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kayr0ss · 4 years

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Small Spaces (Diakko)

[LWA, Diakko, drabble, FLUFF SO MUCH FLUFF, stay home!!!, Akko be teasing a clingy Diana]

Summary: Akko would like to get up from the couch. Diana won’t let her.

They were kissing.

And a little uncomfortable, if Akko were to be frank, because her couch wasn’t particularly big and she was surprised Diana hadn’t started complaining that at least one of her limbs were going numb. But oh was she a good kisser—and Akko could feel the warmth of Diana’s palms burning into the bare skin of her sides. Her oversized shirt left plenty of room for wandering hands to enter, but the blonde was hopelessly respectful, even while making out.

And honestly? She was really into that.

“Diana,” Akko pulled back, giggling into the other woman’s neck. “People need to breathe!”

“Sorry,” Diana chuckled, lifting a hand to stroke her hair. Akko lay atop her, entangled among her limbs and a fluffy blanket from Japan that had Hello Kitty all over it. She could feel the soft rumble of Diana’s laughter through chest, noting with delight that she felt like kissing her at the neck. So she did. Once, and then twice, and then a third time while she lifted a hand to cup the other woman’s cheek.

Then she smiled against Diana’s skin, wondering if she could get away with teasing… with sinking her teeth just a little bit against Diana’s pulse. The action was handsomely rewarded with a sharp breath, and the feeling of fingernails raking against her lower back.

Feeling smug, Akko giggled and moved up to kiss her partner innocently on the cheek. “Hi.” She grinned, smiling childishly towards the woman below her.

Diana looked completely flustered. Akko should have felt sorry—but it was absolutely priceless!

“So,” she started with devilish sweetness. “Wanna get food?”

Diana raised an eyebrow. “No.”

Akko noticed blue eyes flicker restlessly between her lips and her eyes. She tried her best not to swoon at how Diana pursed her lips in what she knew by now was self-restraint.

Akko kissed her nose. “Why not?”

“I…” Diana began to blush harder, already impressively red from their earlier activity. “Am quite enjoying this.”

The brunette blinked innocently. “This?”

“Akko…”

She actually whined! Adorably!

“You’re gonna have to be specific,” Akko stated matter-of-factly. Oh, was she going to milk this moment for all its worth! To add to the effect, she leaned in closer, loving the way Diana licked her lip lower lip and held her breath anticipation. Akko titled her head, nuzzling her nose against the other’s and enjoying the feel her girlfriend’s hand sliding back to the side of her waist.

Akko brushed against her lips, “well?”

Diana kissed her. She did so with a soft hum from the back of her throat, shifting her position so that Akko—who was slowly kissing her back—fell to the side and would find herself pinned between Diana and the couch’s backrest.

She loved it when Diana was like this. With her, it never felt too cramped to share all the small spaces.

The brunette broke the kiss for some air again.

“That wasn’t an answer.” Akko pouted. She decided to push herself up with her arms so that she was back on top of Diana and hovered above her from a considerable distance. Diana seemed displeased with this development. “I asked…” Akko said pointedly, “what you were enjoying so much that was more important than getting food?”

She was met with a mildly irritated glare. Blushing glare.

Akko motioned to get up from the couch (which she wasn’t really going to do), but a pair of arms wrapped themselves quite firmly around her waist.

“Mhmm?” Akko tried not to grin.

“Now you’re just teasing me.”

“Mou, I asked a question! No teasing there.”

When Diana’s lip jutted the slightest bit forward to form an pout, Akko lost it and giggled. She fell downwards back in close proximity to Diana. She grinned against the blonde’s temple, enjoying the smell of her hair and kissing her near the brow. Diana’s embrace tightened around her—and goodness it warmed her heart so deeply she could feel her chest swell.

“My guess is I’m trapped,” Akko whispered, meeting Diana’s beautiful—beautiful—blue eyes when the latter turned her head to look at her.

“That is correct.”

“I did want to get some strawberry yogurt.” She huffed, curling into herself and closer to Diana, who adjusted her arms to hold her snugly.

“You’ll spoil your appetite for dinner.”

“What if someone knocks at the door?”

“Then we aren’t home.”

Akko laughed at that one, “and what if I needed to go to the bathroom?”

Diana paused at that. “But you just went an hour ago. You’ve not had any water since, and liquid isn’t processed by the kidneys as qui—”

She shut her up with a kiss—good lord—Akko she loved her so much.

The recipient happily obliged.

“Would it have killed you to just answer?” Akko laughed, finding the whole thing hilarious.

“And give you the satisfaction?”

Hah! Suddenly, Akko’s fighting spirit was back—

—and then gone, because Diana's eyes were soft, and her hands had come up to hold Akko’s face—

“I love you.”

—and Diana had a stupidly smitten smile when she asked her:

“Stay with me here?”

fin

AN: Hello! So I’ve kinda been spamming the LWA fics haven’t I haha sorry guys! Stay at home! This self-indulgent fluff is a knee-jerk reaction to having read amazingly-written Diakko angst WHICH BROKE MY HEART so here *mic drop* this is a band aid

#Diakko #Dianakko #Diana Cavendish #Atsuko Kagari #Akko Kagari #LWA #Little Wtich Academia #Luna Nova #Fluff #Cute #romance #wlw #femmeslash #fanfiction #fanfic

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sunriseverse · 4 years

Note

rec listtttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

fair warning there’s a lot of different fandoms here—i have, uh. twenty-two pages of bookmarks. lots of newmann though, i promise. in no particular order, i give you a fic rec list

the future’s owned by you and me by kaiyen (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 7k, Not Rated)

Years after they stopped writing each other, Newt and Hermann run into each other on the steps of Cambridge University Library. Quite literally.

Newt stares at him, expecting more. He doesn’t get any. “Come on, man, who are you? Maybe I’ve read something.”

I doubt it, Hermann barely catches himself from saying. “Gottlieb. Hermann Gottlieb.”

And Newt looks like he’s struck oil. “Oh my god,” he says, and something flickers behind his eyes, like there’s more than just recognition there, and before he can wonder any more about what it is, Newt blurts, “Oh my god!” and Hermann flinches and makes a face like a disgruntled frog.

What you can expect: emotions, opprotunities missed, and opprotunities taken. I absolutely adore this fic, though I might be biased by the fact that it has Newt as bipolar, and that’s something I always crave (more bipolar Newt fic when???).

Survival is for Nerds by Annabeelee (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 46k, Teen and Up)

It's three hundred and two years after humanity lost to the Kaiju and two hundred and twenty one since the Kaiju left. Not that it matters to Hermann. In relation to following a neurotic genetic experiment across whats left of the Northern American continent while dodging alien predators and hostile subgroups of humans, its possibly the least helpful thing to keep in mind.

What you can expect: scifi, tension, and a very intersting world. Post-apocalyptic, technically, but the way it’s written makes it almost hopeful. I love how the setting and writing makes it feel like a blend between victorian steampunk and futuristic in tone.

people can surprise you (or not) by pdameron (James Bond, James Bond/Q, 10k, Teen and Up)

“I’m not you, Bond. I don’t exactly have a technique for getting rich strangers to like me.”

“Just do your naive cute puppy thing, and they’ll be doting on you in no time,” Bond replies as he pulls up to the grand estate.

“My what?” Q asks incredulously. Bond doesn’t answer, simply giving him an indulgent smile. The fucker.

(or: 00q meets Gosford Park. Except not really.)

What you can expect: humour, murder, and some light espionage. Also, fake dating.

Infinite Distance by lachatblanche (X-Men, Erik Lensherr/Charles Xavier, 7k, Teen and Up)

When they encounter an unfamiliar and seemingly-abandoned ship in the middle of nowhere in space, Captain Charles Xavier of the spaceship Graymalkin heads out to investigate.

What you can expect: drama! Intruige! It’s set in space! I read this a while ago but I have memories of it being rather riveting despite the relatively short length.

Gertrude’s Goulash by lollzie (Gotham, Edward Nygma/Oswald Cobblepot, 7k, General Audiences)

Ed needs a new roommate. Oswald needs a room. Oswald may just be the most amazing person Ed has ever met. Shame he's not single. Cue wooing via the medium of cooking.

What you can expect: pining, misunderstandings, obliviousness, and a lot of goulash as a method of romancing.

Death Of The Author by happygolovely (Gotham, Edward Nygma/Oswald Cobblepot, 9k, Mature)

Edward Nygma was never intended to be anything more than a secondary character.

The Riddler demands otherwise.

What you can expect: a story within a story within a story. You think you have it figured out, and the next moment the carpet is yanked out from beneath you. Fairly dark, possibly disturbing, but my goodness if it’s not engaging.

we make our friends, we make our enemies by ORiley42 (Mission: Impossible, Benji Dunn/Ethan Hunt, 52k, Teen and Up)

Benji finds out he has a new neighbor. This new neighbor happens to be off-the-charts hot. Hijinks, friendship, more-than-friendship, and secret agent drama ensue.

What you can expect: pining. There’s spy stuff going on too, and it eventually gets brought up, but my gods, the pining. Also, it’s fucking hilarious, and, at just over fifty thousand words, the perfect read when you’ve got an hour or two and you want something that’ll make you both laugh and cry.

Self-Sabotage by EmilyweepsforPilfrey (James Bond, James Bond/Q, 2k, Teen and Up)

For some reason, whenever he's alone with Bond, the most ridiculous things come out of Q's mouth.

Or 'the one where Q accidentally invents a girlfriend'.

What you can expect: Q being an utter idiot. It’s hilarious. Nice quick bite of humour if you fancy it.

The Long Con by harleygirl2648 (Hannibal, Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter, 19k, Teen and Up)

There are two kinds of cons: long and short. Short cons mean short-term gain, with smaller rewards, mostly just everything you have in your pocket at that moment. Long cons mean lots of time, effort, costumes, masks, props, sets, and other characters all looking to set up the downfall of the mark and take them for all that they've got.

Con Artist/Thieves AU: Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter are both interested in acquiring a Botticelli, but both of them are quite fond of each other's short games. For both of them, it's the deception and thrill of the game that's worth more than the payout.

And well, after all, aren't the easiest people to scam are those who think they are smart enough to not get scammed?

What you can expect: no cannibalism, a lot of banter, and, of course, con artistry. Quite delightful if I do say so myself.

deus ex machina by coloredink (Hannibal, Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter, 26k, Teen and Up)

"What the hell?" said Katz. "Is that--"

"Yeah, I know, it's kinda flashy." Will shut the car door behind him and patted his pockets for the little fob to lock the car.

"Isn't that Hannibal Lecter's car?"

The car beeped to indicate it was locked. "Yeah, I guess so." Will walked away, toward the field, Katz on his heels. "I needed a new car."

"So you bought the cannibal car?"

-----

You asked for it: the one where Hannibal is a murderous self-driving car.

What you can expect: what it says on the tin. Quite funny, especially with the element of magical realism meaning Hanni-car is sentient. The Hannigram is more vaguely implied than an actual thing, owing, probably, to the fact that Hannibal is, well, a car.

adapt, evolve, become. by peupeugunn (Alex Rider, Gen, 3k, Not Rated)

“This is how you get out. You're slowly moving towards a desk job.” A pause, then, “you know, most people do it the other way around.” Alex chuckles softly and and shuffles towards him to lean against his shoulder, burrowing into the crook of his neck. Ben’s arm winds around him, shields him from the world, a solid weight on his back. “You're going to miss the adrenaline rushes, kid.” There's something almost sad in his voice. Alex doesn't want to understand why. Down that road lies madness.

What you can expect: a character study, in a bit of a roundabout way.

A Sharp Dressed Man by Avelera (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 12k, Teen and Up)

Hermann's latest book needs an author photo. However, when he's given a makeover and a suit that actually fits for the photo shoot, his appearance is so transformed that Newt mistakes him for his (much hotter) older brother, Dietrich.

Hermann decides to play along.

What you can expect: gods this fic is so good. It’s the first Newmann fic I ever read, and I’ve reread it a good six times since 2018. I would say more, but I think the fic speaks for itself.

Gestures by Actually_Crowley (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 7k, Teen and Up)

Newton finds out what Hermann does with his rare free time, but the discovery leads him to believe that Hermann honestly and unequivocally hates him.

What you can expect: the rituals are fucking intricate. I love this fic so so so much. And the eventual reveal/confession...scream.

Fate’s Horrifying Ways (also known as: CHRISTMAS GODZILLA) by linearoundmythoughts (Pacific Rim, Newton Geislzer/Hermann Gottlieb, 4k, Teen and Up)

Your name is Newton Geiszler and you’re going to have to break things off with your sort-of online boyfriend because you’re cheating on him. Sort of. [AKA the most dramatic summary of a humorous crackfic ever ok]

Originally written for the Pacrim Secret Santa back in 2014.

What you can expect: first off, it’s not second person, I promise. It is, though, really fucking funny, owing to the misunderstandings that ensue. There’s much pining, some angsting, and, of course, humour.

Letters From Berlin by spenshi (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 12k, Teen and Up)

Newton keeps in touch with his family when he's shipped off to the Shatterdome. Jacob and Illia send care packages to the K-Science Lab.

What you can expect: Geiszler-family feels. A lot of them. Also, Newt and Hermann slowly growing closer to until they can finally admit they’re into each other.

Wishbone by cypress_tree (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 8k, Teen and Up)

Hermann doesn't have anywhere to go for Thanksgiving, so Newt invites him over for food, family, and a little bit of flirting. Just a warm, fuzzy college AU to get you through the holidays.

What you can expect: fluff, softness, general feel-good fic. It’s really good, and it has Geiszler-family feels. Reading this fic is a bit like drinking hot cocoa on a cold day.

next days by catbeans (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 5k, Teen and Up)

Hermann had never felt an ache quite like this one, and he had felt plenty. He had been running on adrenaline first, and then on the necessity to keep running, pain and bone-deep exhaustion falling to such a low priority that he couldn't even consider it one anymore, and then it had stopped.

(the 18 hour nap date these guys deserve)

What you can expect: Newt and Hermann cuddling. A lot. That’s really it, that’s the fic. It’s 100% indulgent and I love it for that.

Tebori by SkysongMA (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 7k, Not Rated)

Newt squints. "It's really not a sex thing? 'Cause I'm not opposed to it being a sex thing, mind you. I just don't want to come in the lab tomorrow and not get to throw things at your stupid face."

Hermann lets out an endless, long-suffering sigh. "It's really not a sex thing, Newton, honestly. We hate each other. That's worked out very well for us so far, and it will continue to work out for us in the future." He doesn't mention that they haven't always hated each other and that, at one point in their long relationship, showing up unannounced at Newton's door for the purpose of sexual favors would not have been so far out of the realm of possibility. Had been, in fact, one of those things Hermann had considered late at night long ago, when he couldn't go a week without a fat envelope in the mail full of Newt's ramblings.

But that was quite some time ago, and he means it. They each get more work done than they would ever have separately, even if only because they like to rub their progress in the other's face.

Anyway, admitting anything different would just give Newt ammunition

What you can expect: Newt gives Hermann a tattoo. There’s a lot of feels.

Newt Inherits a Bar by orphan (Pacific Rim and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 11k, Not Rated)

The scary part is the bar looks exactly like Newt remembers.

What you can expect: you’ll probably tear up a bit. This one hits pretty hard, honestly, but it’s so, so, so good.

First a Darling, Then a Marvel by isozyme (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 20k, Mature)

Newt runs a simulation given three constraints:

1: Newt wants to clone a kaiju 2: Hermann does not want Newt to clone a kaiju 3: Newt is going to clone a kaiju anyway

What you can expect: a lot of sciencing, a lot of feels, and two repressed idiots. There’s like, a paragraph or two of smut but it’s pretty clear when it’s going to happen so it’s easy to skip, which is great. The tl;dr of this fic is Newt clones some kaiju, Hermann reminds him how fucking horrible of an idea that is, and everything more or less works out in the end.

Tea and Sympathy by osprey_archer (Torchwood, Owen Harper/Ianto Jones, 13k, Teen and Up)

Soon after Jack's disappearance, Owen takes sick. Ianto goes to check on him.

What you can expect: crabby doctors, put-upon Welshmen, and a fuckton of emotions that everyone is trying to ignore. Not particularly happy, but then, when is Torchwood ever? It’s good while it lasts, though.

Pareidolia by hal_incandenza (Pacific Rim and The Black Tapes Podcast, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 102k, Mature)

It starts as a profile of paranormal investigator and professional skeptic Dr. Hermann Gottlieb. But it seems the further journalist Newt Geiszler delves into his cases, the more mysterious Dr. Gottlieb becomes. What is he hiding? What is he looking for? What is the truth? What is the difference between a journalist's idea of truth, and a scientist's?

Seeing is not believing. Believing is believing.

What you can expect: suspense, mystery, horror, pining, and apocalypse cults, with a dash of an ambiguous ending. I love this fic so much. I literally would stop what I was doing to read it when I got an alert that there was an update when it was still a work in progress.

Meet Me There Across The Water, And We’ll Start An Endless Storm by Skepticamoeba (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 35k, Teen and Up)

Hermann, an honorably discharged veteran has retired to continue working as a Keeper at a Lighthouse. It is perfectly solitary, and with little in the way for incidents. Newton is the sailor that washes up on the seashore after a summer storm.

[Late 19th century Lighthouse Keeper AU--or the one where Hermann was an aspiring artist whose dreams got a bit derailed, and Newt is the sailor that needs to learn to take his time with things.]

What you can expect: the pining........the intricate rituals............the denial.........*chef’s kiss*

and I couldn’t whisper when you needed it shouted by Lvslie (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 24k, Teen and Up)

He still smells like Newt; bears traces of his recent nearness. Clothes sleep-wrinkled from the proximity, from the way Newt’s ankle has during the night hooked around the calf of Hermann’s good leg and dragged his whole body seamlessly closer. Cheek half-flushed from the face unconsciously nuzzled his into the side of Hermann’s neck—evidence of his presence, fast asleep, as Hermann lay still and fretful for hours an end, staring at the ceiling and feeling sick with wanting.

[An early 20th century AU inspired loosely by Maurice and Age of Innocence.]

What you can expect: wistfulness, pining, repression, denial, lots of feelings. You’ll probably tear up. There’s an achingly happy ending for both of them. This is one of the fics I want a hard copy of so I can mark it up because, fuck, I love it so much.

leave the car running by Macremae (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 1k, Teen and Up)

It is clear that, after everything, Newt doesn't like to be touched.

What you can expect: touch starvation, mutual pining, Newt finally getting the human contact he deserves. I wrote my own version of this since it was initially a prompt, but quite frankly, I like Newton’s version better because it hits.

The Man Who Invented Sherlock Holmes by Calais_Reno (Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, 15k, Teen and Up)

John Watson, struggling young doctor, doomed to live an ordinary life, dreams of writing detective fiction. If he can just figure out his hero's name, the story will practically write itself.

What you can expect: Watson sort of, kind of, maybe invents a man into being. Oops. I haven’t read this one in a while but I remember it being quite a lot of fun. There’s elements of what I would say is probably magical realism, but it’s never quite clear.

Newton Isn’t Dead by Macremae (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb and Vanessa Gottlieb/Karla Gottlieb, 32k, Mature)

Newton Geiszler is currently being possessed by a genocidal alien race known as the Precursors. They’ve taken over his body, leaving him a prisoner in his own mind. However, Newt has a totally awesome plan. He’s going to make a deal with them: let him prove that Earth is worth saving, and if he can’t do that, they can have his body. But convincing a hivemind full of mega-colonizers that one blue planet can be wonderful isn’t going to be easy. He’s going to need the help of his kind-of-ex Hermann, his best friend Vanessa, and one awesome Footloose remake to pull this off.

So, naturally, they go on a road trip.

What you can expect: pining, world-saving, eventual confessions and happy endings. I had the great honour of reading the chapters before they were published, and this fic is one of my top five favourite fics. There were multiple points where I yelled, both literally (quietly) and through text (slightly less quietly).

it takes time, but time moves slow by prettydizzeed (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 2k, Teen and Up)

Hermann conducts a cost-benefit analysis every class period of sitting in the back of the lecture hall versus walking down the stairs to the front. He wishes he had hard data for this, to get some actual statistics, and perhaps after a while, if he records his pain level and his ability to read the board and pay attention after each class, he will be able to predict the outcomes given either choice on a particular day.

Two curves, traveling in opposite directions, inversely proportional: pain goes up, concentration goes down. It’s comforting, somewhat, to make it a numbers game. Impersonal. Absolute. Not a tragedy, and not his doing, only his to interpret, a smudged scrawl across his left knee in an unfamiliar handwriting, his to analyze, to decrypt.

What you can expect: the fic may only be 2k, but it will leave you feeling like you were punched. It’s fantastic.

I Could Be Jew-ish For You by Macremae (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 10k, Teen and Up)

When Hermann agrees to spend Chanukah with his family in an attempt to wheedle some desperately-needed funding out of his father, Newt insists that he shouldn’t face Lars alone and tags along as his “emotional support family rage distraction”. What they fail to realize are two things: 1. When Hermann brings Newt with him to the festivities, assumptions will be made, and 2. Newt may be half-Jewish, but he sure wasn’t raised as one.

What to expect: fake dating fake dating fake dating— (can you tell I have a favourite trope?) In which Newt is Jew-ish, Hermann is both exasperated and pining, Lars is disliked, and we all get the Jewish romcom we deserve.

It Was Love At Second Sight by rednights (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 35k, Teen and Up)

Hermann receives the first letter when he is eighteen years old.

or: Kaiju don't attack the Earth, but Hermann and Newt still write letters, botch their first meeting, and fall in love, not necessarily in that order.

What you can expect: feels. So many fucking feels. There’s no kaiju but that doesn’t mean you won’t be on the edge of your seat.

hello my old heart by firebirdsuite (The Magnus Archives, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims, 15k, Teen and Up)

Peter’s wrong, of course. When it’s all over, Martin does still want to tell Jon everything. It’s just—well, there’s a few things they need to work through first before they can get there.

Martin and Jon find each other again in Scotland.

What you can expect: tenderness, domesticity, and love. The perfect trifecta.

the truth about me (and the truth about me) by danimagus (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 11k, Teen and Up)

Newton suffers from a bout of memory loss and is told Hermann is his fiancé.

Hermann plays along, to his endless shame.

What you can expect: two words: fake dating. Gods, I love this fic, as Mary can attest from how I unceremoniously started screaming at her about it in her tumblr messages the day of/after it was published. This fic is great because it subverts the trope a bit, and thus avoids issues of consent that may otherwise have occured.

speak right to my heart without saying a word by thekaidonovskys (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 13k, General Audiences)

“Your eyes. Your expression. Your smile. I’ve worked with you for ten years, Hermann, and words have never been our primary method of communication.”

What you can expect: to be knocked the fuck out emotionally. This one hits pretty hard, and that’s what makes it so good.

Transducer by hal_incandenza (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 85k, Teen and Up)

“I need you to hide something for me.”

“Oh, excellent. Of course, Newton, please allow me to jeopardize my career. And yours as well. My pleasure. Do go on.”

“Yeesh, relax,” said Newton. “It’s a personal thing, not a work thing.”

“As if there is any division between the two,” Hermann snapped.

If only you knew, Newt thought.

What you can expect: intruigue, alien tech, light espionage. This fic will have your little nerd heart beating double-time. It’s very very good.

A Really Private Person by astolat (Person of Interest, Harold Finch/John Reese, 18k, Mature)

The end of the world started on a Wednesday in March.

What you can expect: badassery on Finch’s part. One of the few fics I have bookmarked for this fandom, and it’s bookmarked for good reason.

Party For Two by ProblemWithTrouble (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 18k, General Audiences)

“My mother’s parents have a home in the Black Forest that has a guest house. They’ve often allowed me to stay there when I could spare the time.” Hermann looked distant as if he were remembering something; the warmth of a fire and a nice book and the smell of freshly made tea. “It will be quiet, and possibly too boring for you-”

“It won’t be. I could use some quiet after the decade we’ve had. I could actually compile my research. And sleep. It sounds amazing.”

After the world doesn't end Newt and Hermann take a vacation together to live in a cabin and finally relax, as friends. Cue the pining, the longing, and the living together as best friends.

What you can expect: a fic that will wrap you up like a warm blanket. Mutual pining, vacationing together in a cabin, lots of feels—what more can you want?

Dream Drifting by MooseLane (Pacific Rim and Inception, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 5k, General Audiences)

"You're running an extraction on that spastic PPDC biologist, is what I hear." Chau fixes him with a side-eye. "I know I wouldn't want to go poking around in that little bastard's head."

(There are not enough Inception x Pacific Rim crossover fics, so I decided to change that.)

What you can expect: Inception meets Pacific Rim. There’s no other way to say it, really.

I’ve Got Nothing To Do Today But Smile (The Only Living Boy In New York) by gyzym (Inception, Arthur/Eames, 19k, Teen and Up)

Arthur's a corporate lawyer, Eames owns the coffee shop across the street, and all good love stories start with a quadruple shot latte.

What to expect: Arthur is stressed, Eames runs a coffee shop, and, through the power of friendship and a lot of stress-baking, everything works out happily for our intrepid protagonist.

Kalimat/كلمات by rainbowagnes (The Old Guard, Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicolò di Genova, 3k, Teen and Up)

Yusuf translates medical texts for Niccolò from Greek and Persian into Arabic, and Niccolò spots the substratum of the ideas of the classical authors that he had once believed the basis of his own civilisation that he would go to the sword to defend, translated and passed down and sewn into a no longer foreign script. There are words Yusuf does not know how to translate. They will never, ever know all of the words. The prospect is thrilling. --- It takes Niccolò lifetimes to learn Arabic.

What you can expect: if you, like me, are, especially natively, multilingual, this might hit the sweet spot of Language Feels. It did for me. Also, Joe calling Nicky hayati? Yeah.

i never liked that ending either by Macremae (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 15k, Mature)

You want a better story. Who wouldn’t? - Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out

Once upon a time Dr. Flick Tucker, K-Sci head of Biology, fought a bunch of highly scientific dragons to save the world. Then, they took over her life. It didn’t end well.

Once upon our time Dr. Newt Geiszler, marine biologist, sci-fi aficionado, and accidental discoverer of dimensional travel, got a chance to take her place. He has a couple of ideas.

In which Uprising is still a bad movie, musings on the nature of choice and personal autonomy are made, and somewhere, probably, a coin is showing heads every time.

What you can expect: everything’s fine this is a perfectly normal fic come here i want to cause you as much emotional damage as I can

Not Allowed by acedott (BBC Merlin, Gwen/Morgana, 1k, General Audiences)

Gwen has been dealing with self-imposed touch starvation since she was a child. Morgana sets out to challenge this.

What you can expect: gays. Pining. Touch starvation. Need I say more?

Rocky Horror Pancake Show by ChuckleVoodoos (Daredevil, Matt Murdock/Franklin “Foggy” Nelson, 19k, Teen and Up)

Foggy falls asleep at exactly 12:00 AM, and he’s making a wish. He wakes up at 12:00 AM too—twenty-four hours before he fell asleep.

"Let's do the time warp again!"

What you can expect: Ground-hog Day style time-loop, lots of fluff, and a happy ending.

Ain’t No Nancy Kerrigan by cleverqueen (DC’s Legends of Tomorrow, Leonard Snart/Mick Rory, 13k, Teen and Up)

It's 1994, and young Lisa Snart's jumps aren't strong enough for an Olympic singles skater. Thankfully, her older brother has an athletic friend who can match her in pairs.

Mick Rory is hopelessly in love with Leonard Snart, though he'd never say anything about it, so he jumps at a chance to do Len's little sister a favor. If he's patient and works hard, maybe he'll even get to skate with her older brother.

What you can expect: pining, ice-skating, and general goodness. It’s fun, it’s funny, and it has a happy ending.

#rec list #ask #a good 40% of these are mutual pining but really who's surprised. i love a good mutual pining fic #hopefully all these links work because i spent. an inordinate amount of time compiling this.#let me know if any of the links need to be changed #c.txt

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mbti-notes · 3 years

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Heyo, this is the INFJ that asked a year or so ago about learning psychology. Thanks for your last answer! I just wanted to ask about something else I've been having trouble with. I've always loved learning myself, especially in the mathematical/computational sciences. I've been doing so since I was 8 (I'm 18 rn) and I really love it. Since I was reading university-level stuff myself for all these years, I also got an on-campus job in research. However, since I've gotten this job, reading and do

[con’t: ing stuff has kinda lost its charm, the reason being that because I've started to see that I'm good at the field and potentially able to gain a lot of extrinsic reward for it, my motivation has become extrinsic because I have real stakes in not studying now such as not progressing in my career or even losing opportunities (Ryan's SDT theory? lol). I understand that I can just focus COMPLETELY intrinsically, without any focus on what I get from things, but that isn't preferable because I'll just it's just that I've caught a fear of success and procrastinate endlessly on achieving my long-term goals. I think I'm unconsciously afraid of doing too well tbh, because people don't like it (I've seen my peers becoming jealous and withdraw since I got my job and I didn't even realize why they did that until an elder explained to me). I'm also afraid of failing to do what I set out to do and showing myself that I was really in the clouds after all. Do you have tips to help me confront these fears?

BTW, I saved this for the last: your answer was REALLY helpful; I'm making tons of progress! I've chosen to 'specialize' in cognitive/personality psychology, a tilt towards the personality side, and I've already started applying and seeing the depth in the various theories put together by those intelligent folks. I think I'm starting to analyze theories and put them in a more theory-in-itself perspective, which is really enjoyable and gets me a bunch of insight I didn't know was hidden there. I've also started seeing the value in research and how it is used to forward and refine theory empirically. So thanks :D]

You’re welcome. It seems that your problem is related to function misuse:

Ni misuse: unrealistic expectations or extreme thinking

Fe misuse: self-image and self-worth problems

Ti misuse: twisted logic and inappropriate methods of judgment

Se misuse: superficial or oversimplistic thinking

The first major issue is that there’s something wrong with the way that you try to envision the future. 1) Oversimplified either/or thinking runs rampant. “Either I succeed or I fail.” “Either I am intrinsically or extrinsically motivated.” 2) From either/or thinking comes the formulation of extreme expectations. “I must be the absolute best to succeed”. “Failing means that I am the absolute worst.” “If I am only intrinsically motivated, I will procrastinate and fail.” “If I am only extrinsically motivated, I will lose myself and fail.” And on and on.

You don’t give yourself many options because your mind is closed or cut off from other options. If your N process is basically only capable of generating ideas that all lead to one conclusion - failure - it speaks to the immaturity of Ni. Listen more carefully to how you talk to yourself. If you talked to someone else the way that you talk to yourself, you’d be causing a lot of hurt. There is a distinct lack of self-compassion in your self-talk. You basically set yourself up for failure so that you can blunt the disappointment that you expect to feel should you fail - you are causing your own failure and disappointment. This is a very sad way to go through life. Sure, if you never really try, then you are able to live in the delusion that you could’ve been great. It is delusion because the fact is that you will never actually know the truth about yourself and your potential. You are saying that protecting your delusion is more important than the truth.

None of this thinking is useful or productive because it is all quite unrealistic. Your thinking is based on pure abstractions, detached from how learning actually works in the real world. Learning is a PROCESS of growth. It cannot be measured merely in stark terms of “success” or “failure”. Would you tell a child that they have failed unless they achieved 100% on the test? Yet that is basically what you tell yourself. Learning is a HUMAN process, nonlinear, unpredictable. It cannot be only intrinsically or only extrinsically motivated because all human beings are motivated by both kinds of factors. Are you a robot? You can just switch things on and off as you like? It doesn’t work that way. The proper approach is to balance the two because you need both.

The second major issue is that your identity seems completely tied up with how you perform in your learning and work activities. This perhaps speaks to an underlying fear of being inadequate, inferior, unacceptable, worthless, etc - all pointing to deep-seated shame -> unhealthy Fe that uses inappropriate standards to determine your value. Ti loop commonly uses displays of striving, competency, or intelligence to prove oneself and alleviate shame. Shame about what? What’s your shame? Being imperfect?

If your motivation for learning is actually perfectionism, then, yes, you’re going to have serious motivation problems, because your intention is misguided. As soon as you fail to live up to perfection, your motivation dies. Perfectionism cannot sustain long term growth because it is merely concerned with protecting your feelings and boosting your ego. Perfectionism drains energy rather than energizes you. Would you tell a child that the main reason for doing anything is perfection, that they must do everything perfectly, or else there’s no point? If so, you’d be guaranteeing their failure and depression. You will always fail to live up to perfection because perfection doesn’t exist except as a delusional possibility in your own mind. Always thinking in terms of “failure to live up to an ideal” means that your focus is always trained on the negative, and in that state of mind, there is no space for experiencing the positive aspects of learning and growth.

You need function development. It begins at the top, with the way that Ni+Fe (poorly) conceptualizes you, your self-image, your potential, and your worth. These are common INFJ issues, so I suggest that you read through the related tags and articles.

#infj #learning #perfectionism #motivation #procrastination #success #failure #self worth #self compassion #shame #auxiliary fe #ask

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murasaki-murasame · 4 years

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After a billion years of waiting, the 2nd anniversary digest is out, and even though it didn’t talk about quite as much stuff as I expected, the stuff it DID show off was extremely good on just about every level, and oh boy do I have some thoughts about it, lol.

I’m not even sure where to begin with this one, lmao. There’s so much stuff they talked about, and so much stuff they DIDN’T even talk about. Like how they didn’t talk about the October events and banners even though they’re teased at on the 2nd anniversary website, which I guess means we’ll have to wait longer for info on that.

we also didn’t get any info on a collab, but I assume they’re going to announce that at the start of November and have the collab itself release a few weeks later.

I’m kinda sad that they accidentally leaked out the existence of guns, but I still got to experience all the shock and surprise about it, so that was fun. I’m really surprised that they’re adding a new weapon type so late into the game. Especially since they don’t seem to be planning to retcon any old adventurers into being gun units, which means that they’re going to make up a super tiny portion of the pool. But I still really like how they work, from what we’ve seen of them.

It’s great that Joe got a new gun alt who everyone gets for free, but it really feels like they screwed him over by making him a 3-star, lol. He’s probably gonna get immediately replaced by any light gun units they introduce after this point. But it’s still nice to see him get some love. He was the perfect unit to go for to showcase the new weapon type.

All the changes to weapon and wyrmprints are extremely overwhelming, so it’ll probably be a while until I have an actual opinion on them. But thus far I think it’s fine, but we REALLY need the ability to save wyrmprint set-ups so we don’t have to spend so much time shuffling them about again and again.

It’s kinda sad that it’s such an eldwater sink if you want to equip the same print to multiple units, but it’s much cheaper to do that with event prints, so you can still fill your team out with some good prints. And on the other hand, this is actually why I’m fine with the fact that so many prints are almost identical now, since it means you have way less of a need to actually spend eldwater to get extra copies. There’s like 4+ different prints that all give 30% skill damage, so you’d never actually have a reason to bother getting extra copies of any of them, if you at least already had all these prints before this update. It does make it harder to keep track of if you end up using like 15+ different prints across a whole team, but still, the eldwater cost is more or less avoidable if you just use different prints with the same effects.

I think the weapon bonus thing is going to be the most grindy, long-term part of this update, but I’m cool with it. It gives everyone something to slowly work towards, like when you’re at the stage of leveling your dojos. The issue is that people will want to max their weapon boosts as quickly as possible, but it’s clearly not designed to be rushed like that.

It’ll all take a lot of getting used to, but I’m happy that they’ve drastically cut down on the amount of weapons in the game, and made the progression system more linear. Once everyone gets used to it and more people start playing the game after this update, it’ll become more natural.

We also got a bit of an overhaul to the textures and lighting/rendering for all the 3D models, which still feels like a really strange decision to me. It gives them a really different sort of aesthetic, and I have mixed feelings about it. I think if they made it a bit less ‘harsh’ I’d really like it, but at the moment there’s a bit too much contrast between the lighting and the shading, and the black outlining just looks a bit odd.

We also got the big adventurer balance change, and even though it’ll be a while before we’ve got all the new numbers and stuff for everyone, I already get the feeling that Vice is gonna end up way worse than he was before this. Which is sad, since outright nerfing people always sucks, but I get why they did it. It messed with the balance too much to have a 3-star be in like the top 3 for DPS units across the entire game. At the very least they gave him poison on his S1 so he can afflict that more often now, instead of it just being on his S2.

Just going by what they’ve said, and what we can see in-game, one of the really big changes seems to be how basically all of the healers except Grace now have strength buffs on their S1s, which basically all seem to be 15% for 60 seconds. Which is a really interesting way to make healers more relevant, but I like it. I think it doesn’t stack, so you won’t get as much buff uprime as with dedicated buff units, but it at least means they contribute SOMETHING to the team’s DPS.

One other notable change is how T-Hope now has a 15% strength buff on his S1, which makes it pretty much exactly the same as Patia. So that should make auto eCiella a lot faster, with how often he gets that skill off, lol. This was something I expected him to eventually get via a spiral, but in general a lot of stuff in this balance patch feels like mana spiral upgrades in all but name, which is neat.

Lots of characters also got more status punisher stuff, which should hopefully at least make more units stronger. Most of it’s all pretty self-explanatory, but it’s kinda interesting that Norwin is now a poison punisher unit. I guess it’s one way to make him somewhat relevant to the shadow meta, lol.

They also buffed the older gala units, which is great. At least this way they can put off on establishing the precedent of gala mana spirals, by just directly buffing the old ones. We’ll see how it turns out when all the exact numbers have been datamined, but it seems like they’ve addressed the main isseus with G-Mym, G-Sarisse, G-Ranzal, and G-Euden.

I also noticed that they added defense debuffs to a fair amount of units, and made a lot of existing defense debuff moves land more often, so that’s interesting.

I’m also pretty excited to try out Pipple with this balance patch, since he now gets a 30% strength buff for himself with his S2. It at least makes it so that it’s always worth using whenever you can.

They didn’t announce anything about new endgame bosses like we expected, but it does sound like we’re still getting some eventually, and it’ll just come up later. Which is a good idea, probably, since we need some time to keep focusing on Agito stuff.

And on the note of the Agito fights, and current endgame content in general, I really like the addition of solo versions of all of them. For one thing it means a new wave of first clear bonuses, but it also means that you can pretty much entirely avoid co-op if you want to. The solo fights seem to give less rewards, but hopefully still enough that you can just stick to doing them exclusively if you want to. I haven’t tried any of it out, but it sounds like they’re all balanced around solo play, which should make it way more easier to do them than it was to try and solo fights that were designed for co-op.

It’s also kinda funny to me that even though they said we’re getting another tier of difficulty for the Agito fights, the only thing we know that we’re getting from it is fancier skins for the Agito weapons. They’ll probably still get stat boosts, but I could see them pretty much just being cosmetic upgrades.

They also upgraded the amount of weekly chests for HDTs and Agitos to five, and it sounds like we’re gonna start getting double drop events for them soon, so that’s great. In general I think this whole update will make it way easier to actually do endgame grinding, especially with the solo fights.

And then there’s the elephant in the room, which is the new battle royale mode. I haven’t tried it yet, but honestly I actually like the sound of it, lol. I absolutely never expected that they’d add something like this, especially since it’s effectively PVP, but it actually sounds perfectly fine. It’ll probably get tweaked as time goes on, but it sounds like you barely even get any extra rewards from it by winning compared to just dying immediately, and the whole mode is designed to have you start from a blank slate where you and everyone else are at the same playing field, so it’s basically entirely skill-based, and you don’t even need to be good at it to get rewards.

I wasn’t even sure how they’d handle PVP in an action RPG like this, but I think this is a good way to go about it.

We’re also getting a return of the time attack mode, which is . . . worrying, but hopefully now that people are much more familiar with both HDTs and Agitos, it’ll go by a lot more smoothly. I’m surprised they’re even touching this concept again after how badly it was received the first time, but I’m curious to see how it goes. I know a lot of people really liked it, so hopefully it’s balanced so that you can ignore it if you want to, without feeling like you’re missing out on too much.

They also finally got around to adding sparking, which is great. I honestly wasn’t really expecting it at this point, but after the patch notes got revealed yesterday I figured this was probably gonna happen. I know some people would wish it had been introduced earlier, but I’m glad it’s finally a thing. I still don’t think it’s as much of a make or break issue for me as it is for others, but it’s still pretty much an objective bonus over the old/current system. My main concern with sparking, though, has always been that it might lead them to notably tanking the amount of summons we can do each month as F2P players, which would cancel out the good parts of sparking, but I doubt they’d do that.

Either way, it seems to work in exactly the same way as GBF, in that each summon gets you a unique bit of currency, and when you get 300 of it, you can trade it for a featured unit of your choice. But also like with GBF, your sparks reset after each banner and turn into different items that you can exchange at a store for regular in-game items, so your 300 summons all have to be on the same banner, and you can’t just accumulate a spark by summoning across several banners. Though one thing that seems to be different to GBF is that summons done with diamantum give you twice the amount of sparks, which is really interesting, since it really cuts down on the amount of money you’d need to spend to get a spark that way. It’d still be super expensive to do an entire spark just through diamantum, but 150 summons with diamantum is still way cheaper than 300, lol.

If they keep our monthly summon income about the same as it’s been thus far even after they add sparking, I think that we’d be able to do a spark every 6-8 weeks just from event and log-in bonus rewards. At the moment we get around 150-200 summons per month just from all that, so it seems like it’ll be WAY faster to save for a spark than it is in GBF [where outside of specific holiday periods that have free summon events you’re probably looking at 4+ months of saving to be able to spark].

This at least means it’ll be way easier to plan out my hoarding, since I know that as long as I have 300+ summons saved, I can at least spark a new unit I want. And there’s always the possibility of just getting them early and being able to quit while I’m ahead.

And on the note of summons, we’re also getting 330 free summons total between the anniversary and the end of October, which is absolutely insane. Sadly you can’t save up sparks across banners, so you won’t be able to do a spark JUST from that, but it’d go a long way to helping supplement a spark on a specific banner.

It looks like we’re gonna get a short pre-gala of sorts soon that’ll contain all the previous gala units, but I’m probably gonna skip that, outside of the free pulls. The only one I don’t have from that set is Gala Alex, and at this point I’d rather just chase her when she’s in a future gala remix. If it’s anything like the same type of bonus gala we got for the first anniversary, all the featured units on this banner will probably have lower than normal rates to make up for how many of them will be on the banner, so it’d just be a really low-value banner for someone like me who already has all but one of them. I’m also not even sure if I’d be able to get all the way to 300 summons that quickly.

Either way I’m more interested in saving for stuff like Halloween, Christmas, new gala dragons, and New Years.

We’re also getting Gala Zena on the anniversary itself, and I think everyone saw her coming, lol. She’s not a gun unit, though, which is actually a bit lame, even though I figured it wouldn’t happen. Her being an attack-type light staff unit is really interesting, at least if she ends up working like Heinwald, but I’m still not sure if I’d be interested in actually spending resources to try and get her.

The gala banner is also going to have the new girl from the anniversary event, and a Midgardsormr alt. Though it sounds like he’s going to be non-limited, so he’s not our wind gala dragon.

The anniversary event also sounds extremely interesting. It sounds like we’re time-traveling back 1000 years to when Ilia created her religion, and she seems to basically be a punk biker girl, which is extremely cool on so many levels. It also kinda looks like Zethia is going to be the MC of this event, and it might not even feature Euden and co, which would be a nice change of pace.

I thought Ilia might be our new welfare unit, but going by the preview image for the event it looks like it’ll be Mordecai, who looks like he’s gonna end up possessed by Morsayati or something, since he looks a lot like Morsayati’s human form we’ve seen a few times. I hope he’s a gun unit, just so we can get more of them, but we’ll see how it goes.

I’m guessing that Ilia will eventually be playable, but maybe just for the 3rd anniversary event or something.

We also got a tease at the next three main story chapters, which all look really interesting. It seems like the Archangels event is going to pretty immediately become important to the story, and now we’re heading off to North Grastaea. We’re also going to be going to the fairy kingdom eventually, which is cool, especially since the teaser for it heavily implied that Notte will become a playable character then.

Which also reminds me that we’re probably eventually going to get a gun unit from the main story, since we have all the other weapon types already, but I doubt Notte will be a gun unit, lol.

Going by the teasers, I also get the feeling that Leonidas and Chelle will be our next two gala adventurers, and at least one of them, if not both, will probably be a gun unit. I think one of the shots of Leonidas had a gun visible in it, but Chelle’s also apparently the one who introduced guns to the world, so who knows how that’ll turn out. At the very least they did say that we’re gonna start getting new gun units soon, and we might get a lot of them really quickly to help fill out the pool. Which also means that some of the new holiday units might end up using guns, so that’s also worth saving for.

I also get the feeling that we might take a break from gala dragons for a while, since we’ve basically run out of good options for them. But who knows. We still need ones for water and wind.

Hopefully with the spark system in place I’ll be able to spark on at least the Halloween and New Years banners, since those are my top two priorities, but we’ll see how it goes. It’s always scary to enter limited holiday banner hell season, but at least they introduced sparking right before it all starts. At the moment I think I’ve got like 150 summons saved up, but I’ve still got most of my reset co-op rewards to go through, and I haven’t touched the Halloween event they added to the compendium, so that’ll add a lot. I think the anniversary log-in bonus will also give us like 2k wyrmite, and if the retweet event succeeds we’ll get an extra 1.2k wyrmite. So as long as they don’t tank our monthly summon currency, I should be able to spark on Halloween if I can commit to saving for it. Which is much easier said than done, lol.

All in all I think I really love this update, but it REALLY changes the entire game, so it’s gonna take a long time to get used to. And thankfully even with the introduction of stuff like sort-of-PVP, it doesn’t look like they’re going in any sort of P2W direction with the game.

Also, there’s still the 45-minute Game Live presentation set to come later tonight, but I’m not expecting that to tell us much, since it’ll probably be targeted at new players. I’m still holding out hope for a Switch port announcement, though.

#murasaki rambles #dragalia lost

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thanksjro · 4 years

Text

Last Stand of the Wreckers, Issue #3: Garrus-9 is Fun for the Whole Family

Noticed a little something as I was reading- in issue #1, Roberts is credited for contributing to the story. However, in issue #2 and on, he’s credited as a writer alongside Roche.

Maybe it’s just a change in the how the credits were being labelled within IDW, because it never seems to stay consistent between series, but that’s still quite the jump. He’s accumulating power much faster than I originally thought. How delightful, and also terrifying.

Getting back to the story, we open up this issue with a flashback: two years ago, Overlord deigned it necessary to reunite Shockwave’s head with his body. Now, this was still nearly a year after he’d first taken over Garrus-9, and Shockwave can’t help but question the wait.

Back when Megatron still had Overlord under him, he had Shockwave slap something called an “Achilles virus” into the guy. This virus made it impossible for Overlord to comprehend any weaknesses Megatron might have- something positively devastating to a tactician as ruthless as Overlord. He, of course, wants the thing removed. Shockwave agrees.

With how many of the IDW universe’s problems this chunky purple fuck is responsible for, I’d honestly be more surprised if helping Overlord DIDN’T help him further his own agenda in some way.

Once Shockwave frees up Overlord’s processors, he’ll be free to go and cause more mayhem, while Overlord keeps doing his thing on Garrus-9. Shockwave, because he’s a smarty-pants, knows what he’s up to- he’s trying to goad Megatron into coming to see him, by way of ultraviolence.

When I was a little kid- we’re talking no more than five- if I wanted my parents to come see me after I’d woken up in the morning, I’d do this god-awful thing where I’d shriek at the top of my lungs repeatedly and then hide under my blankets acting as if I’d been sleeping like a perfect little angel the whole time. This feels a lot like that, except Overlord’s been screaming for three years.

Back in the present, we get a taste of some dramatic irony, by way of Fisitron’s fanboy datalogs.

You’re never going to guess what’s happened.

Since the ping-pong ball Verity was riding in smashed right into where Overlord likes to hang out, it’s looking somewhat grim for them. Not that things are looking any better over here.

Guzzle isn’t much of a team player, it would seem.

Springer’s worried that the others were DOA, but Twin Twist seems to think things are alright.

And he would know, I suppose.

Over in the Pit, Overlord’s greeting his new guests. Rotorstorm tries to break the tension with a joke. It actually goes over pretty well with Overlord.

Still, it’s a tough crowd.

Back over with Wrecker team A, the boys have just blown up a hallway to buy themselves a little time. Well, Guzzle blew up the hallway, since he’s a tank, but the others were there for moral support.

Things have really hit the fan, and Springer makes the call to split up and look for clues get help. Guzzle and Kup pair up and run for it, which seems appropriately themed, while Twin Twist decides it’s time to break out the alt-mode and dig through the floor so they can get to the Autobot prisoners. Springer’s not too sure about that, seeing as Twin Twist’s hurt, but he says they can take it. Yes, they.

After that painful scene transition, Overlord implores the Wreckers before him to surrender. Perceptor, having a case of terminal bad-ass disease, orders Pyro to keep Verity safe- which he does by stuffing her into his chest?- while he and the others attempt to bare-knuckle box Overlord into submission.

I’m not kidding, he’s just shoving her in there.

While Perceptor and the gang commit suicide, Twin Twist’s just finished drilling, and it’s looking like it’s a bit more of a drop than he was expecting. Luckily, Springer swoops in and catches him before he can take any fall damage.

Both they and Impactor land safely on the floor of an energy reactor, and it looks like they’ve got company.

The company is Kick-Off’s corpse. Guess Overlord kinda sucks at rewarding people.

As Impactor and Springer discuss Kick-Off’s very brief stint as a prison gladiator, Twin Twist makes the horrific discovery that they’ve set off a defense mechanism, and if they don’t get out of there pronto, they’re gonna be robo-toast.

Overlord gets word of these guys running around in the energy reactor as, he kicks Percy and pals’ ass. Repeatedly. Delighted that there are more toys to play with, he makes a prison-wide announcement: anyone who brings him the head of a Wrecker can leave Garrus-9.

I don’t think Percy likes that idea too much.

Without any further ado, Overlord sicks the entire prison populace on the Wreckers. Perceptor, ever the brainiac, buys them a little time by blowing up a fuel tank that managed to survive the ping-pong ball crashing. The Wreckers book it out of the Pit, ready to head for Aequitas. Only one problem- Ironfist is having a breakdown. Perceptor is surprisingly considerate about the whole thing.

Like, this is about as much as anyone could ask for in such a dangerous situation. Of course, Ironfist is a bit too hung up on the complete annihilation of a skull he just witnessed to appreciate Percy’s kindness.

Here’s the thing about fanboys; they have a bit of a habit of putting their heroes on pedestals.

No, the adventuring doesn’t happen until 2012, Ironfist, and you aren’t going to be there for all that.

Seems like Overlord’s presence on Garrus-9 has sort of smashed Ironfist’s dreams of grandeur. Though given the constantly-changing roster, and the fact that Ironfist probably knows more about the Wreckers’ escapades than most, one would think he’d at least be prepared for something this wild to be a possibility.

This whole spouting off attracts Topspin, who berates Ironfist for being a baby. He doesn’t even know why the guy got brought along on this mission, seeing as none of the established Wreckers voted him on. Ironfist is just sort of here. Before we can get into all that though, Perceptor breaks their little squabble up, because we just don’t have time for that right now.

Over with Guzzle and Kup, we’re descending a ladder and reveling in implications, as Guzzle notes how he had a bunch of friends die in a rescue attempt similar to this one. Kup mentions that he hopes the guy being rescued was worth it. Guzzle says that it depends on who you ask.

So we’ve got an angry little tank dude and the old man who’s responsible for several of his friends’ demises, working together, without any other supervision, in an insanely dangerous place filled with murderous Decepticons and high places that don’t follow OSHA regulations. What could possibly go wrong?

Back with Percy and the boys, we finally get the down-low on what Topspin and Twin Twist’s whole deal is. Turns out they’ve got a rare and potentially exploitable manufacturing error- they’ve got branched sparks, which means that their nervous systems overlap to a point where they can feel each other’s pain. This seems like it ought to discourage one from joining the Wreckers, but since when have the Transformers ever been about self-preservation?

Look at that face. It’s like he knows what the narrative’s gearing up towards.

Perceptor’s found a funny part of the wall, which gives him a pretty good feeling that Aequitas is right behind it. It’s at this point that the others start asking just who the hell Aequitas is, and then Pyro remembers he’s still got Verity trapped inside his chest cavity.

Verity is released from the torso jail, a little banged up and a lot pissed off about being forgotten. She starts saying some rather uncalled-for things about the dead before she catches herself, and we get a bit of an insight into Wrecker ideology.

Perceptor has busted through the wall while Topspin’s explaining the group philosophy, and we finally find what Fortress Maximus’ has been up to while all this has been going down.

The Decepticons have been using ol’ Max here as a lock pick, seeing as he wouldn’t just GIVE Overlord the code to the chamber. Perceptor starts cutting the poor guy out of all the cabling he’s hooked up to, and everyone once again questions just what’s up with Aequitas that the Decepticons want to get to him so badly.

Speaking of Decepticons, they’re collecting in droves in the hallway, just itching to rip off some Wrecker heads for a free ticket out of Garrus-9. Perceptor unhooks Fort Max, passes his limbless, eyeless body off to be carried by the two largest friends at his disposal, and the chamber opens up.

This is about the time that the story catches up with the other team of Wreckers, the guys who were trapped in the energy reactor. Yeah, that branched spark plot point is about to get very relevant.

Dentists are the worst, even in space.

And that’s the end of issue #3.

#transformers #jro #last stand of the wreckers #issue 3 #maccadam #Hannzreads #text post #long post #story plotting #comic script writing #wreckers trilogy

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putschki1969 · 5 years

Text

Wakana SPICE Interview TRANSLATION

Source: https://spice.eplus.jp/articles/261442

Notes: Finally, here’s my translation of Wakana’s SPICE interview. This took forever. *sobs* But it was worth it. It’s a really nice and candid interview, I adore it. Wakana is so precious talking about love and I really like how she is so honest about her struggles when it comes to meeting the expectations of fans. Takeshi Kato is a great interviewer and it’s obvious that both Wakana as well as Hikaru feel very comfortable wiith him. Please keep in mind that my Japanese is by no means perfect, neither is my English. I still tried my best though. Credit me if you use this translation or parts of it elsewhere!!

Wakana talks about Love ~ Enclosed in her first EP is「her real self which she wants to convey」

Wakana has released her first EP 「Aki no Sakura EP」 on November 20. This work is all about showcasing her clear singing voice which has been dubbed “Botanical Voice” as well as depicting a more familiar and real sense of femininity. Wakana is in the midst of preparing for her 『Wakana Winter Special Live 2019 ～Matataki～』which will take place in Osaka and Tokyo starting from December 8. She has taken the time to sit down with me and talk about “LOVE” and all the secret stories behind this release.

―― Today I would like to hear everything you have got to say about your release「Aki no Sakura EP」. Does it feel like you have been very busy with work lately?

Yes! All I have been doing is make music, in fact, I am working on something new as we speak. I would like to go into more detail ... but all I can say is that it’s amazing *laughs*. So yeah, I will be busy working until the end of the year..

―― Your title song is promoted as “Autumn Sakura Song” where one is thinking about a love that started in the cherry blossom season while strolling around in autumn surrounded by fallen leaves. I think this is a very rare approach. How did you come up with this motif?

When I first got to choose this song I thought that the recurring melody of the 「咲いて咲いて咲い | saite saite saite | blooming blooming blooming」 part was very catchy, it’s something that stays with you, something you won’t easily forget. This song already came with lyrics and I didn’t change anything about this particular section - 「秋の桜がもう咲いて咲いて咲いて | aki no sakura ga mou saite saite saite | the Autumn cherry blossoms are already blooming」. The title was also “Aki no Sakura” from the get-go but the world-view presented in the song was quite different in the beginning so I put some finishing touches to the lyrics in order to create a more real atmosphere that would suit me better.

―― I see, you added bits of your own world-view to it?.

Yes, I was actually talking about this yesterday but the song description “thinking about a love that started in the cherry blossom season while strolling around in autumn surrounded by fallen leaves” kinda suggests that it was a short love that only lasted a few months, doesn’t it? But I will tell you something, that’s not really the case *laughs*.

――It really does sound like that though *laughs*..

If you read the lyrics carefully, there is a section that says, 「落ち葉を鳴らして笑いあったね | ochiba wo narashite warai atta ne | Among the rustling of the fallen leaves we shared laughter」which implies that those two lovers spent at least one autumn together already, so they have been together for more than a year!

―― They started dating in Spring but their love didn’t end in Autumn.

Yes Yes Yes! Just yesterday I was recording a comment all by myself and I caught myself saying, “it’s about a love that started in Spring and ended in Autumn”. I immediately backpedaled and scolded myself because that’s absolutely not what the song is about. I really had to think hard about how to put it into words *laughs*.

――People tend to interpret it as a brief summer love, I guess.

When you listen to Aki no Sakura, I think there are many people who immediately think of a contained space where just Autumn Cherry Blossom exist. But I want people to listen closely to the lyrics of the song to get to the truth. I personally believe that the lyrical main character of the song has held their loved one dear to their heart for a very long time. When you see dead leaves flying in the Autumn wind people might be reminded of the cherry blossom season, you are just looking at the scenery and all of a sudden that certain Spring comes to mind and everything else that’s buried within your heart. I think this song is not so much about remembering a specific time or moment, it’s more about a very memorable person and all the associations you have with them.

―― I personally didn’t see it as a summer fling, I thought it was about a moment or situation that reminds you of a love from a long time ago.

There is definitely a sense of suddenly being overcome with memories, I think many people will see it like that as well.

―― Memories... they do have a habit of hitting us all of a sudden. And to our surrounding it all seems so insignificant. That comes across well in the chorus. In that sense, I think it is quite the sad song. For me it was very refreshing to hear you sing a song like that - a song about someone who is so clearly recalling a past love.

It certainly was refreshing. As we established earlier, the memories of our main character are being triggered by autumn leaves and cherry blossoms but really, it can be anything that triggers your memories, in my case I associate most things with certain odors and scents. And of course music! Listening to a song that I used to listen to a lot back in the days will bring back all sorts of memories for me. Truly, all these triggers appear in real life.

―― Naturally music is a big trigger for you.

Yes, it’s music. When I listen to “Top of the World” by The Carpenters for example, I am immediately thrown back to my junior high school days. It used to be broadcast on campus in the morning time. On my way to school it would gradually get louder until I reached the school gates where the teachers would stand to greet us. Listening to it reminds me of my mornings in junior high school.

―― Now what about the other songs on the EP, "Koi wa Itsumo" and "Orange"? “Orange” was written by you, right? Earlier we talked about your worries regarding the impressions and world-views of the title song, how about the other songs? It seems like each song has a very different impression? There is lots of variety.

That also applies to the first song “eve”, I really wanted to have lots of different atmospheres in this EP, different from anything I had ever done before. “Koi wa Itsumo” is probably where I outdid myself *laughs*. I want you to not believe your ears when you hear it. I personally think the lyrics are very clear-cut. There is a sense of cuteness and embarrassment, I thought a lot about how to sing those lyrics. Eventually I settled on trying to sing them in a happy manner. I wanted to create a pure and honest atmosphere so I tried to convey a thrilling sense of excitement with my voice.

――You are singing words you have never sung before such as 「独り占めしたいんです | hitori jime shitaindesu | I would like to have you all to myself」or 「困らせたい | komara setai | I want to bother you」.

That’s right. But this is actually all me. I am that sort of person. It's embarrassing to admit but I wanted to have these parts included in the song. One by one I want to tackle things that people don’t expect of me, I would like to break away from images like, “oh, that doesn’t feel like Wakana” or “this doesn’t sound like Wakana”. First and foremost I wanted to increase the number of songs that could be enjoyed by everyone so this is why I dared to take it a step further and hit the gas pedal hard.

―― Now please tell us about “Orange”.

"Orange" already came with lyrics. But it was quite difficult to make it into something of my own based on the images that were being conveyed... I have a few friends around the same age as me who I meet regularly about once a month. Recently, we often end up talking about all the hardships, worries and rewarding aspects of work.

―― Yes, in your age group responsibilities certainly increase.

I personally often felt like I couldn’t really relate to many of the thoughts, troubles and feelings everyone else experienced. All of them are very self-assured, everything about them feels real. I wanted to try and put that into words because I respect that and find it very interesting.

―― Well, I guess since you are an artist your work and life-style are quite different from that of others with normal 9-to-5 jobs.

Actually, all of them are working in the industry, they are video creators, photographers, directors and such...One thing they all have in common though, they had something they wanted to do when they were young but for whatever reason it never happened, their dream never became reality. I listened to all their stories and this sense of regret is shared by everyone. And yet, they all power through, they are still living their lives, working hard, doing their best. That is why I wanted to write lyrics dedicated to the people like that - who work so very hard every day even though they are not living their dreams. But I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, I guess it’s just meant as encouragement or something.

―― By which you mean what exactly?.

Well, at the end of every day you are still the same you and nothing else, no matter how often you go to sleep and wake up again, yesterday’s mistakes and failures will not go away, today’s amount of work won’t change even if you sleep for an entire day, looking at yourself in the mirror, don’t you always see someone who is tired of getting up every morning? It’s all these things I wanted to convey in my song but without making it too sad.

―― I see.

That’s why the “anata/you” that appears in the final part of “Orange” is supposed to be oneself. You are reborn every day when you go to bed and wake up again. There were times when all you did was being motionless among the waves and scream. If possible you want to return to that moment to embrace yourself in order to provide comfort. But now all of that is in the past, it’s overcome, there is joy to be found at work, I see it when I watch my friends, they all seem to love their job.「あなたの笑顔に会いたい | anata no eigao ni aitai | I want to meet your smile」is about getting up in the morning and seeing your smiling face in the mirror. It's a song that’s meant to make you smile, it shouldn’t make you sad.

―― Now your fifth song “Yuuyake”, you recorded it all in one go, right?

I went into the recording booth together with Ikekubo-san, the guitarist. we did a few takes and eventually decided we would make it slower than it was originally intended. I discussed this with Minnie P., the composer of the song, I told her I wanted to do it a little more slowly. I felt like my voice came out best at a slower tempo, Ikekubo-san and I gave it a few tries before we finally figured out the perfect tempo, it was a lot of fun.

―― I have noticed this before, especially in your live performances, there is a strong sense of realness, everything seems very natural and raw. I thought it was very interesting to see this sort of approach from you.

Well, there is an already existing world-view when it comes to Kalafina, I treasure that a lot, it is very important to me, I do not plan to ever destroy it but right now I am trying to discover new things for myself, I am pursuing the potential of my voice and I think that’s very important.

―― Based on what you just said I think people will want to listen to your songs. But the main theme for two of your songs, “Koi wa Itsumo” and “Aki no Sakura”, is undoubtedly love, right?

Yes, that’s right.

―― I think compared to your Kalafina days the number of life-sized casual songs has increased immensely ever since you became a solo-artist. What exactly does “love” mean to you? I would like to talk about that a little bit.

Well, I think love is “selfishness”. When you fall in love, one is usually hiding in the shadows, thinking “oh, he is so cool and good-looking!” “I wish he would notice me!” or “Oh, I want us to hold hands!!” *laughs*. Or when you are going to a live of your favourite artist, hoping, “please look at me, please smile at me!” All of that is selfishness...you have a lot of demands when you love someone.

――Yes, there is certainly some truth in that. Please smile at me!!! *laughs*

However, love is also about understanding each other and finding a compromise. Compromise is about indulging someone to please them even though you feel like doing something entirely different.

―― You mentioned that this time the lyrics very much represent your own thoughts and parts of yourself? So what about Wakana's love life? I am not asking about who you are going out with but I would like to know about your philosophy of love.

I wonder if I can even talk about it, I have never done it before. It's very embarrassing *laughs*.

―― Now is a good time to start! *laughs*

Well, I guess I can manage to talk about love to the same extent that I have written about it in my lyrics *laughs*. What I told you before is my personal opinion. Perhaps there are people who only think about love and affection when they fall in love. But in my case, when I fall for someone, I feel a strong sense of greed, I want the person I like to notice me, to turn around and look at me, to pay attention to me.

―― That’s quite understandable.

But even if our feelings turn to true love, even if we love each other very much, there will still be greed within me. I think love should be regarded and treated the same way as a relationship with your good friend. But as a lover I can’t help it, I am apt to become selfish. For example, I end up telling my lover things I would never say to a friend. There are certain things I would never say to my friends because I don’t want my friends to dislike me. I guess when it comes to love, I just stop faking it. Typically I read the air and act accordingly but with my partner I don’t read the air at all.

―― Can you give me an example? The things your friends might not tolerate ...?

Sorry. Well...Imagine your friends want to go and eat Yakitori today, I would never say "meh..I don’t wanna eat Yakitori today”.... Instead I would say, “YAY, let’s go and eat Yakitori!” *laughs*. Maybe I would give it a try and silently suggest, “anyone feel like Yakiniku instead?"

―― So you fight back a little.

I fight back a tiny bit. But it still ends up with “let’s go have Yakitori!!” *laughs*

―― And how is it with your partner?.

"No, don’t you want Yakiniku? We will go have Yakiniku!" *laughs* I will just send the restaurant information and be done with it. I kinda like to get into little competitive fights about stuff like that. “This place is better” “No, the other place has way better chicken!”

―― What kind of man do you find appealing?

I sometimes think about this question but it’s very difficult for me to find an answer. I have favourite actors of course but I only know their TV persona. When it comes to my favourite artists it’s pretty much the same, all I am aware of is their singing voice and stage presence.... But I want to get to know all the personal aspects of that person's life, I want to meet the real human being behind the facade, I want to explore all of that. I wonder if by doing that you gradually fall in love. Well, anyways, I'd like someone in whose presence I can just be myself. Of course I would tolerate and accept everything about him. But in turn I want him to accept everything about me, all my faults and everything ...Ahh, I'm terribly selfish, let’s stop here *laughs*.

―― You want to show your true self to the person you love.

I agree. When I was younger I spent a lot of time putting on a facade but these days I just wanna be myself, if I have a shitty day I wanna be able to say that I have a shitty day, I don’t want to have to pretend that I am doing fine.

―― Somehow I feel like there is so much realness and humanity in this interview and your new songs.

I'm glad to hear that!

―― I am also curious about your singing style. As a member of Kalafina you were in charge of the soprano parts but now as a solo artist you are pretty much singing all parts, right? I feel like the quality of your voice has changed a bit. Is it because you are trying to find a singing style that’s suitable for you as a solo singer?

Yes, that's right.

―― I always wondered whether you did it on purpose by training or whether it happened naturally.

My previously released album 『Wakana』 was my first proper release as a solo artist, I decided to use the title “Wakana” because for me that album was sort of like my business card, a proper representation of myself so to speak. But truth is, I wanna go through various changes in the future. This year, I got so many opportunities to express myself in various songs and I held lots of live performances.

―― I feel like you have put a lot of thought into being more expressive at your live performances..

Yeah, when I go back and watch all of my live recordings I think it’s crazy how much my singing has changed. I have opened this door of change intentionally, those changes will always correlate with whatever music I am currently creating. I want everyone to look forward to further changes.

―― So there is really a lot of purpose and intention behind your actions.

Yes, I just wanted to convey something more real, I wanted to show everyone the real me. I think what my audience is looking for is probably some sort of insight, a deeper understanding of who I am. I think it would be very rude if I didn’t meet those expectations. Speaking of changes, in my song “Orange” I used a lot of heavy breaths while singing it, initially I was very reluctant to sing it that way but I thought I would give it a try.

―― Why exactly were you reluctant?

Because I was never really required to sing like that. However, once I had realised that I could probably do it, my desire to give it a try became stronger.

―― Right now Takebe-san is your live producer but I feel like you would like to try and produce your lives yourself eventually, do you have the wish to do these things?

I do!

―― I think you are currently working on creating more freedom for yourself so you can do the things you want.

That's right. I want to create a wider scope of action for me. But I think one has to be careful when doing such a thing, after all, I do not want to betray my fans. It was never my intention to disappoint all the people who have certain expectations of me so I tried my best to respond to their wishes. But I am still uncertain how to best meet those expectations and at the same time I don’t want to neglect the things I personally want to do...it’s very difficult and I am constantly thinking about how to do things, how to find a balance. I feel like it will always be like that....

―― I guess that’s something all artists struggle with?

Yes, I think that many popular artists deal with these sorts of anxieties. If a fan listens to a good song of an artist they will immediately have a certain expectation and look forward to the next song. Since I am a singer myself I sometimes struggle listening to the music of other artists because there is a sense of envy. Of course there are also people who may not be able to listen to a new song by their favourite artist right away. The shock would be too great. It will just be "WOW, that's amazing!!!"

―― That you are thinking this way is proof that you are an artist.

I guess. Right now I am a huge fan of Official HIGE DANdism! When I realised I was hooked, I listened to all of their albums. I am currently in a state where I would be totally shocked and blown away if a new song came out. I would be all over it, “aaaahhh, it’s so amazing!!”

―― So this does happen to you sometimes too, even if the genre is different?

Especially if the genre is different, I think it’s easier for me that way. This way I learn to appreciate and be grateful for the listeners’ expectations. Even if I am in a state of shock, I am trying to listen to the song properly. I am learning a lot this way.

―― By the way, you will be holding a one-man live on December 8 @Umeda Club Quattro (Osaka) and on December 10 @My Navi BLITZ Akasaka (Tokyo).

That's right. I have never held a proper live twice a day with a day and evening performance. It’s very intriguing. I am quite excited and a little nervous.

―― All the worries that come with deciding on the setlist and such?

Yes. I decided to name my live “Matataki | Blink”, I chose this title because I want us all to enjoy this special moment together. Those moments in time, those worldviews which are presented in my releases and lives are completely different so I want everyone to enjoy those blinks of time individually. Rather than focusing on expressing the worldviews of my EP, I want to find an expression that’s unique to a live and that can be enjoyed by everyone. I think it’s a different way of enjoyment.

―― Live performances are not about creating a perfect reproduction of the studio version, it’s about pursuing the unique and fun aspects of a live.

Yes, I see it that way. I want to hold a live that everyone can enjoy, where people can find happiness. I really want to treasure this live, after all, it’s almost been half a year since my last proper concert.

―― I am very curious how you will present yourself. I'm really looking forward to it.

It’s said that the twinkling of stars, the light we see right now when we look up is actually millions of years old. I am a romantic at heart so things like that mean a lot to me. Even if the brightness is not visible right now, surely one day it will shine among all the stars. This moment right now. Having said all of this, I hope you enjoy this EP.

―― Now let’s talk about next year. Since this is probably our last time talking this year. What kind of year is 2020 going to be for you?

Next year in 2020 we will have the Tokyo Olympics so I think it will be a very lively year. I want to create memorable music without being rushed, I wanna take my time and of course I want to always keep my listeners in mind. My personal challenge will be to balance selfishness and love. However, instead of demanding the other party to just listen because I took up this challenge, I would like to take the other party’s feelings into account.❇ Staying true to myself I want to face all the struggles that come with making music, I want to create new songs with care. I also want to continue doing lives.

Interview: Takeshi Kato; Photo: Saori Shikiji

❇) The interview is quite ambiguous when it comes to Wakana and the topic of love. It kinda sounds like she could currently have a partner but in this case she could also be referring to the love and selfishness among artists and fans...

#kalafina #wakana #my translations #spice interview #aki no sakura #long text post #wakana is so precious talking about love

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theonyxpath · 4 years

Link

Because we’re all out this week, there was no Monday Meeting – but our emails have been flying all week as the kickstarter for V5 Cults of the Blood Gods funded in 50 minutes and it has been smashing through Stretch Goals since then!

It has perhaps been helped by a last minute change James and I made to the shipping costs for a bunch of our International backers – I mean I literally got the revised shipping costs from a new KS fulfilment shipper in the EU the morning the KS was going live!

Very glad we could bring those costs down – even if it is still an experiment until we get a few ship-outs actually out from these shippers.

As always, you can back at any time and you’ll get access to consecutive chunks of the manuscript as the KS rolls along – and you can cancel your pledge at any time before the KS is over if you don’t like what you read!

(And this is the case whether you have just stumbled on the Cults Kickstarter, are one of our long-time KS backers, or a friend of one of the creators!)

Also, related to our Kickstarter for V5 Cults of the Blood Gods, Modiphius has opened up the pre-orders for their V5 book, The Fall of London! You can find the info here on their website: https://www.modiphius.net/

You’ll recognize a lot of the creators’ names from our projects, so you know it’s at least worth a look: every pre-order for the hardcover physical book that’s yet to come gets a link to the finished PDF!

Chicago Folio art by Michele Giorgi

Since this is almost the end of the year, and is certainly a time when we can use some happy thoughts to go with the holidays, here are our Onyx Path Monday Meeting crew’s look back on what were some of our highlights from 2019:

Dixie:

It’s been amazing to streamline a few of our processes this year! However, to me the major highlights for me were holding certain books for the first time on which I and my colleagues have worked so hard, such as Trinity, Scion, Dragon-Blooded, and Chicago by Night. I’m glad we’ve been able to deliver so many great Kickstarters and am looking forward to those yet to come! Seeing our books go into stores has been amazing, too. Being able to walk into my FLGS and see a copy of Changeling 2e or Pugmire on the shelf is really rewarding.

Monica:

Community content has been a wonderful way to find new freelancers and those programs are giving fans an opportunity to create new titles for their favorite games. I think we’ve integrated the programs really well and I’ll be curious to see what happens in the coming months.

Ian:

Entirely self-serving of me, but: we ran the Trinity Continuum: Aberrant Kickstarter, which did gratifyingly well. We released the Trinity Continuum core rules and Trinity Continuum: Æon, which have been in development almost as long as Onyx Path has been a company! The feedback we’ve gotten has been really positive and I’m really happy that we finally got these out to the public. Squeaking in before the end of the year are In Media Res and the Æon Æxpansion, and we’re working on a new edition of Adventure! and other exciting projects. It’s been a great year for visible tangible progress.

Mighty Matt:

Teaming up with the DriveThruRPG team to launch the new Phone PDF format with the Pugmire core rulebook. As the RPG community grows it is very cool to have the chance to try new ways of using our games and the Phone PDF format means Pugmire (and now Scion: Origin) are available in a mobile format, which can be great to read on the go, use at conventions, and more.

They Came From Beneath the Sea! art by Brian LeBlanc

Mirthful Mike:

Two pillars of the Storypath System saw release in 2019… Scion and Trinity Continuum. And yes, Scion did have some bumps both before and after release… but we did learn from those and implemented some new procedures since then to make sure those bumps never show up again. Yes, a month long implementation of the Trinity Mindmeld was kinda stressful for me… but way less stressful than Scion‘s release.

Matthew:

My favourite moment of 2019 was conducting the second proof of They Came from Beneath the Sea! It’s been nothing but a joy to review a game I’ve overseen from conception to (near) publication, and I’m confident the people who buy it, run it, and play it will love the writing, the art, and the layout. It really is a testament to the creative excellence of the team who worked on this, and I owe a lot to their ingenuity and humour, and the faith Rich put in me and this game.

Eddy:

One thing I think we did really well: Process. 2018 was a year of onboarding, getting people trained up, and establishing process for our company. This year we saw how well it worked, adjusted where it didn’t work, and generally got things out faster and at higher quality than we did before. Next year is a natural step of refining or looking at better processes.

Lisa:

For me the good is the improvement of our office systems. Going through our in-house developers for contracts and pay schedules helps to keep these working smoothly and to both eliminate or clear up problems as we go. Hopefully, this makes it better for our freelancers to have their paperwork and payments in a timely fashion.

RichT:

As for me, this last year has been one where we are starting to have things happen we set in motion years ago, like Ian mentioned about the Trinity Continuum, and also we announced Exalted Essence as another project we’ve been thinking about for quite some time.

Having the Trinity Continuum books available is particularly cool because they really illustrate how the Storypath System can be tweaked so that it meshes with the setting. Just wait until both Dystopia Rising: Evolution and They Came From Beneath the Sea! (and a bunch of unannounced projects) also become available and really put Storypath through its paces.

But also, in terms of other things besides projects, we’re working on new ways to print and ship our KS’d books, and how to build on the success we’ve had in getting our books into retail stores. Which might not really click until V5 Chicago By Night gets onto shelves. But that’ll be in our 2020 thoughts!

Memento Mori art by Brian LeBlanc

I’ve been thrilled by how our Terrific Trio of Terror have continued to post a new Onyx Pathcast every freakin’ Friday, and how we’ve ramped up our Twitch channel with fantastic actual plays and commentary pretty much every single day of the week! I really wasn’t sure we’d get so many loyal viewers, so thanks to all of you who’ve checked out our offerings!

Thanks to the always delightful James Bell, our KS Concierge, we were able to run 6 Kickstarter campaigns on our original KS account, and then James ran Mummy 2e and our friends at Handiwork Games ran the Creature Collection KS on our new Onyx Path KS account. Which is another thing we have been needing for years.

And we were able to continually roll out projects all year long that were created via our Kickstarter campaigns – both the main rewards and the Stretch Goal extra projects – which has been a juggling act as the older (ahem, later) rewards caught up and smashed into the newer projects that are getting made a lot more quickly under the updated processes Eddy and Lisa mentioned.

It was a satisfying year in that it felt good to demonstrate with all of our fantastic projects how we can create great and beautiful game books for both our licensed and our own lines. In a lot of ways, it was all of you and your responses – to our projects, to our posts, to our KSs – that truly made this an excellent year for all of us at the Onyx Path House of Ideas!

Thank YOU, for joining us last year in exploring our:

Many Worlds, One Path!

BLURBS!

Kickstarter!

V5 Cults of the Blood Gods funded in 50 minutes last week, and has thundered forward despite the holidays!

Onyx Path Media!

This Friday’s Onyx Pathcast Is our Holiday Special 2: Mario Kart Episode! Say! No! More! Check it out direct on Podbean, or your favorite podcast venue! https://onyxpathcast.podbean.com/

Topping the media list this week is Red Moon Roleplaying‘s actual play of Vampire: The Masquerade – Cults of the Blood Gods, to tie in to the currently running Kickstarter. Here’s part one, and do be warned, the content within contains scenes of a horrific nature: https://youtu.be/E_VtuU4y9JI

Additionally, Ekorren (of Roleplaying and Worldbuilding fame) has made a special V5 video, what with Cults of the Blood Gods being on Kickstarter: https://youtu.be/ir1MYLtD1EY

We’ve a festive line-up on Twitch this week, with a holiday special of Trinity Continuum, Dixie’s Holiday Twitch Takeover (which will be a hell of a lot of fun), another holiday special of Hunter: The Vigil, Uncanny Valley‘s regular Hunter game, Mage: The Awakening, and Scarred Lands!

Thank you to our streamers for such fantastic work this year, and even more thanks for those running games this week!

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Plus, we uploaded a barrage of content to our Onyx Path YouTube channel this last week, including videos for Pugmire, Aberrant, Changeling: The Lost, and more!

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What’s more, Matthew Dawkins continues his Gentleman’s Guide to Scion over on his YouTube channel, now covering the mechanics of consolation and Momentum! You can find Matthew’s channel at youtube.com/user/clackclickbang

If you’ve not been following the Occultists Anonymous series on Mage: The Awakening, do not despair! They have uploaded new episodes to their channel right here:

Episode 66: The Masters Songbird is called before his mentor, Colossus, to prepare for his initiation into an ancient legacy. Atratus begins to investigate a curiosity that Gabe has found. https://youtu.be/8HaJXY_iLk4

Episode 67: Baby, Take My Hand Atratus speaks with the dead, determining how best she can help the ghost of Katherine. Gabe steps up to play a supporting role in helping the newly dead. Songbird tries something new… https://youtu.be/h3g3v5ntHn8

The Story Told Podcast continue their fantastic actual play of Exalted Dragon-Blooded right here: http://thestorytold.libsyn.com/fall-of-jiara-21-shall-we-spare-the-ravages-of-war

Over with Vampire: The Masquerade now, as The Sacrifice from Chicago by Night is run in Spanish over on webvampiro’s channel! https://youtu.be/PXMzZ69pl4Y

Returning to Red Moon Roleplaying, those folks have a whole load of content coming out for us, including: Changeling: The Lost: https://youtu.be/svXWhcGTNmc

and The Sacrifice, for Vampire: The Masquerade: https://youtu.be/b4T23Zy7s-4

Have you checked out the Botch Pit‘s guide to the Winter Court for Changeling: The Lost? If not, here it is: https://youtu.be/A_huXzRyghY

Drop Matthew a message via the contact button on matthewdawkins.com if you have actual plays, reviews, or game overviews you want us to profile on the blog!

Please check any of these out and let us know if you find or produce any actual plays of our games!

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As we find ways to enable our community to more easily play our games, the Onyx Dice Rolling App is live! Our dev team has been doing updates since we launched based on the excellent use-case comments by our community, and this thing is awesome! (Seriously, you need to roll 100 dice for Exalted? This app has you covered.)

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On Sale This Week!

This Wednesday, we will be releasing the final monthly PDF installments for Exalted 3rd‘s Hundred Devils Night Parade and Adversaries of the Righteous on DTRPG!

Conventions!

2020: Midwinter: January 9th – 12th, in Milwaukee, WI. Check out David Fuller’s Athens, Ohio Scion actual play tie-in adventure (soon to be coming to the Storypath Nexus community content site) that will be running at Midwinter. The event url is below: https://tabletop.events/conventions/midwinter-gaming-convention-2020/schedule/402

And now, the new project status updates!

DEVELOPMENT STATUS FROM EDDY WEBB (projects in bold have changed status since last week):

First Draft (The first phase of a project that is about the work being done by writers, not dev prep)

Exalted Essay Collection (Exalted)

N!ternational Wrestling Entertainment (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Contagion Chronicle Ready-Made Characters (Chronicles of Darkness)

Trinity Continuum: Adventure! core (Trinity Continuum: Adventure!)

Duke Rollo fiction (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

TC: Aberrant Jumpstart (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

RUST (Scarred Lands)

Redlines

Kith and Kin (Changeling: The Lost 2e)

Dragon-Blooded Novella #2 (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Many-Faced Strangers – Lunars Companion (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Second Draft

Player’s Guide to the Contagion Chronicle (Chronicles of Darkness)

M20 Victorian Mage (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

Exigents (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Crucible of Legends (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Development

Heirs to the Shogunate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

TC: Aberrant Reference Screen (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Trinity Continuum Jumpstart (Trinity Continuum Core)

Monsters of the Deep (They Came From Beneath the Sea!)

One Foot in the Grave Jumpstart (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2e)

Scion: Demigod (Scion 2nd Edition)

Tales of Aquatic Terror (They Came From Beneath the Sea!)

Across the Eight Directions (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Contagion Chronicle: Global Outbreaks (Chronicles of Darkness)

Contagion Chronicle Jumpstart (Chronicles of Darkness)

Manuscript Approval

Scion: Dragon (Scion 2nd Edition)

Masks of the Mythos (Scion 2nd Edition)

Titanomachy (Scion 2nd Edition)

Buried Bones: Creating in the Realms of Pugmire (Realms of Pugmire)

Post-Approval Development

Scion LARP Rules (Scion)

Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition core rulebook (Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition)

Editing

Lunars: Fangs at the Gate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Let the Streets Run Red (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

Geist 2e Fiction Anthology (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2nd Edition)

Dragon-Blooded Novella #1 (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Legendlore core book (Legendlore)

WoD Ghost Hunters (World of Darkness)

Mythical Denizens (Creatures of the World Bestiary) (Scion 2nd Edition)

Pirates of Pugmire KS-Added Adventure (Realms of Pugmire)

M20 The Technocracy Reloaded (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

Yugman’s Guide to Ghelspad (Scarred Lands)

Trinity Continuum: Aberrant core (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Terra Firma (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Deviant: The Renegades (Deviant: The Renegades)

Lunars Novella (Rosenberg) (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Post-Editing Development

TC: Aeon Ready-Made Characters (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Night Horrors: Nameless and Accursed (Mage: the Awakening Second Edition)

City of the Towered Tombs (Cavaliers of Mars)

W20 Shattered Dreams Gift Cards (Werewolf: The Apocalypse 20th)

TC: Aeon Jumpstart (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Vigil Watch (Scarred Lands)

Scion Companion: Mysteries of the World (Scion 2nd Edition)

Cults of the Blood Gods (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

Wraith20 Fiction Anthology (Wraith: The Oblivion 20th Anniversary Edition)

Hunter: The Vigil 2e core (Hunter: The Vigil 2nd Edition)

Indexing

ART DIRECTION FROM MIKE CHANEY!

In Art Direction

Contagion Chronicle – Finals coming in.

Trinity Continuum: Aberrant

Hunter: The Vigil 2e

Ex3 Lunars – Art is in.

TCfBtS!: Heroic Land Dwellers – Sketches in and approved.

Night Horrors: Nameless and Accursed – Contracted.

Cults of the Blood God (KS)

Mummy 2

City of the Towered Tombs

Let the Streets Run Red – Art notes and contracts finishing going out this week.

CtL Oak Ash and Thorn – Got artnotes.

Scion Mythical Denizens – Need sketches for fulls.

Deviant

Yugman’s Guide to Ghelspad

Vigil Watch – Getting stuff over to cartographer.

Legendlore (KS)

Technocracy Reloaded (KS) – Got notes out to artists for halfs and splats.

Scion Companion – Reading through art notes.

In Layout

Chicago Folio – Halfway through layout.

Trinity Continuum Aeon: Distant Worlds

Pirates of Pugmire – With Aileen.

Proofing

Dark Eras 2 – At WW for approval and they will be back after the New Year.

Trinity Continuum Aeon Jumpstart

They Came from Beneath the Sea! – Backer PDF out to backers soon.

VtR Spilled Blood

At Press

V5: Chicago – Shipping to the KS fulfillment shippers. PoD proofs ordered.

Geist 2e (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2nd Edition) – Being printed.

Geist 2e Screen – Being printed.

DR:E – Being printed.

DRE Screen – Being printed.

DR:E Threat Guide – Helnau’s Guide to Wasteland Beasties – PoD proof on the way.

Trinity RMCs

Tales of Good Dogs – PoD proof ordered.

Memento Mori – Backer PDF out to backers, gathering errata.

M20 Book of the Fallen – PoD proof ordered.

Trinity Continuum Storypath Nexus Community Content – Getting it set up.

Today’s Reason to Celebrate!

Happy Holidays to One and All!

#Onyx Path Publishing

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koalas-koalas-everywhere · 5 years

Text

About book!Aziraphale and his relationship to Heaven

Most of the meta I’ve read about it has it that the main difference between him and TV!Aziraphale is that he’s accepted the fact that he’s a bit of a bastard and that Heaven’s pretty rotten and it’s just a name for a side and I’m over here like “that’s?????? Not what I read at all”. If anything, TV!A is the one who keeps talking about opposite sides as the reason why he and Crowley can’t like each other and about his inability to disobey, while book!A is the one going on and on about angels and demons not even having free will and so being inevitably good and evil respectively. Yes, he’s more aware of the possibility for punishment than TV!A seems to be, mentioning Gomorrah when they find out Warlock’s not the Antichrist, but that just fits with the whole issue, which is that a part of him knows that everything’s not what he thinks he’s been told it is it seems to be, it’s just that he knows it on the same level that he knows Crowley has a spark of goodness in him and that still allows him to deny that knowledge in conversation until they’re literally about to die.

Here’s how I read it: is he more comfortable with, say, the concept* of killing an eleven year old? Yes, but, coupled with everything else he says, I think it has less to do with him being alright with his “bastardy” and recognizing Heaven and Hell are just sides than it has with him just being convinced that, as long as it’s an agent of Heaven doing it (including him), it’s alright (in the self-righteous hands, a gun lends weight to a moral argument).

Heaven as a cult (and no, I don’t know what Hell would be in this metaphor - a gang, maybe)

The thing is that you can’t look at his relationship with Heaven as just work, or even just family. As I mentioned in another post, I think it should be seen as a cult, which kinda mixes both work and family and adds religion and all that fun stuff: the other angels are the people he was born and belongs with, and their “home” is where he learned was raised (family); Heaven is the source of his “income” and Aziraphale relies on it “financially”, it also has a marked hierarchy (work); as a religious institution, it works with the belief that it knows what’s best and what will be rewarded in the end, in addition to having a knowledge of how the world works that isn’t obvious at first glance to anyone who doesn’t belong, and works primarily on faith (religion). When all of that combines, the “raising” part of the familial aspect becomes programming and indoctrination with the unquestioning faith of the religion, the faith of the religion becomes unquestionable obedience to your boss with the strict hierarchy and fear of ruin if you’re fired of the workplace, and the faith and desire to belong of the family and religion become an unhealthy attachment to your job.

I see book!Aziraphale as who was born and raised in a cult and then sent away to do missionary work, where he faced reality, went through some pretty severe cognitive dissonance and dealt with it by rationalizing and denying by turns. I think the “angels are naturally good and, in fact, incapable of being anything else, since we don’t have free will, so anything I do will be Right and Good” excuse saw its fair share of use. I see him as someone who’s comfortable being a bastard because he doesn’t believe that’s what he’s doing or that he’s even capable of it. It’s this denial which leads him to (somehow????) be convinced that if he tells Heaven where the Antichrist is, they’ll get rid of him (nothing too bad, since they’re Heaven, of course, which leads me to the question, what the fuck do you think would have been an appropriate response, Aziraphale, since you were willing to kill him for a good stretch there? And what would have been an exaggerated, unbecoming-of-your-idealized-Heaven response???), even though he starts off knowing that they want the war, because he cannot conceive of being against Heaven. Sortaaa... divergent? Yeah, alright, but always working towards the same goal. The Agreement might have been acceptable in his mind because the job is still getting done, and the temptations also would have happened anyway. (Besides, of course, the whole “I can’t do Bad” thing.”)

Not that I think he’s, like, a pure cinnamon roll who only does the things he does because he doesn’t know better uwu !!!11!1!1. I think a big reason why his indoctrination’s been able to hold all that time is pride in always being Right and the comfort of knowing you’re always Good, so you don’t have to think about how what you’re doing will affect other people. He is someone who wants to do good, but, as all of us know, even without the complication of what we’re told is good and what we feel is good being contradicting, sometimes life’s too complicated to be able to tell what’s the right course, and Aziraphale, who we were introduced to worrying about this very problem, takes the easy way out and believes that being Good is his very nature. As I said before, a part of him knew that what he believed was wrong, but it was a mind (what Heaven taught him) over matter (what he feels is right) conflict when there was another battle going on in “matter” between what he feels is right and what he wants for himself, which was to be in Heaven’s good graces and for everything to be easy and himself to be good.

Matter over program (and pride, and guilt, and comfort, and security, let’s just say he didn’t have it easy, mkay?)

This conflict is suggested In The Beginning, ““““coincidentally”””” also the last time we go into Aziraphale’s head until he has to make a choice between Heaven and Crowley, and he rationalizes choosing Heaven by convincing himself that they’ll do what he wants them to and stop the Apocalypse and that way he’ll get to go back to Crowley.** Aka, his POV is marked by instances where what he’s been told what he says clashes against what he feels and wants. The solution for his conflict comes with the Metatron stating in no uncertain terms that Heaven’s wishes and his own were irreconcilably at odds with each other... actually, I think this probably wasn’t the first time? Probably, I don’t and can’t know. But what this was, was probably the first time Aziraphale cared so much about what he’d have to give up that he thought it was worth it to not only cut ties with Heaven, but also to abandon his carefully constructed wall of denial and rationalization and indoctrination to accept thing as they are.

We can see it plainly with the televangelist. A lot of people point at that moment as proof of him being and ass and, like, I agree that that’s what he’s being, but only on account of the people who were honestly watching that channel to feel connected to their religion and find some peace and reassurance and got... Aziraphale. Here’s the thing, though. A thing that tends to get lost in these debates. This isn’t Aziraphale casually debating the Apocalypse over some tea and scones; this is the first time Aziraphale admits, maybe even accepts, that Heaven and Hell are just sides, after insisting on their inherent good and evil natures the whole book; this is Aziraphale in the wake of having his rose-coloured glasses torn from him, this is him after being forced, after all this time, to tear off his own glasses; this is him angry, and disillusioned, and betrayed, with, at and by both Heaven and himself. Hell, him reproaching the televangelist for taking comfort in the fact that the righteous people could just kick back and watch the show, secure in the knowledge that they’ll be fine, could very well fit a projection of everything he’d let slide, because Heaven would win the war and that was his “idea of a morally acceptable time.” (More on Aziraphale and his possible guilt in a bit.)

Again, this is not an admission Aziraphale makes lightly, like “awright, I guess it’s not quite like that, but shhhh, it’s our secret ;)”, it’s one he’s forced to face when the only other option is losing everything he holds dear.

(New thought I got while writing this: this is also the first time he admits that Heaven’s victory isn’t a sure thing, so not only does he abandon the security in his and Heaven’s righteousness, but also in that everything would at least turn out okay.)

What He Found (no, I didn’t watch the movie, this pun is as superficial as NG’s attempt to make Pepper into a person who “believes in peace” for the TV show)

But things turn out pretty alright for him. Not only does he get a happy ending, but in between being discorporated and the attempted fight against Satan, you can kinda see him get his moral compass sorted. If I may quote myself, it goes kinda like this:

“I’d say it’s why he’s so erratic at the end, and with the whole confidence/insecurity thing. At Heaven’s insistence on bringing about the Apocalypse, that clear collision of beliefs, he has the rug pulled from under him. That certainty comes from the fact that he believes, or can make himself believe, that Heaven and Angels are always right. The moment that’s proven to be untrue? Fuck you, I’m gonna possess people. Oh? You think you’re so righteous, huh? Talking about how you’ll be saved because you’re so Right, huh? Boy, do I have some news for you, you’re not even a decent person, I mean, really? Watching everyone else suffer from up high? (oh, shit, am I on tv?) [also notice that this is the first time, unless I’m forgetting something, that he acknowledges what Crowley’s been saying all along, that there’s no good vs evil, just sides] Fuck that, I’m gonna convince geriatrics to kill the Antichrist. Fuck it, I’m gonna make that guard disappear (…err…ignoring the pangs of guilt, gotta keep going…) Fuck it all, I’m gonna kill that eleven yeaghghgasdfh mayhaps not. But! You! Metatron! You feel so Righteous, huh? So Good? So Correct? So confident in your ability to understand the ineffable plan? Well I don’t, bitch.”

Everyone says that book!Aziraphale is smug and condescending and acts holier-than-thou and they’re right! That’s him! But that confidence comes from believing he literally can’t go wrong. It’s why he changes his mind about Adam: it’s all right and good to be ready to kill (or get someone to kill) a kid when you believe morality is always on your side, not... so much when you realize that everything you do, it’s for you to live with, and there’s no certainty that you were right.

Our last stand

And here’s my last argument for why I don’t think he “accepted” that he was a bastard before, and going back to the promised, if unasked for, topic: his guilt.

So. The Apocalypse has been averted. Time to go back home with the Enemy, return the favour to the sweet lady who gave him a ride over (and her young man). Suddenly, the smell of something burning. An earthquake. Satan’s coming for Crowley, at least, maybe Adam, too. There are other people at the airbase, though. So, Aziraphale decides to try to fight him, at least give everyone a chance to run. And there’s kindness and compassion in that decision, of course, but when he tries to convince Crowley, he also implies that they owe it to the humans, for messing around with them. He’s guilty. And I have trouble believing that someone who’d die for a bunch of people he’s just met and ask seemingly the only sentient being he has an affective attachment to to join him (which has connotations about both his committed nature and the extent of his guilt) would just... go through life, knowing he was screwing people over and fully accepting it. Knowing it in his heart of hearts but not feeling prepared for the consequences and so looking the other way? Yeah, sure. That’s him. That’s his arc: making the choice to actually look at things, and also face the fact that he’s been making the choice to close his eyes.

Book!Aziraphale’s faults and bastardy are more obvious than his TV counterpart’s, and maybe even greater, but it’s not because he’s accepted that side of himself or that all Heaven’s ever taught him is pure propaganda, but because he believes that propaganda a lot more (at least, superficially) and so is much more secure in his “good nature”.

*I’ve pointed it put multiple times and I still can’t emphasize it enough: while both of them hesitate, the one who decides not to kill Adam and wait and see while he’s talking to the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, who are supposed to bring it about on his command, is book!Aziraphale.

**In a way, choosing both of them, in contrast to TV!Aziraphale who, by telling no one the truth, chose neither. (He went straight to the manager.)

#Good Omens #Good Omens book #Gomens #GO #am I metaing yet?#meta #Aziraphale

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sometimesrosy · 5 years

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You've said season 5 completed Bellamy's hero journey, so what do you think we'll see for him in season 6? I try to imagine where he's heading but what I see is always boring and static and I know that can't be true. Bellamy's character has always evolved so well, but my favorite arcs have always been him struggling with morality and now he seems so... balanced. What does he need to learn now?

That’s a hard question to answer because it’s about what the NEW story will be. What is Book 2?

And they’ve given us very little. I didn’t figure out that they were doing hero’s journeys until season 3. But then I wasn’t looking for them, because I just thought it was a simple action adventure story, not a literary one. I FELT the symbolism and allusions and literary techniques, but I wasn’t looking to understand them, so they all stayed subconscious for me.

I don’t think that Bellamy’s character will ever be static. He’s the main character other than Clarke. And I looked up The Hero’s Journey, from Joseph Campbell, just because whenever I’m unsure of things I google them, because I wanted to know what came after the hero’s journey, and it turns out, if you follow Bellamy’s hero’s journey, He did KINDA get to the end, but not quite. He returned with the elixir, but he did not get his reward, yet.

12. Return With The Elixir

This is the final stage of the Hero’s journey in which he returns home to his Ordinary World a changed man. He will have grown as a person, learned many things, faced many terrible dangers and even death but now looks forward to the start of a new life. His return may bring fresh hope to those he left behind, a direct solution to their problems or perhaps a new perspective for everyone to consider.The final reward that he obtains may be literal or metaphoric. It could be a cause for celebration, self-realization or an end to strife, but whatever it is it represents three things: change, success and proof of his journey. The return home also signals the need for resolution for the story’s other key players. The Hero’s doubters will be ostracized, his enemies punished and his allies rewarded. Ultimately the Hero will return to where he started but things will clearly never be the same again.

Now I don’t actually think JR is doing some new version of The Hero’s Journey. I think he’s using the classic, Joseph Campbell. He’s using OLD stories and combining them in different ways to make the new story not trying improve the old stories or be original. Just bringing the old stories into the new age. Which is really what I’m here for.

So where does Bellamy go from here? First, I think he’s going to get a name like Wanheda. I’ve been waiting for it since season 3, but it hasn’t come yet. And they made sure to mark Bellamy’s arrival in the bunker with almost RELIGIOUS imagery, with all wonkru watching him descend in the light to give them freedom. Add this to the MANY times that he has freed grounders, MW, COL, Farm Station, opening the bunker so they could get in, and now opening the bunker so they could get out? AND THEN he delivers the army to the ship and ALSO opens the door for the Eligius? I imagine his name will be something along the lines of Opener of Doors, Lightbringer, Redeemer or something. Lightbringer sounds good actually.

But also, when the hero reaches the end of the hero’s journey, I think he starts all over again. Comes back to the beginning. Being a new world, that makes sense. And we know they are doing that circular story, so that makes sense.

I think season 6 will take him back to season 1, but he’ll be more like the Clarke character, the one with the hope, who knows what is right. And Clarke will be like, midseason Bellamy (she’s gone through the selfish ass part in season 5) which will have them working together. IDK. I think his role is to help bring Clarke and the others with him. They won’t agree. Or maybe they will agree. IDK.

I think Bellamy might step back from his personal character development (no more self hate, no more doing it for my people, no more over protectiveness, no more trauma) and moving forward into being a leader, being a hero of everyone.

TBH Bellamy has had a very classic heroic role every single season. He is always heroic, saving lives, saving Clarke, saving the delinquents, while he’s dealing with his internal darkness. And I think we’ll see that again.

Okay, so what is the internal struggle he’ll have? I think it will be about love, tbh. They’ve set it up already. He’s in love with Clarke. AND Echo. But his loyalty to Echo has him sacrificing his soulmate love for Clarke in order to do the right thing. So he clearly hasn’t gotten over that self sacrificial thing. I think the SECOND part of Monty’s charge will be the hardest for him. Not being the good guy, he’s been working on that one for 5 years and is now the good guy. No. The other part. Live a good life. Be happy. Love. The heart part of the head, but a balanced, holistic heart this time.

Wait. Is it possible that Bellamy’s personal journey is NOT about trauma, but about learning to love himself enough to allow himself to be with the woman he loves?

That will be an ENTIRELY different feel than book 1. But if we’re talking about post apocalyptic stories, that means that we’re tipping over from tragedy into comedy (classic comedy not ha ha comedy,) with a lighter, happier, less tragic story…. ooooohh. Could it be?

Does that mean that Bellamy’s struggle is no longer about a negative, TRYING NOT TO DIE (aka survival) and is now TRYING TO LIVE FOR SOMETHING.

Wells Jaha:Your life can be more than just impossible decisions and a tragic end. You can choose to live.

Ha. They put it in the beginning of the show. The endgame goal, if they ever got to the endgame, was to make life worth living, make humanity deserving of survival. To Love. Wait. Did they wait to give Bellamy a decent romance because his romance with Clarke was going to be part of his character development and THE MAIN PLOT? Are we getting a romance genre story next season? His heart will enable Clarke to fight for a world WORTH fighting for. Book 2.

holy shit.

#the 100 #bellamy blake #the head and the heart #the hero's journey #bellarke #tragedy/comedy #character development #speculation

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atopearth · 5 years

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Ikemen Sengoku Part 8 - Ishida Mitsunari Route

Mitsunari is hilarious. Everyone’s talking about how the heroine is so spunky or disrespectful to Nobunaga since she didn’t want to be touched by him, and Mitsunari just says, isn’t it nice that she’s making so many new friends😂 Aww she’s going to be taking care of Mitsunari! It’s expected considering his lifestyle in the other routes but it’ll still be nice to see🤣 LOLL when the heroine tried to give him breakfast and he immediately just thought she’s one of those cats he plays with when he’s reading, and starts petting her to stay still in his lap so he can finish reading, funniest thing was when the heroine thought it felt nice and was thinking whether she should say meow LOL🤣🤣🤣 Let’s see, he doesn’t eat on time, hasn’t slept in 3 days and can be so focused on something that he’ll forget about everything and not notice anything around him, yeah he’s a hard “pet” to take care of (as Ieyasu said🤣)

Mitsunari is such a gentle soul. Not only gentle, but very calm, observant and smart. He really helps out with the training of recruits by analysing what they lack, what problems they have and where each soldier shines best. Mitsunari really is so cool. It’s so cute how he’s listening to the heroine and seriously incorporating her into his life now. He’s eating with her and even making sure to sleep when she tells him to, that’s improvement! Omggg when he called her his significant other without really understanding what it truly implicates, but that doesn’t matter because his words after telling her how special she is to him and that he’s attracted to her, like dangg, he’s a natural lady killer🤣

Aww, Mitsunari is such a wholesome guy, lmao when he had bedhead and the heroine fixed it up for him and he said it felt nice but also funny haha, he’s unknowingly liking her slowly I guess🤣 So cute when Hideyoshi was impressed that he didn’t have bedhead lmao. Oh and Sasuke is so hilarious as usual! I love that he’s such a Sengoku Warlords fanboy so he and the heroine have endless things to talk about since she knows the real thing and he knows all the history hahaha, how cool to be able to compare it! I’m really happy that through Mitsunari, the heroine has realised how valuable and important knowledge is and that has made her motivated to broaden her medical knowledge so she can help the wounded since if she cannot stop the guys from going to war, she might as well try to prevent them and as many of their soldiers from dying.

I never thought that Mitsunari’s sword skills would be lacklustre compared to the others, but I do think it makes sense that he utilises his calm and logical analytical ability to fight against them through his wits and prediction on how the other would move to win against them rather than pure power, it sounds like his kinda style haha. I do enjoy how cute Ieyasu and Mitsunari’s relationship is though, Ieyasu always seems to “hate” Mitsunari but I think he understands him super well haha. Although Ieyasu was harsh, it’s true that Mitsunari should stand up for himself, not just for his own pride but also because it’s affecting his work, since these guys are bullying him and taking his report, that is intolerable considering how important of a war they are fighting etc. One thing I like about Mitsunari is that he doesn’t really know what these feelings he has for the heroine is, but every time he feels his affection for her grows, he would somehow compliment her or express how much he seems to be enamoured by her without knowing why, it’s pretty cute tbh.

Mitsunari will be the death of me, he’s so cute omg, like when he wanted to be closer to her but didn’t want to disrespect her by not regarding her with formality, but then he’s jealous that the other guys seem to be so chill with her, he’s so adorable~~ And then I died when he called her just by her name☺️ HAHAHA, I love Yukimura, lmao when she proudly showed him and Sasuke the fabric she is going to use to sew Mitsunari something, and they noticed it was for a guy, and the heroine was like, it’s not what you’re thinking, and Yukimura was like, what are you thinking we are thinking, and then he calls her a pervert😂😂😂 It’s so cute how well they are bonding with her giving him a gift and him not wanting to use it because he wants to treasure it, but then she promises that she’ll clean it, fold it and even make a new one for him if it were to get ruined, now that’s nice😍😍

So sad that Mitsunari is avoiding the heroine because he doesn’t know why he can’t concentrate and do anything when she’s near lol. Lmao when they went to war and Hideyoshi wanted to let Mitsunari and the heroine eat alone, so he made up some excuse about leaving something important in Ieyasu’s tent and the heroine was like, something important, does he mean Nobunaga?? Hahahaha! So nice and understanding of Ieyasu to go along with him so easily and bring their dinner along lmao. I actually really like how the heroine read all those books about war and medicine to understand this world better and how it works, as well as how to help the injured during the war since it’s not something that she can stop just because he wants it to, but by doing this, she also stays true to her interests by sewing something for Mitsunari. She wants to be useful and save as many people as she is able to and I think that’s really admirable of her. It’s also really nice to see Mitsunari’s role as a strategist and how important his quick thinking is, since it really helped to save the many soldiers out there.

It’s so cute how the heroine is starting to appreciate the way Ieyasu talks (just like Mitsunari!) and is able to see the positive side of his words and the true meaning of them hahaha. It’s natural for Mitsunari to blame himself for underestimating Kenshin and the way things went since it costed the soldiers their lives and he very nearly got himself and the heroine killed too! One mistake can be fatal in war… It’s just saddening to see him revert back to going about without sleep and food.. I guess a woman’s tears are a dangerous weapon! It made Mitsunari kiss her and then realise his feelings haha!

I really want to see Sasuke’s route, it just sounds so heartwrenching to hear that he’s been searching for her for four years because he felt guilty that she was dragged into this wormhole because of him. He’s such a responsible guy. Omg, I love the heroine, very smart of her to analyse the situation and tell her escorts to go inform Mitsunari and them that she has been kidnapped, instead of buying her useless time since she wouldn’t be able to outrun them anyway, also good for her to notice that they want her alive so they wouldn’t kill her at least. Thankfully it’s not a morbid game so nothing bad will really happen to her though. Knowledge is definitely the greatest weapon, and you can really see the kindness within Kennyo even though he’s been destroying villages in his plot for revenge.

I actually really like Kennyo, so when he showed her how healthy the cat she saved was, saying it was repayment for her tending to his wounds, I found it rather sweet. It was nice to see Mitsunari’s mistake before make him realise what he was missing in terms of strategy and his own goals. It’s great that he wants to create a better world but personal motivation is important as well, and so now that they have both responded to their feelings for each other, he’s realised that creating a world where she can be happy is something he personally wants to do and I think that’s great. LOL when Nobunaga asked what Mitsunari wants for a reward after the war and Mitsunari says the heroine, and Hideyoshi and Ieyasu are so shocked🤣🤣 Also crazy how honest Mitsunari is in front of them, telling them how much he wants her🤣🤣 It’s just crazy to think how he’s going to try and save as much people as he can, let’s see how it goes~

Romantic route: Cute to see everyone having a party getting along after resolving their differences temporarily because they all do not want to kill the Ikko Ikki. It was worth it for Mitsunari to risk his life for this temporary peace. Sometimes, I do feel like Ikemen Sengoku is way too “happy” though? Lol, I don’t even know if that can be considered a problem, but I guess, it’s all good.

Dramatic route: I barely started it but I like it much more than the romantic route already. I feel like the path Mitsunari chose towards this war aligned much more with his ideals than in the romantic route. It shows his self sacrifice, how determined he is to reaching peace with the least amount of bloodshed and actually achieving it by showing the Ikko Ikki who have been following Kennyo faithfully into realising that Kennyo is going down a path that he shouldn’t and that’s why they should stop the war. I really liked how the heroine played a part in convincing them too, by showing that Kennyo still has a heart, he’s just too burdened to allow it to hinder his greater goals. I really liked it.

I guess it really is the dramatic route, with some remnants of the Ikko Ikki refusing to back down and thus going after Mitsunari when there wasn’t much men with him, causing him and the heroine to run around and eventually jumping off a cliff to avoid them and the wormhole trying to get the heroine. Yep, that’s a lot of drama lol. At least, Mitsunari gets rewarded with land in the end so he asks the heroine to come to his castle with him, with the intention of getting married with her in the future~ I also love how they occasionally visit Kennyo (locked in the dungeons of Azuchi Castle) and they chat together so casually about cats but also about how Mitsunari is trying to accommodate all his brethren that had lost their homes with nowhere to go. It was so cute when he tried to tie her obi but had lots of trouble, and in the end the heroine reassured him that he’s a focused and capable man that can do so many things others can’t.

Overall, I quite liked Mitsunari’s route, I feel like it kind of fit his personality nicely. Although I’ll have to admit that he’s not my type so that made the romance very whatever to me, and the romance takes the main focus in the second part so yeah… But I did really enjoy how single minded he was and how the heroine wanted to learn more about strategy and war to help people, so I liked how proactive everyone was to achieving peace in that way. However the story did get a bit mundane on some parts because it was just uninteresting, so really, even though it was an okay route, there was nothing too great about it either tbh, so it’s definitely on the lower end of the spectrum for my ranking of the routes haha, but Mitsunari was cuteee~

#ikemen sengoku

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blackjacketmuses · 5 years

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hc; og dante 12

In honor of @dwellsinme who inspired me with her HC to post mine, because I’ve had it but haven’t gotten around to actually posting about it.

Dante - my Dante - is very much ADHD.

It’s kind of a tossup whether his nature as a hybrid has anything to do with it (see: PJO series), but he is definitely, definitely ADHD and has been since he was a kid. Unfortunately, in the late 70s-early 80s, neurodivergence wasn’t as big or talked about a concept, so no one really had any idea, and Dante’s so detached from the normal human life at this point it’s probably never come up and never will. He functions....as well as one would expect with that on top of cPTSD and depression, but, yknow, he manages. So it’s never been a real, true problem. Drove his parents and teachers crazy as a little, and definitely drives people crazy now, but...that’s just how Dante is.

I’m gonna go into more detail under a cut just because long post incoming:

To start I’m just gonna drop a list of symptoms here, so you can kinda see what I’m getting at: bolding is mine, and is the symptoms Dante visibly explicitly shows and expresses (for the record, he definitely has combined type, which has symptoms of both inattentive and hyperactive)---

Inattentive type:

Be easily distracted, miss details, forget things, and frequently switch from one activity to another

Have difficulty maintaining focus on one task

Become bored with a task after only a few minutes, unless doing something they find enjoyable

Have difficulty focusing attention on organizing or completing a task

Have trouble completing or turning in homework assignments, often losing things (e.g., pencils, toys, assignments) needed to complete tasks or activities

Appear not to be listening when spoken to

Daydream, become easily confused, and move slowly

Have difficulty processing information as quickly and accurately as others

Struggle to follow instructions

Have trouble understanding details; overlooks details

Hyperactive type:

Fidget or squirm a great deal

Talk nonstop

Dash around, touching or playing with anything and everything in sight

Have trouble sitting still during dinner, school, and while doing homework

Be constantly in motion

Have difficulty performing quiet tasks or activities

Be impatient

Blurt out inappropriate comments, show their emotions without restraint, and act without regard for consequences

Have difficulty waiting for things they want or waiting their turn in games

Often interrupt conversations or others' activities

Okay, so maybe he leans a lot heavier into hyperactive type, but, I mean. Watch him doing stuff, especially in 3 and 4 --- he’s definitely very easily distracted, doesn’t seem to listen a lot, and focus is only kept when he’s really interested in something, otherwise he super ignores it. And details? Ha! What are those, he just jumps in and does things.

As for the hyperactive symptoms, I don’t think I need to point out many specific instances, it’s...we all see it. He’s constantly running his mouth, constantly in motion, constantly moving, playing with things, bouncing on his feet, fidgeting, fighting, moving a lot as he fights...I mean look at him playing with every single new toy he gets immediately, and especially look at him with Cerberus. He’s loud, he’s present, he’s very impatient --- we see that a lot in 3 re: puzzles and locks --- and honestly he’s very good at interrupting people. Not to mention that thing about saying inappropriate things, and being unable to restrain emotions or actions? Definitely Dante, demonstrably so.

Other symptoms Dante definitely has --- and this is speaking as me, an ADHD person, who sees a lot of my bullshit in Dante --- are:

MOTIVATION ISSUES (don’t @ me Vergil): Look at this guy, he can’t or won’t do anything that doesn’t click into his interests (and even then!!) unless he gets pushed or bullied or bribed into it. He needs to be given a significant and heavy reason to get up and do shit, otherwise he’ll just sit around or blow it off and claim pickiness. And sure, he is picky --- because specific criteria on What Will Interest Him is another ADHD thing!! --- but man, even then, you can see in the anime he has to be pushed out the door to get shit done sometimes. This is clearly contributing to his broke situation. And when he’s Depressed it’s worse, look at the state of his office in 5!!

REJECTION SENSITIVE DYSPHORIA: Now this one isn’t quite as obvious, because he’s REALLY GOOD at pretending he’s fine, but he really does not cope well with being yelled at/rejection/being pushed away by people, especially people he likes. That’s a mood. This was worse by far when he was a kid, and is part of why he’s such a pushover and can easily be bullied into doing things for people he likes or people he wants to like him. He doesn’t want to be rejected or criticized, so time to do what they want me to! No problem, no argument!

SLEEP PROBLEMS: Either he is like LOOK MA NO SLEEP I CAN DO THIS ALL WEEK or he’s sleeping constantly and looking like Rip Van fucking Winkle. Now this does overlap with the depression, but ADHD internal clocks are borked to hell and back, too, so his sleep schedule and how much/little he sleeps is just. What even. How.

TIME PROBLEMS: Either something is Now or it is Not Now and if it is Not Now it is not worth caring about or worrying about.

IMPULSE CONTROL: As mentioned above, but with the added problem of “what is delayed gratification I don’t know her”, and needing rewards for what he’s doing Now Please Thanks.

DECISION MAKING: When confronted with difficult decisions, either you a) freeze because AAHHHH TOO MUCH or b) just Do Something because panic without thinking. Also what the FUCK is a plan, there are no plans, plans don’t exist.

BOREDOM IS EVIL: No being bored, ever, oh god, nope, fuck that cannot be bored boredom is the devil and causes BAD BAD THINGS. Must always be doing things, needs entertainment, needs stimulation or will quickly devolve into a lump on the couch. If thing is boring, will NOT do it, nope, fuck that.

CHILDLIKE BEHAVIOR: Like whew. I mean. Local 42yo man acts like a 10yo boy pretending to be an 80s action hero like in the movies, constantly, as if he thinks that mimicking that is how Adults Are. And just, generally acting like an enormous child.

WEIRD KID: Just...generally coming off as weird or different or Outside The Norm, not good with normal human social cues and responses to things, acts weird and like an outcast and doesn’t seem to quite fit in with normal people.

FIXATIONS: Pizza pizza pizza NEVER GET BORED OF PIZZA I COULD EAT PIZZA EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE also sundaes.

MUSIC...GOOD: This is more subjective, but Dante’s thing with music strikes me as a thing mostly because I am that person who NEEDS TO BE LISTENING TO MUSIC ALL THE TIME HOLY SHIT, I CANNOT STAND IF THERE IS NO BACKGROUND NOISE TO MY LIFE. I get so antsy I want to jump off a cliff when there’s no background noise/music in the car and I Need music on to do anything; but at the same time I can’t listen to podcasts or videos because music I just tune out and it’s There, Good, Wonderful, but if it’s something to concentrate on with Words To Understand, it is BAD and it needs Full Focus or I Don’t Hear SHIT. So, yeah, that too.

NON SEQUITURS EVERYWHERE: You know that THING where topic A comes up and in your head you jump ahead five things in a way only you understand, and then you speak up and bring up topic F out of nowhere because YOU got to it in your head but everyone else is like what the fuck, so you kinda shut up or laugh it off? Yeah. Also that other feel when you’re still on topic B but the rest of the group went on to topic C or D and you’re internally screaming because NO I STILL HAVE SOMETHING ELSE TO SAY GET BACK HERE.

WHAT THE FUCK IS VOLUME CONTROL THIS IS MY NORMAL SPEAKING VOICE I’M NOT SHOUTING????: Self explanatory.

BAD AT HEARING THINGS: Needs VERY specific instructions, but also things need repeating a lot because he’s quick to accidentally tune stuff out.

READING: Trouble reading LONG blocks of text. Magazines Good, short articles Good.

Local Man Laughs At Own Jokes, WHAT THEY’RE FUNNY

MALADAPTIVE DAYDREAMING: He did this more as a kid, but it still applies; local child looks like he’s just kind of vibrating quietly but otherwise paying attention? NOPE he’s having an epic adventure in his head and is not listening to a word. Vergil will tell him later if it’s important.

THE LEG BOUNCE: Speaking of, he CANNOT SIT STILL. He’s at the MINIMUM rocking in his seat or bouncing his foot or tapping his fingers, sometimes as chords to a guitar but other times just taptaptap.

Stopping What Is Stopping, or alternatively, HOW TO START EVEN IDK.

Getting/being increasingly SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE but just sitting there with a smile while internally going AAAAAAAAAAAAA in increasing volume, because you have no idea how to disengage.

Things not immediately in view or immediately important Cease To Exist Entirely.

Related, visual exhaustion aka I HAVE LIVED WITH THIS MESS SO LONG THAT THE MESS IS BACKGROUND NOISE AND DOES NOT EXIST TO ME, I NO LONGER SEE IT, IT IS SCENERY.

Is the only member of this family who can drink caffeine, ADHD cancels the effect out.

Actually Pretty Goddamn Smart, but the disconnect of not having any education after 5th grade and that GOOD GOOD RSD thanks to bitchy clients kicked in and he internalized that he’s dumb now oops, might as well not try. See Also That Good Good RSD RE: bitchy dates, guess he’s just A Terrible Date, whoops, gonna just Not do that anymore. Basically if enough people give him shit about a thing, guess he’s just NOT gonna do that thing anymore!! Yep!!!

Bad at doing things The Proper Way, procedures and rules and bureaucracy are BORING GOTTA GET STUFF DONE NOW MY WAY. Never showed his work in math ever.

Actually really smart, but got in trouble a lot for lack of visibly paying attention, being unable to sit still in class, and not following instructions. He could do the work and do it right, with or without listening to the lecture, but because he did it on his own terms and by his own rules, even if he got the right answer, he got in trouble. RSD convinced him later in life he was an idiot, but he still is really good at out of the box thinking and figuring shit out with limited information.

Gets Frustrated, Stops Doing Thing (or IMPULSIVITY ACTIVATE FORM OF DOING STUPID SHIT TO GET THING DONE)

Bad habit of WORRY when understimulated, also tendency towards insecurity, this is made WORSE x100 by his PTSD. Not to mention a bit of chronic low self esteem because of most of the above.

Low self esteem feeds into really bad self-awareness; he really doesn’t quite understand or process the effects he has on people, for good or ill.

ADDICTIVE!! BEHAVIOR!!! (see: The Booze)

Stopping this here because a) you get my point by now and b) I’M going full ADHD on fixating on this post so I’m cutting myself off here. Anyway, yeah. There’s this.

#;hc: dante (og)

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spring-emerald · 6 years

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can i request kurodai + water? thank you!

Thank you for sending one in, @finnthebunneh post came in the right time and provided the much needed inspiration for this fic. Enjoy!

The game’s simpleenough.

Deliver the worstpick-up line you could ever think of to a random stranger, wait for theiranswer (if they’re given any, at all) and just leave after that. Noexplanations, no apologies. To make sure that no one chickens out or tattles tothe unsuspecting person, they’re going to go out in pairs, randomly chosenthrough spin the bottle using one of the discarded beer bottles littered ontheir table. The random stranger will be picked by one of the members of theirgroup through similar procedure.

After three rounds ofspinning, the pairs are determined as follows: Oikawa and Bokuto; Yaku andIwaizumi; and Kuroo with Kita.

And since it was hisidea, Oikawa volunteered to go first, making Bokuto go second. They spun thebottle to determine who gets to pick the strangers for them, and it’s Yaku for Oikawaand Iwaizumi for Bokuto.

The pair set out anddidn’t come back to the table for a while. When they did though, both of themhave red faces. Oikawa in mirth, and Bokuto in abject embarrassment.

“What happened?”Yaku, for someone who voice his initial disagreement about joining the game,looks far too excited to know. Oikawa, is of course, happy to oblige.

After sharing a laughat Bokuto’s expense, it was time for the second pair to set out, and for themto select the pickers. Kuroo catches the meaningful look Oikawa directs at him,and instead of spinning it first, he hands the bottle to Kita, who spins it tohave it land on Bokuto. And since he can’t prolong it, he spins the bottle,mentally supplicating before the gods to bless him with luck and escape Oikawa.

But of course,there’s no such thing as luck when it comes to dealing with Oikawa, as themouth of the bottle landed neatly, squarely in his direction.

Kuroo watches as thesmile on Oikawa’s face widen, vaguely visualizing the gates of hell openingunder him as it happens, as he falls into the pits of darkness and eternaldamnation, accompanied by Oikawa’s evil laughter.

“Oh my,” Oikawa hasthe gall to act surprised at the turn of events. (For all Kuroo knows, he’srigged the bottle to do just that). “Well, I pick Bartender-kun over there forKuro-chan.”

—–

Kuroo licks his drylips and swallows at the sight of the impressive forearms, the muscles ingenerous display as Bartender-kun’s sleeves are rolled up. He caught Kuroo’seyes when Kuroo happened to catch him smiling at a patron as he hands her a drink,but up close, he’s even more attractive. And Kuroo is so not ready to beconfronted by this. He glances at Kita, who situated himself nearby, pretendingto read over the drinks menu propped up on the counter.

Ah, fuck it. It’s notlike he’s going to return here anyway, so best get it over with. Make a foolout of himself than prolong the inevitable. It’s quite a shame though, becausethis bar is actually few of the ones he instantly liked, right off the bat,apparently really attractive Bartender-kun, notwithstanding.

He self-consciouslyand awkwardly leans on the counter with his elbow, a leg casually crossed andpropped up on his toes. He clears his throat to get Bartender-kun’s attention.

He’s rewarded by adimpled, customer service ready smile.

“Hey,” Oh god, his voice, what is he even??? “What can I get you?”

“Um, no. I’m uh… I’mgood, Ahh, I mean,” Dammit, Kuroo, pullyourself together.

“So, uhm… d’you likewater?”

—–

What?

Daichi blinks up atthe guy, smile frozen at the odd question. Mentally, he’s trying to figure outif it’s a trick question or a convoluted way of asking him for a glass of water, but is too proud to admit that he needs oneon his system this early in the night. But the guy, all with a fringe blockinghalf of the upper part of his face and red leather jacket that hugs his broadshoulders quite nicely, looks comically serious about his inquiry.

Huh.If this is a prelude to a bad pick-up line, well, Daichi’s heard worse.

“…I suppose I do.” Heanswers slowly, hesitant but with a matching, empathic nod.

“G-great.” The guy stutters,then huffs and shakes his head quickly, as if dispelling something away fromhis face. “Because I mean, if you like water, then you’ll already like 70% ofme,” he says with a one-shouldered shrug coupled with a too awkward wink.

Daichi blinks again,unsure how to respond. But the guy doesn’t say anything else and has actuallyturned to leave, and what, he’s going to leave just like that? And true, Daichi’shad to shut down (as politely and classy as much as possible, thank you verymuch) unwanted advances before, but he’s not doing it this time, because hefigures that a guy that has the sense to be at least scientific when it comesto his pick-up lines couldn’t be that bad.

That and he seemsoddly endearing. And well… he’s sort of, you know, kinda Daichi’s type.

He stares at theretreating (broad) back that are hunched, and moves before his mind can catchup to him. He leans over the counter, heaves a deep breath and blurts out thefirst thing that comes into mind.

“Hey, wait! Whatabout the 30%?” His voice is loud enough to carry over the heart thumpingmusic. Fortunately, the guy hears it. Unfortunately, he’s not the only one. Thepatrons nursing drinks at the bar all looked at Daichi and the attention madehim a bit self-conscious, but he just can’t let this opportunity pass him by.

The guy turns slowlyand dumbly looks at Daichi. “What?”

Daichi exhales with ahuff, shaking his head, a small smile on his face. He motions for the guy tocome over and has to fake a cough to cover up a laugh brought about the way theguy is dazedly walking back towards him. Like he couldn’t believe that Daichiwants him to come back, after all that.

“What about the other30%?” Daichi repeats the question, just as the guy stops in front of him. “Whatare they made up of?”

The guy blinks athim. “Erm… my personality?” He says, tilting his head a little to the side,hand coming up to scratch the back of his neck.

Daichi bites down onhis lips to stop himself from grinning and hums. “You’re not going to includelooks?” He raises a teasing eyebrow, letting a small smirk lift the corners ofmouth as he crosses his arms, which draws the attention of the guy for amoment.

“D’you want me to?”

“You don’t think youshould?”

The guy just gapesback at him. “Are… are you for real?”

Daichi chuckles. “Well,that depends. Are you ever going to ask for my name?”

“What is your name?”The guy asks in a heartbeat.

“Sawamura Daichi,” heextends a hand over the counter and doesn’t miss the way the guy staresadmiringly at his forearm.

“I’m Kuroo Tetsurou,”Kuroo takes the hand and grasps it within his larger one.

Daichi smiles, onethat he knows just emphasizes the divot on the side of his right cheek andnoted how Kuroo zeroed in his gaze on it.

Well, he’s definitely100% interesting.

#haikyuu!!#kurodai #kuroo tetsurou #sawamura daichi #hq fanfic

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werevulvi · 5 years

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I didn't have the best waking up last evening, after having been asleep all yesterday. Just a few minutes after I woke up my intrusive sexual thoughts of men hit me again, which led to me masturbating twice, feeling worse after the first time and even worse after the second time. It gets me so horny to think about how much it would hurt, mentally and physically; to be raped again, brutally. To be humiliated and used again. Thinking about that turns me on and I hate it. It's shallow, intense but superficial arousal that leaves me feeling empty right after. Sad, gross, humiliated and empty. Like my own mind is laughing at me how I struggle and fail.

I'm not making myself accessible to men anymore, and I think that in itself is making my brain stir up like this. That I no longer pursue men for sex. It makes me feel like my own mind is punishing me for acting upon self-care. Do I not want to get better? Perhaps a part of me is enjoying the suffering and pain, that old familiar sting, and has trouble letting go; doesn't want to let go. And that makes it even harder to figure out what to do about this mess. How did I stop all my self-harming methods? That might give me ideas even though this isn't exactly the same. It's similar in the sense it's kind of an unhealthy habit that I keep doing even though it makes me miserable. All of them I stopped doing around 2015-2016. With cutting the main thing that made me stop was how ashamed I felt about new cuts, that I felt a need to hide them and that I couldn't talk about it at all with anyone cause they'd just get worried about me, confuse it for suicide attempts and I hated that. The backlash/after-effects of it were no longer worth the relief. I wanted to do it less and less frequently, until eventually I didn't want to do it all, and quit it. With the drinking, what made me resume a healthy way of casual drinking was basically the same as with the cutting: the backlash/after-effects were no longer worth the relief. In this case it was the hangovers and the financial expense, and how dysfunctional it made me socially when I was constantly drunk daytime for normal every day stuff. With my eating disorder, I guess it was the same reason yet again: not worth it. It just made me feel even more powerless, if anything. It was my peak of powerlessness. When I had been yo-yoing around the same weight for around a year, not able to get past it and lose more weight, I kinda just had enough of it. I realised then how absolutely useless it was and that is wasn't worth it to wreck my mind for something so superficial, and gradually I changed my body ideal to a more healthy one. Eventually all of my symptoms of eating disorder went away. What else... oh yeah, my pill-popping. Meaning over-dosing on my prescribed medications in order to get some kind of rush, excess sleep and/or death. I think with that I mostly just quit it cause I had already quit the other methods and it simply wasn't appealing anymore. Although on extremely rare occasions I still do it, only for the rush reason. Like at least a year between occasions, and not with anything dangerous. So I don't count it as self-harm anymore.

So... I think that's all methods I can think of right now. There was probably more but that doesn't matter. It seems it was pretty much the same reason for why I quit all of those: that eventually the backlash or side-effects of the habits bothered me more than the relief/rush excited me or drew me towards it. Kinda like weighing pros and cons and eventually the cons outweighed the pros to such a degree I was put off by the habit enough to actually want to quit it. The thrill wasn't even alluring anymore when I looked at all those cons.

I guess I haven't yet reached that point with my intrusive fantasies. Not saying I in some kind of direct sense actually want them popping up or sticking around, but I think I at least indirectly "invite" them to come and stay. Like I reap their toxic seeds, knowing I'll suffer from it. It feels very similar to that "pain and reward" system like how it was with my old self-harm methods that I just described.

Meaning it kinda goes like this vicious cycle: 1.) random nasty fantasy pops up 2.) I get grossed out and scared 3.) I get turned on by it 4.) I try to resist cause it's still nasty but kinda know I can't 5.) I give into to it and masturbate 6.) I cum and get release but then feel like crap.

That I hold onto them because I get some kind of thrill out of it despite hating it, also reminds me of my past self-harming. And I think they keep coming back because I give into them, and cause I take that reward.

It does take some courage to even just say that in some sense I do want them around, that in some way I do enjoy feeling hurt and aroused by their presense. That there is some excitement attached to the process of being grossed out and scared by those brutal images in my mind, and allowing myself to be turned on by them and masturbating to that fear. It makes no sense that I wish to be raped again, and by men that I'm not even attracted to... but perhaps that makes it extra horrible which makes me want it even more.

I'm extremely repulsed by penis, even just imagining one in a non-sexual context make me shudder. It's like the last thing I wanna think about. Yet I do. Repeatedly. That's why I see there's an essence of self-harm in that thought- and masturbation process. It's alluring BECAUSE it grosses me out and scares me. Just like a blade to my skin did, or 200 pills with a bottle of vodka, not knowing if I'd wake up from it. Oh yeah, I'm traumatised alright. I stopped self-harming, actively, but I'm still self-destructive to my core. Perhaps I'm seeking my limit, what is my breaking point. My greatest fear has become my drug. Because I experienced it once, and it damaged me. For less damaged people I think this is comparable to getting a thrill out of watching horror movies. But do I really want it in reality? To get raped again. Hard question to answer, but I'll try. Yeah... I want it so badly I've even spent years seeking it out in real life. But whenever I've been sexually abused again after that, literally because I sought out to be, I freaked out and really did not like that. Some other times that happened I was really quite despondent and didn't have much of an emotional reaction at all, until months later, and then freaked out. So no, I don't think I really genuinely want that. What I want is closure, but my mind is acting like a broken record, not getting that you can't actually kill fire with fire. Or in my case, pain with pain.

But now that I've stopped seeking it out, because I don't want the harm anymore and I love myself too much to put myself through that again, if I can possibly avoid it... my mind has gotten rampant in forcing it upon me mentally instead. Perhaps those intrusive thoughts are like a withdrawal symptom from coming off a drug. But it's not a physical addiction, so just giving it time won't help.

It stems absolutely directly from my traumas. Because those intrusive fantasies are pretty much a bi-product of my many years of having tried to repeat the rape I went through as a teen, and is also connected to the sexual assault in my childhood that led me to become addicted to masturbation, and now having stopped that behaviour cold turkey... aggrevated something within me. Something that still wants to repeat the rape but cannot get the thrill of that dangerous game anymore. And it got so aggrevated that it's almost constantly throwing those nasty images and scenarios at me now, out of what feels like pure desperation.

I think in order to get rid of them, I must first completely, and actively not want them around anymore. Not even want the thrill they bring, I mean. Cause that's how I got rid of my former addictions and self-harm methods. I think I'm willing to wait and work towards that even if it means sickening myself with those intrusive thoughts deliberately until I've properly had enough of it. Cause it's so very effective to get rid of a habit once I literally no longer want the rush or relief from it anymore. Exhaust myself with it. Like that's how I can maintain drinking moderately after years of on and off alcoholism. Cause I'm still so put off by the idea of being constantly drunk and everything that comes with it that I can't even make myself do it.

So I mean... I don't want to stop masturbating completely either, so abstinence is not exactly an option with this, and should not have to be. But that means I can't really actively do much about it. Except I can try "indulging" in it to the point it's far, far, far beyond sickening to me. That could trigger a "no longer interested" response. Cause I have to get uninterested in the reward aspect of it, and that's the tricky part. Since the reward aspect is orgasm, that's tricky, but not impossible. Because I know I literally get different kinds of orgasms when it's from something I actually, genuinely enjoy. Like fantasies of healthy sex with a sexy woman. So because I already can differentiate the kind of orgasms that makes me feel bad from the kind that makes me feel good, I'm already well on my way to sort out this mess. Meaning I could come to a point where I no longer want that "bad-feeling" kind of orgasms, no matter how tempting, cause I can still get the "good-feeling" ones.

This was a good analysis. It taught me some new things about those intrusive thoughts and gave me ideas on what I could do about them: treat them like quitting a self-harm habit. Me being a lesbian doesn't really have anything to do with it, except it makes it relatively easier in the sense I don't actually have to ever figure out ways to have healthy sex with men, which I can't cause I don't have that attraction. And I think maybe quitting men entirely is easier than re-training my interactions with them would be, had I been straight. It seems my interactions with other women sexually is untouched by my traumas and has always been healthy and good. Perhaps that's both because I was never traumatised by another woman, and because I'm inexperienced, it has remained a clean slate.

I feel like that's extremely valuable, and ironically I probably actually have my internalised homophobia to thank for that. It kept me from ruining my genuine attraction with self-destructive sex, pretty much kept it safe from harm until I was ready to release and explore it in ways that are good for me. My self-hate which made me suppress my attraction to women... protected it from being harmed by my traumas?! Wow... just wow. I always believed something good will come out of everything that's generally bad, but... this is kind of amazing. And very relieving, comforting. Everything happens for a reason.

#personal #reflective #long term trauma effects #intrusive thoughts #self harm #my broken sexuality #lesbian #self discoveries #realisations #processing my inner demons

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