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imminent-danger-came · 11 months

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Eldritch Abomination MK Theory

OKAY. @the-punning-ubus

I just want to say reading these tags are SO validating, because I have my little "MK was an eldritch abomination thing pre-hatching from stone" theory and seeing someone else come to pretty much the same conclusion feels good.

I've been meaning to write a proper theory post on this for a while, so now is as good of a time as any!

Obviously we have Wukong's "Not just anyone can wield my staff, but you did" from A Hero is Born and "The staff's just a big 'ol stick bud! It takes someone special to wield it" from 3x03, but there's also something in 1x09 Macaque:

Macaque: "Your staff kinda gives you away dude, not just anyone can wield that thing."

Macaque: "Ohohoh no, can't you hold the magic staff anymore? Well, you know what that means—there really isn't anything special about you. You're just a kid with a heavy stick."

The sweet irony of "There really isn't anything special about you. You're just a kid with a heavy stick!" followed immediately by MK lifting the staff again is not lost on me.

So, from s1 it was pretty obvious that Wukong didn't "give" MK any form of power, but we knew that already with MK being a monkey demon and all. I just think it's particularly intriguing that all of this was laid out in the same episode where MK proclaims "I am the weapon!". In all honestly, he probably was/is.

One of the main questions coming out of s4 is "why was MK created?"—Monkey King's stone was used to form another, but for what purpose? To what end? What reason was MK at the center of all these stories?

Well, here's my current theory:

MK was something in a past life, and that something needed to be contained—and so, to put a stop to past life eldritch abomination MK, he was then sealed away in the stone.

I think this scene in particular raises some alarm bells:

The stone cracks open, bursts with light, and then it closes—like something was put inside it. The scene could of course just be an aesthetic choice, or chosen to be this way for another reason we don't know yet, but it just feels so deliberate. A ball of light appearing from the stone, then another ball of light in the mystery woman's hands being revealed to hold a monkey, and then the stone reforming around the ball of light. I just can't help but feel there's something there.

Next I want to discuss the two key things that make me feel this theory has merit:

1.) MK has made a habit of breaking out of things he shouldn't be able to (the calabash in 1x05, the trigram furnace in 2x00, the scroll in 4x07, Destiny itself in 3x14) and the stone would be no exception.

2.) Every antagonist in this show has been sealed away in some form, then being released to resume their plans from before being sealed. Here's a list:

DBK was sealed under the mountain, and after being released continued his plan of world domination.

Spider Queen was metaphorically trapped in her fallen empire, and after being given the chance to rule the above world once again, immediately takes it.

The Lady Bone Demon was imprisoned in her tomb, and after being released prematurely (before learning the error of her ways), she continued her plan to destroy the world and create a new one.

Azure Lion was imprisoned in the scroll, and upon being released (by an unknown 3rd party), immediately worked to free his friends and then end the Jade Emperor's reign.

Now, I love foils, so MK breaking out of the stone he was sealed in, yet coming out an actually changed being unlike everyone else in this show, would be DELICIOUS:

Lady Bone Demon: ”No backup and no weapon? So, you’re plan is to fist fight a child?” Sun Wukong: “We both know that’s not what you are.”

(3x11 This Imperfect World)

Lady Bone Demon: "STOP! Have you forgotten? Destroy me and you destroy the host! Have you become so desperate to end me that you would sacrifice this blameless innocent child?" Sun Wukong: "You're giving me no choice! All the time you spent locked away, and you haven't changed a bit! I'm going to finish you, like I should have done a long time ago! I told you—you should have stayed buried."

(3x11 This Imperfect World)

Subodhi: "I have not brought you to your master. Although this is the stone from which Sun Wukong once sprung, it appears overtime, it was used to form another. A simple creature, with no past, no family, and no name. There is a reason you were at the center of these stories—a reason you can harness the power of the Monkey King himself!"

(4x06 Show Me the Monster)

(If you want extra fodder for this, please see this parallels post :3)

So, if MK were to hatch out of the stone—where *he* was sealed away—and he actually came out of it a "blameless innocent child" with "no past, no family, and no name", it would work exceedingly well. Wukong's not above giving people second chances, but if you use that second chance to try and destroy the world, you force his hand.

(Side note: it could also be the case that the stone was used to "reset" whatever MK was in his past life, and Wukong was originally meant to destroy whatever came out of the stone—which could be the reason he stayed at Flower Fruit Mountain for hundreds of years. However, when an child came out, a new being without a past or the memories of what it was before—Wukong choose to let it go. He choose to let it live a normal life—or even ensuring it could live a normal life—and it then found it's way to Pigsy. This definitely gets into real crack theory territory, but I did want to bring it up.)

Now, none of this is even mentioning the suspiciously MK shaped figure in the mural from 3x13:

Now, the figure in this mural is only shown when MK is also on screen, which is framing that drives me insane. Perhaps this is when they first caught MK's past life, then finally able to subdue him and seal him in the stone.

And so, if MK really was this terrible chaos driven abomination in his past life, what does that mean ✨thematically✨?

Well,

Sun Wukong: “Point is, mistakes happen, but so long as you leave the world in better shape than you found it, then it’s all good. Right?”

(4x01 Familiar Tales)

SWK: “ENOUGH! I’ve never let anyone dictate my destiny in the past, and I’m not about to start now. None of us are! We can’t change who we were yesterday or in a past life, or a hundred life times ago! We live with the choices we’ve made, for what matter is the choices we make RIGHT NOW! Only we decide who we are and what we do with the power we have.”

(4x07 Pitiful Creatures)

MK can't change who he was in a past life. He can't change that the roads all lead to pain. But you know what he can do? He can try. He can try and get a little bit better every day. He can try and help people. He can try and make the world better than he found it.

Maybe in a past life, MK caused just as must chaos and destruction as Wukong did in his past. Maybe he caused even more problems then he has as the Monkie Kid. But that also doesn't undo the good he's doing now.

Anyways, that's my "MK was an eldritch abomination thing pre-hatching from stone" theory. Hope you enjoyed

#wish I could be normal about anything ever #instead I write an in-depth theory post on why I think MK was fucked up in his past life #COME ON s4 SPECIAL. PROVE ME RIGHT #GIVE ME CRUMBS #THIS WOULD SLAP SO HARD #DO IT FOR ME #lmk theory #lmk #lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lmk MK #this ain't even mentioning the god damn curse #Cause like bro. The curse reacting to MK (being a part of MK?) the way it does is so fucking weird #Why did MK get a flash of it in 4x03. Why #''harbinger of chaos'' WELL MAYBE HE WAS ONE. MAYBE HE WAS.#eamk theory

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cedarxwing · 3 months

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Faust allusions in Hannibal

"I believe that Hannibal Lecter is as close as you can come to the devil, to Satan. He's the fallen angel. His motives are not banal reasons, like childhood abuse or junkie parents. It's in his genes. He finds life is most beautiful on the threshold to death, and that is something that is much closer to the fallen angel than it is to a psychopath." - Mads Mikkelsen on Hannibal as the Devil

I'm not a Faust expert or anything, but I've been balls deep in Wikipedia for the last week and here are my findings:

Super Short Summary of Faust:

Faust is an old scholar dissatisfied with life. One day Mephistopheles (the Devil) shows up and offers him a deal including unlimited knowledge and worldly pleasures. The particulars of the deal vary by version:

Original Faustbuch: Mephisto offers 24 years of service, and then Faust must serve him forever in hell.

Goethe: Mephisto will serve Faust until he experiences a moment of perfect satisfaction, after which he'll be dragged to hell. (Mephisto also makes a secondary bet with God that he can tempt Faust away from righteousness and into damnation.)

Gounod's opera: Mephisto turns Faust young again and wins him the beautiful Marguerite's heart. He also offers knowledge and power, but the story is more about Marguerite.

In most versions, Faust is damned to Hell at the end. In Goethe's version, Faust finds his moment of perfect satisfaction, but Mephisto doesn't succeed in tempting Faust into sin, so Faust ends up going to Heaven.

Explicit References

I won't list all the times the script refers to Hannibal as the Devil, but they're fun to look for. :)

The first explicit reference to Faust is in Sorbet (1x07), when Gounod's Le veau d'or plays while Hannibal gathers meat for his dinner party. This aria is Mephisto's manifesto on human nature:

"The calf of gold is the victor over the gods! In its derisory (absurde) glory, The abject monster insults heaven! It contemplates, oh weird frenzy! At his feet the human race, Hurling itself about, iron in hand, In blood and in the mire, Where gleams the burning metal, And satan leads the dance"

People are slaves to greed and easily tempted away from their morals--a nice description of Hannibal's perspective on humanity and his favorite pastime. I also like the implication that the rude people in his Rolodex are damned souls that he's come to reap.

This is a quote from Hannibal Rising when Hannibal watches Faust at the Opera Garnier with Lady Murasaki and the Paris Police Commissioner (which, wow, this chapter is practically Phantom of the Opera fanfiction). It's funny, because at that point in the novel, Hannibal is more Faust than Mephisto, so he's contemptuous of himself. Later, once he's undergone some, ahem, character development, the book quotes Goethe:

"I'd yield myself to the Devil instantly, Did it not happen that myself am he!"

This is probably the origin of the "Hannibal is the Devil" interpretation.

Also, I just want to point out that it's not particularly unique to be contemptuous of Gounod's Faust. He's a skeevy old man who fucks up his own life and everyone else's out of boredom, which is very human and relatable, but not very likable! We're all Fausts who are contemptuous of Faust, just like we're all rooting for Hannibal and contemptuous of Chilton.

Another quote from Goethe. Faust says this line while complaining that he has to choose between a simple/familiar/earthly life and a life unbound by earthly limitations (x). The double meaning of this line perfectly sums up Dolarhyde's predicament. He gave up a normal life to experience something otherworldly, and now he's fighting against the Red Dragon to save Reba.

This line also summarizes the temptation Hannibal dangles in front of Will. "Don't you crave change, Will?" A moment of perfect satisfaction, after which his soul will forever belong to Hannibal. This moment comes to pass when they kill Dolarhyde and go off the cliff, a metaphorical fall from Heaven (better explained here: x).

Not to get too lost in the weeds, but I would argue that killing Dolarhyde wasn't really a sin (maybe it was a sin to let those prison guards die, but killing Dolarhyde was self-defense and he was a serial killer for Pete's sake), so Hannibal lost his bet with God (Jack), and Will (Faust) is going to heaven after all, just like in Goethe's version. Maybe this idea would've been explored in Season 4, who knows.

Faustian Bargains

Once you strike a bargain with Hannibal, your soul belongs to him, and he can collect it at any time. The whole show is a series of people falling for this trap (except for Will, to Hannibal's never-ending frustration).

Some characters go to Hannibal seeking "otherworldly knowledge" while others are motivated by material greed. Gideon wants to know the Ripper and pays the price. Chilton and Sutcliffe commiserate with Hannibal in their medical malpractice and are punished accordingly. In Digestivo, Alana/Margot accept Hannibal's offer to take the fall for Mason's murder (and also get Mason's sperm) so they can inherit the Verger fortune.

The Faustian bargain motif is most apparent in Season 3, when Hannibal starts making characters explicitly ask for his help:

And, of course, the bargain Hannibal waited three seasons to strike:

Bedelia is the purest manifestation of this. She makes not one but two deals with Hannibal. The first was to help her get away with murder. The second was to take her "behind the veil" in Florence, where she acquires otherworldly knowledge and experiences. This is framed as "lucid greed" on her part, and maybe not just greed for knowledge, depending on how much she made off her lectures about being Lydia Fell! Hannibal spends Season 3a trying to get her to "participate" and makes some headway before his plans are derailed. She gets her come-uppance in the post-credits scene.

Finally, the most heartbreaking deal Hannibal makes:

Abigail's soul belongs to Hannibal as soon as she accepts this offer. In Mizumono, she willingly goes to her fate. :(

(Again, I'm not an expert, so if I got anything wrong please correct me!!)

#hannibal #nbc hannibal #hannibal meta #faust #bedelia du maurier #alana bloom #will graham #abel gideon #frederick chilton #margot verger #francis dolarhyde #cedar writes

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wishcamper · 3 months

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Heavy Lies the Crown: Rhysand, greatness, and the pressures of power

Or: the librarian’s daughter, former playwright, licensed counselor mashup of my nightmares dreams because I am vast, I contain multitudes.

No content warnings and no real HOFAS spoilers, I don't think, other than that he's in it but I feel like you know that by now. Spoilers for Breaking Bad (lol).

---

In working on my current fic (on ao3 here!) I've been thinking a lot about Rhysand and how he really goes off the rails in ACOSF and HOFAS. It's easy to chalk it up to poor writing, but I like the challenge of trying to make it make sense. What are Rhys’ motivations, truly? What would explain the vast array of heinous shit he does the text tells us is justified?

Rhys is shown over and over to be quite Machiavellian ('ends justify the means' dude, who was maybe writing satire). It's easy to list the times he shows this. The 50 year Velaris hostage situation. The bargain UTM with Feyre. The Weaver's cottage. Stealing the Book from Tarquin. CLARE BEDDOR. Infiltrating people's minds. Torture. Assassination. Allying with Kier. Concealing his wife's medical information. Being an ass to people in general. According to Mr. Machiavelli, any action is warranted if it the goal it achieves is morally important enough.

It seems like Rhys can justify anything to himself if he believes it will serve the greatest good at the end of the day. He does so many things with the air of “it’s for your own good” or “you’ll understand why one day” but that day never.. comes? Not yet anyway, which begs the question: is he that unself-aware, or is there a longer game he’s playing that all of these minor skirmishes are leading up to? What if he knows what's coming? And what kind of cause or threat would feel so great he could justify everything he does up to this point?

Okay I'm gonna talk about Aristotelean literary structure, please don't leave me.

The idea of a tragic hero is a character whose downfall is inevitable but who fights against it anyway. Hamlet is a classic example of a tragic hero, Oedipus being the de facto first, Walter White from Breaking Bad a more modern version. We see Walt learn he’s going to die in the first episode, in the middle he does a bunch of stuff to prevent his physical death (cancer) and metaphorical death (failure/obscurity), and then both his body and reputation die in the last episode as a direct result of his attempts to avoid fate. It’s blissful Aristotelean symmetry. *chef’s kiss*

Every tragic hero has hamartia, more commonly known as a ‘fatal flaw’. In Hamlet, his fatal flaw is procrastination, and his delays create space for all kinds of the fuck shit he was trying to prevent. It’s important to note that hamartia is by design a neutral term - not so much a flaw, but a trait, motivation, or decision that sets off the chain of events the character is trying to avoid. Tragedies have occurred equally from too much love as too much hate, and doing nothing is just as much a decision as doing something. The word itself comes from the Greek for ‘to miss the mark’. To try and fail, the backbone of tragedy.

One of the most common hamartia is hubris, a modern synonym for arrogance but which more specifically means an outsized belief in one’s ability to affect and control the future. Well-known tragic heroes taken down by hubris include our boy Walter White, Tony Soprano, Viktor Frankenstein, Achilles, Jay Gatsby, Kendall from Succession. It exists in real life, too: Lance Armstrong is a perfect example of a modern tragic hero brought down by hubris. And what do all these men have in common? Power, via money, fame, strength, the state, intellect, violence etc.

I’ve been enjoying looking at Rhysand through this tragic hero lens because while it doesn’t really make him more sympathetic, it does make his actions easier to understand logically, which is its own kind of humanization. If Rhysand is aware of a prophesied or fated event sometime in the future and is pulling the cosmic strings now, it must be incredibly important, like annihilation-level important, which is so much pressure.

So he grows to maturity with an understanding that he will one day have to face this intense evil that could completely destroy his world, and it plants in him a hubris. He believes that his immense power grants him a certain amount of influence automatically. And honestly, is he wrong?

And this is where it’s important to think about how power makes people weird. Power gives people a false sense of confidence in their actions and choices, because their status and privilege protect them from so many more consequences. In this way it’s easy to see how someone can get a big ego - no one is stopping me, so I must be doing well! Or: everything is going well for me, so I must be really killing it! I know I feel that way in the first tingles of hypomania, but hypomania is fundamentally a distortion of reality and I believe so is power.

Power not only gives people confidence but also access to make decisions for others. They begin to think they should share the success they’ve found by leading and guiding others to see how great it can be if you do what they say. Just look at one of those cringe 'billionaire morning routine' videos to see what I mean. It’s a very patronizing form of altruism, because the leader genuinely believes they have the people’s interest at heart. And I use the word patronizing intentionally - leaders have often referenced feeling paternal towards their people, Winston Churchill + FDR, 'God the Father'. Power and fatherhood have been linked for a long time. And direct from our girl Wikipedia, "paternalism is action that limits a person's or group's liberty or autonomy and is intended to promote their own good".

I was talking with a girlfriend of mine recently about how I think some men don’t have the experience of other people depending on them in a significant way until they get married and/or become fathers. Like, afab and femme people learn very early to be considerate of others, to think about how others feel, to act in ways that keep others happy, etc. This plants in us a sense of duty to perform in ways that please others, to smile, to create comfort and provide caretaking in every environment we enter. So by the time we get to marriage and motherhood, we already know how to put others’ needs before our own because we’ve been doing it from the jump.

For men, however, this can be a completely novel experience. And it seems like it's SO HEAVY FOR THEM. George ‘Father of his Country’ Washington just wanted to go back to Virginia the whole time he was President. So many men talk about the pressures of being a provider and their families depending on them in a way women don’t, and I think it’s because for the first time others truly depend on them and they don’t know how to handle it.

In response, they either shove down their emotions as patriarchy demands and have a midlife crisis, or they abdicate that responsibility and go completely absent physically and/or emotionally to continue living for themselves. (Obviously there are good men and dads out there, and bless you if you’re lucky enough to know, have, or be one.)

And this aspect of power feels relevant because from the text it seems like Rhysand is unraveling. Between Feyre, the baby, the Trove, Nesta and being threatened by her power, Koschei, Bryce, the whole High King shit - I think he’s starting to crack under the pressure. And honestly, I’m kind of surprised it didn’t happen before now.

According to Aristotle, the tragic hero must:

Be significant (virtuous/capable/powerful/important etc.)

Be flawed

Suffer a reversal of fortune.

Rhysie boy definitely ticks the first two. I wonder what it would look like to get to three? I don’t think Sarah has the balls, but it’s definitely enhanced my reading experience and given me a lot of interesting things to think about.

Okay that's all I've got. Love ya, see ya soon xx

#prythian university #acotar #acosf #rhys critical #sjm critical #tragic hero #lit crit #i love thinking way too deeply about things

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raine-kai · 7 months

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Luffy and the Limitations of Reality

Today I finally got the time to watch the Gear 5th fight episodes, and I had some thoughts. (Well. It's less that I had time, and more that I was paying no attention to anything else because my brain was full of One Piece so I decided to embrace it.)

First off, SEVEN EPISODES??? Wow they really milked it 😂 I don't remember how many chapters it was but seven would be almost a whole volume and I don't think it was that. (Yes, I know, old news that the anime will milk these things for all they're worth, but still.)

Secondly and most of all, though, I want to talk about what Gear 5th, and Luffy's use of it, tells us about him.

Luffy is excellent at working out clever ways to fight opponents, even when it seems impossible, and training himself up to impossible lengths, using everything he has at his disposal.

But Gear 5th is a little bit different in that it's literally world-bending. The fact that he could use it more or less instantly could be the fruit communicating to him via their compatibility...or it could be that Luffy is always pushing the boundaries of reality in his mind.

While it could easily be a bit of both, Luffy's comment that he can do everything he wanted suggests to me that it's more of the latter.

This means, to me, that Luffy has always felt a little bit caged inside his own head, trapped by the boundaries of reality and physics. That Gear 5th to him is breaking free of these trivial cages that have always limited him, and allowed him to have the time of his life.

There's something that resonates with me about that, feeling trapped in your mind and discovering an outlet through imagination and joy that cut through and reshape a dark, serious world.

One Piece is full of metaphors and references and I'm sure we've barely scratched the surface of what Sun God Nika means, and who Joy Boy was.

But I feel there is something momentous about having Luffy be so good at using his Nika powers, with very little learning curve. Something that suggests an enormity about how he fights all systems that limit him all the time, including physics and reality itself.

He's always done silly things in battle—the first examples that come to mind are the time he tried to eat Crocodile and water Luffy and gomu gomu no boh—and Gear 5th harkens back to those with Kaido demanding that Luffy take the fight seriously. But things like grabbing lightning or peeling up the ground? Luffy has these extremely wacky ideas and as soon as he sees that he can make the ground change form to suit him, he immediately starts playing with that.

One Piece has always had a huge theme of freedom, and I like that it takes this theme to extremes—freedom even from things like physics which will forever constrain us.

It's redefined the shonen genre, and continues to do so by defying and subverting genre conventions again and again.

I've been a One Piece fan for over twenty years, and most of the long-running stories that I was a fan of twenty years ago have waned in my esteem; yet here is One Piece, still waxing, still growing in its scope and impact. The queer representation that used to be considered questionable has become something largely seen as very positive—not through retconning, but through expanding the in-world representation of non-cis characters. (I still live in dread that one day this will be taken away, but until then....) The story has had its ups and downs, but it always introduces something new to drag me back in.

Today, it's the notion that true freedom means even freedom from physics and the limitations of the material world, and that could so easily be silly...and it IS silly, but in a way that continues to make me invested in the story, and love Luffy ever more.

Kaido keeps telling Luffy to be serious, calling him a child...but he loses. All this time, he's been waiting for Joy Boy, but when he meets him, he ridicules him.

There's something in here too about the power of childish fun, embracing your brain's weirdness, and not minding when people call you names.

But when I put it like that...hasn't that always been ONE PIECE in a nutshell?

#one piece anime #one piece spoilers #gomu gomu no mi #sun god nika #monkey d. luffy #luffy #gear 5th #gear 5 spoilers #one piece meta #meta

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purpleheartskies · 11 days

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Kreese, Johnny, Robby, and the cycle of generational trauma

This post talks about Robby's ultimate goal of breaking the cycle of generational trauma that is being passed down to him from Kreese and Johnny. The post goes into Johnny's Hero's Journey a bit. (The Hero's Journey is a story structure and a character transformation arc in a story. I want to do a proper post about Johnny's Hero's Journey, but I may wait until after s6 to do so. Explanations below that are about certain stages in the Hero's Journey are in blue font.) Note, the post contains spoilers for s6!

Since s3, I've been really interested in the Kreese-Johnny-Robby storyline because it's about most of the generational trauma that is in Johnny and Robby's story. (s4e4 also touched on Johnny having his bio dad's things after he had abandoned Johnny and on Robby mentioning that Johnny once leaving behind a VHS movie was the only reminder he had for months that Johnny existed.) The ending of s3 also seemed to open up the possibility of Johnny starting to truly redeem himself. Now, if you follow my posts, you know that I believe there is a difference between writers not knowing how to do storytelling versus writers making decisions that I don't like for characters and characters' journeys. Yes, I did not like where the writers have gone with Johnny and Johnny's story, but I also don't believe that that means the writers don't know what they're doing as storytellers. These are just the decisions they have made for his character. They didn't have him start growing in s4 or s5. Instead, they had him stay the same in general and get worse wrt Robby. Anyway...

At the end of s3, Johnny started the Ordeal stage in his Hero's Journey. About the Ordeal:

Things go wrong and added conflict is introduced. The hero experiences more difficult hurdles and obstacles, some of which may lead to a life crisis. Usually involves looking in a mirror, literally or metaphorically. Can include being pushed to their limit until their identity is shattered or they face death or their greatest fear, and their essence (greatest flaw) is revealed. The hero also faces his shadow (his greatest villain) and reaches his goal. The goal itself does not satisfy the hero's deepest need.

Johnny faced his "shadow" (greatest villain) Kreese and looked in his "mirror" Robby. He was confronted by both his past/present with Kreese and his past/present with Robby. Kreese had inserted himself into Robby's life behind Johnny's back. Of course, Johnny's knee-jerk reaction was to blame Robby, "Robby, what are you doing here?" when he found Robby with Kreese, despite knowing that Kreese is a manipulative brainwasher. Kreese then told Johnny that he wanted them to become the 3 generations of Cobra Kai, and Robby told Johnny to listen to Kreese because Kreese wants what's best for Johnny. Kreese would always tell Johnny that he wants what's best for Johnny when Kreese is trying to manipulate Johnny. I've always believed that Robby wasn't manipulated by Kreese in this moment but was just playing along with Kreese. After all, Robby didn't trust anyone anymore and knew when he met Kreese in juvie that Kreese was using different manipulation tactics against him. (Robby's responses to Kreese in that scene indicate so.) Anyway, Johnny attacked Kreese after Robby said this. Their fight escalated. Johnny picked up a weapon, and Robby told him "don't do it." Johnny dropped the weapon, tackled Kreese, and started punching Kreese repeatedly while he was on the ground. Robby pulled Johnny away from Kreese, and Johnny tried to tell Robby to listen to him and not to trust Kreese. Robby responded by comparing trusting Kreese to trusting Johnny, indicating that Robby didn't trust either of them. Robby then told Johnny that all those years Johnny wasn't there Robby blamed himself, that Kreese is right that Robby can't be his own worst enemy, and that Johnny can be. Robby then attacked Johnny, who tried his best not to hurt Robby, but Johnny accidentally did. While Johnny was checking if Robby was okay, Kreese attacked Johnny and started strangling him. Daniel then arrived and kicked Kreese off of Johnny. At the end of the fight, after Daniel was stopped from doing more damage to Kreese, Johnny stood next to Daniel, opposite to Kreese, and said that Cobra Kai's gotta go. This was Johnny shedding his identity as "Cobra Kai". Kreese then offered a deal that they settle things with the avt, and Daniel and Johnny accepted. Robby then came out and stood next to Kreese and told Johnny and Daniel to leave. They were simply disappointed and didn't try to stop Robby from staying with Kreese.

What's important about these confrontations for Johnny is that earlier, because of his conversation with Ali, he had decided to move on from his past and focus on his present and future. He decided to move on from Ali. Later, because of these confrontations with Kreese and Robby, Johnny also decided to move on from these relationships as well. It's why in s4 he didn't do anything for Robby and did everything he could to hold onto his relationships with the Diazs, which he now considers his present and future (as he also indicated to Chozen in s5e9). This is also why Johnny dismisses or shuts down any mention (especially by Robby) of his failures with Robby. Johnny wants to move on from the past for his own benefit and believing that he can't make up for it.

In s4, Kreese was easy going with Robby, which Robby knew was to get to Johnny. Silver also made note of this. He knew that Kreese wanted to share his legacy with Johnny and Robby more than Kreese wanted to share it with him. Silver noted to Kreese that Kreese had struck first against Johnny and took his son. Silver also noted to Kreese that he didn't have everything under control, including Robby. Silver decided to take matters into his own hands in s4e8. Silver took advantage of Johnny's weaknesses wrt to Robby. Kreese had figured out in s2 that Johnny neglects Robby, but in s3, Kreese saw for himself that Johnny refused to fight Robby. As viewers, we can doubt whether Johnny actually cares about or loves Robby, but Kreese and Silver do keep trying to use Robby against Johnny. (Although Silver did mention that Miguel would see Johnny's bruises and get thrown off balance, that didn't happen. Instead, Miguel got thrown off balance because Johnny said "I love you too Robby". Also, Silver was trying to use Johnny against Miguel, not the other way around.) Anyway, on prom night, Silver went to the Keene's home, gave Robby his car to borrow, gave Shannon cash, and offered her a job. Shannon recognized this as a red flag and went to Johnny. At first, he focused more on the fact that Robby was going to prom than on what she was saying about Silver. She forced Johnny to pay attention to the Silver part. She told him what Silver had done, why she didn't like it, and that Johnny needed to handle it because it's related to Cobra Kai.

Johnny then went to the CK dojo looking for Silver. Silver called the dojo and taunted Johnny over the phone. When Johnny told Silver to keep his cash and cars away from his son, Silver pointed out that Johnny didn't even know that Robby was going to prom. Silver said that as long as Robby was with him, Silver would take care of him. He also commented about Shannon being a beautiful woman. Silver then lured Johnny into a trap, blindsided him with an attack, and fought him. When Silver got the upperhand and wanted to show Johnny no mercy, Kreese stopped him from doing more and they left Johnny there. By the time, Johnny made it home, Johnny was drunk and in a broken state. No doubt, the experience was an insane one for him. Johnny's turmoil and grief were focused on what he has never been able to do for Robby. All Johnny has wanted to do is be a father to Robby and protect him, but Johnny's traumas and his reliance on his coping mechanisms (his addictions to alcohol and to the validation he feels in his relationship with Miguel) have really impaired his ability to do so. Sadly, despite this experience with Silver, Johnny still did nothing to get Robby back from Silver and Kreese.

I believe the prom night was part of Johnny's Ordeal. (Though, I'm still playing with the analysis of Johnny's Hero's Journey. Because the series is structured like a very long movie, some stages in the characters' Hero's Journeys can span more than one episode, as with Robby's Hero's Journey.) The Ordeal stage takes the character to their lowest state and also reveals the character's greatest flaw and Johnny spoke about some of his flaw: him not being able to be a father to Robby. In s4e7, Johnny had also spoken about how he is passing down generational trauma to Robby:

Johnny: "... I didn't have a male role model growing up. Till I met Kreese, and you know how that went. And I didn't want to be like him. Or Sid. Or my own dad. And I took all that bullshit I felt from them and I put it on Robby's life. I can never fix that."

In s4e10, Kreese and Johnny did talk at the avt, and Kreese told Johnny that Johnny didn't know what Silver was going to do. Kreese told Johnny that he could have been with his "real" son. Johnny said that Kreese doesn't care about Robby any more than Kreese cares about Johnny. Johnny then reminded Kreese that he had forced Johnny to fight dirty and sacrifice his soul so that Cobra Kai could stay number one. Kreese said that that wasn't true and that he wanted Johnny to be number one. Kreese said that Johnny was about to beaten, he was down 2-0, and Kreese knew it would take Johnny into a downward spiral and had been right about that. Kreese went on to say that it does matter whether you win or lose and, if he can help Robby win, Robby will remember it for the rest of his life and maybe Robby can keep Cobra Kai going. Johnny said that that's never gonna happen because Cobra Kai's gonna die that night.

Cobra Kai didn't die that night, though. Kreese had also been wrong about Robby. Kreese had wanted to pass down his legacy to Robby and even tried to, but Robby rejected it soon after he adopted it fully in his fight with Kenny. Robby went to Johnny after the avt and also quit Cobra Kai. Johnny of course had done nothing to protect Robby from Kreese in the first place, nor the whole time Robby had been with Kreese.

In s5e7, Kreese tried to convince Johnny that everything Kreese had done had been for Johnny and that Johnny could still get Cobra Kai back and carry on the legacy. Johnny then said that that is Kreese's legacy and that Johnny's in this fight to erase everything Kreese did, every mark Kreese left, and every memory of Kreese. However, throughout s5, Johnny continued to pass down Kreese's legacy---the generational trauma due to the dysfunctional relationships and the generational trauma due to Cobra Kai. Johnny didn't treat Robby well at all and continued to pass down trauma to Robby due to Johnny's continued dysfunctional behavior with him. Also, although Johnny taught Miguel Kreese's Cobra Kai legacy as well as Johnny's own Cobra Kai legacy called Eagle Fang, Miguel has used this legacy primarily on Robby since s1, attacking him more than once, and this has added to Robby's traumas. Robby's life has been affected negatively by the school fight the most, especially with the consequences and aftermath of the school fight continuing to add to Robby's traumas and to have lasting effects on his relationships, reputation, and present and future prospects. In s5e5, for his own benefit, Johnny told the boys to use a "Johnny classic", aka Cobra Kai, method to resolve the rivalry that is essentially Miguel's rivalry with Robby. Robby clearly didn't want to fight but did so because Miguel agreed to it. Miguel "struck first" and drew blood first. They both "struck hard" then. In the end, Robby stopped fighting back, and Miguel "showed mercy". This fight was meant to mirror the school fight.

Robby has been experiencing the generational trauma through Johnny's behavior and through the Cobra Kai teachings. Kreese's captain had used the teachings on Kreese. Kreese has used the teachings on Johnny. Johnny, through teaching and supporting Miguel and knowing that he uses the teachings against Robby, has essentially been using the teachings on Robby as well. In s4, when Robby used the Cobra Kai teachings on Kenny, Robby immediately regretted it and turned completely against the Cobra Kai teachings. Later, he didn't even join Eagle Fang but chose to join Miyagi-Do. Robby is the cycle breaker! Since Daniel's lessons about finding balance in s1e8 and s1e10, Robby has been trying to overcome his "hate"/trauma and trying to "find balance". He tried using the Miyagi-Do way from s1e10 to s2e10 but failed. He tried to use Cobra Kai to channel his hate into fighting from s3e10 to s4e10 in order to find balance. But, fully adopting Cobra Kai led to him hurting Kenny, which he doesn't want to do. He doesn't want to be like Johnny. He wants to be better than Johnny, like he told Johnny in s4e4. Robby wants to break the cycle of generational trauma, and he has actually been trying to. Whereas Johnny only focuses on how the trauma and his failures with Robby have affected Johnny himself, Robby wants to work on overcoming his trauma so that he doesn't affect others with it.

In s5e10, the juxtaposition of Johnny's and Robby's fight scenes, the parallel of Robby not fighting back against Kenny in the brawl to Johnny not fighting back against Robby in s3e10, and the line that Johnny will screw up another kid---and essentially continue the cycle of generational trauma---are very important.

The only line that acknowledges the reality of Johnny becoming a father again is bookended by these two editing cuts, one of the many subtle, visual reminders throughout the series that Robby is Johnny's son. The statement itself literally tells the audience what to expect if Johnny were to become a father again: Johnny will screw up another kid.

Johnny had left Robby with Johnny's abuser, and that's yet another irredeemable thing Johnny has done to Robby. Robby is a cycle breaker, while Johnny isn't. In s5, the last statement made about Johnny becoming a father again is that Johnny's going to just screw up another kid. Robby in contrast was shown to do more to get Kenny out of Cobra Kai and warn him of the potential dangers of Cobra Kai and Silver. In s5e4, Robby himself went to Kenny and told him that Cobra Kai would turn him into a someone him doesn't want to be. In s5e8, when Kenny approached Robby angrily, Robby discouraged him from giving into his hate and encouraged him to use a Miyagi-Do way to solve his rivalry. In s5e9, Robby went to the Cobra Kai dojo and told the students in front of Silver that Silver is their enemy. Robby looked right at Kenny and said that he has not gone beyond the point of no return and that there is another way (Miyagi-Do). In s5e10, later that day, Robby took part in the plan to take down Silver and made a point to keep trying to talk to Kenny before, during, and after the brawl. Robby didn't try to fight back against Kenny when he attacked him, and Robby also gave Kenny a meaningful look while the video of Silver's confession was playing. Although, Johnny did by chance find Robby with Kreese and tried to tell Robby not to trust Kreese (s3e10), Johnny had done nothing to prove himself or be there for Robby up until that point. Johnny had not built a relationship with Robby and didn't have Robby’s trust. When Robby attacked Johnny, Johnny didn't fight back until he instinctively did and hurt Robby by accident. Johnny did immediately regret it, but he soon after gave up on Robby pretty easily and left Robby with that mark on his head and with Kreese. In all of s4, Johnny did nothing for months afterwards to get Robby away from Kreese. That does indicate to Robby that Johnny as always truly doesn't care about Robby and/or Johnny was lying to Robby about Kreese. Although, because of Kreese's arrest, Robby does now believe that Kreese is bad, Robby still believes that Silver is the worse of the two. Robby still doesn't know about what Silver had done to Johnny on prom night. Though, Robby is also still unaware of Johnny's full history with Kreese, so Robby is still unaware that Kreese has strangled Johnny twice: first, when he was Robby’s age; second, that night at the CK dojo with Robby lying unconscious a few feet away.

The s5 finale started with Kreese saying that his best student, who was like a son to him, told him that every mark he made and every memory of him would be erased. The finale ended with Kreese escaping prison. With Kreese out in the wild and with s6 being the last season, this storyline between Kreese, Johnny, and Robby should/will now be focused on and resolved. After all the writers have always talked about the premise of Johnny's story being that Johnny's relationship with Kreese has affected Johhny's relationship with Robby. It's important to note that, in canon, Kreese and Johnny both blame Johnny losing the avt for Johnny's life falling apart, but the root of it is Kreese strangling and abandoning Johnny. That is also what makes their confrontation in s3e10 so important. Johnny relived the worst moment of his life but has never really confronted what that means for him and how that had affected his relationship with Robby. Instead, Johnny chose to just move on.

All this leads me to a thought I had for s6. Of course, this is just a musing on my part...

A few spoiler pics since s6 production resumed this year have confirmed so far that the "joint" dojo will just be named Miyagi-Do. I have believed since s3 that Johnny would become Miyagi-Do. (I talk about it a bit in this post.) It has been the trajectory of his journey from the start. The biggest indicator of this was in s2e10 when Robby told Johnny that Miyagi-Do had helped Robby and that Johnny could learn from Daniel. Robby wanted Johnny to become Miyagi-Do, like Robby was trying to become Miyagi-Do. Since then, Johnny himself chose to ally himself with Daniel at the end of s3 and then officially joined dojos with him in s5.

Marty Kove has said that Kreese will be on the warpath. Also, at an event soon after production had stopped last year due the writers' strike, Billy Zabka mentioned that they had filmed the first episode already and that it had two mega fights in it and that there's character development. Now, the thought that I had, which is pretty bleak, is that Kreese will go after Robby. Kreese has played this game with Johnny before, and Kreese knows that one of Johnny's weaknesses is that Johnny neglects Robby. Kreese told Johnny in s2e7 that, when you have a weakness, you let your guard down and it makes you vulnerable. I have mentioned this in general before, but now I wonder what Kreese could potentially do to Robby if Kreese were to approach or confront Robby in s6. What if history will repeat itself? What if Kreese confronts Robby, maybe even about his second place trophy and saying that he is weak just like his father? What if Kreese somehow ends up strangling Robby? Of course, Robby survives, but what if this were to happen? Maybe Johnny will be the one to save Robby? Would this be the wake up call Johnny finally needs? That Robby live through what Johnny has lived through? In terms of passing on the trauma, Kreese has gone to Robby directly before. Robby has also rejected Kreese's legacy, like Johnny has. Most importantly, Robby is Johnny's legacy. This bleak thought occurred to me. On the one hand, I dismiss it. On the other hand, I think it is possible. Kreese strangled Johnny in kk2, and Kreese strangled Johnny in CK s3e10. Could Kreese strangle Robby in s6? I know that people suggested this might happen right after the s4 avt, but it may be a subversion if it happens now. Of course, this is just a thought, and this likely won't happen.

As I mentioned in my post about Robby's Hero's Journey, Robby's and Johnny's Hero's Journeys are converging. The Ordeal is the 8th stage of the Journey, and the Resurrection is the 11th stage, This stage is the climax and is also known as the "dark night of the soul":

"At the climax, the hero is severely tested once more on the threshold of home. He or she is purified by a last sacrifice, another moment of death and rebirth, but on a higher and more complete level. By the hero's action, the polarities that were in conflict at the beginning are finally resolved."

Robby and Johnny should/will both go through their "Resurrection" stages in s6. Each will have his moment of transformation (which doesn't have to be literally associated with a death and birth, but could just be metaphorically) after which each will start to resolve his central conflict and obtain his "need". Robby will start to find balance the correct way that is not detrimental to his mental health, and Johnny will start confronting his past with Robby and atoning for it.

I know everyone has given up on Johnny's redemption wrt Robby, but I'm entertaining the notion that the writers are going to bring this storyline of Kreese-Johnny-Robby home. They will resolve it. s5 was Johnny's Reward stage (the 9th stage). Johnny got his "wants", but the Reward is not meant to satisfy the character's internal "need". Johnny's "need" is him needing to start to resolve his relationship with Kreese and his trauma due to Kreese so that Johnny can start resolving his relationship with Robby and atoning for his failures with Robby. Johnny has to grow in order to be redeemed.

About the Reward stage:

"It is here that the hero receives the object of desire they have been pursuing in the story thus far. But it cannot be enough to fulfill the central conflict in the story. That's because your hero must have an internal need that the object doesn't satisfy." "The hero can also be too easily satisfied with the Reward, leaving unresolved conflict. This sets up an even more shocking twist later when the Shadow rears its head again, shattering the false comfort provided by the physical Reward."

Johnny's shadow (greatest villain) is Kreese. That's why Kreese's escape at the end of s5 and Johnny's promise to wipe out Kreese's legacy were left unresolved at the end of s5. It was pretty obvious from a story structure standpoint that s5 was the false victory as part of the Reward stage. Johnny for sure has yet to have his final confrontation(s) with Kreese, as I assume they will have more than one confrontation across the course of the season, at least one of which may be in ep 1 and one of which may have something to do with Robby. We'll have to see... Regardless, Robby should succeed in his goal of breaking the cycle of generational trauma. This trauma has been been Robby's main rival throughout the series.

(I'm aware that, earlier this year, after production had picked up again, Xolo mentioned in one his and Jacob's podcasts that episode one had been rewritten. We don't know to what extent, so we don't know if what Billy had said about episode one is still true. Given how much producing an episode costs and Jon commenting last year about episode one being wrapped and not being redone after the strike(s) end, it's possible that just some and not all of it has been written. There was also a recent spoiler that indicates something important about Tory that I won't say here. If you follow the spoilers, you'll likely know about it. I'm keeping all this in mind while sharing this thought for s6.)

(Regardless of what will be in s6 or what payoffs we'll get in the story, this is an analysis of what is in canon so far. Please don't reblog or reply with any dismissive comment or tag expressing negativity towards the show writers, the writing, or the serious aspects of the show. Such comments/tags minimize the contents of the post, which discusses the serious topics (such as trauma, bullying, neglect, and abuse) that are explored in the show and should be respected.)

#cobra kai is robby's story #robby keene

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thecoddaughter · 5 months

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Secret Life as Every The Crane Wives Song

(EXTREMELY LONG POST WARNING)

Etho:

Nothing at All “Do you ever feel nothing at all? I do, I do, I do. I would not wish that on you”

Counting Sheep “Feign contentment for a while, that's all you know how to do.”

Grian:

Sleeping Giant “I feel the mountains, I feel the mountains shifting under me. The sleeping giants are finally waking.” (This man knows things about the sudden arrival of a ominous deity like entity)

Steady, Steady “I can take for better but for worse can't condone. Most of all for good just makes me ache to be alone.” (Not teaming up with people for so long because of fear of hurting them)

Ancient History “My dreams keep digging up the bones of memories. Discarded remnants of former times.” (Again, watchers…)

Pearl:

I Talk In My Sleep “I talk in my sleep when my demons won't let me be. They twist the things I say when you are far away.”

How to Rest “Though you've convinced yourself, you're safe and sound within. The thing you fear the most never need get in.”

New Colors “Old towns here are mean. Spit fire and gasoline. But all I want is solitude. I have half a mind to climb up in the sky and hide myself inside the moon”

The Crooked, The Cradle “I'm nobody's daughter. I'm nobody's daughter. My enemies crow. "We're alone with the kill"” “I won't pretend my season won't end, but I pray, when it's done, when it's through I'll have something left for you.”

Scar:

The Garden “The crows in the garden are laughing at my expense, drowning out all the lies that I might have told instead” (his scamming and scheming butt can't escape me)

New Discovery “Sometimes I feel like I’m lost in the desert… I see my footprints in the sand so I know where I’ve been” (desert... like the desert duo... i'm so clever!)

Can’t Have It All “I won't bargain, I won't break. My mind's made up, though my head still aches and all my love you tried to take, but you can't have it all.”

Cleo:

Ribs “Brick and mortar between my bones. Built a kingdom fierce and fortified. My name fading from the yellow page. Stones are laid upon the mountainside.”

Tongues & Teeth “I will poison all your happy thoughts. I will love you like the ashes in my cigarette box and if you're fine with that you can be mine.”

Impulse:

Little Soldiers “I fought with tooth and nail before the flag had flown but you were already gone”

Strangler Fig “You built your kingdom around me. Now I'm trapped within your walls and all I want is to be free.” (That man died and joined the apocalypse willingly to be at Gem's side)

Scott:

Pretty Little Things “Cracked lips and hands, calloused hands. I still feel his touch against my skin. Past loves linger like phantom limbs.” “Don't buy me flowers, it pains me to watch. Pretty little things wilt away.” (this man hold's onto past alliances in her heart, only second to Skizz)

Shallow River “Red sky morning, lovers' warning. Oh I know that the promise you wear, well it ain't for me.” (red sky and love refer to Jimmy’s death. The “You” is Gem though)

Bdubs:

Never Love an Anchor “It's a secret I keep tucked inside my chest with this heart of mine that's guilty, not remorseful” (him not so subtly jumping between mounders and roomies, maybe? idk. its also just kinda his vibe.)

Naked, the Night Falls “Turn your ghosts into mine. All the years, all the years I'm alive.” (him finding Etho and Cleo again)

BigB:

Hard Sell “Hoping I can find a better me. A fresh new start buried under me.”

Metaphors “I've gotten good at leaning on metaphors. I've gotten good at living on someone else's page. I cut my teeth on second-hand sentiments. You can't trust a single thing I say.” (his cryptid butt is not escaping metaphors this go around)

Martyn:

Turn out the Lights “Sometimes all you can do is say goodnight and tuck your demons into bed cause they're not worth fighting.”

Rockslide “This wild weather's got the mountain shakin' weak. Oh I know you want to plant your feet but we best get a move on or the devil we will meet.” “That monster's comin' and it don't care for you or me. Don't look back now, honey” (This has been in my head since Martyn moved in with Jim at the top of the Mesa.)

Show Your Fangs “A ballad of a lonesome peak. I curse the ground, shed my old sins. For weight will only make me weak” “Bravely I will wield my weapon. I made from fangs of those that died.” (Big Dogs… RIP)

Skizz:

Know How “I keep my focus on what is safe. You drew a line. Made up your mind and now I'm struggling to realize.” (This song is Imp and Skizz’s relationship post Imp’s attack)

Easier “The only peace I have ever known is the peace I made with you. I won't move, but I can't stay here.” (Skizz and Tango’s relationship throughout the season)

October “Take my word but keep the upper hand. I know you, you're the daughter of a lonely man.” (My interpretation of SL!Skizz is this super caring guy who his haunted by this vague memory of bloodlust that comes out in empty threats to people he doesn’t really want to hurt.)

Gem (all of these are about session seven specifically!):

Allies or Enemies “They spread like some awful damn disease” “Are we allies or enemies? This will be the death of me.”

The Glacier House “You cursed the Earth you settled under… Under… Understand I had to go.” “Bundle up darling, you're on your own now. Seasons change as they do. Maybe I'll see you when your shivering is through.”

I Ain’t Done “I am a pretty young thing. I am consumed by selfish wanting. Carelessly broke you down but I’m not done.” (this girl came in and told a winner and a runner up that they need to get their act together and that she was gonna be the one to get them to the end. I love her!)

Joel “Loves his wife” Smallishbeans:

Down the River “'Cause ain't it easier to just move on? One door closing means another one. Opens unto some unsuspecting fool. “Sure, you can forget about all the things you've done but what about the rest of us? High-tail it when it gets to be too much.” “Too many people with your name on top of their lists.” “You were never the one to suffer.” (All of Joel’s anger about Jim celebrating Lizzie’s death and the fact that Jim then also immediately died, leaving him alone.)

Unraveling “But now my love is gone and I am left unraveling.” “And I am left here withering” “And I can't help the fracturing”

The Diving Bell “I descend so well, in an open diving bell, the beauty of the deep. Far into abyss in your silent lips call me will I sleep”

Caleb Trask “"When a flower blossoms red. That's the day, that's the day, that's the day. I'll love you. That's the day, that's the day. I'll love you." (I’ve stated before that this is his song, not specifically bc of SL. I think of azalea’s and I think of Joel.)

Tango:

Curses “There's a fire in my brain, and I'm burning up” “Every word I say is kindling but the smoke clears when you're around. Won't you stay with me, my darling, when my walls start burning down?” (Our fire man and his forever teammate…)

Safe Ship, Harbored “Where does your faith form in me? Don't break the bottle. Don't waste your blessings on me.” “A safe ship, harbored losing all of my good years to the shallow water. I ain't proud.” (The Heart Foundation [in my opinion] seemed like a great way to make alliances and be well liked, however, it also kinda put them at a disadvantage never getting any hearts of their own.)

Mumbo:

The Moon Will Sing “On some level, I think I always understood that these hands of mine were clumsy, not clever.” “With this heart of mine that's guilty, not remorseful. There is love that doesn't have a place to rest. But it would have buried you if it had settled on your shoulders” (Something, something. The love Mumbo has for Grian.)

Back to the Ground “Little buds make their graves as the warmth inside us fades but I still don't know shit about letting go.” “Our hearts lay still and cold, under frozen soil. I can't stay here anymore so remember when I go.” (Something, something. The miner destined for accidents.)

Jimmy:

Not the Ghost “If only I could break the chain of disappointments, weighing me down. Shake off the ghosts that whisper warnings.”

Keep You Safe “When I watched my friends ride to the tops of the trees. With the risk of fall, I never climbed at all.” “Time is not your friend. Time is not your remedy. No amount of waiting will make you, make you brave.”

Canary in the Coal Mine “You and I are friends of empty graves” (he does not escape this song!)

Lizzie (all of these songs with Lizzie in mind makes me cry):

Can’t Go Back “The time has come for moving on. You can't be always trying to dig up. What you've already buried.” “It's not fair (When have you ever known the world to be a fair place?) It's not fair (All things end and all things change) It's not fair (You'll look back and laugh someday) It's not fair (Or at least you'll learn to be okay)”

Of Everlong “And if my lover will not hear it. Take my voice and take my spirit, leave me weakened and dig my hole. Only my lover, not I, can keep my soul” (Only Joel mourns her and it’s a sad sad day)

Icarus “Til your far away and breathing cleaner air, oh my brother…” (her brother... the man cursed to die... named after a bird who dies of poisoned air... who'd a thunk it...)

Unplaced songs: The hand that feeds, hole in the silver lining, Once & For All

#trafficblr #secret life #secret life spoilers #secret life as songs #traffic life as songs #traffic life crane wives #crane wives

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azalawa-scroggs · 6 months

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OKAY I guess I'm doing this. While working on my fic Ananke, which is an exploration of Manfred von Karma's perspective from DL-6 all the way to Turnabout Goodbyes, I've been having so, so many thoughts about him that I realised they didn't actually all hold into my fic. So I thought that maybe I should make them a tumblr piece. This thought has kinda just hovered at the back of my mind flaring from time to time, but eventually I decided to jump the gun. (No pun intended.) (That's a lie.)

So, um. Manfred von Karma character analysis time, I guess?

(Warning: this turned out to be LONG.)

The question I see pop up a whole lot when it comes to this guy is: Is he a good father? I'll be honest from the beginning: I'm not going to give an answer to that question here. What this is going to be is a somewhat larger examination of his character, which naturally does involve, in great part, his influence on Miles and Franziska. But I don't want to lock myself in the false binary of a yes/no question when there's so much else to talk about.

So I want to, sure, talk about him as a father a little, but mostly as a piece of the narrative, as a mentor, as a legacy-holder, and as a bringer of destiny - because he is not called Karma for nothing.

We first hear about him from Edgeworth in Turnabout Goodbyes, right as his trial is about to begin. Edgeworth seems utterly terrified of him prosecuting his case. "He is a god of prosecution, Wright, a god," he tells us. "He taught me what it means to prosecute. Imagine a prosecutor as ruthless as me, times twenty." Considering Edgeworth has been giving us a bit of trouble himself, between witness coaching and updated autopsy reports, that's quite the introduction.

And the man lives up to his reputation. He barely lets us align two words before interrupting us and scoffing at us, he's the first one to make the judge give us a penalty for pressing a testimony in the wrong place, when pressing testimonies had been such an important way of getting information up until then, he's dismissive and memeishly funny and a piece of shit and an absolutely great final boss... and then he also happens to be the culprit of DL-6. The case that has been underlying the whole game, and whose repercussions are going to be felt for the next two ones. Discovering him and taking him down is one of the best pay-offs ever after a masterful, game-long build-up.

Tumblr user trlsvn wrote a very thoughtful post in answer to an ask, making the point that von Karma is a story element before being a person. His primary purpose is to drive the plot to its conclusion, more than being psychologically developed as a character. Our antagonist up until now has been Edgeworth, but Edgeworth is being given a redemption arc, and so von Karma stands as the evil behind him.

The writers make the decision to humanize [Edgeworth], make him not just a character that represents a wrong idea but a person who has a backstory and some good in his heart [...]. This is where we start to question what exactly made him like this - this is why Miles gets a tragic backstory. He is meant to be explained, he is meant to be human, he is meant to be more. So Manfred von Karma becomes the answer. He is the reason, he is the influence, the part of Miles's life that made him like this and the part that he starts to oppose.

I recommend reading the post for more thoughts about his narrative role as a mirror to Edgeworth and a symbol of what he could have become. Von Karma is, like Redd White and later Damon Gant, the personification of the corruption of the courts that we've been fighting. He represents everything that Phoenix stands against, he is a willing and willful cog in the system that convicts people for crimes they did not commit. His metaphorical crimes, the innocents he sends to death row or to life in prison, all culminate and cristallise into an actual, legally defined crime: the murder of defence attorney Gregory Edgeworth, who represents - quite literally, in court - all those innocents.

Turnabout Goodbyes is possibly my favourite case in the entire series, because on top of having incredible pacing and wrapping up the first game wonderfully, it is so very dramatic. There is theatre in there; I may be getting ahead of myself in this but I find it Shakespearean. There is an atmosphere of supernatural mystery on the misty lake, with those two gunshots resounding in the silence and the ominous shape of "Robert Hammond" disappearing in the water without a trace. The slowly unveiled connection to DL-6, Edgeworth's recurring nightmare, the wound of the unsolved crime fifteen years festering, the guilt of patricide.

And, at the centre of it all, von Karma. The prosecutor who was Edgeworth's mentor and who has been making our job difficult every step of the way - it turns out he is behind everything. His overly complicated revenge scheme makes him something of an Iago. The murder, the blood on his hands, something of a Macbeth. The place he then took in Edgeworth's life, something of a Claudius.

The localisation also did something that I find very interesting with him: they made him German nobility. His Japanese name is Karuma Gou; "Karuma" is basically "Karma," and "Gou" according to the wiki could mean "great" or "excellent," or "fires of hell" or "the effect of karma." The localisation took back Karma, added the particle "von" to it and made the rest of his name basically a reference to Manfred von Richthofen, the Red Baron. Von Richthofen was a German pilot during WWI; he is famous for being basically undefeated for years, having a nearly unmatched victory record, and being brought down by a single bullet. Sounds familiar?

There's probably something to be said about Mei, Franziska in the original version, being a Japanese immigrant practising law in the USA burdened by her father's legacy into expecting impossible perfection of herself, but I am nowhere near qualified to make that point, so I am going to stick with the localisation from here on. Making the von Karmas nobility is interesting to me because the nobility as a social class is one of declining power. They once had power, and they still hold a certain social prestige, but their political power is in fact gone as the system that supported them is no longer in action, and most of them are losing their money or already ruined. As a reaction, many nobles (not all of them, but this is again about archetypes) stay among themselves, hold conservative values and sometimes somewhat of a superiority complex due to their education. Nobility's core value, by its very structure, is that of family, so although this was more the case at the time where they were the ruling class, there can be an emphasis on upholding one's legacy and being worthy of the family name. All of those elements suit the von Karmas extremely well.

And Manfred, the patriarch, holds a particular place in that family. He is defined by his power. He is the establishment, the system you're fighting against. He is the nepotism and the corruption, and he holds all the prestige that makes taking him down extremely difficult.

So von Karma holds a strategic place in the narrative as the literal and symbolic obstacle you must take down, but... when it comes to his motivations, we get nothing. We know, for a fact, that perfection is the most important thing to him. We know he was so shocked at receiving a penalty that he dissociated for at least five hours afterwards, and that plus the pain of a bullet in his shoulder was enough to drive him to kill a man. We know that he mentored Edgeworth, his enemy and murder victim's son. We know that fifteen years later, he framed Edgeworth for murder with the intention of falsely revealing Edgeworth as his father's killer, in a plot that was a significant risk to himself, and which ended up uncovering him as the true culprit the very day before he would have been free forever. Later on, we learn that he not only taught Edgeworth his work, but took him in and raised him, so that his daughter saw Edgeworth as a brother.

Put together, those aren't actions that are logical or make any sense. The whole thing is actually completely insane. And the game doesn't offer us the slightest explanation as to why he did them.

Most of the fandom runs on the idea that framing Edgeworth, presumably having him convicted for Hammond's murder, and compelling him into confessing to his father's murder afterwards was his plan from the very moment he decided to take Edgeworth in. That's not a groundless idea but it isn't actually canon. It's a theory that was formulated by Marvin Grossberg:

Maya: B-but how could von Karma know about Mr. Edgeworth's past like that? Even Mr. Edgeworth thought it was just a nightmare! Grossberg: Hmm... That, I do not know. Yet I do know that von Karma is both persistent... and a perfectionist. He may be seeking to satisfy a grudge against Gregory Edgeworth by hurting his son.

But von Karma himself gives us nothing.

Phoenix: Why did you take his son under your wing afterwards? The son of your most bitter rival? Karma: ... That, my dear attorney, is none of your business.

So it could be Grossberg was right and this really was a fifteen-year-old revenge plot in the making. It could also be that von Karma, a father himself, felt enough guilt at the thought that his impulsive crime had orphaned this kid that he decided he should take him in. Equally, there is the possibility he realised the third person in the elevator that day was a potential witness of his crime, and that he took Miles in to surveil and control him. Or it could be yet another thing - the point is, we do not know. The game gives us nothing.

(The theory I chose to explore in Ananke is a mix of several things: that it started with good intentions, then as he realised Miles was a potential witness, hatred and paranoia grew in him until they spiralled into framing him for murder as a desperate attempt to erase him from his life. But there are many possibilities.)

In fact, except for Edgeworth and Franziska's clear admiration of their mentor and father, the main games also don't give us anything about their dynamic with him. Edgeworth and he never interact directly in Turnabout Goodbyes, unless you count von Karma's breakdown, and after that he is in prison. Franziska first appears in the story after he's been locked up. To see them interact, we need to turn towards other media. There are little bits and pieces in interviews and official manga but the main media featuring them are two: Ace Attorney Investigations, the spin-off game starring Miles Edgeworth, and one episode of the Ace Attorney anime, Sound the Turnabout Melody.

And what's interesting is that von Karma's characterisation in those two pieces of media is at first glance completely different. It is my theory that this is the reason for this insane controversy around the character's parenting skills. They're not contradictory, as such, but it definitely takes some brain power in order to reconcile the two - and as such it opens wider possibilities of interpretation.

(Spoilers ahead for both cases.)

In Turnabout Reminiscence, the fourth case of Ace Attorney Investigations and a flashback case from Edgeworth's early career, von Karma acts as the main source of exposition. Edgeworth has just been assigned the very first case of his career by way of hasty reassignment after the previous prosecutor was compromised, and von Karma quizzes him to make sure he knows the facts of the case perfectly. Then of course, shenanigans happen, and by shenanigans I mean murder because this is Ace Attorney. Edgeworth investigates, he is joined by Franziska, and the case progresses.

Mostly, von Karma acts in a rather neutral way. He prompts Edgeworth into giving information, praises him when the information is correct, completes his information with some of his own, all peppered with various "Hmph!"s and "Bah!"s and other expressions of contempt, with a few quips full of dramatic irony here and there ("Criminals have a way of incriminating themselves, don't they?") and many, many demands for perfection - as well as internal oaths from Edgeworth to uphold it, bless him. He dismisses Franziska when she asks him if he will come to see her court debut ("... I'll consider it") and calls Edgeworth worthless when Edgeworth asks to do something Manfred isn't keen on seeing him do. In fact the whole exchange is pretty interesting in terms of the dynamic between the three of them:

Edgeworth: ...Sir, if I may, please allow me to continue with my investigation. Manfred: Whatever for? Edgeworth: I know that there is already a suspect in the murder of Mr. Faraday and Mr. Rell... ...however, there is not enough evidence to prove that it was he who committed the crime. I'd like to continue investigating in order to find the perfect proof of his guilt. Manfred: The perfect proof? Don't make me laugh! A worthless person like you has no right to claim such a thing as perfection! Edgeworth: .................. Franziska: .........Umm, Papa? Who do you think is the real culprit behind these murders? Manfred: .................. Franziska: Miles and I, we're competing to see who can find the real killer first. Plus, being able to investigate a real crime scene is a really rare opportunity. It would give us some real-life experience, wouldn't you agree? Manfred: ...Hmph! If you want to investigate this case that much, then do as you wish. Edgeworth: Then, you're allowing us to continue...? Manfred: In court, your top priority is to win, and a solid investigation is one of the keys to winning. We have to make sure you become recognized as a first-rate prosecutor, don't we? .........It wouldn't be very interesting otherwise.

To be noted that on that last line, Manfred is smirking.

While there are several reasons why he could be saying that, the smirk specifically, to me, establishes it firmly as a reference to his plan to frame Edgeworth for the murder of Robert Hammond in Turnabout Goodbyes.

All in all, his characterisation here is pretty much in line from what we saw of him in Turnabout Goodbyes and what we could infer from Franziska's words in Justice for All - in all his Sunday cartoon villain glory. But since this is a completely different case, his motivations for either taking Edgeworth in or framing him for murder are still a complete mystery.

Now let's turn to the anime. Surprisingly, it is an entirely different beast.

The sixth episode of the second season, Sound the Turnabout Melody, is a flashback case from when Miles was twelve years old. The anime is the first media that actually establishes that Edgeworth grew up in the von Karma household, as opposed to being merely von Karma's student and Franziska's (somewhat one-sided) rival. Miles is still struggling with the grief and trauma of his father's death, waking up from his nightmare alone and crying in a huge bed under a high ceiling. Franziska is desperate to cheer him up and make him smile. She convinces her father to take them to see one of their trials, then they go to the mall to have pancakes. During the outing, Miles's dog gets lost. There are shenanigans (murder-free this time) involving another lost dog, reward money and a radio message from Phoenix, after which Edgeworth corners a woman trying to steal the other lost dog for the reward money while von Karma is watching his budding prosecutorial skills from the corner. At the end of the episode von Karma cancels the orphanage application he'd been filing for Miles, ties a cravat around his neck, and Miles gives a bright and wide smile for the first time in the episode at the sign of acceptance, which makes Franziska quietly happy in the corner in turn.

If, while reading this, you were imagining a charming "slice of life" story, a feel-good little piece that establishes dynamics and in which nothing truly bad happens... you would be right. The episode is centred on Miles, showing him as he adapts to his new life and starts to think about his path in life. DL-6 is, of course, alluded to, but only in passing: Miles has the nightmare, he is shown questioning whether he really wants to follow in Gregory's footsteps, von Karma mentions to him after his trial that "if only your father were my opponent, I would have enjoyed myself a little." A rather baffling statement, considering the entire reason Gregory can't be von Karma's opponent is that von Karma ensured that himself, but I digress. In fact von Karma is only there in the background, although he too undergoes an arc of sorts, from being in the process of sending Miles to an orphanage to deciding to let him stay with them. We do, however, get a glimpse of his thoughts for the first time:

Von Karma: I didn't know myself why I decided to adopt that boy three years ago. But I think I caught a glimpse of the reason why today. It wasn't out of guilt. I simply wanted to see what path the pain I had taken on would take. That is my karma.

This is the translation of the subtitles, but the dubbed version is a little different:

I wanted to see where the path of pain would lead us, and how it would eventually develop. Karma has a strange way of showing itself...

What this actually means is quite mysterious, but fascinating. What does he mean by "the path of pain/the path the pain I had taken on would take?" Why is that his karma, if guilt didn't spur him to act? The words ask more questions than they answer.

All in all, factually it doesn't contradict anything previously established. Von Karma lies to the journalists about the fact that his win record doesn't matter to him, only bringing criminals to justice, because again if that had been the truth he would never have killed Gregory Edgeworth, but for the rest, it is all pretty consistent with the games.

But the gentle tone of the episode, especially if you're coming fresh off of "you and your father are my curse," is jarring. There are different ways to reconcile that. First of all, neither the anime nor Ace Attorney: Investigations are the mainline game series, and as far as I know the writing team of the main game series worked on neither of those two things, which probably explains the discrepancies. The canon status of the anime especially is arguable. Secondly, both of those pieces of media have their ambiguities. When it comes to the anime, a friend over Discord told me that to them it read like "the honeymoon phase in an abusive cycle," with as evidence the pointed comments about Miles's father which can be read as derisive and willfully undermining, Miles's overall downcast attitude around the von Karmas, and some "noose imagery" in the scene where von Karma ties the cravat around his neck.

That interpretation, of course, is only that; it is in no way canon. In fact, you could absolutely make the opposite case of taking the cute, heartwarming tone of the anime at face value, and arguing that it is in the Investigations case that the tonal dissonance resides. I don't have a source for this except the hearsay of Japanese-speaking friends, but the Japanese word which was translated into "worthless" in AAI would apparently be less harsh in the original version, being closer to meaning "amateur," or “a person without experience.” (It is to be reminded that in Turnabout Goodbyes, von Karma called Edgeworth “an amateur and a romanticist” when talking about him with Phoenix, so that could absolutely be a reference to his characterisation in that case.) And aside from that line, von Karma's behaviour towards Miles is overall neutral.

Those are the two most extreme interpretations, but naturally there are many ways in-between to read those two pieces of media. My point is that the range of the characterisation is actually very wide. Various manga, interviews, promotional material travel in that gap: between victory family karaoke sessions on the tune of My Way, joke strips where Phoenix manages to make von Karma burst into tears by mentioning his daughter leaving the nest, and Edgeworth being roped by his mentor into being a chauffeur for an impromptu shopping trip on his day off, the different insights into the creators' imagined dynamics of the family do not help paint a more cohesive image.

And we still have no answer regarding his motivations.

What we do have is the perspective of his wards on how he shaped them into who they are today. His influence on them is felt even years after his downfall, something they aren't shy about; but they aren't exactly open about their feelings about him, either.

It's obvious for Franziska, of course, whose mentions of the von Karma name in Justice for All might as well be a drinking game. Interestingly, though, when it comes to her feelings for her father himself, she is remarkably guarded.

Maya: Why do you keep giving Nick the evil eye!? It doesn't matter if you prove the defendant guilty tomorrow... Nothing will be able to bring your dad back! von Karma: ... My... Dad? You must mean the esteemed Manfred von Karma. Maya: Of course! Your dad! I know you miss him... von Karma: Enough out of you... One more word and you'll get a mouthful of whip. Now. When did I ever bring up my papa's name in this, or any other conversation...?

It's only to Edgeworth that she confesses about how much her family legacy weighs on her in the post-credits scene of the same case.

von Karma: Shut up! You don't understand a thing! You can't possibly understand what it means to be "Manfred von Karma's daughter"! Edgeworth: Franziska... von Karma: So many expectations from everyone around me... Expectations I must fulfill! I'm expected to win no matter what. And failure? Such a thing is not an option for me! My father was a genius. There's no doubt about that! But... But me... I'm no genius. I've always known that. Edgeworth: ... von Karma: But I... I had to be one. I had to.

(Franziska beloved. You became a criminal prosecutor at 13 years old. Kindly shut up about not being a genius <3)

In contrast, this is what she has to say about being the daughter of Manfred von Karma in Bridge to the Turnabout:

Judge: V-Von Karma, you say…? Perchance, you wouldn't be of any relation to the legendary prosecutor Manfred von Karma? von Karma: … Legends are a thing of the past. I am a Von Karma. That is all.

And then she also has a few lines about it in Ace Attorney Investigations 2. The lines are ostensibly about another character's struggle, but you know they refer to her own.

From The Forgotten Turnabout:

Franziska: However... one must be able to accept the mistakes of their father... ...no matter how much they may look up to him...

And from The Grand Turnabout:

Franziska: "Going up against your own father..." It won't be easy.

Regarding Edgeworth, he is about as quiet about it. He briefly says this upon his return in Farewell, My Turnabout:

Edgeworth: A lot of things may have happened, however Manfred von Karma was still my mentor. And a "perfect win record" is proof of a Von Karma.

He also has this conversation with Ernest Amano in The Kidnapped Turnabout:

Ernest: Ah... Seeing that badge reminds me of Manfred. Now HE was one fine prosecutor, the best of the best. Edgeworth: ...Yes, I can't disagree with you there. Ernest: Hmm... I sense that you don't really want to talk about him. Edgeworth: How I feel about him... It's hard for me to be truthful about that with another person. Ernest: Your hard countenance... I don't know what you're thinking or feeling... ...but mark my words, I think you are Manfred's true successor. I really do. Edgeworth: ..................

When it comes to Edgeworth and his complicated double legacy especially, I really really recommend this post by lorillee, a long meta piece on that specific topic in Ace Attorney: Investigations 2 which gave me a lot of food for thought.

What we see here in this whole load of quotes is that Miles and Franziska have slightly different, yet still very similar ways to talk about about Manfred. Both of them readily admit to his skill as a prosecutor and don't shy away from the way he influenced them. However they also do not open up at all when it comes to their actual feelings about him. Edgeworth puts that reluctance into words in his own thoughts; we unfortunately aren't privy to Franziska's, but the way she outright refuses to talk about her experience, unless it is a snide reference made about another's struggle, makes it clear she is in the same situation.

I don't really have any clever observation to wrap up this already much too long post. But it is really interesting to me how deep an influence on the narrative this character has, despite a limited amount of appearances in the series and practically non-existent insight into his own motivations. Miles's and Franziska's perspectives on him are a fascinating exploration of the themes of family, of legacy, of how even the worst betrayal by the most awful criminal doesn't cut their influence away from you; how even gods of prosecution remain, in the end, human, and keep a very human place in the life of the people close to them.

#Ace Attorney #Manfred von Karma #Miles Edgeworth #Franziska von Karma #meta #perfection is the norm #phew that stayed in the draftbox a loooong time #ugh. I give up on the formatting #Aza talks too much #(seriously this is so wordy)

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artist-issues · 1 month

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Have you heard "Next Semester" by twenty one pilots yet? I feel like you'd love it.

I don't know if I've ever talked about me and Twenty One Pilots here. I gave my life to Christ in the summer of 2011 and heard a song by Tyler Joseph for the first time the same week. I didn't connect that the passionately screaming singer who made me think about how I couldn't force my emotions to line up with the reality of God, and needed Jesus to do that for me--I didn't connect that that singer was the same guy in the popular emo band until they became popular around 2015. And then I was thrilled. Because around that time I was fighting to submit my own dark thoughts to God, instead of identifying with them, so it really helped that the voice I already knew pretty well was singing those thought-provoking tracks that have made them famous. Then a year later I figured out what I wanted to do with my career, and how that connected back to God, and the first seeds of my whole understanding of storytelling and God as the Storyteller were planted--largely because of a song called "The Producer" which Tyler Joseph helped to write with Travis Whittaker.

So suffice to say, when the band that's been playing the background music of my life's biggest steps in faith makes anything new, you can be pretty sure I'm over here like 👀

I love Next Semester. It's hard, because with Twenty One Pilots, I notice my own commitment to truth and intended meaning and critical thinking at its strongest and its weakest at the same time 😅 Strongest, because you can tell he's so intentional with his lyrics and metaphors, and is communicating some things that he means so well—but weakest, because I'm constantly hoping that he's talking more about Christ and Biblical truth than he probably is. I'm always waffling between fear that Tyler Joseph is deconstructing, resentment that someone so blessed with creativity & hard work-ethic can refuse to come out and talk about the faith that saved him clearly, and...sometimes agreeing with him? Sometimes feeling like, he has a point, the way he creates and is careful to make his audience think for themselves can only lead back to Truth, which is Christ, if they're being as genuine as he is in the emotional content of the songs, and having them think for themselves makes them drop their guards and walk toward truth without "turning them off" by using culturally-Christian phrases—

ANYWAY. You didn't ask about any of that 😅 But the principals of what Twenty One Pilots does, (in terms of the art of communication and what that communication should be for) and why they do it, and what the right and wrong way to do it is, are something my brain is revolving all the time.

It's not really a good thing to keep revolving it, because at some point it's me trying to think exactly right about the whole topic, as if I can control what they do, or the outcome of what I create, if I just get it right. And that's not faith. At some point I have to quit trying so hard to think and do based on my own control! Welcome to you asking a simple question and me word vomiting/getting all preachy. (But lowkey I respect you and think you might appreciate what I'm rambling about, if anyone can. So maybe unluckily for you, you're probably the only person who could've asked me about this on here and gotten this kind of response 😅)

ANYWAY! Next Semester! I love that it's simple so that the emotion of it comes through. There's not metaphor-on-metaphor layering, so you're just left to hang on to his desperate vocals and the gut-check words of the song. I don't listen to it over and over like I do Overcompensate because it takes me to kind of a dark place—but I do love that it ends hopefully. Super hopefully. I started that paragraph above, talking about how twenty one pilots affects my critical thinking, to say this: I'm always having to be careful not to read too much of what I want to hear into the song. But that said, I do think the "person driving" in the song is representative of God. Someone outside yourself, giving you that slap of truth and hope and a fresh-start, who also could've run you down.

So I love that it ends hopefully. For a bit there, with Trench, I started to loosen my grip on them, because it felt like they would do a really good job of saying "We're broken, think about it, see how messed up we are?" And then "but we don't have to stay here," and that was really good. But...then Leave the City seems so obviously to stop at "don't stop." If that makes sense. Leave the City makes it sound like the way out of your depression, doubt, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety is just...movement. It's enough to know that you shouldn't sit in your dark thoughts (and basically sin.) But he won't say where to go instead. And I know it's because he's very genuine, and he doesn't want to say where to go instead if he doesn't know for sure that it's right, but that's not exactly reassuring.

It makes me think of the part in C.S. Lewis' The Great Divorce, where one ghost says something about how "the hopeful journey is much better than the destination." But then the redeemed person is like, "no, that makes no sense—there's no hope IN a journey if you're not moving toward a set destination. The destination is where hope comes from."

So in Leave the City I feel like he takes me by the hand and says "I know how you feel" and "eventually we'll move on from this feeling" but then leaves me at "not that I know where we're going." And it's like, okay, well then why would I ever get hope from moving on? If I don't know what I'm moving on to??

Christ. It's supposed to be Jesus Christ. You can't jump from a sinking ship into a raging ocean and think that that's better. You have to jump from a sinking ship ONTO DRY LAND. Or at least have it in sight, so you can swim in that direction.

Anyway. Next Semester is not like Leave the City, because it ends with hope. 🙃 That's all I'm trying to say. Thanks for coming to my rant.

#Twenty one pilots #Nobody asked this #asked #answered #tøp #I guess I should expect some lash-back from dedicated clikkies #but like #guys I've known Mr. Joseph since before ya'll called yourselves that #my feelings about what he says and how he says it are way too deep-rooted for you to be able to tear them up with your rage #clique #why not #music #critical thinking #Christianity #storytelling #art #next semester #Clancy

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theabyssgazesalsointoyou · 7 months

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i don't think i've posted about this before so here is my completely nonsensical theory/overanalysis on The Play

let's take a look at the squipped characters' lines in the play, shall we? starting with mr. reyes. "You needy, pathetic, self-centered students. You think I wanted to teach high school drama? In New Jersey? My Squip says I can go all the way to Broadway. I just have to make sure you don’t ruin my big night."

lot to unpack here. could be true that mr. reyes does indeed think this but we've seen him interact in a very friendly manner with the students before- asking about the jake-madeline scandal, (in the broadway version) hanging out with the students, overall just being nice to the Popular Kids even if they objecticely suck at acting. in some productions he even hugs christine when she shows disappointment about the play being changed. personally i think it's unlikely he thinks of his students as 'needy, pathetic, self-centered'- whether he hates teaching drama in middleborough or wants to go to broadway we can't know for sure, but still.

next up, jake. "I was already pretty boss before / now I'm totally boss and then some more / I'm living the upgrade / God, I love me!"

now. you already know how unhealthily obsessed i am with jake and how much of his character i fleshed out in my head with close to zero canon basis lol. i'll try my best to stay within canon here- after play rehearsal jake admitted to christine that "When I saw you die in the play last year... That was like the saddest I’d felt in a long time. It was like everything in my life, all the pressure I feel to be the best, at everything, all the time... Suddenly felt so small." basically he's saying that he's been pressured to be perfect at everything his entire life but implying christine's acting made that pain feel small in comparison because y'know, flirting tactics. he's got some self-esteem issues, he did not think he was 'pretty boss before', fight me. wouldn't be a stretch to say that he doesn't really love himself either, then.

alright, mr. reyes and jake's lines are a little bit ambiguous. but brooke and chloe make it very clear they're being controlled by their squips. "I just want you to know, I’m not mad you broke my heart and slept with my best friend." "And I’m not mad you dated my best friend and wouldn’t sleep with me."

really? the brooke who was crying at the halloween party because she thought jeremy cheated on her and ignored chloe's call the next day isn't mad? the chloe who did oh you know, all of do you wanna fucking hang wasn't mad or jealous jeremy was dating her best friend? bullshit. this is why i have mixed feelings on the changed lines in the broadway production- while it adds depth to the girls' characters instead of just reducing them to their relationship with boys it completely throws off my entire theory that nothing the squipped people say during The Play is true. (tbh which is likely the case & i'm overanalyzing all this but whatever it's just a fun little theory i have)

because see- in the first draft of the script christine's lines are "I hate play rehearsal / so says my voice that comes from within / I am perfect sans rehearsal / because I don't need to practice to win"

we've already established play rehearsal is christine's coping mechanism and an escape for feeling lost in life as well as a metaphor for her not being able to find her true identity. what do you mean she thinks she's 'perfect sans rehearsal' and 'doesn't need to practice to win'. that goes against her entire character. even the finalized changed lyrics where she admits "You are the person I want to be with every day / And this is something that I've been afraid to say / You're the guy I am so kinda into / The guy I am totally into / This feeling is new / Jeremy, I love you" are... debatable. christine had previously shown little to no romantic interest in jeremy, even turning him down at the halloween party that she needed to find herself before dating someone. she did agree to go out with him in the end but that was most likely because she thought highly of his actions during the play and because she got to know him better. and even if we presume she did have feelings for jeremy all along, the line 'this feeling is new' still wouldn't make sense. most importantly jeremy himself says 'that's not christine'. he recognizes her being controlled by her squip, she doesn't really mean what she's saying.

so. basically what i'm saying is my theory is that what the characters say while squipped during the play are all contradictory to what they actually feel, because the squip's goal is to manipulate jeremy by making it seem like everyone's happy with the squips when they all have their own problems in reality. the implication is that the squip is supposed to be the solution to all those problems but as we know through jeremy and rich that isn't exactly the case. especially not during The Play, aka its epic villain moment.

that's about it thanks for coming to my ted talk

#bmc #be more chill #squip squad

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whattraintracks · 2 months

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5. Video Games - Multi

What's this? More Raphael angst? Why are we surprised.

So I was listening to Stay Down by boygenius while some prompts simmered in my brain, and when this one started boiling somewhere around verse two, I knew what I had to do.

Would Raph even like this song? Who knows, but I sure do, so I am going to close-read the heck out of it and draw so many connections.

Video Games >> I'm just steering my life in a video game >> It's a half-life, it's a fallout

before any of you wonder what this has got to do with the prompt, here it is! it's in the song. prompt satisfied

apparently, those are also references to video games

. . .

moving on

Fighting and Learned Behavior >> lean into the punch >> push me down >> hold me under >> stay down

a.k.a. physical altercations as an allegory for Raphael’s life

obsessed with the metaphor of him leaning into a punch

if he can’t avoid life's blows, he'll do what he can to make them hurt less

suffer the hit just to get it over with, or take it for someone else

on a less angsty note, I simply associate Raph with boxing

he's a skilled ninja, but sometimes he wants to sucker-punch someone

cuz this boy really loves fighting, and that ain’t a bad thing

>> wasn't a fighter 'til somebody told me I had better learn >> would you teach me I'm the villain

I think a lot about Raph and learned behavior

when I tell you Rise and '03 Splinter altered my brain chemistry

hiding their connection to the Foot/Hamato Clan

trying to spare their sons from anger, grief, trauma, vengeance, and wars that don't belong to them is fascinating to me

but in every version, he teaches Raph how to fight

and I've talked about how '87 Raphael still inherited those things from Splinter's

even the ones who don’t are still altered by growing up with him, looking at you M&M Raph

it's not a coincidence '12 Splinter sees so much of himself in his son

Defense Mechanism and Love for Enemies >> lean into the punch so it don't hurt as bad when they leave

Raph's anger often screams defense mechanism to me

if humans are going to hate him anyway, again he'll lean into it

be snarky and rude and scary and mean and give them something to really hate

sometimes, his anger is preemptive, but it's not always unfounded

I don't think even ten fingers are enough to count how many times a recurring character turned on the '87 turtles

Raphael should have been allowed to beat up Vernon as consolation

>> there you were, turning your cheek

but wait! there's more! the Christian references in this song are not subtle

Luke 6:27,29 "Love your enemies; do good to those who hate you . . . if anyone strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also"

I'm thinking about '87 Raphael's "Yeah, I'm with ya, but I'm bitter" and helping the guys protect a city that doesn't appreciate all they do

I'm thinking about '03 Raph, who is resolute it's not their problem that the city's at war but gets involved because Leo does

I'm thinking about '07 Raph taking up the Nightwatcher mantle after Leo leaves New York

Disconnection in Personal Relationships >> I look at you and you look at a screen

this second verse, I think, is pretty open to interpretation, which works well given how many variations there are of Raph

linking "screen" to "video game" in the next line, I picture Raph reaching out and being ignored

like '03 Raph figuring his anger out on his own v. Leo getting sent away for serious/professional help

like '07 Raph missing Leo and hearing no word from him for years

or I read "screen" with the connotation of concealment

like Rise Raph keeping it together for his little brothers until he can't

like their shock when he finally breaks down

the loneliness of Raph looking at his brothers and knowing them so well but feeling like they never really see him

>> similar acts and a different name

I am always struck by how similar Raph and his brothers are

the little things they do the same because they were raised together

the ways they deliberately emulate each other

it has to sting seeing so much of them in himself and himself in them and still be reduced to "the angry one"

especially when it's them thinking this way

(side note, Google has this lyric miswritten as "similar accent," which is hilarious in this context)

Loss and Lack of Control >> I'm in the back seat of my body

canon takes great pleasure in depriving Raph of control over his body

how intensely all Raphaels experience their emotions

off-screen and childhood trauma like “Savage Raph” in Rise

on-screen trauma that must lead to dissociation, flashbacks, nightmares, etc.

the two, at least that I know of, mind control events with ‘12 and Rise Raph

even ‘87 Raphael getting de-aged

you could also interpret this as gender dysphoria and I've seen a lot of good trans Raph headcanons

>> I'm just steering my life in a video game

beyond losing control of his body, Raph never really has control of his life

“turtle luck” and all that

this often shows up when their stories shift

like ‘87 Raphael, who goes from a wise guy to a sarcastic grouch as his story drags on and takes a darker turn

as opposed to Rise Raph, who throughout the series, gets talked down from heroism and over-vigilance

but guess which behaviors get rewarded and reinforced during the Shredder arcs and Krang invasion

so as not to ignore the prompt any more than I already have, I do enjoy those episodes where “life in a video game” for Raphael is a little more on the nose

Combat Land (1987), Across the Universe (2003), Mazes and Mutants (2012)

Literally Neurodivergent and a Minor

(Shoutout to this art from @/20s-turtle-posting that inspired the name of this section) ((and, no, I did not realise this is an ironic meme and will be taking it seriously))

>> aren't I the one constantly repenting for a difficult mind? >> push me down into the water like a sinner, hold me under >> villain >> sinner >> half-life >> fallout

I warned you about the religious imagery, but it's a little off in this verse

because repentance is about change as growth

but Raph feels like he has to change his "difficult mind" this ingrained part of himself

so he's stuck in a cycle of remorse and regret, unable to gain control

I think about running fast and far and anguished cries of “what is wrong with me?” (2003)

pushed into and held under, the waters of baptism are no longer cleansing and renewing but suppressing

it's the people closest to him saying “you are seriously twisted” (2012) and “you’ve got a rage problem” (M&M)

and having to decide between hiding those parts of himself or hoping they'll love him anyway

it's Raph feeling bad and broken, feeling like he's a danger and a poison to everyone around him

>> lean into the punch so it don't hurt as bad when they leave >> it takes so long for me to settle down and when I finally do, there's no one else around

and I wonder if Raph's temper is ever tied to feeling unlovable, and one feeling sparks another in a vicious feedback loop

a teenager testing the boundaries of care and affection, more defense mechanisms

how does he get himself to believe in their steadfast love even when he feels unworthy of it

to trust he's safe enough to feel all of his ugliest emotions when his life is so out of control

he forgets, his story doesn’t let him remember, that he’s still a kid

he's got a lot of growing to do, and even if it takes a long time, he’ll settle down one day, find his balance

his family’s gonna stick it out, and they’ll still be around when he finally gets there

tl;dr I will never be able to listen to this song without crying about Raphael now, so thanks, brain.

#march for raph #cw trauma #discussed not shown #it's still the fifth somewhere right?#why did i think a pseudo-essay would be less work/time-consuming than a fic? great question #raphael splinterson #raphael hamato #tmnt #whattrainofthought

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kings-highway · 6 months

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I read Time Enough yesterday from start to finish (yes I had other things to do, no that did not stop me) and I am still thinking about it. I left a little comment but I wanted to say more. (Sorry if this is a bit incomprehensible, I'm Very tired)

Your angst is always written in such an immersive and impressive way, but this story in particular hit so strongly. I thought it was so well done. Everything Daichi did and felt was so believable. And the feelings of having to move through a life like that was absolutely heart breaking. The relationships were so believable and idk how to phrase it other than genuine? Realistic?

It was just such an intense and beautiful piece, and Daichi's journey/cycle of monotony to acting out to trying to find stability again was so well done and so relatable. I was right along with him at one point like "obviously he has to learn a lesson here, but come on he did! He's trying to live life more!" Only to realize at the end that he still really wasn't, not really, not in the way that really allowed him to appreciate it. It wasn't that he needed to appreciate life by acting more or less predictable, it's that he needed to learn to appreciate life by appreciating his own, by learning to take care of himself, by asking for help and letting others take care of him. I've read several of your stories now where this is a major theme for him and I was STILL too immersed in his mindset to see it right away! That's very good writing imo <3

If you want to answer (ik some people don't like explaining story choices and that's fine too! I have my theories) what moment in that last day was it that broke the loop? Or was there no one moment, but just the process of the day itself and those leading up to it that did it?

First, thank you so much for leaving such a lovely and sincere ask in my inbox. You've got my giggling and kicking my feet like a child on christmas. It means so much that someone like you is reading and appreciating my work 🤍🤍

Second, I dont mind answering at all! I know a few others had speculated regarding the circumstances of the time loop so I can definitely share my decision making process

[Spoilers for literally nearly every chapter of Time Enough below, if you havent read it yet.]

And the answer is... Nothing.

Though that doesnt mean it wasnt intentional on my part, that nothingness means something to me.

The logic of the time loop is simply "sometimes time gets stuck in a loop, and unfortunately this time Daichi is aware of it." There is no real reason why it breaks on that specific day that it does, it could have just as easily broken the day before or the day after or in twelve years.

While I played around with the idea of Daichi having to "break" it in some way, there was no version of that that didnt position someone in his life as more important than another, or incite further questions about the universe. (although it does make me giggle imagining if the second half took a sharp left turn into Daichi and Oikawa hunting and fighting aliens.)

You could read this story as a metaphor for depression or burnout, optionally.

The truth is, every choice Daichi made always mattered. Each day did not come with definitive evidence that it would loop again into the next, it just coincidentally did for approximately two years. As suddenly and jarringly as it breaks in the 11th chapter, that could have been any chapter. Thats why so many end with the 00:00 moment, because it wasn't a given and it was important to mention. What would have happened if it had broken after he's slept with and romanced Oikawa? [Would he have pursued this new connection? left it as a one night stand? how would his life have moved forward after that kind of insane connection as Oikawa would believe he had his time loop experience?] What would have happened if it had broken after Tendou had been hit by the truck? [Tendou would be dead - what will he tell anyone?] What if it had broken after punching Iwaizumi? While he's standing, frostbitten in Iceland? After any random day he thought didnt matter? After he kills himself?

Daichi was never any more safe from his consequences in the loop as he was in linear time, he just got lucky.

And thats the point. How many times have you [the reader] skipped a class because its "boring and repetive?" phone in an essay because its "just" 10%? declined to hang out with a friend you havent seen in a while because "eh, maybe next weekend."

Choices always matter. Even if you think you have calculated the worst possible end, every single day has the ability to dramatically shift the direction of your life if you use it right. There is no such thing as a day that doesnt matter.

As a metaphor for depression and burnout, you're absolutely right. Daichi's loop is broken the moment he tells Suga that he'll let him take care of him. The moment he admits there's a problem and makes a promise he intends to keep. The act of loving and being loved in return is scary and difficult but sometimes it is the only way to succeed. [Its important here to mention that this is not romantic love I refer to.] And that means trying. Agreeing to do something you think is pointless [Daichi doesnt believe a psychiatrist can help; its a time loop] but he trusts Suga anyway and agrees sincerely.

As a story, it was nothing anyone did.

Daichi just got lucky that when the loop broke he was safe and surrounded by people who would care for him.

Free will and individual agency are massive themes in my stories and perhaps thats just a product of my own current age and experience. I think in a lot of ways I havent quite gotten the hang of it myself even if I understand it in my mind. Understanding it intuitively is a lot harder.

But it gets a little bit easier for me when I can write it out and share it with people like you who care as much for these characters and stories and appreciate them in the same way.

Thank you so much for asking <3 Inbox is always open and yall can message me any time if you wanna chat about anything to just scream. [The chickens in my brain will do their best to scream back.]

#haikyuu fanfiction writer #haikyuu fanfiction #daichi sawamura

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imminent-danger-came · 10 months

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Hi again! Listen, if we indeed get the MK vs SWK fight you've been predicting, I want it to be CATHARTIC. I want both parties fighting to show the RAWEST, UGLIEST, MOST FUCKED UP parts of themselves to each other without holding back, and embrace those parts in one another wholeheartedly just as much at the end. And I don't want this fight to be at the end of the show, no, I want it to be inn the midle of the show run, not even just a few episodes spare afterwards but several seasons, to see them work on the ruined previous framework and build on it as a sturdier, more stable foundation, and I want to see it unfold and develop in the show. I want to see them fight together with that new bond against the big boss or whatever passes as it. I think what I'm trying to say is Eldritch!MK better not be the last boss, and that even in a fight with out-of-control MK, SWK still unconsciously holds back even if he doesn’t want to. Also for Wukong to show his OG power in its full glory at the end against the final boss who is hopefully not Eldritch MK. You may disagree with some of my points but we can agree to disagree. Eat fruits!

DUDE. YES.

In my mind I've never thought of Eldritch!MK as the final big bad, legitimately. Which now I realize that's kinda silly, because the show could go that direction, but in my mind MK would be pushed further down a path of chaos by being manipulated by our new antagonist. This isn't something he would want ("This isn't what I wanted!" for the sweet sweet Azure parallel), but something he'd be pushed into—whether through manipulation, or past memories, or some reveal or WHATEVER it is that pushes him to the brink.

Ultimately however, MK has to eventually defy his fate and use his powers to leave the world "better than he found it"—he has to come to terms with the fact that he'll hurt people, and people will hurt him, and that's how life works. He ultimately has to accept himself. Being the "final boss" of the show would leave very little time for MK to truly learn to love himself and learn who he truly is, which is why I think it probably won't happen. Maybe he'd be the final boss of a season—but certainly not the show as a whole.

But a cathartic and messy Wukong and MK fight? That's something I am hoping we get, and think we definitely have the potential to get! Here's a short list of people who have chewed Wukong out thus far:

Mei (3x10)

Macaque (4x11)

Curse MK (4x07)

Azure (4x13)

Pigsy (2x10)

Ne Zha (3x01, 3x10)

Now, with how often it's brought up the ways in which Wukong has failed MK...don't you think MK should have a turn here? MK gets close in 2x07, but there he's yelling at Macaque disguised as Wukong, so obviously that doesn't count. We are long overdue for MK himself laying out all of the hurt and anger he's been holding onto for 4 seasons—that itself needs to happen, whether it's through a physical fight or not.

And after finally, EVERYTHING is out in the open, they can build their relationship stronger than it was before. I, like you, really do hope Wukong and MK (or even MK and Mei tbh) fight together against our last big bad. Honestly watching them fight together in 4x13 was so fulfilling, seeing them bounce off one another and work together just like MK always wanted.

However, I am also ready for them to tear each other apart (MK for SWK literally, but SWK for MK probably metaphorically lol) and then build each other back up, both of them fully accepting each other, flaws and all. Just because you love each other doesn't mean you won't hurt one another, you know? Just because you love someone doesn't mean they're not flawed. And in some ways, I think both Sun Wukong and MK need to accept that fact about each other. Like, this confrontation needs to be MESSY and RAW, and I think a climatic anime battle is a great way to do that (4x13 MK V Azure fight proving my point perfectly, or honestly even something like Samadhi Fire Mei in 3x10).

But those are just my thoughts!

#I am eating plenty of fruit thank you #I had really good cherries today #''You may disagree with some of my points'' naw man you described the ideal scenario for me fr fr #I need TEARS. I need SCREAMING. I need HEARTBREAK #TRAGEDY #I don't think anyone will be weird on this post but it'd be funny if someone was like ''But Wukong didn't do anything wrong!''#And then I'd explode them with my mind and cry into the heavens. I don't want to keep explaining why Wukong is flawed lol.#''MK and Wukong can't fight! They love each other!!!''#As if MK and Wukong's relationship as a whole isn't already lowkey unhealthy lol. Just a little bit. But that's how you add flavor.#Like their love is what fuels it. Their blind faith. Choosing each other over the world. Destroying themselves for each other.#They'll get better one day. BUT RN-#JUST LEAVE ME WITH MY MESSY CHARACTERS THANKS.#asks #lmk #lmk analysis #lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lmk speculation #SWK V MK

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booksandwitchery · 7 months

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23 October, 2023

This post was conceived when, a few hours ago, I was so frustrated and borderline anxious because I couldn't find my fountain pen. I had reread some words in Vol. 2 of my grimoire about the voice of intuition feeling bold, expansive, and full of possibility. I wanted to write some reflective thoughts/notes about this in my Book of Shadows, but for around thirty minutes my fountain pen was nowhere to be found. I have loads of pens that would have worked fine. My fountain pen isn't particularly fancy, either--if I remember correctly, it was cheaper than $10. I think, how did it happen that I have become so attached? Luckily, I found my fountain pen after about thirty minutes, immediately feeling this nonsensical feeling of relief and comfort. And I began to write in my notebook.

I guess that's a testament in favor of the argument that physical objects can aid a person's magick by the feelings they evoke or the symbols they represent within our psyche. I feel more powerful when I write in my Book of Shadows with this specific pen, and this means something.

It brings to mind that for the past couple days I've been listening to a podcast called Cats, Tea, and Witchcraft. In one of her early episodes from 2020, the host Fawna talks about foundational witch tools (wand, athame, chalice, broom, candle, etc.) I listen to this thinking, I'm still so skeptical about things of that nature; in fact, I've been feeling lately that my skepticism is really blocking my progress.

See--I'd long ago made the decision to see Paganism and witchcraft as psychological and spiritual tools for bettering myself and living an improved, meaningful life. I understood and connected with Mark Green's 13 Principles of Atheopaganism, the first of which is "I understand that the metaphorical is not the literal." He elaborates more on this principle in one of his blog posts:

"Very meaningful experiences may well have been fully or partially a hallucination. Does that mean, then, that the meaning derived from such experiences is necessarily invalid? No, it does not-it merely means that we understand that we created that meaning. It was not inherent in the experience."

Yes, I fostered the psychological environment that makes my fountain pen a magickal tool. I don't know why this concept has been such a barrier for me--but it's holding me back from practicing in a serious sense. The thought of writing a spell and carrying it out, and using magickal tools to do so, scares me because I am unconsciously refusing to embrace this idea. I'm afraid to feel silly or disappointed in the results; ultimately, I'm still fighting the neural pathways that society has carved into my brain. I've been lingering here in this in-between state, dipping my feet in the water but never diving in. And this will not a powerful witch make.

It's funny but I'm actually glad that I couldn't find my fountain pen?? I think I'm finally going to get over this obstacle now.

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blysse-and-blunder · 10 months

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in lieu of packing

11pm, saturday, july 15, 2023

the things i could be doing right now could fill multiple volumes, but i listened to a podcast today about academic (im)perfectionism and am deciding i don't need to feel guilty. this summer's Big European Travel starts tomorrow and I! am! nervois! but i've done some smaller trips recently which helped me work up to this in a way. further media and life musings below the cut.

reading i had a few weeks there where my recreational reading was... a little bleak, in that i was reading things that felt dated and/or formulaic and/or just put me straight to sleep, thereby meaning that i took much longer than i normally like to finish anything-- this was enlivened with two excellent new instalments from two different series i love, anne leckie's translation state and samantha shannon's a day of fallen night.

very very fun now thinking of these back to back. two books were so engrossing, built (and built on) such rich worlds, such good command of the vibes/atmosphere/tone they were going for, but so different! to sound like a book reviewer for a moment, leckie's prose is sort of lean where shannon's is lush, something like that. there's a joke in here based on the meme that goes 'sci-fi is where x, fantasy is where y' but i'm too tired to work it out myself. both of these books say-- so there are incomprehensible beings in your world which may wish to eat and/or destroy you, and some people have found ways to work or live with them, but it is very weird and alien to your way of life. day of fallen night feels more like a climate metaphor, and there is plenty that felt pulled straight from the psyche of the years 2020-2023. both do fun/interesting things with gender and relationships, and both made me want to go re-read their respective predecessors to heighten the feeling of connection and resonance with those other works.

watching mostly dimension 20-- i introduced @yogurtforever to fantasy high last week, and I myself have been working my way through the toy island arc of neverafter-- but here is the place to mention watching netflix's new documentary about WHAM!, of all things, with @yogurtforever and @thehibernatinglentil last weekend.

youtube

not being a documentary hound, i never would have watched this without friends, but it was genuinely quite fun! i didn't know a ton about wham! or george michael, which i now realize is a shame because there's a lot to know. making up for it by having the lyrics to their first hit single, the inimitable 'wham rap', stuck in my head for the next 200 years.

listening due in no small part to the wham! doc (and an mama mia 2 rewatch the week before that), i put on a lot of throwback music this week. it ended up being more 70s than 80s, and that got me thinking about how strongly my parents' music taste influenced mine. there are so many good artists from ~back then~ who i have found out about later, because we just didn't listen to them at home? and of the vinyl i remember finding in the basement, you know, it wasn't bowie, it wasn't fleetwood mac, it wasn't springsteen (it was james taylor and paul simon and probably joni mitchell). luckily, summer camp taught me all the lyrics to a bunch of other oldies, and we did listen to the radio oldies station quite a lot, so my education wasn't entirely deficient. i bring this week the don maclean song 'vincent', which i will be thinking a lot about for one reason and another this week.

youtube

playing i have, at long, long last, completed my stardew community center. it was a little anticlimactic, after all the travail that went into it, but i'm so pleased. it only took like two actual human real life years! the last thing i needed was a rabbit's foot, and now at last i feel like i can move to the next tier of game play. i remain unmarried, fighting for my life in skull cavern, but now with two small bunnies to love.

making trying to figure out how to eat most of the food i have in the fridge, how to use up things and make the most of what i have and not leave anything to spoil for the next little while, so i haven't really been cooking big projects. i've been 'making' appointments, got my eyes checked, had coffee with two different profs and chatted with a former student about her med school applications, and that's about it!

working on conference paper, which is both a slideshow (graphic design is my passion, this part is mostly fine) and a draft of what might turn into usable words for the chapter i'm working on. naturally i have built it up into the Biggest Scariest Most Important task, and so am avoiding it and finding it miserable to work on. and i still have time! i had wanted to not work on it on the plane, during my travel week, etc., but there is actually time. there's time. and i keep having small breakthroughs, after 2-5 hours of dicking around, which allow me to believe that there is an end in sight. other things to be worked on, for when i have some 'free' 'time'-- newsletter draft that's so very overdue, multiple students asking for detailed essay feedback and grade breakdowns, emails from students asking for other things, recommendation letter, the next chapter that i'm meant to be finishing this summer. luckily, it's a long plane ride.

#in lieu of a commonplace book #ilcb #weekly roundup #the good thing with writing about two books per post is that i can really easily avoid spoilers; the bad thing is that i can't just yell #about the parts in each one in particular that made me yell!#it's a zoomed-out format and normally i like that #but also: these books were so good

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theputterer · 8 months

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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

tagged by my friend @fortysevenswrites

this order is somewhat loose, it changes depending on my Mood.

gray areas

Gray, in all its varieties, serves as a perfect understanding of who Cassian Andor is. Gray gives Cassian Andor’s life meaning. It colors it, entirely. The life of Cassian Andor, from the ice-covered mountains of Fest, to the white sand beaches of Scarif, and all the gray areas in between.

to the surprise of absolutely fucking no one, gray areas continues to be my beloved, the first fic I posted and the OG Nonsense. while I don't think the prose is particularly noteworthy (some of it is quite good but you can also tell I was Possessed and just banging out the chapters like a machine), I'm still very proud of the plot and themes I managed to drag out of it. I am obsessed with the idea of the narrative explicitly telling you what is going to happen even while the character(s) don't know, and that happens a lot in this. (there is no way to change the ending). I think the original characters in this are also interesting, particularly Asori, Nerezza, and Taraja; and Zeferino, who many readers were stunningly fond of, lol. when I wrote it in 2016/2017 it was still in line with the "canon" backstory, something I did put some effort in. Andor has absolutely shut the door on that one but I think the story still holds up as an alternate take on what Cassian Andor's backstory could have been.

2. to meet beyond shadows

Five years after the Battle of Crait, the Resistance wages a fierce war against the First Order. Jedi Master Ben Organa-Solo guides the New Jedi Order in the war, and their fight against Supreme Leader Kylo Ren and his Knights. But there are evils waiting to be awakened. Words that must be said. Myths that must be realized. Brothers that must be confronted. The end is near. [Or: Ben Solo is not the one who becomes Kylo Ren, in this full TROS AU/rewrite.]

I return to this series a lot, my Sequel Trilogy AU in which Leia and Han had identical twin sons, expanding on the twin themes present thru Star Wars (literal twins but also metaphorical twins, good and evil, light and dark etc). one of them goes the Kylo Ren route while the other does not. my take on Kylo in the Sequel Trilogy is that he never had a chance with the uniqueness he couldn't help, and that he inherited all the worst traits of the Skywalkers, so it was fun to explore what might have happened if he had a brother who was his mirror, a brother who was the best of the Skywalkers yet loved him unconditionally still. I wrote a lot about brothers on opposite sides who still loved each other so desperately in the Nonsense, and this series built on that foundation. (Local Woman Who Is Not A Brother Constantly Writes About Brothers). Ben has a really great arc in this series that's one of the finest character arcs I've ever done, if not THE finest. and I so treasured the way multiple readers came to sympathize and understand Bail/Kylo and his ultimate ending, a character who was never interested in redemption but sort of stumbled into it anyway. this last story in the series is the biggest departure from the Sequel Trilogy as a whole (the other two mostly followed TFA and TLJ) and I think it's very good. I love the plot, the Old EU lore I borrowed from, the tragedy and the euphoria, seeing the end coming and being powerless to stop it, and the ultimate messages it shared. **chef's kiss** [my gravestone will probably read something like "here lies theputterer who died as she lived; trying to get people to read her Sequel Trilogy AU"] [honestly this fic might be the best I've ever written, at least Technically speaking]

3. death trembles to take us

Jyn has walked the Earth for over four thousand years, leading a team of warriors. They’ve fought in hundreds of battles, and died hundreds of times, returning to take up their weapons and fight again. They choose to fight for what they believe in, as the world turns and changes around them. But in Juba, they encounter an existential threat, one they have never seen before. And meanwhile, on the other side of the world, an assassin dies on a city street, only to rise again. [A THE OLD GUARD au]

the little story that could! a very self-indulgent AU that got such a lovely and gratifying response from the fandom(s). (special shoutout to the SEVERAL readers who gave this fic a shot even tho they'd never seen The Old Guard and/or didn't care for it lol). I am quite proud of it. it was fun to explore history and come up with backstories for the Rogue One gang that still meshed with what we know of them in canon. I like the themes and messages the story delivered. I would also be deeply remiss in not Once Again thanking @rifle-yes for the support and enthusiasm. at least half of the readers of this fic were drawn to it thanks to their efforts. I also don't think I would have attempted my Fringe AU without the readers of this story.

4. Lady Lazarus

A woman dies in Venice. That’s how the story goes. It’s very important they follow where the story goes. Where it’s supposed to go.

listen. I was also very surprised. I watched the Mission: Impossible movies for the first time this summer and totally fell in love with Ilsa Faust, this very cool and interesting spy with somewhat fluid loyalties. also the movies fucking rule. go see Dead Reckoning: Part One while it's still in theaters. as a known connoisseur of the Tragic Love Story, I ate that shit up and wrote a speculative story/ character study exploring Ilsa in the movie. prayer circle it becomes correct. I like the flow of this fic and the prose of it is quite nice and also all the resurrection bits. Rebecca Ferguson forever!!!

5. a ghost story

He looked at Fima. “The shadow; the man. What did he look like?” Fima swallowed, and Cassian did not like the way his son was looking at him, with something akin to wariness, something close to fear. “Like you.” [Or: a ghost story about fathers, sons, and the trauma of abandonment.]

I think all of my little short stories in the Nonsense Expanded Universe are nice and so this last spot could be interchangeable. but I am very fond of a ghost story, in that it is sweet and tragic and allows Cassian a bit of understanding with who Gabriel was, something he desperately needed and was very much paling in comparison to all he came to know about Serafima. also ghosts/hauntings are very fun.

tagging: @rifle-yes, @callioope @vaderkat @alecjmarsh and anyone else who wants to give it a shot!

#writing #my writing #my fic #personal #it remains very funny how i will go to bat for my fics any day of the week #but getting me to praise or even look at my original stories sends me into the ocean

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