#but on tumblr sometimes I have a random thought I’m gonna share but then I stop and I’m like. This isn’t necessary nvm | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

catboybiologist · 9 months

Text

Hi! I’m CatboyBiologist.

Formerly a femboy, now a trans woman just starting HRT, and a PhD student in molecular biology. I started using this online persona as a fun, shitposty way to explore gender a few years ago. I post selfies (generally sfw, but somewhat sexy, so minors and ppl who don’t like that have been warned), rambles about science, tutorials and advice from the stuff I’ve learned by being a femboy in the past, nature pictures, stuff about the ocean, my adorable grumpy little tortoise, and unsolicited opinions on random nerdy topics. Any pronouns are fine. I don’t plan to socially transition for a while, and still present as a man most of the time, so I’m used to whatever you wanna use for me (for now, I’ll update this if that changes). Please send me pictures of your pets or other cute animals in your life!

As a scientist, I’m also documenting my transition! This google sheet will be updated at least monthly. I also have additional metrics I’m keeping to myself, and pictures that go with this, but I’m not sharing them publicly yet. Keep in mind that this is just one person’s experience with HRT, and may not represent universal trends!

Adding a little something here, bc I think it was an interesting bit a writing: if you want to see me respond to a transphobe about what "biologically female" means, here's a thing I wrote about it. CW for transphobia and discussion, obviously.

Also, if any of my measurements look weird, its entirely possible I fucked up. Let me know if anything looks off!

Here’s some of my favorite pre-HRT pictures:

If you want to see more of my pre-HRT selfies, browse the “femboy” tag on my blog!

And as of this writing, I’m only 2 days after the start of HRT, so here’s a picture with my tortoise that’s technically post-HRT (but with 0 time for actual changes):

If you want to see my future post-HRT selfies, browse the “trans selfie” tag on my blog!

Also here's another really cute picture and fanart of my tortoise by @whalesharkcat:

I have affectionately given my tortoise the title of The Grumpus.

I also wrote a couple of tutorials and general vibes about being a femboy before I started HRT:

Sometimes I make shitposts of myself, I don’t take myself too seriously:

This includes the way I came out on tumblr:

And here’s an overly serious, long ramble about trans thoughts and things that I wrote shortly afterwards:

Later addition: Someone asked how I take selfies, so I wrote a quick and dirty guide with some tips on how I do so in response to their ask:

Oh yeah and apparently I was a 196 microcelebrity? I never to thought I was popular enough for that but apparently some people do 🤷‍♀️. So uh, hi 196 tags, I'm abusing you for my pinned post LOL

As for terminology, I personally do think of myself as a “man who is becoming a woman” as opposed to having always been a woman. If that doesn’t resonate with your experience, I totally get that! But that’s why I freely call pre-HRT me a femboy, while still calling post-HRT me a trans woman. I’m also keeping the blog name as CatboyBiologist for the forseeable future, because at this point, Catboy just seems like a gender neutral term to me.

I’m also trying to put together a script for a podcast regarding how studying biology influenced my perspective on sex and gender- lmk if there’s any interest in that! It’s probably gonna be way too long and indulgent but oh well.

So uh. Yeah. I don’t end these types of things well. Byeeeeee

#196 #r196 #r/196 #rule #/r/196 #trans #transitioning #trans woman #trans femme #tortoise #tort #russian tortoise #trans tutorial #trans tummy tuesday #transgender #trans tumblr #trans selfie #trans journal

744 notes · View notes

stagehunt · 3 days

Text

AUTHOR PORTRAIT ...

get to know the author behind the blog! repost, don't reblog.

Basics

NAME: vos AGE: 23 PRONOUNS: they/them YEARS OF WRITING: that definitely depends on what you classify as writing but i discovered rp as a concept in 2010 which was probably just a bit after i got into writing little short stories and things as a kid. i was writing them by hand in a little notepad that somebody in my family handed over to a school teacher, extremely mortifying ordeal to me at the time lmfao

Reflection

WHY DID YOU PICK UP WRITING? i’m pretty sure i first started by writing shitty warrior cats fanfics actually, and i didn’t know that fics or fandom in general was even a thing at the time so u could say i was destined for this sort of brainrot fgdjkh little nine year old me also encountered rp for the first time by searching for warrior cats flash games (i guess?? idk what i actually thought i’d find) and instead wound up on some random webpage with a chatbox. moved on from there to writing awful, horrible (but very fun) naruto oc’s on a website that i think was called chatango some years later, dabbled a little on imvu, and started writing on tumblr around 2015 iirc

DO YOU HAVE ANY WRITING ROUTINES? i wouldn’t say so? sometimes i’ll listen to like… instrumental interludes from certain albums or smth that i won’t enjoy too much because i find music very distracting, not just for writing but in general, and sitting in silence is a weird feeling to me too. when it comes to other things i need a podcast or video essay or something similar to be at all productive but it’s hard to focus on writing with someone yapping in your ear. i used to save writing for nights even when i have free time throughout the day, because i tend to feel bad about sitting at a computer screen all day, but with my activity in its current state i have to sit down and get it out the moment inspiration and energy align themselves for me.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PART ABOUT WRITING? sorry to steal your answer but i def have to agree with what layla said re the community aspect of rp actually. it’s so nice to be able to just click with someone over a shared (sometimes niche) interest and love for certain medias/characters/dynamics/genres etc. the feeling of finding someone who shares your vision. and also stemming from the same thing, i’ve always felt that my favorite and most “solid” muses are the ones that i’ve gotten the chance to develop alongside another through plotting. love shared canon, love affiliated oc’s, love group verses. allllll that good stuff.

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR WRITING. gonna break the format we’re following here because i have to ramble and idk how to break all this into three titles, so obviously being succinct isn’t one of the answers here kfdjghd

i always try to capture a different flow and style (???) of prose depending on who i’m writing, and i’m never sure if that really comes through for others or if i just seem inconsistent, but whenever i look back at old blogs i can see it for myself and that at least keeps me content :) i want to read my writing back and feel that it has character outside of just the spoken dialogue.

i like to spend a lot of time with a piece of writing, which realistically is not to my benefit in terms of activity, but i do just really enjoy drafting and redrafting, rearranging, nitpicking at everything until it’s as close to being what i want to be as i can get it. so that’s more about the writing process than the writing itself, but i think it’s still important to allow myself to have fun with it fkjghd

pulling a blank on a third thing bc this is actually a really difficult question but i’ll come back and edit it later if something pops into my head kfjgdh

A question for the next person

HAVE YOU MADE ANY STRONG CONNECTIONS / FRIENDS DURING YOUR TIME WRITING? for sure. one of my dearest friends in this world is not a writer but someone who i met as a mutual friend of my first rp partner. i’m not really in touch with that person who introduced us anymore but i simply couldn’t live without my bestie and i consider writing the only reason we really met and she gets to kinda "beta" some of the things i do write dfkgjhd i’ve also traveled to the states a couple of times in my teens to meet a rp buddy who i’ve known since i was around ,, twelve or so i believe.

wouldn’t be right not to shout out @ohchosen here either because i was very close to leaving tumblr (and also probably rp) for good when we became friends, and writing/plotting tmkz together has been one of the best experiences i’ve ever had on this website, where friends and mutuals tend to come and go. you never did. you’re probs the funniest person i’ve ever spoken to, craft the most beautifully written responses imaginable, you put a world of effort into developing your muses and you let me derail every single one of conversations to talk about music instead gfjhdg sorry i’m so mean to you. ily a lot.

there’s also a handful of mutuals who i don’t necessarily talk or interact with very much anymore but have been around for years at this point and i have fond memories with too. always so so so glad to see you pop up on the dash, it makes me smile every time so i’ll use this as an opportunity to wave at you, you know who you are <3

NEW QUESTION: where do you draw the most inspiration from when writing? music, other medias, ur fave author, a dream you once had etc.

tagged by @oneireth tysm <3 tagging val take my love letter as ur tag, also hi @heliador @loetise @tiderider @yeonban @pearlcure @deathsmaidens @sungracd !!!!!

#this shouldn't have taken so long to do . i'm nothing if not a yap #sorry if you've already been tagged i haven't been perceiving the dash too much lately 😭#❝ 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙚𝙧 ♤*´. ── dash game.

16 notes · View notes

amazeingartist · 11 months

Text

LITERALLY RAMBLINGS CUZ TWITTER SILENCED ME AND ITS BEEN 2 HOURS

twitter shitting itself is awful cause it was my go to spam for random ass thoughts and it’s only been 2 hours since I got cut off for the day and my brain feels like it’s gonna explode so ima ramble here instead because the buzzing is actually keeping me awake so feel free to skip over (and cause tumblr has less of a limit it’s gonna be a proper ramble)

anyway, this is kinda related (not entirely random unrelated thoughts) since it’s to do with the fandom but holy fuck there’s so many cool & talented artist like huh?? and I know to some I’m probably one of them which is cool but also kinda wild, it’s seriously unreal like how did that happen—any of y’all know that current tiktok trend of tmnt audio going “it’s shredder” and then shredder turns around also surprised?? Yeah that’s me I’m not kidding—but yeah, anytime a larger account notices smth of mine or fucking follows me I’m like. gobsmacked, brain needs a good few seconds or even a minute to comprehend. BUT YEAH BACK TO OTHER ARTISTS AROUND, this fandom is filled with such creativity and I’d like to interact with it more and feed the good vibes, sometimes I can but sometimes it’s like. ah yes, welcome social anxiety (it’s not welcome at all)

ok brain feels lighter, now there’s more space to make for the au’s, which I remembered old convos I’d had with a couple users about a cybertronian au where uhh, ghost had 3 forms and one of them is a rifle and his trauma was being forced to stay as a weapon of death but was freed and now him and soap match vehicles and go on long romantic driving dates (also gets to the point where ghost let soap wield him as a weapon willingly cuz what way to better protect your bf while reclaiming apart of yourself you know?). the other old au convo was about a Witcher au and I’m not able to properly share thoughts on it but omg Witcher ghost and merc/traveler soap have. my entire heart (y’all know that one artist that drew the stunning art of the au?? yeah been thinking about it a lot today)

Also I have a new au brewing, been talking it out with a pretty cool mutual over discord and can I say, holy fuck I love knights, what I would give to be armour (the gender envy is so strong,,,)

ok head empty for real this time, finally,,, I can rest

#ramblings

24 notes · View notes

scarlet-fantasies · 2 years

Text

Anon Requested:

Hi! I love your "shy gf" headcanons with Eren! I was thinking about sfw/nsfw about him with a girl who's a confident introvert. Like I am 😅 She can stick up for herself and isnt shy about mundane things like ordering food but when it comes to intimacy she's de@d. Literally de@d embarrassed, hard for her to believe she's not being played. How would their first time be, w Eren surprised she's a v*rgin and all? And some domestic but intimate things together she needs to warm up to? Sorry if its too much!

Hi anon, sorry this took so long this is long overdue! I hope you're still around to see this. :) If you are please enjoy!

-Scarlet

::𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬::

***words are censored to respect Tumblr guidelines

𝐹𝑙𝑢𝑓𝑓

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

𝑃𝑟𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑡

𝐼𝑛𝑏𝑜𝑥 𝑖𝑠 𝑜𝑝𝑒𝑛

𝐶𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑘 𝑡𝑜 𝑗𝑜𝑖𝑛 --> 𝑇𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sfw

💓Okay a lot of you know how much I talk about him liking shy girls (doesn’t mean he doesn’t like other girls) I’m just saying that he loves them bc they are cute and fun to tea$e.

💓So when he found out you were shy about pda he was stoked!

💓But also felt bad because he doesn’t want to push you into things so he may second guess himself sometimes.

💓It’s a really surprise if you didn’t come off as shy with pda too.

💓Like he’s always seen you act confident or whatever so he was like ok.

💓Even when you shared your first k!ss he might not have noticed cause he was like maybe she was just shy because it was just the first k!ss or whatever but the more and more he tried he noticed you were shy about being intimate with him.

💓Every time he held your hand you’d look away but he didn’t say too much about it.

💓He thought it was adorable tbh.

💓But if your hand got sweaty because you were extra nervous that day he had to say something.

💓“Hey, you keep this up you’re really gonna slip away.” He’d laugh, having you question.

💓“Huh?”

💓“Your hands are so sweaty, what are you so nervous about?”

💓“Uhh–I’m not nervous.” You’d defend, pulling your hand away.

💓“Oh really? My hand is covered in sweat because of you.” He’d grin, showing you his hand.

💓“They are not!”

💓“I need a towel to dry them.” He’d laugh making you blush.

💓“Shut up! That’s not true!”

💓He also loves that you never have the courage to k!ss him bc PDA is something you just can’t do.

💓But Eren loves k!ssing so you need to get used to this.

💓And the fact that you shy away from his k!sses, he’s all for it.

💓He honestly can’t take it tbh, it’s adorable to him.

💓Of course he knows his boundaries tho.

💓But he loves teas!ng you by k!ssing you many times.

💓Like even just forehead k!sses gets you to be shy so he’s going to have too much fun.

💓One time you were face timing with Mikasa and he hadn’t come home yet and when he did he came up to you and k!ssed your cheek.

💓It was so random and it had you blushing, almost wanting to turn off your video cam atm.

💓He really likes it when he catches you off guard with a k!ss, especially if you two are doing something together and you don’t even think of that but he does.

💓Like even if you two are watching a suspenseful show he’ll give you a k!ss.

💓Overall, he doesn’t mind it that pda makes you shy even if its a little surprising.

💓He is hoping you will get used to it at some point but he’s also okay if it stays this way.

💓He doesn’t care if you can’t get used to it because its not like he can force you anyways but he finds it fun to tea$e.

💓As for getting used to the domestic things that you two do together he finds it cute that you are shy with it.

💓But he wants you to know that he likes doing things for you even if he can’t cook lol.

💓He likes driving you/picking you up from work/school.

💓And saying bye to you, yeah he doesn’t think its cringy.

💓He likes doing all these kinds of things with you.

💓I mean here’s a post about the domestic things you two do together.

Nsfw

💓He was confused at first especially because you weren’t the type to typically act that way.

💓So he was like ??

💓But that doesn’t mean he thought it was weird or bad thing he just didn’t understand why you were acting differently.

💓Of course once he finally puts two and two together then he’ll be like 😮ohh.

💓Like sure, you’ve k!ssed him and managed to get through that and whatever but s*x was another story.

💓Like thank goodness he cannot hear your heartbeat at that moment because it would be embarrassing if he knew just how nervous you are.

💓I mean yeah its already enough that he hears your moans and stuff like that, which you’re so freaking de@d embarrassed about.

💓But him realizing that you’ve never done this before just makes it worse.

💓He only really realized when it looked like you weren't sure of what to do.

💓That's where he tried to initiate things gently but seeing how you reacted, he figured he should stop in case you were unsure.

💓He figured to just sit up on the bed next you and talk.

💓He’d turn to look at you and ask kinda surprised, “So you’ve never–”

💓“Eren.” You’d say, not wanting him to finish the sentence.

💓“Sorry, I’m not judging, I’m just surprised.”

💓“That’s judging.” You’d frown before averting your eyes.

💓“Babe, I’d never judge you.” He’d say giving you a smug grin before pulling you close to his side.

💓You’d smile a little, “Thanks.”

💓Giving you a k!ss he’d ask, “We’ll do what ever you want, so we can stop.”

💓You bit the inside of your cheek, slightly suggesting what you wanted, “But I already know what I want.”

💓Idk if its just me but I'd never be able to directly state what I want, lol.

💓 “I’ll take that invitation as a yes.” He looked at you with a sm!rk before pushing you on the bed causing you gasp.

💓Before you could say anything he had you pinned to the bed with his l!ps on yours.

💓And you know, you could imagine the rest.

💓This post is not much different than my initial post about losing your v!rginity to him. If you want you can view that here. Don’t worry it doesn’t go in depth, I’m always brief about this subject because I know how it can be a little to much for some audiences, including myself.

@bi-effing-simp @sofijaeger @lucifugovs @xxghoulishspritexx @sp00ksic0la @keithandlevi-ontheroof @songbirdgardensworld

@bubs-world

::Previous Post::

#anime #attack on titan headcanons #attack on titan #snk #attack on titan eren yeager #attack on titan eren #aot eren #eren yeager #aot #eren headcanons #eren jaeger #eren yeager hcs #attack on titan hcs #eren yeager headcanons #eren jeager x reader #eren aot #eren x reader #snk eren

103 notes · View notes

asunnycoffee · 8 months

Note

In one of your replies to an anon who told you to leave lily alone, you said her content made you hypersexualize yourself at a young age. Could you explain that a little more in depht? Don't have to if it makes you uncomfortable tho

Sorry for the late response, I had to gather my words properly. But this will still most likely be very incoherent. Anyway:

To put this in the most simplest way possible, when I was a kid I was a huge fan of Lily and her content. I’d discovered her channel when I’d visit my relatives in New York, to such an extent that it was my favorite part of the trip.

Lily’s content was and still is very sexual. While that in of itself is no issue, her videos primarily target towards kids. Lily herself is aware of this, given multiple of her friends and partners have said they began watching her at a young age. But this was never addressed as an issue nor odd in her videos, so I was normalized to this.

And at the time, I was struggling a lot with understanding what was normal for me to know about at that age. I won’t go too much into this simply because I don’t feel comfortable sharing the details but to put it simply, I wasn’t aware that wasn’t normal for me at that age.

Eventually, I made my Tumblr account and decided to follow both her and Mikaila. Mikaila was actually one of my first followers, so I was pretty excited to know someone I looked up to liked me.

Lily then followed me too.

I was ecstatic, because someone I would’ve called a “mother figure” was now liking me.

I was seventeen when this occurred, for the record.

Lily and me began to reblog from one another at increasing frequency. She was awfully nice to me in specific, even though my blog was mostly centered around anti catradora and criticizing spop. Regardless, she took a liking to me.

When I’d began venting, she even checked up on me to make sure if I was alright and told me how I didn’t deserve to feel the way I was feeling. I was in a toxic friend group at the time, and she flat out told me that they were dicks. Given her influence on me, I immediately realized she was right and left said friends. My love of her increased. She’d helped me out, she was nice to me in a way I’d never really experienced by an adult figure before. She even congratulated me on coming out twice. I was one of the people she’s reblogged from the most that year. So I thought that I could trust her. I would even dared to consider us friends.

Some days after coming out as trans, I’d realized she wasn’t following me. Which I thought was strange but I thought it was probably just a mistake, I do that sometimes too but I realize the accident and come back.

She suddenly stopped with the support. It was random, I was very confused. I was trying to figure out what I’d done wrong, I tried to get her back. I’d even made more suggestive jokes and reblogged nsfw as a means of trying to earn her approval.

After some time she’d given me it back. I was relieved, but also anxious. I didn’t know what I’d done wrong but I knew I couldn’t repeat the mistake.

I made more sexual comments, I reblogged even more from her and it was mutual. I tried my very best to keep her around through sexualizing a lot of my blog and even myself.

It didn’t work, obviously. Because she stopped after some time and I then realized how she was a piece of shit.

After I went public with disliking her and said I was Japanese myself, she proceeded to sexualize Asians for a bit. If I’d been a fan still, I would’ve seen this as further normalization and made myself more sexual.

I’m probably gonna edit this.

#lily orchard #sorry for this being a huge ramble and all over the place #Still trying to explain it

6 notes · View notes

grimmbitty · 6 months

Text

Handmade DC intro title card for a Shazam film that I made up!!⚡️

This post is kinda interesting because I have not tried my hand at video editing in a while. I’m hoping to get one of my friends to help me install photoshop on my computer so I can remake this sequence with actual 3D assets. But for now? They’re hand drawn in procreate.

I thought I would share some behind the scenes of how I made this for anyone who might be interested in doing something similar! :D

[ Behind the Scenes Info Below ⬇️ ]

Okay so I decided to make this intro as kinda like a “ooh what if I made my own Shazam film? How would I do the opening DC title? I would want it to be like a dark and spooky night, then have the camera be panning down through the clouds. Then I could easily transition into the opening scene because that takes place during a dark and stormy night. OOoOoO.”

But first, in order to do that I had to make modifications to the DC logo. I didn’t want to use any premade 3D assets they had; I wanted to make my own. However, I don’t currently have photoshop, so I had to improvise and make a 2D logo kinda look 3D with some extra layers and shading tricks. I did this in procreate, but any art app will do really. Just keep your preferred perspective in mind.

Then after I was done with making sure my perspective was all good and in check I then proceeded to decorate the hell out of the logo with a bunch of clipping masks lol. I just slapped a bunch of different things on there. Some lense flares, some random brushes, some multiply layers, whatever. I didn’t really have a plan in mind when I did this I just kinda went with the vibes.

Then after that I made another file where I just worked on the little sparkle effect that I added in. For the sparkle effect I just picked like a default brush in procreate that looked pretty and then animated it to do a little slide across the letter “D”.

Next, I did some work on the backgrounds. I made sure to have really “tall” files so that way I could make them slide down in my video editor. This kinda gives that vibe that we are descending through the clouds, hopefully towards an establishing shot, for our opening scene, for our fake movie.

I made two parts for this. One animated background where I changed to opacity of the backlight for each frame to kinda give the illusion that lightning was peaking through the clouds. The second was just some clouds that I was gonna overlay on top of the DC logo, so it just felt more like everything was in the scene together.

I would provide video examples of this, but tumblr only allows me to upload one video per post. And if you’re wondering what brushes I used to this? I just googled “Procreate free cloud brushes” and downloaded the top result.

The ones I’m using are made by an artist named DI, and I got them off of gumroad. Info for their socials provided in the third image below.

And then once I had all of those assets together I just edited them all together in a program called HitFilm Express. I used to like it a lot since it’s free, and I used to use it to edit YouTube videos. That was back when I used to upload my Minecraft videos with my friends online lol. However, recently HitFilm has put a lot of features I used to use behind a paywall so :/. I’m probably going to look for alternatives sometime soon.

Normally I don’t mind being restricted in some sense for a free program, but they disabled the ability to fade clips in and out, and I think that’s a vital tool. It’s a shame to see it locked behind a paywall because I used it in pretty much all my projects.

And lastly the audio! I just found free to use clips of rain sounds, thunder claps, and then some ambient music. The track you can hear in this short clip is the intro to the song Redeye - Green House (1994). The artist is also known as Tobias Beldermann if any of you guys were curious where I got that from.

Buttttt yeah! That’s about all I have for showing you guys how I made my little 5 second clip. I’m not really one who’s qualified to make “tutorials” in any sense, because most of what I post online is just me dicking around and having fun, so I don’t want to be super serious. But, I also like showing my process just so if anyone out there is maybe interested in doing something similar, well then they have some ideas for where to start.

Anyways, if you guys want to read my first couple scenes for my Shazam story Shazam:City of Brotherly Love I’m going to link it here.

It’s still a work in progress, and if I end up doing any edits I’m just going to make them to the the post itself. Just because it’s not really worth it to me, posting almost identical chapters/scenes over, and over again lol.

Okiii byyeee!! I hope you enjoyed!! ~✨

#dc comics #dc universe #dceu #dc fanart #dcu #dca fandom #captain marvel dc #shazam #shazam 2019 #digital art #digital illustration #shazam:cobl #captain marvel #fawcett comics

3 notes · View notes

krillin-fanfic · 2 years

Text

Chestnut Fest 2022 Day 4: Family Matters

Alright, in this one, we're gonna get just a tiny bit feels-y.

This story is partly inspired by an ask I got on my Dragon Ball blog on Tumblr, and a conversation I had with someone as a result of that. Namely, why Krillin and 18 were the only one of the "older" couples who'd only had one child. And with this week's prompt being "Family", I also started wondering how Marron might feel, noticing that. Add to that a story I'd heard from one of my sister's kids on where they thought babies came from, and... well, this was born. So I figured, what could be more perfect than wrapping up this year's Chestnut Fest with it?

Here we go, hope you enjoy! LINKS: FF.net AO3

It was a brisk Fall day in Satan City. A cold breeze wafted through the streets, light, high clouds filling the sky outside the window.

"Man, it's been chilly today." Krillin stood in front of the window, sipping some hot cider from a mug. "Glad I have the day off."

18 shifted in her seat on the couch, turned a page in the book she was reading and nodded. "Definitely 'inside weather'. Perfect excuse to break out the blankets." She looked up, smiled and raised an eyebrow at her husband. "One might even say this is... snuggle weather."

Krillin grinned and replied in mock scandal. "Why, Miss 18! Are you suggesting you and I be under a blanket? Together? Alone?!"

18 chuckled. "What can I say? I'm a rebel."

He sighed. "Well much as I'd like to, I'm pretty sure a certain little lady is gonna be here soon, and it's my day to help with her homework." He stretched. "Ah! And I need to be fully awake if I gotta deal with math." He turned around and noticed 18 smiling at him, a familiar look in her eyes. "Uh... babe?

"I was just thinking... you doing the dad thing? It's very attractive" She winked at him and giggled as his face turned a shade of red.

The front door opened, letting off a soft creak followed by a pair of tiny footsteps. "Mama! Papa! I'm home!"

18 winked at her husband. 'Later,' she mouthed at him before turning toward the entrance. "Hello, sweetheart. How was school?"

Marron took her hat and jacket off and hung them on the rack by the door. "Was OK," she said. "Sorta."

Krillin frowned. "'Sorta', huh? Did something happen, kiddo?"

"Yeah..." She trudged over to the couch and smoothed her uniform skirt before hopping up and plopping down on the couch next to her mother. "Some of the other kids were being mean today."

18 set her book aside and held her daughter close, stroking her blonde hair softly. "I'm sorry, baby. Kids can be mean sometimes. What'd they say to you?"

Marron was quiet, looking down at her shoes, avoiding eye contact. Krillin could tell she was uncomfortable. "Hey, firefly, it's OK. You can tell us when you're re-"

"How come I don't have a brother or sister?"

Krillin and 18 both froze for a moment, stunned. They were expecting name-calling, making fun of her looks. Being asked about having children wasn't on the list.

18 recovered first and cleared her throat. "My, that's a pretty random question. Why do you ask, sweetheart?"

Marron looked to her mother. "We're doing a project in school. About families. Miss Rulah wants us to make a chart of our family and share stories with the class. And my classmates... all of them have brothers or sisters, older or younger. And they asked me why I don't." She brought her knees to her chin, and 18 ignored her instinct to chide her for having shoes on the couch.

"One of the girls said her mommy told her that babies come from the love between a mommy and a daddy, and that the more and longer they love each other, the more babies they have." Her voice was cracking a bit, as if she were about to cry. "A-and Uncle Goku and Auntie Chi had two babies. And Trunks has his little sister now. So..."

Marron looked up at her father. "Papa... do you not love mama enough?"

The words seemed to pierce Krillin's heart like a sharp blade. He swallowed hard, trying to come up with an appropriate answer. "W-what? Of course I love your mom! She means the world to me! You both do."

She looked at her mother. "So does that mean you don't love daddy enough?"

Now it was 18's turn to feel that pang at the accusation. "Marron... sweetheart, you know I love your daddy very much. It's not that simple, though.."

Marron looked back down at her shoes, confused. "Oh. That's good." She fidgeted with her hands a bit.

"It's not that we don't want to give you a little brother or sister, sweetie. Honest. It's just..." 18 bit her lip, trying to find the appropriate words to explain. "It's... just that it's not as easy for some people to have children as it is for others."

"How come?"

Krillin sat down on the other end of the couch. "There's lots of potential reasons, firefly. Sometimes, it's just life. Timing. Other times it can be hard on mommys' and daddys' bodies. But none of them mean that people don't love each other, OK?" He patted her on the head softly. "That's one thing you don't need to worry about."

"Marron, sweetie..." 18 spoke hesitantly, her voice quiet. "Did you know... mommy and daddy weren't supposed to be able to have babies?"

Krillin winced behind her as Marron stared at her mother, wide-eyed. "Why's that, mama?"

"Remember... remember that evil old doctor I told you about before?"

Marron nodded. "I think so. The bad man who kidnapped you that uncle 17 beat up?"

"Yeah. That's the one." 18 placed a hand on her belly. "That man... did experiments on us. Lots of them. And because of that, mommy's body is different."

The little girl tilted her head and blinked. "Different how, mama?"

"A lot of ways, sweetheart. And unfortunately, one of the ways is that it made it... very hard for me to have babies." She looked down at her hand for a moment before removing it. "So that's why-"

"Part of why, Marron." Krillin chimed in. "It's hard for daddy too."

Marron scratched her head, confused. "Papa, you can't have babies though."

He chuckled. 'Bless her innocent heart. Now to figure out how to explain this without...'

"No, Marron. I mean that... I think you already know your dad's not exactly like... other people."

"Mama says that just makes you cute and special." She grinned at him.

"Heh. Well I'm glad she thinks so. But it also caused some other... issues. Like I can't smell things the same way other people do. I breathe right through my skin. And..." he hesitated. "And it makes it harder for me to help your mommy have babies too."

"How does that work?"

"Uh..." Krillin was at a loss for words. 18 sighed and picked up.

"Remember what you said early, Marron? About moms and dads loving each other, and that's where babies come from?"

She nodded.

"Well, even though your papa and I love each other very very much, those issues can still make it hard for babies to happen." 18 stroked her daughter's hair gently and smiled. "But your papa and I love each other so much, we managed to overcome that one time, and made you."

"Yep!" Krillin chimed in. "And that's why you're the prettiest, sweetest, most adorable little girl in the whole world!" He poked her belly and she giggled. "Made out of pure love, you are."

18 smiled. "You're our little miracle, Marron."

Marron grinned and pulled her parents in for a big hug. "I love you both whole bunches!"

"We love you too, sweetheart." 18 closed her eyes and held her family close.

"Y'know though, Marron..." Krillin spoke slowly, a grin spreading across his face. "Your family is a lot bigger than you think."

The little girl pulled back, a bit confused. "How's that, papa?"

"Family is more than just brothers and sisters or moms and dads, kiddo. More than blood relations too." He pointed at the photos on the coffee table in front of them. "See? Take a look."

Marron leaned forward, dark eyes full of intensity, trying to discern her papa's meaning. The small framed photos contained many familiar faces. There was a picture of her papa and Uncle Goku when they were kids, side-by-side with another, more recent picture of the two her mom had snapped. There was one of Grandpa Roshi and the old Turtle, waving from the beach. A picture of her mama and Uncle 17, sitting together at a picnic table, arm wrestling with intense scowls. A photo of her mama and Auntie Chi, laughing at the mall food court. "Everyone there loves you very much too, Marron. They've always helped take care of and look after you. You're precious to them too.

Marron blinked a few times before her mouth formed a distinctive o-shape and she gasped with surprise. "Ohhh! I get it now!" She looked up at Krillin and grinned. "I get it, Papa! Those are my family too!"

18 smiled and patted her head. "Mhm. And don't forget your uncle's family. We might not see them very often, but they're part of it too."

Marron jumped to her feet and ran to the dining room table. "Oh my gosh, I got so much to write down!" She whipped open her school bag and pulled out some paper, a pencil, and crayons. "I gotta do a picture too! I hope I have enough room for everyone!"

Krillin smiled as he watched over his shoulder. "Look at her go. No stopping her once she gets motivated, huh?" He looked over and noticed 18 was sitting quietly, seemingly lost in thought. "Babe? You feeling OK?" He put a hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," 18's voice cracked slightly. "Just... " She looked up into her husband's eyes. "Sometimes I do feel bad, you know? About... not being able to have more. Y'know?"

Krillin sighed and pulled her into a hug. "I know, 18. I know. But we have our Marron, right? And she's perfect."

18 nodded and smiled, resting her head on his shoulder. "Perfect beyond belief." She pulled back for a moment and looked him in the eye before placing a soft kiss where his nose should be. "And you're not so bad yourself, mister."

Krillin blushed and chuckled. "Thanks."

18 tilted her head and twirled a strand of hair around her finger. "And for what it's worth, little man... I'm definitely down to go ahead and try for more if you are."

Krillin's face turned beat red and he pulled at his collar. "O-oh yeah?"

She winked and nodded, chuckling lowly. "Mhm."

"Papa, can you come help me for a second please?"

Krillin broke eye contact and stood up fast. "Y-yes, Marron! I'll be right there!" He started out of the room, but turned back and quickly dipped down, capturing his wife's lips with his own for a quick kiss. "Love you."

"I love you too. Now go on." She shoo'd him toward the dining room and smirked. "Don't keep the princess waiting. Do the dad thing so I can watch."

Krillin smirked back, remembering their talk from earlier. "Y'know, I'm feeling a little objectified right now, and I gotta say... I'm not mad at it."

She laughed and swatted his arm. "You goof! Go on."

He grinned and walked out to the next room. "Alrighty, let's see what you need help with."

"Can you color in Uncle Goku's hair? My hand is hurting."

"Oh. Uh, sure, I can do that."

"And then I need help with math. We're multiplying fractions now."

"Those absolute monsters, making kids do these things..."

18 smiled as Marron giggled at her papa's jokes. Their family unit was small, yes. And maybe it would stay that way. Maybe not. But she knew she wouldn't trade them for the world.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And there we have it! Chestnut Fest 2022 is in the books. I hope you enjoyed these works, and hopefully I can have a few updates out sooner rather than later.

Comments and feedback are always welcome! Thanks for reading.

#Chestnutfest2K22 #Krillin #Android Eighteen #Marron #DBZ #Android18 #K18 #Chestnut Fest 2022 #fanfiction #fanfic #Dragon Ball #Dragon Ball Z #Dragon Ball Super #DB #DBS #Dragonball #Dragonball Z

19 notes · View notes

daisys-reality · 2 years

Note

i’m going to try my best to explain this hopefully it isn’t confusing

have you ever been in a cycle of doubting your power despite having your power prove itself to you over and over again? i know that i’m powerful but it feels like i’m in an endless cycle of knowing my power doubting my power falling victim to the 3D overthinking and over analyzing everything within the 3D resulting it effecting my 4D causing panic overthinking and unwanted thoughts then telling myself that i got this but having the process start over and over again

i want the best for myself but i’m not quite sure how to go about it i don’t want to have a victim mentality anymore i don’t want to constantly repeat the same cycle over and over again because it’s exhausting and part of me feels like not everyone understands that most of us don’t want to be victims anymore and believe it or not it’s scary

Don't worry your explanation was fine, I get you.

I've been through such circles too, but it happens alot less (thank god). I used to be a full time overthinker and more often than not a "realist" because I've been told dozen of times that I should be more realistic and less delusional when I was younger... Guess what happened then :')

As a child, I was a daydreamer and optimistic that I can do anything I want to but I lost that spirit a bit while growing up because I was pressured to suppress it. As a result I created the habit of overthinking and questioning certain things and I was more careful with who I share my thoughts with - to not be judged or called 'delusional' again... God I hated that word so much in the past because of the way it was said to me (with a negative connotation).

I had a victim mindset too because it made the pain and "the void" (not the void you think) within me more bearable. All those years the victim mentality helped me and brought me comfort in a away. So, releasing that mindset was scary for me too. It was a slow process honestly but giving me enough time was the best I could do for me. So, I totally understand you.

In the last 2 years, while working with myself and while getting to know the magical side of this world. I came to accept that 'delusional' side of me. It's just how I am and I truly enjoy daydreaming and fantasizing and being confident in myself and in my skills. I'm not gonna limit myself anymore by other people. And you know what the fact that being delusional makes me even more powerful than all those people who judged me for it, makes it even more better.

I freed myself from that "realistic" box thinking. This world is magical and limitless - and you are one of the few people who get to know about it. That's like a huge secret revealed! Ofc you might be sceptical at first but I tell you this is real!

You know people sometimes say be careful with overconsuming information which I agree with to some point. But I personally feel like the more loa content is a daily topic for me, the normal it becomes to me. (Mind you, I only use tumblr and pinterest as social media and nothing else atm.) Of course I don't read all the new info posts or methods but seeing so many people talking about it daily like it's a super normal everyday topic for this society makes it more normal and true for me and my formerly anxious mind too.

Also, another thing I did was asking for signs of confirmation. One of them was angel numbers to show me that I'm on the right track and I get to see really a lot of angel numbers which just gives me confidence and random boost of happiness throughout the day😭❤️ You know you can just ask for something small or big it doesn't matter but it'll definitely keep you optimistic especially when you have an anxious mind!

In addition, I think it would be better if you don't see it as "repeating the circle" or "starting over again" because even if it feels like that to you, you still made progress and you're not starting from the same point of view. Try to see the progress you make and appreciate it more. And pls don't undermine it. You're constantly moving closer to your desires, there is no way that you move back or stand still- at least not energy wise... There is always only forward movement.

- daisy 🌼

#🌼 talking #anon ask #ৎ୭ #loa #loassumption #manifesting #manifestation #god state #void state #t.asks #t.advice #t.personal #t.loa

13 notes · View notes

kingkatsuki · 2 years

Note

Seeing all the discourse about tumblr algorithm n interactions n tingz

I still don’t get why people really struggle to just do the right thing. Like bro atp it’s easy as breathing.

I literally like and reblog just abt everything I interact with that I enjoy (on both my main and side). Majority of the time with at least a few comments in the tags if not on the reblog itself (tho that’s more on the writing side blog than the main for other random shit lmao).

‘S Kinda sad cus atp I think a part of me has accepted that aside from moots i’m prolly never gonna get the interaction I desire. Majority of all my notes on my writing blog? Just likes. I get reblogs here and there but most of the time that isn’t even on my actual content. Just other stuff I’ve reblogged.

Not to say I’ve never gotten reblogs on content I have created myself, but it’s a stark contrast to the amount of likes. And it’s is extremely rare that a non-moot will leave a comment or tags.

Idk. Just makes you feel lonely sometimes? Cus it’s not even really about trying to be famous or have a lot of followers anymore lmao. Just want people to talk to.

It’s understandable you may not want to reblog absolutely everything. Not even I always do it. But the vast majority of the time I am doing it. Because people deserve to know that something they created actually touched someone?

Screaming into the void is valid and what most blogs have to start out doing but that should not have to be something they have to deal with forever.

Cus at that point what even is the purpose of posting works to some website if you’re basically still just keeping it to yourself?

People have said it time and time again, but likes are worthless here.

Like if you equate it to instagram I guess (so maybe ppl will understand it better)

Tumblr likes = Instagram views

On instagram views are cool and all, but they’re faceless and don’t really do anything to promote a post and allow others to see it. Even if there are a lot of views, it isn’t extremely validating (high numbers or not). It’s the people in the comments saying stuff that matters, and likes that help the post. Like Instagram views, Tumblr likes do nothing and though there may be a lot they are not really validating or helping the post.

Tumblr reblogs = Instagram likes (+ shares)

Both of these functions on the respective websites help a post to get more seen. Instagram likes only function is to help promote posts. Tumblr’s reblogs are a little different in that you have to ability to say things while you help promote (in tags or on the post itself). Basically they’re like instagram likes and shares smooshed together. If you don’t want to do the extra work of using your words fine, but at least actually share the thing you are enjoying so others see it. Whether or not it matches your theme or not, do it. It’s your blog and if you like a post then yeet it on there. If your followers (if you have any) followed you for a specific type of content and your worried about them, fuck ‘em. Share what you want on your blog.

Tumblr comments = Instagram comments

This one is self explanatory they are the same ooga booga

N e ways that’s a lot of words I’ll get off my soapbox now.

Love u Jo 💋.

I was done talking about this but you put so much thought and effort into this Dere I think it deserves to be addressed.

Especially the point you made that it can be so lonely on here sometimes and I think it’s hard when everyone already seems like they’re in their own little friendship groups and stuff. But like some of my closest friends on here are my friends because we reblogged each other’s fics and screamed in the tags!!

I think people tell themselves “oh that person won’t care if I send them an ask/message.” But it’s like they would, everyone would🥺💕

#jo talks

12 notes · View notes

hanarchy · 2 years

Note

3, 12, 23?

hiiii tabi!! 💕

3. who got you into kpop?

nobody did diejwkkw. the full story is this: i followed a random instagram reel to the performance video for lisa’s money last september, thought ‘eh this is fun but also not special’, youtube recommended me everglow’s ‘first’ and then it was all girl groups all the time for like 3 months. i had a kpop playlist with only gg’s, ateez’s fireworks and skz’s thunderous for that time.

then idk what exactly happened in december but yt probably recommended me sth again and i fell down a baaaaaaad skz rabbit hole, i barely slept for 3 days and didnt do any work at all and i came out of that with a really bad performance review and completely brainwashed. it was december 31st. i listened to skz so much in the first 3 months of 2022 that they’re my most played spotify artist of all time when i’ve had my account for like 6ish years before?

i got so obsessed that i shared them with my friend di (@starmotions on tumblr) but was still like ‘i’m not gonna get into fandom for this, i don’t have the time or energy’ (i didn’t yet know how expensive this was gonna be for me but i also don’t have the money) and then di showed me ONE jisung gifset and i just sort of gave up all of my convictions to join the cult of han jisung (changbin would be so disappointed, though i suspect that he is also a member of said cult)

12. how many languages do you speak?

i speak german, french and english on like a university level or higher. in a pinch i can identify a good amount of written or very slow spanish or italian.

23. what is your love language?

ah that’s hard. i don’t really subscribe to the 5 love languages thing, i think a lot of them are somewhere in between or they are subconscious or very unique.

my biggest love language is listening i’d say. wanting to learn about the other person and really understand them as a whole but also how they evolve over time and how they’re different from before.

i never want to impose my way of loving on someone because it can be detrimental sometimes, even if it’s well meaning. so i ask abt how people want to be complimented and what they like about themselves. about how jokes make them feel or what makes them feel left out. i try to be explicit about these things because i believe the way we hurt each other the most is by being unaware of these things and doing it unintentionally.

but i do also really love giving gifts, that makes /me/ feel really good lol.

#thank you sooooooo much #im sorry i ramble a lot eiekksndnd #i love talking abt my philosophy on life bc like #i dont arrive at any conclusion easily ever #so im proud of the ones i do reach ieksksnbd #anyway #ask me #tabi #my brain: their url starts with a g so their name must too djdkxksjskw #anyway im sorry

3 notes · View notes

tutuandscoot · 1 year

Note

I admit that as a long time fan I’m cynical and sometimes scan through your posts. But you’re spot on when you say that people imposed their fantasy on VM and interpreted the actual care and support that was there to fabricate a romance instead of enjoying the beautiful partnership that was actually there. I am still sad that so much of my time watching VM was colored by that narrative (though I never believed they were a couple) and sadder still that I saw how nasty the fandom was and am now kind of bitter against some fans as a result and find it hard to watch some of the content we get now without being super cynical.

I love how you get to experience them in a refreshing positive way. Thanks for sharing that.

Honesty.. I’m an incredibly cynical person in general. So in a way this is my outlet to not be like that (I know.. not being cynical.. on the internet.. lololol) and actually see the beauty in these athletes and artists I admire so much (coming from a similar world I relate to them so much in that respect) but also this truly beautiful relationship.

I hate that so much cruel, fabricated BS exists out there. I know by speaking what I at least believe is the truth- and is really just reiterating what they say at face value.. isn’t gonna make up for the fact there was so many and at a glance, the rare times I look at other blogs, still conversations so obsessed with what gets written about them on reddit or Twitter or here disgusts me and frankly is sad that people really waste their time talking shit about them- they obviously aren’t fans of them or care about them, and not that TS need us randoms on the internet to care about them- they have those people in their lives that actually value them as people and not ‘famous celebrities’ (I hate that word and refuse to call them that).

I just don’t understand why people can’t just hear what they say and believe them and see them as a rare instance of people who have achieved so much and people know who they are but despite all that success are obviously just so grounded and really understand how to be good people. I hate how they get attacked for not speaking up about certain topics and in general just the way people fabricate their lives on social media. It’s disgusting there’s no other way to put it.. all the actual people in the world doing really shitty things and actively making peoples’ lives worse yet there’s those who chose to attack true angels like TS.. I’ll never understand it.

The reason I started this blog was just because I had so many thoughts and no one in my life was as fascinated by them as me so it was just a place to put those thoughts down and thankfully I kinda fell back into this all backwards and by the time I came to tumblr.. I had such a solid opinion of them no amount of bullshit I came across later really even seemed plausible, along with I did a lot of tumblr research before I even started posting so thankfully when I did start I had a direction for the posts I wanted to make and share and opinions I wanted to state while avoiding the majority of the crap. I would not have survived at all had I been on here back then. I struggle to engage with anything about their personal lives (I fully believe it’s none of my business to comment on) even posts about Scott’s coaching or other IAM teams, figure skating in general. If I want to know what TS are up to I’ll follow their IG’s, give them a like and carry on with my day.. I’m really not that interested in the discussion (fine if people are, I just have ethical issues with most of it).

I’m like you, I can’t really follow other blogs out of fear I might read something from nasty people still talking shit, so I kinda just have to put my thoughts out there without engaging in others coz so many of them appear negative. Which is fine with me (that I don’t engage), like I said this is basically a little public diary for me. I think I’ve said (to you before I’m assuming you’re the same anon) I hate the thought of true genuine fans being here a few years ago just wanting to appreciate them for what they are and met with bullshit fabricated lies, unfortunately that’s social media is general now, so without at all making myself out to be a saint of some kind I hope even a small group of us can engage in or even just read positive discussions that calls out the ridiculousness of people frothing over simply two best friends who saw the entire world in each other.

Always warms my heart to know people read my posts and get joy out of them coz I do writing them and yes it’s selfish but that’s why I do it, this is my hobby so the fact it makes others happy makes me happy 😊

#seriously people.. they are just ice dancers.. they aren’t actively trying to destroy democracy or anything #if you want to see that happen tho and have a good laugh go watch the…#I think they’re up to 14th round of speaker elections and the fuckers still can’t get their shit together #honestly republicans just elect Elmo to be speaker at this point it doesn’t matter you ain’t gonna govern anyway #so yeh trolls go tweet about that that’s way more interesting/hilarious leave my dancing bbys alone

1 note · View note

tootyfruities · 2 years

Note

answering earlier than expected bc of a random burst of energy? couldn’t be me 🤭 nah but i actually feel kinda sad™️ rn and u make me feel better so here i am 🤞but OMGKEJFJWBFHE WHERE DO I EVEN BEGINNNNN

youcore fr bc you’re so smart and cool bae ugh your mind is everything OMGMGMGMM you got me wanting to jump through the screen to gently hold shin but also gently hold you bc KDNSJDDKDN the storyline fits so well and like,,,, suits him if that makes sense???? i’m absolutely HERE for this letter writing arc and im so fuckin excited you have no idea <3 <3 <3 (might inspire to make more playlists too, just for u <3) even despite all this, I can still feel his dorky and soft self and I JUST

there’s this cute comic from @/loweater of toshi using asl w bakugou and eri and if i can find it i’ll tag you :) OH and his dad being his therapist and all the other details about his family wE LOVE TO SEE IT 🗣🗣🗣 (this moreso relates back to the blog which we’re gonna get into- but i remember you writing abt his (3?)pet cats so just a little idea there for u :>)

last thing darling!! please please please don’t feel pressured to reopen that blog or talk to me constantly. getting a little more personal in 3, 2, 1~ for the longest time when u took your hiatus, i felt so bad and guilty bc I thought I was the reason and I took so much of your time and energy and I admit and apologize for being way more emotionally dependent than I should’ve been. things have changed now and im doing a lot better! i love and care for u vv much so pls don’t beat yourself up over it ok <3

wait no sorry THIS is the last thing I swear 😭 i was actually gonna msg u a couple days ago bc i actually had a dream abt the voicemail thing- long story short,,,,, i think i called shin back the next day, we said hello and i unexpectedly (to him anyway) asked him a question abt his new pet fish…??? OK before u think i’m crazy;;; i think it was smth that he had rambled abt in the voicemail and i was asking abt it just to talk and exist freely before getting into the Other Much Needed To Be Discussed Topics.

okay i went like way overboard im sorry 💀 ily forever my darling mwah <3

I NEVER GOT THE NOTIFICATION FOR THIS IM SO SAD :(

UHM 1) i hope you're ok w me answering this publicly w the more personal info shared, if not lemme know and i will, idk delete this post? that being said! between my own terrible unmotivation and personal issues, plus yes maybe a little bit with the emotional dependence, it just felt hard to keep up with the blog. but you were never, ever ever ever, a Big Bad in my life, never. overwhelming sometimes, yeah(BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR IT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW, OUR FLAWS MAKE OUR RELATIONSHIP STRONGER). but when i made the decision to close the blog it was not "riri makes things hard :(" it was, "things are hard and i gotta focus on myself :(". i appreciate and abs accept your apology though you are so cool and i am so so happy knowing that you're doing better <3

a bit of an extension on that;; i'm still deciding whether i wanna reopen the blog tbh. i've got a couple wips on there that i meant to finish but never did, plus small storylines i wanted to pursue thru shin's blogs that i can't exactly emulate thru I Am An Author Writing a Thing when it should be This Is A Guy Writing Stuff On His Tumblr Blog. plus publicly posting my writing is so rewarding to me :}

2) PLEASE DO JUMP THRU THE SCREEN and gently hold me n shin - woahoah we would both love that methinks. grrrr. i love you so much riri. no amount of poetic words can convey how much i love and adore you TRULY. you are a light in my life, i am happy and ready to have room in my life for you again :) <3

3) YOU DREAMED ABT IT AJFNNE. shin getting a fish... that would def clash with his, yes, 3 kitty cats. but also a calm pet that doesn't require love and affection? holy crap i shoulda considered it, that'd be way fitting for them,,, if not for the fact that fish are Slimy and shin likes Fluffy. in an alternate world where cats hadn't already stolen their heart, i can easily imagine shin getting into fish and maybe even lizards. he's got the range~

idk if i'm exactly gonna write what was said in the voicemail cos i wanted to leave that up to your interpretation, and tbh i'm GLAD for that cos your interpretation is great. muahaha

ilyilyily going to check out the mecore link now muah <3

#riri tag omg

2 notes · View notes

the1975attheirverybest · 3 months

Note

(This is very random and i havent been arpund here for a while so feel free to ignore this!!)

Hi! I wanted to talk abput this with someone but im not brave enough to tell my friends and doing anonymously seems a way put of it.

Does it scare you to put your writing out there? Im not scared of being vulnerable and im quite open with everything i do but im scared of putting my music out there and people being able to put a face to it . I know we dont do the same thing but i guess i was wondering if you feel this way too

- 🤖

Hiiii welcome back! 💕

I totally understand what you mean. And, yeah, it does scare me. All the time. Because even though I write fiction, so it’s less immediately autobiographical in the way that most listeners assume the singer/songwriter is the pov of the song, my writing is still based on my thoughts, feelings, my perspective of the world. So if I write something about, like, relationships, or sex, or mental health or whatever the fuck, it’s based on my subjective experience of these things and if someone doesn’t like them it’s like they’re saying they don’t like me or they reject my world view.

Also, like, people knowing who I am means that they can look me up and kind of see the “person” behind the writing and draw their own conclusions or whatever. It’s one thing to write vulnerably, it’s another thing to open yourself up to strangers lol. You’re like subject to misunderstanding/ misinterpretation. People will walk around with opinions about you, in their heads, and you will never know these people or have access to their thoughts about you and your work. It’s weird.

Obviously, I’m just a fan blog on tumblr (which is a ‘dead platform’ compared to others) and if even I feel this way, then idk how actual artists, celebrities, content creators etc deal with that.

I’m working on something rn (will tell yall about it soon ish) that’s different that writing and more personal and the idea of someone I don’t know knowing of my existence because of it is sooo weird to me lol. BUUUUTTT I do think that most of us make the things that we make (fiction, music, or if you paint or film content or whatever it is) as a means of 1. Connecting with others and 2. Expressing ourselves. Whenever I have written a fic and shared it, it’s usually because I’ve felt that I have “something to say” or because I have a certain kind of experience, wonder if someone else has it too, and hope that if I put mine out there, they might see it and feel less alone. You know? Cuz, as a consumer of art, those are two of the main things that draw me to it. Not to be Matty Healy about it, but “we create in the way that we consume” is real. I love I Always Wanna Die (Sometimes) because I know exactly how that feels. I DO IN FACT always wanna die (sometimes) and sometimes I think must be weird, broken, etc because there’s no way someone in the world also feels the way that I feel. But then he wrote that song and put those feelings into words and put it out there and I listen to it and sob in bed any time that I’m having a depressive episode lol.

Songs like POTB and Looking For Somebody (To Love) are kind of different. I don’t relate to them in the same way. I’m never gonna be a school shooter (thank fuck) and I’ve never been an emo edgelord sexy rockstar who does cultural commentary, is a recovering drug addict, gets canceled on a weekly basis lmao. But because he made those songs and presented those povs in the way that he did, I now know that I am connected to both of those. And I now have access to the minds and hearts of people that I otherwise couldn’t relate to or understand. And it makes me better for it.

Also, again, not to be Matty Healy about it, but, you know that Karate podcast that he did during Covid? He talked about how the pandemic kind of made everything stop for a while. And how if you’re a creative person and you, for whatever reason, can’t / don’t have access to creating stuff then it’s kind of like a death. It might as well drive you mad.

So, I guess, ask yourself if you’re more afraid of putting yourself out there than you are of not being able to create, connect to others, or express yourself. Then you’ll have your answer.

I’m not sure if this helps or makes things worse lol. But that’s usually how I feel about it.

Fellow writers and creators on here feel free to jump in.

#🤖anon

1 note · View note

radhew · 10 months

Text

So, random thought…I talk too much.

Not in the sense that I’m not saying anything. Sometimes people can talk in circles without really adding anything to the conversation. I think I’m definitely adding things when I go on a whole rant. Just…an excessive amount of things. It’s kind of just how my brain works; I like being thorough.

I don’t really think this is a big deal, for the most part. I’m thankfully pretty good at telling when someone’s waiting for me to shut up, and I can adjust accordingly. Sometimes a person’s genuinely interested in what I’m saying, and that’s wonderful. However, it all starts spiraling out of control when I can’t see the reactions of the person I’m speaking to.

For example…making public posts. Fun fact: I make a lot of video documentaries. Y’know, the thing that’s basically a huge public post in verbal form, where length becomes crucial.

As I get back into the swing of making videos, I’m suddenly remembering that I’m REALLY bad at the whole pacing thing, and this is why. Like, I’m sure pacing sucks for everyone, and it’s really something you have to adjust for on a case-by-case basis, but my first instinct is always “This is far too brief! There are super important details missing!” There’s always the possibility I’m right on occasion, and that 40 minute video just really needed that extra bit where I’m talking about poster lamination oddities or whatever, but…odds are that I’m probably just talking too much again.

The worst part is that there’s almost always a justification for it. I’ll see a comment that says “I can’t believe they completely glossed over tidbit x”, and I have to refrain from responding “No no no, I didn’t! It was in the original script, around the 3 hour mark!!”

I really do think pacing is an art by itself. I adore words, and the ones I want to share are a reflection of the things that matter to me. But to properly pace and summarize my words, I have to know what things matter to everyone else. That’s the only way I can figure out which of my words are the ones that will mean something to them.

I think pacing is gonna be a big thing I focus on going forward. Less overly long intros, and less time spent getting to each main point. Getting into the meat of the topic shortly after starting the video still feels super wrong, but I think it’s worth learning how to work around that feeling.

(And apparently I’ll just cope with that by making long, useless tumblr posts lol)

#rant #youtube rant #I just wanna say words :(

1 note · View note

elsartzz · 1 year

Note

I really love your art! your style is so pretty, it's like eye candy fr. you're such a skilled artist! also, I wanted to mention that I saw a couple of your thoughts posts and I wanted to suggest possibly investing into a journal to write them down into instead—I've found it helps to get the negative thoughts out, and then you're not broadcasting them to random strangers on the internet. not trying to throw shade, just genuinely concerned for your mental health. I really do enjoy your mha and genshin art, and it makes me happy when you post it! I love how you added both kaeya and klee in your recent contribution to the barbie meme lol. I hope you're having a good day, and if not, I hope things start looking up real soon! stay safe, and don't be too hard on yourself, alright? you're an awesome person 🩷 this is your sign to keep going

Hello!! Thank you so much for the kind words, I’m happy you like my art :))

Regarding the comment abt my thoughts posts – aw thanks for your concern! But first off, it’s actually been a while since I posted those (I checked and I think it was more than a year back? same w my mha art tbh– either you’ve been following for a while or you must’ve scrolled a lot LOL either way I’m impressed.) and I did delete a bunch of older emo posts and shifted some stuff to a more private blog, cos I realised it wasn’t too healthy to post everything online.

And I do have a journal!! It helps me a lot to get my thoughts out of my head and reason through emotional issues. I highly recommend keeping a journal too (even though I haven’t updated mine in a few days lol).

As for why I have the tendency to post more personal thoughts online… sometimes I want to share about smth ppl might find relevant, and sometimes I simply want the space to quickly vent about things that I can’t share with people in real life (for whatever reason). And I only do it cos I know I’m a small account (half my followers are bots) and it doesn’t really “endanger” my reputation and all that.

It’s a bit like shouting off a mountain or into a void, except sometimes the void speaks back and is kinda somewhat decent to you.

And occasionally people have replied!! (not on Tumblr tho lol) to share help/advice/support, which has been really nice.

But yes, I’m aware venting on the internet is probably not the healthiest and can be potentially dangerous as well. Also maybe it’s a bit of a turnoff if an artist you like keeps complaining about how miserable they are lol.

Don’t worry I’ll be sure to keep to myself more since my account is growing a bit, and draw a line between how much and what I share on the internet. I’m aware of Internet safety!!

…but just wanna say I’m probably not gonna stop random posting about unimportant things in life like how horrible my sweaty palms are lol they’re the literal worst FRRRR 😭😭

#elsaskzz #thanks anon for caring #and for saying it in a nice way #ngl I got a bit scared that ppl were judging me #i went and deleted a bunch of my tweets LOL #but yeah oversharing online is not the best!!#have to be discerning haha #ALSO I AM VERY LONGWINDED I APOLOGISE #oh last thing but don’t worry anon I am doing okay #my sense of humour is a bit self-deprecating #but all’s good I’m aware of what’s going on #and trying to make small changes #one step at a time!!#:)

1 note · View note