ive been thinking about this for a while and y'know. there isn't actually a big difference between someone asking you not to refer to them as human and someone asking you to use gender neutral language for them. ive seen fellow queer people (mostly on twitter) whine and scream and shit their pants over being asked to not call someone human, as if that is somehow different from a transphobe throwing a fit about being asked to use singular they for someone? how often does that even come up? do you seriously refer to others often enough with the word "human" that being asked not to is a major inconvenience? I don't know how to finish this post but you get the idea it's hypocritical and annoying

Currently struggling a lot with getting very excited about a project, writing a lot, editing that writing until it's way more polished than what I can come up with off the cuff, and then being too intimidated to add to the document anymore since the previous good writing still gives off this looming intimidation if that makes sense? The more I write the greater the fear is I'll crash the story into a ditch that reveals the premise can't work. have you had that "its not all coming together shit theres a snag thats really important that i missed" moment? I realize it's pretty inevitable for that to happen, but whenever I write myself out of a moment like that I always second guess that I'm still overlooking something important or taking the easy way out. I know it's probably just all about pushing through but I worry that by pushing im just further diluting the original spirit of the project? Sorry for the all over the place ask, hope you have a good day :3

this is always a tough situation to navigate as a writer. happens to me often, and it has taken me a very long time to come even remotely close to being able to deal with it productively. believe it or not, i actually have quite a lot to say about this, so prepare for that below the break.

first of all, no, it's absolutely NOT all about pushing through. i find "pushing through" can just as often make the problem worse. keep in mind that i can only speak to my own experience and process, so any advice i might give here should only be taken insofar as you personally find it useful.

this is a form of writer's block. there are many different types of blocks, each with their own causes and hypothetical treatments. a big part of becoming A Writer as such is learning the difference between them, and developing methods for dealing with them on a case by case basis that don't involve substance abuse. don't do cocaine. that's step one.

most of my blocks are in the vein you describe. i'll be writing a scene that feels good, until i cross a threshold somewhere and suddenly the whole thing feels dead in the water. the first thing i do when this happens is stop writing. it's hard to stop when you're on a roll, i know. life is short and it's hard enough to write even on a good day, but sometimes you can just tell that you're on the wrong track and at that point you're probably not gonna be able to write your way back on.

once stopped, i check the basics. have i eaten recently? am i hydrated? have i taken my medications? these are rarely my problem (i keep a big water bottle with me at all times and my gf makes sure i'm fed), though you never know how useful a snack break can be. most of the time if the problem isn't with the text, it's that i've been writing for too fucking long and i need to clock out. learning to clock out is SO hard. but as i've been getting into the habit these last couple months, while i generally write less per day i ultimately end up writing more over time. i can feel my brain cooking when i've been writing too long. it's a muscle like anything else. if you did a bunch of overtime shifts at a more physical job, you'd need time to recover too. your body isn't a machine, your brain isn't a computer, and living things are inconsistent. it sucks but you'll have a better time all around when you learn to work with your body instead of against it.

another question is, have i showered recently? i find showers tedious and boring. also i still have depression even though my life is a lot better than it used to be. i lived on my own for a very long time as a deeply closeted self-hating trans woman, so my hygiene habits are not always up to sniff. as much as i hate to admit it, showers help. i can't tell you how many times i've sat at a godfeels chapter or video script and just felt fucking miserable, only to come back forty minutes later from a shower, full of creative energy. i despise self-help shit. just not a fan of the culture of positive attitude wellness check stuff because you can't self examine your way out of your class position. sometimes the problem is that you're broke. sometimes life fucking sucks and you just don't have the art in you, and that's okay. there's a common misconception that if something bad happens to you, at least you can make an art to get through it. but in my experience it's actually a lot harder to make art about bad times when you're still in them. most of the time it takes months if not years of safety and recovery before you can really face it head on artistically. so like, be nice to yourself. it's not your fault that you live in a society.

but also sometimes literally you just need a shower or to eat some leftovers or to go to fucking bed. i hate it every time that is true because i want my problems to be real and philosophical and not just some dumb body thing that happens to everyone. alas, no one can escape the quotidian obligations of simple mortality.

THAT SAID! this stuff isn't usually my problem, and often i find that what's solving the problem when i do step away to eat/drink/shower isn't even the specific activity, but the act of stepping away at all. getting my mind off it for a sec. when i hit a block that doesn't feel completely insurmountable, i like to back away from my computer and pace around a bit. then i'll stare at my big whiteboard with a marker in hand and just let my mind wander. i don't even write anything half the time! but the mere act of trying to compartmentalize the problem into something brief enough for shorthand helps me spot the pain points.

one of my favorite books is Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, which despite what you might assume from its title is NOT a self-help book but instead a work of philosophy from 1974 taking the form of a travelogue. what Robert Pirsig explores in this book is what he calls the Metaphysics of Quality. basically he's trying to understand the split-second judgments we make of things we like and things we don't. i absolutely do not have time to go into the specifics, just know that his Quality refers to the abstract certainty you have when something is Good or Right or Correct or Qualitatively True. like how you pull your hand away unconsciously when you touch a hot stove, but for ideas. you just Know.

a scene that really sticks with me from that book (probably the most famous scene) is when Pirsig describes needing to fix a mechanical problem with his motorcycle only to be stopped dead in his tracks by a stripped screw keeping him from removing the engine cover. he talks about being so focused on the obvious solution to the primary complex problem that, on encountering a smaller, simpler problem that has to be dealt with first, he finds himself completely stuck, calling this "a zero of consciousness." it's a problem so annoying and minuscule and stubbornly unsolvable that you just want to hit the thing with a wrench and throw it in a river. addressing this new problem, this block, requires an adjustment in thinking. and here i'm going to quote a pretty lengthy passage, but don't worry, i'm typing it out by hand with the book in front of me so there's no time saved on my end:

Consider, for a change, that this is a moment to be not feared but cultivated. If your mind is truly, profoundly stuck, then you may be much better off than when it was loaded with ideas. The solution to the problem often at first seems unimportant or undesirable, but the state of stuckness allows it, in time, to assume its true importance. It seemed small because your previous rigid evaluation which led to the stuckness made it small. But now consider the fact that no matter how hard you try to hang on to it, this stuckness is bound to disappear. Your mind will naturally and freely move toward a solution. Unless you are a real master at staying stuck you can't prevent this. The fear of stuckness is needless because the longer you stay stuck the more you see the Quality-reality that gets you unstuck every time. What's really been getting you stuck is the running from the stuckness [. . .] Stuckness shouldn't be avoided. It's the psychic predecessor of all real understanding. An egoless acceptance of stuckness is a key to an understanding of all Quality, in mechanical work as in other endeavors. It's this understanding of Quality as revealed by stuckness which so often makes self-taught mechanics so superior to institute-trained men who have learned how to handle everything except a new situation. Normally screws are so cheap and small and simple you think of them as unimportant. But now, as your Quality awareness becomes stronger, you realize that this one, individual, particular screw is neither cheap nor small nor unimportant. Right now this screw is worth exactly the selling price of the whole motorcycle, because the motorcycle is actually valueless until you get the screw out. With this re-evaluation of the screw comes a willingness to expand your knowledge of it. [. . .] What your actual solution is is unimportant as long as it has Quality. Thoughts about the screw as combined rigidness and adhesiveness and about its special helical interlock might lead naturally to solutions of impaction and use of solvents. That is one kind of Quality track. Another track may be to go to the library and look through a catalog of mechanic's tools, in which you might come across a screw extractor that would do the job. Or to call a friend who knows something about mechanical work. Or just to drill the screw out, or just burn it out with a torch. Or you might just, as a result of your meditative attention to the screw, come up with some new way of extracting it that has never been thought of before that beats all the rest and is patentable and makes you a millionaire five years from now. There's no predicting what's on that Quality track. The solutions all are simple-- after you have arrived at them. But they're simple only when you know already what they are.

this is, in brief, my entire creative philosophy when it comes to writer's block. i share such a lengthy passage because i think it's useful to underline that we're not talking about a problem that is necessarily unique to the labor of writing. this process is a human process. it's just that with writing, the nature of the block itself is often much more difficult to identify than a stripped screw.

there's a couple things i do to try to identify what's got me stuck. a lot of times what happens is that everything in a scene felt good until it didn't, and then everything after that moment fell flat. so i'll go back and read the whole thing and just try to feel the scene. is everyone in character? is their dialogue too quippy, or too aggressive, too expository? are we in the midst of a conversation that has simply gone on way too fucking long? i know it can be torturous to reread your own stuff but idk what else to say except get used to it. especially when you're still early in the drafting phase! like if you know you're not gonna release this thing imminently, there's no reason to be precious about the stuff that's good or to beat yourself up over the stuff that's bad. i know that compulsion to try to Get Everything Right The First Time is strong, but it's completely unsustainable.

sometimes the block is that i just don't feel like writing narration. i've always sucked at grounding a scene with descriptions of the place. lately i'm trying to get away from relying solely on descriptions of staging/blocking, but it's hard for a bitch like me who mostly prefers writing dialogue. i've gotten a lot more comfortable with putting notes between dialogue exchanges like [character moves, looks at picture, has a dramatic thought, other character fiddles with object]. it can feel like cheating sometimes but it's not. there's no such thing. no one will know the route you took to get to the end. they will only see what you show them, when you decide to show it to them.

sometimes the block is in some minor or major betrayal of the story's spirit. the (Terezi) & Jade scene i talked about in this ask is a good example. i hit a point where nothing was working anymore. no one would talk to me. the light was gone. i can always tell when i made the wrong choice. it's such a particular sensation. as though i'm walking and i realize i no longer recognize the road i'm on and must've made a wrong turn somewhere. the solution to this particular block is introspection, retracing my steps, because the wrong turn isn't always obvious. maybe it's that someone in the scene is being too mean, or that i've failed to accomplish what the scene exists to do in some way, or that someone's made an uncharacteristic choice that now everyone in the scene is arguing about and it's like, man, this is taking too long, i'm not enjoying this anymore.

another example from A1 is the second half of the solo. i'd had most of the jasprose scene, the karkat-calliope-roxy scenes, and the vrisrezi-jade scenes written since i posted the A1 chorus. where i ran into trouble was that i needed to get jane, jake, and (terezi) to show up. my original plan was to have them arrive one by one, thus allowing their individual dramas a moment in the spotlight before being subsumed into the group. not a bad idea in theory but in practice it was fucking tedious. here we have a bunch of characters already immersed in the scene captured by the intrigue of Jade being enigmatic, and then some unawares jagoff wanders in and suddenly everyone has to stop what they're doing and be like "hey hello how are you what's up" and then they explain how they got there and then they ask what's up and it's such a DRAG. honestly i would say the majority of my creative blocks by volume are moments when the story really wants me to just cut to black for a smoke break and come back when somebody gets mad enough to throw a punch. i mean that's the the development of A1 in a nutshell. originally everyone was gonna start the track locked up in space-jail on the hopebringer, jade would show up all apologetic and say what she expects padua's deliberation to be, then the whole cast would see her throw a fit over a decision she knew was coming, they'd all be absolved of guilt and let free, then they'd all argue about who's staying or going with Jade in the morning, they'd split up to go pack their stuff and then...

well that was exactly the problem. i wanted to get all the pertinent things out of the way. jade's code switching, voidthought, some EWL teases. give the whole cast a chance to react to it. i thought that would be expedient, because it got the Plot out of the way and gave time to characters for Feelings. if that version of the scene had come at the end of chapter 8, it might have worked. but i realized that as soon as jade's audience was no longer captive, i had no fucking clue what to do with them anymore. we already knew who would go with jade, so acting like that's some kind of mystery is just lame. i started writing A1 from a place of desiring informational density & a quick pace, because we've got places to go and things to do. but if the real purpose of A1 is to explore why these characters choose to go with Jade, then that needed to be done with a lot more care and precision. that's when i decided to let Jade spend two days underground making the earth right again, so that she has to come to everyone individually rather than the other way around. and it muddies her motivations, if you don't mind the pun. it puts her at an appropriate remove from the others. i ultimately wound up conveying all the same information as in the original version, but i did it in a way that was more appropriate thematically and artistically. it wound up being longer road than i anticipated, but this is a long story and in this case the longer road was better for the journey.

take the chapter where Jade visits Roxy. i needed some time with Roxy alone to set the scene, since she's the first person Jade decides to visit and i like writing about the insides of trailer homes. i wanted to get some politics from Jane in this chapter, so hey, why not throw in a televised speech? oh, and then i can have some tucker carlson types remind us that Earth C is a fucking mess. i wrote all that, and it was good, but it was just Roxy watching tv. i tried to get into Jade's arrival and couldn't. so i went back and realized, oh, Roxy should be yelling at the tv the whole time! now we get Jane's politics, Roxy's reactions to those politics, as well as bits and pieces of context re: Jane's relationships with Karkat and Roxy. now when Jade arrives, we can play with the question of whether she heard the speech from outside Roxy's door, and why neither of them was physically at the speech in the first place. there's tension and imbalance in Roxy's state of mind when Jade does arrive, so we're more inside her perspective than we usually are, which in turn helps us identify with her when Jade starts infodumping about antimemes.

so often for me, working through a block is a matter of doing a better job utilizing what's available to you. going back to the A1 solo and trying to bring Jake, Jane, and (Terezi) into the scene. i finally returned to it after a couple months of being sick and dealing with life problems. i was frustrated because i'd hoped to be several tracks in to 3.2 by now, and instead i was confronted with just how much more of this thing is left and how long that might take if i couldn't pick up the pace. this thing NEEDED to get done.

and then i remembered that Jasprose is literally right there.

and that was it! problem fucking solved! i had jasprose drop all three of them into the scene completely unceremoniously using manic teleportation through a fenestrated plane, and from there the entire rest of the chapter erupted out of me in a single go. it's such an obvious solution to the problem that you as reader probably assumed it was the plan from the very beginning. but it's like Pirsig says: the solutions all are obvious-- after you've arrived at them.

then there's the problem of overwriting. i actually did i think four different versions of the opening to the A1 solo. the first person narration was a late addition. i tweaked that scene so so so many times. it kept feeling close but not quite. when i did the thing where i reread to find where the block happened, instead of actually reading the thing i just kept finding spots where i could write more. i can extend this anecdote. this line could be better. maybe a comma here would work better than an ellipsis...

this can be good because sometimes what's blocking you is that you skipped over something that needed more time. maybe some information or a dramatic emphasis that gives the stuff you can't yet write the momentum it needs to get going again. but i've gotta be real careful doing this, because i can do it forever. and then, as you describe (hey look, i'm actually talking about your specific problem now!), that hyper-polished section sets everything else up to fail by comparison.

i think the trick is knowing the difference between when a scene needs an editing pass vs when a scene just straight up isn't working. when it's not working, sometimes you do just have to throw it all out and start over. but if it's good enough that you feel like all it's missing is better dialogue and some more description, then you can hold off on that polish until the rest of the thing is done. this conundrum is most common at the beginning of a chapter or story in my experience, precisely as a result of the process i've been describing this whole time. when you hit a block and retrace your steps, you can always find things to fix. so it's sort of natural that any given chapter becomes less polished the further along you get in to it. that's why it's so important to understand the differences between all these different types of blocks, and to remind yourself that literally nothing you've written is finished until the moment you've made it public.

a big part of getting the A1 solo out the door was me swallowing my desire for perfection in every exchange and saying, no, this is good enough. it's not 100% what i want, but it's close enough that it just isn't worth the effort it would take to get there. sometimes there are scenes that are worth that effort, but they are always rarer than you think and they're never the ones you'd expect. i will freely admit that there are a lot of characters expositing their motivations in this chapter. i tried to embed as much of that in humor or drama as i could, but sometimes you just have to shrug your shoulders and walk away and hope your readers will be nice to you.

of course the funny thing is, once i finished the chapter and had all the panels sketched out and wiped my hands clean of the whole affair, janet needed two weeks to make the images. so i ended up having time to polish up a couple of those things that i felt were lacking after all. but those additions were radically small and intuitive, because i'd divorced myself from the raw production and had committed to so many directions that i *couldn't* change much. i'm so used to writing for release that i don't know what to do with myself when my part of the job is done before i can kick it out the door. i've come to find that waiting, taking breaks, walking away and coming back, do wonders for your ability to egolessly examine your work and identify what's wrong. sometimes you just need a day or two to sleep on it.

and sometimes you realize that you've really just over-written a scene, out of preciousness or insecurity or whatever else, and the result is so much bigger than everything else you want to do that it's more expedient to just scrap it. i hate when this happens, man. i did this with an early version of the A1 chorus, when Jade is stuck in space alone and shouting about how unfair her life has been. you know sometimes there's an emotion in a scene that's addictive. some bit of pathos that you just feel down to your bones, fuck me man, this is so GOOD, this is so JUICY, this shit has QUALITY. it's so good you don't want it to be finished. so you keep writing it, and writing it, and you rewrite it, and you add to it, because you really want to squeeze every drop of emotion you can from the thing. and then you wind up with a bloated melodramatic mess that's so overplayed you've annihilated everything that compelled you to write it in the first place.

i want to be clear that this isn't wasted work. nothing you ever put to the page, no matter how ultimately useless it might prove to be, is wasted work. the way i see this whole process, top to bottom, is that there's this thing. i don't know what it is, but it's there. maybe it starts with an image, or a line of dialogue, or a relationship, or a natural vista, whatever. it can be anything. what matters is it's a sign pointing you in a direction. it's something that has Quality that you can feel with such potent immediacy that you have no choice but to write it. the act of writing is something of an expedition, because the real magic of it comes when those disparate signs start colliding with one another. an image becomes a scene, a house, a world, a universe. sometimes these signs lead to dead ends, but with experience you learn to tell the dead ends from the rough patches. you learn how to make your own way. you do this by listening to what this thing is telling you. every story i've ever written has known better than me what it wants. i can impose so much onto it, i control 90% of the process at least. but that other 10% cannot, should not be quantified or controlled but simply understood. if you try to bottle the flame, you'll just end up snuffing it out.

no artist really knows why they do what they do or how they're able to pull it off. they can tell you their methods, their process, their coping mechanisms, they can write ludicrously lengthy diatribes on tumblr in response to an innocuous ask, but you can't pin down the soul of the thing. Quality is ephemeral, because it's first. it happens before you've had time to think, like putting your hand on a hot stove. you just know. and you have to trust that knowledge to carry you forward, not second guess it too much, not try to wrangle the thing into a shape it doesn't want to assume. sometimes this requires writing scenes that you don't love, because it's easier to build a messy bridge between the moments that drive you than it is to perfect every single moment out of an artificial commitment to like, Being A Good Writer or whatever.

a lot of this is just practice. you get better at communicating with your creative impulses. but also i think it helps to internalize that nobody sees the rough drafts, nobody sees the duct tape. and nobody knows the perfect vision you'll be convinced you failed to meet. nobody has ever made a perfect thing, and no one ever will. who wants to be perfect, anyway? godfeels wouldn't be what it is if i wasn't willing to let it be messy. if i'd tried to do it better, it never would have gotten done, and nothing i'm doing now would have even conceptually gotten to exist.

also, it's okay to abandon shit when it stops feeling good. i have so many unfinished books kicking around from my 20s, dude. i feel bad about some of them, but ten years not finishing books is still ten years spent writing. it's actually quite rare for good ideas to result in finished works, because good ideas are cheap and they're not all for you. but you gotta keep trying anyway because sooner or later you'll catch a spark that has real gas, and if you've done the work you'll be ready for it. it'll feel like destiny. it'll feel like magic, how matched that idea is to your skill level. but it won't be magic, it'll be skill. if you hadn't put the work in to know how to follow that intuition, it'd be just as dead an end as everything else you never finished. you do the work so that when you get lucky you can take advantage of it. so in that context, writing is quite low stakes. if it's not good enough, fuck it, try something else!

anyway i hope there's some decent insight buried in here somewhere. thanks for such a good question!

(i hope this doesn't come across as rude, i'm just genuinely confused) i saw your tags on a post you reblogged about how you like to jerk off to the thought of your work crush, and that you're aspec. but i thought the whole point of being aspec is that you *don't* feel sexual attraction? isn't thinking of someone to gain sexual pleasure also sexual attraction to that person? isn't wanting to have sex with someone sexual attraction to that person? i can't imagine jerking off to someone i'm not attracted to so maybe i'm just close-minded but what you said really doesn't sound aspec at all. again i'm not trying to be rude, i'm just not aspec so i really don't understand how *not* feeling sexual attraction can be a spectrum, but feeling sexual attraction apparently isn't a spectrum??

not rude imo! i am happy to play educator!!

so tldr, i have a particularly complicated relationship to.... relationships. i tend to label myself as broadly "aspec" as a whole as shorthand for expressing that i dont really experience attraction but it, like basically all the labels i use, isn't wholly accurate for my personal experience because labels--especially queer identity labels--are a broad stroke generalization for very individualized personal experiences of the same general gestures thing. not everyone who shares the labels i use for myself will agree with the way i use them or even the fact that i DO use them (hi, he/him bi lesbian here, eat me) and thats totally okay, as long as they mind their manners

i find "aspec" used as a specifically nonspecific umbrella micro label is convenient shorthand for the whole not really experiencing attraction thing because its more true than not. i really dont "really" experience attraction, either sexual or romantic..... except for when i do. those instances of attraction however are so incredibly rare that they're an exception, not the rule. i'm in my thirties and consider that tally to be two people i have legit thirsted after and possibly two??? people i am Romantically In Love With (as opposed to just In Love With, which is different for me, because i love all my friends in unique ways because they're unique people i have a unique relationship with, but i digress) (ftr i am not 100% sure on the romance bit because its *incredibly* hard for me to sus out the difference between my feelings for these particular people compared to everyone else i love because i just kinda go on vibes: if i'm happy with someone, i'm happy, and i dont really feel the need to Officially Label things)

btw, "aspec" as in asexual (and in my case aromantic) spectrum is very much a spectrum my dude, and that spectrum people generally report on does include occasional incidental attraction. other axis often involved in the spectrum are things like libido or even general willingness or interest in interactions that involve sex (or romance, or both!). some folks enjoy having sex and seek it out despite not experiencing sexual attraction, with or without a libido. some people are completely sex adverse when it comes to sexual situations involving themselves but will engage with sexual content, such as porn/erotica/virtual roleplay. some people want nothing do do with bumping uglies literally or figuratively. some people are absolutely baffled when it turns out no they just wanna bump uglies with this one particular person and they will DIE if they dont why are humans wired like this its SO INCONVENIENT (shhhhh dont ask me how i know). there are a ton of microlabels for any and all generalization of experience within the a-spec spectrum because there is just a HUGE variety of experiences but i personally dont like them for myself cos im a vague-as-possible kinda guy

so: complicated relationship with relationships and a complete disregard for the "rules" some people wanna insist on when it comes to identity labels. a buddy of mine has described me as her friend who is "all queer identities at once" which, yeah, i'm into that, its a good summation

i would also like to note for our viewers at home that you are totally allowed to stick yourself in whatever box feels right at the time, even if you change boxes a bazillion times or put a peet in a bunch of different boxes all at once, or play musical chairs with the boxes, or whatever. theyre made up and the points dont matter, what matters is having some facsimile of language to communicate an aspect of your experience to allow for communication and conversation about that experience, not that you tick off a check list of required traits to get your box assigned to you by The Committee. go forth, be weird, love freely, eat the rich, and fuck the (thought) police

I remember you saying you were registered as an independent at some point. I'm an anarchist, and I'm considering switching to independent because I've felt less represented by the democratic party lately. My state has open primaries btw. In your experience, what are the pros and cons of doing this?

Well I guess I should start with WHY I decided to register as an independent (because youre right, I am). First off, growing up my dad was and still is an independent, so it wasnt a radical idea in my house to go that route. Second, I think both major parties are full of idiotic, egotistical, assholes who have forgotten what it means to compromise and dont have a care in the world for the people they are supposed to represent unless its election season.

So between all of that, independent seemed like the best route for me. I dont vote based on party alliances. I read through the stances and look into the history of the candidates and decide who to vote for based on that, regardless of party affiliations. Thats just me, but I feel like it gives me a better idea of who these people are 🤷‍♂️

The cons for being an independent are far and few inbetween in my opinion.

You cant vote in primaires. Which just means that you cant help select the candidates for either party. (This would not apply in the case of open primaries)

Sometimes (very rarely) I’ve had people be upset at the idea of me being independent. Usually just because I’m not supporting their political party though.

The pros are much more expansive though.

Republicans cant attack you for being a democrat. (They usually are chill with people being independents)

Democrats cant attack you for being a republican. (Usually a bit more cautious but still chill with independents)

Actually I live in an area that is pretty split dems/repubs. So more often than not, when I have to deal with anything in the legal system, I’m treated pretty well. Because elected officials see me as one of the ones they need to convince to keep their jobs. They arent worried about party members because most party member vote straight dem or repub tickets. But independents are the wild card.

You dont have to stress about making sure you have time to go vote in primaries because you cant (again not the case with open primaries)

Friend, I'm curious: do you also have writer's blocks? Or with organizing and planning, this is not a problem for you? I ask you because I'm just feeling kinda creative again after a whole month, and I don't know how to feel about it. How long does it last for you when (if) you have it?

Yes, i have had writers block numerous times. Sometimes its the result of long mental exhaustion, sometimes it just jump at you and dont let you go for a while. Its not the most predictable thing and its not always the easier to deal with especially if you have something to work on. The best solution is always to take a longer break (even a few weeks if its that severe) and get yourself into reading (one book, a bunch of novellas, anything that is complex, not written in a simple way however contains a lot of art and complex solutions through the words and storyline. So, mostly classics). Of course it is advised on its own to sometimes get away from writing to pretty much have your creativity and mind "resynthesize" the resources (often writers block, when you keep your mind away from it, this is what it brings out, so its not all that bad and stuff...at least from my experience), but reading (maybe a lot) can speed up the process of returning significantly. I still dont like it overall, however, it can easily lead you at the end to a much more fulfilling creation journey and allows you to unleash even more good stuff and happiness inside. So in most cases its 100% worth the struggle.

I have to tell you though, its pretty normal to have a wavering tendency in writing or in any kind of creation form. Any kind of attitude is possible since the focus is not always on art and the case is heavily influenced by things and problems in life, hormones, diet etc.. So overall you dont always feel like you can do it, very little or almost nothing comes to mind, then one day you wake up and you run to the keyboard to spend your whole day typing your ideas. Its again, sometimes unpredictable, reading can help it too, but not immediately. Thats why it is normal too to live like this. Can you imagine doing nothing but writing? Like 8-10 and even more hours a day? I know, it sounds fun at first, but when a block hits or you just run out of ideas (or the "connection thickens" with the art, its another problem that occurs when you overwork on something), you can easily fall into a shorter or longer regression period that brings creation to nowhere. It always depends on what you work on, how complex it is or/and how many thoughts you put into it. I know authors who almost never or rarely have these problems since they either do something else (not really reading, but the idea is not so bad after all, so if you feel like you are even more lost than should be, i recommend this method also for possible gaining) or what they create is so simple, even the editing is left out so in the end the mental exhaustion is less likely to hit them. But at the same time, i know writers who had the issues or even blocks for months and years! Well, its truly something.

In my case, blocks usually last a few days, maybe a week so during those i quickly move on to something (reading is obvious to at least keep up so the return in the end is much easier but the other hobbies help a lot too) or i just have my story "take a nap" in my head 😂😂. I remember the most serious lasted like 6 months, back in 2016-2017 when i was in high school (it was not long after i started writing in a "professional way"). It wasnt fun (its like running to a brick wall and again and again but it doesnt bother), however, it made me realize, prevention is much more important and on its own actually cheaply accomplishable even if you sometimes wish to overwork out of joy (im talking about doing writing longer than 10-12 hours), day after days.

So what i do usually?

As i said, having your artpiece sometimes sent out to relax is actually very useful. You leave it alone for a few days when you feel like, its good enough/almost finished and after that, with fresh thoughts, you return back to it. It not only reduces the change of the block, but allows you to see the writing in a different perspective. Its easier to spot mistakes, rewrite things that are not matching well, implement new ideas, etc. Thats why i like to say, writing is an art of patience where you can never let your focus go and at the same time, you have to have the ability to feel where things belong in your creation from place to time, though purpose. Oh boy, now i totally sound like somebody who lives by the zen 😂😂😂

Make a list, a list, a list, a list (okay not this many). Have your phone or/and a notebook around and write down immediately what pops in your mind (that is good enough in your opinion). If you even have the opportunity take your time and open up the thing: make points in connection with it, expand it as your imagination allows it, create another list within in it if necessary. This usually doesnt take that long in time, however, it initiates 2 things: its more likely to start writing from there and when you need ideas or the "spirit/essence" is lacking (it sadly happens), you can always read them out to have a little bit of aid (or a lot, because i think it works well). If you feel like you wanna be just as crazy as me (lol 😂😂), you can take your list and type it in. Its not only for preserving and having everything together but adds another opportunity to work on your ideas even more. These lists on their own can be very small or huge like in my case (26 pages long and pending, god dammit 😂😂). I highly recommend this method too when you dont really have the time to write, but would like to do some minimal work to "go somewhere". Its very inspiring too when you take a look at your list and see how many things are there to count on. This can make you start writing too, trust me

I hope i could help 😇

An Open Letter to the Rest of the Inclusive Plural Community

This is a post thats going to ruffle feathers, but what else is new?

When you ask people in The Wretched Discourse, ‘Why are you doing this? Why is this your position, really?’ you are going to get a couple different answers.

The inclusionists just want the whole of the plural community to exist in the space they have been historically allowed to exist in and use the language they have historically used in the community they helped build. They fight only because this space they have been in and helped build for years is under threat.

The reasons system exclusionists, including the ‘endo neutral’ and similar exclus-lite positions believe what they do is significantly more varied, as is why they do. Obviously we are very strongly opposed to exclusionist views, and we want to be clear about this, but that isn’t the point of this essay and we will not be receptive to arguments about this on our post or in our inbox about this post. People doing this WILL be blocked.

The point of this essay is that there ARE criticisms of the inclusive plural community that exclusionists have that are fair and are true. We don't agree with the conclusions they make regarding these criticisms, but there are problems that have merit that they have identified and are worth talking about. These problems are genuinely problems and they are things people just don’t talk about enough in strongly inclusionist spaces or actively perpetuate in these spaces.

The criticisms that we will be addressing with this essay:

Final Fusion/Unification/Full Integration stigma

Stigma against less separate systems

Stigma against very separate systems

Equating DID to plurality

‘Didn’t recognize my trauma and this hurt my recovery’

Endogenic abusers

Mandatory Microlabel Use

We will not be responding to ‘what about x complaint’ messages. If we didn't mention it then we won’t be mentioning it at all- either because we think its a non-issue, that it can be rolled into the issues mentioned, or we don't feel comfortable speaking on it.

With that out of the way, essay under the cut!

The Stigma Against Final Fusion/Unification/Full Integration

This is a very good criticism. For systems in which this is a healing choice they have given informed free consent to and for systems who are fusing/have fused by accident or otherwise against their will, it can be very alienating that so many people in the community are so aggressive about hating it. Sometimes this hatred extends to those who have underwent it, even.

Its an option that is rarely offered as a possible option in the plural community at large -particularly inclusive spaces- even in cases where it might be healthier for that system to try it out.

Its something that is often content warning-ed to even speak of in public plural spaces. So much as mentioning the option is seen as taboo.

It prevents people from considering it as an option that may otherwise have benefited from it because they can’t find good information about it and its so deeply discouraged. It prevents people who are in the process of unifying from speaking about their experiences or finding support. It especially alienates ex-systems from their former community- as they are seen as ‘betrayers’ for their recovery path or for things that happened against their will.

Its something that’s hot-button because its something that IS pushed on the community nonconsensually regardless of desire to take that path or without informed consent by many medical spaces. This is a legitimate problem, a legitimate thing that needs to be campaigned against; the forcing of FF on all systems as the must-try option that should only be abandoned for Healthy Multiplicity as a last resort if it seems to be impossible. If you talk to a therapist, the attitudes around FF are often entirely different than the ones in the community.

This is a open wound for the community, and thus people are a bit overzealous in rejecting anything to do with it.

There is balance to be had here, balance that needs to be emphasized more to solve this issue. FF needs to be treated with fairness as a valid option for some systems. While others may be triggered by it or firmly not want it or find it the opposite of healing for them and deserve to be allowed their space, there also needs to be space for those who want Unification, and it needs to be recognized as a valid option, and in the community right now, yes, many inclusive spaces strongly are against so much as discussing it as an option openly.

Simply changing the language people use about recovery and including FF as an option people can try when talking of recovery as well as how ones system may change over time would do wonders for this. Not being afraid to let people talk about their experiences with FF and giving accurate information on the risks and the process is another thing that can be done.

We as a community need to also check ourselves and stop viewing those who undergo FF or integration in general as ‘traitors to the cause’ or otherwise considering them less welcome in the community. It is a valid recovery path the same way healthy multiplicity is. While it has a low success rate, plenty of people do reach happiness after FF. It may very well be the best option for someone, and not allowing people the informed choice on choosing FF can hurt the community just as much as ONLY pushing FF.

Less Separate Systems & Medians Being Excluded

This is another valid point. There is a certain hierarchy in plural spaces that cannot be denied- those who are ‘more plural’ are considered more worth listening to, and those who consider themselves not singular but not all full separate people are ‘not plural enough’ (even systems with a paper diagnosis!) to some to be worth listening to.

This is wrong, of course. All those who have ‘more than one’ experiences belong here in the plural community if they wish to be. This is a truly important criticism, that those who don't identify as all fully separate people, but are still having ‘more than one’ experiences feel excluded from the community, or don't feel like they are ‘allowed’ to use our resources when they need them or to identify as they are. Some people with less separation/elaboration/etc feel pressured to force themselves to be more separate to fit in when that's not right for them as well. They feel pressured to identify as fully separate people when it may not be helpful for them personally to do so.

The thing to do about this is to make sure when educating about plurality to mention the experiences of these sorts of systems just as much as those who are separate. To not exclude people who use parts language instead of people language about those in their system.

The community has to examine their attitudes towards ‘less defined’ systems and systems that don't claim separate moral personhood if it is to become a better space than it is right now.

Stigma Against Very Separate Systems

Conversely, there is also a problem with acceptance of those who are very separate systems- who consider themselves fully separate people. Those who don't want to be referred to as a gestalt and known as only the gestalt- who want a identity outside of ‘part of this system’. Many inclusive spaces also push these sorts of very separate systems to the wayside. These systems are often seen as unruly or unreasonable for wanting to be considered totally separate from their headmates.

This sort of dismissal of anyone who isn't in a narrow band of acceptability in terms of separation is a huge problem in plural spaces. They need to be multiple, but not TOO multiple or they become what is viewed as a liability. They are accused of poor ‘system accountability’ and ‘dangerous blame dodging’ for merely asserting their personhood. All plural folks belong in this community and deserve to have their autonomy and personhood respected. They shouldn't need to erase their expression of personhood to make others feel more comfortable.

System accountability does not need to look the same for every system. What is helpful and necessary to ensure the system reduces harm and can make adequate moves to make up for harm that was done and seek to do better in the future may be stifling as actively detrimental to another system. What is helpful and works for one system to allow freedoms while doing these things may encourage bad habits in another system. There is no one-size-fits all protocol for harm reduction, and the community needs to recognize this.

What must be done about this is much the same as what must be done to accept median systems better- be sure to respect the language people use in general and respect the personhood or lack thereof of each headmate. The community again needs to examine its attitude towards systems who wish to be considered fully separate from those who share their body with them and respect their desire to be considered fully separate people who just share a body.

Equating DID (and other dissociative disorders) to Plurality

Again another valid point. Having a dissociative disorder is not inherently plural. Plurality is a opt-in label and framework for those who have ‘more than one’ experiences, of which include but is not limited to those who have DID, p-DID, OSDD, or UDD. However people with these disorders should not be thought of as inherently plural if they don’t claim the label. They very much can be considered such as their experience is a ‘more than one’ experience, but they shouldn't be forced to use the community term, especially if they don't identify with the framework or doing so would hamper their recovery.

The solution to this is to again, try to shift the language to ‘more than one experience’ when talking about having headmates/parts/alters at all, and Plurality as a specific label some people with those experiences claim that has its own particular culture, framework, and attitude surrounding their ‘more than one’ experiences. People with dissociative disorders who do not want to be considered plural despite falling firmly under the strictest criteria of the word should not be considered plural if they don't want to be.

It is also important when talking only about dissociative disorder experiences to specify that- as ‘plural’ is a historically broader term, and ‘more than one experience’ is even moreso.

Enforcing strict lines in the sand doesn't help all of us who have ‘more than one’ experiences at large, but not respecting the language and frameworks people want to or don't want to use is also harmful.

Being specific about the language and communities and experience being talked about is important to helping avoid miscommunication and conflict.

Endogenic Abusers

No one wants to admit their community has abusers, but yes, every community WILL, statistically speaking, have them. Yes, even survivor networks, yes even DID groups, yes even plural spaces.

Unfortunately many neo-internet communities and loose subcultures assume themselves to not have these kinds of people, and feel they can let their guard down. This is not the case. And because the community is ‘weird’, people feel like will not be taken seriously when they report the abuse. When abuse is reported, it gives ammo to trolls to attack the groups they belong to, and has very much in the past happened to other subcultures.

However it is VITALLY IMPORTANT to report this abuse anyway, if viable. Otherwise the missing stairs effect becomes a serious problem.

It is also tempting to blame the weird/cringe belief for the abuse, because saying ‘this person is a horrible person because they chose to hurt me’ is harder than saying ‘people who believe this non-normative thing are uniformly bad’, in part because brains like clicky patterns, and that's a big difference compared to other people one may know, in part because it means avoiding putting the blame on the person instead of on the belief.

This is a problem in many alternative groups. The weird thing isn't a problem, its what the person who abused you did with the weird thing that is the problem. It doesn't mean the weird thing is fake/wrong/not real, it means only that the person did bad things with the weird thing.

The belief -no matter how bizarre- isn't the problem, the abusive or otherwise harmful behavior is.

The problem isn't that the person believes in endogenic systems, or system hopping, or fictives with ‘canonmates’, but that the person does things like ‘insists that any amnesia or dissociative experiences or trauma signs are nothing to worry about and you shouldn't ever explore that’, or ‘insists they can alter your memories by traveling to your system or can steal your headmates’ or ‘insists that they are your headmate’s loved ones from their exomemories and that means you can, should, and MUST trust them’.

These are signs that should be spread around and can actually help to reduce abuse. When people are new to the community, they should get this kind of warning sign help. This is something that isn't currently done but should be, and is something that can materially help with the problems some people have experienced.

The solution is clearly twofold- making sure that the community can and WILL hold people accountable for abuse AND to spread knowledge of the red flags of abuse and plural-specific abuse warning signs.

It is also worth noting when speaking of making the community safer that DARVO is a common tactic and callouts often are a tool of harassment and abuse with fabricated evidence to further harm a victim. It is important that the community learns to distinguish the most obvious of the fabricated ones and responds to more legitimate looking ones constructively (ie- not with anon hate dogpiles, which do not fix the actual problem, merely harm someone to make the people doing it feel better).

One needs to look beyond kneejerk disgust and discourse positions when examining who is the ‘bad guy’ in the situation. Many a callout post has been made to fabricate someone on the other side of a petty intracommunity wankfest as an abuser, sometimes even including doctored screenshots.

It is worth reading [https://thenewinquiry.com/hot-allostatic-load/] and other related texts of people who were DARVOed with callouts and internet mobbed by communities who believed the abuser before deciding to spread any kind of callout.

Again- there ARE endogenic abusers. There are inclusive spaces that are deeply toxic and harmful and deserve to be talked about as problems. This does not make the wider inclusive community inherently abusive. This does not make the inclusive belief inherently abusive. One can talk about their shitty actions without deciding their politics are bad, or without implying they are bad because of their politics. And it NEEDS to be done. Circling the wagons its not helping anything, least of all victims.

The inclusive community very much needs to become more receptive to fairly hearing out the testimonies of those harmed or excluded within it, even if it was the mod of their favorite discord chat who was accused, as well as able to discern obvious DARVO or petty revenge callout posts from true accusations and then only do constructive things about it.

“I didn't recognize my trauma (because of inclusive places) and this hurt my recovery!”

This is unfortunate. However the fault does not lie at the feet of non-trauma-based multiplicity existing in of itself. One can hold the belief that these kinds of systems exist AND that identifying this way for that person personally was harming them. To make this claim is the same as when people were saying ‘I IDed as ace because of internalized homophobia so the label of ace is inherently harmful.’ While the statement that they personally were harmed by ID-ing that way directly may be true, that does not mean its inherently harmful for everyone to identify that way and exist.

The problem was where the environment didn't feel safe for them personally to explore that other identity, the problem was they may have had not had correct information and resources available to them about trauma symptoms and what ‘distress or impairment’ means, the problem is that they felt like they couldn’t touch resources that could help problems they had previously because they were labeled for certain kinds of systems only.

Its possible that some may never have found the path that led to DID without the endogenic community as a stepping stone- this the the actual truth for plenty of systems we have seen. The inclusive community and the endogenic label allowed them to start unpacking everything and have a place for themselves until they were ready to see the trauma. Without this they would not have gotten to that point. Not everyone who thought they were endogenic at first but realized they were trauma based had a bad experience with it. And indeed, we know of a few systems who started with the assumption they were fully trauma-based, but found they were fully endogenic as well, and spent years harmed by the notion that they HAD to have hidden trauma to have ‘more than one’ experiences.

The environment not providing knowledge or safety to question is a genuine problem. But it is not inherent to believing a system’s self-reported experience. Unfortunately, many plural spaces are NOT receptive to the notion that one’s understanding of their origin can change over time.

People do not spread knowledge that one’s understanding of one’s system can and often will change over time. People do not spread knowledge nearly enough that because dissociative amnesia is the way it is, one can forget they have amnesia and that is common to do so. People do not spread knowledge that anything that makes their life difficult or bothers them relating to plural traits, memory, or dissociation counts as ‘significant distress or impairment’ for a dissociative disorder. People do not spread knowledge that stress is a type of trauma, sensory distress is a type of trauma, chronic pain and illness is a type of trauma, neglect and isolation is a type of trauma- and many other things about the many dimensions of trauma and dissociation. 

These are actual concerns and they are serious ones! The community has a huge problem with not providing this kind of knowledge when introducing plurality or just in general- this is something we-the-authors are rather outspoken about when we talk of it. The community has a huge telephone game problem where people learn of being plural being a thing from a mutual who explains it poorly and they never get pointed to any resource collection besides a term hoard wiki. They never pass out any history compilation, any real FAQ that isn't just 500 definitions of words that are unimportant in the grand scheme of what one actually needs to know about the experience, any symptom list of dissociation or c-ptsd.

Some parts of the community see someone claim an origin while experiencing some very clear signs that they might want to reexamine this judgment and instead encourages never looking into anything else or working on the problems they have. Yes believe people, but sometimes we do take that too far and loop back around to enabling when we could gently suggest they look into some other things.

This again, can be solved by circulating this kind of information and putting it in the FAQs people make instead of a bunch of origin microlabels (which are cool to be clear but not necessary information for newbies the way other things are). This can be solved by making an atmosphere where people feel ok to question their origins and understanding when they gain new information. This can be solved by not just pointing at a barebones term-hoard website as the only important source of community information.

This leads into the next problem.

The Forced Microlabeling

There is a massive problem in the inclusive community where there is a strong pressure to have your entire system figured out from the getgo and put on a carrd. Every headmate with pronouns/orientation/gender and other identity labels and front triggers and how they individually were formed exactly listed, your exact origins via some incredibly unintuitive -genic label, your switching style(using only the popular community framework and not any other), your level of amnesia, and your disorder status. We constantly see people apologize for not having this information and not making a incredibly detailed intro post when they have known of their plurality for less than a week.

This is undeniably a problem.

This point is not to say microlabels are inherently bad. Because they are not- they are fun shiny things for people to use and help express themselves and do no inherent harm in their use.

The problem comes from the fact that they are all but forced on people and end up becoming very forced lines in the sand that prevent people from recognizing their own community and similarities. The problem also comes with the fact that that is sensitive information being given out and a LOT of it, which is dangerous. Especially when people feel pressured to do so.

Its worth reading this article on microlabels and sexuality which also talks of this problem but in the queer community: [https://aninjusticemag.com/on-hyperpersonalized-sexual-identity-f3736d15928d]

A quote that is of note in particular:

“Having a plethora of specific atomized sexualities discourages broad alliances and forming solidarity over shared experiences. Instead, it forces people to over-analyze themselves and focus on how they’re different from others rather than what they have in common with them.”

This is geared for sexualities, but it very much applies here as well. People have become so focused on making smaller and smaller boxes to put themselves in that they forget we are all plural and we are not all so different.

Its apt that plural spaces have this problem too- as the process of microlabels becoming so prevalent in system spaces comes from MOGAI microlabel ‘coin every super specific experience with no consultation with others who also experience that beforehand with a flag and everything’ culture, for lack of a better way to put it.

Many plural folks are queer, possibly because the outcast effect ends up allowing people to question and express other parts of their identity that are not accepted by society when they are already ‘outcast’ from it. Thus a lot of people came to plurality from queer spaces, MOGAI ones specifically.

Because MOGAI culture so informs the culture of the inclusive plural community, genuine critiques of that culture tend to by-and large apply to many corners of the plural community as well.

Again to be clear- This is NOT saying microlabeling and MOGAI culture in general is uniformly inherently bad, its that some of the downsides and negative aspects of the culture are also present in plural spaces and remain problems.

The hypercoinage of unintuitive microlabels and unrecognizable expensive-to-make flags by coining blogs who dont even experience or have much investment in the thing coined clogging up ‘need to know’ glossary lists with terms few people use is one such valid complaint. 

The extreme possessiveness some people get over an identity experience they only coined a word for and intended said word for community use to the point that one must follow their ever-changing 1k+ word DNI to have that experience or use the label is another.

The sort of unstated vibe in the air that you HAVE to use those words, with people descending on you after you describe something with the word all but saying you should be using that label instead of the one you were using is very much also another.

These problems are undeniable- microlabel culture causes a lot of drama and divisions in the community that simply do not need to be happening. The labels themselves aren't bad, but there is a lot of toxicity and inconsiderate and irresponsible behavior going on surrounding them that needs to be worked on by the community.

In system spaces people experience a lot of anxiety over having to choose a ‘genic label right off the bat, over saying their switching type and disordered status and level of separation while using the frameworks that are popular in the community and those only. They feel great pressure.

Many discord servers require you to do a introduction where the intro template lists these things, implying you NEED to have a ‘genic term per headmate and one in general, that you NEED to have a million other labels in the popular frameworks to describe your experiences, that you NEED to disclose any of this if you do know it, and that those labels have no overlap with others EVER.

People insist traumagenic spaces cannot overlap with any other origin type, excluding those who have different mythos but have incredibly similar material experiences that are helped by the resources in those spaces and those who are edge cases.

Consider those who feel their from-birth inherent neurodivergence traits are what made them plural but later trauma is what caused their dissociative disorder, or those who believe they were born with multiple souls but then trauma split those souls, or those who aren't sure if they chose to create an entity or if stress got so bad they ended up splitting a headmate, or any other number of systems with blurry lines.

Where do these people go when the lines are drawn? They have to choose one ‘side’ or the other in the current climate but will never fully fit in wherever they go.

People insist disorderly spaces cannot ever overlap with subclinical/nonmedical ones, even if that system is only disqualified from diagnosis because they are not impaired or distressed but fit the criteria and popular medical theories perfectly.  Even if they experience all the same things but don't find those things impairing or distressing.

There are those who identify as not formed from trauma(partially or fully) who are officially diagnosed. There are tulpamancy systems that became disorderly later after trauma. There are diagnosed systems that don't consider themselves to fit the ToSD and instead feel they have more similarity in their workings to endogenic frameworks. These systems fall through the cracks of this heavy divide.

It is these heavy lines in the sand that are the root of why being in certain spaces can hurt people.

People are told that if you identify as anything but traumagenic, you cannot and should not EVER use resources meant for disordered systems, regardless of if they can help you. That if you are a disorderly system, tulpamancy guides can NEVER help you learn any system skill ever. That if you are diagnosed you can’t EVER consider any other framework for your plurality than the one that is most popular in the psychiatric field or you are hurting your recovery.

Eroding these lines and giving help based on symptoms experienced rather than origin or diagnosis allows people to access help and frameworks that they may need.

These sorts of heavy lines prevent people from seeing how we are alike, how we can help each other, how some of us straddle these lines and help bridge the gaps between our differences.

If one had access to these resources, if it was accepted to use a resource if it helps you regardless of who its for, then perhaps one wouldn't have had the problem where they ‘thought they were endogenic and thus never worked on their problems’- because they would have felt ‘allowed’ to use a resource that could help them with any problems they were currently experiencing regardless of their origin. They would be encouraged to read articles talking of things that may let them recognize they are having problems in the first place. They would know they had memory trouble or somesuch and used the resources for that and started their recovery. They would have had access to others who also experienced that particular issue and might have noticed their experiences actually lined up more with a dissociative disorder. And if they didn't take that help, then that's because they weren't ready to face it regardless. 

It is our firm belief that these drawn lines in the sand in the plural community based on disorder status or origin cause the plural community significantly more harm than good and are the cause of many of the genuine problems within it.

Much of the genuine problems exclusionists have with ‘endos’ (‘hurt my recovery’, ‘people not realizing they have issues or trauma’, ‘people not knowing the level of suffering people with DDs can and often do have’, etc) can be solved with making these lines less deep, by making resources and guides accessible and welcoming to all who experience that particular symptom but not necessarily the rest, by making a community where all experiences across all origins and disorder status can be heard and valued.

This doesn't mean that dissociative disorder spaces for people with DDs only need to go away, but that the barrier for entry needs to be less steep for those questioning and the wider plural community needs to make nonspecific symptom-focused resources available more.

But this requires changing the framework for viewing what a disorder even is. And this scares people. People are used to thinking of disorders as concrete things that are or are not happening. However all the psychological disorders are not like things like tuberculosis or strep throat- they have no concrete yes or no bacterial test- they are only collections of symptoms commonly seen together which were codified for insurance purposes.

Changing the framework of thinking of a disorder as a coherent thing to a collection of symptoms that line up with a common cluster of symptoms is necessary to accepting that people without a specific disorder may experience a symptom from it and may need and be helped by that support, wether or not the THEORY or rest of the symptom list for that disorder holds for that person.

In order to help the most amount of people, one must accept that sometimes people who don't claim to have a particular disorder should access those resources and spaces meant for those with those symptoms in order to get unique things that help them they cannot get anywhere else.

This DOES NOT MEAN that spaces only for those diagnosed shouldn't exist, merely that there should be spaces that are more relaxed about this so that people may get the help they need.

In order to feel less uncomfortable about this, thinking about disorders as clusters of symptoms that can be helped individually by different things and framing the help for these things as not by disorder but by experienced symptom without assuming certain frameworks or diagnosis can help shift the narrative from ‘people without x invading a space and using our resources’ to ‘people experiencing x symptom are getting help for managing x symptom’. Especially in situations where the resource is not finite, like help guides and info posts and downloadable tools.

We suppose that is our thesis for this post- many of the problems in this community that are worth critiquing can be boiled down to ‘respect other’s experiences and recovery paths even if they aren't like your own and let them have space to talk about them’, ‘normal internet space critiques about community accountability’, and ‘if we stopped holding up the stark label divides and started putting out more information on -experience- over framework-based and gated resources and how to deal with the individual experiences, many of the problems would disappear’;

⛧ ; hiihi

thank you for your response, again! do you have any favorite things about being schizoid or ones that you consider positive?

also, do have any views on szpd in the sense of it being a disorder and all that? i find it interesting because it's technically considered among the Serious Mental IllnessesTM and personality disorders (the latter of which makes sense but i wouldn't be surprised if people with other pds find it much harder to deal with theirs) but i don't really perceive my experiences as.... suffering? ill? or the like? perhaps it's because some other pds tend to come with intense emotions and i'm just. dissociated all the time pfff. the way i am feels normal to me, even if neurotypicals would consider schizoids very confusing or hard to understand or abnormal in general. though then again i have this sorta mindset that suffering and pain = negative emotions that are felt, like sadness or anger. not Nothing. emptiness isn't negative if you compare it to feeling upset. sure, there's supposed to be fullness, perhaps, but i don't view it that way aha. but regardless it's funny when you're neurodivergent with little awareness about others no matter what your neurodivergence is, because i can't comprehend neurotypicals are unlike me and that i'm supposed to be the weird one. i've always called them aliens instead aha. i'm perfectly normal To Me, so what're the weirdo neurotypicals on about? (/joke but also i do think that way.) i figure it's just interesting to think about.

hiiiiii again sorry it took me so long to answer this time ive been busy being insane (playing tower of fantasy)

anyways . for me it really depends on the day. sometimes i have a lot of fun just reveling in my space and existing with entirely 0 responsibilities and obligations from other people. its very nice. i like to imagine a future in which i continue to exist as i am now (doing absolutely nothing. at least for another 2 weeks before i have 2 start college) and i dont find myself upset by it. i dont find myself being sad or feeling lonely if i continue living in my own little world where no one is ever allowed in. im not overly upset at the possibility i might just be single for the rest of my life. im content to coast through life feeling very little. though like i said, it depends on the day. sometimes i get really mad at myself (im angry more often than sad) and wonder why i cant just be "normal". and why its so hard for me to just talk to people. its an uphill battle just to remain in peoples lives. its very difficult for me because i rarely, if ever, am the one to reach out first or message people first. i just dont, im often not thinking about other people for long enough to want to text first. which obviously means most other people take this as a sign of me not being interested. which isnt always the case with me. i just dont like being the person to do it. im terrible at putting effort into relationships because it just feels so ... hard. and not worth the fight to keep someone in my life. i often think things like "if they really wanted to stay, they would have" when i drift apart from people. of course i know relationships have to go both ways, realistically i know one person cant just always put in the effort. but the little schizoid devil that sits on my shoulder tells me otherwise. (if you were wondering the angel would also be the schizoid. ie the euphoria of cancelling plans and avoiding social situations)

i do consider it a disorder (because my nothing is in equal parts enjoyable as it is suffering) but youre right in that it just does feel very normal to me. ill probably never go to therapy for it, as its not something thats so debilitating to me that i need "fixed". theres nothing to really fix, i think this is just how i am. im not really interested in putting allthe effort in to make myself "normal" when i have no problem with myself in the first place. and i dont really consider myself abnormal, i dont really care honestly. i dont care if people think im a creep... or that im a weirdo.... or a freakazoid or whatever. im too busy having a superiority complex anyways

part 2!! and now for some buffs!! well rounded are weapons that i read as just passable but that feel a bit limited, i like playing a lot of these but often feel a bit cloystered by their underwhelming aspects and think theys hould be tuned upa bit to rly feel fun!

participation trophy weapons

sploosh o matic: god what the fuck is even going on with this one. its been buffed in some goofy ways as sis with insane object damage and a unique swim speed effect that reall has no justification lore wise. but yeah its still so silly and rekegated to ambush attacks. honestly i would just reduce its shot rng, i know its a spray shooter but its not rly a good painter cos of how stupidly short its range is, so making it slightly more cpaable of killing from more than point blank could make it just a bit more threatening of a supportish skirmisher!

splattershot jr. : an actually good support shooter! the ink tank buff is very fun even if the bombs piss me off.but this is sans bombs balancing (imo splat bombs and burst bombs should both be nerfed p notably but thats another subject), it actually wants to paint, so instead of rng reduction, if say just make its jump rng less severe by default by a little bit to give it a little bone :)

l-3 nozzlenose: a silly guy :) i honestly v much agree w the notion that of the semi sutomatic shooters its gooft it has jump rng unlike the rest given the rest of its drawbacks feel fair enough. give it perfect jump accuracy :) ill pick it up again then. maybe a bit worse falloff in case that makes it a little too strong tho

range blaster: rsnge blaster is my glorious lover. id say shed be perfect if the base jump rng wasnt so bad. this, on top of making intensify action slightly more effective for blasters across the board, would make them less gesr dependent and more fun to experiment with gear for, and also just less agonizing to move around with

splat roller: straight up, rollers just feel so pathetic without a good painter. just buff its damage in a similar way to dynamo roller and make its roll speed slightly booster by run speed. in general though i cam up witha concept for all rolling weappns to reach max roll speed fast and to have an option to drop their flick to immedistely start rolling. this would make them actuay feel like they have a mobility option, and their roll ink efficiency should be buffed a bit. roll sucks horridly anyways so i think this option wouldnt be too much of a buff for roller, just makes it easier to get away or move thru enemy ink in certain situations! i also laid out that rollers flick cancel shoukd have mroe end kag depending on the roller, light rollers and brushes can even do it (ink brush too even if its silly) they can all do it almost instantly since they cant immediately kill with roll anyway. i shouldve mentioned this before oh well. anywaus thats all i think splat roller would need to be more fun :)

flingza roller: flingza is only good cos of its fat paint rly, its apparently good at fighting too but sheesh i dont love its vertical flick min damage at max range. i rly dont get why its minimum damage cant be 45 :p i think thatd be all it needs cos i do get how the weapon can be kinda strong as is along with cancellable flicks and mobility implemented

octo brush: implement cancellable flicks! give it run speed boostie! and return its melee hitbox so you can kill faster at point blank its fun!

bamboozler 14 mki: boost the damage!!! to 91!!!! irs crazy how much you could boost its damage with mpu before honestly but yeah sometimes its annoying how rare those random one shot combos from teammates can feel now. i think this and increasing its shredding power would be great for varying good counters to hp specials and boost bamboos fight. also, everyone ntoe these buffs all assume better special balance soon so that you dont freak out abt nerfing splatana object damage

ballpoint splatling: bp is scary honestly, the only thing i would change is giving it better shot celocity for its ling range mode,it feels goofy bow long those shots can take to hit lol

heavy splatling: i almost consideried boosting range, cos honestly heavy sucks without the choke point hp special blitz goin on rn, and it needs a better chance fightign charger. imo it should get a buff similae to the nautilus one, after maps r fixed its charge should let it shoot 14% longer and its shot rng should be reduced a bit so it can more reliably challenge chargers in certain situations!! and then you will all see...

tri stringer: tri stringer feels rly solid after the paint buff honestly, and i like its high ibject damage as a unique strength, however, as things stand, i think given the potential i do think it has, it should be able to charge fast in midair imo thatd make its mobility feel real good

too many flaws pt 1 (i will get to the rest of the list in one final post)

.96 gal: JUST REDUCE THE FUCKING RNG ALREADY GODAMMIT! But inly slightly cos if it git too accurate itd be way too op 😭 it still has to be kinda bad, but it should be able to paint a little better to make up for it :p and make its base jump rng penalty a little lower for the sillies cos it is still oretty fkawed design wise. a little smthn smthn

aerospray: keep it a five shot but buff its damage. make it do like 24.5 for better dps and damage vs objects also boost its range a little bit and i think making it have zero penalty for jumping, since every spray shooter seems to have some kindof unique trait to itself, and i think aerospray would actually have reasons to be played in higher level matches! after all, its rng is already bad enough lmao

splattershot nova: honestly this shits so fun and i kinda am glad im the end they didnt make it the new dualie squelcher . just lower its rng a bit so it can fit a bit better cos the five shot kill is bad enough as is even if its rng doesnt worsen over time 😭 its bad enough as is. the paint buff was excellent, and buff its damage to 24.5 like aerospray for dps reasons and boom bobs yer uncle

splattershot pro: i heavily agree with chara that it should just get a damn fire rate buff, but also a bit of a damage buff by a few damage points for better object damage, and i feel its strafe speed a lil buff, yeah its a long range shooter but it feels relatively fast strafe speed is a staple for splattershots so :p

h-3 nozzlenose: LITERALLY just reduce the endlag by like. two frames and h-3 will feel usable. id even go so far as to make its range just slightly longer, give it a unique range value like squeezer, cos if squeezer gets that much range but not h-3 come on!!!

luna blaster: unironically reduce its endlag. like by literally two frames to make it feel nicer i guess, and give it a bit better object damage multipliers to set it apart a bit more from the other blasters and octobrush!!

carbon roller: give it all rhe roller cancellability and mobility buffs! and faster max speed to make it better at mobility and better roll ink efficiency. actually make tha tink efficiency fairly signifcant so it can use the hell out of its roll for mobility , and make its roll do 80 just for fun! better silly combos. give it better damage scaling to make up for mpu and give it a higher minimum damage honestly, to make up for how worthless it is for getting thru mid , and make its horizontal flick just a liiiiitle longer range cos it feels silly how pathetic that feels sometimes. also its horizontal flick should paint a bit better to give it a bit something extra. cos in mt ideal world burst bonbs should be nerfed decently and i love carbon deco but . yeah

dynamo roller: CANCELLABILITY AND ALL THE OTHER ROLLER WID EMOBILITY BUFFS!!! the damage buff was huge and honestly i think cancellable flick, although it should have the most lag on cancelling its flick, would be huge for minimizing its horrendous weakness to splatbombs. also heres a real fun idea i just had, it should be able to crusb bombs. itd be super risky and situationaly but with the roll speed changes itd be more doable in certain situations for a bit of cheese and an anti bomb option, which i think this game needs a bit more if honestly. finally, i think its min damage should be raised to 47 and its horizontal flick should paint more consistently!!! how fun how unique!! :3

stay tuned!!

Hey! Im a christian and am asking this in good faith, is easter not based on a pagan holiday? thats always what i was taught...

I'm always here for asking questions! It's a popular misconception and it's rather pervasive. My main axe to grind is that I think if you want to be a content creator you owe your audience slightly more research than "well this is what everyone thinks" and "I'm allowed to say this because I was raised Christian".

Disclaimer: I don't care what denomination you are, how much emphasis you put on traditions/liturgy/whatever. HOWEVER, because some of this boils down to "high" vs "low" church (which the high vs low thing is an Anglican creation, but basically it's how much priority you put on liturgy, vestiments, ceremony, sacraments, etc. I rarely use the terms, but it's concise here), anti Catholic bias, and my theories on where the breakdown in communication occured, it may seem like I'm leaning one direction. I'm not. Celebrate Easter how you like. Or don't, as some people are wont to do. Let's just make sure we have our facts in a row!

Firstly, how you feel about the origins of Easter probably at least in part depends on what tradition you grew up in. If you went to a "high church" (such as yours truly), most things involving Easter tended to have very strong ties with scripture and basically have us walk through a several month period of Jesus's life (excluding specific cultural or denomination traditions, which includes the Easter bunny and egg hunting!). Because Easter isn't just one day, it's an entire SEASON. First you have the pregaming: Ash Wednesday (the start of Lent), Lent (Jesus's wandering in the desert, where we stop counting Sundays as a part of the week to get an even 40), Maunday Thursday (Passover, the humiliation of Jesus), Good Friday (the crucifixion), and Holy Saturday (Jesus actually being dead, honestly the entire day felt like its own liminal space, personally). And then we finally get to: Easter/Ressurection Sunday, and then the Easter season lasts until Pentecost, in which you often talk about all the stuff that happened after Jesus came back. With "low churches", your milelage varies much more, but in my experience a lot of these events are diminished or completely taken out. Which I'm not knocking, it's everyone's choice and liturgy isn't everyone's cup of tea, but you can see how when you start removing or lessening all these things that you can follow 'how we got from scripture to here' in a neat line, it leaves room for people who don't do these things to say "wait, paganism", or at least assume some non Christian influence.

The argument about Easter being descended from a specific fertility goddess (I think it's fertility goddess, but it doesn't matter because, spoilers, she more than likely didn't exist) tends to focus on a Germanic goddess, which if that was the case you simply would not see a lot of churches all over the world having overlap in their celebrations of Easter, because we know that a Germanic Christian people did not bring the concept to the world. We also have no existence of this goddess before a monk in the 8th century said 'oh look, Eostre/Ostara! that is definitely where we got the name from!' This argument was also perpetuated by certain Protestant groups to invalidate Catholic practice (again, getting into the "high" vs "low" priorities of traidition and ceremony and how people who are very against liturgical traditions and ceremonies could use lack of knowlege, context, and understanding to villify other Christian's celebrations). You can see how these misconceptions can perpetuate themselves to the point that it's just one of those things that must be true because we have no reason to question it. After all, it matches a pattern that we've seen in other areas of history and Christianity, so it makes sense this would be another one, right? And trust me, I'm not judging, I'm certainly guilty of doing this too. I tended to keep a mindset of 'not my circus, not my monkeys', on this (and Christmas, which I honestly have so many opinions on divorced from the pagan argument) because in the end, I didn't see a point in poking the topic. We celebrate what we celebrate and there was enough scripture (and multicultural overlap) swimming around to make it make sense as to why we celebrate it. It wasn't until the information literally fell into my algorithm that I put some effort into learning about it and oh boy, did I develop some opinions.

Another argument is about eggs and rabbits, which is actually a pretty simple answer (relatively). Eggs are one of the foods that was (or still is, depending on your tradition) taken off the menu during Lent for fasting. The same was true of dairy and meat (hence why on Shrove or Fat Tuesday pancakes are common, it's a holdover of the time when everyone would feast to empty out their cupboards of foods that were banned during Lenten fasting and why certain groups will still offer up some sort of minor fast, such as chocolate, and why the Fillet o' Fish from McD's exists). Since eggs keep longest, the most common food you'd still have at the end of lent was eggs, which is why they tended to be associated with Easter celebrations. They then started being dyed red (for the blood of Christ) and green (for fertility and new life, because ressurection). Rabbits are believed to be a thing in Easter because turns out European brown hares (which are not rabbits but they're relatives and this should not be where our hang ups live, guys) can conceive a second time while already pregante (which is horrifying), which before we understood biology sounded kinda some sort of miraculous conception without sex, like Mary. They're also just very fertile in general, which again, new life. And are bunnies a common thing in other religions? Of course! But not everything's a "stolen" conception, sometimes everyone looks at a rabbit and sees a good fertility metaphor because rabbits are an excellent fertility metaphor.

Unfortunately tumblr is rude and won't let me add multiple videos in one post, so I'm going to have to try to reblog a few times, but there are a few tik tokers who have good, succint points, which I'm sure you can see I am physically incapable of, so bear with me (and check the reblogs) as I try to beat this beast into submission. Also some sources:

(if you can't read it, do a quick double tap on the refresh, it should bring up a version not restricted by subscription)

Anyways, hope this was helpful and not too boring and join me next time as I shake my fist at the monster of Christmas and also figure out where exactly the paganism ends and the capitalism begins (which tbf, it's mostly capitalism at this point). If someone wants to remind me, feel free otherwise I'll see you probably Christmas of 23.

Update: turns out Tumblr should be put in JAIL because I can't add more than one video, so the rest will be up soon and I'll see if I can at least link them.

Headcanon: Izuku is into DIY.

Hot Take: Izuku would create a long furby. He has a collection of various eldritch creepy long furbies. Katsuki absolutely refuses to go into his room because of them. He would've exploded them by now but that would make Izuku cry.

Other CursedTM Things that Izuku does that makes Katsuki die inside and that Katsuki tries to hide from the rest of Class 1-A:

He's a part of the Vulture Culture community and collects roadkill and dead animals to turn into bones.

He has a collection of shitty All Might hawaiian shirts.

He has a collection of stuffed animals. They all have names ripped from Lovecraft such as "Yawgsathoth" and "Mother of Pus"

He writes fanfiction of the heroes.

He has a giant worm on a string plush, and his room is also decorated with Worms on Strings (you have no idea how much Katsuki had to bribe him not to add worms on strings to his uniform blazer)

He does have a plague doctor mask and will regularly just go out in a cloak and his mask

He cosplays exclusively female heroes, and crossdresses the worst dresses

He basically does art makeup, on his face and the face of Katsuki

"Hey what are you reading?" "Oh, this book on how to cook frogs."

He will eat anything. Including stuff that is on the ground. He has an iron stomach.

The actual reason Izuku hangs up All Might everywhere (it used to be a mix of all heroes) is because once in middle school Katsuki accused him of being straight, so he put him up everywhere and continued the habit, Katsuki hates his room now

- Goblin Anon (otherwise known as Goblin anon projects everything she does or wants to do onto her fav)

HI GOBLIN!!! GENUINELY SCREAMED AT THIS AU BECAUSE WTF

even i would not want to enter the beloved’s (izuku’s) room because of his shit.

i’ve searched up long furbys and i am, simply put, traumatized. i had a collection of furbys when i was a kid but we had to give them away because there’s too much of them. but long furbys? i am very much scared.

there’d be a picture of a long furby under the cut, and i’m genuinely terrified of the fucker.

also, can i just say that izuku writing fanfictions is the least cursed thing that he does? because like, reading the rest is like looking at that picture where you can’t decipher a single thing because, again, wtf izuku.

but they’re also funnier? creepier? because i can genuinely see izuku doing those dhekdoowks

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this shit would probably be snaking around the frames of izuku’s door. or he probably has one at the corner of his wall, the one that meets with the ceiling, and when a visitor looks up, they’re greeted by the sight of this centipede looking furby that has additional four eyes that izuku lovingly and carefully sewn on. it’s so nightmarish :’)

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the vulture culture part started when they were young. his interest started when he saw a documentary on how to pin butterflies and he was like, “you know what? thats actually something i want to do!” but! BUT!! he cannot catch a butterfly, thus he settled for mounting dragonflies which he collected in the nearby stream (where katsuki fell).

fun fact about mounting dragonflies: they lose colours when they’re dead. you can use acetone to not only help preserve its colours, but also to stop its decay. they decay so quickly, it’s terrible.

anyways, izuku does not know that and instead followed a youtube video of how to mount dragonflies, using an old picture frame as the case.

inko comes home, sees his son doing his stuff and is just happy that izuku’s not rewatching that loud all might video. she helps him pin the other wings and they are fascinated at how pretty they look. well, the next day, the wings are now transparent and the belly side of the dragonflies are black. it also stinks so they had to throw the whole thing plus the case.

izuku’s fascination grows from there.

a failed experiment, after all, instigates the desire to right them.

so that’s where he starts: butterflies, moths, beetles, another dragonfly case.

katsuki is fascinated and disgusted because, “why would you want dead insects in your room, deku?”

the rest began when the bakugou’s and the midoriya’s have road trips. inko doesn’t have a car so the bakugou’s drive along with them, and it’s a good day. the kids are having fun and getting along, and the parents are chilling and enjoying their vacation. life is good.

then on their drive home, izuku, who is sitting sandwiched between katsuki and inko, lets out this blood-curdling scream. it wakes katsuki up and almost had masaru swerving the car out of the highway.

“maru-san (because my boy izuku cannot say masaru) can you please stop the car! i wanna get that!” he screams, pointing at something indecipherable by the side of the roads.

masaru does anyways because it’s so rare for izuku to request something, but also his heart’s still pumping so fast after izuku’s scream.

masaru wasn’t even done stopping the engine when the car doors are opening, and katsuki and izuku are tumbling out, hand-in-hand. masaru and inko follow them closely, while mitsuki stayed to watch over the car.

katsuki’s excited for an adventure, but then izuku just. stops them. in front of a skull.

masaru chokes from behind them and katsuki lets go of izuku’s hand so fast, running back to his dad because, again, “deku what the shit?”

izuku ignores him and gestures at the deer skull, one that has moss growing by the teeth and around the jaw, turning to inko to ask, “mama? can we bring that home?”

masaru feels very faint, but doesn’t say anything when inko easily agrees, laughing at her boy and patting his untameable hair as if your child asking you for a carcass’s skull is normal.

inko picks it up and they go back to the car. mitsuki does a double-take on what inko’s holding, but shushes up when she saw izuku bouncing happily. katsuki hesitantly sits beside izuku, but when izuku began yammering about all might, he forgets about the skull and nerds out with izuku.

inko explains to mitsuki and masaru about her son’s newfound interest, telling them that it’d go away in two years, don’t worry.

it didn’t. instead, his interest and his collection grew. so for his subsequent birthdays, along with hero merch, he has vulture culture collections gifted to him.

when he moved to the dorms, they’re more packaged than his hero merch and katsuki wants to get angry because he’s been looking for those limited hero merch and yet there they are, chilling beside izuku’s many many skulls and bones.

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IZUKU STARTED COLLECTING THE ALL MIGHT HAWAIIAN SHIRTS WHEN HE WAS TWELVE

he ransacked for the very first edition, often saving his allowance just so he can buy the retro versions of the all might hawaiian shirts. sometimes he’d barter, but that’s only when he’s really desperate for the shirts. usually he’d just be in an auction site and buy just those.

he’d take katsuki with him and katsuki is very careful in what to buy, often researching the things and having a very long pros and cons list to narrow down what he’d buy, then his best bud izuku just out there buying all might hawaiian shirts.

funniest thing too is that those are the first to go because they? don’t value much? and they’re ugly, tbh, and yet izuku’s slurping them all up.

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the first time class 1a were talking about plushies, izuku dropped the names and they’re confused because-

“bro did you name your plushies with lovecraft names?” OR “bro? do you perhaps have personalized lovecraft toys?”

it’s the earlier one but izuku would want to buy personalized lovecraft monster toys.

ok but? he names them as per the appropriate lovecraft characters? like:

a purple octopus plushie is called azathoth.

a green gecko plushie is called bokrug.

a fish plushie (literally nemo) is called dagon instead of nemo.

a pink jellyfish plushie is mother of pus.

he has other plushies that have normal names (well, as normal as naming a plushie “cheese grater”), but he has a collection of specific plushies that align with lovecraft beings.

he writes all might x reader fanfictions, i’m sorry ;v;

he only writes them because he doesn’t want other heroes with all might, but also the reader pairing gets more views than all might with other heroes.

katsuki caught him writing a slowburn, enemies to lovers all might x reader fanfic and proceeded to proofread it for him.

synopsis of the fanfiction: reader is a villain with a sound quirk (tailored to present mic’s quirk) and all might met them in a hero gala where the reader pretended to be a worker so that they could infiltrate the gala’s holder’s office for a specific banking access that is linked to the world’s bank. all might manages to sniff them out and proceeds to fight them, but when a beam is about to hit the reader, all might swoops in and saves them. cue the reader developing unwanted feelings for their greatest foe, all might.

aND THEN!!! all might knows the reader outside of their villain persona and is actually very much taken by them. so it’s a painful surprise that the reader is a villain. but he is willing to save them.

it is still incomplete despite having 102 chapters. by chapter 78, katsuki asked for payment because shit was too long and too angsty.

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HEISOSL IZUKU HAS A WORM ON A STRING DOOR CURTAIN

he genuinely likes them but creating the door curtain kind of extinguished that interest because that’s just too much worms and too much strings for a single curtain, and it was very much tiring.

he has a tiny one stitched on his blazer and inko heaved this really big sigh when she saw that her son’s crisp UA uniform got a worm by the chest pocket.

aizawa eyed it once and was so close to expelling izuku just because of that.

shouto, when they became friends, sends a box of them to izuku because he thought that those are izuku’s favourite. katsuki had not stopped cackling when he saw the huge box of them.

to punish katsuki, he made a furby with worm hair and left it by katsuki’s door. katsuki’s scream woke everyone up.

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the moment he walked out with a plague mask, tokoyami was exiting his dorm room too and they made a long eye contact.

tokoyami does not know if he is amazed by izuku’s plague mask or he is terrified because why does it look authentic.

for halloween, he was a plague doctor.

he stowed them away after saving eri.

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his first women hero cosplay was in third grade when they had a play about different heroes. the girl who was playing ragdoll got sick and everyone’s already strapped in as their hero and unwilling to change. izuku, himself, is present mic (katsuki’s all might).

the girls don’t want to give up their heroes and izuku, the bestest boy, goes and says he will become ragdoll.

their teacher agrees and helps him strap in as ragdoll and you know what, izuku loves it.

from then on, he tries to cosplay as much women heroes that he can afford. inko loves helping him and katsuki thinks he is adorable but! dont tell deku!!!

OK BUT he wore the dress that broke the internet once and katsuki almost exploded the dress off him. almost because izuku dodged and warned him that if he ever breaks that dress, katsuki will have to pay (either monetary or revenge, katsuki doesn’t know so he behaved).

FOR HALLOWEEN, HE WORE THIS AND KATSUKI HATES IT

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izuku painting star freckles on his face!!!! or heart freckles!!!! or flowers!!!!

izuku in fairy makeup, pleaseee!

he also loves giving katsuki his own freckles because something about blonde hair and red eyes with pale cheeks kissed by freckles is making izuku gay panic.

izuku putting concealer on his own freckles once and his classmates are looking at him weirdly, wondering why he looks off?

like he still looks amazing, but something’s missing. it’s fucking them up and katsuki isn’t helping them so they’re trying to piece what’s up.

it takes monoma sneering at izuku and asking where his eight freckles are that 1a realizes why he looks different.

ok but denki asking monoma why he knows how much freckles izuku has and monoma spluttering, bright red and embarrassed, until he just walks away.

(answer: he’s crushing on green bean).

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IZUKU HAVING A COLLECTION OF LIKE ARCHAIC? BREWING? STUFF? BOOKS.

i dont know how to explain it but my friend has this specific book about poisons, detailing recipes and ingredients.

it also talks about the use of frogs, lizards, snakes. the benefits of different flowers (ones with toxins) and how to use them during tea time.

it’s bizarre but the book looks pretty so i think izuku would have a handful of those in his room.

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izuku eating grass? flowers? trying dandelions and complaining that it’s furry

izuku wandering what a twig tastes like so he just sucks on it like a lollipop.

inko gave up on stopping him because her son would just eat anything but his broccolis, and she’s very much tired of thinking if izuku would have an upset stomach. he never had.

first time mitsuki saw izuku do that, she forced him to drink cola and eat candy to cleanse his palette.

katsuki goads him on eating more.

izuku’s favourite is chewing on maple leaves. he’s just a weird boy.

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OK BUT THE FINAL ONE ABOUT HIS ALL MIGHT POSTERS?? I HAVENT STOPPED LAUGHINGF

izuku wanting more all might figurines than posters. he only has some chemistry stuff (periodic table) on his wall, a little tapestry that matches inko’s, a canvas of monet’s water lilies (again, matching inko), and some cosmic facts that he bought online.

and yk katsuki sees those and thinks that it’s so weird that izuku has those posters but not all might?

his first thought was, “he doesn’t like all might as much as i do.”

the following one is, “he’s straight so he doesn’t want a guy’s face on his wall.”

katsuki’s mouth so happens to say the second one and the next week he visited izuku’s room again, each surface of the wall that is not taken by pinned insects and his frog-book stuff, plus his other existing non-hero posters, is covered in just all might posters.

he belatedly realizes that his own face is also on izuku’s wall, but that’s for later musings because for now he’s jealous that izuku managed to scourge the limited all might posters, but also is disgusted a bit because that’s too much all might.

katsuki walks out before his interest in all might plummets.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

ps to my beloved: ﹤୨♡୧﹥

GOBLIN I LOVE YOUR AUS ALL THE TIME AND IM SORRY FOR RESPONDING SO LATE! YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME SMILE AND I LOVE U!!!! you’re genuinely so precious pls dont stop your ramblings!!!!

okay so im seeing people get anons about this and its coming up in friend groups so i think now's actually a pretty good time to tackle the idea of religious (specifically cultic) abuse in media and how we as an audience interact with it

TLDR: dehumanization and sexualization of cult victims furthers the misunderstanding that cults "don't exist now", and RA survivors would feel much safer in fandom spaces if people acknowledged and analyzed the harmful portrayals of cults in media.

cw: discussions of cults, abuse, and sexual assault

also, if you have questions, please shoot me an ask or dm (off anon preferably, though)

let me start this with a disclaimer that i dont think every media that features ra is inherently bad. i think thats a bit harsh and as an ra survivor ive come to terms with the fact that there are going to be depictions of it in ways that maybe dont give it the respect it deserves, and trying to "what about [x]" everything will only lead people to talking in circles with themselves. what i want to address here is how you, as a consumer, respond to and parse out what cultic abuse means in any particular portrayal of it.

*also please don't harass people about their RAS status, like, if you see someone enjoying something with a less than stellar portrayal of cults, don't send them asks or dms like "well are YOU a cult survivor?" reducing the consumption of media to a yes or no game based on identity-- especially an identity that comes as the result of explicit pain and spiritual violation is not only derivative but also degrading to survivors and the people you're grilling. all we want is for people to think carefully about what they spread and portray, and how they think about those situations.

so, i think the first thing to tackle is...what is a cult? This is something that's surprisingly hard to define, especially in fictional settings with fictional cults. For example, (and pardon the use of this example, I don't feel like hunting for others), My Hero Academia has an organization in it that I would say fits the criteria for being a cult, but by and large isn't considered one by fans because it's not explicitly called a cult. (Although numerous cult jokes have been made about it). It also has an organization that IS explicitly referred to as a cult.

So, when you're dealing with how to process what is and is not a cult-- and how to make your presence safe for RA survivors, you have to be able to sift through more than just "did the narrative tell me this is a cult?"

There's a few different models people use; one of the most popular being the BITE model-- but I should clarify that the BITE model is really tailored towards religious and strictly hierarchal cults, but can be applied to other kinds of cults.

(and yes, there are cults other than religious/spiritual ones. corporate cults and wellness cults have been on the rise, and it's good to keep that in mind both when engaging with media and also in the real world.)

However, I'm a religious cult survivor, so a lot of my experience is strictly irt this, so please take what I say with a grain of salt, and know that I don't speak for every cult survivor, every religious cult survivor, or every religious abuse survivor. I am One Guy on the internet.

When it comes to media, I have a few questions I run through in order to figure out if something is A Cult.

1) Fringe Ideas. This one is one of those that most people know-- and often incorrectly use to attribute cult status to other things. However, it is worth mentioning, that you don't become a cult by following mainstream ideologies. BUT. BUT. not every group with weird ideas is a cult! Some groups are just weird and are fine being weird. It's a rectangles and squares situation. All cults have fringe ideas and behaviors, not all fringe ideas and behaviors belong to cults.

2) Hierarchies. Cults always have people in power, at least in my experience. There have been ideas thrown around about "completely decentralized cults"-- but to be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about that concept, and I don't know enough about it personally to say whether or not it's legitimate. If you have any sources, hmu.

BUT. Most cults have a power structure. You're going to have leaders, usually with a handful at the verrrrry tippy top, whose word is law. This can be associated with things like religious ideas (channelling god) or being "a genius", like in corporate cults.

3) Control. I cannot stress this enough; cults are all about control. How you think, feel, behave-- they discourage critical thought, encourage snitching on each other, buddy-group behavior; the BITE model explicitly lists these models of control.

4) Us V Them. Cults will give all those that oppose them or simply don't believe them a bad name. They're uneducated, they're evil-- it varies cult to cult, but you'll see them turning the non believers into a homogenous, frightening group. They want to discourage looking outwards, and they want to viciously isolate members.

Other things of note are extremism, talks of enlightenment, harsh punishments, the cult eating large portions of the member's finances, etc.

However, this post is largely to address FICTIONAL cults. and the unfortunate fact of the matter is that fictional cults are rarely fleshed out in a way that can be held one to one to a model, and, more often, don't even afford the victims of a cult humanity.

and this is one of THE biggest issues you find in cult portrayals. the leader is usually a charismatic, or perhaps menacing, figure, one that usually our protagonists-- who are rarely cult victims, they are typically outsiders (not inherently bad, mind you)-- faces personally, with the hoardes of mindless zombies forming one giant hurdle.

Naturally, this can be...hurtful. There's nuance to who is and is not a victim in a cult (although my rule of thumb is to look at what abuses that person specifically exerts over others-- and you can be both a victim and perpetrator of abuse. to treat them exclusively is lacking all nuance), but the people are the bottom, even if they joined willingly, are people who were preyed upon. Not only that, but many media cults forget that people can be born into cults, and never really had a choice to begin with. To treat these people like they are mindless-- or that they deserve the suffering they are in because they are there-- completely erases all nuance, humanity, and understanding to the cult survivior struggle. Not only that, but it continues to sensationalize and deify cult leaders, which is doing their job for them, really.

The second biggest issue is the romanticization and sexualization of cults, religious abuse, and cultic abuse.

(yes...this is a thing.)

The use of cults as a way to make a character edgy or tragic is one thing, but there's something sinister about using it to project a certain sexual behavior onto that character-- whether it be as the subjugator or subjugated. Sexual abuse is rampent in cults, and ritualistic sexual abuse is used to justify it. To sexualize the idea of a cult(ist) raping and abusing someone is...beyond offensive to anyone who has been in a cult where their sexual safety and autonomy has been compromised. Or, in some cases, the cultist is so naive and sheltered they can be easily coerced and taken advantage of due to their brainwashing.

This is...bad? This is bad. To ignore the fact that these depictions are just as harmful as any other romanticization of abuse is to ignore the real suffering of cult victims.

Really, the larger problem is that people don't really think cults exist, not really. They're all things of the past, or things that exist solely in fiction-- when in reality, every day cults form and continue to grow. If you've ever met a mormon, you've met a cultist. The moment you begin to process and parce the fact that this isn't as bizarre and unusual and fictional as it seems, you take the steps to respecting people who have been in that situation and become better at detecting cults, cult recruitment, and are able to more clearly assess what you take in.

Once again, there's so many bad portrayal of cults that it would be...stupid to call for an immediate disowning of anything with it in it. I personally have come to terms with the idea that I will have gripes about these portrayals in most cases, but rarely do I see people other than fellow RA or cult survivors discussing these portrayals. I'm hoping people can become more aware and willing to discuss cults in a serious and analytical context and criticize how they're portrayed in the things they love.

And once again, cult survivors are NOT a monolith. If a cult survivor expresses they are uncomfortable with something I said here that I'm not, or vice versa, listen to the people who actively surround you and whom you care about.

yes!!! i’m glad your requests are open!!! could i please get a revali x reader (fem preferred but idc ig) thats kinda angsty as revali has a rito gf but can tell he’s falling for the reader as she falls for him ?

Heyy thanks for the request, I’m incredibly sorry that you had to wait. I also hope that this didn’t get confusing as I worked on this on and off for a long period of time and as you can see, it got quite long. Still, I hope you enjoy.

Beloved

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of The Wild

Revali x Reader

Summary: A new discovery about Revali leaves you distraught and confused, your feelings toying with you and influencing your behavior in the worst ways.

Notes: Angst

The day was as good as it could be. The sky was clear, the air was just the right temperature and the pleasant aroma of the spruces surrounding the village pleasantly tingled in your nostrils as you made your way up the wooden stairs. The princess had kindly asked you to visit the village, wanting to make sure each Divine Beast was functioning properly and you accepted her request, though a bit reluctantly.

The village itself was among the most stunning places in the Kingdom, that wasn’t the issue. Rather, a certain someone had always stuck out to you in a troublesome way. Those emerald eyes mockingly staring at you, those wings that so gracefully carried him through the air, and that irritating and condescending tone in his voice, all that annoyed you to no end, yet you found yourself at the village time and time again and the more time you spent in his line of vision, the less irritating he seemed to become.

At first, you couldn’t stand him and his arrogance. No matter what he did or said he managed to somehow anger you, but over time, you learned to filter his words, and more recently, you found yourself rolling your eyes at him, unbothered by his constant ramblings about himself. And you didn’t know why. Perhaps you had simply gotten used to his demeanor, but there had to be something more as every time your gaze fell upon him, you felt strange, nervous even.

You went through these thoughts as you made your way to his landing, expecting to see him there as the day would soon turn to the night and despite his passion for archery, even he knew when to rest. You caught a glimpse of those navy feathers and lifted your gaze towards him, witnessing his landing, graceful as ever. The previous thoughts faded away and a small smile crept onto your face as you picked up your pace, Revali quickly noticing your presence.

“Here once again? Let me guess, the Princess sent you,” He said, that familiar tone present in his voice, though it hadn’t vexed you in a long time. You briefly laughed at his guess that had hit the bullseye and rolled your eyes playfully.

“Yep.” You stopped in front of him. “So, anything to report?” These visits had become quite frequent over the past few weeks due to Zelda’s understandable paranoia towards the Calamity, and though you despised them initially, you soon found out that they weren’t as burdensome and tiring as you thought.

Revali brought his wing to his chin and appeared to be in thought, though you both already knew the answer. The Rito was skilled and had no doubt forged a strong bond with his Divine Beast so he facing any issues with it was very unlikely. His eyes then locked onto you, the tiniest smirk tugging one side of his beak.

“Everything is in working order. You and the Princess have absolutely nothing to worry about.” His answer didn’t surprise you in the slightest and upon hearing it, you merely sighed lightly.

“That’s good. I’ll let her know that there are no abnormalities regarding Medoh.”

You immediately glance at the beast that still roamed around the sky thanks to the impressive technology it was fueled by. It never ceased to amaze you. Your (E/C) eyes then moved to him, the mere sight of him making you experience that bizarre feeling you couldn’t describe once again. Despite his ego that was bigger than the entirety of the kingdom itself, he had worked incredibly hard for his achievements and if you were truly honest with yourself, he had every right to be as cocky as he was.

“I’ll do that. Now the-”

“And what of you? The Princess also wishes to know of everyone’s condition. Just in case.”

It was a lie. However, you couldn’t bring yourself to ask about his well-being on your own. He’d never stop taunting you about it. Revali raised his brow slightly and crossed his wings, that prideful aura still emitting from him.

“You can let her know that I am indeed in fine condition.” You lightly smiled at that, delighted to hear that he at least externally was doing fine.

“Revali!”

Both of you turned towards the unknown voice and you saw an unknown female Rito approaching you, her gaze firmly glued on Revali. Your brows frowned in confusion at the sight of the teal-colored Rito who got closer, her amber eyes glowing in excitement.

You were about to say something but when the girl threw her wings around Revali’s torso catching you and him both completely off guard, a wave of shock and confusion hit you like a bomb arrow.

“Nika! What do you think you’re doing?!” Revali asked, completely surprised at the female’s action, a rare expression of embarrassment plastered across his face as she hugged him. The only thing you could do was stare at them, completely and utterly speechless at the sight.

Who was she?!

“Oh, sorry!” She quickly pulled away, allowing the flustered navy blue Rito to take a deep breath and internally deal with the heavy blow to his ego.

“I forgot that you don’t like it when I hug you like that in public.” Nika giggled slightly, the sight of Revali’s feathers puffed up greatly amusing her but only filling you with more bafflement. Nika quickly turned her eyes towards you.

“Oh, who’s this?” She asked, more so from Revali than you. After regaining his composure that was so easily broken, Revali turned to look at you once more.

“Oh, I see!” She stepped forward and extended her wing, which you slowly shook, dying to hear her introduction but also dreading it.

“This is (Name). An acquaintance of mine.” The word he used, ‘acquaintance’, it didn’t feel right.

“She’s an accomplished researcher, the Princess sent her to assess the condition of the Divine Beast.” You had never heard him speak so highly of you before and as much as it would have delighted you, you couldn’t feel even an ounce of joy at that moment. You were more focused on trying to figure out the identity of this female Rito who stayed close to him as he spoke.

“It’s nice to meet you, (Name). I’m Nika, Revali’s beloved.”

Nika smiled and let go of your hand that had gotten cold due to... something. What was this? Your eyes fell on the wooden surface of the landing, this unexplainable sensation spreading throughout your entire being like Malice.

As soon as those words left her beak, you instantly felt something. Something... Painful. As if you were pierced with a Royal Halberd after a bombardment of arrows. You swallowed, unsure how to react.

“Oh... It’s nice to meet you too.” That was all you could say as her sudden words hitting you a lot more harshly than you thought.

“It’s getting dark,” you heard Revali say, his gaze landing on the horizon behind which the sun was setting. “It’d be best if we settled in for the night,” he stated, to which the Rito next to him nodded and began walking, most likely towards their shared hut.

You finally looked up at Revali. “It’s unfortunate you had to meet her like that, I didn’t expect her to cling onto me so... enthusiastically.”

His words didn’t exactly make you feel any better, but you tried your best to stay calm regardless.

And that’s how you met her. The one Revali called his one and only. You couldn’t understand why it had shocked you so. Why were you so bothered by all this? The strange feeling of sadness you couldn’t comprehend followed you like a Hylian Retriever clinging to its owner. It was unbearable. The way he looked at her, the way he spoke to her, it was unlike you had ever heard or seen and the more of that you experienced, the more it saddened you. It took you some time, but you eventually understood the reason for this arduous feeling. Those actions of love weren’t directed at you.

“It’s... It’s fine. I’ll probably go now. It’s been a rough day.” Your voice had gotten significantly quieter and you could only hope Revali didn’t notice it. Fortunately, he nodded at your statement.

“Indeed.”

He turned away from you, ready to join his beloved. “I expect you to return soon, knowing the Princess, she most likely won’t stop fussing about the Divine Beasts until Calamity Ganon is defeated.” He glanced at you.

“So, until then, I’m afraid you’ll have to enjoy my presence a bit longer.” And with that, he left, not that you were surprised, he did so often. This time, however, you felt lonely as your eyes lingered on him for as long as they could before he disappeared into his hut, through which you could have sworn you saw him embrace his... Beloved.

It was impossible to look forward to the trips to Rito Village because you knew you’d see them together for even a brief moment. It was not Nika’s fault, no. She was a kind Rito and you didn’t need to wonder for too long why Revali was so fond of her. You were the one to blame. For allowing yourself to develop such feelings for him. If you had realized them sooner, perhaps it wouldn’t have hurt so much. All you wanted, was to feel his wings around you just like she did, to see those stunning emerald eyes look at you with affection, just like they looked at her. It was impossible, you knew this, yet you allowed the feelings to linger within you, only for them to hurt you even more.

You flop onto the ground with a heavy sigh after defeating a group of Lizalfos that were threatening Zora’s Domain. Breathing heavily, you wipe the sweat off your forehead with your sleeve and catch your breath, the Zora Champion slowly approaching you.

“Is something the matter?” The Princess asks, her soft voice and oddly specific question making you look at her.

“No... I’m alright,” you say, still catching your breath. Mipha kneels down beside you, checking for any possible wounds you may have suffered as she does.

“Usually something heavy weighs down on someone when they fight this ruthlessly,” she says, glancing at the rather brutally defeated monsters that she herself didn’t even get to fight.

She had noticed your merciless attacks and the way you flung your weapon. The Princess had never seen someone defeat their foe in such a ferocious way. In truth, you took your anger out on just about anything that wasn’t a Hyrulean. You kept the feelings bottled up and it was only a matter of time till someone noticed your distress. And the Zora beside you did.

“I’m not asking you to tell me what’s bothering you. But... I’m here. If you need someone to talk to.”

You glance at Mipha, her eyes shining with the most genuine form of kindness you had ever seen. She had her own share of worries, yet she was ready to put them aside and help. Her soft voice filled you with a temporary calm you hadn’t felt in weeks. Her mere presence was already helping.

You briefly look down, going over your situation. Keeping everything inside was already killing you, and with Mipha’s calming presence next to you, the words just come out of your mouth:

“I... I’m in love with someone. But... They already have someone to call their... beloved."

The word had stuck to you, and digging into your being like a sword, yet you let it slip from your lips. Mipha listens carefully, your words hitting her quite significantly. You didn’t know this, but the Zora Princess understands your predicament well.

“How do you possibly cope with that, Mipha? Every time I see them, I can’t help but feel hurt. I can’t get over him...”

“We all have our roles to fulfill, (Name).” She places her trident down and you feel her hand land on your shoulder. Her touch is gentle, much like the healing power she possessed.

“Sometimes... We have to accept the truth. No matter how much it hurts.” You feel like crying. Her words are sincere and you know them to be true, but you can’t bring yourself to accept them.

Your (E/C) eyes fall to the ground below you.

“But how? How can I possibly come to terms with it?” You look at her again, your eyes filled with desperation. You wanted to overcome this, you really did, but it was far easier said than done.

“The only one who’s in your way is you (Name). If you can’t conquer yourself, you will have no hope of accepting the truth. It is difficult to look at someone you love to be so close to someone else, but if you cannot put that behind for the sake of your own well-being, the pain will only increase.”

Mipha’s own eyes glance at the ground, her own pain with the similar situation weighing on her heart.

“Trust me... I know.”

Her words stick to you, slowly replacing the unpleasant thoughts that had roamed within you for so long. You turn to her, an empathetic glow apparent in your eyes.

“Thank you, Mipha. Guess your words also have healing properties.”

“However, there’s always hope. And you should never give up on it.”

A smile tugged the ends of her lips as she spoke, her expression reflecting her words perfectly. The soothing words that left her mouth gave you hope that you thought you had lost and that unbearable sadness turned into something else. You couldn’t help but smile at the Princess.

She lightly giggled at that as you both began making your way back to the Domain.

~

An exhale that appeared in the cold air as a faint cloud left your mouth as you let go of the arrow, aiming at one of the targets of the Flight Range. You lowered your bow to witness where the arrow would hit, hoping it would land on the center of the wooden target. But alas, it missed the middle by a tiny bit, causing you to let out a sigh of disappointment and frustration, though it was fortunate you managed to hit the target at all since the powerful winds often messed with the flight of any arrow. Still, your ambitious side wanted to hit the bullseye more than anything, so you grabbed another arrow, ready to try again.

“Don’t even try it. You won’t even come close to hitting that target,” Revali said behind you. For a moment, in the midst of intense focus, you had completely forgotten his presence.

After the conversation with Mipha, approaching Revali had become slightly easier. You could talk to him without the constant feeling of envy or sadness, though it did partially enter your being every time your eyes caught a glimpse of teal-colored feathers. You couldn’t be mad at Nika, she hadn’t done anything wrong, so you tried your best to remain calm and friendly whenever she was around, but oh boy, was it difficult.

You lowered your bow and looked at him after rolling your eyes.

“Thanks for the encouragement.”

Turning away from him and facing the target once again, you were about to continue your attempt. Only to get interrupted once again.

“Well if you insist on shooting with an incorrect stance, don’t let me stop you.” In the middle of his sentence, you fired again, but this time didn’t look at where the arrow landed and instead turned towards him again, his words catching you off guard.

“Stance? What do you mean?”

Your brows frown at him, confusion painting itself on a canvas that was your face. He lets out a sigh and walks beside you, taking out his infamous Great Eagle Bow and drawing it.

One of your frowning brows raises up as you watch him, noting how inhumanly steady his grip was as he releases an arrow, which lands on the center of the target you had been attempting to conquer. He smirks at his small achievement and turns to you. How typical of him.

His words puzzled you. Despite the fact that they were coated in his usual sarcasm and arrogance, he had never sincerely given you such words of advice. Sure, he liked to bathe in the statements of fame he dedicated to himself, but hearing him actually providing his guidance was extremely peculiar. Strangely, it made you smile.

“The way you hold your bow is rather... Amateurish, to say the least.”

He placed his wings behind his back and kept his emerald eyes on you. His words had little effect on you and you found yourself lightly rolling your eyes at them as he continued:

“The reason as to why you keep missing is simply because your grip on your bow is unstable.” You glance at your hand that was still holding your weapon, the cold sensation caused by the low temperature tingling on your fingertips quite uncomfortably.

“Thank you for the advice, Revali,” you say as you draw your bow again, paying close attention to your grasp on the wooden material, making sure to keep your previously shaky hand under control. Your hand stays relatively steady and your confidence begins to bloom even under a sharp pair of emerald eyes.

Revali steps away from you, allowing you to finally release the arrow after taking a deep breath. It flies through the cold air and your eyes follow it anxiously, hoping that it would finally hit the center of the target that had been cleverly avoiding you for the past few hours. Your (E/C) eyes widen when the arrow hits the target, and this time, it had hit the place you had wanted. Immediately a smile creeps onto your face.

“Relax your shoulders,” you hear him say, just as you are about to release the arrow. You throw a brief glance at him before allowing your shoulders to relax slightly. This apparently isn’t enough for the Champion, however, as he approaches you, placing a single wing on one of your shoulders, immediately making your eyes widen a bit.

“The key to a successful shot with a bow is the right stance, which is not as simple as someone like you would think.”

His wing pushes your shoulder down slightly, which allows you to relax the muscles, and suddenly, the likelihood of you hitting the bullseye is increased.

Upon turning towards the navy blue Rito once more, your eyes catch an expression that seems to be a mixture of surprise and rare awe. A small smirk makes its way on your features as you look at him.

“Well? How do you like that?”

Your head tilts in the direction of the target that now had two arrows in the middle. Revali lets out a scoff and a laugh.

“I am mildly impressed. Hitting a still target on the ground is in no way a difficult task.”

You find yourself once again rolling your eyes at him as you know that what he says hides what he truly means. That’s the most important lesson you had learned when in his company.

“However,”

He takes a few steps towards you, his wings once more crossed behind his back. “You somehow managed to do it with that.”

His wing points at your bow, which immediately causes you to look at it, only to notice a crack on the wooden surface. “It’s... Broken?”

“Don’t tell me you expect me to oversee everything you do with a bow. If only your eyes were more perceptive, you may have been able to noti-”

“Indeed. I noticed from the moment you first attempted to shoot with it."

You lift your gaze to him.

“You knew it was broken from the start? Why didn’t you say anything?”

Confusion mixed with slight irritation coats your voice as you look at him, noticing him smirking once more as he turns his back to you, increasing the distance between you two as his talons sink into the shallow coat of snow.

His words that were coated in a condescending tone come to a halt when he feels something hitting his back rather harshly. A noise left his beak and he turns around, only to see you with your arms crossed, a mischievous grin stretching your lips, and a small area of snow that looked as if it was missing a piece. Revali’s eyebrows frowned as he swiped the remaining snow off his back, a slight wave of annoyance at the unexpected snowball flowing through him.

“I didn’t expect someone like you to act so utterly childishly.”

Your rolled your eyes, unwilling to let his words affect you, though they already had.

“Well, it was your childish blabbering that caused this in the first place. So technically, this is your own fault.”

Your smirk remains on your face as you purposely, and admittedly childishly, fire back at him.

“I was merely having fun.” You look at him and notice his expression change. It’s a change so microscopic you almost miss it, but something in his eyes indicate that the tone of the conversation was changing.

“At least I know how to have fun.” 

“What a ridiculous way to have fun.”

Revali walked past you, his wings once again behind his back. This time, his voice sounded different, a strange spike of anger in it that didn’t go unnoticed and certainly didn’t help the situation or ease your own growing pique.

“And you are saying I don’t?”

You crossed your arms. “Clearly not. Judging by your attitude.”

He scoffed mockingly. “I’ll have you know, I have plenty of ways to spend my time in a meaningful way, that do not involve childish games.”

“Oh, I’m sure you do! When you have someone like her in your life!”

The words that shot out of your mouth almost accidentally linger in the air and echo around the Flight Range, the harsh meaning behind them making Revali look at you, utter confusion and surprise twisting his feathery features. You blink a couple of times, your mind realizing what you had allowed to slip from your lips, and for a moment, you hope that he somehow hadn’t heard your words.

Revali looks at you, then at the ground, processing what he heard. It was true that he had noticed shifts and changed in his feelings the more time he spent with you. The times he would steal a glance at you, knowing it was in a way forbidden due to Nika. You were right, he did have a meaningful life with her, and that seemed to pain him the most. Revali noticed your expression and immediately understood that what you had said had plagued you and weighed on your being for a long time. Still, your words pierced him like a poisoned arrow. He loved Nika, but at the same time, his heart seemed to feel complete when he was in your presence.

“Revali... I...” The words of vindication and apology get stuck in your throat, unwilling to come out as if they know that there is no way to explain your sudden burst of emotion. You wanted to say you didn’t mean it, but that would have been a lie. Jealousy had twisted your mind little by little and you failed to push your feelings aside. You hung your head in defeat, understanding that there was little to do to save the situation. Your feelings were exposed and what would happen next was out of your hands.

After a grueling silence, the Rito finally spoke, his eyes holding a glow of sorrow and disappointment: “I’d better get going back. Back to-”

“Your beloved.” You finished his sentence as a heartbreaking indicator that you understood how much the teal-colored Rito meant to him. He glanced at you but quickly moved his emerald eyes away from your form as the mere sight of you was enough to claw at his insides. A nod was all he could offer as he prepared to leave. He crouched down and took off, leaving you in the midst of the snow that sprinkled around you.

Your eyes dampened with tears as the being you loved slipped away from reach, his saddened eyes not daring to look back as he flew towards the direction where the being he loved was, conflicted by his feelings he didn’t fully realize he had.

My thoughts on the MCC games

So my mind is still dwelling on MCC. Damn, I loved it. 

I thought I’d share my thoughts about each game! (Note: I always watch Tommy for MCC.)

Big Sales at Build Mart. It’s alright. I think it’s good as an early game - I enjoyed that it was first this MCC, allowing the teams to get used to each other and it didn’t matter too much in points. Whereas I kinda dislike it late game - it’s not one I want to be high pressure. In some respects its a lot more chill as you’re less directly competing against others and more working together to build something. It still feels tense and as a viewing experience its alright but painful to see streamers making mistakes which they inevitably do as its so high pressure. The changes of getting rid of the boats was so, so good. Losing Buildmart before was often because you failed a turn and lose so much progress which was way too devastating. much easier to navigate now too. (I didn’t like how in one build Tommy couldn’t see a block properly under glass, but usually the builds are very nice. 

Hole in the wall - this one I’ve always really enjoyed watching. It’s a fun game with a great level of difficulty. Tommy’s pretty good at this one too and I like that he has a real habit of messing around in it. This game is the one where Wilbur lost his voice in MC11 after too much shouting. In MCC13 it was singing christmas songs. Something about it just makes everyone want to mess around. I like how although its mostly a solo game, team communication is useful ust shouting out colours and shouting out warnings. I saw Vikkstar being warned about approaching walls before they killed him a couple times by his teammates for instance and I like that. (Contrast ace race where its so hard to give much meaningful advice.) That said, the game is extremely glitchy! Hbomb demonstrated it this round but people have always been sliding through walls plus players with higher ping get an advantage. I would understand if they wanted to shelf it. I think it’d be hard to fix - 40 players in one area with moving slime walls will be so hard to handle. I wonder if they could have 10 separate maps instead or something to make it more feasible to play as I’ll be sad if it has to go.

Skybattle - really really fun from Tommy’s perspective! You can tell he loves it so I love it too. Rounds kinda have a tendency to all end the same way with little bridges towards the centre, might be cool if there was some existing narrow walkways to the middle as well and maybe new maps though I do like the current map as well! Hah, but yeah I love it! It’d probably be too much played too late but its the absolute perfect mid round game and every MCC there’s always really cool exciting plays. Its really fast-paced which sets it apart.

Survival Games - it’s a classic. probably a little frustrating points wise as its a single round meaning an early death is so costly. survival points in this one are worth so much. I seriously enjoy it though it is not one you want too late in the tournament. Also a good opener as its not too intense from the start, even if it gets pretty intense as the map shrinks. The maps for these games are always awesome and well-designed. (I think puffy might have fallen in an inescapable hole though? She was getting attacked at the time so maybe it was escapable but yeah - careful playtesting is important to make sure no spots like those exist. Which is hopefully the case!)

Ace race - I greatly enjoy this game. Tommy’s generally surprisingly good at it which helps. It just seems like a really fun minigame to play. Obviously this MCC the map had some errors and was maybe too confusing. The map was long and every moment had something new to process, a chiller section or two where you can observe and take it in a bit more would have been nice. It is a little fiddly with a lot of different mechanics leading to glitches. Tridents are just annoying! But its one thats a good time. I only dislike how its so much a solo experience - you can try and give advice to your team but its so hard to give useful input unless you’re right by your teammate. I quite enjoy this one being fairly late game as its exciting but not so harsh as the elimination games.

Battle Box: very cool game assuming the map’s fun! (Some MCCs had ones I didn’t care for.) And they remember to never ever give any players TNT ever again. There’s a bunch of tactics to employ, custom items, flanking. It’s just a really nice strategic mini-game. I like how its lots of ranged combat and there’s enough rounds that you don’t feel too bad about a mistake. It’s good anywhere in the tournament. Glad it got added to the practice server as its a lot of fun to watch streamers just play. Though they don’t ever practise the wool rushing tactics on there. xD Shame Tommy’s not built for this game though.

TGTTOS: I love this game! Lots of fun to watch and its kinda solo but also you can help your team and work together with some effort. Hmmm... though some of the individual maps for this game can be very hit-or-miss. I think generally you want like at least 80% of players to complete the map. A few of them have been too long and hard. Lots of punching goes on in this game and I kinda don’t mind. The one with the wool targets was probably a little too confusing. I like most of the original maps for this game aside form the cliffside punching one though I understand the same maps every time would be bad. Rocket jumping seems kinda finicky so I’m not a fan. Tridents, elytras, ice, and bridging are all great fun though and I do enjoy the variety. Again its good anywhere in the tournament! 

Parkour Tag - Not a fan. I like it in concept I guess but aah the scoring is annoying. It gives you points for survival which is so dependent on the person hunting you and it feels like there’s strategy about choosing the hunter for each opponent but in reality there’s not. I kinda wish the same person could be the hunter every round just so one person has that role. The maps have never felt that fun as it generally feels like scrambling around. Also this game rarely shifts the scores much at all, the ways points are awarded is just too strange. Maybe a bigger map and longer rounds? I don’t know though. This game is terrible as an end game and I guess its okay earlier. Yeah, I really wish there was a good parkour type game but this one isn’t it for me. (this is still much better than Parkour warrior mind!)

Rocket Spleef - Alright. I feel like this is one that’s hard on new players as rocket jumping is odd - getting kills in this game is also not easy. Hopefully they practice the mechanics on the practice server. That said I do enjoy this one quite a bit, it’s fun to watch. The deal breaker is the map. Some maps are just way better than others. I think by the end of a round the maps should be pretty much destroyed and I think it’d be awesome if rounds ended with only one or two people left alive. As long as its got a good map though it’s plenty of fun! It’s exciting without being really intense or high pressure and three rounds is a good amount. Good anywhere in the tournament.

Bingo But Fast - I don’t know how I feel about this one. Please don’t do it the nether again, that was too much. xD I think this game is too intense for me - it’s really fast-paced as completions start happening right away and earlier ones are worth more points. Also it’s another that is stressful to watch the streamer play non-optimally. That said it is an interesting game and I think its cool to have a mode like survival minecraft - generally I like how many games highlight different fun activities in minecraft. It’s such a varied tournament! Again I like this one best mid-tournament, not too late or too early. Maybe I’d like it a bit more without the locking out. like after the first five completions, the remaining completions of it still get a few points - a fixed amount. This is an interesting game but it’s also a really hard game! 

Sands of Time - This one is pretty awesome. A lot of fun to watch even if its so so painful for a streamer to lose.  Nice dungeon crawler feel, with cool maps and exciting traps. The vaults matter a lot to points. I like how less confident players can do safer stuff and its a very team-oriented game in the best possible way. As you don’t know how the other teams are doing it gets pretty intense and works well as a last game. Some traps are a bit annoying and I think ones requiring a second player are cool in concept but a bit too demanding. Also please please never make it out of snow again. People kept missing the snow! That was painful. Tommy’s interesting to watch and has successfully solved some risky traps even if he sometimes makes poor decisions xD 

Damn this turned out long! Listen, I love this event. All the games are delightfully unique and challenging and fun to watch. These are just my personal opinions. This is such a well-made and impressive tournament with such a great variety of games testing different things. 

Feel free to argue with me about any of these. Sorry parkour tags fans. xD

Elsword Player Stereotypes (RE:TYPED)

*Add your own experiences of certain characters used by players* Elsword - often they like to challenge peeps *mostly the newbies*, while veteran Elboi’s are guidance or boast their “amazing” skills which is humorous when there’s the same class as them nearby who might be just as better than they are. But most Elboi players seem to Run ahead leaving the mobs behind mostly for the Janitors to clean up what they’ve could’ve picked along the way. While other Elboi’s take away your kills so fast that you’ll see that lovely warning message of ‘ Hey, you like being kicked?’ They still are the amazing Elboi’s of random wonders. Now if their Main protagonist title ego’s and aggressiveness can be slightly taken down a notch, that’d be great.

Aisha - Noisy chattergirls  including they seem to have a problem of not being op or talk about a previous dungeon run about some person who I don’t know about,*no offense I do appreciate talking in the game, but not all the time in the dungeon.*, though are somehow the innocent type of players but they’ll notice that, if you’re not buffed, they will chase your booty down, to give you that DAMN BUFF! Just like those veggies your motherly figure tells you to eat, just take your veggies, and you wont be hunted down, trust me on this. They are the fun kinds of people who throw magic in any direction, just don’t let them get walloped.

Rena - Speaking of Motherly figures, These players love to help if you ask nicely probably *past experiences mostly I not sure as of now lol*, They tend to be the guidance of players mostly in the right direction. P.S. They are cool.

Raven - Raven players are now somehow cooler in this department, what changed? Y’all were so edgy when I first started in 2012. But y’all make good mentors just like the Rena’s its, actually amazing I should start hiding behind Raven’s if there’s an Add nearby, because there’s a good chance I`ll be followed by Add’s. Don’t take their points to harshly if they tell you a problem you may have made especially in a PvE scenario, its what learning is for.

Eve - *I know I’m an Eve player* but We are mostly the guidance type of players, we seem quiet, and No, we are not Chobits/Persocoms, although we might appreciate that more than Nasod lol. But anyways, We seem to be very..... on point on some situations, its funny when I was with this Code: Empress with my Base Class Eve doing story mode to 99, She knew I was preparing for Code: Antithese. We will give you some bits of info, sometimes a little critical but hey, learning from mistakes makes you good. Also, we might hunt you down to give buff, so you better sit still or Veggies is nightmare mode for you. Also we might be a little too much of a fanbase of Eve’s and fashions for Eve, this is why Eve can be Postergirl most of the time.

Elesis - they mostly take notes from the likes of Rena, Raven and Eve’s they indeed are the Older sister role *I mean from personal experiences when they help you or something I feel like this would fit the whole Veteran’s thing.*

Chung - Some reason, Cool to hang out, but I feel like they lose their temper or attitude towards someone in their vicinity, I’m not saying all Chung players are bad, I’m pointing out the ones that seem to just, be rude. Add - Accelerators incoming, I mean Add’s are somehow.... don’t know how to describe them aside from my encounter with 3 of em in each path in a party together only to ask about Home Rental insurance. Huh, Add’s selling Home Insurances sounds more funny than Add’s bugging Eve players about their codes or roleplaying with Eve’s *Yes has happened a few times in my case, rare ofc.* or being Edgy, some other things, I swear though, I know y’all can flex that amazing uhm Awakening turning on and off by yourself but calm down there. Ara - Somehow almost most disliked and most will want in a party, I don’t understand Ara’s, yes I understand that she interrupted Chung from killing Ran using Aren’s body, but do realize thats a character pov and not a player pov? Also I’m noticing more Ara names being named by Fruits and it’s making me laugh more and more. its a New player phase too, Ara’s are fruits. Lu/Ciel - Roleplayers, I don’t know why I will call a few Lu/Ciel players as roleplayers, but they are fun players but, I don’t really... understand the concept for Lu/Ciel players, its been years from when they first released soo. Ain - Don’t go lookin away AinCiel shippers, I see you hiding in the corner, also more importantly, Ciel is dead *YES JUST BECAUSE HE MAY BE BROUGHT ALIVE BY LU’S CONTRACT DO NOTE CIEL IS STILL DEAD HE GOT TURNED HALF DEMON HE MAY BE ALIVE, BUT HE’S STILL DEAD IN MY BOOK XD* But Ain players seem to distance away from most players, few seem to be playful with most players, while others get closer to Laby’s, Elswords, and Ciels. Hmm I’m seeing a lot of mixed signals and they don’t feel comforting. Except for one Ain, who keeps screaming in the Megaphones for pvp I think like 2v2′s or 3v3′s. Rose - Y’all too quiet *Yes quiet as in silent, not ‘quite’ that’s not a reason to screw up on a word you mean for silent.* but, Rose players seem to just be quiet, I don’t know why. Did Timmy fall down in the well? Did someone tell you a bad joke? I don’t understand. Laby - For some reason, the innocent types again, though most players treat Laby’s like silence because I don’t know, what did Laby do. She’s like best tier character in my book lol, third person speaking is my favorite thing. Noah - Another case of some players attempting to be Edgy as Liberator and others trying to be FABULOUS~ with Celestia. It’s kinda sad and funny at the same time that I just can’t help but watch in humor.

✨Yօʊ'ʀɛ Nօȶ Gօɨռɢ Aռʏաɦɛʀɛ✨

Dhawan!Master x Reader

Summary: Despite traveling through all of time and space with the Doctor's best enemy, you still can't escape the bad along with the good. Lucky for you, you're not alone... even if it is with one of the if not THE most dangerous being in all the cosmos.

Warnings: Angsty Fluff, Sickness and all that comes with that, Blood and Gore / Violence

A/N: This was a requested fic { I am so sorry it is late ; life has gotten busy and ofc wack } about an adventure going wrong near the end for the Reader and the Master showing a side to themselves that no one else see's, not even their old friend/enemy the Doctor."}

We got to go, this place is going to blow. Run!" , the Master said as he grabbed you by the arm and lead you into a sprint. You breathed in and out roughly, heart racing as you followed him, using all the strength you had to push you forward, you both getting as far away from the destruction as you could while being shot at with deadly lasers with equally deadly consequences from them. You and the timelord had gone to the planet Androkeyos after having heard a tip from an anonymous person that the place should be checked out. Something weird going on there involving people going missing, mutations going on from experiments, a rare object at the heart of it all. Now in the thick of it, you two were trying to escape. The people there were dying off and were trying to make their race survive. Gone twisted with desire and frustration, they started experimenting on their own people with dangerous fuels, toxins, and poisons to change them to be able to survive. But now the mutations had gone rogue, too powerful for their own leaders to control, killing them off and threatening other planets if they escaped off their planet and into the stars - wanting to make others like them and kill off the rest who they saw as useless. Ducking behind a pillar, you and the Master stayed quiet, his hand over your mouth and you felt him against your back as he surveyed both your surroundings, waiting for the right moment to start running again, his other hand holding the Securya {the rare object} tight in his grasp now hidden away safely in a pocket. Once the coast was clear, you two began running again. "This way, that corridor, up the stairs, take a left and third door on the right. " he whispered to you, taking your hand and you and him got faster in your speed, eager to get into the room where his Tardis was located. You and him were just about there when more of the Androkeyo mutations came into view, swiftly moving about as they shot at you and the Master. As he fiddled with the door to get it open, you saw a shot coming right towards the Master who had his back turned. Taking the chance to protect him as he often did with you, considering you were so fragile in comparison to him because you're human, you took the shot square in the chest right as the Master grabbed you roughly and pulling you into the Tardis at the same moment. You both could hear the ruckus of the enemies trying to get inside the ship but the timelord was too focused on you. You who had stupidly decided to take a shot that could either mutate or kill you if you didn't have the antidote. In a risk to save his life where he was much more likely to survive it. Pain racked through your body from where the shot originated. You could feel an intense burning shooting from your heart through every nerve in your body. It hurt to breathe and when you moved, you felt shaky. The Master not only felt an intense anger to go outside his ship and slaughter every single one of them on the planet until everything was drenched in blood aside from the fire, ash and smoke and dust. He also however, felt anger and frustration for you. Not surprised as this wasnt the first time you risked your life for him but also that you would put his life over yours when he was far more capable of surviving in comparison to you. Frustration when you didnt have to get shot and there could have been another way. Lucky for you, he had the Securya on him. Had he not found it, things may have gone downhill more than they already have. Seeing the look on his face, you grit out through your teeth as you tried to push him away to no avail, "Just focus on getting us out of here first." to remind him and he growled lowly under his breath, moving towards the console and pressing buttons and pushing the lever to get you both gone. The wheezing of the Tardis started along with the up and down motion of the main part of the console and you did your best to hold on from where you fell in front of the doors from the inside of the ship. Not knowing where you both were as his ship landed, all you could focus on was trying to pull yourself up by your hands. Having instantly heard footsteps coming your way, you would have fallen were it not for the Master catching you with an arm around your waist and pulling you to him. He could sense how bad it was for you and he couldn''t help but be worried. He would scold you later however. "Don't even bother trying to move on your own love, it's just going to be worse on you.", he remarked when you started to protest as he picked you up bridal style and started carrying you into the depths of his ship towards the medical bay. You were known to be rather stubborn when it came to things and you never wanted to be seen as weak. Too bad that when those moments come, trying to act as normal can be taxing and take out of you more. You frowned but slowly nodded as you buried your head in his chest. His arms like a safety net, you held on for as long as you could, not wanting to go anywhere. With him, it felt like home. With him, it felt safe. With him, you felt peace and happiness among all the chaos and the madness. Slightly jostled awake by him demanding you stay awake, you slowly opened your eyes and looked a little around, seeing yourself in the medical bay as the Master gently put you on the gurney table and got to work. Using something clearly alien and advanced tech, he moved it over your body in an up and down motion to get a reading. His jaw tightened as he released a breath, shaking his head. "What is it?" , he looked towards you then away as he continued, "Youre in the beginning stages of mutation. Thats why you're feeling that burning all inside you.. starting from your heart? " , he didnt need you to nod to get that confirmation. The look in your eyes said everything. "Its going from the start of how you live to all throughout your body because that change happens everywhere. It's trying to rewrite you from the inside out. From that, comes the poisons and the toxins, trying to wash out the old..." , he remarked as he got a needle and injection, taking the Securya out his pocket and hooking them both up together and extracting enough of the liquid that was in the rare object. You shivered, whether it was out of shakiness or the needle, you couldn't really tell.You didn't like either possibility.  As he spoke, he also brought out a weird looking thing that you could only assume was a stethescope mixed with a temperature monitor. He came over to you. "You won't be you anymore and you especially wouldnt be if i didnt take that damn rarity.", his voice went steely and scolding to you, a stark contrast from his gentle ministrations towards helping you sit up, the pillow behind your back supporting you up. "Now open your mouth and stay still. When i tell you to take deep breaths, you do so. Ok?", You nod and as he pressed a button, your mouth falls open in what could be considered a cute O face, but minds were not in the gutter, they were out in the open with clarity towards the given situation. Feeling part of the object under your tongue, you two waited a little bit before it popped out your mouth. Right after, the Master replied, "I need you to breathe now Y/N.", he instructed and you did as you were told, breathing deeply in and out a few times until he gave you the go ahead to stop. As he took notice of that and the readings from the temperature, you lied back down, albeit weakly. "You're burning up.. Well over 100 and your heart is pattering away like a hummingbird's wings.", he said as he put the stethoture monitor { ;) } down and came to you with the needle that held the Securyan liquid. You trembled, looking at the size of the needle. Couldn't be too bad right? You clearly dealt with worse on Planet Earth, anywhere else you traveled with the Master in the past and you would give anything to be rid of the pain overwhelming your entire body. By the look on his face towards you out the corner of his eye, you didn't need to express that you were starting to feel more than just burning. It was becoming much more harder to breathe as the Master put pressure on a perfect spot to put the needle in. The other side, he held onto your arm and one hand of yours overlapped his to hold on tight just in case. "This is going to hurt so if you need to, squeeze tight onto my hand.", the timelord told you, voice oozing with not only concentration and seriousness but a tint of worry as well. "Just put the damn thing in and get it over with." , you spit out, your other hand clutching at the table sheets under your back and as you did, he inserted the needle in. Almost instantaneously, the pain became unbearable as you tightened your hold both on the sheets and his hand until your knuckles turned wide. As you struggled slightly from where you lay, he laid his free hand over your chest to hold you down. "Try and stay still Love, this will only get worse if you don't." , You nodded despite the tears pooling out your eyes, vision going blurry and you almost barely felt the needle coming out of you. "Look at me Y/N", and you did so. You saw a flurry of emotions in his eyes, all of the same you have been seeing but more softer. "I know you feel sleepy but it will all be over, i promise. Try and get some rest. I'll be here when you wake.". Vaguely through the pain and the Securyan liquid going through out your body, you felt the burning go into a gentle cooling more as the time passed by BUT as well as the exhaustion, you slowly fluttered your eyes shut after you murmured out an "Okay." As you felt the embrace of sleep overtake you, the last thing you felt before you saw black was the brushing of lips on your forehead. -Sometime later- Opening your eyes, the first thing you saw was the med bay you were in, the Master right by your bed in a chair, eyes immediately turning towards you.The first thing you felt was much better. The pain was still there but the nap must have done you a universe of good if the negatives in your body was more dull and faint. Maybe this was more than one being not limited to the Master, but to overall that you should not over exert yourself and put yourself into things that could be avoided. To essentially 'cool it' and calm down. "How are you feeling?", he inquired and you were just about to turn to him and answered when he cut you off, "No. Scratch that, because i can pick up on everything about you, let alone your body more than anyone else can since i'm who you're around most if not all of the time.", his voice showed how steely and negative feeling he was earlier. Well , still technically and you bit your lip, knowing what was coming. Though it was sort of deserved, you wouldn't feel bad about that decision. You were protecting someone you loved, simple as that. "What the hell were you thinking? You could have die- no , you would have died were it not for me. You're human Y/N and I'm not, did you ever stop to think that maybe i don't need saving?" You frowned at him, equally letting out the frustration and worry and anger you felt. You understood where he was coming from because he was by all means fully able to take care of himself in anyway but if it werent for obvious moments in the past where even he was bested. You think he would know that not even he himself is truly invincible. "If you didn't need me, let alone anyone to save you, then you wouldn't have gotten into situations that required anyone to be your hero Master. Yes, you're a timelord but that doesn't make you inescapable to pain or death, you know that!" "I don't need you to save me Y/N. I'm not some damsel in distress that needs someone over his back and shoulder looking out for him." You reeled back from that, quiet for a few moments as he stared you down, trying to get you to see where he was coming from just as you were on your own end towards him. You never treated him like a child, you fully knew well enough that you're not him mother. Especially with how you feel towards him , how dare he insinuate that when it wasn't true. "You see it from your end and you try to make a point but you're not even considering where i was coming from it. You are the farthest thing from a child to me." Your voice broke as you tried to stand, being able to on your own now without the timelord's help. "Really, then what am I to you huh? , because from where i stand, you're a coward not admitting what you feel when it's obvious through your words and actions." Was he really that thick? Maybe not because by his words, he clearly knew and was hinting it to you just to get you to finally let it out. He is a stone cold brilliant genius as once said by his frenemy, the Doctor. Blood boiling over but in a mix of frustration and affection, you shouted, "I love you, you damn bastard. Why else do you think i risk my life for you, why i travel with you and chose you over the Doctor? Why do you think that i would clearly put myself into a position to get sick and infected, even die for you?!" By this point, he was within a few centimeters of your face, You continued before he could. Your voice softer now, "When you love someone, you don't walk away. When it's real, you dont walk away.. you run towards. You go through the good and the bad together. Yes, i'm going to suffer in sickness from a mistake, as you put it, that i made. I love you Master and maybe to others, that would be stupid and idiotic, dangerous and insane. But I care, so sue me for caring. Sue me for giving a da-" Hands pull you forward by the elbows and lips collide against yours. Cut off from speech, you gasp into the kiss he gives. It's all lips in a guided tango of love and passion, release of feelings and the frustrations starting to subside on both ends. You clutch on tightly to his collarbones, fisting the top of his waistcoat in your hands, moving your lips in synch with his. A sense of relief that you got the antidote, that you and him talked and expressed, that while you would be sick as an after effect of the mutation poison and the dose of Securyan to heal you, you would get better. You were with the Master, safe inside his ship. You were h o m e. Pulling apart, he rested his forehead against yours. Breath's mingling and getting breath's back, he spoke quietly to you. As if you two were the only ones inside the universe, let alone his ship which of course was true considering he didn't let anyone else in, unless it were the Doctor. You chuckled inwardly at the thought. He was your very own right now. "Just promise me, please. You have to take better care for yourself. You're worth so much more than an ending like that." He said. You wrapped your arms around him, despite the dull pain, coming of the sickness while at the same time being fought off to heal. "Don't want to get rid of me huh?", you teased lightly before biting your lip, starting to feel nauseous. Sensing it, he helped lead you to a nearby toilet, holding your hair back as you released your stomach of it's contents. "Oh love... you're not going anywhere if i have anything to say and do about it." ------------ The next week or two was more or so the same. Essentially confined to the ship because further adventuring while you were healing would prolong the process of you getting better. You would have a bruise where the shot had hit you, you would throw up occasionally, even with blood {which died down and stopped when you got another Securyan dose as needed.} , weak and dizzyness, even a back and forth of a stuffy nose and a runny one, a sore throat. Each in time became duller and then faint, followed by going away completely, even your breathing got better to the way it was before you got shot and sick. You chuckled as you got dressed for the day in your's and the Master's bedroom on the Tardis, the old girl fiercely protective and .loving/etc towards the both of you, especially him but you for how you are with him and how you are with her, the ship. You thought over some moments, now that you're in the third week. At the start of this third you had starting getting better to tip top shape. Now you just wanted to tell the Master. A smile comes to your face as you thought of moments before. No matter how gross of color and consistency the vomit was, added addition of blood occasionally. No matter how sick you got in different ways, he was there every step of the way now that you both had an understanding, especially more so than before. No matter how many times you fought him due to stubborness to see if you got your strength back or out of frustration of trying to get things done yourself out of not wanting to be seen as weak or an invalid. No matter how much you bleed, he took every bruise and hit and grossness and gore you tried to inflict on him because he knew that you didnt regret your decision persay but that you felt guilt at not taking things into account that you should have with him. He knew that it meant nothing too really, when you always apologized to him after. Sometimes we all need someone, even if we don't want to admit it to anyone , let alone ourselves. Coming out of your shared bedroom, you moved through the halls and corridors, the ship with ease, leading you to where the Master was, in the kitchen. You leaned against the door way, smiling at him as he seemed to be making breakfast. How charming. You almost would have moaned of how delicious he makes things but you wanted to surprise him. You didn't know how good this might go since he so quickly got onto things, especially with you but still, let you have some fun. In an instant, you jumped on his back, legs wrapping around his waist, hands at his shoulders and you whispered into his ear "Gotcha.", before you kissed his cheek and moved to jump off. "Now that was very rude Y/N", he remarked, instantly turning you around so that you were both on the floor, the wind out of you as he leaned over top of you, eyes burning into yours with happiness, amusement and mischief. You felt a mixer of eggs, herbs and cheese around your body as well as floor and the sweet exotic smell of something you couldn't identify. You wondered what it was. You giggled, looking up at him, seeing crumbles of buttered bread in his hair and little sausage links on the ground. Even when looking a mess, he still looked beautiful but with that expression, made it all the more funny. "Feeling better i see to cause a ruckus as usual." You smirked , "I can't help myself, you make it so easy." "Even when you're at my mercy now, underneath me with my body on top of yours?" , he hinted, his voice taking a coy tone. You narrowed your eyes, seeing what he was planning, "No.  you better not, i sw-" , you tried to get away, kicking out from underneath him to try and get him and move away but he caught you just as you moved to get up, sending you back down to the ground. "Master, come on!", you squealed as his hands trailed all over your body, sending you into a fit of laughter as he tickled you everywhere, his grin on his face knowing he won. At some point he stopped, he turned your face to his with a hand cupping your face. "Feeling better i see. You ruined the breakfast i made for us. What are you going to do about that?" , he threw at you as he hovered over you. "I don't know, i think you might have to just deal with the mess... I'm kidding, im kidding!", you laughed as he moved to tickle you again. "I'll help you clean it up and remake it, how about that?" "Sounds like a deal Love.", he remarked, helping you stand and you returned his mischievous smile before following through with getting the kitchen cleaned up as well as you two and then making the breakfast. Who knew that suffering from danger would lead to such an outcome? There was no where else you would rather be and as you shared a look with him, enjoying the start of another day together, you knew he felt the same.

(( actually nvm i dont need asks, i just had a thought that i wanna ramble abt meta on now!

(( ok so yall know the whole fuckin DEAL with dreams in media right? And how Unrealistic it is?

(( like prophetic or DEEP^tm dreams definitely have their place in media don't get me wrong, but we all know Damn well that most dreams are just absolute fucking nonsense, and i think those dumb dreams deserve representation in media god dammit!

(( think about it when musing about your muse!!! What kind of dreams do they have? What motifs tend to show up in them? What people? Places? Do they have reoccurring dreams? Do their dreams happen in Series? Think about how those dreams, as innocuous as they might be, could affect them and their perception of other characters, even if its only temporary! Seriously!!! You can learn so many interesting things about your muse by applying just a few extra Human Experiences to them, the ones that folks so often neglect!

(( ok now ill yell abt My lads under the cut lol

(( oh my GOD. The way that i can just tell for a fact that my Al 100% has dreams about being close friends with the V's. Not always in a literal "he does friendly activities and spends time with them" way, but in that way where like. You just KNOW something in the dream, you know? Where something in the dreamscape is like 'no duh of course thats the case' but when you wake up and remember it youre like 'wtf?' Ya know?

(( id absolutely be willing to bet that he also has dreams about working for or even 'being' one of them, third person vision style.

(( aside from those he also probably has lots a dreams that involve him doing a lot of Falling and Running (but not actually crossing much distance), and also just. Desperactly trying to interact with dream strangers and being extremely frustrated and pissed off whenever they just brush him off or walk away or ghost him

(( vox is a bit harder, but i think he probably has lots of 'nostalgic' dreams--one where he tends to Be a kid again, or the dream star hes watching tends to be a child. Lots of endless suburbias and just endless walking, driving, flying, travelling in general... dreams that are all about getting somewhere but he always wakes up before he can ever get there.

(( i think he could also have plenty of "nightmares", by which i mean like.... objectively scary stuff is happening but dream-him just feels more inconvenienced than actually Scared.

(( i like to talk about dreams, i just really wish people wouldn't always write dreams as being so literal and linear, you know? Bc dreams!! Are RARELY like that!!! And Actual dreams are so so fucking fun and chaotic and interesting!!! Dreams in media deserve a renaissance istg!!! I want better dream sequences god dammit!!!!!