was to scared to confess to you tho :(

He didn’t want to scare off one of the only friends he had

Of course he told all of this to Ushijima

And of course Ushijimas LOUD MOUTH

spilled the beans

Unintentionally of course

But still

He just didn’t get the gist that all of this was supposed to be a secret

So one day when he and Tendou were walking together

They saw you

And Ushijima was just like “ah your that person that Tendou likes correct?”

You:😳

Him:🙂

Tendou: 🥲

Tendou then took you aside and properly confessed his feelings

He was 100% sure you were gonna reject him

“I like you too Tendou”

I’m sorry what????

He was SHOCKED

Baffled

Beguiled

But SUPER DUPER HAPPY

he pulled you in for a bone crushing hug

And promised to be the best bf ever

Awww my boy luvs ya

What They Love About You

Ight I’m just gonna say it...

Mans ADORES your stretch marks

He thinks they’re so cool!!!

He often compares you to a tiger because of them

Oof

He LOVES your sense of humor

He also has a darker sense of humor

So you guys mesh very well when it comes to that

Loves that you have the combo of being sly and a daredevil

If there’s one thing satori loves...

It’s pranks

So those traits of yours make pranks so much easier to pull off 😩

He loves how he can talk to you about ANYTHING

He knows that if he’s ever distressed about something he can go to you

So he’s vv grateful for that 🙏

Favorite Things To Do Together

Oh he LOVES to play card games

His favorites is slap Jack

WARNING: he gets REALLY into that game

So he hits HARD

So be prepared...

He 100% swoops you away to stores in the middle of the night

Have you guys been caught sneaking out?

Yes

Was that the last time you did it?

Absolutely not

LASER TAGGGGGG

YOU WILL GET DESTROYED

MANS IS THE KING OF LASER TAG

So just take that L

Also paintball

He’s not that good at paintball

Mans aim is booty

But he still likes to play!

Random Hc

You’d actually be quite shocked on how chill he could be

Like sometimes he just reads his manga sin silence

If you want to talk then sure

But those are the moments he prefers to be quiet

The reason he’s so good at laser tag...

Is because kids used to target him 🥲

So he had to adapt...

And now he’s a pro!

If you ever want to talk to him about your bullyed past

ON GOD mans is always there for you

He knows what it feels like

So his goal is to comfort you when it comes to that

Honestly

Mf chews loud...

So that’s something you’d have to work on 😃

But he’ll try his best to stop if it bothers you THAT much

Astrology

Capricorn + Taurus

When Taurus and Capricorn come together in a love match, it’s a practical, sensible partnership.

These two Signs share a certain down-to-earth logic and interest in efficiency.

Taurus is not interested in risking more than is necessary in terms of emotional connection and involvement, and Capricorn is similarly disinterested in risk, but more in terms of money and career.

Capricorn’s career is one of the great focuses of their lives; they’re interested in scaling the heights and tend to set very high standards for themselves to adhere to.

Taurus has high standards as well, but regarding love, relationships and possessions.

These two signs admire ones dedication and strength, but, while they have this in common as well as a dependable, realistic, somewhat conservative approach to life (Capricorn more than Taurus), a love relationship between them can go stale fast.

The problem? They’re actually rather different at their cores.

Taurus may begin to find Capricorn too conservative and restrictive

Capricorn may start to think Taurus is too lazy and doesn’t care enough about career and status.

If Taurus can encourage Capricorn to relax a little and appreciate the fruits of labor, and if Capricorn can help motivate Taurus to achieve goals and make dreams a reality, their union can be smooth, happy and long-lasting.

Overall Aesthetic

Chaotic Teenage Romance

Songs

Electric Love- BØRNS

Line Without a Hook- Ricky Montgomery

Scrawny- Wallows

Hey Lover- Wabie

aight. here somes the ask lore thingie

tw for ppl readin: mention of mental illness, father mention

firstly, how did rui end up meetin the rest of the gang? did they all have sum sort of run in? did they just happen to meet on exident?

also is the father a villain? i remember ya mention him, and was wonderin

and do they have a specific place where they stay? like in a dormstory, a single house, do they live in a single town, or in completly different places?

do any of them suffer from mental/physical illnesses? if they do, how does it affect their life/relationships w others?

Aight, so here we go, be ready cuz shit's long.

(1st part - The Rui n the gang meeting; The Shou meeting) No Tw

Honestly, I also kinda wanted to do this for quite a long time, so I'm gonna firstly talk about how the gang (w/o really mentioning the others name's since they're gonna get introduced soon) met itself and decided to form, and then I'll individually do It in Lyva's and Shou's case, specifically Shou's since i mentioned that his meetin was somethin id have to take care of in another post, so i will rn.

First things first, w the whole gang. Now It wasn't really casually, mainly because Lyva n Rui did meet up, but It was during a special occasion still, that being a really important manifestation in one of the main regions in my oc universe. (They don't have name's yet so pls don't bash me🤡) Them being primarly the Forest, where Rui eventually lives in after all of his past shit, the near-countryside part, where Lyva was living, a pretty much city living on water, where Shou's currently living, and many more, as such the dunes with which I'll introduce Qiran (hopefully tomorrow/today),The sea itself, some High up places and as I said many, many other more. Other than this brief intro, they meet up where Lyva used to live, but mainly because of problems and out of conviniance.

Everyone had something to take back from, so they agreed to help eachother to reach that end, so it's all really planned. Now i won't really go w Lyva, cuz i explained how she met Rui the first time n how they helped her, so I don't need to ramble more on this. Now I'm gonna go w Shou's part though.

This Is more of a note i wanted y'all to know first, cuz i really like how Lyva n Rui met him the first time (cuz the second time was when the gang then all agreed to form n all that jazz.). Basically, Rui n Lyva were out, n visiting new places as such, to prepare themselves further and to try and search for more weapons, cuz they both knew that they'd eventually get in trouble, and even though they still are good, they wouldn't stand much a chance, n since Shou's Place is known for its production they decided to go. N fun fact, there's many funny shit that happends, for example Rui tries to touch a fish, but gets SLAPPED by It. They're still mad >:[. Ajkskdj anyways, some other stuff happends n they just, lose themselves. They had a map ofc but still managed to do so. But Rui was usin It so, I don't really blame em for gettin lost.

Shit happends n they find themselves pratically in front of his shrine/palace. Shou's servitors (cuz he saw everything happend from afar n gave them the okay) brought em in, but rather than makin em idk some tea n just making them recouver, Shou rather put them under some "tests" w/o tellin em, to see if they were any use.

For example he brought them some cups of tea, but before drinking them Rui noticed somethin unusual in the water, so they gave Lyva a sign to not drink It, n as Shou asked as a reason why they just replied that they weren't thirsthy, leavin Shou in a kind of defeated state. Bitch if i love this part honestly, there's so much fun to seein all of their reactions, but I'm gonna go brief rn. So other of this tests pass later n Shou eventually gets upset cuz they're all winnin n seemingly makin fun of him, lettin him in a weaket standpoint, n a fight happends. Even though it's a 2v1 situation he can still manage pretty well, so It ends in a draw. They get to talk after this and get to understand that they don't have to necesseraly be on the opposite side, though Shou Is still unsure whether to belive in that or not.

After they leave him, pratically almost alone w only a bunch of servitors helpin him. He admits defeat n won't show up until the event and yadayada. (Also it's during this weak time of his he'll meet Qiran which i already have plans w so it's all goin to be said bout their relationship in their post.)

(2nd part, the father mention.) Tw:father mention

So it's true that w Shou i did mention his father, but I'm not entirely sure bout his involvment honestly. In theory he kind of is a villain itself, even because of his devilish nature, so it's true, but im not sure whether to make him an independent villain or part of a group of them. But rather than that yes, i do want to make him some sort of villain in the end, because that's also part of Shou's agreement to be part of the group. I will make concept art for him so he'll definetly be involved. Not gonna lie, mabye that bastards also involved w Rui's cult too in a way or another but im givin in too many details holy shit I'll never get outta this fuck

(3rd part- where do they live) No Tw

They live in their own homes honestly, but It would be no surprise if they'd all decide to sleep over someone in specifical, though they have their own place. I made some concepts for Rui's intern home, which here It Is 😤 (forgive me for the bad quality but it's 2 am rn 🤡) I made this a while ago but only did Rui's, so I'll do Lyva's, Shou's n the other one's too. They live in different places, for the exception of, atm, Qiran, since I'm gonna say that they're more of a traveller n don't have a stable home.

(4th part- the mental/physical ilnesses) Tw: Self harm and Mental ilness mention

Well, this Is gonna be a ride. They all suffer from Ptsd, which Rui n Shou suffering from It the most. It still affects them all, though in different occasions, so Imma just do them in specifical. (Also because i gotta add some shit to shou that i didn't wanna add because i thought It was too much honestly)

Rui-

It affects them really much. They use crystals n gems to avoid anything going w their past or anything remotely related It, as whenever they feel awful about havin those flashbacks when they still were a child. They never want to talk about what happened, n during their moments It gets really, really bad. Both emotionally and physically, as their body sometimes cannot handle anything so it completely shuts down. They never really got any help for It as Rui's too scared to share bout their experience, both because of trauma itself that doesn't make them say anything even if they wanted to and because of the cults influence, so either way they've got to handle It by their own.

Lyva-

Other than havin to deal w mornin sickness, which Is the least for her, she has to deal w her neglectful childood and how desperate she's always been for litteraly anythin, whether it's related about love,friendship, food, toys, anything. She tried to seek for help and semi found It, but as of now she can't keep up w It and has better things to take care of. It's still really bad overall, but she's hoping for things to get better. Spoiler It really won't.

Shou-

⭕Tw for sh⭕

It's... really fucking bad. I'm gonna get outta this w saying something i didn't want to add because it's really triggerin, but im gonna do It now. So basically, I've mentioned them acting feminenly for his own mother, but i didn't say what would've happened if he displeased her. She would just stare down at him and whispering some awful shit or names. This would happen especially whenever he'd slip off that mask of his or revealed even a tiny bit of his devilish essence. Note that he's still a child here. So, best thing he could to was to "punish" himself, which basically consists of him scratching his arms too much and, i don't really want to continue this, forgive me but it's kind of triggering even for me. But...you can guess what he's doing, since he even to this day still keeps sharp nails. I'm sorry for putting this, but it's another way to show how his mother fucked him up and now suffering from this.

I'm sorry for rushin the last part but i'm not personally vibing w it.

Tags undercut

@a-chaotic-dumbass @spoopy-fish-writes @dopesaladlady @damnfoxx (I'm really unsure bout taggin ya in this ;-;)

If you want your tag removed, dm me cuz it's 3 am at the moment n i may have messed em up. (I'm not gonna recheck tomorrow so that's why)

YGCMA songs and how they relate to c!Wilbur based off of yesterday’s lore (in my biased opinion)

This is so dumb and i literally don’t care. I can’t think about anything else other than doing this synopsis even tho like 28480329204 other people are going to do it. idc. 

(I listened to the songs earlier, and i’m also listening to them as i write the opinions. these are basically just my thoughts while listening tbh. im also not doing the full song, just some things i feel relate within each song)

- Jubilee Line

the lines at the beginning of the song, “hate to see you leaving / a fate worse than dying” could relate to how wilbur feels after tommy gets pulled back into the overworld. or, he could be referencing L’Manburg and how he hates to see his country leaving him (ouch). 

then we have the lines “your city gave me asthma / so thats why im fucking leaving / and your water gave me cancer / and the pavements hurt my feelings”. This could be in relation to L’Manburg as a whole. He put everything he had into L’Manburg and it only ended up hurting him in the end. yikes. 

now we have “shout at the wall / ‘cause the walls dont fucking love you” repeated. This could be in reference to when he said he was fucking kicking and screaming to get out of the train station. hes screaming and he doesnt care because it doesnt matter to him. it doesnt love him just like how the people of L’Manburg didnt love him. wilbur get therapy challenge.

so based on the lore from yesterday, we know that c!wilbur’s limbo was a train station (props to fanartists. i love you.), presumably the YCGMA album cover type deal. when he sings “Theres a reason / that London puts barriers on the tube line / theres a reason / that London puts barriers on the rails” repeated. if the train station looks like how they do on the album cover, there could be barriers where he is. maybe hes trying his best to just kill himself over again by jumping onto the tracks. just in an attempt to escape. jfc 

“theres a reason they fail”. he was still in the train station, wasnt he?

- Saline Solution

for this one, i feel like hes pretty far into the void and regretting his decision to have phil kill him. hes tired of being in a fucking train station for years on end. 

“i think this time im dying / im not melodramatic / im just pragmatic beyond any / reasoning for thinking ive got / fuckin rabies or something.” hes so fucking sick of being in this goddamn train station and he thinks hes dying. hes so pent up and sick of being there, maybe hes just in so much pain that he feels like hes dying. if hes been there for a while, hes probably bound to go crazy at some point, hence the “pragmatic beyond any reasoning.”

“I think ive lost my mind / blurring the fact and the fictions” this feels like he really does believe hes going crazy and is mixing up the things he really knows and the things his mind is creating for him. maybe this is when tommy first arrived and he cant tell if he real or not (thats a stretch but i figured id share it anyway.)

“I think ive made my choice / im a deceased playing victim / slip the face, slip the victory” he quite literally says that hes a deceased playing victim. hes literally saying hes dead HAHHAHAH anyway. maybe hes blaming himself again, because us c!wilbur apologists all know that hes very good at doing that.

“Sit secluded in hatred /.../” hes sitting in a fucking train station for god knows how long beating himself up over and over again and just hating himself. hes all alone. with himself. someone he fucking loathes.

this is honestly all i have for Saline Solution, but i will definitely add more later if i get different theories. 

- Since I Saw Vienna

This is my favorite song on the album and my comfort song so that could factor into this bit ahaha

im going to skip through this one a little bit and go to the line “The roads are my home, horizons my target / if i keep on moving, never lose sight of it / treating my memory of you like a fire, let it / burn out, don’t fight it, try to move on” this sounds like hes reminiscing on his home in L’Manburg and his presidency was something he relied on and he would fight to get it back, but now that hes dead and said that it should remain that way that he should just let it go. trying to move on from his symphony, forever unfinished. 

 “its been sixty weeks since i saw vienna / a bandage and a wide smile slapped across my face / ill pick up my hiking boots when i am ready / and ill put down my roots when im dead.” THESE LINES FUCK ME UP IN GENERAL BUT HOW THEY RELATE TO C!WILBUR RN IS JUST SUIBHYSBUSHDXNSKJDNHBD YK???? in the context that vienna is L’Manburg and he died, its saying that its been a long ass time since hes seen it and hes faking being okay about his death. he misses it but doesnt want to admit it. the picking up the hiking boots when hes ready is him moving on from his L’Manburg, and putting his roots down when hes dead is finally being okay with not living there/being an important part of it. he believed his death was the best for the people in L’Manburg and L’Manburg itself. it seems like hes still trying to convince himself. 

“Ill be gone then, for when you must be alone.” hes gone. hes dead. hes in the train station. he left the L’Manburgians alone and hes alone in his limbo. man. 

- Losing Face

this song is angry. hes so fucking angry. my thoughts are that this is about the following presidents after him. he feels like the L’Manburgians were happier without him and im pretty sure he believed that even when Schlatt was president. this is so evident in the lyric “Is he better than me?” Hes literally asking if the other presidents were better than he was. he doesnt believe he did everything he could to be the best president, even though we all know that he gave everything that he was into that country and then some. he broke himself for the L’Manburg but he doesnt believe hes enough. sheesh.

“Ive seen him / ive been him / ive felt the same way” even though he cant see the new presidents being president, he knows what its like. he knows that they might break under the pressure. hes been there. he knows how if feels. yikes. 

“Ive lost all meaning / ive lost my sense of hope” this feels like when he was nearing the end of L’Manburg when he blew it up, and that he feels like trying to win it back is pointless. he has no hope for it anymore, so why not give up? his mental state is already shit yk so i cant really blame him for feeling that way. 

“i dont care / i want you here / as long as youre happy, i dont care” this line. this fucking line. hes lost hope in being president, but he doesnt care. he just wants the L’Manburgians to be happy. that was his whole thought process while he was president. he didnt matter to himself, he just wanted them to be happy. he sacrificed his mental state for them. cries in wilbur apologist.

- Your Sister Was Right

this is my second favorite song on the album i think HAHAHAH

anyway

“I use everyone i ever meet / i cant find the perfect match / abuse those i love / while i ostracize the ones who love me / back.” wowie wow wow fucking ouchie. He feels like he uses his friends. this whole thing is a projection of his shit ass mental state rn fucking hell. he feels like hes abusive. thats what everyones been telling him. they tell him he was awful and a shit president and all that jazz even though hes been killing himself trying to be the best for them but its still not enough (pigeon projecting? more likely than you think)

“every time that i miss you / i feel the way you hurt / and i dont deserve you / you deserve the world / though it feels like we were built / from the same dirt.” man. hes dead lol. he misses the L’Manburgians. not only were they his supporters, but they were all his friends too. every time he misses his friends he feels their pain of when he first blew up L’Manburg. he feels like because he caused them all pain that they dont like him and that they never liked him and that he is undeserving of their friendship. he still wants to be friends with them. he still loves them. he still wants the best for them. he thinks theyre so much better than him even though they all created L’Manburg together. in reality they are all the same, but their actions impact each other and he feels that his actions make him worse than them or less than. fuckisonmdfnpbhife

“and i hate to say it / but your sister was right / dont trust english boys / with far too much free time” sister is dream mayhaps. fuckngeionsfjg that hurt sorry uhhh anyway yeah sister is dream?? he did say that wilbur would be a shit president and he believes that hes a shit president so he thinks they were all right about him being a shit president  fbhjebinfnejg. maybe sister is just everyone who didnt believe in wilbur. man....

“a fucking waste of time” do i even need to explain this one? he fr doesnt belive hes worth it anymore and that hes literally a waste of time. hjkfbhnfve

- La Jolla

this one feels pretty far into train station limbo to me as well. namely from “and im lonely / there i said it” this could either be him being lonely as president and feeling like he doesnt have anyone to talk to really because hes too busy trying to hold himself together for everyone. either that or hes lonely in the station and didnt want to admit it because this is what he wanted. he wanted to die. he wanted to be dead because he believed thats what everyone else wanted and he just wanted the best for them. 

“i could go away / i could pack my things and be gone before you wake” he could leave if they asked him to. he would do anything for them. 

“you know ive tried hard to love me too / it always seems to fall in, through” this line already physically pained me but now it hurts even more having to relate it to a character i love. we already know that his mental state was declining as his presidency continued, but this would confirm that hes just trying to love himself even though he can never seem to get it right. 

“my own personal sunset” this is just the ‘this is my sunrise’ line but different. my man misses the sun. fuck. 

- I’m Sorry Boris

this song is almost definitely from a long ass time in the limbo. 

“and im sorry / but, boris / im leaving / im not good for anyone here” boris represents L’Manburgians!! hes talking about how hes leaving the world by planning on killing himself. fuck. 

“we reached the end of a decade” mans been dead for a decade. sheesh. 

he then goes on to say that he cant believe hes leaving, he doesnt think he wants to leave them, but he thinks its whats best for them.

he talks about how they do all of these bullshit things before helping you and i know its in reference to london but for the sake of my sanity its about the presidency role and how it will fuck you up before bothering to help you not want to kill yourself.  

should i do a separate post about how i visualized it/about how i thought about the song in paragraph form like a lowkey explanation? idk how to explain it but in this one i wanted to just cover some of the lyrics of the songs and my thoughts on them. i think c!wilbur wrote these in the limbo after he died. i know this is also shit and Not Good, but i really just needed to get my thoughts out before it killed me. i also didnt reread this. its probably repetitive and shit yk. i do Not Care. id also love to hear thoughts on this if yall want to. if you made it this far i love you please hydrate and eat today and youre so sexy ahaha 

“and even though im finished / im not quite done with it” even though hes finishing his symphony by blowing it up, hes now realizing he wished he hadnt blown it up and that he hadnt killed himself. man. 

-

The biggest kpop conspiracy you belive in?

Hmmmm I don't know as of recent I have no looked at kpop at all in the past 2 years really. But I do believe Hyuna and Jay were fucking, she got pregnant or had a pregnancy scare and that's why she got removed from JYP. I also believe her mom made a deal with the Cube agency cause she always wanted her to be a solo and the reason 4minute was "hyuna and friends" was cause it was contracted to be that way lowkey. Cube couldn't leave the left over trainees on the back burner and needed to do something with them and Hyuna was coming in so they slapped her in the group and was just wise about slowly progressing her into essentially being the face.

I believe the SNSD mess was exactly the way it was rumored but I also believe Jessica didn't handle things the best way she could. I also believe that Tyler Kwon guy (I think thats his name) she was / is dating was her SD (sugar daddy / sponsor) and she was able to launch blanc and eclar. I believe he partially if not mostly funded it hence why she is able to hop around with that and other projects if one doesn't pan out well.

I do believe Jay Park was salty and wrote 2nd thots about Beenzino's girl. He's corny as fuck honestly looking back at it, that was such an eminem move and I haven't listened to him in a while although I like some of his music. Then againn he's too damn short for me to even thirst over if I wanted to.

I of course do believe that Shin Minah ditched top after he started wilding and showing his true emotionally instability back in the day and I do believe he attempted suicide over it.

I have a theory about the kris wu thing going on right now but I cannot share it cause I don't feel like arguing with people when I abrely paid attention to kpop recently. All I will say is mothers YES MOTHERS and parents alike need to start educating their childern / young teens on street smarts, safety and how to carry themselves and not trust everyone they meet. He's stupid either way and his response is irritating. I looked on Netizeen buzz and I'm irrtated as fuck some asswipe brought Michael Jackson into it like MJ wasn't investigated and physically abused by the FBI (yes pictures of him having massive brusing during the investigation is online*) and cleared, and Michael paid off the family cause the family threatened to never leave him alone and tbh he just had poor judgement. But funny, Beyonce got accused of sexual harrasment by a female band player and she got called crazy and scrubbed off the net. interesting...Anyways I think MANY men both idols and actors have done what kris is accused of / is doing, it's a matter of who slips up and who angers who. I think kris pissed someone off in the industry and got exposed.

It's not a big one but I believe Yoochun from DB5K / JYJ had a severe mental illness and once he wasn't managed tightly anymore it spiraled out of control.

I believe lee joon saying the industry was an animal kingdom got him kinda lowkey black balled and him having that phrase thrown at him is somewhat punishment idk?

I believe that Amber F(X) IS gay / pansexual and is truly non-binary or male identified but won't come out and own it. If she ever has a dating article posted then good for her if it's a man, but I'll bet you anything she's bi and open to a female secretly. I don't care if people attack me for it, this is my POV and as far as my own person opinion goes for some reason I just don't like her in that regard. She's cool otherwise but it's like come on. cut the fucking bullshit. I have a best friend who is practically a sister to me who is a trans female and honestly Amber is not too far of with all the trans /non-binary/ he/ him / gender-fluid folks. What she does has nothing to do with us and I never pay attention to her these days currently, so this is just my conspiracy overall but I'm not here for it.

Own who you are and be upfront about it. Now is the time to embrace who you are as we now live in a world that is becoming accepting and liberating with expression of gender roles and identity. I feel like it's a slap in the face and insult to our intelligence. I could see if she was stuck in Korea or chose to stay there and be famous there or actually blew up. But if she gonna hang in america then just say "hey, it's not a big deal to me but I feel comfortable as a gender-fluid / non-binary individual" and call it a day. Sure she is "Tomboy" but that's an insult to me cause a tomboy isn't always a female who LOOKS like a whole dude on first glance. But maybe I am personally salty on this theory cause I'm a very tall female and if I just don't feel like doing shit and stepping out putting in effort into my appearance, if I loook REALLY disheveled or just not together, I get mistaken for a man alot and even if I correct people or shock them with my voice, I still get called that just because - and it happens 10 times more in this new era we live in cause you don't know who is lgbtq / gender fluid and who isn't. And I'm not afraid to speak out even if I'm standing alone and saying it. Some of us cis people get misgendered alot and idk about y'all but I don't like it, but then again, otherwise I'm a female on first glance and that's all. How she lives her life doesn't affect me in the least, but it's people like her who collectively make it bad for the rest of us cis people.

Thats it. I'm drawing a complete blank cause I honestly just cannot think of anything at the moment. I'm pretty much checked out.

Arknights Verse: Kirschtaria Wodime

In this re-imagining verse, Kirschtaria Wodime takes up the role of Rhodes Island lead Doctor. A completely different life, a completely different person than the same “Wodime” from Fate/Grand Order. Just what kind of life could he live in this new and different world?

For other Doctor roleplayers, I am happy to diminish his status to that of Medical Staff / General Assistant if you wish, or we can simply have two doctors or something. Whatever you’re most comfortable with! :)

anyways this is long lol be prepared.

Wodime was born to a wealthy family in the city of Victoria. He was cared for, and his every want and need was catered to. Even so, he had no friends growing up, as his family were very wary of threats from outside.

His father is the CEO of Kirsch Corp, an extremely wealthy business that, on top of owning several other businesses, is well known for their incredibly luxury hotels all across Terra- a favourite of nobles, aristocrats, lords and the like.

Deep within the bowels of this company, though, something far more shady lurks. Their latest innovation, a series of large, flying hotels for only the elite of the elite to visit- but yet the CEO is not satisfied.

The true goal of Kirsch Corp? Space. The Skies above. Their use of originium for vertical propulsion is steadily progressing, and they soon hope to be able to exit this planet and find another - one free from the scourge of Oripathy...

...of the infected.

Kirsch corp, by it’s nature, from it’s CEO down to it’s secretary, are anti-infected. It’s only a thinly veiled secret- those higher in society believe it all to be for a good cause, while the infected are down trodden, and are told they are what they are fleeing from.

However. The CEO - Wodime’s Father - grew ill. It was not with Oripathy, and he was expected to recover in some time...however, for the time being, Wodime himself was pushed to cover public appearances for the company. It was at this time he was assigned a body guard - Neptune - for his own sake. Just in case.

Wodime did his best to please the public, to give the best image of their company that he could, however...he always felt something was wrong.He was told they would leave this world, for somewhere far more beautiful...but what? What was that beauty?

Months past. And then years. Wodime’s father never full recovered, remaining mostly out of the public’s sight. However, his extended isolation, his own greed and own twisted psychology...saw something. Wodime, in his position as public face- he saw his own son as a competitor. He belived that Wodime sought to take over the company. He saw it now- as he spoke to the crowds, they all thought HE should be the head. Hah. No. Certainly not. Wodime’s father gave Neptune a day off - which he reluctantly accepted...and on that very same day...

--BLAM--

The bullet pierced Wodime’s chest, causing him to fall backwards-- still alive. As the assassin reloaded, the man sent by his own Father to kill him- Wodime activated his arts -- A teleport of a short distance. It was out of control. It was unpredictable...and then his vison went black. Below the streets, in the maintenance tunnels is where he awoke. A dirty rag covered him, and the stench of rot filled the air. Disgusting. Repulsive. He tried to move, but struggled with even that- he was weak. And so there he lay for some time. Waiting for death to take hold...when he heard footsteps. Far from the killers he was expecting, a small infected boy appeared from the tunnels, holding a small piece of bread. He broke a piece off, before placing it beside Wodime - and then retreating to the otherside of the room and eating his bread silently. 

This was..how things were for a time. Stale bread. Cold sleeping. Dirty Water. It was terrible. It was awful. And yet- Wodime saw it. In the eyes of that little infected boy, who nary spoke a whisper- there was a beauty.

A beauty in life - in wanting to live - in living, no matter what.

It was beautiful. Even through the pain, and the suffering, he managed to smile. His will restored, he pushed himself to get up. to get moving, to go. To get out of here...and after some time, he finally managed to stand for the first time in months.

Still, he stayed for a time longer, wishing to get his bearings, and ensure his assailants would not return...and it was in this time that the small infected boy - who’s name Wodime did not know - collapsed. His Oripathy gripped his small, frail body- which no longer had the strength to fight, no longer was there beauty in life- only agony and terror.

He did the only thing he could think to do. Wrapping his saviour in that same ragged blanket, he took to the streets of Victoria. Late at night, he scoured through the darkened roads for help, and by some stroke of luck-- he found it.

Luck...or perhaps Fate? Who can say? There was a large transport vehicle headed away from Victoria - full of the sick and weak - going to a place called ‘Rhodes Island’. Wodime boarded, blending in as best he could with the crowd, and began his journey...

His arrival at Rhodes Island was...interesting. People stationed outside the main landship eyed him with scrutiny as he strode inside. (the anti-infected ways of his father’s company weren’t exactly secret.) but even so, he faced it head on. Stepping inside he asked, begged and pleaded for help for his friend. Swearing to protect the infected, of course the boy was administered for care...and relieved, Wodime turned to leave...before collapsing himself.

Waking up in intensive care, The Doctor of Rhodes Island stood beside him. For Wodime, he was terrified- something about this person chilled him to the bone. Yet for The Doctor, Wodime was someone of interest. They had no expected someone from such a sheltered life could...act in this way. Someone of high stature, someone so deeply in grained into the anti-infected rhetoric. And yet, Kirschtaria Wodime sat- barely recovered, talking as if the fate of the infected was his responsibility. “The lives of the infected..matter to me! I wont allow anyone to discount that! No matter what...I... want to protect that beauty found in Life!”

Wodime, who had long since searched for the beauty his father spoke of, found it nesting in the eyes of what his father despised.

The Doctor, who was a master of the chessboard...The kings, queens, pawns and knights-- had come across a Joker Card. Something unexpected. Something new. From an entirely different game.

In the months that followed, The Doctor hung around Wodime alot. A sick curiosity, perhaps. As they shared time, Wodime learnt more of The Doctor’s tactical prowess - and yet. Wodime refused to back down on his belief; All Life Was Sacred.

To The Doctor- who was twisted beyond recognition of themselves...what a breath of fresh air...Not enough to save themselves, not someone they could call a friend...but, if the situation called for it...

Another King on the board. Another player in the game. A spare piece.

It was by [redacted]’s request that Wodime be placed into Cryo alongside The Doctor...however, when only Wodime recovered from the freezing...it was only natrual that the baton be passed to him. His beliefs unwavering, yet his memories fuzzy - though not entirely gone,  he carries the will of The Doctor, and he fights--

He fights for the beautiful world he had always searched for.

“--Welcome back, Doctor Wodime.”

🌻Sunflower Au🌻

Summary: daemon falls in love with a woman, but he doesnt know how to flirt with her, shenanigans ensue.

《...》

John enters the facility, students come and go,coming in all shapes and sizes, his mother enlisted Him into this artschool, he thought that it would take more time off of him to do graffiti, but then he saw her.

She was with him in character design class,Brown hair, shaved back, green eyes with bags under them,and this big green sweater, and her name was jerico.

He couldnt Keep his eyes off of her, and that costed him the first few clases of the semester.

He needed to wow her,but how?.

Also, needed to add, that not only John was an artist but a vigilante too, pver the course of the years he took various martial arts and programming classes and courses, naming himself "Daemon"

So his brilliant brain came up with this idea.

Wow. Her. With. Your. Alter. Ego.

Altough, his relationshipp with her was going well,they worked togheter a couple of times, went to her place to work on the assigments of their shared class, and they had a pretty good friendship.

-You have a really iconic style john- jerico says as she replaces the water on the glass she used to clean her brushes- I cant quite place it,but there is something that when i see it I go" wow, thats John's work"-

She sits on the table and starts to colour another character.

-Well, yours is really iconic too-John leans back on his chair,finishing one of his sketches- they way you do the face , and the way you aply colors are kind of your trademark-

The woman blushes and shakes her head.

-Quite the Charmer, arent you-both share a chuckle and Keep working.

Hours go by and the sun sets, the moon appears on the horizon, and the stars slowly show themselves on the dark blue Sky.

-Im leaving, its late and my roomate is going to freak out- jeri says, tugging the sleeve of her green sweater.

-You sure?, this place can get dangerous at night, dont you want to stay?-john Asks leaning on the doorframe with on of his forearms, hanging over jerico.

-Please I dont want to bother, ill text you when I get home,okay?-

-You better do so, If not I wont be able to sleep tonight-

-Oh shut up- jeri playfully and softly punches him on his arm and says goodbye.

'I gotta make sure she gets there safe' John thinks , as he grabs his Gear, putting on his Oni mask.

His feet are silent as he runs on the rooftops, with his gaze on jerico, who non-chalantly walks back to her apartment ten blocks away from his.

Suddenly his eyes catch a glimpse of two men following her, he hums and observes,they dont seem dangerous,until one of them tries to steal jerico's backpack, she fights and squirms but the guy seemed to be winning the fight,until he lands on the ground and a set of shurikens pin both of the men to the nearest wall.

Then the grabs the woman and jumps, both run trough the roofs as he grabs her hand.

When the shady men finally stops pursuing them they sit, regaining their breath.

-Thanks for saving me and my bag there- she says, with a kind smile as she scoots closer.

-Uh, youre welcome, im, im--

-Oh I know! You've been in everyones mouth since you stopped those criminals some weeks ago!im so starstruck! I got saved by Daemon, THE daemon-

His cheeks heat up, If she only knew...

Or does she?.....

They sit there and chat a little bit,then daemon feels his body shiver, jerico seems to notice it as she takes off her sweater and hangs It around his back.

-You can give it to me later, ill be good to go, I have a spare one on my backpack,my apartment is just a block away-

-And how do you know I wont steal it?-both stand up.

-Because, you saved me-

They chuckle and say goodbye.

Jerico gets down the small building they were sitting on and walks, thinking of what happened.

When she gets home she finds her roomate sleeping on the couch,covering them jeri goes to her room and falls on her bed, quickly grabbing her cellphone and texting John with "you wont Belive what happened"

He sees the message pop up, as he sits on the windowsill of his house's attic window, were his room was, messaging back with" what happened?".

They Keep talking for hours until they both feel tired.

Tomorrow is saturday luckily, so they wont hate themselves in the morning.

[...]

Sunrays filter trough the blinds, daemon groans , covering his face with his hand as his half naked form walks downstairs , he hears two voices talking, but he is too sleepy to recognize them.

-John, put some clothes on, Jerico is here-his mother says

He suddenly jumps and with half-asleep , face looks at the woman, she is blushing as she contains her laughter.

Daemon bolts to his room, picking up an sleeveless shirt and throwing it on , then going on downstairs.

-its so early- he groans.

-Early?- his mother says-its twelve pm dear, its lunchtime, I invited jerico over, now sit, your friend has already set the table-

He awkwardly sits Next to jeri,muttering a hello.

-You looked cute- the woman besides him whispers- half asleep, messy,I dont get seeing you like that too often-

-Like what?-daemon asks.

-Vulnerable- she says- John, If you are trying to flirt with me,Like you've been trying these past month, Just be straightforward,no messing around-

The Mans face heat up,looking away as his mother serves the food.

-Was I that obvious?-He asks.

-Well child-his mother says- youre not EXACTLY that subtle-

-But its cute,trying to be so smooth, its nice-

They start to eat, and after it, jerico hangs out with John a bit, talking, playing some games, until its afternoon and jeri has to leave to help her roomate with some stuff.

{...}

A soft knock is heard on jerico's Window, she looks over to see her saviour from last night, daemon.

-c'mon, let me take you to a date-he says.

-Im sorry- the woman said looking at him-my heart is after my best friend, I really cant -

-Even if the person asking it is your own best friend?- John says taking off his mask- hurry up!,come on!-

Jeri chuckles and grabs her coat, opening her Window and slipping trough it, walking down the emergency stairs with her friend.

They laugh and jump trough the city and houses,running on the rooftops and climbing them until they arrive to the tallest building around,an abandoned three flored house,on its rooftop its a blanket and some candles.

-Its so corny,I know- daemon says holding jericos hand-you said to be Straight-forward so here I am-

-John I--

-Jerico, since I saw you, something is there, bugging me,pulling me to you like a magnet,I cant help it, eveytime youre near me, I have this urge to hug you, and be close to you, you are my best Friend, and I, I love you, so much...I want to be your boyfriend,but the desicion is yours to make-

-Yes,just yes, shut the fuck up and kiss me, now-

-Like , l like now, right now , now-

-Jo, did I stutter?-

Daemon pulls her on a kiss, walking backwards to the blanket and laying down on it

-took you long enough-jerico said.

-Oh shut up, If you knew that I was daemon,you would already be at my feet-

-Oh but I knew, the design?the voice?they made me realize from the moment I saw you, not even the voice disruptor on your mask can disguise your speech patterns-

-So wait,thats why you lend me your sweater?-

-Uh duh, of course,youre the only one who has my permission to touch it, even go near it-

Johns face burns red as he hides it behind his hands, Rolling on his side-

-Im such a dumbass-

-my dumbass-jeri says, hugging him from behind.

They stay in silence for a bit.

-Youre a sunflower- John mutters with his eyes half lidded.

-I think your love would be too much-

-Oh you'll be left in the dust-

-unless I stuck by ya'-

Youre a sunflower

John chuckles and kisses Jerico's forehead as they sleeply sing to eachother.

Youre a sunflower

~●~

SEVENTEEN: What’s coming on January

Merry meet and Namaste

Hello, Carats, how's going on today? I hope yall doing great. Today's topic is, "What is coming to Seventeen's member for whole January?" Let's get start it!

Seventeen's Tarot Reading, 02/01/2020 Deck: The Wildwood Tarot Topic: What's coming this month

.

1). S.coups - Six of Stones, Five of Stones, Ten of Arrows

S.coups will got so much on his shoulders for whole month. Likey, he gets all of this to pay even what he couldn't do during his hiatus. He thinks, that it is his debt and he must pay for all of this. I'm not saying that it comes from the company, no no no, it comes from hismself. He tends to think that since his hiatus, he counts his debt to his member. What debt exactly i'm talking about? Money? Hell, no! It is precious thing that money can't buy: TIME. Yeah, he makes himself having this debt. And for all this month, he wants to spend the time with his member.

2). Jeonghan - Eight of Arrows, The Seer, Two of Bows

I sense some illnesses' symptom: cold, dizziness/headache, low blood pressure. He will need many many loves and attentions from members and Carats, because he will really be in pain. He knows what best for him, but he just doesn't want to bother anyone anymore. He is about to go to see doctor, but don't know when. He keeps telling himself and others he's okay. In the end of the day, seeing the others start worrying about, he'll go to see doctor after all.

3). Joshua - Ten of Bows, The Shaman, Three of Vessels

The absence of S.coups and Jeonghan automatically brings him to act as Leader since he's the third older. He's trying to do his best with this responsibility. But likely, he can't act as one, because he feels reluctant to show his manner as leader. Inside his head, he want to do this and that, but he can't do as much as S.coups has done. He himself also doesn't want to force hismself as leader since he's actually  has no passion to lead. He just likes to help, but not lead in front of others. Other than that, he will be enjoying his role until the real leader ready to take over.

4). Jun - The Wheel, Nine of Vessels, Two of Arrows

I sense Jun is about to visit a foundation to donate. I'm not sure what kind of foundation, but I feel either an orphanage or a foundation that dedicates to people who get unfair treatment from society, people with mental illness, or handicapped people. This intention pure comes from his bottow of heart, not because someone asks him to. He belives that whatever he did will come back to him either as good karma or bad karma.

5). Hoshi - Six of Arrows, The Arcer, The Green Woman

Hoshi is in the stage of transition. He's going to face next level of his life. He already set a new target and leave whatever doesn't serve him anymore. He cultivates some new ideas and concepts, he's ready to fight for this 2020.

6). Wonwoo - Four of Stones, Four of Vessels, Knight of Vessels

Wonwoo gets bored easily. He's head full of plans to prank the boys just to release his boredom. He enjoys seeing the the boys suffered 'cause his pranks and tricks. Not all the boys get annoyed by his pranks, because when the others try to get revenge on him, there are four members precisly protect him and even join him to make other pranks. Guess who becomes Wonwoo's allies?

7). Woozi - Page of Arrows, Seven of Stones, Queen of Arrows

Eveyone knows, Woozi has been working so hard to deliver good musics for Carats and the world. He has pure heart that even can make him sacrifice himself for sake of others. He sacrificed his own personal desires. He's so selfless person. But, at some point he also can't handle it anymore. He needs healing himself. He plans to take healing trip by himself. Oh ya, he always keeps his eyes on Wonwoo, he doesn't want get into Wonwoo's prank for twice.

8). The8 - The Great Bear, The Moon on Water, The Stag

Just like Woozi, The8 too always keeps his eyes on Wonwoo and his allies. He restrains himself not to get revenge, he has no time for playing with kiddos. He stays inside his invisble dome. He just needs to stay out and watch out from Wonwoo and his evil pranks. The8's motto, be calm and be patient, "I am always the normal one". But in the end, reality tells different story. The8 starts get into the plays.

9). Mingyu - Three of Bows, King of Vessels, The Guardian

Mingyu makes new art projects, not for public, just himself. It is either photography or painting. It is the way he fulfills his passions and hobbies, as well as understanding himself more.

10). DK - Seven of Bows, Eight of Stones, Four of Bows

DK gets insomnia along this month, he uses this time to practice and practice. He does it secretly. In the end this month he gets caught by others for practicing by himself. There are four members that will ask him out and have fun to enjoy the night until they get tired.

11). Seungkwan - Ace of Vessels, The Ancestor, Nine of Arrows

Seungkwan will get new project and it'll be his new journey. He will dedicate on this like his life depend on it. He puts all ot of love, passion, and dedication to it, so that it will bring big result. Hail the king of variety show!

12). Vernon - Ace of Arrows, Three of Arrows, Ten of Vessels

This month, Vernon's life gets up and down. On third day of January, he will have bit jealousy, I can feel it's not with negative tedention. It's pure jealousy like when your bestfriend plays with other more than with you. He's good at hiding it like nothing is going on. But, seriously, it's really annoyed him. Then, by the tenth day of this month he's full of happiness. His happiness is overflowing so that he wants to share it with others. He trys to manage his mind and thougt. He feels jealousy because he thinks his bestfriend has abandoned him, whereas not true at all. So he changes the way he looks and thinks.

13). Dino - Three of Stones, The Forest Lovers, Six of Vessels

Creativity flows like fountain. Dino came up with ideas. Dino meets ideas, it's reunion, just like two of lovers get reunited by Universe. What comes after reunion? Indeed, creation! So he will create many contents of his Danceology. .

Maybe this reading sounds like fanfic, i'm not gonna deny it haha... But, whatever i wrote here is what i feel and sense during reading section. It can be either real or just fanfic. I hope you guys enjoy this reading. Love you!

Why i love dogs

I was chatting with a co worker. And the topic of pets, dogs in particular came up. My bud was surprised to know how passionate i am about them. And i sadly to say was surprised that he didnts share my sentiments. But because i love, and respect, ill accept his opions as his own. But he asked me to explain where this love come from and this is what i said:

When you look into a dogs eyes you see truth. There is no deception, there is no scheming. The gaze is pure without judgment or prejudice. A dog doesnt see the flaws in you, doesnt care if your broke. Doesnt look at your age or social status. A dog isnt interested in your gender or if your married or single. When you look into a dogs eyes you see the loyalty, the reverance, the love. I dont belive in humanazing a dog. A dog doesnt have the same needs or complusions we do as humans. What a dog requires is your attention, care and respect. Pretty basic right? If only we as people can be so basic. So stripped down of all theother bullshit we pile on to survive day to day. Whe i come home after particiapting myself in the mundane bullshit and i look at my dog who greets me with such vigor, it reminds me of how simple things really can be. My dog keeps me grounded. In return i see the value in these beautiful creatures and do my best to honor there time on earth with us, and be thankful of the opportunity to do so.

Li(f)e

set post Demons

Somehow, she managed to make the cops release Mulder to her care and refusing to leave him alone for even a second, they stayed at the house, demons of his past be damned. Skinner who was aware, showed heart, ordered the people out and left them alone, taking Scully's grateful glance for reassurance enough. Once alone, Scully pulled the plastic cover of the nearest couch and moved Mulder to it, sitting with him, doing not much more than stroke his brow. "Why did you do this," she said into the darkness, feeling the powerlessness and dread crash against her conscience, "Mulder, you need to live." "I..." he choked, his head pounding, "I'm not sure I want to." "Don't you dare," anger flashed white hot and the fingers in his hair tugged a bit sharper than her usual caress, "don't you fucking dare to say something like that." He rolled to his side, head in her lap. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he whispered and she felt him shudder, staccato of silent sobs, driving nails through her heart, sharper than all the needles and drugs she pointed at her illness. She folded herself around him and kissed his cheek, cradling him against her body, "Mulder, you can do this, and you will do this, with or without me." "I can't," he sobbed, a wailing sob of a child breaking under too much pain laid on his shoulders, "what's the point, all I do is hurt people around me. You, my family, for what? She's not coming back." Tears pooled in her eyes and spilled over, silent echo of his pain. "The truth, Mulder," she said softly, "you need to bring it to light. Tell the story of Samantha, of me, of all the victims. We need you, we need someone to stand up for us, to be our strength, to believe." Her voice broke on the last word, and she drew him closer, whispering for his ears only, "I need you to belive in me, I need the strength of your beliefs." Laying down next to him, still cradling him in her arms, they shared the warmth of live bodies. So many years she denyed herself this, thought she had time, all life in front of her. But then she met this man, this one soul, and she never knew until it was too late. She thought love comes like lightning, bright flash of realization setting heart on fire, but she was wrong. Love was a burning amber, a low glow hidden in ashes in a basement furnace, feeding on scraps of paper and trash others discarded. Mulder was love, his fight was love, memory living on, through him, in him. He never let go of his sister and she knew, he'd sooner die than let her go, because that was what he did, he wanted to beat her to it, and that hurt her more than anything. "You can't do this," she said, soft strands slipping through her fingers as she stroked his hair. "I'm not going anywhere." She lied. She lied and didn't regret a word she said, if it saved his life, she would lie, even to him, "I'm not giving up so you can't either." His shaking subsided, holding on to her, giving in to her touch that spoke louder than words. He felt her, she was, and he couldn't argue with that. "I thought," he breathed, snuggling closer, penny, pound, "that if I found the men who did this to Sam..." "You could find the men who did this to me," she finished for him, and he nodded meekly. "If you'd never met me, none of this would ever happen," he said, but she spoke before he could say anything else. "I would never have found a true friend, a good, honest man," she said softly, stroking his back, "a crazy guy with a passionate heart." She added, a little brighter, remembering the times their work filled her with wonder. "I'd never see the things I saw, learn the things I learned, meet the people I met," she folded herself closer around him, if she could, she would melt their bodies together because that's how much they needed each other. "I chose this life, Mulder, you didn't do this to me, none of it." He didn't argue, he didn't have the strength for it anymore. "We do what best we can, with the time that's given to us," she said, hooking one leg around him, as much of a hug as she could possibly manage in the cramped space of the old, worn down couch, "my time was well spent, so far." "Can you stop?" He said, drawing her closer, finally reaching out. "What?" "Trying to make me feel better." He said against her chest, twining his legs with hers. "I can't, I'll never be okay. If you're gone, nothing will be okay, ever again." And this time, she couldn't argue with the finally of that, he was right, just as she was. It wasn't his fault, it wasn't right, she would die and anything short of a miracle couldn't change that. "Can we just have now, for now?" Mulder asked, relaxing into her arms, giving up the fight. "I'm tired of the future and the past," he stroked her back, a tender caress, loving hands. "Yeah," she smiled, kissing the top of his head, taking the small ceasefire in the war of guilt that raged inside them, "will you try to sleep?" "No," he breathed, nuzzling her skin, neither his or her hands ever stopping on the slow paths, "I want to remember this, is that okay?" "Yeah." Scully smiled and held him, stroking his hair and back, shifting when he moved, dropping a kiss when he squeezed her tighter every once in a while. She knew he was working through things inside his mind, making peace with whatever she said and whatever he felt in his heart. She knew that she couldn't change the future or the past, but whatever she had or was now, she was a woman, holding her man in her arms.

(37) XXXVII Those Lined Up (As-Sāffāt)

182. And praise to God, Lord of the worlds.

181. And peace upon the messengers.

180. Exalted is your Lord, the Lord of might, above what they describe.

179. And see, for they are going to see.

178. And leave them for a time.

177. But when it descends in their territory, then evil is the morning of those who were warned.

176. Then for Our punishment are they impatient?

175. And see [what will befall] them, for they are going to see.

174. So, [O Muhammad], leave them for a time.

173. And [that] indeed, Our soldiers [i.e., the belivers] will be those who overcome.

172. [That] indeed, they would be those given victory

171. And Our word [i.e., decree] has already preceded for Our servants, the messengers,

170. But they disbelieved in it, so they are going to know.

169. We would have been the chosen servants of God.”

168. “If we had a message from [those of] the former peoples,

167. And indeed, they [i.e., the disbelievers] used to say,

166. And indeed, we are those who exalt God.”

165. And indeed, we are those who line up [for prayer].

164. [The angels say], “There is not among us any except that he has a known position.

163. Except he who is to [enter and] burn in the Hellfire.

162. You cannot tempt [anyone] away from Him

161. So indeed, you [disbelievers] and whatever you worship,

160. Except the chosen servants of God [who do not share in that sin].

159. Exalted is God above what they describe,

158. And they have made [i.e., claimed] between Him and the jinn a lineage, but the jinn have already known that they [who made such claims] will be brought [to punishment].

157. Then produce your scripture, if you should be truthful.

156. Or do you have a clear authority?

155. Then will you not be reminded?

154. What is [wrong] with you? How do you make judgement?

153. Has He chosen daughters over sons?

152. “God has begotten,” and indeed, they are liars.

151. Unquestionably, it is out of their [invented] falsehood that they say,

150. Or did We create the angels as females while they were witnesses?”

149. So inquire of them, [O Muhammad], “Does your Lord have daughters while they have sons?

148. And they believed, so We gave them enjoyment [of life] for a time.

147. And We sent him to [his people of] a hundred thousand or more.

146. And We caused to grow over him a gourd vine.

145. But We threw him onto the open shore while he was ill.

144. He would have remained inside its belly until the Day they are resurrected.

143. And had he not been of those who exalt God,

143. And had he not been of those who exalt God,

142. Then the fish swallowed him, while he was blameworthy.

141. And he drew lots and was among the losers.

140. [Mention] when he ran away to the laden ship.

139. And indeed, Jonah was among the messengers.

138. And at night. Then will you not use reason?

137. And indeed, you pass by them in the morning

136. Then We destroyed the others.

135. Except an old woman [i.e., his wife] among those who remained [with the evildoers].

134. [So mention] when We saved him and his family, all,

133. And indeed, Lot was among the messengers.

132. Indeed, he was of Our believing servants.

131. Indeed, We thus reward the doers of good.

130. “Peace upon Elias.”

129. And We left for him [favorable mention] among later generations:

128. Except the chosen servants of God.

127. And they denied him, so indeed, they will be brought [for punishment],

126. God, your Lord and the Lord of your first forefathers?”

125. Do you call upon Ba’l and leave the best of creators -

124. When he said to his people, “Will you not fear God?

123. And indeed, Elias was from among the messengers,

122. Indeed, they were of Our believing servants.

121. Indeed, We thus reward the doers of good.

120. “Peace upon Moses and Aaron.”

119. And We left for them [favorable mention] among later generations:

118. And We guided them on the straight path.

117. And We gave them the explicit Scripture [i.e., the Torah],

116. And We supported them so it was they who overcame.

115. And We saved them and their people from the great affliction,

114. And We did certainly confer favor upon Moses and Aaron.

113. And We blessed him and Isaac. But among their descendants is the doer of good and the clearly unjust to himself [i.e., sinner].

112. And We gave him good tidings of Isaac, a prophet from among the righteous.

111. Indeed, he was of Our believing servants.

110. Indeed, We thus reward the doers of good.

109. “Peace upon Abraham.”

108. And We left for him [favorable mention] among later generations:

107. And We ransomed him with a great sacrifice,

106. Indeed, this was the clear trial.

105. You have fulfilled the vision.” Indeed, We thus reward the doers of good.

104. We called to him, “O Abraham,

103. And when they had both submitted and he put him down upon his forehead,

102. And when he reached with him [the age of] exertion, he said, “O my son, indeed I have seen in a dream that I [must] sacrifice you, so see what you think.” He said, “O my father, do as you are commanded. You will find me, if God wills, of the steadfast.”

101. So We gave him good tidings of a forbearing boy.

100. My Lord, grant me [a child] from among the righteous.”

99. And [then] he said, “Indeed, I will go to [where I am ordered by] my Lord; He will guide me.

98. And they intended for him a plan, [i.e., harm] but We made them the most debased.

97. They said, “Construct for him a structure [i.e., furnace] and throw him into the burning fire.”

96. While God created you and that which you do?”

95. He said, “Do you worship that which you [yourselves] carve,

94. Then they [i.e., the people] came toward him, hastening.

93. And he turned upon them a blow with [his] right hand.

92. What is [wrong] with you that you do not speak?”

91. Then he turned to their gods and said, “Do you not eat?

90. So they turned away from him, departing.

89. And said, “Indeed, I am [about to be] ill.”

88. And he cast a look at the stars

87. Then what is your thought about the Lord of the worlds?”

86. Is it falsehood [as] gods other than God you desire?

85. [And] when he said to his father and his people, “What do you worship?

84. When he came to his Lord with a sound heart

83. And indeed, among his kind was Abraham,

82. Then We drowned the others [i.e., disbelievers].

82. Then We drowned the others [i.e., disbelievers].

81. Indeed, he was of Our believing servants.

80. Indeed, We thus reward the doers of good.

79. “Peace upon Noah among the worlds.”

78. And left for him [favorable mention] among later generations:

77. And We made his descendants those remaining [on the earth]

76. And We saved him and his family from the great affliction.

75. And Noah had certainly called Us, and [We are] the best of responders.

74. But not the chosen servants of God.

73. Then look how was the end of those who were warned -

72. And We had already sent among them warners.

71. And there had already strayed before them most of the former peoples,

70. So they hastened [to follow] in their footsteps.

69. Indeed they found their fathers astray.

68. Then indeed, their return will be to the Hellfire.

67. Then indeed, they will have after it a mixture of scalding water.

66. And indeed, they will eat from it and fill with it their bellies.

65. Its emerging fruit as if it was heads of the devils.

64. Indeed, it is a tree issuing from the bottom of the Hellfire,

63. Indeed, We have made it a torment for the wrongdoers.

62. Is that [i.e., Paradise] a better accommodation or the tree of zaqqum?

61. For the like of this let the workers [on earth] work.

60. Indeed, this is the great attainment.

59. Except for our first death, and we will not be punished?”

58. Then, are we not to die

57. If not for the favor of my Lord, I would have been of those brought in [to Hell].

56. He will say, “By God, you almost ruined me.

55. And he will look and see him in the midst of the Hellfire.

54. He will say, “Would you [care to] look?”

53. That when we have died and become dust and bones, we will indeed be recompensed?’”

52. Who would say, ‘Are you indeed of those who believe

51. A speaker among them will say, “Indeed, I had a companion [on earth]

50. And they will approach one another, inquiring of each other.

49. As if they were [delicate] eggs, well-protected.

48. And with them will be women limiting [their] glances, with large, [beautiful] eyes,

47. No bad effect is there in it, nor from it will they be intoxicated.

46. White and delicious to the drinkers;

45. There will be circulated among them a cup [of wine] from a flowing spring,

44. On thrones facing one another.

43. In gardens of pleasure

42. Fruits; and they will be honoured

41. Those will have a provision determined -

40. But not the chosen servants of God.

39. And you will not be recompensed except for what you used to do -

38. Indeed, you [disbelievers] will be tasters of the painful punishment,

37. Rather, he [i.e., the Prophet] has come with the truth and confirmed the [previous] messengers.

36. And were saying, “Are we to leave our gods for a mad poet?”

35. Indeed they, when it was said to them, “There is no deity but God,” were arrogant

34. Indeed, that is how We deal with the criminals.

33. So indeed they, that Day, will be sharing in the punishment.

32. And we led you to deviation; indeed, we were deviators.”

31. So the word [i.e., decree] of our Lord has come into effect upon us; indeed, we will taste [punishment].

30. And we had over you no authority, but you were a transgressing people.

29. They [i.e., the oppressors] will say, “Rather, you [yourselves] were not believers,

28. They will say, “Indeed, you used to come at us from the right.”

27. And they will approach one another asking [i.e., blaming] each other.

26. But they, that Day, are in surrender.

25. [They will be asked], “What is [wrong] with you? Why do you not help each other?”

24. And stop them; indeed, they are to be questioned.”

23. Other than God, and guide them to the path of Hellfire

22. [The angels will be ordered], “Gather those who committed wrong, their kinds, and what they used to worship

21. [They will be told], “This is the Day of Judgement which you used to deny.”

20. They will say, “O woe to us! This is the Day of Recompense.”

19. It will be only one shout, and at once they will be observing.

18. Say, “Yes, and you will be [rendered] contemptible.”

17. And our forefathers [as well]?”

16. When we have died and become dust and bones, are we indeed to be resurrected?

15. And say, “This is not but obvious magic.

14. And when they see a sign, they ridicule

13. And when they are reminded, they remember not.

12. But you wonder, while they mock,

11. Then inquire of them, [O Muhammad], “Are they a stronger [or more difficult] creation or those [others] We have created?” Indeed, We created them [i.e., men] from sticky clay.

10. Except one who snatches [some words] by theft, but they are pursued by a burning flame, piercing [in brightness].

9. Repelled; and for them is a constant punishment,

8. [So] they may not listen to the exalted assembly [of angels] and are pelted from every side,

7. And as protection against every rebellious devil

6. Indeed, We have adorned the nearest heaven with an adornment of stars

5. Lord of the heavens and the earth and that between them and Lord of the sunrises.

4. Indeed, your God is One,

*/** toFB

Feb 2/2020

https://tarotreadingdaily.com/free-reading-contest-winners-announced/

Good Morning All. I just wanted to offer you some info. You mentioned frequency healing, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBL9pS6GMdA

In regards to healing Dr Joe Dispenza is able to heal blind, make those with stroke walk again, cure cancer without chemo, etc. Now I can not substantiate his claims because I have not seen the miracles with my own two eyes. However I was able to verify his license (medical practitioner) so that when he says we can see the healing occur on MRI and other imaging equipment, I find it more difficult to say hes a fraud. My gut tells me he is not.

I would love to attend one of his seminars and I suggest that any one looking for medical healing that is not poisonous (as big pharma doesn't want to cure you. So don't take their death pills). So that's Dr. Joe Dispenza.

And the other amazing healer I am deep into at this time is Greg Braden. Now he's not a doctor, and truthfully, he doesn't even do any sort of healing himself. With that said, he sure is able to share enough ancient knowledge to make one see the facts. He was a scientist, then he traveled around the world many times ti immerse his mind in the natural and ancient ways.

He spent significant amounts of time in the "lost" temples of Tibet (etc) (or some call them monasteries) where he was able to see and hear the teachings of their super ancient texts, which are literally thousands of years old.

To say the least he is able to share very important ideas and wisdom. Helping to illuminate these ways for those who struggle in the belief that we have the ability to, not only heal our selves. But to do SOOOOOOO soooo much more for us, this planet, and to bring us to where we should be as a peoples.

In direct relation to that last bit, where we should be as a peoples. (this is a major tangent. Just a heads up.) I am only stating these thoughts and beliefs because we dont have much time left to get this right, and I feel this is the most significant thing (besides the catastrophe cycle ) that threatens humans existence in the future on this spec of rock hurtling through space at 109,000Km per hour (orbit).

So many people ask (or state) something along these lines. "What happened to this world? It like all of a sudden people are different."

I would agree as well. I am certain most people watched the gradual decline thinking this sucks. But it's manageable. However, it seems VERY all of a sudden, that this onslaught of rage, and mislead vigilantes of misguided "save earth targets", the immense number of lies suddenly being told by our leaders. And this is unprecedented at best.

I believe that there is such a massive effort (by these self proclaimed "elitists") to prevent us from discovering the above skills and abilities, or recognizing that thinking about old friends often means they call you, or that we can not only fell the earth and all its wonderful life, but can communicate with it and even influence it. But most importantly , these elites cant have us realize the deep bond humans have for earth and that we all share this with all others..

Something that becomes hyper sensitive when there are threats to humanity. This type of Pandora like connection(from avatar)

helps us recognize who, or what the ominous threats are. Whats our threat? well that's very very complicated.

So I'm going to suggest that at this point, it is only ourselves.

It is how we are all divided so horrendously.

These divides are racism, sexism, ageism, cultism, society-ism, friend-ism, and any other possible way we can be manipulated into feeling an aspect of humanity that we dont like in such a way we are only left to hate, mistrust and turn our backs upon anyone outside of our accepted (and manipulated) realms. this is compounded by and significantly deepens our resent and fills us with ego, greed, beliefs that things are essential to fight for or we destroy earth. When in fact, man made CO2 warming is evil propaganda. CO2 IS plant food. Photosynthesis makes that into sugar and exhales oxygen that we breathe. So. No oxygen = No life on earth. Period.

SO leave that as a back story to whats now..

First, Whats with the Impeachment circus. I don't mean hat it looks like it is. What about this "scary" Coronovirus,? MEssed up really. 35,000+ people with it <600 dead (in China) (and what we are being told) that works out to 1.714286 % kill rate.

Now lets consider this years Flu strain. IThe CDC states that between oct1/19 - Feb 1/2020, 22-31 million people became ill. the estimate between 12 and 30 thousand deaths of that is going on and why MK Ultra has been utilized to literally brain wash the masses to pre programed, incohearnat outburts that defend the global warming myth, etc.. ITs all to hide the food shortages that are immminent. And If we were not so disconnected from mother earth, our ESP abbilities and the Ether of great knowledge. We would be able to sense the real threats around us. Food. GSM. Them in their nasty likeness of us (I now speak of these eletes. Why left handed people where punished, why they destroyed countless cultures and their histories and alexandria, egypt etc. ALso I believ this is why they now have those dna blood tests. To find those few remaining direct blood line sythians that are a major threat to them selves. I actually belive theya are a species from a different planet. They are intrinsically evil and they couldnt be "good" if t hey tried. I know thus plan has been in the worls for over 1500 years to atleast the fall of rome. (witch burnings being a diredct fall out of their evil)

Let’s talk about crushes

summary: Bill and Eddie have a heart-to-heart outside of a karaoke bar and Bill can’t honestly belive how oblivious his best friend is

warnings: implied underage drinking (if u are from the us), characters are aged up (around 18/19)

so! i started writing this as some headcanons but it turned out like this so?? enjoy?? the ending is shit bc i suck at those, but i had fun writing this so, enjoy! also pls keep in mind that english is not my first language, so prolly some of the writing will seem wonky

What a night.

The more Eddie thought about it, the less he could believe it. The songs, the alcohol, all his friends singing, laughing.

He was sitting on the sidewalk just outside the bar. He had told the gang he needed some air, and while it was true, it wasn’t entirely his only reason. Looking up at the sky, trying to see the stars, he reminiscenced about what happened before. Because yeah, Richie, tipsy, singing ‘Don’t You Want Me’ to his face wasn’t something that happened every day.

He can’t get the mental image of Richie Tozier, the Trashmouth, looking into his eyes through his big ass, ridiculous glasses, like he was looking deep inside of him, searching for something. His face was so close that if Eddie had leaned in, their foreheads would’ve surely touched. Eddie wasn’t sure of what Richie wanted to accomplish with that little performance, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t shaken to the core. Hell, he was getting goosebumps only by thinking about it.

Richie Tozier. The disaster, foul-mouthed, ill-mannered, boy. The Trashmouth, the most hyperactive person Eddie had ever met, the one that had a talent of getting on his nerves. He couldn’t believe what he was about to say, but being in denial with himself was just stupid at this point. He had felt the atmosphere. He had felt Richie’s gaze. How the hell could a person give you butterflies by drunk-singing a fucking tacky 80’s song? He had no idea, but it was driving him nuts.

In that moment, Eddie Kaspbrak realized something that, honestly, it had always been so clear that he mentally punched himself on the face.

“I like Richie Tozier” he muttered.

And it felt good saying it out loud.

He actually felt better. Lighter even. Voicing the intrusive thoughts he had been having whenever he caught himself staring at Richie was kind of liberating.

“I like Richie Tozier” he repeated, this time louder, raising his head from his hands “I like Trashmouth”.

He giggled. He hadn’t felt this brave since he jumped from the highest spot of the quarry into the lake.

“I like Richie! Richie Tozier! Trashmouth!” he exclaimed between fits of laughter “I like him! I have a crush on him!” Eddie felt liberated, blabbering out loud to no one around him, speaking freely like he hadn’t in years “And I like his eyes, his hair, his jokes! His stupid-ass glasses, his hideous shirts! His dumbfuck smile! I would fucking kiss that smile!”

“Well, i-is guh-good to see y-you’re finally acc-accepting it”.

Eddie jumped, shrieking in surprise at the sound of Bill’s stutter, getting onto his feet almost defensively.

“What? Me? Accepting what?” he laughed nervously “What’s to accept, I’ve been just sitting here, in silence! What are you-!”

“Ed-Eddie I heard th-the whole th-thing” Bill said smiling at him from the bar’s entrance.

The small boy just stared at him from his awkward stance, looking like a deer in the headlights. They held each other’s gazes for what it felt hours, and when Eddie realized he wouldn’t be able to convince his friend that he misheard his blabbering, he groandes.

“C-come on, sit w-with me” Bill said, approaching him and sitting down on the sidewalk, the same spot Eddie was before. The other boy just sighed and droped himself next to his friend.

“So” he started “you heard me”.

“Yup” Bill nodded.

“All of it”.

“Yes”.

“About the glasses and the hair and the shirts” Eddie started flailing his arms around.

“Mhm”.

“Even the thing about his smile and the k-”.

“Ed-Eddie!” Bill stopped him, grabbing him by the wrists. “I h-heard all”.

“Jesus fuck” he whined “Jesus fuck! I’m pathetic and I’m so screwed”.

“Yuh-you’re not scru-screwd” Bill reassured him.

“But I am Bill!” Eddie just wanted the earth to swallong him whole “because-”.

“Eddie”.

“-you are going to tell Stan, which I understand, I wouldn’t get mad! You trust him with everything, but then Stan will tell Richie!”.

“Eddie” .

“Not willingly, because I know Stan can keep a secret but what if he gets drunk-”.

“Ed-Eddie!”.

“-or worse! When he, Bev and Richie get high and it just slips! I am in such deep shit! What th-!”.

“Kasp-brack!” Bill managesd to say “C-Calm down! I’m n-not gonna tuh-tell Stan!”.

Eddie closed his mouth, looking at Bill for a moment while the other boy gave him a half, endearing smile.

“You’re… you’re not?” he asked cautiously.

“Of c-course n-not!” he exclaimed “Muh-mainly because it’s yuh-your decis-cission to share it with us whenevuh-ver you’re ready, guh-got it?”.

Eddie smiled and nodded, relaxing all the tension he has unknowingly built in his shoulders.

“B-But also becuh-cause he already kn-knows” he smirked.

“WHAT?! How? When? WHO THE FUCK TOLD HIM?!” If Eddie though that he was getting anxious before, this was worse. He started patting his pockets and pulled out his inhaler, giving it a puff.

“Y-you did duh-dumbass” Bill laughed, ruffling his hair.

“The fuck you mean Denbrough” the other boy squeaked.

“Man, you tuh-truly are oblivi-vious”.

“What does that mean Bill!” Eddie exclaimed with a shrill tone.

“It muh-means that you are n-not as sneaky as you th-think” Bill said smiling fondly at him “D-Do you really thu-think we d-d-don’t see the duh-dumb smile you always g-get when you luh-look at Richie?”.

Bill laughed at the tiny noise that came from Eddie’s mouth.

“O-or how yuh-you are the o-o-o-only one that laughs at hu-his lame juh-jokes?”.

“Oh my god, I truly am pathetic” Eddie groaned.

“Nah, you’re nuh-not.” Bill chuckled “You j-j-just drive us a buh-bit nuts. Espuh-pecially Bev”.

Eddie managed to half-smile, still embarrassed about the whole situation. It wasn’t like he didn’t want Bill (or for what Bill has told him, all of the losers)to know. After all, they’re best friends, and always have been, through thick and thin. But he had never been 100% sure for his feelings towards Richie until a couple of minutes ago, when he blurted out loud the words “I like Richie Tozier”.

“So what now?” Eddie asked his friend. He truly hopes he didn’t look as nervous as he felt like.

“N-now we go inside. I’m fuh-fucking freezing” Bill replied, earning a laughter from Eddie “B-but about the Richie thu-thing, don’t wuh-worry, we would n-n-never tell him”.

“I know Bill, I know” Eddie’s voice was small, unsure. There was a pause, and the two boys just stayed sitting on the sidewalk, Bill shaking lightly from the cold, but didn’t push Eddie to get back inside.

“What if I wanted him to know?” suddenly the small boy muttered.

“Wuh-what?” Bill quirked an eyebrow at him, being unable to hide his smile.

“What if… I told him? Do you think he would freak out?” he asked again, this time a surer tone on his voice.

“Eddie…”

“Because if I say anything and he doesn’t like me back that could fuck up our group forever”

“Edd-”

“And you guys don’t deserve that! Just because I have a dumb crush!”

Dumb crush my ass Bill thought.

“Eddie!” he stopped him before his friend started rambling again “I’m saying thu-this because I luh-love you, b-but you t-t-t-t-trully are uh-oblivious”.

Bill had always know that the day Eddie Kaspbrak learned that Richie Tozier, the Richie Tozier,  had a crush on him, he would flip. But in that moment he was taken aback, seeing his friend turn completely silent, realization hitting him. His face contorted into a dumbstruck expression, eyes growing wide and face turning red.

“A-and suh-seriously, lets guh-get inside, muh-my ass is fuh-freezing”.

Since the show is on episode 4 of season 2, i think the best thing to do is give my opinion on the show so far. More post will come if future episodes are worth talking about.

When i first knew about the show, i expected something like “Ghost Whisperer” but with songs. Instead, rather than Zoey helping a new stranger every episode, the show is much more focused on her life, her family and her job.

Episode 1 was a nice pilot and it had me surprised when Mitch is introduced. Him being paralized by an illness and only being able to express thru songs hit me hard cuz i also use a wheelchair. Sadly he dies by the end of the season and so far season 2 doesn’t have the emotional impact his scenes/songs brought to the show

When episode 2 started with the scene linked above i honestly belived this would be the opening for the show, it’s PERFECT as more characters get pulled into the musical fantasy inside Zoey’s head. LIFE SHOULD BE A MUSICAL.

Another character that sadly is gone is Joan. while i wasn’t a big fan of her songs, her dynamic with Zoey was good, so i also miss her in season 2.

If you ask me what side of the love triangle i support i’m team Max. Simon and Zoe have 1 thing in common and that’s it, Simon feels more like a plot device for cheap conflict rather than his own character with independent goals.

Mo has some good moments when he gets vulnerable but otherwise has the same problem of just being Zoey’s queer sassy friend. at least now we have the restaurant with Max.

My favorite character from Zoey’s family is Maggie, when she gets to sing i feel it and whenever she dances it surprises me cuz she looks kinda frail.

I’m excited to see where Zoey’s brother goes from here and i like Jenna more than Emily who so far doesn’t stand out for me.

THAT’S IT. As i said future post will come if something is worth talking about, otherwise you can expect a ranking of all the songs so far when season 2 ends

CORONA VIRUS: Be INFORMED. Be HELPFUL. Be SAFE.

"Time is gold", when I was young I used to find this popular saying as lame as dad jokes. But upon growing up, I realized that there's something more to it if you're going to dig deeper. I never fully understand this saying until I became a senior high school student who experienced a lot of struggles in handling time, which now I learned that time is limited, irreplaceable and valuable like gold so we better spend it wisely to save ourselves from regrets. Like what Benjamin Franklin says, "Lost time is never found again". Anyway, that was just a litte fact about myself that I wanted to share.

By the way, I'm Roselyn Manalaysay from the municipality of Baliuag, Bulacan. Currently a first year college student taking up Bachelor of Science in Hospitality Management at Bulacan State University. I've been living in the same roof with my family for 19 years. I'm usually quiet but I can be as crazy as my friends. I'm also a soft hearted girl, I easily get emotional especially when it comes to my family and friends. I'm not a sporty person and I prefer to stay at home unless my friends invited me outside. My life is kinda boring without my nieces and nephews because they're my happy pill and stress reliever.

For everyone's Information, Coronavirus disease (COVID-19) is an infectious disease caused by a new virus. According to World Health Organization (WHO), it causes respiratory illness with symptoms such as a cough, fever, sore throat and difficulty in breathing. It spreads primarily through contact with an infected person when they cough or sneeze. It also spreads when a person touches a surface or object that has the virus on it, then touches their eyes, nose, or mouth. You can protect yourself by washing your hands frequently, avoiding touching your face, and maintaining a social distance with people (at least 3 feet away).

Last March 14, 2020, Governor Daniel Fernando officially announced the suspension of classes in all levels both public and private schools in the province of Bulacan until April 14, 2020 to restrict the possibility of the spread of Covid-19 within the territorial jurisdiction of Bulacan. Meanwhile, President Rodrigo Duterte has extended the partial lockdown of the country until April 30, 2020.

The Municipality of Baliuag, Bulacan shows a sincere care and support to their people by consistently updating us online through posting on social media (Facebook) about the Covid-19 such giving advice for everyone to stay at home and encouraging us to take precautionary measures. Furthermore, last march 20, 2020, our mayor Ferdinand Estrella formally announced the "free trike service" that will provide primary support for all beloved frontliners within the municipality. The 7 Motoposh trike of the local government has been used to help the front-liners to easily go to work. In the second week of quarantine the food packs from the government have been distributed door to door. They also set an alloted date and time for each barangay who can go to market to buy food supplies but only those who have quarantine pass are allowed to go outside. Thus, it was a good idea for it controls the population and social distancing will be also monitored. There's also a new project, namely "Baliwag Palengke on wheels" inspired by Pasig City Mayor Vico Sotto's "Mobile Palengke" that was launched to cater those baliwageños who are not allowed to go to market because of the said schedule. There's also an "Almushare" project from the municipality wherein they're not just giving food packs but also giving free breakfast for the community everyday to ensure that their people are in a good state. The barangay officials in my place are also doing their best to help in giving the relief goods and safety kits from their own funds. And sometimes they're delivering free breakfast/lunch in every houses which helps a lot. Thankfully, most of the citizens of Baliuag, mainly in Barangay Makinabang where I live is cooperating and following the advice from the government and healthcare providers.

I can say that the LGU's are doing their best to help people. As i mentioned, they are implementing new projects that can be helpful and convenient for the community.

The problem is not all the people benefits from it. Some are not receiving their food packs and it takes time for them to receive it. In my opinion, they should ensure that everyone is receiving their foods and needs fairly and equally by monitoring it regularly. They can assign each barangay to make a tally of every family so everyone can receive their food packs evenly.

Let us all stay at home and spend our time together with our family. We will get through this with the help of our Lord. Just pray, trust and belive in Him. Keep safe everyone and God Bless us all ♥ !

For more information about Covid-19 please click the following links below:

mess

Its been a mess for a while. A huge mess I've been trying to sort out for years, but the every time I get the feeling that I got close to untangling it, something happens and i realize a whole new part of that mess that i didn't see before. I won't write about how I got here because i can't be fucked. Right now I am dealing with knots i thought i figured out, some that i never could and a whole new knot that is intertwining with the first one. well actually all of my knots intertwine with the one i thought i got and i made me belive that once i solve it it will all untangle, which i still belive it will its just....a mess. lets start with the one i never got i guess. knot 1. The obligation. this knot has been there since i could remember. School, Uni (Unies), motivation, procrastination. Basically things my ADD directly impacts. Oddly enough, the intertwining knot i mentioned erlier helped me a lot in managing this one. I had to learn to siphon every once of will i have to work on it if i can't untangle it i will at least do my absolute best trying to do so, and i will untangle every small part i can or even force it open till i can have a way through even if its a tight one. That doesnt make dealing with it any easier though, just makes me put mire effort. With being at the end of a trimester, and the overwhelming fear that this is my last chance. If i fail again I am done. knot 2. The life goal. This is the important one. The one that got me trying again after i gave up. Its the love of my life. My life goal. My only real friend. The only one i truly loved. The only thing that made me experience true happiness. The only thing i was ever willing to fight for. The one i share every thing with, even this post I write knowing well i will share it with them even though i will not censor or coat any thing i need to get of my chest. Them being all those things made me feel like i found the thing that will make me happy, and all i gotta do is get them. live with them. go through it together, and how fortunate i am that they love me back, but ofcourse nothing is that easy. i met them at a time i was a total wreck, and because of living in denial of my horrible metal state I couldn't deal with their mental illness after we found out they have their own big knot to tangle. Enter BPD. The more i learn about it the scarier it gets. The more i ask the mire daunting it seems. "Dont bother" they told me. and for a dreaded may i listened for a bit. and that was the most painful thing i went through. As hard as it was for me I knew it was 10 times harder for them. the answer seemed simple after a bit, "as long as they seek treatment and i learn how to deal with it and support them we will have the life we want some day" I thought, honestly still makes perfect sense. the issue was saying that after i had already hurt them by listening to them, they took it in a bad way (along with a lot of other things, most of them rightfully so). Eventually i could not bare it anymore. I had to mend things and my only condition was treatment and i was promised that it would be the case once its available. Okay all good now, i will have to deal with it until they're ready and able to get treated. Welllll here is where i thought i got it. months and months after with my love for them growing by the day. after a lot of tough spots in our individual life, until a recent incident that happend in their life due to a very bad mental state led to them being taken away from my for a month. my mental health deteriorated horribly without them, and i had to not only endure the one person i care about being taken away, I also had to hide it from my family, maintain knot 1 as best i could and deal with my severe anxiety that sky rocketed from the lack of info. After they came back we were both at a new low when it came to mental fortitude. I had lost control over my anxiety, and they had lost control over their BPD. The thing with both those illnesses is that the worse you feel the worse they get. For them every thing gets either black or white when it reaches this point, and for me i always thought of the black. My mind would say "if they dont assure me then they dont love me as much" and knowing that its irrational i keep it in and keep keeping it in, until i break. When I break i ask for assurance, but their mind tells them if they need assurance then they can't see your efforts, and i end up making them upset. they seem to feel hurt. and i feel abandoned in my time of need. It got so bad for both of us that i decided to completely ignore my needs, but sadly ignoring your need for water doesn't make you any less thirsty. I eventually couldn't keep going this way. I needed to learn how to not need this and i have been trying since then and still am. i would spend every day working while i listen to books to help me understand what they go through and how to control my anxiety , and spending time with them. I saw their effort but they didnt think i did. I saw their pain but they didnt think i did. and i was doing every thing i can. The issue wasnet that i believed that there is no effort. The issue was that it wasnet the effort i needed. The effort i needed was the same sort they did. I needed their effort to understand their brain and control it as best they can, and i did every thing i could to hide my need for that. I decided to do my part in stead. I decided to work on understanding my brain and try to deal with it as best i could, because they had a lot more shit to deal and cope with. Only my effort wasnet enough, with how bad my mental state was I just couldn't control my anxiety as much as they needed me to. I needed their support, but i felt like i couldn't ask for it because it would mean that their efforts are not seen by me. and once i started breaking again, I decided that i have to express my need so both of us can talk and understand that we both need to work on the parts that hurt the other, so that we can over come them like we always do. Only to be surprised by them expressing that this is extremely hurtful to them, it seemed to me that they saw me as a selfish. I felt like i all the times i explained how hard it is for me was not heard. I felt guilty for how i made them feel. I felt upset because i felt like my needs and efforts were disregarded. I felt like i shouldnt feel upset because i understand how this would make perfect sense to them. As i try flusterlly to clear out all these misunderstandings and accusations i felt i was receiving, my heart stopped at its tracks when they ask for a break. all those feelings were x10ed. I felt guilty for making them feel this way to the point i wanted to hurt my self. I felt upset because i belived that my needs dont matter to them when they inconvenienc theirs to the point i wanted to punch the wall next me. I felt so bad for feeling upset because i still knew that this is just how their mind made sense of things to cope. And I filt so scared of losing them because they might believe all those things their mind is telling them that I wanted to kill my self before they leave me or before they kill themselves. Along with all these confusions and conflicting thought came a whole new knot. Knot 3. self respect. I never had self respect I never demanded my needs from any one. I only would manipulate them or make them sympathised with me to get them. I am a coward. I won't do that anymore. I have responsibilities that i need to respect and i have needs that i needs and rights that i need to enforce. that i need to That came to mind because of something i noticed. I felt from what they said that their needs and rights matter to them and that made perfect sense to me only i wanted us to meet half way since our needs conflict. I also intruprated some thing they said that my anxiety is ultimately my problem and its my responsibility and i need to deal with it. and both of those things i had no trouble with and made perfect sense to me. So why am i not applying that to me and their side. I should assert my rights and not ignore my needs. Also their BPD is ultimately their problem and they need to deal with it, just like i need to deal with my anxiety so it doesn't hurt the ones i love. I also believe firmly that the best way to go at it is to support and help each other achive those responsibilities. So i agreed to the break so i can work on my anxiety and i expressed that i want them to work on their BPD. but i didnt have the space to have a conversation so i believed i failed at explaining it properly. I was terrified of hoe they would react because i dont know what they might have intruprated what i said and if they take it in a bad way it could lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms, and i was worried at them. but i had to accept the situation as it was and move on. Well, my fear came true, i found out today that they had an OD since they'd turned to drugs to cope. I almost lost them. I almost lost the one thing i care about about. I almost had my biggest nightmare become a reiality. I am now more confused than ever, and i feel powerless. if i just mend things with no discussion and mutual agreement i will eventually start feeling the same way and hurt them again. If i stand my ground with no discussion they may keep interpreting my feeling and words the wrong way and feel even worse and get more reckless because of it. if i just dont talk about it and fix things i will go mad trying to figure out how to control my anxiety at the highest point it has ever been in my life. if i demand they talk i will be breaking our agreement for a break. if i beg they talk i will be going back to the way i always acted. if i take the easy way out i will have given up, and i dont give up aslong as there is any hope. all i can do is wait for them to see the big picture which i cant even expect them to do because i am not even having a chance to share my pov and express why i believe that this is what we need to do. i am tired. and i am stressed. I honestly just wish i could sleep a whole month off or better of die.