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starcookiechu · 3 years

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ROTT Review

SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE. You have been warned.

FYI: I just finished the movie. So my opinions may change a bit but here I am writing a full review.

Before I talk about the movie, I have to say this movie has fantastic animation. The music is as good as usual.

Ok now the story. Let’s start with the our Trollhunters.

Fair Lady Claire. My girlie Claire really brought her all into this. I’m really proud of the young woman she has grown up into. However for the sake of the plot and story they make her run out of magic juice quite a bit. But my girl is still the best and gives it her all.

Wingman Domzalski. I will be perfectly honest. Toby is kind of the annoying best friend at times and bothers me as a plus size person. (They really push the over eating thing to the point that it’s his biggest factor.) Toby is a very eager kid who is ready to get in the action. Never being negative to his friend but the best emotional support who will always be at his side. Sure Toby was used a bit as comedic relief in the movie but when push comes to shove, Toby will always be there to do the right thing.

Blinky is amazing as always. One of the best father figures out there.

Aarrrgh was there. Was great for the scenes he was in, but all together didn’t do much that altered the story.

Our Trollhunter, Jim Lake Jr. Someone I admire and basically see as my little brother/child. Kiddo really did it. I know everyone is upset that Jim’s arc was redone when we had the “Unbecoming” episode. If I could come to a peaceful middle ground, I saw we all need to blame Merlin. He really rocked Jim’s world and self worth. When the creator of the object you need to save the world with tells you “You’re not enough”, it really can be a great setback. But once we past that, Jim really pulled through. Amulet or not, he is our Trollhunter.

Mommy Dr. Lake was there. Barbara was mostly there for our emotions.

Dilf Strickler. I felt that he was changed a bit since we last saw him, but he had a new purpose. He was more cautious and happy because he had a chance at a happy life with Barbara. Which makes what happens to him more upsetting.

Nomura my sweet. This movie did not deserve you. At least she was with Draal.

And Not-Enrique (seriously why didn’t they ever give him an actual name) just wasn’t in the movie.

How about some CreepSlayers?

BABY ELI PEPPERJACK CAME BACK LOOKING SO CUTE. So proud.

Bumbling knight oaf Steve the Palchuckian was great as usual.

I will say though. The whole pregnancy plot was just a way to get Eli and Steve out of the way. I could feel that the writers maybe didn’t like Steve so much since Wizards. But Steve was once again someone to laugh at. Pregnant and out of the way.

How about some Akiridions?

Aja my darling girl, oh how you’ve grown. I understand some think she has changed. However I must say that her preparing a plan B on the side was smart. She isn’t just a princess on earth anymore. She is a queen on a distant planet. So if she thought evacuation was best, it would ensure that everyone would live. And avoid losing more valuable people from her life. So no, I can’t blame her.

DJ Kleb was there. He was kinda doin his own thing and messing with Steve. Brother-in-law stuff.

It was good to see Varvatos Vex.

Stu was the man in the background working on the busy important things like working on the amulet. Personally I feel like the series REALLY underutilizes Stu A LOT so I was so happy to see him being a part of something huge.

And finally some Wizards.

Douxie my love, you were amazing as usual. His powers have grown greatly and have contributed to the adventure. But god the writers really do love to take everything away from him don’t they. It’s unfair.

Archie was kinda just there and just... I understand leaving Douxie but that doesn’t mean I like it.

Nari the sweetest. I can only imagine the guilt she felt to end Nomura. Her self sacrifice was probably the one in the movie most called for.

Alright now I’ll talk about the movie.

I can whole heartedly say this movie was rushed. To be honest I feel like the original writers weren’t completely in this. At least it felt kind of not so much Trollhunters or 3Below vibes but more Wizards, if that makes sense whatsoever. Something is off.

I just want to blame Merlin for everything. To hell with that guy.

The beginning sequence was great. A car chase to a moving train. Which ends up with Toby of course screwing up and breaking the brakes. Of course. The train falling off the tracks which ultimately ends up with Nari gone. Oh yeah, and video recordings of Magic, trolls and being taken in by the police. Great.

WHY TF WAS TOBY TELLING THEIR STORY TO THE POLICE. YOU DON’T MIX THE POLICE IN STORIES UNLESS YOU KNOW THE COP PERSONALLY. CUZ IT’S A MESS AND THE POLICE GET IN THE WAY. GDI TOBY.

Our heroes go back to base on the new and improved Camelot. Where we discover that Barbara and Strickler are now engaged. Happy news and would secure that Jim has another Father figure in his life and his mother’s happiness. Which explains Strickler’s “stay behind” advice. Now he has a family to watch over. He must be careful and warns that Jim’s actions could cost so much that he might not be able to afford.

Enters our Majesty Aja and the new stud on the block, Eli. Dang I wish puberty hit me like that.Truck-kun strikes again. And also enters... the pregnancy thing. I will say, I didn’t mind it too much... at first. But there are complications. Steve is too young to be a father and dang 7 kisses?? I can’t help but feel like Aja should have mentioned that or it was a last minute plan to write out Steve and Eli. (Which it was.) It was funny sure cuz omegaverse and ALIENS but all together it’s really iffy.

They really had Douxie preform a body-swap spell only so it would be undone. And undoing the spell only hurt them both?? C’mon. C’mon.

And they mention the Krohnisfere. We’ll get back to it. Jim gets a brand new amulet infused with Akaridion tech. However theres an issue. It was created by Merlin right? Who is a wizard right? Who uses MAGIC. Shame Douxie wasn’t there to help make it. Ya know. 1/2 of the original creator of the AMULET. So it’s missing a huge part and for the sake of the plot, Jim doesn’t test the Amulet which is out of character personally.

Toby makes a silly big deal over a penny. I was actually hoping they would make it a silly Chekhov's gun later on. But no, it’s just Toby being loud and comedic relief.

The titans are released and we visit a very pregnant Steve. Ok so it’s a rushed kind of thing. ok.

Aja suggests evacuation. You can say it’s out of character but we need context. When Aja helped in the Doomsday Battle, she was ensured a way out but if she let the people of Arcadia perish. She decided to stay and help. But now the Trollhunter himself can’t help. So to ensure the survival of everyone, evacuation. A best chance for everyone to survive. Plus she is now a Queen. She rules over a whole planet which must change her thinking.

Now our characters are split into 3 teams:

Blinky, Archie, Archie’s dad and Claire for the Krohnisfere.

Jim, Aja, Toby, Strickler and Barbara for the Glacial Titan.

Nomura, Douxie and Aarrgh for the Earth Titan.

Now here is where I have problems. WHY. DID. THEY. SEND. TROLLS. TO. BRAZIL. IN. THE. DAY. Nomura dying was just so out of pocket. Unnecessary. I couldn’t even grieve properly I didn’t have a chance to process. The best thought I could think was “At least she’s with Draal now.” 10 seconds later, Strickler makes the choice to sacrifice himself. Because of Jim’s heroic’s, Strickler decided to try to save the most important people in his life. The person who was always dishonest finally had a chance to live a happy life with his family. The one who played it safe now had to make the final impulsive move. And unfortunately, his death was in vain. These deaths were just so forced. It wasn’t in any way good. And Strickler being one of the best written characters just going in such a way was just off. He died for nothing. He could have turned back and fought another battle but... no.

(BTW Barbara was just there... for Strickler’s death.)

We move to Babara and Jim having a heart to heart. I’m glad she didn’t blame Jim but a small moment of anger. Something a little more real for me but no I guess. Barbara will always just be Jim’s mom. She mention’s Jim’s father and it passed so quickly I missed it on my initial viewing. I’m happy that Jim’s father is never revealed or made a bigger part in his story. This is good representation for those of us who did have our fathers walk out on us. That we can grow despite our parents failing us.

And finally team Krohnisfere. Archie just leaves. He’s gone. Poor Douxie. A mentor and now his closest companion.

Our heroes meet up to go against the Volcanic Titan. In comes Varvatos Vex on a Gun Robot. Nice to see some good ol Gundam with a character mentioned throughout the entire trilogy. However it doesn’t last. BTW for the sake of survival, Aja leaves Jim and Toby. Iffy.

Douxie pulls a “Jason stop. This isn’t you.” thing with Nari and is reunited with his friend.(+ points for the shippers. It’s kinda winning me over?) Also, Claire now has the power to teleport a Titan. I know she’s much stronger than she was for the Trollhunters Sn 2 finale, but cmon. You can’t just say she’s out of magic juice and then pull this. C’mon.

(btw did the titan make a War of the Worlds tripod sound? No? Just me?)

Nari sacrifices herself and takes the other god with her. Which takes away Douxie’s other companion. Mr. Stark I don’t feel so good. Why does this movie hate Douxie so much. (I am so sorry shippers. Angst.)

BLINKY DIDN’T SEE A PAGE? ADDRESSING IT IN THE SHOW DOESN’T GIVE YOU A PASS. I forgot the word but this irony isn’t greatttt.

Jim now has to pull out the legendary sword Excalibur. But he can’t cuz he hasn’t harnessed the power of friendship.

And Steve is giving birth. At the worst time. What is this a zombie movie??? C’mon.

Jim says “Magic is friendship” And Stu is finally being used for one grand act. Seriously Stu is just so unappreciated. So he fixes the amulet with magic.

Basically everyone who went on top of the Volcanic titan falls off at some point. Except Jim cuz of course some 1v1.

ONCE AGAIN Claire is out of magic juice. Because... reasons.

Toby makes the choice to race to Jim’s side with the technology to cancel out magic. (Wait how does science stop magic again)

BTW, For the Good of all doesn’t hit as well BUT it’s not mentioning any glory towards stinky Merlin so I am happy with the change.

JIM HAS A NEW TRANSFORMATION. MY BOY. MY SON. I’M SO PROUD.

Toby races to Jim and his helmet falls off the taco truck. That honestly should have been a huge warning sign. I was worried he didn’t have armor but we know how this goes.

Jim defeats the final titan and everyone is happy. The fight is finally over.

STEVE HAS 7 KIDS. OUCH.

Seeing Jim run to Toby was heartbreaking. Now this is the one scene where the movie really let out actually process a character’s death. How on earth can you process your best friend, your most faithful companion dying. Jim goes through too much I swear to god.

Now let’s discuss the time travel plot. I honestly feel like they pulled some kind of Attack on Titan ending. The main character burdened with knowing the future and what could have been. And if everything is meant to be how it will be, destiny will reconnect them again. (Jlaire reincarnation AU???)

I’m actually ok with this ending. I understand people would want the time stone to return only a few minutes. But even then, the kiddos still have police records, so many people dead at the titan’s hands (or feet) and now the world knows about the existence of trolls thanks to the internet. In New York no less. And people are still dead.

We return the the beginning of everything, reflecting the “Unbecoming” episode.

(NGL I’m bothered that they didn’t do anything to stop Steve from bullying Eli, but Jim can’t do it. He’s saving it for Toby.)

And now finally, let’s discuss Toby becoming the Trollhunter. From the beginning, Toby never considered himself good enough to be the main star. Always the wingman, the 2nd best. Support. Now it was Toby’s turn to climb the ranks and be the Hero he’s always wanted to be. It’s Jim’s turn to live an easier high school life. I don’t doubt that he won’t follow Toby. But now he knows what to avoid and how to make the story process more smoothly.

I understand some are unsatisfied with this ending, which is kinda trademarked with Dreamwork’s shows. I get it. But honestly as of right now, I think I like the ending.

The amulet didn’t choose Jim because this Jim is not the same Jim as in Sn 1 Ep 1. He is a new man. And I think we all can agree that it’s his turn to be happy.

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I still love this series so much. It is my favorite cartoon. Of course it has it’s flaws, but this ending is at least satisfactory and not heartbreaking. Now it’s up to us to either continue the story or contribute our ideas in fanfiction. I look forward to everyone’s creations.

Don’t think. Become.

#rise of the titans #rott spoilers #trollhunters rott #wizards rott #3below rott #Trollhunters #3below #wizards #tales of arcadia #toa trollhunters #toa 3below #toa wizards #toa

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i-just-want-more-yubel · 3 years

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SO WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT JIM AND JUDAI REAL QUICK BECAUSE OH MY GOD BUT DO I LOVE THIS

this is also going under a cut tumblrs letting me do it again yay because its going to be a LONG ASS post. Mentions of mental health and self harm involved.

So while I wouldn’t say that Jim is Judais closest friend in the series not least for the fact that most of their relationship building happens in a handful of episodes and in flashbacks I would absolutely argue that Jim is one of Judais GREATEST friends Which sounds like a contradiction so what does that even mean? If you have a CLOSE friend it’s someone you enjoy being around, but if you have a friend who's GOOD for you they’re someone who makes sure you're okay as well. They’re the friend who notices you’re going to far at the bar and makes sure you get home instead of letting you pass out on the road, They’re the friend who listens to you when you’re upset. They’re the friend who takes the knife away when you’re hurting yourself.

In my opinion this is what Jim is for Judai.

Through the entire Supreme king portion of GX Jim is the one who has faith in Judai being able to get back to a good mental place - and not just has faith but actively works to make it happen though this is later picked up by O’brien. This is opposed to Sho - who literally just stands around documenting Judai murdering people and calls it proof of caring in what might be the worst relationship advice I’ve ever seen with my own two eyes given by Judai himself. I am however also willing to give him some leeway here because again he IS cursed by that sorrow spell during this.

Not even Edo - who literally has experience with people he knows and is very close to being possessed by destructive forces - expresses much past curiosity and concern for Judai and suspicion for how fast the changes happen. He does participate in the intervention mission once it’s started however. Honourable trash mention to Ryo in this bit for being arguably worse than Sho because he has no curse excuse and just vaguely judges Judai from a distance for his mental breakdown until the moment he dies. Stellar.

Back to Jim however the guy just flat out refuses to give up on Judai, telling O’brien when asked

which might be my FAVOURITE reason in an anime ever to befriend someone - Jim didn’t need a shared spirit sight to connect to Judai, or an amazing duel to see Judais worth or some crazy world saving deed to consider him a valuable person, Jims Crocodile Karen liked Judai so Jim talked to him and decided he liked Judai too - for Judai this makes Jim one of only two people in the ENTIRE FOUR SEASONS OF GX that decide they like Judai just for Judais personality. (The other is Johan) I’m leaving out Yubel because we don't actually know very much about their first life and therefore how the friendship/literal undying love/soulmate thing they’ve got going on started.

Also interesting to me is the reaction Judai has to Jim being pinned by his advisors on the walls of the castle after accepting Jims challenge.

This guy just UP AND LEAVES

Giving O’brien the opportunity he needs to create an escape opportunity

and then tells his advisors to LET THEM GO all of whom seem very surprised by this choice - which considering this is the Judai that GENOCIDED AN ENTIRE MINI PLANE OF REALITY no shit they’re a bit shocked.

This is interesting to me because it implies that Jim and O’brien are mostly likely the first - and probably ONLY people the Supreme king ever makes the decision to let go - especially surprising when you consider Judai was specifically rounding up strong duelists and seemingly every duelist besides he could get his hands on to power super polymerisation. The argument could be made that Judai HAD super pol. at this point but he continues his campaign against the dimension regardless so I don’t think he’d have any reservations about wiping out two more people who clearly don’t agree with him a little sooner than the rest if they didn’t matter to him. Jim arrives back to duel Judai again pretty quickly after regrouping from the shock and not only does Judai arrive down pretty DAMN fast to answer him he doesn’t look happy about Jim being back to challenge him - his eyes overcast in the only moment I think we ever see of the supreme king doing anything but staring in irritation or dismissal at anyone.

Nearly every other time we see the supreme king he has the following or a similar expression on his face - his eyes are never hidden.

Jim also does something that I found significant and refuses to deny that what’s happening and who’s doing it is Judai - literally refusing to call him anything except Judai and acknowledging it’s his friend who’s doing these things while still wanting to help him

And then he jumps into Judais brain like he’s going to fisticuffs Judai’s depression himself and it’s FANTASTIC, all the while yelling encouragement at Judai not to listen to his own shitty self destructive thoughts and that he doesn’t need ‘darkness’ as a coping method.

^^^ the shitty thoughts

^^^^ Jim encouraging him

Jim then does something that is far from small, in fact it’s one of the best things you can do for a friend when they are really, truly a danger to themselves (and others)

Jim acknowledges that words alone are not enough and that it is time for action.

While Jim has been acting to help Judai all this time I honestly believe this is as close to physically intervening as yugioh and it’s whole “everything must be solved by dueling” premise can get. This is - in my opinion - the yugioh equivalent of dragging your friend to therapy. To pulling away the knife.

And we get what might be the craziest, most understated reaction in the entirety of GX -

-Jim gets through to him.

It’s only for a moment and as we all know it ends terribly, but I honestly think this is one of the most understated, underappreciated moments in GX - everyone talks about Judais relationship to Sho, to Johan, to Yubel and honestly all of that is valid - the oldest friend, the closest friend, and the most complicated relationship with the craziest pay-out respectively, but no one ever talks about the fact that Jim Crocodile Cook, the very sweet Australian boi, nearly talked Judai out of his tyrannical rampage with nothing more than the fact he cared about him.

I dunno, I just think it’s crazy that doesn’t seem to be a bigger thing in the fandom from what I’ve seen, Jim deserves a hell of a lot of recognition and it makes me honestly UPSET that they don’t do more with him after this.

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rosyfingereddawnn · 3 years

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only the black rose (chapter 6)

pairing: jimmy page x layla porter (oc)

warnings: jimmy page’s stubbornness (and his stressy hands), exposing jpj as the mom friend, fluff

words: 3.4k

summary: in the blink of an eye, it’s 1975 and layla’s suddenly joining led zeppelin for their north american tour. throughout the chaos, the band take a liking to her, she builds friendships with the boys, and love blossoms. but all good things must come to an end.

author’s note: so this one was fun, but we’re getting into the nitty-gritty of this fic :)) hope you enjoy, and please if you have any feedback it would be much appreciated!

masterlist

playlist

chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

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“Mr. Page, you must be extremely careful when taking these,” Dr. Vane lectures, shaking a bottle of pills. “They should help with the pain, but they are very strong.”

Jimmy sits on the side of his hospital bed, hunched over like a young child being lectured for their misbehaviour. His hands are balled into fists, though the injured finger is coiled much looser. In the corner of the small, sterile room, Robert and Bonzo glance at each other, noticing the way Jimmy grits his teeth, curling and uncurling his hands on his lap. He wants out of here, and fast: that’s plain to see.

“Doc, is Jimmy free to go?” Bonzo breaks the fragile silence that had settled over the group, pushing himself off the wall he had been leaning against.

“The anaesthetic has mostly worn off, so he should be good to go when he’s ready,” Dr. Vane turns to Jimmy then, mouth a serious, somber line. “Mr. Page—”

“Please, call me Jimmy.”

“Jimmy, I recommend taking a pill from the bottle we’ve supplied you, very soon. The pain should come back, due to the anaesthetics being out of your system. These are codeine tablets, and like I said before, they are very strong…”

Jimmy tunes out most of the doctor’s words from that point on, too preoccupied with thoughts of the upcoming tour. He knows Jonesy would memorize whatever the good doctor says anyways, the mother hen. Jimmy didn’t realize he had been shaking with anxiety until a cold hand lay across his, pinning it to the bed. He looks beside him, and on the bed sits Layla, brown ringlets a mess from their lie-down in the hospital bed. Jimmy stares back, enchanted by the woman in front of him, as he always is when she’s near. Still holding his gaze, Layla smiles, a question clear in her doe eyes.

“Are you okay, Jim?” she whispers, drawing nonsensical patterns on the back of his hand. He nods, flattened curls bobbing with the movement. Layla isn’t fully convinced, but she lets it go, vowing to keep an eye on the man. Bringing her attention back to Dr. Vane, Layla asks the question on everybody’s lips.

“Dr. Vane, I heard you talking to Peter about this last night… Do we know for sure if he can play or not?”

Silence falls once again like a cloud over the group, as the doctor taps his chin in thought. The mighty Led Zeppelin wait with bated breath to hear the fate of their guitarist.

“I would…” Dr. Vane clears his throat, face apologetic as he glances around the room. “I would advise against it. Ultimately it is not up to me, of course. I can’t make you do anything, but Jimmy, you need to recuperate.”

The room feels as though all the energy had been sucked right out of it, as Jimmy fiddles with a loose thread on the hospital gown he was wearing, disheveled locks obscuring his handsome face as he looks down at his socked feet. Jonesy looks on with pinched features, concerned for the man, while Robert and Bonzo sigh, sharing another wordless glance. Things just got a lot more complicated, it said. Peter sends Jimmy a smile dripping with sympathy, and walks out the door, no doubt to make some important calls.

“Why don’t we all step out of the room, so Jimmy here can get dressed?” Dr. Vane suggests, and the group files out slowly. Layla stands up to follow, stopping in her tracks almost immediately. She turns around then, meeting Jimmy’s sad eyes, gleaming like a diamond in the morning sun, and walks towards him.

“Petal, I don’t…” Jimmy mutters, trailing off, dark curls a veil, hiding him from the world once again. Layla stops in front of him and tips his head up, a familiar hand on his chin. She runs a hand through his hair, pushing it back to see the man’s face. There are stress lines on his forehead, and his eyes are glassy with unshed tears, shining in the artificial hospital light. He looks as beautiful as he always does, to Layla. Jimmy’s lips quirk up subtly in the semblance of a grin, and he presses a kiss to the woman’s wrist.

“You’ll be okay. I believe in you, and you’ll get through this.”

“How can you be so—”

Layla leans down, face to face with the man, and swallows his words with a chaste press of her lips to his. It wasn’t a particularly heavy kiss; their lips moving together softly, but it meant more than either would ever know. It was a kiss of comfort. Finally pulling away, Layla places a hand on Jimmy’s shoulder and squeezes lightly, before turning on her heel and walking out the door, leaving the man to get dressed.

Stepping out of the room, she is met with serious faces and whispered discussions of the injured guitarist. Robert and Bonzo are against the far wall, chatting quietly, while Peter, further down the hall, is using the hospital phone, no doubt to see what can be done about the tour. Layla turns her head, and sees Jonesy, who looks up as she nears him.

“Hey, Layla. How are you holding up?”

“I’m not the one with a fractured finger.” Layla snaps, immediately regretting it. She opens her mouth to speak, but Jonesy beats her to it.

“No, you’re not,” The bassist puts a hand on her arm, smiling wryly. “But you care about him. Just because he’s hurting, doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to.”

“Jonesy, I… I’m sorry for snapping at you, I’m just—”

“You’re concerned, and that’s okay. Don’t worry, I get it.”

“But I snapped at you, and you didn’t deserve it, in any way.”

“Layla,” Jonesy presses closer to her as he says this, wrapping his arms around her in a comforting embrace. “I know you didn’t mean it. We’re okay.”

Layla looks up at the man, a hint of skepticism apparent on her face. Not believing that he forgave her so easily, so completely, she presses on further.

“Jonesy, how can you be fine with—”

“Look, Layla,” Jonesy chuckles, looking down at her fondly, much to her confusion. “We can talk about your guilt complex later if you need, but I think there’s someone you might want to see.”

“Guilt complex? I don’t—”

Layla spins around as a soft click echoes off the walls, and spots Jimmy, who shyly closes the door to his room. Dressed in a pair of dark flared jeans and a crisp white button up, a black suede coat folded over his arm, he looks sheepish as he walks towards the group, shoulders almost up to his ears. Peter, noticing the entrance of his guitarist, hangs up the phone with a hasty goodbye, turning to face the band.

“Right. Now, we’ve got a lot to talk about,” Peter starts, biting back a sigh. “Let’s all ride back to Swan Song, and go over our options.”

After a short car ride devoid of any chatter, the group finally walk through the double doors of the building, faces drawn and severe. Evelyn, at her post by the front desk, notices the lack of chatter and giggles that usually fill the room whenever the band enters. Finding Layla’s eyes, she reads the worry and concern in them, and lets her smile fall, snuffing out the light that always seems to surround the receptionist. Evelyn walks up to the young woman, placing a hand on Layla’s arm as she turns around to face the receptionist.

“Is everything okay, darling?” Evelyn asks, confusion in her hazel eyes as she stares at the retreating backs of Peter and the boys.

“I hope so,” Layla replies, bringing a hand up to rub at the back of her neck. “There was… an accident, and everything's a little up in the air. I’m sorry, Evelyn, I wish I could stay and chat, but—”

“Oh no, go ahead, darling. Go figure things out.”

With a grateful smile and a nod, Layla rushes to catch up with the group, slipping into the room behind Robert, the mahogany door shutting behind them to prevent prying eyes.

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Standing stock-still in Peter’s office, Layla glances around the luxurious office, taking in the grim faces of her companions. A soft cough echoes off the walls, courtesy of Robert, Layla guesses, if his guilty expression and the hand pressed to his mouth are anything to go by. All eyes are downcast, as hands fold over each other to distract from the silence pressing down on them. It feels like the walls are closing in on them ever-so-slowly, set to suffocate them, until Peter, sitting at the large wooden desk, clears his throat, clapping his hands together. Attention firmly on him, Peter begins to speak, his often kind voice determined.

“I’ve been calling around, and it seems as though we have two options: we postpone the tour for a later date, so Jimmy can heal… Or we continue with the tour as planned,” Peter explains, shifting his gaze to Jimmy now. “Jimmy, how is the finger feeling?”

“It’s good, I took some pain meds earlier. I can tour still.”

“Jim, you haven’t played on it yet.”

“It’ll hold up. I’m fine.”

There’s movement in the corner, as Bonzo crosses his arms over his chest, green eyes soft as he glances at Jimmy.

“Jimmy, I really don’t know if this is the best idea.” This is met by a look of betrayal, Jimmy turning around in his seat to face the drummer.

“Bonzo, I really am fine.”

“Look,” Bonzo presses on, meeting the guitarist’s eyes. “I know you don’t want to let anyone down. The thing is, you wouldn't be in the first place, Pagey. If this injury gets worse, because you played when you shouldn't have…” Bonzo trails off, averting his gaze now, Jimmy’s eyes on him too much to bear.

“Bonzo’s right, Jim,” comes from beside Layla, as Jonesy pushes off the wall to make his point. “Taking some time off would be good, we don’t want to make anything worse.”

“Nearly 18 months is enough time off, Jonesy. Any longer and the fans won’t even remember who Led Zeppelin is. I’m ready.”

“Jimmy, really—” Robert’s reply is cut off by the guitarist’s normally soft voice, hardened with frustration.

“Shows have already been sold out. All the arrangements have been made. Peter, call them back. We’re doing this tour.”

“Pagey… Alright. I’ll call them back, if you’re sure.”

“I am.” This is followed by the scrape of the chair he had pulled up to the desk against the floor, as he stands, and storms out. The remaining occupants of the room lock eyes, panic apparent.

“I’ll go after him.” Layla murmurs, starting towards the door. She knew exactly where she would find him, after all. Easily finding her way through the hallways of the massive building, she opens the door to the studio, spotting him slumped on the drum riser. Guitar in hand, he raises the bruised finger in the air, grip on the fretboard bordering on awkward. Jimmy strums, letting out a wince as the pain rears once again. A grunt full of frustration grinds out past his lips, and he tries again.

“Are you supposed to be doing that? Doctor’s orders, and all.”

Jimmy lifts his head to glance at her, and, with the hint of a sneer at the sarcastic comment, he resumes his playing. Layla huffs, and moves closer, taking in the man before her. His dark hair is falling into his face, casting shadows upon it, and his jaw is clenched, ready to snap as he misses yet another note. Jimmy lets out another frustrated sound, and swipes the hair out of his eyes, as if that was exactly what was messing him up.

Layla takes a seat on the drum riser next to him, and watches, as he fumbles a note she’s seen him perfect many times. Before he can adjust his grip on the fretboard to try again, Layla places a hand on the man’s strumming hand, and keeps it there. Jimmy looks up at her, a glint of determination in his mossy green eyes, brown in the lighting of the studio. His hair shines, jet black curls messy, as though he’s been running his hands through it more often than not. Eyes dropping to his guitar in embarrassment, he opens his mouth to speak, Layla beating him to it in the end.

“Jim, it won’t get better if you keep straining it like this. You know that.”

“Are you here to tell me to give it a rest too? Cause if you are, you might as well just—”

“I’m here,” Layla starts, shaking her head at the stubborn nature of the guitarist. “Because I trust you. You’re the only one that knows how you feel, and I trust you.”

“You do?” Jimmy says, looking up in confusion.

“I do, angel. If you think you’re ready, then I’ll trust that,” Jimmy takes his good hand off the guitar and threads it through hers, caressing the back of it with his thumb in thanks. Layla looks down at their joined hands, and continues. “If you’re rushing this for the fans, though, or because of whatever crazy scenario you’ve thought up in that brain of yours, I think I’m allowed to say I told you so.” The couple smirk at each other, as Jimmy gives the hand in his a warning squeeze.

“Okay, mum.”

Layla unlinks their hands to give him a soft shove to the side, the beginnings of a smile tilting her lips upward. Gripping his arm, she hoists him up to a standing position, and he goes willingly. Jimmy places his guitar carefully back in its rightful place, and stretches out a hand for Layla to take. Walking out of the studio together, hope settles over them like a well-worn blanket.

Hope that everything will be okay.

----------

“Please, just don’t push too hard. You’ve got this, angel.”

After dedicating just under a week to perfecting a new guitar technique, and making adjustments to the original setlist, the band waits in the dressing room of the Metropolitan Sports Center, native to Bloomington Minnesota. Layla’s palm raises, stopping to rest on Jimmy’s shoulder, as he looks down at her, his furrowed eyebrows betraying the picture of calm he was trying to emulate. He leans down and presses a soft kiss to her forehead, and pulls her to his chest, arms wrapping themselves around her back.

“You can do this. Just remember that, okay?” This is followed by a nod from the dark-haired guitarist, as he smiles gratefully at Layla. A chorus of groans sound from behind them, and, turning around, they are met by the exasperated faces of the others. Already dressed in their stage clothes, they look ready to perform.

“Are you lovebirds done? Bloody saps,” Robert grumbles, the corner of his lip raising in a smirk, the playfulness in his tone obvious. “We’ve got a show to play.”

Following the boys backstage, Layla watches as they slip past the velvet curtain and onto the stage, ecstatic and powerful under the bright lights around them. They pick up their instruments, and with a collective breath and a look shared between them, the band does what they do best: play. The boys launch in, and Layla can’t help but be brought back to the last concert she witnessed. The atmosphere and the enthusiasm amongst the crowd was infectious, and Layla smiles as she looks out from the wings. Robert commands the stage, as usual, while Bonzo and Jonesy link up almost telepathically, creating a beat almost heaven-sent. Jimmy, for as awkward as it looks, three usable fingers grappling with the fretboard, makes the guitar scream and cry and sing. The winces of pain that she can see from her spot are worrying, though. To an outsider, it would seem as though he was simply somewhere else, the guitar becoming one with its handler.

But Layla knows better. She can see the exhaustion in his face, from hours spent bent over his guitar, adjusting the way he’s played for most of his life. She can see the lines of discomfort around his mouth, his lips bitten red out of concentration, from trying his absolute best to put on a good show. As she leaves her post near the stage to tune up Jimmy’s guitars for the next numbers, just as Peter had asked her to, she can’t help but let out a nervous sigh. Layla has seen how just stubborn the man is, how much he wants to succeed, and please the audience. She knows he’ll leave everything out there on stage. She just wonders how much of him there will be left over, in the end.

Completing the rest of the menial backstage tasks, the brunette walks back to the mouth of the backstage area, intercepting the boys as they come off after a thrilling encore, the deafening cheers of the crowd following them as they exit.

“If you keep this up, you’ll really get popular! I’m just kidding, but really, guys, that was incredible,” Layla raves, accompanying them to the dressing room. Bonzo sidles up next to her, wrapping an amicable arm around her as they walk, basking in the glow of her kind words. “All of you did such an amazing job!”

“Do we get a kiss now? Last time you saw us perform, Jimmy got one…” Robert asks, flipping his hair, damp and dark with sweat, off his shoulder.

“You’d like that, wouldn't you, Robert?” Layla chuckles, throwing a smile at him over her shoulder.

“Hey, it’s only fair!”

“In what way is that fair?”

The group finally reach the dressing room, lounging on the comfortable chairs strewn across the room. The boys take turns changing out of their stage clothes, and greet the guests in the room, shaking hand after hand. Soft laughter trickles like a steady stream in the background as Layla, sitting on a loveseat with Jimmy, places a hand on his thigh, prompting his eyes to meet hers.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay, petal.” Jimmy’s voice is soft, faraway as his hand meets hers on his lap. The guitarist lets out a sigh, staring at the wall, expression neutral.

“That was a great performance, Jim. I hope you know that.”

“It was… good. It could've been better.”

“You know, I really am so proud of you,” Layla says, turning his head to face her, her fingers at his jaw. She looks deep into his eyes, and he stares back, an unreadable expression on his face. She’s always been able to read him, since the day she met him. Layla feels a pang in her heart, and continues. “It was great, and you made a lot of people happy… even if you’re not 100% yet.”

This is met with silence, as Jimmy lowers his head, hair falling into his eyes. He’s developed a habit of this now, and Layla resolves to break him out of that. His beautiful eyes make her day, after all. Reminders of their stay at the hospital flash through Layla’s mind, and she moves the hand that rested softly on his cheek to the small of his back, rubbing soft circles into the fabric of his stage clothes. He hasn't changed out of them yet, or done much of anything, in fact, trapped in the prison of his self-deprecating thoughts. His gaze lifts from his shoes at the contact, which Layla takes as a good sign.

“Now,” Layla clears her throat, pulling him up from the couch with a small hand at his arm. “Go get changed. You’re all sweaty, it’s a wonder you didn’t get heat stroke.”

“It’s a good thing I have you to take care of me,” Jimmy mutters playfully, a shadow of his usual smile creasing his delicate features. “Seriously, Layla, you could give Jonesy a run for his money.”

“Isn’t it just terrible of me to want to make sure you’re alright?” Layla grumbles, the smirk playing on her lips betraying the annoyed expression she sends Jimmy’s way.

Jimmy chuckles, pressing his lips to the side of her head.

“I appreciate it, petal.”

Walking to the changing room, slipping out of the grasp Layla had on his arm, he sends her a grateful smile over his shoulder. Layla watches him, appreciating the view as he walks away.

--------

taglist: @jimmys-zeppelin @salixfragilis @timetraveller4 @earthfire-75 (let me know if you want to be added!)

#only the black rose #jimmy page #led zeppelin #jimmy page fanfic #jimmy page fanfiction #led zeppelin fanfic #jimmy x oc #jimmy page x oc

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incorrigible-groupie · 3 years

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Actually, the ends weren’t that bad (a TPN/TOA essay)

So.

There are two series that ended recently and which had a lot of impact for me but also a very controversial end, like there are some wars between fans who argue about if the end was good… or not.

And me ? I really want to believe that The Promised Neverland (the manga, obviously) and Trollhunters have very coherent ends.

You’re probably wondering « why putting these two together ? » and I have a reason, multiple reasons actually. Of course, there will be spoilers of The Promised Neverland and the entire Tales of Arcadia saga (Trollhunters, 3Below, Wizards and the movie Rise of the Titans).

First, Promised Neverland.

And mostly the character who made a lot of people cringe even before the last book : Emma. Cringe because, for some fans, she isn’t someone you can relate with because she isn’t realistic… in every sense of the word.

She is too perfect or at least too perfectly programmed for the plot whisky is not entirely true ! « She is too kind ! » well… maybe not ? I don’t think all her actions were driven by kindness.

She is too clever to be the naive kind of kind.

And don’t tell me that if she was that clever, she would have noticed that her orphanage was a farm because… she probably was in denial. Also, how would she imagine that monsters were waiting for them outside ? Maybe she didn’t see, maybe she didn’t want to see. But anyway, when she discovered the truth, her first thought was to get everyone out. EVERYONE.

Of course, there are her family, she won’t let them… but she did have to let some of them because it would have been too complicated, so that prove that she isn’t just a naive idealistic.

She wanted to fight, first for her family, then for every kid of every farm, because that wouldn’t be fair if her kids stayed alive and not the others. Then she also want to save every monsters, because that wouldn’t be fair since they didn’t choose to have to eat meat.

This is not about being kind, this is about being fair. This is about responsibility and guilt.

Emma doesn’t want to save everyone because everyone deserve to be saved or something cute like that, she would have killed less people or monsters otherwise.

She wants to save everyone because she doesn’t want to feel as bad as the people, as the monsters who hurt her and her family. She doesn’t want to be a monster.

When she understood, and ONLY WHEN she understood what it means to hunt, she realized how thin was the line between her enemy and herself so she doesn’t want to live knowing people lived horribly because of her.

She didn’t want to live with that on her conscience.

And… I think this is kind of selfish ? She doesn’t do that because it’s right, she does that because she wants to be better… I don’t know. She took a lot of risks, for her and for a friends just so she won’t feel that guilt.

But the others don’t care that the mutants die, only Emma who is really clever like I said before understood and was like « yeah so no we need to find a solution or it will haunt me for the rest of my life ». This is more like a perfectionist thing that a kind thing.

Which is… logical for a character like Emma.

Really the characters in the manga are very well-written, especially Isabella who has such a dignified way to die. It was a good end for her, very symbolic, even if I’m very sad about it. When she betrayed the blond guy, I was pleasantly surprised but at the same time it made sense like, it’s very consistent, everything is consistent even if we started with a complex project. Ending the meat industry ? Save all the children ? And Isabella’s end shows how the real villain of the story are the one who benefit from the system (which says a lot about our own society).

But Emma, actually, became « queen » of the system when she made the new treaty, she literally created a new system so… welcome responsibilities while she was only 14. Will she benefit too ? Or even take advantage ? But how could she after everything she learnt, and mostly after so many people sacrificed their lives so she could reach her goal ? Did she deserve it ?

How could she live with that on her conscience ?

The answer is : she can’t. She isn’t that strong. She isn’t that positive. She isn’t that perfect.

And destiny (haha) gave her a solution on a silver plate. Not by surprise like a Deus Ex Machina since we knew there would be a counterparty which won’t be too violent because Emma cleared the path. This was an equivalent exchange. THIS IS LIKE FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST ! (By the way, why does everyone think TPN’s end was too easy while in FMA, the best manga of all time, the solution to get Alphonse’s body back was in Ed’s hands… LITERALLY !).

Anyway.

The demon offered to lose her memory, thinking she would refuse because she would be alone, separated from her family which is… euh… stupid… I mean… have you seen Your Name ?

People who are meant to be together will find each other.

Moreover, Emma was so relieved because it was solving all her problems : nobody dies, everybody goes to the other world, nobody sacrifices themselves, and the guilt she was afraid to live with ? Gone. I think Emma was also relieved to be like « yes, I have a second chance, now I will live a normal life ». And it was selfish because it seemed like she said « so guys I will send you to another universe I know nothing about after I brought you into this mess but now you will deal with it yourself everyone ! ». That was… a little cowardly ?

And the worst was that every encounter she made, every lesson she learnt, she lost them…

Well, thinking about that…

TROLLHUNTERS !

Trollhunter’s end was… hard. And gave me a bitter sensation since not only we said goodbye to our favorite characters but we also genuinely said goodbye to the show. Even if we wanted to watch the show a second time, it was kinda deleted (along with Anton Yelchin acting…) ?

Yes, it’s hard… but isn’t it ballsy to do a scenario like this ? And we could have expected this, it’s not the first time we talked about time travel in this saga. And for gods sake at the very beginning of the movie there were a lot of things that shouldn’t happen. The train’s crash in New York, the Titans probably crushing people, the bridge being destroyed, and all that jazz… Can you imagine how Jim should have lived with all of this besides everything else he had lost ? And then, Toby died (which affected me more than I imagined).

But it’s not Toby’s death that made Jim want to change everything, it was just the last straw. The last thing that wasn’t supposed to happen. After all, if it was written that Jim was given another chance, if Naru saw that Jim would have to get back, to go aaaaall the way back, there must have a reason, or multiple reasons. Do you think humans could live normally after everything that happened ? Do you think humans and trolls could coexist ? I’m not sure, not after that kind of damage. And Arcadia was destroyed ! The HeartStone, the center of the universe, was destroyed too ! I think even if Toby survived, the end wasn’t that bright…

And the time-travel wasn’t a Deus Ex Machina either because otherwise it would have been a « and then BOUM everything is back to normal and everything is ok » situation, which isn’t…

We don’t know what will happen.

Jim will do everything so it’ll be okay but maybe he will make some mistakes. Vendel may not survive, maybe they will take more time to kill Gunmar, Aaaaaargh may be turn to stone again… we don’t know. And I think everyone in the fandom is pissed because of that. Because we don’t know. And I do understand : this is not the end, not a conclusion, not a great finale, more like the beginning of something we won’t get to see (like a legacy?), which is both great and very very sad for us. I hope Dreamworks will do comics or books…

But also, I doesn’t mean that nothing will be like before. There is a lot of things Jim has no control of. For example, what happened to the extraterrestrials, Jim knew nothing about it so he can’t change a thing. And for the wizards too. And when you think about it, what happens in « Wizards » has to happen. Jim won’t be a troll during that arc but it will happen anyway, it’s supposed to happen because it’s the creation of the Trollhunter, the creation of the Amulet ! And Jim has no idea of what will become because he wasn’t really there.

What is supposed to happen will happen.

Friendship or love, it will happen. Even the relationship between Jim and Blinky, even if Jim isn’t the Trollhunter. OH, SPEAKING OF WHICH.

Choosing Toby as the new Trollhunter is a super idea. Toby will accept his role right away. Toby will love his new destiny. And since he will have Jim’s help, he will be okay. Jim doesn’t want his friends to get traumatized again (I mean it’s cool to learn stuff but do you really need to suffer for that?)(I’M LOOKING AT YOU AGAIN, EDWARD ELRIC), so he will do what he can so things don’t get too heavy. And you know, maybe he want (AND DESERVE) to give a bit away. He probably give the Amulet to Toby because he knew Toby is brave enough to fight even without powers… and because he was tired to bear the Amulet ? Anyway, like I said, everything that is supposed to happen will happen and if Toby isn’t the right Trollhunter, the Amulet won’t choose him.

AH ! And don’t forget that Jim doesn’t need the Amulet to be a Trollhunter ! This is literally what the show wanted to teach us, guys ! If you forget it, it proves that it’s not only the characters who had a reset…

A reset…

Holy guacamole this is exactly like Undertale. This is Undertale’s principle. Jim is Frisk who after taking a Neutral Route wants to do a True Pacifist Route ! This is so cooooool !

Except that, exactly like in The Promised Neverland finale (well, not exactly but like a reversed version of it), Jim decides that everyone forgets everything that happened and take the guilt off their shoulders, as heavy as an armor. He erased everyone’s guilt, except his. That is far from being selfish or cowardly.

It’s the opposite ! These two shows which don’t have a lot in common have finales being negative pictures !

And Jim’s end isn’t perfect either because he still has the world on his shoulders (a little less because he isn’t the Bearer of the Amulet, but still a little more because he knows what happens if it goes wrong).

He is still the Young Atlas because even if the characters in the shows won’t live the same thing, they will still be the characters we knew, the characters we saw growing, the characters as brave and as strong as we used to see : like in Undertale, « despite everything, it’s still you ».

And to everyone who says to me « yeah but it will go wrong because when Merlin shows Jim the future where he isn’t the Trollhunter, it was shit », well : NO.

Jim stays a Trollhunter, he said so ! And I mostly think (since the moment I saw this episode) this all thing was an illusion, not a real future, because Merlin is a real piece of garbage and I was only sad for Douxie when Merlin died (otherwise, I would have celebrate it). And I think Jim knows it too, that it wasn’t real.

By the way, I hope they will find another way to not say « For the glory of Merlin » anymore, I loved the new version of the Amulet in the movie (AND JIM LOVED IT TOO).

All of this just to say that : these endings, even if it’s very frustrating, make sense.

Of course, saying goodbye to so many things I cared about for years make it difficult to assimilate it, but that also means that I really loved it.

And in the end, it showed these two characters flaws, these perfect, pure, way-too-nice characters with too many responsibilities and a huge desire to survive, but who are being selfish for once by taking a clean start.

But they’re doing it with their pockets full of determination… proving how humans they are.

And I really will miss them.

Ready ? Set ? Go !

#tpn #the promised neverland #manga #emma tpn #toa #tales of arcadia #trollhunters #dreamworks #jim toa #jim lake jr #rise of the titans #netflix #fullmetal alchemist #undertale

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thebreakfastgenie · 3 years

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for “send me a fandom”: west wing or leverage, whatever you prefer 💕

Did you really think, in your heart of hearts, that I wouldn’t do both?

the first character i ever fell in love with: Josh Lyman. Asleep on his desk, it was love at first sight.

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: I still like Andi but I like her a lot less than I used to because I cannot figure out what is going on with the pregnancy arc... like have they just not discussed how they plan on raising the kids they are intentionally having together? Toby is doing it badly but at least he’s thinking about it! Andi is just not planning for the future at all. It doesn’t make sense.

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: I have complicated feelings about Toby/Andi. I shipped them when I first watched the show five years ago and I still think they have chemistry... I just want them to be a family... but watching now I think them getting together would be a bad idea. Also I’m always pro women turning down marriage proposals and meaning it.

my ultimate favorite character™: Josh. It’s still Josh.

prettiest character: Oh jeez. Uh. CJ??

my most hated character: Bob Russell. I blame him for Will and Donna turning into completely different people.

my OTP: Honestly this is hard. Like the obvious choice is Josh/Donna, but I engage in Josh/Sam and CJ/Danny more. I’m generally here for the friendships and found family, the ships are secondary.

my NOTP: CJ/Toby as a romantic pairing. I absolutely love them but I can only see it as platonic, and I also think it’s more interesting that way. It used to be Josh/Amy, but while I still think they’re awful together, I’ve been finding a lot more about their relationship interesting lately. It’s Josh’s first relationship since almost dying, that’s interesting.

favorite episode: Noel

saddest death: Leo, but I feel like that’s cheating. I know they didn’t have a lot of options with John Spencer’s unexpected death, but having Leo die under nearly identical circumstances to Josh’s father was really A Choice. It’s Mrs. Landingham otherwise.

favorite season: 2

least favorite season: 6

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: I don’t hate her per se but Ainsley is a lot less fun as a concept in 2020. Stop being a Republican already!

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: Multiple characters on this show have committed war crimes so like technically probably all of them?? Lord John Marbury I guess. I laugh out loud every time he’s on screen but he’s actually kind of gross.

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: is there really an answer for this other than Donna

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: Aaron Sorkin literally could not write this kind of relationship if he tried. The closest I can think of is whatever the hell was going on with Annabeth and Leo which was weird as fuck but I kind of loved it.

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: Jed/Abbey!

the first character i ever fell in love with: Parker

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: there are none of these.

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not:��I genuinely cannot think of any. This show isn’t about ships.

my ultimate favorite character™: does the team as a whole count or?

prettiest character: Sophie

my most hated character: pick any of the villains

my OTP: Parker/Hardison(/Eliot optional), Nate/Sophie. Don’t make me pick.

my NOTP: Parker/Eliot without Hardison

favorite episode:

saddest death: the first part of The Long Goodbye Job when John fucking Rogers made me think [redacted] were dead on Christmas day 2012!!!!

favorite season: I genuinely can’t decide but gun to my head honestly probably season 1. They get better not worse but season 1 is such a complete story unto itself. Also season 4, though.

least favorite season: I guess 5, but again, I love them all.

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: I really don’t have any. There isn’t anyone on this show I hate that I’m not supposed to.

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: JIM STERLING. Also applies to Nate Ford. And the whole team they’re all criminals.

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: Parker, but she gets all the good she deserves in the end. Also Maggie every time Nate breathes near her.

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: Nate/Sterling

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: Everyone is really into the OT3 and I like it too but I don’t NEED it Parker/Hardison with Eliot as their family in a non-romantic sense works for me!! Also Peggy/Hurley.

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helloworlddemo1122-yahoopar-blog · 6 years

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Johnny Depp's 7 Biggest 'Rolling Stone' Revelations: From Depression to How Much He Really Spends on Wine

Johnny Depp is opening up in a big way in a candid new interview with Rolling Stone magazine, in which the 55-year-old actor addresses his highly publicized legal battles over his finances and reports of his extravagant spending.

Writer Stephen Rodrick was invited to spend time with Depp at his rented mansion in London, England, where the conversation also turned to his complicated relationships with close family and friends, as well as a serious struggle with depression due to problems both in his personal and financial lives.

Here's a look at the biggest revelations from Depp's interview:

Multimillion-dollar lawsuits, a haze of booze and hash, a marriage gone very wrong and a lifestyle he can’t afford. In our exclusive new feature, we take you inside the trials of Johnny Depp. "I kept trying to figure out what I'd done to deserve this," he says. "I'd tried being kind to everyone, helping everyone, being truthful to everyone." Click the link in our bio to read the full story. Illustration by Matt Mahurin (@mattmahurin)

A post shared by Rolling Stone (@rollingstone) on Jun 21, 2018 at 5:02am PDT

1. Depp is very much open about his drinking and smoking

Rodrick describes entering Depp's rented mansion and feeling his presence immediately.

“He is here in the stogie-size joint left by the sink in the guest bathroom. He is here in the never-ending reservoir of wine that is poured into goblets," he observes.

During their first meeting, Rodrick writes that "Depp sits at the head of the table and motions towards some rolling papers and two equal piles of tobacco and hash, and asks if I mind. I don't. He pauses for a second. 'Well, let's drink some wine first.' This goes on for 72 hours."

Depp also isn't shy about his history of using drugs. Later in the interview, when talking about one of his idols, writer Hunter S. Thompson, he regrets quaaludes no longer being around and recalls the bootleg quaaludes he used to take.

"They're made with just a little bit of arsenic or strychnine, so the high was far more immediate," he explains.

Depp then recalls once asking a Florida bouncer to punch him while on quaaludes for no reason.

"You either wanted to smile and just be happy with your pals, or f**k, or fight," he says of being under the influence.

2. He has complicated relationships with his family

Depp talks extensively about his late mother, Betty Sue, in the interview, who died in 2016 after a long battle with cancer. The actor reveals the first thing he bought when he started making money was a small horse farm for his mom in Kentucky, where she was born.

"My mom was born in a f**king holler in eastern Kentucky," he says. "Her poor f**king a** was on phenobarbital at 12."

Though he clearly loved his mother, he also claims they moved 40 times growing up and that she would sometimes give him "irrational beatings."

"Maybe it's an ashtray coming your way. Maybe you're gonna get clunked with the phone," he says. "It was a ghost house -- no one talked. I don't think there was ever a way that I thought about people, especially women, other than 'I can fix them.'"

"Betty Sue, I worshiped her," he continues, before adding, "She could be a real b***h on wheels."

At her 2016 funeral, Depp recalls saying, "My mom was maybe the meanest human being I have ever met in my life."

As for his other siblings, Depp -- who's the youngest of four -- tells the magazine that one of his sisters and her husband and son moved to his mother's farm in Kentucky and were hired to manage the property, but their spending allegedly became out of control. After his mother died, the family still lives there.

"Their thinking is that I'm going to take care of them forever and that the farm is now theirs," he says. "I didn't make that promise."

The magazine also notes that Depp's close relationship with his sister, Christi, who was once a constant in his life and managed his day-to-day affairs, became strained when she was opposed to his 2015 marriage to Amber Heard.

"Depp’s last constant connection with the real world was severed," Rodrick writes.

3. He actually spent more than $30,000 a month on wine

Depp's former business associates filed a countersuit against the actor last February, after the actor filed a lawsuit in mid-January against The Management Group (TMG) and its associates for allegedly defrauding him and mismanaging his money. Among Depp's alleged extravagant expenses they claimed they warned him about was spending $30,000 a month on wines flown to him from around the globe.

Depp proudly admits the number is actually higher.

“It’s insulting to say I spent $30,000 on wine,” Depp says. “Because it was far more."

Depp also addressed the claim that he paid a sound engineer so he could feed him lines through an earpiece while filming, explaining that it was actually sounds that were fed to him, which he says allowed him to be a better actor.

“I’ve got bagpipes, a baby crying and bombs going off,” Depp shares of the sounds. “It creates a truth. Some of my biggest heroes were in silent film. It had to be behind the eyes. And my feeling is, that if there’s no truth behind the eyes, doesn’t matter what the f**king words are.”

As for the allegation that he spent $3 million to blast Thompson’s ashes out of a specially-made cannon?

"By the way, it was not $3 million to blast Hunter out of the f**king sky," he says. "It was $5 million."

And it appears that Depp's lawsuit against TMG isn't going to be resolved anytime soon.

"I have never, ever been in my life the bully kid," he notes. "I never went out of my way to hurt anybody. When I was a little kid, what I was taught was never start a f**king fight, but if somebody f**king tags you or starts invading your f**king world, finish the f**king fight. To my mom's exact words, 'lay them out with a f**king brick.'"

4. He became depressed over his financial issues and personal life

Depp says that after his divorce from Heard and his lawsuit, he became severly depressed.

"I was as low as I believe I could have gotten,” he says. “The next step was, ‘You’re going to arrive somewhere with your eyes open and you’re going to leave with your eyes closed.’ I couldn’t take the pain every day.”

He says he then went on tour with his band, The Hollywood Vampires, and started writing a memoir on an old manual typewriter, like Thompson.

“I poured myself a vodka in the morning and started writing until the tears filled my eyes and I couldn’t see the pages anymore,” he tearfully says. “I kept trying to figure out what I’d done to deserve this. I tried being kind to everyone, helping everyone, being truthful to everyone.”

“The truth is most important to me," he adds. "And all this still happened.”

5. He was extremely close to Tom Petty

Depp reveals he had a close friendship with the late Tom Petty, who died in January of an accidental drug overdose.

The actor says they used to frequently speak on the phone, and has clearly been hit hard by his death.

“We’d call each other and ask, ‘Hey, you still smoking [nicotine]?’ Depp recalls. “Tom would go, ‘Yeah, I’m still smoking.’ And I’d feel better: ‘Well, if Tom is still smoking, I’m OK.’”

“I loved him,” he continues after a pause, shedding tears.

Later, he also laments the deaths of Thompson and Marlon Brando, and the loneliness he now feels.

"Marlon and Hunter. I needed my guys," he says.

6. He supported Penelope Cruz while they filmed Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Cruz reveals to the magazine she told Depp that she was pregnant right before shooting 2011's Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides and contemplated dropping out. She says Depp opposed.

“He protected me every day, and by the end, I was six months pregnant,” Cruz says. “I’ll never forget that.”

"I imagine Johnny doing a version of Jack Sparrow at 70, or 80,” Cruz also muses, referencing his iconic Pirates character. “It will be as charming and as great.”

7. He has plenty of thoughts on Harvey Weinstein

Depp recalls his interaction with the disgraced movie mogul, calling him an "a**hole" and a "bully" when he worked with him and director Jim Jarmusch on 1995's Dead Man.

“Have you seen his wife? It’s not a wide range," he also comments. "It’s not like he went, ‘I must go to the Poconos to find some hairy-backed b***h.’”

Still, he recalls a more tender side to Weinstein, when he witnessed him picking up his daughter from school.

"The image that took my breath away was Harvey Weinstein, a goliath Shrek thing, bending down to put on his daughter's raincoat," he shares.

Earlier this month, some fans became concerned about Depp after photos of him in Russia were shared on social media, in which they commented that he looked "thin." However, an insider told ET that Depp, who is currently on tour with The Hollywood Vampires, is doing fine.

“Johnny is healthy and is enjoying his time on the road with his band,” the source said.

ET spoke to Depp last May, when he gushed about his 19-year-old daughter, model Lily-Rose Depp. Watch below:

RELATED CONTENT:

Johnny Depp Is 'Healthy' Despite Fans' Recent Health Concerns

Johnny Depp Sued by Ex-Bodyguards for Unsafe Working Conditions and Unpaid Wages

Amber Heard Opens Up About Living 'Truthfully' Following Divorce From Johnny Depp

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invisibleanonymousmonsters · 7 years

Text

My Eyes - Part 17

Pairing: Bucky; Steve x Fem/Reader

Word Count: 4,354

Story Description: Steve is a good man, America’s golden boy, a hero. He’s Captain America for christ’s sake! So it’s normal to want what he has… right? Bucky knows he doesn’t deserve her. He doesn’t even deserve the second chance at life he’s been given. But Bucky can never let him know. Steve can never find out that his friend is in love with his best girl.

Story takes place post “CA: CW” and all tension has been resolved.

Previously On…

Y/N’s eyes blinked open to stare at a stark white ceiling. Her ears took note of the heart monitor near her.

“Mom? Mom, can you hear me?” Jimmy’s voice was still muffled, like she was trying to hear him while underwater.

The she realized someone was holding her hand tightly.

Y/N turned her head to see Jimmy leaning forward, watching her carefully.

“Hi, sweetheart.” She sighed, trying to sit up.

Jimmy shot forward to help her.

“Is the baby…is-?” She couldn’t bear to say the words aloud.

Jimmy’s eyes softened at her implied question. “The doctors said the baby is fine. You’ve been asleep for about a day. They want to keep you here a little longer to do some tests, make sure Hydra didn’t give you anything else.”

Y/N tried to remember how she got here. Her head felt like it was trying to split in half. The last thing she recalled was the sedative Hydra gave her. She’d been screaming and kicking with all her might. She even tried to knock out some of the operatives with her powers. She managed to do it with two or three. But there were too many and she was under too much stress.

“Where’s Bucky?” She looked around. The heart monitor sped up as she started believing that something happened to him.

“He’s fine. Actually, he’s back at the house with Tony. They’re installing a high end security system.” Jimmy watched his mother relax at his reassurance. Then he took in a deep breath. “You don’t remember anything?”

Y/N shrugged and shook her head. But then she looked her son over and noticed the healing cuts and bruises on his face. “You were there?” She whispered.

Jimmy nodded. “You thought I was dad…” He lowered his head at the memory.

“James, what the hell were you thinking going with? You could’ve been killed!” She sat up straighter. Being exhausted and in recovery didn’t stop her from snapping into mom mode.

“I’m fine, mom. I promise.” Jimmy expected this reaction.

“They’ve been training you, haven’t they?” Y/N’s voice lowered.

He didn’t say anything, nor did he meet her gaze.

Y/N opened her mouth to further interrogate him, but a team of doctors interrupted them. She gave her son a look that said ‘we’re not finished talking about this.’

As the doctors explained her situation, Y/N couldn’t help but become anxious. Why wasn’t Bucky here? It felt odd not to wake up without him at her side?

---

Bucky returned to the compound late that night. He went right to the medical ward. There was a doctor lingering outside of Y/N’s room, her eyes looking over her charts. Bucky looked past them to see that Y/N was sleeping peacefully.

“How is she doing?” Bucky asked quietly. He walked close enough to see Y/N through the glass window, but he made no motion to go inside.

The doctor looked at her patient through the glass as well.

“It seems Hydra really told you the truth. They didn’t do anything to her. Their intent was to keep Y/N safe until she gave birth. The only thing in her bloodstream was the remnants of that heavy-duty sedative. It was mostly to keep her from harming herself and the baby.”

“So they’ll be okay?” Bucky asked softly, unable to take his eyes off Y/N.

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes, they’ll be perfectly okay.” Then she eyed him carefully. “Maybe you should go sit with her for a bit. She kept asking for you. I think Jimmy even went back home to get you.”

Bucky just nodded.

The doctor put the chart back into its slot and started walking down the hallway. Bucky waited until she turned the corner before walking away. With each step her got further and further away from Y/N.

---

Natasha and Sam guided Y/N back into the house. Jimmy quickly behind them carrying her things. Everyone was coddling the hell out of her. She could barely be left alone after the incident.

Nat led her to the couch.

“How about we watch a movie and make the boys cook for us?”

Y/N stared blankly at nothing. Nat watched her for a moment before Y/N’s bottom lip started trembling and tears filled her eyes.

“Where’s Bucky?” Then the floodgates broke and she was crying. The words trembled from her mouth and she threw her face into her hands.

“I-I don’t know, sweetheart.” Nat admitted. And she was telling the truth.

No one had seen Bucky for days. But they all knew why he had disappeared: Bucky thought he was a danger to his family. Hydra convinced him he was toxic. Bucky realized he was a fool for ever believing he could have a normal and happy life. The child he created had somehow turned into their key for making a super-soldier army.

“I need him.” Y/N cried into Natasha’s shoulder. “I can’t do this without him. I don’t want to do this alone again.”

Sam and Jimmy came into the living room after hearing the sounds of her crying.

Jimmy face looked inconsolable. He could save and protect his mother from Hydra. But he couldn’t protect her from Bucky.

“Come on, kid. Let’s get dinner started.” Sam pulled Jimmy back into the kitchen again. He knew having her son watch her break down would only make things worse.

“What the hell is he doing?” Jimmy asked lowly as Sam started grabbing food out of the bags of groceries they brought in.

Sam sighed. “It’s complicated, Jimmy.”

“How is it complicated?” He spat.

“When I first met Bucky, he’d lost everything…his identity, his memories, his family. All he had was Steve. And if it weren’t for your dad, who knows what would have happened to him.” Sam shook his head as he remembered the state they had found him in. “Bucky struggled with believing he deserved any ounce of happiness life could give him. It took years of therapy, reflection, hard work, and friendship.”

“Yeah… and my mom.” Jimmy added with attitude.

“That’s what you don’t get, Jimmy.” Sam scolded. “Bucky has never thought he worthy of having you and your mom. The moment he allowed himself a life of domesticity and happiness, Hydra had to come and remind him that they could take it all away from him.”

Jimmy’s face fell a little, seeing the situation from a new perspective. “But they didn’t… and I’m not some helpless kid anymore.”

“Nobody thinks you are, Jim.” Sam exhaled. “But that doesn’t stop all of us from worrying about you.” He went back to chopping up vegetables. “Bucky is just working out some things. Give him time.”

“How much time?”

“That I can’t answer.”

When dinner was ready, Nat managed to get Y/N into the kitchen. The crying had stopped, but Jimmy felt sick when he saw his mother with bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks. She didn’t say a word throughout the meal. Jimmy, Nat, and Sam managed to fill the silence with mundane conversation.

Jimmy volunteered to do the dishes and Y/N disappeared to her bedroom, not even having the energy to find solace in her garden or greenhouse.

“Nat, maybe you should stay over.” Jimmy suggested. He had never seen his mom like this. Not even after her abusive boyfriend left. He couldn’t fathom the thought of her sleeping alone in her bed tonight.

It was Y/N’s first night back home after the capture and she would just be overwhelmed with reminders that Bucky had abandoned them.

Nat agreed and the three of them continued cleaning up.

---

Jimmy came home from school and immediately shoved his backpack to the floor. He went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of Gatorade.

“Mom?” He called out.

There was no response.

Jimmy didn’t have to call out again. He knew where she was hiding.

When he was little, one of his favorite things was sitting in his mother’s greenhouse and watching her work her magic. She’d give him little tasks like watering the garden or pulling weeds. Y/N taught him everything she knew about flowers and planting.

Jimmy watched her move about through the window.

He never used to think much about his mom’s appearance. It wasn’t until he was older and saw the other parents at school. His mom seemed to glow with beauty in comparison.

Jimmy also wasn’t ignorant to the dads taking a closer glance at her. Even some of his classmates checked her out. That bothered Jimmy more than anything. But he was pretty sure his mom was oblivious to it all.

Y/N looked exhausted and depressed. Even her flowers couldn’t cheer her up.

“Mom, the doctors said you shouldn’t be on your feet a lot.” Jimmy scolded.

Her head snapped up in a fear for a moment. “Jesus, you sounded just like Steve.” She covered her face and took in a deep breath to calm herself.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He apologized.

“It’s fine, sweetheart. How was your day?” She sighed and took a seat at a table while she cut off the thrones of some pink roses.

“It was good.” Jimmy gave her a shy smile and joined her at the table. He took out a butterfly knife from his pocket and flipped it around fancily until the blade locked in place. He started grabbing the roses and slicing off the thrones too.

Y/N watched him. “For the love of god, Jimmy, do you take that to school with you?” She shrieked in horror.

Jimmy looked up guiltily.

“When did I fail you as a parent?” Y/N mumbled mostly to herself.

“Mom, you never failed me.” His words were solemn. Then Jimmy looked down at the knife. “Bucky gave it to me for my birthday one year. He said he got it right before he enlisted.”

Y/N’s entire body tensed at the mentioning of his name.

“Have you talked to him?” Jimmy asked carefully.

It had been a week since Y/N got discharged from the doctors and returned home from the compound.

She cut off a few thorns before answering. “He texted me last night.”

Jimmy glared at the remoteness of it. “What’d he say?” “He asked how I was doing and said that he loved me.”

Jimmy nodded.

“I didn’t reply.” Y/N added shortly. “Jimmy, you shouldn’t have to worry about any of this stuff. You’re just a kid. You should be going to parties and flirting with girls.”

Jimmy chuckled at that. “Mom, I was raised by the Avengers and I’m an enhanced super-soldier. Everything else seems kind of silly in comparison.” Then he cleared his throat awkwardly and looked down at the table. “And I suck at talking to girls.”

Y/N chuckled.

Jimmy lit up at being able to cheer her up slightly.

“Your dad was the same way.” She breathed sadly.

“But he got you.” Jimmy pointed out.

“I didn’t make it easy for the poor man. Steve might not have had the charm, but he definitely had the persistence.” Then she realized Jimmy had stopped cutting the thorns. He was watching her in slight awe. “What?”

“You never talk about him like that.” Jimmy stated quietly. “You’ve never even told me how you met… or really anything about your relationship.”

“I’m sorry, Jimmy.”

But he shook his head. “I never ask because I know it makes you sad. Bucky says he thinks about Steve every day. I can’t imagine it’s much different for you.”

“It’s not.” She agreed. “Talking about your dad used to feel like I couldn’t move on. Like it made me believe that he would come back someday. I never thought I’d find another man that I could love as much as Steve.”

Jimmy leaned forward and opened his mouth to say something, but stopped.

Did he really want to ask? But he had to know.

“Do you love Bucky as much as you loved dad?” He asked cautiously.

Y/N genuinely thought about it before answering.

“I used to think it was all about volume: how much or how little you could love someone. But if I’ve learned one thing from Bucky, it’s that there are different ways to love someone. Falling in love is different every time. And it’s silly to compare the past to the present. So yes, I loved your dad more than anything in the world. But I love Bucky just as much. It’s just different.”

Jimmy gave her a shy grin at the answer.

“Mom?”

“Yeah, Jimmy?”

“If I order us Chinese food, will you tell me about how you met dad?”

Y/N smiled at the innocence behind her son’s proposal and gave him a small nod.

----

“That creepy man is back.” Y/N’s coworker, Janice, whispered to her.

Janice was a middle-aged woman whose husband was ridiculously wealthy. She only worked at the library part-time because she didn’t know how else to entertain herself. She was judgmental and had adopted the ignorance of small towns that Y/N despised. Though she was always pleasant to Y/N, maybe only because they were coworkers.

Y/N looked up, only half interested. Her thick glasses were sliding down her nose and she pressed them closer to her face as she followed Janice’s gaze.

“Just because he’s wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses doesn’t mean he’s creepy, Janice.” Y/N sighed.

“If he’s not creepy, why don’t you go over and help him then? He looks confused.” Janice dared.

Y/N sighed. She didn’t know why she bothered doing as Janice dared. She was probably just using it as excuse to get away from the woman.

“Excuse me? Can I help you with something?” Y/N asked quickly.

The man whipped around at her greeting. He did a double take, completely caught off guard by her beauty. Then he accidentally stared for a moment. It made Y/N uncomfortable, mostly because he was wearing sunglasses and she couldn’t read his scrutiny. As if he could read her mind, the man ripped off his Aviators, exposing his baby blue eyes.

Y/N narrowed her gaze. Why did he look familiar?

“Do you need help with something?” She repeated gently. Something about his eyes made her tone nicer this time.

“Oh, I…ugh…I’ve hit my limit for checkouts and I can’t seem to choose between these two books.” The man muttered awkwardly. His cheeks blushed. He held them up: Feminism and Pop Culture by Andi Zeisler and Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser.

Y/N’s smile warmed at his choices. It was rare to see handsome men in a library these days. It was even more rare for them to be picking up feminist literature.

“Both are great. I would recommend reading Fast Food Nation first because it’s rather depressing.” Y/N chuckled darkly. Then she leaned forward. “But you can take both, so don’t worry about that.”

“I thought the limit was 25. I already have 24 back at home.” The man explained.

She laughed lightly at his innocence. “It is. But I’m the library manager. I think we’ll survive. Come on, I’ll check you out.”

Y/N moved behind the counter and scanned both of the books. “26 books are quite a lot of reading…” She commented curiously.

“I have a little catching up to do.” The man answered as he handed his library card over to her.

Y/N looked down at the name next to his picture: Steve Rogers. Her eyes shot up to him. That’s why he looked so familiar.

“You can check out as many books as you want. If someone gives you a problem, let me know, okay?” Her voice was nice, but firm.

“Ugh… thanks.” Steve answered gawkily.

Y/N slid the books back to him. “Have a good day, Mr. Rogers.”

But he quickly shook his head “Please, it’s just Steve.”

She nodded.

“Can I get your name?”

It was her turn to blush now. “Oh, I’m Y/N.”

Steve held out his hand firmly. She looked at it for a moment, thinking about the last time a reader had come in here and introduced themselves so politely. Her hand went his and shook it.

“He didn’t ask you out that day!?” Jimmy gaped at his mom.

“Of course not. He was so shy. Honestly, it was for the better. I wasn’t in the best place when it came to my love life: a lot of bad dates, a lot of bad guys. I was in my man-hating phase. That’s for sure. If he asked me out, I probably would’ve said no.”

Jimmy laughed at that. “So then when did he ask you out?”

Steve came into the library at least once a week. Y/N knew it wasn’t just to see her because he would make comments about the books he was returning and in great detail. He started coming to Y/N for recommendations, never talking to any other librarians. It didn’t stop at books either. Steve was probably the only human who still checked out movies and CDs from the library.

It was innocent and sweet. They became friends before anything else.

But it was exactly what Y/N needed. Though she was kind and carefree, she was going through a time of never fully trusting men and their intentions.

Meanwhile Steve didn’t really know how to court in this time. But he also seemed to sense that Y/N was weary of him. It didn’t keep him away though. He enjoyed seeing her too much to refuse friendship.

Their pleasant companionship continued for months.

One night Y/N had the misfortune of closing the library alone. It started down pouring in the middle of the day and hadn’t stopped since. Y/N cursed herself when she realized she forgot her umbrella and she’d also had no choice but to park her car a few blocks away.

Y/N took one last glance around the library before turning off the lights. She opened the door and quickly fished out the keys to lock everything up. She stared out at the rain under the safety of the library’s awning.

Just as she was about to make a run for her car, she recognized someone across the street. Steve was talking to a redheaded woman under a street light. They both had umbrellas. As if he could sense someone watching him, Steve glanced over in her direction and did a double take when he realized it was Y/N.

Steve said something to the woman he was with before jogging across the street to Y/N.

“Hey.” He greeted sweetly.

“Hi, Steve.” Y/N’s shoulders were slightly upraised from being cold and dreading going into the rain.

“Forget your umbrella?” He gave a little sideway smirk.

“Yeah, like an idiot.” Y/N laughed at herself.

“Can I walk you to your car?” Steve offered. She’d learned very quickly that he maintained the manners of a gentleman from the 1940s.

“That would actually be amazing.” She nodded.

Steve opened his umbrella once again and huddled close to her, making sure she was completely covered. She couldn’t help but lean into his body warmth.

On the walk to her car, he asked about her day and she did the same.

“Was that your girlfriend back there? The redhead?” Y/N asked casually, trying to ignore that slight disappointment she’d felt when she saw Steve with such a beautiful woman.

Steve’s eyes widened. “Romanoff? No, she’s just a friend.”

Then Y/N squinted in confusion. “Romanoff…as in the Black Widow?” There was amazement in her voice.

Steve smiled at the adorableness of her reaction. “Yeah, that one.”

Then they were at her car. He was disappointed that their time together had been so short. But he thought of the advice Natasha had just been giving him.

“Hey, where are you heading off to?” He asked casually.

“Ugh…home.” Y/N didn’t catch the intention of his question yet.

“Would…would you want to grab dinner with me?” He’d never sounded more confident talking to her before.

Y/N looked around. “Now?”

Her puzzlement made him laugh. “Yeah, why not?”

“Like a date?” For some reason she felt the need to ask.

Steve grinned, somehow his streak of confidence held steady. “Yes, like a date, Y/N.”

A smile spread across Y/N’s lips and Steve swore it warmed his entire body on that cold and rainy night.

“Dinner sounds great.” Y/N affirmed.

The spontaneity of it all made it less stressful for her. The pressure of a first date was absent.

Steve ended up taking her to a hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant in town. The rain must have scared away the other customers since they had the whole place to themselves. But it was also late. The owner didn’t seem to mind and kept giving them free appetizers.

They ended up sitting there for over three hours.

Y/N had never been so calm on a first date before. But she also couldn’t remember the last time she smiled and laughed so much. Steve made her feel safe and respected. That night… everything just clicked. Y/N looked at Steve and had the sudden realization as if her heart said, ‘Oh it was you I was waiting for.’

Y/N’s eyes weren’t present as she finished her story. A single tear slid down her cheek as she was reminded of the feeling Steve had invoked that night.

Jimmy gave her an understanding look.

“Sorry,” Y/N sniffed and laughed embarrassingly. “I wish I could blame my hormones…”

Jimmy reached across the table and grabbed her hand. “It’s okay, mom.”

She smiled at him sadly as she propped her head on her free hand. “You’re so much like him, Jimmy. He would’ve been really proud of you, do you know that? Steve was just so… pure. Men like him are hard to find, especially these days.”

Then her eyes went distance.

Jimmy knew she was thinking about Bucky after that statement.

“I’ll clean up. You should head to bed, Jimmy.” She stood up and started putting the leftover pizza on a plate and tearing down the cardboard box.

But Jimmy interrupted her task when he wrapped her in a giant hug. “I love you, mom.”

“I love you too, sweetie.”

He kissed the top of her head and went to his bedroom.

---

Jimmy waited until he could hear his mother’s even breathing, signaling that she was indeed asleep. He managed to sneak out the door. The fancy new alarm system Tony installed was well aware who belonged in and out, and who didn’t.

Jimmy grabbed his bike from the garage and raced through the night to the compound.

He knew exactly where he would find him.

After all of these years of living with Bucky, Jimmy knew that Bucky faced his demons with anger. He went right to the training facility.

He heard Bucky before he even walked through the door.

Jimmy stood in the shadows, watching. He glanced down at his watch to see that it was almost 3 o’clock in the morning.

Bucky was practicing his knife throwing. But his skin was covered in sweet, meaning this was just his cool down. Every single blade hit the bull’s-eye. As soon as he was done with a set, Jimmy walked into the gym.

“Looks like you’re getting rusty.” Jimmy stated with dark sarcasm.

Bucky whipped around. “It’s a school night, Jimmy. What’re you doing here so late?”

Jimmy ignored the question for a moment and eyed the table with the knives spread out. He picked one up and flipped it in his hands a few times. “Oh, so now you’re back to being the father figure?” He tossed the knife harshly and it landed on the paper target’s head. “I wasn’t sure if you were still interested, seeing as you haven’t been around for awhile.”

Bucky sighed with guilt. “Jimmy-”

“I don’t want to hear more of your bullshit.” Jimmy cut him off.

“Hey!” Bucky yelled in warning, using his paternal tenor.

Jimmy threw another knife in anger. It landed right at the heart. “Go ahead. Yell at me.”

Bucky remained silent and ground his teeth together.

Jimmy’s anger turned to sadness. “I looked up to you. All I ever wanted was to make you proud, be just like you and dad.” He shook his head in disappointment. “But I would never do what you’re doing to mom right now. I wouldn’t run away from the people I love, like a coward.”

Bucky’s eyes watered. “Jimmy, it’s more complicated than-”

“Everyone keeps telling me that! But it’s not, Bucky! It’s not! It’s simple. You love my mom. I know you do because I see it every damn day.” He rubbed the back of his neck . “I get it. You think you’re bad for us. But you’re wrong.”

Bucky was speechless.

“I can’t listen to her cry herself to sleep another night.” Jimmy tried glaring at him, but his eyes were just that heartbreaking blue. “If you were just going to disappear too, then you should have never become part of our lives in the first place.” He threw one last knife, landing on the groan. “Get your shit together.”

Jimmy walked out of the gym and slammed the door behind him.

Bucky looked up. “You see that? Your son is a pain in the ass, exactly like you. He just does it in modern vernacular.” He called up to the heavens, like Steve was looking down at him.

Suddenly he felt light headed and sat on the ground with his head in his hands. “I wish you were here, Stevie. I wish you could tell me that everything would be okay. You would know exactly what I needed to hear.” Tears fell down his face. “I’m so terrified of losing them, Steve. I convinced myself this was best. Jimmy deserved to get you as dad. You should’ve married Y/N. They would’ve been safer.”

It was ridiculous talking to a dead person. Bucky knew that.

But just as he wiped away his tears, one of the knives fell from the target behind him, hitting the floor loudly. It caused Bucky to jump to his feet.

He chuckled gloomily. “I like to think that was you repeating your son’s words…‘Get your shit together.’”

----------

Part 18

I think I deserve some sort of applause for updating so quickly. What can I say? I was inspired and couldn’t stop writing. I always love hearing from you <3

#marvel fic #marvel fanfic #bucky fic #bucky fanfic #dad!bucky #bucky barnes angst #bucky angst #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you #jimmy y/l/n #marvel reader insert #bucky reader insert #my eyes part 17

546 notes · View notes

not-all-those-who-wonder-r-lost · 6 years

Text

How I Wish Sherlock Would Have Gone (part 3)

Part 1 on TEH can be found here (in my technologically challenged way):

http://not-all-those-who-wonder-r-lost.tumblr.com/post/169321652561/how-i-wish-sherlock-would-have-gone-part-1

Part 2 on TSOT can be found here:

http://not-all-those-who-wonder-r-lost.tumblr.com/post/169343645581/how-i-wish-sherlock-would-have-gone-part-2

I started doing these because I wanted to demonstrate how great Sherlock could be again with minor changes. However, HLV was a clusterfork. I would not even know where to begin with making this episode great with minor changes. So I decided that I would make two versions of this episode. Version 1 with big changes that makes this episode great. Version 2 with small changes that makes this episode goodish.

Version 1 (big changes):

Mary. I actually really like how Amanda plays her. Except the lazy gay jokes that do not lead to anything in the canon. And there is more. She is brilliant and very talented but the only way she could get married was to pretend to be someone she is not. And I take offense to that. Let’s take a roll call. We have a very rich woman in her 70s who acts like Sherlock and John’s housekeeper because she just loves them so much? We have an accomplished doctor/medical examiner in her thirties who pines over a man who doesn’t want her for YEARS. We have a self-proclaimed gay woman who falls in love with a man? We have Sally who is POC, which is awesome because this show lacks all kinds of representation. Sally sleeps with a married guy, hates Sherlock because he is too smart and plays a big part in Sherlock’s fall from grace in TGG. Did I miss anyone? Mary is such a wasted opportunity to have some strong female representation in this show. I wish she was a villain. A nice, strong, interesting villain. Because as she is, she is just a lesson for all girls out there who want to marry a guy some day. “Oh, it does not matter how clever, skilled or interesting you are. You got to pretend to be a nice, amicable provider (e.g. a nurse) if you ever want a man to marry you. God, forbid he finds out who you truly are! Don’t forget to get pregnant as soon as possible so that if he ever does find out, he won’t be able to leave you!” Long story short, let’s make Mary into a villain. This could done so like it is in the M theory. Or maybe Mary used to work for Moriarty and she decides to take over when he dies. Then, Moriarty’s network starts to crumble and she realizes that something is off. She gets close to John to find out whether Sherlock is really dead. When it turns out he is not actually dead, she decides to stay in their lives because it will be easier to work around them this way. Magnussen finds out about Mary’s background when he was trying to find leverage over Sherlock; however, he does not know the whole story. Mary kills Magnussen the night Sherlock and John break in (not using Janine because that story line is just awful as is discussed below). Sherlock and John get thrown into jail but not before Sherlock gets a whiff of Mary’s perfume at the apartment. Sherlock and John get out on bail, Sherlock sets a trap for Lady Smallwood to find out if it was actually her that killed Magnussen. John knows only half the plan and tells Mary what he knows. She shows up to the trap to find out what is actually going on. Stuff happens and Sherlock shoots Mary who was about to shoot John. I don’t know. I did not think a lot about this. This just came to me as I was writing this. In any case, I wish Mary was a formidable character...

Janine. Ok, let’s put aside the dynamic Janine and Sherlock had at the wedding. Because that really did not come across as these two lovebirds will end up dating. Anyways. Sherlock and Janine have been dating for a month. They haven’t had any sex yet. They haven’t introduced each other to their friends yet. They barely know each other. Then, Sherlock pops the question while SHE IS AT WORK. And she let’s him up instead of calling the cops? Is it me? Am I too jaded for this world? If a guy I barely knew and was dating only a month asked me to marry him, I would freak out. That’s weird, isn’t it? The fact that Sherlock does it while she is at her high security work is so much worse. The least she could have done was to tell him to go home and that they need to have a serious conversation later. And let’s not forget that she is also probably in her thirties. I literally know no woman in their thirties who would be excited to get proposed to after only a month of dating. The only scenario I can think of is maybe two people have been friends for years, they slowly started fall in love with each other but they were too scared to ruin their friendship to ever address those feelings. They finally get together after years of mutual pining. Maybe this could could think about marriage early on. But one months is a bit too short even for them. So let’s add Janine to the horrible examples of women that exist only to ease men’s lives in this show.

I also have a problem gay coding all the major villains on this show. Can we just not?

I think those three are my biggest problems with this episode.

Version 2 (small changes)

At the beginning of the episode Mary acts like a jealous psycho. I wish she didn't. “One month! You have not seen him only for one month!” Calm the fuck down Mary. I thought you liked Sherlock. Also, who would not be upset to not see their best friend for a month? I wanna see my friends all the time! What kind of a wife/girlfriend would not be okay with someone missing their friend??

Jokes about John’s dick. Lazy. Have we really sunk so low that we are making dick jokes now?

The awkward John-Janine-Sherlock scene. Did not have to be this awkward. If John is not into Sherlock, why would it be this awkward. Also, Janine comes off a bit unhinged, in my humble opinion. Can we just have a female writer rewrite this scene?

Janine’s reaction to Sherlock’s proposal. Let’s say we just HAVE TO keep this story line in... For some inexplicable reason... I wish Janine would say “What the hell?? Sherlock have you lost your mind? Are you having an episode of some kind? Here come up. Oh my God, Sherlock...”

“MAGNUSSEN (offscreen): What-what-what would your husband think, eh? (Sherlock walks carefully towards a partially open door at the end of the hall.) MAGNUSSEN (offscreen): He ... your lovely husband, upright, honourable... (Sherlock looks through the gap in the door and sees Magnussen on his knees with his hands behind his head and cowering.) MAGNUSSEN: ... so English. What-what would he say to you now?” Oh boy... Such a sexist scene. Why can't Magnussen talk about how she turned her life around now. How she has friends, a husband. How she is no longer this person. Why can’t she change her mind about shooting him because she is a different person now? What does she have to change her mind to please her husband? Just why Mofftiss?

Mary shooting Sherlock. As I have mentioned above, I do not like this plot line at all. She could have killed Magnussen here and the remaining two survivors (Janine and the ex-con security guard) know that there was someone there before Sherlock and John got there. But if this was going to be in the show, I wish Mary shot Sherlock slightly more towards his shoulder. Maybe where John was shot. If it was only “surgery”, make it a bit more obvious so that it doesn’t look like Sherlock surviving was an accident.

‘Sherlock got shot’ dream scene. I like this scene. It’s a silly scene and I have read discontent comments over the fact that it was not related to the case. I get that. I do have a problem with all the extra “style over substance” stuff as well. I would be fine if this scene was taken out. I like this scene but I rather have substance over style.

Also at the end of the dream scene “JIM: ... and John will cry buckets and buckets. It’s him that I worry about the most. That wife! (He grimaces and blows out a noisy breath.) JIM: You’re letting him down, Sherlock. John Watson is definitely in danger.” This show needs to decide whether Mary is a villain or not. So Sherlock was so convinced that Mary is a danger to John that he brought himself back to life. However, the fact that he did not die meant that Mary was doing “surgery” and she is not evil/dangerous after all. Instead of “John will cry buckets and buckets. It’s him that I worry about the most. That wife! You’re letting him down, Sherlock. John Watson is definitely in danger.”, Moriarty could say “John will cry buckets and buckets. It’s him that I worry about the most. He barely survived last time. You’re letting him down, Sherlock. John Watson is definitely does not deserve losing you twice.”

“JANINE (softly): You lied to me. You lied and lied. SHERLOCK: I exploited the fact of our connection. JANINE: When?! SHERLOCK: Hmm? JANINE: Just once would have been nice. SHERLOCK: Oh. (He looks a little shifty-eyed.) I was waiting until we got married. JANINE: That was never gonna happen!” Really? Janine is so sex-hungry, she has such low self-esteem that she wishes the man who “exploited their connection” and constantly lied to her had sex with her AT LEAST ONCE. Is that what straight men want? Do they want sex so bad that they want just any women to throw them a bone even if these women treat them despicably?

“MR HOLMES: Complete flake, my wife, but happens to be a genius. MARY: She was a mathematician? MR HOLMES: Gave it all up for children.” WHY DO WOMEN NEED TO GIVE UP THEIR CAREERS FOR CHILDREN??????

I am not sure how I feel about John not looking at the AGRA flash drive. This is the mother of his child. It would be irresponsible to not know what he was up against, to not know about the future complication that will most likely happen (and in fact does happen in canon: TST). Isn’t John a bit too smart, too cynical not to look at it? I mean let’s say that I understand why John would say “The problems of your past are your business. The problems of your future ... are my privilege.” But why would anyone assume that the problems of her past will not become the problems of her future? Shouldn’t he know the problems of her past so that he can protect her in the future?

Also, why does John not look happy to reconcile with his wife?

“SHERLOCK: John – Magnussen is all that matters now. You can trust Mary. She saved my life. JOHN (quietly): She shot you. (Sherlock pulls a face, half-nodding his agreement.) SHERLOCK: Er, mixed messages, I grant you.” *le sigh*

Comments like “Your damsel in distress” are not okay if Johnlock is not the end game.

The twist of Magnussen not actually having the blackmail material. I don’t think I like this. Do people like this? Is this a believable twist? I mean the problem is in order to Magnussen to store the information in his brain, he first has to see them, right? Once he get his hands on this material, doesn’t it make more sense to store it somewhere? Wouldn’t it be cooler if Sherlock and John took the materials and Magnussen was nonchalant about it. Magnussen would say “Go ahead take it. I don’t actually need the proof. I’m in news, you moron. I don’t have to prove it – I just have to print it.”

The tarmac scene... IF THE END GAME IS NOT JOHNLOCK, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH ALL THAT TENSION??? “Just friends” do not have such tension between them.

Wow, apparently I really hate this episode. Maybe I hate this show!?! How did this happen?? When did this happen??? I think I just assumed all these little details that did not sit right with me was part of a bigger plan. Mofftiss was going to provide a huge twist making Johnlock canon and put down sexism/heteronormativity/etc. When that never came true, we were left with all this queerbaiting and sexists elements. And that sucked. It still sucks. Ugh...

As always, I would like to thank ARIANE DEVERE for her transcriptions of the episodes. The lines from the show have been taken from her transcriptions.

#sherlock #bbc sherlock #his last vow #johnlock #tjlc #fix-it of sorts

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shimmershae · 7 years

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"It's really not that complicated." (a Walking Dead ficlet, Caryl).

Teen Caryl AU. I blame my growing weakness for teen Caryl on this. Oh. And those beautiful pictures. I mean, my God. Do they look gorgeous together or what?

To be continued? That depends, lol.

It’s really not that complicated

He’s been half in love with her since the 3rd grade.

Wonder Woman lunchbox in hand, sweet smile on her pink lips, she’d braved all the bullies’ taunts and quietly joined him at his lonely table. Introduced herself by offering him her small, delicate hand and shrugging off his feigned indifference when he’d just stared at it, plopping down on the plastic seat beside him and crossing her ankles before opening up her lunchbox. She’d offered up half of her peanut butter and jelly sandwich and her easy friendship, not even blinking those big blue beautiful eyes of hers at the fact that she’d breached that invisible divide with such a simple gesture. That gulf that existed between being popular and being one of the outcasts.

So, yeah. He’s been half in love with her since the 3rd grade and it’s too bad, really. Because she’s one of the best friends he’s ever had. The best friend, actually, and he’s not about to do something stupid like blurt out his true feelings on prom night. He don’t care that she’s his date or that Glenn and Tara seem to think it’s a good idea. What do they even know about it anyway? They’re just a couple of freshman band nerds crashing a party, Eugene and Olivia’s dates because friendship is solidarity and he should know. Shouldn’t he?

Shouldn’t he?

The fast song that’s been matching the irrational pounding of his heart morphs into something slow, something sweet that makes Carol sway in her borrowed heels, those long, crazy red curls of hers slithering across her bare back and making him think of a gypsy queen. Whatever that even is, and shit. He really shouldn’t have let Merle talk him into that swig of Jim Bean to relax him because he thinks it’s backfiring. Igniting little sparks all throughout his bloodstream and making his palms itch to touch her, his fingertips ache to trace and map out all those pretty freckles, and Jesus Christ. He really needs some air.

The grass beyond the gymnasium is overgrown. The trees tall and looming, casting long shadows on the crowded gravel parking lot and shrouding the blanket of stars winking overhead.

The music is muted out here, just a hum beneath the crickets’ insistent song, and Daryl welcomes the respite. The familiarity. He tears at his knotted tie with fumbling fingers and takes a ragged breath, lets the sultry spring Georgia air swallow him up in her embrace while he wills his heart to calm.

Ultimately, it’s as useless an endeavor as trying not to love her. Impossible.

Because he opens his eyes and she’s right there. Just like that moment all those years ago now. Just as quietly and just as bravely, she’s sought him out and her painted lips are lifted in a smile, sweet and easy, and hell if he don’t feel guilty for abandoning her back there. But he don’t have near the courage she does. Never has and probably never will. Hell of it is, he’s pretty sure they both know it. Gruffly, he lets her off the hook. “Didn’t have to follow me.”

“I know.” Her answer is soft and simple and she steps closer, the sequins on her fitted skirt catching the faint light and shimmering. She tilts her head and wrinkles her nose, lifting one hand to her shoulder to toy absently with the thin spaghetti strap dark against her pale skin. Letting the other brush up against his own, warm and hesitant. “But Every Breath You Take started playing and you know how I feel about that song.”

Nodding in understanding, he agrees and shifts on his feet as he searches his pockets for a cigarette, subtly pulling away from her and putting some space between them again. “Song’s creepy.”

“Yeah.”

She shudders for effect but she’s still smiling that smile at him, and he forgets all about the cigarette, tucking the unlit stick of tobacco behind one of his ears instead. Watches her. Because she’s swaying gently once more, to music only she can hear, and he’s entranced. His heart racing again and his throat dry and awkward apologies are tumbling from his traitorous lips before he can make half an effort to stop them. “Ain’t much good at this.”

“You don’t say.”

She’s teasing and he knows it. But his insecurities run deep and he denies her the smile she’s angling for, the reassurance. “M’serious. You deserve better. Somebody that ain’t so fucked up. Ain’t even a good friend.”

She stumbles to a stop then, her feet rooted to the spot. Her eyes flash with anger, instant and white hot, and her hands dart out. Grab the loose ends of the noose she’d begged him to agree to wear and tug. “You take that back.”

He ducks his head, swears beneath his breath when she pulls him closer. “Which part?”

“Every part,” she demands, abandoning his tie to grip his broad shoulders. Travel up his neck to cup his face. “You take back all of it.”

He refuses. Can’t even bear to look at her. Because she’s beautiful in ways that make his heart hurt. She’s bold in ways that just reinforce his feelings of inadequacy. She’s the best friend he’s ever had and he’ll gladly fuck that up to save her from a nobody like him because she does deserve better. She deserves everything. “Can’t,” he says. “Won’t,” he insists when her pretty features twist into a frown, sadness tugging heavily at the corners of her mouth.

Unsure fingers sweep through his shaggy hair and she sighs, leans her forehead against his own. “Why?”

His mouth works to form the words with difficulty, all the reasons why she shouldn’t look back, should run as far and as fast as she can in the other direction, but all he can manage is a hoarse, “Because.”

Frustrated, she pulls at the ends of his hair. Takes a page out of his book and growls.

It’d be funny. Damn cute if his heart wasn’t threatening to split open wide. But it is and it ain’t. He’s pulling away before she’s even had a chance to respond, turning his back on her and walking away. He doesn’t get far. She doesn’t let him before her soft voice stops him, makes everything, everything stutter to a stop. His heart. His lungs. The whole wide world around them.

“They’re right, you know. Tara and Glenn.”

Slowly, he turns. Stares at her as if he’s never seen her before. And maybe he hasn’t. Not this version of her. Because her blue eyes draw him in, deep and daring and brimming with unspoken emotion. “Hell did you just say?”

“I said they’re right. Tara and Glenn. It’s really not that complicated.”

“Stop. Just stop.” He pleads with her, but he knows it’s no use. She’s stubborn. Strong. A helluva lot stronger than he is, and there’s the rub. “You don’t know…”

“I do, Daryl. I know. You really think I don’t?”

“Carol, please.”

“No. No. It’s not that complicated. You either love me or you don’t. Which is it, Daryl Dixon?”

#The Walking Dead #Caryl fanfiction #Caryl #Carol x Daryl #stuff that I write #teen Caryl AU #mentions of Glenn Rhee #Tara Chambler #Olivia #Eugene #things that make me smile and cry #why am I like this?#why can't I just update one of my ongoing WIPs #instead of dipping my toe in something new?#uggggghhhhh

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sarahlynn225-blog · 7 years

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Taming the Lion Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Rated: T

Summary: He doubted he’d see her again, but found a part of him hoped he would…McCoy finds himself faced with something quite unexpected, meanwhile Jim is hiding something, academy into movie(s), featuring hurt/comfort, drama, friendship, action all the good stuff

The third time McCoy saw Cadet Young-and he couldn’t believe he was even keeping track now-it was in one of the mess hall’s he and Jim would sometimes have lunch together in. To his surprise when he spotted his friend he wasn’t alone. A part of him thought that that should be sad, Jim needed more friends than just a grumpy doctor.

She sat across from him looking mildly peeved but amused at the same time. Her hair was up accentuating her soft features. That damned odd feeling cropped up again and he gripped his tray a little harder.

Leonard approached slowly, straining to catch the words between the two.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

Uh oh, he knew that tone, it was the one Jim used when Leonard ‘interfered’ on things that he didn’t think he needed help with. McCoy quickened his pace hoping to head off Jim’s irritation before he upset her. Granted he probably should figure out just what Jim was upset over-his irritation could be justified-but he couldn’t bring himself to let that happen to Young.

He sat quickly drawing both their attentions. Jim’s countenance brightened slightly at his sudden appearance.

“Bones!”

He nearly winced, why had he let Kirk start calling him that?

She smiled at him, a soft upturn of her lips. McCoy firmly ignored the weird pinch just under his ribs where his heart was, looking instead at Jim. He cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Why do you look like someone stole your prized cow?”

Young laughed.

He glared.

Jim rolled his eyes.

When he didn’t readily reply Young spoke.

“I managed to convince Commander West to let Kirk retake the test.” She said looking unsure.

McCoy frowned at Jim. Shouldn’t he be happy?

After some much needed rest and having gotten that damned infection under control, Jim had gripped about the whole thing.

He’d doubted West would pass him what with collapsing right in the middle of the damn thing, and he’d been posing as captain. McCoy had decided not to point out that Jim had readily admitted to losing consciousness, and asked if he could retake it, he’d scoffed. Apparently West wasn’t known for letting Cadets ‘retake’ the test. He’d-of course-protested the whole thing saying that West should understand, that he’d been ill even going as far to say that he’d track the man down himself. To explain, of course, not yell at him.

Jim however, had told him not to. Sometimes the kid’s pride was a real pain in the ass.

“How’d you manage that?” He found himself asking looking at Young who shrugged, obviously trying to appear nonchalant.

“I just, told him the truth.”

Jim shared a look with him both knowing that West wouldn’t give a damn about the truth. Hell the guy more than likely ‘knew’ the truth and still didn’t give a shit.

“West doesn’t give a shit about the truth.” He said flatly then after a pause looked uncharacteristically uncomfortable. “You didn’t um-”

“No, no, nothing like that.” Young cut him off obviously following his line of thought face a grimace of disgust. “I, bawled my eyes out if you must know.” She looked a bit embarrassed by the admission, a little blush gracing her cheeks.

Jim stared at her slack jawed.

Leonard felt amusement settle in him. It was rare that anyone struck the blond speechless.

“Most guy’s with a shred of decency in them get uncomfortable when a woman cries.” She said glancing down and away, as if selfconsious.

“Why?” Jim all but demanded shoulders tensing. McCoy watched the exchange with silent interest because really he wanted answers too.

Her expression grew serious as she replied, seeming to choose her words carefully. “Because-and I know your ego doesn’t need further inflating,” McCoy nearly snorted. “you’re smart and you deserve a second chance, don’t let those ass hats think they got one up on you.”

Jim’s features grew guarded as she spoke. “I really didn’t need your help.” His words were soft that tone from minutes ago returning.

“Jim-” McCoy tried to head him off, but instead he stood abruptly.

“Next time, don’t.” He barely spared Leonard a glance, though that one look spoke volumes. Jim thought he was in on it. His own irritation rose and he wanted to demand then and there just who these ‘ass hats’ were and just what the hell was going on. The fact that they were surrounded by fellow cadets stopped him though, along with Jim’s abrupt departure.

“I was just, trying to help.” Young muttered watching him go, she didn’t seem offended by Kirk’s bluntness, in fact she seemed almost concerned?

McCoy grimaced. “Jim’s, complicated.” It was an understatement he knew. He watched Jim’s retreating form for a moment before looking at her.

They didn’t seem like friends, at least Jim had never spoken to him about her as such, or anything more. So why had she done it?

The only problem was he didn’t feel like he knew her well enough to ask, at least not about that, however those ‘ass hats’ were a different story.

“You said something about ass hats?” Ok maybe not the most eloquent way to put it but Young didn’t seem bothered. Her gaze returned to him and she shook her head.

“Just some other cadets who were giving Kirk shit before the SIM started.”

McCoy felt his irritation and suspicions rise. “You know who?” His ire must’ve shown in his voice because she looked at him with slightly narrowed eyes.

“Um, I don’t know their names, sorry.”

Leonard clenched his jaw sitting back food forgotten. Some possible situations were forming in his head and none of them he liked.

“Kirk’s lucky to have a friend like you.” Her soft words brought him out of his thoughts and he found her watching him. He snorted covering up the uncomfortable feeling in his chest at her gaze.

“Damn right he is.” He grumbled and Young laughed. It was a nice laugh.

“So do you think he’ll retake it?” She asked after a pause and he huffed.

“I don’t know, probably, he might not like what you did but he’s not an idiot.” Despite what some people may think. Jim was actually one of the smartest men Leonard knew.

“Good, West can be a pain, you should’ve seen his face when I started crying.” There was a mischievous glint in her eyes and he once again wondered why she had done it.

Before he could ask-because despite his earlier thoughts his curiosity was getting the better of him-she scooted her chair back, standing.

“Well, I gotta get to class.” She smiled at him standing turning but paused. When she looked at him again there was concern in her eyes. “Those guys, I may not know their names, but, I’ve seen them around, they aren’t exactly, nice.”

McCoy bit back a heavy sigh. He and Jim needed to have a talk soon.

“Noted, thanks.” She nodded a small smile returning to her face before leaving.

McCoy watched her make her way through the mess thoughtfully. A walking conundrum if he ever saw one, and one he was starting to find he wanted to solve.

****

Leonard woke instantly at the persistent chime. He was being summoned to medbay. Cursing softly he threw aside the blankets and got up. There could be any number of reasons why he was being called and none of which were exactly good.

Jim was gone, figures since he’d been avoiding him after the whole SIM thing. Which was utterly childish in his opinion, and honestly he was planning on confronting the kid about it when he managed to corner him.

Throwing on some clean clothes he practically raced from the room.

He’d been expecting ordered chaos upon entering and was abruptly surprised when it was nearly silent. Frustration made him scowl. Why the hell had he been called down here?

Suddenly a very frazzled nurse Pletchet appeared heading straight for him.

“Sorry to wake you Dr. McCoy but I wasn’t sure what else to do.”

Leonard blinked concern returning. Not much could disconcert the usually confident nurse.

“We’ve tried contacting Dr. Lansing he was here when she came in though she did ask for you-”

“Who?” He interrupted, she was rambling, again not the norm.

“Cadet Young sir, she came in four hours ago, complaining of a headache, neck pain, light sensitivity and nausea.”

Leonard’s frown deepened as he listened a tightness forming in his chest when he heard the symptoms.

“Dr. Lansing diagnosed her with meningitis and started the treatment but, she’s only gotten worse and like I said we haven’t been able to contact him so I-”

“Where is she?” He demanded and she stopped short turning to lead him though she kept talking.

“Sir I don’t mean to be disrespectful but, Dr Lansing-”

“I’ll deal with Lansing.” He all but growled.

The lights were dimmed almost completely, the biobed casting a glow just enough to see by.

“We’ve been giving her our strongest reducers, but it doesn’t seem to be helping.” She said following him over to her bed.

Young was gripping the sheets shivering, eyes closed though the readings said she was conscious.

Her fever was at 103 and rising. “When did this start?” He asked Pletchet whose brow was creased in concern.

“Just after midnight.”

“Did he run a blood culture?” He asked carefully examining her readings.

Pletchet pulled a face. “No, he seemed to think he knew what it was and like he wanted to get out of here.”

Leonard cursed.

“Get on that now.” He snapped carefully checking to see when she last had a reducer. It was cutting it close but her fever was rising alarmingly.

Damn Lansing, he was always cutting corners! He was also young, inexperienced and completely full of himself. McCoy knew someday it was going to bite the idiot in the ass.

To bad it involved someone he knew.

“Young?” He said softly, wanting to test her lucidity.

She shifted grimacing.

“Your fevers spiking, we’re gonna try and stabilize it.” He muttered watching her reaction closely.

Hazel green glazed over eyes opened a little.

“Steve?” The name was spoken so softly he barely caught it. Her tone though bordered on despair with a touch of longing.

Leonard frowned concerned. Was she hallucinating? Who was Steve ? Though the latter question was really none of his business, they were obviously someone important to her.

“No,” He said trying to keep his tone soft and reassuring. “Its Dr McCoy, Leonard McCoy you’re in medbay remember?”

God only knew why he gave her his first name.

She blinked heavily seeming to struggle for a moment before her eyes cleared a little, swallowing thickly.

“Yes, yeah sorry.” She muttered and Leonard gave her a reassuring smile.

“S’okay how are you feeling?” He said glancing once more at her readouts.

“Hm-m’head hurts.” She muttered grimacing.

“I bet,” Nurse Pletchet returned in that moment carefully taking a blood sample. “I’ll give you something for it.”

He gently administered the more potent analgesic and fever reducer. A little of the pain seemed to disappear from her face.

The reducer may not even work but he had to try, her fever was alarmingly high.

Her fever stayed stubbornly at 103, but it didn’t rise.

“Hang in there, we’re trying to pin this thing down.” He said looking around for another blanket as she shivered.

“ Don’ like Lansing.” She slurred and he snorted.

“Don’t worry about that idiot, I’ll be treating you from here on.” He triumphantly pulled a blanket out of a lower cabinet placing it over her.

“Good, hate hospitals.” She was drifting words growing heavy. He checked her readings again noting as her heart rate evened out.

She had that much trust in him? They barely knew each other.

Leonard was never one to gloat or brag about himself, he knew he was a good doctor, had to be to get where he was now. Somehow though he couldn’t help but feel it went a little deeper than that.

Or, maybe he was overthinking things.

He waited a moment longer as her taxed system pulled her under and sighed. He needed coffee.

*** “You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Leonard looked up at Pletchet in disbelief. She shrugged seemingly as dumbfounded as him.

He returned his gaze to the results on the PADD.

Seriously? Gatalis Fever, found only in the remote rainforests of Unix IV a planet he’d never heard of let alone been to.

It’s symptoms were very similar to meningitis, save for a few minor differences.

There was only one known cure. He continued to scan the page frown deepening.

The treatment needed to be given within forty eight hours of first symptoms. He checked the chronometer on the wall. Shit they had fourteen hours to synthesize it, would it be enough?

“Let’s get on this now.” He ordered and she nodded briskly, taking the PADD and walking away.

He looked over at Young’s prone form. How had she managed to catch this thing? Was anyone else exposed? Hell, they could have an outbreak on their hands.

A report needed to be filed and fast. He wanted needed more information if he was going to, and he doubted Young was coherent enough to do so.

But he had to try.

Grabbing another PADD he approached her bed, eyes once more glancing at the bio readings.

Fever had surprisingly dropped to 102, it wasn’t much but it was something. She looked restless in her sleep, and he hated to disturb her but he needed to know.

Reaching out, he gently touched her shoulder.

A pause then hazel eyes opened, cloudy and unfocused.

"Hey Young, I need to ask you a few questions, can you handle that?” He asked softly. She blinked heavily some clarity entering her gaze.

“I’ll try.” She whispered. He held back a grimace at her uncertainty.

“You’ve contracted a very rare illness one only found on Unix IV do you have any idea how you managed to catch it?”

She seemed to hesitate as if gathering her thoughts.

“Yes, I-I tried to tell Lansing,” She licked her lips. “Cadet Summers has-had, at least I hope they took it, a minnix, s'a rare, mammal, I reported him for having it.”

Leonard held back a sigh. “So you were in contact with the animal?”

“Um, no, ” A blush actually seemed to encroach over her fevered skin. “we were on a date, he kissed me,” Then grimaced. “not that I wanted him to.”

Leonard squashed the spark of satisfaction at that last remark, forcing his scientific half to focus. Who Young went on dates with and whether or not she enjoyed them were of any importance right now.

“I didn’t recall till later that the Minnix is often a carrier of the illness.” She looked ashamed of the admission.

“What’s Summers first name?” He asked as he jotted down a few notes a feeling of dread settling in his stomach. How long had the cadet been exposed? Had he been in contact with anyone besides Young?

“Alex, he thought it would impress me telling me he had it.” Her eyes were beginning to glaze over. “Told ‘im he was an idiot, s'just…” Her words trailed off in an unintelligible slur, eyes closing, the bio bed sounded an alarm and McCoy cursed. Her fever had just risin.

#star trek #star trek aos #fanfic #fanfiction #leonard mccoy x ofc #jim kirk #spock #hurt/comfort #romance #bones

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