dean gets pranked 4k no censors
based on that trend which crawled out of the dreaded clock app that wouldn’t leave my head
[as per the usual, click for better quality]
here’s the unseparated version of the first page. if that interests you.
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what is considered "beautiful" by society is inevitably sexist, racist, ableist, classist, transphobic, and bigoted. it targets and attacks any perceived difference, and it particularly villainizes women of color while co-opting aesthetics; as if features and cultural norms can be worn as accessories.
and the scary thing! you can see all of these things, know them to be true logically, and also know that you are treated better if you are perceived as beautiful. if you have ever been treated as "ugly", you know exactly how much society reviles you if you don't manage to scamper along and perform to their rules.
and how are you supposed to balance that? do you want a nose job to fix your broken nose, or have you just recently been seeing videos about how many people look better after nose jobs. do you want to lose weight to feel good, or is it that when you lose weight people treat you better. do you want to wear this outfit, or is it just the thing that's least likely to get you harassed. do you want to get lip injections for your reasons or is your whole reason that you don't feel beautiful unless you get those lip injections?
and the definitions shift. the goals get more specific. in the way that you only become aware of your tongue when someone mentions it; parts of your body are introduced as problems. i had never heard the term "hip dip" until about a year ago - and it was in the context of how to get rid of this. i'm 30, i know this shit is invented, and yet! i still find that strange voice saying but do you think someone is going to notice?
how the fuck am i supposed to say "this is my genuine choice i am making for my body" when i also know that years of my life have been spent socializing me to accept this as my inevitable fate? how do i know i'm actually doing this out of love for my body - or am i doing it for how i want others to see me, which will be lovely enough to feel loved? how am i supposed to recover when my unhealthy habits are seen as self-discipline but if i relax i'm openly mocked for "letting time win"? how the fuck am i supposed to say "i'm doing it for me" when i'm also very aware that i'm doing it to stop myself from being teased or demeaned? is it my choice if the other option is being bullied?
we are living in a hostage negotiation - either consent to the demands or spend the rest of your life being treated like you're a despicable person.
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Things my father keeps saying:
he'd rather have a gay kid than a loveless one.
Me, aro/ace, in a QPR with a girl. : uhuh
We need to "remigrate immigrants' like other european countries do
Me: studied transculturalism for 1 1/2 years: ...
None of my children are doing anything with their life! Where are you (me) even going with your life? Look at my siblings and how well their children are doing!!!! (He means the teacher brother specifically)
*about to change major to become a teacher*
My dad: only people who never learned anything become teachers
You're going to live half a year at home and do nothing?????
I'm still registered at the uni so I get financial support from the state. I'm planning to move in with my gf soon, close to the other university where I want to go next semester. Planning to improve physically and work more on art and finally get around to write a book because that's always been my dream. "Apparently"
At my brother, who is struggling to get his foot in society: look at your sister!!! What positive example
Me: ... *Who feels inadequate and loves their brother very much, thank you* I'm starting to think my dad just hates us. And me, specifically.
(by the way, the morals I have today, he taught me. The work ethic I have, he taught me those.)
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here's a thought: we all know by now that scene in furina's demo where she imitates other archons on the swing yeah?
i had the thought while watching it again,, what if she studied up on other nation's lores particularly how their archons (and other highly revered beings, ex, adepti) are like or how they are depicted in human literature and historical writings?
like... she had absolutely no idea how to be a god, and an actor does need to be acquainted with their role to ne able to portray and embody it... call it role study lol
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