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Just finished ch 23 in my Nona reread and i think Ianthe dismissing Blood Of Eden as "terrorists" is especially jarring because of the evolution of how BOE is presented in the text
like first in GtN, Gideon never mentions who or what she could be fighting if she had succeeded in her dreams of joining the Cohort. she wants to be part of the "invasion force on whatever", and her fantasies of violence are exclusively oriented around perceived personal freedom and making Harrow feel bad
And then in HtN, Blood of Eden is finally named as the Empire's enemy, but they're very specifically never called "terrorists". they're "insurgents" per both John and Judith, which not only has a wholly different definition (revolutionaries!) it's also an interesting intentional choice on the part of the *writing*. It would make in-universe character sense for Cohort Captain Judith Deuteros to call BOE "terrorists" in the personal notes she takes while prisoner, and it would make in-universe character sense for Emperor John Gaius to call them "terrorists" when he is explaining to Harrow that they are The Enemy. and i feel like it is narratively important that Blood of Eden is very intentionally *not* presented to us the readers with the kind of aggressive dehumanization/dismissal connotation combination that the word terrorist has.
and then like, obviously, the first BOE character we meet is a hot MILF with a gun. and sure she's trying to kill God, but Augustine and Mercymorn also try to kill God like 3 pages after we (properly) meet Wake so it's not like killing God is presented as a negative thing.
So going into NtN, I feel like the general impression of BOE is revolutionaries who hate the Empire and hot ladies with guns. which as far as impressions go is like, pretty positive, and that impression is only emphasized in the first 300 or so pages of the book. You have more hot women, you have more hot women with guns. There are factions of BOE that hate Our Protagonists more than the ones we meet, and there's infighting and hostages and burning suspected-necros in the park, but the BOE members we meet are explicitly sympathetic to the characters that we the audience care about, so the "scarier" parts of BOE are in many ways de-emphasized to the reader. We're *also* given an up-close-and-personal view of how bad it is for the people living under the Nine Houses' rule/resettlement via Hot Sauce and the gang, which further solidifies BOE as *at least* bordering on (if not outright!) "someone to root for", even for resistant readers.
and then Ianthe shows up and calls them terrorists and it feels a bit like a slap to the face. It serves to emphasize and perhaps consolidate what has been building for the series, which is essencially that the protagonists of the previous books are on the wrong side. Necromancy is on the wrong side. the Empire is doing bad fucking things and they are calling the revolutionaries who resist them "terrorists" as a way to delegitamize their resistance and dissuade support, something that no longer works on the *reader* because of the way Tamsyn Muir has hansel-and-gretled the fuck out of that story arc. send post.
#nona the ninth#blood of eden#tlt meta#trb.txt#tlt thoughts#also an aside but hot sauce et al calling BOE fat cats and zombie lovers is something i keep thinking about#but cant quite articulate for a post#anyway... send post
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I've been chewing on what fears the bg3 characters would be because I do that with almost every piece of media I like now.
Gale is the Beholding (hubris, pursuit of knowledge above all else, his ex can literally see everything he does in/with the Weave). You could make an argument for Desolation b/c of the orb but I think that's secondary. Wyll is the Hunt imo, but the Desolation works for him too- I think his situation is similar to that Hunter we meet whose name I'm forgetting, whose inciting incident has to do with the Dark. I thought the same thing about Karlach but I think she's Desolation instead of Hunt, both aesthetically and because she was actively betrayed and is, you know, dying. Shadowheart is the Dark. Halsin could honestly be the Lonely: he's pretty isolated from the people around him emotionally. An island unto himself etc etc. Lae'zel is the End imo. You'd think she'd be Hunt but End fits into Vlaakith's whole deal (victim of the End, avatar of the Hunt?). Astarion could be either the Buried (since that covers abuse as well, he was literally kept underground/out of the sunlight, etc etc) or the Hunt. I'm a bit undecided there. I don't know enough about Minthara to make a call on her and I don't want to just say Web because of Lolth. Slaughter, maybe? Since that fear covers war. Jaheira and Minsc are Hunt too, I think (there's a lot of Hunt but that comes with the territory when you're adventuring).
Gortash is Web and you cannot convince me otherwise. I think Orin is Slaughter but, honestly, Durge seems more associated with the Extinction to me because of Bhaal's end goal. The Desolation and the Lonely tag-teamed Ketheric's ass but he's an avatar of the End. Dame Aylin is an avatar of the Hunt, victim of the Dark, and Isobel is an avatar of the End a la the main End avatar we see (Oliver? I really need to re-listen...)
There's obviously a lot of overlap and bleed because there always is. I've been wanting to make art based off of this but it's not happening anytime soon so I figured I'd shout about it into the void a bit lol
#as far as tavs go:#dora is probably hunt? unclear#peri's stranger#corentin specifically is slaughter even though i know i said durge was extinction#candor is web tbh but a victim of the vast#io is...none? honestly? they were just a Normal Person before pre-tadpole#luka's end obviously#undecided about solace. theyre a victim of/marked by slaughter & desolation even though theyre a tempest cleric#buried? perhaps? im chewing on beholding for them too b/c of reasons i cant quite articulate rn#anyway#my post#jay rambles#bg3#bg3 companions#bg3 characters#the magnus archives#tma#i dont think orins stranger despite being a changeling because that just enhances her killing#like. nicola's pretty damn murderous too but that's just bc she is#while orin uses her shapeshifting as a tool to kill *better*#idk if that makes sense#dribbles is stranger though (the real one AND the doppleganger. dont trust clowns kids)
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i bitch a lot abt not getting to go to my chem philly but what i did get to hear was what im p sure is the best the second verse of mama has ever sounded. to be clear
#the growly vocals okay#the fuck u parker cannon post was related to this in ways i cant quite articulate
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KLARYAN KRISNIX PARALLELS PLEASEEEEE I HAVE SO SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT IT TOO BUT I CANT ARTICULATE THEM QUITE RIGHT PLEASE ADD YOUR VOICE TO MY INTERNAL BRAINROT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
@vexx-ation you also asked so here we go. (As have a few anons sorry this is long and it's taking a while to write everything down)
So my Klaryan take is kinda a mega theory that takes a lot of mini theories into consideration so here it is. This will be long. This will be unhinged. This is my Pepe silvia
Tw for discussions of substance abuse and abusive relationships
1) AA4 parallel foils
Ok so this is semi common knowledge. Every character in AA4 is ment to be a direct foil to a character in aa1. This is well documented and also applies to a lot of the witnesses too. Apollo is a foil for Phoenix, Ema is a foil for Gumshoe, Trucy is a foil for Maya, Klavier is a foil for Edgeworth. This goes on for almost every charcater in the game.
But here's the thing. The trilogy already has foils already. So some of these charcaters end up being massive parallels to eachother. A non relevent example I think about daily is that Trucy and Franziska are very similar but where this is relevant is Klapollo and Narumitsu. I have a post explaining this I'm more detail but basically while far from identical there are a lot of perhaps unintentional but at minimum unexplored parallels between Phoenix and Klavier and Apollo and Edgeworth. This is important.
2) Krisnix as an allegory for substance abuse
So first of my opinion of this doesn't really influence my take on grape juice but it's pretty undeniable that even if you don't think Beanix has addiction issues, hes almost coded to. There's the comment about Ema and the white powder and then the extent to which he's always surrounded by grape juice which at minimum looks like wine. In universe it's easy to see this as a part of his mask and that is my in universe take, he's trying to look in a bad way to hide how he's actually doing.
But I think we can take this further. Miles and Kristoph are superficially very very similar characters however underneath are deeply different and as such have a very different effect on Phoenix's mental state. Miles is absent during the 7yg at his request. And there's a miles shaped hole left in his life that he wants to fill with something that is superficially the same but is in it's effects very different and very bad for him.
Anyone who has dealt with addiction will likely recognise that pattern.
3) Klavier is on some level (whether he's in denial about it or not) aware that Kristoph is in some way dangerous or abusive and was running from him with the band
This is mostly just my take on how he acts in sucession and another very good post that I'll have to find that talks about how similar him joining the band was to the things the other people involved with the Gramarye trial did to try and evade Kristoph.
4) Phoenixs biggest flaw and how Kristoph tests it
So I basically never shut up about this in some places but might not have talked about it here so the tldr of this is that Phoenixs biggest flaw is that he is constantly trying to see the best in people. The final test of this is not breaking the black psyche locks and accepting that just because he's a human being with complexity, doesn't mean his actions are excused or that Phoenix has to forgive or protect him.
So this is where we can start bringing it together a bit.
Klavier and Phoenix are both very similar characters and both victims of Kristophs abuse. Phoenix has a relationship that exemplifies his harmful behaviour after the trial, it's pretty interesting to explore the same thing happening to Klavier.
Especially when we start to compare Daryan to Kristoph and find that they're superficially very different even if both of them turned out to be murders. Kristoph is reserved, Daryan is brash. Kristoph is classy, Daryan is flashy. Kristoph is well spoken and poetic, Daryan is straightforward. You get the idea.
And isn't that fucking fascinating? That Klavier ran to someone who was the complete opposite of his brother but ended up being just as dangerous? And also is it not really interesting that as Phoenix has to learn to accept Kristoph's humanity doesn't excuse his actions. If we take Klavier running to Daryan in this way to be him refusing to acknowledge the human side of his brother, that but running to the superficial opposite and not recognising what truly did make Kristoph dangerous, he fell into the arms of a murder.
And of course, the person he then falls for, is someone who is Apollo. Who is genuinely a good person but was Kristophs mentor and is very similar to him in a number of superficial ways. He has to stop running from his trauma and confront it head on.
Basically this interpreation means the klaryan/ Klapollo and Narumitsu/Krisnix love triangles function as basically a microcosm for how these two handle their trauma and how they have to over come it and each is a direct mirror of the other.
My take on Daryan
Ok people might have seen me joke that he's straight. Here's the thing. I think he definitely has been sleeping with Klavier. They are in some kind of relationship. Buuuuut, I do not think the feelings he has about the relationship are ever well traditionally romantic or sexual. I think it's driven from his side primarily by envy and rage that Klavier gets the spotlight more than him. He can never upstage Klavier on stage, but he can posses him. He can make him feel like shit as revenge.
My General Klayran timeline
They start whatever their weird thing is during the 7yg.
After 4-1 Klavier spirals a lot and it puts intense strain on their relationship because Daryan does not care about this bitch and does not want to support him
4-2 Klavier meets Apollo, sees him in court and kinda starts to develop a big old crush. He realises that Daryan is making him miserable and breaks it off after the case
4-3 newly broken up and it's taking its toll. Then we'll 4-3 happens and that's the end of them.
#ace attorney#klaryan#krisnix#klavier gavin#daryan crescend#aa4#kristoph gavin#phoenix wright#beanix#klapollo#apollo justice#miles edgeworth#narumitsu#wrightworth
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Alright, today yesterday I read chapters 17-21 and I sure have a lot of thoughts about Rhysand now. can you guess if theyre positive or negative? I'll give you a hint, its not the one that starts with a p
But before we get into that, can I just say, why the hell is everything happening so goddamn quickly YOURE ALL IMMORTAL. like, heres a rough timeline of acomaf so far: three months of Feyre being miserable in Spring post-UTM, then Rhysand takes her for one week, then Feyre's back in Spring for three weeks, then Rhysand takes her again for one week, then its less than three weeks of Feyre being back in Spring before Tamlin locks her in the manor and Rhysand and Mor take her back to the Night Court. Its been barely half a year! The reason Im bringing that up is first of all, it very much seems like Feyre is already beginning to warm up Rhysand at this point when that is absolutely not enough time for that after what he did to her. And second of all, theyre already demanding so much of her when everyone except for Rhys hasnt even spent 24 hours with her in total. And she just agrees to everything?? Right off the bat, basically the only way this makes any sense is if Rhysand is mind controlling her
Also, this is only semi-related, but i swear I remember Mor wearing a red dress to their first get-together at the HoW and Feyre not reacting to it at all ?? Also, Cassian siphons, they were specifically like a fire-y red what the hell. Now, was that just a mistake or did Rhysand use his mind powers to turn off the part of Feyre's brain that gets triggered at the sight of the color red so she wouldnt ruin his family reunion? You decide.
Alright, now lets talk about Feyre. Ive had some trouble properly analysing her the past few chapters because I was really focused on trying to figure out what exactly made her so unhappy at the spring court vs why she likes the night court so much when they seem very similar. It seemed like her motivation was flip-flopping all over the place, similar to chapters 1-3, but she already came across as far less traumatized somehow, so it felt weird that she would still have so much trouble really articulating what she wants, even to herself. But then I realized, its not that shes flip-flopping, her motivations are just contradictory; she wants to be an important political player who gets to Do Stuff but she doesnt want anyone to pay any attention to her, which is why having an empty title and no actual power staying in a city full of people who dont care if their high lord is just walkin around right beside them is so appealing
And its really frustrating because its another instance of her just getting what she wants right away instead of having to go through any character development. Shes bad at communicating and instead of even attempting to work on that, she just gets a mindreader for a soulmate, and she cant do smalltalk with nobles in order to earn their respect as Lady of Spring and instead of learning to adapt or putting her foot down and refusing to deal with the courtly bullshit at the cost of her political power, she just gets a leadership position that was quite literally made for her.
Somewhat related to Feyre being bad at politicking, they keep bringing up the fact that Tamlin just wanted her to throw parties and wear pretty dresses and maybe pop out some sons at the spring court and its just so annoying. Of course, much has already been said about how ironic it is when you consider how she ends up in ACOSF so Im not gonna go into detail on that but I did want to mention it. Also, parties and other social gatherings were a pretty important way for (noble) women who were kept out of politics to still participate in them in the past, and even if we take out the misogyny that just suddenly materialized in this book, Feyre cant read, doesnt know this land and barely knows what its like being the daughter of a rich guy, much less an actual noblewoman, of course she cant do much but sit around and reassure people that everything is gonna be alright by virtue of her presence
Speaking of the weird misogyny, its so baffling to me the reason shes being objectified and dehumanized (no pun intended) is that shes a woman whos seen as only good for child-rearing, when it really should be her being objectified and being dehumanized by being put on a pedestal for being the Saviour Of Prythian. It seems so obvious like, Ive been rotating some ideas for an ACOMAF-rewrite AU type thing in my head since before I even started reading this book, and one of the first things I decided was that everyone was gonna call feyre The Cursebreaker and nothing else and she would feel really weird and bad about it. I literally dont think anything wouldve changed if her being objectified was a more personal issue rather than something resulting from systemic misogyny, other than the fact that Rhysand couldnt be a feminist in-universe if that was the case
Now, before I move on to the next thing I wanted to talk about, I wanna quickly explain what I mean by "the misogyny just materialized in the second book" because some people might say "oh, but the first book had misogyny as well" and it definitely did but not to the same extent. ACOTAR was kinda weird because it seems to be a pretty egalitarian world, Feyre doesnt think its weird that a woman is a mercenary and while considering that the Spring Court might have a High Lady instead of a High Lord, she doesnt say anything about how it would unusual to have a woman be a leader, but it has this coating of "period-typical misogyny" over it, seemingly just because its what you expect from these kinds of pseudo-medieval european-inspired fantasy settings
So you still get all women being expected to wear dresses and Feyre being an exception for not wanting to wear one and when Feyre daydreams about getting rid of her sisters, she daydreams about marrying them off rather than daydream about them getting jobs or something. But even with that, while Feyre is considered a bit strange for not wanting to wear a dress at the Spring Court, she still ultimately gets to just wear pants without it being a big deal. And then we get to ACOMAF and suddenly theres FGM thats completely normalized, domestic abuse, women being expected to do child rearing and "continue the bloodline" by default even though children were supposed to be super rare and fae should absolutely not structure their lives around them and Feyre being absolutely baffled at the idea of a political leader having a second-in-command thats a woman. And again, it very much seems like the only reason for that is that it makes Rhysand look better if hes recuing women in general from systemic inequality, rather than just rescuing a single woman from her personal problems
And with that, lets finally talk about my most detested, Rhysand Nolastname. He fucking sucks man. In a past post I made a point about comparing specifically ACOTAR!Tamlin with specifically ACOMAF!Rhys because it thought it made sense to compare Tamlin when hes written as a love interest to Rhys being written as a love interest, but honestly, theres so little difference between Tamlin being written as an antagonist in ACOMAF and Rhys being written as a love interest that it feels kinda pointless now. Like, Feyre is upset that Tamlin wont tell her anything about the politics happening, but is inexplicably fine with Rhysand not telling her what he wants from the summer court, she hates meeting with Tamlins associates and having meaningless smalltalk with them but likes meeting Rhysand's, she doesnt like Tamlin flaunting his wealth but is fine with all of Rhysand's expensive bullshit, literally the only difference between them is that Feyre likes one and and hates the other, again, for no real reason because they are the same. Well, the same in their treatment of Feyre, Rhysand is arguably a worse person who has done and is still doing a lot more harm on a larger scale but Im posting this in the anti-rhys tag so you already knew that
Anyway, thats it for now, this got kinda long but I hope you enjoyed it
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Horde Prime's body language and mannerisms part 3/3
"Expressing facial emotion is a privilege reserved only for Prime"
Despite Prime trying to present himself as this perfect holy being who is above feelings and emotions his face is very expressive. And he's just so fun to look at! Whether he's drawn extremely goofy, unbearably cute or legit creepy
Part 1 // Part 2
1 Prolonged eye contact 👁️👁️
Prime's second favorite activity after touching people without their consent is staring intensely at them!
He can't actually "see all", but he's still trying to grasp as much as he possibly can
Prime likes to talk, but he can also be an attentive listener when he needs to. He allows his opponents speak their mind and gives them time to think and articulate themselves. All that so he can quietly observe and "read" them and find out what they actually think before they can even say a word. It's most notable with Catra. He'd often give her that "I know what you are" look X)
In some instances his stare is used to pressure people into agreeing with him and doing as he says. Or to simply scare them
Again, I've remebered HP being much more talkative than he actually is. There are many moment in the show where Prime is just... watching and patiently waiting for something. Obesrving others just to find something that can help him channel the conversation to the right direction. Like when he waited for Glimmer to try any dish on the table so he could comment on it. Or when he watched her and waited for a needed reaction when he showed her what he's been doing to Etheria
And he also often reacts without any sound or word. His true emotions are simply written on his face. They're seen in his eyes
But when HP really wants to hide them, only then does he open his mouth
2.1. The 👁️w👁️
I've talked about this before, but it was a long time ago, plus i wrote it in a reblog to another post, so now I'm bringing this back in my own post
Throughout the show Prime quite often does this one thing where he silently stares at his opponent while a knowing smile slowly spreads across his face. His eyes don't move and at no point does Prime break this intense eye contact. It looks like his whole expression changes, but the eyes stay the same. He may be smiling now, but there's still this hidden agression and venom behind those cold eyes. This is still a death stare
Most of the time Prime does this when he finds his opponents' attemts to intimidate and threaten him amusing or when he simply tries to hide his displeasure when something goes mildly wrong
But sometimes his smile is sort of a mixed signal and it's easy to read this expression wrong. One can misinterpret it as a sign that the danger has passed and Prime is not going to do them any harm after all. But in reality this smile only means that Prime has finally decided how he's going to kill them
Just like face touching, this is one of Prime's signature moves when he's trying to assert dominance, demostrate his confidense and assure that he's still in control of the situation. Or like in s4 finale scene, to warn his future victim of upcoming danger
3. "No war, no pain"
This moment has always stood out to me and all because of this face. It's such a strange almost out-of-character expression, it's both silly and a little unsettling
Here Prime is trying to make Glimmer help him find She-Ra to active the Heart - so it should be obvious that it's all bullshit and he's ready to say anything to justify his plans and made his intentions seem noble and "good actually"
He speaks in his usual voice too. But damn this manic look in his eyes haunst me to this day
Seems like he's not even looking directly at Glimmer. It's like he dissociates for a second
In this brief moment it feels like Prime is actually done with the current world and cant wait for all this "pain" to be over. What if all this time Prime was just planning to go out in style but also take everyone with him (cause how dare the world exist without him right)? This speculation contradicts his whole "Prime stays eternal" shtick, but going all this way and destroying the universe just so he can have a flashy death sounds like a Horde Prime thing to do (just remember the finale)
Or maybe he really wants to start anew and erase all the evidence of the shit he's done to the universe over the years. Or there's actually nothing behind those eyes i dunno *pokes prime with a stick* be more nuanced damnit!
4. Ears!
Sadly, we don't see spacebats move their ears much, but I think I can still work with what we got
Despite limitations in animation Prime's ears do move from time to time. And in his case they don't exactly indicate what he feels at the moment, but rather show HP's overall emotional state. His ears droop a lot during the two final episodes, and no wonder - since at the time Prime was already losing it and growing more desperate. Plus he was literally connected to the Heart of Etheria, must be overwhelming as all hell
His ears also change position in the middle of HP's passionate speeches, probably indicating that he's getting a little bit carried away - and this idea is so cute to think about :з
5. The vessel room scene
So many interesting expressions here! Probably because this is like, the only scene where Prime is all by himself (Hordak is mainly a background noise to him really). He's not as dramatic as when he's sitting on his throne surrouned by his clones or when he's tormenting his "guests" or confronting his enemies. There's no audience to act so dramatic and pretentious for
What i've noticed is how expressionless he is around his clones when no one else is watching. No smiling, no creepy touching. He's more distant and not as intrusive when its not for a show
This scene also gives a small glimpse at what day to day life of the horde clones probably looks like, as well as at their regular dynamic with Prime. And their relationship here is more mundane and cold than it is intense and horrifying. HP sees his brothers as any other tool, and just like with tools he doesnt even think about them until he needs them for something
Maybe thats what also makes Prime's touch such a powerful weapon - he doesnt normally do that. Which makes the clones both dread and crave his attention and his touch so much
I'm analysing this whole scene simply because we never see Prime like that anywhere else in the show. I mean look! I've never seen him being hesitant before and after this moment. He is only like that around his old vessel. Which again, brings up the question of his past and whether or not there is something Prime doesnt want to come back to. This body stores memories about the First Ones, his enemies, whom he himself called tyrants. Who knows what was happening back then and how it all might have affected Prime
Another small moment I like. Its so calm and quiet and lowkey almost intimate? Again, very unsual for Prime. And then there's this almost forced bitter tiny smile. It can mean two things - Prime has trouble connecting to the vessel (boo boring) or there are some memories which Prime finds pleasant. But again - they're are only memories
6. These eyes are always watching
Prime barely if ever closes his extra eyes. Well, mainly due to them not being animated - they rarely move, and never blink. Most of the time those eyes are stuck on his face like a decoration. BUT I think this only helps to reinforce the idea of Prime being this all seeing entity
No one can sneak up to him, even if his main eyes are closed... well, unless u try to come up from the left :p
7. Blink-blink
I said Prime never blinks with his extra eyes. I was wrong! He does just that in... literally only one episode. And not just blinks - some really weird shit is going on with his extra eyes during Hordak's purification scene. It looks like a nervous tic of some sorts. Nothing like that ever happens again - not in this very episode, not in any others. Why are they suddenly so animated??
Does whatever this is in the pool water hurt his eyes or is Prime just showing his sadistic excitement over his little brother being tortured?
Also, his eyes are only doing that when Prime talks about suffering and "being freed of pain" which is... an interesting reaction (especially if you remember omy previous speculations)
Well, that's all what I could find. Hope you found my HP ramblings interesting :)
#horde prime#spop#shera#horde clones#spop meta#spacebats#the galactic horde#ramblings#long post#image heavy#its doone finally#god i love this asshole
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Being the specific type of intersex I am is really weird because in a way I sort of...didn't entirely go through puberty? I'm not on t, so my natural shape should at my age resemble a cis woman (minus the boobs, which I removed) but I just...don't. I'm taller and heavier than I was as a kid, but I feel my proportions really never changed to resemble an adult female, or any adult at all.
I got my period later than most kids, and its so irregular it basically doesn't exist without intervention. And when I had my top surgery, the tissue was biopsied (they always do this to everybody afaik) and my doctors found out that while my breasts had lots of fat because Im fat, I didn't have a typically large amount of breast tissue, and my milk ducts didn't work. They never developed. If i was to become pregnant (something Im pretty sure i cant even do), i wouldn't be able to breastfeed because my internal plumbing was sort of...petrified in a prepubescent form? it just never grew in right.
This has caused a lot of confusion and dysmorphia for me, because when i look in the mirror i genuinely feel i don't look human. i look human-ish, but wrong, like some other species tried to draw an approximate human from memory. i don't look like a man, i don't look like a woman, i don't look like a child. and coupled with a lifelong experience of being bullied for the way my body looks, i just...don't see a person in the mirror. i see like a bipedal blob fish or a bull shark. something about me is just very Other and Not Correct and even if neither i nor other people have the language to quite articulate what looks wrong or why, people notice. People tell me they notice. I notice. It's all I notice.
I don't have like some valuable life lesson to share about this at the end of the post, and no, i'm not over it either. I will probably never be comfortable looking at myself in a mirror nor will I be confident in identifying myself as a human person. I just wonder how many other intersex people out there feel the same way, because being cisgender and presenting within very narrow gendered boundaries is so ingrained in our culture that when you fail to do that, you aren't only ostracized, internally and externally, from your gender, but also from your humanity as a whole.
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🦋 HELLO!! IM BACK AGAIN!! I HAVE A LOT TO SAY!! (after days of trying so hard to find the words to articulate my thoughts) first of all, thank you so much for writing your thoughts on the ideas that i shared! i really love the way you write shu... i find it accurate, and i get overjoyed seeing more content of him! i hope you know that the asks i put in are not requests, and that you willingly answer them because it interested you and made you happy. sometimes, i feel a bit pushy... but i hope you dont feel that way. if you do, then i apologize for my behavior!
shu aside, i would also like to say that i read your thoughts about your anzu favoritism post... and!! i!! (flops to the floor) I LOVE HER and honestly ANZU BRAGGING ABOUT YOUR FAVORITISM TOWARDS HER IS SO FUNNY... i love how you also wrote the possible reactions of the idols regarding anzu's profound pride.
while reading your anzu centered works though... i cant help but think that if i get transported into their world, id probably be the most comfortable with her along with arashi (IF i wasnt aware of both their obsessive tendencies...). how about you? who do you think you would stick to if you got into the game? now im wondering who the most dangerous characters are...
i also thought of this. what if the player, who was already in the game for quite a while, broke down in front of the idols? because while the attention may all be pleasing at first, no doubt they'll get overwhelmed sooner or later. i think there are multiple types of reactions: those who feel pity, those who blame themselves, those who blame others, and those who take advantage of your weakened state. I WONDER IF I MISSED SOME... i would absolutely love to hear your thoughts about this.
i think that this has been quite a long ask. i cant believe that this is the first thing i write after learning how to type past the character limit. (yay~!) thank you once again for your company, and i hope you have an amazing day or night!
Finally getting to this ask now, sorry for the wait! First of all I´m so so happy to hear that you like how I portray Shu! He´s such an interesting and complex character so I can´t help but be a bit scared that I´m going to write him a bit out of character. So this reassurance is just really really nice! A very special boy🥺 I also wish that there was more content for him ( or yandere enstars in general) but I´ll just have to put in the effort myself and deliver ^^
ANZU MY BELOVED!! I love the enthusiasm for her, she´s so pretty and nice so it´s very fun to write her as being pretty unhinged in this AU >:) She deserves to brag a little, as a treat. I swear writing all the different reactions was fun for me too, we love to see the idols be jealous and pouty
And yeah, absolutely! I´m answering asks because I enjoy doing it, no worries ☺️
gn reader
tw yandere, obsession, stalking
Who would I stick to if I was transported into the world of enstars? Also some characters reacting to the player breaking down after having to deal with all of their affections for so long
Hm who would I stick to if I got into the game? Anzu and Arashi are good choices, I agree. They´re both nice and doting towards you and they aren´t as intimidating as some of the other idols, just very approachable! I think Ra*bits and Ryuseitai as a whole are pretty safe to be around. Even when they´re yandere I feel like their behavior would be pretty tame compared to the others and they would be so nice to you! Nazuna and Chiaki in particular love to help you and are always there for you if you need assistance with anything.
I mean how are you supposed to be uncomforabtle around someone as open and passionate as Chiaki? He´s such a great guy!
Trickstar also feels pretty safe though I feel Subaru might drag the whole lot of them down a bit because of his antics sometimes fjsbf like he´s nice and all but I feel like he would be pretty overwhelming to be around after some time. Consider how he is in canon and then imagine him literally being obsessed with you 🙃 Makoto also is a stuttering awkward mess around you so it might be a little hard to hold a conversation but he´s not the problem here
Would definitely stay away from Eichi, Ibara,Tori, Izumi, Rinne and Shu though. Like, I love you my pink haired blorbo but he´s either kind of harsh and rude or he´s so obviously obsessed with you that you´d start to feel stifled and uncomfortable real quick
I think the others are pretty self-explanatory kbdhlahbdhla
And yeah honestly, while the attention would be nice at first, it would get very overwhelming really quick. Like all of these people swarming around you all the time and especially when you find out about their yandere tendecies you would want to get out of this very fast. You have literal *stalkers* here at ES and people who would murder to have you to themselves. That´s fucking scary
The breakdown is inevitable at this point, the only question is how many people would be around to see it happen.
I haven´t written anything for him in a long time and that needs to change so, Natsume! He would definitely use this to his advantage though he also kind of pushes the guilt onto the others having wronged you instead of recognizing that he too played a part in this. Goes up to comfort you by putting a hand on your shoulder and telling you how sorry he is that everyone has been bothering you so much. He knows some secret places inside the building so why don´t you to with him to a place no one else knows of? He really is so sorry about all of this but it seems like that´s the only way for you be safe from all of these pesky idols :/
Mika feels kind of guilty about this entire thing, probably aware that his stalking didn´t help your mental state but he also just can´t stop doing it. He knows he´s not worthy of your love yet but he still needs his daily dose of being near you and watching you! So he isn´t really going to stop with any of his creepy behavior..... He may get a little feral though once he learns that all of the other people at ES have been bothering you. None of them are worthy of you either so maybe he needs to take matters into his own hands to deal with them
Honestly Nazuna´s yandere behavior is just going to get worse from this. He´s already the protective worrywart kind of person so to see you break down like this hurts a lot to see. It kind of reminds him of himself and how he felt in the past and he feels truly bad that he contributed to your pain even though he only meant well. The way he feels about you isn´t right, he knows, but now that your mental state has spiralled like this, the urge to protect you and make sure you´re okay has just gotten stronger. He knows he´s no saint in this entire ordeal but there are even worse threats in all of this. His utmost priority will be keeping people like Izumi or Kaoru away from you.
#yandere ensemble stars x reader#yandere enstars x reader#yandere natsume sakasaki x reader#yandere mika kagehira x reader#yandere nazuna nito x reader#ensemble stars x reader#enstars x reader#yandere ensemble stars#yandere enstars#natsume sakasaki x reader#mika kagehira x reader#nazuna nito x reader#ensemble stars self aware au#yandere self aware ensemble stars au#yandere self aware au#🦋 anon#gn reader#yandere#cw yandere#cw obsession#cw stalking#yandere x reader
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saw a post earlier talking about how ppl dont have to play d&d they can play another ttrpg or even simply just roleplay with friends or larp, no dm or math required
i have mixed feelings abt it! like, i get where theyre coming from b/c i know wotc is uhhhhhhhh Bad and also not everyone enjoys/is into the whole math aspect of it (figuring out attributes, stats, skill sheets, weapon stats, etc.) so of course youre probably better off finding something that doesnt involve those things but is more enjoyable to you! but also i feel like there are those of us that enjoy the "math" aspect of it? and having a dm that has surprises in the story and lore for us and guides us on our journey? yknow? something about it hits different than just rping with a friend
im thinking about it honestly b/c i kinda do wanna find a way to do a sort of more "lowkey" version of d&d that involves way less of the math stuff but still involves rolling dice, just with simpler mechanics, yknow? what i myself love about d&d is the thought-out character sheet (minus the stats part--basically the backstory/ref pic, levels, moveset/weapons, and inventory, for the most part) and the added factor of a dm/gm guiding the story but letting me as a player take the reigns to an extent that goes with said story. if that makes sense
i cant quite articulate what im trying to find or get at but i hope it makes some sense what im saying here! if anybody has any input feel free to add :)
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I just finished season 4 and unlike with the others I didnt have a whole lot to say as a was watching, mainly because I was actually enjoying myself and thought the season was mostly really good ? absolutely wild. Nevertheless I have some thoughts
I LOVE Alya and Marinette working together, its a delight. When I talk about "man can you imagine if MLB did like a magical girl show and focused on female friendships instead of catfighting" THIS is what Im talking about!! And Idgaf about how this affects the Love Square at this point, this is all Ive wanted! Also, I feel like Alya and Nino knowing each others identities cheapens the Love Square conflict more than anything but I cant fully articulate why so I'll just leave it at that
The Love Square is in a very strange place where, when the identity reveal finally does happen, its simultaneously going to feel like its too little too late (a la the destiel confession bc this fucking show is just straight queerbaiting) and rushed because like. what kind of development is there between these two. They barely focused on romance this season (which is definitely part of why I think its better lol) but I dont mean that in the sense that we had less catfights and Marinette making a fool of herself for no reason, I mean that in the sense that it barely felt like they interacted at all, atleast to me so thats kinda odd
In the past Ive complained about how the civillian plotline usually feels very disconnected from the superhero/akuma plotline and I think theyve done a much better job, my favorite episode of the season is probably Qilin both for tying the akuma into the civillian plot and for having a somewhat unique conflict resolution. In general, I liked that we had people rejecting akumas as well as preventative measures in form of the charms, although I do think it sucks that a few episodes afterwards Shadowmoth just figures out a way to circumvent them and then its back to business as usual. I feel like a better workaround would be that the charms can only protect you from one akumatization each, so like, the charm Ladybug gave her grandfather in Simpleman can only protect him from becoming Simpleman again, but if he turns into Bakerix, she needs to give him a different charm. But I do find the charms cute
The new heroes all suck tbh, the only design I liked was Purple Tigress and Pigella came close to looking kinda good but then they made it this intensely unflattering shade of pink, which I find impressive because Rose is already wearing an completely different intensely unflattering shade of pink in her civillian form. One thing that I appreciated about whatever Mylenes superhero form is called, Pigella and Purple Tigress is that they had more justifiable reasons for Ladybug to pick them than most of the heroes in the last season, who were mostly just picked because They Were There ig. And then Penealteam rolled around and we were back to doing exactls that kind of bullshit. great.
Also, Ive already talked about this in a seperate post, but if they absolutely insisted on looking for a replacement for the Bee, it shouldve been Sabrina and they shouldntve invented a whole new character for it
Adrien got a little more focus this season and we actually got some insight into his character when hes not either The Object Of Marinettes Idolization or Ladybugs Punny Sidekick Thats Slowly Becoming Obsolete which I enjoyed because he has a lot of potential from a dramatic standpoint what with being Hawkmoths son and all, but hes usually so bland that I dont really care too much so this was pretty nice. And it only took us 4 seasons for him to get some focus, yknow, the other superhero in the title? Well better late than never I guess
Speaking of Adrien, Ive made quite a few posts where I said that this season would be ruined for me the second the Sentiadrien reveal happens but it never did, we're getting that in season 5 and I am not looking forward it especially considering the small taste Ive already gotten of it with Adrien being very obviously controlled by that ring. Like, I'll probably talk about it in more detail when it gets fleshed out in the show but for now I'll just say it doesnt make the stakes higher like the writers seem to think, it make the story wayyyy less interesting and it feels like its supposed to be an explanation for Adriens behaviour towards his father when we absolutely do not need one beyond "hes being abused"
I know I said that I thought this season was really good and now Im just just complaining mostly like I always do but idk, Im not as good at formulating my positive thoughts as my negative ones. The last thing I'll say is that I loved Scarabella and I loved her design and I loved the whole episode she was in, as well as the entirety of Sentibubbler, Alya really served this season
Thats it, thanks for reading :D
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Van Helsing and Jonathan are like "Such a sensitive bleeding heart 💕🥹❤️"
Even if it seems they don't think of themselves as relating to it, since Van Helsing says he pities Jack for his heart (yet I'd argue evidence shows he also is pretty sensitive beneath his "steel nerves") and Jonathan on top of that shows that he feels no remorse and won't deny it.
@anony-geist this ask is relevant to your post!
I honestly never connected those two scenes as having similar phrasing, but its pretty funny how we keep finding these goddamm scene parallels 😭
I cant quite articulate what it is, but I find it funny how the scenes are opposed to each other? Van Helsing tells Jack he needs him and they agree to become united. But with Jonathan, he's in his gremlin era where he loves Mina but cannot agree with her. So he writes down his love for her instead.
#dracula (novel)#dracula daily#helward#jonmina#i love calling jonathan a gremlin#thebibi on vampirez#thebibi answers
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okay need to put my tma thoughts down somewhere because hyperifxation has consumed me.
anyways im... not quite to ep 100 yet? dont remember exactly which ep im on but anyways. i am... so intrigued. i kinda already know all the fear entities because ive seen them about in stuff, cant recall all of them off the top of my head though. umm..... trying really hard to figure out where this goes. i wanted to put down some guesses in this post (don't know if ill actually post it or save to drafts but i digress) but my mind is blank bc it's overrun with the hyperfixation.
curious to see if the worms from the infestation come back again. realllly want to meet some of the other avatars. trying to figure out if the Eye does anything outside of the Institute, if it claims all institute employees (unlikely) or only certain ones (more likely). Trying to figure out what "protections" the archives have that everyone references whenever it goes to shit. I find it kinda funny that Tim and Martin both went to corridor realm but haven't been reclaimed??? I'm sure theyve left the archives since then and havent been 100% safe but maybe they've both been wary about unfamiliar doors. idk. trying to figure out what the Not!Them are associated with. they seem like they could be with Distortion but my first inclination was Stranger. maybe both??? maybe certain... beings are outside the realm of distinct categories. I know that people talk about Martin and Jon being gay together, beginning to wonder if it's ever going to happen on screen, ehhh.... or on tape if you will. i really can't keep track of most of these characters so i can't put together more articulate, well, guesses, i think calling these theories would be a bet of an overstatement. hell ive barely even guessed with most of these, can't really organize my thoughts well enough for guessing these days (but that's a whole other post).
current favorite characters are Michael and Jon bc im predictable. Also their interactions with other characters are top-tier, the others are bit.... boringly polite to each other.
uhhh yeah! TMA cool, excited to see where it goes. will probably immediately re-listen and write out a loose timeline and list of character profiles.
#tma liveblogging#kinda#through ep 97#waa#dont like the fact that im nearly halfway through the show#pulling this out of my drafts now so i can add to it#originally written on feb 4th
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sooo, english isn't my 1st language and this is my 1st time making an ask so i'm nervous, but is it okay if i claim this emoji 🌻?
so, my thoughts (i have many) after reading about lando's oral fixation and lactation kink i couldn't help but think of george, specially little!george. i think he's just a sensitive baby who wants cuddles and sucking on things, and if it's your chest then you happily oblige
he tends to cuddle a lot and just rest his head on your chest, and when he's soft and relaxed and maybe even sleepy he starts to suck on your shirt and drooling all over it. so naturally, you ask him if he wants to suck on your chest but he's so deep in his little space that he doesn't respond directly, just sucks harder on your shirt!
you decide to take your shirt off so he can just suck on your nipples like the baby he is! and he absolutely loves it. you keep strocking his hair and rubbing his back over and over until he falls sleep on your chest
i think it would become a routine between both of you, just a nice little thing when little!george wants to fall sleep
Firstly, of course you can have that emoji! I'll add to the claimed list and tag this post with it. Secondly, I love this so much it's so fucking cute!! This is an utterly incredible first ask, and no worries about English not being your first language it's not mine either :))
I think maybe in his normal headspace, George loves napping with his head on your chest cause it's just so comfy? And of course you love it too because you love when George is happy and soft in your arms.
Little!George absolutely has the same love for your breasts, but he cant articulate it? Even on the best of days, he can only babble in little space, occasionally being able to say a word or two if you really need him to.
But whenever he feels the desire to suck on you, it's always because he wants a little more comfort? He's a needy little boy and he often just needs to suckle on you to calm down and feel safe. Except he doesnt know how to express that because he's far too little for words.
And it can get quite distressing poor Georgie, because he knows exactly what he wants but he doesnt know how to tell you! He so badly wants the extra comfort but he doesnt know if he can and by the time he's back in his normal headspace, he doesnt even remember it until he regresses again.
One day, once you've fed him and put new clothes on him and have him cuddled against you, he's just so tired and comfy and he doesnt even think twice about sucking on your shirt. He wants to suck his thumb, but that would require him to move his arms and both of his arms are wrapped tightly around you and obviously he can't move them.
So he just starts sucking on your shirt, directly over your nipple. The feeling surprises you, because you have never felt anything like it.
But then you look down and you're greeted by such a sweet sight, little!George sucking on your shirt and looking up at you, clinging to you a he does and looking so pleased with himself.
You ask him if he wants you to take your shirt off so he can suck on your nipple properly, but obviously he can't respond to you because he's far too small for that. Instead, he just sucks harder on your chest and you understand what that means.
He whines and cries when you have to push him off you to remove your shirt, because he doesnt understand? All he knows is that he felt so safe sucking on your shirt and then you pushed him away! Why did you push him away? He's your little boy, you can't push him away.
But then you take your shirt off and pull him back towards you, pushing his head down to your chest and he instantly starts suckling on your breast. He relaxes even more then, so happy for the skin on skin and to not have the tough feeling of your shirt covering your breasts.
He falls asleep very quickly, and after that he regularly wants it.
(His favourite is when he can duck his head under your shirt to suckle on you because he feels even safer that way)
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does anyone else (specifically any other autistic ppl) really really struggle with art in terms of like. getting yourself to actually do it or learn how
I dont rly know how to articulate it but like. I have tried, I have BEEN trying for years to find joy in creating art but I CANT, because creating anything just feels like an unwinnable battle against myself. it's not exactly art block because I have so so many things I want to draw and i can envision them perfectly but then when it comes time to actually do it just. can't. I freeze up. I feel like I dont know how to do/make what I want to and I know that you have to make bad art in order to learn how to make good art but my problem is that if I can't do exactly what I want to do or if I don't know exactly step by step how to get where I want to go my brain just Won't Let Me. reaching the limit of what I'm familiar and comfortable with feels like hitting the limit of a map in a game like I just. hit a wall and can't go any further
and I've had the thought that maybe with the way my brain works I am just simply not meant to be an artist but I HATE that, because I love drawing I really do and I'm 100% more miserable being stuck with all the images in my head than I am when I actually do make something and i really really dont want to let my stupid autism/adhd/whateverthefuck stop me from doing something that i actually am passionate about but I just. can't do itfor some reason !! it's so frustrating and I've tried so many ways to get past it I've gotten so much advice from artists in my life and none of it has worked and I want to fucking cry because I refuse to accept that I just can't do what I want to do but I don't know how to move forward
I'll get to a certain point in a piece (usually I'll finish a sketch/lineart and MAYBE add flat colors) but then I think about what to do next and even if I know the process I just get overwhelmed and then I quit because that's easier and I dont know how to make myself not quit that's how I've been with everything I've tried my whole life and I'm about ready to just give up on doing or being anything that I want to because it seems like I'm just completely incapable of holding myself to anything
I really want to feel the joy/relaxation that I see other ppl get from drawing/painting and I used to feel that when I was a kid and it comes back in phases sometimes as long as I stick to just sketching but I just. can't I know im saying that a lot and it doesn't rly mean anything but that's rly all it is I Simply Cant. I struggle and then I give up because I'm such a perfectionist that I circle back around to not being able to do anything at all because I know I can't meet my own standards and I can't muster up enough dedication to learn and practice and ahhhhhh idk
I know this has become more of a vent post than anything but like please someone tell me I'm not alone or that there's some way around this shit because it's starting to feel really hopeless and I don't want to completely give up on the only hobby I've ever been this passionate about wanting to focus on
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Hey I happened Apon a post where you commented about how BBC Merlin is actually a horror series and your explanation of that was so compelling that it’s all I can think about now is Merlin through that meta narrative horror lense and I need you to talk about it more immediately or I might go coco bananas bc wtf I cant get it out of my head
Oh! Thank you, it's very nice to hear it was compelling :)) I don't quite remember what I said -- there's a lot about Merlin that's horrifying -- but I suspect that it had to do with the fact that the characters in Merlin are trapped and not allowed to escape. By virtue of the genre, we expect that they will escape. We expect that Merlin will be freed from his obligation to hide and to make compromising moral decisions because the future of the kingdom rests on his shoulders. We expect that Arthur will be freed from the world of lies he’s living in. The plot goes in this direction, too -- you’re so certain that that’s what’s going to happen in “sins of the father”....and then it doesn’t. You think it might happen in “the disir”...and then it doesn’t. In both these cases, Merlin intentionally lies to Arthur, keeping them both trapped. Add to this the fact that the writers keep resetting Arthur’s character to allow them to play out the same plot line over and over. I think, to be honest, this is just lazy writing, but the way it combines with the intentional writing choices gives you an uncanny feeling, kind of like watching a time loop and realizing the thing you thought would break it doesn’t, or like watching a vampire or zombie attack our protagonist and seeing the exact moment their struggle turns to acquiescence, watching the now-infected person return to their friends and feed on them without their knowledge. Even at the end, Merlin is not allowed to escape, forced to play out the same time loop for all eternity.
I’m really not a great horror aficionado, so I’m kind of struggling to come up with comparisons -- perhaps you’re better versed in horror theory and can articulate this better! I think the horror effect is most pronounced for me with Arthur’s storyline, especially with his relationship to Merlin. Arthur has no reason to believe he’s making decisions of anything other than his own free will, but he’s unaware of the manipulation constantly happening behind his back. Maybe the closest comparison i can think of is the truman show. The only character who is allowed to break out is Morgana, and she immediately becomes a monstrous villain, at least in the eyes of our protagonists.
This ask was the motivation i needed to actually make a merlin side-blog, so @camelotluteguild is it! I’m curious to hear your thoughts on this and related topics -- I think the thing that makes Merlin so compelling to me is the way in which different expectations and meta-narratives get layered onto each other, both intentionally and by virtue of a tv show being a group project -- it often leads to really interesting effects!
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This is completely unrelated but occurs to me often and I think you might think it's interesting but like, in my view at least, Harry has a lot in common with Gene Hunt of Life on Mars. The outfit, the general attitude, the "I may be unpleasant but I get shit done", etc. And it came to my attention specifically now cause of that post you made about Kin joining even if Harry is a full blown facho. The thing about Life on Mars is that the main character gets thrown back in time, sees that type of policing (full of like. Awful shit) and goes "yk what.... this may be antiquated and a violation of rights sometimes but I quite like this style..." which just! Jamrock Shuffle, "the best detective I have ever known", etc... Idk. There's something there. I cant articulate for shit. This has been me yelling at your inbox.
i haven't seen that show but it does sound like there's something there!
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