"Killing Time" review

Novel from 1985, by Della Van Hise. Published right after Ishmael, it involves again time-tampering. Only this time, the villains (here Romulans) are successful in their attempts to rewrite history, so most of the novel is set in an alternate universe. The basic difference is that, in this new universe, the Federation was founded by Vulcans instead of humans, so Spock is the starship captain, while Kirk is a mere Ensign with a troubled past.

The story presents some interesting concepts, like the flow of time and history being somehow ingrained in the very fabric of the universe, so no matter the alterations, it tends to revert to its original course, or rip itself apart (a concept which, in some shape or another, was also present in The Entropy Effect and the previous novel). There's also much discussion about "alternate selves", paths not taken in life, and whether these versions of ourselves still exist somewhere and can be reached through dreams. Sometimes, the "mechanics" of time-alteration are a bit iffy, or poorly explained. For example, it seems very unlikely that people like Uhura or Scotty would have the same exact post in the alternate universe (shouldn't they be replaced by Vulcans?). And since it's explained that travelling at warp drive makes one immune to the time alterations, why aren't more starships (the Enterprise included) spared from the effects? Anyway, this is just to be nitpicky; after all, the story doesn't require much more suspension of disbelief than other TOS novels.

Other than a bit of purple prose here and there, I didn't find the writing bad. And characterization is pretty fine. The portrait of Kirk as a rebellious Ensign is a curious precedent for the 2009 movie Kirk, and his grief is quite moving. Spock and McCoy's interactions are spot-on. And so far, this novel has the best, most complex portrayal of the Romulan Commander (from "The Enterprise Incident"), as a cunning, powerful woman, and yet vulnerable in her love/hate for Spock. It's perhaps the latter who comes off most out-of-character; at times Spock seems a bit too emotional and soft, though not to the point of being unrecognizable.

On the other hand, the structure is a bit clumsy. A good chunk of the book keeps going over and over the effects that history alteration has on the mind, turning people crazy, or inducing dreams about the original reality. Since the Romulan scheme is fully revealed quite early on, these chapters don't have all that much interest: we already know what's happening, we already know why people are having those dreams... (So no, I'm not interested in the content of Ensign Kirk's dreams, since I already know what's there; stop trying to put him in that vid-scan thing, McCoy). However, the plot takes off once the characters finally decide to do something about all this mess, and get involved in further Romulan schemes. The later chapters, thus, are more interesting, and there are some pretty emotive scenes towards the ending.

In conclusion, this isn't one of the best novels, though it has its high points. It would have been rather unremarkable among the long string of TOS novels, were it not for the controversies surrounding its publication. For those, see the "Spirk Meter" at the end.

Spoilers under the cut:

The Enterprise is patrolling the Romulan Neutral Zone, when several crewmembers start experiencing disturbing dreams. A common theme in those, is seeing Spock as the Captain, in a somehow changed Enterprise. While Kirk sees himself as a mere Ensign. There are also some rumors about an experiment going on in the Romulan Empire...

After an abrupt change, the next chapter presents a totally different reality. Kirk is now an Ensign recently assigned to the "VSS ShiKahr", commanded by Spock. Having been in prison for the murder of an Academy teacher (of which he has no recollection), Kirk was subjected to the Talos Device, which left him having frequent nightmares and addicted to drugs. He was given the choice between a rehabilitation colony, or forceful draft into the Fleet. Anyway, he has little interest in serving in a starship, or life in general, since he knows he'll never get his own command due to his past. His life is made even more miserable by his bully roomate Donner. Soon thereafter, strange phenomena are experienced by some crewmembers. Spock gets fleeting glimpses of another reality, that leave him dizzy. And one crewman succumbs to madness, and tries to blow up the entire ship, after sabotaging the matter/antimatter valves. After performing some scans on the insane man, McCoy discovers that his brain has two separate sets of brain waves, as if they belonged to two different persons altogether. Further cases of insanity throughout the galaxy are suspected, when a Vulcan Admiral orders the ShiKahr to invade the Romulan Empire in a suicidal mission. Spock, of course, stalls the order as long as he can.

The narrative changes focus then, to present what's going on in the Romulan ship "Ravon", where Commander Tazol remembers his recent confrontation with her wife Sarela. She was strongly opposed to the Praetor's plans to interfere in Earth's past, and assassinate three key figures in the founding of the Federation, so it never comes to be. Sarela is afraid the plan will be a total failure, like all the other plans of the Praetor to tamper with timelines. Nonetheless, Tazol is a complete blockhead, and proceeds with the plan. The idea is receiving the Praetor aboard (a mysterious, hooded figure that only his close advisors have ever seen face to face), and then enter warp drive to avoid the history-altering effects. That way, everyone aboard the Ravon will keep intact their memories of the so-called First History, along with its records, to later compare them with the situation in the Second History (the altered timeline). It turns out that, as Sarela expected, Second History isn't all it's cracked up to be... The Federation wasn't founded on Earth, true, but in its place, a similar Alliance of planets was started in Vulcan. The Romulan Empire has hardly benefitted from this, and now its enemies are mostly the tough Vulcans, instead of humans. The Praetor orders Sarela to his quarters, for a private discussion of the situation, much to Tazol's chagrin.

Meanwhile in the ShiKahr, McCoy has been performing vid-scans (a kind of visual recording of people's dreams) on several persons. Some of them show dreams of a "golden-haired Captain". While others show disturbing "negative scans". McCoy is a complete genius, because from this flimsy evidence he concludes, correctly, that reality has been shifted. And those that have ended in different positions in life, will become maladjusted to the changes, and eventually turn mad. Also, those showing negative scans now, are persons who are already dead in the original timeline (and this opens up an interesting ethical dilemma when reverting the changes, since it will mean instant death for those persons; sadly, this isn't further explored). For his part, crazy Admiral is still doing his crazy thing, and now orders the ShiKahr on a diplomatic mission, on a planet of savages that weren't expecting diplomats at all. The landing party is attacked, Donner is killed (good for him) and Spock is injured.

Cutting back to the Ravon, Sarela discovers that the Praetor is actually... a woman! Something that's not allowed in the Romulan Empire, thus the need for the permanent hood in public (and it also explains why all the Praetor slaves are now pretty boys...). Automatically, Sarela's respect for the Praetor goes up tenfold (huh, wasn't the Praetor a complete idiot a second ago, with all those stupid plans? The fact she's a woman should change nothing!). Well, as it turns out, the stupid plans weren't hers, but came from her father. She just went ahead with them because it was too late to back out, and also because she still expects some good to come out of it. Thea (the Praetor) explains that she's going to use Spock to sign a peace treaty with the Alliance, and introduce Surak's teachings among Romulans, to further the cause of peace (doesn't sound like a very evil plan, if you ask me). By kidnapping Kirk, she'll blackmail Spock into doing all this, while disguised with the hood as if he were the real Praetor. She still holds a grudge towards Kirk and Spock, since in First History, those two stole a cloaking device from her, revealing thus that she's the Romulan Commander from the series. Thea suspects that the Vulcans will, sooner or later, discover the time tampering and revert it, but some effects of Second History (like the peace treaty) will be indelibly embedded in the universe, anyway. Sarela agrees to help her, specially after she receives her own pretty boy slave.

For his part, Spock instructs Christopher Pike (here still a happy captain of a ship) to stop the crazy Admiral, before he causes all-out war. After this, the ShiKahr intercepts a Romulan shuttle, apparently crippled and adrift, and takes it aboard. The only passengers, apparently, are Thea and Sarela, and they're taken into custody. However, hibernating inside the shuttle, and thus not detected as life forms, were Thea's slaves. They wake up a while later, disguise themselves as Vulcan guards, and order Kirk to the briefing room. Sensing a trap, Kirk attacks them, but the Romulans subdue and kidnap both Kirk and his new roomate: Richardson. They depart in the Ravon, and leave the two hostages stranded in a desolate planet, with just basic survival gear. Spock learns about this too late, so he has no alternative but cooperating with Thea. Secretly, though, he plans to infiltrate the Romulan Empire to get the secret of time travel (unknown to the Alliance), and the details to revert the timeline.

Spock, dressed as the Praetor, McCoy, half-dressed as his...slave, and S'Parva, some kind of dog-girl with telepathic powers, accompany Thea back to the Ravon. Spock, as many other people, is also succumbing to madness, which in his case manifests as pon farr. He covers it up as a simple infection, and requests the medical assistance of slave-McCoy to create a distraction. The moment is seized by S'Parva to get inside the computer system. Later, Spock reviews the data, learning about the slingshot effect to travel through time. Both Spock and S'Parva receive also telepathic transmissions from Kirk and Richardson, respectively (S'Parva having formed previously a mind link with Richardson through an experiment). This way, they learn the location of the hostages. Nonetheless, Spock ends up losing consciousness due to the worsening of his symptons. Thea, who still loves Spock in some way, forms a temporary bond with him, and helps him out of pon farr (that is, they fuck).

Once in the Praetor's palace in Romulus, Thea learns about all the incidents of madness happening in the Empire. And finally, after a lengthy conversation, Spock manages to convince her of the necessity of reversing the changes. If this goes on, soon half the galaxy will be destroyed by madness. Spock regrets that he can't stay with her, as his present persona will disappear along Second History. Nonetheless, he will bring Kirk along to the past, to restore the timeline; that way, both of them will keep some remembrance of this alternate history, and will later use their influence to realize Thea's plans for peace. Thea relents, and after rescuing Kirk and Richardson, they make a slingshot maneuver in the shuttle, arriving in Earth's past. However, Thea leaves them to their own devices from now onwards.

Having arrived in San Francisco a while before the assassination, Kirk, Spock and Richardson enter the conference room, where the three politicians are due to make a speech. Kirk creates a distraction by revealing Spock's alien features to the surprised humans, and this prompts the assassins to reveal themselves. In the commotion, everyone escapes to safety (including the politicians), while Kirk and Spock confront the assassins. These are actually human-looking androids, and after a difficult fight, they destroy them, though Richardson is killed in the process. Then Spock takes out a disruptor to destroy the android remains (his excuse for not using the disruptor earlier being that Kirk needed to reassert himself as Captain by getting into a fist-fight, which is... a bullshit excuse, really). After this, Kirk and Spock (also mortally wounded in the fight) go to the rooftop. And there's a pretty sad scene, where both wait for their current selves to disappear in the reality shift, thus dying in a sense.

Everything is back to normal, though Kirk, Spock and Richardson keep having dreams about their alternate lives. Kirk also finds a ring that belonged to his other self, and reflects with melancholy about the fate of "Ensign Kirk". After a mind-meld with Spock, both of them get a clearer view about the events of Second History, and decide to cooperate with Thea to achieve peace. In the end, Kirk leaves the ring behind, knowing it will disappear and return to its real owner, somewhere.

Spirk Meter: 10/10*. Now, this novel is generally regarded as the K/S novel par excellence. Is it very slashy? Yes. But is it something completely in a different league? Well, no. Most of the Marshak & Culbreath novels are as slashy as this one (and The Price of the Phoenix definitely more). Hell, a good deal of this stuff is just taken from TOS episodes, and while in "Amok Time" Spock got out of pon farr by rolling around with Kirk, here he uses the more conservative approach of sex with a woman (and Kirk is totally okay with that, not showing the slightest jealousy). I suspect that most of this fame is simply due to the novel's publication history, and not to the actual content. I've encountered two versions of this incident. The most popular one tells of readers being so scandalized by the novel's first edition, that some higher-up (even Roddenberry himself) had to intervene, and censor the novel for subsequent printings. Della Van Hise's version (presented in several fanzine articles, that you can read in sites like Fanlore) tells a much less exciting story: Basically, the editor made some cuts here and there, she approved of the changes, and then sent the novel for printing. There was an error, and the unedited version was printed instead. When the publishing house noticed it, they corrected the mistake in the second edition, which was the one supposed to see the light from the beginning. In my opinion, Van Hise's version sounds more realistic. I have difficulty believing that the same public who received Triangle a couple years before without batting an eyelid, would start a riot for this. Let alone that Gene-t'hy'la-means-lover-Roddenberry would give two shits about it (was he even that involved in the franchise by 1985?). Apart from this, the edits seem very cursorily: a slight toning-down of some affectionate scenes, cutting curse words here and there, removal of partial nudity (even in medical settings that have absolutely nothing to do with K/S), etc. They really don't look like the kind of heavy censorship of someone set against K/S after a scandal.

Now, for the slash elements (I read the first edition, so this is based on that version): Kirk and Spock are quite affectionate, often reassuring each other with a touch on the shoulder or the hand, or confiding things that they wouldn't trust to anybody else. The mental link between them (which is a staple in many novels and comics, and thus not that remarkable) is given, however, a special relevance, with them often using it to transmit warm feelings, and even communicating over great distances. The link is so strong, that some effects of Spock's pon farr start affecting Kirk. And when the reality first shifts into the alternate universe, Kirk experiences great anguish, upon feeling the link broken. It's also noteworthy that other characters that share this kind of link (Spock and Thea; Richardson and S'Parva) are in romantic relationships of sorts. Apart from the permanent link, Spock performs several mind-melds with Kirk. The first time, when he finds the Ensign sleeping in the garden and suffering nightmares, he attempts a meld to soothe his mind (similar to "Requiem for Methuselah") but Kirk rejects it. Spock, who's already starting to go crazy, attacks Jim then, and forces a mind-meld with him. The fight and Kirk's submission are vaguely homoerotic, and this was by far the most censored passage in the book. The second meld happens when they're both waiting for "death", Spock resting his head on Kirk's shoulder, and the Vulcan uses it to bring Kirk to the other reality along him. The third meld was already covered in the plot summary. Apart from this, when Spock receives glimpses of his previous life, he misses a companion by his side, once wondering if the man he sees there is his t'hy'la. And when Kirk visits his quarters at night to get his medication, Spock interviews him while still shirtless, and understands that he can't keep secrets from him. But perhaps the most blatant examples aren't what Kirk and Spock actually do, but what other characters think about them. Thea is unreasonably jealous of Kirk, and kidnaps him with the belief that Spock will do anything to rescue him, since he's his treasured human and dearest to him in all the combined universes. Actually, this isn't the real reason why Spock complies with Thea, but he agrees with her assessment that "James Kirk is even deeper in your blood than Vulcan". Richardson, as well, has the impression that Kirk and Spock belong together in any universe.

Although this is definitely a K/S novel, there's also a bit of Spones, and it's kind of hilarious that it went totally unnoticed by censors, considering the sexual element is more blatant, compared with the rather spiritual relationship of Kirk and Spock. For starters, when Kirk is first having dreams about Spock as a Captain, McCoy dismisses it as just a typical fantasy of wanting to be under Spock's authority (which totally seems like McCoy projecting there, since that's not the real cause at all). Once Spock gets the first symptoms of pon farr, McCoy is very stubborn about going with him to Romulus to treat his illness, even if he has to be his slave to do so (and as previously seen, those slaves are also the Praetor's lovers). And when Spock gets worse, McCoy confronts him about being so proud and rejecting something that should be pleasurable, pointing out that many people would want to sleep with him... while blushing himself. Finally, McCoy refuses to leave Thea alone with Spock to do her thing, and has to be brought out basically by force (like, what was his alternate plan?). It doesn't help either that McCoy is said to care for Spock more than professional ethics should have permitted.

Also incredibly explicit is Kirk's relationship with Richardson. Kirk comes out from the shower totally naked in front of him. And later they both swim naked in a pond, while Kirk experiences the heat of pon farr through his link. Not enough? Well, Richardson often calls Jim "Juliet", while Kirk calls him "Romeo". Yup.

*A 10 in this scale is the most obvious spirk moments in TOS. Think of the back massage, "You make me believe in miracles", or "Amok Time" for example.

tbf i appreciate regulus redemption arc. he practically sacrificed himself to save a house elf, which both voldemort and the death eaters viewed as subhuman (that said current marauders stans obsession w regulus and the way they're woobify him and shit is insane to me)

I'm gonna be honest with you. Whenever I think about Regulus' "redemption arc", the first thing that comes to mind is this Britta from Community meme.

That is to say, I don't consider Regulus to have a redemption arc. Sure, his death resulted from an act of betrayal against LV but that wasn't because he had any change to his beliefs or desire to atone for past acts, but rather because he discovered that LV's ultimate plan was to rule in perpetuity. Not to mention, as fond as Regulus was of Kreacher, he still volunteered the house elf to LV so he certainly saw Kreacher as his property that he could do whatever he wanted with.

As far as the "woobification" goes, I think we're beyond that now. It's just a completely fanon version of Regulus that exists in large circles of the fandom. There's outright disregard for the (few) canon truths we know about him: he believed this ideology. He idolized this group enough to hang newspaper clippings on his wall. His family was proud when he joined; he did not do so in any way to protect them. He was a blood purist and ultimately, he died believing what he lived believing and that's not much of a redemption arc in my book.

As said in DH: But Master Regulus had proper order; he knew what was due to the name of Black and the dignity of his pure blood. For years he talked of the Dark Lord, who was going to bring the wizards out of hiding to rule the Muggles and the Muggle-borns… and when he was sixteen years old, Master Regulus joined the Dark Lord. So proud, so proud, so happy to serve.

BBR thoughts 2024

Since I mentioned that I finally dusted off an old project of mine and was ruminating on how I'd remake it, I thought I'd elaborate a little, now that I've solidified some concepts. For funsies

This is gonna be a bit of a long and unfocused one, but I don't share my personal thoughts here often, especially the stuff about my projects I always marinate in. And for once it's something that people have existing context for, so hey why not

So for anyone who hasn't been following me for a gajillion years, The Black Brick Road of OZ was a webcomic that I posted around 2013-2015, back when I was in highschool going on college (which is kinda crazy to think about). It was sort of a darker twist on The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, although I definitely leaned a lot more into dark humor more than anything in those first few chapters

I don't think it's available to read anywhere anymore, and I know people have been asking me about it. So here's the full proper archive of BBR, as full as it can be with deceased Flash

I totally used it as an excuse to shamelessly and self-indulgently experiment. It had interactive pages and GIFs and was wayyy too overproduced for what I could handle or what was necessary, but I did have great fun making it while it lasted

Unfortunately, that excess and the fact that I've changed too much as a person by the time I was in college is what ultimately killed it. The direction I wanted to go in was practically unrecognizable from the original idea started back in 2011, so there were many old hold-ups that I felt ruined it

At the time I kinda wished I could start/rewrite it all over, but considering that I pretty much had the entire script done at that point, it felt like a pointless sisyphean task. So I just put it on a shelf and didn't look back for about 8 years, because I didn't know what else to do

Now to be fair, the nature of my art has always been iterative and cyclical; when I feel like my creative juices have run dry I prefer to leave a project to marinate and move on to something else; cycle through other old things and bring in new skills and perspectives into the mix when I'm ready again. Not very productive, but it is what makes me happy to work on my OCs; I'm doomed to hit a wall with them eventually and I need some time to be able to find a new direction

So that said, I'm glad that BBR was left to marinate for that long. I don't think I was prepared, emotionally or intellectually, to tackle it again until now. The Wizard of Oz book (and the entire series of them, really) has always been near and dear to my heart, but there's a lot of context around it that I'm only unpacking now that I'm older

I think I always inherently feel negatively about the stuff I've made in the past, like its faults always jump out to me more than the positives, especially the more time passes. I've never liked that, and I do really appreciate the kind things people have to say about BBR to this day. The fact that it still can be recognized and remembered is very sweet

When I left it, I already found it "kinda cringe", and that feeling only deepened with years. When I took my first look back at it, asking the question "how would I rewrite it now?", at first I took a very cynical approach, as in "everything would have to be torn down"

But the more I sat on it, the more I found that I still see some merit and charm in the ideas I was putting out; I just didn't know how to execute them at the time (not to pretend that I know what I'm doing now, but I certainly know more at least). Turns out a lot of my old concepts could be changed substantially with just a few small tweaks. So I'd say that's a nicer way to think about my previous work

If you haven't seen yet, I posted a first draft of my new designs for some of the characters (the main group, the Goods and the Wickeds). Definitely subject to change, but more or less how I see them now

I'm just playing with these concepts; by no means would I attempt to remake BBR right this moment. Call it a pipe dream among my other ones. But just for fun, this is the direction I'd like to take:

Nowadays I'd probably make it a visual novel, with more emphasis on the visual part than the novel because I'm no English prose writer by any means. It'd still let me play a little with the interactivity while helping cut some corners on the drawing part (only some, I imagine I'd go hog wild anyway)

I've always intended for some events inspired by the sequel books to take place in BBR's past. Stuff like Jinjur's revolt or Ozma's rule preceeds the main events here. So I think it would be fun to follow the past of a few key characters alongside the main story. One chapter focusing on the present quest to see the Wizard, then one focusing on the past events (that are maybe reflective thematically); rinse and repeat

I'm also sticking a little closer to the original text in some regards. Not everything that I enjoy from the books would be translated here, it's still just a very loose fantasy on the material; but I'd like to be closer in spirit at least

I like mature, wise and powerful Glinda, I like kind and vulnerable Tin Man, I like the Wizard being a pathetic yet loveable liar, so I'm sprinkling in more of that for example

I'd like to keep some whimsy, but make it more grounded and a bit more serious to be coherent in tone. I think the original TWWOOZ book was a more realistic fantasy in some ways, even for the standards of the time; I like its simple but vivid tactile descriptions and details like bringing attention that Dorothy needed to eat and sleep

I find it funny that Baum specifically was averse to making his books scary or unpleasant, finding that unnecessary for telling a compelling kids story, but they still can get pretty dark and disturbing, at least for our modern sensibilities. Let's just say that I intend to use the Evoldo and Chopfyt storylines for my purposes. In that way, I feel like a "darker" Wizard of Oz retelling can still mostly be tonally in line with the original and balance it with enough heart and occasional humor

I slowly grew to appreciate the quaint old-timey quality of the original series, as well. The first book is both timeless and very much a product of the 1900s. Originally I tried to give it a little modern or at least anachronistic spin, but it was moreso because it's what I knew best, so these days I'd rather intentionally lean into the time period. Still not fully historically accurate by any means, but at least directly acknowledging the influence

The events of the story span across 40 years of these characters' lives, so I'm drawing inspiration from the entire so-called La Belle Epoque: the time period around 1880s-1920s. Basically I'm cooking, and my soup is old Victorian fashion morphing into Edwardian fashion and slowly inching towards flappers

Some new Dolly outfits

Lots of crazy things, political changes and innovations were happening at the turn of the century, which I think is noted and reflected by Baum in the books as well; the character of Tik-Tok might not blow any minds now, but he was one of the first robot characters in literature at that point; and don't even get me started on Jinjur, etc. Plenty of really interesting stuff one could lightly ponder in an Oz adaptation these days

Aesthetically, art nouveau has always been a big artistic influence for me, and it'd definitely be its time to shine here. John R. Neill's illustrations of the Oz books often keep me company as well. Nouveau architecture in particular fits that fairytale whimsy extremely well imo

I'd allow myself a little bit of art deco here and there, but ultimately its intimidating geometrical splendor is an antithetical to the flowery nature of nouveau and I associate it with a completely different era. Definitely fitting some characters like my Wicked Witch of the West, but shouldn't be overused

One of my main problems with the original BBR was that eventually I lost track of what it was even about; and the original ending felt too mean and unfulfilling to be worth it. Now I'd like to stick to the theme of home and family as my main theme, but in a different, more bittersweet way than in the book

An interesting connection I made is that a lot of my aforementioned older key characters (the Witches, Jinjur, the Nome King, etc) all came from the same reformatory as kids, that's how they know each other. In my recent research I learned that in those reformatories it was usually frowned upon to release the children back to the families, which were seen as the original corrupting influence regardless of the circumstance. The reformatory did everything in its power to cut that connection and make itself the only family those wayward kids were supposed to know and love. That's an unexpected tie into the theme of home that I'd like to explore as well

So yeah that's the current state of it. I have a bunch of outfit concepts I'm slowly cooking, although I'm now sure whether I'd post them... But I do miss these funny guys, and I'm glad some people still do as well :)

I don’t really feel like the text of FE3H actually supports a reading of Edelgard having Slither-experiment-induced amnesia as a reason why she doesn’t 'remember’ Dimitri, rather it seems to me that it’s because Dimitri is just not recognizable as ‘Dee’ to Edelgard in the way Edelgard is as ‘El’ to Dimitri, for one very pivotal reason.

Dimitri lives his life looking backwards. Edelgard only ever looks forwards.

And of course they do! For Dimitri, his life is very neatly divided into two sections; Before and After Duscur. He had a happy life up until that point, with what felt to him like a complete family that was involved with him; even if he didn’t remember his birth mother, he had always had Patricia. He had close friends and was very sheltered; ‘El’ was someone new and interesting in a life that was pretty stable up until that point. She stood out for that reason, and also because it wasn’t long after she left that the Tragedy occurred. Dimitri seems to have fixated on the time when she was present in his life as ‘The good times, before everything changed.’ He thinks about that time often, idealizing it as a time he wishes desperately that he could return to. He’s also clearly aware of Arundel’s relationship to him, so he already knows that Edelgard is El, and has known that for a long time before they meet again.

But Edelgard’s life before she met Dimitri as a child was already not that great! Even as a child, she wasn’t insulated from the tense social climate in Adrestia like Dimitri was in Faerghus. It’s unclear if she even remembers having a mother (beyond just knowing facts about her), given how young Dimitri was when Anselma became Patricia, and her father doesn’t seem to have been very involved in her life. She has something like a dozen siblings, but they all start disappearing when she’s very young. For her, Faerghus is just a brief bright point in an unhappy life, and Edelgard as a person doesn’t take comfort from thinking about the past. For her, in her cell in the dark with the rats, thinking of better times that are gone is only salt in the wound. She can’t go back to that time, so she intentionally doesn’t think about it. She doesn’t bother looking into who the boy she knew in Faerghus was. She has more important things to do.

It’s not that she’s forgotten altogether, or that she doesn’t value that time; if you meet Edelgard at the tower on the night of the ball she mentions Dee (not by name, but it’s clear who she means). She also hangs on to the dagger that he gave her for the whole story regardless of route. But what she took away from that was not a memory of an idyllic time when she was happy, like Dimitri did. She took away the advice to use the dagger to carve a future. Edelgard almost pathologically refuses to look backwards. Her eyes are fixed on the future she will cut out for herself. She can’t recognize Dee, the gentle boy she doesn’t think about that much, in Dimitri, who’s been broken by tragedy and changed such that even Felix thinks he’s unrecognizable. 

And I think what reinforces this is that in Azure Moon, when Dimitri acknowledges her as El, Edelgard’s reaction isn’t that of recovering a memory, but of making the connection that Dimitri is the same person as Dee. She just had not noticed it until then.

Because to her, it doesn’t matter.

She says that to him! It doesn’t matter. ‘Dee’ is part of her past. She is moving towards the future. She fundamentally disagrees with the idea of idealizing the past the way Dimitri does, and cuts it away from herself with intent. I think there’s something to the reading that, when she’s beaten at the end of Azure Moon, she throws the dagger at Dimitri to incite him to kill her. The dagger means ‘cut a path forward,’ and Dimitri knows that. Her values of looking forward and not back are clear even in her dying moments, when she has no choice but to entrust Dimitri with improving the world from there forward.

I think it undermines Edelgard’s character to say she ‘has amnesia’ from that time. She remembers. She just chooses not to prioritize that time. Her eyes don’t stray to what is to her the darkness of her past. They are fixed on the edge of dawn.

Apple family redesigns + Family tree

Original posts, info and links down below Keep reading

Apple "Jacqueline" Jack + Rainbow Dash

Apple "Jacqueline" Jack I've added some extra colors to her mane, as I think the design could be pushed further without making her unrecognizable. The extra features I have added are also to make her design more interesting, as well as a call back to her work at the farm. 

I wanted her design to look feminine but also masculine, as that is something I feel fits her character. 

Rainbow Dash Dash's whole color pallet has turned more dark and grey, as this is just a personal taste of mine. Her body features have turned sharp, as a way to show her speed and as a pegasus body type.

She still works for the Wonderbolts as a captain, her badge shows this. Dash is still very adventurous and bold, pushing herself further than she probably should.

Big McIntosh + Sugar "Cube" Bell

Big McIntosh I've darkened his whole pallet, as I wanted him to contras his siblings. I personally also like the fan canon that he's either trans/a drag queen, which he is here in All Love No War AU. So once all the work is done, Big Mac can let his more feminine colors out, which his wife very much supports. She gets to make him pretty and make him feel like his true self.

Sugar "Cube" Bell I've greyed her whole pallet and made her figure more long, as that's the way I draw unicorns. I've shortened her hair and let it loose, as I think it would change with time and all the kids she's had. Plus her working now at the farm and long hair would get stuck on a lot of things. Both are happily married and have been for years now. They have learned to work around their faults and love each other deeply and never would pick another.

Tender Taps + Apple Bloom

Tender Taps Taps is still a dancer but he's now become a backstage dancer. Working with ponies such as Sweetie Bellè, Coloratura "Colorful" and even Songbird Serenade. After passing his exam he was recruited by Sapphire Shores personally and has worked under her ever since.

His whole pallet has been darkened and his markings are very sharp and frame his face. His mane is pretty much the same, it's just become darker and an extra line has been added. For his cutie mark, I've added a bowtie and some sparking but I didn't add much, as I felt it already fit him. The outfit he has on is for the next show, where the theme is more rock.

Apple Bloom Bloom has grown much in height, towering over everyone except her big brother Mac. She still works at the School of Friendship, teaching biology and about cutie marks with (Scootaloo) Speedy Scoot-"aloo".

I made her whole pallet warmer and all of her accessories soft in color. So even though she is extremely tall, she still feels welcoming and like a friend. I've added more color to her mane, making a gradient from a darker red to a pinkish one. Her cutie maker is now more about her talent than just the Cutie Mark Crusaders, the heart in the middle is what ties them together. After Goldie Delicious's passing, she decided to wear her shawl, in memory of her.

previous anon! :D

child actors steve and eddie who worked on a movie together and developed crushes on each other. after the movie, they dont see each other again until eddie is playing music at this fancy party. he recognizes steve immediately because steve became a famous model. it takes steve a second to recognize eddie, but steve knows it's eddie because of his eyes. they have a reunion and kiss. 💅🏼

oh this is delightful! Child actors steddie has got my brain worms spinning around.

The first and only movie they ever did together became quite a hit. Steve and Eddie both played the love interest for the other young girl in the movie, but the reason the movie became so popular is because of the amazing chemistry between the supposed rival characters that Steve and Eddie played.

They spent a lot of time together on set. Eddie was 14, Steve was 13, so they got in quite a bit of trouble for causing mischief on set, as was to be expected of teen boys. They also rehearsed their lines together and when no one was looking, Eddie would lean in close and kiss Steve's cheek just like he had to do with the girl. "I've got to practice!" He'd say.

Steve never denied him. Not even when he accidentally misjudged and planted a kiss right on Steve's lips.

That was Steve's first kiss. Eddie's too.

"Look at her, not at Steve!" The director would scold Eddie while he was giving his lines. He never looked at Steve on purpose, he just found his eyes wandered while giving the sweet lines.

It was just a coincidence that his eyes always found Steve while delivering the line, "I think I love you."

After the movie and all the press was over, the boys went their separate ways and very rarely saw each other.

Eddie sometimes saw Steve's face plastered on billboards while he walked the streets because Steve had abandoned acting and chosen to model. If he stopped and stared for an obscenely long time, well that was his own business. Eddie always used to tell Steve he was pretty.

Acting didn't work out for Eddie either. He got enough money from the one gig to set him up but now he spent most of his time making music and performing at other famous people's parties. It's not the type of stage he wanted to perform on but it was better than nothing.

He was performing at his old co-stars party that night, the girl from the movie, he barely remembered her name. The only thing he remembered from back then was Steve. He still knew that Steve's favourite colour was sunflower yellow and that he liked 3 sugars in his coffee. They used to drink so much coffee at that age to stay awake.

Sometimes he wondered if Steve would even remember him. Would he stop and say hi if he saw Eddie on the street or would he keep walking? Would he add him back if Eddie was man enough to follow him on instagram? Probably not.

Eddie had changed since they were kids. Lots of tattoos and piercings and long hair instead of a buzz cut made him nearly unrecognizable. Steve had barely changed. Eddie could still see the young boy he'd had a crush on in the handsome face that stared at him from billboards.

He's tuning his guitar while the party guests meander into the crazy huge mansion when he spots a familiar face in the crowd. A face that caused him to stop and just stare, his eyes unable to look away from Steve Harrington. He watched Steve glide through the crowd, his smile bright and friendly as he hugged and greeted people, some he kissed on the cheek which made Eddie remember the first time he kissed Steve's cheek.

Steve didn't see him at first, his focus on the people around him, but then Eddie bumped into the mic and caused a feedback screech to echo around the building. "Sorry." He laughed into the mic.

And then Steve's eyes meet his and Eddie could see no hint of recognition in them at all. He smiled up at Eddie as if to say, 'It's ok', but then something changed. His smile dropped and his mouth fell open into a surprised little oh.

Eddie could see Steve mouth his name, could see the realization wash over him as he took in Eddie on the stage.

"Hi." Eddie said into the mic, both to the audience and to Steve, who was walking slowly towards the stage.

"Hi." Steve mouthed the words to him.

Eddie was glad that he took this gig, was glad that he took the time to put on his best outfit and brush his hair.

But most of all he was glad that Steve remembered him.

The Serpent's Paramour CH 3 - Sebastian Sallow x Female!Reader

Summary: Sebastian, while sassy and demanding as ever, is being nice. Too nice. It's confusing as hell.

Word Count: 5.8k

Warnings: 18+, aged up characters, explicit language, emotional turmoil

Chapter 3 now up here on Ao3

The days rolled by in a hazy blur.

At least, you were pretty sure it had been days. Sebastian hadn’t been lying when he’d said you were allowed anywhere but outside the house– seeing as you’d been stopped by the Ashwinders scattered throughout the halls anytime you so much as glanced at the exits. The oppressive, hateful stares of the dark wizards made your skin crawl, so instead of suffering under their bitter gazes day after day, you’d opted to stay in your room. There wasn’t much else to do aside from sleep the hours away, though you realistically didn’t sleep much at all. 

You were sheep in a den of wolves. Every sound had you waking with your heart lodged firmly in your throat, and even after barricading the door with every available piece of furniture in the room, your unease lingered.

 During your first full day in captivity, you’d been woken up by the sound of the dresser screeching across the floorboards as an Ashwinder you’d never seen before pushed the door open. Your eyes had narrowed at him upon realizing that the lock to the bedroom really was just for show, and despite the mask that covered the bottom half of his face, you could tell he was scowling at your makeshift blockade. He had let you know that Sebastian was waiting for you downstairs for breakfast and to make your way there when you were ready. 

Out of sheer spite, you didn’t go. 

No one came to fetch you and force you to attend, much to your relief. Instead, you had taken advantage of the spacious bathroom at your disposal and filled the tub with water hot enough to melt your skin off, but you relished in it all the same. After being so tense for the last forty-eight hours, the bone-deep ache in your limbs diminished some, and you’d stayed submerged in the water for close to an hour. Climbing out was more difficult than you cared to admit, if only because being locked away in the bathroom felt like an added layer of security between you and the strangers beyond the door. Afterwards as you’d combed through your damp hair with your fingers, you found that the reflection that stared back at you in the mirror was unrecognizable to you.

You looked sickly. Years of living your impoverished lifestyle had left you skinnier than you’d ever been, and the sharp, contouring lines of your face were a testament to that fact. Shadows rimmed your eyes and gave you something of a haunted appearance, which was magnified by the dull, lifeless glint in your irises. While your hair was longer after a few years of forgoing trimming it, it was dry, brittle, and fell into an unmanageable heap over your shoulders. You wondered if getting your hands on any styling products would improve the state of the otherwise unremarkable mop on top of your head, but you refused to ask Sebastian for anything. 

Even though he was responsible for kidnapping you, he clearly hadn’t put much thought into having a woman staying in his house. Hell, you didn’t even have a change of clothes at your disposal since your belongings were still missing. 

With that somber thought in mind, you were left with no choice but to slip back into your flimsy nightgown before padding out of the bathroom. Not even fifteen minutes had gone by after fixing your barricade and slithering back under the covers when the telling sound of the dresser screeching across the floorboards greeted you. The same Ashwinder from the morning poked his head through, his tone flat and monotonous as he let you know that lunch would be ready for you in the dining room shortly. 

Once again, you adamantly stayed put in bed. Your stomach voiced its disapproval at you loudly, but if there was one thing about you that had remained consistent into your adulthood, it was your stubbornness and willingness to hold a grudge. 

By dinner time, you’d anticipated for the usual to happen; the dresser screeching as it was shoved out of the way, a head poking through the crack in the door, and your inevitable refusal to go downstairs. You wondered briefly how long you could keep this up before you’d collapse from malnourishment, but as it turned out, you wouldn’t have to. The tiny clock on the mantle read seven o’clock exactly when the bedroom door was pushed open, but instead of seeing a person, you saw a tray of food being levitated through the crack in the entrance. It came to rest on top of the dresser before the door shut, and you held out for a minute before the smell of roasted meat pulled you from the depths of the covers. 

If only to prolong your life and better plan your escape, you ate in contemplative silence. 

Two more days passed by exactly like that. You were no longer being invited to mealtimes with Sebastian, instead being hand delivered food on a tray within the sanctity of your very nice, very commodious cell. Despite the space to move and the amenities that came with the regal seeming chamber, you refused to view it as anything other than that– a gilded cage. The majority of your time was spent pacing the length of the room while you munched on bread, trying and failing to formulate a scheme that would result in you breaking out without anyone noticing. 

Since you refused to set foot outside your bedroom, you knew sorely little about the layout of the house. There were at least two stories, the second of which you were currently holed up on. The main floor contained the dining room with two conjoining sets of doors that led… somewhere, and a long hallway that also led to a place not yet discovered. From the massive wall of windows that lined the side of your room, you could make out some sort of a garden located either in the front of the house or in the back of it, but it was hard to tell with the towering hedges encasing it. 

In short, your planning was going quite poorly. 

As if not knowing the structure of the house wasn’t bad enough, you didn’t even have the necessary tools at your disposal to survive an escape attempt. No shoes, no additional clothing, no wand. Maybe being denied those basic essentials had been intentional for this very reason. The thought made your blood boil at the indignity of it all, and you contemplated just how long you could last before the magic from the repository would start fighting to be let loose. 

Early in the morning of the third day, you were beginning to go stir crazy. Even though there was no proof to back up the claim, you were positive you’d worn a path in the hardwood floor from your nonstop pacing. The buzzing in the back of your head was your only companion, growing louder and louder day by day as Isidora’s magic grew restless in your veins. All of your nails had been effectively chewed into nubs, the sheets on the bed were half strewn about the floor, and the panes of the windows were looking very breakable. You were considering ripping off the vertical columns of the four-poster bed to smash a hole through the glass to throw yourself from, the two story drop be damned. 

Your brow furrowed as you brought your thumb to your mouth to gnaw absentmindedly at the nonexistent nail there, and in the midst of your pondering, you heard the bedroom door open and bang into the dresser. Without turning to check, you remained facing the windows, assuming that the noise was simply due to another breakfast delivery. You’d hardly touched the last one, but you were definitely thirstier than usual, and you were honestly looking forward to the glass of juice that always came with your modest morning meals. 

“If you wanted to redecorate the room, all you had to do was ask, princess.” 

Your hackles raised and your spine stiffened instantly at the sound of Sebastian’s voice, and it was then you realized that you hadn’t actually heard anyone speak words to you in the past two days. As exposed as you felt leaving your back to him, you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of acknowledging his existence, so you dutifully ignored him both verbally and physically. 

A resolute sigh sounded from him, and you listened warily as Sebastian entered the room and shut the door, his heavy footsteps reverberating through the floorboards as he planted himself somewhere near the bed. “I told you you weren’t a prisoner here, yet you insist on treating yourself like one. It’s mind boggling, honestly.”

“Is there some other way you expect me to behave aside from staying the hell away from you and your cronies?” In the reflection of the glass, you could see Sebastian turn to stare at the back of your head, and you knew why. Your voice sounded rough– raspy from days of not being used. 

“Touché,” he relented after a short moment. “But I don’t see where starving yourself factors into that line of thinking.” 

If there had been anything within arms reach for you to throw at him, you would have done it in a heartbeat. Instead you had to settle for crossing your arms stiffly over your chest as you addressed the window once more. “Leave. Me. Alone.” 

“Not until you agree to stop acting like a brat,” Sebastian chided, throwing himself down on your bed and tucking his arms behind his head. “In case you haven’t noticed, you’re all skin and bones. Keep this up and you’ll be dead by the end of the week.” 

Your magic stirred beneath your skin, the comment leaving you aggrieved in the worst of ways, and you felt the wards of the house working to smother the power that yearned to boil over and lash at him. He of all people wasn’t allowed to criticize your appearance. For him to so much as think he had the right to tell you what to do made your heart thrum wildly in your ears, and you spun on your heel to fix your icy glare directly on the brunet. 

“Fuck off, Sebastian. You don’t have the right to tell me what to do. You honestly want me to just blindly trust a single word that comes out of your mouth? To ignorantly assume that I won’t be harmed if I set foot outside this room when all I was met with when I tried was your stupid harem of dark wizards shadowing me everywhere I went? You kidnapped me, you’re forcing me to stay here, and now you have the audacity to tell me how to cope with it? Go to hell.” 

He rolled over onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow to better meet your scrutinizing gaze, and his fingers tapped thoughtfully against the mattress. “Alright, fine. I’ll tell everyone to stay posted at the exits and quit following you if it makes you that uncomfortable. But I meant it when I told you no one under this roof will hurt you. Even if you trust nothing else out of my mouth, trust that. Have I ever lied to you?” 

“Oh, I can remember several occasions,” an accusatory finger was jabbed in his direction, trembling with barely contained rage as you took in his infuriating level headedness. “How about we start with when you lied about laying off the dark arts? Or when you stole my Herbology homework and told me that Leander had done it and I ended up cursing him out in front of the whole school? Or, wait– I know– how about the time you disappeared all day without a word to anyone, only to show up in the catacombs controlling a horde of Inferi with an ancient relic?” 

His brows drew together at the last statement, but otherwise he seemed wholly unfazed by your monologue. “Technically I never lied then, I just didn’t tell you what I was planning.” 

“That is literally the textbook definition of lying by omission, you ass!” 

Being unable to utilize your magic in such an emotional state made you twitchy, so you took to running your hands through your unkempt hair as you began pacing in front of the window yet again. Sebastian watched you curiously, taking in your agitated appearance with something strikingly like amusement twinkling in his eyes. It pissed you off that he could remain so composed in the wake of your fury, but more than anything, it confused you. He should hate you– loathe you, even. After standing back and letting him be turned over to the Ministry, there was no sensible reason for him to be anything other than cold towards you, even if he did need your help. The snarky, tolerant persona he had displayed since speaking with you the first time made no sense to you. 

Finally, Sebastian looked away, letting his head fall back against his shoulder as he set his sights on the canopy overhead. “I think I miss the old you. She was never so rude to me.” 

You decided not to mention that the ‘old you’ had been the one complacent in his arrest, “Well, I don’t. She was a coward– too afraid of hurting your feelings to tell you what a prick you were turning into.” 

Dreamily, he muttered, “You have such a way with words.” 

“Shut up.”

“You need to eat something,” he urged you again, and one of your eyes started twitching.

“I. Don’t. Care. Leave me alone, I liked you better when you were staying the hell away from me.”

Sebastian scoffed, running his fingers through the front part of his hair as he chewed his lip thoughtfully. You hoped to the gods that he was on the brink of giving up– that he would leave again and allow you to stew in your anger in solitude– but of course that was too much to hope for. He sat up on the edge of the bed a split second later, letting his long arms dangle between his legs as he craned his neck back in your direction. “Let’s make a deal; if you leave this room and come downstairs to eat a full meal, I’ll give you a tour of the gardens. Just me, no Ashwinders included.” 

You paused, looking out the wall of windows as you swallowed thickly. Of course you had wanted to go outside since the day you’d arrived, but to suddenly have the option dangled right in front of your face almost felt like a trap. “Why would you let me go outside?” 

Sebastian flashed you an easy smile, and the sight was like a punch to the gut when you realized how young it made him look. His mature features shifted before your eyes, leaving you face to face with the boy you’d called a friend during your fifth-year instead of the twenty-something year old dark wizard that had kidnapped you. It was easy to forget everything he’d done when he looked at you like that. Too easy, in fact. So you stared down at the floor instead. 

He sighed as he stood up, then you heard the creaking of the dresser as it was levitated back over to its original resting place against the wall. You knew it would be moved back in front of the doorway later, but he didn’t need to know that. Sebastian strode for the exit, casting a coy look at you over his shoulder. “Because it’ll be easier for you to plan your grand escape if you can scout the grounds,” he joked, warranting a frown from you. “And because you’re withering away in here out of pure spite. It’s not the easiest thing to overlook, so what do you say? Do we have a deal?” 

Sebastian opened the door, beckoning you towards it invitingly as you fisted your hands in the hem of your nightgown. As distrustful as you still were of the man, he did have a point. You were rotting away in here, and the chance to set foot outside and breathe some fresh air was too good an opportunity to pass up. 

Wordlessly, you shuffled towards the open door and waited for Sebastian to close it behind him before following him down the stairs. Nothing had changed in the three days you’d spent locked inside the bedroom; the walls were still mostly void of any decor, and the smell of dust continued to tickle the back of your throat as you made your way into the dining room. You saw two Ashwinders stationed beside one of the doorways you hadn’t been privy to going near, and with a wave of his hand, Sebastian dismissed them. They looked at one another cautiously before obeying, leaving the two of you alone to feast on the decedent spread of food that covered the table. 

Your eyes lingered on Sebastian’s back as he walked to the same seat you’d occupied days prior, your brows disappearing into your hairline as he pulled the chair out and gestured for you to sit. How… chivalrous? What exactly was he playing at? Despite your reservations, you sat down and allowed him to push your chair in, watching guardedly as he sat down directly beside you instead at the other end of the table like you’d expected. It all seemed so much more intimate given the close proximity, and you couldn’t help but shift uneasily in your seat at the thought. 

While Sebastian set to serving you some of the eggs and sausages that lined the table, you thought back to his earlier comment in the bedroom. “You know, with all your teasing on the subject, you don’t sound at all worried that I’ll find a way to get out of here.” 

He shrugged, setting the serving spoon down before picking up a spatula to plop two pancakes onto your plate. “Maybe you will, maybe you won’t. I have every intention of making it hard for you, though.” 

The laugh you huffed out was dry and devoid of any humor, “What, are you planning on booby trapping my room or something?”

“I was thinking more along the lines of making you fall irrevocably in love with me so you don’t want to leave.” 

He had to be joking. There had to be a jibe hidden away in that statement somewhere, but the longer you stared at him, the less certain you became. Sebastian looked relatively serious as he picked up a bottle of syrup and drizzled it over the top of your breakfast, not bothering to look at you as you openly gaped at him. 

You were fairly positive you had been in love with Sebastian during your fifth-year. His consistent acts of service and toe-curling praises had understandably paved the way for a sort of crush to form, but that was all it had amounted to in the end. A crush. How else could you explain your blatant disregard for his poor decision making back then? Love is blind, as they say, but even Ominis had called out Sebastian’s steady descent into madness whereas you had made countless excuses to justify his actions. What was that, if not love? 

Towards the end, your infatuation had evaporated rather quickly once you’d realized how far under Sebastian’s manipulations you had fallen. Somewhere along the way he had taken advantage of your kindness and willingness to help, and it had been his undoing. Falling in love with him was such a far off concept to you now, it was almost laughable. 

“What, nothing to say?” He goaded you with a lazy smile. “No ‘shut up, Sebastian’ or secret declarations of love that spanned across the last five years?” 

Forcing your face to remain impassive, you evenly retorted with, “I wouldn’t fall in love with you if you paid me to do it. I’d sooner elope with a Dugbog.” 

You were startled by Sebastian’s booming laughter, the sound rich and belly-deep and entirely genuine. His head tipped back and his hair fell away from his forehead, revealing more of the sun kissed, freckled skin you’d failed to notice the last time you spoke with him. When he caught his breath and wiped a nonexistent tear away from his eye, he turned back to you with that youthful smile gracing his features once more. “Whatever you say, princess. I’ll take the loss in exchange for getting to see something like that.” 

In the next half hour that followed, you were surprised to admit that you’d ended up scarfing down two whole plates. When the trays delivered to your room often arrived, the food was warm but not hot, and something about digging into a steaming, freshly cooked meal in its entirety after so long was too enticing an opportunity to pass up. The buzzing in the back of your skull lessened some, and you found yourself relaxing into your seat more and more over time. Sebastian had simply watched quietly as you gorged yourself with gusto, looking strangely content by the time you set your fork down and pushed the plate away from yourself. 

Your cheeks flushed as you took notice of his unwavering focus on you, and you attempted to hide the redness of your face with your napkin as you wiped your mouth. “Sorry… guess I was hungry.” 

Instead of teasing you or boasting about being right like you thought he would, Sebastian simply shook his head and stood from his seat before charming away the dirty dishes. “Don’t apologize, I’m glad you ate something,” he admitted softly. “Come on, let’s go. A deal is a deal.”

Sebastian didn’t wait for you as he strode towards one of the sets of doors in the massive dining room, and your eagerness to get outside again overpowered any reservations you might have had about following him. Without a word, you hurried after him, stopping a few feet short as he produced his wand to cast a simple unlocking charm before throwing the grand oak slabs open. 

Even though you knew you’d been heading to the garden, you hadn’t expected it to look so colorful. 

While the house’s interior seemed to take gothic architecture to a new level, the exterior was something straight out of a children’s book. Cobblestone walls lined with moss and ivy loomed overhead, towering at least fifteen feet tall, and the hedges you had previously spied through your bedroom window took up the entirety of the far side of the backyard. Clusters of wildflowers decorated the ground, running right up to the edge of a small pond that sat in the middle of the enclosed space, and the body of water was surrounded by intricate stone carved benches. It looked like the kind of place you would find alongside a cottage in the woods, not the dreary, colossal manor you found yourself inhabiting. 

As soon as you stepped out barefooted into the lawn, the brisk, autumn breeze was blowing your hair off of your shoulders and caressing your cheeks. Your eyelids fluttered as you took in the earthy scents that met you; the pollen from the flowers, the bark from the trees, the damp dirt beneath the grass. In that brief moment of tranquility, you felt lighter than you had in days. 

The feeling was fleeting, however, seeing as you were immediately stifled by the wards that evidently stretched outside. Your magic strained against the invisible, oppressive force that worked to smother your abilities, and the sense of peace you’d barely been able to enjoy for a full minute evaporated into nothing. You shuddered at the loss, letting your head dip towards the ground as you wiggled your toes in the dew covered grass, and you became acutely aware of Sebastian’s prying eyes fixing on you. 

He wordlessly shrugged off the wool overcoat he had on and stepped behind you, ignoring the way you tensed as he draped the warm, thick attire over your shoulders. 

“I’m fine, you don’t have to–”

“You’re still in a nightgown with no shoes on,” he muttered quietly, as though he was only just now realizing it. He adjusted the flipped collar of the coat, letting his fingers linger against the skin of your neck for a moment longer than necessary, and the contact had your stomach churning. It was the first time he’d touched you since bringing you here. “I’ll have Nora bring you some new clothes later. She should have some things that fit.” 

Sebastian stepped away from you rather suddenly and shoved his hands in his pockets as he casually moved further into the garden, leaving you frozen with confusion as you watched his retreating form. Your chilled hands clasped the woolen collar of the coat tighter around your neck, your brows furrowing and your heart clenching in your chest as you contemplated why the man was being so tolerant of you– so nice, even. On his orders, his Ashwinders had stolen you from your room in Bainburgh and brought you to him, stripping you of your magic and your freedom. He had taunted you and told you to your face that you would help him obtain the relic he needed whether you liked it or not. In doing so he was jeopardizing his safety and yours, all because of the dark power within you that would inevitably consume you without the aid of the ancient magic sites or your wand. For all intents and purposes, he wasn’t someone you should let your guard down around, much less trust. 

But then there was you. The girl– now woman– who had stood back and let him be taken to Azkaban all those years ago. Back then, you had been afraid of what it would mean to not speak up– too anxious at the prospect of doing nothing about Sebastian’s infatuation with the dark arts, only to regret your complacency later on. Ominis had said as much to you in the Undercroft that day. He had thrown your feelings for your mutual friend in your face and told you that your blind loyalty would only enable him, and that as much as he didn’t want to, turning him in was the only option. 

You had been running on fumes at that time, too overwhelmed with Ranrok, the Keepers, and Sebsatian’s antics to state your case and dissuade Ominis from making a decision that he would grow to regret. Your cowardice had resulted in Sebastian’s expulsion and inevitable incarceration within Azkaban, and the guilt you felt had inevitably transformed into a deep resentment towards Ominis that you were never able to shake in the years that followed. Guilt could never unmake those choices, however, and you had been prepared to live with that lingering feeling for the rest of your life.  

But despite all of those things, the man before you was being gracious towards you. Alarmingly so. 

Sebastian stood at the edge of the pond, gazing down into the murky water and looking like he was wound tighter than a spring. You shifted uncomfortably in place, torn between moving closer to him or staying where you were. The latter choice ultimately won out, and you called to him from where you stood mere feet beyond the door. “Why are you doing all of this?” 

Thankfully, you didn’t have to elaborate. Sebastian turned slightly to glance at you through the corner of his eye, his expression blank and unreadable. Then he looked away to direct his reply to his boots, “I told you already, you’re no good to me dead.”

You couldn’t have held back your outburst if you tried, “Then force feed me! Throw a blanket at me, shove my feet in a pair of ratty slippers or something instead of offering me a whole new wardrobe and being so patient all the time. Why be so hospitable?” 

“Would you rather I be cruel?” Sebastian turned to face you this time, his arms crossing over his broad chest as he stared you down. “Do you want me to treat you like crap– to be the villain you think I am? The one you thought I was five years ago? Would it make it easier for you to cope with your decision to condemn me to a lifetime in Azkaban? Is that honestly what would make you feel better?” 

“I–” you stammered, at a loss for words as you averted your eyes to spare yourself from his critical stare. Instinctively, you pulled his coat tighter around you as you attempted to shrink in on yourself. It was the first time he had openly acknowledged what you’d done. You wanted nothing more than for the ground to open up and swallow you whole rather than be faced with the painstaking remorse that came with his declaration. He waited for you, though. He waited for you to say something to counter the accusation he’d hurled at you, and in the end you settled with, “You should hate me.” 

“Should I?” 

“I let Ominis turn you in,” you practically whispered, squeezing your eyes shut to hold back the biting sting of tears forming. 

Sebastian paused, then said, “You did.” 

“I don’t know how you can stand to look at me. I don’t know why you’re able to crack jokes and pretend like everything is fine, or act like nothing happened. I don’t understand, Sebastian.” 

“…I don’t know either,” he reluctantly divulged. Your eyes snapped open to meet his dark gaze, a new kind of mask settling over his face. One that was cold, unyielding, and distant. “But know this; I did hate you. For what time I did spend in Azkaban, I felt nothing but hatred. For you, for Ominis, even for myself. It was the only thing that kept me going.” 

Your next breath caught in your throat as your grip on his coat turned white knuckled. “And now? After you use me to get your relic, what then? Will you kill me?” 

A crack formed in his mask then, barely noticeable beyond the slight softening of his eyes, but you saw it all the same. “I don’t think I could kill you if I tried, princess.”

“That’s not exactly reassuring,” you countered, ignoring the tender way he said the nickname. “There are worse things than death.” 

“There are. But none that I’m intent on submitting you to. As for what comes after you help me get the relic, well… I suppose that remains to be seen.”

Before you had the chance to press him further, you were yelping in alarm as a figure dashed outside from within the dining room, their arms pinwheeling as they dug their heels in the grass to avoid colliding into you. Bowler hat was already staring at you incredulously when you turned to face him, and you were surprised to find that he was without his face mask this time around. His jaw was lined with salt and pepper stubble, the same color as his hair, and the weathered look to his face confirmed your previous assumptions that he was well into his fifties. If he hadn’t been sneering at you with his icy blue eyes narrowed in distaste, you would have almost said he was relatively attractive. 

He jabbed a finger at you as he addressed Sebastian, the former Slytherin lazily making his way towards the two of you. “I thought she wasn’t allowed outside.” 

“Relax Devlin,” Sebastian waved off the older man, planting himself protectively beside you, and you immediately realized that he was at least six inches taller than his associate. “I brought her out here. She needed some fresh air.” 

“Careful being alone with this one for too long,” Devlin side-eyed you attentively, presumably thinking back to the last time he had been in a room with you. “She’s a hellcat straight out of the fiery pits of the Underworld if I’ve ever seen one.”

“If you don’t know how to talk to women, just say that,” Sebastian said antagonistically. 

Devlin swore softly under his breath and rolled his eyes, then tapped the empty space on his wrist where a watch was meant to go. “We need to get going,” he said, his gaze momentarily returning to you as he contemplated how much of the discussion you were privy to hearing. “You’re needed in London.”

Whatever was waiting for Sebastian in London must not have been anything good, because the mere mention of the city made him go rigid. His demeanor changed completely, and when he glanced down to meet your shrewd gaze, you could have sworn he looked worried. You wanted nothing more than to ask him what was in the city– to get a sliver of information out of him to shed some light on what he was up to– but you already knew he wouldn’t tell you. 

He sucked in a slow, steadying breath before exhaling roughly. “I know it’s wishful thinking to hope you’ll listen to me, but go back to your room and stay there.” 

So much for being allowed to walk freely through the house. “When will you be back?” 

Sebastian grinned smugly, cocking his head to the side and causing his grown out bangs to brush across his forehead playfully. “Going to miss me already, princess?” 

Devlin groaned, mockingly gagging at the unabashed flirting the brunet displayed, and you frowned at the thought of locking yourself back up in that cold, empty room. You still needed to escape, but that plan would remain a working progress without your belongings on hand– and if you had to choose, you would much rather linger in the garden and enjoy the outdoors. 

Sebastian must have somehow read your dour thoughts plainly on your face, because his tone softened as he insisted, “Just go inside, I’ll be back later tonight to chaperone your explorations. Don’t wander far,” he added jokingly. 

Prick. 

With a hefty sigh, you turned to make your way to the door, shooting Devlin a dangerous look as you passed him. His blue eyes made a full trip around their sockets, but he otherwise said nothing. The grass disappeared from under your feet, replaced by the cool, hardwood floors of the house that sent a chill up your spine, and as you turned around to watch the two men depart, the double doors were already sliding shut with a soft click. A resounding crack came from the garden– a telltale sign that they had apparated– and you were left standing alone in the dining room with Sebastian’s jacket still draped over your shoulders. 

You don’t know why you did it. You would deny it until the day you died, but as you ascended the wide staircase leading to the second floor, you shamelessly brought the collar of the woolen coat to your nose. You were met with the familiar scent of cedar wood and worn parchment that was so uniquely Sebastian, it made your heart flutter. 

Seeing as your one of the only people I know who is into Transformers, would you mind info dumping about it?

I know very little of anything about it besides the old "Micheal Bay!" Joke, and that it was initially made to sell toys, but that doesn't really mean anything.

So tell me, is there "more than meets the eye" to this franchise?

HOOOOOOOOO BOY

The single most important thing to know about Transformers is that there is no singular canon. Rather, there's a TON of different continuities, or basically alternate versions of the same universe. Transformers is a franchise that basically tells the same story over and over again, altering each time while keeping some very basic core themes and characters.

Optimus Prime is the leader of the Autobots. Megatron is the leader of the Decepticons. The Autobots are the good guys, the Decepticons are the bad guys, and they have been fighting a war for millions of years. It is rare for continuities to change these core facts. They might be modified, but they will never be unrecognizable.

In one continuity, Optimus might be a younger, more inexperienced leader. In another, he may be old, wise, and powerful. In some continuities, Optimus and Megatron have personal beef with each other through their backstories, making them almost lost brothers of a sort. In others, Megatron is a stranger and Optimus is an impersonal victim of his cruelty. Each time this story, the story of Transformers, is told, little details like this change.

Generally, continuities try to keep a certain "feel" to them. While sometimes a continuity will completely reinvent a character, most of the time it will try to keep a character within a few (arbitrarily chosen) character traits and/or role.

So, if this story has been told over and over again, and there's certain established expectations for characters, what was this all based on? The answer is the original 1984 animated cartoon! This cartoon is referred to as "Generation 1", or just "G1" for short. This is the cartoon made to sell toys. The animation quality is poor, the dialogue and music are cheesy, and I absolutely love it to pieces. I would highly, highly recommend that you watch the first three episodes, which basically acts as the pilot for the whole show. It really writes the characters at their most iconic and introduces the setting.

Now that you understand that G1 is the base, you can go from there and explore other continuities! Remember, continuities don't connect across different mediums (with the very distinct exception of one specific continuity, which I'll get to right after this) so feel free to find one that interests you. In general, each cartoon (or close series of cartoons) is a continuity. Allow me to list some of the more popular ones:

Transformers Beast Wars. This is arguably the continuity that follows the established G1 pattern the least, since this is the cartoon that followed right after it. In this one, the transformers turn into animals and battle on a prehistoric earth. This one is well-renowned for its surprisingly deep character writing, but the antique 3D animation is the biggest hurdle to enjoyment. It's kinda the continuity that's the most forgotten.

Transformers Armada, Energon, and Cybertron. Also known as the Unicron Trilogy (no, not "unicorn"!), this one was made in Japan and then dubbed and exported. They introduce a lot of anime-inspired features into the lore such as powerups and the like. Armada is regarded very highly with good writing, the other two not so much. The continuity between them is fairly loose. You could absolutely get away with watching just that one. Here's a link to Armada.

The Michael Bay films. You already know this one. These live action films are in a continuity of their own. In all absolutely fairness, the first movie is pretty good, barring Bay's more childish flairs. If you don't mind the U.S. military being portrayed as the absolute good guys, I think you'll genuinely like it.

The Bumblebee movie. Special shoutout to this one! This live action movie is in its own continuity that's really fun. This is an excellent movie and I love it so much, please watch it at some point.

Transformers Animated. This is one of the most widely beloved continuities in the entire franchise. People really, really like this show. It takes the franchise in a refreshing new direction, with the first season feeling almost a bit more like a superhero cartoon than a "traditional" transformers cartoon. The Autobots are the absolute underdogs in this one and it's hard not to root for them. Here's a link. This one's a good one to start with.

Transformers Cyberverse. This one is a web series that was focused for a younger audience for the first season, gets decent in the second but then gets absolutely and insanely fucking unhinged in season 3. I. . . don't recommend this one for any beginners? It's a trip. That first season is pretty unbearable. The second season starts out feeling like you missed something, and then gradually gets kinda better. Season 3 is insane. Look, just tackle this one after you've tackled the others. Don't start here.

Transformers Earthspark. The newest of the bunch, this one is releasing on Paramount Plus. I've really enjoyed what I've seen of it! It's a much more down-to-earth approach to the story. It changes some characters but in interesting ways. The new characters are excellent as well. You can definitely start with this one.

And finally, without further ado:

Transformers Prime.

I fucking LOVE this one.

This one is my favorite and was what really got me into the Transformers fandom. This cartoon takes the good innovations from the Michael Bay movies and then actually tells an amazingly competent story with it. It's the Transformers cartoon with the darkest tone by a long shot, and it really sells that this story is about a war. Characters die! The serialization is suuuuuuuper tight- one of my favorite examples is that injured characters have to spend time onscreen healing back up.

This cartoon also gives a significant amount of focus and exploration of the Decepticons as a faction as well, which is rare for the franchise. Both the Autobot and Decepticon characters will charm their way into your heart.

This show is equivalent in quality to Avatar the Last Airbender to me. I know that's probably overhyping it. You may not like it as much. But I really really really love it.

Here is a link to the first season.

But wait! There's more. Welcome to the Aligned Continuity!

Transformers Prime is actually part of the franchise's first attempt to really connect a story across media platforms. The result was. . . mostly successful? Definitely a lot of plot holes/errors, and some of the continuity is trash, but I want to highlight two videogames specifically:

Transformers: War for Cybertron. This game is a third-person shooter by High Moon studios. They do an absolutely stellar job with this one. Taking place on Cybertron, the home planet of the transformers, this one acts as the first part of an indirect prequel to Transformers Prime.

Transformers: Fall of Cybertron. If the first game is good, then this game is amazing. The devs layer on more amazing mechanics to those introduced in the first game, with some of my absolute most favorite moments in all of gaming happening in this one. It acts as a second part of the prequel to Transformers Prime.

The writing in both of these games is so amazing, and the gameplay is so much fun. I know you love videogames, so that's why I'm recommending these two you. HOWEVER, the cost is that these games are stupid difficult to get ahold of. You'll most likely have to sail the high seas, yo-ho-ho, if you catch my drift. I play these on my Xbox 360. Best of luck to you!

Anyways, there are other entries into the Aligned Continuity. There's a set of three novels that I've heard are stellar. If you're looking for a show for young kids but that is also fun for you to watch, you could always check out Transformers: Rescue Bots. That one has a small but devoted fanbase of older fans.

But do NOT touch the cartoon in this continuity called Robots in Disguise. Do not. It's marketed as a sequel to Transformers Prime. It is not. Not really. It's like the Halo 5 of Transformers. Every day I am reminded that it exists I am in pain.

---

And there lies the end of my introduction! If you actually did read all of this, congrats to you. Ironically, I'm not sure that you've really ended up more knowledgeable than you started. I didn't really go over anything specific about characters or plot or lore or anything. But I hope I've illustrated my point that to do so would be fruitless- this story exists in so many different iterations that you just have to go out and find the one that resonates the most with you, y'know?

My recommendation for getting acquainted with the franchise is to start with those first three G1 episodes, then move on to either Animated or Prime. You could also pick Beast Wars if you're looking for something with a more retro 90s charm, which I know you like from Marathon.

It’s so funny when people are like ‘superhero comics don’t sell because they’re too leftist’ (comics have leaned left from the beginning, often not radically so and they still don’t, but yeah,that’s what happens when most of the writers from New York) rather than like, the much more obvious reasons of constant reboots and being unable to read any one story without either buying a million comics or spending hours on wikis because of all the crossovers and constant shifting timelines.

The reason manga is selling better is because when you pick up my hero academia or yona of the dawn or something, you get the whole story and it’s consistent and able to build on it’s characters. Even if it ends up being a million volumes, you don’t need a dedicated research team to figure out the story, and even if it ends up being consistently mediocre like my hero academia you can still follow along pretty easily and won’t have to worry about the character suddenly being erased from the story or becoming unrecognizable because of a crossover in some other title. or the writer changing halfway through, or a new company wide initiative. The artists have a little more freedom to tell the complete story they want to tell, to actually pull off a good ending or plot twist that won’t be undone in a few years, there’s usually just one main editor, and they also have anime adaptations to hype them up that are much more similar to the source material than marvel/dc movies are to comics and simpler to get into.Also they’re less expensive. Manga is just more accessible, especially to kids.

 It’s just a solid business model (though it has it’s own problems, mainly the endless greed and enforced overwork from those at the top), while comics run around in circles with constantly changing editors and writers and making snap business decisions. Like isn’t that obviously the culprit here? It’s not rocket science.

Hey I feel like people in the fandom forget easily that since Killer is an "evolution" of classic , so he would be smart too.

Like , imagine Killer just doing something super stupid (jumping off of a roof) and when Nightmare is like "don't do that you'll die" Killer just starts spouting science about how he'll survive (at like 0.002 HP) and he's ACTUALLY right too.

And for Horror that when he attacks it looks like mindless chopping but he's actually doing it on his knowledge of anatomy and weak points that lead to quick deaths/easy kills.

Plus the idea of Killer being a very smart guy that can barely cook without burning something down is funny to me sooo uuhhhh yeah.

(what do you think , wicky?)

i’m a personal subscriber to ‘most of his life from before the genocides are fuzzy and blocked out for killer’ and replaced with a frustration of ‘i should know this, i know i should know this, but i don’t’ that he chooses to brush off rather than look too deep into.

so my take on this is he doesn’t actually know the science behind anything. he feels like he should, and sometimes he has subconscious ‘hunches’, but he doesn’t know nearly as much as he once did. he sort of feels like something’s missing in that aspect, but he ignores it because that’s not a new feeling to him.

science is a fairly big part of sans’ character, and i like to drive in how different killer is from ‘sans’ after everything he’s done and everything he’s gone through. i mean, killer is so far gone from being ‘sans’ that his soul is straight up outside of his body and signing up to be the new target mascot.

to me, it makes sense that he wouldn’t remember any parts of ‘sans’ that might carry on with him. there are bits and pieces, subconscious things like how messy he is or his crude humor, but overall he doesn’t resemble sans at all anymore. it’s the same reason why i make lust!sans a chemist, because he IS a sans, but people ignore all those traits in favor of sex appeal. lust is a sans, he has not had any severe change that makes him unrecognizable from a sans, and thus he has the science-y backstory of a sans. i like to think that in versions where killer escapes from color, he starts to enjoy science again and regains some of those forgotten memories, though not all. but other than that, killer just. doesn’t get science like he used to.

i also keep dust science-y because he keeps the most ‘sans’-like traits, both in terms of design and how he acts. dust is far from how he used to be, but he’s still recognizable as sans in many ways, so he keeps some of those traits. i like to think horror keeps some of the knowledge of his science background, but none of it was anatomical, sans is implied to have worked in physics and stuff like that i’m pretty sure. horror has shitty memory and will forget things from time to time, but not fully. it’s like a gradient of ‘how close are you to the person you used to be’, where dust is the most like sans, horror is halfway there but never ever going to be the same, and killer is just there and making fun of dust for being a nerd.

Check Engine

Ya girl has completely gone off the deep end. Did someone order a Mechanic!Karl fic that’s just going to likely end up being filth? Well, too bad. You’re getting it. First chapter isn’t much aside from reader (GN) thirsting. (Never fear Chrysalis fans, this is but a temporary diversion into madness lol. My main focus is still that particular work.) Words: 3,533 Characters: Karl Heisenberg x Reader Warnings: Minors DNI - Eventual Smut and hysterically bad PWP to follow, provided everyone feeds my ego enough. Read on AO3

You had no idea what had possessed you to bring your car to this body shop, but you were simultaneously thanking and cursing whatever it had been that guided your hand and made you turn onto the lonely gravel driveway after work, finally deciding that you could no longer win the staring contest between yourself and the check engine light. The sign, the exterior - everything about this place had seen better days, but you didn’t have the money to fork over to a more reputable establishment and at the very least it was on the way to the little place you’d started renting just outside of the city limits. The yard surrounding the building proper was littered with rusted out cars and bikes that you were pretty sure couldn’t possibly be salvaged, and there was an unsettling abundance of signs taped to the window warning any trespassers of what might befall them if they tried anything sketchy. The faded logo on the lopsided sign by the roadside looked like it might have once been a stallion’s head framed by a metal horseshoe, but between the sun and pure neglect it had faded to something almost entirely unrecognizable. Still, every morning on the way to your new job you’d passed this place, and no one seemed to be actively being robbed or shot on the property. It was probably fine. You’d taken a cautious step out of your vehicle, the barking of an unseen dog giving you pause. If you hadn’t been feeling so bold that particular day, jacked up on a particularly adventurous coffee order, you might not have decided on a whim to pull in and would rather have called ahead and given the owner the courtesy of a heads-up. But, no. Today you threw caution to the wind and gave a middle finger to all the pragmatic thoughts that screeched at you to get back behind the wheel and peel out of there as fast as physics allowed. 

Having only lived in this town for a few months, you didn’t yet have the luxury of knowing what businesses you wanted to frequent or who was trustworthy or even where everything was. Hell, you didn’t even have friends here – you’d left everyone behind when you’d accepted your new position and decided to start over fresh. It might have simply been easier to jump on the highway and go looking for a more populated area, one that had a massive cineplex and ten Starbucks stores and a respectable car dealership. Your ego simply wouldn’t allow it. Your parents had questioned your choice to move to what was comparatively such a small town, but the promise of a quiet change of pace had been enough to entice you to take the plunge. You felt the thrill of rebellion coursing through your veins as you straightened your stance and made your way into what seemed to be the main entrance, a silent pep talk fueling your every step. 

Granted, nothing about this mechanic seemed quiet.

You’d heard the ancient radio blaring before you’d even parked your car, the tinny audio almost enough to make you want to overnight the owner something less outdated purely out of the goodness of your heart. Add on top of that the clangs and whirrs of the machinery that were to be expected, plus the periodic exclamations of FUCK and STUPID PIECE OF— and you were beginning to understand why the shop sat on the edge of town, with fields in every direction unmarred by the cookie cutter housing developments that tended to descend on these areas like locusts. It seemed that whoever operated this joint wasn’t very interested in mingling with the local populace - you hoped that meant that whatever they charged you wouldn’t completely bankrupt you, but you kept that little tidbit of information to yourself. As it turned out, the interior was much the same as the sight that had greeted you when you pulled up. A near cataclysmic pile of junk was present everywhere you looked - you could just make out the workspace in the back of the building that looked at least a little bit clear, but between the low light caused by multiple dead bulbs and the thick coat of grime that seemed to cover everything in sight, it didn’t look much more inviting. The voice you’d heard was coming from that general direction, it seemed, and you cleared your throat, hoping that whoever was back there would be alerted to your presence. Of course, no matter how many fake coughs you managed, you still found yourself standing alone but for the woman in the poster on the opposite wall, scantily clad and leaning seductively against the hood of a restored classic Chevy. Fuck you, Mom and Dad. I won’t be bested by a shady repair shop. A cautious ding of the call bell yielded no results. You ended up having to shout into the void, doing your best to sound polite while you hollered for someone, anyone, to help you. More than once. When the radio suddenly went silent and the intermittent curses ceased, you knew you’d been successful. You waited with baited breath until at last a man stalked up to the counter, his expression almost the comical opposite of the smiley face printed on the “Ring for service!” sign taped to the counter. “Yeah?” He looked less delighted at the prospect of a new customer and more irritated that you’d had the audacity to show up and offer him a job. You stared back, at first completely unsure what to make of him. He wasn’t very tall, but he was broad and struck and imposing figure nonetheless. His wiry gray hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, the flyaways zigzagging away from his face like thunderbolts, and his messy silvery beard was uneven and looked in desperate need of a trim. His forehead was lined with lines that told of a life not particularly easy, and his light blue eyes darted anxiously between you and the exit, as if he expected your presence to herald something terrible. If you had to guess his age - maybe 45? 50? He looked like the type of person who might have been older than he looked - there was a weariness to him that you got the feeling he might never admit to but was detectable all the same. The dark blue coveralls he wore were halfway undone, tied around his waist and leaving him in a stained, dirty tank top that presumably had been white at some point. Now it was threadbare and almost gray, but you weren’t complaining - it meant you got a peak at the dark chest hair peeking out over the brim, and his biceps that flexed beneath skin criss crossed with old and new scars. His undershirt also didn’t seem to properly fit him - it was particularly tight around the middle and seemed in danger of riding up at any moment and oh dear god you were not about to thirst over this complete stranger and his dad bod, what was wrong with you?

If you wouldn’t have felt like a character in a sitcom, you might have slapped yourself across the face to bring yourself back to reality. He raised a brow at you, hands busying themselves with a rag that seemed far too dirty to have any chance at removing any of the god-knew-what trapped beneath his nails. Somewhere in the back, an alarm rang - some machine protesting his lack of attention. Just as he drew a breath in to chastise you and no doubt ask if you were stupid or something, you managed to sputter out an explanation for your visit. “Hmm,” he peered out the window at your back toward where you’d left you car. “When did it start doing that?” “Just about halfway through my move here,” you said, your confidence waning with every passing moment. “I’m uh, I’m new to the area. I drive through here on my way to work and I thought–” “You thought you’d just show up without so much as calling and that I’d just be dying to fix that hunk of junk? That I’d be jumping for joy and kissing your ass for deciding to grace my shop with your presence?” You gaped wordlessly for a moment. “N-no. Of course not, I just–” The man barked a laugh, revealing straight but slightly tobacco-stained teeth. You hated that he was vaguely handsome - not in the way most people would consider, of course. In the way that someone with slight mental derangement and daddy issues might find attractive - lucky for him, the dry spell that had plagued you over the last year was playing into his favor. It was throwing you off of your game, undermining all of the conviction you’d built up before entering. “I’m just kidding, doll. Calm down,” he said, cocking his head thoughtfully. “Sheesh, unclench your ass. I know that model, got a good idea of what might be causing it. I can probably fix it within an hour but I’ve got this other piece of shit to get back to working order first. Owner’s a real bitch and I do not want to deal with it if it’s not done by closing - can you wait maybe a couple hours?” Relief flooded your body. A couple of hours out of your night was far less terrible than the scenarios your mind had thought up when you’d first noticed the issue. You’d imagined weeks without your car, paying not just for the repair but also for a rental or a rideshare service that would not only add to your expenses but also mean you had to make dreaded small talk with strangers on the way to and from work. “Yes - that’s fine,” you exhaled shakily. “Thank you.” He nodded. “Got a lovely little waiting area behind you - make yourself comfortable. You want a soda or some shit? I think they’re ah…. Expired, but not by much.” “No, that’s okay. I’ll just play on my phone or something, thank you.” After a gruff nod, the mechanic disappeared to the back once more, and the radio resumed its obnoxious screeching. You noticed, with some amusement, that the shouting seemed to have died down somewhat, though not entirely. He seemed to be doing his best to deliver on his version of customer service. Whatever, you thought, if he fixes the car tonight and I don’t have to sell a kidney to pay for it, he’s my new favorite person on earth. As it turned out, the “waiting area” was little more than a bench with a wobbly leg, an end table, and a television with no remote that appeared to be perpetually stuck on the History channel. It was mounted far too high on the wall for you to feel around for any buttons, but you weren’t overly bothered by it. You had a mostly full phone battery, and a three hour video essay to catch up on. Of course, as seemed to be your luck as of late, a problem immediately made itself known - there was no wifi here. You sighed. Really, you should have expected it - the service you got in your apartment was shoddy as it was, why would some backwoods auto body shop be any better? With a sigh, you glanced at the end table and noticed the collection of magazines provided for the entertainment of the guests unfortunate enough to get stuck here while waiting for their cars to emerge from the mysterious garage out back. There was an eclectic mix, and you decided to live a little and fish through the pile without looking, pulling out a copy of National Geographic and resigning yourself to whatever contents you found within. Your mind wandered while you read, as did your eyes. Left alone with your thoughts, you were forced to consider the possibility that you’d made a mistake. Your father probably would have been horrified to hear that you’d simply showed up somewhere without giving the business a thorough search online and reading reviews. The owner - at least, he acted like the owner - had seemed relatively normal, if a little odd, from your brief interaction. But who knew - it was also entirely possible that there was a reason this place sat so separate from the city center, and he might very well end up wearing your skin as a mask come morning. The way things had been going for you, you weren’t sure that was such a bad thing. Truthfully, your move had not been as serendipitous as the movies had made it seem. You had expected a wholly beneficial change, that by casting aside your old relationships and job and apartment you would finally shake the feeling of stagnation that had settled heavy on your shoulders these past few years. But instead, you’d been greeted with roadblock after roadblock. First, the movers had forgotten an entire truckload of your things. Then, the exceedingly polite but hugely inept lady in payroll had managed to make your first paycheck hit your account several weeks late. Add to that the general fish out of water feeling that was bound to accompany any move, and your car deciding to try to kick the bucket felt like the final nail in the coffin. You could not, under any circumstances, admit that perhaps you’d been unprepared. Giving up was out of the question. If this mechanic turned out to be a complete scam, it might break you. Your eyes flicked up periodically from the bright photographs of penguins in the Antarctic to take in the details of the small part of the shop you were privy to. There were scant few decorations - no real attempt to make any visitors feel at home. There wasn’t even a coffee machine, or a mini fridge with complimentary bottles of water. You could vaguely see into a side room that looked like it must have been the owner’s office. There were a few pictures on the wall of him with some fancy looking cars, a couple of certificates that indicated that the building and business had passed the most basic inspections for human habitation. And, dear lord, were there a lot of posters with terrible jokes on them. Your personal favorite was a metal sign peering at you from behind the service desk that read “Unattended children will be given candy and a puppy.” You couldn’t help the small smile playing on your lips. Most businesses would have plaques commemorating their customer service awards, or how they were voted on of the local Best of’s. This guy seemed like he was daring you, personally, to leave a Yelp review. You wondered briefly if he was single, then gave yourself a hard pinch on the wrist and reminded yourself that you needed to find a new therapist.

Time passed, at once both too quickly and unbearably slow. Every time you looked at your phone, it felt like it was playing a joke on you - more than once you considered standing up and hunting down the mechanic to tell him you’d just come back some other time, with the intention of not returning. But just when you’d mustered the courage to stand, he appeared as if summoned - a few locks of his hair had escaped the ponytail now and fell haphazardly near his shoulders. He was covered in a fine layer of sweat but flashed you an easy grin all the same. “Brought you that soda whether you want it or not. You looked so sad out here I could hardly stand it. I’m takin’ your car back now, should just be a little bit. Name’s Karl, by the way. It’s on the - it’s on the jumpsuit, but it’s hot as balls in here. You know how it is.” You accepted the lukewarm can with a quiet “thanks” before handing him your keys and stopping yourself before asking if he’d be so kind as to just run you over while he was at it. After he disappeared out of sight and you heard your car engine rev to life, you sighed and slumped in your seat, letting your head rest with a thump against the wall at your back. The drink in your hand felt like it weighed about 50 extra pounds. Now you were really deep in it. You couldn’t well tell him to just stop now that he was actually in the middle of working. But you did want that fucking light to stop glaring at you every time to fired it up - shit. You glanced at the can - the expiration date was six months ago. ….whatever. You switched between the magazine, a previously downloaded podcast on your phone, and staring thoughtlessly at the fuzzy television for the next twenty minutes. You were hungry, and tiredness from your day was starting to settle into your bones. All of the self-assuredness that you’d felt when you’d arrived had given way to loneliness, and with that, the feeling that perhaps you didn’t know nearly as much as you thought. The other problems you’d been ignoring started to loom large in your mind - the broken sink you had to call the front office about, the vinyl record of yours that had broken during the move, the fact that it felt like your new boss might have a vendetta against you. You glanced down again at the article it had taken you far too long to get through. You read over the same sentence once, twice, ten times without absorbing it. This was supposed to be your fresh start, your magical new leaf that would change everything. No more would you be trapped with jobs and partners and shitty landlords. You were going to prove to everyone that you were capable of doing something great on your own, that your judgment was sound and that you didn;t need anyone else to get by. Everywhere you went, you felt the sensation of otherness, for lack of a better word. The flyers pinned on the cork board at the grocery store were for clubs and events that didn’t involve you. People greeted one another by name except for you - oh, they were polite, but you still had the nagging feeling that you were just a novelty, something looking into the window from the outside that would never be invited in. Perhaps you hadn’t put as much thought into this massive overhaul of your life as you’d insisted. Perhaps everyone else had been right and it would have been smarter and more responsible to stay where you were - even if that meant standing still. Maybe it really had been as good as it would get, and you’d fucked it all up. Once again, Karl had impeccable timing. “So, funny story, turns out I might have lied.” He leaned easily against the doorframe, strong arms crossed in front of his chest.

You lowered the magazine and blinked at him owlishly. So engrossed had you been in reading about global political events that had long since come and gone that you’d almost forgotten you weren’t alone. “Oh?” A sinking feeling descended upon you. You’d tried to quash any thoughts of him pulling the classic repairman tactic of finding “extra” problems to charge you for while he was at work - you had told yourself you were smart enough to recognize it if it happened, but your spirits were so dampened at this point that you felt like just letting him do whatever the hell he wanted if it meant you could get out of here without a fight. “Don’t like the drink?” He nodded toward the unopened can at your side. He sounded, oddly, rather hurt.  He scratched his beard thoughtfully, eyes roaming you once before meeting your gaze. You almost melted into a puddle. Wow, you needed to get laid. “Oh!” You waved your hands disarmingly. “No! It’s not that, I’m just - it’s been a long day. I honestly forgot it was there. I’ll have it when I get home. You were saying something about my car?” “The car? Oh, yeah. Ain’t nothing wrong with that hunk of junk. Just a stupid communication issue in the electronics. Without gettin’ into too much detail, basically the thing that’s triggering your warning light is less an actual problem and more just something misfiring. I can reset it for you and have you on your way - just wanna double check and make sure I’m not gonna be wrong twice. Not usually wrong the first time, mind you - I’ve also had a long day if you don’t mind me saying.” He shuffled in place almost awkwardly before stretching, almost as if to feign indifference to your opinion. When he did so, much to your delight and horror the tank top did indeed ride up revealing a thick stretch of hair that made its way from below his belly button to - 

“Yeah, I can wait a little longer,” you said hastily, forcing the magazine in front of your face to hide the obvious and burning redness spreading up from your chest and burning a path across your cheeks.

Okay, this is probably just me being Very Silly but… I think Roleswap AUs are a lot of fun, not just like… as a character design exercise thingy, but as a character exploration and analysis exercise… thingy.

Like, you know, it’s a game of ‘what would this character do if they were in that situation that this other character was in?’, ‘how much would change if those were the circumstances of this character’s life?’, ‘how much do you have to change about a character to make them work in this specific narrative role - and how much you just cannot change without making the character unrecognizable?’

So I’ve had a lot of fun playing around with my Adventure Time Roleswap AUs (you can get a better look at them with the AT Roleswap Tag on my blog). 

And I’ve been thinking if I could do a similar thing for Invader Zim - both because IZ has these clear Four Leads that you can swap around very neatly (actually much more than AT does lol) and… mostly because I’ve been going through yet another of my Literally Can’t Think of Anything but Invader Zim Phases and Roleswap AUs offer an exciting new opportunity to Rotate These Characters in My Head.

(For the sake of clarity, I’ll be using ‘the Alien’, ‘the Kid’, ‘the Robot’ and ‘the Sibling’ when referring to the Narrative Roles of Zim, Dib, GIR and Gaz respectively. So if I’m talking about a Dib-Zim Roleswap I’ll be talking about Zim-as-the-Kid and Dib-as-the-Alien. It might lead to weird turns-of-phrase later down the line, like Sibling!Dib when Dib is obviously always a sibling - but at least I hope it’ll be less clunky and more clear that way lol)

So, yeah, I had some Thoughts and Considerations about the idea of a Zim-Dib GIR-Gaz Roleswap, but all-in-all things fall into place pretty easily. Playing on Dib’s relatively-more-heroic role and his only-sane-man shtick by having him as a kinda Irken Rebel - he might still have the interest in magic and supernatural things that Mainstream Irken Science does not acknowledge, but mostly he’s seeing as ‘crazy’ for such ridiculous concepts as ‘conquering the galaxy just for the sake of it is Bad Actually’ and ‘maybe it’s kinda stupid to pick our leaders based entirely on how tall they are’ and ‘the Tallest are obviously blatantly figureheads and the Control Brains are running the show’. 

And to add insult to injury, it’s not just that his fellow Irkens don’t listen to his ideas - it’s that they don’t even have enough respect to treat him as an actual dangerous enemy of the state. Instead he’s seen as a crackpot and a joke. He’s basically constantly avoiding the obvious Existence Evaluation he deserves because the Tallests keep procrastinating it and pushing it back in favor of more ‘important things’. And, like, it’s not like Dib wants to be executed by the state for the crime of free thought… but it’ll be nice to know that he’s seen as a real threat. 

And of course while he’s better than most Irkens at the whole ‘Space Imperialism is Bad Actually’ thing, he still hasn’t unlearned all of the Irken propaganda about their own superiority (he’s got a Green Savior Complex basically) … and also he's got his own complex about his own superiority. Like, yeah, he’s infuriated by his people’s obsession with height because it’s a stupid illogical prejudice… but also specifically because it makes people disrespect him. When his two lazy and stupid smeethood bullies were made supreme leaders of the empire that was kinda the last straw for him.

Oh, in this AU the Tallests are basically the Same except their colors are switched. So now Red is the sillier and dumber one and Purple is the relatively more competent one. And on one hand Dib is the only Irken who seems to understand how thoroughly unfit to rule these two clowns are but he is also kinda obsessed with making them acknowledge his superiority even though he knows their opinion shouldn’t matter and thus making him the biggest clown of them all, in a way.

I’m still ironing out the details of how he gets to Earth. Something about using his hacking skills to infiltrate Operation Impending Doom 2 to try and sabotage it from within. Then, like, maybe the Earth ‘assignment’ was a trap laid by the Control Brains to get him out of the way. Or maybe he picked Earth because although the Empire sees it as unimportant - Dib thinks it has powerful arcane significance that makes it the perfect foundation for his resistance against the Empire or something like that.

I’m mostly thinking which of these is the snappiest and easiest to explain, but I do enjoy the idea of it being a trap cause it creates the possibility of a “the Alien discovers their plan is a big fat lie” scenario like in ETF, but rather than being utterly despondent and depressed like Canon Zim - Alien!Dib will be joyous and jubilantly validated at the idea that he was considered a notable enough threat to get out of the way with such an elaborate trick.

And Zim as the son of Professor Membrane is also a fun concept to consider. It’s very funny to think of him as still a megalomaniac trying to take over the world while also being just a human kid. He wants to defeat Dib because he sees him as a threat for his world domination plans (maybe not even understanding that Dib is not actually a world-conquering rival) and cause he believes that if he exposes or kills Dib he can get his hands on the advanced alien tech, which is the edge he needs in order to take over the world.

You can justify his world-conquering-obsession as, like, him growing up under the pressure of living up to his father’s legacy and he figured the only way to escape Membrane’s shadow is to go totally against everything he stands for, or that he’s subconsciously seeking revenge against the world and humanity for taking away his father's love and attention, or that he’s hoping that if he becomes an Actual Threat to the world, his dad will have to pay attention to him for a change ,or maybe it’s just ‘Zim is Just Weird Like That’. Or probably some combination of all of the above.

GIR and Gaz slot pretty effortlessly into their new roles. Sibling!GIR could be literally Zim’s little brother, or like, some genetically engineered dog monster Professor Membrane made in an afternoon. But personality-wise there’s no need to change much outside of maybe needing to tone a human version of GIR down just a tad because a human child has some biological, legal and physical limitations that GIR would otherwise lack.

Robot Gaz is basically like ‘Dib stole and reprogrammed a SIR Unit to have Free Will, still somehow struggles with the idea that Free Will means she can disobey him as well’. Pretty much as soon as they landed on Earth she acclimated better than Dib did and developed a fondness for Earth’s junk food and video games. She generally does her own thing and doesn’t really listen to Dib’s schemes to develop Earth’s defenses or harness some sort of supernatural forces against the Irken Empire or foil Zim’s plans or whatever - but mostly because disagrees with Dib’s methods and attitude rather than his goals. 

She does prefer the Earth over the Irken Empire and she does have some affection for Dib despite also finding him so annoying. She just refuses to cooperate with plans she thinks are frivolous or stupid or plainly just for Dib’s ego. When push really comes to shove, when she actually believes Dib and/or the Earth is in danger, she would come to help… usually.

So yeah, that Roleswap works pretty smoothly, but the problem starts if I try to do the two other sides of this Roleswap cube. the 'Invader GIR' and 'Invader Gaz' scenarios. This is where I get stuck... And the thing isn’t that the characters aren’t complex and versatile enough - I actually think the IZ characters are pretty multidimensional in their ridiculousness. 

It’s just that Dib and Zim’s psychology are really designed for them to play the roles of Protagonist and Antagonist - they’re very much defined to their very core by how driven and motivated they are and how much they want to take center stage. Zim's so self-obsessed he pretty much has to take over any narrative you place him in. And like 50% of Dib’s psyche can be summarized as a terminal case of Main Character Syndrome. Meanwhile, while GIR and Gaz have their own motivations - but GIR’s are generally too wild, capricious and frivolous to actually motivate a Plot, while Gaz’s very much defined by how mundane all of her motivations are. So you really have to work extra hard to make sure Zim and Dib, even when relegated to the sidekick role, don’t still find a way to steal the show.

Honestly, doing Zim as the Robot is actually something I think I can make work. If you just play up a few of Zim’s wackier elements - and especially his blind obedience and dedication to his superiors (which in this case would be Alien GIR), I think you can get a version of Zim that is recognizably Zim while still sticking mainly to the Wacky Comic Relief role.

(And for the record, Robot Zim is a modified SIM Unit, which is a Standard Issue Minion. What does the Z stand for? The Z stands for ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM, obviously!)

Sibling Dib was kind of a weird journey for me because at first I thought I had an easy solution for it - just Bill-fy Dib! Keep all of Dib’s bolster and UFO obsession stuff, but minus the fact that he can actually recognize an alien standing in front of his face. Probably because he just doesn’t want to admit his sister found an alien before he did - he just refuses to believe GIR is an alien and going off his wild-goose chases against his own phony conspiracy theories.

But… I think that idea is, like, too effective at keeping Dib away from the limelight? I mean, that would basically relegate him exclusively to Comic Relief and someone Gaz could have conversations with and very little plot relevancy. And I think we should be able to do better by Sibling Dib. Some way to keep him away from the Main Character Role, but still have him as a relevant and useful character from time-to-time?

Putting GIR in any sort of lead role is the much bigger problem. Like I said - GIR just too deranged and too uncontrollable to hold most plotlines, even on Invader Zim. And I can imagine grounding him just a tad, you can do, like ‘alien Invader comes to earth in order to conquer it - realizes he likes junk food and stupid TV so much that he doesn’t want to do it anymore, but still lacks any real concerns for human life or morality’. You know, I’m imagining wacky misadventures that are basically in the spirit of ‘what if SpongeBob SquarePants lacked any sense of right and wrong’ - and that will be a viable narrative, but I’m worried it’s getting too far away from the sheer id-like essence of GIR.

On the Kid corner, obviously you can make narratives in which Gaz and her motivations move the story along - Invader Zim Canon did it multiple times. It’s more of a question of how much we can keep this up. Like, okay, this is purely me and my stupid personal hang-ups. But what I’m looking for is an AU that really feels like it could be its own standalone show, and obviously it’s not going to be the same as Canon IZ - like the Invader Dib roleswap is going to have a slightly more standard heroic narrative compared to the total Villain Protagonist setup of the canon - but I want to make sure everyone fulfill their new Narrative Roles to the level you can imagine a Variety of Episode Plots that fit the 11-minutes-and-occasional-double-length format of IZ. 

And with Gaz being really defined by the fact that she cares more for being left alone or the mundane things in life or enacting terrible revenge in the name of the mundane things in life than for any of the sci-fi shit or saving the world- it kinda limits the amount of plots she should be willing to participate in and/or requires a lot of extra Set-Up to explain why she’s emotionally involved in the plot. 

I mean, I can certainly imagine a story about a hedonistic would-be Invader making a bizarre harebrained scheme to get his hands on a ridiculous amount of tacos which somehow spirals into attracting the ire of some scarily competent and spiteful little girl by, like, interrupting her Super Mario Odyssey speedrun or something and so she causally takes down his whole operation. But that sort of setup works better for a sort of hyperformulastic show like ‘Phineas and Ferb’- and ‘Phineas and Ferb’ is lovely, but Invader Zim really benefits from a wide variation of plots and episode structure. 

(That’s also the problem with a Tallests-Zim Membrane-Dib roleswap. Although the idea of an P&F style sketch starring the two lazy goofball Invaders who are just trying to get their incredibly obnoxious and megalomaniac boss off their back and are repeatedly accidently foiled by a brilliant hypercompetent child genius who also somehow remains consistently oblivious to the fact that they are aliens trying to take over the world is very Fun and I should probably do something Separate with it later)

And then there’s the idea of a Zim-Gaz GIR-Dib roleswap which is… I don’t even know where to start. That’s pretty much what that one body-switch-themed guest issue of the IZ Comics used basically because it’s the one that breaks the show’s premise the most thoroughly. The show’s most ambitious and least competent character swapped with its least ambitious and most competent and the most grounded character is swapped with the most unhinged. I am still really stuck on how to make it work?

The only real idea I have for now is maybe taking inspiration from Alien Gaz from that aforementioned comic issue’s characterization - not of Gaz-as-Zim, but of Zim-as-Gaz. Something about an Alien Invader who is genuinely invested in conquering the planet but also she keeps getting distracted? It’s hard to really say when, like I said, that’s really the only thing I have right now. 

Perhaps I need to think about all of this a bit more, or perhaps the real lesson of this Character Exploration Thingy is just that those kinda roleswaps just don’t work with the Invader Zim cast?

you’re a very talented artist and i don’t have any ill will towards you. but some things need to be cleared up here. the problem is and has never been making kyle a trans man. there is nothing inherently wrong with that headcanon. the problem is when you overtly feminize the only jewish character to the point of charicature when he has not ever shown any of those traits in canon. that is indeed unintentional antisemitism because it perpetuates many pervasive negative stereotypes about jewish men being effeminate, weak, and not “real men”, that we often see in media. there is a very long history of this that dates back centuries and i implore you to do some research on it if you think this is not a real issue. it is not okay no matter if your kyle is cis or trans.

this is not to say that giving/playing up characters feminine traits is an inherently bad thing either. the problem arises when you completely strip the character of all other traits to the point where they are unrecognizable for the purpose of fitting them in a box. the kyle we are given in canon is dynamic and complex, and he is actually great representation for jewish boys. it is antisemitic to remove all of his masculine qualities in order reduce him down to a vapid little twink stereotype for big manly macho bear stan. honestly, those feel like completely different and more shallow characters than the ones we were given. what about all of kyle’s masculine traits and all of stan’s feminine ones? nope, kyle is the only one that usually receives the feminization treatment. very suspicious.

we all just need to think critically about the biases we may be unknowingly playing into. it would be disturbing if someone portayed tolkien as a “thug” despite being the opposite of that in canon, and it is just as disturbing to see kyle uwu twinkified for the exact same reasons.

finally, i don’t appreciate non jews in your comments deciding what is and what is not antisemitism. goyim do not get to decide that. if you’re jewish and you disagree, that’s fine and i’m open to counterpoints. non jew fujoshis that just don’t want their kink criticized, sit this one out.

I understand your point about your situation and what shocks you, however I never did that with any intention?

While Kyle's religion is something important in his character, it doesn't make it his whole being and the fact that I make him "a twink" or whatever (I literally just give him eyelashes or a short jacket by an accident) has nothing to do with it either, doing it because he's Jewish is pretty much the thing I really don't think about when I draw or explain my Kyle

My kyle, yeah, because that is very important, my kyle with my headcanons, not the canonical kyle and you will never see me say that my interpretation of Kyle has to be the real one next to the canon or is superior

Just as I interpret Kyle one way, there are other people who do it with other characters why attack only mine and applaud the others if we are talking about beating the stereotype? I am very sorry but as long as I am aware and calm that what I do is not something for fetishistic purposes or offensive, I will not change my headcanons. If you want to see a more canon Kyle, more "macho" or whatever you can easily look for more artists! I'm sorry I'm not one of them.

I'm very sorry that my interpretation of Kyle made you uncomfortable but I'm just a trans masc person trying to be okay with me and reflecting that there's nothing wrong with having certain feminine traits and that I don't owe masculinity or femininity to anyone through a character I really like. But I promise I’m not doing this with antisemitism purposes.

I needed to ask this because i couldnt sleep

is Norm conservative?

because on one side it would make sense due to his patriotism and his age. But on the other hand if he was i think he would have acted way diffrent and atleast after the thirdchapter it seems out of place.

So please answer the question so i can sleep

The detailed answer to this question is very long, so I'll put it behind a 'read more' line so this doesn't clog up anyone's timeline.

The shorter answer to this question is: Norm's political beliefs cannot be summarized using any single commonly understood word from our 21st century vocabularies because his stances, alongside what Norm considers political/apolitical topics, don't align entirely with 21st century definitions/standards as Norm is a time traveler from the mid 20th century.

He isn’t a 21st century conservative as much as perhaps an early 20th century one, with a few stances that were considered progressive/radical for that time. Many aspects of the character that we’d consider conservative weren’t in his time, and were only regularly politicized by one side of the political aisle years after he warped. If you want a longer answer where I point out where exactly this blurs the line, read more:

The problem with this question (and most political discussions) in general is that most people don't read up on political history for fun and so, they naturally associate words like 'conservative', 'liberal', 'socialist' with the rhetoric/stances of whoever is currently using those labels in their society. Most people reading this would look at, for instance, the modern Republican party in America and say "oh, that's a Conservative."

Now, here's the problem: Norm grew up largely in the 1930′s and warped in the 1960's, society as a whole was radically different. One big difference is, for example, religion. Norm believes in God, and this is something that’s considered old-fashioned by many. It's pretty unfashionable to be religious nowadays in many places, but in most of 20th century America, it was a far bigger deal not to be. Nowadays, religion is something that's associated with the right more than the left, but in the early to mid 20th century, both parties were extremely religious.

Democratic political machines were dominated by Catholics in the early 20th century. Democratic presidential candidates Al Smith and JFK (the latter of whom was elected in the decade Norm came from) were Catholics, and it actually mattered to many voters. William Jennings Bryan (3 times Democratic nominee) was also immensely religious. Even the far-left fringe elements of the party had religious thought leaders, with Father Coughlin (a priest with a radio show) influencing far-left 30's Democrats. I could go on. Republican party also produced quite a few deeply religious presidents, with Garfield and Eisenhower coming to mind. A large portion of the population was deeply religious for most of the nation’s history, after all, and the religious beliefs of candidates mattered far more than today. So, for his time, Norm's religion is something that wasn't politically partisan, but rather, broadly essential, and as such, Norm would find it strange that anyone would assume that his religious beliefs correlate with his political beliefs at all.

Economically, America has changed so much in the 20th century that the issues at the start of the century are unrecognizable to us now. In 1900, the core economic issues were whether to back the dollar with just gold, or with gold and silver... oh, and the tariff. Exciting. No welfare net existed because income taxes largely didn't exist. The Federal Reserve didn't even exist yet! Tariffs (taxes on foreign goods) were the main source of federal income. What we consider to be normal governmental function was considered radical by many back then.

Similarly, it's important to note that the modern welfare state as we know it today was created in the 1940's with the advent of Social Security (AKA, in Norm’s lifetime) and only expanded to something resembling what we have today very incrementally, with many large developments happening under president Johnson in the mid 1960's... After Norm jumped.

Gun control (especially in sparsely populated states like Arizona) was basically a non-topic, and the only major federal gun control legislation that I know of being passed in the first half of the 20th century was a 30's crime bill that outlawed heavy machine guns + sawed offs, specifically related to organized crime tied to prohibition era organized crime. Norm loves guns, but he’d be profoundly disturbed to learn about how many mass shootings America has had in the last 20 years and wouldn’t just be able to hand-wave it away as normal, as our society has... because outside of the fucked up racist mass shootings of the 20′s (like Tulsa, but there were many also more smaller ones the same decade too), mass shooting weren’t a constant occurrence! NUTS, RIGHT??

Next, there’s Norm's patriotism, which your question implied pointed towards him being a conservative, but like his religion, this is an apolitical trait from Norm's time. Norm lived through World War II and the Red Scare, times when patriotism wasn't just popular, hell, not acting like Donald Duck in a 40's WWII propaganda cartoon meant you could go to PRISON. Media was also heavily controlled by governmental/anti-communist entities at this time, with the government financing pro-American/anti-communist films in the 50′s and Ronald Reagan serving as leader of the Actor’s Guild. Communists were rooted out systematically and to Norm, keeping a loaded firearm next to your bed in case a ‘communist’ breaks into your home is entirely normal and he refuses to cut it out. Poor guy’s scared shitless.

Norm does have a distaste for 'big government' and wasteful spending, partially explained by the time he came from, where taking taxes for public spending was still considered a more radical idea, but also, Norm's extras sheet gives even more essential context to this mentality with the explanation that he was raised in the middle of bumfuck nowhere by a single mother. Growing up, self-reliance was a necessity, not a virtue. His attitude towards governments basically amounts to "Leave me the FUCK alone." He values resilience, charity and discipline because these values are what enabled him to survive growing up.

Norm also grew up in the wilderness, so he enjoyed a lot of freedom growing up that is arguably impossible in urban areas, in his own time and especially today. Most of his stances come from the belief that the common person is inherently good (a belief that he temporarily abandoned after the warp, and Gingi managed to restore), and that political power structures solely exist so those who are already rich can stuff their pockets at the expense of taxpayers. Norm considered both of the two parties of his time to be corrupt and self-serving, and would say the same of them today, which is why Callum Crown’s third party populist rhetoric, and returning control of the US economy to working class people really resonated with Norm.

When asking why someone like Norm would support Crown’s movement, it’s important to note that Callum softened his socialist rhetoric as a national candidate. Norm also didn’t know all of Callum’s stances/beliefs (and realistically lied to himself slightly about some of them.) Norm also missed the end of Crown’s presidency, having to educate himself with revisionist sources after the warp. But, it would be dishonest not to mention in a complete answer to this question that Norm supported the single least conservative candidate in US history (in DT’s universe) for president because he felt it was the right thing to do.

Norm’s beliefs largely boil down to believing that individuals know best how to live their own lives and that as long as you aren’t hurting yourself or others, it’s none of his business. It’s his core tenet, really. He gets very modest when intimate subjects are brought up around him and the last thing he wants is to know what anyone does in the bedroom. Norm isn’t a homophobe or against gay marriage because... well, why would he be? There’s plenty of modern behaviour that is prohibited in the bible and the idea of legislating based on selectively chosen religious beliefs is abhorrent to Norm because he was raised in a secular America and values personal freedom. Norm would be profoundly disturbed that the conservative party of today considers this an issue at all. Christian or not, the guy hates any and all unnecessary governmental restrictions. All references to God were only added to the pledge of allegiance/onto money when he was an adult, a move that was done for exclusively political reasons, since it was the height of the cold war, and Marxism opposes organized religion.

Norm is also vehemently opposed to any form of elitism, never forgetting where he came from. His main desire is for others to just coexist and be understanding, without cheating/wronging each other. Norm downplays it, but a trait many forget is that Norm is very well educated. He was in NASA and has a background with mathematics and physics. Occasionally, big words slip out when Norm speaks. Norm was bullied somewhat in academia for how he speaks, fostering a deep distaste for the environment. Norm enjoys debate, discussion of topics. He would broadly support the causes of social movements today that aim to secure rights for minority groups, believing everyone has a right to be free/happy, but would have fundamental issues with the lack of accountability of most of them due to their lack of organization. His distaste for academia would absolutely foster hatred for activists who overuse ideological language.

When I was building Norm’s political profile in my head, I actually looked to Mark Twain for inspiration, who was quoted as saying: “Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.“ This sums up Norm’s patriotism, really. He, too, believed in the wisdom of the common man. Twain is also someone you can’t really put into a political box, describing himself as both ‘conservative’ (by the definition he had at the time) but also ‘radical’. Twain was racially progressive for his time and tended to support the Republican party (the racially progressive party of the two in his time), but split with the party in 1884 over the political corruption of their candidate that year, and outspokenly spoke out against McKinley + Roosevelt’s imperialist foreign policy.

So, with all of that context out of the way, here’s the final answer to your question: Norm would’ve broadly been considered a conservative by the definition/standards of his own time for his economic views (which are more conservative now), progressive for his social views (which are just kinda normal now), and has fundamental enough differences with the beliefs/aims of the conservative movement in America today that he would not want to be lumped in with modern day conservatives. If he was in politics today, he’d be trying to start a populist grassroots movement and support breaking down the two party system. Hope this was informative! I know a lot of people like Norm, so the last thing I’d want is people thinking Norm was something he wasn’t.

this is a pretty general ask and not related to much of anything, but in BB, what would the name 'lostheart' be? usual name or a title of some variety? im writing an oc in the universe and i want some ideas on what to do with them. yaya ik edgy ass name but!! idc!! cool name!!!

Edgy names are VALID.

Definitely an unusual one in-universe! It strikes me as a Dishonor Title, it has an emotional bite to it. I would guess that this character did something so cruel that they ended up losing a family member, either in that action or because they had changed so much they were unrecognizable.

"You had to lose your heart to make that choice, and now you have lost your name as well. Live as Lostheart until you have found it again."

Something like that! Names like this are usually Honor or Dishonor titles.

Angst Tip 1: Dealing With it Differently

Sometimes, the angst isn't the actual event taking place, but how the characters react to it! Different characters deal with pain differently, and while these tips may seem like it's really just common knowledge, I hope that they'll be able to help you guide your characters emotions as they ride through the tough rollercoasters of angst!

And just a heads up, I won't be addressing the self-inflicting or self-hatred kind of pain. I'm going to be talking about how a character might deal with losing someone dear to them. Regardless of the prompt, it requires at least two people. For the overall basics, I'll give you some advice on how different types of people tend to react during grief or sorrowful moments!

Starting with the typical 'I'm-pretty-content-with-life' character, note that this persona might differ from a very childish and teasing one. (I'll get to that later.) For a person that has a normal and healthy personality/mental stability, they're usually happy and able to feel emotions perfectly fine. If they lose a loved one, they are likely to spiral into an instinctual rage because the person meant that much to them. They will plausibly seek revenge right off the bat and then fall into grief.

On the contrary, however, with a persona that's cold and more apathetic, their reaction may differ just a bit. With this kind of character, someone important to them is really really valuable because they tend to not open up to anyone. There are several outcomes if they lose that person. Sometimes, though, the aftereffects blend together, and that's perfectly fine. For starters, like the character above, they may seek revenge, but their actions are prone to be more rational and calculated. Next, their grief will look different. Instead of the usual sobbing and mourning, a cold character will just feel numbness washing over them. Lastly, assuming that the important character helped change the emotionless one for the good, the latter might fall back into his old ways without the other. For example, if the change involves being most open with people, then they may unintentionally return to their previous state of being wary and closed with others.

Now, we're on the one I mentioned in the first paragraph! An incredibly happy-go-lucky character with a childish attitude and teasing manner! In all honesty, this reaction will vary depending on how you build this character; if you add depth or not. Personally, I prefer to add some to create complexity and such, but, if your character is fully open about everything and has nothing to hide, then their reaction will be rather similar to the 'I'm-pretty-content-with-life' one. Revenge could be out of the question, but their grief should be roughly the same. With more complexity, however, their reaction will alter drastically. If their exterior isn't an exact reflection of their inner thoughts, they don't show everything, they hide things from others, or something of such, then the next few tips apply to you! These kinds of characters can react pretty unexpectedly. For example, it is fully possible for them to enter a state of unrecognizable coldness, much like the reactions I mentioned in the second paragraph. This could be because they lost not only someone precious to them, but because they lost a purpose. Happy-go-lucky characters are arguably, reliant on others. They enjoy having responses to their antics. Without someone to laugh and make jokes with them, they may struggle to see why they should keep it up, especially if it isn't their true personality. And of course, there's the possibility that you all were waiting for: the mental breakdown! Most of you all will be like, "What? For this character type? Really?" My answer to that is yes, but there are a couple of factors that need to be taken into consideration when executing the reaction.

If a character is struggling but puts on a face for others, a breakdown isn't as unlikely as some think. They're already teetering on the edge of mental stability and a gust of wind could push them over. With that, when someone important to them is able to see through the facade and reach out to help, losing the said person will result in a complete breakdown and a strong sense of misery.

Okay! So here are the different types of grief that fit different characters. I'm aware I only did three of them, but I tried my best to detail each one as best as I could to provide clarity and chose some of the more common character types. If you want to ask about another type of character, feel free to ask! I hope that this was able to help or at least clear up a few things, thank you for checking this out!

Happy writing~

3hks :]