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#but this is just my personal opinion / taste
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A work of art
Part 1 (Disgraced apple pie)
TW: torture, blood, mention of mind control
“It's a form of art, you know,” Supervillain says, kneeling in front of the beaten and bloodied Sidekick. “Knowing where to cut, where to punch, to get just the right reaction.” Villain can feel their stomach turn to the point they can practically taste the half digested apple pie.
“It seems unnecessary," Villain tries to say in their standard, ice cold tone but somehow that has become difficult. “To an ordinary human it might look unnecessary, but to us villains…” Supervillain says, looking at the poor sidekick as it was a painting in a museum. “Wouldn't you agree?”
Anyone else would believe that the Supervillain is asking for their opinion. Villain knew better, though. They knew that tone and knew what would happen if they didn't agree. They're not in the mood for that. “I agree.” is all they said.
Supervillain let out a satisfied hum and focused on the Sidekick. “Anything else you would like to say?” The sugar sweet tone made Villain sick again. “Please…please, no…” Sidekick's broken sobs fill the room. “You're gonna have to give me a little more information than that, honey,” Supervillain said with a sweet smile on their face. Bullshit. Supervillain isn't stopping until they're bored. “Please, no…i can't…”
Villain stared at the wall and felt a familiar sensation fall over them. Their mind began to wander to a carefully constructed mind palace. They imagine sitting in a cabin in the middle of the woods. The fireplace softly lighting the room. They're reading a good book while their cat is napping in their lap. Some nice, calm music playing in the background. No pain, no yelling, no begging, no fighting…
“Don't let your mind wander like that, Villain.” Supervillain's voice brings them back to the cold, dark room in the basement of Supervillain's lair. Supervillain stands up and approaches Villain. They put both of their bloody hands on Villain’s cheeks. “I need you here, you know that. Don't go there.” Villain notices the possessive hint in Supervillain's voice. They never want Supervillain to take control over their mind again. Not like last time.
“I know. I'm sorry,” Villain says, barely above a whisper. “It's okay. But I give you freedom and you can't abuse it like that,” Supervillain says, still holding Villains face. “I'm sorry.” Villain answers, still not daring to speak louder than a whisper. “It's okay, just focus now. Yeah?” Supervillain lets go and turns around to face the Sidekick again. “Mind getting the last bit of information for me, my dear Villain?” Supervillain asks with a smile plastered on their face.
Villain's not proud of what they do next. Their powers control shadows. Their own but also the ones around them. Basically, anything light doesn't touch, so the shadow of the chair in the corner, their own shadow, the shadow inside someone's lungs.
It's a basic trick for them and one of Supervillains' favorites. They take control of the person's lung's shadow and expand it. Not much so they don't actually burst, but enough to give the sensation of bursting. Immediately the poor sidekick begins to scream and immediately the Villain wants to stop. The figure standing behind them stops them from doing so, though. That last bit of information, all the codes to the Agency's entrances, came quickly.
They're going to need an extra slice of pie after this.
~
Hero is still sitting at the same booth that they shared with Villain. They couldn't bring themselves to go home. It's so empty as the Agency doesn't allow any personal decorating and certainly not a pet. They shove the last crumbs of the pies in their mouth and start looking for their coat to put on.
“Are you seriously still here ?”
a familiar voice says behind them. As they turn around they can see Villain standing there. Still surrounded with their cold and distant aura, but Hero could sense a hint of… defeat. What happened in those 3 hours for them to look so empty?
“You here again?” the Hero asks with a smile. “Still hungry,” Villain says with a cold tone and sits down in front of Hero. “Well, you came at the right time. I just saw the girl behind the counter restock the pies,” Hero says cheerfully. They're not sure what caused the empty look in Villain’s eyes, but they feel like Villain could use something to cheer them up right now.
“Good thing I came then.”
Hi! Well...that turned dark fast. Hope you enjoyed this part as much as the first one. (Wich has like 95 notes, which is crazy, so thank you so much for that!)
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cursedonyx · 2 days
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Sebastian and Ominis Headcanons
Sebastian
✧ Adores chocolate to the point it’s almost comical. His absolute favourite is Honeydukes Best Chocolate (which in my mind tastes like a Hotel Chocolat’s milk chocolate with just a hint of caramel and vanilla), but he’s happy with any chocolate except really dark chocolate. Anything above 80% and he’ll turn his nose up at it. Left to his own devices with free reign at night in Honeydukes, you’d find him in the morning in a sugar coma with his tummy almost bursting his shirt buttons, his face covered in chocolate stains and looking about as happy as it’s possible to look.
✧ He’s got rotten hay fever and may occasionally make use of the bubblehead charm when the pollen count’s high. He doesn’t care if people laugh and is happy to explain why – this led to a lot of students capable of using the charm imitating him if they have hay fever.
✧ Loves cats but adores dogs, particularly if they’re big and dopey, like Labradors or Great Danes. He’s not particularly fond of small, yappy dogs like Jack Russells, which is the complete opposite of his twin.
✧ He’s got an immune system like a tank and will shake off most colds and tummy bugs with relative ease, but when he gets poorly, he gets really poorly. Even so, he’ll try and pretend that nothing’s wrong, even when he’s white as a sheet and sweating, barely able to stand. Ominis has had to knock him out and levitate him to the Hospital Wing on more than one occasion to get him to accept help.
✧ On that note, he absolutely refuses any kind of help unless it’s on behalf of someone else. He’s happy to accept help when he’s searching for a cure for Anne, but if he’s struggling with an essay, confused about his feelings for someone, or just needs to process something, he won’t ask for help, and tries to play it off as him just having an off day.
✧ Sebastian thinks fart jokes are hilarious. The whoopee cushion was invented in the 1930s, and Sebastian was a menace with the damn thing. Think Leslie Neilsen bringing a fart machine to interviews.
✧ Sebastian is a proper summer baby and loves being outside in the sunshine. He loves the excuse to splash about in streams or go swimming, and has tried to teach Ominis how to swim. Sadly, Ominis isn’t keen on the idea as he can’t tell where anything is in the water.
✧ Sebastian’s temper is like a firecracker; quick to spark, quick to explode, and just as quick to go out. He doesn’t forgive easily, especially if the person who’s annoyed him has deliberately tried to hurt him or someone he loves, but he doesn’t tend to hold grudges. Unless it's serious, if he can’t get revenge in a week or two, he tends to move on from the idea though that doesn’t mean he won’t hate the person for a time.
✧ Sebastian’s opinions of people always start out neutral, and they can be swayed positively or negatively through a variety of factors. Lots of little positive things can be overshadowed by one huge negative, but it takes a lot more effort to change his negative opinion to a positive one.
✧ He eats anything and everything. He’s got a big appetite and tends to consume food at a rate that would shame a graphorn. If he didn’t have so much nervous energy, he’d probably end up a little porky.
✧ His boggart would be Anne’s corpse. If Anne is cured, or he has to spend any time in Azkaban, this changes to a dementor.
✧ His animagus form and patronus would be a fox without a doubt – his colouring would be browner than most foxes and mottled with darker ‘freckles’ all down his back and tail. His favourite part about being an animagus is having a tail.
Ominis
✧ Doesn’t like sweets, and particularly loathes chocolate, much to Sebastian’s horror. This is due to his upbringing and a particular trauma around his parents trying to cure his blindness then forcing him to eat chocolate as a ‘reward,’ no matter how much he didn’t want to, and he was shouted at until he ate it. Consuming something chocolatey will bring back those memories, so he avoids it where possible.
✧ He absolutely adores tiny summer strawberries though, and he will actively seek them out. They’re very hard for him to find by himself and he usually gets a bit down if he can’t find any, so if you go foraging and present him with a punnet, there’s a pretty strong chance he’ll fall in love with you.
✧ Has no allergies, but gets poorly relatively easily. If there’s a cold going about Hogwarts, you can bet that Ominis will catch it if he’s not patient zero. He’s like an illness magnet in that way. Similarly to Sebastian, he won’t complain about it unless he’s in a romantic relationship, then all he’ll do is whine because he knows his partner will make a big fuss of him and look after him the way his family never did. He’s a sucker for being pampered.
✧ Ominis has a bit of a sensitive tummy, and he tends to stick to foods he knows are safe. He’s happy to try new foods, but he prefers to try them in very small amounts to minimise the risk of upsetting his stomach.
✧ Ominis gets hilariously embarrassed around toilet humour, and for the most part pretends that people don’t go to the bathroom. If it comes up in conversation, he either won’t engage and pretend it’s not happening, or he’ll change the subject at the first opportunity.
✧ He’s a cat magnet, and even the most aloof or grumpy cats will be happy to curl up in his lap. They love finding Ominis during one of his naps, and unless he’s in his dorm or the Undercroft, he’ll wake up in a puddle of cats. He finds them very comforting.
✧ He adores snakes and longs to have one as a pet, but after an incident when he was seven involving a snake he made friends with that he called Daisy, and his brother Marvolo, he’s absolutely terrified of making friends with another one, just in case Marvolo does what he did again (Considering doing a very angsty and painful short fic of this idea, but it’s pretty unpleasant so I’m in two minds).
✧ Hates being cold, but suffers terribly in the heat. UK summers are horribly humid, and he can’t stand it. A dryer summer heat like the South of France is the only kind he can tolerate, and he’s grateful the Slytherin common room is in the dungeons, so at least he can still sleep in the summer. Otherwise, he will complain constantly about how hot it is.
✧ Ominis is a filthy gossip. Any kind of rumour and he’ll hear about it and spread it with relish, especially if it’s about someone that’s wronged him in the past. Even without this, he loves to gossip about absolutely anything, and those that know will often seek him out to ask if rumours are true. He wields this small power with satisfaction, especially as it means he’s able to field any rumours about his friends and turn attention to other things going about the castle.
✧ Ominis has a long memory and a fertile imagination. Though his patience for shenanigans is short, it’s unending when it comes to plotting revenge. If you wrong the Prince of Snakes, you better be on your guard for the rest of your life. He will not forget, and the punishment will always fit the crime. Unless of course he hates the person in question or is protecting his loved ones, then you can expect Ominis to go scorched earth in order to get revenge.
✧ Ominis’ boggart doesn’t have a physical form, but it takes on the sound of hissing snakes. To the casual observer, they’d think he was frightened of snakes, and Ominis is perfectly happy to let people think that. In actuality, it’s his family speaking to him in Parseltongue, reminding him of his worst experiences of home and threatening to take him away from his friends, forcing him to live with them and bow to their ways.
✧ Ominis has a healthy dose of fear of his parents, but he’s absolutely terrified of Marvolo. Marvolo bullied him relentlessly when they were young, and once Noctua went missing, it only got worse, and their parents never discouraged it, claiming it would help Ominis build character. Marvolo is the person Ominis nightmares about the most.
✧ Ominis’ patronus and animagus form is a serpent, but contrary to typical animagi/patronuses, which tend to mimic each other, Ominis’ patronus is an enormous snake, similar to an anaconda, while his animagus form is more similar to a ball python, pale gold in colour with darker scales that mimic his beauty marks.
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of our own making
(an X-Files fanfic)
Chapter 21/34 - eggs benedict
[Read on AO3]
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It’s strange, staying with Sheriff Adderly and his wife Ellen during this case in Vermont. If he had his way, he’d be checked into a motel instead of infringing on their hospitality, but he’d been given no choice. They even refused reimbursement for their troubles, which did nothing to lessen the feeling—however true or untrue it was—of him being a burden to them.
Ellen Adderly had pulled out all the stops for their guest, preparing decadent meals on fine china for every meal, claiming she’d have done it whether he was there or not. He has a hard time believing that. He can’t imagine living in such a way every day of his life. He and Scully barely manage to set out real plates to eat on when they order takeout at home, and he certainly doesn’t expect her to have a three course meal set out when he gets back from work. Besides the fact that she’s always at work with him, it’s just not something he thinks is necessary. Is that something she’d want to do? He doesn’t think so. 
The routine they have works for them, that’s all that matters.
But after getting a taste of his own personal brand of domesticity, it’s… odd… to see how others do it. He’d never have thought there were so many different ways to balance home life, much less enough that he’d start to form an opinion on them. His parents had been one way—not a particularly healthy relationship—and he and Scully are… well, they’re not really anything besides roommates, but that still counts, in his book.
Whatever they are, he likes it. Far better than this constant fussing, at least.
Mrs. Adderly must notice his discomfort, because at breakfast as she masterfully puts the finishing touches on his eggs benedict, she says “I get the feeling you're not used to anyone taking care of you,” and for some reason, that assumption grates on his nerves.
He takes a measured draw from his cup of steaming coffee, swallowing back his immediate retort.
“What makes you say that?” he asks instead. She probably hadn’t meant anything by it, but it still comes off as rude. He has someone to take care of him, thanks very much. Just not exactly in the same way as Mrs. Adderly insists on taking care of her husband… and apparently Mulder too.
“I’m sorry,” Ellen says, realizing her statement had come out somewhat offensive. “I just mean… I didn’t see a wedding band.”
She nods at his left hand sitting atop the table, and he follows her gaze to the bare ring finger.
“Do you have a significant other, Agent Mulder?” she asks.
Significant? Yes. Very. Other? That’s a good descriptor. Single, married, other. Yeah, he’d select other, if this were a multiple choice question. Although he’s pretty sure that’s not what she meant.
“I’ve– um…” he starts, wondering how best to describe his situation to this woman. “I’ve got a wife, actually.” He pulls out the ring on its chain to show her. “It can be dangerous in my line of work to have it on display,” he explains lamely before tucking it back into his shirt.
Ellen smiles. “Ah, well that’s good. Don't miss out on home and family, Mr. Mulder. I imagine with all the things you see, you need that refuge more than most.”
Her words hang in the air, a bit of sage advice from a woman he otherwise has very little in common with. But before he really has a chance to think about what she’s said, Sheriff Adderly makes an appearance, and it’s back to business. Ellen excuses herself to go check on their daughter, leaving the two of them alone to discuss the case.
Mulder remains seated at the table, staring down the sheriff with a knowing look. He’d begun to suspect—and now his suspicions are all but confirmed—that the man had been unfaithful to his wife, and it makes him feel sick. Here this man has it all; a loving wife, a sweet baby that they didn’t have to jump through a million hoops to get, and yet he’s willing to throw it all away for some cheap thrills.
He’ll never understand it.
The man is no more forthcoming about his knowledge of the case than he had been before, so Mulder lets it slide for now. The last thing he wants to do is show all his cards too early and spook him. He gives him just enough to leave him rattled. To let him know that he knows . 
He lets the unspoken threat hang between them until the sheriff folds, squirming away to take a shower, or so he says. 
He’s still seething in bitter disgust when Ellen returns, carrying her sleepy baby in her arms. It’s a well-practiced juggling act, Mulder can tell, as she goes about fixing herself a plate of her now lukewarm breakfast. With only one arm, she clearly struggles to transfer strips of bacon out of the pan, and Mulder gets to his feet.
“Here, let me help,” he says, joining her in the kitchen. What he’d meant was that he could help assemble her plate, but as he goes to reach for the spatula, he instead finds himself being handed a baby, and his eyes widen comically. “Oh, right,” he says, then plasters a forced smile on his face. Sure, this was what he’d meant to do all along. 
The little girl is heavier than he’d expected. Like a sack of flour, though with limbs jutting out everywhere. It takes him a moment to adjust, his hands holding her awkwardly beneath the armpits. 
“Hi,” he says conversationally, looking down at her like she’s a ticking time bomb that could explode at any moment. The baby just blinks at him, a blank stare on her face. “Okay,” he mutters to himself, lifting her to his hip and returning to the table. He makes every effort to not look like this isn’t the first time he’s held a baby in—well, basically forever, but he’s not sure he succeeds.
Ellen smiles across the table at him and digs into her meal.
“Do you have children, Agent Mulder?” she asks, “You and your wife?”
It still makes his heart flutter to hear someone refer to Scully as such, but he supposes that to Ellen, it really is that simple. Scully is his wife, that’s all she knows.
He’d always thought conversations like this to be so dull. ‘So, Dave, how’s the ol’ ball and chain? Kids staying out of trouble?’  But, now… 
Well, it’s different now that he actually has something to contribute to the discussion.
“Yeah, actually, one on the way,” he says, giving a self-conscious little smile. 
He’s never told anybody about this other than Skinner, but he supposes there’s no harm in telling this random woman in Vermont. It almost makes him feel… normal. Like he can relate to other people over the simple fact of his impending fatherhood. A shared human experience. A milestone in his life that doesn’t involve aliens, ghosts, ghouls, or any manner of cryptozoological entity.
“We’re adopting,” he further explains. “Only a couple months left till the birth mother’s due date.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful!” Ellen exclaims, smiling up at him over her bowl of fresh fruit. “You must be so excited!”
“Very,” he says, looking down at the drooling baby on his lap. “We never really thought it was possible. That we’d ever—” 
He pauses, the shrill tone of his cell phone breaking into their conversation.
“Speaking of my wife,” he says, flipping open the device. “Hey, Scully. How’s the stakeout going?”
Her voice crackles over the other side of the line, drawing a genuine smile out of him. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t ask that, Mulder, so that I can give you the good news I just received.”
His stomach does a flip. “Good news?”
He pictures her nodding, sitting in that grimy, cold room surrounded by surveillance equipment, somehow brightening it with her smile. “Krista called and we had a little chat.”
Mulder looks up at Ellen from across the table, where she’s watching him with a knowing smile. “Oh?” he says.
“Mm-hmm. And you know what she told me?”
Scully is extra cheeky this morning, huh? He misses her horribly. This is the last time he’s letting Skinner split them up for a case. After this, no more. He’s putting his foot down. What are they going to do, fire him?
“What did she tell you?” he asks, turning to instead stare at the floorboards, giving himself the illusion of privacy despite the constant watch of Mrs. Adderly.
“She told me the sex of the baby. Would you like to know?”
His heart thumps in his chest suddenly, its rhythm erratic. This, he hadn’t expected first thing in the morning. He hasn’t even finished his first cup of coffee yet.
“She finally found out?”
“Yeah, Krista said she was a lot more cooperative at this appointment than the last one,” Scully explains.
Mulder freezes.
“She?” he says, his voice raspy with awe. “It’s a girl?”
He hears Scully release a shuddering breath before her voice comes back, with all the telltale signs of happy tears that he’s come to recognize in the last few months.
“It’s a girl,” she confirms.
It’s a girl. He’s gonna have a baby girl.
“That’s– that’s amazing, Scully! That’s… wow!”
“I know,” she says. “I’m– You’re not disappointed, are you?”
“Disappointed?” he asks, furrowing his brow. “Why would I be disappointed?” 
Disappointed is the absolute last thing he’d be feeling right now. Elated is a better word. Maybe a little scared, but he’ll get over it.
“I don’t know, I just thought… You know, you talked about coaching little league, and I’m sure you want someone to watch basketball with you…”
He laughs. He can’t help but laugh. “Just because you don’t like basketball doesn’t mean other girls don’t,” he says matter-of-factly. “And have you seen girls softball teams, Scully? They’re brutal. You try getting hit by one of those giant neon yellow ostrich eggs at 50 miles an hour. I volunteered to practice with the girls once in high school. Almost lost an eye.”
“But what if she doesn’t like sports at all?” Scully asks, and he’d bet good money that she’s chewing on her lip right now, the way she does when she’s worried. “What if she’s on the chess team or plays the violin or the piano?”
Oh, Scully.
“Then I’ll learn all the names of her concertos and cheer her on at every chess tournament,” he answers simply. “Look, Scully, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you and I are both gigantic nerds. I think we’ll be prepared for whatever she’s interested in when she gets older.”
She . They can finally stop talking about her in abstract terms. A girl. A daughter.
“Your mom’s gonna flip,” he says when she doesn’t respond. Margaret Scully has a grandson, but no granddaughter. He can just see the little plaid dresses, frilly socks, Mary Jane shoes, and giant velvet bows in their future. She’ll be spoiled rotten.
“I can’t wait to meet her,” Scully says, sounding wistful. 
“Me too,” he agrees. “When I get back, we’re going out shopping again. I think maybe this time I’ll be able to hold it together in the clothes section.”
That earns him a laugh.
“I’m willing to bet it will go the same way as last time,” she teases back, and she’s probably not wrong. Just picturing this baby, a little girl like the one he’s holding now, has him emotionally on edge.
“I– I’ll talk to you later, okay?” he says, glancing up at the clock. “Let the thought of warm baby snuggles keep you from freezing your butt off.”
She sighs, the annoyance of her less than ideal assignment returning. “Thanks for reminding me, ” she intones.
They stay on the line a moment more, waiting to see who will be the one to hang up. Eventually he hears a soft click, and he smiles down at the phone in his hand. Goodbyes have never been necessary between them. Maybe that’s just another way they’re weird, but he likes it.
The baby in his lap gurgles, and he sets his phone on the table to turn his attention back to her. He sees her differently now, with the knowledge that he has a little girl on the way too.
“You’re going to be an amazing father,” Ellen says, eyes shining as she watches him.
Mulder feels his cheeks beginning to burn. “Oh. Thanks.”
“No, really,” she says more insistently. “You seem to care a lot already. And wanting to be involved… Well, that’s everything. Your wife is a very lucky woman.”
“I’m the one who’s lucky,” he says, and he truly believes it.
He’s the luckiest man on the face of the Earth.
~~~
wife guy / girl dad mulder says you get another chapter :)
Chapter 22/34 - pizza boxes
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The sound of keyboards clacking fills the dimly-lit room. A greasy bag that once held at least a dozen cheap tacos from the place across town sits atop a stack of empty pizza boxes, not that the inhabitants of this particular abode pay much attention to that kind of thing. 
“Hey, here's something weird,” Langly says, looking up from the computer monitor, the unnatural light of it reflecting off his glasses.
“What? Is it Krycek again?” Frohike asks, crossing the short distance to lean over the other man’s shoulder. “What’s that little rat up to now?”
Langly adjusts the bright, warm-toned desk lamp to minimize the glare on the screen.
“No, just something strange in my sweep of government records,” he says.
“Mention of a virus? Shadow government stuff?”
Langly shakes his head. “It flagged a document mentioning Mulder and Scully's names.”
This bit of information piques Byers’ interest from across the room. “What agency? Homeland? DoD?” he asks, joining the other two at Langly’s computer.
“County court in Annapolis, Maryland,” Langly reads off the screen. “Dated December 24, 1999.”
“Open it!” Frohike demands impatiently.
It takes only a few seconds to hack the database, which is a little alarming. What would the public think if they knew how insecure county records are? But that’s a concern for another day. 
The document slowly appears on screen, and three pairs of eyes take in the information all at once.
“That's… unexpected,” Byers says.
“Married? Since when?” Frohike exclaims.
Langly looks up at him with a condescending glare and smacks the older man in the stomach. “Since Christmas, idiot, haven't you been paying attention?”
“Not that, stupid,” Frohike says, quick to respond with a slap to the back of the blond man’s shaggy head. “Since when are they an item? Did I miss something?”
“You seen a rock on her finger lately? I haven't,” Langly comments.
“Get Mulder on the phone, that little sneak owes us an explanation!” Frohike snaps, pointing a finger at Byers.
The phone rings a few times before it connects, the voice of their friend coming through on speakerphone.
“Now's not a good time, boys,” he says. There's some kind of noise in the background, someone speaking, but they can’t make out who it is. It doesn’t sound like anyone they know. 
“Mulder!” Frohike yells into the phone. “What gives, man?!”
“Yeah, bro, we'd have thrown you a bachelor party if we'd known,” Langly adds.
A sigh crackles through on the other end of the line, and Mulder murmurs something indistinguishable to someone before finding somewhere quieter to talk.
“How'd you find out?” he asks, sounding annoyed.
“Your marriage license record came up in one of our regular sweeps. No other threats, by the way,” Byers answers.
“Except maybe Frohike,” Langly jokes. “He might want to challenge you for her hand.”
Byers snickers.
“Shut up! I'm happy for them,” Frohike says, glaring at his friends.
Langly rolls his eyes. “You never stood a chance.”
“There's an explanation for this, I swear, now's just really not a good time,” Mulder says, insistent.
“What's there to explain?” Frohike asks. “You guys fell in love and got married without telling your best friends. No big deal.”
He’s not genuinely trying to guilt trip Mulder, but it does sting a little that they hadn’t said anything to them. Maybe just a little tiny guilt trip. A guilt excursion, if you will.
“It's not… really that simple,” Mulder says, his words hesitant.
“What do you mean?” Byers asks.
“I know you didn't knock her up, obviously, so what more is there?” Langly says, as delicate as a brick to the face.
“Well,” Mulder says, “I kind of did, in a manner of speaking.”
“Scully's pregnant?” Byers asks. This is shocking news. It should be impossible! “But—”
“No, Scully's not pregnant,” Mulder quickly corrects before the conversation can spiral out of control more than it already has. “But… we are expecting, actually. Hopefully.”
“IVF?” Byers asks.
“Not IVF. We tried that last year though, you're a little late to the party.”
Jeez, what haven’t they missed? Maybe the real conspiracy is whatever the heck is going on with Mulder and Scully.
“Then, what—?”
“We're adopting,” he says, interrupting them. They can almost hear his smile over the phone, all goofy and care-free. “There's a woman that selected us to adopt her baby when she’s born, so… I'm actually at this class for new parents with Scully right now. I should probably be getting back. Don't want the teacher to flunk me.”
“Wait wait wait,” Frohike says. “Adopting? How long have you guys been… you know?”
“Well we only started talking about it back in November. It's honestly moving pretty fast, but we're excited.”
“Not that,” Frohike says, waving his hands in the air. “You and Scully!”
“Oh,” Mulder says awkwardly. “Um, we actually aren't. A couple, I mean. If that's what you're asking.”
Frohike’s jaw drops. “You're kidding.”
“No, I'm not.”
“But you're married!” Langly insists.
“A formality.”
“The IVF!”
“Favor for a friend.”
“Yeah, right!” Frohike says with a laugh, sharing a disbelieving look with the other Gunmen.
“You love her, don't you?” Byers asks, sincerity breaking through his friends’ incredulity.
“If you're just gonna harass me, I'm going to hang up.”
Okay, so he’s done sharing for now. They’ll just have to try to get more out of him later.
“Mulder… what are we going to do with you?” Frohike asks, shaking his head.
“Listen, guys, I've got to go. We're learning how to change a diaper and I'd really like to not make a fool of myself, if at all possible.”
“Wait,” Frohike says. “Tell Scully congrats for us. We're happy for you, Mulder.”
“Yeah, we just think you're a complete idiot too,” Langly adds bluntly.
“Thanks, guys. We're really happy. Sorry I haven't been around, it's been crazy.”
Well, now at least they know why Mulder has been missing their poker nights and D&D lately.
“Don't worry about it, Mulder. Just—maybe tell us what's going on next time?” Byers suggests.
Mulder puffs out a laugh. “Sure, next time I marry my partner with the purpose of adopting a child, I'll let you know.”
Frohike points seriously at the phone, despite the fact that Mulder can’t see it. “Watch it, buddy, you're already on thin ice.”
“I'll talk to you guys soon,” Mulder says. “Oh, and if you're ever looking for me, I'm staying at Scully’s apartment now, by the way. I gave up my apartment.”
“Dude…” Langly says. There's something seriously wrong with those two.
“Alright, I gotta go. I'll tell Scully you say hi.” And with that, he hangs up, leaving the three amigos to take in everything they’d just learned.
“Aren't a couple…” Frohike grumbles, repeating his words. “They're a couple of idiots, I'll tell you that.”
Byers nods his agreement, and Langly shrugs. 
“Lucky kid, though.”
~~~
Lovely tag list ♡: [if you would like to be added or removed, let me know!]
@today-in-fic @ao3feed-msr @agent-troi @angegova @baronessblixen @calimanc @captainsolocide @clo-thespin @cutemothman @danasculls @deathsbestgirl @edierone @enigmaticxbee @figureofdismay @frogsmulder @gillian-anderson-in-the-tardis @hippocampouts @invidiosa @monaiargancoconutsoy @msrafterdark @numinousmysteries @primrose19 @randomfoggytiger @skelavender @skylarksong @stephy-gold @teenie-xf @the-redhead-in-a-dress @vincentsleftear
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fluxweeed · 2 days
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Hii, I just discovered your fics and am reading my way through them. Love, love, love the ones I’ve read so far.😊 I was just wondering what your favourite Draco is you’ve written, and what your fave Draco is in fics written by others? ☺️
ACK thank you!! what a question!! i've considered this v carefully and it turns out i have………a lot of thoughts. i will keep them under a cut so nobody is accosted with a full 700 words of my Draco Opinions 😂 so my quick answer is:
my fave draco i've written: the taste of țuică my fave draco ever: rookie moves by peu_a_peu
draco is an interesting one for me bc i don't really LIKE him? but i have sooo many feelings about him. really not sure i could summon the same fervour for harry, for example, who is my number one boy forever and always.
(i saw a thing once that said a pairing becomes ur otp when u relate to one of the characters and want to fuck the other one, and 🙈 i mean, i think you're supposed to relate to the gryffindor, aren't you. whoops.)
OKAY SO HERE'S THE UNHINGED DRACO MALFOY ESSAY BY FLUX W. EED.
listen. i love and respect people who are Refined Draco enjoyers. connoisseurs of redemption arcs. appreciators of majestic malfoy bone structure and ethereal grey eyes and soft windswept hair. fans of dracos who insult harry (with hidden affection) and who are a bit snobbish (in a rich, sexy way) but ultimately have realised the error of their teenage years and have become a better person. perhaps this draco has built a potions business and helps the aurors. perhaps he IS an auror. either way, he has a biting sense of humour, maybe, but he's a good guy.
unfortunately, the draco of my heart is a horrid mean little rat man.
i've never actually managed to write him the way i love him. i tried to aim for immoral bastardy in what's mine is yours but i got so caught up in trying to nail the feelsforbreakfast-style humour in the narrative that i ended up focusing much more on that and much less on writing genuine bastardhood.
i've written him as reserved and clever (in the four doors – this draco was written entirely for @jovialobservationanchor, who had a weak spot for closed-off academics with soft centres) and as a traumatised self-loathing mess (in two to lie and to some extent for lack of wanting and say no to this) and hopelessly sexually/emotionally horny for one harry james potter (in, um, most things) but i've never managed to capture the genuine cruel streak and flawed personality that is sooo so important to me.
WHICH IS WHY i picked țuică!draco for my favourite of the ones i've written. he's still a bit too emotionally intelligent to be Just Right, imo, but i think he's maybe the closest? he's unrepentantly rude to people. he's not attractive. and he has a streak of self-destructive fucked-upedness that is some form of wartime guilt, but certainly not a pretty one.
HOWEVER. rookie moves?? NAILED it. i adooored how genuinely fuckin MEAN he is, even tho he's an auror. i love love LOVED that he's kind of bad at his job in a way that's in complete opposition to how drarry!draco is often written these days:
The look on Malfoy’s face was not only troubling, Harry realized, but familiar. At once activated and dead behind the eyes, like an invasive species in an ecosystem that could not check it. It was the look of the meanest fucking teenager Harry had ever known, giving in to his urge to bully.
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What Malfoy wasn’t good with was people. Despite his repeated insistences that his upbringing had equipped him with impeccable manners and a facility with society intrigue, the truth was that he rubbed almost everyone the wrong way. He was, undeniably, annoying. Witnesses were put off by his snide, dismissive tone, and he didn’t know how to coax out information with curiosity, warmth, or strategic silence.
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that's not to say unrepentant cunt draco is the only one for me!! i DO enjoy the classic redeemed drarry draco!! i love a quirky draco, à la wwpwcs or maya's drop dead gorgeous. gallaplacidia's draco is sooo painful for me to read (complimentary) that even though i adore her fics, i still haven't read them all bc i have to space them out, for my health. and i'm sure there are dozens more dracos that i'm forgetting how much i like – basically, as long as he isn't super suave, absolutely gorgeous and/or obviously tom felton, i'm on board.
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desceros · 2 days
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hello! so new writer here, I'm just starting out with writing x readers, but I'm having a bit of trouble. I saw in a previous post that when you are reading a fic marked x reader, you want it to actually be an x reader, and (as much as possible) not be an oc from the writer. And I agreed with that and want to try to make my reader self-insertable for everyone. the only problem is that I'm not sure how much I can have set opinions for them and have things up in the air. You've written a lot, so I was hoping you'd have some advice? If not that's totally fine. I appreciate you and your writing 🫶 hope you're having a good day!!
hmm well what i Specifically meant by that was when you have someone who has a fic that is written in the first person or third person with a named character who has a physical description, but they've tagged it as "reader-insert". to me, that's not a reader insert. that's an oc, and your fic is incorrectly tagged.
to me, a reader-insert fic is very specifically a fic in the second person without a name or physical description as much as possible. which isn't to say that oc fics are bad!! i write them myself in other fandoms. i just... don't really like reading oc fics for fandoms where my brain has decided This Is A Reader-Insert Fandom. Nod Nod.
so there is a delicate art to writing second-person fics with the intent of having it function as a reader-insert. the balance between giving enough flavor to have it be compelling vs so much that a reader can't comfortably put themselves in an insert-chan's shoes is actually a real passion of mine!! it's one that is kind of... something that you eventually get a Feel for after writing them for a while.
that said, here are some little tricks and whatnot so hopefully you can shortcut things a little. also, obvious warning since you're asking desceros dot com for writing advice, but this is a long post:
first, embrace the fact that you're going to exclude some people. no matter how bland and empty you make an insert-chan, you're going to exclude someone. and that's okay! if you try to cast Too wide a net, you're going to have a boring, bland insert-chan, and that's not going to make Anyone happy. still, there are a few things that i keep in mind since i want to appeal a broader audience: 1. try to be mindful of race coding, and avoid it. very specifically, describing hair (length, texture, care, etc.) and blushing or general discoloration of skin besides bruising are both something i avoid. i don't describe someone's night routine beyond, say, taking a shower, putting on lotion, and brushing teeth. this allows for black readers to more easily read your fics, which is something i'm particularly passionate about since i've had friends who feel excluded from the reader-insert community because they're black and that really makes me sad. 2. avoid describing favorite things, clothing, etc. little things that don't matter don't need to be described. does the reader need to know that your character is wearing a green sequin dress? or does it matter that they're wearing a pretty dress? 99 times out of 100, the latter suits the writing just fine and allows for a reader to picture what THEY think is a pretty dress. hell, unless i'm writing something that involves removing clothing, 9 times out of 10 i won't even mention what a reader is wearing, because it doesn't matter, and describing it gets in the way of someone's imagination. same thing with favorite foods, what someone is eating for breakfast. in symphony, viola-chan is famous for a baking cookies--but i don't specify what kind, and i won't. because my favorite cookie is different from someone else's, and the specifics don't matter. what matters is that they taste comforting, and everyone else likes them a lot, too. 3. avoid physical descriptions where possible. as i said before, i typically don't mention hair at all. instead of having someone run their hands through your hair, i have them stroke your nape. same basic touch, but one allows for short-haired readers or curly-haired readers to insert easily, one doesn't. i don't mention an insert-chan's size or height, other than a relative "you're shorter than donnie" or "leo's bicep is so much bigger than yours." i try to avoid weight-coding as much as possible so that fat readers can feel just as welcome as very skinny readers. that stuff just doesn't matter, and so cutting it out broadens how many people can read and feel represented.
4. keep unimportant details vague. for example, in a lot of my fics, the insert-chan has a family, but communication with them isn't mentioned. the status of the family or its makeup isn't important. a lot of writers will tell you to kill them off for convenience sake (which i do sometimes write inserts with dead families), but to me this is just lazy. you can have an insert-chan with a family. but instead of showing their relationship with the family, show how that relationship has shaped the insert-chan's personality. for example, in the latest fic i wrote, infinite singularity, the insert-chan's family is alive and well, but they're distant. not only does this mean, yay, i don't have to define what that family is--but it also allows me to show that piercing-chan avoids pain, emotional as well as physical. now i don't have to say you don't like pain. i can show it. and that always makes for more powerful writing.
so that's how you keep things broad. but there's a flip side to this, which is "how do i make an insert-chan compelling without any details?!" and the answer here is, well, add details!! which, hey, didn't we just say to eliminate details? to which i'd say, yes, Except for the Ones You Need.
1. give your insert-chan something they like to Do. whether this is a hobby or a career, this one has several functions in your story. one, it gives you something on which you can hinge characterization. for example, in my fic electromigration, that insert-chan likes camping. now i can have conversations about it, have an excuse for you to know how to do things camping-related, etc. it propels the plot forward. and two, it gives your insert-chan something interesting, which is the secret to a good character. you don't want to go too overboard on this, since again we don't want to overload the insert-chan with things that aren't helpful, but one, maybe two hobbies, or a job, makes them rounder and makes the fic more enjoyable to read.
2. give your insert-chan a personality dot dot dot carefully. now this one sounds weird. "don't i want to have a blank canvas onto which people can put themselves?" well, kind of, but really, no. that's how you get a bland character that's so boring no one wants to read your fics. and it doesn't even have to be a mild personality! in my fic goldilocks, that insert-chan has a Very strong personaity, such that i've even gotten requests for a chef-chan/reader fic. but because i've stripped away all of the other identifying things, it can still read as an insert-character without being an oc. that said, this is a tricky one. the more personality you give, the more people you alienate. but also, the less personality you give, the less interesting the fic. it's a delicate balance, and one you'll figure out eventually as you write more and read more.
3. give your insert-chan a story. this one is one that is more relevant for longer fics, but is still helpful to keep in mind for shorter fics. what i mean is, okay. you're writing a reader-insert. but for a moment, treat it like an oc. where did they come from? how did they get to new york? what personality arc do you want them to have over your plot? are they going to change, and if so, how? for this, let's look at my fic amaranthine. the history is vague enough that it doesn't impede a reader's imagination, but there are enough details that you Feel like there is a story that was happening before, and you've dropped in at this point to ride along with these people before you leave them to go on their way again. things like being best friends with raph after he found you drunkenly crying on the sidewalk. things like leo having known you and donnie were gonna be a mess when you got together. things like splinter always loving to drink tea with you. these are small details that make the world feel rich, but not so much that it's impossible for a reader to build their own narrative around it.
anyway, these are just some broad tips, and i hope you found them useful!! my main, tldr thing i'd say is just to write. it's going to take practice. writing in general is hard, writing something new is Really hard, writing something new and being picky about how you want it to come out is REALLY REALLY hard. so be kind to yourself, and remember that this is supposed to be fun. don't fret, don't get stressed, just take it cool. maybe write a few that you don't publish, just so you can get the voice under your fingers and take some of the pressure of Oh God People Are Going To Read This off your shoulders. i always do that when i enter a new fandom, and it's soooo helpful.
good luck, and let me know if you have any specific questions! :D
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astray-anomaly · 3 days
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I see a lot of proshipper talk happening recently and I just wanna talk about it because I need to say something.
People claim to be anti harassment but then go to hate proshippers. Yeah I get you had bad experiences with a proshipper or a few of them but that doesn’t mean every single one of them is absolutely terrible even if the things they make are bad but it’s fictional, who gives a shit? As long as they know the line between fiction and reality and tag things correctly I don’t see an issue.
I’m neutral in this situation. I’m not on anyone’s side. Just let people have fun. It’s not my personal taste, I do find it disgusting mostly but am I gonna waste my time complaining on it? Absolutely not. This stuff will always exist so get your shit together and deal with it. Nobody should be harassed or threatened. Nobody.
The only bad proshippers I see are the ones that actually force that media onto people. If they mind their business and tag stuff correctly I don’t give a fuck. Also stop calling proshippers out and making a list and say don’t harass them when you’re literally putting a target on their back for harassment when they are just trying to mind their business.
Again not my taste but you do you. Idc if any proshippers interact with my blog, just do NOT involve any of my characters in that stuff and we’re fine.
That��s just my opinion, go ahead and hate me for it if you want
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Serennedy hate makes literally NO SENSE. like I've been a diehard RE fan for near 14 years and shipped MANY a pairing in the franchise. But Serennedy is literally THE most natural ship to occur. Like HOW you gonna look at the chain scene or hear their banter and go ah yes: perfectly heterosexual men right there. Like their backgrounds create a lot of complexities for their dynamic and opposing personalities create enough chemistry and spice to keep them interesting while having full potential to be a very healthy pairing that both characters need and could benefit from. Theres also plenty of potential for some brutal aNGST.
I get it not being someones main ship but idk. If you ain't support serennedy, I just assume you homophobic or one of those people that gets jealous over Leon. /hj
(tbh most serennedy hate arguments i see just contain borderline homophobic statements or implications so idk.)
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raytorosaurus · 10 months
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someone tell me when the dash is no longer "jokingly" speculating abt real life people's real life sexual proclivities with their real life partners...it's one thing in a gc where everyone understands everyone's just joking around but as soon as it gets onto the dash/timeline on any kind of larger scale it immediately becomes so uncomfortable and reveals so many biases abt how people view other people based on their like. physical traits and hobbies. is it crazy to find that deeply distasteful lol.
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lucaonthropy · 1 month
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Overheard someone saying T*re Liy* is the best author in my country and subsequently took psychic damage
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lucy-ghoul · 11 days
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why are you, as an adult in 2024, still hung up on reylo. why are you still mocking the shippers. why do you believe yourself to be superior only because you dislike a stupid ship from a fucking space fairytale. girl (gnc) get a grip
#it's ridiculous. this ship is... stupidly cliché. like if you know fandoms at all#you could easily guess why people would be into it. hello?? have you tried to watch tfa without your hate-on-kyle-ron goggles?#did you watch their scenes together? you don't have to like something to recognize the hints#hell. at the time i didn't really like jonerys but i realized they were going to be a thing when i read agot in 2011#like folks. it's been nearly TEN LONG YEARS. let it go. LET IT FUCKING GOOOO#and for the lucy/cooper shippers out there who think reylos are (again) delusional when they compare the two ships:#no. *you* are being delusional only because you think reylo is unsexy and uncool (which is your right to think btw. obv)#if you can't see why someone would like both of these pairings for similar reasons... idk what to say honestly#people compared it to hannigram... honestly. again i see why they would appeal to anyone who's into both ships#i really do. but... unpopular opinion (since i'm more of a clannibal fan than i could ever be of reylo):#they are more similar to reylo than will/hannibal. there i said it#i'm not talking about the writing (admittedly the quality of it was questionable). i'm talking about tropes#never mind that imo the ghoul is more akin to vader than kylo but whatever#hannibal is an unapologetic kind of villain. he's not gonna have a redemption arc and that's okay#cooper is an antivillain who used to be a good man and became a disfigured cruel bastard. a parody of himself#lucy is him. him before the bombs dropped before he discovered the person he trusted the most wanted to commit genocide#nice. moral. polite. infused with the Good Old American Values™. he's basically her dark side#all of this is very hannigram/clannibal. i'm not denying it at all#but what'll likely happen is that lucy's actions will have a positive influence on the ghoul and remind him of what it means to be a man#and that's way more reylo-like. sorry.#beauty&thebeast/villain with some hidden good in him+morally righteous heroine/enemies to lovers etc.#i mean. hello??..... having said that. i'm not so much of a reylo shipper anymore and tbh never was. i really liked it at the time#but i was never fond of the st era. my fav characters are vader and leia and revan from the old eu. just saying#*and* it's also not impossible lucy gets darker with the ghoul as her traveling companion. in fact i wouldn't dislike it at all#if done well i mean#but i would still like for people to be intellectually honest and less puerile. god knows i have my notps#but i really don't give a fuck about the shippers. good for them i guess? i have better taste lmao but that's heavily subjective#val rambles in the tags#val speaks#txt
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fallen-kitsunes · 13 days
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I haven't existed in a bit, so let's be chatty :D
The possible future Sydney pregnancy (and science class!) events someone posted to Tumblr (and reposted to reddit. I got wind of it from the reddit one)!! and, not gonna lie, not entirely into it..
The idea of their parent watching us have public sex in a classroom of students for a pregnancy experiment for class is a HUGE turn off,,,,
I could see them maybe having you or Sydney record outside of school for said experiment, if they're that desperate for both learning tools and grandchildren, with their identities anonymous, maybe it'd be something you visit after school every once in a while for bump photos or videos for the science class? Or have you, and probably Sydney, stand in front of the class as they talk about pregnancy? Just something about them hovering nearby while their son/daughter is cranking one out, feels off to me, I think
It's definitely something some people are into, and no shame to anyone who would like it. I'd be glad youre getting some good Sydney and Sirris soup :DD! I just hope the content isn't heavily tied to it, or that there's an alternative that doesn't go through the creampie science lesson. Like how Whitney wanting to mess with you is the alternative to constantly cheating on Kylar with Robin!
If it's real content, who knows, maybe I'd change my mind after doing the one obligatory go through of it to see new shiny stuff, learn something new, but as of now? My brains giving a pass. ;v;
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heartscrypt · 10 months
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tbh i dont really trust anyone who loves kalim but also like. Vitriolically hates jamil
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I have a big google doc thing where I keep track of media and stuff (putting everything in loosely ranked categories), which is mostly just for my own reference so I know what tv shows I've already seen before, etc. and I never really look back through it, typically just a quick "okay, watched two movie in the past 8 months, need to quickly slap them somewhere in the lists. okay. done. save document. exit". But today I was actually reading through some of the old notes and there are like... MULTIPLE places where my comment is basically "It would have been good if it were about elves" or "I wish there was a fantasy show made in this same style" or "It's well made, but I just keep thinking about how I would like it more if everyone was an elf or was in old 1700s costumes" or etc like...... lol.... Most biased media ranking system on earth blatantly made by someone with an extremely hyperspecific range of narrow interests. It'd be like if a food reviewer only had 5 foods they actually liked, so they'd just go to a pizza place and be like "eh, the pizza was okay, but I just think it would be better if it was cereal instead. :/ ...2 out of 10"
#Which.. I mean... I am allowed to be biased because literally it's just for my own personal reference (or occasionall#y to send to friends or something if we're discussing the topic) so like.. nowhere am I saying 'I am the god of perfect taste and these#rankings are objectively the absolute truth and everyone should have my same opinion' or anything#BUT still.. it's funny to me sometimes#'Succession would be 100x better if it had the same cast/character quirks and shaky camera style and#acting choices/weird dialogue and general concept etc. EXCEPT it takes place within an elven noble family or something#managing the family business and everyone is in fantasy costumes now'' like.....okay...... but it's NOT that way..soo... thats not the show#''I like the acting style/general tone of Fleabag but i don't care for any of the characters or any of the subject matter and I wish it was#set in the 1800s and had vampires and was about magic instead'' okay..... again... you are making up an entirely new show in that case lol#OR my other beloved typical complaint ''The concept is good but theres too much plot and action and not enough people just sitting#around doing nothing and exposition dumping world and character lore'' ''this needs more goofy sideplots and filler episodes''#''this Drama was too dramatic I think it should be more lighthearted & people need to sit around doing nothing just being weird more often'#''the Action Movie was ok except for the action scenes - which I skipped through all of- but I liked the costumes and worldbuilding'' etc.#ERM sorry your plot has too much plot. also elves have to be included somehow. bye#BUT SERIOUSLY!!!!!! I literally genuinely believe that any show I like (or even dislike) could ALWAYS be improved greatly by#putting people in fantasy or historical costume/setting/etc... why the FUNK would I want to see bland jeans and cars and cell phones#when I could see elaborate velvet cloaks and fantastical landscapes and interior design and innovative takes on historical or#magical technology or etc. etc. etc. I LIVE in the modern day. I see it all the time!!! BORING! stinky!! boo!!!#ANYWAY... another social divide for me.. People love to bond by discussing media. which is hard when I'm like#'I literally will not watch something at all unless it fits into one of these 10 extremely specific categories which are all i care about i#the entire world''.. I say this and yet I still dislike most fantasy or historical things I've watched lol. ok TWO main criteria then!!#it must 1. be in a different world or time period. 2. be goofy silly. Nothing ever has BOTH. It's always overly serious boring drama action#fantasy/history stuff OR it's comedic lighthearted but with modern day characters... WHY.. anguish and woe and so on..#ANYWAY jhjnk... at least I can make that divide. Some people seem to project their own personal preferences and get really emotionally#defensive if you say you didn't like something - as if the fact that they DO like it is some Objective Truth or something rather than just#opinion/preference based. I can still easily say ''this is well made/well written/acted/good in a technical sense/has a lot of#points of appeal that most people would be drawn to/etc'' and admit that it's a GOOD show probably. I just PERSONALLY think its#bad because my tastes are very narrow. Some things ARE actually made badly but. things are not bad INHERENTLY just bc they dont suit ME lol#Better to recognize/accept whats odd about you and be peacefully aware of it than just being mad at everyone all the time for not fully#agreeing with you even when you're the one with the Weird opinion in that case lol.. I am right though :3 but.. lol... still. i get it
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always-andromeda · 5 months
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I always wondered how James Somerton could crank out such many well written video essays in such a short amount of time…
Because he’s stealing the words of literally dozens of writers who are better than him. 😀
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likealizardyousay · 19 days
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Julian Devorak is literally Will Wood we have established this it is my agenda however his favorite band would be Mother Mother there is a difference I have strong opinions on this subject
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anotherpapercut · 8 months
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it will never not piss me off the way people hated Martha Jones because she was in love with the doctor and they saw that as her only personality trait despite Rose Tyler and Amy Pond also having a significant part of their characters revolve around being in love with the doctor
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