#but then still be friends with the person who did the fucked up shit in the first place???
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“Don’t cry.”
Eddie Munson x female reader
summary: a spa session with your new boyfriend turns out to be both of your breaking points.
requested by anonymous! i hope you like it and that I did it justice! i kind of took it and ran. i made it much more deep than i initially planned, so i hope you like it!
warnings: talk of sexual abuse and rape, with both eddie and reader, angst and tears, language, mentions of drug dealing and absent parents. reader is struggling to connect with eddie and he doesn’t know why, kinda leaves in a cliffhanger??
Sometimes Eddie wondered if you liked him, because half the time it didn’t seem like you did. You’d become stand-offish, quiet, shrink in on yourself. His “Are you okay?” was always met with an “I’m fine.” and nothing more. It always seemed like you were protecting yourself. Not just from him, but from everyone. You loved his friends, but sometimes they scared you. You never knew who to trust. Would one of them hurt you, given the chance?
One thing was for sure though, you loved Wayne. He was like the father you never had growing up. From the way he talked, looked, his personality, it reminded you of a father. Eddie was extremely lucky to grow up with him while he did.
Eddie wasn’t stupid, however, he knew some of your behavior had to do with your upbringing. You’d shared some of it with him before, time and time again, here and there. You’d grown up pretty similarly to him. Dead beat parents that abused you, surrounded by their friends who eyed you like a piece of meat for them to chew on. When you grow up like that, you’re bound to be a little messed up. Eddie understood that. He was the same way.
But with you, it was different. He didn’t want you to feel that way around him. The relationship hadn’t been going on for that long and was still fairly fresh, but he wanted you to trust him. And even dating might have been a stretch, you were just very good friends who weren’t very good friends with anyone else.
You liked Eddie, maybe even loved him, but there was no lying when it came to the fact you were struggling to connect with him. Could you really trust him? Was he just like the men from your childhood? Would he fuck you and ultimately leave once he got his full satisfaction? You’d cried yourself to sleep many of times during the night at the thought.
Sometimes you didn’t feel safe. Not with him, not with his friends. You only ever felt truly safe with Wayne. You didn’t know why. You hated the way you felt. Eddie was a good man. He was good to you. He had yet to do anything that proved otherwise. But the dark corners of your mind lingered closer and closer to the edge, reminding you of what once was your reality on the daily. You hoped this time it was different.
“I like this color on you.” Eddie’s tongue was stuck out in concentration, one hand holding your foot, the other holding the brush of the pink nail polish bottle. “It’s cute.”
“Pink?” You smirked. “You like pink?”
“On you.” His lashes fluttered up to you briefly.
The gesture was cute, but anytime he did something sweet like this you couldn’t help but think if he was luring you into a trap. Your stomach was littered with jitters and nerves. Day by day your anxiety was staring to become more out of control. You thought about ending things with him. It wasn’t fair to him to not give the relationship your all, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You’d miss him dearly.
“Well, thanks.” You smiled softly. “I don’t like painting them by myself. The angle is too hard.”
He muttered a Mhm with his tongue out, blowing on your little toe so the pain would dry. “I used to paint my nails black when I was a teenager.” He said.
“Really?” You said amusedly. “Why’d you stop?”
“Got out of the habit, I guess.” He dipped the brush back in the bottle. “Plus, not that I cared, but kids at school were givin’ me shit about it.”
You knew Eddie had the same childhood you did, in some sense anyways. Eddie wouldn’t talk about it much, especially never about his mother. But his dad was something you knew struck a nerve. You should share your traumas together, that’s what you always told yourself. You knew you both could relate to one another, but the relationship was still too fresh. Maybe neither was ready for that.
“Want me to do your fingers?” Eddie asked, blowing on your last toe as he finished up his fine work. “I gotta say, babe, I did pretty good.”
You flexed your freshly painted toes and grinned at his work. “You did! Thank you.”
He put the bottle on the table and plopped down beside you on the couch, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. “So what now? What’s next on the spa list?” He smirked and you did the same, laughing breathily.
“I won’t make you succumb to all my girly stuff.” You laughed. “Anything I can do for you? Your hair looks like it needs brushed a little.”
“What?” He gave you an incredulous look. “I keep my hair very much maintained, thank you.”
“I didn’t say you didn’t, Eddie.” You rolled your eyes. “All I said was it needed brushed a little.”
You hopped up and got your plastic hairbrush from the bathroom, pointing at him with it when you returned. “Your turn to be pampered. Sit on the floor.”
He shook his head amusedly and sat down where you had, your legs falling at the sides of his shoulders as you gently began combing out his curls. He didn’t mean to, but he sighed in content.
“Feel good?” You gave a shit eating grin.
“You’re a-lot gentler than Wayne used to be.” He relaxed under your touch. “He always pulled at my hair and got it more ratted up than it already was. This feels good.”
You smiled at the mention of Wayne. “Well, I’ve got a woman’s touch, honey.”
“Yes, you do.”
It was quiet and peaceful for a while as you brushed his hair, the both of you content in the silence. When he touched your ankle, caressing it, your heart began to pound. You hadn’t had sex with him yet. You were too scared to. You knew it was time, it had been almost two months and you knew Eddie had long since been ready to sleep with you.
It wasn’t that you didn’t want to. You did. You fantasized about him just as much as he did you, but you were terrified of him leaving once you finally crossed that line. Out of instinct, you brought your legs up to you, sitting criss-cross like he was.
You heard him sigh and your stomach ached with guilt. You should give him what he wants.
“I’m sorry.” You say guiltily.
“You never let me touch you.” Eddie said flatly, staring at the ground as you continued to brush his hair. “And you won’t tell me why.”
Your eyes teared up and you stopped brushing, bringing it down to your lap. “I’m sorry.”
“That’s all you say.” He shook his head. “You don’t need to be sorry. You just need to tell me why I scare you so bad.”
“You don’t.” You denied, trying your hardest to convince him. When he said things like this, you felt foolish for thinking the way that you did. “It’s just- it’s- it’s just me.”
Eddie turned around, looking up at you to find you with tears in your face. “If it wasn’t true you wouldn’t be crying. Don’t I deserve the truth, Y/n? Have I don’t anything at all to make you scared of me?”
“No.” You sniffled, getting off the couch to go into the kitchen of his trailer. “You haven’t.”
Eddie watched you, becoming more and more anxious by the second. He sat there, waiting for his answer, anything but no. “Do you want to break up?”
“No!” You cried, shaking your head wildly. “No, that’s not what I want.”
“You don’t even like me, Y/n.” He scoffed to himself, closing in, becoming cold and shutting down. Something he hadn’t done in a long time. “You won’t open up to me. I can barely touch you. You look like you’re disgusted to be around me.”
“That’s not true!” You snapped, taking a step toward him. “Stop saying shit like that!”
“Then you say something for a change!” He argued back, not moving from his spot on the floor.
“But it’s so stupid!” You shook your head. “It’s ridiculous!”
He gave you a look. He was waiting and he wouldn’t back out this time. Either that, or he was going to break up with you. The thought made you want to vomit. Maybe you did care more deeply for him than you were letting on.
“We don’t talk about what happened when we were kids,” You sighed through tears, voice breaking. “We’re..both the same, but we don’t talk about it.”
Eddie’s eyes narrowed as you began, wondering after all, if he wanted to hear where you were going with this.
“Mom wasn’t around, so that left dad and his friends.” You stared at him, being as open and honest as you could now. There was no beating around the bush with this. “I…Jesus,” You shook your head, running a hand through your hair. “I didn’t know that it wasn’t normal at the time, but they’d…they’d use me.” You took a deep breath after the last word. No stopping now.
“They would play poker, touch me, rape me.” You weren’t crying anymore, talking mostly to yourself now at this point. “And I know you would never do that to me, Eddie, but sometimes I’m so afraid of it happening again and I just shut down.” You closed your eyes. “You touch me and I’m so afraid you’ll abandon me once we sleep together. That’s all anyone has ever done in my life.”
“Fuck me, then leave.” You sniffled. “That’s all they ever do.”
Eddie’s eyes were drooping, slightly narrowed and brows furrowed. He shook his head softly, you almost missed it, and you knew you’d made him at a loss for words.
He looked up to you briefly, licking his lips before he spoke. “There was this one guy my dad would deal for,” He began. “He was a big dude, almost seven foot. I was only thirteen. But dad would bring him into the house and he…would look at me. Just watch me wherever I went.” He stared at his hands, not daring to look at you.
“I think he payed dad.” His voice broke, but he refused to let any tears fall. “Because I screamed and screamed and he wouldn’t come.”
You let out an audibly gasp and covered your mask, your heart falling to the floor with a splat.
“Oh, god, Eddie,” You crawled to the floor and knelt beside him.
“It’s okay.” He stopped your apologies. “I didn’t tell you for you to be sorry for me. I told you because you need to know you’re not alone, and not everyone is out to get you. You’re safe with me. I want you to believe that.”
You let out a wet sob, tears rolling down your red face. “How do I stop being scared? I want to be with you.”
He smiled softly, a finger swiping at a tear. “We have all the time in the world for that, angel.”
You grabbed his arm and laid your head against his shoulder, sobbing like a broken child.
“Oh, baby,” He kissed your forehead. “Don’t cry.”
It would be a long road to recovery, but you could both do it together. Slowly, every day you would both open up to each other about what you went through, and day by day, it would get easier.
#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson angst#requests#stranger things#stranger things season four#joseph quinn#eddie munson imagines#eddie munson headcanons#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson blurb
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Awkward encounter
Lando Norris X Russell!reader
The F1 drivers twitch streamer sister series !
Part 1 / Part 2 here 1196 words
sorry for the wait guys <3
As much as Y/N would post on social media and perform to her twitch audience, she would be lying if she said that walking around the bustling crowds of F1 fans at the Aussie grand prix wasn’t terrifying her to her core. She was never one for big crowds - one of the reasons her older brother had only recently managed to convince her to attend his races this year with a lot of guilt tripping. Y/N didn’t help herself though, trying to conceal her identity constantly around her brother's fans when in his company had been grating on her over the years - especially with his rise in fame since joining Mercedes. She began finding it impossible to relax when in public with George, making her a partial recluse - much to her brother's disappointment. George understood why she wanted to hide her relation to him, but the wedge it started making between the two as she grew a larger fanbase irked him - he could tell it was bothering her too as her anxieties grew with it. Y/N loved her job streaming but sometimes doubted herself on whether it was the right choice for her - she found being in the public domain a constant surveillance, her every step taken outside her home found being criticised online. Imagining how much more intense the gaze on her would be if they knew the truth of her identity sent a chill down her spine.
Despite this, the guilt of never being there in person to support her brother made her feel awful, eventually agreeing to Georges persistent begging to join him for a couple of the races on the 2024 calendar (as long as he helped conceal her identity). This left her to hide away inside the Mercedes hospitality out of view of any nearby cameras wrapped in a hoodie and sunglasses, anyone who asked about her was met with the reply that she was just a family friend who had never seen a race and wanted to finally enjoy one. The only people that actually knew her true identity being Toto and Lewis, George knew he could trust the two of them with this information.
Out of sheer stupidity Y/N believed the hoodie and sunglasses combo that she wore in Saudi Arabia would continue to work in the blistering Australian heat. To her dismay she found herself sticking to the inside of her jumper, having to peel the fabric away from her skin as she made her way out of the bathroom that she had attempted to find some solace in by spending five minutes splashing cold water into her face. Unfortunately the bathroom was located a long way out from the Mercedes area, the more steps she took out the bathroom she could feel herself growing faint still being overwhelmed by the heat. Finding a close by wall to lean against as she tried to regain her composure as her body grew tired all to quick, Y/N found herself tearing haphazardly at the her hoodie to gain some relief - glasses clattering to the floor as the fabric passed over her head falling beside them to her feet. Her legs screaming out as she slid down the wall crouching into a ball in her fatigued state.
I’m so fucking stupid why did I think this could work today - annoying fucking sun.
Mentally cursing the weather and her own brain Y/N failed to notice the man approaching her - face full of concern for the young girl in front of him face pale and sickly.
“Y/N?”
She looks up - You’ve gotta be kidding me.
“Y/N what the fuck are you doing on the floor - you look like shit, what happened?”
“oh thanks prince charming, can you help me up I need to get back to George - I can’t be seen out here” she asks, eyes pleading.
“I didn’t mean- yeah-no-sure, of course here”
“Thanks Lando” Y/N breathes out shakily as she takes his outstretched hand.
This is utterly embarrassing
“I'm sorry this is how we’re meeting” Y/N remarks as he bends down to grab the items she had dropped onto the floor.
“I’m just glad I was the one to find you, what happened?”
“I think I overheated, I was wearing my hoodie- I know ‘silly’ but I just wanted to be as incognito as possible. It's frustrating”.
Lando gives her a sympathetic look as she answers him - not daring to look anywhere but the floor. “Hey I understand, but that could have been dangerous like you nearly passed out over there love '' Lando says as they make it closer to the Mercedes hospitality. Noticing the lack of response, he finds her still staring at her feet. He sighs and gently moves to face her, tilting her head up, hand cupping her chin softly.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like I was lecturing you or anything, but it was scary to find you like that - I’m just worried” Y/N gulps staring back into his eyes as she nods at his words. “No I’m sorry, I was stupid - you don’t need to worry but thank you really Lando” Y/N mustered up the courage to speak, feeling so small under his gaze, his hand still cupping her jaw.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing Norris?” George growls pulling Y/N behind him in a split second, not liking the image in front of him of the fellow driver’s hands on his younger sister.
“Hey I was just helping her mate '' Lando tries to defend himself.
“Didn’t fucking look like it” George snaps back at him. Y/N stumbles back at the sharpness of his voice, pulling her arm out of his grip. “George calm down please, he's only helping me for god's sake, I nearly passed out- he found me!” she retaliated back at him pleading for him to listen and understand.
“I don’t care Y/N, it didn’t look like that when I saw the two of you - he's done his ‘job’ he can leave now” George refuted arms crossed in front of himself, still glaring down at Lando who appeared as shocked as Y/N at this outburst.
Defensively putting his hands up, Lando sighed and turned to walk away - giving Y/N one last apologetic look which she shared mirrored before turning his back and leaving.
“What the hell was that Y/N? George demands as Y/N’s gaze drops back to the floor.
“I could ask you the same thing” He only huffs in response before she starts again. “He really was helping me - I collapsed by the bathroom’s, he found me and walked me back - you should thank him for saving your sister, not shout at him!” her voice raising, fed up with his childish behaviour.
“He had his hands on you, I don't want to see him near you again”
Y/N turns on her heel and charges past him into the hospitality, refusing to keep up such conversation with George, taking deep breaths to compose herself as she pulls out her phone with shaky hands.
Way to ruin a moment bro
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thanks for reading <3
taglist: @bicchaan @lauralarsen @drunkinthemiddleoftheday @ssararuffoni @cherry-piee @eviethetheatrefreak @2pagenumb
#lando norris#lando norris x y/n#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 x reader#george russel x reader#lando x reader#lando norris x reader
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Aware of Abuse AU
Nino in this is a little fascinating to me, cause I can’t see him NOT becoming friends with Adrien. I can see them maybe not being super close, especially at first, but I can’t see them being enemies. But I can also see Nino becoming the first class kid (outside Sabrina, and I’m not sure how she counts) to really GET the rich kid trio, and start trying to make proper friends with them.
Like, Just How I See This In My Head
(sorry to put this under a readmore but it’s a little long)
So, we have the first day shenanigans, who knows what, but we still have a bit of seat drama. Adrien ends up sitting in the front on Chloé’s side, Sabrina and Chloé behind him (protecting him, but shhhhh, that wasn’t on PURPOSE). Which means that there’s an empty seat next to Adrien, and … no one really wants to sit IN FRONT of Chloé. It’s not that they think she’ll DO something, but it Makes most of them uncomfortable. Like, no one’s being explicit about it (except maybe Marinette) but everyone’s reluctant to take that seat. So, Nino decides, “welp, someone’s gotta sit there. New kid doesn’t seem too bad, questionable friends aside” and plops himself down, introduces himself to Adrien.
Like, keep in mind, he’s been in the same class as Chloé for most of his school life, but Nino isn’t someone who’d be much on Chloé radar. He isn’t her friend (Sabrina) or her “obstacle./rival/jealousy-crush (Marinette). He and Chloé probably butted heads a few times, but nothing serious. Plus, she doesn’t mutter (Max) or kick the chair in front of her (Kim). She’s a tolerable seat mate. If it gets bad, well. He has headphones. He can probably just ignore her.
So, like, Nino takes the seat, introduces himself. Adrien starts to light up, because yay! New friend! But Nino probably still asks why he’s friends with Chloé. His light dims a bit. He gets quiet. He’s seen today why he’d ask, but he’s also seen other shit. He’s BEEN through some shit. He’s also been through the WRINGER today, fighting a giant stone monster did a NUMBER on him. He’s TIRED. So Adrien responds in a way he might not normally. "If you knew her, you wouldn’t have to ask.”
Nino’s a bit taken aback - that is a … weirdly solemn, serious response?? vaguely concerning?? - but decides, ok, sure. Why not? That could be a valid point, Nino doesn’t actually know Chloé personally, despite them being in school together most of their lives. She could genuinely be nice to some people. Or she could be a manipulative fuck, again, Nino doesn’t actually know her that well personally. Maybe she’s a decent person to people she considers “worthwhile” or some shit. Maybe she’s brainwashed Adrien like most of the class think she did to Sabrina. Who knows? Not Nino. But he doesn’t have to be a dick about it. If Chloé’s an amazing friend to Adrien, awesome. Maybe he’ll help mellow her out. If she’s actually the Anti-Christ, Nino can hopefully provide an example of a good friend for Adrien to look at and realize he deserves better.
(For the record, Nino does NOT think Chloé is devil spawn, he’s just looking at the two most extreme possibilities in his head)
So, he nods, concedes the point - “Yeah, that’s fair. We don’t really hang.” Adrien lights up a bit more, pleased. They chat a bit, about school, hobbies. (Behind them, Chloé’s in a state of shock, because what??? Someone??? Admitted she might?? Be good?? Not bad?? In a roundabout way, BUT STILL????!?)
So Adrien and Nino are … maybe not FRIENDS right away, but FRIENDLY. They talk. They exchange numbers. Adrien misses a day for a photoshoot, and Nino helps Sabrina take his notes. Nino still mostly hangs out with Marinette, Alya, the rest of the class, but he makes time to hang with Adrien too. At first just them, wandering around Paris, or hanging in his bedroom, but slowly, Nino gets invited to hang with Adrien, Chloé and Sabrina, sometimes Kagami.
And like … It’s awkward. We won’t pretend it’s not. But while Chloé is blunt, sometimes rude, she isn’t going out of her way to be MEAN. Isolated from the environment Nino’s used to seeing her in, it becomes really clear that Chloé just doesn’t have many other ways to interact with the world, and either has difficulty learning, or in a few cases doesn’t see the point. Away from everyone else, she’s also much more friendly to Sabrina - tries to talk her up more, get her to take more agency (maybe … not always in the best way, but she’s TRYING). And like, hanging with her at the mall, and then seeing her in school is a bit of whiplash for behaviour, but like. Now Nino’s SEEN her be a decent person with stunted social skills. He doesn’t think it EXCUSES anything, but like. He no longer buys Marinette’s “Rich Brat, Perfect Life” rant.
I think the big turning point for all of them would be Nino finding out how much their jokes about their parents aren’t exaggerated jokes. They aren’t “this is funny cause it’s ‘out there’” the jokes are “this funny cause it’s true”.
Cause like. At first, Nino honestly believes thats what they are. “The gates of hell would open before my dad threw me a birthday party.” / “I think my mother would fire me, if it wouldn’t look bad for the press.” “Like, fire you from being her daughter, or set you on fire?” “Yes.” / “Do you think my dad would notice if I pierced my ears?” “Oh, absolutely! Can’t have the face of his brand altered without prior agreement!” “True, true. What about you?” “Oh, I could dye my hair a different colour every day for a month and he wouldn’t notice.”
Like, Nino thinks it might just be some weird, rich people thing? It doesn’t help that, like, Adrien and Chloé don’t tend to make that many of those sort of jokes around him. I mean, they might know their parents suck, but they don’t want anyone ELSE to. It’s personal. Other people won’t get it. They don’t want pity. Whatever the reason, they try to keep the jokes on the downlow when hanging out with Nino. So, Nino doesn’t get the full force. A few black humour style jokes like that are … concerning, but Nino doesn’t think they’re, like, full on awful. Maybe a bit “rich parent neglectful” but like. Not bad, right? His friends aren’t in that bad of a situation, right?
I like to think the tipping point is a slip up. Something dramatic, because. I mean. Look at these kids. Drama follows them.
Like, say Nino’s over at Adrien’s. Gabriel is out for the day, which means the two have run of the place. They’re relaxing, playing video games, whatever, when Chloé bursts into the room in tears. Nino’s so shocked he falls off the sofa.
Chloé, however, doesn’t even look at him. No, all her focus is on Adrien, cause GUESS WHAT MUMMY DEAREST DID NOW!? Maybe it was a dinner gone wrong. A gift turned sour. A random argument. But just because Chloé KNOWS her mom is a bitch, doesn’t mean it hurts any less when Audrey demeans her. When she knows which nerves to hit and buttons to press. She’s ranting, sobbing about how, oh, of course she did this, why am I even surprised, I should have expected this, honestly. I knew what she was going to do, why open my big mouth!? It’s ridiculous, utterly-!
Chloé stops. Because she just noticed Nino. Who is having a horrible paradigm shift, realizing oh. Those jokes were NOT exaggerated. His friends’ parents ARE that bad. They DO suck that much.
Chloé’s ready to start falling apart all over again, because god, could she GET any more pathetic, she just spilled her guts in front-! She didn’t even SEE him, why wasnt she more careful-! Adrien is trying to figure out damage control. Nino can see them both panicking, and just says, “We could sell her kneecaps on eBay.”
Chloé & Adrien: “… . what?”
Nino, straight faced: “eBay. I heard kneecaps go for a lot, these days.”
Adrien, after a pause: “Audrey’s though?”
Nino: *shrugs* “I mean, I don’t think we’d get much for them, especially once they’ve been shattered, but I still think we could get SOMETHING.”
More silence.
Nino: “Like … four dollars? I’m pretty sure we could get at LEAST four dollars. Maybe some old, chewed gum. Some dryer lint, if we feel like pushing it.”
Chloé, starting to smile a little: “… Mom has security.”
Nino: “I have a nine-iron, a taser, and six years of parkour. Also, I’m pretty sure Max has access to the dark web, and he owes me a no-questions-asked favour.”
-
Yes!! YES!!!!!
This is the vibes I am imagining!!
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My saviour
Pairing: Angel Dust x M!Reader
Word count: 1,3k
Warnings: Swearing, Angel being his normal flirty self (we love him for it).
Masterlist
I’ll be using fluff prompts:
#8, “I haven’t laughed like this in a long time.”
#9, “Hold still, this might hurt a little.”
#10, “I just wanted to thank you, for saving me.”
Life itself in Pentagram City was usually out of the ordinary. In other words, sinners did a lot of weird shit, which could make oneself feel uneasy. Today was just like the days before: shitty. You worked from 9 to 5, felt exhausted, went grocery shopping for the weekend and as the cherry on top, being harassed on the street by a random sinner. Lovely!
As you were on your way back to your place, an annoying ringing snapped you out of your thoughts: your cellphone. Slowly, you pulled it out of your back pocket to see who the hell dared to call you now.
Angel<3
Your frown immediately disappeared when you realized it was Angel Dust, one of your best friends, your party buddy. You answered the call:
“Hey!” You joyfully said.
“Ow, ow. Too much joy! What is up with you?” The voice on the other line answered. “I thought you were supposed to work all day?” He added.
“I did! I feel like shit right now!” You kept your joyous tone, “But now that I hear your beautiful voice, my day is actually better!”
“I don’t know what is up with you Toots, but I really want to get drunk tonight. ‘You in?” Angel said.
“You just read my mind! I’ll meet you there at 10!”
“Alright, you better lose some of that cheerfulness before then, you’re starting to sound like Charlie, shit.” He nonchalantly said. You knew that act was making him uncomfortable, you lived to tease him.
“Fuck you! Goodbye!” You hung the line and practically skipped all the way to your place.
Tonight was going to be fun! Right?
///
When you arrived at the club, you immediately realized the place was packed tonight. You almost changed your mind and went back home when you spotted Angel in the crowd, slightly taller and most sinners.
You made your way to him, “Hey, party buddy! Are you ready to have the night of your life?” You extended your arms for a hug, which he returned.
“Absolutely, and I personally think it’d be even better if it ended with you and me in my bed.” He winked playfully, which made you blush, “I’m just kidding, but by the look on your face you wouldn’t be opposed to that!” He laughed while making his way to the bar.
You stood there, a bit shocked, trying to hide the blush that rose on your cheeks due to his comment, and decided to follow him.
“What can we serve you tonight, fellows?” The bartender asked.
Angel and you both looked at each other and said in unison:
“Something strong.”
///
Almost an hour later, or maybe more than that, who knows, you stopped tracking the time after your fourth drink, you still stood at the bar with Angel. You were telling him a story that happened earlier at work.
“-And then the lady left and I said ‘don’t let the door hit you on the way out’ and guess what happened! It actually did! She opened it the wrong way and crashed into it!” You wheezed at your own story, almost spilling your drink.
Angel’s reaction matched yours, he leaned across the bar while he held his stomach with one hand, trying to keep breathing but failing miserably.
“Damn,” He wiped the tears from his eyes due to laughter. “I gotta tell you Toots, I haven’t laughed like this in a long time!”
You knew Angel was going through tough times, mostly because of his deal with Valentino. Knowing you made his day better and seeing him genuinely laugh made your heart flutter.
“Fuck yeah! I laughed so hard then, the lady became red with anger! She must’ve been ashamed!” You added.
Then, your stomach started revolting itself and made you stop dead in your tracks. “I need some fresh air.”
You pushed your way through the crowd, trying your best to not hurt anyone on your way out. As soon as the outside air hit you, your stomach basically thanked you and settled down.
You walked a bit, making sure you were feeling better, before you saw an ugly sinner make his way up to you. ‘Ugh, no!’.
“What’s a lovely thing like you doing outside all alone?” He stood close to you, making you insanely uncomfortable.
“Okay firstly, I’m a dude, second, I’m not alone.” There it is, your stomach felt sick again, and you knew it wasn’t from the alcohol.
“It’s alright sugar, I’m into those things.” He tried to hold you but you pushed him away.
“Leave me alone, I don’t have the time for this.” You leaned over, getting ready if your stomach decided to finally get rid of the poison you’ve been drinking.
“Listen you little cunt.” He grabbed the collar of your shirt. You could feel his disgusting breath on your face. “You gonna get on your knees and do what I ask of you, understand?”
“Fuck no!” You resisted, there was no way this was happening to you.
That’s when you felt it. The sharp pain on your side, just below your ribs. You suddenly felt hot, burning hot.
‘The fucker stabbed me?’
Then, the sinner was lifted off the ground by something, someone taller than him.
Angel.
“That was a very bad choice, shortie. I suggest you leave this gentleman alone and fuck off!” Angel practically screamed at the sinner, trying his best to not murder him.
All the while this happened, your vision started to get blurry, and your ears ringed. And then,
Nothing.
//
You woke up from your slumber, totally disoriented. As you looked around the room you were in, you could see the old tapestry that covered the walls. Old wooden furniture, a light that dimly lit the run down room.
As you put all the pieces together, the door opened slowly, making a creaking sound that made shivers run up your spine. ‘Did I fucking get kidnapped?’
“Heya sleeping beauty, did you sleep well?” ‘Oh thank heavens’, it’s Angel. That means we’re in-
“No, nuh uh,” you tried to get up from the bed you took your little rest in. “No way you took me to your tacky Hotel Angel, I’m getting out.”
He put a hand on your chest, keeping you from getting any further. “Sit the fuck back down,” He pushed me back on the bed. “First, this isn’t my Hotel, and second, this is where I live now, whether you like it or not.”
You whined a bit, part of it because he was right, and the other part was because your side hurt like, a lot.
“We better get you stitched up, before it gets infected.” He settled down a first aid kit on the side table and pulled out of it a needle and some thread. “You’re gonna have to pull your shirt up, Toots.” He looked at you up and down.
You shook your head no. There was no way he was stitching your skin back together, ew!
“Don’t be a baby, I have done things multiple times, I know what I’m doing! ‘Cmon.”
You slowly lifted your shirt, making sure you didn’t touch your wound in the process. You tried to not look at it, but curiosity took the best of you. That was fucking disgusting.
“Hold still, this might hurt a little.” With that, Angel began his work, closing your wound stitch by stitch. You bit your lip, hiding the fact that it hurt like a bitch. When the work was done, you released a breath you didn’t know you were holding.
“There you go! As good as new!” He closed the first aid kit and gave you a smile. “You can stay here for the night, while you get some rest.”
“Thank you, Angel.” You sighed, the entirety of the night finally pushing down on you. “I just want to thank you, for saving me.” You smiled up at him.
“Don’t mention it! And hey, I told you the night would end up with you in my bed!” He playfully smirked and left the room.
‘Oh this is the start of something good.’
\\\
Heya readers! This is my first HH one shot and the first one I’ve written in a while. I know I’m a bit rusty but bear with me! Thank you for reading and if you have any requests, feel free to ask me!
Seeya!
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yall we hit the big 1000 😧‼️‼️
ok, im not one for any sappy shit or anything but I genuinely dont think I’d be where I am today without any of you guys. if I werent to be writing and talking to all of my favorite people I dont think I’d be in a great place.
I fucking love knowing that I have a thousand people here for me to comfort me, to support me and to always be here for me whenever I need it. i love knowing that I have a thousand friends with me whenever.
its so comforting because I know I have all of you when im feeling down or lonely. ive had really bad social anxiety majority of my life and havent had any good luck with friends, so knowing that I have a thousand people that look forward to me doing anything and that I have a thousand friends or a thousand people who went out of their way in their day to read my stories, to like them and follow me. I love knowing that you did that out of your own will and because you genuinely like me. I like knowing that I dont have to worry about being lonely or disliked or anything along the lines of that because i know I can always come to one of you
being here today, with all of these people reminds me just how adored/liked or loved I am just because of one of my hobbies. you guys like my writing, some of you even adore it, and knowing that I didnt force any of this makes everything so much better. I wouldnt be here today, where I am, how happy I am without any of you and I fucking adore that. without you guys I dont think I’d be as productive as I am, I dont think I wouldve ever pursued my writing, I dont think I wouldve ever tried writing. so knowing that each and every one of you helped me find the thing I enjoy most is so admirable, its amazing and I cannot thank any of you enough.
to the one whos been here since the start @luverboychris, you’re one of the only reasons im still as happy as I am today, you’re one of my bestfriends and I love you so fucking much. you’re the only reason I started writing on tumblr and you’re one of my favorite people 🫶🫶
to the one whos recently become my bestfriend @lovesodakid, I wouldnt have had as many laughs without you. you’re the funniest person ive ever met and im so grateful I can speak my true opinion without you judging me
to the one whos literally my favorite nick girl @nickgetsmewetter and one of the people I look up to, you’re a reason im excited to go onto tumblr everyday
to my idols, who inspired me to write and the reason I continue writing today @luverboychris, @hysteria-things and @worldlxvlys, you guys are literally one of the reasons I write today and continue to write
again, to @worldlxvlys, anytime im upset or feeling down I always go to your stories and read them. you’re one of my favorite creators on this app
im so fuckung grateful for each and every single one of you ❤️❤️
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"forgotten corners" i think about 3 of these very frequently when thinking about fnaf
#ramblings#the rebornica fnaf i most often think abt. i still remember rebornica fnaf 1 & 2 shit#<- less rebornicas stuff specifically and more how widespread the style and designs were + the animatronic characterizations#soproxi was one of my biggest inspos back in the day. i am still so fucking abnormal about their KIDS video#aaaand btw fun fact i was friends with someone who knew tony crynight and that used to be so fucking cool to me#never knew them personally but i did like the animations so that connection made me feel cool#vaguely remember that springtrap art but not the person who drew it. i do remember shgrr's (im not looking up the username)#fnaf animations but idk they never stuck out to me sorry i know they were pretty iconic just never was a fan#never used google + but god do i remember when that was also a hot spot for fandom. somehow
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A mutual reblogged a pr*ship post and their dni is now neutral. Unfallowed. Bolcked.
#see if i joke i don't CHOKE. on my tears. because this just keeps happening#i'm so scared to interact with mutuals for this exact reason#most i've made have either left me. became toxic over minor differences or become a degenerate.#which is sad because i really enjoyed this friend and all those friends before they or i cut ties#but this kind of shit is unforgivable to me. i've had bad experiences with a friend turning out to be a pr*shipper#everyone flocked to me to fix their traumas but i had talked to that person often. it hurt a lot. they harassed people who harassed them#i was only 15. and i was threatened but what the hell is a sheltered kid SUPPOSED to do back. i wasn't taught shit#people in their fucking 20's were trauma dumping to me in dms and sadly still go to me when they catch wind of this person-#'i need support' you need to get offline. please. just block and ignore. i'm tired.#i should not have had to be babysitting adults and older teens when i didn't know what half those words were at the time.#months ago i did something stupid when i was at my limit and mirrored the pettiness i saw. i was told i would drive someone to suicide.#over saying the person was a bit mean and bringing up some posts i thought they made#i did apologise when i got it wrong. but got threatened with the person possibly killing themselves in my inbox.#this person and the pr*ship person were famously at eachothers' throats#i do not stand by the pr*ship persons' actions. their opinions on the other person were honestly right though. the only thing i agree with.#once again i complain about proshits and gatekeeps. the two are almost as bad as eachother to me#or at least two awful sides that have affected me and my ability to make friends online.#so that's what this remined me of.
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I’m such a fucking disappointment I hate myself I checked my abusive ex’s socials for the first time since fucking November I’m such a disappointment I am spiraling so fucking bad I feel sick to my stomach I feel so sick
#ryan.txt#abusive ex#fucked up people#he’s still talking shit about me#and literally in reference to me said ‘abuse’ in quotes like he legit doesn’t think he abused me#he’s actually claiming I abused him still that’s insane I fucking hate him I wish he would die#he’s lying about so much shit he’s literally playing my role#saying all of this crazy shit like my friend harsassed him#mind you he’s the one who had people personally and also strangers harass me#I feel sick to my fucking stomach I feel sick#my hands are shaking so bad and they’re so cold#I’ve unfortunately been thinking about him a lot bc my birthday is coming up#and last year he screamed at me and did all this shit on my birthday#I wish I could wipe him from my memory please#ptsd#cptsd#trauma#traumatized
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idk how to even like. put this pain into words and i would normally vent about this shit on twitter, but the person its about follows me on there so like. anybody have skills for coping with the crushing realization that the person u love most in this world and have built ur life around sees ur current situation together as a temporary hurdle that's preventing them from their truest and happiest self which. is separate from u entirely? anyone know how to deal with this?
#live with my best friend in the whole entire world who. honest to god makes me the happiest person alive.#like im always waxing poetic about her in the tags on posts about platonic love#and i talk about her like she put the stars in the skies because for real it feels like she did for me#she is. the most important person in my life#and every day i feel grateful just to come home and sit with her#like honest to god i cannot imagine a future that is better than this#if i have a bad day i get to come home and my best friend in the world will make me laugh#what more could i ever ask for#but tonight we talked and she made it abundantly clear that. even if i do everything right#even if i'm the perfect roommate and the best friend i can be#in just over a year#when she's making enough money for it#she plans on moving into a place of her own#which like. makes sense for her. of course we were going to get to this point.#but i just. don't know what i'm going to do.#and it kills me that we're on different pages because for some reason i thought this was a long term thing#i thought we were going to move into a house together#i was just telling my coworker this week that we need to move into our forever home soon which was partially a joke#but also. even if i was making a million dollars a year.#i would still want to be here. with her.#or somewhere else. with her.#like it's so hard to imagine a future without her. it breaks my heart and scares the shit out of me.#and i know i can't afford it here. and i can't move in with strangers. and i'm working my dream job but i'm scared that i'm going to have t#give it all up and move back east because. i can't do this alone. and she's all i have. and all i ever wanted.#and she's leaving.#she doesn't want to be with me.#sry this is so fucking. ugh. idk. i just don't know what to do.#for real might just drop everything and move to chicago if it comes down to it ksdkfljdfs#its what sufjan would have wanted#fucked up terrible no good week
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real talk in the tags for a second because i have a crush on a girl and i. a hehe. ahehehe.
will be burying this in reblogs and never touching on it again
#so random disclaimer this girl is like a year older than me and in high school it’s like a nono for older and younger batch to like be#a thing so i know i generally have no chance but i like to live in my own insanity and the progression of my crush on her has been absolute#ly cuckoo bananas. so like it started out as ‘i wanna be your friend’ and progressed into ‘shit they’re really pretty’ to ‘wow ur so??’ to#‘fuck i like them’ and then it died down and then by all golly it came back but more of a hallway crush now which is bearable bc i’m#not really a part of their life?? like we know each other but we don’t wave and shit and we don’t like ever interact that much so i was lik#ok this is fine bc they literally never think of me so i’m just admiring from afar. and the FIRST inciting incident was i request them onig#and i expect to not get accepted because according to their friends they onyl accept close friends and i’m like k this is a bad idea probs#but the worst that could happen is i get left in their follow requests right?? RIGHT?? but then within like two hours of reqing. lord.#i got. ACCEPTED. and they requested back. and suddenly it’s +1 tangibility like ok?? maybe we’re not as strangers as i thought we were#i later discovered i was not that special for this but also?? cool?? anyways for a while it kind of laid dead and we never spoke at all eve#tho i was in their acc now (at this time they barely posted but whenever they did it was so?? funny like they would slap the randomest shit#on that acc) and it was still a hallway crush altho my friends r awful (/pos) people who would always make me pass their hallway and i#would run into them so often but at this point we only ever like exchanged glances and they would walk right past me like i wasnt even ther#but THEN the second incident happened which was basically we had to play instruments for this christmas event thing and bc they’re literall#y amazing they played for it and i was roped into it and. i was so gay the whole time. bc who wears a leather jacket to school and gets the#prettiest haircut ever right on the last day before a long break?? and the worst part is whenevr something confusing happened they would#turn to me and this one other person and we’d b laughing together. like we r friends. and they’re so fucking nice they were checking up on#us the whole time i was literally dying i kept dropping my pick and stealing looks AURURUGH and they’re so gen funny and interesting i just#and the first few days of holiday break i just couldn’t stop thinking abt them it was so bad? like that was the moment where i was genuinel#like is this more than a hallway crush… eventually it died back down until the next event we had to play together where they were being SO#SO much more comf w me? like exchanging knowing looks when smt funny happens and that stuff.. at this point i didnt even know what to like#think of my crush on them so i just let it be yk. atp they’re not even waving at me in the hallways at all still so maybe they’re just bein#nice! BUT NO. THAT IS UNTIL I AUDITIONED FOR A BAND (theyr in charge of accepting) AND THEY ACCEPTED ME WHICH COOL BUT LIKE A DAY LATER I#HEARD FROM OUR MUTUAL FRIEND THAT THEY SAID ‘yeaa im so happy i got (my name)’ AS IN IN THE BAND. LIKE. HELLO?? HI U THIUGHT ABT ME?? and#during the first band mtg where everyone’s all awk they kept making eye contact w me and asking if i was good and making sure i got to say#smt before anyone made a decision and it. murdered. me. i’m sorry maybe it’s the fanfic writer in me or this shit is literally nothing and#think they’re just nice to everyone but who cares bc it means they’re nice to ME too. and then last week happened. which was like the nail#in the coffin. INTERACTION ACTIVITY. I IMPULSIVELY ASK IF THEY WANNA B GROUPMATES AND THEY SAY YES. THEY ONLY TALK TO ME AND THEIR FRIENDS.#I ACT STUPID. THEY ALUGH AND TOUCH MY SHOULDER. I ASK ABT THEIR CAMERA AND THEY GO ON A LONG-ISH (cute) RANT ABT SMTH. THEY ASK WHY I HAVE#BIG ASS STACK OF POST ITS. WE TALK. THEY LAUGH AT MY JOKES. SUDDENLY. THEY SAY A FULL HELLO IN THE HALLS. THEY WAVE AT ME A DAY LATER. FUCK
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still fuming over an argument i had months ago.. anouther chillllll its ok for other people to be incorrect, ok? its ok for them to randomly accuse you of a personality disorder and then publicly shit on you for being offended. its fine bro. old news.
#some ppl u will NOT seek out but would def get in a fistfight with if u happened to pass by each other again#sorry i be holding mad grudges#you do something mean once and i will be eternally hostile if you dont apologize and wary if you do#like idk yk its not right to let people think they can walk all over you and still be entitled to your civility and kindness#and some actions are so horrible you'll seek a fight to the death about it#and others youre like. meh. objectively this isnt as big a deal as other shit i went thru. would set ur car on fire if i walked past it tho#like IT DEPENDS!#sometimes ill just drop it if its w a friend and we 'made up' but a lot of times ppl dont rly apologize/try to change their cruel actions#so theres resentment even without the fight#or hearing someone talk about doing similar to what they did to me to someone else. i thought u were past that. whats wrong w u.#idk i distrust people who are nice to u in the moment but fully traumatize someone else who was kinda rude to them#bc what if *i* miss too many social cues? are u gonna try to get me arrested or sum? jfc#at least when i actively seek revenge its not for lil things like rudeness or even bigger things like purposeful insults#but yea most ppl i dislike i refrain from bothering. but if they bother me thats their mistake#if you throw the first punch i WILL always get the last.#but yea anyway fuck that person
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hey fun thing. fun thing I'm experiencing lately. is that the case which every terf journo in the fucking UK is freaking themselves about FINALLY being able to put on the front page - trans woman convicted of rape sent to women's prison - is uhhhhhhhh. really close to home? emotionally? for me? and it's on every fucking newsstand????
(obviously transparent as fuck every time that everyone's suddenly so concerned about the wellbeing of women in prison when all the same publications are usually in the CRIMINAL SCUM PRISONS ARE TOO SOFT TRAIN but OKAY. OKAY. since you suddenly care so much about female prisoners shall we uhhhhh idk address the rate of sexual assaults by guards? police? other cisgender prisoners? maybe rethink the whole 'prison' thing as a whole? oh this is just about how you think trans women are scary again? cool. cool cool cool.)
#red said#the commonality. not to overshare. is that i was raped in 2013 by someone who then went to court in 2015-16 following another incident#and that was a wake-up call for her about her increasingly bad drug and alcohol use and blackouts (which was what happened in both cases)#and so she started self examining on that and partway through the case she realised she was trans#and the thing is i know this bc despite what she did we were still friends by the time it went to court#i was a supporting witness because my experience was used as evidence that it was a pattern of out of control behaviour#anyway it dragged on for a while. even longer bc she was a us national in the us military so the civil case was dropped but#there was also a military investigation#which i didn't have to provide evidence for in the end but i was on the hook not knowing if i would need to for like. another 2 years.#anyway the transition aside there's a lot else about this case which resonates with my experience during that time???#and it sucked a lot going through that case and i would prefer not to have to think about it every time i pop to the fucking supermarket???#(also this is gonna sound bad but the thing i resent most about that whole affair was that during the case and her early transition#she leant on me for support a LOT? so i was doing all this trauma reliving and giving witness statements but also before and after that#she called me almost every day to talk about the toll it was taking on her. and i was like. i think you're right to talk about this#and i think you need support right now#but i also think. it's fucking wild that you think I'm the person to offer that when i just told you you assaulted me in a drunken blackout#like. my big Sick Trauma Feeling memories from that time are a) court and b) Oh No My Phone Is Ringing Again#anyway. this is a big trauma dump that may be misinterpreted which is why i don't talk about the case that much?#but this is part of why i hate terfs so much. the insistence on treating an individual's shit behaviour as condemnation of All Trans People#makes it Really Fucking Hard for those of us who've experienced individual shitty behaviour from a trans person#but recognise that that's just a statistical probability based on how many people do shitty things in the population at large#to talk about harm we've experienced without being coopted to a genocidal narrative
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#idk it's just really frustrating to think that people will ALWAYS make allowances for people they're romantically in love with but#not make those same allowances for someone else they otherwise care about.#that people will risk things for their partners that they wouldn't for their friends#that it's EXPECTED for you to prioritize your spouse/significant other/etc. at all times but prioritizing your friend(s) is rarely even#considered. and when you're like me and you LITERALLY CANNOT DO THIS SHIT BY YOURSELF...#like I know I go on and on about marrying some theoretical woman all the time (and my ongoing...whatever this is. with Musician Guy)#but genuinely I'm not even sure that I want that I think I just want someone who will fucking visit me in the hospital if I get into a car#crash or fix me soup when I'm sick.#like...yeah. in that one story I wrote I think I distilled it down: we all just want someone to hold us when we're sad#and it SUCKS that the only avenue we seem to be allowed to pursue that is through a romantic relationship#right now I have my dad but if something happens to him...I genuinely do not know what I'm going to do. I'll have nowhere to go#if something terrible happens. I'll have no one to help me be a person. and I just. like I really am going to just have to power through#the next 60 years on this fucking planet alone and by god I'll fucking do it but I wish I didn't have to!!!!#and I think this was why the loss of Her™ friendship (which was necessary. for both of us) was so acutely painful. because even after#she got married she WAS willing to prioritize me when things got bad enough. she DID genuinely care about me in a way I don't think#anyone ever has. and I just really don't think I'll ever find that ever again. and I can't go back and I don't WANT to be with her anymore#but it was this time of the year when she told me she was getting married way back when and my brain has kept that like the World's Worst#Anniversary and all of those terrible ugly feelings are coming back in full force and I HATE that I'm still unpacking this I. HATE. that#this not-even-relationship is STILL doing this to me#WHAT THE FUCK!!! IS UP WITH THAT!!!!!!#*sigh* okay for REAL I am logging off right now because I've already said Too Many Embarrassing Personal Things about myself today#and I do not want to put myself in a position to say anymore!#In the Vents#GOD this is so stupid IT'S NOT LIKE SOMEBODY DIED WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS
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I just learned something so incredibly fucked up
#i am trembling#i cannot let this enable my issues with paranoia further! haha! oh my fucking god#im not joking btw im literally physically trembling. how did this happen oh god oh GOD nononono dont let it get to you#i just need to know. was someone like. double dealing? was someone telling him about it#i wouldnt give a shit if they were stalking me online occasionally (well id care a little bit but honestly itd just be kinda fucked)#but if someone was telling him about me and my personal stuff?#stop. i dont want to think about it. i dont want to think it happened. i have to get this out of my head#but still. absolutely fucking deranged.#ESPECIALLY bc apparently he's been saying i “made him think he was abusive'' and that doing that was shitty of me bc he actually#just has bpd??????#sol if you're reading this listen closely: one of my best friends has bpd. diagnosed and everything. so shut the fuck up#much like you've been saying i blamed my adhd for being neglectful (read: not meeting your sky-high standards for Truly Loving You 24/7)#you cannot blame your bpd for what a shit person you've been#repeatedly asking you to work on a flaw that's been hurting me is not telling you you're abusive you fucking prick#get a life‚ learn to care about other people away from what they can do for YOU‚#and LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.#p.s. imagine being mad that people who were friends with both you and your partner didnt suddenly cut the other one off after you broke up#like actually angry at these people. what the actual fuck. you're like a divorced parent upset that their child still talks to their ex-wife#my posts
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#tw for rape and trauma in the tags#also tw for drug use/addiction#im still caught up on the fact that#the day my best friend raped me#the reason i asked him was to come over was that i had relapsed with drugs and my family was being shitty about it#he knew i was vulnerable and he took advantage of it#i will never ever forgive him for that#fucking bastard#how shitty of a person do you have to be...#we had been best friends for YEARS#what was he just biding his time until i was high and vulnerable in a short skirt?#everyone who loves me wants to kill him#i would rather beat the shit out of him#and tattoo the word rapist on his forehead. make him live his life with everyone knowing what he did
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thinking about how my sister just got engaged at 27 to her first boyfriend ever and i just don’t have a good feeling about it
#i mean i’m not talking to her right now lmao. i did not even say congrats#but i’m still her older sister and i don’t believe she really has experienced enough of the world and of love itself to be tied down#at least in that way — technically speaking she’s already ‘’tied down’’ being in a long term committed relationship#but like. i know she thinks my mom had us when she was ‘’too old’’#my mom had me at 35 and my sister at 38#my sister criticizes my mother for that and has made comments throughout the years about how her friends mothers are all so much younger#meanwhile my mother lived an EXPANSIVE life in hers 20s and early 30s#she went out outward bound trips with hippy dippy granola eating fucks and camped out for months on end#she jumped out of planes and paraglided and rode motorcycles#she was a huge pothead and spent so much time at the beach studying tide pools and looking for horseshoe crabs#she even metal detected after storms to see if she could find unique lost beautiful jewelery and other items that were lost at sea#she was a PERSON and without those experiences would NOT have been our mother#i’ve explained this to my sister dozens of times over — your opinion of our moms age is based upon you not seeing her as a PERSON w/ a LIFE#and she does not care. she still believes my mom was ‘’too old’’ which is a ridiculous argument because having kids in your 30s is NOT. OLD#like even outside of my opinion of our moms life. my sister is literally just wrong across the board because 30s is NORMAL#she frustrates me to no end because our ‘’differences of opinion’’ are actually REALLY big differences like. stop dehumanizing our mom….?#so truly. honestly. this is just a big push to ‘’not end up like’’ our mom so she’s getting married earlier and will have kids earlier#now in my own right i don’t want to ‘’end up like’’ my mom either — ie in a marriage that is unfulfilling with a man who bosses her around#but the difference between her opinion of ‘’not ending up’’ like her is she blame MOM for everything#meanwhile in MY example i blame my father for being a piece of shit to our mother and vowed i would never be in that situation myself period#but that’s not putting blame on my mother. that’s me seeing my mother as a VICTIM of injustice and misogyny#meanwhile my sister just sees my moms decisions as a ‘’problem’’ to be ‘’fixed’’#meanwhile i am consistently reminding myself that while my mother loves her children very much…#she inherently had to LOSE herself in order to have us and fashion a new version of herself - the ‘’mom’’ version to replace her real self#my sister doesn’t care to talk to our mom about the intricacies that come with all of this. i do. quite often actually.#my moms rule was that she was not getting married before 30. period.#the first thing i said when my mom told me my sister was engaged was#‘’i don’t even believe someone should get married period. but especially not before 30’’#she agreed. because she TAUGHT us that! she TAUGHT us the importance of finding yourself before anything else#but my sister in her race to ‘’not be like’’ our mom is missing out on turning into a wonderful person for it?
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