#but he's repeating toxic patterns because he doesn't know how not to | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fwckriley · 1 year

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I've read lots of fanfics and headcanons about Ghost with partners who are usually kind, pure, like a angel, all flowers and butterflies and stuff etc. I get it, but no offense, and looking at it from another perspective, when you think about people who have experienced childhood trauma, they tend to repeat certain patterns. I'm not saying that every person with a traumatic past will have a toxic relationship.

But, you see: I personally believe that Ghost would never give a chance to someone he deems "perfect," innocent, pure, because that's completely opposite to how he sees himself. How could he be in a relationship with someone so different from him? How could he be understood by someone who doesn't have a certain darkness within? I'm not saying it wouldn't work, but I think a part of him would never fully reveal itself out of fear of being judged. On the other hand, I believe he would also seek out people who, in some way, are unattainable, to reaffirm that little voice inside him saying he doesn't deserve to be loved. Of course, none of this is really true, but that's how the mind of someone with many traumas tends to work.

I think he would avoid relationships and commitments for a long time, and wouldn't be able to choose someone outside of his field of work. "Normal" people could never understand the things he does, they could try, but never fully comprehend. In my opinion, he would fall in love, without realizing it, with someone from his field of work, probably a teammate with whom he shared many experiences. Someone with whom he has a deep connection. And, as I mentioned at the beginning, I believe he would unconsciously seek out more complex people. I see him attracted to people with a similar outlook on life, who are tougher and more realistic. Who share a darker sense of humor. Who have also experienced some kind of trauma in the past, so they can understand how he feels. I imagine him in a relationship with someone who has these characteristics, and unlike him, is ambiverted or extroverted. Someone who challenges him, calls him out when he's wrong, or is determined. Someone honest, but not rude. Someone funny, smart, creative. Someone with a thirst for adventure and a spark, to contrast with some parts of him.

But honestly, I can't picture him with someone he deems pure and perfect. He doesn't feel worthy or even attracted to that. He tends to surround himself with people who are similar to him because that's where he feels comfortable. Just to clarify, it doesn't necessarily mean that this partner in question would be a bad or toxic person, but simply someone similar to him. I believe Price is the best example of that, who is good but not innocent, not entirely right.

In the end, I think the relationship with the chosen person would be a challenging but functional one. Not toxic, not abusive or destructive, just difficult. Traumatized people are human and fully capable of relating to each other, but it takes patience and determination, and a lot of work. I think that over time, they would improve greatly. Because Ghost's biggest fear is one-sidedness. He needs to know that he is protecting and helping, but he also needs to feel protected and helped.

#modern warfare 2 #modern warfare ii #cod mw2 #simon ghost riley #simon riley #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley headcanons #call of duty mw2 #simon riley x y/n #cod imagine #call of duty #cod x reader #ghost cod #ghost x reader #simon riley headcanons

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bookshelfdreams · 26 days

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There were two great posts about Izzy yesterday, and I would like to expand on and add my 2 ct to the things said in them a little. One, by @celluloidbroomcloset (with additions by several others), about how Izzy immediately falls back into old patterns of manipulative behaviour after his supposed redemption in 02x07, only this time with Stede as the focus of said behaviours instead of Ed. The other, by @batsarebetterthanpeople, about how Izzy's behaviour in 02x06 and onward is more akin to the development a homophobe coming around to a queer loved one, than an arc of queer self-discovery.

Izzy's story isn't about himself. I think this is the first, fundamental mistake people make when engaging with it. He's not a protagonist; he doesn't exist in the story for his own sake. So when ofmd asks "How to reform a toxic person? What does it look like and is it even possible?", the starting point isn't one of empathy with Izzy.

It's one of empathy with Ed. ofmd is asking these questions not because it wants to understand Izzy better. What it wants to explore is the possibility of Ed having the relationship with Izzy Ed wants. Whether Izzy can be brought around to understanding Ed's wants and needs, whether he can understand the hurt he caused him.

This is a fundamentally different approach to how these stories are usually told. Usually, we start out with the unspoken assumption that the toxic person is well-intentioned, good at heart, and whatever pain they caused our protagonist is more akin to a misunderstanding than deliberate harm. Yes, they may have have caused hurt, but if you just see things from their perspective, you'll understand that they only had your best interest in mind, and that will enable you to forgive them.

Obviously this can't not veer off into victim blaming. "The abuser had a good reason for what they did, and therefore, it's your own fault. Or at the very least not theirs."

ofmd fundamentally rejects this. It is very careful to never let the bullies and abusers have a valid point. Abusers are abusive because they get something out of it. To truly reform an abuser, they would have to be willing to build a life for themselves that is a lot less comfortable. Where they have to consider other's feelings, communicate and compromise, meet other people on equal footing, instead of putting themselves in a position of authority. It means letting go of patterns of behaviour that they have so far been quite successful with*.

And Izzy - tries. He is interesting because part of him clearly wants to leave the toxicity behind. He gets to see what positive relationships, human connection, being part of a community look like; he's offered an outstretched hand, and, after biting it a few times, tentatively starts to take it.

But he can't quite get there. The temptation to fall back into what he knows is too strong. celluloidbroomcloset's post linked above talks mainly about 02x07, so I'm not gonna repeat all that, but I'm going to add two little scenes from 02x06 that further cement this. In the beginning of the episode, Izzy finds Ed as he's standing on deck, watching the sea, and the conversation that plays out is a clear mirror to, almost repeat of the Frankfurter clouds scene from 01x04. Ed tries to share an observation with Izzy in an attempt to reach out to him ("Something's wrong. Feels like a storm's coming but I can't see it."), which Izzy, of course, immediately dismisses ("Or maybe you're just a mopey twat and there is no fucking storm").

The second scene is, when Izzy is the only one discouraging Ed from following Stede to his cabin after he kills Ned Lowe. Discouraging support, discouraging connection and emotional honesty; Izzy will continue to try to isolate Stede.

Now, I do not think this, or the things happening in 02x07, are put in there deliberately to show that Izzy has ulterior motives. Rather, they are an illustration of how deep these maladaptive patterns of behaviour go. Izzy isn't able to fully admit to himself the extend of the harm he caused and this is what prevents him from truly changing his behaviour - even when he has just experienced the benefits of a loving, supportive community!

All of this is the explanation to the answer the show gives to our starting question: Is it possible for Ed to have the relationship with Izzy that Ed wants? And the answer is: No. Just because growth is possible, doesn't mean it is enough. Doesn't mean anyone's entitled to forgiveness. Sometimes, the only compassionate thing to do, is to take yourself permanently out of the other person's life.

But Izzy did learn, and he did grow. It's just that the purpose of said growth wasn't to heal him; it was to enable him to understand the hurt he caused to Ed. That doesn't have to mean people like Izzy can never be reformed, it just means that this isn't a story about the reformation of a toxic person. It's the story of leaving this toxicity behind.

And this is why Izzy's heartfelt apology followed by his immediate death is a positive ending. It represents the conviction that no relationship is so broken it can't be mended, but also the assurance that no relationship is so important it can't be ended.

Ed gets to hear the things he needs to hear most - I am sorry, I was wrong, you didn't deserve this - and then Izzy disappears from his life, and with him, all the toxicity he represents.

They can part on good terms, but part they must. So Ed can go into the rest of his life, unburdened.

*read Lundy Bancroft's "Why does he do that", seriously. The whole thing is on archive.org.

#overall izzy is treated with so much more grace and kindness than the other toxic assholes on this show #because sometimes youre fond of them. right. you DO want to make it work its just not always possible #honestly i think some people just have a very hard time wrapping their head around the fact that izzy is just a narrative device #anyway!#our flag means death #izzy hands #edward teach #thoughts

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museforblooms · 2 months

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★⠀⠀ ⁄ ⠀⠀CURSE OF CAPULET is the fictional debut mini—album by the idol band BELLADONNA released on February 14, 2024. After their win on Superband, Belladonna would take five months to write and produce their first album with the help of Plastic Flowers SALEM and OLIVER and former Lush member DALLAS LINWOOD. Along with the songs written by the members, Salem had gifted them an old draft, RENEWAL, which was supposed to appear on Wind and Rain in 2019 but was replaced with another song. The album takes on themes of love, desperation, mortality, and the inevitability of fate with their concept changing from girlhood to medieval and renaissance imagery, often seeing the girls depicted as saints. The album had one title track, BURN ALIVE, but RENEWAL was also promoted as a b-side.

★⠀⠀ ⁄ ⠀⠀Curse of Capulet comes from the play Romeo and Juliet by Williams Shakespeare as it's themes closely resemble the overall meaning of their debut album. It is a reference to Mercutio's death in Act III, scene I in which he curses both the Capulets and Montagues with "a plague o' both your houses!", blaming both of them for his death. He wants Romeo to know that he blames the feuding families for his fate and remind Romeo that his love for Juliet was the reason for his death to Tybalt, Juliet's short tempered cousin. The album was released with TWO versions: ROMEO and JULIET, with the back cover featuring quotes from both characters alongside the tracklist.

★⠀⠀ ⁄ ⠀⠀TRACKLIST.

‘ # 001.⠀ ⠀OLIM ──── written by kwak yulli, produced by oliver song, and performed by belladonna. olim is an introduction track to belladonna's debut track and mimics catholic hymns, with the word olim itself representing the beginning of a fairytale. the translation goes as: "once, long ago God arrived in this age of brightness / He will come again" and is repeated twice. all members of belladonna referred to this as the hardest recording session that they've ever had. the idea was brought up by oliver as a joke, but yulli saw it as the perfect time to flex her old latin skills from attending catholic skills. it was almost cut completely, but the girls were able to save it at the last minute.

‘ # 002.⠀ ⠀TITLE TRACK: BURN ALIVE ──── written and produced by bae haena, performed by kwak yulli. in their debut single, belladonna comes out swinging as they depict themes of addiction, self-destruction, and the sacrifices made for love. the main imagery of the song is a toxic relationship where both parties are consumed by their vices and are unable to break the cycle of destructive patterns. because of this relationship, they are no longer who they aspired to be and desire to capitalize on their own pain, a reflection on modern society.

‘ # 003.⠀ ⠀THEATRE ──── written by ko sarang, produced by dallas linwood, performed by kwak yulli. theatre explores the desire for love and acceptance through the lens of a theatrical performance. it delves into the idea of yearning for a love that feels like it belongings in a grand gesture from a movie or performance. the narrator is willing to go through the motions by pretending and faking emotions just to fulfill this dream of being loved. they yearn to be loved and adored as a film star, swept up in a fantasy where all their desires are achieved.

‘ # 004.⠀ ⠀FORTUNATE ISLES ──── written by kim eulsun and kim wonhui, produced by dallas linwood, and performed by kwak yulli. this song is often the one that gets the most criticism as professionals and netizens alike believe it doesn't fit the sound of the album. however, the girls are always ready to double down on how much they love the song. taking it's name from the greek island where all their greatest heroes lived, fortunate isles conveys the story of a letter being delivered to an ex lover who isn't quiet over their relationship yet, asking to be reborn in spring so they can live together forever.

‘ # 005.⠀ ⠀RENEWAL ──── written and produced by salem kueakulsri, performed by kwak yulli. renewal was a gift to the members of belladonna from plastic flowers leader, salem kuekulsri. in an instagram live, she confirmed that it had intended to be a plastic flowers song, but it was cut and eventually left in her vault of music. she said that she gave it to belladonna to remind them that they always hold the power in their lives and as a way to keep them strong. it explores themes of personal growth and resilience in the face of adversity, wanting to start anew and find solace in oneself after experiencing setbacks and challenges. by "growing a new plant in your head", the narrator can reach a new sense of personal transformation and optimism, leaving anyone that doubted them behind.

‘ # 006.⠀ ⠀LOVERS ──── written by bae haena, produced by oliver song, performed by kwak yulli. haena is quickly establishing herself as the queen of heartbreaking ballads in the group and fans absolutely love it. in this slower track, yulli really shines vocally as she laments on a relationship that failed, but only just realizing how good she had it. with only two verses and a chorus, their message comes across very well as they repeat "i wish you were with me" and "me as yours, you as mine".

‘ # 007.⠀ ⠀PAGAN POETRY ──── written by kwak yulli, produced by oliver song and dallas linwood, performed by kwak yulli. this song explores the spiritual connection between two people as the singer s pedalling through the dark currents and finding an accurate copy of another's pleasure inside of her. this connection is described as a secret code carved into black lilies, something deeply romantic and spiritual. the concept of paganism is reflected in the individual's connection to the divine as deeply personal and the beauty and spiirtualiy is celebrated.

★⠀⠀ ⁄ ⠀⠀STYLING.

★⠀⠀ ⁄ ⠀⠀ERA SUMMARY.

‘ # 000.⠀ ⠀MAJOR ACHIEVEMENTS: 200,000 sales in the first week and a nomination on every major south korea music show. fans were unable to get them a win, but they would only place behind the actual winner by a few points, making it possible for the next era.

‘ # 000.⠀ ⠀belladonna's fandom name, DOVES, would be announced by the girls in a video on how to cheer for burn alive. it was chosen because doves are often seen as a symbol of peace, freedom, or love—all things their fans provided for belladonna.

‘ # 000.⠀ ⠀the budget was the talk of the town. everyone was supervised to see how lavish and beautiful their concept photos, music videos, and performance outfits were. it drove poppies mad and they demanded for equal treatment for the two.

‘ # 000.⠀ ⠀ fan wars started between DOVES and POPPIES as soon as it was confirmed salem and oliver were working on the album. many accused belladonna of not being able to write or produce their own music, which is objectively not true as seen by their superband run, and were just overall nasty towards the girls.

‘ # 000.⠀ ⠀ the OLIVER and YULLI DATING RUMORS. . . someone had posted a video of them looking a bit too close after plastic flowers' performance at cheeky's and twitter just ran with it. superbloom had to issue a statement saying they were just friends and had a close "senior—junior artist" relationship.

‘ # 000.⠀ ⠀ enough about plastic flowers! DALLAS LINWOOD was praised for his work on the album! after announcing his retirement from performing, most were excited to see him working on music again and he did not disappoint on these arrangements.

‘ # 000.⠀ ⠀ belladonna performed and WON their first time on immortal songs: singing the legends. they were on the PATTI KIM episode and sang MOTHER'S HEART IN SEOUL! it was praised by the older generation of domestic netizens and the girls will definitely be returning.

‘ # 000.⠀ ⠀all of the girls were supposed to have their natural hair colors for this promotional period, but haena had over plans. without telling superbloom, she bleached her own hair and it surprisingly came out well! when the company found out, she was forced to tone it and it remained a white color.

‘ # 000.⠀ ⠀many pre-debut fans were disappointed by their concept shift. though it was hinted at in the later rounds of superband, many wanted them to keep their "girl—rock" sound because they could relate to what they were singing about. there's a clear divide between these stans and those that enjoyed the curse of capulet.

‘ # 000.⠀ ⠀they were given a reality show called THE BELLA'S, which was filled with fun challenges and the girls getting to know each other! it's a loved series by fans and is still being uploaded even after promotions ended. they had a whole episode on haena's hair, which was an instant classic.

‘ # 000.⠀ ⠀despite knowing each other for less than a year, BELLADONNA seemed very close. they have amazing chemistry together and even showed how well they knew each other on BLOOM WITH US, with YULLI being the overall winner because she "loves her members".

‘ # 000.⠀ ⠀they also posted various covers including EDGE OF SEVENTEEN by stevie nicks, NIGHT SHIFT by lucy dacus, CHILL KILL by red velvet, THE CHAIN by plastic flowers, DITTO by newjeans, and many more.

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doomsdaydicecascader · 6 months

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please elaborate on your homestuck is like into the woods take because i read those tags and it blew my brain wide open i need to know more but like you are so right what if what you thought you wanted made you miserable and the story should have ended but it kept going and everyones dying horribly wow parallel of feeding the narrator to the giant and hussie being killed by and also part of lord english cant wait for homestuck to make it to broadway

so there's a sideways video that i'm kind of at risk of just repeating word for word from here, he explains it in a way i would just kind of idly repeat when describing the musical construction here

so here's that: the musical moral of into the woods

and you're correct about the "what if what you thought you wanted made you miserable" and "the story should have ended but it kept going" and "kill the narrator" but it's also in its judicious establishment of shorthands. in into the woods, this is in its musical expressions - "i want to go to the festival", "there are giants in the sky", etc etc. each character and each narrative arc is given a leitmotif that keeps the audience on track even with a billion characters running around. and ultimately, the expression of the theme is in relation to these little leitmotifs. these shorthands are deployed to great effect in homestuck too.

vriska is a blueblood whose relationship to breaking eight balls causes her to have snowballing bad luck, something compounded by her complex cycle of revenge, started off by the author figure for her narrative, doc scratch, which is something she overcomes with her ascension to god-tier and then defeat of english in act 7. but when it comes to breaking those eight balls, addiction is a powerful thing.

equius is a blueblood whose relationship to breaking bows reflects his unbendable adherence to rules, an arc that ultimately ends with his submission to the power structures of the world he grew up in, asphyxiated by the broken bow by a highblood he could have summarily defeated if he could have simply just, bent the rules. but addiction is a powerful thing.

jane is a rich girl (blue-blooded, natch) whose relationship to her brands is obviously toxic for herself and her friends - in her introductory pages she's inundated with subliminal messaging, groomed into being the perfect heiress by her imperious condescension, who is actively using the crockercorp brand as the means to reach out to jane. and wouldn't you know it, brand loyalty is a powerful thing.

and since vriska and equius have opposing relationships to this idea - vriska overcomes it, equius doesn't - it creates ambiguity as to how jane is going to relate to it, but there's no question as to whether it's gesturing at the same ideas. and evidently, she doesn't overcome it, at least in the homestuck epilogues, but it is a pattern, it's a beat hit intentionally.

it's this construction of homestuck as a reiteration on itself, repeating itself in new ways that express the story being told that makes it *really really* comparable to into the woods imo, just as much as any of the things you mentioned. also, this is just a bit more shallow, but one of the ways homestuck is divided on the map page is into "sides", side A before they break the fourth wall and side B after, and it just as easily reflects acts 1 and 2 of into the woods, splitting into this "narrative done right", and the ramifications thereof. pretty fun to think about

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xceanlynx · 8 months

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I don't think Ray has ever really loved Mew romantically. Not ever.

The thing is, when you are deprived of love your entire life, it's very hard to differentiate between platonic love, romantic love and gratitude.

Ray was at his lowest. We still don't have enough information to understand exactly how his familial relationships shaped him as the person he is, but from what it was implied, he never really felt like he belonged to anywhere, to anyone. His understanding of love is already distorted - the person that society says is supposed to love him the most, his mom, didn't love him, or she did in a toxic, abusive way. The only person close enough to him to form a similar bond (the bond of healthy dependency) with was Mew.

Ray never had love before Mew. Not from his family, not from other friends, not from himself. How could he differentiate between all of these kinds of love? No one would be able to.

Mew saved Ray, who already saw him as his bestest friend, the one he could count on. Saving him from his attempt just solidified it in his mind - Mew is the one who could save him. Mew is the only one that showed him love, true love. But Ray doesn't understand that there are different kinds of love. A friend's love can be just as strong as a lover's love for someone, but they are still different kinds of love.

To Ray, if he lets Mew go, he will be letting go the only form of love he has ever known. He sees Top as competition because he doesn't understand that love can have different facets (also Boston is feeding his ill brain with shit but that's just a small part of it all). He is afraid of being in that position again, of being lonely again, when no one - not even himself - loved him. He is afraid that, when a newcomer arrives in the friend group, a player, someone that "obviously" do not love Mew the same way as Ray does, and Mew actually likes the player back, he will be set aside. Because Mew likes someone romantically, and romantic love is more valued anyway, so no matter how many times Mew says he loves Ray, it will not be enough. I could write an entire book about this specific topic through an aroace lens, but this is not the point of this post.

Now we see Ray, after being rejected by Mew (rightfully so - Mew did a very good job setting and enforcing his boundaries), seeing in Sand another person that could love him, that could take care of him when no one else would. There is hope, in his perspective, that another person can and will love him. He even begin to repeat the same patterns he experienced in his life with Sand: asking him to curse him won't bother him because it's what he was used to his entire life. That's normal life to him. That's what people who are supposed to care about him do anyway (Mew being just enough outside of the standard to make Ray obsessed). What Ray still doesn't know is that NO OUTSIDE LOVE can save someone.

What I mean is, the only hope for Ray to live a joyful and fulfilling life, is if he starts loving himself. It does sound cliché, but it's true. No amount of love from other people can save someone. It's not family, friends, lovers, or even God and religion that is going to save someone from themselves. They can and do absolutely help, but at the end of the day the willpower must come from inside. His self loathing, his hatred, his low self esteem caused by whatever trauma he holds will only get better if he works on himself of his on volition. For Ray to understand it, I'm afraid only with psychological and medical help - and this is how other people can help.

I have high hopes for his character development. As someone who went through similar stuff (don't worry, I've been through years of therapy and it had no hard drugs involved), some scenes can be quite triggering, but I still very much enjoy what they are doing with his character, by far the one I can relate the most. Ray is a complicated, flawed character and definitely not the cup of tea for everyone in audience, but I can't help being fascinated. I do hope his development won't fall flat at the end of the series.

(also, Khaotung made me cry again. Thank you for your acting, sir. I know you will destroy me eventually.)

#only friends #only friends the series #ofts meta #only friends meta #ofts ray #ray pakorn #ray x sand #ray x mew #tw attempted suicide #tw mention of drugs #cue obrigatory 'sorry for any english mistakes' card

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youcouldmakealife · 1 year

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The recent pride night BS has really been bumming me out. I keep thinking back to the part of TOTI when Mike was worried about Liam coming out to the team and Liam laughs at him and mentioned how young he was when Dan and Marc came out. When you wrote that, or when you wrote YCMAL, did you think the league would be that tolerant by now? Could you have imagined then, that in 2023, there would still be zero openly gay active or retired players, teams would cancel or backtrack their pride nights, players would be openly bigoted under the guise of religion, pride night Instagram comments would be filled with openly homophonic rhetoric, etc?

The world you’ve created feels so lovingly accepting and I guess I’m curious if you thought by now life would have imitated art or if you knew it wouldn’t and this was always a fantasy.

Me too, anon. Me too.

Liam laughing it off was definitely meant to be reflective of his optimistic attitude as someone who grew up in a world with out players, and positive LGBT media representation, and other privileges he can't do anything but take for granted, because they're just...reality, as he experiences it. Mike, obviously, doesn't agree with Liam's flippancy, and doesn't have the same sunny view of things, and that's as much reflection of him growing up in a different time as it is his personality.

YCMAL 'verse definitely is a little...not utopian, I won't say that, and I'm leery of that descriptor for anything, but it is a world that's a little more...live and let live, I suppose, and the institutions are a little less rotten. That individual people can be shitty and selfish and cruel, but that, in collectively, empathy and logic and even simple 'this doesn't personally affect me in any way so I'm just going to mind my own dang business' prevails.

I know that's not how the world works. I've always known that, though boy have the last few years really driven that point down my throat, and underlined just how selfish and shitty and cruel people can be, collectively as well as individually.

The 'verse has never been meant as a complete reflection of reality, though I do intend for the characters to feel realistic (and hope I succeed). The little changes (different teams, different commissioner, different media personalities, different legacy players) have always been a signal of bigger deviations from the world we live in (okay, the no Trump as president was a LITTLE utopian of me).

I will say that when I started writing the YCMAL 'verse (the early 2010s) the world was trending in a slowly more accepting direction, and that it was, in some way, extrapolating based on that forward movement, what something COULD look like. Perhaps optimistically, but even so.

Unfortunately I think the pendulum has started to swing in the other direction; I'd like to think this is the last gasp of bigots being (rightfully) terrified that the world is leaving them behind and they're being consigned to the wrong side of the present as well as the wrong side of history, but unfortunately I've studied enough of history to recognise patterns when I see them, and this economic inequality round has landed firmly in the 'right wing populism' side of things in North America and Europe. In the words of Mark Twain, Sayer of Many Pithy Things, History never repeats itself, but it does often rhyme.

Maybe hanging out in my little sandbox, making castles is escapism. I am, as you say, writing a fantasy world -- I love the sport of hockey but the institutions that prop it up, from youth hockey up to the NHL and national team programs, have been revealed to be horrific and often criminal. It's toxic masculinity, misogyny, homophobia, racism, sexual assault, and trauma all the way down. I think we collectively face all of that enough every day, and I'm going to keep making my little love stories set in a world that isn't perfect by any means, but is a little kinder, a little less brutal than our own. It's my small contribution to the whole 'not actively making the world worse, I hope'.

Also: James Reimer can go fuck himself. Really would love it if literally any member of the media asked him how he, as a Mennonite, squares wearing Military Appreciation jerseys with the pacifism that is a core tenet of his supposed faith, but I know they won't, so, you know. At some point you just have to laugh. This absolutely merciless Beaverton article is a good way to do it.

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randomluck-ofthe-universe · 6 months

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Ok here me out and I'm in no way trying to be antagonistic. This is just something I've thought lately when fans get mad at Timmy's gfs.

If the relationships are fake for PR sake or as a cover then it shouldn't matter who he aligns himself with, right? At the end of the day it doesn't mean anything.

If the relationships are real then it's his business however he chooses to handle it in public and private, right?

I only ask because I see so many fans getting upset with each new gf and the fact checking and looking for clues seems like not a good time for fans. But more importantly, the derogatory hate that gets slung at his gfs is not a great look for us. In reality Timmy and anyone he dates are not above anyone else but I would hope that we as people would not bash these women for the perceived notion that they are not "good enough" for him and are somehow inferior. I don't know Timmy at all but I would think he wouldn't like what many say about these women.

If it's fake it doesn't matter and if it's not our business.

Personally, I see a pattern of him publicly having gfs leading up to movie premieres and then the relationship fizzles pretty quickly after the publicity run. Is it a coincidence, maybe? Is it a PR stunt to get attention for upcoming projects and something that is mutually beneficial while it runs its course to whatever goals they set; maybe? We know stunting of this sort has and continues to happen. I tend to lean towards them being fake but it's also not really my business.

I guess I just feel like no matter what, if it's real or not, how the fanbase reacts says a lot and the hate is so ugly. Even if we don't like someone...attacking their intelligence, self-worth, parenting skills, etc., is beneath us.

I used to be so wrapped up in everything about Timmy and anytime a picture popped up or a mention was made of him with some girl he might be dating, my stomach would tie up in knots and I would try to find every piece of information I could trying to figure out if it was real or not. But I realized how much that was feeding into my already diagnosed anxiety and depression; so I took a step back. I have zero control over the situation and it's going to happen one way or the other.

If it is fake, it is so sad that this stuff is still going on; whether it's for business purposes or personal. I wish this stuff didn't matter and that celebrities private lives also didn't matter but more so I wish people wouldn't let these things bother them so much so they could be happier.

I don't know if any of this makes sense and I know I rambled a lot but I've just noticed all the hatred getting worse and worse. We have so few things right now that are good/positive in the world, let's try not to add more negativity for things that have nothing to do with us?

hi 😊, I understand your feelings, anon, and agree with you.

and yes, you've no idea how I fully agree it's so sad that this stuff has still to go on.. whether it's for business or personal purposes.

first of all, in total honesty and with no hypocrisy I want to tell you that I don't like Tim's "girlfriend" at all, as well as her entire family cause they represent for me what most negative and offensive there can exist about the image of a woman and about a human being in general.

get and buy visibility and popularity only thanks to money, so much money, without having any professional nor personal qualities or merit and promote shamelessly the idea that a fully fake aesthetic beauty based only on your body entirely redone is the only effective way for achieving any type of success and fame, is for me something really toxic, wrong and frankly disgusting at every social and human level.

having said that, you can dislike someone but for this reason getting to the point of hating her madly and erasing him or calling him out in the worst ways, is something that I find absurd, absolutely unfair and I strongly disagree with, for a lot of reasons that I won't be here repeating because I've already expressed my opinion quite clearly about Tim and about judging his life and his choices.

I truly appreciated your thoughts, anon, and I would love if you'd want contact me in private to talk more in depth about them.

thank you for your message. 🤍

#my anons #timothée chalamet

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aspoonofsugar · 1 year

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I think it would be pretty strange to have Qrow and Jaune be connected to Mercury because so far in the show all his relationships with men that he has are incredibly negative and I do find it interesting it how Mercury who feels like in something else would be portrayed as some sexist jerk being a big part of his character instead here gets along with women pretty well like he even got on with Cinder even if their relationship has soured post v3

Hi anon!

I think I disagree, even if I see where you are coming from...

First of all, the simple truth is... Mercury doesn't have that many relationships... as for now his 3 main bonds are Emerald (positive), Cinder (ambivalent) and Tyrian (negative). So, I would not really talk about a pattern here. This boy just needs friends no matter the gender :''')

Secondly, it is true that a part of Mercury's arc is to overcome a toxic mindset that stems from a negative idea of masculinity: "You must be strong", "You need no crutches", "You shouldn't show your feelings", etc. However, toxic masculinity =/= male characters. Jaune and Qrow are examples of masculinity that have outgrown their toxic traits, so for Mercury to develop bonds with them would be positive.

In any case, my reasoning to headcanon their future involvement in Mercury's arc is mostly structural and thematic. Especially when it comes to Qrow, I have argued why it would fit here and here:

Qrow and Mercury are similar. Both were raised to be assassins and their childhoods keep influencing their respective self-images. Deep down both still believe they are destined for destruction.

Tyrian is the character that in different ways embodies this idea for both, so it makes sense for them to overcome him. However, this victory should not be (only) a physical one. Qrow defeating Tyrian as a way to avenge Clover would not work because it would still be Qrow indulging in destruction. Similarly, Mercury killing Tyrian like he killed Marcus would just be the cycle repeating.

However, for Qrow to save a kid just as unlucky as him would be a way to metaphorically save and heal himself. For Mercury to show vulnerability and accept help would truly mean defeat Tyrian, Marcus and break the cycle of abuse.

Of course, things might go in many different ways, but this theory at least works for both characters’ arcs imo. If Qrow is the one that eventually kills Tyrian I think it should not be about Tyrian himself, but rather to save one of Tyrian’s victims and Mercury just happens to be in the perfect position to be saved.

Finally, when it comes to Cinder and Mercury's relationship, I actually like it very much and think it would be very important for both characters. I know this isn't really the focus of your ask, but in general I think people miss when exactly Mercury and Cinder's bond "weakened". It isn't in volume 4 or 5, but in volume 6. Specifically, it is after Salem's outburts here:

Before this outburst, Mercury is just as emotional as Emerald is at discovering Cinder is alive:

Salem: That's right. I want you to understand that failure. I want you to understand why Cinder must be left to toil in her isolation until she redeems herself. Salem walks away from Emerald. Both her and Mercury look up in surprise. Mercury: You mean-- Emerald: She's alive?

After the outburst, Mercury is quick to rationalize his relationship with Cinder as purely utilitaristic:

Mercury: Yeah, Cinder was a pain, but at least she kept us filled in.

And lacking any emotional attachment:

Mercury: Cinder doesn't care about you! She doesn't care about either of us!

Like, here Mercury is right and is trying to open Emerald's eyes. However, he is also convincing himself and putting some distance from Cinder. Notice how Mercury starts wiht Emerald, but then extends the idea to himself, as well. After all, this is what Salem, aka his new abuser is asking of him:

Salem: It's important not to lose sight of what drives us: Love, justice, reverence… But, the moment you put your desires before my own… they will be lost to you. This isn't a threat. This is simply the truth. The path to your desires is only found… through me.

Salem's message to Emerald (and so Mercury, as well) is clear. They should prioritize Salem's will over Cinder's. And that is what Mercury starts doing here in order to survive. This process keeps going throughout the time skip between volume 6 and 8. Just look how scared he is here:

And in volume 7 he is hardened himself so much, he barely shows any reaction to Cinder's return. This isn't because he doesn't care or their bond is gone though. It is a very specific reaction to abuse that makes Mercury repress his feelings and always act through a pragmatic frame, which is ironically much more obtuse than if he were just to follow his heart :''')

Anyway, I digressed a little bit, but the point is... I think Mercury's arc is about overcoming toxic masculinity, which is precisely why a bond with a positive male mentor figure may help. Not the only option, but not one I would discard just because...

Have a nice day!

#rwby #mercury black #asksfullfosugar #anonymous

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 11 months

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tw: abuse, death, threats, fear of threats, depression

rant and advice

i've been traumatized my entire life and i'm so tired of it. i'm autistic and i grew up not having my needs understood by anyone. my teachers harassed me, my classmates threatened to hurt me because they thought my reactions were funny, and everyone around me misinterpreted the things i said. i was also bullied a lot over anything from how i dressed to how easily excitable i was to my mannerisms. i found comfort in fictional characters but i was often bullied for that too and it made it really hard and scary to form connections with real people. i still tried to though because i wanted a real connection with a real person and i internalized that really deeply and kind of formed like a savior complex?

i kind of flocked to people that were like my mother and really like emotionally explosive because it felt familiar, and they often targeted me because i had a very limited understanding of what would cause those reactions and that was beneficial to them, so a lot of my friendships as a kid were toxic and didn't last long. i would always stick around out of hope that i could be the person that made them trust people again or that helped them work on themselves, etc.

i have one friend that i've had for many years but she tends to ghost me whenever i'm having a difficulty in my life. like when my grandmother passed away she left me on read when i told her and then didn't text me for months because she was embarrassed about it, and because of that i don't feel like i can actually rely on her.

i've been in a couple abusive relationships repeating those patterns with emotionally explosive people. one was online, but the other was in person. the online one was about five years ago, the thing that stood out the most from that is how this person reacted when my parents found out about us, she got mad at me for reaching out on another account that i had and then texted my friend to tell them that she was actually her mother, and was informing us that she had died when she hadn't.

the in person one was more severe, this one was recent and he made a threat to hurt me. he's been involved with some hate groups towards women and has been posting online that he genuinely doesn't think he's done anything wrong, despite stalking me, harassing me, and tearing me down emotionally throughout our entire relationship in so many different ways. the college that i go to is now issuing him a no-trespass order because of the posts he's made online and i'm really scared of how he's going to react, especially since school ends in a couple weeks and i'll be right in his area during the initial spiral that it's going to cause.

i also don't really feel like i have a strong support system. since realizing these patterns, i've lost a lot of friends while i try to make better ones, but right now i haven't made too many yet because of my social struggles. i feel like the friends i do have don't care and i know that's most likely just me projecting my past experiences onto them but i don't really know what else i have to go off of and it's making me really depressed. i try to stay upbeat and cheerful for the friends i do have so that they don't think i'm some depressing downer that they don't want to be around. and like i typically am fairly upbeat, it's just really hard right now because it's all piling up and i'm not nearly as much of an open book as i try to pass myself off as being.

i'm really just fighting so hard to people please and keep people around because i don't want to lose anyone else and i'm so emotionally attached to my friends, i just feel like they don't care about me in the same way and i don't know how to stop thinking that way, or where to start trying to make more healthy friends.

i'm also really scared of how emotionally attached i am because i hate being attached to people, it scares me so much because of what i've experienced, but i don't want to talk to them about it and put that burden on them because that isn't fair to them... i just don't even know how to proceed, especially with everything that just happened with the no-trespass order because i really need my friends' support right now and i don't feel like i have it anyway, and then a lot of them seem to have good things going on right now and i don't want to spoil that with my problems because they deserve to be happy and i can't be selfish and take that away from them...

i just want to feel like i have friends that care, i feel so lonely and i overgeneralize when this happens so like logically i know that most of my friends probably do care but it doesn't feel like it and i don't know what to do

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through and please know you're not alone. None of this is okay and you don't deserve to be treated like this, as much as these experiences might have you believe otherwise.

Regarding the emotionally unavailable friend, I know it can be hard to have a firm sense of boundaries and knowing what you do and don't tolerate after the experiences you've had. But it's important to recognize that even if this friend just has issues conveying sympathy, you still deserve to be treated with respect, especially in those vulnerable moments. You deserve to have friends that at least say something like "I'm sorry you're going through that," or, "I'm sorry for your loss," as these are pretty easy things to say, and it seems like it would've helped to hear that in those moments.

As for the in person partner, it sounds like this person is a threat to you, and although the police suck about helping survivors, it may still be worth letting them know what's going on. I understand how vulnerable you may feel knowing that you won't have your school's protection. Opening an information case or even filing a restraining order can potentially make you feel safer, as the latter especially can essentially serve as a no trespass order, but relative to wherever you are. While restraining orders only last for a certain amount of time, you might find comfort in knowing that any violation of that restraining order could result in his arrest.

It's okay that you're not feeling your best right know, and it's understandable why. Your feelings are informed by your experiences and I think it's unrealistic to expect you to be happy with your current situation. It might be helpful to consider that all of these things, describing the awful things you've been through and the disrespectful relationships you've had and continue to have, they all indicate that you know you don't like being treated in these ways. This can be a starting point for developing and setting boundaries.

It's not unfair to communicate with your friends about what's going on - in fact, it's unfair to both parties for silence to be in the place of a meaningful conversation. Please know that regardless, you deserve to have the support of your friends, and if your friends don't support you, are they really friends?

Ultimately, if you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist could help you process your experiences and the kinds of relationships you have now, as well as developing some coping mechanisms and boundaries.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse #trauma details #tw death

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scoups4lyfe · 2 years

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Like you mentioned it seems the relation with own demon is really complex.. we can see it in kagero-daiji and ikki-vice situation.. makes me wonder is there anything like that with sakura-lovekov?-Hiromi anon

Ahhhhhh, yesssssir.

See, I have a theory about this. I said a fews ASKs ago that I was gonna copy and paste the essay so might as well just go ahead and do that here LOL.

In light of the insanity of episode 31--I truly think that each of the siblings have like a 2 part arc they each need to fulfill.

(Idk maybe more than that 🤷‍♀️).

Ikki's first arc I'd say is split into two parts:

Arc 1: Trust & Worth.

He had to learn to (1) trust his siblings to be able to handle themselves

and (2) To trust himself (Vice lol). Which came to completion in episode 13.

The worth part he's still working on

but he IS slowly coming around to the fact that y'know there are parts of himself that he DOES love.

His 2nd arc is also split into two parts

(1) Remembering the trauma and acknowledging it -- aka ep 25 to 31 --- and

(2) learning how to cope with said trauma, and learning healthy coping mechanisms instead of choosing self-harming behaviors/coping mechanisms.

Of course there's still plenty of sh*t Ikki hasn't acknowledged or processed.

And that's because he still needs to learn how to cope in a healthy way instead of immediately trying to run away from the problem (mentally) and y'know in reality too I guess.

Because he'll never grow as a person until he actually learns a new way to cope so that he can process everything, instead of repeating the same cycle of toxic behaviors to the point of idk, death? Mental death? Physical death?

Hmmm.

Well there will certainly be a death of some kind with the way the show is going full power nonstop, bullet train 800 mph right ouTTA the gate.

In fact, Ikki's current storyline kinda reminds me of the Kdrama "It's Okay Not to be Okay" -- more specifically, Ko Moonyoung's kid's book:

"The Boy Who Ate Nightmares."

NGL y'all this book fits TOO damn well. It's almost uncanny LMAO. "Why can't I become happy?" just HITS.

……..Since Ikki keeps falling back into these same patterns -- down to the foundation of who he is as a person, I believe he's destined (on this current path) to end up becoming exactly like his father.

(Unfortunately.)

Because when you get down to it, the two of them cope the EXACT same way.

(The father's albeit a LOT more unhealthy, but that's because while Ikki had something positive to fall back on, all the dad had was like....scientists horny for abusing human rights, and actual isolation in the DANKEST fking place on earth. Lmao.)

Of course Ikki's big thing is that

he needs to recognize that he copes in this wildly unhealthy manner because its how he coped with the trauma from his childhood.

Its the only way he currently knows how to cope, he doesn't really know anything else, so he keeps going straight back to this mechanism, even though it at this point it could severely ruin everything in his life that he's come to live for.

....

For Daiji, I think his arc is very similar

(but with obvious differences, as Ikki and Daiji are like direct foils with each other.)

Like (1) he had to learn how to trust himself, (aka confidence) --- and to do this he had to learn how to fight against his own self-hatred.

But this also meant that he had to revisit HIS foundational coping mechanism

(aka how Kagerou works as a "mirage" so that Daiji can keep living, by changing the story to being something caused by OTHERs instead of caused by HIMSELF -- so that he wouldn't idk do something crazy with all that hate.)

I do still think he's working on his confidence and how to fill out the shoes of trusting himself, but he has (unlike Ikki) successfully faced his demons, his unhealthy coping mechanisms, and idk,,, killed them?

Basically he learned that he didn't need to cope like this anymore because he CAN and WILL have to face his own problems and he finally accepted that. (Ep 26)

BUT.

The thing he still hasn't gotten to yet on his narrative arc, would be the changing of his view point. While he one-shotted his coping mechanism and learned how to be more cruel and decisive, he STILL hasn't really changed his way of thinking. He largely follows and operates with this binary of "Black and white" y'know?

"Good versus evil, justice versus injustice" etc etc etc.

Like he might've changed his shoes -- but he still walks the same?

Which is why Kagerou is currently MIA -- not because he's gone for good

(lmao we WISH we could just fight our demons to the death and be demon-free LOL.But, real life isn't like that sooooo)

BUT

because Daiji hasn't yet learned to accept the parts of himself that are bad -- y'know the more negative emotions, the violent thoughts, aggression, (etc. etc. etc.) Because he still views and sees these things are "evil" and puts them in a box buried deep inside him, and since he's punched out his MAIN coping mechanism of needing to protect himself from reality……

what he needs to do now is accept his OWN reality.

Accept that things are not a binary, they are nOT black and white,. and that it is oKAY to be flawed, and that it’s essential to acknowledge that it doesn't make you inherently evil for having a negative emotion.

This change of viewpoint and final acceptance of himself I believe is his main narrative arc.

And that until he learns how to accept himself and this viewpoint, he'll be forever playing side-character because he hasn't yet truly allowed himself to BE a main character. To BE someone flawed. And this is something he is going to have to learn if he wants to actually complete his goals.

Like at this point, he's accepted the wrongs of the past. and that things need to change.

But he still lacks the foresight of things being more complicated than just 'good and bad' to actually SEE how to successfully implement any kind of change.

Etc. etc. :DD

***

So, going back to Sakura I just fullll out BELIEVE that her entire journey is about growing—

(yes -- as a person like everyone else in this show/the igarashi family L O L) but more specifically

growing up

Like the 3 siblings are each trapped by different things. Ikki's trapped by his past so he can't see how to change his present and/or his future until he deals with said past. If he never deals will it, then he's doomed for failure.

***

Daiji's big problem and conflict deals with the present. He's too stuck in the present to fully process his past, and he can't move towards the future unless he recognizes who he IS in this direct moment, and comes to accept it.

(Which he hasn't lol)

And then of course, back to Sakura -- her problem is the future.

She's too stuck on the future, on growing -- maturing -- trying to learn to be more responsible, more..."adult".... trying to figure things out on her own, that she ALSO neglects the past AND the present.

Hence why she just accepts everything that she hears and has yet to think more critically about what is true and what is false and whatever else falls in-between.

All of the Igarashi siblings

(but DEF Sakura and Daiji, as Ikki has had to deal with this directly a lot more, but now his problem is with how he copes with it)

have a problem of viewpoint.

Specifically (from what I can tell) the binary of good and evil, black versus white, yada yada yada.

This is originally WHY Sakura wants to figure things out on her own/become more 'WOKE'. It's because narratively she's inbetween this phase of childhood and adulthood.

Like the first 10 episodes of the series are Sakura seeing just how different "real life" is to the only life she's known prior. AKA that Ikki isn't superman. That Daiji isn't inherently just a "sweet, kind, older brother" and also that society is jacked to hell.

Y'know this is why "LIBERAL UP" is Sakura's henshin phrase, and also why she uses the "Libero" driver.

Because she needs to transition from the past to the modern present.

HOWEVER.

Sakura's too far ahead of herself. She still has the tendency to naively believe what is presented to her. (AKA 'this mUST be the truth. Because he said so. LOL!!!) This is probably also why she joins WEEKEND because y'know she's "At the end of the week" Yet she in the transition period right before the start of the next (week).

Hmmmmm. Sakura' biggest conflict

(Y'know other than with this viewpoint)

Is also the concept of honesty and dishonesty. Which is why her animal motif is a SNAKE, because (and yo this could be symbolic to her joining weekend, idk I guess)

she has to choose between:

"Accepting the honesty of what she already had, or she has to choose and accept the dishonesty of the SNAKE"

-- leading to her "Fall". (If we're going by religious connotation. But seeing as the show has a literall fking CULT I feel like this connection isn't too far fetched LOL.)

Which YEESH. But its true. She needs to understand that you can't just confront things head on and expect to always be right, or to win. There's more to reality than just beating the opponent in physical combat.

Wayyyy quicker than Ikki and Daiji, Sakura NAILED the first part of her arc (accepting her own vulnerabilities, accepting her own demon)

(Ep 11-12 lol).

Ikki first accepts his demon in episode 13 (when he has to trust Vice), and again in episode 18 (accepting that him and Vice are one); Daiji never accepted his demon (Ep 26)

Which is also why Ikki and Sakura are more proactive in the narrative versus Daiji who has A LOT of self-introspection that he's got to do.

#Yeaah so this is my essay #hnnnnn #don't rlly know if my thoughts are clear here. Idk if not send me asks LOL #revice #ikki why is ur demon so cringe #watching revice #revice spoilers #kamen rider revice #hiromi anon <3 #asks #inbetween baths #bath 31 #revice liveblog #kronthescoup #my thougts #kr revice #kamen rider #igarashi siblings #revice analysis

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mejomonster · 9 months

Text

I'm reading a book on dating called How Not To Die Alone and

1. Not the worst advice I've heard. Fairly researched base and to the point and mostly useful

2. I am intensely disappointed to say it has almost no advice on how to avoid abusive relationships. It touches on how anxious-avoidant attachment styles tend to attract each other, but not how that also can often align with addict-codependent, codependency generally, childhood/complex trauma and people repeating patterns they're unaware of (such as repeating the same abusive relationship pattern despite efforts they have Blind Spots so clear Red Flag information in this book would've been nice:/ ). It also does not go into how if you have no trouble finding a relationship, but a lot of trouble breaking up from a toxic relationship or finding yourself in repeated toxic relationships, then there may be some pattern that needs addressing. In a book ALL about finding a lifelong relationship, that seems kind of important to skip touching on? Given that like... if you follow its advice of making-it-work, committing to decisions (satisfier), and not hesitating to jump into dating (make yourself Date people now)... you can see how if someone's pattern to date say "people who are controlling" or "people who drive other connections of mine away and isolate me" or a personal pattern of "being passive rather than assertive and not enforcing ones boundaries" well... with such a pattern, following that advice could easily lead to "Oh I'm dating a guy who says I can't call my mom or he screams, I am working it out by talking with him to not yell and he says he'll stop then yelled again when I tried to call a friend, a cop had to come because he threw some things but I committed to this relationship and he's Such a great loyal partner he Never Cheats and I'm sure we can work this out! After all, I WORK on things, I'm satisfied with the CHOICE I made, and I want to actively be in a relationship instead of running away!" And now they're in a relationship where perhaps it's safer at rhat point to break up and move somewhere safer. :/ anyway I have cptsd and while I'm fairly aware of my "blind spot" instinctive habits caused by said trauma, I would have appreciated more of a framework of how to include "screening for red flags" and "setting boundaries" and "when its unsafe to stay in a relationship/when youve done enough and should break up instead of being the omly one putting in effort" when following this books advice. Although this book did say 50% of people securely attach so maybe the advice is for them? But the book said they're mostly in relationships! Leaving the book to say anxious and avoidant people should seek out the Few secure attached partners left to date. While the book... still doesn't give much advice for those anxious and avoidants who Often run into each other on how to check for compatibility/red flags, how to healthily provlem solve versus when they need To LEAVE and give up on trying to fix (you know... the way codependent people have the tendency to try to fix to the point they should probably leave and help themselves and leave others to focus on themselves).

3. This books advice for people who Hesitate to date was to... set a deadline to date within 3 weeks. Maybe I'm a pessimist. But I feel like if I were to successfully meet that deadline I'd have to date someone I know I'm incompatible with (as in I know I don't like them, I know our values don't match at all, I know they're looking for something I'm not like a hookup only etc). I sure hope (again) that this book covers "make some basic ass qualities you screen for and AVOID these X red flags". Because like... if the requirement is "person is unsure or looking for loving relationship, person is mildly attractive, person is single, person has vaguely similar surface values, person has at least 1 basic interest in common" I've found one match on a dating app for that in a year. Actually I lied. I'm not remotely interested in the one match I found so not even mildly the looks I tend to like, but I'd say maybe that's still dating material in case in person looks register different right. So like... the book suggests at least 1 date a week. I'm contemplating how on earth I'd find someone to match those requirements once a week lol. And that's not even including slightly less basic but rather useful traits I'd hope a dating partner has like "is somewhat honest and can respond okay and mostly honest if I attempt to communicate" and "can get transportation to some dates and pay occasionally" because I do not have the resources to constantly drive and pay for everything 100% all the time, and "can contact me first at least occasionally, responds in at least a week, and sooner if a text is urgent like I'm at X we are meeting at 2 where are you" and "can generally be independent of lover in the sense they can notice their own emotions, needs, wants, and stressors and either take actions to address them or communicate they need help" (to me if its say needing emotional support in ways i didnt notice, to family if its say help finding a job, to coworkers if it's say needing less hours, to a therapist if say they realize they need a professional etc). If someone can't tell me when they're upset and just starts screaming at me, or their life falls apart and they have no skills at just asking for some help and seeking some solutions, I'm not prepared to be someone's everything and I do not want to be. I don't want codependency. I want a partner who can call friends too, if say I'm exhausted. I want a partner who maybe likes me helping them apply for jobs but is also capable of doing it without me or going to a resource center to get help if they don't know how to do it. It's similar to the transportation thing: can they ride a bus or call a cab or family member if say I'm sick in the hospital and they have no car? Can they ask someone for a ride themselves, or will they be screwed if I don't drop everything for them. If I need them to come get me becayse I fainted and my family is far away, can they find a way to come get me themselves? Are they self aware enough to be able to admit when they're depressed or anxious and tell me so we can talk ways I can help, can they reach out to others if they realize they want or need their whole social support network? I hope so. And while I wish these were very common traits, they aren't always. There's plenty of people who do not address their own feelings or problems unless things get bad enough they are forced to. There's plenty of people who will do none of X work in their life if someone else will pick it up for them. I've been in codependent relationships before and I'm not doing it again. I would prefer to date someone at least mildly self aware and mildly responsible about addressing their own needs and problems and communicating important things (like when they need help, when they lashed out over a bad day, when they're hurting and need it addressed etc). People won't show these traits yes or no on day one. It takes a while.

Anyway back to the point I guess lol... I'm absolutely confused as to how to find someone who meets my basic "mildly nice looking, some surface values and hobbies in common, single, looking for unsure or long term love, no obvious huge red flags" like once a week. Maybe.... maybe you just "have to" ask out clearly incompatible people, for the practice???? So I guess I could whittle the requirement down to "not necessarily single, clearly not interested in the same thing so don't crush on them and stop any crush, not your kinda looks, but at least mildly similar values so you don't rip each others heads off, no obvious red flags like controlling/threatening/ignoring consent so a first date isn't dangerous" I guess that could be practice. Since them not being single would make them incompatible for me off the bat, and I'm not going to let myself like someone unavailable who won't want me long term. I'm not sure if this book is arguing I should waste time on dating incompatible people just for practices sake, tbh? My instincts say that sounds like a very very bad idea. Because I have some prior dating experience so I do know what is a red flag, what I like and dislike already, and how to be social and fun. And like... dating people I'm incompatible with just sounds like such a waste of the other person's time and energy (and mine) on time with people we won't ever be with again (except maybe as friends). Amd worst case, I catch feelings. Then get heartbroken it doesnt work, over obvious incompatibilities I was already very aware of.

#rant #as usual i guess the advice resding is actually stressing me out more #if i cant date once a week i wont find love????#did u know being in a bad relationship worsens your health? like how a #good relationship significantly improves your health.#wrll my health is shit. i dont really love the idea of worsening it by dating incompatible people week after week :/

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riotbrrrd · 2 years

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Alright I'll talk about the boys first because I just. On a rational level I understand their desire to not repeat s1 exactly, and I would not have been interested if we didn't see the rest of the girls' antics, but also that forces them to fit a lot of stuff in very little time and it creates a discrepancy that. Makes me tick idk, and I have to examine it, so I'll try laying it out clearly

First thing is that they decided to team them up for flashbacks but first off I think having so many people who already know each other creates a very different dynamic than mostly strangers on an island (even if the girls also have seen each other sometimes they don't have history beyond Rachel and Nora, which is immediately used as a tension point). But it also unbalanced the flashbacks, like, the scotty and bo gives info about both of them (though it's not info we didn't already get from early characterization) but the others they just. Focus more on one side of the story, there's Seth's flashbacks with hints of Henry (so little about their true family dynamic too) and Ivan's flashbacks with hints of Kirin (though this one I think works best, and works because we don't get to see kirin's version of things I think. It is about perspectives after all) and Raf is the only one with a true flashback. Also in a hilarious kind of twist Josh just. Isn't included in the fun. No flashback for Josh. I get that most of his character development happens on the island but it's also so stupid that the boy described as "wanting to be included" in ep1 just doesn't get the same treatment as the others.

(Yeah I'm not counting Gretchen's son bc I really don't get what he was doing there so he doesn't count. My analysis my rules)

The other thing is that it feels like the girls' flashbacks were about them being girls, while the boys' flashbacks are about them being people? Idk, it's worth examining whether it's just me having double standards here, and in a way some of the girls were going through things that can be considered universal, but I feel like for the girls it was framed as specifically "it's hard to grow up as a girl" that the new flashbacks do not answer to, in that they're neither going "life is also hard as a boy" (And I am not, as a person, really big on ~toxic masculinity~ as a concept but for the wilds it's something that would have made sense to explore I think, given their general approach to gender. Gretchen does say the words "bad male behaviour" at some point but it's tacky dialogue and also it's Gretchen, so you know) nor "life is easier as a boy", they just... show them struggling for other reasons. They also specifically do not use the gendered elements of some of their stories: there is no reflexion on the fact that bo is abused by his father (is the mother in the picture? We don't even know, we never see his parents), they don't show Ivan struggling with his gayness nor do they really make a point about him using his phone and anger to avoid being emotional with his boyfriend, and they don't use kirin's obvious latching onto his sports coach as a father figure... there's seth, okay, exhibiting obvious patterns of patriarchy-encouraged abuse, but it's made about how his mother didn’t love him enough so I feel that really misses the point in the most spectacular way.

There is I suppose a silver lining in the fact that most those flashbacks are, in one way or another, about a lack of emotional intelligence: scotty doesn't seem to notice that bo's attitude is a symptom of something else, henry complains he never knows anything despite him visibly isolating himself, ivan creates scenarios to get mad at instead of listening to people, even raf gives off vibes of ignoring the hints he doesn't want to get, and then seth... is seth; so you can call me out on that analysis and tell me the show is subtler about it than I give it credit for and that those things are being explored in ways I didn't think about, but in the meantime if the only thing this show had to say about growing up as a boy is "they aren't very good at reading the room" that feels a bit underwhelming.

#anyway yeah. I might have forgotten points I want to make. ill add them later if I remember #the wilds s2

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kmp78 · 1 year

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🤔What I'm understating from CS's post is that she sold her house, to move in with SL, but that she doesn't know where, because SL is the one choosing and doing the buying, using her $ part I suppose and his, all on his own, and she's fine with that. Well if that's the case and I understood correctly, I'll tell you something, Cara is a complete idiot and from the psychological point of view a total codependent desperate to please others and mold herself to whatever she thinks they want, and that's very toxic and unhealthy.

One thing is getting a surprise vacation, one very different is gambling your whole livelihood willingly blindfolded and very submissive misogynist traits shown by both leaving to hold the strings of your life to a man or asking that for a woman. Doesn't matter how much you trust a partner you just don't do that unless you're impared somehow unable to take part in this much of a huge life changing decision.

And on SL's shown before btw with all the stupid stuff Cara posts, she's exposing him once again as a massive controler, maybe he does it subconsciously yet he is a very controlling subjugating partner and CS being a weak codependent shown too on her previous relationship that's why they attract each other, it's unhealthy and toxic. And before the idiotic apologists come yelling I don't hate CS or I'm jealous give me a break, and guess nothing can be perfect, and just thinking about S if he's "well" and happy with CS then for each their own and good luck, but anyway there's a lot of toxicity there and a lot of psychological issues from both sides, enabling one an other, so watch out.

And sorry to mention this but CS is repeating the pattern and making the same mistake of giving it all and living together with a controlling fella without marriage, she's again heading nowhere uncertain, again buying co owned property not even having a say on the choices, letting the man choose for her, I mean so wrong. I hope this time around works for her, but she's very foolish immature person very needy for validation with tons of issues paring up with the same.

Also CS seems very eager to please SL on public ig in her own dumb head but actually she's exposing his psychological issues and the toxic issues of their relationship, from the start, thirst for attention and desperation for fame, dealing her own reality show on sm is leading her to mess up over and over and she's not even aware, what a dumb.

***

I think she is the ultimate "mom figure" for SL who obviously needs one or else he´ll spin out of control again or gets nothing done, and I think this whole "nonchalant" act is just that.

An act.

She may pretend like they are equals and blaa blaa blaa, but I think we all know that´s rarely (if ever) the case even with regular people and most certainly not when the other person in the relationship is someone like SL!

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pleckthaniel · 3 years

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📓 spill

DARK FOREST TRAINEE HEATHERTAIL AU. Why did this not happen in canon. Lives in my head rent free.

Because, OK, after Eclipse, Heathertail literally spends all of the rest of her appearances in PO3 and OOTS being incredibly angry at Lionblaze and ThunderClan in general. To the point where they imply several times that she literally feels MURDEROUS towards Lionblaze. And then this plot never goes ANYWHERE because the Erins hate cool women.

Anyway my point is, in the AU, instead of just kind of being mad forever after Eclipse, Heathertail goes home with her tail between her legs and thinks about how Lionblaze beat the shit out of her and almost killed her mentor and probably would have liked to kill her to, and she thinks, I never want anything like that to happen to me again. No matter what I have to do, I'm not going to lose any more battles. I'm not letting myself get killed.

And, you know, the Dark Forest picks up quick on that stuff.

Honestly? At this point how things go would kinda depend on a few factors. My personal headcanon 90% of the time is that Breezepelt didn't actually join the Dark Forest until after Sunrise, so in this AU Heathertail could potentially be a senior recruit to him. On the other hand I'm like... kind of really into the potential dynamic of him finding out that Holy Shit, Heathertail Is Here Too and having no idea how to react to that. Because 1. ????????, 2. !!!!!!!!!!. You know?

In any case, I think that Heathertail is like, a pretty driven person and also generally a talented warrior, so she rockets through the ranks of the Dark Forest fairly quickly. It helps that Tigerstar might take kind of an interest in her? I've mentioned before that Tigerstar tends to go through close allies/accomplices and discard them very quickly when someone more interesting/useful-looking crops up, and I imagine the combined facts of Heathertail's competence and that she joined the Dark Forest almost entirely on her own terms - there was no manipulation from a young age going on here, she was an adult and she did this pretty much voluntarily - would both catch his interest.

And initially, Heathertail is like, she knows she's making a deal with the devil, but she just needs to do this one thing of guaranteeing she never has to feel that powerless again. But the Dark Forest has a way of over-validating anger in a way that expands its target range, and I think she slowly starts to want to not just be able to defend herself against Lionblaze but also to make him feel the powerlessness and defeat that she felt, and then she wants to be able to make ThunderClan feel as weak as she thinks they think WindClan are. I don't think she ever goes full 'The Clans are stupid, I'm loyal to the Dark Forest' mode though. Like I said, she knows she's making a deal with the devil. She thinks she's using Tigerstar, without recognizing the extend to which he's manipulating and using her.

All this to say, my ideal dynamic in this AU is that Heathertail and Breezepelt are a villainous power couple, except also he's kind of just the dumb muscle to her actual villainousness because This Is Not A Healthy Heatherbreeze Dynamic; They Never Moved Past Their Toxic Apprenticehood-Era Relationship Patterns. She comes up with evil plans, and then she tells him who to kill, and he does it and resents her and loves her at the same time and she doesn't give him a second thought beyond what he can do for her.

They're also kind of doing their own thing beyond just the Dark Forest's evil plans and they would be the main villains in OOTS. Because. OOTS should have been more closely linked to the more grounded narrative in PO3, and it should have had a big non-repeat villain to give it its own flavor and stakes. Sigh.

And like, maybe Antpelt is there too? But I think Antpelt is like, much less committed to the Dark Forest than either Heathertail or Breezepelt is, despite having been there for much longer. (..my thoughts on Antpelt could be a post on their own so I seriously can't expand on this statement LOL) So maybe at first when they're both joining the Dark Forest he's like, cool! friends :) but then he eventually fulfills the same narrative role he does in canon, which is to say he is killed off to show how badass and scary the villains are. Except in this AU, probably he is either killed for some reason by Heather & Breeze or they allow him to be killed by the DF - and in either case it shows how far gone they are, to allow their friend and Clanmate to die.

Anyway. Probably the Three defeat Heathertail & Breezepelt at some point. Maybe they die, but I also think it would be really fucking funny if they just, got defeated and lived and continued living in WindClan, cause you know damn well Onestar is not kicking out his daughter and if she says he can't exile her edgy boyfriend without losing her too, well, then, the edgy boyfriend also stays I guess. And then they just come to Gatherings with their evil children and say belligerent things every once in a while.

Also here's a sketch I did for this AU which I may or may not ever turn into a finished drawing but it felt weird to make this post and not toss it on.

[ID: A rough sketch of Heathertail & Breezepelt. Breezepelt is a bit taller and scruffier, with a concentrated, but passive expression. Heathertail is shorter and rounder, with a conspiratorial expression. She is holding him by the ear and leaning back to speak to him while she looks away from him. Breezepelt is leaning in to listen and looking at her. End ID.]

Put "📓" or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I'll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven't written but daydream about.

#scout talks #warrior cats #wc #heathertail #breezepelt #heatherbreeze #stonedfur #scout.png #?#evil heatherbreeze au

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low-budget-korra · 2 years

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Hello, curious anon here!, What's the character you dislike the most from both Tlok and Atla and why? I have been looking at the most attacked characters lately and they I have found that, (most of the time) the base of such hate is that ppl find x or y character too "annoying". We just need to look at Korra or Katara and we find that ppl usually dislike them for patterns that repeat too often, (Korra showing certain flaws like hotheadedness or Katara talking about how she misses her mother), so I am curious about what character you dislike the most I hope this doesn't sound mean. Personally, I don't really hate any character, I might dislike their actions and attitudes but in general no one affects me that much.

Hello, happy new year. Hope you are doing fine.

That's a good question.

When I think about characters I dislike, in any media, there's two types of them: The characters that were just so poorly written/portrait that I just can't bring myself to enjoy them and characters that are just bad, in the way that they are just so we'll written but they are just so mean and evil that I dislike them(and praising the effort to make a good ass well written evil/mean character at the same time)

So, answering the question I think the characters I dislike the most in both tla and tlok are Kuvira and Tarrlok.

Kuvira because I think she is poorly written in the show, and for what I know about the comics, this didn't changed much. Even tho she had some charisma and work fine as a dictator villain, the way on how they force a redem arc on her and how they force the parallels between her and Korra just ruined her character for me. I dislike her simple because of the writing.

Tarrlok in other hand has a nice writing. He is complex, he is ambiguous, we could see his story and motivations, how and why he is the way he is. But he is such a creepy corrupt bastard that I can't bring myself to like him. Yes, I love how well written he is, and I dislike him because he is the type of villain that I just don't empathize with

I know the fandom as a whole dislikes Ozai and Unalaq but I think they work well in what they are supposed to. Sure, Unalaq has no charism but he is such a classic "envious brother" villain, who execute his plans with almost perfection. Both him and Ozai were just evil, no forced "there's good in them" stuff, they were evil and that's it. And I appreciate this honesty. Again, they could be better but still, it worked for me so...

About what you said about Katara and Korra, I have this view that I'm sure will not please everyone but for me people who complain about how "annoying" Katara and Korra is, are just annoyed about how powerful,important and deep these characters are. Because they judge them for the same shit they praise when they see in other characters like Zuko or Toph. And since Katara and Korra were both woman of color, I think this just screams sexism and racism.

Ps: I know Toph is also a woc, since she is not white because there's no European white people in Avatar. But she still is light skinned, and for this she - and other characters who is also light skinned - is better accepted in those toxic parts of the fandom

#avatar #the last airbender #the legend of korra #avatar korra #katara #toph beifong #zuko #kuvira #tarrlok #ask question #tlok #atla #tla #legend of korra #ozai #Unalaq

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