#but eddie and buck know each other better than anyone....
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Every time I read an anti-Bucktommy take it's like they don't understand what they're watching. Like, no understanding of how fiction works at all and a criminal lack of media literacy. And also unable to follow a simple story.
A tv show like 911 will never be like their favorite friends to lovers fics where everything they want to see on-screen is made into words, every little thought, every gesture is described in a flowery way, every single line is doctored to fit the fandom's expectations, using very specific tropes. This is fanwork, this is our business, we love it, we cherish it but this is our stuff.
911 is a tv show. It'll use many types of tv writing techniques to get to the point while having to deal with budgetary constraints, marketing needs, political restrictions and more. Could they have done a better job with reintroducing Tommy? Absolutely. Does it work as it is? Of course, if we're actually looking at what and how they tell on-screen.
A (long) BuckTommy timeline.
🚁 7x03 - Tommy and Buck meet on the day of the rescue, even before we see Buck, Chim and Eddie in the chopper.
They first meet off-screen. We don't know what happened then, we don't know how they looked at each other, if they smiled at each other, if they even talked directly to each other. But they met before we see them in the chopper.
We know by what happens later that Tommy makes a strong impression on Buck (who is already in the middle of a real life crisis). We can also assume that Tommy is attracted to Buck based on his looks (and probably also affinity, they do the same job, never underestimate the homoerotic power of male camaraderie), something we also understand later, so it works (but also, the way he looks at Buck at the end of this episode is a subtle hint.) Don't forget that writers know in advance things we don't, that's why we can go back and find the breadcrumbs we didn't notice before or couldn't make a connection with yet.
🔥 Buck wants to know more about Tommy and his work.
This is where you, as the audience, should fill the gap based on what we saw before and what comes next. This is where you should be able to do that instead of wanting everything on-screen the same way you put everything in a fanfic. This gap you fill because you're supposed to understand how average tv storytelling works leads to the following point.
🚁 7x04 - Buck contacts Tommy, he gets to visit Harbor.
At this point, we can clearly see Tommy is acting flirty in a very subtle and respectful way, because he doesn't really know what's the deal with Buck, but remember the way he looked at Buck in 7x03?
Then there's Buck acting... weird. What's his real purpose here? And this was before he even knew Tommy and Eddie were BFF, so Buck was already attracted to Tommy whatever his connection with the 118 crew, even if the real reason was blurry even to Buck himself.
🔥 7x04 - Tommy is now someone they interact with regularly.
Tommy is now slowly working his way (back) into the 118 group. He finds a good friend in Eddy (strangely I don't see anyone questioning that. How is that easier than having a simple, passive crush?), apparently spends a lot of time with him, and knows Christopher because he went to Eddie's house 3 times. Eddie definitely knows more about Tommy than Buck at this point.
🚁 7x04 - Buck is clearly troubled by Tommy.
Then there's this whole jealousy circus going on, Buck is a mess, his insecurities are breaking the roof and he's more troubled than ever. Is he jealous of Eddy or Tommy? Or both? (it's both) He wants to be the center of the attention. If he feels he's losing this, people will discard him. So he does some stupid shit. And you can see his feelings are also all over the place. But there's more than just fighting for attention, and that's probably why he's slowly starting to be angry. Because what he feels is different and he can't put his finger on it.
The discussion with Maddie clearly shows how he's chewing on his own heart. He didn't want what he had to change and he acted like a kid with big feelings and little control of himself.
🔥 7x04 - Tommy, who's having a passive crush on Buck, takes the matter in hands and kisses him.
Tommy having a crush is not less normal than Buck flirting with basically any cute girl showing interest in him. Being more mature, he meets Buck to set things straight, after having talked about it with Eddie. It's not out of nowhere. Eddie and Tommy are not stupid, and Eddie knows Buck. He saw something was wrong. Tommy, being the new addition to their dynamic, thought it was his fault (I think Eddie and Tommy really felt guilty about going to Vegas and leaving Buck just like that lmao That was so bad for Buck's confidence, I felt it in my bones). Excuses turn to clearing the air turn to let's go for it.
Tommy really took a gamble there. If Buck wasn't what he thought he was, it could have been so bad. So, so bad for Tommy and his job. Imagine Buck accusing Tommy of assault? But he took the risk of kissing him because he has more experience and knows how to read the signs. He's not 15, he has experience with men, and closeted men for sure.
And you know, this is a beautiful scene for Buck as a character. The way he realizes why he did all that, what it means about him, for him. I mean, he knew, in a way, but he didn't know. And Tommy was suddenly everywhere in his life, overwhelming while doing nothing. You have to understand that everything is happening in Buck's head and he needed just a little push to open his eyes.
Buck's queer path: unlocked.
🚁 7x05 - First date, first mess but also first lesson.
At this point, you can't even doubt about Tommy's intentions anymore. Buck might still be in a blurry phase but Tommy is not sending mixed signals at all (not with that choice of shirt, let me tell you this. My man was set to hit that night). Buck panicked, Tommy even tried to keep him on tracks for the evening, but between meeting Eddie and what it made Buck say... I mean, Tommy could have had a stronger reaction. Why accept the date if you can't deal with it?
But Tommy knows why, he's been there. Buck liked the idea of the date, but once you're there, everything becomes real. So once again, a little push: Tommy is honest and prefers to part ways, but not without saying why. He's not even mad.
At this point, Buck really needs to take another step. It's difficult to drag someone else into your own fog. He has all the rights to be troubled, to doubt, to be scared, but you don't drag someone else in this with you. Tommy protected himself from that, also protected Buck from doing something he'd regret, and he did it with guidance.
🔥 7x05 - Buck talks with Maddie about his date and comes out to her, but more importantly: Buck comes out to Eddie.
Look. This is canon, and I know we can choose to ignore canon but both scenes are great. And it's still canon. Maddie is obviously accepting and happy for Buck, and we expected no less from her.
With Eddie, I honestly expected at least some discussion like are you sure? or something like that but I think that at this point, everyone at the 118 knows that there's more to Buck than meets the eye. I'd have loved this scene to be longer with more exchange between Eddie and Buck but it is what it is, and Eddie is supportive of his best friend (yes, sorry, their canon relationship is best friends and I love their friendship, even more now that Buck is out).
And yes, this is even more important to show not only a strong friendship between a supposedly cishet man and a bisexual man but also, and we'll see that later, Eddie still trusts Buck around Chris. Nothing changed. So many people associate queer people with predators, we need to see queer people, and especially queer men, being trusted around children, and being safe. This is the right representation.
I know bvddies are trying to find any reason to make this storyline choice look like shit, because they want their ship to sail (and I completely understand wanting that), but accusing the people who like Buck and Tommy together of being homophobes because they cherish the canon beautiful friendship between Buck and Eddie?? We're not talking about headcanons here, about reading between the lines, or being "coded" a certain way (sorry, for me Eddie is not gay-coded. He's a-spec for sure, and I'm going for being demi, but gay? I don't see it anymore at this point of the show). It's about the canon.
You know, at this point, things are already moving into place, even if you don't like Buck and Tommy together. This is where canon is at, this is the story. It's not a personal attack against anyone in the fandom.
🚁 7x05 - Buck wants to apologize to Tommy for the failed date, and for his behavior.
Oh, accountability, my beloved. We love to see Buck working on himself. This is the real start of whatever will happen from now on between Buck and Tommy. Buck knows he's ready to embrace this new part of himself and he feels like Tommy is the right person to do that with.
Tommy being Tommy, he makes sure Buck knows what all this means. Buck is not a teenager, Tommy treats him as an equal but he also knows how it feels to be in Buck's shoes.
🔥 7x06 - Tommy, a responsible adult, makes time for Buck (and Chim!) even when he clearly could, and maybe should, just decline.
This part was used way too often against Tommy by BoBs. Tommy is a fire pilot on call the night of the bachelor party. A FIRE PILOT ON CALL. Do you think his main goal that night is to have fun? Or is it to be a responsible adult who could well be saving lives (while risking his) the same night? Do you know what it means to be on call? You're basically working without being at work, the second your job needs you, you have to be 100% ready. Again, he's a fire pilot (even if he's also sent on ground work that night). His first job would be to pilot a freaking helicopter and accomplish tasks that requires skills, precision and to not be half asleep. You don't play with that responsibility.
So Tommy showing up is indeed huge. He does it for Buck, and for Chim, but definitely for Buck in the first place. He could have stayed home to get some sleep while waiting. Instead of that, not only he doesn't sleep but he ends up fighting a fire for hours. And the first thing people used against him was that he didn't follow the dress code?! No, you guys need to grow up and live a bit more of real life.
And then we have The Kiss (please someone draw them as The Kiss by Klimt, every fandom needs its Kiss fanart). And once again, it's Tommy making time for Buck, and Chim, when he could be home, take a good shower and be in his cozy bed after working on a fire for more than what, 14 hours? This is a man who knows his priorities. And responsible men are sexy as hell, even when it means they can't have fun like everyone else.
Now, if after all this, and mind you, this is all canon, you still think Tommy is a fraud in this storyline, that his budding romance with Buck has no foundation or that he doesn't care about Buck? And don't even get me started on the "but he was a racist and a misogynist before". Yes, he was. And yes, he changed. Like I said: learn to know his character, but also trust Hen. The fact is that at this point of the story, Tommy is great for Buck. He's kind, he's safe, he's trying even when there's no expectations. Be happy for great representation.
Oh, and don't use your hate against the ship or Tommy to be a nasty little shit with the actors and writers. Decency is free.
#911#911 abc#bucktommy#tommy kinard#evan buckley#did i miss anything?#pushing tumblr's limits with this post#i'm tired and not in a good place recently so don't get me started with your ship war and your bs behavior with actors and writers#i just can't with bullies
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https://www.tumblr.com/liveforever7/750214879878807552/all-the-people-closing-on-buddie-and-being
Can I tell you a secret? It was never about the love story or the characters for them. They just wanted to see two dudes kiss and now they have so buddie and Eddie are dead to them. Literally some of them have started writing fics or hoping for Eddie to did in the show so buck and Tommy can raise Chris together. All they talk about is the kiss and how hot it is and how they hope to see buck railed by Tommy on their tv screens.
Oh I know
It's ridiculous and kinda sad that the only thing these people care about is seeing two men kiss because, you have Eddie who loves and understands Buck more than anyone, the bond they have is simply beautiful. He trusted Buck with the most precious thing for him, his son, his heart. Eddie saw how little self-worth Buck had and gave him a reason to live for.
And then you have Tommy who has no history with Buck and barely knows each other. He didn't even apologize after leaving him standing on the curb on their first date, WHAT IS THERE TO SHIP?
But well, they better enjoy it while it lasts bc Timmy is a plot device soooo
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btw something something about ana calling eddie "edmundo" and taylor calling buck "buckley" in their last scenes together... something something "because, evan"
#txt#i don't have. Real Thoughts about it#but i'm turning it over in my head like a rotisserie chicken#idk...something about how ana and taylor never really knew eddie or buck#but eddie and buck know each other better than anyone....#you think you're invincible / you act like you're expendable but you're wrong#not everything is about you / you're the guy that likes to fix things#ana bringing up the panic attacks / you have to tell me if something is wrong#anyway...
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rewatching new girl s2 and it's just like, the tommy as dr sam, buck as jess and eddie as nick blueprint is so real so true, y'know?????????
#sam helping jess explore a side of herself she's never thought about before and them developing real feelings for each other#and she talks about him with nick!!! and nick is happy for her and supports her!!!!!#and her and sam are cute together and they have chemistry and potential and it's good!!!!#but there are just those little moments y'know#where she and nick make eye contact for too long or nick watches her when she's not looking#or where he proves he knows her better than anyone else or goes along with some chaotic plan#and it's just!!!!!#would be real sexy if we got some of those s4 eddie diaz Looks(tm) over the next couple of eps y'know#would be real sexy if eddie's face got a little complicated when he watches buck and tommy together even though he's Happy for them#like yes yes dr sam moment in s5 finale where he tells jess she's in love with nick yes absolutely#but parallels to those early s2 ep could be A Lot#911 related
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All the Buck and Eddie we've gotten this season has been so damn refreshing. Their friendship is shining. Their family dynamic is on full display. The way they are so intertwined in each other's lives is visible from space.
They're trying to defuse a bomb together at work. They're putting out a fire together and talking about Eddie's kid - about their family.
Eddie doesn't know how to talk to Chris about talking to multiple women at once so he brings in Buck because he knows Buck has been there and he'll be able to relate to Chris in a way he can't.
Buck had a huge revelation about himself and his sexuality and he's worried that he lied to Eddie. He accidentally outed himself to his sister because he couldn't stop talking about lying to Eddie.
Buck comes out to Eddie and Eddie immediately assures Buck that it's not weird and it doesn't change a thing between them.
Buck plans an 80s themed party and Eddie immediately suggests doing a costume together.
They take said party to Chim when he doesn't show up and when they don't have a key Eddie reminds Buck that they're firefighters before kicking the door down.
They delivered Maddie a change of clothes and food while she's at dispatch chasing down leads on where Chimney might be because they've been together all day and they know they work best as a team.
They go together to help Bobby and Athena canvas the area where Chim was last seen.
They're attached at the hip. They're bonded through blood and trauma, but also through joy and laughter. They love each other to the core. They understand each other better than anyone else around them.
Are they romantic? Are they platonic? Does it actually matter?
They're soulmates. Their love is so deep and so certain that no matter how you view them you know that there's just so much love between them. It's kind of love that survives ladder truck bombings and tsunamis and collapsing wells and snipers and breakdowns and lightening strikes. It's the kind of love that means even if they drift apart, they're never far from each other. They're always pulled back to each other.
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People are joking about ABC realizing why FOX put Ryan in interview jail - Without realizing the consequences of what FOX and KR have done.
Actors don't say anything that they aren't allowed to say, that is Hollywood's iron rule when filming a project.
Whatever Ryan is saying, he was given permission to do it.
ABC sees and understands the ramification of the homophobic narrative forced on the show on FOX's network they can see the bad writing and the altogether 'don't give a fuck about this' attitude the show was getting from it's showrunners.
ABC wouldn't take something that is circling the drain just to continue with the bad form of handling the show got so far.
Now Ryan, bless him, he loves Buck and he loves Oliver and thank God he loves Eddie, he understands the character better than anyone, he also knew where it was supposed to go when Murphy first hired him.
KR taking over put a wrench in that original plan but the choices made by both writers and actors on screen showed her exactly where she could shove her heteronormative narrative.
ABC is simply amplifying the obvious cast and writers cry and giving them a safe heaven to exist in peace.
It's not for nothing that the publicity and the premiere party were this big, this is a promise to the cast and crew that they will be treated better than the crap hole FOX network treated them.
Now, I don't know what will happen, but gay storyline or not, Eddie does love Buck to the core, it doesn't have to be in a romantic sense, it can be in any way possible, that saying alone does not scream gay, everything else that happened in the story up until now, however, does.
Because in CF Severide and Casey loved each other to the core in their best friend way, Vic and Travis love each other to the core in Station 19 without there being a romantic entanglement, Gibson loved Miller until he died still managing to stay straight lol and same for Cruz and Otis in CF - both had gfs both loved each other like brothers.
Eddie loves Buck, it doesn't have to mean anything romantic unless it was played into it, 911 leaned into it and failed to follow through on FOX, I am hoping ABC gives them that last shove.
After all, ABC is the home of Station 19, Home of the beautiful Marina pair, and the first male bi-character, finally, portrayed brilliantly by Eli in S6.
So stop saying Ryan is simply burning the house down, he does better PR for this show than all the anemic interviews Oliver was instructed to give so far.
Again, not Oliver's fault, KR made him, picked her favorite and dragged him down with her kicking and screaming. Shame on her and FOX.
#a little psa#ryan guzman#eddie diaz#evan buckley#oliver stark#911 spoilers#911 speculation#911 abc#fox and KR suck!#thank you ryan!#buddie
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What if …
Buck and Eddie got together days before the lightning strike and hadn’t told anyone yet (not even Chris), and when Buck wakes up he’s fine .. except he doesn’t remember that he and Eddie finally kissed and had the talk and promised each other forever.
But Eddie remembers.
Eddie remembers but Buck doesn’t and Eddie just .. he just doesn’t tell him. He’s scared and has all these feelings about the lightening and the memory loss and he talks it all out with Frank for weeks and when he’s finally ready to talk to Buck about it .. the graveyard scene happens.
So Eddie stays quiet and tries to move on. He tries with Marisol but his heart isn’t in it and so they break up and he decides to not date. To be alone because he loves Buck and will always love him. He’s his forever, even if he can’t have him the way he wants .. the way he briefly got a taste of.
And Buck is dating Natalia and things are .. fine. They get a couch and she stays over every now and then and things are fine. Except they’re not because something feels like it’s missing, and Eddie has this sadness in his eyes and Buck doesn’t know what’s wrong, and of course Eddie doesn’t want to talk about it.
And then one day Buck just remembers. He remembers everything and oh my god how could he forget?! How could he forget what Eddie tastes like? The way his eyes shone with tears of utter happiness and joy after their first kiss, their first “I love you”. How could he forget?
Cue Buck knocking on the Diaz front door at 11pm on a random Tuesday and of course it’s raining and Eddie opens the door and he looks tired but so soft and warm and like home and he says “Buck?” and Buck just starts crying.
“I remember”
And then they’re kissing and holding each other and crying but it’s okay. It’s better than okay because Buck remembers and he’s here. He’s home.
EDIT
I ended up writing this and it’s now a fully completed fic on AO3.
You can read it here 💛
#got this idea while in the gym listening to THE LIGHTENING STRIKE by Snow Patrol#buddie#fic idea#buddie ficlet#fanfic ideas#eddie diaz#evan buckley#buck x eddie#buck/eddie#the lightning amnesia fic
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These are the people who know Buck and Eddie best. Keep that in mind.
When Hen realizes Buck is with a man, she is obviously not surprised.
Bobby says this. At no point in the time they have known each other has Eddie ever successfully sustained a romantic relationship or a relationship outside the 118. So who the hell is Bobby talking about?
This can be interpreted as Bobby saying Eddie committed to being a great dad and being a great firefighter, but that doesn't match the context of the conversation. This is about relationships.
This proves Bobby is speaking on Eddie's relationships.
But I think the most blatant indication that everyone in the 118 is waiting for Eddie and Buck to realize everything they are desperately searching for is right in front of them happened right here:
This is Maddie, who raised Buck and knows him better than anyone else. Look at her face. She is pained and upset. At no point was this conversation even remotely referencing Eddie. When Buck comes out, the woman who raised him immediately tells him that he isn't seeing things clearly and when he does, he will need to speak to Eddie. Why?
*points up* That. Maddie summed it up perfectly. Buck knows he's into men. He knows he was trying to get someone's attention. But, in classic Buck style, he is all messed up and jumping at the first opportunity available. Maddie knows Buck is not thinking clearly, but she knows she has to let him figure this out on his own.
#911#911 abc#911 on abc#9 1 1 buddie#buddie#buck x eddie#buddie 911#evan buckley#eddie diaz x evan buckley#eddie x buck#evan buckley x eddie diaz#911 show#911 season 7#eddie diaz#evan buck buckley#911onabc#Lou Eng's 911 metas
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like a ship on the ocean
7x03 coda
Buck watches Bobby and Athena run towards each other, and something catches in his throat.
The moment belongs at the end of a movie, feels like it should be accompanied by sweeping orchestral music. In his mind’s eye, Buck sees it in dramatic slow motion.
But that isn’t what makes Buck pause with one hand still on the staircase rail.
It makes him wonder, is all. It’s one hell of a yardstick, and suddenly he isn’t sure if anything he’s ever had would measure up.
Bobby hadn’t gone into details on the chopper, not in front of the kid, but the little he’d said sounded intense. And it sounded like he and Athena had each other’s backs every step of the way.
And that’s really the part Buck gets stuck on, because—
He’s had his share of relationships, and they’d been good while they’d lasted. But even at their best, Buck doesn’t know if he’d have trusted them to save a handful of people trapped on a capsized cruise ship with him.
He’s drifted over to the railing by now, and he leans against it, staring out at the open ocean. Though it’s really only the open ocean if he looks a little to the left—otherwise his field of vision is full of other lifeboats, full of bedraggeled passengers holding onto each other, grief and relief both stark against the bright blue sky.
Maybe he’s being unfair, he thinks. Bobby and Athena are both trained first responders with decades of experience under their belts. They were better equipped to handle the situation than just about anyone else.
Maybe it’s the kind of thing you can’t know about someone until it actually happens.
But maybe—
Someone materialises by his side, another pair of forearms braced against the railing, and Buck doesn’t have to turn his head to know who it is.
“What’s up?” Eddie asks.
“You know how sometimes when you talk to people from, like, functional families, they’ll say their ideal relationship would be just like their parents’ marriage?” Buck asks, still searching the whitecaps.
“I—don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say that.”
“It’s a thing,” Buck insists, the slightest edge of a laugh in his voice. “I swear I’ve heard people say it before.”
“Okay, sure,” Eddie says. “I’m guessing we’re not talking about your parents?”
“Is it weird if I’m pretty sure my ideal relationship is Bobby and Athena’s marriage?” Buck asks. He turns to look and finds Eddie blinking.
“Your ideal relationship features a honeymoon interrupted by pirates and a cat five hurricane?” Eddie asks, quirking an eyebrow.
Buck huffs. “No, that part I can live without. I just mean—how many people would you trust to get you out of something like this? That’s what I want in a partner.”
“So, what, you gonna audition new girlfriends by bringing them on a cruise?”
“Again, the cruise ship isn’t really the key part here,” Buck says, rolling his eyes. “And it’s not like every ship gets hijacked and blown up.”
“Slight flaw in the plan.”
“Yeah, it’s bulletproof otherwise,” Buck says, and Eddie snorts.
“So no cruises,” he says. “Then what?”
“I mean, I don’t think it’s something you can really test for,” Buck says. “I guess there just has to be a vibe.”
Eddie hums, staring out at the ocean. “Have you had that vibe?” he asks after a moment. “You know, before?”
“I don’t know,” Buck says on a sigh. “Feels hard to evaluate after the fact, you know? Like—memories always look better after a little time, right?”
“Yeah,” Eddie says. “I guess they do.”
“What about—” Buck gestures at him. “Marisol? Would she get you off a sinking cruise ship?”
“Too soon to tell, I think,” Eddie says.
Buck bites his tongue against the urge to point out it’s been months already, and every time the subject comes up Eddie keeps hedging like it’s only been a couple of dates.
He hesitates, careful about choosing his words. “Or maybe the fact that you can’t tell is the vibe?” he asks, and Eddie sighs.
“Yeah,” he says, eyes fixed on the horizon. “Maybe.”
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starting our forever, baby
9-1-1 on ABC | Buddie | 2.1k words | s7 spec, prev bucktommy, getting together, love confessions, love is stored in the kitchen
Eddie wakes up to a surprise visit from Buck and they finally talk about forever.
Read on AO3
Eddie wakes up to the sound of pans clanging in the kitchen and the smell of pancake batter and hot butter. Neither of these things is cause for alarm nor out of the ordinary but he is ninety-eight percent certain he went to sleep in an empty house.
He rolls out of bed, shrugging on a sweatshirt and grabbing a pair of soft socks out of his drawer on the way past and to no surprise finds Buck in the kitchen.
“Hey! Eddie,” Buck smiles brightly at him as Eddie cautiously perches himself on a kitchen stool. “Good morning.”
Buck is bathed in sunlight from the kitchen window behind him, a halo of gold filtering through his soft curls, gel-free and touseled on the top of Buck’s head in a way that Eddie wishes he would let them be more often. “Morning, Buck. You’re here early.”
Buck bustles around the kitchen, pulling milk out of the fridge and grabbing a mug from the top cupboard, his body moving around Eddie’s kitchen as if it has been programmed with an innate sense of where to find anything and everything. He could be convinced that Buck knows his way around Eddie’s kitchen better than Eddie does. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m sorry. It’s just–it’s been a while, yeah? And I feel like I haven’t seen Chris in ages–I miss the kid–and I figured he was probably, if not missing me, at least missing my pancakes. I hope he hasn’t been letting you make them.”
Buck pours coffee from the pot into the mug, tops it off with the precise amount of milk that Eddie prefers, and sets it in front of Eddie before turning to the frying pan and flipping the pancake. “I know you’ve been improving in the cooking department–I can see it, Eddie, and I’m proud of you,” Eddie’s heart squeezes in his chest. “But pancakes are my department.”
“I wouldn’t want to steal your thunder.” Eddie quips and Buck whips around to wave the spatula at him.
“Exactly!”
“Buck,” Eddie presses carefully because there’s a frantic energy fizzing beneath Buck’s skin, he can see it in the way he moves, the line of his shoulders, and the exaggerated way he swings his arms. “Christopher isn’t here. He’s on school camp until Friday.”
“Oh, right, I knew that.” Buck’s whole body joints to a stop like a record skipping on a turntable and then just as soon he’s back in motion again. “That’s okay! I brought lemon juice for on your pancakes, we can save the bacon for the weekend when he gets back.”
Eddie’s heart grows three sizes in his chest, threatening to burst out all over his kitchen and cover Buck and the bench top in a flood of emotions he’s spent the last month and a half trying to fold smaller and smaller until he can safely tuck them away beneath his ribs where it can’t hurt anyone but himself.
“Buck?” The other man glances at him before turning back to the stove, giving a soft hum in response. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Buck grins at him again but it doesn’t reach his eyes this time.
“You’re buzzing, and not the good kind.” Eddie stands and rounds the counter, he leans against the other side while still giving Buck as much space as he needs. He presses again, softer this time. “Buck? What’s going on?”
Buck deflates and turns the stove off, removing the pan from the element and leaning against the other counter opposite Eddie. “Tommy and I broke up. I broke up with him, or we broke up with each other, I guess.”
Eddie isn’t sure what to say. As far as he knew Buck and Tommy’s relationship had been going smoothly. They were a good fit, even Eddie could tell, as much as it sometimes pained him to admit. But he was happy for them. Seeing them dance together at Maddie and Chimney’s wedding had filled Eddie with a sense of pride even when it also left him feeling like he was walking with a permanent rock in his shoe—a phenomenon he could finally put a name to after a few long talks with Frank and an enlightening if not nervewracking night at a bar called the Peacock that Hen had suggested he visit for ‘research purposes’.
“I thought you really liked Tommy?” Is what he finally manages to say once he unsticks his tongue from the roof of his mouth.
“I do,” Buck says. His arms are still full of static as he gestures with his hands in that way that Buck does when he’s nervous or overwhelmed and he’s not looking Eddie in the eyes. Buck shakes his head. “I did. I did, and Tommy is wonderful but I think we both realized that it wasn’t going to last. He got offered a job, down in Mexico.” Buck pushes away from the bench, pulls two plates out of the drawer, and starts dividing the stack of pancakes between them.
“After the whole fiasco with the cruise ship, the LAFD decided they wanted someone on the ground down there as a sort of link between the Los Angeles rescue helicopters and the team down in Mexico City. They’re going to put him in charge of his own team and he’s been working towards some sort of promotion for ages so he’s really excited about it.”
“He didn’t ask you to go with him did he?” Eddie can’t help but let the question burst out of him. The thought of Buck leaving already feels like tearing out a lung but he also knows he’s in no position to ask Buck to stay, certainly not for Eddie’s sake.
“He did, sort of.” Buck shrugs. “I think he already knew I wouldn’t say yes. L.A. is my home, I couldn’t leave the 118, I couldn’t leave Maddie and Jee-yun. Christopher, the thought of being anywhere that kid isn’t is just—and I know he’s not—but I still couldn’t. I won’t. Tommy knows that. He also knew that I wouldn’t leave you.”
“Me?” Now Eddie has to swallow down a lump of surprise. Eddie doesn't think that little of himself, he knows he’s important to Buck, they are important to each other, but important enough to be the reason Buck stays in Los Angeles while his boyfriend moves to another country?
Buck turns to place two plates, carefully stacked with fluffy, golden pancakes, each drizzled in lemon juice and sprinkled with sugar—Eddie’s favorite—on the kitchen island, and then he’s facing Eddie again only feet away in all his early morning glory and Eddie dares to hope.
“You.” Buck rests one hip against the counter and turns the full power of those bright blue eyes on Eddie as he finally makes eye contact for the first time all morning. “Yes, you, Eddie. Tommy is lovely and sweet and he has been so, so good to me for the last two months, we’ve been good for each other, I think.”
Eddie breaks the eye contact, he’s heard all about how wonderful and lovely Tommy is for the last two months and while he has been so happy for Buck, truly, it has also been agony. But then Buck is stepping up into Eddie’s space and gripping his elbow. Buck ducks his head until he can catch Eddie’s eyes again and follows his gaze until Eddie gives up on trying to hide from him.
“But it was never going to work long-term, I don’t think it was ever meant to. He’s very sweet and we get along well but it never got any deeper than that. We made better friends than anything else.”
“Okay, so you ended it on mutual terms and he’s moving to Mexico?”
“Not for a few months but eventually he is yes.”
“A few months?”
“Next February.”
“February? Next year? Buck that ages away, why break up now if he’s not leaving until–.”
“Because it was time.”
“Time for what?”
“To stop lying to myself, to you.”
Eddie almost bites his tongue. “Lying to me? Buck, I am so confused right now. Did you hit your head? You do remember coming out to me right? You’ve been dating a man for the last two months. You brought a man to your sister’s wedding. Honestly, I am still living off of the high that I got from seeing your mother’s face when you kissed Tommy on the dance floor, that was—.”
“Eddie!” Buck laughs around his name and it’s the sweetest sound Eddie has ever heard. “Would you let me finish talking? Please?”
Eddie nods. “Right, yes. Sorry. Proceed.” He swings his arm out dramatically and Buck pinches the skin on the back of Eddie’s arm and rolls his eyes.
“Eddie,” There’s a seriousness to Buck’s tone that Eddie doesn’t hear often. “I don’t want to presume anything okay, so if I’ve been reading this wrong then please tell me because I don’t want to make this weird, the last thing I want to do is hurt you or make you uncomfortable but—.” Eddie watches the tick in Buck's jaw tighten. “There’s something here, right? You and me?”
“Do you think there is?” Eddie whispers into the space between them, barely getting the words out past where his heart sits in his throat.
“I dare to hope there is,” Buck whispers back. “I would like there to be. Eddie, you’re my best friend, you’ve been my rock for years and I love you more than anything but I also—I also think I might be in love with you, and I think I have been for a long time.”
“You think?”
“Like pretty God damn certain actually.”
“Good, good.” Eddie nods, barely keeping the grin from breaking across his face. He can feel his lips twitching with the effort to suppress it. “That’s good.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He steps into Buck’s space and leans forward until he can press their foreheads together. Buck’s arm slides from Eddie’s elbow to around his waist and Eddie rests his palm against Buck’s chest, sliding it up until he can wrap his fingers over the swell of Buck’s shoulder and press his thumb into that divet in Buck’s throat where Eddie can feel the heat of him and the pulse of his heartbeat beneath the pad of his thumb. “Because I am definitely in love with you.”
“You never said anything.”
“I didn’t know and then I did but you were with Tommy and you were happy. I was happy for you.”
Buck breathes deeply and Eddie reveals in the way it rushes past his cheek. “What about you?”
“I’m happy now,” Eddie says and it’s true, and realizing that only multiples the happiness tenfold. “I’m so happy I could burst.”
“Happy that I got dumped again?”
“You didn’t get dumped, you said it was mutual.” Eddie squeezes his shoulder. “But yes, happy that you might finally be mine, that I might finally get to be yours.”
Buck leans back and when Eddie opens his eyes he finds Buck’s eyes glassy and brimming with tears.
“That’s all I’ve ever wanted,” Buck says and Eddie pulls him into his arms until they are chest to chest, chins hooked over each other’s shoulders and wrapped up in each other so completely that Eddie could not tell you where one of them ends and the other begins and it feels so right, so right to have Buck so close to him, for them to be one and the same. They breathe together for a long time, squeezing each other closer whenever the micro fraction of an inch between them begins to field like football fields of distance.
“We take this slow, we do it right,” Eddie says carefully, pulling back just far enough to cup his hand around Buck’s cheek and hold his gaze. A niggly part of his brain tries to remind him of everything that could go wrong, of everything they have to lose, but a bigger part of him can only hope for everything that could go so beautifully right.
“We have the rest of forever, after all.” Buck’s smile is soft at the edges and it smoothes the jagged parts of Eddie’s worry.
Eddie leans up and presses one gentle kiss to the corner of Buck’s mouth, allowing himself that much for now. The rest will come, he is in no rush for the rest of his life. On Friday Christopher will be home and they can make pancakes again. At the end of the month, Buck’s lease will expire and Eddie will finally have an excuse to never let Buck leave his house again. In February they will wave Tommy off at the airport and Eddie will get the chance to thank him properly. Soon enough they might get to dance at another wedding, maybe their own, definitely together, for the rest of forever.
“Forever and a day.” He promises.
#buddie#buddie fic#911#season 7 spec#prev bucktommy#meegs writes stuff#911 on abc#buck x eddie#eddie diaz#evan 'buck' buckley#911fic#911 fic#eddie x buck#911 fox
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Your tags about not settling for less than buddie and how fans of others couples are not expected to ABSOLUTE CHEF KISS. I’m NOT okay with anything else and I never will be, I will die on this hill idc lmao
Thank you! The tags in question
I always thought it was such a refreshing thing with this show that when stuff came up like Hen cheating and Karen needing some time, or Bobby and Athena fighting, or Maddie leaving, the show didn't try to wedge in another love interest. ESPECIALLY with Maddie and Chim because in any other show, either she would have met someone in Boston who "helped her heal" and then she would "realize" she still loved Chim and break it off, or he would have spiraled after she left and met some hot single mom at like, a baby and me class or something and they would "bond" over being left. But the show didn't do that, because it was about the love story and getting the couple back together. And while it was certainly dramatic, it wasn't over the top everyone sleeping around dramatic.
So sorry for pointing out that the show has 3 established couples that have been around in some capacity from the start or in s2 forward, but Buck and Eddie get trapped with horrible LI drama all the time while THEIR actual relationship mirrors the other three couples. Like, no I'm not gonna settle for less.
ALSO!!! If, as everyone claims, they're fine with Buddie being besties if they get a "fully fleshed out" partner for either one of them, that means a) less screentime for the other main characters, and b) less screentime for BUDDIE. Remember s5 when KR had Buck sequestered in that tomb of a loft with Tay Kay and he wasn't ever allowed to talk to Eddie about how he was feeling? Yeah.
They are never going to be able to build up credible LIs for either of them without taking the majority of those deep, meaningful "I know you better than anyone else" scenes from Buddie and giving them to the LIs. Otherwise they're just going to be blury background partners and for one, we all deserve to watch an epic love story and for two, those characters DESERVE to have an epic love story.
Sorry I don't want to pretend it would be worth it to see it happen with anyone else, especially when they are already perfect for each other 🤷🏻♀️
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Future AU where Buck and Tommy are established and in a serious long term relationship, living together, happy and content. And then something happens to Eddie, he ends up in the hospital (again) and Buck takes care of Christopher (again), only this time he's not alone. Maybe Chris stays with Buck and Tommy this time, and Tommy starts to pitch in. He takes care of Chris while Buck's at work, he takes Chris to visit Eddie, he helps Chris with his homework and takes him to school, and Tommy never really thought about having kids, but now he is. He knows Buck wants kids, he sees the way he is with Christopher and Jee-Yun, and he knows Buck would be an amazing dad. Tommy has just never felt like he was in a stable enough place in his life for kids, but now maybe he is.
And then Eddie gets out of the hospital and he's still not 100% so he stays with Buck and Tommy, too. He can't take care of Christopher on his own right now, he can't even take care of himself. So Buck and Tommy help him, too. They drive him to physical therapy, they help with Chris, they become their own oddly shaped family. So as Eddie gets better, he starts doing what he can and the three of them (Buck, Eddie, and Tommy) find a rhythm. Slowly they become ingrained in each other's lives, even more ingrained than before.
Eddie gets better and he feels like he's imposed enough, so one night over beers after Christopher has gone to bed, he tells Buck and Tommy he's going to move back to his own house. Buck knew this moment was coming but he's not ready for it. He makes futile excuses: is Eddie sure, what if he's not ready, maybe he should wait a little longer... but Eddie has been cleared to go back to work. There's nothing really keeping him here anymore.
Nothing except Buck and Tommy, and this family they've forged. It's Tommy who eventually, calmly and casually, says, "You could stay."
Like it's simple. Like it doesn't change everything between them. But of course they all know things have been changing between them for months. Eddie has seen the way Buck and Tommy are together, those small touched and intimate moments, and he wants that. Not with just anyone, but with them.
Tommy nudges Buck and they have this heated conversation with their eyebrows until Buck concedes and scoots across the couch. When he kisses Eddie, it's soft and slow and it should feel like the world is tilting on its axis but it doesn't. It feels safe and warm and sure. It feels like Eddie is finally home.
#911#evan buckley#tommy kinard#eddie diaz#bucktommy#bucktommyeddie#i can't even begin to guess at their ship name#buddommy#??#whatever#buddie
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Firehouse 118: Three Assignments, A Transfer and A Recruit
After rewatching the "Chimney Begins", "Hen Begins" and "Bobby Begins Again" episodes, I noticed how Chimney, Hen and Buck were all assigned to the 118 while Bobby was transferred in and Eddie was recruited by Bobby to work there.
All five of their stories of becoming LAFD firefighters are important and unique and it doesn’t matter if they were assigned, transferred or recruited because they're all essential and needed for the team to work seamlessly the way that it does. Also, they’re all exceptional at what they do and their contributions to the team are extraordinary.
Captain Robert "Bobby" Wade Nash
Bobby’s a great captain and he has a great team. He transferred to the 118 after he asked his chief to send him somewhere following his completion of 6 months of AA while he was in Minnesota. Sal DeLuca was bad mouthing him to the team and none of them knew Bobby was already there sitting inside of the firetruck listening to them place their bets on how long he'd be at the station.
In 7x2, after Norman was shot and they carried him to the casino so he could be assisted by the cruise ship doctor (who only had sea sick pills 🙄 and got woozy at the sight of blood), Athena asked Bobby what he needed and he replied, “My team!”, then the camera cut to the 118 responding to the car accident with the drunk driver.
Firefighter/Paramedic Howard "Chimney" Han
Chimney’s been at the 118 longer than anyone on Bobby's team, in fact he was there before Bobby was transferred. He’s the heart of the place and Buck said so in 5x5 after he left to find Maddie. His absence for the majority of the season was noticeable and it was great when he returned during 5B. Being a paramedic comes naturally to him, he loves what he does and it shows. Reminder, he saved Tommy from a gas explosion during one of Chimney's flashbacks in 2x12. Also, he wants to help anyone he can even that guy who was being belligerent with him in 7x2 after he caused that accident.
Firefighter/Paramedic Henrietta "Hen" Wilson
Hen is a great leader; she has the temperament and the know how to handle difficult situations. Reminder, she’s the one who always speaks up for Buck whenever the rest of the team or Bobby need to be reminded about the way he doesn’t have anything outside of firefighting like she did in 3x1 and 3x6. Additionally, she was in medical school for three years until she decided in 6x6 that her dream was to remain a paramedic.
OAN: In 7x2, Hen was interim captain and the 118 was working together and handling the scene of an accident with a drunk driver but the driver died after refusing treatment and it was followed by an investigation. She was told by the chief to “Go home firefighter” and it pissed me off because she GRADUATED from the academy as a firefighter/paramedic so for him to be dismissive and call her a firefighter instead of a paramedic, which she earned, was not ok.
Chimney and Hen are partners and they ride or die for each other but reminder, Chimney didn’t become a paramedic until after he had a conversation with Eli. That doesn’t make one better than the other, it’s just an observation to illustrate how rude the chief was. Where’s Chief Miranda Williams when she’s needed because it appears this new chief doesn’t listen?
Firefighter/EMT Evan "Buck" Buckley
Buck goes harder than anyone else when it comes to firefighting and Bobby said so himself in 6x1 after Buck tried to impress him so he would consider him to be the interim captain. He thinks outside of the box like he did in 3x13 at the bowling alley and he knows the job like the back of his hand. His personal life aside, he loves being a firefighter and after he stopped being reckless and stealing firetrucks to have sex in them and Bobby fired him, he got his act together.
Firefighter/EMT Edmundo "Eddie" Diaz
Eddie wasn't assigned to the 118 and he didn't transfer in because he was recruited by Bobby. I’ve always known Bobby convinced him to join his firehouse instead of him going to station 6 but IIRC, Eddie was the first person Bobby hired instead of him being assigned or transferred. He graduated at the top of his academy class and he already had experience because he was an Army medic and he did multiple tours in Afghanistan. One thing to note is of all their introductions to the 118, Eddie’s was on another level and it was evident since he had his own theme song, “Whatta Man” by Salt -N- Pepa. Additionally, Eddie was NEVER treated like a “probie” and IIRC he was never hazed but that could be because Bobby runs his firehouse differently than Gerard did. Finally, Eddie was already in the firehouse when the camera panned to him instead of him walking in like Chimney, Hen and Buck did. Bobby was the only other person on the team who was already there when he was introduced.
Buck and Eddie are partners and they work seamlessly together the same way Hen and Chimney do but there's a difference between the two partnerships (related post linked here). Hen and Chimney are best friends but Buck and Eddie have built a family together with their Eddie's son, Chris that's outside of their found family.
The point of this post is to highlight how great Bobby’s team is and how they all need each other along with the way the 118 wouldn’t be what it is without all five of them.
#911 on abc#911 abc#118 firefam#bobby nash#chimney han#hen wilson#eddie diaz#evan buckley#911 season 7#911 season 7 speculation#911 meta#911 spoilers#chimney x hen#buddie
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Season 7 should just fully ignore Eddie and Buck's respective love lives for the first 8-9 episodes. Let the show should focus on the other main characters and give them major story lines since 6b was very Buck centered (rightfully so the man died).
I want- no I need - to see Hen and Karen learning to balance being mothers to a newborn baby and a pre-teen and working. Let us see them figuring that out and supporting each other.
I also want to see Bobby and Athena back from their honeymoon and glowing and realizing that there's so much more to life than their jobs. It would be very fun to see them start talking about retirement with other people and seeing how the other characters react.
We need a Ravi story line too! Ravi begins??? We could use a Ravi begins. Let us see Ravi's backstory and his childhood in and out of hospitals. Let us see his family react to him becoming a firefighter.
Maddie and Chim are obviously planning their wedding, but I also want to see Maddie at the call center stepping up and maybe training to be the next Sue? Or even better, maybe Maddie thinks about getting back into nursing.
And Chim's story should be about how he's finally got the family and home he's always dreamed about and he doesn't know what comes next. Give us Hen and Chim bonding about feeling like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop when things are going too well in their personal lives.
Eddie should have a story line outside of his love life and outside of being a dad. He's been so defined by fatherhood, firefighting, and being a widower, he needs something in his life that's just for him. Maybe Eddie has a bit of a mini breakdown about Chris growing up and we see him spending time with each of the other characters trying to figure out who Eddie is. We hear a bit about him and Buck without Chris trying different hobbies together while Chris is at sleepovers and being a 12/13 year old.
Our main lens to Buck's personal life should be through him helping Maddie and Chim plan the wedding (clipboard Buck please and thank you!), through seeing him with the Diaz boys doing domestic stuff like making dinner and game nights, and hanging out with Eddie. We never SEE Buck and Eddie hanging out alone, but we hear them talking about it.
THEN in episode 9 or 10 we should see everyone getting their invites to Maddie and Chim's wedding and both Buck and Eddie RSVP 'plus one' except we haven't seen them with a girlfriend all season?? What the fuck is up with that??
Only for them to show up to the wedding together. And the audience thinks it's because Buck is Maddie's Man of Honour and Eddie is one of Chim's groomsmen. But then we get a shot of Eddie helping Buck with his tie or something and then after he pulls him into a kiss. And it's clearly not a first kiss, it's a gently peck like they've been doing it for months.
AND THEN after the wedding we get an episode that's the missing Buck and Eddie scenes from the season. We always heard about them but it wasn't ever shown. And it turns out all those little adventures were dates and they've been dating for months without telling anyone.
#911#9-1-1#911 abc#buddie#9 1 1 on abc#eddie diaz#evan buckley#hen wilson#chimney han#maddie buckley#ravi panikkar#bobby nash#athena grant#madney#henren#bathena
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Holding Me Up 688 words
7x1 missing scene for you… this hit me this morning because Eddie’s face as he stands against that wall has broken me. He needs a hug. If anyone has the gif and wants to add it for me please do I have no skill in that area! Spoilers for 7x1 obviously .Tagging some friends who might be interested under cut hope you don’t mind 😊
The wall pressed against his back isn’t warm, it isn’t cold. It just is. It’s just there.It’s holding him up. It’s keeping him hidden. It’s protecting him, just like it’s protecting Chris.
It’s keeping them safe from each other's pain. It’s letting his kind, beautiful, gentle son share his hurt, something he hadn’t seen coming, at least not yet, with the best man he knows. The only person he can trust with this. The only person he wants to trust with this.
It’s letting him close his eyes and allow his own hurt to flow through him freely. It’s holding him up while the ache of it all tries to take him to the floor.
The pain of losing her not once but twice still hurts but not like it did then, he almost wishes it did, his own pain is easier to bear than his; than Christopher’s words, his confusion and doubt. His fear and anger that he wasn’t enough to make her stay. That he’s lost his mother a third time now as her voice slips from his mind. As the gentleness of her fingers, the warmth of her arms and the scent of her disappears from his world. Christopher’s pain is unbearable but he faces it and allows every ounce of the agony to be felt.
The wall pressed against his back isn’t warm, it isn’t cold but is strong and he’s so very grateful for it.
Buck talks gently, so much understanding and compassion in his voice. So much love. Eddie asked Buck to do this and he came without question, jumped straight in. Buck has stayed with him, stood beside him and had his back for years.
Buck holds him up as much as this wall does.
Eddie stands still, aching and hurting as the two people he loves most talk softly to each other. He knows what he needs to do so he walks away to do it.
*
Buck finds him of course, with a quiet knock on the bedroom door and a even quieter ‘hey’
He looks up from the envelope in his hand. Buck’s lips are curled into a sad smile, his eyes are sad too.
“You heard.”
It’s not a question but he nods silently, tears in his eyes.
“I’ve had this for years now.” He looks back at the rectangle of paper in his hand. It’s easier than looking at Buck. “It’s from Shannon, she wrote it for him when she left.”
As he walks past Buck in the doorway, he pauses and allows himself to take comfort from the touch of a hand on his arm. Strong and warm and his. Theirs. He always has been.
Buck squeezes once then lets go so he can go and do what needs to be done.
*
Nothing hurts like your child’s pain.
Eddie leaves his son to his homework and walks away. There’s nothing else to do. He’s been hurt before by the things that have hurt Christopher but not like this. Nothing’s hurt as much as the words he’d shared with Buck, the way he discarded the letter or the way the photo of his mother was placed down on his desk.
He finds himself standing in the bright light of his living room, heart breaking for his baby boy’s broken heart.
“Eds?”
Buck.” Here. In front of him, waiting.
“He didn’t read it. Didn’t even open it.”
“He will, just give him time.”
He nods once, Buck’s right, Chris will read it and he’ll understand what happened a little better, he won’t understand everything, not yet but he’ll get there.
It’s still unbearable to see your child in such pain but he bears it because he has to and because he’s being held up again, not by a wall this time but by arms and a strong warm body, pulling him close and holding him tight.
Buck hugs him and whispers in his ear. “He’s a good kid and you're a great dad. It’ll be ok. It’ll all be ok.”
Eddie wraps his arms around the man who’s always been there for him and believes him.
@loveyourownsmiilee @monsterrae1 @shortsighted-owl @the-likesofus @hoodie-buck @loserdiaz @buddierights @rogerzsteven @bekkachaos @thekristen999 @ronordmann @caroandcats @hippolotamus @spaceprincessem @disasterbuckdiaz @heartshapedvows @underwater-ninja-13 @wildlife4life @wikiangela @stagefoureddiediaz @thewolvesof1998 @exhuastedpigeon @weewootruck @giddyupbuck @honestlydarkprincess @pirrusstuff @elvensorceress @jesuisici33 @eddiebabygirldiaz @daffi-990 @diazsdimples @steadfastsaturnsrings @theplaceyoustillrememberdreaming @rainbow-nerdss @lover-of-mine @tizniz @fortheloveofbuddie @actualalligator @watchyourbuck @loveyouanyway @buddieslovecore
#911abc#eddie diaz#evan buckley#christopher diaz#Buddie#buddie fic#buddie ficlet#7x1 misşing scene#7x1 coda#911 spoilers#911 fic
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WIP Tuesday
Something about Buck and Eddie hugging for the first time in like four years made me think about how affectionate Buck is and then this happened.
“Does it feel weird to you?” Eddie asked when Buck had returned with more beer. “Not weird. Different, I mean.”
“What, being with a guy?” Buck tipped his head back and forth in a so-so gesture when Eddie nodded. “Sometimes. I keep catching myself feeling like I’m not supposed to like something, and I have to train myself to stop.”
“Like what?” Eddie asked before he thought it through. He held up a hand. “No intimate details.”
Buck laughed, his entire face going pink. He ducked his head and took a sip of beer. “Well, that is part of it. But no, it’s more like…he, uh, he calls me baby. And he holds me. I don’t think anyone’s ever done that, because I’m bigger, right? And the women I’ve dated, they liked that I was bigger and stronger than they were. And I’m discovering I kinda like that too. But.”
“But it feels like you’re not supposed to like it,” Eddie said.
“Yeah. So there’s a lot of arguing with my own stupid hang-ups.” Buck sighed. “I really didn’t think I had that many. Not about masculinity or whatever.”
Eddie hummed, not quite in agreement, thoughtful. Would he feel weird about it if a guy held him? Probably a little. He wasn’t very physically affectionate at the best of times, although he found it easier after he’d been dating someone a while. Really, he’d only ever been perfectly comfortable touching a few people. Chris, of course, after the awkwardness of figuring out how to hold a baby. Shannon, when they weren’t fighting.
And Buck. He was very comfortable touching Buck, so there was at least one guy he wouldn’t feel totally weird about being held by. For a moment he imagined the two of them wrapped around each other and it warmed him so much he smiled down at his beer—he could almost feel it, Buck throwing his whole body into it and tucking his face into Eddie’s neck like he did when they hugged. But it would be longer than a hug, and they’d relax into it, breathe each other in. Breathe easier, probably, because they wouldn’t have to pull away. Buck would mumble Ten minutes until we have to pick up Christopher, and Eddie would rub his cheek on Buck’s neck and say You can fall asleep if you want to, baby, I’ll wake you up—
He just barely managed not to twitch so hard he spilled his beer.
“You okay?” Buck asked, leaning forward on his elbow and licking beer from his lips. “You were zoned out pretty hard.”
“No, it’s,” he said, looking around and patting himself down to feel for his phone, wallet, keys. “Uh. I just realized I have to go pick up some stuff for Marisol. A project. She has a project she’s working on and I forgot.”
It wasn’t a complete lie; Marisol did have a list of things she’d asked him to pick up at the hardware store, but she wasn’t starting until Saturday. Buck gave him a skeptical look like he knew her renovation schedule better than Eddie did—and knowing Buck, he probably did—but only nodded.
“See you later,” Eddie said, throwing him a distracted wave and fleeing—actually jogging, running away from his best friend, until he was in his truck and panting and shaking his head because he did not run.
Hmm. You kinda do though, he thought, and it was Buck’s voice, and he was right. He ran and would continue to run because this, this wasn’t a thing he needed or wanted. Right? Right.
But he couldn’t help but poke at it one more time to make sure.
Buck. Buck’s big body around him, his big warm hands sliding down Eddie’s back, Buck laughing against his lips, giving him every bit of his endless reservoir of affection and love. Buck loving him.
Eddie scrunched up his face and clenched his hands in the air before he smacked the steering wheel. Shit. Shit.
“Okay, it’s fine,” he said, smoothing his hands over the steering wheel like it was mad at him. Everything was fine. He didn’t have to think about it. He was in control of his own emotions. He was not a guy who was in love with his best friend. He was a guy who could compartmentalize and ignore uncomfortable things until they went away.
And eventually blew up in his face. But that was for future Eddie to handle. He had Frank and several excellent coping strategies and Muay Thai with his best friend's boyfriend who got to touch him all the time. It was fine. He was fine.
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