#but now im realizing i just needed to listen to more relatable shit
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youtube
i dont care where you are, what time it is, or what you are doing - if you have family trauma listen to this song, PLEASE.
#ive seen alot of her and her family's tiktoks and i'd even heard clips of her songs but i had no idea it was HER#and then earlier i got a vid of her singing on my fy page and ive been in a rabbit hole ever since#i feel...changed somehow#and not just because of this song#the whole album is called family drama and i just listened to it straight through#which is CRAZY because ive been really depressed and havent wanted to listen to music at all#but now i want to listen to all of her music and even other stuff again#thats what i meant about feeling changed#i like actually want to listen to music again#tbh not to sound to emo but i had been trying to listen to stuff that made me feel “happy”#but now im realizing i just needed to listen to more relatable shit#anyways if you read all these tags you better go stream the album!!!!#Youtube
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if youd like to read the stephens from the beginning you can over here
if youd like to read the stephens continued you can over here
@ohsosims
jami: im sorry WHAT?
dustin: your dads been having some memory problems over the years..its ..getting worse...he just had another doctors appointment and theyre kind of on the fence about alzheimers or just....
jami: you think its related to what he got from that punk he slept with ?
dustin: no idea but hes had a few appointments since then..he seems optimistic BUT
jami: youre not
dustin: its not that i dont want to be.. its that ive been shown NOT TO BE.feels like itll break my heart less if im expecting it.
jami; well sounds healthy. just like the majority of your relationship with him
dustin: [smirks] which leads me right back around to why i asked you to meet me here
jami: i was wondering but its not like i mind looking at your pretty face
dustin:ive warned you about making those comments
jami: at work.y ou did. we're not at work. im just kidding.jesus. ease up
dustin: maybe this was a bad idea
jami: oh come on,dusty. i was kidding. seriously ..i was just tyring to make you laugh . thought you needed it. i see it backfired.
dustin: a little. i..listen jami..your dads pretty set on him running the strip club still
jami; okay and as he should be? he owns it. and seems to me hes pretty much still together... at least for now
dustin:right but i need to ask you a favour. i need you to help him run it. i dont want him to stop completely but he has way too many things going on and
jami: think it would be good for him to STILL do things as normal,dustin. you baby him that shits going to get worse. whatever it is.
dustin: no i know. i just... help him with it . probably more than he realizes and i cant do it , jami. we still have the bar and the twins are running me into the ground. i need help . a lot of it.
jami: like at home too? because i know chloes 7 but she could always help babysit. she loves those kids.
dustin: yeah taht owuld be..that would be so great. the kids could but they deal with so much just living there. theyre my responsibility so id hate to...
jami:dude ..all you had to do was ask.. yeah ill help dad run the club. yeah ill get chloe to come over after school and give your ass a break. just gotta run it by marlee. which i mean shell do whatever i say
dustin: so fucked up
jami: no i know. nearly cost me my girlfriend . so um.. hey dustin..you know you couldve asked me sooner right? ill do whatever i can for you guys. i dont want you fucking yourself up. i feel like you need to hear this , because maybe you dont hear it so often knowing my dad but i love you and he loves you. you take such good care of him,man. but i got this.
#jami bb#i think dustin needs a break#the stephens continued#dustin stephens#jami kline#ts4#the sims 4#the sims#reblog#ts4 gameplay#sims 4#simblr#ts4 simblr#the sims community
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my top ten redacted boys (because i am but a bandwagoner of trends)
1. sam - took me a bit to like him ( haven't even finished his playlist yet) but god his character hurts me, he and darlin have gone through so much shit . the video talking about the future with your vampire mate basically sealed the deal on him being my favorite character, and after reading one of the bright eyes series transcripts, it makes me even more interested in his character . (and his southern accent may or may not have awakened something in me)
2. avior - is it obvious i like tragic characters yet . his series is one of the first ones i've listened to fully, and the chokehold that the plot twist had on me was insane . the realization that he had loved starlight so much that he deus ex machina'd them out of the hellscape, and then was silently YEARNING when they were pulled back . i was sobbing you don't understand officer. also love his early sarcastic personality (despite it being a facade) and his constant need to wax poetic, i wish we still saw a little bit of that in his newer audios though
3. guy - ohh the love of my life . the only comfort character ever . babygirl . he does exude millennial cringe sometimes but i can gloss over all that because i love him 🫶🫶🫶 also love his dynamic with honey they r so cute together . his flashback audio is so good AUGGHH the tension . personal favorite audio of him though is his first sick video , because i am THE guy angst enthusiast and it's the closest i'll ever get to it . he is sooo silly idc i always binge his playlist when i can't sleep (ironically i always listen to the one where he attempts to help honey sleep and it works 🫶)
4. lasko - babygirl #2 🤞🤞🤞 love him he is just an overall sweet character . i've also said this before but, him being labelled early on as submissive irked me because i usually found those character tropes annoying and they tended to be infantilized . but the thing is with lasko its not his entire characterization , he's still a very good professor at the academy and ughhhqhh i know how 2explain it i jst love him (also. his slip up in the hot boi summer audio. he is freaky .)
5. geordi - his and cutie's story is so interesting . i love their storyline so much even if it hurts to listen to the audios . they're both flawed characters in a relationship but they're still taking the necessary steps to be better. additionally, while i definitely don't stand for the shit cutie did, i can relate to them in the sense of needing to know what people are thinking to function properly, which is probably another reason why geordi and his storyline hits so close to my heart . (is that corny. maybe)
6. asher - one of the reasons im in the fandom tbh !! he's one of the first characters i got into, specifically his valenweek flashback audio i ate that shit up . . i don't listen to him that much now but still !!! i owe me being here to his character lol
7. hush - creature/babygirl . i was kinda intimidated to listen to his playlist (for god's sake his title is "mysterious stranger") but ohhhh i love him he is so strange. tying doc up in one video and then asking them to hold his hand a few videos later??? love that . him showing up in carpe deus and fucking wrecking vega kinda sealed it for me . love theorizing about him too, if that's not obvious 🫶
8. porter - when i heard the voice that this character had. i can't even explain to you what my reaction was . he's such a fucking diva i love it so much , this guy is like 80% snark, and he just fucks with vincent for no reason .(when he said he was gonna bring treasure to the summit but didn't 😭) he's also so interesting . while ya he was sent to go to the summit and assassinate a clan king (which he succeeded in) he told sweetheart about the bennets discussing their partnership with closeknit so they could get necessary info, he provided an alibi for vincent, he also stopped grilling sam when darlin told him to . (also his 2nd video with treasure . killed me tbh)
9. marcus - not proud to admit that marcus is the first character i came across on erik's channel . marcus is weirdo number 1 (derogatory) and i just find his storyline so interesting. yeah its sad why he did what he did, but overall he knew what he was doing , he fucked everyone else over, and compromised a project, of which the failure could mean life and death, just because he wanted to get freaky with the robot . his obsession and little impulse control being overrun by the asset's obsession with him. GOD . . the satisfaction i felt when he was taken away 🫶
10. caller - weirdo (compliment) . again as a horror enthusiast i love this guy . he's like ghostface but if ghostface could phase through walls/was already in your house (and also weird and obsessive) . his audio made me have the same reaction when watching horror content : "holy shit i love this but also i hate this" 10/10 . he's only last because he has one (1) video . 💔
honorable mention:
gavin - GAVIN LOVE OF MY LIFFEEEE . i really did wanna put him on my list but i haven't listened to the freelancer series properly yet!!!! this is not a matter of him being my least favorite but rather not knowing much about him in depth yet !!!!
#this took way to long#but i had to#i have a few hot takes#because i am interested in the weird characters#is it obvious#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redactedverse#redacted fandom
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!DNDADS S2 EP41 SPOILERS!
hoooo boy im not gonna be able to listen to this episode normally after seeing the cast irl. im freaking out
- was the "part 1" in last eps title just a joke then? i thought it was gonna be a two parter
- ARE THEY SERIOUSLY GOING TO HEAVEN??? i thought shmegan said heaven isnt real. oh wait i just remembered brad said he went to heaven. hm. this will be interesting
- IF RON REALLY IS IN HEAVEN THAT MEANS HE GETS TO BE W ROGUE. HE. WAAAAA 😭
- okay time to actually start the episode
- the fact that they actually fell for anthonys trap is so adorable tbh THEY WERE SO EXCITED
- i love how they laughed over lincolns new intro AGAIN
- so funny how beth brings up that scary fact right after i wounded myself by cutting bread 😭 ur right beth. it is all about pain.
- i just realized scam pulled a mascot related scam. like father like sondaughter
- SCAMS SOLDIERS ARE THE CAST OF FAMILY GUY.
- LEVEL UP!! wonder what theyre gonna change
- SHES GONNA BE A BAD GIRL!!! :3
- "u gotta find ur own way, u gotta do it ur style, dood!" normals talking to dood the way he talks to hermie im gonna throw up
- HOLY SHIT WILL AND FREDDIE BRAIN CONNECTION AGAIN
- what a christian episode this is we got heaven AND santa claus
- WAIT DIDNT THEY ESTABLISH BEFORE THAT ST NICK IS NICKY
- WHY IS FUCKING SANTAS VOICE JUST HERMIE
- okay nvm its becoming more its own thing
- why does santa seem like another likely
- THE PETER THING HAS ME SCREAMING WTF IS THID PODCASTTT
- 20 minutes in no hermie yet (im insane)
- LINCOLNS NEW PERSONA IS KILLIBG ME DUDE
- HERMIE!!!!!!
- i have lost track of freddies garbage can plan shidjk
- guys swiftlis ship name is foot buddies now /j
- DID WILL JUST SAY "BREAD" INSTEAD OF BLOOD
- NOT ANOTHER LINCOLN VOICE CHANGE
- ANTHONY. AMERICAN DAD WORKS FOR THE GOVERNMENT.
- OUCH TERRY JR REMINDER
- STILL MAD THAT FREDDIE WASNT WEARING HEELS AT THE LIVE SHOW
- OH MY GOR NORMALS GOING OVER TO HERMIE OH MY GOD
- RON FUCKING STAMPLER!!!!!!
- ROGUE???? OH MY GODDDD
- ROGUE SOLOS EVERYONE
- THIS IS BETHS FUCKING SHOW NOW
- THEYRE ALL GONNA RIDE ON ROGUE AWWW
- WERE FINALLY GETTING SCARY AND RON INTERACTION
- HE FAKED HIS DEATH SO GOOD THAT HE DIED
- ERIN IS DEAD???
- TERRY JR TALKED TO RON ABOUT SCARY WHAT IF I CRIED
- SCARYS GONNA TELL HIM ABOUT TERRY JR. OH GOD. OH GOD I CANT DO THIS
- HE KNOWS. HE ALREADY KNOWS. IM GONNA CRY
- "im sorry that u dont realize that it is ur loss" OKAY YEP IM CRYING
- NOOOOO DOOD
- WHAT IS W BETH AND ALL THESE 11S
- HOLY SHIT NOT THEM DROPPING ALL THEIR SAD COPING MECHANISMS
- THE KIDDADS ARE ONLY JUST NOW REALIZING THAT THEY NEED TO BE BETTER PARENTS.
- LINCOLN STRAIGHT UP CALLING FOR GOD
- IF DOOD DRINKS THE POTION AND HAS MEMORIES OF SPARROW IM GOING TO FUCKING DIE
- THEYRE GONNA FIND THE REST OF THE GRANDDADS???
- SO WE FINALLY KNOW THEYRE STILL ALIVE. AT LONG LAST
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Hybrid HeartBreak
A Canon Drabble for AlxKoxNai
⚠️Content Warning⚠️
Sad, Angst, Pregnancy mention, No Snz
Author’s Notes: I heard this song “I see you everywhere” and the artist is by /0/0/0/ (without all the dashes). It inspired me to write this short angsty Drabble in relation to Draeko finding out Alistar got Indi pregnant. Enjoy 😉 @aller-geez did the cover, and owns Draeko as well as Kanai. I should have Snzfire p. 2 up by the 17th if not earlier! 😇 this literally just came to me and is pretty short from what I normally do.
“Get out.” Draeko said quietly at first, small tears forming in his duo-colored eyes. He sniffled, quickly rubbing them away at the illusion he could hide his feelings.
“What?” The crimson eyed demon looked over at the smaller with confusion written all over his face, almost like maybe he had heard him Incorrectly, but truthfully, he hadn’t.
“GET OUT, ALISTAR!” Slamming his fists down at his sides while he shouted from his chest, he looked up to make eye contact, he needed the demon to know he was serious.
“Dr-“ he tried again but was immediately cut off. He couldn’t believe what was happening, Draeko never acted like this towards him or Kanai. Speaking of, he was the one to cut the red head off, now having entered the space when he heard the commotion.
“Donnie? Luciftias?” He looked at each of them with curious concern, slowly trying to piece together what might have happened.
“GET OUT ALISTAR, I SAID LEAVE!” He shoved the red head with his flattened palms and the tall demon stumbled backwards with an even more confused expression as his eyebrows bent forward. A slight sparkle of hurt behind his ruby gaze.
“Pup-“ he tried again, but it wasn’t of any use before the mutt was popping off at the mouth again.
“Don’t FUCKING call me that!” Growling low and snapping in between, it was a whole other side of the hybrid that the anti-Christ had never seen. He would almost be turned on if he wasn’t so taken aback.
“Can you just… HEAR ME OUT??” He tried but he couldn’t hold onto his patience anymore, between the constant interruptions and lack of respect, he had had it.
“NO! I TOLD you to stop fucking her! I TOLD you! I let you fuck whoever you want, I let you do and be and HAVE whatever you WANT ALWAYS!!!! And you couldn’t just give me ONE fucking thing? One rule? JUST ONE?” Tears poured down his mint and grey colored eyes, stomping his left foot with passionate force, an attempt at intimidating the large red head.
“Dude that thing means NOTHING to me, when are you going to understand that?? I don’t know why you expect so much out of me all of the fucking time, Draeko, seriously, IM FROM HELL. IM SATANS SON. IM NEVER GONNA BE ANYTHING MORE THAN THAT,” Kanai looked between the two of his closest mates and furrowed his brows.
“What is this? Why are we yelling?” His voice was flat but his eyebrow raised in concern because he had never seen them …do this.
“WHY AM I YELLING?!” He furiously turned on his heels to face his best friend who glared daggers, a look he’d seen only twice, and never at him. Alistar now realized just who it was he was targeting now and took a deep breath, and with an edge of irritation, spoke. “Nai….Tell him, tell Draeko, again. And again. Because he won’t LISTEN,” hissing and snapping his words with emphasis. “That we can’t LOVE HIM, and he needs to get a GRIP on his fucking HUMANITY, redirect that shit somewhere the fuck else….I fucked up ! I get that! But I’m still HERE, aren’t I?? IM coming HERE aren’t I? It’s me and YOU and Kanai isn’t it??” Now he snapped his gaze to the other with force, the mutt fell to his knees and broke down into a massive puddle of sobs.
“I’ll NEVER have that with you….I’ll NEVER be that close to either of you that way….and it hurts so deeply, Al…you can’t even begin to imagine…” he gasped between words whilst he spoke and flung his hands about as he spoke. His nose leaked of snot and his tears covered his cheeks.
“WHY, does it hurt? Explain,” Alistar was still not sold, what was so upsetting about this? He couldnt comprehend why him expecting a child he doesn’t want, was making Draeko so angry.
“Because I’m in love with you….Im in love with both of you…and I want to be close to you both, always…forever…I know you guys can’t-….but I can…for all of us..” he snubbled rubbing his nose against the sleeve of his sweater.
“Luciftias….don’t leak…it is okay, I think what you want and what we have together is compatible…right, Al?” He reassured the small male while looking over at the red head hoping to mediate the anger.
“Look, I’m having a fucking kid, so what? Big deal, you shouldn’t want that with me because /I/ don’t fucking want it….its a CURSE…” he sighed deeply gripping the bridge of his nose in a pinch of his fingers.
“It’s a blessing, Alistar! Children are blessings here!” He spat again, defending his argument tooth and nail because what if someday he wanted kids! He knew he’d be a hell of a lot better of a parent than his own were.
“FUCK kids dude! They’re so annoying…and they turn into adults that are even more annoying….reproducing is a virus, and I’m glad I got snipped last week,” Putting his hands at his hips he looked upward triumphantly while Draeko went completely pale.
“W-what?” He asked hoping he’d heard the red head incorrectly.
“Yep! Can’t have that happen again….seriously…my dad is NOT gonna be happy with me,” shaking his head back and forth, running a hand through his Ruby locks.
“So we can’t ever….” Alistar and Kanai looked at each other almost as if the mutt was completely delusional, cause he was. They didn’t need Alistar’s unhinged genes to have kids IF they wanted them. Which both demons had agreed upon not wanting them long ago. However, none of them had a vessel with an incubator. So that also made Draeko look extremely odd in this moment.
“Dude, I never wanted to, and how could we? You don’t need me! This doesn’t make SENSE!” Alistar threw his hands in his hair trying to resist yanking every last strand of his hair right out from his head.
“What about me?? We could’ve used a surrogate, you don’t know!!” He interjected, arguing against them. He wasn’t stupid, he was aware they’d need other things, it’s not that he ever thought about it, it’s just that the option was ripped away.
“What-….IM AN ANTI-CHRIST DRAEKO, do you realize what breeding MY genetics DOES?! That fucking kid is going to be stronger, and more powerful than me and my father, I accidentally created my predecessor before my time of retirement, and he’s probably going to fucking KILL ME SOME DAY!” He reached down and shook the hybrid by his shoulders. The mutt drooped, and despite the other’s words, he couldn’t deal with the emotional deregulation inside of his disordered brain. He shut down, closed his eyes and allowed himself to check out completely. Al mindlessly mumbled and continue to shake the mutt’s limp body, Kanai stepped up, putting a hand onto Alistar’s shoulder.
“Alistar…enough,” he said sternly but still without much force or emotion and the red head immediately halted his actions, looking down to see the other fully blacked out, and passed out. “Let go,” Alistar listened as he effortlessly released the hybrid into Kanai’s arms who had bent over to scoop the small mutt up.
“But Kanai…” he tried, reaching a hand out only for it to fall back down to his side.
“We are just going to have to take this one day at a time, Donnie…he is brain sick, remember? But…it’ll be okay,” and for the first time Alistar had ever seen him, he cracked his left side mouth into a half smile. It was just enough to make the demon’s brows lift and his head tilt as they disappeared and he was left alone to his own devices.
The End
Author’s Notes: Ouch 🥲 Did you like the ouch? I liked the ouch. 😗 thanks for reading!
#angst#AlxKoxNai#Alistar Satanos#Kanai Orpheus#Draeko Grey#original character#oc#writer#fic writer#vanilla#no Snz
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Best and worst pages of homestuck so far?
ooo this is a fun question
shit did you mean favorite and worst in terms of panel art or in terms of like of feelings and beats?
uhh panel art first
worst (because it just makes me icked to look at)
best (cause its a vibe i relate to and stim to when listening to music)
ok if you mean beats and story and shit- check here:
so worst first is kinda cheaating cause its one of the dancestor games! its 5308. only specifically because the part with cronus and mituna made me so extremely uncomfortable in a way i hadnt felt with the comic before?
for a more lighthearted answer, pretty much any page with roxy pre game entrance. i love her now, but i could not stand her during her alcoholism.
best page is hard. its really easy to say [S]GAME OVER. for its visuals and bouncy flow and ups/down or [S]ACT 6 ACT 6 INTERMISSION 5 for the pure wholesomeness that was really needed (cause sometimes you just need filler happy moments, eg witcher 3 with geralt and ciri)
but that feels cheating since theyre animations? so im going with very specifically 6,017 cause it made me cry for the first time and really changed me to caring mostly about what happens to/with terezi. maybe its just be being a libra and so looking to relating to her without realizing, but i really did relate to her plight and yeah it relaly got to me
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[DRABBLE ANALYSIS NOTES; FIC BREAKDOWN] Crack Baby (you don't know what you want)
the fic
the song
its minyang!
anyway I already cross-posted it to twt & ao3, so I kind of just wanted to post the end author's notes, which was a breakdown of my thought process and the beats I tried to hit when writing the fic, inspired by the song... crack baby by mitski lmfao anyway!
I really enjoyed this actually, and I want to do more of these song-fic analysis stuff where I like. breakdown the lyrics/scene and explain what I attempted to go for, where, and why, etc etc etc yk? this was so fun and I love these little writer exercises also im a slut for repetition.
Anyway;
(TW // drug ment.)
Crack Baby by Mitski has a literal reference, paralleling its meaning; the first is an obvious reference to the lyrics and song title “Crack Baby”, or a child who’s mother used cocaine while they where pregnant, so the baby is born with withdrawal symptoms. The second, being the parallel Mitski draws; a longing for a feeling or situation that one’s nostalgic for but cannot fully place.
I used it for a relationship; being possibly aimless in it, and afterwards realizing you lost something that was integral to you. Being confused on if you want the relationship back (ex; there were reasons why it ended), or if you miss the secure feeling it provided, even if it didn’t provide security. Either way; you miss something you once had.
In relation to how I applied this to the fic;
…all these twenty years trying to fill the void; Single now, focusing on his child (that he used to raise partially, with Jeongin), Minho spends his life in relative loneliness. He tries his best for his child, but Seungmin clearly struggles in school with just Minho as his parent. There is a clear void meant to be filled, but by another parent, or partner, it’s undecided.
Crack baby, you don’t know what you want; following the previous sentiment, it’s clear Minho struggles with deciding between whether or not he wants another person in the house in general - someone who serves as parent for Seungmin, and partner for himself. Other parents call him Mr. Lee and he doesn’t correct them- and he tells himself it’s for the sake of Seungmin.
…but you know that you had it once, and you know that you want it back; Jeongin filled those gaps so perfectly when he was a part of the household, Minho isn’t over it. Running into him in the street quickly becomes a seamless co-parenting session with Seungmin, and Seungmin warms up to Jeongin quickly by repeating the pebble-prank he previously played on his dad in the park. Minho also admits he hasn’t moved any of Jeongin’s things from when he left.
…and you know that you need it bad; Minho is hinted at to be overworked and overtired in mismatched business-casual clothing, Seungmin’s ability to be semi-self sufficient, and the New Years decorations that have been up nearly year round. His P.O.V. is permeated in a sort of loneliness. Some help- a partnership of any sort- is something he would heavily benefit from.
Wild horses running through your hollow bones; Minho impulsively chases the feeling of having Jeongin in his home, and Jeongin in his vicinity again, inviting him over for dinner. Jeongin tells Seungmin that Minho and Seungmin seem to be doing fine- much to Minho’s dismay. He bathes in the high that the night provides him, reminiscing on the days that he and Jeongin used to share, when Seungmin was just a baby.
Tumblr is my dump page where I shit post my excess thoughts into the void or not idk anyway thanks for listening! I was actually struggling to keep this one just a drabble, which I wanted to do bc I yap too much (my current ongoing fic easily reaching 80k+ despite being written in a little under a month), so I rlly enjoyed being able to think this out and still have it end up under 3k!! idk!! kjfhkjsf
also we just need more dad!minho plsplspls beggin my fellow authors
#stray kids#fanfic#stray kids fanfic#minyang#lee minho#skz fic#yang jeongin#ao3fic#yona yaps#OOOH BABE WAKE UP NEW TAG JUST DROPPED LMFAO
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Between us episode 12
posting this earlier than i normally do so some minor spoilers ahead i suppose :)
honestly, I didn’t write much down as I wanted to actually watch this episode without pausing (another reason for me posting this today so i don’t forget my thoughts (of which i have few))
I am so happy that Team got to talk to his aunt. That conversation was much needed. I mean, last time they saw eachother, she didn't say much to him which really just lead him to believe that she still was mad with him. I can't believe they had me nearly crying like 5 minutes in because of it as well :3
all the couples got a happy ending! though i will admit there were things that didn't happen in this episode that i wish they did (like team telling his parents that they were together even though they already knew because listen i love me a good emotional coming out to parents scene so i can live vicariously through that and pretend their parents comforting them are my parents accepting me as well even though i'd never come out to my parents)
like literally, all the couples got a happy ending. i dont just mean with eachother but like, manow got a role, prince's manager was more accepting, waan and tul... waan and tul... waan and tul... :3 they are all happy.
not a note on the show or the episode but the OST. around the 42-ish minute mark, when they were on the beach, there was piano playing in the background. and my mind, like so quickly, was like "holy shit, this is luckiest boy. i know that song when i hear it i love this song i cant believe they're using it here omgomgomgomg" but still i was like ehhh maybe i just like the song so much that im projecting and its not actually luckiest boy and they just had piano and then... it was luckiest boy (actually sobbing i love that song)
final note: i initially didn't understand why Team was like "hey win im gonna challenge you to swimming".. i was like.,,,, really?? all this for that??? and then i realized holy shit this is fucking so emotional. Last time Team challenged someone he loved to swimming competition, that person died... like literally they died. this part (him challenging win) while at first kinda confusing, is i think among the most emotional parts of the show. like this is where all the growth leads. he finally forgave himself, he finally trusts himself and the person he loves. like he is idk it just hit a little different once i realized that it was meant to be symbolic of all this growth
but yeah... Between us is finally over. any final thoughts? no absolutely not. As much as i loved the show i do feel that the rewatch value is kinda low (though tbf i did just finish it so of course im not going to want to rewatch it)
not that anyone really cares but i dont think there will be a series for a while where i am posting my thoughts as i watch it (though i may occasionally comment on my school president or never let me go as i watch them and other shows i already watched if i decide to rewatch or completely non-bl related shows (i still havent watched the last episode of show me the money 11 and i already know im going to have too many thoughts on that )) but for now, thats been me and my thoughts >:) thanks to all who read them lol
#Between Us#between us the series#between us ep 12#winteam#premboun#bounprem#thai bl#thai drama#uwma the series
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Anon wrote: Hi, reading your posts made me realize I’m likely an INFJ in a terrible loop. For the last 6 months i’ve been reading about mbti I thought I was INTJ, and every test i tried said it too, but i didnt and still don’t understand Fe vs Te, even after reading your posts. But INFJ in a loop sounds a lot like me. So let’s go with that.
My auxiliary function is suffering. When I’m outside I have this tendency to observe people, the room, their behavior and enjoy dwelling in it, as if I’m reading a novel. It bothers me when someone says or acts rude, when a man bothers a woman like a creep.
In my head i’m so criticizing of other people. And if i’m not criticizing, im acting as if i can read everything about another person. I know this sounds horrible and very narcissistic, but i want to be honest to fix myself. And I know i’m doing this overthinking in social situations to defend myself by acting as if im superior.
But i just observe, i never interact. I havent talked to a single person in my class in university, since im a few years older (24 in a room of 21yo people). Even though i know if i want to socialize thats the right place. I start thinking: if i talk to them, they will get to know me, they will find that i failed or that i dont have a lot of my shit together, and then i will be judged. So why bother. And i know that its so flimsy and stupid. I only made one friend in my old uni before changing courses.
This is not only at university btw. I dont go out in the evenings, or try to meet new people, because i literally have no fucking idea of how to do it without looking like a misfit. My old friends are all very distant now, and while I know many people everything I never really dated, and while i have this insane void of emotional intimacy, i keep rationalising every attempt of experiencing life. I live in a shell.
And the fact i haven’t dated and i’m 24, is so scary. I’m not even ugly or that uninteresting or without hobbies, because people told me the opposite many times, but i dont know why i cant come out of my shell. This is not only about dating, but in general. Im always distant emotionally and end up thinking about it instead of living it. Because im a grown man scared of being judged for my smiles,tears and my love.
I think i have some trauma issues from my teens, when i talked to a girl on facebook for 2 years listening to her problems because i liked her, without ever approaching her irl (because i was a scared teenager idk why). It was a one way thing. I was basically her diary in human form. When i told her my feelings it was too late. After that i ended in a 1 yr depression, and it definitely marked me as a person. I never really opened myself emotionally with anyone else after. Maybe this is not even trauma, it actually feels demeaning to call it as such when other people have suffered more.
This post is a mess. Maybe im just overthinking, and you’ll probably read this and think i need therapy and/or im mistyped . But I really want to break these chains, and hearing an insight from someone who understand people very well could help.
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If I understand correctly, the main problem is you are closed off and unable to open up. It sounds like you are very afraid of socializing, most likely because you are afraid of being hurt by other people's negative judgments of you (it is a common problem related to unhealthy Fe). There are several factors that may be contributing to this problem:
- Low Self-Worth: You exhibit oversensitivity that arises from using other people's judgments to define your identity and/or determine your personal worth. If you're always worried about how you're being perceived, then you will of course feel anxious about interacting with anyone you're unsure about. This makes it very difficult to meet new people and expand your social circle.
- "Mindreading": You presume to know what others think, without any evidence, easily jumping straight to the worst case scenario. This is a defense mechanism that gives you a false sense of control, as though you're preparing yourself for the worst to happen. As such, you manage to talk yourself out of socializing, losing every opportunity to learn and grow socially.
- Unresolved Past: You've had negative relationship experiences in the past. When you don't resolve negative feelings, learn the right lessons from them, and consciously put the past behind you, you will take the past and project it into the future, expecting it to happen again. This means you are out of touch with reality because you never treat people as NEW people and give them the benefit of the doubt. You assume that people are out to hurt you and you build walls of protection, which conveniently prevents anyone from knowing you and getting close enough to want a relationship with you.
- Lack of Social Skills: It's hard to feel confident when you're incompetent. Even if you were to work up the courage to meet new people, it sounds like you would still lack the skills required to develop the relationship. Immature INFJs often suffer in relationships because of unrealistic ideas and/or unreasonable expectations, which is often related to faulty reasoning patterns (Ti loop). Social skills are called "skills" because anyone can learn and improve them. If you care about being a better version of yourself, you have to be honest about your deficits and apply yourself to learn the knowledge and skills that you need to move forward in life. See the recommended books on the resources page.
While it's possible to work on these issues on your own, it's the more difficult path to take. When you have a serious problem like social anxiety that prevents you from living the life you hope to live, then, yes, it is best to reach out for professional expertise and assistance. People aren't born knowing everything, so everyone needs help at some point and there is no shame in getting it. As long as you keep trying to convince yourself that your needs don't matter or that your problems aren't as serious or serious enough to warrant attention, you will continue to dig your own grave of unhappiness. How long do you want to go through life with these problems weighing you down and holding you back?
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more than a woman is the ultimate kevin day song to me……. im so glad you agree…… i knew you would understand. i was listening to that playlist the other day and realized i HADNT added it yet and it felt like an oversight so i had to fix it immediately. it was very important to me the whole playlist wasn’t sad. i stsrted my kevin playlist in the height of me losing my mind about him last year in july (i read the books for the first time at the end of may!) but it only made me crazier so i held off making the jean one until november LOL. his is def a little more sad but i think a good portion of the songs are hopeful :-) and YEAH jean is soooo hozier to me. i gave myself a limit on how many hozier songs i could add. it will probably be broken eventually
UR PINTEREST BOARD that fic is going to kill me. im so excited every time you share something about it…. the dynamics seem so fun ^-^ also the richard siken tweet in there Took me Out. i own and have read crush by him so many times like it’s such a big part of who i am and relating that to kerejean makes me. sbdjebx. sweating. nauseous. so excited. the vibes are so good, it feels very nostalgic and warm already….. btw your jean playlist hit me over the head and gave me a.Concussion. i wanna get better???!?! under the table???? OOM SHA LA LA? that song changed my brain chemistry like three years ago and im going to associate it with him forever now. your kevjean playlist being so long is so very real too….. i need to sit down and listen to the full nine hours of it.
DBSIDBSID. the kandrew beef is Personal and it’s so funny. i am working on making them get closer it just takes a lot of time bc andrew simply does not like to stick around. he comes to a sort of truce with them at some point, mostly after he and jean have a Talk alone, but he still doesn’t like kevin for a while. there IS side andreil tho…. neil is 26 :3 he comes to visit kevjean in paris for a bit and immediately causes problems. but the problems help them get their shit together so it’s fine! andrew is of course intrigued. most of it happens in the background tho bc they like to disappear together…… but neil actually ends up in foster care and gets adopted by wymack when he’s around 13, which is around the same age andrew is adopted and meets jeremy, so they understand each other still :) they do a lot of sneaking around and do not want their relationship perceived at all vs jeremy knox head of the PDA committee and very happy for his own friend finding love.
the biting…….. jeremy falls somewhere in the middle of the spectrum but he does suffer from the most intense feelings of love anyone has ever felt and will latch on like a dog and not let go sometimes. it really depends on his mood and what they’re doing how hard he bites ^-^ jean almost never complains but kevin always does. as is how they are. and they really both love attacking kevin. sitting there biting at his neck and shoulders and jean in particular likes gnawing on the wrist bone. jeremy is only a few inches shorter than kevin but will not hesitate to push him around….. dreamy sigh. at first he’s very nervous about overstepping Anything around either of them but once he knows that they actually like him he becomes such a menace. it’s his life’s duty to make kevin day, his childhood celebrity crush, a little embarrassed and whiny. both he and jean are soooo happy to tease kevin and kevin complains constantly about being ganged up on. jeremy is actually still IN college too, he turns 23 toward the beginning of the fic (i. hc him as a cancer!) and he and andrew have their fifth year to get through so he’s really just some college kid nibbling on and picking on them and taking over their apartment. trust that jean gets teased too he wouldn’t want anyone left out!
JEANFO….. jean….. my apple strudel….. there is so much i could say about him but it feels hard to do him justice…… he really is so special. he’s a little more healed of course bc he’s 28 and has always had kevin keeping contact with him. kevin got out at 14 so jean was there for 6 years without him and it’s really. it’s not a good time for him. but kevin refuses to lose contact and even sneaks across state lines to see him at 16 when he gets his license (with 14yo neil). jean has always had something to hold onto and live for. so jean is doing okay……. he still struggles and he’s very stubborn so he would rather AVOID things and kevin isn’t the kind of person who’s going to push him to face them (kevin has his own things to avoid) but he gets a good push from jeremy. and he LOVESSSS keremy. it’s one of his greatest joys that the two people he loves most care about each other the way they do. he’s so obsessed with them and so excited to show them off when they get together with friends. he’s really a little bit of a clingy freak :-) ESPECIALLY if he gets drunk. he’s a very needy drunk and if someone doesn’t kiss him (or if he doesn’t get to bite) his whole night is ruined and they certainly can’t have that. he learns quickly he cannot keep up with jeremy Party Boy knox tho. he’s a silly guy <3 sooo bitchy to everyone outside of his boyfriends but tender with them…. they’re trusted with his girlish little heart. i could talk about him for ages but i fear tumblr will cut me off LOL our responses to each other are getting so long like we’re writing letters by candlelight to be sent post-haste…..
HELLO MY LOVE im sorry for the late reply my pc was out of commission and answering asks on mobile is terrible but i am back now as your penpal. I LOVED MORE THAN A WOMAN OFC i understand i think i've had so many kevin day playlists since i first read aftg in 2020 (which feels like such a lifetime ago!), so i try not to keep too much track of them and not to take them or myself too seriously either. in a way all the playlists i've made have been an abstract of my life at the time of making so i want to preserve them that way! which is why my kandrew playlist is 6 hours long. because i am preserving.
THANK YOU FOR LIKING MY PINBOARD i wanted this fic most of all to be an ode to friendship. in kandreil i think theres so much history and tension there that sometimes it's easy to forget that there are other reasons people can stay together, so i wanted to write a kerejean where they felt like they were genuinely friends before it ever started careening into romance!!!! i think it's working. Probably. it's a very joyful and warm fic (or at least i hope it is) and i've been having a lot of fun with dialogue specifically because so much of friendship is just talking! anyway ah i have to stop myself before i spoil anything so just know it's going to be fun. hopefully. and there's a scene where jean calls kevin the first flower of edgar allen (direct rip off from tlt but bear with me)
I LOVE THEM BOTH TEASING KEVIN!!!! is there anything more genuine than teasing your crush together.......... that's the kind of thing i live 4 in relationship dynamics................ ohhh i just know this fic will get me so bad if it ever sees the light of day (heh).... ALSO HE'S STILL IN COLLEGE KEVINNNNNNNNNNN kevin youre letting a man still in college boss you around youve been better and more dignified endings. AND I LOVE DRUNK JEAN THANK YOU especially needy aiyayayaya..... my favorite senseless hc is that jean is a lightweight and he cant keep up with neither jeremy nor kevin nor renee. he's drunk off of one glass while the other three compete to see who can get liver failure first. he has been consistently getting drinked under the table by kevin for years. our beautiful apple strudel....... our little cabbage as the french say. :-)
i hope my candlelight letter reaches YOU post-haste and ofc im sorry for the wait!
#im sorry 2 everyone who sent asks these days really BUT IM BACK NOW I PROMISE#lets kiki again and have fun because god knows in these trying fucking times we need it#asks#kerejean fic anon
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K. - Anakin Skywalker PART- 1
Part 2
A/N: I'm alive lol. I love CAS and k. is one of my fav songs even though it is a bit overplayed idc it's amazing. And idk why I thought about Anakin and how reader and him would have a secret relationship (for obvious reasons) and k. is like that kind of song if any of what I have said makes sense at all.
Part 2 will come soon I swear. Im sure there are spelling mistakes or even things that don't make sense but I'm so tired omfg
Summary: you and Anakin are like fuckbuddys and aren't supposed to get attached, after a while, Anakin starts to notice a change in your behavior toward him and realizes something that might change everything.
Warnings: angst, maybe fluff idk, mentions of sex, swearing, English is not my native language so bare with me if there are any spelling mistakes!
Masterlist !!!
Anakain's POV:
Something changed, and he wasn't sure why. He thought he might have done something wrong, might have said something that upset you. He even came to believe that he might have done something you didn't like during sex and decided to stop talking to him. During training sessions, as soon as they ended, you would leave the room without giving him a spare glance. He was confused because when he was looking at you, you would avoid his gaze at all costs.
A few days ago, he finally caught you looking at him, and you quickly turned around with pink dust on your cheeks. This left him even more puzzled. After having the courage to do it, he tried to enter your mind through the Force. He was supposed to be listening to Windu because what he was saying was important and related to your next mission. That's why he decided to do it. It took you a few seconds to realize what was happening, but that was enough for Anakin to see how you felt about him, why you had been avoiding him, and why you didn't want to meet with him. You liked him, you liked him, you like him. Oh, shit, shit, shit.
Thoughts ran wild through his mind. You and he had been having this friend-with-benefits thing for a few months now, whenever one of you needed to blow some steam off, you would meet with each other. You both agreed on not catching feelings for each other never. As it was obvious, you both had broken the one and only rule. Excitement bubbled in his belly, he tried to contain the smile that was daring to appear on his face, he couldn’t wait to talk to you, he just wanted to walk up to you, turn you around, and kiss you as he has never kissed anyone, you were the only thing Anakin had, and knowing you reciprocated his feelings, he felt like the Force was finally being kind to him.
When Windu stopped talking and dismissed Anakin and the others, Anakin tried to catch up to you but saw you walking right beside Obi-wan so he decided to talk to you later, if you didn’t avoid him, of course
Your POV
Stupid, stupid stupid, why couldn’t you follow the only rule you had?
You didn’t mean to catch feelings for him that quickly, but that’s what happens when you don’t admit your feelings to yourself when they’ve been there for years, they will come out when you less expect it and need it.
In the beginning, you had no problem, it was just sex, it was easy, and you didn’t want to ruin the chemistry that was beginning to show between you two.
It got to a point where you felt as if it was more than sex, sometimes after doing it you would smoke with only a blanket covering both of your naked bodies, sharing a cigarette and admiring Coruscant at night. You would lean into him, close your eyes and hum a tune, he would continue it even though he had no idea of what you were singing, which would end up in both of you laughing. It was comfortable, you felt at peace, you had never felt at peace and you knew he hadn’t either.
So you didn’t understand why you had to fucking ruin it, it was perfect, it worked like clockwork, but your stupid feelings just had to get in the way.
After trying to hide them for a week, you couldn’t handle it anymore, your proceeded to do the thing you were best at, avoiding your problems. Whenever you felt his presence approach you, you would make a run for your life so he wouldn’t talk to you. Another thing you were good at was hiding, after living for years with your 3 brothers and playing hide and seek before the Jedi council took you, you for sure were an expert.
Now you were here, listening to Windu talk to you, Anakin, and the clones that accompanied you in the room about the mission you will have in two days, well, at least trying you. But Anakin had had the amazing idea to look into your mind less than a minute ago and now you tried to keep your nerves down so Windu wouldn’t notice your nervousness and afraid that Anakin had seen something you didn’t want him to see, but by the way his force showed anxiety as well, you knew he had.
As soon as Windu shut up, you ran out of the room, just to find Obi-wan await for you, a small smile on his face and arms crossed under his tunic. Your nerves calmed down, knowing Anakin wouldn’t try anything stupid in front of his master, or at least you hoped he wouldn’t.
“Hello there y/n” he greeted you, you responded with a nod, coming to his side and starting to walk with no destination. “So tell me, have you made up your mind yet?”.
A few days ago Obi-wan told you they needed some Jedis for a three month time mission, you asked him why he hadn’t asked Anakin, and he said Anakin was needed at Coruscant, you were too, but he thought that this would be good for your career as a Jedi. He told you that just when you had re-discovered your feelings for the chosen one, so without hesitation, you said you were interested. Obi-wan gave you time to think about it since it was a big deal.
“Umm, so the thing is master, I’ve been busy trying to perfect my laser performance so I haven't had the time to think about it a lot, and I need to fix some things before, but just know that before next week you’ll have my answer, sir.” You explained, moving your hands as you spoke trying to express your point more. Obi-wan smiled at this, since the day he met you he thought you were a really interesting and unique girl and loved the way you acted and were (in a fatherly way of course).
“Of course, my dear, don’t you worry, just remember you aren’t being forced to do anything. Now if you excuse me, I have some business to attend to, and I think you do too, that boy of yours has been getting on my nerves these past few days, and I think that the reason for his uneasiness is you, so please do something to call him down” Without letting you speak, he left you while giving you a knowing smirk.
You huffed and turned around, you knew he was right, you weren’t being fair to anything. So after making up your mind, your feet led you to Anakin’s dorm.
#anakin imagine#anakin skywalker imagine#Anakin skywalker#anakin#skywalker#star wars#k.#cag#cigarettesafftersex#tired#goddhelpmepelase#starwasr universe
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if youd like to read the stephens from the beginning you can over here:)
if youd like to read the stephens continued you can over here:)
@ohsosims
dustin- im just trying to make you aware that these guys..they dont change
river- you dont think daddy changed
dustin- daddy is...yeah he did . but hes in his sixties now riv. it took many years for him to become decent. im trying to save you the heartache riv.
river- then why are you still with him if he was so bad?
dustin- weve made right what weve needed to make right,river.hes..given me reasons to trust him again. weve been together for a very very very long time. daddy is..older.he needs me. i need him.
river- what does that even mean?
dustin- meaning..he is having a lot of memory issues now. well for years but its been getting worse. i dont know how much of it is related to what he got from that piece of shit or its just getting old. i dont know . hes denying it so he doesnt scare you guys or himself but i see it. im with him all of the time now. and even though he has his shit mainly together ..and probably because of you guys... its getting more apparent as time goes on. its a lot. add the babies on top of that i just...
river- i can help with the babies
dustin- i know you would..but its not your responsibility riv.what im trying to say to you baby.thoe and i . our relatoinship is really good now finally. but thats after nearly twenty years of me being kind of..sad..and now that its good? daddys minds checking out. i just ..times so fleeting riv. not only do i not want my son to go through life being fucking sad.i dont want you to waste your time. its so fucking important baby.
river- do you feel like you wasted your time with daddy?
dustin- i think we did. and we've spoken about it. he wishes he never took me for granted.
river- he says that all of the time.
dustin- because he realizes jsut how much time we wasted fucking eachother up. i dont know. i love him. and id make the same choices to be with him. but i want different for you,riv. blake cant be making the same mistakes theo did
river- he wont
dustin- you dont know that,baby. listen youre 18. and although id love to. i cant tell you what to do anymore. just think about everything we spoke about okay? and if you choose blake..just stop moving so fast. let him prove to you hes worth your time.
river- okay.
#needless to say dusty is going THROUGH IT RIGHT NOW#the things he does for his ole man#and being honest with riv here is so important#the stephens continued#dustin stephens#river stephens#the sims 4#ts4#the sims#ts4 gameplay#sims 4#simblr#ts4 simblr#ts4 story#the sims stories
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Tell me about the 100 Gecs lore please I want to know!!!!!!! :)
im shocked anyone found that post thank you for asking LOL here u go, mostly copy pasted from my discord server but also edited a bit since i listened to literally every gec song ever for some reason:
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this lore starts off with the album named after the band, 100 gecs, which followed the journey of two stoners and a talking dog. the first song in my made-up little lore series, dog food, is about a wizard of some sort who communicates and lives through a dog they found and take care of. the song sounds like it talks about how a deceased someone is currently buried, and how they seem to talk to laura and dylan through the dog. laura and dylan start getting ~magic texts~ that they let go of as kinda spammy since there are 80 unread messages. what those messages are about are unknown, but eventually the dog goes missing, which leads into fuck teeth, being seemingly about laura starting to be able to transform into a dog and starting to notice everyone close to her all leaving her behind and then dylans just coming across her mid transformation and doing drugs with her (thats a lot of this lore weirdly enough). they get so fucked up and high he tries to feed her his own leg, but she breaks the transformation somehow and they dont really question it. they both revel in their powers and continue doing drugs. in the final song, laura sings about now how she has everything she could ever want in the world (twenty-five bands and a single gecko...?) but is a bit lost about how they came to be magical, trying to talk to dylan on the phone, not really realizing she's not using it cause it died- but actually using telekinesis. this is all also while on fucking drugs cause it isnt 100 gecs without good ass weed.
it continues with 1000 and 10000 gecs- 1000 gecs, is about laura and dylan BEFORE they became magical. 745 sticky is just about wanting to be rich and famous, and how theyre essentially there but dont feel adequate enough- spending all their money and waking up early all the time just to perform and make music to no end, slowly not enjoying it but still going as its keeping them alive. money machine is about a rival they encountered, a big guy with a big truck. unfortunately, money machine is not actually linked to lore, but i like to speculate that the rival put a curse on them to make them always unhappy about being famous in the first place. which leads into 800db cloud, where laura and dylan literally sing about how they miss either being with a lover, and miss smoking weed and having fun because theyre always leaving town and having to defend themselves from strange amalgamations that come after them when they smoke or start to feel happy. I Need Help Immediately is a transmission from something they called the tree of clues they overheard one night, but they ignored to go horse racing and try to make more money. stupid horse is about how they lost a LOT of money due to that Truck Guys Curse, and they stole a horse who essentially leads them to the tree of clues. it sends laura and dylan home with Magic Weed after ??? something happens, and a magic fly drives dylan fucking insane & he kills it and thats where all the newer music starts coming in where theyre flying around and shit. i wud nvrstop u, gecgecgec, and gec 2 u are all unfortunately just normal songs with no relation to the lore.
no new album yet, but TWO songs are currently up to date with that lore: mememe and Doritos & Fritos.
mememe is about dylan and laura talking shit to their exes, while demonstrating their newfound abilities of flying and reality manipulation, letting go of the past lives as just normal famous people. Doritos & Fritos explore a town thats being somewhat devastates and confused by laura and dylan, who are now just flying around the world being stoners
jesus christ this was less organized b4 i actually heavily edited this. LOL the end is all i kept intact, i hope you enjoy this silly dump abt nonsense i thought up
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my long awaited what matters most review that i wrote a week before the album actually came out
But wait there's more:
I like this one, I love how the sound of the exhausting lover bridge transcends the entire album. I love the lyric “did we really think we’d go back to normal” . It's like this album is a post covid more deep way to normal. It's a great song that questions our morals and their changes over the past years. I LOOVE the brass. I'm so happy he's using it more in this album.
Clouds with ellipses:
Idk man this one just reminds me of a church hymn but they all sound the same, it's kinda like this album's version of gone from rockin the suburbs. The emphasis on his voice in this one is really nice. He has a very good voice but I'm neutral about this one, I'm sure it'll grow on me cuz right now I think it's kinda silly. Oh wait it kinda reminds me of Gracie but not as good lol!
Exhausting lover:
Probably my least favorite single but damn it's still so good. I like the keyboard and the big band sound that comes in, the bridge OH MY GOD THE BRIDGE is so fucking good. Anyway the weird lyrics and story is fun but i already had my autism moment over it. Also the music video is a 10/10 so it has that going for it.
Fragile:
Sounds like me learning scales on the piano at 5 years old. I REALLY like this one its so good lyrically
Kristine from the 7th grade:
So this one has already been played live quite a few times so it's not my first time hearing. But damn this one is good. I fucking love it. The lyrics are so true and relatable fr. the strings. This one sounds like it's out of a musical or something so ben i wouldn't mind if you quit writing pop and made a musical i'll eat that shit up. I just realized this basically sounds like erase me but about ur conspiracy theory facebook aunt. PROBABLY ONE OF MY FAVES just you know what song is my fave. You know what this sounds like? The cover of creep in the book of life. Don't question me idk what im saying either
Back to anonymous (ben folds fucked my wife 4chan thread):
Best song on the album. Maybe tied with winslow gardens. It's basically everything I love from silverman songs and it's better. The harmonica?? Also whatevers at the end sounds so good too. God. best song ever made.
Winslow gardens:
Also the best song on the album. It makes me so happy honestly, it's just a really sweet song with a nice story and I like the time signature because it's the one I can never play. I have a few ben songs that just put me in a good mood and are a blessing to my ears regardless of what they are about (fair, kate, break up at a food court, fired, phone in a pool, hiro's song, bruised, etc) and this is def one of them
Paddleboard breakup:
Boats are cool ngl. I really like this one! Wonder what gf this is about
What matters most:
I have high expectations for this being a title track. Tbh it sounds like long way to go from so there lol. It's good. I don't KNOW Ben, why don't you tell me what do YOU think matters most??
Moments:
Does every song on this freakin album sound like jesusland in a way or am i crazy??/ anyway the violin viola whatever at the end is pretty, Ben whens the drum n bass song coming out
Happy clapper (bonus track:
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs hollie said this was straight out of 2009 AND I LIKE THAT! Meowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeow I LOVE THIS ONEEEE WHY IS THIS A BONUS TRACK IT'S EXACTLY WHAT I NEED AND LOVE ABOUT BEN :-D THIS MIGHT BE MY FAVE SONG AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Kinda reminds me of michael praytor (or maybe the word bumming is just forever tied to “bumming out on the the ninety FIVE”)
Why did you tell me everything:
Eh. it'll grow on me
A million years or so :
Basically this albums the luckiest. It's cute :-)
THOUGHTS AFTER 1st LISTEN:
This is definitely one of the ben albums that grows on you and then you can fully appreciate it, like silverman or reinhold. I think it's good! There are some great songs and I love the inclusion of more brass and string instruments, a nice change from his usual piano bass and drums.
He said this was an album that he couldn't have made at any other time in his career and i agree, it's a nice mix of elements from silverman, so there, and a newish sound that i can't really describe. I feel bad because I'm like 3 months deep in the hardcore ben folds obsession (thanks neurodivergent brain) and i'm not like, losing my shit over every song on the album unlike his other albums like bf5 self titled, whatever and ever amen, and rockin the suburbs. But i know i'll grow to appreciate it and this is a pretty good closure to ben's career as a pop song writer, who knows maybe he will write the next hamilton and take the world by storm after this.
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I wish I could get paid like $16,000 (after taxes) or more a month for mediocre plotting, weak characterization, and once-a-month subpar audio porn like this basic and uninspired creative. This is quite bitter of course lol because his work was a fixation of mine for awhile until I realized how not great a lot of it is if you think about anything for more than two seconds and I also watched a lot of the podcast and realized he’s not a particularly kind person either lol.
It does have a little bite to it, but i don’t disagree with you.
once again, under the cut because i am so so opinionated and i love ranting.
God i wish i could get paid that much too like gahddamn.
I sometimes wish i could say that his work was just a hyper fixation of mine, but at some point along the way it became closer to that of a special interest. I have quite a lot of fun criticizing and analyzing his work now, critically engaging with it (both being critical of it and having my brain on while i listen so i realize how bad it is at times lol) has become something i enjoy thoroughly. Good brain exercise.
I never was a patreon and im not going to be so i don’t know about the quality of his audio porn but like. I have GWA for that LMAO.
I agree about the mediocre plotting, ive talked plenty on this blog about how his plots are so often mediocre. I think a lot of them fall through because of the fandom reaction to them, or even their potential reactions. Which is a shame because Im of the opinion that he writes darker stuff better, but he doesn’t even just fumble the ball like he fucking drops it sometimes. (Fucking Marcus. Kody.) (the weak ass shit with inversion having no major consequences. Kill some characters you pussy) I think one of the reasons his plots are mediocre is because of the lack of consequences, of actual gravity and stakes. We never kill anyone. No one sustains permanent injuries. We need some kind of fear lingering over us that is palpable and that feels probable, something that has us sitting on the edge of our seats. But he tiptoes around doing things like this, and it has happened so often that we have settled in our comfort that no one important is going to get hurt, and nothing is going to change radically. Honestly it’d be a great time to do so now that we’re comfortable, but i doubt he will. Kill a listener. Kill a major speaker. Give someone permanent injuries. Fuck up relationships beyond repair. Have some horrible secret be revealed, betrayal and hurt and all that jazz. I havent listened to the Avior finale yet, but from the opinions ive seen from people i respect i dont have my hope very high.
Yeah if you think about any plot related stuff theres a 90% chance the floor is going to collapse out from under you. Its actually genuinely impressive how badly this man can fuck up an allegory, gotta give him props for that.
I feel like his characterization fumbles as well a lot of the time, his characters start off with so much personality and quirks and then he starts really fleshing them out and then……. They get buffed and smoothed out. At least thats what it feels like with all the fluffy, no plot comfort audios with little plot in between for months at a time. I do genuinely enjoy a lot of the characters (or the earlier, more full renditions of them. Or just the idea i have of them in my head) but i still think lately they’ve gone down hill. And i hope thats a trend that ends.
I’ve said it in anons to other people so if thats why this sounds familiar, its because it was me lmao, but i don’t particularly care for Erik’s personality all that much. I tried watching his livestreams way back, but i didnt last long because his chat is fucking annoying ass all hell and he wasn’t entertaining enough to justify me staying (for reference, i watch streams a lot. Ive moderated streams, Ive seen very annoying chats. His is horrible). I watched the podcast for a while but i just got sick of his and odies personalities. Hes kinda boring and comes off as fake to me. I wont assert that i know what hes actually like, i dont know the guy and it literally could just be general dislike (we’re human, it happens). I just tend to separate the artist from the art with this one. Its whateves.
But aside from all that, i hope that you still find some kind of joy in staying here if you choose to do so. Maybe its the fanfics, or you critiquing and analyzing the frankly subpar content, or maybe you make art of your own or play with what these characters could be like little dolls in your head, as long as it brings you joy.
Thank you for the ask anon! 💕
#ask#anon#i may have ranted a little. just a smidge like…. thiiiiiis 🤏 much#yall gotta know as soon as i published this my tumblr mobile app fucking crashed 💀
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I need to rant and get this out.
My experience right now on the route to self dx, self discovery and looking for support:
(English is not my first language, maybe there are some terms written wrong or something, I don't plan to offend anyone, I just literally translate a lot of stuff. If it's the case, tell me and I'll correct it)
I think it was around November when I started seeing these tiktoks about adhd. My first thought was to think that it was bullshit and those weren't symptoms, everyone taps their foot when nervous or stims a bit. Right?
Well, it started bugging me a bit when instead of this "cute and quirky" videos, more serious stuff started to shoe up on my time line. It talked about attention and focus issues, about adhd paralysis, sensory issues, executive disfunction, hyperfocus, etc. I related too much to all of this.
I decided to start researching about this. I literally hyperfocused on Adhd. I could only think about it, watch videos, read, follow people, etc. I discovered that no, some of those symptoms I thought were common for everyone were not. I discovered that yes, everyone can tap their foot when they are nervous, but it's something truly common for adhd people. It's a common trait.
Well, I reached the point in which I needed to start talking to someone. My friend as adhd. She is literally my best friend. I wasn't expecting a reaction like this. I told her I believed I had adhd and she said: No you don't, you are really intelligent. You probably have really high IQ. Cool. I felt like shit and tried to explain to her that I had been reading about certain symptoms and that it made sense. She made me list some of them and then told me that it wasn't adhd, it was probably just something else. "I am very sensitive to noises and crouds and going to bars makes me anxious" "You are really introverted" that shit hurt and for a couple of days I felt lost. At that point I was so sure I had adhd and many things had started to make sense.
Then I talked to my sister and she said, it's alright. What do you plan to do now? I don't know. I still don't know. But she stayed with me, she let me rant and understood, she asked questions and listened to me. Also, she had just made a friend who is working on her diagnosis and I'm so thankful because we are always exchanging experiences.
Coming back to my best friend. When the idea that I have sdhd settled back, I realized that it made her insecure. She is really insecure. She is not the best in the class, she had a hard time studying and passing exams. She always said it's the adhd and she truly believes that it makes you stupid or something (no blame to her, her mental health is on the floor and has too many problems to deal with and fix). I get better grades, I know a lot of stuff about nature, animals, etc so for her, if I have adhd and can pass some exams it means that she is a failure and could do better.
Then, after admitting that I have adhd I started talking to my mum and dad because I'm sure it comes from my dad's side of the family and there are many (dad included) that have adhd in there. Okay. My mum has her doubts. Again, I'm intelligent. How am I going to have an attention deficit?
My cousin (5yo) probably has autism. Everyone in the family is worried because he needs to be "fixed". Bullshit. Yeah. But I have felt very misunderstood for my whole life and I'm not going to play that game. I started researching because I read about Audhd and because Im 90% sure that the kid is autistic. I want to be ready if someone brings it up in my family because I know that they won't do it in a good way.
During this austism research, I started doubting. What if? Again the same process. This time I only told my sister. Watching how my best friend reacted and how my family talks about my cousin's "problem" I don't feel ready.
At this point, I'm almost sure I'm autistic. I ve read about masking, about how adhd and austism can hide each other when they come together, late diagnosis, how girls get less diagnosed, more and more symtoms... I've done countless of test for both, autism and adhd, and they all come out as positive.
The thing is I don't feel ready to reach for Profesional help:
I have always known I'm different from the people around me. I wasn't like the other kids, like my friends. I preferred to stay at home than going to the park. I had a room full of Playmobil where I loved to spend time playing, preferably alone because other kids didn't "play well" (they didn't play the way I thought it should be played). This feeling of being different has always been there, it's like feeling misunderstood. It doesn't matter how much you try to explain, they never fully understand.
My dad just thinks it funny. Jajaja, my kid says I have adhd. My mum still doesn't see it. So you have that too? The only person that supports me is my sister.
For ages i have been trying to tell them that I need boundaries, I don't like physical touch, I need a lot of alone time, I have meltdowns and shutdowns and sometimes can't manage my feelings well. Every time I try to stop them they say I'm rude or have the worst moods. Lili is so rude probably the sentence I have been told the most in my whole life.
I've read some stuff about how sometimes an asd dx can close many doors and don't have many benefits for some people.
I don't want to face my family and have to explain but I really want to because of my cousin. I don't want him to grow this confused because now I look back and many things would have been so different if I knew what was going on. I've felt like shit so many times because I couldn't work out stuff and function it like others wanted me to. If I only had an answer...
I fear negative results. If they tell me I don't have any of this disorders, I know I'm gonna break. Plus, I don't have that much money to go from therapist to therapist.
I really fear rejection and people doubting my words. I don't want to have to prove anything to anyone but I know that it can happen.
I'm in a place in which I have settled for this. My personal experience plus what I have learnt, tell me this is true. I have adhd and asd. I'm not in a good place to look for a proper diagnosis yet, so the self dx is the only option. I'm starting to open up and understand many things about myself and how my brain works but still it is so scary to have to tell people. My symptoms are there, they are just masked. But I also fesr that if I start unmasking people will tell me I'm making it up. So stay "hidden" is the only way right now and it's so frustrating and scary. I wanna feel better and I'm slowly working on it. I'm accomodating my whole life to this new view and it feels good. I don't fear noise canceling earplugs now, or staying at home or just moving away if I need alone time. The rest will slowly come as I learn more and more.
If you have reached this, thank you for taking some time. I needed to get all of this out. Another day, I'll talk about my symptoms and traits, I'm still ordering those and trying to see where everything comes from.
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