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coff-in · 22 hours

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HIIII!!! I would like to request a Baby sis reader x Ashley and Andrew were Reader is like their personal nurse and has the most out of pocket impulsive though and isn't afraid of saying them when she wants.

Like we're they would be standing near the ledge if a bridge and Reader would just say randomly say "I would be nice to jump won't it?" and Andrew would just stare at her with a look of terror (He has though and done worse though)

But back to the Nurse part she carrys a doctors bag with medication and bandages/bandaids (she also has poison). Sometimes when Andrew and Ashley argue she would just stand there like 🧍‍♀️ knowing damn well she going have to patch them both up after this

(Preferably before and after the sacrifice of the cultist)

notes from coff-in: this is pretty wholesome, guh i just AAAUUGH i love it. i want them to be happy with each other you know? this was so good i just had to brain dump onto this request, it really got me thinking. thank you for requesting!! :D

[fem] reader-insert, [reader] younger than ashley by about a year, mentions or allusions to incest (nothing outright but im hinting at it), talks/mentions of suicide

i can see [reader] getting inspired to be a nurse when leyley got sick once. andy had to go to the store to get medicine for her and told [reader] to stay home and watch her. she tells leyley that she's going to be okay, "nurse [reader] and doctor andy are here to help you get better!" it made leyley so happy seeing [reader] and andy take care of her like that! i doubt she'd ever purposely get herself sick like that again, but it sparked something in [reader]--- being able to care for her siblings and feel necessary to them, to feel needed (i sprinkle insecurity everywhere)

during school, [reader] had a major interest in biology and health class (or the european equivalents i guess? i'm from the U.S. so i don't know much) and passing with good grades in those classes. she has a big medical or emergency kit in their bedroom for her to use and practice with. whenever andrew or ashley hurt themselves they always come over to [reader] so she can take a look at it because she insists on it.

she gets on andrew's case a couple of times about his smoking, about how it's not good for his lungs, could and will cause him lung cancer, etc etc it's mostly stuff he's heard before from her and their family. the thing that causes him to snap back into reality is [reader] saying her thoughts out loud, something along the lines of "i wish i could just suck the nicotine from your mouth so you don't have to risk it". he just looks at her bewildered (holy shit wouldn't that be KISSING???? 🙀🙀🙀) in fact [reader] would say a lot of weird shit while patching up her siblings.

"andrew, your hands are so big... and clammy, is your fever causing that?" "ashley your blood is such a pretty color. i would wear it as lipstick if i could." "hey andrew, did you know that you snore sometimes? you're so peaceful when you sleep, it makes me want to never wake you up." i think she just says weird shit in general, girly can NOT keep her thoughts to herself. the kids at her school dub her as weird and freaky, like ashley, and it causes them to grow closer together (especially with the one-year age gap) they eat lunch together and stick to each other like glue. they went to prom together too!! ashley invited [reader] over to her senior prom (andrew's there too if he could make it) and they dance with each other

"you guys look so beautiful... you two look like a couple" [reader] would giggle at andrew and ashley. andrew blushes at that comment and ashley makes it worse by saying "i know!!"

great times.... then they get quarantined :) not so great time, the lack of food as [reader] anout their health, especially since ashley insists on being active-- moving around and doing chores. she has to sometimes force ashley to get back into bed so she doesn't make herself faint again (andrew has [reader] help him move her to the couch or bed when this happens). i think [reader] would be strung up about starving too because it's not an easy fic for her; she can't just kiss the wound and put a band aid over it. not being able to help her siblings stresses her out and andrew and ashely notice this. they constantly have to remind her that it's not her fault that they're starving and she has nothing to apologize for

gods it would be awful if [reader] started to get suicidal too, or at least start becoming self sacrificing. "i could jump off the balcony..." she says out of nowhere when they're all watching TV "there's be one less mouth to feed, more food for you guys" and andrew and ashley are just like "NO". it honestly breaks their hearts seeing their baby sister feel so down and sad due to this fucking quarantine. "maybe i could chop off my arm and--" "[reader] SHUT UP!!! NO KILLING YOURSELF!!!"

(this definitely lead to the siblings cuddling or sleeping with [reader] not only to comfort themselves but also [reader], to make sure that she's alive too, you know? listening to her breathing and heart beat and feeling her warmth... maybe holding her tighter and closer, wrapping their arms around her in a tight hold. their heart cracks a little bit every time they hear her stomach growl in hunger. it's awful that she's withering away in this apartment and they hate that she blames herself in some capacity that they're suffering too when none of it is their fault; they're all suffering.)

speaking of chopping off arms, [reader] is immediately like "hey look food :D" when the cultist drops dead in the apartment. she helps andrew cut the cultists up while ashley cooks up dinner/breakfast and she's like "did you know that cooked human smells like pork" and andrew is like "please shut up". she also catches on quickly that the apartment isn't "quarantined due to contaminated water" but as a scheme to harvest organs. she's like " 3 x AB? like the blood type?" and "a book on human organs? huh... guys i think they're trying to take our organs" omg the interaction with the lady in 302 or whatever would be so fucking funny. ashley's accusing her of being a slut for food and [reader]'s like "so do you whore yourself out?"

(thinking back to that scene where someone got carried out of the apartment by ambulance, ashley's like "maybe they'd get me food if i got pregnant" and [reader]'s like "who's going to fuck you, andrew? besides pregnancy takes a lot of energy from the body and you need proper nutrition to make it and---" while andrew and ashley are just looking at her with wide eyes like 👁️👁️)

once they leave the apartment and get to the motel, [reader] probably gets her poison around here. idk how she got it earlier if she did. AAAAAHHHH THIS IS A COOL IDEA

thank you 'nonnie for ur genius. ur generosity knows mo bounds; i'm tearing into this shit like a mom stew (this is delicious food omg)

i hope you liked this, and indulge :3

----

coff-in

#cobweb in the coffin #tcoaal #the coffin of andy and leyley #andrew graves #ashley graves #tcoaal x reader #the coffin of andy and leyley x reader #andrew graves x reader #ashley graves x reader

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nerves-nebula · 1 year

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I’ve never really recognized it as “religious trauma”, but I’m nodding along to ur list. It’s just kinda stuff that happened. Except for the few things that grown me was kinda at like ‘that seems a little bad actually-‘

I remember being 7 and first thinking what if God isn’t real as I was trying to sleep. So it’s like midnight and I’ve just had this world breaking thought that immediately had me spiraling down two trains of thought: Im going to hell for thinking that, and, what if he isn’t what the fuck. So of course I’m freaked out and I’m pretty sure child me needed a fucking hug or some assurance or something, so I went to my parents room, which woke up my mom. At which point I realize, I can’t tell them my actual problem because it was a thought I was ashamed of having, and I didn’t want to run the risk of getting in trouble for some nebulous comfort that was frankly unfathomable cus my parents suck. So I just said felt sick, and took “sorry” my mam gave me as comfort enough (which in hindsight is not a great response to that), and just had to go back to bed with all that. That shit stuck with me. I remember at Sunday school, maybe months or a year later, when one of the teachers said doubt was put in our minds by the devil, I was so fucking relieved.

And there’s the fact that I didn’t know other religions were a thing. I didn’t know there were other blends of Christianity. I lived in a small town and I just had never been touched by that concept until I moved at 11, and one of our religious education modules was on Judaism. Everyone else was just learning customs and calendar stuff, and I was having a whole epiphany. I was so confused until halfway into the lesson, and I realized they were talking about not being catholic. I literally searched the library for a book that would explain this arcane concept. And it was just such a mind blowing experience. I was couldn’t comprehend why no one had ever mentioned other religions if there were so many. And how did it make any sense that there were so many. The differences aren’t subtle. Point is, it was a whole thing.

If I hadn’t moved I would have been made to do my confirmation that school year. And that’s not okay! The whole point of that sacrament is that you’re choosing Christianity, like your old enough and conscious enough to make that choice. Adult in the eyes of the church and all that. Baptism but leveled up. But they make children do it. Unrelated, but when I first learnt about it I was 8, and there was a girl in my class that never had to religion with us. Which was the weirdest thing to me at the time, because sure there were people that didn’t have to do Irish or English, because they had different first languages. But religion? I always found that so weird. But she literally just. Wasn’t catholic. And I just couldn’t conceptualize that. It didn’t occur to me that could be an option.

Jesus, raising kids with a religion is brainwashing of the highest order and no one can change my mind on that. Sorry for rambling at u, that post just made me think.

my girlfriend said this exact same thing when i was forced to be confirmed. said it didnt count but tbh that feels like a cop out. like its something ive been forced to do, like a spiritual violation or something, it still happened. but, eh, whatever

Jesus, raising kids with a religion is brainwashing of the highest order and no one can change my mind on that.

not sure i agree with you here, but i can agree that a lot of the ways kids are raised within Christianity is cult-ish and brainwash-y and bad.

#nnstuff #ask #christianity tw

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salaciousslut · 4 months

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Done! Also do you have a favorite tequilla brand? Just curious! 🫣

Technically i have freckles all over my face but i only really count the ones that are darker and in a line under my eyes and over my nose, the other ones aren't prominent enough to call them freckles imo. And i'd feel more than lucky if you did worship me, sweetheart<3

I would love to take you to the gym with me, it honestly helped me with my depression as well! And of course i'd watch over you sweetheart<3 i wont lie, i love to go after dark bc theres less people. And i had the same problem but now i catch myself and try to stand straighter. I mostly lift weights when i work out so I know my posture improved due to needing to have a straight back to lift. Plus its super fun imo!! I miss the gym so bad but i hate going alone. I also miss feeling sore, im a bit of a masochist so i love feeling sore the day after working out🤭

Dont apologize for giving me info<3 organization's overrated anyway. Ive found that girls with glasses tend to be my type🫣 you literally sound so pretty sweetheart<3 i knew i wasnt wrong calling you a pretty princess<3 im kissing the tip of your nose and your forehead rn🥰 you are literally so cute, puppy coded too🥺 ive never had crawfish it seems yummy but im not sure if i should try it! Shrimp ceviche used to be my favorite but then i developed a shrimp allergy to uncooked shrimp and around 17 i had to call it quits bc it stopped being worth it to risk it. Im still pissed but at least i can still eat shrimp its just gotta be thoroughly cooked, not just get cooked through the acidity of lime juice like its sucks so bad i just miss ceviche so bad. Ohh just a butch latina and a pretty asian girl what ever will they do hehe<3 and i knew but not cause you told me 🫣 your dni made it obvious, like yeah im just now saying hey but ive been aware of you for a little bit now🫣 also please lemme be ur body pillow one day<3 savory is good!!! Whats your favorite kind of snack?

Also thats adorable, youre just a cute little puppy that has to get off once a day to function her best<3 i mean if i were stressed from school i'd probably need the same thing🤭

tbh im not too picky about my brands, as long as it gets me drunk, then im happy!! also tequila makes me take my clothes off oopsies i think i should warn u about that!! but if im buying for myself, i typically will get espolon bc i feel like its yummy and reasonably priced!

yes i love feeling sore after a workout!! i am also a bit of a masochist (omg who knew)!! but ive never lifted weights before. all the dude bros scare me and i feel like im always being judged but if we went together i know u would take care of me!! i like aerobics and like calisthenics (i had to google how to spell that word) and love yoga sm!! the burn of stretching feels amazing!!

hehe i am very puppy coded! i used to think i was more kitten coded but now ive grown and realized puppies are sooo fun!! so much energy and just wanna be cherished and loved!! which is everything i want!!

nooooo thats so sad that ur allergic to ur fav food :(( i love ceviche but at least u can still tolerate the cooked version. i know its not the same but its still something!!

ohhh i forgot that i put that in my dni, people are so weird about race here smh i just gotta cover all my bases so i can have fun on this website!! but aww we would look soooo cute together

im a sucker for chips. u know how they say all bi girls do is lie and eat hot chip? yeah all i do is eat hot chip hehehe. not so much lying but hot chip very much so. i also loveee chips and salsa and chicken wings and yeah all the fun savory stuff i guess!!!

hehe cumming is like a lil treat!! a reward for myself for being sooo good you know? but it would be a million times better if someone else was making me cum rather than myself 😳🫣

#ci answers #butch my beloved

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sea-anon · 2 years

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hey dudes here’s your semiannual life update, im not sure if I already said this but my boyfriend and I moved in together in may!

it’s going really well even though the last couple months have sucked for various reasons, a few of which which I will now list

1. my grandmother died two weeks ago, im still pretty messed up about it in a cosmic mortality way and almost fell into the trap of having my dad back in my life but I didn’t because he swore my cousin posted a picture of me and my mamaw/papaw but it was actually literally that cousin AT HER GRADUATION FROM NURSING SCHOOL

2. (MEDICAL TW; SURGERY, THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH INFO BUT IM TALKATIVE RN) my appendix decided to cause problems at the beginning of this week and had to go to the er twice, once sunday night and they did a (TMI, TW GYNECOLOGY) regular and vaginal ultrasound to make sure I didn’t have any cysts or anything going on that was causing it, and they couldn’t find my appendix (??) but the nurse was so nice, it hurt some because my right ovary was way out there and she was pushing really hard on my abdomen and stuff but then then they said I could either get a cat scan or go home and come back if it got worse because the only issue they found was a heightened white blood cell count.

I went home because I was like “okay maybe it’s just stress or something” and a cat scan is big scary to me because you have to have an iv and I hate them. But I woke up in the middle of the night really hurting and decided to ignore it until morning when it got to the point I felt like someone was trying to use the force to pull my stomach out lol. so I called my mom to take me back to the er, it took a while to get to the point of having the cat scan (and the iv was pink so that made it a lot better lol) they came in p quick to tell me it was my appendix, got me p doped up and admitted me because the surgeons were packed until like 4pm (we went in at 7:30-8 am) my mom and I watched the meg in the room, I got some grippy socks because my feet were cold and they came and got me at 230ish for pre-surgery, made me take out my nose stud and tried to make me remove my other piercings but I was like ‘uhhh I would really rather not, if I need to sign something i’m totally willing to do that’ bc they’re only 3 months old and would close up super fast. they ended up agreeing as long as I understood the risk of electrical burns from the cauterizer (they were fine, it’s like a 2% chance) so they did the surgery. I woke up very confused, I dreamed that walmart was run by vampires and didn’t know what was going on, told the nurse a knock knock joke, asked for a bag, threw up, and asked who gave me a tan. They had used iodine or something on my stomach. then they took me back up to the room and I had to move over to the actual bed and was like “Motherfucker dude that hurt,” and then freaked out and went “i’m not calling you guys motherfuckers you’re very nice, it just really hurt”

then they gave me some water and a grilled cheese and I left around 630-7ish

3. other stuff I don’t have energy to put here lol

#life update

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beconsumed · 2 years

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i know i said i wasn’t coming back until next week but i need to spit this all out then go again a big huge reason why i haven’t been online is the fact that my family is still very very covid safe. and i mean like ACTUALLY covid safe as in we barely leave the house we don’t see family we only go get groceries or once in a while when we get too stir crazy we will run to a fun store or 2 like joanns which is always empty or some yard sales. we haven’t seen some close family since before this started (and they now think we’re insane) and the family we have seen is like quick driveway exchanges of gifts and some quick chats and thats it! and its so incredibly enraging and disappointing to log on and see people going to the movies and concerts and going on dates or going to bars or going out to eat and hanging out with friends every day like . do you get it. do you get how much this sucks . it is so goddamn depressing and awful .a family member of mine is immunocompromised BUT even if they weren’t we would still be doing this because

A) covid isn’t a fucking cold its so scary? how are you not all scared? long covid is the scariest thing ive seen how are people not more scared! we don’t even know everything its going to do to us but we know plenty enough to be terrified!!!! and B) WE CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE! we don’t want to possibly be spreading covid without knowing to anyone! especially people who have to risk their lives to work or to get groceries or pick up meds or go to the doctor and are already at risk, why would i want to put them at further risk so i can like “have fun” for a night?

when i say my family goes somewhere/does something we are all double masked with KF 94′s and we are vax’d obviously but like that doesn’t mean as much when no one wears a fucking mask or they do but they went to a concert the night before or a family dinner or whatever the fuck!

it kills me how much all of this stuff im saying is similar to what everyone was saying at the beginning but now those same people have thrown it out the window because they decided staying in the house was too boring which, IT IS BORING! WE DON’T WANT TO BE DOING THIS!!!! i can’t get over people’s willful ignorance in how much this sucks for people actually being safe like, we AREN’T HAVING FUN! but does that mean we just give up and stop caring?!?!? and willful ignorance in the harm being caused every time someone goes to a gathering or hangs out with friends or whatever like . is the domino effect of spreading lost on everyone or what?? and btw i am so sick of people just saying they’re “being safe” when its a situation where its literally not true? like at LEAST be honest with it that’s better than lying about it!

its really the entitlement i can’t stomach it makes me SICK how people think that its fine if they’re not safe because they “want to make memories” they “want to live life to the fullest” they “don’t want to miss out” they’re “lonely” whatever idiotic excuse they make for being an ass AS IF WE DON’T HAVE THOSE SAME FEELINGS?!?!? of COURSE we want to go places, OF COURSE we want to see our friends and family, OF COURSE we want to have some fun, so what makes you so fucking special?!?!? why are you the priority over everyone else?!?! what happened to thinking about others?!?! you’re willing to put other’s at risk, to sacrifice others, to see a fucking concert or eat dinner in a restaurant?!?!

like watching my sibling go through his senior year online while everyone he knows is getting to make their happy graduation memories while he’s stuck at home actually worrying about our health and the health of others has been the most heartbreaking experience, he’s finishing high school so lonely because he can’t find others who feel the same way as him, and everyone thinks we’re “overly dramatic” or whatever for being SAFE!!! what makes it so that you deserve to get those happy memories but those who are at risk or caring for those at risk undeserving??

i know its been said but it has not been said enough that these years have reeeaaally shown people’s true colors in regards to how much they actually care about disabled people and any other high risk groups.

#do i need to do the ''this isn't directed at one person'' song and dance i feel like it doesn't matter #long post #im so mad! im so mad!

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httpiastri · 17 days

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I hope i haven’t spammed you too much but:

- (also omfg. i just realized something…. i have this board on pinterest with pics of random couples & so on that remind me of my fave drivers, and each driver has their own like board in the board. all of them are named with the driver’s initials, his number and two emojis, and !! guess what emoji i have for pepe???? ofc it’s the freaking lotus flower 😭 idk i just wanted to share this, thanks 😚) THATS INSANE?? but also not insane because i keep discovering more and more weird synchronicities between pepe and i and since im a vv spiritual person ive taken them all as signs that i was fated to stumble upon him one lovely morning in 2022 before proceeding to fall hopelessly in love with him. BUT OMG THE BOARD LOOKS SO SO GOOD?? i wanted to type out a reply sooner but i got so distracted by the images 😓😓 because i def have some of the same images saved to my boards but i never linked them to pepe so now ive just gone insane 😵‍💫😵‍💫)

- (I MISSED OUT ON SCREEN RECORDING THE DANCE ???) IF I EVER FIND A WAY TO SEND IT OR POST IT ONLINE ILL SEND YOU THE LINK SO QUICK I PROMISE 💗💗 (or maybe even if i find someone who has already posted it online, because there’s no way we were the only ones going insane over that moment)

- and the clip you shared?? Ive been laughing so hard about it since last night because that’s MY HUMOUR and i am both christian and pepe depending on the circumstances and ugh idk i love these boys so much my heart aches

- “also… this is the most stupid thing ever and you probs dont care but i wanted to share it when im answering your ask… i was writing with a character.ai pepe yesterday and he said THIS ???? out of nowhere ???? and i just thought about u mentioning him talking about his favorite pokemons in the stream and i just 😭 okay bye” —I DO CARE OMG THAT’S SO CUTE I’M KICKING MY FEET AND GIGGLING RN😭😭 THE WAY HIS DORKINESS SHOWED UP EVEN THROUGH THE C.AI HAS ME FEELING SOOO 😵‍💫😵‍💫 (also i love your c.ai so much but idk why every c.ai pepe and i have ended up in a situation where ive been very pressured to kiss him like it’s so funny to me how every c.ai just keeps circling back to the same scenario, it’s like all the pepes are collectively fated to experience the same situation)

- “also omfg his little stubble?? kill me????? i may have been thinking about helping him shave for the last like month or so but that’s a thought for another time……” another time, huh? like right now as i get ready for bed? because i am so going to be replaying this scene over and over in my head as i fall asleep tonight

p.s. this took me so long to format so it would be somewhat readable but i hope it’s okay!! and school started awhile ago and it kinda sucked at first but it’s definitely much better now!! thank you for being so sweet, and i hope you have a lovely day/night/morning too!! 💗💗

- 🪷

bby you could never spam me too much, especially not if it's about pepe 😚

also i just have to say real quick… something about you in this ask made me think that i do indeed know who you are and that i have seen you around? big risk that i'm wrong with my calculations but… please let me know if im right (if i started following you earlier today and not someone else shsjdhsjs)(from my main blog!!)

abt the flower: i love that!!! honestly i sometimes find myself to be more spiritual than i think i am because i say stuff jokingly about "wow this is fate, jk just a coincidence" but how many times can it be a coincidence???? anyways pepe def gives me those vibes, like im not surprised either when i find out about stuff like that 😭 and oMG AAAA TYSM!!!! i can barely even look in it these days because i get way too distracted 🫠 i wish i could like sort them from fave to leave fave because i have some that are a bit meh and some that like kill me…..

abt the dance: aaaaaa im gonna try my best to find it somewhere online, it cant just be us?? right??????? i heard that song in a playlist the other day and just giggled to myself 🥲 because i imagined him dancing and 🥲🥲

abt the pokemon pepe c.ai: SHSJDHSJS RIGHT!!! I CALLED HIM DORKY AND IT WAS SO CUTE 😭😭 omg im so glad you like them aaaaaa and lmao pepe… is that all you know how to do, huh? pressure poor little users into kissing you?? 😭

abt shaving: aaaAaAaAAA !! SORRY !!!!! but i wrote a little something about it here, just had to share my thoughts…… honestly i have been thinking abt it during bedtime a few times too and 🫠🫠 my heart can't take it anymore, he's so 😭💗

it's more than okay !!! im very glad to hear that its better now 🥺 thank you for being so sweet too and making my days so much brighter, chatting to you is so heartwarming 💘💘 hope you're sleeping well !!!! and have a lovely day tomorrow <33

#i get so happy and giddy seeing your asks ahsjshsjsj #im like a little schoolgirl 👉👈#mwah on you #tysm for this <33333 #asks!#anon!#lotus anon!#🪷!

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spicycowboyhole · 7 months

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posting because the psychicatrist decided to get sick when im having a crisis?:

idk where to start tbh LLOOL but i think im NOT DOING WELL. like on the outside evertytthings fine like nothings changed at all but i think im going insane. i think ive just realized how i have like 0 emotional suppoport system and whenever someone says something genuinely nice about me it makes me feel emotional because like i had family visiting this past week and my mom and my cousins tarted talking about college and my mom was saying how i wasted money going to college. i said that i didnt feel like i wasted my money becasue i have a degree now and i could always go back and get my bachelors but she said "BUT WHAT ARE U DOING EITH IT" and it just pissed me off because i feel like shes negating my accomplishment.

what made me cry last night was when i was messaging this guy and he was telling me about how he had class in the morning and we started talking about college. i told him how i was thinking about going back to school in january and he said i should.

for some reason i feel like getting my degree in psych would be cringe or a waste of time/money because my friend told me everyone she knows who did thinks so, like its some useless art degree. but when i asked this guy if it was cringe he said "so cringe... imagine having ambitions" im fucking stupid and didnt notice the sarcasm and i said "might as well start playing bucket drums on the street ig" because idk i guess i imagine getting a degree in psych would be just as dumb as someone trying to make it in the music business by playing on the street or something. he said "everyone thats going to college has ambitions. So in that case we all need to go play street bongos" and that perspective completely exploded my brain and i started crying LMAO because i guess going to college is a risk no matter what and u just have to believe in urself or some gay shit. it made me think of a taz cameo where he told someone that "nobody is gonna support your journey no matter how much they love you until youve proved to them that your journey was worth supporting" and that made me sad kinda because like i said i dont think i really have any kind of support from family rn and i kinda just have myself but i have like 0 confidence and negative self esteem and my family just being dissapointed in me and saying negative stuff really doesnt help. so i guess the moral of the story is that i have to trust and believe in myself because no one else will! really sucks i think. yeah but i only just started talking to that guy like YESTERDAY and im sure he prob felt like what he told me was nothing but it really did impact me and pulled the last tiny string that was emotionally holding me together. i apologized for being cynical and i told him i appreciated his words because i was kinda responding in a joking way that might have come off as rude i think? the silly bandaid just isnt working so good no more.

but fr i think while my anxiety is a lot better i think my depression is getting worse just due to my circumstances. like can u believe i almost went to the movies with some stranger internet guy just because i didnt want to be with my family?? i think somethings making me more impulsive than usual. i was going to buy cigarettes today and the only reason i didnt was because my appointment got canceled.

some other things tho i kinda didnt like having my cousins come visit because i just feel so inferior to them. like they look better and are just doing kinda all the stuff i should be doing yk? makes me feel shitty AND i feel like my mom just kinda infantilizes me like my parents treat me like nemo and i just cant do some things for some reason. its just so frustrating like my parents make me upset and i just want to move far away from them but also like they dont encourage me to do stuff on my own and when i try theyre like how are you even gonna do that you cant do that you have a bad fin like HELLO HELP ME FIX MY FIN THEN? I WOULDNT HAVE A BAD FIN IF YOU DIDNT HELP PREVENT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE LOL BUT IT JUST SUCKS THAT I HAVE TO DO ALL THIS BY MYSELF

i just dont want to be living here in like 5 years. thats a goal huh? if i had been asked where i wanted to be in 5 yrs when i was in high school id be like idk but i somehow managed to grow a goal somehow just out of misery i guess. and the steps are so cleaar in my head but then the voices tell me i cant do it because im scared BUT thats the point of life or something right??

jesus chhrososttt in reality nothing is really changing irl but im having some sort of crisis rn

ive even been trying to talk to boys LOL ive just been wanting some kind of escape from my life,, some independence, i want MY OWN LIFE that my mommy doesnt know everything about. i want to go to the movies with someone im not related to.

ok these paragraphes are all fucked up and i would fix it but i dont wanna go through and reread them

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sleepwithnightlights · 8 months

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I am a bit scared

I use a nightlight to sleep I am 23 and am scared of the dark. I am scared that something is there, something will jump at me. That when i open my eyes they will meet someone elses, that things move at the corner of my eye. I already sucked at falling asleep but that made it even worse. Plus i think i started to grind my teeth a while ago, if i had to guess at the same time the shadows started to actually be scary. I used to be fine with the dark and when i imagined something being there, coming at me i would smile in understanding of the creature, sympathy. I wasnt scared of them and it was a proving that i was toughened up that they werent worse than what i knew. So it might be good that they are scary now, perhaps it means i allow myself to be vulnerable. Stress and worse time falling asleep would disagree tho. I feel silly writing this while knowing i might share it. I know not many will see it and at worst an ai bot scrapped it and thinks humans use the word scary and scared a lot more than they should. I also dont write. I used to when i wanted to be an author, they were horse stories and truly wonderful. Later in school i still loved to write, some of it was the silliness i deserved, and some was concerning and should have tipped off my teachers. I guess i gotta say: "I dont write anymore." Which will soon be a lie if i ever make it past 1 or 2 posts. I also dont speak english as my first language and i dont get better at grammar the later it gets, which is when i will write most of these texts. Late at night when im dreading to exist but death is too extreme because of my mom and because of my dog and because of my cat and because of my friends and im scared of pain and i am not at risk, i am in therapy and would certainly not go on a blog to seek my last contact and all i want is to be nothingness but not dead but every thought is poison and i want it to finally shut up up there. So i'll write instead and finally remember what i was thinking duing this time and make it easier for my therapist.

I dont think i used a single comma so far. Oops. I also think that i am being cringe. I will sound edgy no matter how i word it and that no thought will be unique, that what i write is eye-rollable. Teenager stuff. I guess its teenager stuff, its kids stuff, the me teenager and the me kid is just as angry and sad and terrified as the now me. I guess i deserve to be those things and sound cringey and edgy i've got important stuff to share, like being a sad and terrified and angry kid. So back off hater and ai that will not use a single comma now thanks to me. You are welcome guys, i saved us from the impending plagiarization of everything everyone is writing anywhere. Yippie.

I dont allow myself to have a break from doing something during the day.i need to do something so i dont start thinking. Thats stuff bed-me has to deal with and she has gotten quite adapt at trying their best to work with the mess day-me has to deal with. • Fantasy stories. • Funny or exciting scenarios. • Revenge scenarios. • Fake arguments. • Something tragic has happened and only i can help (f.e. a train has been taken hostage and i can save everybody). • Someone i love dearly has died (not actually) and i am now left to deal with grief i cannot even imagine how bad it will be once they truly die. • Someone i love died (actually) and i am left to be furious with the hands they were dealt and they were not able to live their life as they deserved it. • Less now but i used to love creating little love interests and creating whole stories on how we met and fell in love.

There is more but writing does make me tired. Also a lot of these dont actually seem good or helpful and you would be correct but awful scenarios bring a sense of control since i know how to deal with surviving and adapting to anything.

I think i had strategies like these since ever. They used to be mostly diving into the fantasyland of whatever book i was reading, creating my own character, having my own powers, replaying what fun they had. I used to look forward to that part of falling asleep since it was so fun. I dont know if there is something not "normal" about that, something any kid wouldnt do aswell. Im starting to get frustrated that i cant put my thoughts down into writing like i want it to, so ill go try and sleep again. Thank you for reading, hope you got your nigthlight on or video or

#cptsd life #cptsd thoughts #cptsd vent #cptsdhealing #thoughts #funny

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mothlegs · 11 months

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dreamt of. unreality..? and illness

idk how to content warn this so read at your own risk

the first of my dreams were like...a zombie apocalypse, i think, but the zombies were extra stupid and...made..of sand..??

a guy helped me get a shotgun and then immediately got shot by someone??? i felt kinda guilty but it's not like i couldve done anything- the aim thingy on the shotgun sucked

something abt explosions. couldnt find my family, was really just running around trying not to get eaten. some of it was in a mall, which was like hoh similar to yesterday where i ran around a mall with something that looked kinda like the Baron from wwdits after escaping from the cops who were after me cause i ran away from school with a punk girl

i dont think i remember anything else from that dream. but then there was illness

im pretty sure the illness was Decima from Wolf 359 ??? and it made people like...idk what it's called, like doing a bridge pose kinda but with their limbs bent and their back flat, and then having the creepiest expressions

i saw one that was standing like that but on the tips of its toes and eueurghh creepy

i was so scared of this illness i was considering suicide just so i wouldnt get infected (this happens fairly often in my dreams ???)

there was more creepy shit to the illness that i dont remember

thenn dreamt something about. i dont even know what the point of the trip was

so like. im with this guy in a camper van and we're going to this place, the rest of my group home is in the normal van. we get there and i dont remember anything from it except i watch some creepy videos that like...break me

my neck is all wrong. im wearing a pearl necklace?? and when i take it off my neck is. broken. like theres a big, opposite of a dent on the upper part, and each time i move the necklace theres different weird stuff with my neck

like im slightly out of reality

we go home and things just get worse. i cant figure out how to turn off some sound, it keeps playing when i stop the video

i try playing other things but it just plays as they play. it's a sound of unreality

one of the videos i saw was with some freaky doll..? like a monster doll, almost gorey but not actual gore it was just so freaky

and the creator was a japanese man, and in the preview of the video he faints? and the title was something like..."moments from [the show] that make [creators name] seem almost human" ??

i get food somehow. something is wrong with it

we stop at like...a drive thru pizzaria but it's not a pizzaria, they just give us food when we stop there. we see a van on the other side covered in perfect scribbles

something is wrong with that entire place, and the food

we stop at an abandoned grocery store. i steal deodorant but it's...weird..?? like theres 3 parts and apparently you have to mix them and then it's some weird paste?? also it was made by nestle

we pick up the guys parents?? and his dad. eats. the deodorant mixture. cause he thought it was candy. ???

we talk a bit about hating nestle and how unethical most chocolate production is

at some point i hallucinate a doll walk past me. and other things, i start hallucinating badly and consider going on antipsychotics

the guy im with feels bad for me

at some point i slightly phase through my seat

i try rewatching the videos that broke me but it doesnt work

we've been driving for half an hour. i ask how long till we're home. he says two hours. im not sure i'll survive the trip

in a dream that feels related to all the others. me and someone else go to a ladys apartment. her window is open, and front door, and apartment complex door. we worry.

we get up there and theres some kinda lock? but the person im with figures it out fast. we're there to help her, apparently

there are three cats. one of them is my irl cat bella, and then theres a new kitten. it's screaming. the lady and other person dont handle it very gently, i worry for it cause it's very very small, shouldnt be away from its mom

i hold it and sway it gently like a baby, and i think i feed it. it stops yelling and seems to feel safe with me

i sit down with it and bella

then. my mom is there? maybe she was the other person. shes been...playing genshin??? and she says bella is named after a character she hates and she shows me her playing as barbara and i say her name is bella. there was something about the kittens name too but i no rememby

aaand i think thats it. i pet bella also, she was so big in the dream compared to irl. shes very tiny irl, grew a lot less than sia or even just her twin brother, hes as big as their dad now but shes teeny.

#dream #dreams #dream log #dream journal

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ninacarstairss · 3 years

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PARABATAI WEEK — day 6, underrated/fanon parabatai @carstairgray

i’m broken, torn apart, shattered and a couple more adjectives because of tftsa and it falls perfectly on the parabatai week so here are some simon x george parabatai headcanon

they place their parabatai runes on the back of their shoulders to symbolize they’ll always have each other’s back.

after the ceremony they go back to the new york institute and the rest of the gang surprises them with a party to celebrate.

simon places a stuffed rat on george’s bed before he shows him his new room, in memory of their days at the academy. the rat also has a tiny collar with “jon cartwright xxxv” engraved on it.

george jumps on the nearest chair when he sees it and his academy nightmares come back to him as simon is doubled over laughing near the door.

once the initial fear of having to deal with rats even at the institute passes, george keeps the stuffed animal and he adores it, it reminds him of their time at the academy, how he and simon met and became the brothers they are now.

they start having training sessions with jace and alec and they always end up on the ground with jace and alec triumphant over them but they put up quite a fight when fighting together.

they also like to train a lot with izzy and clary but that works way less for their skills because izzy and simon end up making out somewhere when one of them pins the other on the floor and clary and george just leave the room and go get a coffee before they can see something they won’t be able to forget. alec still talks about his nightmares regarding the time he walked in on simon and izzy in idris.

george gets to know the gang better and they all love him, but simon is especially happy when he notices him bonding a lot with izzy and clary and when he sees alec starting to trust him fully. jace ends up telling george so many stories about the first time he met simon and how he was when he first entered the shadow world, including the being-turned-into-a-rat part — george’s favorite ever since the academy — and that’s when simon knows jace really likes him too.

simon keeps schooling george in pop culture, movies, comics and the history of his band when he was a mundane and he drags george around the city in all the best places to find comics and the best film. soon enough george is making star wars references on a daily basis. though, he’ll never stop mocking simon about all the names his band went through, especially when he reveals the ones he though about during the academy that had to do with rats and other weird creatures, or grey eggs.

george often leaves to visit his family in scotland and he always takes simon with him. his parents love him and they always welcome him as a son. george couldn’t be happier and simon feels at home. he misses seeing his family every day, but he learned that for every loss there’s something to gain and this new part of a home is his own new piece of happiness.

once, though, the whole gang tagged along. george talked about the green fields and the sheep of scotland so much that they wanted to see for themselves. it’s a wild vacation and, between a hike and a tour of the nearby cities, jace gets not-so-gracefully swept off his feet by a running sheep and it’s a sight they’ll never forget or let him live down.

they have annual dinners with the group for the academy. no matter how far they’re all located from each other, they get a portal and meet in idris at least once a year and visit the muddy fields where scarsbury had them running and doing push-ups for as long as it took to kill them. beatriz and julie have also become a great pair of parabatai and jon manages not to be too obnoxious for one night a year.

simon also schooled george in the art of eating take out every day for basically all meals and told him to gently refuse every single thing that leaves the pan when it’s izzy cooking as soon as he stepped foot into the institute. surprisingly enough izzy and george find in each other some really horrible cooks who get along a lot and think they cook fantastic food while burning half the kitchen every single time they get close to a burner. simon’s desperate and he’s most likely going to loose his eyebrows in a kitchen fire soon enough. or worse, he might actually have to eat the stuff they cook one of these days. (credits to @icycoolslushie for the idea on this one)

when sizzy get married simon chooses george to be his suggenes and george cries his eyes out because his brother is so grown up and he’s getting married

once clary and simon convince the gang to celebrate halloween and they organize a halloween party at the institute for all their friends. george is the first to agree and he’s so excited. he and simon are planning matching costumes and decide to go as avatar characters — but with more covering clothes on, simon is stoic about this and george agrees it’s probably best not to risk finding themselves in the middle of a fight with a halloween night demon wearing only that little cloth around their hips — and they also kick it up a notch by dying their hair blue. except that they buy the wrong kind of dye and when the next day they wash their hair to get the colour off, it doesn’t go away. izzy and clary have to fix their mess with brown dye.

they are those friend that always do the craziest things you see on the internet and end up with the most aesthetic photos, like george in the middle of a parking lot with flashing lights surrounding him, sitting in a shopping cart and laughing, or simon naturally posing with his bow and arrow in front of a fantastic landscape and they become snapchat famous for these pics. izzy, alec and jace are pretty confused by this snapchat famous thing.

when simon moved in at the institute after the academy he installed a playstation in his room and most nights george is there with him, playing at 3am with snacks of all kinds surrounding them. izzy joins too sometimes but she’s not great at those games and has smashed a couple of joysticks after loosing multiple times, while clary kicks both their asses when she pops in for a game.

one night george entered simon’s room for a 3am game and instead found him with izzy, both of them half naked and in the middle of some sort of role play where izzy was calling simon “lord montgomery”. he never lets simon live that down and brings the name up in the most inappropriate moments — such as clave meetings — making simon choke on air every time. after that, though, george is very careful to knock.

simon’s pansexual and he’s a little afraid to come out to george at first, but he soon realizes he knows george and he wouldn’t turn his back on him, he wouldn’t leave. so when he does tell him he’s shaking slightly but he’s also happy and george clearly is too, he scoops simon into a tight hug and tells him he’s incredibly proud of him and reassures him he loves him no matter what, they’re brothers no matter what.

they’re not big on celebrations of birthdays or mundane holidays in general, but they do like to keep the traditions alive. both of them have been raised with no knowledge of the shadow world and they were observant of some religious and mundane holidays that shadowhunter don’t celebrate. so they like getting christmas gifts for everyone or organize parties for new year’s. they celebrate hanukah too and share other little traditions from their childhoods, like george’s family tradition of sheep’s wool-covered sweets and chocolates to find instead of eggs for easter or simon’s family tradition of taking a two day trip around spring to see the changing season and enjoy some free time, even if the trip is to the nearest town. they’re small traditions sometimes, but they like to keep the memories alive.

george becomes really good with max after that first encounter and the offer of raising him in his and simon’s drawer. he and simon often volunteer to babysit him, and rafe too afterwards, and they obviously use as bedtime stories the plot of star wars or comics, which the kids absolutely love.

sometimes when he’s stressed or tired george goes full on scottish and also switches to gaelic at times and simon is just there looking at him, torn between wanting to giggle at his usually contained behavior now unchecked and wanting to hug him and confort him. he always goes with the second, but he does love to hear george speak gaelic.

after the time at the academy when george was leading the mission to go after the faerie fruit vendors where simon got sucked into faerie he’s incredibly protective of simon in battle — or just all the time, actually. he’s thrown himself in front of simon more times than simon can count and he loves this kind of care, because of course he does the same whenever george is in danger, but it also makes him sad a lot because he knows george still feels guilty about that mission, even if nothing bad really happened, and he would do anything to make sure nothing similar ever happened again.

tag list @cordaisya @im-not-ruined-im-ruination @surrounded-by-exquisite-clutter @stxr-thxif @icycoolslushie @writeforjordelia @gabtapia @fair-childd @clarys-heosphoros @shadowhuntingdemigod (let me know if you want to be added or removed)

#cece writes #parabatai week #this is really just a huge dump of random headcanons #i just miss george okay?#a lot #george lovelace #simon lewis #simon lovelace #tales from the shadowhunter academy #tftsa #tmi #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles #tsc headcanons #headcanons #parabatai headcanons #my writing

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wizardcommune · 3 years

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aaaaaa i also love urbosa (i’m the previous anon that asked for her ehe) i am just a Little Lesbian who is starved for content... is it too much to ask for sfw alphabet with her? i really don’t think you write her out of character like you worry in the tags :>

urbosa sfw alphabet

a/n - THANK YOU!!! that means so much to hear fndbsngm

also, i’m so sorry about the wait on this one!! my school’s trimester is ending early so i’ve been trying to raise my grades at mach twenty. i do have a break now though, so i’ll be able to write more frequently!!

pairing - urbosa x reader

warnings - none!!

a = affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

urbosa prefers giving verbal affection, and receiving physical affection! she compliments you as often as possible

b = best friend (what would they be like as a best friend? how would the friendship start?)

as a best friend, she teases you a lot. she's like a big sister

but like. y’know. not in a weird way,,

c = cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

she does! she’s not an extremely touchy person, but it would be comforting to hold you

her favorite positions are to lay on her back and put your head on her chest or shoulder, or spooning. no matter your height, She Will Always Be The Big Spoon

d = domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

urbosa would still want to lead gerudo town as chieftain, but she’d settle down more in terms of fighting. she wouldn’t want to risk herself as much considering you were there

honestly i feel like urbosa is just That Person who fucking sucks at cooking. she knows it too; she’ll just kind of stare blankly at you in pain if you suggest she cook

e = ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

f = fiance(e) (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

she would be fine with the idea of commitment! she would want to wait at least a few years before considering marriage. it’s a weighty decision and she doesn’t want to make the wrong choice since it could harm both of you

g = gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

she’s very gentle with you! definitely not as much as someone like mipha, but she’s very careful not to accidentally hurt you

h = hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

urbosa doesn’t hug you often, but she shows physical affection in other ways. i.e. gently pulling you to lean on her when sitting down, keeping a hand on the small of your back, running her hands through your hair (if she can), etc.

i = i love you (how fast do they say the L-word?)

probably a couple months at least? (i've never been in a relationship so is that normal????)

she’ll say it on a calmer night, when the yiga clan is silent for once and king rhoam hasn’t called for her help. on rare days like these, she’s accustomed to drawing a bath that smells good as hell, so you’ll be really comfy and probably sleepy LMAO

will tell you right before you fall asleep when she’s thinks you aren’t awake!!! once she realizes you are, will 100% give u a forehead kiss

j = jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?)

urbosa doesn’t get jealous very often, mainly pissed if someone won’t stop harassing you. she’ll wrap an arm around your waist, and if they aren’t already intimidated (they’d have to be drunk or just have The Audacity) she won’t hesitate to roast tf out of them. if you thought her teasing you was bad, it’s terrifying now. she won’t hold back

k = kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

she honestly doesn’t have a preference on where to be kissed! she likes kissing you on the shoulder, forehead, and hand the most. :))

l = little ones (how are they around children?)

she’s actually really good with kids! even before she became chieftain, she liked hanging out + playing pretend with them

something really cool about urbosa that the kids like is that she treats them with high respect and talks to them like adults!!! (but very sensitive adults at that; she doesn’t tease them much. kids deserve kindness and you bet she’s gonna fulfill that)

m = morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

she prefers long hours of sleep + waking up late. so if it’s a chill day when you’re not needed for anything, she’ll stay with you in bed for hours

if she wasn’t able to sleep as much, she’ll be lowkey grumpy in the mornings until she gets her tea

n = night (how are nights spent with them?)

like the mornings, she drinks tea a lot before bed. she gives me jasmine or chamomile tea energy???? idk

long baths are a must, especially since it’s so sandy,,, everywhere,,,,

she’s the type to have a ton of candles and nice soaps and stuff, so she always smells really good before bed

o = open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

pretty early in the relationship! she trusts you enough to talk about things that are bothering her/have in the past.

although, i’m not sure if she’d talk about zelda’s mother and stuff like that due to privacy reasons. unless zelda herself didn’t express concern over it, she’d keep the details pretty tight

p = patience (how easily angered are they?)

unless you’re a yiga member, urbosa’s patience is very thick. i literally cannot think of a time she would get fully mad at you??

if you ever put yourself in danger, (especially for her) she would definitely scold you. never angry, though

q = quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

urbosa remembers things even you don’t remember. mainly things you point out at a marketplace or something.

(on that note, she is absolutely the type to spoil you. you can mention a pretty flower in rito village in passing and she’ll be convincing revali to go get it for you within an hour)

r = remember (what is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

IM SORRY I COULDNT THINK OF ANYTHING FOR THIS ONE EITHER

s = security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

very protective!! even if you can fight/are a champion, she’ll subconsciously be protecting you in battle.

she doesn’t want you to worry about protecting her, honestly. (tbh she lowkey likes when you lean on her for safety)

t = try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

she puts a lot of effort into them!! she actually finds it really fun to get to plan dates and stuff. she loves giving gifts and they are always very well thought out!!

u = ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

bold of you to assume urbosa isn’t perfect

v = vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

she does care about her looks, but only because it makes her feel good!! as long as she looks professional and clean, urbosa could care less about what other people think.

w = whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

urbosa is comfortable enough with herself to be okay without a partner, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt. if you ever were to get hurt/leave her, she would be crushed, but she would be able to heal.

x = xtra (a random headcanon for them.)

she hates the cold with a burning passion and anytime she has to go to the tundra, she’s grumpy the whole time

y = yuck (what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

i couldn’t think of a partner one, but she’s scared of dogs for some reason. she is a cat person and they lowkey freak her out

z = zzz (what are some sleep habits of theirs?)

even though she has guards, being the chieftain means either of you could be put in danger at any time. because of this, she’s a fairly light sleeper. she’s also pretty protective in her sleep! she’ll pull you close to her and keep a hand on the back of your neck or stomach

#urbosas hair looks so soft....#not proofread we die like men #my work #urbosa hcs #urbosa headcanons #urbosa sfw alphabet #botw x reader #urbosa x reader #botw headcanons #botw alphabet #botw sfw alphabet #urbosa alphabet

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kirencer · 3 years

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febuary seventh (i’m seeing you)

Y/n and Spencer's relationship collide around a single day: the one where they first looked into each others eyes.

[Or, the all of the secret love letters they wrote during the beginning of their relationship]

Word count: (part one and two) 9.2k

Warnings: Language

Rating: Gen audiences

A/N: it was too long for tumblr, so I broke it into two parts!! Enjoy. GN! Afab reader (it’s important, trust me)

Part Two

Y/n looked up. They had just finished reading Spencer’s journal, the one dedicated to them. Spencer was kneeling and in his hand was a small box, the dainty ring he’d gotten years ago from his mom sat in between the white.

“Will you, Y/n L/n, do me the greatest pleasure by marrying me?” Spencer said with his anxiety showing through. Y/n gasped and threw themself at Spencer, wrapping their arms tight around him.

“Yes!” they cried, pulling away for Spencer to slide the ring on their finger. Then they took a deep breath. “Wait here.”

They disappeared into the two’s bedroom, rummaging through some things before running back with a black binder in hand. “It’s only fair if you see my unsent love letters, too.”

Spencer grasped it and flipped the binder open as Y/n guided him to the couch.

“They’re in order but aren’t as neatly organized as yours - I stopped writing before you did, though.”

————————————————

For Spencer Reid, february 8th 2008 10:17 am

It was yesterday, a little more than 24 hours ago at 6 am that I was on a bus. Tiny, white and cramped, but now I realize it was actually a ferry to the love of my life. Even though at the moment all I cared about was when I was going to get to stretch my legs next, it still buzzed with excitement because I was about to be in your city even if you didn’t come to see me, that would’ve been enough. Being three feet away from you is more than enough. Being Two inches away from you is bliss. But your head on my shoulder is nirvana.

But then, only two hours after I had started my d&d campaign (the moon isles or something) there was an urge to look behind me. I tried to ignore it but I looked anyway.

What I saw scared me. Not because I’m afraid of you Spencer, but because I was scared of myself. I wanted to run to you and hug you, but I was too scared of scaring you away that I didn’t. My head seemed to spin as a second glance felt like a hundred years. Then a smile broke out on my face and I looked away. At first I didn’t think it could be you, I half screamed at the two people sitting on the left side of me. “Don’t look now, but my boyfriend’s here” of course they looked and Sophia told me that you were walking over here.

My insecurities flared up, but I remembered that you love me, even though I'm tired and probably covered in acne. She said you sat down behind me and I risked a quick glance, or two, or three times every two minutes. I tried to act as normal as possible even though if I looked back I would see the smile that lifted your cheeks when I looked at you. It was hard to focus on my campaign because it’s cliche, but I could sense you behind me and I was shaking. My friends were hyping me up to say Hi and I was trying to not scream. I ran to the bathroom, splashed water on my face and tried to calm down. I ran back, probably looking a little too excited. Ok, I was totally too excited.

My campaign finished up, you caught me staring at you a few times and my friends told me you were looking at me anytime we all made a loudish noise. After that, you followed us to lunch, well, followed me. You stood beside me and I said Hi, you replied the same. Then you grabbed your stuff and seemed to have left. I visibly deflated, my one chance to see you and I missed it. Then you came back, with a takeout bag in hand and some fries. I didn’t mention it already but you looked adorable in your glasses, from afar they look too big for you but then you see the big warm eyes behind them. Your cheekbones are so nice and everything about you is handsome, even more than I could have imagined. Photographs don’t do you justice. I hoped you had liked your dice, I got the red and black ones but I was scared you didn’t like yours.

You sat directly in front of me and my friends (Deriasia and Emma) immediately made fun of me and I almost died. At that moment. When you smiled and laughed. My friends gave us their blessing, which kinda fit because you were as tense as if you were meeting my parents.

I asked you to sit with me during the next campaign and you did (we snuck you in without paying). You played with the first character I ever played (Bida the high elf wizard). I was almost too distracted to really compete in all the things, instead focusing on you. You let me use your journal to doodle, a weird eye and a girl. Did you notice me fiddling with my hands? If I didn't keep them busy I probably would’ve put my hands in your hair or grab your hand. I remember you asking me if I needed a hug. I said yes and I think that hug is the most important one I've ever had. You laid on me and I didn’t care what my friends would say, all that matters was you.

My skin in two weeks will not remember the feel of your hair, my lips will not remember your cheek, but my brain forever will. At that moment, physical immortality is not as important as the immortalization of those touches.

They linger in my head, fuzzy and soft on my skin but they’re there.

I remember you telling me not to buy you anything (i still got you a resin skull magnet and dice) I remember flirting with you, i remember it all. I remember how you know all of Sappho’s poems and fragments, I want to remember everything about you. I know I won’t, you’re the one with the crazy good memory, after all.

I wish I would’ve looked in your eyes and told you that I saw you. I wish I would’ve pressed my lips to yours, but then again there’s always next time. And next time I will, even if it’s right in front of the whole world. Because I love you. I really fucking love you and everyone can suck it. I love you.

And I think that’s all that matters.

____

I have waited almost six months to hold you in my arms, and now I wait longer. I hate myself, I didn't hug you. I should’ve.

I didn’t tell you I love you enough, I didn’t kiss you properly. I wish I did.

Currently my arms ache to hold you, my eyes burn to see you and my lips yearn to touch yours. I can’t wait to indulge myself in thousands of kisses, I hope they are as sweet as your skin. Kinda licked my lips after kissing your nose, cheek, and right under your neck. You taste sweet, I think I'm addicted.

I still feel the ghosts of your touch on my skin, I love it. I love you. I want to have your actual skin under my fingertips, to hold you when you wake up from a bad dream, to dance with you under the stars. Decide what song is ours and argue over how cheesy it is. Cry on the day we say our vows, cry at the birth of our first child, cry when they go to school, cry when they grow up, cry when I realize that we did it. I can’t wait to have life with you.

If there’s such a thing as soulmates then the word was made to describe us.

I love you.

____

I fell asleep, I woke up right before you texted me. I dreamt about you, in my mind I fell asleep with you in my arms. In my mind I am sitting in a cafe, right across from you drinking tea.

I prefer it to real life, by about an infinite percent. My friend came in and basically yelled at me to let him use my box, I told him to fuck off. I know I won’t be able to fall back asleep but I do hope to continue my dream tonight. Currently im trying to believe that you think i’m “stunning” it’s starting to work it’s way into my mind that i’m not ugly.

Spencer, I love you.

You have such an effect on me, the first week we were together you weaseled your way into my mind. You sprouted a tree that is still a sapling but has rooted to the core of my mind, slipping into my heart and spreading through my limbs. You’re almost a drug (the only one I approve of).

You’re poison, searing through my veins and warning my skin. But you’re not toxic, you’re candy, sugary sweet, something tangible that almost floats in and out of existence.

If you are a God, I am your most loyal patron.

____

Time is meaningless but it goes so fast, only eight minutes left to talk then my day ends. So many more ‘I love you’s I could say.

But time will not permit our love, that’s fine, I’ll wait it out till the end.

You’re worth it.

Seven Minutes

____

You always deny that you’re adorable, and that’s so adorable.

It’s frustrating sometimes because you’re so beautiful you deserve to know it. But oh well, i’ll just have to prove you are.

I told you I’d rather go on a date with you first before doing anything sexual. you also deserve to know your love is all I need, not your body (that’s just a perk)

You’re hot, sue me!

____

In the shower, I have most of my daydreams. Ranging from cotton candy clouds to a place where my parents accept me. However, the best daydream i’ve ever had is about a boy. A boy with chocolate brown eyes and a beautiful smile. Ding Ding Ding, his name is Spencer.

My dream is about his last name, well it involves it. I imagine myself talking to him while I say an important speech, in front of a crowd of people. I’m talking about our relationship, about how much I love you, and how much I can’t wait for the next chapter of our life to start. I always tear up when everyone is quiet at the end, and then you say what you have to say. It’s fuzzy and I don’t remember any of it (kinda want you to make your own in the future) but after you say it. It's time.

You say two words, so low only I and the person standing next to us can hear, “I do”

That’s the best day dream I’ve ever had, because I know it won’t be just a dream (I hope)

____

The best part of my day is looking at any photos from you: they always make me smile. Even when my day has been utterly terrible, your bright eyes are always a light in the dark.

I often don’t even need to think about you to have your smile in my mind, it’s just there, like a constant bright sunshiny beam. A single thought about you makes my day, a single touch my year, remembering that you’re mine makes my life a whole much better.

You, make living better.

I live for you, you’re all I ever want to have.

Je suis fou amoureux de toi.

____

So uh, you might have noticed but I don’t know how to talk to people, let alone talk to you.

It’s not that I have nothing to say, I have too much to say. It all bubbles in my mind and makes me jump on topic every three seconds. But when it comes to you, I'm stuck on which way to tell you I love you.

So, how about all of them?

I don’t need to focus on a single part of your face to know that it’s beautiful, but I do. All the parts work in harmony, like a choir. But individually they are still beautiful. I love every single inch of your face, individually and together.

I love you for your personality, I fell in love with a genius who is so much more than his memory or intelligence. Then I fell in love with a sweet boy who whined when I said self deprecating things. When we first met, I instantly fell in love again, with a shy boy who would look up at me from under his lashes.

Fuck, my mind is racing too much to distinguish anymore. But, I hoped I showed you.

That, I love you now, and forever will.

Happy Valentine’s day, my love.

____

Happy anniversary, god I can’t believe it’s been five months already. It seems just yesterday I was crying over whether or not I should continue liking you (i had told myself I wasn’t good enough for you).

Well, turns out I was wrong. I’m just enough for you. It doesn’t matter to me anymore if you’ll ever leave me, well, it does, `but there’s something more important, you being loved and being happy is what matters. And I can’t wait to give you what matters.

I love you babe! I’ll try to write more to show it.

____

My mind is a cavern of echoes, words (well a name) revertibrating in my skull.

The things used to be about art, school, anything slightly important.

But now, it’s filled with the most important person in my life. Analyzing the color of his hair (a warm brown), thinking of his eyes, thinking of his name and my name with a change; Spencer Reid (and sometimes Y/n Reid) has taken over my mind and burrowed into my soul.

I think if the red string of fate was real then we’d have been connected when we first met. Fuck, we are connected.

If we weren’t why would I have fallen in love with you? It was fate that I sent a letter to a wrong address, fate that I stumbled upon the boy that would change my life for the better.

Our souls are connected, being pulled because of the distance though, and I can’t wait to be with you. Not two halves of a whole, but two souls that fit like a puzzle piece.

I love you, and you love me. Even though I'm a coward.

When we have a daughter, her name should be Rhiannon. We will both dote on her like the goddess she is. Just a thought :>

____

You were in my house today. I think I'm dying, I'm wearing your sweater. It smells like you. I think you left it behind on purpose.

You smell really nice. It’s not like a cologne or anything, but it's nice. You’re nice

You kissed me. You’re a really good kisser. You should do it again and again and again.

I got the news yesterday, my transfer went in, I'm sending my letter to you tomorrow. I know you’re in my city but I'd rather it be like this.

I don’t think i'm going to write any more, don’t think that means i don’t love you!!

I am going to hold you for hours, I promise, I love you.

————————————————

Spencer finished reading and smiled up at his new fiance. “We were such dorks! It's crazy how similar we thought.”

Y/n nodded and looked down at their ring. “We were dorks in love! Um, so how do you feel about the name Rhiannon?”

“It’s pretty, but I don’t think we need to be worrying about baby names - we need to figure out how to tell my team we’re engaged.” Spencer quipped, wrapping his arms around Y/n before it hit him.

Y/n’s morning sickness, the weird secretive doctors appointment, and what they had just said. “No!” he whispers, a smile growing on his face, “I’m gonna be a dad?”

They nod and bury their head into Spencer’s chest. Spencer can’t stop the smile that beams across his face. He grabs Y/n and spins them around in his arms, “This is the best news!!”

He pressed a deep kiss to Y/n’s lips, then went onto his knees to wrap his arms around Y/n. “Jason Derek Reid if it’s a boy and Rhiannon Penelope Reid if it’s a girl.”

Y/n smiles and nods, “I was thinking the same thing.”

“Let’s be on the same page, forever from now on, okay?”

They nodded, Spencer’s hands finding place on their back as he pressed his lips right below Y/n’s navel. Y/n’s hand’s dug into his hair: “Forever.”

Years later the two do indeed wake up on a Saturday morning to impatient kids who demand to be made pancakes. Sometimes after a hard case they do dance at three am in their underwear. Sometimes they do a lot of things in their underwear. They’re together in every way imaginable.

And to them? It’s the most important thing that could ever be possible.

The End

part one

#spencer x you #spencer reid x reader #ao3 #reader insert #writing #pregnancy

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nakamoto-aesthetics · 3 years

Text

Eyes | n.yt

synopsis: you crashed into a boy who had the most compelling eyes. you didn’t know what was happening now but sooner or later you were going to find out the truth.

pairing: nakamoto yuta x femreader

genre: soulmate/fantasy au, smut, a speck of angst

warning: a lil jealousy, possessiveness, heavy mentions of blood, unprotected sex (make sure to use protection) enjoy ;))

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

6 months had passed by in the blink of an eye. and yes it was true you were immortal, both of you were. you tried to kill yourself 1 million times but none of the experiments worked, even he was in on some of the experiments, he tried to kill himself too but he never died. it was insane to you.

you also figure out that your powers were telekinesis and that you could ignite fire out your palms. you had a lot of fun with your powers. you teased yuta quite a bit. you always threw small stuff at him like apples and pens. he teased you back by going invisible most of the time so the things you threw would pass right through him. ultimately you shared many laughs every time you guys got together. you found comfort in him.

in class you would talk to each other through your minds but when you guys started laughing that’s when you got in trouble by the teachers.

the both of you even talked to each other when you weren’t in the same class, sometimes you would talk or laugh aloud on accident and get stares from the students around you. they thought you were crazy but you didn’t mind it.

you hung out with him 24/7 whether it was you going to his house or him going to yours, it didn’t matter. you guys played video games, went out to eat and practiced magic. you guys were practically best friends who did everything together. this was the most fun you had in a very long time. you never wanted it to end.

once you finally processed everything you decided to take it slow and just be friends. you both decided that kisses were allowed because you couldn’t resist each other. there were times when sweet kisses turned into heavy make out sessions, leaving many hickeys and bruises on purpose. but they never went farther then that because you didn’t want there to be more yet.

yuta allowed you to take your time. he was gonna wait for you until you were ready, there was no way he was gonna let you go under any circumstance and meant that. he’s spent way too long without you he was in no way, shape, or form gonna lose you.

—————

tonight was movie night, yuta invited some of the guys from school and you invited some of the girls. you were having it at your house since you knew some of the things at his house would come across as creepy to your and his friends.

you hear a door bell and walk over to your front door, opening it. it was yuta holding bags full of snacks and beverages.

“hey hey” he says with a smile and looks down at your outfit. “cute” he chuckles.

“hey don’t make fun of my bunnies” you pout and move to the side so he can come in.

“okay im sorry you look absolutely adorable” he walks in, immediately kissing your pout away. you smile softly at that, he still knew how to make your heart flutter.

he carries the bags to the living room, you close the door and follow him. he’s setting up the stuff neatly on a table off to the side. you help him by moving the stuff out the bag and onto the table with your mind.

“show off” you hear him mutter. you laugh out loud as you hear the door bell. you walked away and open the door. ’great’ everybody was now here. you let them in and then return to the living room after locking the front door.

they were all conversing amongst themselves. you could see a lot of relationships developing. you smile as you watch them.

“hey” a voice says. you turn your head and see mark lee. the popular one, he was only popular because literally everyone knew him in your school. he didn’t play sports or anything he was just popular, probably because every girl thought he was extremely hot. you mean he was cute but you didn’t see the hype. yuta was hotter than any guy you’d ever seen but then again you were biased.

“hey” you smile.

“this is a great… sleepover. isn’t that what it’s called?” he laughed.

“yes that would be correct but thanks.” you laughed along with him.

“no problem”

you turned towards him giving your full attention to him. his eyes and smile are pretty you’ll give him that but other than that you couldn’t see where the ’extremely hot’ claim came from.

“uh.. actually I did have a reason for coming over here” he looks at you surprised to see that your already staring back at him. “you look really pretty tonight” he looks you up and down quickly.

“really? I look like a hot mess” you look down at your bunny pajamas.

“no you look beautiful” he tilts your head up with his finger. you stand there agape, you were frozen in place as you and mark were staring into each other’s eyes.

you could feel eyes burning holes into the two of you. you turn your head and are meet eyes with yuta. his jaw is clenched and his eyes are turning red.

“excuse me for a second” you say to mark and run over to yuta. “yuta your eyes” you say and cover his eyes. you look around to see if anyone has noticed and luckily they haven’t.

yuta pulls your hand off his face and throws it back down to your side, and he walks away. what the hell was his problem? you shake your head and just decide to start the movie.

everyone grabs their snacks/drinks and sits on the couch. you were planning to sit next to yuta but he went and sat alone in a chair. you scoff and sit next to mark since that was the only open seat. mark smiled and pulled closer to him wrapping his arm around you. this sucked you didn’t want to be with mark, you wanted yuta but he didn’t want to sit next to you. it almost made you cry but you had to hold in your tears, it would be so embarrassing for you if you cried in front of everyone over a small reason like that.

you tried to focus on the movie but couldn’t because all you could think about was yuta. you tried to think of a way to get his attention, he was in your sight so you couldn’t see him. you could throw something at him because you didn’t want to risk someone seeing it. you sighed and thought about it. that was it you could just think. all you could do was hope that he was listening in on your thoughts.

‘can you tell me what’s wrong?’ no answer.

‘yuta please’ still no answer. either he was ignoring you or he wasn’t listening in. that make any sense yuta is always listening to your thoughts so you tried again.

‘babe’ you knew he was a sucker for pet names.

‘what do you want?’ you smiled to yourself, looking down so you don’t get caught.

‘can you please tell me what’s wrong?’ there was no answer for a second.

‘…let’s talk in your room’ he thought and you felt your heart dropped to your stomach.

“i’ll be right back” you whisper to mark and get up, walking up the stairs and to your room. when you opened the door yuta was already sitting in your desk chair. you close the door and sit on the bed.

“well?..” you ask.

“my problem is you and mark. I don’t like the way he looks at you and the way you look at him.” he look directly in your eyes.

“oh so that’s what it was? the poor baby was jealous?” you stand up and walk over to him plopping yourself on his lap, facing him.

“yes that’s all. our conversation is done here” he says, trying to end the discussion.

“uh uh uh” you lay your hands on his chest. “i’m not done with you. I don’t like mark like that but i’m pretty sure he likes me-” yuta scoffs and rolls his eyes.

“but I don’t want him. I want you” you grab his face and look him in the eyes. “I only want you” you say once more. his eyes soften at you and he wrapped his arms around your waist.

“good because your mine” he lays his head on your chest.

“says who?” you tease him.

“says me and our history” your stomach flutters at that and he pulls you closer. “does that mean-“

“yes. i’m ready to be yours” you say smiling. he smiles widely immediately pulling you in from a kiss m. your lips connect and this kiss is different.. it’s passionate and full of.. love.

he picks you up lays you down on the bed, taking off his shirt. he didn’t wanna waste any time. he’s been waiting for this since he lost you. he pulled down his pants and then striped you down to you underwear, taking a second to look at your body. it was just as beautiful as he remembered.

he leaned up and kissed you passionately, kissing under your jaw and down to your neck. he bit a spot, making it leak blood. it made you moan softly, who knew that could feel good.

he kissed down your chest, taking off your bra and making hickeys on your breasts. he kissed down your stomach all the way to your lower body. he looked up to make sure that you wanted to do this.

you nodded giving him permission and with that he ripped your underwear off and slide off his boxers. ‘he was even more beautiful without clothes’ he laughed and leaned up to you, kissing you again. he lined himself up with you and pushed into your entrance slowly. you gasped, pulling away from his lips.

he pushed all the way in, bottoming out.

“you never told me you were this big” you say lowly.

“you act like we’ve never made love before” he starts to thrust slowly.

“oh so we’re making love, not having sex?” you playfully laughed. he immediately stopped his movements and looked at you with a straight face.

“I don’t ever want to hear that non sense again. I will never just have sex with you. we’re always going to make love” he started to thrust into you again, rocking your body ever so slightly.

“what’s the difference?” you genuinely ask, he scoffs in return but don’t stop his movements.

“when having sex, it’s lustful and all about getting the job done. while making love is a special time. it’s all about connecting with your lover on a deeper level, it’s very intimate. you really begin to let your guard down, meanwhile when your having sex, you don’t let your guard down. you don’t use the time to get to know a person or see it as a special moment. you only want that person for one reason only. do you get it now?” yuta explains to you.

“yes I do” you smile. you were so lucky he was yours. he speeds his pace up a little faster. you bite your lips to keep sound from slipping out of them. you didn’t want the others to know what you were doing. yuta lays his head in your neck and kisses it gently. you took this time to look at his figure.

his waist was body was perfect. you couldn’t help but graze your fingers along his skin. he seemed to like that because he thrusted faster. you let a moan slip and bring him up to your face. you smashed your lips on his, kissing him roughly. you moaned against his lips and started to dig your nails into his back, he was hitting the spot dead on.

“there yuta right there” you mewl in his ear adding fuel to his pace, he going at an animalistic pace now. he grunted in your ear letting you know he was close. your stomach starts to tighten as you feel your high coming. your through your head back and yuta connects your lips, kissing you sloppily so then your moans would be muffled. he pulls your leg up to get a better angle, stroking it gently.

your legs start to shake and you roll your hips onto his, both of your moans and grunts are muffled by the kisses. yuta pounds into you, making you arch your back and cum. your walls start to clench and that’s when he busts in you.

he pulls out and roll onto the side of you pulling you into his chest, heavy breaths are filling the room.

“that felt like…” you start.

“home” he finishes the sentence.

“wait you came inside me what if I get pregnant?”

“then you get pregnant, we’ll raise the baby together but don’t worry about that. you have a very low percentage of getting pregnant.. we’re not humans” he chuckles.

“alright” you sighs and kiss his chest all the way up to his neck. you then bite it and suck his blood slightly and pull away, not healing it. you lick his blood of your lips. “that’s payback”

“oh yeah?” he smirks. “looked like you enjoyed that a little too much princess” he tilts your head up with his finger. “are you gonna be my little blood sucker?” your stomach filled with a million butterflies.

“y/n are you-“ the door opens making you and yuta turn your head. of course it was mark. he only saw you and yuta cuddled up under the sheets. “uh.. sorry” he closes the door and you hear footsteps rush down the stairs.

you and yuta laugh loudly.

“poor boy” you say.

“ehh he’ll be fine” yuta says. “at least now he knows that your mine” he kisses you but you laugh against his lips and slap his chest lightly.

“you’re a trip but I have a question, why does your blood taste like a.. vanilla frosted cupcake” you ask.

“mm because i’m your soulmate, your one and only. you love everything about me just like I love everything about you. your blood taste just like chocolate.” he says. you dab your finger on your neck where the blood was and taste it. you cringe at the taste and shake your head.

“that’s terrible” you say.

“well obviously it’s not gonna taste good to you. only your soulmates blood tastes good silly goose.” he smiles and pecks your cheek multiple times, making you giggle. ”I don’t think mine tastes good but you love it.” he adds on.

“is there a limit to how much I can drink?” you look at him. he shakes his head and laughs.

“nope, we’re immortal remember” he bites his lip. “although i’m gonna have to watch my back your gonna try and drink from me all the time” he teases you by stretching his neck away from you.

“oh no you don’t.” you laughs and straddle his stomach, grabbing his head and lapping the blood up.

“at least let me have some too” he says and turns his head biting into you skin and sucking your blood. you breathe against his skin.

“why does it feel so good. shouldn’t it hurt.” you breathily moan out.

“nope because anything I do will feel good to you and vise versa. even if I’m really aggressive, you’d love it” he says lowly in your ear. you feel yourself start to get turned on again, you knew he knew because his hands went straight to your hip and inner thigh rubbing both of them at the same time.

“I think i’m ready for round two and this time I want it rough” you whisper and kiss under his earlobe. “doesn’t that qualify as having sex?” you add on.

“nope you can still make love and be rough.. well at least in my book” you chuckle at that.

“are you gonna back it up and ride me kitten or what?” that sentence made your stomach flip and you immediately lined him up with your entrance and sunk down onto him. feeling all of his inches once again.

“fuck” you whisper, you start to slam down on his hips, you pressed your hands to his stomach to keep yourself stable. it was unlike anything you felt before.

you went faster as he guided your hips on his. you laid on his chest, creating a new bite and sucking the skin roughly. he grunts beneath you and thrusts up into you, gripping the sides of your hips roughly, those we’re definitely gonna create bruises later.

you scratched at his sides and then held onto his shoulders using them as leverage so then you could push your hips down onto him. you could really get used to this. it was way better than human sex, all your senses were heightened which meant that sex felt way better than anything. on top of that the fact that he’s your soulmate makes it even better.

you pushed your hips onto his faster you could feel yourself nearing your orgasm. you sat up and grabbed his hands of your waist and wrapping them around your throat tightly. you throw your head back as he squeezes tighter. your thrusts to to get sloppy as your stomach tightens. you cover your mouth, trying to muffle your moans. you finally cum all over him and he does the same. lowly grunting as he shoots his load into you. he lets go of his hold on your neck and instead wraps his hands around your waist.

you lay on his chest and heavily breathe out.

“you do know we have to return to the sleepover right?” yuta says softly pushing the hair out of your face.

“mhm” you kiss his chest gently. “you have to heal me though” you add on.

“mmm nope. they’re staying” he said simply and pulls out of you, putting you onto bed and standing up. you pout at the empty feeling down there, you liked feeling full.

“i’ll cockwarm you later princess now let’s go” he says smiling. you sigh and get up putting on your clothes and grabbing a new pair of panties since the other ones were ripped.

“you owe me a new pair of panties”

“i’ll get you all the pairs of panties you want” he says and walks over to you after you and him are fully dressed. he hugs you from behind as you fix your hair. his head going to the crook of your neck.

“I already miss your naked body against mine and especially the way you take me in like it’s nothing” he groans. you start to feel him rise against your butt.

“yuta are you kidding me, were the 2 rounds not enough for you?”

“no amount of rounds are ever gonna be enough for me when i’m with you” he nips at your neck.

“alright alright let’s get out of here before something happens” you say after you fix your hair.

“you use your invisibility and i’ll walk down the stairs. okay?” you open the door.

“wait” he says and grabs your face kissing you passionately as if there was no tomorrow and then he pulls away. you smile and turn on your heel, walking out the door but not before his slaps your ass.

“yuta-“ you turn but he’s already gone. you shake your head and close the door to your room, going down the stairs. they were all still watching the movie, some of them cuddled up with the guys. you looked at the back of marks head. ‘well this was gonna be awkward’ you sat down next to mark.

“hey” you whispered.

“hey” he said in a monotone voice, without glancing at you once.

“i’m sorry that you had to see that and about-“

“it’s fine” he looks at you with a small smile.

“okay” you softly smile at him and he looks back at the tv. you also look back at the tv.

yuta walks back in the room and sits down in the chair. you furrow your eyebrows, he left before you so why is he returning so late.

‘why did you come back so late?’ you thought.

‘I had to take care of the boner you gave me’ you had to stop yourself from laughing aloud.

‘omg’ you mentally facepalm.

‘your in for it once they fall asleep’ he thinks.

‘can’t wait for it now pay attention to the movie’

‘fine’ the conversation ends there.

you could yourself being so in love with him in the future. he was so lovable and easy to get addicted to, with his smart remarks, jealous tendencies, and most of all those damned eyes. you loved it all, he was your adorable baby whom you had to protect and take care of.

that’s what you wanted to ask.

‘yuta’

‘yes kitten’ he answered immediately.

‘when I first met you and even now why are your eyes so dark and captivating?’

‘when you look at your soulmate, your eyes will do that, it’s because you have a special bond with that person. you don’t even realize it but your eyes do the same thing when you look at me’

‘ohhh that makes sense okay’ he doesn’t respond back for a few moments so you assume the conversation was over but that wasn’t the case.

‘cant I just hypnotize them and make them fall asleep?’

‘no.. yes’ you change your mind. you know it’s a terrible thing to do but there was no telling when they would fall asleep.

yuta immediately got up and worked his magic, literally, his closed his eyes and they shifted to green.

“you will all fall into a deep sleep when you hear the word sleep” yuta said. they all furrowed their eyebrows. “sleep” yuta said and immediately they all fell asleep like dominos.

“what if you accidentally put me to sleep too?” you gently push marks head off your shoulder and lay it on another person, before standing up.

“hypnosis doesn’t work on you. it never did” he says simply and grabs your hand leading you up the staircase.

this was gonna be a very long night.

i’m finally done!! i really really hope you guys enjoyed it. i worked very hard on it. much love💞

#nakamoto yuta #nct doyoung #nct fluff #nct haechan #nct imagines #nct jaehyun #nct johnny #nct jungwoo #nct mark #nct scenarios #yuta x y/n #yuta nakamoto x reader #yuta x reader #nct yuta #nct taeyong #nct taeil

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lettersfromkokichiouma · 3 years

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🛐 here, I uhm accidentally corrected my dad for my pronouns (on accident cuz at school I have to correct people) and my mother slapped me again, the people at school hate me, I don't fit in anymore, my trust issues are getting worse my the minute, I literally get no support from anyone, I feel so alone again, but I'm fighting my urges to hurt myself, for you, I dont want you to worry about me, bruh, life sucks so much right now, I get made fun of for every small thing I do, and it sucks, and to think I was actually doing good for once, I'm so useless, my memory is getting worse (since last week my memory started getting bad) and my parents aren't too concerned, my memory is getting so bad that I'll say something and I'll forget it 5 minutes later, and the lack of sleep and my emotional issues and my "friends" going "oh, I'm not your therapist" like, the least you could do is listen, that's all I want, for someone to listen, and atleast comfort me for once! It sucks being the therapist friends, I'm always bottling up my emotions so I could help others with their emotions, but nobody ever does it for me, and its almost summer and I'm gonna end being yelled at for my math marks, I mean, im sorry im not good enough for you, im truly trying my best, and the fact that my mental health isn't getting better at all, and its sad, my parents were all like " what do you mean by your mental health? What about your math mark?" like, im not even being dramatic or anything, everything sucks so bad, and its even worse, my family, they're all starting to notice all the scars on my arms and they just ridicule me about them . ITS NOT FUNNY I LITERALLY HAVE MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS, IF YOU"RE NOT GONNA HELP WHAT IS THE POINT OF ME BEING HERE????????? I'm on the verge of tears writing this, im shaking and everything, im so cold here, even though everyone says its warm in here, I can't cry here, I'm at school so im not gonna risk getting made fun of again, not again, not after everything I've been through these past few days. I feel so empty, cold and tired, but I'm gonna hold on, until it gets better.

🛐 anon </3

( :( you deserve so much better than this, i understand what you’re going through, and i really hope things get better. i know it’s really hard but i think it’s going to be okay, it’ll get better eventually. and i’ll listen to you :))

“i know i’ve said it before but your friends really suck. and so do your family!

they’re super mean in the way they treat you! it’s unfair! you don’t deserve that.

you deserve a support system, not to be judged over how you feel! and it’s so dumb that no ones helping you.

sooo i’ll try to help!

you have to understand how amazing you really are. it sounds like everyone around you just doesn’t get it for some stupid reason, so you have to be the one to remind yourself. or you can always ask me!

you’re seriously cool, in my supreme leader opinion! and i honestly like replying back to you! no lie at all!

and it’s not your fault that everyone keeps treating you like this, you’re trying your best! and that’s okay. it is good enough, i promise! even if everyone keeps treating you like it isn’t.

just try to remember that, okay? i know you have problems with memory so you can write it down somewhere! orrrrrr you can always come back here if you need to.

i’m here for you, and me (and the person who made this account :)) will always be here for you.

and one day you’ll find a friend who actually cares about you too and they’ll help you out!

just like how I have D.I.C.E.!

and maybe one day you’ll be able to get help, and speak to a therapist and all that stuff.

but for now...i want you to know it is going to get better.

yeah, it’s really tough right now but it always gets a little better at some point, you can trust me on that.

and im proud of you for making it this far, i really am, all you have to do now is just keep going.

and keep being your amazing self! i believe in you!”

-Kokichi Ouma <3

#(plus you could always move out eventually)#(so you wouldn’t have to deal with your family)#(also have you tried that like tumblr kokobot thing)#(you send in how you feel and it anonymously sends to other people and they can answer your post and comfort you:))#(it usually makes me feel better :))#seriouskokichiletters

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barnesandrogersfanfics · 4 years

Text

Rose Coloured Glasses - Part 14

A/N - OMG its been a while.... again!! Im so sorry i promise i’ll try to update quicker. 💕💕

Having no work meant i had no reason to wake up early....i slept in until 10am then went downstairs to grab some cereal and a cup of tea which i took out into the backyard being as it was a nice day out.

Andy had text me just before 9am saying good morning, so i quickly shot a message back to him. I checked my emails and quickly scrolled through the news before deciding to go shower and start my day of doing absolutely nothing!

The day had been dragging so bad, i had already cleaned the house top to bottom and done the washing etc and it was barely lunchtime! I never thought id say this but i missed work.

It was nearing 10pm when i heard my front door being unlocked, i had a sudden rush of fear until i remembered i gave Andy my spare key.

"Hey" he said quietly as he dumped his coat on the arm chair. I looked up from where i was laying on the sofa watching some cooking show.

"Hey, how are you?"

"Tired" he scoffed before climbing onto the sofa squeezing in behind me so he could hold me close.

"How'd your meeting go with Joanna?" I asked stroking my fingers up and down his arm.

"Erghh" he moaned as he buried his face in my neck.

"That good huh?"

"Jake told us Ben had been bullying him, thats why he didn't tell anyone when he found his body. He thought he'd get the blame.... then Laurie brought up the stuff about my dad....Jacobs now pissed at me for lying to him"

"He'll get over it, he's probably just lashing out...."

"Maybe" Andy nodded "then i went to talk to Duffy, i needed to know if they were still looking into Patz.... i asked her if she could get me a copy of his file"

"She gonna help?"

"I dont think so. I thought we were friends you know? But turns out she didnt agree with me" he said sadly.

"Really? I thought you guys we're friends"

"Apparently we're just work colleagues"

"Im sorry you've had a crappy day" i turned to press a kiss to his lips and he smiled down at me.

"Its getting better now"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah"

"You eaten? I could make you something..."

"Not since lunch, but i'm good i just want to hold you" he mumbled with his head buried in my neck, a loud rumble from his stomach made us both laugh.

"Okay so maybe i'm a little hungry"

"I'll go make us something" i chuckled as i slipped from his arms and headed to the kitchen.

"You're the best, i love you" he called out making me turn to him with a smile.

"I love you too".

Over the next few weeks Andy and Laurie tried to make Jacobs home life as normal as possible. They hired him a tutor, his 2nd grade teacher who had now retired....It had kept Jacob occupied.

When he wasn't working on school work he would be in his room playing computer games.

I had been spending a lot of time at the Barber house after Andy told me he felt better with me around, i also became good friends with Laurie. We'd often make lunch and evening meals together before Andy would drive me home. He would sometime stays the night if he didnt have to be anywhere early, It was nice just to have some alone time with him.

Laurie had decided to go back to work today so i had offered to help Andy get dinner ready. We were nearly finished with everything when Andy noticed the time.

"Laurie's usually home by now, i hope her day went okay" Andy said quietly as he wiped off his hands.

"Maybe she just had a lot to catch up on, she's been away for a while"

"Yeah maybe, i'm just gonna go check on Jake. You okay here for a few minutes?"

"Im fine, go" i chuckled shaking my head. Andy pressed a quick kiss to my lips and headed upstairs to check on Jacob. After a few minutes i heard Andy come back downstairs and head out to the front porch, Jacob came into the kitchen giving me a quick smile.

"My dad said to help set the table"

"Thats great, this is nearly ready" i smiled at him, Jacob had been a bit quiet around me when we first met but he was more comfortable around me now.

"You okay?" I asked noticing that he seemed a little moody.

"Yeah, its just my dad...."

"Oh no, what did he do?"

"Got pissed at me for playing video games online"

"He's just looking out for you Jake, he knows how all this works. What they look into, the things that can go against you. I know you probably think he's being over the top but he just wants to protect you"

"I know, it just sucks" he said sadly.

While Jacob set the table Laurie came rushing in.

"Hey mom" Jacob greeted her with a smile.

"I'll be right there" she replied before rushing upstairs. Jacob shrugged and continued to set out plates.

When Andy didn't come back inside i went looking for him, Laurie had come back downstairs looking like she had been crying... what was going on?

As i walked outback to the yard i saw Andy standing in front of the garage door.

"MURDERER ROT IN HELL" had been spray painted in huge black letters.

"Oh my god...." i gasped holding a hand over my mouth, no wonder Laurie had been upset "Jesus christ Andy....."

"Im so sick of this shit" Andy mumbled under his breath as he tried to scrub off the hateful words.

"Have you got another brush, i'll help"

"You don't have to....."

"I want to" i smiled up at him, Andy pressed a quick kiss to my lips and then went to find an extra brush. We scrubbed for what seemed like hours and we still couldn't get it off, the letters faded to a dull grey but you could still see what it said.... at least it wasn't as visible to anyone passing by on the street now though.

I reheated some dinner for me and Andy and we sat down to eat together, Jake had gone up to his room like usual and Laurie had gone up to bed to read (i think she just wanted to be alone).

"Laurie seemed like she was struggling with everything today" i said quietly to Andy taking a mouthful of my beer, he nodded slowly picking up his own beer.

"Yeah, she was told not to go back to work..... they can't risk being associated with her"

"Thats rough, that would have been a great distraction for her for a few hours"

"It would have been good for her but i get why they done it. This whole thing with Jacob hasn't just ruined his life....."

"I know" i reached over taking Andy's hand "but you're handling it great"

Andy scoffed looking at me with a smirk.

"Im a mess....."

"You're not a mess, you're strong for Laurie and Jake, you support them through all this bad shit"

"Then i fall apart when i'm with you" he scoffed.

"But thats okay, they don't need to know that and i don't mind..... i'm here for you"

"I love you"

"I love you too" i smiled before taking a another mouthful of my beer "so, what was in the file...." i pointed my bottle towards a file Andy had placed on the table.

"Duffy came through on that Patz file" he cracked a smile.

"She did?..... huh maybe you guys are friends after all".

"Maybe".

The following day Andy and Laurie were meeting with a specialist in genetic inheritance and behaviour to discuss Jacob, Joanna had suggested it was a good idea just incase they tried to use everything with Andy's father against Jake. While they were gone i stayed with Jacob at the house while his tutor came by. I was sat on the sofa watching a rerun of Friends to pass the time when my phone vibrated in my pocket. When i looked at who was calling i was surprised to see who it was.... Frank.

"Hello?" I answered quietly so i didn't disturb Jacobs lesson.

"Hey beautiful, how are you?"

"Im good... how are you?" I hated how his voice still gave me butterflies!!

"Not too great, i miss you"

"Frank....."

"I know, i know. You're with Andy now.... i... i missed my chance...."

"Frank are you wasted?" I asked catching the sound of his slurring.

"No baby of course not"

I sighed shaking my head, if he hadn't been drinking that must mean he was high.

"Look i cant talk right now...."

"Can i call you later?"

"Im not sure thats such a good idea"

"Please? i just wanna talk"

"Fine, i wont be home til after 9pm...."

"Thats fine i'll call you then"

"Okay, bye Frank" i quickly ended the call tucking my phone in my pocket, that phone call should be interesting.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier @fairlightswiftly @hiddelstannerbarnes

Rose Coloured Glasses taglist: @readermia @princess-evans-addict @jennmurawski13 @matsumama @ex-bloodjunkie @kaithezaftig @ms-betsy-fangirl

#sebastian stan #chris evans #bucky barnes #sebastianstan #captain america #steve rogers #sebstan #defending jacob #endings beginnings #eb!frank #andy barber #andy barber x reader #eb!frank x reader #reader insert #rose coloured glasses

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