#but i just dont want that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

areyousanta · 5 months

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Now I remember why I don't draw in front of my family, I get yelled at for it!

#stfusanta #had to shut down a lecture from my grandmother this morning #she was so disappointed in me for not making art my career #'no i wont accept that its your hobby'#'hobbies aren't real! you need to make it your lifes work'#like damn i just like drawing my little silly blonde men #leave me alone #but seriously #the reason i dont is because drawing is the first thing that gave me pure joy #like i get warm and tingly when a drawing turns out the way i want #or mastering a skill ive been working on #and im not harping on people who do art for a living! i think that shits awesome!#but i just dont want that #some people read a book and get lost in it to have their me time #i draw #my moms the same way #both of them say 'i never had a hobby why do you need one!!'#its not my fault you made you life all about work #my grandmother and my moms siblings shame my sister for her hiking #like they think she is insane and irresponsible for working for a few years to save money #and then quitting for a year to hike the AT CDT etc #because she loves it so much and shes lucky that the company she works for will take her back for her job everytime #cause its kinda niche and shes really good at it #but were shamefull for having a hobby that doesnt really run a profit #shame on us i guess

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kochei0 · 2 months

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I turn to Ares.

Thanks to Tyler Miles Lockett who allowed me to draw inspiration from his ARES piece for page 2! Look at his etsy page it's SICK

⚔️ If you want to read some queer retelling of arturian legends have a look at my webtoon

#greek mythology #ares #athena #greek gods #dont get me wrong it aint athena slander but it sure is ares praise #on some level at least #man justly accused of bad things deserves some mid praise more at 11 #thank you romi for helping me with words though i duly noted you insisted on ares not being cautious rather than him not being careful #romi be like “i want him to care” and honestly good you should say it #also EPIC led to this and i just..... i want to draw some animatics man i just need infinite time now #my long lost love for greek myths just will never stop coming and they dont stop coming and they dont stop coming #i want some vulture design in here for ares but not sure about this one #kochei doodles

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qrowpilled · 8 months

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hate when you find a character whose so infuriatingly Your Type that its embarrassing like yeahg no one is gonna be surprised when i announce this is my new Guy Of The Month

#shush jesse #this post abt astarion #hes just so painfully on brand for me #i know so little about him though is the thing but i still feel insane #but i cant play the game and i dont want to watch anyone play it and i dont want spoilers #so like.....secondhand blorbo right now

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inkskinned · 9 months

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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

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mamawasatesttube · 10 months

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BTW... PSA.... even if we arent mutuals if youre in my notes regularly theres a Very high chance i am still fond of you. yes im vaguing someones tags on the compliment the person u rbed this from post. but like. positive vaguing? THE POINT IS im weird abt following ppl but IM STILL SENDING U FOND VIBES...

#i have to acclimate myself into following people. first i have to spend a few days to weeks checking someones blog manually #and i cant follow too many new people in the same burst or else theres TOO MUCH new unfamiliarity on my dash #and i become a small and easily frightened beast alarmed by change #also im just....................... incredibly picky kjhsdkjjkdsj sometimes ppl i generally am :)! towards do occasionally rb #from someone who i want to throw bricks at. and then i cant follow them but im still :)! when i see them in notifs #and sometimes its just that im going AAAA!!! AAAA!!! and cant put more new things on my dash #or in some cases its someone im fond of seeing/chatting w whenever we have talked BUT they simply are also into stuff im not rly into #and i dont want it on my dash despite liking them as a person. etc. you know how it is #ALL OF WHICH TO SAY................... :)!#rimi talks

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perfectlyripeclementine · 1 year

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calling my lover "mine" but not in the way that my toothbrush or notebook are mine, mine in the way my neighborhood is mine, and also everybody else's, "mine" like mine to tend to, mine to care for, mine to love. "mine" not like possession but devotion.

#nonbinary love #nblnb yearning #nb4nb #nblnb #wholesomeposting #yearning hours #ive been thinking about how some languages dont have a possessive tense #so you dont say “i have a thing” but rather “a thing is by me”#and like im not usually one for psycho linguistics and like critical thoughts etc etc etc #but i really like the framework of responsibility/commitment rather than ownership #i think about this mostly in terms of ecology #and relation to land #but i also love it as it applies to language shared between lovers #like i LOVE calling them mine or for them to call me theirs #but i'm also nonmonog and that was kinda weird to square for a while #and it clicked one time when i was talking about my neighborhood and i was like well #when i say my neighborhood or my city it's understood i'm not taking it away from anybody else #its understood i just mean the city where i live #so why cant we apply the same to lovers?#mine in the way i want to show up for you again and again #ok #done now

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michameinmicha · 4 months

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Do you ever miss a character from a show but not like in the way that you want to rewatch the whole show because theres so much stuff going on and thats not what youre looking for but you miss your boy

#this is about jesse from breaking bad #i miss him :(#but i dont want to rewatch the show cause theres do much bad shit hapening to him #i want to watch another show where he gets to just hang out and chill #mine #breaking bad

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elainiisms · 8 months

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it's almost like... if you play a movie in 10 cinemas worldwide, it doesn't do as well as it could 🤯🤯

#btw ik this is actually quite good i just wish sapphic films were given the chance to do as well as other movies #the way i need to leave the country if i want to see it #AND I DONT EVEN LIVE IN A SMALL COUNTRY I LIVE IN FUCKING AUSTRALIA #this is not aimed at the op btw they're just reporting it #anyways feeling anger #bottoms movie #bottoms 2023 #rachel sennott #ayo edebiri #ruby cruz #havana rose liu #nicholas galitzine #kaia gerber #wlw #lesbian #sapphic #elainposting

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d-does-art · 2 months

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*Swaps your captains*

I re-drew this a little better.

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cyancees · 1 year

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i have neither a good imagination nor aphantasia, but a secret third thing

#adhd #doodles #show this to your therapist instead of failing to explain it like i did #me: its like i cant control my thoughts like i was trying to think of something earlier today but #all i could think of was this giraffe eating leaves and no matter how hard i tried to focus the thought would just. replay #my therapist: what happens if you try to let the thought just play out #me: ........ i dont know but i dont want it to be there at all when im trying to do simple addition in a maths exam #10k #100k

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blinkpen · 1 month

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what if i decided i'm straight up not posting any new art publicly until that family's GFM in my pinned is at least Halfway to its goal

(even half my followers donating 5 bucks each would do that btw)

#i dont know them i just want to focus efforts and secure at least one 'at least this fam conclusively got help' i want to do SOMETHING OK??#extrwemely time senstiive GFMs that linger in limbo eternally are heartbreaking #i might post writing and reblog pre-posted things so the blogs not dead but mmmmmm

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july-19th-club · 1 year

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seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything

#i personally like to not be doing things constantly at all times. it stresses me out #i know there are ppl who thrive on cosntant activity #but me i like to chill out.#and the problem then becomes that i only ACTIVELY remember to do work and Find More Work To Do when im stressed #at the thought that others might want to see me working #if im ever relaxed i just dont look for stuff to do #catch 22 of modern work culture which permeates even ostensibly noncapitalist structures like public libraries #for instance: will it really kill anybody if the books get shelved by me now after a very busy day?#or shelved tomorrow morning by. well probably me since i'll be the one at the desk #not in the slightest #but it was work that wasnt being immediately done by me. therefore it was incorrect behavior #that i failed to identify because my instinct is to relax when not immediately presented with a Situation #this got me labeled as 'having no initiative' by my dad from a very early age #and even as an adult i still feel like im a child with no initiative

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stil-lindigo · 2 months

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when people reblog donation posts and say "donate what you can", I really feel like people aren't actually internalising it. not all of us can afford to donate $50, $100, more than that. but i know for a fact that there are thousands of us that can spare $2 or $5, and that all adds up.

it hurts so much to sit here and feel the limits of our own ability. we're not millionaires. we can't instantly fund these escape attempts. but these are bids for life, by people who never asked for the hellfire being rained upon them by sadistic colonialists, greedy for oil and land. they committed no crime other than being born in palestine. and of course it's unfair, to have to shoulder the weight of people's lives when we're all struggling to get by as it is. but our governments relentlessly fail us, they fail to scrape at the bottom of their cold dead hearts for their last dregs of humanity. it is so, so unfair, but it is up to the common man to save each other.

please. look at this spreadsheet. find a fund that resonates with you. and DONATE WHAT YOU CAN.

#i dont know what else to say anymore #i just want all of them to survive #theres truly nothing that could justify this ongoing genocide #and it kills me. that global pushback is so pathetic. gutless and meandering #free palestine #palestine #fuck zionism #fuck israel #we will see an end to zionism and israel within our lifetimes #i might be suicidal but im not dying before i see netanyahu get what he fucking deserves #donation post

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ot3 · 2 months

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i can't believe that we're doing 'i use bro/dude in a gender neutral way' discourse in 2024 because even without the blatant transmisogyny of being unwilling to make incredibly minor linguistic concessions for the sake of not casually misgendering trans women, 'dont call people things that will upset them' is a concept literal kindergartners are capable of grasping. if someone says 'don't use these words to refer to me, i don't like it' and your response is anything but 'sorry, i won't do it again' then the kindest possible interpretation of your behavior is that you are a huge asshole that nobody should want to hang out with.

#'i call everyone dude/bro/man its equality' is just the transmisogynistic version of 'i dont see race'#like yeah i also call everyone those things. unless they say they don't want me to. and then i won't do it. huge!

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thepig · 10 months

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(art by zeke @prozac)

#dolores #ditod #i am sorry if this pings you zeke i just dont want to not credit you

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sunsetcorvid · 8 months

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dear mojang

add more crops in minecraft im begging you im on my hands and knees give us tomatoes give us onions give us strawberries give us peppers

add more food recipes please give us sandwiches give us more pastries give us pudding or some shit

sincerely, the farmer of every minecraft server

#'just play it modded-' NO I WANT IT IN THE ACTUAL GAME #I WANT MORE FARMING I WANT MROE FOOD #I DONT WANT MORE MOBS OR MINERALS OR PLANTS I WANT CROPS I WANT RECIPES #we need an agriculture update i would go crazy over that #mojang please #please #miles rambles #minecraft

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