#but then i feel bad not eating the food someone made | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

drwstarkeyy · 2 days

Text

01. white dress

JJ Maybank x Reader

Series Masterlist here

Can also be found on wattpad as JJ x Oc here

Series warnings; abuse, smut, underage drinking/smoking, alcohol, drugs, jj is a dick so is Rafe, death, eating disorder (only a little)

"THE club sandwich, please." JJ wrote down the order on his notepad.

"Honey, what about a salad?" Y/n frowned at her mother. Camila Torres was one special lady.

"I'm not craving a salad, mom." She looked down to her hands, that were placed on her lap. Going against her mother was never easy, she always won.

"But midsummer is coming up, you need to think about what you eat." It is not the first time she had mentioned it. Her mother had already bought the dress. It took a whole day and a lot of wine, but finally Rose and Camila had decided what Y/n and Rafe should wear, she would be furious if Y/n could not fit in it.

"Midsummers is six months away." The girl spoke quietly. Fidgeting with the Chanel bracelet Rafe had gifted her.

"She'll have a caesar salad. I'll have the same." JJ scratched out the 'club sandwich' and added two salads. This was more common then you would think, and JJ learned it is best to just do as you are told.

"Coming right up, ma'am." The blond said before disappearing inside.

"Maybe you would like to join me for pilates this afternoon. You'd be amazed how fun it is." Her mom have always asked her to join, but Y/n did not see much fun in hanging out with women who had a midlife crisis, talking about how hot the guy who works for them are.

"Can't, Rafe said he would take me out." Truthfully he was, and for once she was glad she did not have to make up an excuse.

"Oh, how lovely. I can't remember the last time I had a date. You're so lucky to have him." She knew that already, and somehow it made her feel guilty, like she did not deserve him.

"And how is tennis going? All good I hope." Tennis. A sport she hated, but did it to please her mother.

"It's going good. My coach says I have the potential of getting an athletic scholarship." It was true. Although she hated the sport, she had played it for so long, and was really good at it.

"That's great, honey. Although you won't need it." Before Y/n could respond, the same blond walked up to the table, placing the food down. Muttering a quiet 'enjoy your meal', before he left.

Taking a sip out of the lemon water her mother had ordered for her, she plucked up the courage to question her. "Why?"

Taking a bite before she responded, her mother chuckled. "Well, you're going to studying law, like me. That athlete thing is only temporary. Besides it would be a surprise to even see you working after school, dating Rafe and all."

Y/n picked her fork up, moving the food around with it. This doesn't look appetizing at all right now. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's nothing bad, honey. I just mean that Rafe is a very hard working man. Soon he will inherit his father's company, and have a busy life. You guys would need someone to take care of your children, I just think it would be a good option for you to be at home. You've always loved kids, and cooking, it is perfect." Y/n felt like she would throw up. To some that life might seem as the perfect one, but to her it felt claustrophobic. She would feel trapped.

The girl picked up the napkin that was in her lap, before standing up. "Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom." She didn't even care for her mother's response, before she turned and headed inside.

THREE MORE HOURS then JJ's shift was over. Three more hours of spending time with ignorant kooks. Three more hours of torture.

As he picked plates from an abandoned table, he look up to meet Camila Torres eyes, who waved him over. He noticed the other girl was not there, and her food was untouched, but he would be lying if he said he cared.

"One more glass of red, thanks." JJ nodded at the request, walking away towards the kitchen. Dropping the dirty plates he was caring into the sink, before he made his way towards the bar. Picking up a serving plate, although it was only one drink, a drink he could easily just hold in his hand, his boss had given him hell about it before, 'it doesn't look good'. JJ thought that was weird, because it looks worse with just one drink on the service plate. When he finally had the glass with red wine, he made his way over to the lady.

He did not get far though, because just seconds later Y/n emerged from the bathroom, crashing into him. JJ cringed at the red beverage, that was now covering the girl's white summer dress.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry." At least she had the decency to acknowledge it was her fault. Luckily, the glass had fallen on the service plate, so he wouldn't have to pick up broken glass. Feeling is boss starting at him, he quickly got into service mode.

"No, no, it's my fault, really. I apologize." The blond moved quickly to get some napkins, although he knew it would not help. As she received the napkins she looked up at him. JJ would lie if he said she wasn't attractive, she was drop dead gorgeous, but he already decided she was horrible, and her dating Rafe just proved it.

"Thank you." She sweetly thanked him. JJ took the wet napkins, and placed them next to the empty glass.

JJ leaned down a bit, not being able to resist. "Good thing daddy's money can buy you a new dress." Y/n looked up at him, a frown on her face. "Besides, white isn't your color, anyways."

"Asshole." The girl muttered, before making her way back towards her mother.

As JJ went and filled another glass with red wine, she sat down in front of her mother.

"You need to look where you are going, honey." He bit down a smile at her mother's words. Placing down the red wine in front of her. Not one single 'thank you' or even a glance was spared at him. Spoiled fuckers.

RAFE CAMERON was anything but happy when he picked the girl up, later that evening.

"You're telling me that fucker ruined your dress?" His fists clenched around the steering wheel.

"No. I'm saying I ruined it by accidentally bumping into him. He was just an asshole about it though. Saying, and I quote, 'daddy's money can buy you a new dress'. Trying to make me feel guilty or something for being born with money." Yes, Y/n ranted a lot to Rafe. It was not like he minded though, although more then half of her little rant sessions, he could not even remember.

"I told you he was a dick, babe." Rafe's right hand landed on her thigh, his left one still on the steering wheel.

"Anyways, where are you taking me?" Date night with Rafe was always a surprise.

"Topper's throwing a party. Have to make an appearance." She just nodded. Rafe was hard to figure out sometimes, and one of the things Y/n never understood was the lack of information he gave out. She just knew he was taking her somewhere, and that means everything between the fanciest restaurant in Chapel Hill, or a party. Luckily she had gotten pretty good at choosing outfits. A simple black dress did the work just fine. Usually Rafe would have been telling her to change, since it was low cut and short, but during kook parties, he loved showing her off. Like a trophy.

THE HOUSE was crowded. It was unusual for Topper to invite pogues, and knowing him he probably didn't. Yet everyone was too drunk to give a shit. The smell of alcohol and sweat, mixed with the lack of fresh air, was something the brunette was used to now. Every week, there were at least one party Rafe dragged her to.

Pouring a new drink into the red solo cup, Y/n felt someone's presence next to her.

"Told you white isn't your color. Black looks so much better." JJ Maybank had a talent for showing up where he wasn't wanted. Without even looking at him, she walked away, rejoining Rafe, who pulled her down to his lap.

Her face frowned as she spotted the white lines on the coffee table. Annoyed by the situation she decided to leave.

"Where you going?" Even though Rafe was high, he wouldn't let her wander around the house alone.

"Bathroom." She saw as he sniffed a new line, and without waiting for his response, she walked away.

Seeing the long line to the bathroom, made her realize she didn't need to pee that badly. But she didn't want to go back to Rafe, not right now. So she headed outside for some fresh air. Even though it was warm during the day, the February air made it chilly during the night.

She could still hear The Nights by Avicii blasting, followed by people screaming the lyrics.

"Finally ditched your bodyguard?" There it was again, that annoying voice that belonged to JJ. Y/n chose to just ignore him, maybe he'd go away, but it seemed like he had made her his personal target, ever since the wine incident.

She saw a sudden light in the corner of her eye, turning her head towards the blond, she found him with a lit joint between his lips. Meeting her eyes, he removed the joint from his lips, and held it out towards her.

"I don't smoke." She simply said. An answer that made JJ let out a chuckle.

"Of course you don't." Her eyebrows pulled together as she looked at him.

"Little miss perfect, right?" She didn't know why that nickname annoyed her so much, but it did.

"Why do you even bother talking to me?" She finally questioned, ignoring his statement.

"Not sure. Maybe because seeing a frown on your face, makes me happy." He spoke simply, taking another drag of his joint.

"You know that's kinda psychotic, right? Wishing pain on others." She didn't know why she even bothered talking to him, yet she continued.

"I didn't say I wish you were in pain. I just like seeing that stick up your ass disappear." He chuckled coldly. "Plus, I know you want approval from everyone, and won't be able to stand the thought that someone out in this world hates you."

"You hate me?" Her question was real, and JJ couldn't understand how dumb she was. She is a rich kook, of course people hated her.

"Damn right I do." He answered blankly.

"How can you hate me? You don't even know me." She hated that he was right, approval meant everything to her.

"I know enough." He moved closer, pulling a strand of hair behind her ear. "Little miss perfect. Virgin, straight A's." He leaned down to her ear. "A spoiled fucking brat." She pushed him away, her hands hitting his chest. A grin covered his face, this was exactly the reaction he was looking for. Without a word she left the blond boy for the second time that night.

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #obx fanfiction #obx fic #fanfiction #fanfic #x reader

56 notes · View notes

nutluvs · 2 days

Note

not sure if your requests are still open but I'd devour your take on how rdr characters would react to you giving them a hot lunch while they are hunting. Like they are sitting at the top of the hill with a hunting bow in their hands and you sneak up to them, handing them a hot meal prepared for them.

preferred characters are javier, sean and kieran but you can add your favourites as well, I will gladly read your take on that about any character! :)

also don't feel pressured if you don't feel like writing it! much love anyways, have a nice day :))

- 🦎

hot n' ready 🍰 various rdr2 characters x gn! reader

!! divider by animatedglittergraphics-n-more ♡ !! hi sweetheart ! i hope you're doing amazing today ! ♡ this is my favorite request i've gotten in ages ! it's so cute. thank you so much for sending it in. ♡ i'm so so sorry it took me so long to write, i've had like.. 0 motivation to write lately, and this is just to get back into it. i'm also very sorry if this sucks and if i didn't portray any of your favorites right, i'm only really used to writing a few characters. synopsis:bringing your dearest some good lunch you made just for him while he's out hunting. pairings (in order): ♡ charles smith ♡ arthur morgan ♡ javier escuella ♡ eagle flies ♡ sean macguire ♡ kieran duffy ♡ john marston ♡ the boy warnings: none, this is just fluff !! mentions: @pursuedbyamemoryy @deaddoedonoteat

charles smith:

he didn't expect it. at all.

although, that doesn't mean he didn't appreciate it.

when you crept up to him, his focus was entirely on the doe, whose head was tipped down to nibble at the grass beneath her hooves.

as soon as you prodded at him with the tip of your finger, he jolted and made a discontented, uncomfortable sound.

he was quick to whip around to see who it was, gripping his bow a little tighter, but when he realized it was you he visibly relaxed almost instantly.

he greets you and asks you what you have in your hands, disregarding the doe immediately. you were more important.

"a warm lunch, just for you. i know pearson's meals aren't so satisfying to eat, especially since they lack seasoning and any variation, so i made something of my own. i also made myself something, that way, we could have some lunch together.

when you say that, he feels his face go warm.

he has to clear his throat before attempting to tell you that you didn't have to do this for him and that he didn't want to be a waste of time, but you were quicker, promising him that he deserved a break from low quality food and that he deserved something nice.

so, now understanding you were absolutely sure, he takes his warm lunch from your hands with a smile, and you eat together underneath the shade of a tree, sharing conversation and warm, loving smiles.

arthur morgan:

he was a bit frustrated.

he had tried to get his hands on this damn buck for so long, but every time he'd try and shoot, the thing would get spooked off by quickly passersby.

so now, here he was, sat atop a hill, grumbling to himself about how irritating the prey was, fidgeting with an arrow and trying to calm himself down.

he had heard hoofbeats on the grass and quickly turned to see who it was, and as soon as he saw your face, all of his anger was gone. he put the arrow he held down onto the grass with his bow, and watched you approach. he noticed you had something in your hands.

"hey, darlin'. what's that you got in your hands?" he asks, watching you sit down beside him with a bit of a smile present on your features.

"some lunch for you. made it myself." you say, smiling bigger. "i figured you'd like something that isn't as bad as pearson's cooking... so i made that something."

arthur was a bit shocked, taking it from your hands when you held it out to him. he looked from the box up to you, unsure. "i don't deserve this, darlin', it's.. you didn't have to."

"i wanted to."

this makes his face go red, because he wouldn't really figure someone would want to do something like this for him. but it made him happy, and he really enjoyed your cooking. who knew you were so good?

javier escuella:

he's more of a fishing guy, so that might make it a little harder for you to reach him, but that doesn't deter you.

he went down to the dakota river to do some fishing, and he asked you to tag along, but you initially said no. he was a little sad about that.

however, when he was in the middle of wrapping a smallmouth bass so he could return it to camp, you prodded at his shoulder, causing him to yelp and drop the fish.

you apologized quickly, but he was quick to put the apology down. he wasn't mad at you, he could never be. plus, he insisted he should've been more aware of his surroundings.

after that, you handed him the lunch you made.

"querida, what's this?" he asks, inspecting it closely, as if unsure. it wasn't like you'd give him something that'd kill him, so he stopped his looking.

"a lunch i made for you, since pearson's cooking tastes like shit."

"it has a few of the meals you told me your mother used to make you, and i wanted to sorta give you some sense of home. i hope my cooking is as good as hers, and that i captured the flavors right."

his heart warms, and he feels a bit of a hitch in his breath. you took the time out of your day to make him one of the dishes from home? oh, you were just the sweetest.

he holds the lunch carefully as he brings you into a hug and kisses your cheek, thanking you before quickly sitting down to enjoy what you picked to make him.

eagle flies:

today's hunt had been very successful, and he was proud of that.

he had managed to shoot down some rabbits, and he wanted to finish off a deer as well. he found it most refreshing when he did this.

when you came over the hill, he was poised to shoot, rough fingertips pulling back on the string of his bow.

you decided to stay quiet, watching him release the string and puncture the unaware doe's neck. you smiled when he released a pleased sigh, standing to go collect the arrow and the fresh kill.

"that was a good one," you say, spotting him turn and smile right back at you. "thank you." he replies. he'd known you were there, but he had already gotten the opportunity for a perfect shot, so he didn't greet you despite how bad he'd wanted to.

you watched him pluck the arrow from the carcass and hoist it over his shoulder, bringing it back to his horse before helping you down from yours.

"so, why'd you come?"

"made you something." you say, handing him a small box lunch. "you deserve a treat for all of the hard work you've been doing lately. i know it's the least i could do for such hard work, but i was in a rush."

eagle flies smiles at the gift, his heart fluttering. "thank you, my love. i appreciate this a lot. i've always liked your cooking." he says, leaning in and pressing a tender kiss to your temple, before sitting down to eat the meal you made specially for him.

sean macguire:

he didn't know why he came on this hunting trip. hunting irked him.

he wasn't even all that good at focusing on the prey, let alone shoot it in a vital spot to kill it. he wouldn't admit that, nor the fact that he'd rather be doing something more entertaining.

he just about tossed away the bow, but you twined your arms around him in a hug and gazed up at him, a smile on your lips.

"hi honey." you say gently, "i brought you something to eat. hunting isn't your forte, and i know you like my cooking. maybe it'll calm you down."

sean stared at you for a moment, his expression flat before it grew a bit embarrassed, "i can hunt just fine!" he snapped, and you laughed. "i saw the anger in your face, honey, you hate it. here."

you pushed the box meal into his hands, and he wasn't going to deny this. as you said, he loved your cooking. he'd never say otherwise... even if he didn't like the flavor of something, he was the biggest fan of your meals and would eat up the whole plate.

he was quick to slump down underneath a tree with you, blabbering on about his day with you leaning against his shoulder. he didn't have any manners when eating, but that was fine. at least he was back to being happy.

kieran duffy:

he prefers being back at camp with the horses, let's just say that.

he didn't like the idea of hurting animals, preferring to take care of them. so, he purposefully made this a bad hunt.

he didn't even know why they asked him of all gang members to go out and hunt... although, he'd still try. he wanted them to trust him at least a little bit more. he wasn't just some o'driscoll..

he sat crouched behind a bush, expression a bit worried as he aimed the bow he borrowed at an unaware rabbit.

when he let go of the string, he jolted back, the squeaky, high-pitched sound from a pained bunny not meeting his ears. only the sound of panicked scuttling and the small thud of an arrow.

"oh..." he sighed, a bit displeased with himself. although, he sorta preferred that he didn't kill something so innocent.

"kieran?"

the sound of your voice caused him to jolt once again, and he looked up at you. "o-oh, hey, darlin'.. um, i uh.."

"i see you haven't caught yourself anything."

"nope.." he mumbled, gaze straying elsewhere. he listened to your soft laughter as you sat down beside him. "that's okay," you promised, earning his eyes on you again, "don't worry. i'll catch something later. anyway, i brought you something."

when you handed him a box, he felt the warmth seep into his palms. he looked at it, then at you. "what's this?"

"some lunch. i made it specially for you, you deserve a break from all that harassment they give you. even though it's not much, i thought you might like it."

kieran blushed at this, putting the box on his lap and managing a small-voiced "thank you."

you made him feel so dizzy, so stupid in love. but he liked that. he liked it a lot.

john marston:

he was pretty self confident in today's hunt.

he'd managed a few kills, a deer and some birds. nothing too big. but he was still pretty proud. and with this confidence, he felt he'd be good with another kill.

however, as soon as he plucked an arrow to shoot with, he noticed you coming up the hill. he was quick to smile all dumb, shoving his bow and arrow away.

when you came over the hill, you halted your horse, looking to him as he made his way over to you and pulled you from your horse.

you noticed quickly that he was in a good mood, as he began to swing you around when you were in his arms. "there's my angel! how are you doing?" he asks, nuzzling you as he sat you down, listening to your giggles.

"great! i don't think i have to ask you how you are..." you tease, before stepping slightly back from him. "made you a little something, by the way.

this caught his attention, and he raised a brow, "what's that?" "made you a lunch, with your favorites." you said as you handed him the lunch. "i figured you'd like it. you've told me about two million times that my cooking's your favorite." holy shit, was this day going good. john was through the roof now.

john grinned like the idiot he was and took the box from you. "thanks, my angel. always did like your cooking, you do it real good. i always wonder who taught you." he admits, wrapping you up in his arms again, careful not to spill what he has in his hands. you giggled, pressing a chaste kiss to his jaw, "i try, and i'm glad my hard work is met with a good product."

"mmmhm. now, wanna sit down and share?"

the boy:

he wasn't usually the type to hunt.

however, today, he went out hunting, and it wasn't going so good. he ended up pouting on the forest floor, leaning against a tree.

"honey?" you call out, which distracts him from his moping. he looks like he lightened up a bit, but not as much as you hoped. you sighed when he looked back to his hands.

"not much of a result, huh, love?" you ask, dismounting your horse and approaching him. you squatted down beside him, putting a hand on his cheek and tipping his head up. he grunted a "no."

"huntin's stupid. i'm the best 'round here, but these damn animals.." he huffed. you only smiled softly, leaning in close to him and pressing a kiss to his temple. "will this cheer you up?" you ask, putting a small box in his hands.

he looked at you, confused, blue eyes searching your face and waiting for an explanation.

"it's lunch i made for you. i know you're not the biggest fan of hunting, so i decided i'd make you a lunch to cheer you up... and before you ask if there's any watermelon, yes, i put watermelon in it."

he grinned dumbly, his face growing warm and dusting with a rosy color, leaning in and giving you a quick peck on the nose. "thanks, i always did like your cooking... makes me feel better 'bout this."

"oh, i know. you're blushing all silly."

"i ain't!"

here's this! i hope this suffices for my first post in 8 centuries. i hope you enjoyed, have a nice day! love you guys ♡♡♡♡

59 notes · View notes

sometimes-men-need-help-too · 2 days

Text

Woman ‘dehumanised’ partner and wouldn’t let him go to the toilet

A domineering girlfriend subjected her lover to a campaign of belittlement and humiliation over his weight, hair, sex drive and his breath.

Student nurse Sarah Rigby, 41, forced NHS project manager Gareth Jones to eat salad, wear a hat and swallow tooth paste and mouth wash in the wrongful belief he was fat, bald and had bad breath.

During their abusive six month relationship, Rigby – who has six children from other partners – taunted 40-year old Mr Jones over his sexual performance and dismissed him as ‘the money source’.

She was quoted as saying: ‘If I’m not pregnant this month, I am going to find someone else to have sex with and get pregnant. I need to get pregnant this month. If I don’t, I’ll dump you.’

In other instances, Mr Jones, who moved in with Rigby was thrown out of her house in Winsford, Cheshire whilst dressed only in his underwear, was refused his own door key, and would not be allowed alone in the property whenever she went out.

She wouldn’t let Mr Jones use the toilet in her home either – only at the pub or library.

The victim would be ‘frisked’ by Rigby before leaving the house and was condemned to pound the streets or do his job from their local library, pub or supermarket cafe until she came home.

Mr Jones was also forced to forfeit his £4,000 a month wage, allow her to check his phone on demand, and he even resorted to giving his own mother a ‘duress code’ to indicate when it was safe for them to speak without Rigby listening in.

In one row he was hit in face by a glass candle holder leaving him with a scar across his nose.

When Rigby’s children became the subject of family court proceedings involving her ex-partner, she made Mr Jones pay for a £3,000 expert report and file a false witness statement supporting her plea to get custody.

During one tirade, Rigby told him: ‘I may not control social services, but I can control you and I am loving it.’

At Chester Crown Court, Mr Jones told how he was driven to the brink of suicide by the abuse as Rigby, who admitted coercive behaviour, was given 20 months jail suspended for two years and was banned from contacting the victim for five years under the terms of a restraining order.

He said he was now so haunted by his experiences he kept minimal possessions and would have a ‘grab bag’ with him containing a tooth brush, and washing products and a towel at all times.

He also accused Rigby of showing ‘contempt’ for him by turning up to court appearances flaunting a £400 Marc Jacobs shoulder bag he was ordered to buy her.

Mr Jones told the hearing: ‘After the abuse started, the effect of being constantly belittled and abused made me nervous, feel degraded and worthless.. My image of myself became distorted and I had low self esteem – I still feel like this to a degree.

‘When she used to say things like I had halitosis and forced me to drink half a bottle of Listerine or eat toothpaste, I started to believe that I had things wrong with me.

‘I was forced to wear a hat every time we went out together because she didn’t want to be seen with someone who was receding and kept on that she wanted me to have a hair transplant. l also felt degraded as Sarah used to try and intimidate me and ridicule my manhood regularly.

‘I had regular bruising on my body from when Sarah used to kick, bite, scratch or claw me. I was nervous to consult my GP for fear she would find out and beat me further. As Sarah would not allow me to eat – l was called a “fat, smelly slob” – l became paranoid about food.

‘If she kicked me out and I was able to stay with my parents, I would be afraid to eat with them in case she summonsed me back and would be able to smell food on my breath. She regularly kicked me out, making sure I had no belongings with me and as a result I started hiding a toothbrush, shower gel and a small towel in my work briefcase.’

Mr Jones also said his relationships with friends and family became strained as Rigby isolated him from everyone.

He added: ‘After leaving, I became extremely stressed. I was petrified that she would take reprisals and arrange for someone to come to my parents’ house to damage property or even that she would arrange to have me beaten up or worse.

‘I no longer feel open to having a relationship as I’m still afraid that I’ll be abused again. I do not feel l can trust another woman at present. When I am out in public and I see someone with the same hairstyle and colour of Sarah’s, I become scared. I also feel nervous about telling people what has happened to me due to the stigma behind males not being seen as victims of domestic abuse.’

The court heard the couple met in the summer of 2021 through the Plenty of Fish dating website.

Mr Jones contacted the police in early March 2022 when he went to work out of the house. Police later urged Rigby to return the victim’s possessions including his work computer and sentimental items, but she repeatedly denied she had anything to return.

In interview she falsely claimed Jones had been violent, coercive, controlling and manipulative towards her.

In mitigation defence counsel Miss Jade Tufail said Rigby had been diagnosed with PTSD due to an undisclosed ‘trauma’ she suffered in her childhood.

But the judge Mr Recorder Eric Lamb told Rigby: ‘Your conduct has led to a substantial detrimental effect upon Mr Jones, who even today when speaking of the impact of the relationship upon him was plainly close to tears and in great distress when speaking on where the relationship had left him.

‘There were multiple methods of controlling or coercive behaviour intended to humiliate and degrade him.’

#mens rights #male victims #male victims of abuse #abuse

19 notes · View notes

llumimoon · 8 months

Text

OUGH I feel like I'm usually not a picky eater but when my appetite is bad like it's been lately if i dont like a food its like 10x harder to make myself eat it yk

#cal rambles #like usually i have a pretty big stomach too so if im hungry enough ill eat a lot of things #but bc i havent had much of an appetite i get way picker and ik its getting a lil annoying but im sorry :[#foods i would normally tolerate before look awful now bc ik it'll take me ages to finish #and sometimes its easier to avoid the hassle and thr wasted food #but then i feel bad not eating the food someone made

7 notes · View notes

androidboy · 3 months

Text

i love my gf dearly. but she is very much often oblivious to things and still not well informed in how to talk to someone who has struggled with eating disorders and body dysmophia for over a decade

#we had a conversation the other night and she asked if i wanted to get summer bod ready with her #and it’s been pvp me vs brain ever since. at the point where i must admit i was triggered #i knew when she said it 😭 i was like oh no this is gonna be bad #so i tried to steer away from the convo and be like ‘ehh that’s not really a good idea for someone who’s had my type of food relationship’#and she was like ‘oh no but it’s not about eating! it’s about etc etc etc’#and every comment she’s made about me bein soft in the tum is back and the thought loop of #wondering/ knowing i’d be more attractive to her if i lost weight again #fighting it so hard and i am not winning this battle and she’s feeling really shitty about stuff rn #so i don’t wanna say anything #ed tw

12 notes · View notes

emometalhead · 14 days

Text

#having a day full of mixed feelings #I suppose this is how life goes #I'm officially done with my Bachelor's degree as of today #obviously I'm proud of myself for the accomplishment and I was excited to be celebrated today #it was a long and difficult road and there were many times where I didn't think I'd live to see it through but I made it #I'm the first person in my family to get this degree and I was really looking forward to having today be my day #I had a really lovely morning and then things kind of waned #there were a few arguments. someone I spent the day with repeatedly made negative comments about something I care about #it felt awful. I know it was intended as more of a playful jab than anything but I directly asked for the comments to stop and they didn't #it especially hurt that it was a fandom thing and the person is so invested in their own fandoms yet they felt it fair to step on mine #even though I've never done that to them #then people kept talking over me and acted like I was wrong for trying to interject to finish my own sentences #also as I said in the last post I was deeply upset by how my family members spoke of my 12 year old cousin #she's just a kid and some of our close family members have such a nasty opinion of her. she's so young and she's had a rough few years #but it seems like no one except my brother and I are willing to give her any grace #I think everyone else has forgotten what it feels like to be a kid and feel as if the world is against you #on a more positive note. I had a decadent slice of chocolate cake. it was heavenly #unfortunately I was really too in my head to fully enjoy it #literally every day for 3 weeks I've been talking about the lunch I planned to have today #I knew exactly what meal and dessert I wanted from the restaurant. it's my absolute fave and isn't available at any other local restaurant #I was totally starving by time we got to the restaurant. we were out all morning and I ate a tiny breakfast in anticipation of this meal #when we got there we found out they removed what I planned to order from the menu. I was devastated.#I know it's stupid but like this was the one part of my day that I've had planned for MONTHS and I've been thinking about it for weeks #we had a 40 minute car ride where I mentioned my excitement for the food no less than 10 times so this crushed me #also I'm just really picky in general and typically restaurants only have one or two things I'm able to eat #I offered to just eat the dessert while everyone else ordered food because they were all really hungry too but they wouldn't allow it #we left the restaurant and I still feel horrible for walking out. if I had known the item was removed we wouldn't have even gone there #it happened so recently though and I feel dumb for not even thinking to check the menu online beforehand #so we went to another restaurant and I barely ate anything and now I have no appetite for dinner and I feel bad for ruining the afternoon #even though it's my day and my celebration and I feel like I'm entitled to a slight amount of unreasonableness

3 notes · View notes

hazlelnoot · 4 months

Text

…

#been really struggling lately because idk I guess now that I’m in therapy #I’m thinking extra about all the things that have made me this specific fucked up #and it really just boils down to feeling unwanted #I wasn’t supposed to be born my grandma told my mom to abort me #I spent my entire childhood hearing my mom say that she’s not parent material but I insisted on being born #like putting the responsibility on me even tho it was her choice???#and then they idk just didn’t take care of me good #like I had to have my teeth taken out at 17 because they were literally rotting out of my head and like coming out in chunks into #my food while I was eating #and when I finally got to the emergency dentist I had to pay for it #and I’m broke but I don’t want this job I just started I’m so scared #but we need money #I just feel like I can’t do it anymore I just want someone to take care of me #I want my life to mean something to someone #I can’t type what she said somewhat recently because I alresdy cried about it yesterday #but idk I just feel like dog shit and I can’t reach out to any of my friends because they’re all busy rn #but it’s been really really bad lately I won’t lie I don’t feel like I can keep going anymore

3 notes · View notes

stellernorth · 1 year

Note

You requested de-extinction asks: please elaborate re Baijis / the need to fix the problems that killed them?

hiii yeah thanks! so as i see it the main goal of de-extinction shouldn’t be to practice gene editing or to cosmically right the past wrongs of humanity or whatever, it should be conservation which helps existing ecosystems.

this is species reintroduction rather than de-extinction, but the yellowstone wolves are a good classic example of what i mean. there were no wolves in yellowstone park then after a lot of legal back-and-forth a bunch of wolves were brought down from canada and released in the park. and it was great, the wolves lowered the elk population, which increased the aspen tree population, which changed the character of rivers and prevented erosion because the banks were held together better by the aspen tree roots. so Everything got better bc of the wolves. i think that’s like an ideal outcome for when de-extinct species are reintroduced. the wooly mammoth is one that seems like it might do that in siberia.

so for a successful de-extinction, the ecosystem has to be able to be improved by the animal. if yellowstone was all highways and gas stations there would be a much lesser impact in reintroducing wolves because the trees wouldn’t be able to come back in the same way. or if the reintroduced wolves were unable to hunt because of noise interfering with their ability to sense elk.

the baiji was a chinese freshwater river dolphin in the yangtze river. the river has a lot of fishing with nets, industrial pollution, and noise pollution, it's very busy. the baiji were really sensitive to noise and have bad eyesight, mostly relying on hearing, so the boats especially were harmful and confusing for them. this river is continues to be really commercial, so i imagine if the baiji were put back they wouldn’t be able to have any ecosystem effects or really maintain their own population, they’d just continue to be harmed by the industry rather than doing their normal habits that might benefit the ecosystem.

#this is so long i feel like lemony snicket like i can’t explain x without explaining y and to explain y i need to talk about z #it turns out it's not 100% clear that they're actually extinct? either way super critically endangered and no sightings for a long time.#and as top predators who have long gestation periods it wld be hard for them to come back from a few specimens #i remember exactly this quote i must have read like 5 years ago #it was someone saying about how bad food supply had gotten under mao and it was eat the baiji or starve and they had to eat the baiji but #'we didn't want to eat the baiji we loved the baiji'#i hope that's right i can't find the book online to check #post i made #extinct animals #de-extinction #asks

9 notes · View notes

cascigarette · 1 year

Text

#okay did something somewhat impulsive and bad but i also took my anxiety meds and ate food which i count as wins #i feel like im tottering on the edge of a cliff and who knows if ill fall off????#my mom kinda made me more upset too she kept giving me all these things i SHOULD do to help #like i should eat i should shower i should work in my workbook and use my coping tools and im like #dont u get???? that that is exhausting??? that they usually dont work the first time i do them so i have to keep doing them????#when i dont have the energy to cook mac n cheese??#and i like dont want to be alone but i dont want to be around someone like this rn #anyways. im watching a comfort show #mine #vent

7 notes · View notes

boomerang109 · 1 year

Text

not to be bitter but i’m bitter

#my mom just climbed a volcano and i’m out here ACCIDENTALLY starving myself cause I’m trying to work #and so now I’m shaking from lack of food but it just feels like anxiety lmao #I’m working on getting food now dw #I’m annoyed too tho cause I thought I had eaten enough when I noticed I was hungry earlier #but clearly not #i don’t have anything in the house I like despite having too much food in the house #so it’s a struggle #but I will eat please dw #tw disordered eating #let me know if you want any other tws I always feel bad mentioning this shit lol #also I know I made this post but bitter looks like biter and I keep being like ‘I’m not saying I’m biting someone right? cause that’s not #what I’m trying to say. I’m upset with my mom. I’m not sunny Baudelaire’

2 notes · View notes

awek-s-archived · 2 years

Text

literally sickens me that ppls criticisms of me even irl is that im not passive enough or that im too ill or too poor or whatever like .. do you really hate me soo much for no reason that you have to invent the most flimsy surface-level frankly concerning and invalid reasons you can for why i don’t deserve basic respect

#especially since I know my own faults down to a T so I’ll own up to it all the time if someone says something that’s genuinely ‘bad’ abt me #it makes me rly fucking sad and depressed lol.#this happens All the time but if I heard correctly my moms bf has some kind of issue w me that he won’t say #and I’ve narrowed it down to me either being depressed and having migraines (bc both come with pains and reserved mood)#or the fact that I have to live at home and subsequently have to Eat and he HATES that they have to spend money on me eating #even tho. i barely get anything bc they eat meat 3 times a day and I mostly don’t #so my daily menu literally consists of maybe a sandwich or a plate of food made from my own brain of some of the most random shit I can find #and it’s not that they don’t feed me or wtv it’s that he does that thing where he complains thinking I’m too stupid to understand what he #means but like I have 2 degrees I think I can decipher what you’re saying lmao #ik it comes from a place of insecurity bc he spends like £100 on alcohol a week and altogether the food I eat in 2 weeks doesn’t even #amount to half of that. but it’s still like. really lmao.#why does everyone always find these fucking issues w me #do you think I want to like. be sick and poor and be unable to find a job for a variety of reasons #do u think I don’t search all the time for ways to get out of here bc I know I’m not wanted like m #i get it!!!! the person I really liked and wanted to be with ditched me. my very best friend ditched me the week after. everyone has always #wanted to ditch me I get it !! im too much baggage and it’s all fun and games til I show signs of mental illness then everyone just leaves.#at least keep it on the downlow so it doesn’t make me feel more awful than I already do.#aweks.txt

4 notes · View notes

dilfian · 2 years

Text

4 hour work<3 just that easy<3 kiss my ass l*wes<3 lol

#xoxo #actually i'm missing a whole table i consolidated too. oops. blanked when i took pics.#but yeah i didnt see o until almost 2 1/2 hrs after i clocked in lol i was like??? o?? where have you been.#apparently md (who was prev dl i believe. or de? idk. former mst manager who is now an asm) had her helping with things.#he was trying to get the middle aisle display set up and she didnt know what to do. so i told her she could tell him i was there and could #help out. she told him and came back and said he was excited LOL i went oh good. glad someone still appreciates my work.#anyways i emptied 2 carts of shade perennials and redid all the shade perennial tables.#then i pulled camellias and star jasmine from the front and made 2 rose tables. they needed to be spaced out and we have enough.#thennnn went inside and work with md and also the new mst manager and we settled on how many palette stacks and what to put there etc etc #and then o and i filled it up with the palms and i refilled the 3 tier. cause i walked in yesterday going ???#said word for word in the gc 'what in the seven hells is that' sbdndnf they just filled it all wonky with whatever plants ya know. eugh.#and then o and i moved the palette shelf to the back after i had reorganized that too. yeah. it was a good shift.#all in 4 hrs. i just got home. going to eat food.#also o went to the store manager and told him they should keep me at the store lmao. so he's been told by a lot of ppl now.#also md apparently said i should apply for green team.#i really dont see how it would work esp at this store. or just the tasks in general. its at the very bottom of my job list.#but i feel bad leaving everybody. . .😔 anyways

5 notes · View notes

aroace-cat-lady · 2 years

Text

The way small lies can hunt you for years

#you dont have an idea in how many trouble i've end in for stupid things #like once a friend missed my birthday and thought it was the next week and i didnt want her to feel bad #so i let her think my birthday was that date FOR YEARS #and i h a t e shrimp but are one of my someone's favorite food and i've never tell her i didn't like them andshe thinks i do #so she is gonna bring a enormous plate of shrimp the next time we'll meet #and i didnt know how to tell her i dont like them #so i just made a deal with my other mother in law: she can have my shrimps and I can have extra tequila #and a friend loves mole. i dont. and everytime we go to her home we eat mole. and thats how itll be till the day we die #anyways if you make it this long please tell me how small lies have fucked up your life

2 notes · View notes

tcypionate · 3 months

Text

coming to terms with the fact i may have relapsed and most of my current issues are probably malnutrition related...

#ed mention #last time i weighed myself in like september i was 120 lbs now im back to 99 #i just feel like im wasting food every time i eat so i dont want to unless it's something someone else has made because then thats ok #which is illogical i know but augh #just eating an apple every other day i feel so bad. and i keep telling myself that itll be better when i start working full time

0 notes

mariamlovesyou · 6 months

Text

tuned into Plestia's live with Rahma Zein's second account (she got shadowbanned). key moments:

plestia talked about her adjustment to living in australia. "it's 1:30am now and it's normal for me and many palestinians who live abroad to be awake hours into the morning. i am scared of sleeping. because of the time difference, i'm scared if i sleep i will wake up to bad news. in gaza i was scared of the sound of the bombs, here i am scared of the quiet."

contacting family and friends in gaza is near impossible. "sometimes i feel like a crazy person, calling 20 times in a row hoping that on the 21st time the call might go through."

on the destruction of entire communities and neighbourhoods: "i'm scared when i go back to gaza i won't recognise it anymore. someone sent me a picture of my neighbourhood, and i couldn't tell it was mine at first. all my favourite places, cafes where the aunties used to give me extra food and ask about my day, have been destroyed. i dread looking at my gallery or seeing snapchat memories because most of these people in the pictures are no longer alive."

rahma asked plestia to talk about one story that stuck with her. plestia said "i remember walking one time on the 'safe corridor', that's what they called it anyway, and i saw an older woman clutching onto a donkey cart where her son's body was, refusing to let go of it. i asked my colleague what the smell was, he said it's dead bodies under the rubble. it was the first time i familiarised myself with the smell. the son's body was decaying and the woman told me about cats and animals eating away at it. i've had children talk to me about birds eating away at their parents' decomposing bodies and not being able to chase them away."

"it seems so silly to go to hospitals for minor sicknesses now. i can't even think about how many palestinian children are going to be terrified of hospitals now. there was a girl who was taken to the hospital to get treatment for injuries by one of the bombs, and while she was in the bathroom another bomb landed nearby. the impact from that sent the ceiling crashing down on her.. she got another injury while getting treated for her first one."

"i hate how people talk about our resilience - as if it's okay that this is happening to us. we are only surviving because we have to, because we have no other choice."

rahma brought up the way family homes are set up in palestine and asked plestia to elaborate. "basically, there are floors. someone will live on the ground floor, and then their married son lives with his children on the floor above them, and then their successors above them and so on. so when family homes are targeted, they wipe out entire families. many families officially no longer exist."

"i used to wear my journalist helmet and vest all the time, felt naked without it, even slept with the vest on sometimes until i realised it only made me more of a target. they didn't give me any protection, only headaches and back pain."

"i am an optimistic person, i loved covering sweet sentimental things, like at my graduation asking parents of top graduates how they feel about their children graduating. that's what i love reporting on. i wanted to cover things like that when i came back to gaza, show the beautiful side of gaza that the media didn't really show, but i didn't have the chance." "do you think they'll give you right of return?" "i can only hope."

plestia mentioned how hard it was being a journalist with limited access to the internet, charging facilities, no mics, lack of equipment and how difficult it was uploading things. rahma asked her what's one story that wasn't really recorded or posted due to these constraints; plestia said "the evacuations. sometimes they informed us about them, sometimes they didn't. you have no idea how hard it was, everyone looking for their family members, making sure every one was there, taking to the streets in 5 minutes and not knowing which way to go. i remember i went to my friend's house for shelter for 30 minutes before the first evacuation was announced and we ran to another family's house, stayed there for 2 days before another evacuation was announced. me, my friend, and that family all evacuated together to another family's house. there were already so many people there seeking shelter, it wasn't just one family staying there. none of us knew how long we had in any place."

before october 7th, palestinians were used to limitations on electricity. plestia used to plan her day's tasks around when the electricity was working. "for example when the electricity was on from 12 to 4, i would say i will do my laundry and charge the phones during this time. life wasn't exactly 'normal', but all of us pray to have those days back in comparison to what we are experiencing now." plestia also said that cars are running on cooking oil now because there is no fuel.

on hygiene: "many pregnant women have to give birth without any pain medication or medical attention. once we ran out of medicine, that was it. women who had to get C-sections couldn't stay to recover or get followup treatments because someone else needed the bed. we have no water, no tissues, no pads, barely any bathrooms. in the shelter schools you have to wait an hour before even getting to use the bathroom because of how many people are there."

"something you don't hear about is how many people die because of sadness. there's so many ways to die in gaza, because of the bombardment, because of starvation, the lack of resources, but i also know many elderly people who died because their hearts couldn't take it anymore. i have been in gaza before and lived through 4 aggressions, but nothing compared to this one."

a recurring sentiment that was echoed in the video: "sometimes i thought to myself: who am i recording this for? because we've already shown everything, we've already talked about everything. everything has already been said, the proof is everywhere, nothing i talked about today is new." rahma said the first video posted about what's happening in palestine should've been enough.

she is 22 today. plestia's closing words: don't stop talking about us, don't stop boycotting, don't stop protesting, please don't get bored of fighting for palestine.

#this is all off the top of my head if i remember other key points i will add them

8K notes · View notes