Tumgik
#but i couldnt bring myself to do it today lol
druggeddraccus · 1 year
Text
new year. time to reflect on the old one lol 
ive been working as an RN since april at this hospital and its been going pretty well...always hectic lol making good money though, learning a lot, i ejoy working with most of my coworkers
ive been good about saving my money this year i plan to sit down with someone and get concrete ideas of what exactly i need money wise to buy a house. 
i had a lot of really cool thrift finds this year, i also got closer with some of my cousins that i hadnt spoken to in a long time. and i hope to hang out with them even more this year. 
ive also tried and failed to repair the relationship between myself and my sisters multiple times and i will always flip flop on my thoughts/feelings on this issue but right now in this moment...i am okay with not talking to them. i am okay with distancing myself from people that consistently think the worst of me and my parents despite everything...its just such a shitshow situation and right now im completely fine avoiding them entirely. 
my one true goal this year is to make it to ireland, im so excited to go even though the thought of traveling makes me extremely stressed and anxious lol 
6 notes · View notes
pizzapizzadickz · 2 years
Text
.
#diary#personal#mmn. yeah the pain is definitely causing a meltdown or something.#bc. i was somewhat okay earlier today. but now im like. definitely not.#and by earlier i mean like an hour ago.#idk if ill be able to do anything today. like i think ill be able to play splatoon. but beyond that probably not.#um. just to try and describe this to myself. i feel like basically sobbing. and im holding my breath inadvertently to prevent that lol#my like chest/diaphragm feels sorta squeezed. but its different from the normal anxiety. it could be the coffee tho.#and i think it was the pain that caused it. bc i was getting rly distressed by it when i was using the washroom.#bc i couldnt take painkillers right then#i wanted to not take painkillers again so ive been holding off. and i think its subsiding. so i probably wont rn.#but im sorta zoning in and out rn. like i remember doings stuff. but then poof! i remember im here all of a sudden.#my fave feels tingly. and my headphones on my head too.#idk. maybe the somg im listening to is making me sad.#idk. i just wanna hit my shoulder where it hurts. or just my legs.#or be wrapped rly tight in a blanket. i think ill lay down under my weighted blanket in a bit.#but i wanna take my inhaler. and thats delaying that. and maybe thats distressing me more?#idk. all i rly know is i feel bad. and i can tell my thoughts are weird. and i feel like crying and idk why#and its making me feel distreased#and i just feel like screaming. but i cant move around and make noises n bring attention to myseld bc i dont like that#so all i can do is stay as still as i can and get progressivly more distressed bc of it and really just sorta dissociate#im not sure whats going on. idk why im so... something. everything feels very funky. and i cant explain it#everything looks weird n fake. i feel so weird. its like im high or something but im sure as shit not.#my arm hurts a lot i think. idk. when its like this it always feels like i just lost feeling in my arm.#like. i can feel and know is there but jts also not.#idk man. im exhausted. im really tired of existing. its such a pain. quite literally.#idk. i just. everythings bad. idk. idk whats going on anymore. so time to try n play splatoon.#but i also rly just wanna listen to this one song with my headphones on that block all sound. but. theyre low on charge.#im never rly sure what to do when im distressed like this. so i usually either ignore it and do what i planned on/feel like.#...which usually causes me to get progressivly more and more distressed until i blow lmao.
2 notes · View notes
homestylehughes · 4 days
Text
reading interruptions
Tumblr media
pairing(s): quinn hughes x fem!reader
summary: when yn gets interrupted by quinn and his dirty mouth, while reading on the boat.
warning(s): plot with porn, smut 18+, oral fem!receiving, dirty talk, cussing. quinn has a dirty mouth in this. fluff, cute reader and quinn.
wc: 2.8k
an: hiiiii!!! new quinn ficcccc. i will never leave my quinn era. ever. recently ive been in a summer mood, first with sundresses and now with boats idk whats going on LOL. i honestly dont know where this idea came from, and for some reason i think it's bad? idk maybe ive just been looking at it too long i couldnt tell you LOL. so let me know if you guys like it or not. anyways!! i'll stop yapping now. i hope you guys enjoyyyy, like and reblog if you do! as always much love <3
happy reading <3
The morning sun comes through the window, peeking through everglow slightly illuminating the room, casting a light glow over the walls and a sleeping quinn. Quinns body lays partially over mine, our legs intertwined together. his face nuzzled into my neck, soft snores leave his mouth as he sleeps soundly against me.
There weren't many days where I'd wake up before Quinn, his schedule keeping and waking him up at the early hours of the day. Ever since the hockey season ended in a heartbreaking loss in the playoffs, he'd been sleeping more, getting the much deserved rest he’s needed. Quinn wanted away from hockey, from Vancouver, so he decided heading to the lake house earlier than usual to get away from everyone would be the fix. 
Which leads us to the position we're in now, my hands moving slowly up and down his back as he still sleeps soundly against me. Quinn always looks the most peaceful when he’s sleeping, so at peace and calm.
I feel quinns body shift slightly besides me, feeling him roll away from me, my body already feeling cold without his warmth beside me. I sit up in the bed, watching Quinn stretch and yawn himself awake, rubbing his eyes like a little kid before he turns to me with a soft smile on his face.
“Good morning” he says, his voice thick with sleep. 
“Good morning handsome” I smile back “sleep well?” 
“Mhm” he mumbles out as he makes his way to me from across the bed, grabbing my thighs pulling me on top of him. 
“Hi” i giggle from above him 
“Hi baby” he grins at me, his hands finding my neck pulling me down into a sweet kiss. My hands lay flat against his chest as I melt into the kiss. After a few moments I pull away to catch my breath, and to get a better look at him. The glow of the sun now being at its brightest, covering most of the room. Highlighting Quinn's body, his golden brown locks and blue eyes shining brightly in the glow. 
“You look so pretty” I say, as I bring my hands to his cheeks, running my fingers over his jaw, over every scar. Tracing and taking in everything part of him, memorizing every line like I've never seen them before. Quinn blushes at my complement, nuzzling his face into my hand, a smile breaking through on his features as he does so.
“Thank you baby” he says, bringing his head back to lay against the pillow looking back at me. “What do you want to do today?” his hands running across my bare thighs, his touch spreading warmth throughout my body. 
“Could we go on the boat?” i ask
“Is that what you want to do?” he asks me again.
“Mhm, yes. I even brought a new book to read to you, just for this, " I say with a smile.
 Quinn loves when i read to him, the peaceful feeling of being on the boat, the waves flowing beneath would be the perfect setting. 
“Alright you've convinced me, maybe we could even have lunch on the boat too? If you're up for that?” 
“That's fine with me, just want to be around you” I say before dropping my head into his neck, breathing in his scent, his arms circling around my waist pulling my body flush against his. 
“Okay baby” he says into my hair
 “Okay come on, let's get up. '' I said, lifting myself from him, patting his chest before swinging my legs off of him getting out of bed.
“I'm cominggggg” Quinn says from the bed, as I make my way to the bathroom, turning back around to see him lying face down in the middle of the bed, his arms and legs fanning out across the bed. 
Giggles rip through my body as I look at his childlike state, shaking my head as I take another glance at him before turning around heading to the bathroom to start getting ready for my day.
Taking a quick shower, throwing on a random swimsuit, before heading down stairs to start making lunch for myself and Quinn to take on the boat. 
Deciding on sandwiches and chips, with some fruit would be the best option for lunch. Just as I'm packing everything up I see Quinn coming down the stairs, in a pair of black swim trunks and a Canucks shirt. 
'What did you pack for lunch?’ he asks, pressing a kiss to the side of my head, walking behind me to the fridge to grab bottles of water before turning back the counter, putting the bottles of water in the cooler.
“Sandwiches, chips and fruit, is that okay with you?” I say as I place the food into the cooler along with the water, closing the top before looking up at quinn. 
“Yeah that's fine with me baby, perfect” he says leaning in for a quick kiss
“Do you have everything you need?” he says while grabbing the cooler from the counter walking towards the back door
“Yes I think so, let me go grab my bag from the couch then I'm ready” I say smiling at him, making my way to the living room grabbing my bag that has my book, sunglasses and other things in it, pulling it over my shoulder before following Quinn out the back door.
Following him down the dock towards the boat, reaching the boat, Quinn got on first placing the cooler down before turning around offering me his hand, helping me step on the boat. 
Walking over, placing my things on one of the seats, turning around, taking a look at the lake, the site never fails to take my breath away. I feel Quinn's arms circle my waist, pulling my body against his. 
“Where do you wanna go today?” he asks me, his chin resting on my shoulder as he looks out at the lake. 
“Doesn't matter me” i say turning around wrapping my arms around his neck, “take us where the wind takes you” 
“That was so corny” he laughs 
“Yeah it sounded better in my head..” i say laughing along with him
“It was still cute” he says, giving a kiss to my forehead, turning around making his way to the dock, untying the boat from the dock. 
“Okay ma'am we’re about to take off, all passengers please remain in your seats” he says with a smile spreading along his features. 
“Yes caption” I say, saluting him, taking a seat on the boat.
Making his way to the cockpit sitting down, turning on the boat before taking off along the water, the wind blowing in my hair as we ride across the lake
The boat rocks gently to the calm waves that run through the lake, Quinn docking the boat, now at a standstill in the middle of the lake. The bright summer sun beating on our skin, the warmth casting over my body as I grab my book, before settling back in my seat. Moving a pillow to rest under my neck and part of my upper back, laying down to rest myself against it, pulling my knees up, so i can rest my book on my thighs opening it book, i begin reading,
The romance novel pulls me into an alternate reality so deep that  I forget that I'm even on the boat with Quinn until his voice breaks through the silence. 
“I missed it out here” he says his eyes looking around the lake taking in it like it's his first time seeing it, “i forgot how peaceful it is out here” he continues.
“ It's so peaceful out here, it's nice to see you so relaxed” I say to Quinn, looking at him above the pages of my book.
“I thought you were supposed to read to me baby?” he asks
“Come over here” I say with a smile, opening my legs so he can rest in between them. his footsteps padding across the boat, as he lays himself between my legs, his warm skin laying against mine, his arms circling around my waist as he pulls himself closer to me. 
“Comfortable?” I say looking down at him, his head resting against my stomach, Quinn shaking his head up and down in response. 
“Good. okay, now where was I?” my eyes searched for where I left off on my page, finding my spot again, taking a deep breath before I began reading. My eyes glance down every few minutes to see if Quinn is asleep or not, occasionally feeling his fingers trace down my sides, as I continue to read to him. Just as I'm getting to an interesting part in my chapter, I feel Quinn's body move lower against mine, not thinking anything of his movement. I continue reading. 
Pausing to take a deep breath before reading the next line, I feel a warm kiss being placed right below my belly button, causing me to stop reading, lifting the book up, looking down at Quinn whose face is right in front of my covered core, his eyes locked with mine. 
“What are you doing?” I ask slightly confused at his actions
“Nothing, just wanted to lay down here, keep reading for me baby” 
“Okay” I say before licking my lips, picking up on the unread line. 
I don't even make it through half the page before I feel Quinn pressing more kisses across my lower stomach, kissing all along the top of my bottoms. His fingers sliding under the ties on the slides pulling down slightly, rubbing his fingers along the skin under. 
Clearing my throat before starting again, my brain struggling to register the words I'm reading, all of my focus on the man between my legs. My brain goes completely to mush, when I feel quinn pressed kisses against my covered core, my breath immediately hitching at the sudden touch. 
“Quinn, i'm trying to read '' my eyes locking with his, a small smirk dances along his face. 
“No ones stopping you from reading baby” he says, his fingers moving under the sides of my bottoms. 
His hands move to pull on one of the strings that hold the left side of my bottom together, pulling it apart with one tug, repeating the same action on the other side, his eyes still locked with mine. 
“Quinn '' my breath hitching, as he moved his thumbs under the now loosened fabric, peeling it back, exposing my bare cunt, the wind casting a slight breeze causing me to shutter when it hits my exposed center. 
“Quinn” I say again, my voice slightly higher than the previous attempt, trying to get his attention. 
“Yes?” 
“What are you doing? I thought you wanted me to read to you?” 
“I did, but now I want to hear that pretty mouth make some other noises,” he says, before grabbing the loosened bottoms from my body, throwing them somewhere on the boat. Grabbing the book out of my hands, closing it, throwing it in the same direction. 
“Quinn, are you serious, I was reading!” I am slightly annoyed but turned on at the sudden change of Quinn's intentions.
“Shhhhhh, lay back and let me have a taste” his eyes locked with mine as he began tracing random shapes on the insides of my thighs, his hand inching closer and closer to my exposed cunt. 
I couldn't help but comply with his words, his face inching closer and closer to my center, I felt his warm breath against my folds. His tongue darted out, licking a stripe down my center. My head falls back against the pillow, as he begins to lick at my folds. his hands pulling my thighs apart, gaining better access to my cunt. 
His tongue finds my clit as he begins to run his tongue along the bud, my jaw falling slack as my hands grab his hair, needing something to stabilize myself with. As he continues to lap up my clit, like a popsicle on a hot summer day. 
“Quinn, fuck” I moan out from above him, his movements never slowing running his tounge over every part of my cunt. The sound of him sucking up everybit of my wetness, is like music to my ears.
“Taste so good baby” he mutters against my cunt, before diving back in, his hands pulling my thighs further apart as he continues to devour my cunt. 
“Quinn don't stop please” my chest rising and falling quickly as I struggle to catch my breath. My body feels like it's on fire, not just from the heat of the sun on my skin but from the feeling of Quinn’s burning touch.
His tongue continues to thrust in and out of my weeping hole, my moans growing louder and louder as I feel myself getting closer to my peak. 
“Fuck look at you baby” pulling his face away from my cunt, bringing two of his fingers dragging them through my cunt, my wetness coating his fingers. 
“Look at that baby” he says now looking up at me, holding the two fingers in front of him, “do you wanna taste?” he asks me 
Nodding my head in a yes, Quinn brings his fingers to my mouth pushing my lips apart, shoving them into my mouth slowly. My tongue swirls around the digits, the taste of my cunt wrapping around each of my taste buds. 
My eyes are locked with Quinn’s as I continue to suck on his fingers, his eyes hooded with mine, blown with lust and he looks up at me. He slowly pulls the fingers out of my mouth, a string of saliva following them. Tracing his fingers down my stomach down to my core, before running them across my cunt, my body itching around nothing from the action. 
“Quinn” i whine
“What baby?” he says as continues to run his fingers along my cunt. 
“Do you want my fingers? Is that what you want?” 
“Yes fuck please” i whine again, my hands finding his hair again pulling it, hoping that, that will urge him along. 
“So needy baby” he says laughing against my cunt, placing a kiss to my slit before pushing two fingers into my cunt. 
My head dropping back instantly, my body feeling full, as he starts thrusting his fingers in and out. Broken moans are falling from my lips, my eyes closed as my body moves against his. Moving my hips to help meet his thrusts. 
“Right there right there” I moaned, my legs beginning to shake as I felt myself about to come. 
“Quinn” i whine out, as he attaches his mouth to my clit, rolling his tongue over it, as his fingers continue to fuck me. 
“Please dont stop fuck” lifting my head to look at quinn, the sight of him inbetween my legs, mouth wrapped around my clit, as i watch his fingers thrust in and out me, takes my breath away. 
Quinn's eyes looking up, locking them with mine, his movements never stilling. My hips continue to move against his, the burning feeling in the pit of my stomach continues to grow with every touch, thrust, everything setting my body a blaze. 
One last curl of his fingers sends me into a frenzy, my head dropping back against the pillow, my month agape but no words are coming out. My legs shaking as I come, my hands still in Quinn's hair pulling the locks so hard that it probably hurts. My vision clouds over as my orgasm takes over my body. 
I don't even realize Quinn's fingers have left my body, until I feel him pressing kisses along my neck. My eyes opened slowly, my chest still rising and falling, struggling to catch my breath and find my words. 
“Are you with me, pretty girl?” Quinn says, looking down at me, pushing hair that's fallen into my face back. 
“Yeah i think so” bringing my hands to his face, pulling him down into a kiss. 
“Did so good for me” he says once he pulls back, “always so good to me” he says peppering kisses all over my face. 
“I love you” i mumble to him
“I love you more” rubbing small circles on my sides, as he looks at me, a wide smile on his face. 
“Can you go grab my book?” I ask him with a small pout on my lips
“Oh im not done with you yet” quinn says with a smirk playing his face, before flipping us over, my hips now straddling his lap. 
“I think this is next to go” pulling at my top, undoing the strings in the back pulling it from my body tossing it somewhere in the boat, my top now completely bare to him. 
“Now where was i?” he says licking his lips, before crashing ours together. 
500 notes · View notes
endereies · 1 month
Text
Fuck it - Matt Sturniolo - Part 8
Tumblr media
Spotify playlist:
Tumblr media
Summary: Fem!oc x Matt Sturniolo
Growing up with parents who make her feel isolated, what happens when she meets Matt. A person who introduces her to new people, new experiences and new feelings.
Authors notes:
sorry this took like two weeks to finish, school was stressing me out and i couldnt bring myself to write anything major sooo
Warnings: swearing, idfk at this point lol
Word count: 2074
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7
“Is this something we are meant to do?”
“Fuck it.”
“Jesus Matt, what took you so lo- oh.” Chris turns to face me, meeting my exhausted expression as I rubbed my face. “Rough night?”
“Alyia and I were messaging all night; I think I slept…? Maybe an hour at best” My eyes immediately side eye Chris when I see him start to smirk at me. “Oh, shut up Chris. At least I’m talking to a girl”
“Nick is quick to stop our bickering by setting some food down in front of Chris and I, one by one. My body slumps down to the chair next to me, my head heavily hitting the pillow underneath me.
I raise an eyebrow to Nick, adjusting myself slowly in my seat.
“Don’t worry, I didn’t fucking burn it this time...” I smile to myself when I hear his sighs, tired of me bringing it up. Nick returns to the kitchen counter to get his own share of waffles, along with some syrup he had previously subsided for himself.
“So, what were you and Alyia chatting about?” Chris’s words emit around and mouth full of food, making me grimace before I think about my answer.
“Just, stuff I guess…nothing special.” An arm leans over my body to pick up a waffle that I then dip into some extra syrup that had dripped off.
“Don’t look at me like that Chris, I can fucking feel you staring.” I glare over to Chris, his eyes already staring into mine. “What…you meet a girl and suddenly you stay out late with her in random places that you wont even tell us about, and you stay up all night talking over the phone with her. You can’t tell me that’s not weird.
“That’s not weird.” I simply roll my eyes once he starts his typical mocking.
“You have to admit Matt, this is really uncommon for you, you don’t even do that with Nate half the time.” Nick shrugs his shoulders, keeping his gaze towards his food.
“Why do you encourage him, Nick…” I let a sigh brush pass my lips and roll my eyes.
Nick goes to speak again but the chime of my phone interrupts him.
Alyia🎸:
‘Hey Matt, are we still down for practice today?’
“Lemme guess, that’s Alyia” Instantly, Chris chimes in and I glare at him again. He instantly holds his hands up by his head in defence, standing up to take his plate to the kitchen. My phone chimes again and I pick it up to respond, I feel Nick’s eyes on me again, so I look at him. I nod my head reluctantly at him showing that Chris was right, not that I would admit that to him.
-
“Hey! Glad to know you came, I didn’t know if you would after the amount that I kept you up last night.” Her words see to mumble as her body becomes closed off to me.
“It’s fine, I’m just surprised that my parents or brothers yelled at me this morning for being awake so long.” A clear attempt at a joke is made yet her tight-lipped smile made me regret my choice of words. “Oh… sorry I didn’t mean to.”
“Don’t worry about it, Matt, I’m fairly used to their distancing at this point to be honest, I don’t want you to apologize for anything.” Her smile changes to one of sincerity, making me return it back.
“I just feel bad…you know?”
“Why?” The genuine curiosity confused me. “I have learnt to adapt to them; besides I have some pretty awesome people around me, I’m not in complete solitude.”
Her words linger in my brain, perhaps more than they should.
I’ve learnt to adapt to them.
It sounded too nonchalant for a sentence of high intensity. I had seen this happen multiple times now, especially around her mom. Only, I simply never wanted to pry. The night she stayed over for the first time, her mom called her. The contact’s name was a start, her full legal name was on show with no emojis or care. I thought it was odd but when the voices transferred and mingled over the phone it began a little too clear, no matter how hard she had tried to hide it. The mood swings when she was mentioned was one that I had grown unexpectedly familiar too. I had tried to avoid that topic whenever I could and luckily Nick and Chris hadn’t mentioned it either.
“Matt?”
“Huh? Oh, sorry…” My hand subconsciously rubs the back of neck before wrapping around the chain of my necklace. “What did you say?”
“I was just wondering if you wanted to try any of the songs we mentioned last night.”
-
I couldn’t shake this morning all that well, I didn’t know why either. She wasn’t saying anything in a way to make me question it. I didn’t even know the entire story, but I knew enough.
“Uhm, excuse me? You’re Matthew, right?” A steady voice came from beside me as I walked, dragging me from my thoughts. My body turns to face where the sound comes from, and I notice a boy about my age walking by my side.
“Yeah? Can I help you.” I slow my pace down to a more comfortable pace and I pay attention to him, the slight smile below the glasses which round his face, the darker skin matching his black hair which was tied into loose dreads. He wore a lot of leather, patched with badges and band logos which for the most part were recognisable to me.
“Actually yeah, were you the one who played drums at the talent show two or so months ago?”
“With Damien, Jess and Martha? I was, why?” I get intrigued the more I listen to his voice and the rasps that emit every few words.
“Miss Ackley has been putting together some type of music club shit, after school! She asked a few of us to get together some people who might be interested in joining a band or any form of music club to enhance skill.” His words ramble together, and I try and comprehend them as best as I can.
“Like a band camp?” My eyebrow raises at him, and we pause when I reach my locker, trying to show my interest while putting the pin for it in.
“Sorta, we are planning a ‘band camp’ trip for the end of the year but for now it’s a space to form bands and people to adapt our skill sets in.” He can tell I’m hesitant over this, I mean this is what I have Alyia for, right?
“We aren’t looking for any answers today, simply that you consider it. And if it isn’t your ideal situation, then you could share this to anyone who might be interested.” A flyer stands between me and the boy, decorated in deep yellows and blues spreading behind multiple instruments and equipment.
“I’ll have a look into that, thanks.”
“Of course, if you have any questions about it, my number is at the bottom of that sheet.” He beams at me, and I just look down to find the number, taking my time since my lack of sleep affects my vision.
After that he walks away with a small wave from his wrist, but my gaze heavily remains on the paper in my hand. Everything seems manually drawn to match each other and I admire the colours and patterns before my eyes trace the text. My body walks forward towards the music room, letting muscle memory take over while I keep reading over things. After a paragraph or so I look at the number again and notice a name marked next to it – Benjamin.
My hand reaches the door handle and I push it open to meet Alyia. Her hands tracing over each string gently to produce a small hum, barely audible from her headphones. I stand there for a bit watching her play, she just seemed so relaxed but that could just be the lack of sleep. The small hair stands which fall slowly don’t seem to bother her as she keeps strumming softly.
“Are you going to keep staring or what” her voice grabs my attention even though her body doesn’t change position until her sentence is over.
“Oh, uhm sorry.” I mutter before swiftly moving and shutting the door behind me, placing my bag next to the leather seats.
“Have you been handed one of these yet?” I lay the sheet onto the seat next to her and watch as she stops playing and sets down her guitar. Her headphones now rest on her neck as she scans the paper.
“What is this?” She shoots a confused look at me, but I try not to pay too much attention to it.
“Just read it and find out…” I playfully roll my eyes at Alyia and move to sit over by my drum kit.
“Band camp? That’s some corny shit, don’t tell me you’re going to that ‘camp rock’ shit.” She tries to joke but her face falters when I don’t reciprocate her smile.
“Actually, I was…and it’s not ‘camp rock’. It’s a social place to help practice with other people, and then a summer camp at the end of the year to go and meet professionals and go to a festival to perform.”
“Oh...my bad.” A brief and awkward silence falls over us until I decide to speak again.
“I was going to ask if you wanted to join me but…” I swing side to side on my chair as my voice dims down.
“Matt, I don’t like crowds and besides I practice solo. This isn’t something I am exactly interested in.”
“You practice with me fine enough?” I try and convince her a little, but she only rolls her eyes at me.
“You’re different, you know that.” She pauses abruptly to stare me noticing my immediate smile. “Don’t let that get your head.”
“Too late for that.” I remain smirking at her, but Alyia just glares at me back, I move past that pretty quick and relax my body down on my seat.
“C’mon” I drag out the syllables as I talk, getting up to stand in front of her. “It could be real fun, extra practice between us…and other people of course.”
“Okay. Don’t say it like that first of all.” Her voice quiets after her words and I attempt to gain her attention back with a slight wave of my hand.
“And second?” my face relaxes from its previous smile and changes to a more curious one.
“Second of all…I’ll think about it…” Alyia’s words soften and are quiet due to her admission.
“Yes!” my stupid smile is met with her own as I jump from my seat and pick up the information sheet by her side and start to ramble through the text.
Alyia pov:
I don’t even know why I had given in to matt so easily, but I guess I just didn’t want to let him down. He seemed so excited and yet I wasn’t, I can’t remember the last time I ever played music in front of anyone, except Matt. The more he rambled next to me, the less of his words I remembered. I heard his voice clearly, but I was internally planning what situations might arise if I did show up. It didn’t seem like a lot but as someone who has been separated from people most of their life, this was a big deal.
The bell rang and made both Matt and I jump at the sudden sound that echoed through the hallways.
Matt grabs a few of his things and places them back into his bag and slides the sheet back over to rest next to my leg.
“Promise me you’ll consider it? At least…” his eyes stare into mine, almost begging me to think about it, as if he can’t handle his own in a small crowd of people.
“Fine. Only because you asked me alright?” I stand up and swing my bag over my shoulder.
“Thanks, sweetheart.” The nickname catches me off guard, like it has every other time, and he smiles at the shocked expression on my face and walks away quickly.
My body stays still in its position for a short while longer, processing the nickname. He hasn’t done it without some sort of comforting context to it and this was different.
And in public.
@melliflws @axolotllover225 @yuhayeee @st7rnioioss @sturn-bugz @sturniolosmind @worldlxvlys @patscorner @breeloveschris @y0urm4m @bernardsbendystraws @junnniiieee07 @raysmayhem-72 @luverboychris
54 notes · View notes
daegall · 2 years
Text
"Things I do for you."
pairing: spiderman!mark x reader
genre: fluff, established relationship!AU, spiderman!AU
warnings: none (i think?)
word count: 852 words
a/n: happy late birthday to the bestest boy everr!!!!!!!!! this was a bit overdue LOL but i really wanted to post something for mark ^^ been in my major mark feels recently i couldnt help myself hehe
i know i havent been posting a lot, and that's because my new school semester had just started and i still trying to adapt and get used ot everything :) (got too comfortable for summer beak HAHA) been a stressful couple of weeks for me recently, and i haven't really gotten better, but i hope it do <3 i hope you all do to!!!!
networks/taglist: @neoturtles @knet-bakery @ficscafe @kflixnet @k-radio @nct-writers + @soobin-chois @addictedtothesummernights @markhyuckselca @jaehunnyy &lt;3
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Wednesday's are for staying up late and doing whatever you want, playing whatever games you want, watching as many movies as you want, anything, because you have nothing to do on Thursdays, no classes or extra tutoring like every other day.
And due to this, you wake up at 10 or 11 on Thursday. But today, when you wake up, and reach out for your phone to check the time, you are pleasantly surprised at the time being 09:27 AM.
You proceed to shift to a more comfortable spot on your bed, bringing your phone closer to your face to clearly see all the new uploads to your friends' stories. In the midst of watching one of Lee Jeno's dance covers, you get a text.
Thinking nothing of it, you swipe up on the notification, opting to read it later, after you're done watching, gushing, and bombarding Jeno with words of admiration.
Finally, you tap on the notification, and grow confused at the text.
Mina
Y/n where are you 😭
you're gonna get late to the discussion!!
Did you forget bc its a thursday T^T
Mina knew you too well.
"Shit!" Instantly, your sheets fly away, thrown across the room, as you scramble up to get to the bathroom.
It's when you're finished with washing your face, when you hurriedly pick up your phone. Your wet flingers slip across the screen, your phone unable to detect any of the movement, before you desperately wipe both your screen, and fingers on the sleeve of the sweatshirt you quickly threw on earlier.
Instantly, a number is being dialed, and instantly, the person picks up.
"Hey honey!" The tender voice of your boyfriend gives you a sense of reassurance and comfort in a mini panic session.
"Good morning, Mark," you breath out. You remember him mentioning something about enjoying it when you greet him a good morning. "look, uh, I have a group discussion at the library today, you think you can drop me off?"
"Sure, what time should I pick you up?" In a moment, you hear shifting from the other line, before light footsteps. A light jingle, supposedly from his car keys, makes you feel a little exasperated.
"About that,"
You hear Mark halt, before a confused noise slips from his lips.
"It's in—well, was—a minute ago. Think this calls for desperate measures.
"Fuck," Mark curses quietly, before tossing his keys back onto his desk. "The things I do for you, I swear. Better pay me back later!"
"Yeah, yeah," you dismiss. "thank you Mark, love you!"
Not even 5 minutes later, when you barely just finished getting ready, there' a soft knock at your window, and you whip around to find the familiar red and blue suit you love to see.
Your heart beats faster in your chest when Mark slips in your room, throwing his mask off. "You ready? Here, give me your bag."
He scurries around your room, grabbing your backpack, your phone, and chargers. He knows you tend to lose the latter.
Mark secures his mask around his face, climbing onto the window sill, before reaching his arms out to you. "Alright, let's go,"
Once you're secure in his arms, a flick of Mark's wrist and you're off, maneuvering his way to the alleyways, where you two would usually take, as nobody would be lurking there. Unless they were drunk.
You hang on to your dear life, shutting your eyes tight to try to suppress the feeling of thrill and butterflies you get whenever you're soaring in the skies.
You peek an eye open, which is instantly settled on Mark, as he expertly swings through the path. You find it very endearing how he would go to extreme measures go have you less late too some group discussion you could be a little late to.
Now that you realize it, this whole thing is probably bad. Mark risking his identity just for you to make it on time?
On the other hand, you feel so incredibly grateful that you're able to know this secret about Mark, heck, even knowing Mark sounds like a blessing.
The alleyway just 3 blocks from the library is where you land, where you jump from his arms, straightening out your outfit, before accepting all your belongings that Mark had held onto and kept safe.
"Quickly, quickly!" He mumbles, patting you.
Before he can fully push you away, you rush up to him, pulling his mask upwards just a little bit, before connecting your lips together sweetly.
The kiss lasts only for a few seconds, before Mark chuckles against your lips and pushes you away gently. One of his hands reaches up, cupping the side of your face, before he pats your cheek once, twice.
"Good luck, baby. Call me when you're finished, yeah?"
You nod instantly, wrapping your fingers around his clothed wrist, rubbing your fingers against his skin reassuringly, before you let go and start making your way to the library.
"Thank you again, spiderman! I'll get us some food to make up!"
Oh, the things Mark Lee would do for you.
699 notes · View notes
fictionfixations · 2 months
Text
azul broomquet lines
Tumblr media Tumblr media
(i never took the time to actually look through this stuff. but also his lines aren't on the fandom wiki yet)
maybe im being nitpicky but i couldnt help but notice the double space??
oop
Tumblr media
(about idia) LMFAO
i dont know how to format stuff on the wiki anyway so. might as well put this here.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Azul Broomquet / Birthday Bloom
Tumblr media
Summon: What a grand party this is. I gladly accept your sentiments. ("This gold embroidery is just lovely. I'll take care to conduct myself as befits such refined attire.")
Groovification: I prepared exhaustively for today. Allow me to demonstrate the fruits of my effort!
Set to Home Screen: I shall make your wishes come true.
Home transition 1: Jade brewed this tea for me. He had an oddly bright smile on his face when he served it, though... Would you care to try some?
Home transition 2: Octavinelle students keep bringing me food they want me to try. How can they expect me to eat it all?
(^ note: it's mentioned in Floyd's Birthday Boy vignette that Azul doesn't like food being wasted.)
Tumblr media
Home transition 3: Why would you put candles in cake? It looks lovely all lit up in the dark, but it ruins the presentation when it comes time to eat.
Home, after login: I'm honored you'd take valuable time out of your day to celebrate on my behalf. After all, time is money, as they say.
Home transition/Groovification: I don't think Jack's cut out for negotiations. His tail gives him away.
(^ note: Duo magic is with Jack. Plus that's who interviews him in his vignette. I wonder if that's the same for every other birthday card, with the exception of the ones I think we interview all of them in.)
Tap Home 1: It's my policy not to accept gifts, but I do make exceptions for people I want to maintain long-term contact with. Like, say Kalim.
Tap Home 2: Brooms look so much nicer when accentuated with chic flowers. It's a prime example of a tiny amount of work turning drab into dazzling.
Tap Home 3: Idia beat me soundly in a board game. How dare he humiliate me on my birthday... I must compile more data and avenge myself!
Tap Home 4: I bought a rare coin I'd had my eye on as a gift to myself. It was rather pricey, but I'm looking forward to seeing its value appreciate in the future.
(^ note: It literally says 'appreciate'. Lol.)
Tumblr media
Tap Home 5: Don't bother trying to surprise me. I've got eyes in the back of my head. Heh heh, that was a joke, of course.
Tap Home/Groovification: You wish to know what I want? A birthday song would be nice. You'll sing one for me, right?
Here's the groovified ver, although you can find it on the fandom wiki card itself)
Tumblr media
---
Bonus (Vignette)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Jack: Have a nice flight, and be extra careful not to fall off.
Azul: Couldn't say that with a straight face, could you? As if I'd ever embarrass myself... ... *exhale*
hehe
7 notes · View notes
notsoattractivearenti · 11 months
Note
ahh i saw the imagines game and couldnt help myself😭
Can you do an imagines/headcannon where instead of us being the WAG, Christian is the WAG? Like we’re playing for the USWNT and hes just in the stands supporting us, i feel like that would be so cute haha
ps. Love your work, keep us delulu😛
ahhh thank you so much!! 🥹🫶🏻 always a pleasure to feed everyone’s (including my own) delusions 😋 and thanks for sending this in! 💖
Christian as your WAG would be like:
rarely misses your matches! will be at the stadium watching with your family as well
when you spot him in the stands, he would excitedly wave and yelled “the best player right there!”
proudly wears your jersey!
encouragement texts and notes everyday 🥹 like “i’m really proud of you” “break a leg my super girl!” “bring that trophy home!” “score some goals today then score me later 👀” you didn’t see that last one lol
taking pics/videos of you on pre-match warmups, during the match and post-match
proudly posting you on his instagram stories and/or feed to show his endless and genuine support for you to the world
your forever number one supporter, whether you win or lose (or draw)
he would lose all that shyness in him and loudly cheering for you!
posting pics of you and/or with you and your trophies and medals with caption like “my champion ! 🏆🫶🏻” “never doubted you for a second 🥳❤️”
he would celebrate every win! no matter how big or small it may be!
he takes you for a romantic holiday as your winning prize… “because my winner deserves the whole world” 😍
29 notes · View notes
shadeslayer · 8 months
Note
Would you be willing to talk about the inspiration for you sinti, shunti, kanunuk, & nunni designs? They're really cool!
absolutely !!! :D i usually have pretty explicit stuff that im referencing or am inspired by so im always happy to share <3
*ramble incoming*
Tumblr media
[the dr pepper cans are how you know im a real southern usa babe. earlier today there was 5 empty cans in a row until i put them in the recycle bin]
i take a Lot out of the book "sun circles and human hands: the southeastern indians - art and industry" (2001 edition, not the 1957 one) which i have a physical copy of and i have sticky notes tabbing out out and also annotated highlighting every mention of the chickasaw and of sites where i know the chickasaw [or our ancestors, like the chicaza and other early mississippian/SE ntv cultures] so i can reference stuff i know would be from us, but i also take inspiration from all the designs in it because we were all a part of an interconnected cultural network of art
if you are from a tribe that would be from mississippian culture or the southeastern ceremonial complex/southeastern cult as it used to be called, or you know your people wouldve come from places within that like spiro or moundville, and you want to bring more native styling into your art this is THEEE book i would recommend. it is insanely useful. i cant vouch 100% for the text of it, and the second half is mostly kinda grainy b&w scanned photos of pottery and other items lmao, but the first half has lineart depictions OF designs found, with the attribution for the site they were found at. it is a Massive wealth of symbols and style and has been the best thing for wanting to study and emulate SE ndn art. for real i lent a copy to my grandma and then couldnt find where it was and i had to just order a new copy bc i use it so damn much
like i would post pages of it, and before i bought it i survived off the pinterest pics of scanned pages, but i cannot say enough just buy the book and look through it bc its just perfect its so useful. just posting a few pages doesnt do any justice to the wealth of style and art in it. ive tried to make myself some mock style/symbol guides from it, but even those fail to capture the variety of stuff in there and its why i still have it on hand for reference bc every time i get stumped theres so many ideas in there
but ok . book rec rant over (partly.)
i had done sinti homma, the red snake earlier, and i wanted to do a little motley of other simple transparent animals to go with it. so i did! ive got a few different animals that i played with doing, but a lot of them ended up veering too much off of the more hardline ntv style i wanted to do, and the others didnt fit the guideline i had made - i wanted them all to have a pointed tail that pointed to some corner of the frame, and curl around in the square a bit to have more of a sense of motion. i was thinking deer, turtle, spider... but none of those really fit that. so i flipped thru SC&HH for some ideas and came up with some :3
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
the bottom left one on the first pic there gave me a good idea of what to do with a rat tail, and on the bottom right of that same pic is the Fattest fucking fish and i lifted a lot of that design to use for my fish (and while we're here, the rattler tails on the top right of that pic were what i used for sinti hommas tail), and the bottom left on the second pic gave me the idea for the lizards legs/feet shape, and then i used the chickasaw vocab flashcards of animals to think of animal ideas and so i used the pinti from there to jump me off into doing a rat
theyre all named after the chickasaw words - sinti (snake), shunti (rat/rodent), kanunuk (lizard, specifically green striped lizard, which is why i made it green with stripes lol), nunni (fish) . i use the chickasaw dictionary webpage a lot these days though i should use my dictionary copies more bc they use the spelling style i dont prefer lol
i also want to do maybe a sort of pop art style big print of them, like repeated with different colors behind them? and/or them in a medicine wheel? but those are still wip so we shall see!
9 notes · View notes
vanillatalc · 21 days
Text
today
it was good bc it was WARM! and i went on a lil wander in the evening atl ike 8pm and it was still LIGHT oh my god! genuinely i feel the life returning to meeee i love it so much
cleaned my 3d printer resin tank, sans PPE bc it was all dry and cured so i just did it in the garden and it was chill and very satisfying. (actually it's still out there lol need to remember to bring it in before i sleep)
ordered new FEP sheets for resin printer. should arrive tmr, if it does, ill do some printing tehn if i can figure out how to replace the sheet. there are instructions but im always wary of doing things myself instead of making ben do it for me, which is actually quite a toxic and dangerous mindset i fear lol idk where it comes from bc im perfectly capable at anything ive ever attempted so i am trying to not lean on him too much for this. unless it's literally like for brute strength bc my arms are weak as fuck
sold two wigs (£140)
saw a cat outside
ben / ana / clare went on a walk this eve but i didnt go partly bc i dont really like walks in the country (i like walks with a goal not just seeing the green stuff) but also bc im still not very confident of my hip's ability to walk further than about 30 mins - will be testing this next week i think
did half my chess job (couldnt quite face the emails portion of it lol yesterday i logged in and there were almost 400 and i felt the urge to like, throw my computer out of the window)
replied to some wig DMs
omg i forgot to say this... but clare got a doll of her own... it's a little man... it's good having clare living 5 mins away... it's funny what happened there like we were casual friends in uni then didnt speak for 6y then ben/me (cant rmb who) sent her a message asking to reconnect and now shes one of our best friends and lives here lol
have another meal out at the weekend w/ ben's family... it never ends
2 notes · View notes
girlwithfish · 4 months
Text
tmrw im gonna go to a record store by myself. i wanted to go today but he forgot i guess and i didnt really wanna bring it up a third time. trying to be understanding bc ik his financial situation is a big stressor for him and today he couldnt get his meds bc his insurance wasnt accepted at pharmacy and then he had to pay out of pocket so he hadnt taken his vyvanse and all this stuff but im thinking he isnt ready for a serious relationship or to give me the attention and care thwt i want. idk. and im not trying to act like i do the most for him bc i get worried wjen i think abt how i want him to show more effort or care bc im like well do I do that? but idk most activities we do are his interests orclike when we run errands its for him bc im at his place and wr use my car and all this stuff idk if im overthinking it or we get plants that he wants for his place and i feel im just there w him but theres not a lot we do that is For me and idk i also feel maybe i shldnt spend as much time at his place bc i feel hes too comfortable w me bc he knows he has me and so like idk we dont plan dates really i mean maybe i lied when i said we havent rly gone ojt on a date bc we did go tocthe library to read once ig thats a date or we went to that open mic but idk i feel theres not a lot of effort or care shown and like we do outdoorsy hobbies that he likes like pickle ball nd we did that today nd he forgot abt the record store ig bc i said ystrdy we shld go over txt and he said yes then we didnt go ystrdy and it was closed so he apologized and said well go tmrw and he brought it up before we went to play pickle ball and i said id like to go yes and said what time it closes and when we went out we did that then went to target so he cld get his meds and i guess he forgot and i really didnt wanna bring it up again. Idk maybe its not a big deal. i dont think i shld b in a relationship cuz i just accept the bare minimum and i cant stand up for myself lol. and we use my car allcthe time which i dont mind too much but his car is rly bad and im trying not to judge or anything but idk is that bad! and he drives my car too which idk its nice not having to drive but he said he likes driving bc he doesnt trust other peoples driving so its more a control thing so it doesnt rly feel like its like hes doing a nice thing for me. and idk. ;/ im just kind of sad bc he doesnt rly compliment me as much anymore either. he did say i looked cute in a picture he took of me ystrdu but idk he used to say a few compliments when were w each other. and i got sad bc he used to hold the door a month ago for me now he doesnt rly or i guess he did once today when we were going into his house and i got confused bc he usually doesnt do that anymore. its literally a month in this should be like puppy love stage or whatever like i shld b feeling wanted and happy and like theyre trying to date me IDK lol
4 notes · View notes
heyitssashag · 1 year
Text
This morning I finished another Conquerer Challenge. This one was set in Rome:
Tumblr media
But then everything just sort of went downhill from there. It was a pretty brutal day, emotionally. From the time I woke up to about 5pm (when I finally decided to take a couple of Ativan’s), I was crying.
I ended up falling asleep for just over 2.5 hours this evening.
Earlier, I forced myself on a walk that took everything out of me. Like everything. I was completely depleted when I got home. It was only 4km’s. I’m glad I went but it just felt 100 times harder than usual.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
I messaged my sister and she wrote me some lovely messages and even sent me a gift which was really sweet of her. It kept me distracted long enough to pull my head out of my ass and take a shower. Then I made dinner for me and my kid. Afterwards, all of a sudden, I couldnt keep my eyes open anymore and woke up about an hour ago. Like I mentioned before in previous posts, I never nap so when I do, I must really need it. When I woke up, I brushed my teeth and drank like 4 cups of water. Felt so dehydrated and my head was pounding. Still is.
I know I had my Zoladex injection a week ago. That’s the one that puts/keeps you in chemical menopause. I’m wondering if it’s messing with my head now. The depression I’m feeling today has been all-consuming and I’ve been floating in and out of very dark places. This isn’t normal. I just took another Ativan and I’m hoping I can just sleep the rest of whatever I’m feeling off.
Tomorrow I arranged for my meds to be couriered out by the Cancer Agency so that’s a relief. Going all the way out there when I don’t have to, sucks.
My sleep study appointment for Tuesday has been cancelled because they haven’t gotten the results, yet. This is frustrating but not surprising due to the holiday coming up. Hopefully I’ll know soon.
I found out my step Dad went to the mainland (Vancouver) and emptied out the rest of my locker that I’ve been paying a small fortune for. Which is another relief. I haven’t looked at any of it since November 2021. Surprisingly, there’s only a few things that I’ve really missed. Like my awesome salad spinner. lol. Unfortunately, I likely still won’t see most of it for another month or so. It’ll be stored at their warehouse at the business (they own a telecom company) until it can be fully sorted. I don’t want to bring over anything I won’t use. I hate clutter. If I’ve survived without it for this long, chances are, I don’t need it (except the salad spinner. Ha.)
Anyway, I’m really trying hard to be grateful and focusing on the positive things from the day. It’s okay to feel like crap but not sit and dwell in it. But man, it’s hard to do when you’re in the thick of it.
I started watching that show Wellmania on Netflix. It’s alright. I’ve been a Celeste Barber fan for a while - she’s funny but the show itself is more of a drama. She basically ends up in a health crisis that has drastically effected her career and she tries a lot of things to get well again. Anyway, I’m on episode 4 and I’m not sure what I think yet. I suppose it’s entertaining me enough to keep watching. I may watch another episode and go back to sleep. Tomorrow is another day. 💕
8 notes · View notes
sexydreamgirl · 2 years
Note
hi!! im that anon that asked abt turning back time and worrying abt time whatever. i totally forgot i asked that lol! that persisting actually went horribly because i was giving fear power and i was just so scared i spiraled for like 3 days. but yesterday i said no FUCK that. im gonna reclaim my power. idk if this is a success story or an ask but im gonna put it here anyway.
i put up sticky notes on the side of my computer to remind myself to NEVER look back, and that morning i decided that i had perfect self concept and that i WOULD be aware of it before the end of the day. i was so scared! lol but i kept persisting. i didnt give fear power, i pushed it by and said NO WAY! NOTHING can get in the way of me and inevitably becoming aware of my perfect self concept.
as the day went on i had less anxiety and everything and around 4 i did some tarot reading, it was all very very great outlook, but it definitely predicted something. two cards basically said that my ambitions were running the risk of being undermined by my timidity and lack of self confidence, and the other card said that i will likely find myself with a problem but i will overcome it and triumph, i have the courage to do so. it scared me a little but i kinda brushed it off.
flash forward an hour, im washin dishes and im like damn i feel pretty fuckin good abt my self concept actually! i sat down and rhe feeling faded but i went back to my room and suddenly i looked at the clock and i laughed so hard that i started crying. july 24th?? fr? lmao?? like...thats just not true. i couldnt stop, i was so happy i just knew that the world was in my pocket. i just knew that theres no way its july 24th, its insane to even think about anything but my desires being the truth. i genuinely truly felt inevitable peace in my desires, i didnt even desire them in the 3d anymore. that morning i felt like id never get out of that cycle of lack and anxiety so bad i wanted to throw up and couldn't sleep but there i was. it truly was the best feeling i could ever ask for.
but it faded. and i know it was an accidental reversal. i had a twinge of fear that i could jinx it, reverse it. before then i dont think i ever thought of the concept of knowing a manifestation couldnt be reversed, especially not as a part of a good sc, it just never crossed my mind because it seemed obvious. it was a fear i couldnt push back and ignore. i didnt realize then that dwelling on the old story and doubting and all that has no power, it doesnt matter if you do that. i couldnt tell if it was birds before land or a reversal at first but i decided it was a reversal, it makes more sense and it feels more uplifting that i truly did do it. i doubted so much and i was so scared but in the end i really did become aware of it. even though it faded i stuck true to the reading, i wouldnt let it bring me down, this is just proof of how powerful i am. i didnt fail, its just a speck of dirt in the palm of god. im still scared ofc haha, but today ill be doing the same thing but ensuring it'll be forever. that i'll never reverse it, that's impossible.
i'm scared but i'm going to do my best to not let a thing stop me. i did it! everything will only get easier from here. if you have any input though id love to hear it
"i didn't fail, it's just a speck of dirt in the palm of God"
This right here. You may have doubts, you may feel fear but you still choose to have courage and continue regardless of what you're feeling. This is persisting.
23 notes · View notes
ayinglair · 8 months
Text
Reading the fanfics is hard at times. Its better to just close the tab occasionally. I can only relive that war so many times you know? I already have to do it in my head. I won't do it for fun. That's not leisure. Hmm. What hurts most is Hanguang-jun. I wonder if he reads them? teehee. My mind instantly comes up with questions to ask to needle him without my having to try at all. It's like a built in reflex. there is a slight smile on my face as i type this. I won't type my questions here. I'll save them for later. But anyways. War. Tragedy. Etc. Today I couldnt even bring myself to say the name Jiang Yanli. How would i be able to speak her name to another person? God do i not deserve that. How cruel of me to speak it. I ran my mouth too to someone i know who kins from the show. I shouldnt have done that. God. And my only real confidante is Xue Yang of all people!!!!! Not even the one i knew, evidently. There's another set of Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji in my social circle. Xue Yang belongs to them! I feel a bit left out, you know???? But if it was the xue yang i knew that'd be worse. This is one of my most important people im talking about here. Being able to say "he didnt do the things i saw" is a saving grace on our relationship. LOL. But still. It'd be nice to have my very own canonmate to annoy. Without feeling like im taking up too much space, or being a nuisance. My mouth is already shut tight. Jiang Yanli. Jin Zixuan. Wen Qing. Wen Ning. Granny. The aunties and uncles. Yu-whatever-the-chinese-is-for-madam. Jiang Fengmian. Who am i forgetting? I caused so much hardship. I have to be forgetting names. There are so many names. the only ones i wont remember are the ones of the people who did that to Jiang Cheng and his parents. They do not deserve my remembrance. I dont regret what I did to them I just regret what it caused for Lan Zhan. HAHA!!! God I am crazy. Dont even give a shit about being good for the sake of it. It has to be to prevent someone else from being sad because I cant take him being sad. Remember when i saw him cry? Good lord. Oh my god i so should not be posting this. But i doubt ill be found out. My own little secret. A calculated risk. Whats the worst thatll happen?
1 note · View note
blackvail22 · 8 months
Text
9/24/23 — 1:10am
theres a lot that happened within the past two days its insane. on the 22nd, i had to train this new associate for the whole day. he's rlly nice, and he's fun to talk to. he caught on really quick! im excited to work with him
also, that same day, i got back with my ex!!! it could be a dumb decision (because this is the 3rd time) but i really want things to work out. again, no one is going to know besides you... and... my coworkers, but thats different
the coworker that gave me his number, he gave me a note at work that says "im awkward so i dont know how to say this out loud, but i like you" and then taped a soda tab on it (it was the "hug" meaning one, which... i dont like but could be worse). so! ive told the new associate i have a boyfriend. im going to tell them i have a boyfriend, but im telling those im closest to at work that its because i dont want my worker to hit on me anymore
if he keeps going after that, i have to report him. im not letting someone get away with that, not this time.
i have to start standing up for myself... im just scared because of that teenager who got killed because she rejected her (adult) co-worker, im afraid its going to be me. this is the reason i dont like hearing abt death.
on another note, back to abt my boyfriend....
im writing this as soon as i ended the call with him. i miss him already. i wonder how and why my brain changes how i react to things because of a label. i feel so clingy. i want to talk to him more. he does make me happy, and i hope i make him happy too
oh, i also bought this candle... its supposed to "smell like london" and it says the scent is "afternoon biscuits and tea" so thats nice. i bought it to think of you, nd its nice that the color of the candle matches my room
oh last thing ! i took my permit drivers test and i passed it! feels so surreal because i never thought i was ever gonna end up driving but here we are lol
anyways i like this song
6:06am —
dude i couldnt fall asleep until like 4:30am and my mom woke me up at 5:30, screaming at me to find something i didnt have!!! i found it! and it was in her bag, a place she didnt look (because she only looked one place!!!!!!) at least i can sleep now, but idek if i can do that because i feel awake now. im going to sob. FUVKKK I HAVE A HEADACHE AND SINUS PAIN NOW IM GOING TO CRY DUDE. and the fact that she walked up the stairs to scream at me (she never walks up the stairs)???? ooo. im so mad bro! like im going to wake up whenever i have my alarms set and im going to punch a wall because i cant sleep without getting interrupted. IM PISSED TF OFF NOW bevause i havent had adequate sleep since my last off day (a week ago) and i dont have a lot of sleep for tomorrow because i have to wake up at 6am for an appointment thats 2hrs away. sure, ill sleep in the car, but with my mom? she wont let it happen. and i dont have another off day untl thursday, and i cant sleep in for that one either becahse i have another goddamn appointment in the morning. like, is this what being an adult is? being harrassed by coworkers, never having enough sleep, never able to fall asleep.... it cant be cause those all haopened when i was a teenager too. stuck in that cycle, though, and i cant wait for that cycle to finally end.
bad things always tend to happen to me. is it because i bring bad energy? AHHHHHHH i just need to scream cry
i am going to try to sleep now. I've rambled on for way too long
11:17pm
been incredibly sad today. i think it was my lack of sleep, or maybe it was my mom yelling at me and waking me up. still, my heart feels so ... heavy. i cant help but feel bad for people who love me. if i was them, i would choose anyone else to love endlessly. im undeserving of it all, anyway. i dont feel happy tonight. i hope tomorrow's better. i dont know what changed and made me feel this way because when i woke up and went to work, everything was fine until half way through my shift. it didnt really effect me, but them saying "oh, fun's over.. [my name]'s in a bad mood again.. everyone get away" keeps playing in my mind. it didnt affect me then, so i dont know why i keep thinking about it
i just want to fit on my roof and look at the moon, but its been rising really early so i dont think ill be able to see it now. ill watch some livestreams from space of the earth/the moon instead. something to comfort me while listening to music. i havent been able to watch any videos all the way through recently.. havent even been able to watch those gaming streams i like. hopefully ill feel better before i go to sleep
0 notes
myrcenegirl · 10 months
Text
i treated myself to a salad tonight... but at what cost :(
well office life continues to be fun. things have gotten in a weird spot with how busy it is but its been decent so im trying to hang in there! i did my shadowing today and i was a little nervous but tbh like.... im way better than a shit ton of people lmao so yeah i said i was more nervous than i really was lol and ofc afterwards the class said i was helpful and the trainers said i was just amazing and one of the trainers was someone who trained me so she was really like happy to see how much ive learned so even though it was a little nerve wracking the important thing is to remember to show (while being humble ofc) as many people as possible how capable i am so that way when the time comes for me to move to a different department everyone will be happy to have me join their team (besides the jealous ass haters) securing my opportunity to get out of this fucking customer service hell! and i got confused about the weeks and thought i was seeing my mom tonight but its next week lol i was excited. but easy day tomorrow im pretty sure so thats nice. but omg my first call while shadowing was a complete one off situation i had never encountered before BUT wouldnt you know it i just naturally did the exact right thing and then another call i lied a patient saying i was going to DM a doctor when i always just say that and then tell the person they left for the day lol but i was being watched so i couldnt BUT after sweating my ass off trying to figure out how i realized i have two monitors and i can switch the slack over to the one that isnt being shared and say i did the thing off screen BUT omg it was painful i was like shit shit shit how do i get out of this i have trainers watching me too!! and then i finally realized and got out of it perfectly fine hehe :3 but im really missing drugs and spending money and drugs i want drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and messy girl hasnt been so bad but omg the micromanaging has come into full swing like god damn what is it about joining a company and then right after THATS when they decide to start doubling down on EVERY SINGLE metric and form of monitoring to make sure you are working every god damn second of the day with zero allowance given to the lowest rung of employees :) so thats fun honestly if i wasnt one fucking week away from insurance and i didnt still have hope that i was going to get out of customer service i would be looking for another job now like that shit is not for me and WE get to feel the consequences of a company that hasn't properly managed their man power its great. and the girls are NOT having it and its even worse on their end because they dont even have all the facts like my manager has said multiple times that they have started a new requirement for managers to walk to us and check on us if we are taking too long after a call and they dont remember hearing that and so this whole time theyve been thinking that the managers are just breathing down their necks more than usual for a power trip and so theyre even more mad than me lol well theyre not because no one can be angrier than me but they have more volatile anger because theres ignorance involved lol and they are getting idk theyre starting to turn on the manager a bit because his ass is suuuuch a little by the books boy and so hes on top of all his new manager duties which make our lives hell so its hurting the manager relations. and im trying to help them understand that THEY have been told to do this now because I dont want them up and quitting well idc about messy girl but damn like pregnant girl straight up had attitude with our boss because he was checking on her and its just yeah shes being micromanaged as if she isn't here every day working doing good work so lets bring micromanaging into that situation. like im really trying hard to be polite when the managers have come up to me to check when im taking too long because to suggest that IM NOT WORKING? that deserves violence honestly so im really trying to be chill as possible although hey if i start snapping then maybe they will see that this shit is ridiculous
0 notes