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#but it does hurt me so much that ed doesn't see how much he means to stede
areyoudoingthis · 7 months
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"fishermen and pirates are nothing alike" is actually such a heartbreaking line because in his own silly way he's telling stede that he thinks they're incompatible now because they want entirely different things from life and he doesn't believe he's worth more to stede than piracy and glory so he'll just walk away first this time before stede has the chance to leave him again
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hairmetal666 · 4 months
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Steve knows he falls in love too easily. Nancy told him, Robin too.
But falling in love with Eddie Munson is hard.
They're supposed to be friends after Vecna. They're supposed to be friends, but Steve can't get past what Eddie did in the Upside Down; how he put himself in a position to nearly die, how Dustin got hurt. It's not fair. He knows it's not, but it doesn't make the anger go away.
Eddie's part of the group now, though, and Steve won't leave him out, no matter how angry. They're all at movie nights, at pool parties, at Hellfire, at Corroded Coffin gigs. It's just that Steve and Eddie don't speak. And Steve is okay with it. If it's what it takes to make sure that they're all hanging out together, not talking to Eddie is a small thing. He's pretty sure Eddie doesn't mind. At least, he seems as uninterested in hanging out with Steve as Steve is with him.
It doesn't need to be anything more than that, and it isn't, not until Steve goes upstairs to get more sunscreen during one of the pool parties, and walks back downstairs to find Munson waiting for him in his kitchen.
"You need something?" He asks, unable to fully hide the way he jolts with surprise.
Eddie twists the rings on his fingers, something Steve's noticed he does whenever he's nervous. "You have a problem with me, Harrington?
"No, of course not," he answers too fast.
"C'mon, man. You can barely stand to be in the same room with me."
"That's not true! We're in one together right now."
Eddie rolls his eyes so hard that it has to hurt. "Don't do that. Don't pretend like you don't know what I mean. You can't stand to be alone with me for more than thirty seconds."
Steve splutters, searching for a plausible reason.
"Is it cause--" Eddie swallows, hand going back to cup his neck. "Is it cause you heard me tell Robin that I'm gay? Back at the hospital. Is it because--" he cuts himself off.
Something in Steve's chest clenches hard, warmth swooping dangerously in his stomach. "No," Steve says, means it. "I didn't hear. I didn't-- it has nothing to do with that. It's--that's cool. Thanks for--yeah, that's cool."
Eddie's smile is a brittle little thing. "Then, what else?" Eddie pulls a chunk of hair over his mouth. "I can't think of any other reason you'd hate me so much."
"I don't." And Steve hopes it's coming off as genuine. "I promise."
He can't help remember the camaraderie, the understanding, that started to grow between them in the Upside Down. The "don't cha, big boy?" of it all. They could be friends. They should be.
They shouldn't get into it. Not right here, not right now when the kids' splashes and excited screams filter through the sliding door.
"You're a shit liar, Harrington."
"Ed--I'm not--"
"You know what? Don't bother. I'll just--" He jolts in the direction of the front door.
"Don't be stupid, Munson."
"God, I can't believe I didn't see it before. You just fucking loathe me."
"I do not. Grow up."
"Oh, yeah? Then what's your problem?"
"There isn't--"
"Stop lying!"
"You didn't fucking think!" He shouts. Loud enough that the noise outside cuts off. "You pulled that shit in the Upside Down and you almost died! Dustin got hurt!"
Eddie blinks his big brown eyes in stunned surprise.
"I told you, I said, 'dont try to be cute or be a hero or something.' And you know what you said? Do you?"
Eddie won't look at him now. "I had to make a choice, Steve."
"It was the wrong one!"
"I would do it all again. No matter what you say. I would do it to draw the bats away. To protect Dustin."
"But you didn't."
"There was no other way to stop them, Steve! They would've gotten through, into Hawkins."
"It doesn't matter."
"You weren't there! You can't tell me--"
"Yes, I can! I know."
"You don't! You think--"
"I almost lost you!" He screams. "You nearly died in my arms, Eddie. And for what?"
Falling in love with Eddie wasn't easy. It was blood and near death; it was weeks in a cold hospital room while Eddie existed in a drug-induced twilight state; it was agonizing convalescence and physical therapy and changing bandages; it was Eddie leading dnd sessions with bright eyes and contagious enthusiasm, herding the kids to the arcade and video store, theatrically serving snacks at movie night; it was festering, senseless anger at the near loss of something.
Eddie's lips tremble. "Steve, I--"
"It doesn't matter." He turns away to slide a hand down his face in an effort to wipe away the emotion. "You're fine and we're--it doesn't matter."
"I'm sorry," he whispers. "Steve, I'm sorry. I wanted--I thought it would help. I thought--"
And Steve has to admit, he does, the whole terrible contradiction of it all. "I know," he whispers back. "I would've--I know."
"I thought I was protecting Dustin. I thought I was buying you guys time with Vecna." Eddie's voice breaks. "I didn't--I--" He squeezes his eyes shut.
In the quiet of the kitchen, they gravitate to one another, foreheads resting together.
"I should have been there, Ed. I shouldn't have left you two alone. You almost died, and I--"
"Sweetheart, I'm right here. We're right here."
They don't kiss, but they're close enough that their mouths brush with each breath they take.
"Don't do that, again." Steve clenches his fists into Eddie's cutoff t-shirt. "Promise you won't ever--"
"I promise, Stevie. I promise. I'll be by your side until the very end, whatever it is."
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ALRIGHT, *cracks knuckles* let's get into that teaser, shall we?
Should I itemize this? I think I'm going to itemize it lmao.
So:
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Starting here because this is a baseline for Stede, he's got no neckerchief here. This is likely early in the season, probably the very start.
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Man's got a fuckin' ARM.
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This is Ed. You can see the bare right arm in both shots.
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Red neckerchief. Ed's scrap of silk? Beat to shit if it is, which, he did toss it out to sea so, it would be.
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Ed's not wearing the knee brace. Or gloves for that matter. I know the knee brace being an actual mobility aid is unconfirmed canon/fanon but it does make me :(c to see him without it. Either it wasn't actually considered as a mobility aid or he's lost it like he's lost his gloves OR he's going without it because he doesn't care if it hurts.
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Closer shot of the neckerchief.
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I just wanted to point out all the knives stabbed into the table. Also, those look like bits of paper on the windows, did they keep some of the books to repurpose for window blocking purposes?
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THERE HE IS!!!!!!!! Other people have already pointed out the makeup and his ring still on his tie, along with the whip on his hip cjizzy real. He's got a new baldric but I also think his clothes look. Darker? Than in season 1? This is a darker/heavier contrast setting but it carries into other shots of him too I think? Like they're less sun/saltwater faded or something?
Other thing to note: If I have my orientation right, this is to the right of Stede's bed nook and to the left of the library, which means this shelf is the one with the auxiliary wardrobe opening mechanism. Which I bring up because:
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This little guy seems to be in the place of the mannequin. Ed kept the auxiliary wardrobe and gothed up the mannequin to justify it still being there.
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SO much here. This is, I'm fairly certain, Benjamin Hornigold. This camp he's set up (along with what he's wearing) looks like it was made out of a shipwreck. Ed's barefoot and missing his jacket and gloves, and his shirt's torn up at the sleeves. Definitely where he washed up from his dip in the ocean.
Note the trees and the lighting, that comes up later. Ed shoots here and Ben moves with the shot but it doesn't look like he was actually HIT by it to my eyes.
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'Wanted. |Blackbeard| Villainous Pirate. Murderer, thrice over. $400 Reward for the criminal responsible for: theft - brigandry - larceny - arson - tax evasion ➡' Presumably there are more crimes/info on the back, though we see the reverse side in the next cut and it's either blank or all in very small text, I couldn't quite tell.
The poster to the right says 'Port' something which has me wondering Port Royal but that's just the only 'Port' something I know, could def be somewhere else.
(Also, just for fun:
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Here's how much abouts Ed's capture would be worth now.)
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Wider pic than it needs to be but I didn't wanna cut out Olu lol. ANYWAY. Neckerchief again. Also the back of the poster, see what I mean about it either being blank or very tiny?
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Babygirl. . . But also that Bride Ed figure kinda slays. Little bralette with the midriff showing, I see you Babygirl. When will he be allowed to just rest and do silly little crafts WITHOUT heartbreak looming over him?
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Well. Four is not nine. So. There's that. The other five could be used or out of frame though, of course.
OH. He's back to his fingerless gloves! They might actually be different from his original ones though, they look different at the wrist to me, not quite sure though.
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The BOYS!!!! Frenchie looks like he's having a GREAT time. Considering he suggested they turn the hostage into a table and complained about the Republic of Pirates being a bit gentrified I'd say this is more in line with what he's used to in piracy. I 100% buy he was going along with Stede's way because he knew it was an easy ride compared to real piracy. This wouldn't necessarily be a return to form for him but definitely something he's more used to? And he gets to be kitty :3c
And FANG!!! Look at him showing a bit more skin!! Good for him!!
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Everybody say 'Thank You David Jenkins'. Right now. Look at this Mad Max shit. Fuckin' Imperator Jimenez right there. LOVE that tye added the 'beard' after the 'fuck's wrong with your face?' bit in 1x10. Full 'it looked weird on you but I slay' energy.
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Jim
Izzy
Fang
Near as I can tell at least. I can't make out if Frenchie is in the shot and I'm pretty positive Ed isn't cause he stayed by the cake when they charged in.
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Man, yknow I know we were all kinda clowning on it a bit at the end of 1x10 but this look really is so JARRING. Like, in the dark it's menacing but in the light? It's unhinged and that reads as more dangerous imo.
Also just for comparison's sake the pre-Ed-ified version of the bride figure. He really did full on customize that thing lol.
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I DON'T THINK ANNE KISSED STEDE HERE. It feels out of character of the show to pull the 'It's fine if a woman does it to a man' kind of thing with regard to unwanted kissing. This is the frame the scene starts on in the trailer. She's leaning back from him and isn't nearly close enough to his mouth to say for certain that's where she was coming from. My money is on her leaning in to whisper something into his ear, maybe under the guise of it being an advance/intended kiss, which would also explain the annoyed look when she's interrupted. She either got ACTUALLY interrupted or it's part of the act. Stede doesn't look nearly as uncomfortable as he would be if she'd kissed him or tried to, he looks confused.
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Izzy going for his sword when this guy tries to get the drop on Stede. He either is starting to care or he knows how much Ed needs him alive.
Also, this is the other potential source of Stede's neckerchief. Mr, Knife right here has a red one and Stede doesn't have it in this scene. I do think this one is a little less distressed than the one Stede has though so it could just be coincidence.
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See? No neckerchief. He DOES have a sword at his hip tho! So this, I think, is after Izzy's started training him.
Also, he actually looks really good in red lol.
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Baby. He's definitely missing the ring in this shot. It sits higher than the baldric is covering. I want to give him a little kissie on his ouchie and then let him have a nap, he needs that.
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The pants match the coat. Also, black shirt. Stede is kinda slaying ngl.
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Still missing her head :(c. Isn't that bad luck?
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Maybe yall didn't hear me properly with the Jim pic. I'll repeat:
EVERYBODY SAY 'THANK YOU DAVID JENKINS'.
I can't get over how Stede's just standing there politely with his arms behind his back lmfao.
Also, Izzy's got his right leg up, he's putting his weight on his left. . . 'foot'.
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I SAID EVERYBODY SAY-
I know tits and all but also. The belly. I would like to. Bite.
*ahem*
ANYWAY. On the left (our left) side of the barrel you can see the tip of his right boot so he's def got that leg off the ground. Perhaps someone is trying to relearn their footwork? Now that they've got a different balance than they're used to? And perhaps a difference in sensory input in the leg he's standing on? Possibly?
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This is the same beach Ed was on when he did the fuckin' RAD takedown of the other officer but it definitely looks like different times of day. Having both in the teaser is def meant to be a red herring. He doesn't have the neckerchief in this shot either.
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Bra för honom. (Is how google translate tells me you say 'Good for him' in Swedish.)
Is Jackie's hair the same here as it is in the VF pic with Ed? Or like, similar enough to be a 'later in the day after some Fun™ messing it up a bit'?
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Roach!!! Fully sleeveless now, added a belt, got some flowers tied to the strings/straps of his apron. Looks like he's having fun lighting that cannon lol. Pretty sure this is the same scene as that one leaked photo of him dancing with Fang and Izzy's green screen sock. He had the flowers in that, right?
[Ran out of allowed images, please hold]
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steddiewithachance · 6 months
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Vampire Pancakes
A response to this writing prompt. Thought it was too cute, had to write it! @dwobbitfromtheshire
🥞🫐
No one really knows what to do with Eddie right now. Everyone is jittery around him, going so far as to hold their breath when he so much as twitches. Even Dustin is squinting at him with calculating eyes; he's analyzing Eddie for threat.
Eddie will continue to courteously ignore the hand that Nancy is keeping stationed on her belt conveniently close to the little pistol everyone knows she's hiding. It doesn't matter that Eddie helped them kill Vecna, or that he saved Baby Byers' life. It doesn't matter when he has sharp teeth, dark eyes, and a thirst for blood. He can't blame 'em for being scared.
Eddie thinks about his dad. Wonders if even Al would see Eddie as a monster now.
Eddie got picked on a lot as a kid and he'd often come home from school tired and weepy. Al would look up from the couch in that black tank top he always wore. He'd set down whatever he was smoking to pat the spot next to him.
"What happened Ed? Was some little shithead mean to ya?"
Eddie would nod and slump into his father's side, eyes burning from the spicy, smokey air. When Eddie pressed his face into his dad's arm, Al would pull back and pat his head with sorrowful eyes. Al didn't really know how to comfort a kid or maybe he thought that being distant was in Eddie's best interest.
"You're too soft, Ed. Ya gotta make those kids think you can pack a punch. Chin up, eyes mean, shoulders back. Make 'em intimidated, make 'em fear ya."
So like any kid who thinks their dad's word is law, Eddie listened, or tried his best at least. But his dad never said that mean eyes, dark clothes, and loud music would get him accused of witchcraft by a bunch'a angry jocks and chased straight into hell.
Now his sheepies -his kiddos- are looking at him like they're scared, like they can't trust him and that is a fucking gut punch. Because pretty early on in his high school career, he decided that his purpose was gonna be standing as a shield for other kids like him. He wanted to be a source of safety and warmth in an otherwise cold and unforgiving storm.
Being feared is lonely and sad, Eddie has discovered, and he worries this is his new permanent reality.
Eddie quietly sits through his friends hammering out the logistics of a nighttime schedule to organize sleeping shifts so someone always has an eye on him. It's sick. Eddie has to excuse himself to cry about it. He has no uncontrollable urges to eat anyone here, Steve does smell appetizing, but he wouldn't jump the guy.
He can still eat human food apprently, it barely does anything for him, but it's something. Eddie thinks it's enough to quell any feral urges he may or may not get. He thinks the party is being unreasonable about their safety precautions, but really, he'd probably do the same if there was a monster in the same house as him.
🥞🫐
It's a long night, he can't fall asleep but he'll pretend to so that everyone can relax a little. The changing of the guard chafes at him and makes his lip quiver. He bites his lip to prevent a wounded sound from slipping out when Robin nudges Steve awake and says it's "his turn on hell shift". Eddie jolts because he remembers he has real sharp teeth now, and biting his lip does, in fact, hurt like a bitch.
"You're not asleep, huh?" He hears whispered into the air of the big living room after Robin has settled back into sleep. It's Steve's sweet and melodic voice.
"I'm trying." He responds, brokenly.
"Wanna get some fresh air with me for a minute? I need'a smoke." Steve is already shrugging the sheets off of him and carefully stepping over his sleeping friends towards the back door. Eddie doesn't think he has a choice, but to follow. Stepping out of this stuffy room does sound like a relief though.
Eddie makes the same journey through the sea of teenagers sprawled across Steve's floor and out the sliding glass door. When he steps onto the patio, all of the crickets stop chirping around him. The night goes silent. What the fuck? Is that because of him? He loves the sound of crickets, though.
He walks over and curls up in one of the Harringtons' fancy-loungy-pool-chairs. Steve stays standing, leaning artfully against the side of his house next to the glass. He flicks open his lighter and the small flame illuminates his square jawline with a warm glow. He's so achingly handsome. He's like a movie star, or a model.
"You okay?" Steve asks conversationally.
"Not even a little."
Steve sighs and pushes off the wall to walk towards Eddie's chair. He sits at the foot of it and swivels so he's looking at Eddie.
"I'm really sorry Eddie. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. I won't pretend to." Steve sets a hand on Eddie's ankle and Eddie could cry from the small gesture of comfort that he's practically writhing for. "I feel like what happened to you is all my fault. I know that 'sorry' wont cut it, but for the record, I am. Completely and utterly sorry." That's a silly thing to think.
"It's not your fault, are you kidding? How do you reckon it's your fault?"
"Sending you with Dustin? Alone? Putting all that responsibility on you?" Steve looks down at his cigarette with disgust. He twists it into the cold concrete next to his socked foot and looks back at Eddie. There's no fear in his expression, and for once Eddie is grateful for his reckless bravery.
"It was the best plan and we all agreed to it. Don't sweat it, Harrington." Eddie feels like he's not all there. Feels like maybe if he was more composed he could comfort Steve better, but he's hungry and dazed, sad and tired. Steve nods solemnly, and clears this throat.
"And about everyone being kind of on edge... It'll pass. I think they're all thinking about when Billy Hargrove got possessed by the mind flayer and went homicidal on us. He tried to kill all the kids."
Eddie desperately wants to hear all the other Upside down stories one day. He keeps trying to stitch together all these scraps of lore that keep getting dropped on him. He has no right to ask about something so traumatic, so he'll just be patient and wait for more lore to drop.
"Everyone's just being cautious. Vecna's dead though, so I'm not really sure who they think would possess you." Steve finishes and squeezes Eddie's lower calf where his hand rests.
"I get it. Kinda hurts my feelings, but I get it." Eddie mumbles and feels his eyes getting heavy. He wonders if he could fall asleep out here. Maybe if the crickets were still chirping and it wasn't so goddamn quiet.
"I'm sorry, Eddie." It's fine, this might not even be the worst thing that's ever happened to him.
🥞🫐
In the morning Eddie curls himself into Steve's little kitchen nook. Eddie kind of loves the window seat, it's something his mom would have wanted, Eddie theorizes. She was always looking out windows, probably daydreaming about escaping. Eddie does it too.
The kids seem warmer this morning. There's no more hushed whispers or pointed looks. They're talking and moving around the house less cautiously. Hopefully, the stiffest interactions and the worst of their distrust is behind them. Nancy's still watching him like a hawk though.
Steve shuffles into view, his socks are bunched up around his ankles. It's cute.
He holds out a plate for Eddie with a dumb smile on his face. When Eddie reaches for it, he sees a stack of pancakes and the top pancake has a little face made out of blueberries and two whipped cream fangs. It's a vampire pancake. Steve made Eddie a sweet little vampire pancake.
"Oh my god, you're so adorable." Eddie squeaks and makes a grabby hand for the fork Steve's holding. Steve blushes and hands over the fork.
"Do you like it?" Steve asks coyly. The pancakes feel like a hug, they feel like an apology that Steve doesn't even owe.
"I love it, chef." Eddie pokes at the pancake-vampire's cheek. "I don't know if I can eat him. He's too cute." Eddie giggles. Steve looks up at him with bright sparkly eyes. God he's perfect. Eddie's hungry for him in five different ways.
Robin and Dustin come up beside Steve to look down at the plate.
"I want one!" Dustin announces loudly. Steve turns around and heads back to the stove, he looks so proud of himself.
"You can have normal pancakes. Those are special for Eddie." Steve says with a wink. Dustin looks down at Eddie and pouts at him as if Eddie has any say in who gets what kind of pancake.
"Dustin had to watch it all happen, he should get one too." Eddie tells Steve earnestly while Steve is pouring more batter into the pan.
Dustin gloats and yells "Exactly! Thank you, Eddie."
And it feels like things are gonna be okay.
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carrymelikeimcute · 7 months
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Going over the izzy/lucius/shark exchange is so interesting in the context of this being an episode about apologies. About making concessions and trying to fix things.
(In this ep there's a lot about ed making amends/accommodating the crew's triggers and trauma. It's also about stede having to fix things when he upsets the superstitious crew by not treating their feelings as valid.)
At the start we have Ed's (probably well intentioned) but evasive, non-apology. He does an 'I'm sorry you feel that way' sort of apology about 'whatever that bad stuff was'. It's a wish to do better, but it doesn't really cover what went before. A lot of people interject here, but Izzy remains completely still and silent, off to one side.
Lucius says he never used the word 'sorry' and rightly calls this out. Roach however, says he's never heard an apology before - and liked it - so this seems like as much as it's a first for Ed to take even some accountability, it's probably the first time some of the crew have seen a captain (or anyone else) do this too.
Archie says 'They just get away with it and we move on'.
Lucius rounds on Izzy, because obviously Izzy should have the biggest grievance here. But Izzy responds to the question about Ed's apology as if it was about piracy in general - clearly showing that the cycle of abuse is a feature, not a bug. This is part of his life and identity as a pirate. This is, actually, things going back to normal. You get whipped (and we see these scars on him later) no one apologises, and you just reset to how it was before, pretending nothing has been altered until it all bubbles over again.
Ed then tells stede that he's never apologised for anything. Confirming that most of the crew's responses are in line with their past experiences.
Then Ed goes to fix the door and tells it that it's not its fault that it's broken, it was just doing it's job. This directly parallels Izzy's rant to the figurehead about it failing to do it's job. Ed could be talking about himself here, as Izzy was talking about himself - but to me it doesn't fit that well, because what 'job' was Ed trying to do? He could instead be acknowledging, indirectly, that he is aware that Izzy was doing his job - trying to make sure they all survived and functioned as a crew. Ed probably broke that door, and he broke Izzy. But he has yet to talk to him about it.
Immediately following this, is when he scares the BEJESUS out of Lucius and tells him 'it would be faster to get all this out in one go'. It sounds like a reasonable suggestion, but we know that it doesn't actually work. Lucius pushes him off the boat and it doesn't help. Because 'I hurt you, so now you hurt me' doesn't benefit the abused, it's still about making the abuser feel better - making them feel punished and therefore redeemed, even when their victim isn't healed. I don't think Ed is trying to manipulate Lucius here - both of them think it might help to 'fix things' but fixing things takes emotional intelligence that's not really developed yet.
ENTER, THE SHARK
Izzy starts working on the shark, after the non-apology. He doesn't have it in the 'candle fighting' scene obvs - but he does receive an apology in that scene, when stede says 'feet' and then corrects himself to foot. It's a simple straightforward apology, even if he does sort of laugh awkwardly. Izzy also at least attempted to apologise to Stede in ep. 3 - so he clearly sees the use in apologies - AND right after the apology, Izzy agrees to help stede. Their relationship changes. It gets better and they're no longer stuck in those old patterns. Izzy is full-on gentle parenting stede - even when he shoots down a fucking sail.
He also, notably, states that the crew's feelings on the curse are important. Meaning, how the crew feels is important to him, period.
After this, we're back to Lucius throwing Ed overboard. But it doesn't work because Ed doesn't remember the talent show thing, he doesn't really know why Lucius was so blindsided by that betrayal of trust. It's not about who goes overboard. It's about the dynamics underneath that and those can't be fixed by just trading places for a moment.
FINALLY. We see Izzy finishing the shark, and he's completely unsurprised that Lucius pushing Ed into the water didn't fix things. Izzy's done this 'tit for tat' thing - betraying Ed to the English over being banished - and it ended terribly for both of them. It escalated things. He knows it's not as simply as getting even with someone.
The solution Izzy has chosen to the cycle of his relationship with Ed is to pretend that Ed hasn't done anything to him. A shark did it. Like with the non-apology, blame is being shifted to a third party 'the bad things' the 'bad times'. Lucius (rightly) points out that this is not healthy, but Izzy's response, that's better than not moving on, clearly resonates.
Izzy's response to being hurt was to 1. Get even and 2. (when that proved deeply unsatisfying and made things worse) to put the unresolved conflict behind him. Because he doesn't think Ed is ever going to apologise or change, and wanting those things just hurt more.
Anyone who has parents/a partner/friend who's NEVER apologised for anything, knows how he's feeling. You stop trying to have it out and fix the relationship, and it starts to wither, even though the other person thinks it's healthy.
'Not moving on is worse' is a warning, and it's one that Lucius takes to heart, immediately trying to centre positive things instead of resentment and anger. He shares his feelings with Pete, and their relationship thrives.
The issue here, is that denial doesn't work. Lucius might be able to move on from what happened to him without a proper apology from Ed, but that's because he's not in a relationship with him. Izzy's the one who's really in it with Ed - he's had DECADES of this shit. That can't be willed away.
Stede's resolution to the curse conflict models a healthier method and one that I'm hoping we see in a future episode between Ed/Izzy. He validates the crew's feelings, make a sacrifice (the suit) and TOGETHER they collaborate on a solution to the issue that is mutually satisfactory - he even gets to keep the shirt, as a sort of compromise. It isn't about just making stede or the crew feel better, it's about moving on together.
This happens with Ed and Fang! Ed actually apologises once he realises what, specifically he did wrong. Fang says they're 'sweet' because he beat Ed to death (oof) which outwardly seems like retaliation working - but there has also been an actual apology and Fang wasn't retaliating against Ed, he was standing up for himself - a physical version of saying 'that wasn't OK - you need to change'.
This method of resolution is echoed in the final scene, with stede and ed. They reach an understanding about the pace of their relationship and find a happy medium (holding hands) - mutually satisfied and moving forwards.
Bottom line? I hope we see 1. Ed actually apologise to Izzy and 2. the pair of them outline what it is they want to change in their relationship moving forward, ending the cycle for good.
Thank you for coming to my Ed talk.
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celluloidbroomcloset · 5 months
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To talk a bit more about submission and especially Ed's trust in Stede and the erosion of that trust...
There's a fairly clear implication that Ed has never felt safe in his life - not as a child with an abusive father, not as a boy or young man on Hornigold's ship, and not as Blackbeard. He's very much the impossible bird, increasingly exhausted and sick of flying until eventually he'll just drop out of the sky. But when he meets Stede, he thinks he's found a safe place to land.
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His desire to relinquish control is right there from the very beginning, though he may not even know it. He's tired, he's bored, he's not having fun being a pirate or even being a person.
He tries to show some vulnerability with Izzy, only to be first misunderstood, then bullied back into Blackbeard. But it’s revealing so much of himself to Stede, and then being hurt, that drives his heartbreak and eventually his depression. Ed trusted Stede with his darkest secrets, but also with his softest feelings - the murder of his father and his mother's silk.
What’s harsh in Stede not showing up on the dock is that he said he was Ed’s friend, and then Ed kisses him and their relationship shifts. The kiss is a declaration of desire; it's moving from the relationship they can still treat as friendship and into the space of romance and sexuality. Stede not showing up on the dock seems to say, “I was your friend but I can’t be your lover.”
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Ed starts seeing those moments of tenderness and kindness throughout the first season in a different light. He felt how tenderly his vulnerability and his fears were treated, and now he wonders if he never understood the meaning behind that tenderness - that Stede really did fear him, or was just being kind, because Stede is kind.
That rejection isn't what makes Ed spiral, but it is what he dwells on throughout those first three episode of Season 2. Stede broke something open inside him, and he thinks that what he felt was never really reciprocated, that Stede was frightened of him and that Stede saw him fully and what he saw was a monster. So when Stede comes back and offers that gentleness again, Ed's naturally wary of it. He wants, badly, to give in and let himself be vulnerable again, but he's scared that he will be hurt if he does.
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I've said it before and I'll say it again - the fact that Stede stops saying "I love you" when Ed asks him to, and that he slows down when Ed asks him to, and that he asks to hold Ed's hand is important. Stede is nothing if not emotionally attuned to Ed. He's saying "you're safe with me." He's not going to do or try to do anything that Ed doesn't want, and he's not going to get pissy about it.
A lot has been said about Calypso's birthday, because it is certainly the most vulnerable Ed has ever been, likely with anyone. When he's sitting on the bed and looking at Stede, you can see that in him - it's a moment where he's finally willing to trust Stede again, and let him take control, and trust that Stede won't hurt him.
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That look is of such exceptional vulnerability, not just because they’re going to have sex but because of what that means as an expression of the love and trust that Ed is willing to give. He’s really letting Stede see all the softest parts of him, even allowing Stede to have control over them, and he’s got to be certain that this very gentle man isn’t going to use that to break him.
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braxlrose · 10 months
Text
request: bill kaulitz x self-destruct reader hcs😌 I mean, she knows she's hurting herself but she doesn't care? doesn't sleep (and even if she does, she goes to bed very late and then gets up very late, so she's usually restless, tired and barely alive/ barely in touch with reality), barely eats (and even if she eats little , I drink too much energy drinks and takes tranquilizer pills), probably does sh and takes drugs (cigarettes, alcohol and drugs) and it all makes her look practically zombie but she likes this lifestyle?
cw: self harm, alcoholic tendencies, drugs, slight ED, toxic relationship, tons of angst, swearing, NOT PROOFREAD.
bill kaulitz x self-destruct reader
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• when you two first met, it was at a party and you guys ended up sleeping together that night. you fell asleep right after so he ended up staying the night at your hotel room.
• when you woke up in the morning, you brushed your teeth and then went over to your drawer to get on new clothes when you felt hands on your hips.
• you turned around to see bill smiling at you. "Sooo, how long do I have to wait before I can ask you out on a date, hmm?" you rolled your eyes and pushed his hands away.
• "Uhmm, never? You don't wanna have to deal with my shit." you said as you pulled your jeans up.
• "Oh come on, everybody has shit."
• "Not like me. So, you should just go." you pulled on your shirt and turned back to him. He was just staring at you, smiling for God-knows-what. you had to admit, he looked amazing. he only had his boxers on, and he looked great shirtless.
• "I'll get you one day, y/n y/l/n." he smiled at you and pulled on his clothes. you rolled your eyes as he kissed you on the forehead and left.
• then you two met again at a music festival and that's when you finally decides to give him a chance after the hours of flirting he spent on you. you weren't scared though, you were sure he'd leave after he saw what you were really like. and you had accepted that.
That was a couple weeks ago. Bill became very aware of the "shit" you were talking about pretty quickly.
• whenever you were at a party with bill you'd always drink too much to the point where you couldn't see straight and your head was pounding like no tomorrow. Bill would take you back to your hotel room and lay you down on your bed and tuck you in. Then he'd sit with you until you finally fell asleep since he knew you'd just stay awake if he didnt.
• one night, you were completely wasted and he had to carry you back to your hotel. again.
"Mmm... Billy I want you soooo bad. pretty pleaaaasee?" you whispered in his ear, giggling and pouting as he unlocked your door and dragged you inside.
"You're drunk. That's not happening, okay?" He said, setting you down on your bed and beginning to wipe your makeup off.
"But Billy..." You'd whine and pout, while he'd just sit there and comb through your hair till you fell fast asleep.
"Goodnight, Schatzi." He'd whisper to you and place a kiss on your forehead.
• you'd also get angry a lot. you were in your hotel room, bawling your eyes out on the bathroom floor. It was 11 PM. your wrists were bleeding a bit from you scratching at them for so long, and your cheeks were bright red from the crying.
• you just wanted to sit there forever and wallow in your own self pity when you heard the door to your hotel open.
"Y/n! You in here?" Bill yelled to you, as you did your best to stand up and wipe your tears away. You gazed at your eyes in the mirror and there were streaks of mascara running down your face. You wiped them off your cheeks and opened the bathroom door to greet him.
"Hey! What're you doing here?" He turned around to see you but you saw his face drop.
"Are you okay? Were you crying in there?" He pointed to the bathroom. You scoffed and rolled your eyes as you closed the door. You pushed the inner part of your arms against yourself so he didn't notice.
"What? God no, I'm just tired. You should probably go." You said as you walked past him and started to change your clothes. He walked over to you and slightly grabbed your chin with his hand. He tilted his head at you and ran his fingers through your hair.
"Come on, just tell me what's wrong." You slapped his hand away and pulled on some shorts.
"I said I'm just fucking tired! Will you back the fuck off?!" You pushed him away and went to grab a new shirt to sleep him. He was bringing up emotions you didn't want to feel. You wiped away a couple tears when you felt his arms wrap around you. He placed some kisses on your shoulders and rubbed his cheek against you.
"I'm here for you, okay? Let me help you.." You could feel anger boiling up inside you. Your eye twitched. He's acting like you needed to be fixed or something. Why would he say shit like this?! You turned yourself around and pushed your hands against his shoulders trying to push his away.
"Can you get the fuck off of me! I don't need your fucking with anything just get the fuck away!" you yelled at him, tears pouring down your cheeks now. You slammed your hand against his shoulder trying to push him away.
"You don't need to push me away, y/n! It's okay!" He wrapped his arms tightly around you as more and more tears came flooding from you.
Your finger nails dug into his shoulders, harder and harder with every word. You could see him wincing in pain but he only hugged you tighter. Why would he want this?
• you hated that he stayed around. you didn't understand why he'd wanna be with someone like you? you set yourself on a path of destruction and ruined everything in your path, why would he take his chances like this?
• you were laying down in your bed when bill came around again. like before, tears were running down your cheeks and mascara was wiped all over your face but you were just laying there. not feeling anything. you had taken a couple different kinds of drugs so you were basically emotionless at this point.
• when bill walked in, he dropped everything and ran to your aid. he sat on the bed and cupped your cheek in his hand to make you look up at him.
• when you turned over at him, he couldn't see anything in your eyes. nothing. all you could remember is how sad you looked.
• he laid down next to you and wrapped his arms around you and kissed your shoulders.
"do you want me to stay?" He asked, brushing your hair off of your face and pulling you closer to his body.
you just nodded and laid down against the pillows as bill whispered sweet nothings in your ear and rubbed your sides with his hands.
• it was about a month into your relationship when bill realized how little you ate.
• at first, he just thought you didn't eat breakfast but over time he noticed you didn't really eat anything unless you were offered something.
• bill also took notice when all you ate was slim jims and energy drinks. Thats when he started bringing you food.
• in the mornings, he'd come in with breakfast and give you a little kiss on the forehead. "Wakey, wakey, baby." He'd say to you and place a bunch of little kisses on your face until you wake up.
"Mmm...what are you doing here?" You said to him groggily, wiping your eyes.
"I brought you breakfast. Come on, geeet up." He'd lift you up by your arms and place the food in front of you, then he'd sit down next to you and wrap his arms around you to make sure you're eating.
"I'm not hungry, Bill." You'd say to him, resting your cheek on his arm.
"Too bad, eat up." He would take your fork and cut into your waffle and place it in front of your mouth until you opened up to eat it.
You eventually would give up and just start eating.
"Why are you doing all of this? I'm just a burden, y'know?" You say to him with your mouth full and your eyes looking up at him all cute and widened.
" 'cause I like you. And I think you're cute." You rolled your eyes and continued eating but bill would have a big, fat smile on his face.
• during the day you'd be like a zombie. your eyes would be dull and half open. Big, dark circles under your eyes and you wouldn't do much. But bill didn't mind. He would lay down with you on the couch and give you massages and kisses on your temples to relax you.
• when bill found out that you hurt yourself, he kissed up and down your body for hours. Whether it was your arms or your thighs, he'd be kissing it. He told you how much he loved you and didn't want you to hurt yourself.
• he didn't want you to feel pressured about talking about your feelings but once you did he would just hold you and listen to you talk, getting everything out. and he would never judge you for anything.
• you told him that you'd stop hurting yourself and you did. for a few days. But that changed once you got away from bill for a little while and you got high at a club.
Bill wanted the best for you but you werent good for him. You knew that, you tried to change yourself for him because you loved him so much. But in the process of being with you, he got hurt too much. You tried to tell him, but he couldn't help but love you. In his eyes, you were perfect.
taglist: @hearts4kaulitz @burntb4bydoll @spelaelamela @bored0writer @fishinaband @billsleftnutt @tokiiohot @bluepoptartwithsprinkles @saumspam @5hyslv7 @killed-kiss @memog1rl @80s-tingz @billybabeskaulitz @victryzvv9 @banshailey
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ashwhowrites · 2 years
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Can I request an angst to fluff Eddie story where Eddie is an oblivious little golden retriever and his girlfriend hates/loves that about him? He starts dealing to Chrissy who then starts hanging around more, starts changing her style to be more like Eddie and also his girlfriend, breaks up with Jason, and then suddenly is everywhere. Eventually the reader loses it in front of everyone when Chrissy goes a little far with her flirting and Eddie tells the reader she's being dramatic. To him that's his girl, his soul mate and he even plans on proposing after graduation. He doesn't even think of other girls. The reader is hurt he dismissed her in front of everyone and feels like he chose Chrissy, and Chrissy thinks she won because Eddie chose her. Then the next day Eddie doesn't pick up the reader for school like he usually does, instead he shows up late with Chrissy in his passenger seat. The final offense though? Is when Chrissy sees the reader looking and grabs Eddie and kisses him. Now Eddie realizes his girlfriend fears were very valid and now he's not sure if he can fix this, but he will move heaven and earth for just a shot at forgiveness.
(This got super long, and I really didn't mean for it to 😂 you can totally cut it down or change whatever you want. I don't really care I just really enjoy your angst to fluff.)
Yes, you may ask for a request!
Thank you so much for requesting and enjoying my work :)
And details are always helpful! If this is not what you wanted, let me know so I can rewrite it. ( Alternative ending in master-list - still ends with her going back so fair warning)
Master-list
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Y/N has been smitten with Eddie since she met him in her sophomore year. He was confident, charming, funny, and so hot. It was very easy for them to become friends as they had a lot in common. They enjoyed the same bands and laughed at how many of the same shirts they had. They have an equal number of records all over their rooms. Both have a hidden stash of weed in their drawers. It was like they were meant for each other.
Eddie was obsessed the second she walked up to him. Her Metalicia shirt was cropped, and small bleach stains were scattered. He smiled, knowing he had one just like it in his closet. But when he started to get to know her, he was so dead. He thinks he already loves her since the first day. and just kept falling. when she asked to join DnD and was somehow better than he was. He knew he was going to marry her.
~~
During Y/N's junior year, she spent the whole time trying to make moves on Eddie. She cringed at how obvious her schoolgirl crush was, but he either wasn't getting the hint or did not like her.
Every morning when he picked her up, she had a big smile on her lips and a touch on his knee (that got higher each day): "Wow, Eddie, those jeans frame your thighs so well." She even fucking winked. He smiled and drove on, like she had not said a word.
Then, when they went to the pool, she did not bother to hide her staring. "Eds, your tattoos are always so fucking hot to see when you are on full display." She even trailed her fingers over the design. And nothing. He blushed and basically walked away.
She decided to bite the bullet and ask him on a date. If he said no, then at least she knew where he stood.
When Eddie saw Y/N walking up to him with purpose in her eyes, he had no idea what to think.
"Okay, Eds, I have the house to myself this weekend; want to rent some movies and hang out?" She twirled a piece of her hair with her finger. batted her eyelashes as she looked up at him. A smile lit up his face. "Of course, I'll go tell the group." Before she could correct him, he took off.
She signed, "I meant just us."
~~
"So Y/N has the house to herself, so movie night at her place." Eddie announced as he walked into the video store.
"She never asked me." Robin protested, and Steve agreed.
"Well, maybe she just thought I'd tell you." Eddie shrugged. 
"Well, did she tell you to ask us?" Steve said, "She always asks us."
"Well, no, but I just figured." He shrugged again. What is with the questions?
"Dude, you are telling me Y/N told you she has the house to herself, invites you for a movie night, and you think she wants us there?" Robin pipped me with an eye roll.
"Dude, she was so hitting on you." Steve smacked him on the shoulder.
"No, she is just friendly; she does not like me." Eddie responded back, but Robin was quick with an answer.
"Eddie, she does not flirt with anyone but you."
~~
When he showed up at her house that night, alone, she was confused.
"I thought you asked the group?"
"someone told me the intention was for this to be a date?" He asked with a shy smile pointed towards her.
"Yeah, but I get it. You make it quite clear you do not like me."
"Why would you say that?" He asked confusedly; he loved her.
"I flirt with you, and you ignore me. I ask you on a date, and you ask the group. It's okay, though. We can just be best friends."
"You never flirted with me." He was even more confused.
"Eddie, when a girl is touching your knee, complimenting everything you wear, winking at you, touching your chest, batting her eyelashes, and twirling her hair, you know she's into you."
That night she finally kissed him, and he finally understood the feelings were mutual.
~~
Now that it is senior year for the couple, they are more in love than ever.
Y/N was a bit more on the tough side, and Eddie was soft. She hated new people, but Eddie wanted to welcome everyone with open arms.
Being with Eddie meant watching people take advantage of his kindness. He is quite oblivious to the intentions of people around him. I mean, it took him two years to see she liked him. She loved and hated that about him.
And right now, the hating side has been flicked on.
Chrissy Cunnignham has been following her boyfriend around like a lap dog. It started with a deal. And Y/N thought that was the end of it, but she kept showing up.
 Eddie and Y/N snuck out to the parking lot to each take their lunch together in the back of the van. They sat in comfortable silence when a voice cut in,
"OMG, Eddie! "There you are; I have been looking for you." Y/N rolled her eyes at the high pitched voice. Eddie smiled at the girl, and Y/N hated the jab that landed in her gut.
"Just having lunch with my girl, what's up?" She smiled at the fact that he reminded her that he, in fact, does have a girlfriend. Because Chrissy likes to forget that piece of information.
"Huge party this weekend; I want to invite you," Chrissy said to Eddie and Eddie only. Her eyes never drifted from his brown ones.
Eddie looked over to Y/n with a question in his eyes.
"Baby, want date night at a party?" She did not want to spend her night with Eddie at a party, but if he wanted to go, she would suck it up. She gave him a nod.
"We will be there."
~~
After the little run in with Chrissy at lunch, Y/N felt a tad bit sour. She knows Eddie is hers, and Eddie only wants her, but that insecurity was settling in.
She shook it off and headed to Hellfire. She and Eddie are now partners in leading the campaigns. Her seat was always next to Eddie, so a huge scowl landed on her face when she saw a familiar ponytail sitting next to Eddie in her seat.
"Chrissy, welcome, but that is my seat." Y/N said it as nicely as she could.
"Oh well, I would prefer to sit next to Eddie." She giggled as she looked at Eddie.
Eddie was once again oblivious to Chrissy's disinterest in their relationship.
"Well, I do not care; I would prefer to sit in my own seat with my boyfriend." She did not care to be polite now.
The group was walking in behind them but stopped at the tension in the room.
"Well, if Eddie wants me to move, then I will move." Chrissy bit back, and she crossed her arms.
One thing about Eddie is that he does not like to say no to people, and he does not like to hurt people's feelings, except apparently his girlfriends'.
"Baby, don't be so dramatic; it's just a seat. The spare chair is in the closet." Eddie smiled softly, truly believing he could easily fix the situation. Chrissy cheered.
The boys gasped at his response. Dusitn went to say something, but Y/N gave him a look. With the biggest breath she could manage, she grabbed the chair and placed it next to Gareth. Her boyfriend could fuck off.
Eddie frowned in her direction, but his attention quickly returned to Chrissy when she asked questions about the campaign.
~
Y/N rolled her eyes every time Chrissy would cheer on Eddie.
"Look, if you want to cheer so goddamn bad, why not go to practice?" Y/N snapped. Dustin tried to hide his laugh.
"Babe, no need to be rude. She is having fun; if you are going to sit there and be mean, you should just go." Y/N felt steam coming out of her ears. Did he seriously just tell her to go home?
She bit back her response and clenched the dice in her hand. It was going to be a long night.
~~
It got even worse. The news that Chrissy dumped Jason traveled fast.
Y/N had her theories of why this breakup happened so suddenly, but Eddie, of course, just wanted to help.
"Chrissy You deserve so much better. You will find someone perfect for you. I know it."
Y/N felt like her eyes never stopped rolling. She shot a glare at the back of Eddie's head as he hugged Chrissy.
~~
It was the night of the party, and the couple was heading to the front door.
"We shouldn't have come. All she wants to do is flirt with you and act like you don't have a girlfriend."
"She knows we are together, and she is not flirting. She just wants a friend so be nice," Eddie warned as Chrissy opened the door with a smile and only pointed to Eddie.
Y/N felt her blood boil when Chrissy laced her hand into Eddie's and yanked him out of Y/N's grasp, dragging him into the house. Eddie's head turned quickly to his girlfriend, "Babe." He said it with a smile as he used his free hand to reach for her.
 Y/N was very close to either killing Chrissy or Eddie. She understood that Eddie had no idea what was going on. He doesn't know Chrissy has been flirting with him for days. But she wanted to scream at him for being so stupid.
~~
She was dancing with Eddie, finally having fun since Chrissy got occupied with hosting. Her hands were in his hair, their hips grinding into each other, and matching smiles took over their faces. They were lost in each other, making out in the middle of the floor. This is what she missed about Eddie—being with him in this way. He has been so busy with Chrissy that she feels like she's been pushed to the back burner.
"Can we talk?" She asked loudly into his ear. He pulled away, worried, and walked her out to the backyard.
They stood on the grass and passed a joint back and forth.
"I don't want to be that girlfriend that controls you or picks who you are friends with. But this thing with Chrissy needs to either be talked about or stopped. I am not comfortable with how she flirts with you, how she touches you, and how she always needs your attention."
"Babe, I told you there was nothing going on." He sighed
"I do not care if there is nothing going on; it is the fact that she is trying to make something happen, and you will not shut it down. I know you think everyone is just being friendly, but I am your girlfriend, and if I am telling you that I feel our relationship is being neglected, you should be working this out with me, not trying to tell me I'm making shit up. I bite my tongue a lot, but the times that it splits, you turn on me. You tell me to leave it alone and go home. Do you know how embarrassing that is? and seeing her smug smile because she's winning."
Y/N noticed her friend Robin making her way out to the yard with Steve following behind. Robin could easily sense the tension, and she knew Chrissy had been a pain in Y/N's ass, so she could imagine what was going on.
"She is not winning! There is no fight or competition. You are my girlfriend, not her. So I don't see why we are having to talk about this. Why would I want to even try with her when I have you? Just get over this insecurity and jealousy so we can move on from it."
Robin, Steve, and Y/N's mouths dropped. Chrissy once again popped up with a big smile.
"I'm feeling some tension here; maybe we should take a breather." Chrissy offered adviced as she put her hand on Eddie's back. That's when Y/N snapped.
"Get your fucking hands off of my boyfriend!" Eddie was quick to jump in front of Chrissy as Y/N marched towards her.
"Seriously, you need to calm down. You are embarrassing yourself and me."
Y/N felt every piece of anger leave, filled with hurt. It was like Eddie wasn't even himself. He was replaced with the shell.
"I pour my heart out to you. I tell you why I am upset with everything going on. And you first told me I was insecure and jealous, and now you are fucking protecting her? Are you saying I'm embarrassing you? What's embarrassing is how she chases you around. how she dumped her boyfriend just to try to snag you. She's fucking wearing a Metallica shirt, Eddie! with fucking black boots. I have almost the same outfit in my closet. She wants you! Why can't you fucking see that?"
Eddie honestly did not know what to say.
"Let's take you home." Robin said as she grabbed Y/N's hand.
Y/N was hurt, but he didn't bother to say anything, didn't bother to stop her, and never bothered to follow her to Robin's car.
He just stayed; he stayed with her.
~~
Y/N took the time away from Eddie to breathe. She needed some space. So she waited until Monday to talk to him when he picked her up.
The only problem was that he never showed up. She begged Steve for a ride, and he said yes without hesitation.
She was relieved to see she made it on time. But her breath of relief hitched when she saw his van pull up with her in the passenger seat. She watched as they climbed out. Eddie looked like he was in the middle of a huge rant, then Chrissy's eyes caught hers.
If looks could kill, they would have murdered each other.
Y/N started to walk towards them, intent on calling them out, but she froze in her spot at Chrissy's next action.
~~
"Okay, I think we need to take some space away from each other because if it makes my girlfriend uncomfortable, I need to respect that." Eddie explained as he pulled up into the parking lot and getting out of his van. He tried to call his girlfriend last night to tell her he was going to give Chrissy a ride to talk some things over, but she never answered.
"Eddie I don't get it. You had a fight, and she left, and you stayed with me. You obviously just showed her that you picked me. Respecting her wishes is all out the window now." Chrissy said as she peered over at her. an idea forming in her head. This was her chance to end their relationship once and for all.
Eddie went to protest when he felt her lips crash onto his. His eyes flew as wide as they could. He cringed at the feeling of sticky gloss coating his lips. He went to pull away, but her hand grabbed the back of his head to shove him closer. When he finally got himself free, he had no idea what had just happened. He was telling her they couldn't be friends, and she kissed him? That's when he noticed it; Chrissy was twirling her hair and batting her eyelashes, and he felt her touch in his chest.
"Oh fuck, you are flirting. Look I'm in love with Y/N so this will never happen" He stated as he pulled himself away. He messed up. His girlfriend told him over and over, and she was right. Chrissy didn't respect his relationship with Y/N. And he allowed himself to disrespect it in the same way.
He was quick to head towards the school, but that's when his eyes caught his favorite ones. She stood there, unmoving. Tears flowed down her face, her hand tightly holding her backpack strap. His heart dropped. She saw it. She saw her kiss him.
He went to move, but she was faster; she ran off into the building.
"BABY, WAIT!" he screamed as he ran after her. He followed her into the girls' bathroom; he didn't care.
She was sobbing into her hands on the floor. His heart shattered. He was quick to kneel in front of her. He grabbed her hands away from her face and wiped off her tears.
"Baby, I promise, I didn't kiss her. I didn't know she was going to do that. I'm so sorry. You have every right to be mad at me. You told me over and over, and I just chose not to believe you. It's just that I'm so goddamn in love with you that I don't even notice anyone else. I didn't notice her flirting because half the time I don't even notice her. I'm thinking about you. I'm sorry I called you insecure and jealous. You aren't; you were upset, and I should have made you feel better. "I promise with everything in me that I only want you, and I only want you for the rest of my life." He didn't notice that he began to cry too. He was so scared that he'd messed this up so badly that she'd leave.
"Please don't leave me, baby. I need you. Please don't," he was sobbing into her now. His face was tucked into her neck.
"I'm not going to leave you, baby." "I love you too," she said, kissing his cheek. She knew he understood his mistake now. And she also knew he was going to fix everything he cracked.
He pulled away with a sniffle. Red, puffy eyes met each other's on the bathroom floor. He leaned in for a kiss, but she pushed him back.
"Not until you get that 30¢ gloss off of you," she teased. He took it as seriously as he should have. and began to scrub the hell out of his lips. After about three washes, he went to her with a smile.
"Now?" He asked, and she nodded.
Their lips met in a needy kiss. Every once of love and passion was sent to one another.
 
As the couple walked out of the bathroom, they were definitely late for class now. Eddie spoke up.
"Just so you know, I'm marrying you."
~~~~~
Tags- @bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson
@sage-the-z0mbie
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luveline · 2 years
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r and ed’s put roan to bed like three hours ago and they’re sitting watching tv and she comes wondering out holding a teddy and rubbing her tired little eyes looking very much like she belongs back in bed and they ask what she’s doing and she says that she heard a noise in her cupboard and eddie goes to stand to go look at it but roan goes “no i want mommy to look” in a tired whiny lil voice and ed’s and r are looking at each other confused and then r is kinda like “are you talking about me bubba?” and roan nods frustrated and is like “can you look please.”
I'm not sure if this was a request or just your interpretation so either way I hope you don't mind my building on it! ♡
You're pretty much asleep on Eddie's shoulder. Maybe drooling, definitely breathing loud enough for him to hear it, he hasn't said a word. He has an arm behind your neck and his cheek on top of your head, his smell tickling your nose.
"Can you hear that?" he asks you, amusement playing in his tone.
You rouse a little. "Wha'd you say?"
"I think trouble's awake."
You lift your head off of his comfortable shoulder and blink back to reality, listening for whatever it is he can hear. Sure enough, there's the crinkling of bedsheets and then the heavier thunk of a small body dropping onto the floor. They come fast like pattering rain, and you peer down the hall. Roan appears quickly after that, her one-eared bear dangling from a small hand.
"Hey, baby," Eddie says with a clear concern.
Roan rubs her eyes with the back of a tiny fist and rounds the coffee table. You're closest, so you put your hands out encouragingly and are probably more pleased than you should be when she falls into your lap.
"What's wrong?" you ask softly. You're smiling, always happy to see her, always so enamoured with her pert features even when they're wrinkled as they are in frustration.
"Heard a noise," she says. Her voice reflects the very acute injustice that comes with being woken up as a kid, frustration and anxiety melded together.
You raise your eyebrows at Eddie and rub Roan's back. She's still so small after all this time, a warm and heavy weight pressed unapologetically against the soft flesh of your stomach.
"What kind of noise?" you ask, hooking a curl behind her ear.
"In my closet."
"It's probably just the wind, Roanie," you murmur, feeling very sorry for her but ultimately, as a grown up, kind of bemused. You can't really remember what it was like to worry about monsters in your closet these days.
"No, it wasn't," she protests.
Her abrupt passion has Eddie standing up. He stretches with a great groan and click and clasps the top of Roan's hand, always so gentle with her. "Let's go look, baby."
She whines and buries her face in your chest.
You smile down at the pale stretch of her forehead. "Daddy'll go look, yeah? He can go see and then report back."
You swear you can feel her frowning.
"C'mon," Eddie prompts, patiently perturbed, "dad always gets rid of the monsters."
"I want-" Roan lifts her head and twists to look at her dad, "I want mommy to do it."
Your first feeling, funnily enough, is intense heartbreak. You don't know much about Roan's mom, and you know Roan doesn't either, because Eddie himself doesn't know much about her. What you do know is that she's not here, and how unfair is that? That a little girl should feel the absence of a parent like that? Even though Eddie's a brilliant father and makes up for it near entirely, it must hurt just a touch to long for someone you can't have.
Eddie doesn't feel the same, obviously, because he laughs.
You whip your gaze to his, startled at his outward insensitivity. Even if he felt surprised by Roan's demand, you wouldn't have expected him to show her. You realise very quickly, however, that he's laughing with joy rather than derision. He's beaming at you.
You look down and find yourself faced with Roan's imploring stare. Your heart does a backflip, then a second.
"Princess, do you mean me?" you ask.
"Please?" Roan says, her delicate eyebrows pinching together. "You need to look."
You're speechless. Truly speechless.
She pouts at you. With eyes like her dad's, big and brown, you don't stand a chance.
"Yeah, baby. I'll look. Of course I will," you say. You swallow around a huge lump in your throat.
Roan smiles, reassured, and her arms wrap around your neck as you stand up. You can't stop yourself from encouraging her head into the crook of your neck. Your eyes shutter closed right there in the middle of the living room and you hide your nose in her inky dark hair. She smells like her marshmallow shampoo, syrupy sweet.
Eddie's completely melted when you open your eyes.
"Let's go, mom," he says quietly. Hopefully. "Monsters to fight... If you're up for the challenge."
You take it for what it is.
"I'm ready," you say firmly. Love colours every syllable.
-
more eddie and roan
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punkascas · 3 months
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okay, so i don't want to, like, Start Something or whatever so we're doing a barely-tagged, separate post. i also realise this is mostly pointless because others have already said what i'm going to say, and did it better, with far more grace, and sound less like an asshole than i do.
but jesus louise helen christ, the weird fucked up ideas people have around abuse and personal responsibility and the effect of trauma. like as an abuse and csa survivor, it genuinely alarms me to read posts that use arguments i remember my dad making. like, i'm assuming most of this rhetoric comes from gen z — maybe that's inaccurate; maybe that's unfair. but right now i'm very much Having A Moment Here that the kids aren't alright.
no 22-year-old should be repeating the same awful, manipulative, logically and morally bankrupt justifications for violence and torture my dad says. like literally what's in the first two episodes of ofmd s2 is torture.
i love ed; he's an amazing character. taika is hella wowza top marks acting him. but like.
like.
torture, my dude. physical and psychological. trauma. harassment. that we see the lasting effects of through s2.
just. i. what??
so here we go, okay. have too many, zealously highlighted screenshots so i can dig into details.
cut to save your dashes. content warning for discussions of abuse and trauma (if that wasn't obvious), as well as spoilers for ofmd s2.
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re: ed knew what he was doing was wrong and felt guilty about it at the time:
we have no on-screen, textual examples of this. not in the dialogue; not in the acting; not in the blocking; not in the cinematography or music. nothing.
knowing the crew are overworked and kind of traumatised by all the violence, ed bribes them with cake. because, as we know, cake like tea fixes everything. only ed wasn't even with them to share in the eating of the cake. he made izzy responsible for that. he doesn't give the crew a break; he doesn't choose less ethically-fraught prizes to hunt. there is not one scene of ed talking directly to the crew — until he points a gun at each of them.
we see ed crying (and drinking, and rhino horn-ing [way to help further extinction, man]) but it's always paired with shots or flashbacks that reference stede. ed is still all up in his feelings about stede, and ed confirms this when he tells frenchie the myth about albatrosses never needing to return to land. ed cannot go back, does not want to go back, because he was rejected. (like, stede is literally landed gentry, come on!) all he wants to do instead is stay at sea committing to this unhinged version of unstable, sadistic piracy.
but okay, okay. say we ignore all of that. let's say ed does feel sorry and guilty and ashamed of his actions. he knows what he's doing is wrong and unfair and cruel. that it's harming others. that it's particularly harming the dude that ed has, for better or worse, basically spent his life with (izzy; i mean izzy). ed… still continues to do the things! how far off are we at this point from the definition of malicious? you know action x hurts person b and then you do it anyway. is that honestly a better, happier, more ethically defensible reading of the character?
re: the crew didn't mutiny because they love ed despite his violent, sadistic actions.
mutinies were a thing, yes. but both historically and in the world rules established by the show, mutiny is disincentivised through threats, distraction via extra work, and corporeal punishment. we see both ed and izzy use all three of these to try to prevent the crew from disobeying orders. they didn't wait until the storm and izzy shooting ed to mutiny because they understood or sympathised with ed; they took the chance to kill him then because that was the first real opportunity they'd had. the reward finally out-weighed the risk given that ed was going to kill them all that night anyway.
again, we have no scenes, no dialogue, no visual or audio cues to tell us that the crew understands or loves ed — excluding izzy, obviously. fang could also be on that list, if you take into account his personality and his behaviour both in s1 and later in s2 in the fishing boat scene. but in the first two episodes, we only see the crew show trauma responses around ed. they talk about him but almost never to him. and when they do have a direct conversation with ed, it is either confrontation or head down, submissive, "of course, blackbeard; anything you say" placating. i'm so baffled where the show points to any sign of love from the crew towards ed before his "death".
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re: ed can't be held responsible because he was suicidal.
uhm. no. hard no. a harder no than stede's brazilian cherry wood mast. fucked up people do fucked up things but part of being an adult is owning your fucked-upped-ness and not fucking up others while you work on unfucking yourself. children, children are not fully responsible for the impact of their actions on others when they're deep in their feelings, especially if they're feeling their feelings as a trauma response. this is because literally their brain cannot do that kind of control. it doesn't have that software pack installed yet. ed does have all the adult updates installed, even if he isn't running them at that moment. he has no right to take out his feelings on other people: to maim them, to psychologically torture them, to abuse them, to work them to exhaustion. to kill them. he does not get a free pass to do suicide by abused employees. (like suicide by cop but more indirect and passive and harmful.) talk about passive aggressive.
secondly, ed is not just passively suicidal and happy to find new risks that might end his life. he is very purposefully taking izzy with him (see: literally removing the bits of izzy that would help let him walk away from ed; the fact that ed becomes actively suicidal only once he thinks izzy is dead; the whole keeping izzy's corpse in front of his and stede's beach shack i mean inn — the codependence, she runs deep). ed is also putting the crew through the same risks, the same isolation, the same danger. both stede and izzy agreed that ed had gone full scorched earth policy. you don't get forgiven for the murder part of a murder-suicide pact just because of the suicide part. not to mention that no one (once again, you could potentially argue izzy as an exception) was good on a murder-suicide pact with blackbeard.
and then to say the crew felt guilty? i assume i'm misreading that. the crew. felt guilty. for ed's actions. that is, if not victim blaming and if not darvo, a very close inbred cousin of them. like hapsburg jaw inbred close.
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re: ed healing and his view of himself as a monster.
to heal means, in part, to accept responsibility for the harm you've caused, whether it was intentional or not. it means making amends. it means building or rebuilding relationships where possible. it means putting the other person or persons' feelings and boundaries and need for safety above your desire for absolution or forgiveness. it means working through your own guilt and shame and anger (or whatever drove you to act the way you did) in a separate space, not with the people you hurt, but someone who can be a step removed, more impersonal and objective to help you reflect and face hard truths as needed. i say this as both someone involved in activism and community reparations and as an abuse survivor who has done nearly 30 years of therapy learning this in order to not hurt people. it's not ed's fault he's fucked up just like it isn't my fault i am. but it is on me, like it is on anyone, to make sure i limited as much as possible the harm i can cause to others because i learned some awful but very effective tricks at a young age to survive.
ed does not really do any of the above. he doesn't say "sorry". he speaks in generalised language. he complains about the cat bell (which he seems to wear only for one day, given the implied timeline with lucius and pete's engagement). i have a model ship on a stand that says "this is a safe space ship" as a joke because i work for the government and have written press releases that sound just like ed's "apology". where you take no responsibility and encourage "the culture" to move on.
so, really, my question becomes: ed sees himself as a monster. in s1, we had enough balance between ed's current actions and his referenced past actions to see this belief as likely untrue. in s2 though — i mean, is it? is that an unfair or inaccurate belief? i can understand how carrying that belief can get in the way of ed's growth and eventual healing but like. from an outside perspective of ed-the-fictional-character. he's not a "good" person. he's capable of and has done and continued to do horrible, cruel things. ethically, can you argue with that statement about him?
re: ed trying to destroy relationships because of his self-worth issues and instead the consequences of his actions proving that he's loved.
this is the point that made me go: right, no, i need to respond. i need to say my piece about this. izzy and the crew suffering ed's violent tyranny and then sticking around on the revenge anyway afterwards is not a sign of love. it is not showing love to bear pain for someone. it not showing love to let someone mistreat you, threaten you, hurt you, maim you. their actions are selfish and done to give them feelings of power and control over you. lying back and thinking of england to get through it is not love. it is absolutely a survival technique. but it is not love when you do it at the expense of yourself or others.
i also disagree that ed was trying to push people away or break his relationships with others. we know from s1 that ed is fairly blasé about whether crew members die. again, we don't see any friendly or intimate exchanges between ed and any of the crew to imply any kind of relationship there beyond "tools who accomplish ed's goals". the one exception, as always, is izzy. and as previously stated, ed seems bound and determined, in a very conscious way, to bring izzy into death with him. ed does everything in his power to make izzy want to kill ed, or at least agree that it's best if ed dies, and to want to kill himself so ed doesn't have to die alone. that isn't ed breaking that relationship; it's making it permanent in a really fucked up shakespearian way. the only relationship we see ed waffle between wanting to keep and wanting to push away is stede. after his corporate "apology" and the fishing trip with fang, all of ed's dialogue is with stede and a little bit with zheng until izzy's death scene. the crew loving ed just isn't a thing, at least not one we're shown. not from either side. ed's relationships are with stede and kind of, sort of with izzy (because he does manage to, if not fully break, do some major damage to that).
love did not save ed. ed wanting to live, because stede came back, because he didn't want to jump off hornigold's cliff in the first place, saved ed. izzy saved everyone else.
so yeah: that's it; that's the post. the rhetoric that abuse is love or that abuse can be "cured" with love or that trauma isn't lasting and serious and has impacts on people's daily lives is just. wild. wild.
and terrifying.
my dad was born in the 40s. why is anyone born in the 80s or later still defending this mindset? it honestly, truly freaks me out.
guess it's good i have a fucking therapy appointment on monday.
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bougiebutchbinch · 4 months
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thinking again about Steddyhands where Izzy is a really fucking bad sub who has never read The New Bottoming Book
He never ever safewords because he sees himself as the replaceable third wheel in their relationship. The prospect (fuelled only by his own insecurities) of Stede and Ed deciding he's too boring and going off together without him is WAY worse than anything they could do in a scene. He's so used to pushing himself beyond his own limits, he no longer can really tell where they are, and just dissociates during sex (not in a fun subspace way). He pretends to hate aftercare and prefer doing stuff by himself post-scene, so Ed and Stede won't realise how fucked up he gets in the drop and blame themselves. We're talking the full trying-to-micromanage-the-emotions-of-people-he-cares-about-by-making-choices-for-them-at-the-expense-of-himself character flaw.
Meanwhile Ed and Stede are like. 'He always begs for more and says we can fuck him harder but like. We have limits too? We want to satisfy him, but hurting him so much is kinda making us upset and uncomfortable :c And we want to give aftercare! Obviously we have conflicting needs and this relationship isn't going to work."
So, after much miserable discussion (because they genuinely do like the little fucker) they tell Izzy their sexual relationship isn't working out due to simple incompatibility.
Izzy, pathetic affection-starved dog-man that he is, snaps. He starts ugly-crying and yelling that he does SO MUCH for them and they NEVER APPRECIATE IT and HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE THE STUFF THEY DO TOGETHER BUT HE DOES IT FOR THEm BECAUSE THEY LIKE IT and it's STILL NOT ENOUGH FOR THEM TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HIM, it's NEVER ENOUGH, so SURE, they can just break up, FINE, drop him off at the next port and they'll never see him again -
Stede and Ed are just like. Dude. Dude, what the fuck? What do you mean you've never liked the stuff we do to you??? Buddy...
Anyway, it ends with Stede resolving to actually reassure Izzy more that he's not gonna get dumped on a whim, Ed crying in the corner because he fucked up and hurt Izzy again (although....... this time, it's absolutely caused by miscommunication on Izzy's part as well), and Izzy getting a stern talk from Lucius on the subject of 'it's kinda cruel to not tell your doms when you want to stop, because they genuinely care for you and want it to be good for you, and consent for that is really important on both sides'
To which Izzy falls down the '...wait, they actually care for me?' -> 'oh fuck I fucked up again' -> 'they would be better off without me' pipeline in 0.5 seconds flat and makes plans to sneak sadly off the ship at the next port
Obviously, Lucius is sat up waiting for him the night they dock, perched on a barrel, arms crossed and tapping his foot. The moment he sees Izzy skulking for the gangplank with his ditty bag over his shoulder, he yells 'BITCH DID YOU LISTEN TO A WORD I SAID??? Get the fuck BACK in that bedroom and TALK TO YOUR BOYFRIENDS before I HOGTIE YOU and drag you back in there myself!'
And Izzy is so Shooketh he can't even say 'I'd like to see you fucking try'
And then there's lots of teary resolutions from all of them to do better and communicate more
Suffice to say, the first time Izzy actually uses his safeword Stede and Ed are DELIGHTED and just SHOWER him with love and praise
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triflesandparsnips · 5 months
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So I was, as per normal, thinking again about Stede just collapsing into the cabin-kiss, and like-- we talk a lot about how Stede had just killed a guy, he was maybe not in the best headspace for sexy times, but--
in looking around for a kiss gif (AS PER NORMAL), I saw this one too:
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...and I've been wondering and wondering about that face, right? Stede's face. A bit silly, kind of the embodiment of "smiling helplessly", a phrase that sounds bad out of context but usually appears when someone is just absolutely delighted by the existence of something-- or someone-- doing something ridiculous and amazing...
And it occurred to me that: Stede went to hide in his room so he could freak out, right? He's used to hiding, or trying to hide, how he feels when it comes to the childhood trauma stuff. And he's used to literally hiding in his cabin unless/until someone approaches that he has to mask back up for-- we see that all the way back in the very first episode of season 1.
But that night? The person who approached was Ed.
And not there asking him to be 'the captain'. Not telling him to 'man up' about the killing thing. Not even asking him to be the Romantic Lead or the Lost Love Return'd, roles Stede had been eager and wanting to play but just. not right now.
It could've gone wrong. Stede didn't say "come in"-- he didn't say anything at all, just opened the door, maybe expecting-- god, what he's gotten before, every single other time his entire life--
And Ed... changes the script.
He doesn't step in, doesn't break Stede's boundary, doesn't ask for anything from Stede. He just wants to see if Stede's okay. And more than that: By providing his own feelings about killing his dad, he's letting Stede know that, for the record? Stede doesn't have to be okay.
So... so for maybe the first time that Stede can remember-- or at least maybe the first time we see on-screen-- Stede is hurting, and. And someone comes to comfort him.
No ulterior motives. No quid pro quo. No requirement that he feel one way or another, be this or that kind of person.
Someone-- no, not just someone, Ed, who knows Stede, who's seen him and understood him and could ask so much from Stede if he wanted to-- just sees that he's hurting, and wants to help.
And like-- have you ever felt that kind of kindness? It's heady enough when it's a stranger. But when it's someone you know, someone you care about, someone you trust (hope, pray that you can trust) to hold the delicate, vulnerable heart of you--
Fuck, okay, that face, that silly face, that face that says nothing but looks like it's about to cry and to laugh and it's heartbreak for the past that never felt that kind of comfort and wonder for the person who made it possible in the present and it all adds up to just smiling helplessly--
Listen.
They say that in musicals, songs happen when a character's feelings are too strong for mere dialogue to contain.
I say that in this moment, Stede's actions aren't because he's addled from the kill, but because his feelings-- what love can mean beyond "romance", what it does, what it gives, what it allows, what it makes possible-- rise up and over and wash his hands against Ed's jacket and twist them both to the wall, and then, and then--
just collapse him into that warm embrace, where all the hundred thousand words he could try to find to explain what this love feels like can, for a short while at least, be transmuted into a form that can say them all at once.
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jadeylovesmarvelxo · 2 years
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Hidden Feelings
Summary; The Hellfire Club does not like Eddie's girlfriend Alice one bit, she's bitchy, and rude and Eddie always seems miserable. They think he deserves better.
Y/n is new to Hellfire and in love with Eddie but knows he's off-limits so keeps quiet.
Dustin just wants his two friends to be happy but it's all just hopeless... Right?
Warnings; angst, Alice is a bitch, miscommunication, manipulation tactics (Alice) swearing, mutual pining, angst to fluff. AU ❤
Likes, comments and reblogs are always welcome ❤ I do not give anyone permission to copy my work 💫💞
❤💫
They could hear Alice and Eddie fighting from where they were seated. It was so loud it reverberated off the walls.
Y/n winces as Eddie storms in slamming the door irritation clouding his features and he joins them.
"Sorry, I'm late". He murmurs and as the campaign starts he isn't his usual exuberant and dramatic self which worries her.
Dustin exchanges look with Gareth and her and she walks over to Eddie when he calls for a quick break and gently touches his arm.
His beautiful brown eyes meet hers and her belly fills with butterflies.
"Are you okay Eds?". He softens and nods planting a smile on his features, all dimples.
"I'm fine sweetheart, are you ready for movie night? Harrington let me pick the movie. Get ready for Nightmare on Elm street".
Jeff shakes his head before she can answer Eddie back.
"You're fine? You've been late for the last two meetings man, every time I see you, you're fucking miserable because of Alice".
Eddie avoids the group's stares and swallows.
"Just drop it alright dude, I've had Alice in my ear all day. Don't need to hear shit here too".
Dustin bites his lip and nudges her to say something. The only trouble is that shes head over heels in love with Eddie and anything she does say would not be nice about Alice one bit.
Alice didn't deserve Eddie, she was always getting down on him, keeping that beautiful smile from his face.
Dustin, Robin and Steve constantly encourage her to tell Eddie how she feels but she can't.
Yeah, Alice is a bitch but she's still Eddie's girlfriend and that makes him off limits. He doesn't feel the same and she needs to accept that.
No matter how much it hurt.
The campaign continues but there's tension in the air and she hates it. Ever since Eddie started dating Alice a month ago all she's done is cause tension.
Once the game is completed she helps Eddie clear up with Dustin, Lucas and Mike.
"Do you think I should dump Alice?". Eddie asks her and she freezes because she desperately wishes to say yes but stops herself.
"It's really up to you Eddie, not to me or any of the guys. Only you".
He's silent for a moment and plays with the rings on his fingers, he's stressed she can tell and she places her hand on his to calm him.
Something crackles in the air when their skin makes contact. It's heady and intoxicating but she resists the desire to move closer.
Eddie stares at her for a loaded moment.
"I'm not the good guy in this situation at all y/n, I was in love with someone when I got together with Alice".
She looks up at him shocked then immediately knows who it will be. Chrissy Cunningham, according to Gareth back in middle school Eddie had a massive crush on her so maybe those feelings have returned.
"I mean yeah that's a bit messy Eds but she treats you like utter shit, she's mean to everyone here all the time and I hate how she yells at you all the time. You deserve better". It just slips out and she cringes.
Before Eddie can reply the boys join them excited for movie night.
💞💫💞💫
Alice hated her. She made that known from the minute they met and never let her and Eddie be alone for even a second.
At lunch, she sat beside Eddie which was usually Dustin's seat but Alice wouldn't budge from Eddie's side.
"Oh, y/n I was just wondering if you and Steve were a couple. You're both single aren't you?". She frowns shaking her head.
"We're both single yeah but we're just friends". Alice bats her eyes and giggles.
"Silly me. Why not date him though? Steve is very handsome". Alice asks confused.
"Yeah but I just don't feel that way about him". She watches Alice's eyes light up and it makes her uneasy.
"But you're in love with someone?". When she doesn't answer Alice smirks,
"Oh my god, you are? Who is it? Do we know them, surely you can say?"
What is she playing at? There's something like glee in Alice's eyes and she realises that is a game.
Alice knows how she feels about Eddie and is toying with her, knowing she won't say anything about it.
"Leave her alone Alice". Eddie snaps and the temperature plummets as Alice turns an icy glare onto him.
The bell ringing is her saviour because she is so close to snapping herself and gets up hurrying away quickly.
"Y/n, wait". Eddie catches up with her and she offers him a small smile. " Jesus H Christ, I'm sorry about that sweetheart".
She shrugs. She's used to Alice being a bitch to her.
"It's okay". He's quiet for a second looking like he desperately wants to say something but is conflicted.
"Are you in love with someone?". He eventually inquires and she feels flustered.
"Eddie, it doesn't matter". God, please don't ask anymore she begs silently.
"You are? He guesses correctly. Who's the lucky guy?". Something in his tone makes her pause, she can't put her finger on what is though.
"It doesn't matter, he doesn't feel the same way Eds". She's quick to say and hopes the conversation is done because if he guessed how she felt she would be mortified.
"Then he's an idiot". He murmurs and walks away, she watches him go longing to say how she feels.
💖💫
She's sick the next couple of days and spends most of it cuddled up in bed. Eddie, Robin and Steve join her for movies and popcorn which is very sweet because she naps through most of it.
Mostly they just keep her spirits up.
Eddie seems lighter than he has in ages but the sickness takes it out of her before she can ask what happened.
She figures she will find out what's going on when she goes back to school on Thursday as there is an extra Hellfire session this week.
So she just relaxes with the three of them unaware of the shit storm on it's way.
💫💖
Nancy keeps her busy at lunch working for the school newspaper so she doesn't see any of Hellfire or find out why Eddie is in such a good mood.
Alice seems to be extra pissed today and directs most of the ire her way for some reason and corners her after school as she is just about to head to Hellfire.
"We need to talk". Alice grabs onto her arm and she scowls.
"Get off me!". She pulls free of Alice's grip and glares at her.
"You think I don't know how you feel about Eddie you sneaky little bitch! I bet you were quick to poison his ear about me". Alice is inches away from her face and seething.
"What the fuck are you talking about? No, I haven't but yeah Eddie deserves better than you".
Alice laughs. "And you think that's you? You're pathetic babe. You and all that Hellfire shit".
Furious she decides to walk away before she does something she regrets, like slap the smirk of that bitches face but she's not a violent person so she tries to reign her temper in. Alice follows her.
"You think I don't know what those Hellfire freaks think. They don't like me? Tough shit. Alice hisses, I told Eddie all about your crush and he wants you out of the group, he's disgusted by it but just too nice to tell you himself".
She stops walking. Her heart beats fast, anxiety filling her.
Eddie knows how she feels and now she's humiliated but something irks her.
"No, he's the head of the group, he'd tell me himself". She's certain of that but falters under Alice's sneer.
"That's what you think. Hand in your Hellfire shirt tonight and leave Eddie alone. I don't know why you ever thought Eddie would want you". She snorts then leaves.
Y/n wrenches the shirt off trying very hard not to cry and heads into the auditorium where Eddie and the rest of Hellfire are setting up.
"Omg, you'll never believe what happened... y/n?". Dustin asks excited features slowly turning confused at her tears but she focuses on Eddie and drops the shirt on the table. He takes it looking at her puzzled.
"Sweetheart?" Alice walks in looking smug.
"Alice told me everything, that you want me out of the group? Do you think I wanted to fall in love with you knowing you don't feel the same way and never will?".
Eddie grips the shirt and looks at her in wonder.
"You love me?". Tears roll down her cheeks and Alice giggles.
"I told her how you felt Eds that you are so disgusted by her being in love with you and were too scared to kick her out of the group because you don't feel the same".
Eddie gapes and moves to hold her.
"No sweetheart". She backs away from him and Dustin swivels around to Alice.
"You bitch". Y/n doesn't understand what's going on she just wants to leave and runs out the door missing the way the auditorium erupts in a whole lot of shouting.
💫💞💫💞
Max won't let her miss movie night so Steve picks her up with Robin while she sits quietly heart still aching from what transpired yesterday.
Since it's Hellfire night and that can run on she comforts herself that she can avoid Eddie even though she's really missing him.
As they head inside Family Video Steve hugs her tightly.
"Go to the store room there are some new movies in. Pick whatever you like". She thanks him and kisses his cheek.
As she enters the back room and clicks on the light Dustin is there and Eddie. What the hell?
"This is for your own good" Dustin yells at her and locks the door behind him.
"You little shit". She yells and turns back to Eddie sighing.
"Sweetheart will you please let me explain myself. What Alice said was a pack of lies. I dumped her on Monday".
This stops her in her tracks. He dumped her?
"What? You did?". He nods.
"When you were off sick, I've been growing more and more tired of her shit. She was ragging on you and Hellfire and I lost it, she made me so fucking miserable, I had enough".
She listens intently and he gently cups her cheek.
"Remember, when I said to you how I was in love with someone when I got together with Alice? I never stopped. Wouldn't have mattered if Alice was the perfect girl and not a fucking nightmare. Could never get the girl I loved out of my head".
He smiles warmly and she feels hope for the first time in a while that her feelings aren't so one sided after all.
"I told Alice we weren't working and could never work because I'm in love with you and I was sick of hiding It from you. I never thought you'd feel the same way princess but then you told me you did and I was so happy but Alice had told you all of those lies".
She leans into him and he kisses her hair.
"So you had no idea how I felt?". She asks him and he shakes his head.
"Not until you said, I'm sorry baby. I should have just told you how I felt but I thought that you liked Harrington so I tried to move on, Alice guessed how I felt and told me I'd have no chance".
She swears.
"I love you, Eddie, I'm so in love with you but I never said it because I didn't think you felt the same way. Then you started dating Alice and I thought I lost my chance".
He closes his eyes beaming happily.
When he opens them, they are so full of love that she feels like an idiot that she never noticed before and kisses him.
"We are both idiots". He chuckles warmly and she nods through happy tears.
"Yes, we are".
Dustin shouts asking if they have sorted things out and opens the door when they both shout yes.
Eddie ruffles Dustin's hair and they join movie night hand in hand.
The Hellfire Boys seem delighted that she and Eddie are together, they are both so much happier now they don't have to hide how in love they both are.
Alice also thankfully doesn't bother them again either and they finally get their happy ending.
❤💫❤💫
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hairmetal666 · 1 year
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Steve and Eddie.
Eddie and Steve.
After Vecna, they're inseparable. They share a bed. Always. Twine their legs together and sleep close. No reason to pretend they don't need each other when they so obviously do.
Eddie loves him. He knows it's stupid. Doesn't know how to protect his heart when Steve is everything.
Spring fades into summer, and between nights spent with entangled limbs, Eddie starts to see more in Steve's hazel eyes; soft fondness and gentle care, a flash of heat. Their physical affection goes beyond casual touches--arms around waists, fingers on hips, faces nuzzling against necks, kisses pressed into hair.
It feels like they have all the time in the world, but Robin asks Steve to move to Indy and Steve never mentions it. Eddie pretends like the silence doesn't hurt. They've only ever been just friends, after all.
Then, one night, "I'm moving to Indy."
"Okay, yeah." Eddie tries to keep his voice even, the tears from spilling. it was always a mistake, falling for Steve Harrington.
"Come with me?" Steve's hands are clenched in the duvet.
"I'm moving to New York." He had no plans until this very moment.
Steve falls quiet. "That's nice, Eddie. That's--yeah, you should do that, if it's what you want."
He nods. Ignores the lump in his throat. "Maybe I can really be somebody."
Steve smiles. Eddie's not sure why it looks so sad. "You'll knock 'em dead, Ed."
---
They stay friends, of course they do. There's phone calls and visits, and it's not the same, but it's still good.
Eddie tries to get over him. He does. There are dates, men, possibility. But they're not Steve.
Steve meets a girl--nice, pretty, wealthy--the kind of girl made for a King. It sticks. Eddie likes her. And nobody needs to know that he cries himself to sleep, thinking of what might have been.
The invitation comes in the mail. He throws it in the garbage without a thought, before standing against his counter, knuckles going white where he's gripping into the laminate. Tries to remind himself to keep breathing around the shattering of his heart.
He's not going. Knows he can't take it.
Then, a phone call.
"I'm getting married," Steve says.
"Yeah, just got the invite. Congrats!" Bile in his throat threatens to choke him.
"Will you--you'll stand up there with me?"
Eddie smacks his head repeatedly against the wall. "Of course," is the only possible answer.
---
The wedding is fine. During the ceremony, he tries not to listen to the vows, keeps his eyes on Robin's back and never, ever on Steve. He drinks through the reception. Knows it's too much, knows he's losing control. Can't take watching Steve dance with his new bride, so he sneaks out a side door into an alley, lighting his last cigarette. The nicotine barely hits his lungs before a scuffle of feet interrupts his moment.
"Can I get in on that?" Steve asks.
Eddie squeezes his eyes shut, handing over the cigarette. "What're you doing out here?"
"Haven't really talked to you at all today."
"Well. You've been a little busy." He means it to be a joke but it falls very flat, his bitterness too close to the surface.
Steve exhales a cloud of smoke. "Yeah. Didn't realize weddings were so much work."
Eddie doesn't know what to say, so they fall into silence, passing the smoke back and forth until it burns down to the filter.
"You happy?" Eddie asks. Doesn't think he meant to, doesn't want the answer.
"Ed..."Steve swallows.
"So, yes," he chuckles. It's the most hollow thing he's ever heard.
"It's just--It's normal, you know?"
And it's like Steve punched him, to know they never could've been because Eddie--being with Eddie--would never be normal.
"Right, of course, Harrington. Normal."
"That's not what--I'm not saying--"
"What else could you possibly mean?"
"I want quiet. No monsters, no secret dimensions. Something regular. Easy."
"Six-fucking-nuggets, right? Still a pretty lady in the front seat next to you."
"What's wrong with that? Huh? What's wrong with kids and stability and a fucking life. Not bartending until 4am and playing the occasional gig and living with 18 goddamn people."
Eddie straightens at that, fingers twisting in his button-down. "Sorry my life doesn't meet your exacting standards, King. Sorry I can't be what you want."
He storms away, Steve shouting after him, but he leaves him there with his promising and bright and normal future unfurling before him.
---
They don't talk. One month. Six Months. A Year. Two.
For lack of better to do, for stability, he writes a book. Fantasy. About an Adventurer who helps a group of kids save the world. They're joined by a handsome, mysterious man who seems like an asshole, but helps them selflessly every time. He and the Adventurer are something, but before it's anything real, the stranger is revealed to be their Prince. They save the world, but the Prince has to leave the Adventurer behind.
The book is a hit. Spawns a series. Eddie's somebody.
---
Eddie comes home from the store, paper bag of groceries balanced against his chest.
Steve Harrington, not looking a day older than at his wedding, stands at his door, hands wringing.
"Steve?" He asks.
"Hey, Ed." The nickname twists Eddie's stomach, but he doesn't say anything.
"What are you doing here?"
"I'm getting divorced," Steve says.
Eddie almost drops his groceries, his hands shake so hard. He busies himself with the lock, ushering Steve inside.
"Is that all?" He asks.
Steve blinks at him, dazed expression on his still pretty face. "What?"
"You came all this way just to tell someone you haven't spoken to in almost eight years that you're getting divorced? What's it to me?" He stomps into the kitchen with his groceries.
"I wanted--I thought--"
Eddie snorts, makes it mean because he feels mean, wants to make Steve hurt the way he has for years. "You thought? We haven't spoken since your wedding day, man."
"She was ready for kids, and I realized that she's not--she's not who I picture having a family with."
The words pierce him like shattered glass, and he whirls into the living room, into Steve's space. "What the fuck are you doing?" he hisses.
"I wanted you to know, Ed. After all--"
"Stop calling me that. Stop acting like we're friends, for Christ's sake. And I don't give a damn about whatever realization you had once you realized normal wasn't for you."
"I'm trying to make this right!" Pink splotches highlight Steve's cheeks, his anger spiking to match Eddie's.
"There's nothing to fix, Harrington. We're over. It's fine."
"It's not fine," Steve is breathing hard. "I wanted you so badly, and you fucking ran away--"
"Bullshit! I waited for you. And you moved to Indy with Robin without a thought."
"I asked you to come! You were the one who said no."
"You asked a week before you left!"
"I was scared!"
"Of what, Steve? Not having that normal, easy, life you wanted so badly?"
"Of course not!"
"Then why?"
Steve chuckles, steps back. "I always thought you of all people would understand, and now--"
"Not when you come to my house unannounced to unload on me about your divorce because you expect us to pick up like none of it ever happened."
"That's not what I want!"
Eddie turns, pinching the bridge of his nose to cut off the stinging in his eyes. "I can't do this. I think you should leave, Steve."
"Fine." Steve won't look at him, storms to the door. "This was a mistake."
He slams it hard enough it makes the walls shake, picture frames rattle. Eddie can't stop the sob that rips out of him. Entitled, selfish, Steve Harrington, the only man Eddie will ever love. Steve Harrington who thinks love comes with strings attached. Steve Harrington who was afraid of asking Eddie to move away with them. And Eddie, always the coward, stifled by the weight of his own impossible love.
Eddie moves on autopilot, just knows he needs to find Steve, to see if there's a chance.
He skids down the stairs, almost falling a time or two, out into the night. His eyes scan the sidewalk, searching for familiar tall hair, but there's no sign of Steve, no sign--
A soft sob cuts through the air and Eddie's eyes fall to the steps in front of him, to the beautiful man sitting with his head on his knees.
"Steve," he says.
He stands, whirling, face a wreck. "Eddie?"
He doesn't know what to say at first, swallowing and swallowing around nothing. "I--I'm sorry I said no, when you asked me to move with you."
Steve's face does a funny, fracturing thing, even as he gives a little laugh. "I'm sorry I took so long to work up the nerve to ask."
Both of them take a step forward, then stumble together in a clumsy, tear-soaked hug.
"I'm sorry I got too drunk at your wedding," Eddie whispers against his friend's neck.
Steve giggles, but quiets quickly "I'm sorry about the 'normal' thing. I didn't mean it. I was--it doesn't matter. I'm sorry."
They hold each other for a long time on the steps of Eddie's building, rocking gently back and forth. When they finally let go, Eddie pushes Steve's hair off his forehead, asks, "wanna order a pizza and catch up?"
The answering smile is blinding as a sun, and Eddie is just as hopelessly in love as he was at 20.
They walk inside, fingers still entwined, lit up with hope.
"Hey," Steve says as they walk up the stairs together. "Are the Adventurer and the Prince going to find each other again? Because it's been four books now, and I'm still wait--"
Eddie twists his fingers into Steve's t-shirt, pushing him against the stained stairwell wall. "Fuck, Steve, I--"
He's interrupted by Steve closing the distance between their mouths, pulling them together in a searing kiss.
"They get forever, sweetheart" is Eddie's answer.
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nicnacsnonsense · 10 months
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I'm thinking about Ed at the beginning of episode 7 and how he was getting ready to leave. I'm imagining that maybe the night before he tried making one last pass at Stede, one last try to see if Stede was interested, but still nothing. And Ed is being so blatant now, even more so than he had been with the "Run me through" thing and yet still no response from Stede. And Ed thinks that Stede can't possibly be this oblivious, he must be ignoring it on purpose as a way of letting Ed down gently. So Ed gives a subtle "message received" and starts thinking about leaving.
Ed's words the next morning make so much sense and hold so much weight in this context. " Prepare for the next adventure... I can't stay around here forever. Besides, a ship has only one captain." Ed got rejected last night and so now he's making plans to move on.
Stede's response (after a brief interruption from Roach) seems clear too. "Hey, listen, don't feel as though you need to rush out on my account. I mean, we're all enjoying your company here." He's letting Ed know that just because he rejected him that doesn't mean he's running him off. He's not going to make Ed leave or kick him out of the friend group.
This leads to Ed's last response of this interaction. "Mate, I know, I know. Me too. Uh, just, you know, I've stayed longer than I figured I would, and I just wasn't built for sitting idle, man." This is a polite fiction they're sharing in, an excuse for Ed to leave and get the space he needs without making Stede out to be the bad guy or forcing Ed to make himself vulnerable by admitting how much the rejection hurt him.
Stop. Rewind. The night before, Ed expressed his interest in Stede in a way that was very blatant IF you speak queer-coded gay subtext. Stede does not speak that language; he's never had the chance to learn before. He wasn't rejecting Ed, because he had no idea anything was on offer. So to him, Ed's plans to leave come out of nowhere, and the only explanation he has is the "only on captain" comment, immediately reinforced by Roach being confused as to which of them is captain.
This is what Stede is actually speaking to. Don't rush off on my account is him expressing that he, as the other captain in this two captain situation, is not bothered by it at all. And he reassures Ed the crew is fine with it too. There's no reason Ed has to leave.
Stede recognizes Ed response as a polite lie. Of course he does; you think Stede hasn't been subjected to hundreds, thousands, of polite dismissals in his life. Stede is too much, not enough, too soft, so weird, so boring. And to get brushed off by Ed, Stede's first friend, the one person that he thought understood him, that's devastating.
Stede has to keep Ed as a friend, so he does the only thing he can think to do: Be Better. It's never worked before, but it has to work this time, so it will. Stede will Be Better.
He finds the treasure map, excited to bring Ed the next adventure he was going to go out searching for. But Ed is still brushing him off, pretending that the map isn't real (of course it's real! its got tatty edges!) saying he wants to take a nap. Which fine, if Ed wants to keep throwing all these polite excuses at Stede, then Stede is going to use them against him. Ed said there can only be one captain? Fine, then Stede is the captain and he's going to make Ed come with him on this adventure to fix their friendship and prove that Stede can Be Better.
Except, stop, wait. Ed is not giving Stede the brush off. Remember, to Ed, Stede reject him last night and now Ed is expressing the desire for a little space. And even if he's not willing to say outright that he was hurt by the rejection, in expressing the desire at all, he is implying it. And now Stede is ignoring Ed's request for space and throwing Ed's own vulnerability back in his face to force him to come along. What an unbelievable asshole move.
Ed is pissed now, of course. He's being forced to spend time with someone who just rejected him to do something he wasn't interested in doing at all, and he didn't even get lunch! So he's pissy, but it's because Stede is being dick, so he doesn't care who knows it.
And then Lucius calls Ed a dick. And suddenly the whole situation gets flipped. Stede put this day together for Ed, presumably because he took Ed's comments about the next adventure and sitting idle as a serious expression of desire, and tried to deliver on that. Does Stede actually return Ed's feelings after all? Does it matter? Stede is Ed's friend who deeply cares about him, and that is a relationship worth preserving.
Meanwhile poor Stede is at the end of his rope. He tried to Be Better, and once again he failed. He always fails. Except now suddenly Ed has changed his mind. Does Stede know why Ed flipped scripts out of nowhere? Again, does it matter? Ed is here now, putting in the effort to engage with Stede and cheer him up. He's Stede's friend again; everything is going right again.
The day ends well enough that Stede is willing to reach out once more that evening. It is perhaps part apology for using Ed's words against him earlier that day, part offer, and part request. "I don't know if I, well agree that a ship can only have one captain."
Ed hears the offer clearly this time, and makes one of his own, "Yes, well, I suppose if you found the absolutely two perfect people, then they could potentially…"
And then, finally, after a long day of hurt and talking past each other, now together, in every sense, they say,
Co-captain.
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Ed's Kraken era, the more I think about it, is just all about performative violence - not as much violence itself as the illusion of it.
I've already talked about how Ed doesn't participate in the raid montage here; he just stands back and lets everyone else do the work. Instead, he is putting on the appearance of the hyper-violent Blackbeard persona - he's covered in guns he barely uses (except to shoot a guy who's already dead), he watches the violence blankly but doesn't take part himself. He is doing the absolute bear minimum necessary to look like he is doing a good job at Being Blackbeard.
Ed is, we know, deeply horrified by his own capacity for violence. He thinks he's a monster defined by a sort of unusually terrible aptitude for violence, despite the fact this is a show about pirates (a very violent profession) and Ed, by virtue of having these hangups about it, is arguably the least violent pirate in the show. I think, the more I think about it, that Ed's attempts in these raids to look like he is Doing Violence without actually doing it are him trying to protect himself, at least a bit, from what it would mean to force himself to be Blackbeard. At the beginning of s1e1, Ed's behavior is self-destructive in the extreme, but I'm not sure he'd firmly made the decision to kill himself until s1e2.
And I'm not saying Ed's crew are having a nice time, they're not. Ed's behavior is, we know, not out of line by pirate standards, but this crew knew what it was like under Stede, and they know Ed's not behaving like himself. It fucking sucks for them, but Ed never hurts them. He never tries, never lifts a finger against any of them (he does threaten them during his mutiny, but he's actively trying to get them to kill him so, like, we need to consider circumstances there). The one person Ed actually hurts is Izzy - the guy who told Izzy in s1e10 that Ed's life was in danger if he doesn't live up to Izzy's idea of Blackbeard. Again, this rings to me of a desperate attempt at basic self-preservation. Ed doesn't want Izzy to see that he can't be Blackbeard in the way Izzy wants him to be.
The more I think about it, I think the moment Ed decided to commit to killing himself was in s1e1, when he thinks Izzy saw him holding the figurine that looks like Stde and Izzy then brings up Stede's mantra. I think part of the reason Ed immediately escalates to more blatantly suicidal behavior, holding a gun under his own chin, immediately after this because he's just been forced to realize that his performance isn't working. Ed can dress himself up like the hyper-violent monster he thinks he is, but despite his best efforts to hide it, it just makes it all the more obvious that Ed's still under there.
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