#but i had fun! will continue tbh!
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going thru cycles of life. again
#this one is allll hand sewn so it’s a little wonky in a way i like#between moving out of home and back into my school apt i didn’t have a machine at all#but i had fun! will continue tbh!#chiara’s art tag#art#bugs#insects#textiles#fiber arts#soft sculpture#cicada#cicadas#sewing
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a lesson on good karma
digimon survive week 2024
day 4: supporting characters
#digimon#gomamon#digimon survive#survive week#survive week 2024#rambling ahead. you don't have to read the tags beyond bc there's nothing that important tbh... you can just look at the art...#exhausted from being out and doing housework yesterday. then got a last-minute job with very urgent deadline today#finished everything but yeah basically i did anything but art so#irl do be like that aint it#anyway it's been a long time since i played survive and my memory isn't that good#but i always remember the part where we had to protect the gomamon#and later they showed us a path via the dam allowing the team to continue exploring#it reminded me of just how important it is to be nice and do good things whenever and wherever possible#and be mindful with the not-so-good things you do and say#be it good or bad. karma is real even if you don't know when it will get back at you#and you know in visual novel settings. whatever choice you make really determines what happens later on#yeah believe it or not i end up thinking stuff like that by helping a bunch of adorable seal mons...#mmm i'm officially behind now so i might as well take my time while also rest a bit haha ;;#this week has been fun with survive week tho fr. even though i came in unprepared (when will i change)#gotta keep surviving#png
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Finally got to paint something a little more proper for my project. Paleolithic kids see a dragon come down from the sky 🐉
a few more doodles of my OCs Tam Kujo below >>
drew this one in the span of three days during class time :p. A few lines here and there while I wait for the prof to set up the slides and start the class. Kept going until I felt like not adding anymore.
two more
#personal project#OCs#stone age project#paleolithic#neanderthal#I don't know what to tag this project tbh#Tam and Kujo#I can't believe I've settled for final names#but believe it or not.... no final story#my google docs is full of story ideas that I can't commit to#I can't decide on one and make it the fate of this project!!!!#There are so many alternatives!!! So many things that COULD be done#so I decided to forget about having a concrete storyline and just get back to drawing fun things that spark my imagination#I find myself getting more ideas while I'm drawing#I'm drawing the mountain and then I think ah... there will be a very mysterious cave here. yes#I'll probably need to continue writing different ideas until I find one that sticks for a very very long time#ALSO THE NINTENDO DIRECT?#I couldn't breathe after#I had class right after the direct and i couldn't focus#totk is coming lets goooooooo
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learned a very valuable lesson today
#for each DICKHEAD you encounter there will always be a kind person waiting for you :)#i was flabbergasted that everyone had decided to be an asshole towards me. a stranger#first scenario: i was in the train watching my phone and this older guy comes up to me and starts going off on a 'kids these days!!' rant#he basically told me that i was BEGGING to get my ass beaten and my phone stolen and he wouldnt come console me when i cried abt it#me being used to this treatment from my grandma i just went ok. and put my phone away#and obviously that pissed the guy even more so he continued to rant until it was his stop#i wasnt too pissed because i was going to HAVE A BURGER!! but still. what??#so i went to get that burger and wait for my mom so we can go to the farm#and the burger guy was extra niceys to me :) we joked around and stuff#AND THEN. scenario number two#i had my delicious burger and i was looking for a table when i saw two ladies sitting with and empty table next to them#and so i went! i was just about to sit down when a random lady SNATCHES the chair i was about to use#i was like WTF???#the two old ladies saw this and instantly went like wtf are you ok??? and starting having a go at the random woman#she ofc in good karen fashion didnt care. so the ladies let me have one of the chairs so i could sit next to them#the woman decided to sit right in front of us and so we started shit talking her between us. it was very fun tbh#i was genuinely bummed at these interactions till i realized that there were lots of strangers that were niceys to me#and have me extra ketchup#anyway!! im off to see my dog now#love u
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Cruppy made on my school computers version of Ms paint
#I love cruppy so much tbh#I’m gonna try to get a cruppy plush#and I may fail#but I hope I don’t#this is possibly worse than Ms paint tbh#it had a bunch of options#but they all sucked#also didn’t have a paint bucket#it was fun though#Was made in the middle of history#I should probably stop playing duck life and drawing cruppy in history#like im gonna continue doing it#but I’m gonna feel a little bad#pirates smp#psmp#cruppy#owengejuicetv#is my favorite#:)
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whshdfhfjf.,,,
#close up!! because i firstly Did Not render them with such insanity in order for tumblr's lack of general resolution to make it blur#look at all the lines!!! teehee i still really really like this style of digital painting it's super super fun to do!!! and also secondly#because i went back and added a tag ramble and as i seem to often be doing??? lately?? reached the 30 tag limit and went 'hm ok how else..'#anyway the tag essay on that one is now up and talks about the artwork generally and miscellaneous thoughts!! that said. i need a space to#ramble about beatrix at Length because look you don't draw and paint etc a character for like ten hours without having a lot of thoughts#anyways ! i digress terrifically. tag rambles are more like trains of thoughts masquerading as subways and you get on and it's unfortunately#a rollercoaster track. but this is My Blog and i can do Whatever I Want as long as i don't hurt anyone <- affirmations!! also Harm Principle#lately it's been like *kicks up feet* *opens tumblr tags* *treats it as own personal journal* and tbh Good for me!! anyways back to beatrix#fun fact ! the thing that pushed me over the edge to go watch the musical after looking through the tumblr tag was a very specific poll.#and the fact that the winning option was blue hair and pronouns made me double over laughing so hard i had to go see the source material#mm i feel like lately the academic Context has been tossing me essentially into a blender HAHA ;-; so everyone in adamandi is to some extent#a Mood. but bea-specific (haha be specific)(sorry!)(wow this is the same reaction mechanism of my friend who points out innuendos)(...)#i think it's the wanting to prove herself. like from the whole abuela etc thing there's proof here she's got a Stable Support System of sort#and instead what beatrix continues to do is push themselves. 'i guess u could say i'm married to my work? god that's depressing' // no one#here to enforce that // abuela tells me to rest says i'm constantly stressed and i'll just get depressed like before but i still have to try#like. that shred of desperation that pushes you to the brink to neglect yourself (well i guess physically but also your morals..) and like!!#the whole 'lose half your soul thing' proves she's self aware!! like they know what they're doing is super dubious yknow! but they're still#they're still doing it even if it goes into conflict with their morality system in a way and then they justify it to themselves (see pt 1#of ghostwriter) and the whole wanting to achieve at all costs Despite the self awareness. (i think? this aspect also applied to quincy. but#thoughts on him will come later). more beatrix specific also is the fact that they genuinely adore their work.. 'i just love it here where#you know they'll be printing forever and you are just part of it' because that does kind of resonate with me. also the being behind in the#competition is real!!! i'm maybe talking about Art as a subject because that same drive for it exists on my good days i think. even#even when nothing seems to be going right and you've ended up at the back the intent passion inherent in what you do is still there!!!#the genuine. care she has for reporting. is so !!!!! to me... other beatrix thoughts include 'why reveal yourself at the end' aka vincent's#'u should have stayed silent u had a smart plan' like rip to them but i would not // it feels with bea's complex character i can't imagine h#her Not doing that. like the guilt is real i guess. and i am running out of tags but! smth also about her fervent hope or smth that she'll#eventually get to where she wants. and the resilient determination.. 'i won't let their deaths be pointless there's more good i'm gonna do'#they're so so real for that. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing; seeing myself reflected in aspects of characters like this.. but it's#it's there regardless. smth smth just make your peace with the person you are ig!! tldr beatrix campbell my beloved. hehe#adamandi
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How did you like Rain World last night? I had to evaporate after the tutorial ; -;
rain world is so much fun but animals kill and eat me for fun it seems, which is upsetting… I might play some more Friday :3
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Coming off Tim's Sixteenth birthday arc is so funny to me like-
Robin 120: Batman is a terrible, abusive person and the only reason Tim doesn't cut him off right now is because he knows he'd loose all of the friends and family he'd made as robin in the process.
Robin 121: And then he makes him go to bed on time- and then the next day he has him do his homework- and the worst thing Tim can imagine from him is his disappointed dad face <3
Like yea I do heavily prefer the latter and will accept the jarring as hell transition if it gets me out of the former faster but gosh golly is that some narrative whiplash
LMAO YEAH. YEAH. what a switch over of writers does to the General Vibe And Narrative of a book is so fucking funny sometimes
#tbh overall i far prefer the lewis run to the willingham run BUT the last arc is definitely the low point of it#because the. i guess the complicated problem for me is that i think at core Bruce should not be portrayed as a bad person like that#HOWEVER. it's not like that story was the first time. and if it had had a different ending where it became a more... teachable moment#for Bruce about how he can't prioritize the mission and training above like These Individuals Who Are His Family#then it would have been sooo much better. but considering everything was a) gearing up for War Games where Bruce was going to#continue to do assholish things and b) it was the end of a run so the arc needed to be tied up quickly#it just wasn't in the cards.#but the earlier arcs of lewis' run i just. so near and dear to me. just like a lot of Fun and some utterly heartbreaking steph stuff#that is like getting punched in the face (positive) for me personally. so im willing to forgive the birthday mess#vs willingham's run overall is just a far less enjoyable read to me outside of like the batgirl crossover/the early blüd days
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sending laser beams to my professor with my mind. kenneth you said midterm grades would b up by this afternoon. it is officially TONIGHT and guess what? kenneth i would love to not be clenching my teeth in my sleep tonight. kenneth i will be sending you a bill in the mail. yes i know its probably a TAs responsibility but i blame you personally. i hate school
#i dont im having a lot of fun (genuinely) but it is often pretty stressful#did find out there are a few folks adjacent to my program doing zoonoses & climate change research so im very excited to chat w them next w#possibly directing my thesis towards one health. social epi gradually becoming less interesting#plus i think my strengths do lie in applying epi to biological concepts so. one health works there#my brain continually trying to get back to lyme disease :( sometimes i really do miss the east coast tbh!#not lying actually i think the number one thing i miss is the amt of vector borne disease research LMFAO#i do unfortunately kind of have a crush on a classmate so that's fine but whatever. grad school. men are nice to me and i lose my mind ig#need to go make out w a hot trans person i think that would solve my problems rn#but also it's nice to be so excited about someone deciding to sit next to me in every class :)#like wow how isolated have i been the last 3 years to be so delighted by like. active signs i have Officially Made Friends.#even if he does live like a block away from my dad and jokes every goddamn day like 'so i saw your dad yesterday' no you DIDNT shut UP#idk yesterday he sat right next to me in a class he usually sits w other people in and it sort of sent my brain off the edge and now im jus#yeah. sitting with this one. it's fine like it's normal. but wowie i do think it's my first time having a Big Ol Crush since (redacted)#a little scary for my animal brain i think but it's okay!#im 25 in like 3 ish weeks and i still get embarrassed about this stuff somehow? stupid.#he's just really nice and always really fun to talk to! i think i had to officially Sit With Myself today bc epi is doing a holiday party#and there's a baking contest and we were talking abt it in class and i was indecisive abt whether i want to participate#and he like fully cut me off and was like oh you should bake something so i can have some :)#and. well fuck now i have to lmao. IM SO EASY IT'S SO EMBARRASSING#good evening everyone. guess this is my journal now. anyway ken rice you owe me twenty dollars and i aim to COLLECT
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continuing my endless journey of EDS discovery: I was last-year years old when I discovered that not everyone chokes on damn near everything they try to swallow or feels like solids and liquids get painfully wedged halfway down their oesophagus, and yesterday years old when I discovered that not everyone gets regular regurgitation & bouts of burning chest pain every day and night, and most people are capable of swallowing while lying flat and don’t have to lie in One Specific Position at night so they don’t constantly choke on their own pooling saliva
so, um. turns out none of that’s ‘normal’ and if this rings a bell you should take a prescription antacid and see a doc about dysphagia before you accidentally lose a bunch of weight and make people panic lol
#eds#(:#the body continues to Body#radley rambles#now if only lansoprazole and omeprazole did more than making my acid chuckups taste mildly less gross#I literally told the doc when I first got dx'd 'no I don't have trouble swallowing or acid reflux!'#because I thought the level I had was. normal.#turns out!! no!!!#I think doctors should tell you what is and isn't normal BEFORE asking if you have a thing tbh lol#because I just go 'oh everyone gets that sometimes'#BUT IT TURNS OUT MOST PEOPLE DON@T GET IT CONSTANTLY???#weight loss mention#DON'T WORRY I HAVE BEEN EATING REAL GOOD AND AM BACK AT MY NORMAL WEIGHT#but . bruh.#yet another week of fun self-discovery about the FAILBODY
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My sister-in-law frustrates me to no end even though we barely ever interact because she keeps inviting my partner to parties with her Christian Republican friends, even though my partner told her not to send an invite to us if those friends will be there. And even though my sister-in-law is bisexual!!
And then she turns around and complains about not knowing how to deal with her friends saying, like, horrible sexist stuff as though that is just some natural unavoidable quirk of having friends!
Like, these Christian Republicans she has befriended don't seem to be kind - they're not even nice a lot of the time! They don't make for good friends, and she doesn't seem happy or supported in relation to them. In fact, she basically only ever talks about how her friends and/or current boyfriend are making her unhappy!
Because here's the thing: The effect of prioritizing 'including your Trump-supporter friends at your parties' over 'being invested in creating a safe space for marginalized people in your home', is that people who DO care about creating those safe spaces... won't wanna hang out with you! Because if you invite both cats and mice to your table equally, only the cats will show!
She's so afraid of losing the shitty friends she has now that she allows them to act as barriers to accessing friends who are invested in her wellbeing in a capitalistic hellscape!
It makes me sad because she's basically trapped herself, and there's nothing I can do to offer help without either compromising my morals or making my partner's life way harder by starting shit with her family.
Like, I consider myself a good friend, yeah? I try really really hard to be one, and it matters to me immensely. I am ride-or-die for the folks I love, and I am invested in being open and vulnerable and radically safe to be around when it comes to building strong friendships that are mutually fulfilling. I have a unique talent for validating people that I have honed for years because I genuinely want to make sure people feel safe and loved and seen.
And if my sister-in-law and I were friends, I could give all of that to her. I would strive to be an example of what it looks like when someone decides to care about you and treat you right on purpose, without expecting anything in return but your mutual respect. She would be family. She would be [Queer] Family. I would see to it that she knew she could call on me when she needed a friend.
But like.
This asshole has invited me to hang out with Trump supporters on multiple occasions.
We ain't gonna be friends.
#original#diary#family shit#I'll just continue to act friendly at family events#my friends help make me a better person. i don't think she could say the same for hers. makes me mad and sad#reminds me of the time i had to end a friendship bc a woman i had been inviting to group events revealed to me that she was#literally friends with Kelly Ann Conway. yes the aid to the president. that Kelly Ann. and when i tell you this friend of mine did NOT#understand why her defending Kelly Ann Conway made me feel unsafe. it was WILD#that's how my sister-in-law reacted when my wife was like 'hey stop inviting my non-cis ass to parties with transphobes'#both made arguments similar to 'i already don't have many friends why do you want me to lose more??'#like girlies you can't invite me and a bunch of homophobic Christians to the same party what is fucking wrong with you??#you can goddamn bet if you came to one of my parties there wouldn't be anyone there who'd try to defend the Trump administration#loneliness is frightening and painful and no joke but cowardice is no joke either#and this attitude meant that my wife and i could not safely rely on her when we went through several crisis situations#and this is something i find difficult to forgive bc shit was touch and go over here for a couple years#my wife isn't even as salty as i am about it but she never is when the primary person harmed is herself#maybe if sister-in-law recognized the flawed behavior and changed but she probably won't tbh and i have shit to do#have fun with your fascist friends girlie i wonder if sometimes it feels more lonely than if you were alone#have fun practicing the white silence our parents got so good at; you're really carrying on the family business your dad must be so proud <#i haven't had to deal with friends saying sexist shit for literal years sorry you've made yourself unsafe to trans people i guess#making friends is hard i know that all too well. but i also know that the more friends i make who make me feel sad and small#then the less time i have for friends that make me feel loved and motivate me to be a better person. time=limited. people=over 6 billion.#school was harder because the amount of folks was more limited. same with small towns. but we are all ADULTS LIVING IN CHICAGO#capitalism makes finding friends harder too but like it has GOT to matter to you that Trans people and POC feel safe#we each have control over whether oppressed people feel safe around us. don't fucking waste that.
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Belatedly decided to do a series of Dirk/Dave drabbles for @stridercest-week. First two (Firsts and Gifts) are under the cut.
Rating: Teen
Firsts
There are no true firsts for you. Not anymore.
Whenever you look at Dave, you feel the echoes of other firsts. The first time you picked him up under hot Texan sunlight and hurled him down the stairs. The first time you watched him die. The first time some other you, in some other timeline, went for it and kissed him. The first time the same other you ran away after everything went to shit.
But hell, who knows. Maybe this can be the first time you don't completely fuck up your relationship with him.
Ha. Get it? It's irony.
Gifts
Jade says your powers are a gift. And sure, you figure someone who can pocket a whole planet has reason to feel gifted.
But you? Is it a gift, to stumble across your own corpses on the regular, to understand comprehensively that it's only sheer dumb luck that you were always the alive Dave instead of the dead one?
Dirk is the only person you've admitted this to. He got it. You knew he would. From what little you understand about Dirk's powers, you think he might be the only one who got an even shittier gift than you did.
#stridercestweek#dirkdave#not sure where i'm going with this tbh#or whether i'll even have time to continue#but i had fun with these regardless
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also on the subject of "whoops the main character got written out of the story," if luffy isn't there, then there's nobody to go after arlong and stomp him immediately after he has the marines seize nami's savings, meaning she's just stuck in that situation where she's just been crushed and also everyone she's been trying to save has now decided to go throw themselves on arlong's crew's blades.
so maybe after that happens, she does manage to talk the cocoyasi residents into waiting a little bit longer, but only until, like, the very next time she returns. so when she goes out again with zoro (who i guess at this point is in the know about her situation), they're like, ok, fuck, we gotta pick up the pace. we can't just keep scraping up pennies anymore, we gotta go Big. what's the biggest most lucrative thing we can go after rn. ...so maybe they wind up pursuing the krieg pirates to the baratie
#the nemesis speaks#nami would fucking Kill sanji for feeding gin AND THEN DON KRIEG tbh. she almost had them!! they were such easy prey!! BITCH!!#...ooh and then maybe she drags him into helping her as payback for fucking up her plan there. that's fun#...does zoro also still fight mihawk there? ok nami has 2 ppl on her hitlist now#what would be fun tho i think. wrt luffy and plotwise. is if rather than being the inciting incident for everyone#he's the Very Last person from east blue to show up#one of them fishes him out of the ocean as one of the very last things that happens#and then having him around being. u kno. luffy. is the push they need to go after arlong directly rather than continuing to play his game#cause even if they buy back cocoyasi he'll still be out there and nami got suckered into caring about another village (usopp's)#so they're gonna do it. take a page out of cocoyasi's book they're gonna stop him or die trying
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Whichever show in the Aligned Continuity you like the most.
^TFP^
The first character I fell in love with: Tie between Wheeljack & Starscream.
The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Tie between Ultra Magnus & Soundwave.
The character everyone else loves that I don’t: Arcee, I think.
The character I love that everyone else hates: I’m not sure, really.
The character I used to love but don’t any longer: Dreadwing.
The character I would totally smooch: All of the vehicons really.
The character I’d want to be like: In all honestly, I don’t wanna be like any of these bots. Maybe OP??
The character I’d slap: Megatron.
A pairing that I love: Ratchet & Optimus.
A pairing that I despise: Starscream & Megs.
#Viewer-of-many#Ask Game#TFP#Cybers chatter#The other shows in the aligned continuity are fun tbh#But I had to choose TFP- I figured it would be the easiest. and it is/was#I honestly haven’t seen RB Academy in a long time#I’ve seen RiD & RB though much more
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Assuming the sire killing theory is true (ie. if the vampire who turns you dies then you die) - which to be honest im not 100% it is, but assuming it’s true- then Guillermo being potentially turned by a vampire that isn’t Nandor allows him to continue having vampire killing leverage over Nandor in the future. I like that concept a lot!
#much to think about!!!!#wwdits fx#wwdits#wwdits spoilers#s4 spoilers#i have my gripes about some of the decisions this season but tbh I’m actually loving this concept!!#Guillermo has always had that particular power when it comes to Nandor but if Nandor turned him he would immediately not be taken seriously#as a threat to Nandor. which is a fun part of their dynamic and should continue to be one even if Guillermo becomes a vampire#he should be seen as Nandor’s equal not just by merit of being a vampire imo!#i think if Nandor were to turn Guillermo it would have to be under vastly different circumstances in their relationship.#they’re definitely not there yet! despite what Nandor said he would do in season 3!!!!#i COULD go on!!#even if sire killing isnt a real problem the characters arent sure of that themselves so it’s definitely a potential threat#to dangle over their heads.#personally I don’t think its true but im basing that in logic which ive learned the hard way doesn’t really factor in to this show LOL
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I've just been playing the new cotl update for most of the day and I'm so so close to being done with the main new story bits I think but it's also past midnight but also I'm so excited idk if I'll be able to sleep but also god damn do I need to sleep
#rat rambles#and I know I wont have long to play when I wake up tomorrow since my friends will probably wanna continue our dont starve save#and I wanna too which is why I wont say no if they do but also aghhhhhh#Ill be able to finish it once they have to go to bed but thats so long Ill have to wait 😔#anyways I saved kalamar for last since hes the hardest originally but based off my current load out I think Ill be fine#aka literally every other bishop died in seconds due to my bomb demon being over level 30 lol#Im so glad they seem to scale further now its soooooo funny walking into a room with a boss and just watching them immediately explode#also Ive been using the golden fleece more and its been going pretty well#I got up to over 500% damage one run that was cool#Ive barely been touching the heavy attacks tho but tbf thats partially cause of keyboard mapping#Ive been having so so much fun with this update tho even if Im not a huge fan of a few aspects#this has brought so much more life to the combat portion to the game for me I havent had this much fun with the combat in a while#I do still need to collect all the rellics tho Im working on it#I also feel like I should buy all the new cards but man. none of them seem very appealing to me tbh#that is one of my big problems with cotl in general getting new cards can make it harder to get the more fun or useful ones#most of the actually useful cards are the base ones or ones given to you mostly for free#everything else is mildy useful or at least fun at best and actively useless at worst#like. ooo drop ichor on hit. wow. honestly give me deaths door at that point like jesus
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