#but i wanted to get it off my chest | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

noesa · 6 months

Text

i think the thing that is specifically bothering me about the conversation about the new hbomberguy video ("live your life in a way so that hbomberguy doesn't tear into you for 3 hours", "hbomberguy has figured out how to death note someone through video essays", "oh new hbomberguy video [incredibly dense paragraphs of text] i now despise james somerton") is that it really feels like people aren't paying attention to what hbomberguy was actually saying. like, as much as he wanted to make people aware of the plagiarism issue, he also very explicitly did not like the fact that he might even remotely have a financial incentive to make those sorts of videos. and rather than the last video, which was a "get mad about this" call to action, hbomberguy spent this whole video sympathizing with the people who were directly out indirectly affected, and wanted the focus of people's attention to be on uplifting small queer creators

but also, negativity drives engagement so i guess it's to be expected.

#esse.txt #hbomberguy #this is just kinda weird vomit #but i wanted to get it off my chest #10k

32K notes · View notes

mightymizora · 10 days

Text

The trouble with having relatively complex mental health needs these days is... uh...

The feeling of oh what are you even doing? Like there is a genocide going on on, you can't be having symptoms now, it's not the fucking time, you have to be resilient! You've got to do the work and there is so much work to do and you are actually in a position to do something meaningful in this field.

But ok. Maybe you let yourself be less resilient. Maybe you do what you can and try and look at being better equipped to keep doing it.

You admit you need help. But where are you going to go? Crisis teams were hard to access the last time you had to in 2019 but now? They're non existent! A&E has a wait time of 13 hours and there are people on trolleys in the corridors with injuries bleeding out! So are you going to go there?

So you report to the community nurse but they're dealing with the vulnerable adults now, and you're not vulnerable, not in the same way as these single mothers without jobs who don't have the coping mechanisms, who lack the emotional insight to even know they're in a crisis. And hey, you're the one supposed to be helping them through your mutual aid work! Why have you stopped that?

Maybe you can go private. So you go private. You try and tell this person your case history and then the hour is over. You come back again. You get to the point, and they ask "and how does that make you feel?" and you can see in their eyes that they're afraid of you. They aren't equipped to deal with you. But where you live, private counsellors aren't qualified to deal with your caseload. You should be in specialist support.

Which doesn't exist.

So you.

#please don't read this if you're struggling too #but I wanted to get it off my chest

21 notes · View notes

tidal-chaos · 8 days

Text

the online system community sucks so bad lmao

#(not talking about any of my system friends/mutuals)#vent #vent post #free to interact/reblog whatever though #anyway it sucks because there isnt actually a cohesive community. it is so divided #there is so much infighting its actually fucking wild #and i wish i could say all the infighting is coming from kids who dont know any better but... its not #adult systems have been poisoned by the infighting too. and it never fucking matters #we arent even accomplishing anything #what. exactly. is the point #the syscourse is hell and its constant and it rarely changes anyones minds #not that it matters if anyones minds change or not because it DOESNT. FUCKING. MATTER.#you go into the system community and everyones just DUKING IT OUT WITH EACH OTHER #i genuinely dont fucking care what side of syscourse youre on #you have better things to fucking do!!!!!!#syscourse doesnt MEAN ANYTHING it is one of the most pointless and yet somehow the most dramatic and hateful debates on the internet #WHO FUCKING CARES.#please for the love of god direct your hate towards something else #this is the most dumb and meaningless thing to waste your energy on #none of this matters irl ever #anti syscourse #tw syscourse #anyway yeah if you're plural i am not going to ask questions because it is none of my fucking business and frankly it is nobody elses either #i am unlikely to ever post anything like this again just because i also have better things to do #but i wanted to get it off my chest #we used to engage in syscourse and it was so draining and got us harassed #and in the end we just realized that it is not worth the energy or the fucks to give #again if you say you are plural i will treat you as plural and thats it. i have shit to do man

1 note · View note

pokimoko · 11 months

Text

I can't keep being fundamentally changed as a person by animated movies, it's just not sustainable.

#animation #animated film #animated movies #across the spiderverse #across the spider-verse #spiderverse #puss in boots #puss in boots the last wish #puss in boots 2 #nimona #nimona film #yes i'm posting this specifically because i just watched nimona and am feeling all kinds of things but really these are all PEAK TIER #the fact they have ALL been released within 7 months of each other...like...woah we are thriving right now #stylised animation with its own unique style reflecting the movie i love you forever kissing you on the mouth #films that make me ferally rip up any and all art blocks to shreds #and that's just the animation side of things #i won't get started on the plots. they also make me want to bounce off of walls #hugging all these close to my chest #as well as all the other great animated movies that exist because animation wins all catergories for me always #(let's not forget anime movies either; y'all are beautiful too! keeping 2d animation alive and i'm so here for it)

31K notes · View notes

itistimetodisappear · 4 months

Text

Yes we've all heard aroace people complain about the 'you haven't met the right person' line. But to the idiots citing this as the reason aroace people 'aren't oppressed’: No, micro aggressions aren't what's oppressing us.

I could talk about corrective rape, but I'm not going to because that's not what scares me the most. The worst thing about being aroace (aromantic, and asexual to a certain extent) is that society is set up for couples.

Being aromantic is a crushing economic disadvantage. As a couple, you can save more. As a legal couple, you can borrow more. This puts Mortgages out of reach for a lot of aromantics. Adopting too. Although aro people can adopt, you must have a similar income to a couple, which again, rules out a lot of aros. Don't forget Immigration, spousal visas will never be an option for us.

Being poor and aro means you're denied housing, family, international movement, basically anything that allos of a similar income would get. And anything you can get, you'll have to jump through many more hoops for. But we can't fix this by legalising aro marriage, like we did for the gays. Until our society's economic system is completely revolutionised, we'll be waiting.

It's impossible to compare oppression. You can't objectively say which minority group has it worse and I really mean that. But also I'd rather be called slurs and hated by Christians all fucking day.

#sorry about all the aroace stuff recently its just theres been dicourse in my notes and i want to get stuff off of my chest #aroace #asexual #aromantic #i had to work my ass off all my life #to get a job that pays two peoples income #becuase theres literally no other option for me

4K notes · View notes

the-phantom-peach · 10 months

Text

Meeting the Light Dragon ✨🐉

[tagged as spoilers!]

6K notes · View notes

nevermindtheweights · 1 year

Text

i fear i fall too easily to people who don’t have my best interests at heart and may exploit my kindness and desire for social interaction....

#this is a purely irl thing and nothing to do with tumblr #but i wanted to get it off my chest #basically. someone owes me some money and promise it will be given on wednesday #i am... however #doubtiful #i need them too do this #otherwise i am totally gonna cut contact #trust issues aside #i don't mind giving money to help a friend out #but #i also need to se that they will pay back what is owed #i don't like being owed or owing money

1 note · View note

corvidcall · 2 years

Text

None Of You Know What Haiku Are

I'm going to preface this by saying that i am not an expert in ANY form of poetry, just an enthusiast. Also, this post is... really long. Too long? Definitely too long. Whoops! I love poetry.

If you ask most English-speaking people (or haiku-bot) what a haiku is, they would probably say that it's a form of poetry that has 3 lines, with 5, and then 7, and then 5 syllables in them. That's certainly what I was taught in school when we did our scant poetry unit, but since... idk elementary school when I learned that, I've learned that that's actually a pretty inaccurate definition of haiku. And I think that inaccurate definition is a big part of why most people (myself included until relatively recently!) think that haiku are kind of... dumb? unimpressive? simple and boring? I mean, if you can just put any words with the right number of syllables into 3 lines, what makes it special?

Well, let me get into why the 5-7-5 understanding of haiku is wrong, and also what makes haiku so special (with examples)!

First of all, Japanese doesn't have syllables! There's a few different names for what phonetic units actually make up the language- In Japanese, they're called "On" (音), which translates to "sound", although English-language linguists often call it a "mora" (μ), which (quoting from Wikipedia here) "is a basic timing unit in the phonology of some spoken languages, equal to or shorter than a syllable." (x) "Oh" is one syllable, and also one mora, whereas "Oi" has one syllable, but two moras. "Ba" has one mora, "Baa" has two moras, etc. In English, we would say that a haiku is made up of three lines, with 5-7-5 syllables in them, 17 syllables total. In Japanese, that would be 17 sounds.

For an example of the difference, the word "haiku", in English, has 2 syllables (hai-ku), but in Japanese, はいく has 3 sounds (ha-i-ku). "Christmas" has 2 syllables, but in Japanese, "クリスマス" (ku-ri-su-ma-su) is 5 sounds! that's a while line on its own! Sometimes the syllables are the same as the sounds ("sushi" is two syllables, and すし is two sounds), but sometimes they're very different.

In addition, words in Japanese are frequently longer than their English equivalents. For example, the word "cuckoo" in Japanese is "ほととぎす" (hototogisu).

Now, I'm sure you're all very impressed at how I can use an English to Japanese dictionary (thank you, my mother is proud), but what does any of this matter? So two languages are different. How does that impact our understanding of haiku?

Well, if you think about the fact that Japanese words are frequently longer than English words, AND that Japanese counts sounds and not syllables, you can see how, "based purely on a 17-syllable counting method, a poet writing in English could easily slip in enough words for two haiku in Japanese” (quote from Grit, Grace, and Gold: Haiku Celebrating the Sports of Summer by Kit Pancoast Nagamura). If you're writing a poem using 17 English syllables, you are writing significantly more content than is in an authentic Japanese haiku.

(Also not all Japanese haiku are 17 sounds at all. It's really more of a guideline.)

Focusing on the 5-7-5 form leads to ignoring other strategies/common conventions of haiku, which personally, I think are more interesting! Two of the big ones are kigo, a season word, and kireji, a cutting word.

Kigo are words/phrases/images associated with a particular season, like snow for winter, or cherry blossoms for spring. In Japan, they actually publish reference books of kigo called saijiki, which is basically like a dictionary or almanac of kigo, describing the meaning, providing a list of related words, and some haiku that use that kigo. Using a a particular kigo both grounds the haiku in a particular time, but also alludes to other haiku that have used the same one.

Kireji is a thing that doesn't easily translate to English, but it's almost like a spoken piece of punctuation, separating the haiku into two parts/images that resonate with and add depth to each other. Some examples of kireji would be "ya", "keri", and "kana." Here's kireji in action in one of the most famous haiku:

古池や　蛙飛び込む　水の音 (Furu ike ya　kawazu tobikomu　mizu no oto) (The old pond — A frog jumps in The sound of the water.)

You can see the kireji at the end of the first line- 古池や literally translates to "old pond ya". The "ya" doesn't have linguistic meaning, but it denotes the separation between the two focuses of the haiku. First, we are picturing a pond. It's old, mature. The water is still. And then there's a frog! It's spring and he's fresh and new to the world! He jumps into the pond and goes "splash"! Wowie! When I say "cutting word", instead of say, a knife cutting, I like to imagine a film cut. The camera shows the pond, and then it cuts to the frog who jumps in.

English doesn't really have a version of this, at least not one that's spoken, but in English language haiku, people will frequently use a dash or an ellipses to fill the same role.

Format aside, there are also some conventions of the actual content, too. They frequently focus on nature, and are generally use direct language without metaphor. They use concrete images without judgement or analysis, inviting the reader to step into their shoes and imagine how they'd feel in the situation. It's not about describing how you feel, so much as it's about describing what made you feel.

Now, let's put it all together, looking at a haiku written Yosa Buson around 1760 (translated by Harold G. Henderson)

The piercing chill I feel: my dead wife's comb, in our bedroom, under my heel

We've got our kigo with "the piercing chill." We read that, and we imagine it's probably winter. It's cold, and the kind of cold wind that cuts through you. There's our kireji- this translation uses a colon to differentiate our two images: the piercing chill, and the poet stepping on his dead wife's comb. There's no descriptions of what the poet is feeling, but you can imagine stepping into his shoes. You can imagine the pain he's experiencing in that moment on your own.

"But tumblr user corvidcall!" I hear you say, "All the examples you've used so far are Japanese haiku that have been translated! Are you implying that it's impossible for a good haiku to be written in English?" NO!!!!! I love English haiku! Here's a good example, which won first place in the 2000 Henderson haiku contest, sponsored by the Haiku Society of America:

meteor shower . . . a gentle wave wets our sandals

When you read this one, can you imagine being in the poet's place? Do you feel the surprise as the tide comes in? Do you feel the summer-ness of the moment? Haiku are about describing things with the senses, and how you take in the world around you. In a way, it's like the poet is only setting a scene, which you inhabit and fill with meaning based on your own experiences. You and I are imagining different beaches, different waves, different people that make up the "our" it mentioned.

"Do I HAVE to include all these things when I write haiku? If I include all these things, does that mean my haiku will be good?" I mean, I don't know. What colors make up a good painting? What scenes make up a good play? It's a creative medium, and nobody can really tell you you can't experiment with form. Certainly not me! But I think it's important to know what the conventions of the form are, so you can appreciate good examples of it, and so you can know what you're actually experimenting with. And I mean... I'm not the poetry cops. But if you're not interested in engaging with the actual conventions and limitations of the form, then why are you even using that form?

I'll leave you with one more English language haiku, which is probably my favorite haiku ever. It was written by Tom Bierovic, and won first place at the 2021 Haiku Society of America Haiku Awards

a year at most . . . we pretend to watch the hummingbirds

Sources: (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x)

Further reading:

Forms in English Haiku by Keiko Imaoka Haiku: A Whole Lot More Than 5-7-5 by Jack How to Write a Bad Haiku by KrisL Haiku Are Not a Joke: A Plea from a Poet Who Has Had It Up to Here by Sandra Simpson Haiku Checklist by Katherine Raine

#poetry #haiku #writing #literature #anime life #long post #i want to apologize but i had to get something off my chest #and the thing was. i love haiku #and when i see posts on here about haiku. i get so angy.#well ok i really get more disappointed bc nobody is really engaging with the form on its own terms #anyway i hope you enjoy some of my favorite haiku because theyre in there!!!!!#i didnt really get into the history of haiku. and i also did not get into why i got really into it #but i will say that i was really inspired by Jacob Geller's video A Thousand Ways of Seeing a Forest #which is a lot about translation #(which i mean. as an interpreter AND a poetry-enjoyer. really appealed to me lol)

10K notes · View notes

zhukzubast · 6 months

Text

...so about those preview costumes

#i honestly might draw more b/c there's. there's a LOT of feelings i want to get off my chest #luffy #egghead island #one piece episode 1086 preview #i am avoiding manga spoilers for this part of the story like the plague but i'm so goddamn curious #one piece

894 notes · View notes

anantaru · 4 months

Text

whenever i write smut for diluc i tend to forget to write the actual smut scenes because i always add too much descriptions of romance in the fics and how much he loves you, i just want to make it clear in my writing that his love has no bounds and how diluc loves you is very intense. listen, this man is such a passionate lover, he is blooming from how you allow him to love you until he feels how you become this beacon of hope to him. i just have to get my point across on this, he is so akin to mr. darcy from pride & prejudice, diluc is a good man, he is intelligent and kind to people, he protects them, he is wise too, funny in his own type of way. what else is that he would die for you. he would kill for you. he would conquer the world for you. diluc would do it all and look utterly handsome while doing it! case closed.

#i had to get this off my chest #also this made me want to rewatch pride & prejudice for the tenth time #i had this sudden surge of diluc brainrot HAHA i hope we see him soon <3 #genuinely i miss the mondstadt characters they are all my favorites #๑•ᴗ•๑ yoru approved'

588 notes · View notes

alevens · 4 months

Text

zolu is maybe one of the easiest ships i've ever liked. they're dating, except when they're not, they're best friends even when they're kissing and they're still captain and first mate when they aren't. they hold hands, they hug. they have sex. they don't.

Luffy can hold Zoro's katanas and Zoro can hold Luffy's strawhat and no one bats an eye. one says "You're so cool!" and the other says "You're strong" and it's just another way to say "I see you, this is why I follow you/this is why I trust you". it's not seeing each other for a long time and still knowing how the other's steps sound like against wood and sand. the captain runs and the first mate follows. it's always "Zoro and the others" and "Where's Luffy?"

if they're just friends, if they're something more, if they don't have a label for it, at its core, it's just about how they get each other. they understand how the other's mind works. however you view them, it doesn't erase they fact that they love each other in a way they don't love other people.

#zolu #on why i love zolu #seeing the hate its gotten on its own tag #i figured i'd put it on my two cents #i am aroace and i do hc Luffy as aroace #the same for Zoro if i'm honest #but the thing about this hc is that not only it isn't canon #but is an actual spectrum #what really made me pause was that the argument was that zolu was an “icky” ship bc of how they viewed Luffy as aroace #i would have prefered they just said they hate the ship #it makes sense as i do too hate ships without reason sometimes #but it was how they seemed to view aromatic/asexual people that fucked me up #both orientations are spectrums #the way i see it and experience it isn't the same other people do #giving this label and then saying it only woks on one way is disrespectful to the many people that fall under this umbrella #it isn't as simple as saying “aromantic folks can't experience love” and “yeah ace folks all find sex disgusting”#everyone is different everyone has different views and it's about finding what fits *you* personally!#sorry for the rant on tags i just wanted to get it off my chest #i've seen more people explain it better and break it down more coherently #and i'm so so glad to see so many big brained people ready to communicate on why that take just wasn't it #one piece

411 notes · View notes

nibbelraz · 6 months

Text

When your brother wants to betray the powerful demon king you both work for but you know that's NOT going to end well so you try to convince him not to do it but he's also seen those LUSTFUL gazes you do to said demon and calls you out

#svsss #shang qinghua #original shang qinghua #Shang Twins #Shang twins AU #scum villian self saving system #scum villains self saving system #scum villain's self saving system #sqh #implied Moshang #OG Shang Qinghua: You just love his chest thats the only reason you want me to not do it #Shang Qinghua: THERES MORE REASONS BUT I CANT DENY THAT IS ONE OF THEM #I think they'd get into some insane stuff together #mobei also is put off by the twin he prefers the wimpy scared crying one over the one that just point blank stares at him #I also like to think in this au Svsss Shang Qinghua is still scarily great at managing his peak/ the kingdom #maybe they both run the peak together #who knows #my art #nibbelraz

753 notes · View notes

maerhiya · 3 months

Text

in regards to the constant dismissal of his aroace identity, i hate it when alastor 'fans' say and use the excuse: "he's fictional, he won't get offended."

like, you're right, but it can and will offend us.

when you see yourself being represented on screen, of course you'd feel enthusiastic about it — representation allows individuals to see themselves reflected in the media they consume, validating their identities and experiences. but when so many people take that representation and decide to disregard and discard it, it is so fucking frustrating. we finally have another character to be part of the tiny amount of representation we have, but then people don't even care about how much it means to us? like yeah, alastor won't get offended because he's not real, but it frustrates and annoys us. do you realize that it's also technically invalidating the aroace community? that you're invalidating our feelings? imagine feeling like you're finally being seen because your orientation is finally being represented in media, and people just decide to blatantly ignore, discard, and invalidate it.

media has such a powerful influence on real life, representation being a prevalent factor of it. there are numerous posts that dictate how people went to watch a movie/show or read a book just because a character depicts their identity in it — obviously, being represented is an incredibly uplifting and validating experience.

which is why seeing an aroace character in a popular show is so meaningful to us because we live in a world where romance and sex are literally everywhere and prioritized above all else. (and it's pretty obvious that alastor's on the repulsed end of the spectrum, but even if he wasn't, at least make an effort to acknowledge his sexuality instead of continuing to portray him as allo; aroace folks can be in relationships but it's not going to be the same thing with allos' experiences.)

any and every representation matters, but why does that seem to stop at people under the aroace spectrum? like y'all can't even let us appreciate the scraps of representation we have. we barely have any, so are we really that dramatic for being upset at how people easily disregard and dismiss our identities that are being depicted on screen just like that? is it truly wrong of us to want to defend and maintain the little representation we have?

#like imagine if i asked you ab your fav character and then i said i hated them and proceeded to insult them #wouldn't that irritate you even just a bit and maybe even come to their defense?#like why would you be offended when they're not even real lmaoo #they're fictional and won't get offended but if you love that character then YOU might feel offended and maybe even defend them #ok now take that situation and put it into this context #except it's much more meaningful bc it's about representation #just a random thought #i'm not against shipping him or finding him attractive (bc same LMAO) or the fanart btw #i just hate it when people use bs excuses to justify their obvious dismissal & indifference towards aro/ace rep #like at least acknowledge his identity :((#sorry for the long ass rant and if some parts don't make sense i'm not in the best mood rn lol #and i've been wanting to get this off my chest for a while #didn't know double standards were a thing when it came to representation....#but here we are #alastor #aroace alastor #aroace #asexual #aromantic #asexuality #aromanticism #arospec #aspec #alastor hazbin hotel #aromantic alastor #asexual alastor #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel alastor #aroacespec #queer

270 notes · View notes

rhaenyratheecruel · 1 month

Text

A huge problem with antizionist activists at the moment is that so many of them are just absolutely itching to see more violence. They don’t want to stop the violence. They don’t call for a ceasefire and peace anymore. Instead they call for Israelis/Jewish people to be ethnically cleansed from the region instead of Palestinians. Like they literally just think the “wrong people” are being murdered right now. They’re a bunch of western spectators with nothing on the line agitating for more violence in a region thousands of miles away so they can root for their “team.” It’s a game to so many of these people, and a game they want to end in even more violence than has already been perpetrated by the Israeli government and Hamas.

#like call me crazy but i think ethnic cleansing/genocide is Bad no matter what group of ppl you’re doing it to #ultimately everyone needs to realize the only way forward is peaceful coexistence with equal rights and freedom of movement #because neither the israelis nor the palestinians are going anywhere nor should they have to #i/p #miri’s thoughts #i’m just. tired #antisemitism #i think the world could benefit from having LESS violence actually #anyways i left twitter so i wouldn’t have to keep being subjected to antisemitism/being expected to comment on this issue 24/7 #so i’m not really going to talk about it here very much #but i wanted/needed to get this off my chest

162 notes · View notes

coolnonsenseworld · 9 months

Text

(this is part of the calendar 2024 lore, now on pre-order, to know more check out prev posts)

April was Keith's idea of relaxation. He enjoyed parks, the feng shui of them, nature's ability to thrive despite and against anything happening - the silence of it. Watching Keith wind down and relax when he is a strung wire most of the time, would definitely make Lance feel all lovey-dovey and clingy (as he tends to get) and when he’d worry he is disturbing, Keith would comment this is exactly how it should be - the constant yin to his yang, and the yang when he feels yin.

Also - both shirt and hoodie are Keith's (he has way too many hoodies with quotes). Lance took the hoodie for Keith, but Keith insisted he won’t get cold, so he wore it himself. On the way home Lance funds Keith the biggest sushi serving he could find on the menu, and, believe me, nothing lights up Keith's eyes like a table full of rice and algae. Lance just watches with a soft smile. (Keith does end up getting cold)

#klance #laith #i dont wanna jinx it but im 12k words draft deep #not danceau danceau is third on my list im sorry #but if i dont get hex off my chest im gonna deteriorate #im so lost in the narrative ToT i missed writing so much #i just want to listen to chill songs and make up silly banter #speaking of chill songs i was today years old when i learned RY X full name #i was actually checking his date of birth bc his songs are so sensitievely dramatic i thought he is pisces #he is not #but now that x makes a lot of sense #you gotta check him out now its imperative and you are welcum

682 notes · View notes

pjo-hoo-toa-freakazoid · 30 days

Text

A lil rant about my experience with this god forsaken fandom

I made this blog around 2020 when I was 13 years old. This was my first shot at a dedicated fandom blog and I was pretty excited for it, to make friends, draw fanart, post fun stuff and what not.

All fun right? Right, so tell me why was it that literal 20 years olds felt the need to harass me, a then 13 year old girl with a relatively small blog, for the dumbest reasons possible?

What did I do that subjected me to 2 and a half years worth constant daily threats and harassment? Hmm???

You wanna know my crime? Apparently I showed interest in an antagonist character, which is so awful that grown adults felt the need to bully me. And following those adults came young impressionable people my age, that joined the bandwagon of hate against me.

As if other fandoms don’t have people literally dedicating themselves to a villain, no one bats an eye to that. Why did this fandom have such an issue? I also apparently dared to criticise the main character for a few of his flaws. Such a horrible thing to do right? I need to be burnt at the stake for it right?

I didn’t follow the “fixed” standards of the fandom so I was to be sent de*th/r*pe threats daily?? For not following the “rules” I was to be ostracised?

No please someone explain…I’m but a dumb bitch, I don’t understand what I did so terribly wrong to deserve this? Did I start a war? Did I rip open someone’s plush? Did I bully someone for not having the same ideology as me?

No it was but the fandom itself that for some reason found it so fun to bully a 13 year old, send her de*th and r*pe threats all because of not being of pjo fandom standards…let’s go and bombard her with hate!!

Do you realise how fucking stupid…this all sounds? Do you realise how low this is? Was bullying a child so fun? So trendy at the time?

Then came the victim blaming- I laugh everytime I remember people saying I must have done something really bad to get such harassment, that it’s all for attention. What kid wants to get hate everyday of their life for 2 whole fucking years? Tell me?

You know wanna know what I did wrong? Fight back, call the hate anons out for their bigotry. I was vocal about it, that’s what I did wrong right? Stand my ground? People said to ignore it and I did. But I still got bullied daily even if I didn’t respond. What was all this for?

I can imagine people asking why I didn’t simply leave the fandom? Why the fuck should I? I enjoy the stories, I enjoy the characters, they were my escape from real life struggles. It was the bullying I didn’t enjoy. Everyday I’d log on to enjoy posts and a few minutes later when the bigots found out I was active I was sent an anonymous threat.

Many of my oldest friends had to reduce the amount they interacted with me in fear of receiving harassment themselves. The extent of this is bigotry is beyond my understanding.

I did not deserve this much suffering AND ALL FOR WHAT? A STUPID LITTLE REASON THAT HAS BARELY ANY WEIGHT TO IT. Do people even realise the extent of what happened is beyond me. And Idc if I sound selfish, I want a fucking apology from all those bigots. I want compensation for the 2 and a half years of abuse I endured alone. I just want this bigotry to end, which surprise surprise! Still continues to happen.

Why do I bring this up now that it’s all over you ask? I’ve actually brought it up once before, but it was swept under the rug, (My deepest appreciation to the very few people who supported me when I first talked about it) I’m just finally being more vocal, because this has stuck with me. For all those 4 years this has stuck with me. It doesn’t mean if it’s over for now that all the trauma doesn’t linger. It still affects me to this day.

In fact I’m still being stalked by one of the people who sent me hate anons. One of the hate anons was revealed to be one of my bestest friends, they had admitted this to me and had the nerve to beg me to still remain friends. They were also the person who groomed me. They have left the fandom scene and I’ve rid of them from my life but they still continue to stalk me.

What do I get from ranting about all this? A bit of solace, a bit of weight off my shoulders. But nearly not enough for me to actually fucking heal. I also want people to realise how bigoted some are and how horrible the mentality of “fixed fandom standards/ideologies” is and that we as a fandom need to fucking change. Heck I know this issues in every fandom. But can we at least start with ours for a change for once?

Along side all of this there’s also a lot of racism and trans/homophobia that still actively prevails. Just look at what Leah went through when her casting was announced. Did she deserve all of that?? “Not my annabeth” do you realise how horrible that is to say to a CHILD? She is Annabeth whether you like it or not. And you are very welcome to leave if you wish to stick to your stupid racist nonsense.

I bet there are many others who have probably suffered the same may it not be for the same reasons, but everyone of them deserve their apologies and compensation as well.

Idc if I’ll get hate for this. I said what I said. I’m just so done.

#trigger warning #tw hate #I was also informed I was being mocked in group chats and there were sick rumours about me.#i won’t give a fuck if I get harassed again cux this literally shows how low this fandom will get #there’s so many layers to this I haven’t even gone into detail on #but I just want atleast this off of my chest. I was shaking and short of breath as I wrote this #I wish to thank all my oldest moots and friends that stuck by me despite everything. I cannot express how thankful I am to you guys #love you all tons.#what do u mean by compensation? just an apology from the same people who hurt me. which is nearly impossible. but idc I want to find them #and confront them. I need to bring my 13 year old self justice for what she went through. I pushed her feelings aside when this was over #but she never healed. I’m hoping she gets a bit of peace for now.#pjo fandom #percy jackson fandom #fandom toxicity

119 notes · View notes