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autumnsxxangel · 8 months

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SandRay are an homage to Wong Kar-Wai's Happy Together and in this essay I will..

...actually explain it because I see people catching his homage's to Western queer media, but not really his shout outs to Eastern queer media.

I assumed there would be allusions to Happy Together when I first saw the trailer, but this last episode centered around Ray really cemented it for me. After all, why would P'Jojo reference all these Western queer shows and not talk about what is probably the most iconic piece of Eastern queer media ever?

Wong Kar-Wai & Happy Together

For some background information, Wong Kar-Wai is a famous and insanely influential Hong Kong filmmaker. If you're a film nerd, you probably know who he is and recognize his style. If you like film and metas, I would recommend watching some of his stuff because afterwards, you'll realize just how much influence he still has on modern media, especially in Asia. Stylistically, he's known for rich color grading; thematic usage of music; an unending sense of nostalgia, heartbreak, and missed opportunities; and dialogue that mean nothing on the surface because everything meaningful is boiling just under, left unsaid (If you've watched Everything Everywhere, All At Once, the entire actress universe sequence was an homage to Wong Kar-Wai). His actors always do a phenomenal job because so much of what they need to portray can't be communicated through words. It makes sense why SandRay, aka FirstKhao, were chosen to represent Happy Together as they are the strongest actors out of the group.

Happy Together, simply summarized, is about two men, Ho Po-Wing and Lai Yiu-Fai, who are in a very tumultuous relationship. They end up in Argentina because they wanted to visit the waterfall that's on a lamp that they own. They get lost, end up using all their money, and have to figure out a way to get back to Hong Kong. While there, they break up, get back together, and break up again.

The movie was released in 1997 and is still ranked as one of the best queer movies of all time. The two main characters are played by Tony Leung and Leslie Cheung. You might recognize Tony Leung as Simu Liu's dad in Shang-Chi. Leslie Cheung was in Farewell, My Concubine, and was famously a bisexual man with a long term male partner. This is significant because it was virtually unheard of to be out and open at that time (he made his relationship public in 1997 though he had mentioned bisexuality in earlier years), especially in Hong Kong which was, and still is, very homophobic. Leslie received a lot of hate for his sexuality and androgyny. (If you're interested in learning more about Leslie as a queer Asian figure, this is a good video essay that goes over his work and his life).

Sand as Lai Yiu-Fai

Fai's, and in turn Sand's, character can be summed up by one line, "One thing I never told Ho Po-Wing was that I didn't want him to recover so fast. Those were our happiest days."

Both Fai and Sand are very static, straightforward characters. They stay above board for the most part and work a variety of jobs to survive. They have their morals about what is right and wrong, which unfortunately is both of their downfalls.

In Happy Together, Wing breaks up with Fai because he is bored with the relationship. He basically says, "I'm bored being with you. Let's break up. If we happen to meet again, we can try again." Then he leaves Fai stranded on the side of a highway.

Later, he reappears in Fai's life. The first encounter is a fight, much like Sand and Ray's first meeting in the bathroom. The second encounter is because Wing gets beaten up. He goes to Fai because he knows Fai will feel obligated to take care of him and he does. It becomes the beginning of their rekindled relationship.

Similarly, Sand has a strong sense of obligation. There are already metas out there about how Sand has a bit of a hero complex. He sees Ray too drunk to drive and he had to step in. He doesn't just take the keys and order a taxi. No, he takes the keys and drives Ray. Sand sees Ray being all sad and pathetic and he can't stop himself from helping. It makes him feel useful. It makes him feel needed.

Both of these men are caretakers. They show affection by providing care. Sand ends up cooking for Ray just as Fai cooks for Wing even when he's sick. As an added bonus, they both make fried rice.

Both Sand and Fai are characters that stand completely still. Ray and Wing always know where to find them. Sand can always be found at YOLO and Fai is at his apartment. Because of this, Ray and Wing come and go as they please. They know that Sand and Fai will take them back...until they finally don't.

Ray as Ho Po-Wing

Starting on a base level, both characters are bratty, needy, promiscuous, spoiled, and selfish. But most importantly, they both share a love of fluffy cardigans.

(I also have a theory they keep putting Ray in wife beaters as an homage to the 90's HK cinema style because otherwise...I just don't understand why, as a rich asshole, he's always in wife beaters. By Thai BL logic, he should be in shirts with too many buttons unbuttoned.)

Wing and Ray are both the ones controlling the pace and direction of the relationship. They come when they need someone to nurture their wounds, both physically and metaphorically. They leave when they're bored or have things they deem more important. They both initiate intimacy and won't take no for an answer.

Wing does this by first trying to join Fai on the couch and then chasing after him to the bed and begging him to let them sleep together.

Ray does it by continuously getting Sand to get in the car with him and then using his puppy dog eyes.

They are both also very, very pouty.

Wing's line is "We could start over". He says it every time he comes back after he's the one that ends the relationship. Fai always fights taking him back, but he always does it anyway.

Ray doesn't really have a line yet (unless you count his "na na naa~"s) but he bats his eyelashes and so far Sand has given into him every time. Sand keeps trying to set boundaries, but the moment Ray begs a little bit, Sand crumbles like a house of cards and lets Ray have whatever he wants.

Relationship Parallels

Wong Kar-Wai is known for making movies about star crossed lovers who are meant for each other, but aren't meant to be together.

Like Wing and Fai, Sand and Ray fill in each other's cracks in a way that complements each other. However, because of the nature of the cracks themselves, them complementing each other is exactly what makes the relationship so toxic. One stays and one goes. One takes and one gives. One is steady and one is flighty.

Most of what I wanted to say about the parallels between their relationships is in the character comparison. What I'm more interested in is the future of SandRay's relationship, especially if they continue to parallel Wing and Fai's in Happy Together.

Obviously, Wing and Fai don't end up together at the end. It wouldn't be a Wong Kar-Wai movie if they did. What is interesting is that Fai's relationship with Wing eventually pushes him into becoming something angry and spiteful. Once Wing heals, Fai knows that he'll become bored and want to leave. In an attempt to get him to stay, he steals and hides Wing's passport which is insane because they are both gay men stuck in a foreign country where they don't speak the language.

Wing, of course, leaves anyway.

There is also a third character, Chang, whom Fai ended up liking. These new feelings are what eventually pushes Fai to leave Argentina and move on from Wing and move on with his life.

The question is, if SandRay follows that same path as Happy Together, what will be the passport that Sand tries to hold over Ray and who will be Sand's Chang?

Stylistic Parallels

Smoking

Making Ray and Sand smoke is definitely an homage to Happy Together with the added bonus of being a metaphor. For the most part, we rarely see characters, especially main characters, smoke in Asian media because smoking is reserved for 'bad' characters.

Cigarettes in Happy Together represent boredom. Fai and Wing smoke at the beginning before they rekindle their relationship because they are just moving through life. Once Fai and Wing get back together, cigarettes stop making an appearance. It isn't until their relationship started deteriorating that we see the men smoking again.

This can also be said about Sand Ray's relationship. They started their 'involvement' with cigarettes. However, the last time we actually see them smoking is in ep 2 right before they hook-up. Since then, we have not seen either of them smoking. This probably means that we'll see one or both of them smoking again when their relationship starts to break down.

(In the preview for ep 5, there is an ashtray in the background on the balcony so let's see if Boston finding out about them is a catalyst for them to start breaking down.)

And of course, there is the added homoeroticism of asking for a light.

Ray's Opening and Closing Scenes

Ray's episode is really what made me go "I see you P'Jojo".

Ray's episode starts with a shot of him isolated and in emotional pain. The camera is claustrophobically close and it keeps moving around. He has a little voiceover opening. It's calm, it's contemplative, it's a little existential, and it is irrevocably sad. If that is not a Wong Kar-Wai staple, then idk what is. Even the song that starts playing gives me 80s, 90s Cantopop vibes.

Ray talks about how Mew being his emergency contact and the one he goes to. Fai talks about how Wing always comes back to him and says "Let's start over".

The movie and the episode ends with both of them once again isolated, alone. They've been through an emotional journey and they've technically moved on. But there's always the idea of not being able to fully let go in Wong Kar-Wai's movie. So just like how Fai has physically removed himself from Wing, but not emotionally, has Ray actually fully removed himself from Mew?

Cinematography

Then there's just a collection of scenes that reminded me very heavily of Happy Together and Wong Kar-Wai's style. I would have added pictures from his other movies for comparison, but Tumblr only lets me put 30 images in a post and I don't want to make a 2nd post.

This scene is specifically from the 1st trailer so I hope they keep it in the show.

This one I call the inevitability of falling. Both Sand and Fai realize they're fully committed to their decision to take care of Ray and Wing here.

The end title card

Actually, all of the end title cards give very Wong Kar-Wai vibes. Look at that saturated, neon color grading. Look at the elongated shots. The intense feeling of isolation.

I'm assuming we'll get all the characters at one point, but so far it looks like the end credit cards indicate who the narrator of each episode is.

Anyway, that's it for me! Sorry it was so long and rambling. I tried to organize my thoughts but as I was thinking, more thoughts would pop up and I'd get distracted. If you made it this far, thanks for reading!

#ofts #only friends the series #only friends series #sandray #ofts meta #only friends meta #happy together #i have to post this now because if i dont ill keep writing and ive already spent too much time on this #if anyone has other screenshot comparisons post them #because there are a few more scenes that give me major wong kar-wai vibes #but im too tired to look for them now

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heretherebedork · 6 months

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Cheum gets painted a hero and a sunshine for trying to manipulate her friends into coming back together when she didn't even go looking for Boston to apologize to him when she found out that her brother lied about.

Mew asks if he's an asshole for not forgiving Boston and Top just gives him a big speech about how it's totally his choice who he keeps in his life because, obviously, Mew is making the right choice.

No one ever apologizes to Boston unprompted except Nick and, in fact, almost no one ever apologizes to him at all.

Because he isn't monogamous, because he's honest, because he's an asshole just like all of them, but he owns that part of himself different than they do and so they must reject him and leave him alone in the end.

Was Boston as ass at points? Yes. But so was literally everyone else.

But only Boston has to pay the price because Boston isn't monogamous and so he doesn't deserve the same happy ending everyone else gets. Because if you're not made for monogamy then you don't get to be happy. You get left alone by everyone, all your friends and all your lovers, no matter how honest and how much you try and what you say.

The crime of being non monogamous earns you no forgiveness and leave you alone.

Ugh.

#only friends the series #poor boston #ofts boston #ofts meta #thai bl #thai series #bl series #thai drama #thaibl #asianlgbtqdramas #bl drama #thai bl series #asian lgbtq dramas #thai bl drama #gmmtv bl #gmmtv series #the slutshaming started and never stopped #boo

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neuroticbookworm · 6 months

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I gotta sleep on this finale and coalesce my thoughts, but this episode went to the greatest lengths to have each and every one of the characters tell Boston that he should "improve" himself. That his current character is not palatable to anyone -- his "friends", his boyfriend.

Boston was ostracized, isolated and berated to the point that it completely shattered his sense of self. He went from this

To this

This is where the show left him -- alone, dejected, and questioning every single part of identity. And I am raging mad about this.

#friends i am gonna die furious about this #boston deserved better!#the show had every one of those bitches dunk on boston #i had to watch fucking mew ray and cheum step on boston's back to get on their fucking high horses #what the fuck was even that???#only friends the series #only friends meta #ofts #ofts meta #bostonnick #only friends boston #neo trai #jojo tichakorn

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thewayuarent · 7 months

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Handling an addiction. Part 1.

Cause oh we need to have this conversation

Disclaimer: I am not a professional, and I won’t pretend to be. This is based on my personal experience as someone who is/was in several relationships with people who struggle from different forms of addiction. I want to clarify that I do understand all characters and while I’m going to critique them I do not blame them. The very important thing to remember is that it's a very complicated topic and there is no clear right answer to it. Let's keep in mind that any conversation about any difficult topic is always mostly one-sided and it's impossible to talk about everything once. This is about addiction and only about it, but all characters are way more then that one topic. Are we good now? Let's go.

So, let’s talk about Ray’s addiction and how people in his life are failing to handle it.

The most important thing to remember is: addiction is a disease. By definition of most medical associations all over the world. Addiction is not a personal choice. And while it doesn’t excuse Ray’s behaviour throughout the show, it explains it. And this is a big difference. Ray as a character is much more than just his addiction, absolutely. But his addiction is a huge part of who he is and how he behaves and we need to constantly remember about it.

This conversation begins every week after every episode. Most people who seem to understand the complexity of his situation are also people who have a lot of sympathy and understanding towards him, and this is great. There are also a lot of people who feel towards him mostly annoyance and desire for him to stop without understanding why he can't - and this list starts from characters in the show. It’s, again, understandable. It’s also the worst thing you can do towards someone who struggles from addiction.

So let’s start from Ray’s friend group and we’ll go from the least harmful to most harmful characters’ behaviour.

Boston. Yeah, shockingly, I know. But the fact is - Boston actually has the best-ish (from the worst so it’s not a high ground here) approach towards Ray’s addiction. And why? Well, cause he doesn’t give a fuck and doesn’t pretend to do. Boston is way far from the good support system Ray actually needs but at least he never judges Ray for his habits. He won’t help him, sure, but he won’t damage him harder (well, he is, but on a different topic).

We don’t actually know a lot about this friend group dynamic outside of their current drama and one episode happened two years ago. But we kind of can assume (cause Mew said it twice - in episodes 1 and 6) that Boston at least on some level was periodically responsible for taking Ray home. Which is really weird for me, by the way, cause both times Mew said Boston will take care of him Boston was also drinking. Not on Ray’s level, but still not in a shape to drive. But whatever.

Don’t get me wrong, Boston is a shitty friend. He’s the one called Ray a burden in episode 1 which led to Ray rushing out.

And he intentionally targets Ray more than once towards the show about Mew, which is absolutely harmful and not helpful (can we talk about the weird obsession Boston has about Ray and Mew having sex? Like dude relax, nobody cares. Well, Top does).

He is absolutely not someone you want to have in your support system while trying to heal (not if Ray’s trying but we’ll get to that in part 2). But at least he is honest about not wanting to handle an addict. And the truth is: no one in this friends group wants to. And it’s fine, actually, more on that in a minute. But oh the level of hypocrisy the other two have.

Cheum. So, I truly don’t understand what the show is trying to tell us with this one. It’s either a clear critique on the hypocrisy people tend to have towards addicts or an attempt to show how addiction ruins not only people with it but also their surroundings. And if it’s the second one then I have a problem with how it’s shown.

There is a gold rule of cinema: show, don’t tell. We are told more than once that Cheum and Mew were actively trying to stop Ray. But what we’re actually shown is way different. The thing is, they are college kids. They drink a lot. They party a lot. And if we see this group all together they are either in university or drinking (except for the iconic pool scene). And specifically Cheum seems to get drunk pretty often. So while we’re told they tried to help Ray we’re shown only how they actually (unintentionally!!) support his behaviour or ignore it. And what should I think?

I think that they missed the point when Ray’s habits became an actual addiction. And I understand why - it’s a very easy thing to miss. I think that before his suicide attempt they did’t notice his mental struggles. I think after that they were shocked and scared and they didn’t know how to handle it so they chose to ignore it. This is a very common reaction and it’s understandable.

The very important moment to remember is they don’t owe Ray anything. They can choose to help him and support him or not to deal with it. Handling an addiction is so hard and frustrating and exhausting for every participant. And if they choose to not get themselves into it - it’s normal. It doesn’t make them bad people, as choosing to help doesn't make somebody a better person. It’s a choice and every choice matters.

But if you make this choice - be true to it. Don’t play the “I tried to help you but you don’t want it so it’s on you” card. People with addiction didn’t choose to be that way. But people in their lives? They have an actual choice. No one will judge you if it’s not for you (at least normal people won’t). It’s honestly way better than staying only to constantly remind an addict how bad he is - he knows it already.

The thing I have to say to Cheum is - go away. It’s harsh, but it needs to be said. Don’t lie to yourself or Ray. Tell him (in very careful way) that you are tired, that you can’t handle it, that he needs help you can’t provide. Or stay, but do your research and prepare yourself to long hard work. But don’t continue to constantly drink with him to then be surprised why he can’t get better. Cheum is absolutely not responsible for Ray's actions. But she is responsible for hers.

The one time I was almost agree with her was that scene.

Because bringing drugs was a very fucked up thing to do - Ray puts at risk not only himself but the whole group and he deserves to be called out on that. But. She continues to put all the blame on Ray - the thing she does the whole episode and it’s just frustrating as hell - forgetting about Mew. Mew, who actually has a lot of responsibility in that situation.

Mew. Well, he does the worst thing you can imagine to do with a person like Ray. I get it, he’s hurt, I totally understand why he does what he does. I don't think he intends to hurt Ray. But.

Mew forgets a critically important thing here - can you guess which one? - right, that Ray is an addict. Mew can do all this stuff and be fine afterwards. It is always a risk that he won’t, of course, but his superiority complex tells him he’ll be fine. And I also think so - I mean, he's a young adult, he can try partying and drinking and drugs and be totally okay after.

He can turn back. Ray can’t.

Mew did help Ray in his worst moment that one time two years ago, and it is worth remembering. And after that Mew tried his best to distance himself from Ray’s struggles - again, understandable. He was trying to talk with Ray and while it was really bad - I still give him the benefit of a doubt. He is young, he’s not a specialist, he didn’t do any research and he thinks it might work.

But a moment he decides to let loose he turns to Ray for help. Because Ray will never judge him - both cause his idolisation and cause it’s not his place to judge, he does all this stuff himself. And this is absolutely terrible. I’m sorry, but it is. Mew, the same as everyone else, doesn’t owe Ray his help or time or support. But while it is not necessary for him to help Ray, it is a necessity to not actively - and this time intentionally - support him in this.

For Mew everything happening is episode 8 is a journey, a new experience. For Ray it's a fucking relapse.

He knows Ray is an addict. He just doesn’t care at the moment. But it can be so, so dangerous for Ray. Mew started this spiraling down journey, but it’s Ray who will end up at the bottom.

And for everyone who says Ray is also an active participant - he is. But he is not. He has a disease. And he gets in a situation where a person he idolises, his favourite human being, finally doesn’t judge him. Instead, Mew supports him. Mew wants to be like him. Can you imagine even a possibility where Ray in this situation says no? It’s impossible, not in the state he’s in right now.

And this is why I critisize this friend group. This is why they deserve to be criticized. Because this is a depiction of how these things work in reality too. You don't have to help him. But the least thing you can do - if you deside to stay in his life - is to have a compassion towards him and don't get him worse.

In part two I will talk about Ray’s current state and of course about the one person who kind of does the better job here - and why Sand is able to do it.

#only friends meta #ofts meta #ofts #only friends the series #only friends #only friends ray #I’m really tired of that discourse

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idleorbitals · 8 months

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okay actually I just want to talk about this scene:

ray has been feeling out his own feelings this whole episode (while sand sits beside him taking psychic damage off every "he's my friend" doled out) but here he's explicitly inviting sand in, in a way that we haven't really seen him do yet. yeah, it's a bummer of a moment for it, but it's actually some stellar emotional outreach, especially considering what this scene is following

obviously boston was way out of line on multiple levels, not least for implying that ray was somehow betraying sand by not having already confessed his feelings for mew. this is not information ray owes to sand at this point in whatever they got going on. but the cruelest thing boston has just done is place both of them in a narrative that they think they belong to: ray as broken, toxic, and unlovable; sand as secondary and disposable. they will both believe these things about themselves given any prodding, and boston (along with ray, through no fault beyond his own reactivity) has just given them a hell of a prod.

still ray manages here—with frankly stunning composure and vulnerability—to offer sand an in on the mess. and it's a real offer. after he says don't listen to Boston; if there's something you want to know, ask me he stops and gives sand time to ask him, and then prompts okay? when sand doesn't respond, and then we get to watch his face fall in real time as he realizes that sand's deciding not to take him up on it

we end on a low note because sand doesn't trust ray enough to reach out in kind. this is certainly not unjustified, given the imbalance sand sees in their feelings for each other. and maybe it's wise, given what's we've seen in the previews. but it's a travesty for both of them in this moment. when sand turns away we can see on his face that he wants ray to reach out; we can hear the hope in his voice when ray touches him and says his name, and then the disappointment when all ray has to offer is a reminder that it's sand's terrible no good very bad birthday.

meanwhile ray, who has been given several recent boundaries lessons and has generally been good about sand's, takes sand's words and body language at face value and doesn't push further. instead he pulls his hand away again and turns this utterly crestfallen look at the ceiling as he slips back into his own story about himself

the communication mismatch has come for raysand and it won't be over anytime soon methinks

(all ofts watch throughs)

#ofts #only friends the series #ofts meta #raysand #sandray #firstkhaotung #who else can't wait to get pummeled further by this show #if you reblogged something i wrote and left your thoughts in the tags btw i read them and i ached over them in kind #ty if that's you

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wen-kexing-apologist · 8 months

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Fight Night

ALRIGHT! Life is wilder and crazier than normal and I have finally had a singular moment to breathe so it is time to do my first scene breakdown of Only Friends. Jojo and co have been feeding me so well, a literal feast of good sex choreo, hand placements, and puppy dog eyes that it has been impossible for me to figure out where I want to start. But the end of episode five was just so expertly executed I couldn’t not talk about it, the build up, the explosion, the cool down?! Zero people in this production came to play, they showed up on set day one, gave some of their best performances, and just went about their goddamn day. [insert thirty more minutes of showered praise here].

So let’s get in to it:

The Calm Before the Storm

We’re going to start with Sand and Ray before shit goes downhill, at a moment of genuine connection. This is not the first time we have seen them connect. The first of their peaceful, friendlier interactions are paid for by Ray but Sand quickly moves towards free hang outs with Ray after he gets to know Ray a bit better. I think we can all agree that 95% of the time that Sand and Ray are spending with each other, Ray is asking to be serviced (either seeking out sex, or being fed, clothed, or protected by Sand) [and I do think it is pretty telling that Ray’s idea of friendship is being taken care of in every way, and that Sand fully calls that out as being the role of a father]. But the 5% they do have of these moments of getting to know each other, primarily center around their own family dynamics, but in Episode 5, Ray does start dipping his toes in to getting to know more about Sand’s own hopes and dreams.

Where before Ray wasn’t really interested in Sand’s backstory as much as Sand was interested in Ray’s, now on the balcony of Sand’s dingy apartment, Ray finally starts to ask Sand about himself. And Ray is locked in, just absolutely attentive to Sand as he is talking, rarely looking away, asking follow up questions, and making statements based off of what Sand is saying. Things seem to be flowing smoothly, Ray seems slightly sad that Sand doesn’t know his father, he has an actual smile on his face with he tells Sand that he thinks his mother is really cool, and that he respects her. And of course he would respect the relationship that Sand and his mother have, the obvious love they have for one another, because he never got that from his own family.

Sand has asked about Ray’s family before now (they talked about Ray’s mother in Ep. 2) but when they were first starting to get to know eachother, Ray brushed off any further conversation around his mother’s death. But that willingness to be honest with Sand is beginning to shift. Ray sits there listening to a birth story that runs parallel to his own, a mother with an unexpected pregnancy after a hookup, a father that wasn’t really intending on having a child, and Ray is faced with what his life could have possibly looked like if his mother was a different person.

And they’ve been hanging out all day, Ray has seen much more of Sand’s personal life, his family life, it’s Sand’s birthday, they are cross faded, and Sand asks Ray once again what happened to his mother, and Ray takes the opportunity to be honest. He watches Sand refill his glass, and he says “she drank herself to death”.

Now, personally, this is a very important moment to me in terms of both understanding Ray better as a character, and getting Sand and Ray to connect to each other more. A really important thing to remember about substance use disorders is that they are aware of the health consequences of long term substance use. Ray knows his mother drank herself to death, Ray knows that alcohol in the quantities that he is consuming are dangerous, and he cannot stop drinking. Ray does not have any good coping mechanisms for when his life gets hard, (and we will see a much stronger example of that near the end of this scene), but in the build up to the blow out, we are taking some time to re-establish that Ray has a drinking problem. And we are gaining a bit of further insight in to the genetic history of Ray’s own mental health problems.

I’d have to go back and rewatch all the episodes to be completely certain, but I think so far the only person we haven’t see call Ray a burden is Mew, Mew who knows that Ray tried to kill himself two years ago, Mew who remembers that Ray said if he was gone he wouldn’t be a burden anymore on his goodbye phone call. I mention his mostly because, if that is true, then that is an indication to me that Ray’s other friends don’t really know that much about him. They don’t know how deeply the idea that he is a burden to everyone around him is rooted in to his psyche. They probably don’t know anything about Ray’s relationship to his mother, after all, she died when he was still in high school.

We know from the end of Episode 4, that Ray has shifted his interests from Mew to Sand. That is not to say that he is not still in love with Mew, or that he wouldn’t drop Sand as soon as possible if presented the opportunity to date Mew, at least from my perception. But what it does indicate to me, is that Ray is beginning to at least consider Sand someone that care about him, that will listen to him, that will be an emergency contact, and as such Ray is more willing to be upfront and honest about who he is as a person. How his mind works, what his place in his own family is, what his own connection to family is.

Ray senses he is bringing the mood down, and makes a comment to change the subject, shutting down any potential deeper conversation or exposure to pity that he could have with Sand. We know Sand has been down bad for Ray since like…Dick Down 1, but he is really just embarrassingly obvious with his interest in Ray. The way his face goes slack jawed when he looks at Ray’s face for a second too long? Your cool guy persona is in the fucking gutter. ANYWAY, the point of this is that Sand and Ray are vibing, having a good time, connecting, Ray is opening up more, and Sand is falling deeper in to this infatuation at the first sign of Sad Boi Hours when we cut to Nick and Boston.

Boston, who has had a genuinely peaceful day thus far. He got some work done for school, he and Nick clarified their relationship to one another, he made out in the pool, and he’s looking to reward Nick for changing by asking if he can stay over. We know that Boston has been blackmailed by someone, we know that as a result of that Boston has decided to “settle down” a bit as it were, spend more time with people who he can talk with afterwards. (If you ask me, this isn’t really what Boston wants, it’s just how he is trying to justify laying low with Nick, someone he thinks he has control over and someone I don’t think Boston suspects is capable of blackmail).

It is Boston who suggests staying over (I am not going to dig too much further in to his choice to ask Nick, but I will just look respectfully towards the thought that he doesn’t want to be found).

Anyway, Boston asks if he can stay over, and Nick smiles like he’s won something, and leads Boston inside, where they both promptly interrupt Sand and Ray. Boston’s face lights up when he sees Ray there, but not in any way that indicates that Boston is actually excited to see his friend. More so, that he has gotten +1 Information in his notes on Ray’s comings and goings.

Boston sees Sand and Ray, and he is scheming already. The very first fact we learn about Boston in Only Friends is that he is The Hunter, and while we have primarily seen this in the way that he hunts-for-that-d, Boston is a hunter through and through, he doesn’t just aim and fire, he plays with his prey. He toys with Top and Nick’s emotions to try to manipulate them in to what he wants, and he sees Ray and Sand together here, and the douchebag gears begin to turn.

But, Boston needs to know what these two are to each other first, so he can figure out his best approach to fucking with the two of them, so he asks:

“What’s with you and Sand?”

“What? We’re just friends,” Ray says with a smile and a small laugh, like he is trying to brush off any attempt for Boston to think of Sand and him as anything more. Sand is of course, devastated (and it is at this point I would like to make a tangential remark about the brilliance of the cinematography in this entire scene because it frequently moves between blurry and clear, like the camera is having as difficult of a time focusing on any of the characters as the characters themselves are, since they are under the influence).

Nick, having already interrupted the SandRay foreplay once today, tries to pull Boston along quickly, to give everyone in the apartment some motherfucking privacy, but no no, when it comes to every other person in the world besides himself, Boston does not do privacy. So he cockblocks himself and SandRay and suggests they all party instead.

The Build Up

There is this moment of awkward tension, that Nick tries to break by saying that Boston is bothering Sand and Ray, but Sand, having just been reminded that Ray does not think of him as anything more than friends, agrees to all hang out together, thus shifting the mood between himself and Ray from sexual to casual.

And Boston?

Oh Boston has already won.

Now, before I get further in to breaking down this episode, I just need to take a minute and just give a huge MASSIVE shout out to Neo motherfucking Trai. He has absolutely been destroying this role, he is clearly having such a good fucking time. But I don’t care about that part (I do but it’s not the relevant aspect here), I care about how much of Boston’s character, Boston’s internal monologue Neo reveals through Boston’s eyes.

Boston has been watching how Ray and Sand interact with one another, he saw them make out, he saw Ray grab a cookie from Sand’s mouth with his own, and now, he is sitting here, with Nick pressed up against his chest watching Ray flirt with and cling to Sand. That boy has mischief in his eyes, that boy is a hunter and he smells fresh meat. Boston is The Drama, and while he’s in the middle of his own blackmail saga, he’s found new toys to pass the time until the dust settles.

This is the face of a man who will cause problems on purpose. This is the face of a man who does not give two shits about upsetting the people in front of him. Boston is a miserable, manipulative piece of shit, and he will drag everyone down to his level.

I am showering praise in Neo’s general direction, anyway, Boston is studying Ray and Sand’s interactions, the way they talk with one another, all the little things that point towards there being some genuine feelings.

“The cookie’s getting to me”

“I told you to hold back”

“Well, it’s a good thing I’m not driving”

“Can I stay over?”

“More often than this I’m going to start making you pay rent”

“Go ahead”

They aren’t talking like this is a one time thing, they aren’t talking like they are just fuck buddies. The way that Ray and Sand are slightly bickering/scolding each other, the way that Ray just so absentmindedly reaches to put his arm around Sand, it reads a very particular way. Especially when you add on the fact that Nick interrupted them in the kitchen that morning.

Now, something happens here that could have been good. If Boston was a good person, if Boston actually cared about his friends, if Boston wasn’t such a fucking Masshole. Because Sand has been very obviously dopey and doe eyed for Ray for ages and the lines between lust and love have been blurring heavily for him. But when they started fucking, Ray and Sand both discussed and established the nature of their relationship. Only friends. No love, only sex. Friendship can come from sex. Sand wouldn’t take someone like Ray as his boyfriend (liar). But things have changed since their first hook up, at least for Sand. Sand is catching feelings and Sand has not talked with Ray about how his feelings are shifting.

And Nick actually opens up the potential for Sand and Ray to have that conversation when he asks “Are you and Ray going out?”

See, Nick is definitely nasty4nasty when it comes to his desire to be with Boston, and Nick is by no means whatsoever a pure person, the man bugged Boston’s car and kept the recording for fuck’s sake, but he is also not an asshole the way that Boston is an asshole. Nick isn’t asking Sand if he and Ray are going out because he wants to fuck with them, he’s asking because he is genuinely curious, because this ain’t the first time that he’s walked in on them.

But don’t pay attention to Mark Pakin’s body language here, because Nick is obviously drunk, relaxed, content, and curious. Look at Neo. Look at Boston. Look at the way Boston is looking at Nick when Nick asks if they are going out:

And look at the way Boston turns his gaze upon Sand and Ray the second Nick finishes asking the question. Boston is picking apart every action, every expression, every movement between Sand and Ray. Boston is calculating. This is not a dude that is just turning to look at the next speaker in a conversation. He’s staring deep into their souls to figure out how they actually feel about each other so he can decide if one or both of them cares enough about each other to be hurt by him.

So naturally, the next shot we get is Ray drunkenly cozying up to Sand, resting his head on Sand’s shoulder, in a way that feels very couple-y, in a way that feels different to the casual arm Boston throws over Nick like he’s got his prize on a leash.

“You two talk all lovey-dovey like you are a thing, you know?”

Consider the fact that the second that Nick starts saying “you two talk all lovey-dovey, you know?” Ray peels himself off Sand’s shoulder and stares at Nick. And he’s smiling casually, like he finds the question funny, though he doesn’t fully break physical contact with Sand, still resting his arm across Sand’s shoulders.

Sand is taken aback for a second, like he’s been caught, but he knows that he is not supposed to be falling for Ray. He knows he isn’t supposed to be wanting a relationship with Ray. He knows that this is not the time or space for a “what are we?” conversation, so he puts on a smile and squeezes Ray’s cheeks and says:

“Look at his face. Look how squishy he looks. He looks just like a dog my mother has.” (Which we can interpret as Sand saying look at him, we cuddle cause he’s cute, I think of him like a pet). Associating Ray with his mother’s dog for me, feels like a way for Sand to try to get Boston off his back, to put his feelings in alignment with how Boston typically views his hook ups, as pets, as toys, as prey. But Sand’s face betrays him more than Boston’s ever could the very second that Ray says “I’m not a dog and I’m not his boyfriend”

Sand has a moment of quiet devastation hearing that, even though he SHOULD KNOW BETTER. He should not be so upset about an objectively true statement. Sand may think of Ray as special, and may want to date Ray, and may want Ray to be his boyfriend, but they have never revisited their initial conversation about the nature of their relationship. As far as Ray knows, Sand would never take someone like him to be his boyfriend. Sand is just getting caught up in his feelings and this brief reprieve from the hard and labrous and exhausting life he leads is clouding his judgment.

And Boston goes in for the kill

“Ray, I bet Sand likes you. I can tell.”

And here is the question of the hour, a question I personally do not believe we have the full answer to, why the fuck is Boston targeting Sand? (beyond the fact he finds it fun). Boston and Sand clearly know each other, Boston knows Sand well enough to know that the weed he is smoking is not his typical supply. Boston came in to Sand’s home, smoked Sand’s weed, and then went straight for Sand’s throat.

And Sand is a little mad and more than a little anxious. The way First plays the emotions in this moment is brilliant, you can see all these little moments of Sand feeling put on the spot, the way his mouth moves like he is trying (and failing) to maintain his composure. Like he is looking for an escape route, but can’t find one. Especially because Boston will not let him escape, explicitly calling Sand in to the conversation:

The Blow Up

“So what is it, Sand? Do you like him? My buddy here has both the looks and the dough. His type is hard to come by, you know?”

Sand tries to dodge, by putting on his logical person hat for the first time in what is most likely weeks. “Now that you said that” he starts with Ray literally moving his hand to brush it gently against Sand’s shoulders. “My answer has to be yes now, doesn’t it? But if you really want to know the answer, ask me again when I am sober”

Sand is willing to let Boston win this, to concede here, to admit to liking Ray as if forced to agree expressly because Boston is poking at him about it. But he will not engage in an important conversation like the one Boston is setting up for him and Ray about what they are to each other when they are under the influence and when they are in public.

Nick is like “alright”, but that is not enough for Boston. (SERIOUSLY LOOK AT NEO, LOOK AT HOW MUCH FUCKING DISATISFACTION IS BEHIND THOSE GODDAMN EYES! Jojo and Ninew fucking thank you for giving me Neo in this role, he’s been craving complex roles since his time on The Eclipse and I’m glad he’s getting to have some).

Boston is watching, waiting, wanting to see how Ray reacts to Boston speaking for Sand. Unfortunately for everyone, but Boston especially, Ray does not have the reaction I think Boston is expecting. Instead of Ray getting uncomfortable, instead of Ray pushing himself away from Sand, instead of Ray doubling down on him and Sand not being boyfriends, instead of Ray reacting negatively to the idea that this “not his type” poor boy might actually like him he leans in close, he smiles wide, he teases Sand a little in a way that does not feel cruel.

So Boston has to escalate. Boston has been stalking his prey in the grass for as long as he has been in this apartment, and now it is time to strike.

“Even if you really do like Ray, I doubt it will work out between the two of you. Ray’s whole ass is owned by Mew”

BOOM. Instant kill. Boston just made this entire encounter go from 0 to 100. Especially because (as far as we know), he has no goddamn idea about the dent in Ray’s relationship to Mew, and his realization about how Ray and Mew’s feelings are never going to align.

Ray did not spend all that time sitting in the bathtub staring at a keychain and a Poor Boy shirt for nothing. Personally, I am uncertain where Ray stands with Sand, I think Ray is probably chasing the endorphins of a good and easy lay. I think he is drawn to Sand’s inherent need to act as a caretaker. But as I’ve said before, Ray uses Sand far more as a service provider than he does a person he wants to make genuine connections with, only recently has he started to open up more and seem more interested in Sand as a person.

But Boston is poking at an extremely sore spot. A spot I don’t think Boston considers as a nuclear option, because I don’t know that Boston is aware that Ray tried to kill himself. I don’t think Boston knows that Mew came and saved his life. I don’t think Boston is truly aware of just how deeply important to Ray Mew is because he seems to be one of the first people to make Ray feel less alone.

Immediate anger. Boston has struck a nerve, gotten a bullseye. If he actually cared at all for his “friends” and their feelings he could have stopped there. Boston is a voyeur, a photographer, all he does all the time is watch, record, manipulate bodies. He can read people well, but he is cocky and overconfident about his own understanding of the situations that have occurred between people in his social circle. If Boston cared, he would see that Ray just turned on a dime, that the loose, casual, fuzzy, flirty person that was just wrapped around Sand has turned in to a tense, focused ball of rage. ““What the hell are you saying, Ton?”

“What? Sand doesn’t know you’ve been in love with your best friend for years? But Mew is with Top now. Someone beat you to it, man.”

So…my Dad has this habit of saying shitty things, and over the years we have made safewords with him to tell him when he is approaching saying something out of pocket and he should change the subject (“pothole”), and for when he has said something out of pocket and should probably stop talking immediately (“sinkhole”). My father consistently blows right through “sinkhole” and continues to dig his hole deeper. Boston reminds me of my father.

Pothole: “Ray’s whole ass is owned by Mew”

Pothole: “Mew is with Top now. Someone beat you to it, man”

I honestly don’t feel like I need to use too much space here on Sand’s reaction, because I read a really good post by @bird-inacage about how this revelation hits Sand hard because he may feel stripped of his dignity and see himself as a fool.

“What a shame for my pal”

Shout out to Jojo and co for this shot of Nick. Nick who looks horrified. Nick, who I don’t think has seen this behavior of Boston’s up close. I mean, he knows that Boston has something on Ray and Mew, he didn’t really seem to care at that point. But Nick doesn’t really know Mew, Nick only cares about Top insofar as he is competition for Boston’s attention, he’s not really friends with Ray. But he is friends with Sand. And the implications from the beginning of the episode that Ray has stayed over and hung out with Sand all day multiple times, feels like Nick is at least starting to develop some modicum of care/friendship with Ray. And Nick is sitting there, watching Boston be cruel. Cruel to people that Nick actually cares about. Cruel to people that Nick doesn’t think deserve it, and the wheels are turning, so there isn’t much more he can do about it.

“Oh wait. My bad. I remember you and Mew making out. Did you take his virginity?” (Sinkhole. Boston should probably shut his goddamn little whore mouth at this point)

“Ton, what the shit are you going on about?” Ray asks, shooting up from the ground and in to a standing position [and lord almighty is Khaotung just a powerhouse actor between the way he is able to physically embody Ray’s anger, and just look and act drunk all the time). This has turned in to a fight, Boston has riled Ray up, Boston has already punished both Ray and Sand at this point. But he has to make everyone around him as miserable as humanly possible in as little time as he can, so:

“Oh? I saw everything. I took some photos, actually.” (SINKHOLE. No seriously dude you need to shut the fuck up right now).

“What the hell did you do that for, bastard?” Ray is shifting his weight, Khaotung’s breathing has changed. You can fucking tell Ray’s heart is racing, that a blind rage is seeping in to his bones. Ray is livid.

“What? I just want to keep track of my best friends’ romantic moments. Was I wrong?”

(Spoiler alert to those reading this post for the body language breakdown: Boston does not actually give a single flying fuck if he is wrong)

“Keep track?”

And finally someone punches Boston straight in the mouth! And even still! EVEN STILL Boston cannot shut the fuck up. Boston is righteous in the worst possible way. Boston is hurting everyone around him for the sake of “honesty”, “clarity”, “visibility” in a way that Boston himself in his own life actively avoids. With Nick he keeps their relationship status unclear, with Nick he refuses to get photographed, with Nick he hides the fact that he hooked up with Top. But Boston will air everyone else’s dirty laundry, Boston will record and photograph everyone else’s private moments, Boston will give facts as best as he knows them when literally anyone else is involved:

“Sand has every right to know. Ray is in love with Mew. They even screwed! But good thing you came along, Sand. He needs to get over Mew”

“What does it have to do with you?” Ray is still fucking pissed, and this is a really important and relevant question to ask. Boston has no place in Ray and Mew’s private business. Boston has no right to record them without their permission. Boston has no right to have this conversation about Ray’s feelings with Sand. And Boston does not answer this question. He will not answer this question, because for Boston everyone else’s business is his, and his business is no one’s.

Now, do I think Boston is lying about Ray and Mew having sex? No. I think there are actually a number of layers to that statement. I think we are either a) setting up to have a killer conversation about people’s perceptions of sex/people’s perceptions of what counts as sex or b) that Boston fully thinks he saw Ray and Mew do something sexual when they actually didn’t [think Ray throwing up while doubling over Mew so it looks like he’s giving head]. And it is worth noting that Ray doesn’t deny the statement, although this doesn’t necessarily mean anything because there are lots of words and fists and vitriol being thrown around at this point, confirming or denying any sexual relationship with Mew is not really going to do anything to calm this situation.

“If you’re not in love with him anymore, then why did you get so mad?” Boston asks, and I love that this is phrased as a gotcha! moment. Boston thinks asking why someone got mad enough to punch him in the face after he said he was keeping track of his friends' romantic lives by holding on to pictures he had taken of them in secret is definitive proof that he is correct. Ray got real mad about Boston’s doucheness, and that must mean that Ray is love with Mew.

And he isn’t totally wrong. We know that Ray is in love with Mew, we know part of why Ray is in love with Mew. We know that Sand is now filling a similar role in Ray’s life as the only person who is willing to take care of him. But this question for me highlights a huge aspect of Boston’s character that I do not think we appreciate enough.

Boston does not know everything, and he acts like he does.

Ray is getting so mad at Boston because what Boston is saying is true AND Ray is getting so mad at Boston because Ray almost compromised his relationship with Mew by kissing him when he was sleeping. Ray is in a weird place right now in relation to how he sees Mew and how Mew sees him. At the moment, Mew is patient, kind, and forgiving, and willing to maintain their friendship and accept Ray’s apology as long as Ray can get it through his head that Mew is never going to see him as a potential romantic partner. If Ray cannot do that, Ray loses a very important person in his life. (And we see Mew punch Ray in the promo for next week, my hunch is that Nick tells Ray about Boston and Top and Ray tries to warn Mew about Top and Mew takes that as Ray lying to break them up, but that’s beside the point).

Boston may be correct that Ray is in love with Mew, but Boston has no idea what the fuck he is talking about when it comes to Ray’s current relationship to Mew. Boston does not know that Mew and Ray are in a rocky relationship right now because of Ray’s feelings. Boston thinks that he is right that Ray is in love with Mew because Ray gets so mad so quick, because he does not understand that a huge part of what is riling Ray up is that Boston is poking at a deep injury he thinks is just a flesh wound.

And still after Boston has gotten a fist to his face, and swung back; even after he has shoved Nick out of the way so hard Nick fell on to the couch; even after they had blown off some steam and were de-escalating to the point of screaming at each other rather than beating eachother up. Boston

Still

Can

NOT

Quit

“Oh, are you going to be two-timing?”

Boston is literally just…going in to a house that is not his and lobbing grenades all over the place cause he’s fucking bored. Cause he sets Ray off again, leaving Sand, screaming at Boston and Ray to stop fighting (IN HIS OWN FUCKING HOUSE, AFTER SHARING HIS OWN FUCKING WEED).

Boston listens to Sand, Boston walks away, Boston goes to Nick’s room. But the look in his eye?

He is not done with this. Boston is not surprised that Ray got mad, Boston was reveling in Ray’s reaction, but I think Ray’s rage went beyond what Boston had anticipated, and this feels to me like an act of war.

The Cool Down

Boston and Nick remove themselves from the scene and Ray and all his infinitely perfected coping skills rushes to chug as much alcohol as he can.

Again, thank you to Jojo and co for spending this amount of time highlighting Ray’s addiction, reminding us that Ray is not just a party boy, but is an alcoholic. Ray’s using alcohol to calm his nerves, possibly to forget what happened, and definitely because he has no idea what else to do but run to the most comforting item he can.

We cut to the silence of Sand’s bedroom. Sand and Ray laying awkwardly side by side. Ray, to his credit, does try to comfort Sand

“Hey, don’t listen to what Boston said. If there’s something you want to know, ask me”

The problem is, while Boston does not have the full context for the depth at which he has just hurt Ray, he is still right. Ray loves Mew, and if Ray didn’t, he would not have gotten mad the way he did. Ray can say whatever he wants here, Ray can ask to be trusted by Sand to tell him what he wants to know. But Sand has seen enough of Ray’s behavior, been jerked around enough by Boston, heard too many times in too short a period that Ray does not consider them anything more than friends, and so Sand is back to boundaries and barriers.

Sand lost sight of himself, and he fell too quickly for a deeply broken boy that he cannot fix, and who is not emotionally available enough to be a good fit for him right now.

And God, for as much as Sand exists to be jerked around by the narrative and shit on and used by the wealthier characters, I see why First was picked to play this role (besides the fact that there is no one else but Khao that I think could have done Ray, and it’s hard to kick the GMMTV pair-ups.) We have not even gotten to the height of First Crying Over Problems That Are Partially His Character’s Fault in this show yet, but First is a master at microexpressions, and despite the fact that his face is pretty neutral, that Sand has put on this mask, there is just such a palpable disappointment radiating off of Sand. The shine in his eyes is dulled, I saw someone on tumblr say this really looks like the first time that Sand has seen Ray, looked at him without the rose-colored glasses.

Sand’s mother loves him, I think he is special to her, but it is hard to feel special to someone you have to take care of. In the montage at the beginning of the episode, Sand is shown working, working, working, working and we don’t really see him interacting with other people who he isn’t providing a service to. He sings at the bar, he seems to enjoy that, he seems to have a good time with Yo and Atom, but he is only that close to them because they pay him to play there. He is providing them a service. The only classmates he is shown interacting with are clients he is selling plum wine to. It’s really possible that Sand’s only friend is Nick, and we don’t see them hanging out that much.

And, I know there is always some contention about how any and all of these characters feel, how much or how little they are telling the truth, etc. But for me personally, I think about when Ray said that he does care about Sand’s feelings, and I at the time he said it, I don’t think he did, but I think by Episode 5 he is starting to genuinely care.

Ray is getting better at reading Sand, Ray is trying to have a serious conversation, or at least to open the floor to one, and Sand is sad and so he isn’t saying anything, and Ray is able to tell that something is wrong. Ray wants Sand to talk to him, Ray says Sand’s name multiple times, trying to get him to answer verbally.

And Sand can’t do it, not if he is looking at Ray, not if he has to actually face the reality of how much of a fool he has been, to fall this deep, to fall this fast, to get it in his head that he and Ray were becoming something more than friends. To actually believe for even a second that someone could think he was special.

So he closes his eyes, and he takes a deep breath, and he says:

“Forget it. I’m tired. One more thing…This has nothing to do with me.”

Who is he talking to here, Ray or himself?

Sand’s inhale in this moment is deep, it’s weary, unsteady, and sad. Sand is gathering the strength to let go of what he thought he had. He is rebuilding his walls, and placing Ray on the other side of them. He cuts Ray out completely the second he turns his back. And you can just see the guilt all over Ray’s face, you can see all these little bursts of realization moment after moment where Ray realizes that he’s losing Sand now too. Even though Sand is likely more of a consolation prize to him, an easy victim of his puppy dog eyes.

Alone o’clock is not just for Sand, it’s for Ray too. Boston has won yet again because Boston is a miserable sack of shit lashing out because Mew and Top finally fucked and he has to make it everyone’s problem

Tagging the ephemerality squad: @lurkingshan, @waitmyturtles, @chickenstrangers, @ranchthoughts, @twig-tea, @clara-maybe-ontheroad, @distant-screaming

and my blessed mess crew: @so-much-yet-to-learn, @ginnymoonbeam, @bengiyo, @shortpplfedup, @neuroticbookworm, @emotionallychargedtowel because I want attention :)

#only friends the series #only friends #ofts #sandray #bostonnick #firstkhao #neomark #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #neo trai #mark pakin #jojo tichakorn #ninew pinya #wka long post #only friends analysis #only friends meta #ofts meta

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syrena-del-mar · 8 months

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Very Rarely Do Men Know How to Be Altogether Good or Altogether Wicked

The last five minutes of today's episode left my mouth gaping, it really felt like I was watching a catastrophic accident happen in front of me and I just couldn't look away.

I wasn't completely sure on how Sand was going to learn about Ray and Mew's history, but I sure wasn't expecting that Ray's feelings would be exposed in such a volatile way. Maybe I’m in the minority here, I’m not exactly sure because I’m seeing a mixed bag of reactions, but I don’t necessarily agree that Sand ever needed to find out about Ray’s feelings for Mew. Much less from Boston.

This is partially going to be a bit of a continuation of my thoughts that Boston has a Machiavellian personality, followed up with SandRay's relationship becoming the unsuspecting 'victim'. Again, I'll be using pulling from Machiavelli's The Prince, but I'm also using his work Discourses on Livy. [Title credit to ch. 27 of Discourses]

Boston, still the Machiavellian 'Prince'

“Another difficulty to be added to the one mentioned above is that a state that becomes free creates for itself enemies rather than friends.”

― Niccolò Machiavelli, Discourses on Livy

Let me be upfront, I don't hate Boston, I actually enjoy the chaos he brings, but he's a fascinating character to break down and really analyze his actions. The last five minutes was, in my opinion, the most chaos that he has caused out in the open. This was never a situation of Boston 'saying what needed to be said.' This was Boston seeing an opportunity to take control of someone and doing so by unfairly outing Ray's feelings. I, again, stand by the idea that Boston is not a narcissist, but rather a Machiavellian personality type. This doesn't make him a 'villain'; Only Friends does a good job at showing that there are no villains in real life, just incredibly shitty people. Boston is simply a dick, who chooses to play with his friends to feel a sense of control when he doesn't have it. Has he ever cared for his friends? Does he keep them around simply for convenience? Hard to say. That doesn't make him evil, it just makes him a first-class jackass.

In my post where I had stated that he was more of a Machiavellian rather than narcissist, I came to the conclusion that, 'In his viewpoint, he is the kingpin, even in his group of friends, because he believes that he's the one that controls how his friends move since he knows how Mew is developing feelings for Top and is aware of Ray's feelings for Mew.' This time around, he practically admits it right after purposefully revealing Ray's feelings for Mew, "I just want to keep track of my best friends' romantic moments.' Boston hoards information so that he can throw it in people's faces when it fits him the best, there's no 'good intentions' on his keeping tabs on his friends.

Boston knows that TopMew are going to sleep together, they're serious and he's out of the running. Is it simply ego or is it because of self-interest? Whatever the catalyst is, he essentially has nothing holding him back anymore. He's seeing his "friends" getting "serious", while he's out there dealing with known (and unknown) filming of one-night stands he had being used as revenge porn. That'd hurt and anger anyone, but from what has been shown, Boston thrives off of control and so having his sex life used against him would feel like an even bigger blow. They're minor events that are snowballing and Boston likely needs to feel that control again. It's why he pushes Nick down without a second thought when Nick is trying to pull him away (opposed to how Ray lets Sand pull him back). So he claims that control back, he deliberately reveals what he knows, purposefully taking Ray down with him. While he may be feeling like shit, at least he'll be better off than Ray, who's left to pick up the pieces.

Sand and Ray, the intentional destruction of the 'kingdom'

“In general you must either pamper people or destroy them; harm them just a little and they’ll hit back; harm them seriously and they won’t be able to. So if you’re going to do people harm, make sure you needn’t worry about their reaction.” ― Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince

Yes, Sand and Ray are in a “situationship.” Yes, they’re constantly getting both physically and emotionally closer. Yes, Sand is developing feelings for Ray (arguably vice versa too). But that’s it. They started off as friends with benefits and while they’ve been shifting around, neither one has fully crossed that line. There was no defined area in the relationship, at least not before the implosion. They’re barely getting to know each other, Sand even calls Ray out because he knew that Ray had never noticed him before, not in a way other than just the Bar Performer.

Ray is working through who he is without Mew, without his crush on Mew. He's come to the realization that while he put Mew as his #1 for many years, he's knows he's not that for Mew, and is slowly coming to the realization that he may have never been. These are his feelings to work out and his alone. Sand and Ray are first and foremost friends, as they had agreed upon and they happen to hook up often. This was what they agreed upon. Even if one or both of them are catching feelings, it does not mean that Ray has an automatic obligation to come clean to Sand.

Arguably, Boston was unaware of this set up, but honestly he didn't need to know. This was not his business, Boston didn't suddenly spill the fact that Ray has had feelings for Mew for years to look out for Sand. No, this was an intentional hit on Ray, where he was positive that it would hurt. Boston has repeatedly used Ray's feelings for Mew for his own convenience (Exhibit A: Meddling at the pool party), whether it be to get Ray to react in a certain way or to have a punching bag. He knew how defensive and reactive Ray would get when he brought up RayMew's kiss and supposed sex (was this ever confirmed?) that they had.

Boston speaks in definite presumptions when he talks about others, he does this to Top and he did it to Ray. He spins realities to how he sees fit and with the confidence that he speaks in, he makes others believe him. It's why Mew never questioned that Top is accustomed to sleeping around and didn't think that Top really wanted anything more than sex, because that's what Boston specifically told him that Top was like. It's why now Sand believes that he has no hour in Ray's life, even when Ray gives him the opening to ask more, because Boston purposefully spoke in definite terms. Even the most secure person would be left feeling unsure and unbalanced.

So when Sand, who knows that their relationship is based on being friends with benefits, is confronted with words from Ray's supposed friend who explicitly states that Ray is in love with Mew and that he's being used as a rebound, what else can he do but believe that?

What little trust and rapport that they had started to build up has come crumbling down. They're frantically gathering the pieces of a 'kingdom' that has been turn into dust, the aftermath of the Prince's wrath. It's why Ray scrambles for the bottle and it's why Sand shuts down. How can they react to what Boston did, when they're struggling to salvage the little remnants left behind of what was supposed to be a blossoming relationship?

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jgyapologism · 8 months

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You know, I just can't get the opening scene of only friends ep 4 out of my head, and not just because it broke my heart.

When the scene opens, Ray is doing a voice over, and the first thing he says is: "Everybody has an emergency contact. Someone to call when we need urgent assistance. That person can be a lover, a sibling, or a family member, but for someone who doesn't have any of those, my emergency contact is Mew."

And it just really makes me wonder how estranged he and his father must be from one another, for Ray to not even consider him a family member, or even consider having his own father as his emergency contact. Instead, he chooses the friend who, immediately upon answering, says: "Are you drunk again? I'm not picking you up this time."

And Ray's response to that? "I just called to tell you that I love you."

That right there should be raising alarm bells in Mew's head. But what does he say? "You're drunk and talking nonsense."

And Ray responds with: "Thank you for being a good friend to me and always taking care of me."

And fuck. It just makes me so, so sad. Because Ray is reaching out. He's fucking SCREAMING for help in this moment, calling the one friend he trusts enough to be his emergency contact, and that friend is responding in the most unsupportive way imaginable.

(Listen: I've been that friend. I've been the one who's been called upon by drunk family members or friends who are ALWAYS drunk. It can be exhausting, but if they said that shit to me? I would be IN MY CAR already on the way. I would have my phone ready to call a fucking ambulance if need be.

And like, yes. Setting boundaries is important. We can't always take care of our self destructive friends/family, but at moments like THIS, when they start using language like THIS, you better fucking pay attention.)

"If I'm gone, I won't be anyone's burden anymore, right? You take care of yourself."

Just ... the way Ray responds to indifference, or to insults, is to internalize it. He always blames himself. He is always viewing himself as the problem. And I just know it fucking stems from his mother and his father - a mother who apparently never hugged him and a father who seems to have abandoned him.

It just makes you think about the fucked up relationship that Ray must have with love, and how people express love towards him, that he has internalized it to the point of thinking he's a burden.

So here we have Ray, on the verge of suicide, calling the one person he thinks will be there for him during a moment of crisis, or perhaps the one person he thinks will offer him a way out - and Mew just, doesn't. Not until he realizes what Ray is about to do.

And I don't know. I just think it's a lesson for us all: If you care about somebody, fucking show it. All the time.

It reminds me of the very first episode, when Ray tells Boston, Mew, and Cheum that he loves them, and Boston's response is to say: "He's saying please don't leave me."

It just really fucking breaks my heart that Ray's response to being ridiculed is to not only internalize it and blame himself, but to still show love to that person, to still show his sincerity. And even then, his sincerity isn't accepted.

Because he's just a drunkard. How could he possibly be sincere?

#ofts ray #ofts spoilers #ofts meta #tw suicidal ideation #tw suicidal thoughts #only friends the series

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twig-tea · 7 months

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Only Friends Ep 6 Scene By Scene

This is the episode we've all been waiting for. It's the first episode where everyone is objectively a bit of an asshole; it's the first episode where truths are finally talked about, it's the episode that starts to answer two of my most burning questions (what is Boston's home life like, and where is April?), and interestingly it's the first episode we get without any obvious narrative framing or character perspective.

It was so interesting, as the clear pivot point of the story, that there was no obvious framework this ep, but this entire episode was parallels and callbacks and hypocrisy/relying on viewer knowledge to understand all of the subcurrents. I have so many thoughts that I'm talking about each scene so this post is LONG.

First scene: Top and Mew by the pool. Not enough people are giving Force and Book credit for keeping the awkward tension between these two even though they are having textbook cute moments, because these characters still don't trust one another and this scene establishes that before the rest of the episode blows them up: Mew says he's not sure they'll be together in 3 months, explicitly calling out the fragility of their relationship; and Top gets defensive at Mew insinuating he doesn't need a relationship and doesn't trust that they'll stay together, and straight-up lies that he's stopped doing drugs and having casual sex [though I do wonder how much he believes it's a lie because he's clearly cut back from his usual, and when someone does something all the time changing to doing it rarely does feel like not a big deal in comparison] and asks what else about himself he needs to change for Mew [all, by the way, while Mew is preparing to undergo permanent surgery to his eyes for Top]. We also get this called back later in the ep when Mew tells Ray to quit drugs and Ray says sure, and I have to wonder how many times that exchange has happened and if it's partly why Mew is suspicious of Top's "easy" change. Also interesting that Mew seems to be one of the only people in this friend group who has two parents (his moms) that care about him and who also have a good relationship with each other. Mew's point that he doesn't need fulfillment from a relationship because he gets it from his friends and family is interesting; especially given his friends. [Sidenote: This is basically how I feel about my own life so I am curious how other people read this assertion.] The ephemeral change of sleeping around and doing drugs vs the physical and permanent change of Lasik is really standing out to me this scene as significant.

Second scene: the meeting with the professor. It's interesting that even though they're presenting, they're the ones sitting down. Cheum says they can keep personal and professional lives separate and Ray turns to stare directly at Boston. I love that this is even before anyone else knew that the Boston/Top hookup was at the soft launch party for the hostel. Also noting Cheum's catty comment about even Boston helping; this girl is so much messier than people give her credit for [just saw @lurkingshan 's breakdown of this episode as I continue to update this post and yessssss call her out!!]

Third scene: noodles. This is I think the same place they planned the soft launch party. I'm seeing parallels with everyone pressuring Boston to date Nick to everyone pressuring Mew to sleep with Top in the first ep. Also, interesting that Cheum promises to behave this time [and then definitely doesn't]. We've all (or at least I have) been wondering where April is and now we get some explanation. I do wish they'd established this as more of a pattern for Cheum to complain like this, but I'll take it as setup now. The way Ray and his seething is invisible in this scene has been covered beautifully here [by @poetry-protest-pornography and @respectthepetty ].

Fourth scene: Ton and Nick wakeboarding. The parallels here to Top/Mew are twofold: we get the similar sitting by the water parallel from earlier this episode, in which there is a clear undercurrent of hypocrisy between what the characters are saying and what the audience knows about them (that conversation with/about Gap was so good, with the tension in Nick knowing he still has that audio clip and still hasn't deleted it as Boston berates Gap for the same thing), and then there is the contrasting parallel to when Mew took Top wakeboarding for the first time with the rest of his friend group. In contrast, Ton took Nick here alone, clearly still trying to play this game of not dating Nick but doing things with him that they would do if they were dating, that send extremely mixed signals. This scene again underscores the fragility of the relationship Boston and Nick have and how easily it can be broken.

Fifth scene: The hospital. Sand and his mom, in which we see how used he is to taking care of someone who is a bit of a mess [affectionate], and how he can still only be somewhat honest with his mom about his relationship with Ray (more than we'd expect between a 20something and their mom, but less than we the audience know is the truth--they're just having fun but it's not what he wants). And then the confrontation between Top and Sand. Top characterizes his relationship with Mew as "I get what I want" and I have to wonder how much of that is posturing to annoy Sand and how much of it is honesty. I did also think that maybe he meant it when he said "I hope you get what you want soon" because he wants Ray's attention away from Mew.

Sixth scene [start of part 2]: Sand intentionally drops and stomps on his phone to have an excuse to borrow Nick's so he can steal the sex audio. This is the first time that Sand consciously does something shitty to one of his friends, and I am living for it--let good characters make bad decisions! The parallel here is of course to Boston getting his phone fixed by Nick and having Nick steal his photo and adding one of his own from the beginning of the series; also a small one of Sand using his mom as an excuse to lie to his friend, the way Top used his dad as an excuse to lie to Mew the night he slept with Boston [not a comparison Sand would like, which is why I enjoy it]. I love that we see Nick get worried at the end of this scene because he's a phone tech and of course would know to check what Sand did with his phone.

Seventh scene: Top taking care of Mew after Lasik; this is maybe the least tense scene between Mew and Top, and the fact that Mew can barely see and is drugged for it is on point. I do also like that Top isn't great at caretaking but he is trying. This scene reminds me of Mew taking care of Ray and vice versa, especially the latter when Ray kisses Mew while he's sleeping and how that's contrasted with Top (Mew's boyfriend) only kissing Mew's forehead when he realizes he's asleep. The sketches that Top does are also really interesting, and how they hit Mew later is even more fascinating. The conversation they have in which Mew establishes that this is all happening right after they've had penetrative sex for the first time (so not long after ep 5) and makes clear he's still nervous about his performance and then credits Boston for their relationship, setting everything up for later, is just so good, it underscores the importance Mew has been putting on his virginity and sets the betrayal up to hit harder. I love how Top pushes back on giving Ton credit for their relationship here because it makes him so uncomfortable.

Eighth scene: Sand calls Ray out to play the stolen clip for him. This feels like a parallel to Boston calling Top out to play the video of Mew and Ray kissing. Other folks [ @xceanlynx and @respectthepetty linked here] have pointed out that in this scene Sand is choosing his hatred of Top over his potential relationship with Ray here, which I don't disagree with, but also what occurred to me here because of this parallel is the similarity in that both Sand and Boston seem to be motivated by their jealousy of Mew in these scenes too. I also just can't stop thinking about how wild it is that everyone recognizes Top and Ton by their sex noises alone.

Ninth scene: Boston and Nick with Boston's dad. We finally get some background for Boston and he clarifies he's always been planning to bail on Thailand to go to New York. It's interesting that it's made explicit that if Boston fails he's more likely to go to New York sooner, especially after the warning their teacher gave about the hostel project and how we know it's Boston's drama that is threatening to blow that project up. Boston's conversation with his dad is a contrast with Sand and his mom earlier; while Sand sleeping around was not judged by his mom, she did warn him about his feelings, while Boston's dad seemed to celebrate his callousness. The way Boston continues to ask Nick to not be dramatic while stirring up constant drama in his own friend group, and his insistence that his relationship with Nick is special but not a relationship is really something. Also that this convo takes place in Boston's dark room, which gets called out later as one of his regular hookup locations, and where Nick first got suspicious about Boston and Top, is interesting, especially in the context of permanent physical photos vs digital recordings that you can't necessarily erase vs how gossamer thin their relationship security is, and how tied up in voyeurism all of these things are.

Tenth scene [start of part 3]: Ray confronts Boston at the hostel (blatantly running contrast to "we can keep personal and professional lives separate"). We see Boston nervous here when first being confronted before he decides what approach to take with Ray to keep his mouth shut (not for the first time; we saw him nervous in the showers when he first tried to get Top to have sex). Also, I just have to say, respect to Ray for going to Boston first to confirm it's true before deciding what to do with the clip.

Eleventh scene: the birthday party at Yo's bar. It's poetic that the start and end of the Mew/Top relationship is because of conversations at Yolo. Once again, the spectre of failing school [because of the project] comes up in Mew's birthday wish. Cheum immediately breaks her promise to be "good" and teases Boston about Nick. She also says "everyone is dating someone now", apparently forgetting entirely about Ray. This entire conversation was so passive aggressive and @lurkingshan 's post (linked above) breaks it down really well. I am fascinated by Mew's reaction to Top's gift; I hope we get more insight into that because he seemed legitimately shaken, and it didn't seem to be positive. Also highlighting that once again Boston is credited for their relationship (this time by Cheum), and both Boston and Top seem deeply uncomfortable with it but Top doesn't argue it this time.

Twelfth scene: Ray and Mew in the bathroom. I already mentioned Ray's promise to quit and how it parallels Top "quitting for Mew" at the start of the ep; Mew is expressing care for Ray here but in a way that is distant and frankly a bit callous (to say "you'll be dead by thirty" to a guy who was/is suicidal is not the smartest approach even if it isn't intentionally referencing that). He insists that Ray not drive home but doesn't take his keys or stay with him to make sure he does actually get a ride, which is admittedly a big ask on your own birthday but just indicates the intentional boundaries Mew tries to set with Ray about not caring too much, I think. I don't think this makes him a terrible person, but it makes him not a great friend. This is in contrast to Sand, who stayed with Ray and made sure he would not drive before he even knew him, and followed him at the end of this ep to make sure he would not hurt himself or someone else even after Ray pushed him away.

Cursed thirteenth scene: Ray blows everything up [ shoutout to @liyazaki for this perfect post]. First, the same song is playing as the silent disco, calling back how Top's fate was sealed before Mew and Top had even gotten very far. And then once again, Sand's band is interrupted so that someone can take the mic, just as Top did when he asked out Mew for the first time. Mew calls out Cheum and April for their less than perfect relationship despite what it seems on the surface and more specifically calls out Cheum for being a bit of an asshole actually, mentions that Boston is a gossip about his hookups (which is not actually something we've seen evidence of, and I'm interested in how true it is), tells Nick he's not special, tries to explain to Mew that he (Ray) is not who Boston thinks he is and didn't share the clip with Mew to get him for himself [only knowable on rewatch of course]. Cheum finally admits that she fully knew Ray was in love with Mew this whole time and has just been ignoring it/pretending not to [vindication!!] and accuses Mew of exactly what he was trying to deny. Top finally acts his nastiest self in front of Mew, putting his arm around Mew's shoulder and claiming ownership for the second time this party in Ray's face (first time was when Yo joked that she wanted to go out with Mew now that the glasses were gone). Sand can't get Ray to stop, and Ray tries to shame Sand needing money by implying he should have sex with Ray for money. Ray goes after Boston, and Mew can't get Ray to shut up either so he hits him (even knowing why Ray is acting like this; and that's my favourite part of this entire episode, that Mew has decided he wants his moment to confront Top his way, once again using sex to control his feelings--this time to make him humiliated rather than fall in love--and he's willing to punch his friend to get his moment, and I am obsessed).

Fourteen: Only Sand goes after Ray, once again the only one actively trying to stop him from killing himself or someone else on the road. Sand snaps and yells at Ray to pay attention to him, Ray's "what are we to each other?" comes off as desperate rather than accusing, which I love--the question of what they are to one another has come up so many times and neither is willing to admit they want to be more first. Ray again calls Sand a whore this time explicitly, and drives off. Sand follows Ray. This is a beautiful parallel to the first time Sand took Ray home. Like every other couple scene this episode, the tenuousness of their connection is highlighted and even threatened in this scene, but Sand doubles down.

Fifteen: April and Cheum finally have a scene. They reconcile, but (like all of the couples) it feels tenuous. April asks that Cheum not lie to her just to avoid conflict, and Cheum promises to do that--but I am fully expecting this to not last. Since we know Cheum knew Ray was in love with Mew this whole time, it's confirmed that her lying or just glossing over reality to keep things easy is her personality not just something she does with her girlfriend's films.

Sixteen: the scene that we've all been waiting for. This was such a good fake-out, and it's the start of Mew's unhinged era he promised us all at the start of Top's pursuit of Mew. The way he set the stage, prepared a script, and as best I can figure out, TIMED A REMIX OF THE SEX AUDIO TO HIS SEDUCTION is absolutely sending me. Being more sexually confident, initiating sex and holding Top down, and making sure he could see Top's face when he realized what was happening, whew boy what a set-up. I am thinking about how much of that was him wanting Top to feel tricked and violated the way he felt tricked and violated. I also love Mew jumping to the conclusion that Boston and Top planned this and were laughing at him because that's a) indicative of something Mew would do, clearly; b) totally something people think when they're embarrassed, they assume everyone else knows and is laughing at them; c) not totally wrong because Boston did make fun of Mew's lack of experience to Top (shoutout to the YouTube comments for the reminder).

And that last sentence of the episode deserves its own paragraph because it just so perfectly encapsulates exactly where Mew went wrong in his thinking from the start: "I wasn't good enough for you to love only me"... As though other people's behaviour is controlled by your goodness and earned through your own behaviour. As though love and sex are value judgments. As though the world is fair. As though goodness is an objective judgment that allows you to control the people around you. This thinking is so harmful and so pervasive. It's really a sign of Mew's desperate need to be in control (in this version of events, even Top having sex with Boston is actually Mew's doing, which means in theory Mew could prevent it from happening again if he betters himself). And it confirms what we all suspected Mew's been trying to do this whole time: Manipulate Top into changing into a "better person" [read: monogamous and drug-free] through his own behaviour.

I also noticed that almost every camera shot in this entire episode was close faces and there was a lot of hand-held camera work. Intimacy, instability, lack of clarity, all of these things were coming through the way it was shot.

Ahdhsh tumblr keeps eating parts of this so I'm going to stop. But whew this episode just gave and gave!!

@ranchthoughts @slayerkitty @wen-kexing-apologist @neuroticbookworm @waitmyturtles @lurkingshan @distant-screaming @chickenstrangers @clara-maybe-ontheroad

Tagging the ephemerality squad because if any of you pick up on any of these threads and parallels and tie them into your meta I want to know about it! Tumblr is showing me only like half of what people are posting these days and unfollowing people without my consent so pls tag me

#only friends the series #only friends meta #only friends #ofts meta #ofts #ephemerality squad #bl meta #typed so i can stop thinking it #going to also use my relevant tags #let a main character be hot in glasses for the whole show you cowards!!!#no character should be perfect this is my ultimate agenda

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rabbiitte · 8 months

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Sight vs. Senses: Exploring perception in Only Friends.

Because many people seem to be confused by this scene and don't know how to interpret it or simply classify it as “creepy”, I have decided to share my interpretation of how this scene uses cinematographic techniques and symbolism to influence the visual and general narrative of the series. Let's talk about Top and Mew's relationship, cinematography, visual narrative, symbolism, cinematographic techniques and the difference between vision-based perception and sense-based perception as inherent concepts in Top and Mew's relationship.

1. An introduction to cinematography, narrative and the use of visual metaphors.

Cinematography is a central element when creating movies or series, it can be used creatively to support the narrative and emotions of the story. At the same time, it contributes to create a visual narrative through the choice of camera angles, framing, camera movements and composition of images.

Visual narrative: refers to the way stories are told using primarily visual elements, such as images, composition, colors, symbolism, and camera movements, rather than relying primarily on dialogue or writing. It's about transmitting information, emotions and messages through what is seen on the screen in movies, television series, photographs or any other visual medium.

Visual narrative uses visual elements to convey emotions, themes and meanings that affect the perception of a story. Among the visual elements that are used to enrich the narrative we find visual metaphors.

Visual metaphors are visual elements in a cinematic work that represent abstract concepts, emotions, or themes. These metaphors can be subtle or prominent and are used to enrich the narrative and understanding of the story.

With this concept in mind, we can say that the date in the restaurant is a visual metaphor to address the concept of perception.

Perception is the process by which a person interprets and integrates the sensory information they receive from their environment to form an understanding of the world around them. It involves the ability to take sensory data, such as what you see, hear, smell, touch, or taste, and turn them into meaningful and understandable experiences.

In the restaurant, diners cannot see the food they're consuming until the lights are turned on at the end of the meal. This reflects a lack of literal vision, as they cannot use their sense of sight to identify food. Due to the lack of vision, diners must rely on their other senses, such as taste and smell, to experience food. This scene highlights the importance of trusting feelings and intuitions rather than relying solely on what can be seen with the eyes.

2. Narrative, cinematographic techniques and perception.

Another element that enriches visual narrative and, finally, narrative in general are cinematographic techniques. Visual narrative can use a variety of cinematic and visual techniques to guide the audience through a story, create atmosphere, reveal characters and their emotions, and convey underlying themes or messages. For example, the moment when Top asks Mew to use his senses and the camera focuses on Mew's face is a cinematic technique called “close up” and the following moment when the camera loses focus is a cinematic technique called “generalized blurring”.

Close up in cinematography and photography refers to the moment in which the camera gets very close to the subject, object or face of a character, filling most of the frame with that element. The main objective of a close up is to highlight details and facial expressions, allowing the viewer to concentrate on those elements with greater clarity and focus.

Generalized blurring in cinematography is a powerful tool in the hands of filmmakers to enrich the visual and emotional experience of a film. In this technique, the entire image is deliberately blurred or out of focus. It's used for various purposes like to set a specific mood in a scene or to represent the emotional or psychological states of the characters, among other uses.

In the restaurant scene, these techniques are used to concentrate on Mew's emotional or psychological state after Top asked him to use his senses and not his sight to perceive the food. Based on these cinematic techniques, we can infer that something important is happening in Mew's mind. In fact, judging by what happens after the scene, we can infer that something very important happened in the restaurant and that meant a change in Mew's attitude. What changed? The way Mew perceives Top.

3. Vision-based perception and sense-based perception.

In EP1, Mew told Top that he knew who was honest (about dating him) because “his sense was always right”. Basically, Mew is able to see people's intentions and, ultimately, their essence through sense-based perception.

Sense-based perception: this form of perception involves all human senses, such as sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste. It's based on the information captured through these senses to form a complete and rich understanding of the environment and people. Sense-based perception can be deeper and more accurate than other types of perception, as it involves multiple sensory modalities.

However, this isn't the type of perception that Mew has been using with Top until now. Mew is usually extra careful and suspicious around Top. His behaviour is usually guided by the mental image (of someone considered promiscuous) he formed of Top based on his immediate appearance. This type of perception is more related to what can be seen immediately and, finally, it's a type of perception related to the use of sight.

Vision-based perception focuses primarily on visual information. This is the most common form of perception in humans and refers to the ability to observe, interpret and understand the world through sight. Visual information is important, but it's often used along other senses to gain a complete understanding. In real life, things aren't what they seem at first glance and what it's seen doesn't always reflect the underlying reality.

An example of how Mew is usually guided by vision-based perception with Top can be found in EP2. When Top tells Mew about his trauma, Mew's immediate reaction is to laugh and not believe it. This is because what Top is telling Mew doesn't correspond to the mental image that Mew has formed of Top. The fact that Top can't sleep alone doesn't correspond to what Mew perceives based on his sight of Top.

Because visual-based perception is limited and must be used along other senses, this type of way of perceiving isn't enough to perceive the complete reality or, in this case, Top's essence.

Mew never stopped perceiving Top based on the apparent, based on the observable. We know this because Mew has never been around Top without his glasses (except in the water sports and shower scene) until EP5, episode in which Mew finally spends time with Top when he has broken glasses. The change in Mew's perception coincides with the episode in which his glasses break, coincidence? No, symbolism.

Mew's glasses: In this context, glasses could represent limited perception or distorted vision of reality.

In EP5, Top asks Mew three times to perceive him based on all his senses. All these times, Mew can't wear his glasses or Top suggests him to stop wearing them.

Situation #1: At the café, Top tells Mew that he wants to be clearly seen (although Mew can see him clearly while wearing his glasses) and recommends him to try a surgery. This time, Top suggests that Mew should stop wearing his glasses so he can perceive his essence/true self, while being guided by his sense-based perception.

Situation #2: At the restaurant, Top reminds Mew of what he said in the bookstore about sense-based perception and asks him to be guided by it. This is, again, a request to see Top as he really is and not based on a mental image.

That's why everything becomes blurry, it involves ignoring appearances or what's obvious in front of your eyes. Sense-based perception involves seeing Top's essence (and the affection he truly feels for Mew) and ignoring that which is easily perceptible to vision such as signs of lies. In this case, the generalized blur is a metaphor for saying that love is blind (in a cheesy way).

When Mew starts perceiving Top based on his senses, he loses control and shows how in love he really is with Top. Even all the people who were in the restaurant disappear because Mew and Top are not focusing on what can be perceived by sight, they're focusing on seeing the essence (and the love they feel for each other). This plane isn't on the same plane that the diners are, therefore they disappear.

I guess you can also say that people disappear because Mew is in love and he doesn't care about others, but I'd say it's more than that. It's a matter of perception. It has nothing to do with seeing, it has to do with looking and perceiving the essence of the person in front. It's not a passive activity, it's an active activity that requires collecting information based on all the senses.

No, I don't think it's a dream.

Situation #3: Before Top and Mew have their first time, Mew takes off his glasses and Top asks if he can see him. However, we know Mew can't see clearly without his glasses, so Top is actually asking him if he can perceive him based on his senses (if he can see his intentions and his deep love for him, that's why he keeps telling him that he loves him. He tries to supplant the sense of sight with the sense of listening).

4. The end of vision-based perception.

If we are guided by the idea that Mew's glasses are a symbolism that limits his perception to a vision-based perception, with no glasses Mew will be able to see clearly. Mew will see through Top's lies and that's why in EP5, Mew gets rid of his glasses and discovers Top's infidelity.

As you may have noticed, the restaurant scene is the climax of a topic that has been worked on, in relation to Top and Mew, since the beginning of the series. The restaurant scene marks a milestone in the relationship of both of them and the turning point in the narrative, this thanks to the way in which metaphors and cinematographic techniques shape the narrative. Clearly, this is one of my favorite scenes in the entire series and I think it has a high level of complexity and interpretation.

If you want to read more of my analyses, you can read my Mew analysis here. Stay tuned, I'll do a Ray analysis soon.

#only friends the series #only friends series ep 5 #only friends series #only friends #ofts #ofts meta #mew #mew meta #book #top #force #meta #gmmtv #only friend series #thai bl #only friends analysis #topmew #forcebook

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chawarin-panich · 7 months

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I never thought I would watch that scene of Ray shoving Sand and screaming "What are we to each other?" and come out of it on Ray's side but holy fucking shit Khaotung has done it again.

but i can't get this look out of my head and i'm sure everyone will have their own interpretation of it and that's part of the brilliance of it but to me he looks so utterly betrayed. Combined with the fact that he had walked into that pool bar with a completely different mood than where Sand had taken him.

He comes in immediately ready to talk things through. We know very well what someone looks like when they're trying to avoid talking about something. Boston does this to Nick all the time, constantly deflect and damage control but Ray is here with his whole chest out ready to have a conversation about them. And Sand just...shuts him out:

For god's sake he's pouting. And the second Sand says he wants to talk about Mew Ray opens up yet again:

He wants so badly for a chance to explain. Sand shut him out on the night of Boston's reveal when he wanted to explain and he does it again and for some reason this is the one boundary of Sand's that Ray has decided he will absolutely respect.

And then to finally hear what he's probably been waiting to hear from Sand this whole time (that he cares about Ray) and for it to be in this horrible context? He had been aching to hear this from Sand at the pool bar. He might also be realizing that when Sand told him about the sound clip he had lied about not caring that Ray likes Mew after all? That Sand had said that to use him. God I hate it here.

Of course he can't see that you really like him, Sand. His mother killed herself because of how miserable he made her (at least thats what he believes). How can he see that you care about him? How can he know what that means?

#ofts ray #ofts meta #only friends the series #sandray #ray is my specialist most babiest of boys #if sand could stop playing his nursemaid for goddamn second #he could maybe see how much ray needs to be acknowledged as a lover

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victorialovesstiles · 6 months

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Ray and his need to be actively chosen - another Only Friends ramble:

I made this post about how Ray uses threesomes as a way to validate to himself the depth of Sand’s feelings for him - and I have a lot of continued thoughts on the matter after the last episode.

Though Ray’s confidence was wavering when it came to the situation with Boeing. It was interesting to see Ray continue to use this method in Episode 11. It’s a real testament to the fractured way that Ray has learned to love and be loved.

Look at the way Ray takes a breath before telling Sand he can get in the pool naked. He closes his eyes and actually considers what he’s about to say before saying it (for once). But ultimately he’s compelled by his need to actively be chosen by Sand, and his awareness that he doesn’t know any other way to get the validation he’s missing:

In all of Ray’s past “suggestions”, he was sure Sand would reject the idea (see linked post for the reason why Ray had this confidence). And because he was sure Sand would say no, Ray would usually ask teasingly, with a smirk and tongue in cheek attitude.

But that doesn’t happen here…

Here, Ray is worried, he is afraid of Sand’s answer. The small smile he gives Sand does little to veil his real intention - which is to test Sand.

And Sand passes, he rejects the precarious situation. He doesn’t want to get naked (and in turn be naked with Boeing).

In earlier scenes when Sand refused these types of suggestions (when he gave Ray the answer he was looking for) we’d get a smug look from Ray. A sort of “I knew it” face:

That also doesn’t happen here. Even though Sand passed the test, Ray couldn’t take any solace in it because he didn’t “know it” - he wasn’t actually sure what Sand would decide… there’s not an ounce of smugness on Ray’s face after Sand’s answer:

I think a big part of this is because Sand already failed test number one.

The last time Ray used his pool as a suggestion to “continue the night” was the first time Ray tested Sand with Amm:

And with Amm, Sand shut it down immediately. Sand actively chose to go with Ray, alone, even over a one night stand (not to mention this is also the first night SandRay gets together).

But with Boeing, Sand shuts it down in a very different way. He doesn’t choose to go with Ray, and instead tells Ray to go home without him:

This doesn’t work for Ray, this is a failed test. To Ray, Sand let Boeing come over, let them get in the pool, let Boeing continue to flirt and make eyes at him. To Ray, this is uncharted territory - Sand is not acting like Sand, Sand is not actively choosing him…

I’m not surprised that Ray continues to test Sand in the next episode.

He will likely continue to push and push and push until Sand (in his mind) chooses him, actively and enthusiastically.

#firstkhao #only friends the series #sandray #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #only friends ray #only friends sand #only friends series #raysand #firstkhaotung #ofts #ofts meta #only friends series episode 11 #only friends #only friends meta

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ranchthoughts · 8 months

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Ephemerality Squad Thoughts on OF - a Round-Up

this will be updated periodically! Just needed to get it all in one place for easier referencing

Post Episode 1

Post Ep. 1 thoughts on ephemerality (@waitmyturtles)

Post Episode 2

Thoughts on ephemerality, permanence, YOLO, and photography post Ep. 2 (original by @ranchthoughts, additions on photography by @chickenstrangers and @lurkingshan)

Thoughts on control (@elizabethsebestianhedgehog)

Post Episode 3

Post Ep. 3 thoughts on plum wine, hypocrisy, and the demise of ships (@waitmyturtles)

Where we are headed post Ep. 3 (original by @ranchthoughts, additions on surveillance and voyeurism by @lurkingshan, @waitmyturtles, and @slayerkitty)

Photography and audio/visual in the series as of Ep. 3 (added in a reblog by @ranchthoughts)

Moments of ephemerality/YOLO/permanence in Ep. 3 (original by @ranchthoughts, additions on Yo, voyeurism, and permanence by @lurkingshan , @waitmyturtles, @twig-tea, and @imminentinertia)

Post Ep. 3 thoughts on control, consequences, and shipping (original by @waitmyturtles, addition on the ephemerality of control by @ranchthoughts)

Let's talk about trust and control (original by @slayerkitty, with additions by @lurkingshan and @distant-screaming)

Boston as photographer and voyeur (@lurkingshan)

Visual effects in the MV and BTS footage (original by @slayerkitty, additions on costuming by @distant-screaming)

Post Episode 4

Moments of ephemerality/YOLO/permance/photography/voyeurism/control/hypocrisy/etc. etc. in Ep. 4 (@ranchthoughts)

Thoughts on Sand's "Are you mine? Or just mine tonight?" Arctic Monkeys poster (original by @colourme-feral, addition on the album by @respectthepetty)

Photography and voyeurism as a theme in past Jojo shows (3 Will Be Free, The Warp Effect, NLMG) (@colourme-feral)

Post Ep. 4 thoughts on living in the past, intergenerational trauma, moving towards reckoning withe the past and present, the stigma of labels (original by @waitmyturtles, addition on the lingering stigma of labelling by @ranchthoughts)

Narrative frameworks in Only Friends (ongoing series by @slayerkitty)

#ephemerality squad #ofts #ofts meta #ofts meta round-up

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neuroticbookworm · 7 months

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This episode is full of delicious hypocrisies -- Ray pursuing Sand when he's official with Mew, Mew literally performing a makeout in front of Top after he had just asked Top and Boston if they're shameless enough to "do it" in front of the crowd, Nick trying to corner Boston with a "what you did was filthy" while having absolutely zero moral ground to stand on.

But this line in particular caught my attention:

Mew did not want this breakup. He had put in so much effort into the Top-Tier-to-Boyfriend transformation. He wanted to stay winning. He does not feel betrayed because Top cheated on him, he feels angry that Top has thrown all his efforts down the gutter, and has forced a social failure label on Mew. Mew is no longer the one who tamed Top Tier, he is now the poor guy who got cheated on by the college slut. Just another loser who got seduced and dumped as soon as his turn was over.

Which is why the savior stunt Top pulled for Ray is so interesting. It not only cleans his image a bit, it also gives Mew the perfect opening to start "forgiving" Top for his indiscretions. Mew will no longer lose face if he gives Top another chance.

I gotta say, all these bitches are young and selfish and messy, and yet Top and Mew are perfectly matched for each other. They understand what the other wants, and they know how to play social games to keep the other wanting more. Mew played Top in the first half of the show, using sex as a prize. And now Top is gonna play Mew, using social status as the bait.

#this show is so delicious #spiced with all the audacity and hypocrisy and selfishness of the typical 20s #yum yum yum #only friends the series #ofts #ofts meta #topmew #forcebook #force jiratchapong #book kasidet

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thewayuarent · 7 months

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Handling an addiction. Part 2.

About actual changes.

tw: mentioning of drug abuse, suicide attempt, sexual assault

In part one we discussed how Ray’s main circle is actually more damaging for him than helpful. Thank you everyone for your responses, it means a lot. Today we’ll discuss the if not positive but more hopeful approach towards Ray’s addiction and why I do believe there are (always) chances for him to get better. I want to talk about the one person who potentially has enough influence to start this journey. But firstly I’ll talk about one person who can provide Ray support towards it.

Sand. The very first thing that differs Sand from Ray’s friends is timing. Remember this scene we haven’t got yet? I have no idea what’s that about but I do find this phrase very interesting.

Ray is absolutely wrong to blame Sand for whatever is happening in his life - the thing that addicts do often, by the way (and this is understandable and I am not blaming anyone thank you) - but he’s ironically right about one thing. Sand steps in his life when Ray is at his lowest. The worst since, probably, two years ago suicide attempt. Ray replaces the cause and the effect - it’s not because of Sand his life is going down to hell, it’s a coincidence that Sand appears at this time in his life.

But this is why it’s probably easier for Sand to recognise Ray as someone who desperately needs help. He wasn’t there while Ray was slowly going down. He appears when Ray is already here.

The thing is, it’s actually a bit too early to discuss how Sand handles Ray’s addiction. The whole drama will start when (or if, but my bet on when) they start a relationship. And of course Sand will make mistakes - we all do in any topic but especially this one. It’s a normal human thing. But Sand has very important qualities - he has empathy, compassion and he catches quickly on both verbalize and non-verbalize information.

The start of those two was pretty rough - Sand called Ray a spoiled rich brat - and this is, well, because Ray is a spoiled rich brat - a burden and he didn’t think highly of him. He continues this approach till this moment

But after Ray says this, Sand immediately understands that something deeply wrong and traumatic is happening here. And after that he stops with rude language, he shifts on harsh, but compassionate words. He still calls out Ray on his behaviour - in the music store scene and later in hospital. But his approach is very different from their earlier communications.

The same thing is with alcohol. Sand spends a noticeable part of the show unintentionally supporting Ray’s habits. He was hired as his drinking buddy, that was their start. He probably understood since the beginning this is a bit alarming, but it was not his place to deal with it. The big shift happening after this conversation

And while it doesn’t happen immediately - they have a party right after that - this is changing Sand’s approach once again.

So for now we have only one example of Sand handling the addiction problem Ray has - that’s why I said it’s not enough. But this example speaks volumes. He is, once again, compassionate and understanding. He doesn’t judge or blame Ray for his addiction, but he doesn’t forget his mistakes. He is very careful in his wording.

Here, very important moment: Sand doesn’t say “I ban you from alcohol forever” - because he understands it won’t work. He says “You need a rest and let’s try to hold on for a bit, just until you feel better”. He gives Ray an opportunity to not drink for some time without a very scary “forever”. Just for this one.

And this is very good thinking. Because while it works for everyone differently - some people prefer to quit once and forever, some people do it step by step - we’re talking here about a person who doesn’t want to quit yet. And temporarily limiting him is the best chance you have.

For now Sand is doing a very good job at building a support system someone with addiction needs. But this never - never - works out until Ray decides that he needs help. This never works out until Ray makes a decision to start working through it for himself.

Ray. The thing I desperately need for people to understand is: nothing will make a difference for him until he himself makes a decision that he wants to heal. Until he wants it not for Mew, or his dad, or Sand - for himself. We had a beautiful conversation about some of this with @twig-tea here - and one of the topics was about the difference between someone who knows about problem and want to heal and someone who ignores it. And for Ray this is not even about him understanding he has a problem - because I believe he does, at least on subconscious level.

He said this to Sand

and wording speaks volumes. He knows that addiction was (part of) a reason his mother died. He also said this to Mew

and this to his dad

so he is capable of drawing a parallel. He knows he’s doing the same thing she did. He understands that his substance abuse is dangerous, he has an experience with his mom ruining her life because of that.

But he is also trapped in a very harmful pattern. A pattern where it’s way easier for him and his surroundings to ignore a problem. Both Mew and Cheum tell him to stop on several occasions and his answer is always “Yeah. I know, whatever”. For now they do it just for check, he answers just for check also. Those conversations I believe happen a lot but they never have an actual meaning. And then when Sand calling him out on his addiction Ray does the same thing he does all the time.

He brushes it off like something not really important because he is used to it. And because it is way, way easier to do. Ray is not only an addict, he is also suicidal and while I can’t make diagnoses I think he is depressed and he is so on his self-destruction journey.

And those conversations running around about how Ray needs a wake-up call? He had a lot of them already.

As far as we know he was:

Waking up in some stranger’s place thinking he was sexually assaulted and robbed;

Attempting a suicide;

Risking his (and everyone else) life while drunk driving;

Charged for this drunk driving;

Almost arrested for drug possession and use.

And the truth is? He doesn’t care about this, because he doesn’t care about his life or wellbeing. He doesn’t need one big dramatic wake-up call. What he needs is careful and consistent conversations about his situation. What he needs is someone to tell him again and again and again that he deserves help. That he doesn’t need to be a perfect or even good person to deserve it. And maybe, maybe it will work. And only then the therapy and rehab and whatever tools exist will work.

And two more words about the rehab thing. This is something literally everyone wants for Ray as soon as possible. No matter how people approach his character this is the one thing everyone agrees on. And while I also think that rehab is something he needs, as much as therapy, I know it won't work for him right now.

Because to forcefully put someone in rehab is one of the worst things you can do. Rehab is not some magical place that automatically heals an addict. Rehab is a support tool - same as therapy, or AA, or whatever is right for a person (cause everybody is different and some things work for some people but don’t work for others). Again, until it’s something Ray wants and chooses for himself - rehab is almost 100% useless. The chances that Ray being put into rehab by some external forces - his dad - will relapse in the first month after getting out is very high. Rehab for him right now would be a fucking torture. And a pointless one.

Rehab, or therapy, or Sand’s or anyone’s support - all of this is very important and needed, but those things don’t exist in a vacuum. For them to have an impact Ray has to want it for himself. And this is such an incredibly hard thing to do. This requires a lot of self work and a lot of strength. I can’t express how much I hope for him to get to this point.

But I do understand that he's not there yet. And while I know how exhausting and frustrating it is - I want people to remember that for him it’s so much worse. He is the main victim of his disease. Have compassion. Have patience. Don’t forget that he is much more than his addiction. But don’t forget about it either.

#only friends meta #ofts #only friends the series #ofts meta #only friends #sandray #only friends ray

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