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our-t4t-experience · 3 months

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hi Evan! Big fan of what you do on your page. I very recently got a boyfriend who is also a trans man. Do you maybe have any tips on how I can make this relationship last more than a month? (Knowing my luck…)

-🦦(if I ask anything else)

there are some things that are in your control and some things that are out of them. its worth mentioning that if you have been abused before, its more likely that you will either perpetrate those behaviors, or on the flip side, allow people to perpetrate those behaviors against you

in my experience i have had a lot of unstable relationships where the instability wasnt necessarily caused by me (or me alone) as much as it was the other person being abusive to me and me letting it happen

so this advice IS coming from a place of "ive been abused," if this isnt applicable, my apologies

-communication is very important and remembering that people communicate in different (and sometimes incompatible) ways is also very important. you may be extremely direct and dating someone whos a little sensitive. you may want to de escalate an argument by being by yourself and they may want to talk about it. its important to be able to compromise sometimes and for them to compromise sometimes if your communication styles arent aligned. my girlfriend has to be very direct with me because shes learned that while we're both southern and she has learned to approach boundaries and conflict in a passive, sugar coating way, because im autistic, that approach doesnt work, for example

-how do you express love? how does your partner express love? its important to show your love in a way that is fulfilling to you, but its also important to show your love in a way that your partner receives it. ive heard mixed things about the "5 love languages" test but honestly i did the test and it was decently accurate and may be a good start, its also worth noting that neurodivergent people may also express love in different ways than the "norm"

-never stop dating your partner. yall like flowers? get each other flowers! go on cute dates! send each other memes that make you think of the other person! never stopping trying to impress your partner can make for a more fulfilling and exciting long term relationship

-time together, especially later in your relationship, is super important. distance can make the heart grow fonder (trust me, we're long distance lol) but you dont want to be away from them all the time. work and family obligations can make that hard, but having time to yourselves is important, me and caspian sleep together on the phone every night, and thats one of my favorite parts of the day

-specifically trans advice, but your trans partners transition should be a celebration. ive heard from one trans man that you should be responding to your loved ones transition like you would if someone was having a planned and wanted baby, and thats good advice. get excited! get funny with it! get romantic with it! my girlfriends excited for me to get top surgery and that makes me feel very good about my transition

(past this is longer term advice)

-i dont usually like those "3 weeks 3 months 1 year" rule stuff, but in my experience, you can usually tell if youre compatible with someone by 3 months. this is enough time for the "honeymoon phase" to chill out a bit and youre more receptive to their flaws. by some point you should be able to know if these flaws are a dealbreaker (unless youre like me and have a fawn instinct lol), and ive also found that i can tell when a relationship is unhealthy USUALLY by around 3 months, at least in my subconscious

-i knew i wanted to marry caspian by 6 months of us being together, and we're not getting married right now for a couple different reasons mostly boiling down to we're just not ready yet, but id recommend waiting 6 months before you start thinking seriously about a future with this person

-a rule ive had for a long time regarding marriage with anyone is that i want to have lived with them for a full year before we get engaged. i dont live with my girlfriend and wont until probably the end of this year (our 7 months os tomorrow!) but i have lived with a partner and have found that you can find out a lot about a person by living with them for an extended period of time

if i missed anything lmk, anyone else is also free to give advice in the comments (:

#🦦 anon #trans #t4t mlm #tm4tm #gay t4t #t4t

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spacefinch · 6 months

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Random Magic School Bus headcanons

Wanda is pretty much regarded as "one of the boys." Like: she, Tim, Carlos, Ralphie, and Arnold go and do "guy things" together. (I'm a girl so I have no idea what boys like to do for fun.)

On a similar note: Carlos is the inverse. He's a guy, but he's also one of the girls. He's been invited to several "girls nights." He let Phoebe paint his nails one time.

Carlos, going on a shopping trip or something with Phoebe, D.A., Keesha, and Wanda: I'm running around Walkerville with a pack of wild lesbians.

(Wanda is the only actual lesbian in the group though.)

Sometimes Keesha and Carlos borrow each other's sweatshirts. I'll have to draw this one sometime. Keesha's wearing a dark blue hoodie and Carlos is wearing a magenta pullover with a blue stripe.

When he's older, Carlos becomes a paleontologist and for a while, works as Dr. Skeledon's assistant.

LGBTQ headcanons for the gang:

Keesha, Carlos, and Dorothy Ann: All bisexual.

Wanda: lesbian

Phoebe and Arnold: asexual

Ralphie: I hc him as aromantic for some reason. And yes, this is just based on the fact that he wears green.

Tim: gay

Wanda and Tim: *get along super well and spend lots of time together*

Someone: You two should start dating!

Them: The heck? No way. We're both gay in the wrong direction.

Phoebe and Carlos are siblings on all levels except biological. They call each other stupid nicknames. They steal each other's snacks. They would quite literally throw hands with anyone who insulted the other. They both call each other "bro."

At first glance, some people assume they are dating because they spend so much time together and they are very affectionate (lots of hugs and whatnot).

Whereas with Carlos and Dorothy Ann, those who don't know them really well don't even realize they are dating. Like: "You two can't possibly like each other that way, not with all that bickering."

Everyone who knows that bickering is just Carlos and D.A.'s way of flirting: .....

D.A. speaks with a slightly British accent, and she does have relatives in England. However, she did not get her accent from her family. Her immediate family (including herself) moved to Walkerville from Georgia, so they all have southern accents. D.A. got her accent from watching lots of BBC nature documentaries and the occasional Doctor Who episode.

D.A. comes from a family of nerds, both in the serious science aspect and the pop culture aspect. She practically grew up on sci-fi.

Ralphie, upon finding out that D.A., the class bookworm, is from Georgia: "Average student reads 10 books a day" factoid, actually statistical error. Books Georgia, who was born in the South and reads hundreds of books every day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted.

Carlos is autistic, ADHD, and dyslexic. That is all.

Not a single member of the class is neurotypical or straight.

Post-elementary and possibly middle school, D.A. starts experimenting more with her hairstyle. She's basically the class's version of Princess Leia when it comes to hairstyles. Something different every time.

Meanwhile, Phoebe found the one hairstyle she likes and just stuck with it for her entire youth.

#magic school bus #headcanons #phoebe terese #carlos ramon #tim #wanda li #dorothy ann #ralphie tennelli #keesha franklin #arnold perlstein

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rebelscaped · 2 months

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kim jaejoong. nonbinary. he/him. bisexual. ⇝ hey, isn’t that kael kang ( nickname: imugi )? i think that the thirty-one year old from london, england works as the bassist for vain rogues and the ghost orchestra & the tail gunner for the bastards (ex-mercenary for the scarlet nightmare), but outside of that people describe them as bruised skin, scraped knuckles and bleeding lips; super distressed denim and torn fabric held together with paperclips and chains; blurred and dazed city lights; chipped black nail polish and smudged eyeliner . i hear they are irritable & standoffish, but they are also known to be dedicated & unconventional. consider giving them a visit at their home in the kingpin trailer park and get to know why they’re called the rebel.

IMPORTANT LINKS: stats. pinterest.

TW:

NOTE: please do not refer to kael as a man! most other masculine terms are okay & he does refer to himself as hana's father/dad. kael himself doesn't really care if he's referred to as a man but he isn't one so please keep this in mind! he's nonbinary with a sort of neutral/androgynous presentation that just happens to lean a little more masc.

BASICS.

Although he doesn't go by it very often at all, Kael's Korean name is Kang Hyunjin. (btw any similarity to a certain kpop idol's name, even the fact the surname reminds, is pure coincidence asdfgh I settled on this as Kael's name not long after I first made him in 2014)

Despite working as tail gunner for the Bastards, Kael isn't actually that passionate about vehicles in general; he does the work because he's good at it and he likes taking shit apart to see how they work. He does like motorbikes specifically and knows quite a lot about them but he has no interest in cars.

Kael has ADHD. Due to his upbringing, this was never diagnosed and it remains unmedicated. He also has pretty severe anxiety and PTSD as a result of his history. These are, again, undiagnosed. He suffers from regular nightmares and has experienced his fair share of panic attacks. He's also had his struggles with depression over the years and deals with a lot survivor's guilt after his best friend's sacrificial death. (note: i don't personally have adhd or ptsd but please trust I've done a lot of research on these things! c': also, i'm autistic & adhd definitely runs in my family so pls know if would never deliberately misrepresent any neurodivergence!)

In general, Kael's health probably leaves a lot to be desired. He smokes, he doesn't sleep properly, he doesn't eat right; overall he doesn't really do much to look out for himself. The only thing that's really improved since Hana came into his care is that he's less inclined to do things that might get him killed. Sort of. He is still a Bastard.

He has a way of coming off very aloof and standoffish and is often written off a nastier person than he actually is. The truth is that he just has a lot of walls built up, as truth does NOT come easily to him, and he has a pretty sarcastic sense of humour. Also, he has kind of a short fuse but this is usually directed towards pretty trivial upsets and, honestly, it's hard to describe him as aggressive. He can be a little volatile but it's more of a quirk than an out-and-out problem. Once you get to know him better, you'll probably figure out that he just has a lot of trust issues AND more energy than he knows what to do with. It explains a lot.

Kael is not just in a punk band for the aesthetics; although his fashion sense is largely just punk-inspired without really fully committing (although he does absolutely dress like he should be in a band), his outlook on life is punk in itself. He's extremely anti-establishment and is very open about his distaste of the rich and powerful; he has been known to use posh as an insult (please know he's not going to dislike someone on a personal level just for being rich, although if someone wealthy does befriend him then there is a good chance he'll make fun of them for it). Ultimately, Kael's politics are driven by empathy and a respect for other humans. Despite his cold and distant exterior, Kael does genuinely care about people.

Kael has a distinct London accent, leaning more towards the East End. It's not especially strong or thick but it's still very much a London accent. (And I mean that it's not especially strong by London standards; he still sounds extremely English.) He's fluent in English and Korean, and conversational in Japanese.

He loves spicy food. Like, really loves it. And he has a high tolerance for it. It's not a problem, even when it makes his eyes water and his nose run. He also has a high tolerance for alcohol. And he's really not afraid of heights. Or danger. It all makes for a pretty reckless person. He is scared of bugs though, ESPECIALLY spiders. And he has very mixed feelings about horses (he doesn't think they should be that big; don't ask).

Kael has a bunch of piercings, mostly ear piercings. He has several in each year and one navel piercing. He has no interest in getting any more. He also has some tattoos, five in total. He hasn't added any for a good few years but he's not against getting more. They're all black ink tattoos without colour and any further tattoos would be in the same vein. Specific locations are; right below his collarbone, his left wrist, above his right hipbone (but below his ribs), between his shoulder blades and down his spine.

THE SCARLET NIGHTMARE

For Kael, life under the Scarlet Nightmare had been all-encompassing. Even at his most subservient, he had a strong need to cling to a sense of personal identity and this meant distancing himself as much as he could from the sorry bastard whose DNA he shared. He's very aware of his status as a clone and has deliberately tried to block out any memories that aren't his own.

Growing up in the facility he'd been sort of a loner, a quiet kid with a knack for getting into fights he never started, but there was one kid just a year older than him who reached out and stuck up for him; he'd always be there to pull Kael up off the cold hard floor of the facility dorm rooms after a fight, always there to help patch up his cuts and scrapes. He'd help Kael lift chin up high any times he started to doubt his place in the world and his role in the Scarlet Nightmare system. They were best friends, inseparable and as close as brothers.

This friend was everything Kael was not. He was bright and open and friendly. He was good at following orders and never felt any urge to bite the hand that fed him and he didn't seem to piss the other kids off the way Kael always did.

Eventually, it was decided that his friend would train to become a Hitman and, shortly after, Kael was assigned the role of Mercenary so, as luck would have it, they were paired together. It was a partnership that would require deep trust and the pair had already demonstrated how well they could work together. They made a perfectly devastating team.

Yet, as time stretched on, Kael's doubts only grew; although this was the only life had ever known, he could feel himself breaking under the weight of it, under the impossible-to-bury guilt of what he'd done. He could have sworn the stench of death clung to him. And, so, he wondered, was he really alive if he was only born to kill? The partnership between the Hitman and Mercenary was beginning to show cracks and, after enough missions had gone awry due to Kael's dwindling confidence, the Mercenary was deemed a liability. Something to be rid of.

The Shadow assigned to take him out failed. They had aimed perfectly, hit their intended target, but they had failed to even touch Kael. Despite his desperate attempts to defend Kael to their handlers and to help Kael pull himself together, his partner had sensed this moment might come. He'd seen the faintest hint of movement in the distance and thrown himself in front of Kael without a moment's hesitation, driving away the spooked Shadow. The bullet pierced his throat and he died, choking on his own blood in Kael's arms.

Kael's world shattered and he lived in a haze for the next while; all those strong feelings of doubt and rebellion had been numbed, and he returned to the Scarlet Nightmare as normal. After he'd switched off his emotions, he was able to return to his previous heights and the higher-ups lost interest in him. But he'd grown clumsy too. He suffered a near-fatal injury during a mission and was put on bed rest. A week of good rest and some time to himself where he could just think was all it took for Kael to come back for himself. There was no other choice. He needed to escape the Scarlet Nightmare, even if it put a target on his back for the rest of his life.

THE REAL WORLD

The transition to normal life was not easy for Kael. No longer having an outlet for his excess energy and recklessness, he did stupid things, illegal things. He got into fights. Almost got arrested a few times. He the first year in particular isolating himself but, as time passed, he was able to find a shitty job and a shitty apartment to live in, even make a few friends. The nightmares never faded. He'd wake in the night, drenched in a cold sweat and haunted by all the awful things he'd done in the name of following orders.

Despite everything, he was able to rekindle a once discouraged love of music. The piano and the guitar were borrowed talents, something the original Kael must have nurtured but he was so enamoured with it that he taught himself more. Learned to play the bass as well. He started writing his own music as an emotional release and began to work the streets as a busker, armed with nothing but a guitar and his voice. At some point along the way, he wound up the bassist for the band, Vain Rogues and the Ghost Orchestra, with whom he'd travel from place to place.

Eventually, he'd meet someone in Busan, South Korea. It had started as a one night stand. By this point, Kael was more than used to these encounters. He'd found a casual comfort in the intimacy of sex with strangers. It wasn't supposed to matter. Except that, this time, it did. They were different. Hyeong Eunji was different. The infatuation brought him back to her again and again, and before long it had changed shape and grown into love instead. He decided to put the band aside for a while, settling in Seoul while he figured himself out and, although he was reluctant to admit it, because he didn't want to leave Eunji behind, even if she always kept him just at arm's length.

Eventually, Eunji leaves. The only notice he receives of this is a letter and a child, Eunji's beloved daughter, Hana. The letter reveals to him the truth that Hana is also his child and that Eunji has left her safety in his hands.He'd known Hana from before and been fond of her but he'd always assumed she was the daughter of some other man. He'd never questioned it. It had never mattered. But it mattered now. All of a sudden, Kael was a father. And he was going to do everything is power to keep his daughter safe while Eunji was on the run.

The fear of being found by Eunji's gang sent Kael back to London for a short time. Hana would begin to attend school there and she picked up on English quickly with Kael's help. Although he didn't have a lot of money and he didn't feel like a particularly good father, Kael loved Hana. Her presence filled a deep void in his life and washed away the loneliness. He still woke up terrified in the night but sometimes she'd appear by his bedside and try to comfort him in the same way he would when she had bad dreams. Soon they would move across the world once more; when Cyrek calls him in for a favour, Kael ups and moves to Anchorage, Alaska with Hana in tow.

ANCHORAGE, ALASKA

Nowadays, Kael lives in a caravan with Hana. He's probably not the most well-equipped father in the world but he's a good and loving father who tries his best to do well by his daughter. He has rejoined the band, taking up the mantle of bassist once more, but that was not what brought him to Anchorage. He'd come all this way to fill a role in the biker gang, the Bastards, where he now works as the Tail Gunner. He's pretty broke, with most of what money he does receive going straight to Hana's care, but he's scraping by and, if nothing else, he's free. The nightmares and the need to keep looking over his shoulder don't sting so bad when you're surrounded by allies.

Kael moved to the town just before the murder of Willow Cho-Iverson and, thanks to the Bastards' implication in that incident, he has not known a day's peace since getting here.

#« 𝐤𝐚𝐞𝐥 » / 「 intro. 」#this is LONG overdue...like over six months overdue....whoops #btw the graphic is just a repurposed promo graphic i made for an old blog YEARS ago but this took so long to finally write up #that i decided to just reuse it instead of delaying this any longer by making smth new <3 (that's why the colour scheme doesn't match the #theme; i tried recolouring but i didn't like it)#i still like it anyway #also i ran out of time to fully proof read this so @ admins pls lmk if anything here doesn't work or breaks lore!!

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golvio · 1 year

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Something I noticed during my latest autistic/aspiring critical (as in “critical thinking,” not as in “needlessly negative fan wankery”) essayist note-taking playthrough of BotW:

On the Great Plateau, when Rhoam tells Link what happened to the Ancient Sheikah, he says “Their ancient technology disappeared long ago, or so it is said.”

But when I started making my way towards Kakariko Village as per the game’s recommendation, the second I get to the first sign of civilization, friggin’ Rensa, the stablehand at the horse tent, straight up says “That power put [the Sheikah] at odds with the king of the time, and they scattered across the land.”

The most generous interpretation of this is that Rhoam’s just reciting the super-duper sanitized version of the Royal Family’s history he got from his wife when he married into the family. But without that, well...that passive voice is sure doing an awful lot of convenient heavy lifting for you, old man.

I wonder which version of her courtiers’ history Zelda herself got?

Also, when Rhoam first tells Link about the calamity in his old man disguise, he’s like “For a century, the very symbol of our kingdom, Hyrule Castle, has barely managed to contain that evil. But just barely.”

UMMMM, HELLO? I KNOW YOU’VE GOT IT IN YOUR HEAD THAT TELLING LINK EVERYTHING OFF THE BAT WOULD OVERWHELM HIM AND YOU’VE GOTTA BE ALL MYSTERIOUS AND SHIT, BUT WOULD IT KILL YOU TO GIVE YOUR OWN DAUGHTER AT LEAST A LITTLE CREDIT? 😂

And the way Rhoam tells you to meet him at the Temple of Time. Like, sure, I get that this is the game’s way of giving you a tutorial about how to solve riddles and puzzles with your map, and the environment basically directs you to come back there if you haven’t figured it out by letting you see Goddess Hylia throwing a rainbow disco rave through the temple windows once you reach the foot of the mountain, but it feels like yet another dancer in the conga line of Rhoam being frustratingly obtuse. Like, we’re coming to the home stretch here and Link’s brain hasn’t exploded from all the cryptic hints you’ve been dropping, so can you please drop the riddles and just be honest and straightforward with me, peepaw?

Now, granted, I am extremely biased against Rhoam because I’d made up my mind to not like him during my first attempted playthrough, plus knowing that his stubborn maintenance of his pride never resolves meaningfuly through something like, oh, I don’t know, his having the humility to appear before his daughter and directly apologize to her for the way he mistreated her? But I digress.

The most interesting thing about this, for me, is that it suggests that the version of her own family’s history she got was extremely sanitized. Either her mom gave both Zelda and her husband an extremely abridged and propagandic version of the whole thing with the Sheikah, which Rhoam himself didn’t think to question either out of disinterest or his own obsession with keeping up appearances as someone who fucked his way to the top and needs to justify his leadership to the people as he’s not officially “of the bloodline” and merely acting as regent until Zelda’s old enough to take the reigns. But even the “nice, polite” version of the Sheikah schism we got from Cado at the gates outside of Impa’s house wasn’t that passive voice, outright saying the king and the kingdom turned against the Sheikah and banished them, even though as the “good guys” the Sheikah took great pains to absolve the crown of its responsibility and blame themselves for their own hubris in thinking they could be more powerful than the king.

Which makes me really, really intrigued about what convinces Zelda in TotK to both figuratively and literally “dig a little deeper.” Was she merely tipped off by her own goddess powers/proximity to Ganon, or is she actively trying to take a peek behind the curtain at the things her mother and father didn’t want her to see, for fear it would ruin their reputation as benevolent fairytale rulers or scar Zelda for life?

#legend of zelda #botw #loz thoughts #caps warning #long post

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waddlenut · 3 years

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Masterlist of the masterlist - Harry Styles

I HAVE WRITTEN NONE OF THESE FANFICS, CREDITS TO THE WRITERS!

This is a masterlist of my reblogs :)

ONE DIRECTION

Fluff -

He doesn’t want to take advantage of you while you’re drunk (5/5)

You fall asleep on hijm in front of the boys (5/5)

Angst -

You get mobbed by paparazzi (Harry and Louis preference)

The one where your house is on fire and you are asleep (Niall preference)

You pass out (Niall)

Tiger (Niall finds his girlfriend looking in the mirror, judging her appearance)

HARRY STYLES

Fluff -

Choosing her (y/n overhears Harry sticking up for her)

The one where you have a huge fight and you are sick

Not your fault (fav. y/n has epilepsy and Harry feels helpless. TW - minor graphic description of an epilepsy attack)

Y/N is in a wheelchair and she is grocery shopping with Harry

Just talk (fav. y/n has a minor speech impediment and one of Harry’s friend makes fun of her for it. She doesn’t know how to react, Harry does.)

Tea mugs and tear stains (y/n gets overwhelmed and Harry helps)

Harry jokes about your moaning

A white t-shirt (Harry find out about y/n’s scars. TW - mentions selfharm/scars)

Y/N vomits down Harry’s gucci suit and Harry couldn’t give a shit (TW - throwing up)

Y/N falling in the shower and boyfriend!Harry getting ultra worried

You’re deaf and Harry is besotted with you

Cus y’laugh is pretty (in which Harry gets his wiskom teeth removed)

Y/N is stressed and Harry makes everything just a little bit better

Coming out to Harry as bisexual (good ending, no worries)

Sweater (y/n cold and steals Harry’s sweater)

Periods, pads and pain (Y/N is on her period)

Holding him (just pure love and affection)

He’s just jealous (fav. a small kids thinks Y/N is pretty and wants to sit with her)

My muse (TW - camille)

My hero (Harry being protective)

You’re poor and he doesn’t know

The best doctor (Y/N has chronic migraines)

First class (the one when Y/N and Harry meet during a long flight, and Harry makes a new little friend too) part 2

Your best friend negatively talks about you and Harry’s relationship and he overhears

Your english is so good yet, and someone makes fun of it. Harry does not appericiate that

The best gift (fav. Y/N can��t afford Harry’s life style. angst w/ fluff)

Right place, right time (fav. When someone starts following the reader, Harry is the prince on a white horse)

Harry points you out at his concert part 2 part 3

Y/N has an asthma attack at Harry’s place

Y/N gets drunk and uses Harry’s dick as a microphone

Y/N is breastfeeding in public and a man started saying rude remarkt to her, Harry knows how te react (fav)

Families meet (one where Harry’s family and Y/N Mexican family meet)

Her good baby (fav. Y/N has been really busy with a family program and kinda forgets about Harry. That’s until he breaks)

Spill your guts or fill your guts (based on spill you guts or fill your guts with Harry and Kendall but instead of Kendall it’s you)

Harry think Y/N and the kids forgot his birthday (fav)

CEO!Harry bring this baby angel to work, all fun until she gets lost

Y/N accidentally eating Harry’s edibles

Harry just cannot believe how much he loves

Harry and Y/N’s first thanksgiving in their home and a little announcement

Candy Wrappers (Harry loves candy, that results in a house full of candy wrappers)

Harry dating a curvy girl

Y/N and Harry’s home birth doesn’t go as planned

Under the canyon moon (dad!harry blowing raspberries into bubs tummy but they get a rash)

Y/N is in London while he is LA during quarantine (fav)

Quarantining with dad!Harry and your bub

Harry feels neglected when Y/N spends lots of time with Anne

Pregnant (where you’re pregnant during the corona outbreak and Harry is super protective)

Sunflower vol.6: the fic (fav. Y/N has tourette syndrome and Harry falls in love)

Bad days and good days (Y/N has depression and Harry takes care of her. TW - mentions of depression)

Mornings with the Styles family

Y/N following Harry around the house because she got scared watching a movie

Better than melatonin (Harry’s songs help you sleep)

Harry doing baby bubs hair in the bathroom while she’s facetiming Mitch (fav)

Harry helps you through childbirth

Anasthesia and letting go (reader has gotten their wisdome teeth removed and Harry takes care of them)

Getting naked in front of Harry for the first time

Harry reads Y/N a story to help her drift off to sleep

Want a chicken nugget (you’re taking a shower and Harry, knowing your love for chicken nuggets, comes and gives you one)

Rainbow cardigan (Harry loses his favorite cardigan. You learn how to knit)

My shy little boy (Y/N’s son is too shy to play with other kids at Anne’s house)

Golden dancing (fav. Harry is on stage singing golden and little Artemis comes running on stage and starts dancing)

Daddy (Artemis calls Harry daddy for the first time)

The first meeting (Y/N and Artemis met a handsome (to Y/N) and intimidating (to Artemis) man)

Watermelon suger (behind the scenes) (Shots of long-term girlfriend Y/N in watermelon suger. TW - some strong language)

Roses and vanilla (in which Y/N and Harry aren’t really close until Y/N falls in the shower, and Harry falls in love)

Babbles (bubby crying during a show just to get Harry’s attention so they can go on stage and babble into the mic)

No kids (H and his partner deciding not to have children)

Toxic family (fav. The reader doesn’t have the best family, lucky for them, the Styles are basically their family)

Harry’s son runs on stage

Listen to me (fav. Autistic!reader has a difficult moment)

Angst -

You pass out backstage

You have paranoia disorder

Can you leave? (fav. ceo!harry)

Complains (In which Y/N heard Harry complainging about her)

Taken (your abusive ex tries to contact you when Harry’s away on your. (TW - name calling and slight violence)

Autistic!reader has an interview with Harry (fav)

You get into a car accident when Harry’s in the middel of a concert part 2

Too busy for a baby (TW - harry’s an asshole + mentions of pregnancy)

Y/N gets anxiety at one of Harry’s concerts. (TW - anxiety and guns are mentioned)

He kicks you out of the car. (fav) part 2

Long way down (the one where she tinks he’s being unfaithful, and he questions the trust in their relationship. TW - mentions of creating and pregnancy complications) part 2

The one where you have a huge fight and you are sick

There’s a rumor being spread about you

Remember me (Harry forgets your birthday)

Harry calls Y/N clingy and she leaves

Harm done (fav. Y/N makes Harry food but he doesn’t even like it)

Harry coming home to find Y/N locked herself up in the washroom

Don’t touch her (you’re in the crowd and somebody touches you while Harry’s performing. TW - sexual harassment and mild assault)

Why would you keep something like this from me? (In which she’s been feeling umcomfortable and doesn’t tell Harry. TW - mentions of assault)

Y/N and Harry get in a bad argument and Y/N gets a panic attack (TW - panic attack)

And I can’t give that to you (fav. In which Harry suffers from seasonal depression ands he doesn’t know how to help)

So tired (you join Harry on tour but he seems to have other prirorites. Angst w/ fluff on the way) part 2

You have self-esteem issues (TW - talking about low self-esteem)

Y/N has an anxiety attack at a concert and calls Harry (TW - anxiety attack)

Even if it was momentary (in which Harry is forced to watch his worst nightmare)

Little white lie (a television talk show host feels you up backstage and you don’t tell Harry. TW - sexual harassment) part 2

He hides the fact that he’s sick on tour form you and insults you when you try to take care of him

There’s an intruder in her house (Harry comes home to find his girlfriend is being threatenend by an intruder. TW - some curse words, mentions of sex & just in general subject of break ins and panic)

Narcissistic behaviour (Harry loves to talka bout himself, but it’s suppose to be Y/N’s special day)

Miss you (where Y/N loses Harry’s rose ring and he gives them the silent treatment)

Dizzy (Y/N gets hurt on Harry’s watch. TW - fainting/passing out)

Happy birthday (in which Y/N throws Harry a suprise birthday party, but Harry ends up making her cry)

Harry comparing you to Camille

Exhaustedly in love (Y/N passes out as soon as Harry comes home from tour because she has been studying day and night)

Go home (in which Harry is jet lagged and you’re completely humiliated) part 2

Get out (Y/N is done with Harry being busy with work all the time) part 2

Anesthesia and apologies (fav)

Y/N has a condition that makes her have seizures (TW - mentions of seizures)

Harry loses his baby angel while shopping

Harry complains to the boys about Y/N and his sex life part 2

You’re in love with Harry but your self-doubt won’t believe he’s in love with you

Don’t shout (Harry doesn’t know what to do after he lied to Y/N)

Make it up to you (Harry loses his temper and almost hits you. TW - almost being hit by a lover and swearing)

I’ll get there (Y/N has been struggling with her body image ever since she was a teenager, but now that she was becoming a big time model, it had only gotten worse. TW - mentions of eating disorders and symptoms similair to those of a panic attack)

Smut -

Harry comes home to Y/N being in subspace but he doesn’t realize

Needy baby (the one where Harry’s bakc from tour and his girl really just needs to feel him)

Shower head

Harry gets emotional because he loves you so much

Taste my lips, feel my touch (Y/N’s stuck in subspace and Harry helps her out of it)

Where Harry is an asshole CEO but Y/N is his little love

Happy anniversary

Y/N goes into sub space when she is overwhelmed, but now it happend in public

Then again sometimes I get really sweet (TW - belly humping)

This cutest thing ever

Crossing the finish line

Right choice (Harry has a moustache now and you want get it sticky. TW - swearings, sexual intercourse and a sticky moustache)

Timing (Harry cumming early and he is upset and disappointed)

Cause I’m high, chewing on your taste (TW - Sub!Harry, H in fishnets and pegging)

Out in the heartland (It’s Harry’s birthday and you have a very special gift for him. TW - daddy kink, pegging, anal fingering and rimming)

#one direction masterlist #harry styles masterlist

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solarsleepless · 3 years

Note

what r max's stims? :)

SHSHJSHJSJSJSHJSH

okAY yes i have many thoughts abt adhd max i am vibrating rn

okay so first of all theres the average well known "flappy hands"

but she really likes it when she has sweaters with longer sleeves because then she can just flap them around

leg bounce leg bounce leg bounce

cracking her knuckles. she does this SO often its unreal

she doesnt have many vocal stims but she goes "ba ba ba" or just humming and singing sometimes

also running her hand on the bottom of her skateboard, and/or rolling the wheels

just being on her skateboard and swaying is a huge stim

chewing her shirt lmao

im also gonna say that she also stims by pressing on buttons and other stuff in the arcade. its just Nice To Do

also stims by kicking off of the ground on her skateboard. very nice

well this is gonna turn into adhd max rant get ready

she had adhd combined (like yours truly) and finds it hard to concentrate in class

she totally hyperfixated on video games at some point

and comics probably

and skateboarding too

she is a VERY picky eater. like she could barely eat stuff in california, so when she moves to hawkins it only gets worse

sensory issues my abhorreeed

can't stand too-loud noises (b!lly of course knows this and turns up music in his car so that he can't even hear himself)

that being said she cant STAND the silence and always needs background noise (she and el bond over liking white noise from tv)

SHE LOVES TANGLERS SO MUCH

goes nonverbal sometimes because of the fear that if she says anything itll just make things worse. the party + steve is very concerned at first, then learn to live with it

WHISTLE STIM WHISTLE STIM WHISTLE

she has so many weighted blankets. she couldnt actually use them much because it was too hot in cali but then in hawkins she used them all the time

SPINNY CHAIR SPINNY CHAIR

undiagnosed

loves fluffy jumpers. she never really used or felt them earlier because of the hotness of california but when she was cold and lucas lent her his fluffy jumper...

well let's just say he didn't get it back

rubbing her hand over lucas's knuckles :)

i know i've already said singing stim but just imagine her singing 'material girl' or 'old time rock and roll'

echolalia! only sometimes tho

like erica will go "hey max me and lukie are gonna make a cake wanna help?" "cake?" "cake" "cake!" "cake!" "cake"

also the sinclair family is so accepting. they're confused but they just accept max and thats okay

once the party started looking up what adhd was, max brought it up once and immediately they all went 'that's only for little boys'

(which is bullshit obvs)

remember that sleepover scene where max is dancing? yeah that but its a stim

the party + the teens have a running joke of max being moth because she stares at lights so much. visual stim

she scratches as a(n unhealthy) stim but it gets worse after billy's death

hates it when people shout, usually goes nonverbal if it's directed at her

jumps when she's happy!!

you know how she just wears basic and unlayered clothes? yeah she chooses them on purpose because tight stuff feels Bad

she hates labels with her entire being

she seems like the kind of gal to bite her nails

also adopted dustin's "grrr" as a stim

"hey max- grrr" "...what was that?" "...grrr" "could you teach me how to do that" ".. o k a y ?"

will and max (i hc will as autistic) both have lil stimming sessions! they just notice the other stimming and join in, just leaving them laughing at the end!

lucas is super understanding of her stims

he learnt to recognize when she's understimulated and gives her fidget toys!! and if he doesnt have any then he'll just straight up grab her hand and start rubbing his fingers against the knuckles

i'd like to say:

*SLAPS ROOF OF MAX MAYFIELD* THIS BITCH CAN HOLD SO MUCH RSD

she wasnt doing so good in the first place

thinking stuff like

"maybe if i wasnt born then my parents wouldn't have divorced"

and stuff like that

(billy intentionally makes it worse because of course he does)

but then it gets so. much. worse.

you know mike said "because you're annoying" in s2?

YOU CAN BET THAT TRIGGERED HER RSD SO HARD

and also when el just walked past her in s2? yeah well

that didn't go off well with her rsd either

lucas has to reassure her that she's not a mistake, she's not annoying, he doesn't secretly hate her, etc etc

he doesnt think he'll ever forgive mike for triggering her rsd so badly

this has so many hurt/comfort possibilities in fic holy fuck-

lucas immediately shuts down her deprecating comments

like IMMEDIATELY

he wont stand for that shit

he is glaring so badly at anyone who triggers max's rsd

unless it's someone they love (like erica) who doesn't actually know what they did wrong and want to make up for it

once erica activated her rsd by accident

just with a lil lighthearted comment

"ugh i hope you arent as annoying as lukey's little friends on the walkie talkie"

once erica finds out abt what she did she feels SO bad. babey

she does everything she can to make up for it

apologizes properly when they're both brushing the barbie's hair

she finds out max stims by brushing barbie's hair when max has to look after once

so when she can see max is understimulated she'll just toss a barbie and a hairbrush her way

also likes max's echolalia (can you hear that? its the sound of max's euphoria boosting)

erica learns to lower her voice around max

max can't watch anything without subtitles btw

she just cannot

she'll watch it and cause she's smart she'll figure out what's going on

but often has to turn to lucas and go "whats going on???"

she loves the feeling of snow thru her gloves

maybe its the cold but still. very Nice

uhh i have more but i cant be bothered also this is too long already

#max mayfield #adhd headcanons #stimming #stranger things headcanons #max mayfield headcanons #lucas sinclair #erica sinclair #sinclair family my beloveds #max is bi and has adhd change my mind :)#max mayfield my beloved #itstiger720 #lumax the beloveds

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wisteria-lodge · 2 years

Text

(semi-exploded) bird primary? + badger secondary (bird model)

So, I’m fairly certain I’m likely a burnt badger with some bird tendencies, but as I have thought things through, I still wonder about that. The rest of my family all have badger and bird tendencies. I, myself, have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve and to love openly with the people around me. I’m usually the ‘team mom’ for my friends.

Some Badger? Some Lion?

But this said, I do struggle in groups, particularly large groups. Part of this, I’m sure, is just that I’m autistic, and grew up in a time where it was much harder for girls to get diagnosed. I didn’t have much in the way of a friend group in my early childhood, and tended to be ‘the friend everyone hates’ because I was the weird kid.

I know what it’s like to be the unfavorite friend. I *also* know what it’s like to find large groups difficult. For me it’s literally an auditory processing thing. I have a lot of trouble being around certain types of noise. But I love small groups of the right people, and pleasant environments!

Even in my teens, I was ill at ease with my sole friend group in school, feeling like a bit of a third wheel at times. I took comfort in a fandom group on the internet, spending more time around adults in a Jedi community than around folks my own age.

Again, I can really, really relate. I went in a more Sherlock Holmes direction, but yeah. I imagine that there was probably a combination of things going on on that made it easier to make adult friends, but I’ve been there.

I’m still friends with people I knew back then on that site. They encouraged me, in a way, to lean into my more birdish tendencies, as we spent a lot of time talking about philosophy, martial arts, religion, spirituality, and how all of this related to what it meant to be Jedi. When I started watching 'The West Wing’ in my teens, I got so into it that I also developed a fascination for American history and politics.

Just playing Devil’s Advocate here, but I haven’t read about any Birdish tendencies yet. Fun bird secondary model sure, and that’s super common for neurodivergent people. If anything, the focus on groups - in group, out-group, good group, is making me think Badger.

Even prior to this, I had some admitted bird tendencies: I remember, in my final year of primary school, struggling to choose a project topic because I had so many different things I was interested in. I went from Shakespeare to medieval history to Victorian history to finally settling on Greek mythology.

Are you me? Even that list of topics is… very me.

(this is still a fun bird model, though.)

I had educational computer games that I loved. I had books on earth sciences (I loved volcanoes and dinosaurs as a small child), and numerous iSpy and Dorling Kindersley books. Yet, all I wanted was to have friends. All I wanted was for people to like me.

Oh my god. You’re making me think of high school me, and that persona I created that was deliberately impossible to be mean to. You wouldn’t be mean to me. That would be like kicking a puppy.

I tried – still try – so hard to be kind, to help where I can. Going to university and studying theology, I was in among older adults. I found it easier to talk to them. In our common room, we became something of a family. Going on, I’ve had a few friend groups in adulthood that had that same 'family’ feeling, although we always ended up drifting as life happened. I still have a small group of friends I consider to be my family.

You’re a really *loud* Badger secondary.

I have definitely been 'exploded’ though. It was during my time in a Star Trek fan group In that setting, badger types were very much expected – the more you work and contribute to the group, the farther you’ll go. I loved it, ranking up quickly as I worked with them. But, then I was given charge of a project that ended up not working. I burned out and broke so hard that I eventually got into a shouting match with someone and left. I’ve been in and out of the group over the years after reconciling with them, but… I’ve never quite managed to fit back in again, which has been the source of much sadness for me. Nowadays, I prefer smaller settings because I can’t deal with large numbers of people without experiencing anxiety. I also burn out very easily when it comes to high-stress situations: as much as I’d like to be a book-keeper badger, I crash and burn when my stress levels get pushed up.

Amazingly, I have ALSO burned my Badger secondary because of a project that went sideways. And I promise you, there are ways to manage your stress levels so things don’t get that bad again. I had to figure out ways around my executive functioning issues, which were definitely very present and come up with rules for myself to ensure that I stop working, and don’t work too long on one thing. (like I never answer more than five Asks, or two SortMes at once. That’s on purpose.)

Yet, I will always love learning. There are so many skills I’ve picked up, so many topics I’ve read about, and not always for utility, but just because it was interesting. But I also know how to research and apply that research in times of difficulty. I’ve always been around computers from a young age, so I tend to be good with them (I built my first website at all of 12 or 13 years old)

I also know you come from a Birdy family, so I’m taking that into account.

and anything I don’t know, I can look it up (e.g., fixing my own laptop when it refused to start up). I sort of 'collect’ hobbies and information. This makes it easier, sometimes, to help my friends when they’re having difficulties

“I have a Bird model so I can help my friends better!”

(the Bird is a model, and leveraging the community remains your really big gun.)

(although I may occasionally edge towards being a wee bit 'authoritarian’ now and then; I’m afraid I’m a bit of a 'know it all’.) However, it does have the minor downside that if you give me multiple options and try to make me pick the right one, I can experience a bit of 'can’t see the forest for the trees’.

This is starting to sound more primary, actually. I know you said Burnt Badger but your Badger like… doesn’t seem Burnt. You have friends, you have happy functioning communities. Just because you don’t like it when all your friends and all your community members are crammed in a room at the same time doesn’t make you burnt.

But this kind of information overload you describe… that can be an Exploded Bird thing. Also, you casually dropped that you studied theology. Now that is a very, very Bird primary focus.

I will see the upsides and downsides of a lot of things. I once froze up in a job interview during a bit where I had to recommend the best phone for a hiker because I looked at the specs and went, 'they’re all good, and I don’t know which one is best’. I went for simply describing the best points of each phone and how they applied for walking. (I didn’t get the job.)

This could be an exploded Bird primary that’s not filtering information. It also might just be you using the Bird secondary model when you *really* should have been using your Badger (for what sounds like a customer service position.)

There’s also the irony that in spite of my bird tendencies, I was a rubbish student when I was at school. Math was, and is, my kryptonite (oddly, I was good at physics which was pure formulae, though).

… you can struggle in school for a LOT of different reasons.

I disliked having to cram and study for exams because holy heck, it’s boring! xD It’s only in recent years that I’ve rediscovered that writing things out helps a lot with learning (particularly when it comes to Duolingo)

Writing things out helps a lot of Badgers (it helps me.) And of course I disliked having to cram for exams. That’s not the way to do it! That’s not how you remember things long term! What’s the point of doing it at all if you’re not going to remember things long term (so to me, this is a Badger integrity of method thing.)

although in many more practical fields, I learn by doing and experimentation (e.g., knitting, gardening, baking, etc).

You list out the most stereotypically Badger badger hobbies ever and then say you like “experimenting” with them? Maybe I’ve read you all wrong, but how do you even “experiment” with gardening? Something that long-term, and process based? Do you mean like, literal scientific experiments? And same with knitting, you can invent new patterns and ideas for projects, but the reason those are such classic Built secondary hobbies is because you can’t really improvise.

I will admit that I struggle with getting upset about the state of the world and the fact that I *can’t* help everyone. I get so frustrated that the people who have access to the levers of power won’t fix the problems that they’ve been elected to fix. I get overwhelmed by the sheer awful. I’ve had to restrict my intake of news sources to keep from going to pieces. Yet, I will try to help where I can, even if all I can do is sign a petition or write to my elected officials.

That’s pretty par for the course these days. I will say though, that you read like an idealist to me. My best guess would be a Bird primary with a very Badger looking system. Although Lion (Paragon Lion) is also possible… as is I guess, just straight-up Badger. (But not Burned.)

Taking all of this into account, I am starting to wonder about my initial assessment using the SHC test. It did originally mark me as a Snake before talking it around to Burnt Badger. My bird tendencies are extremely loud, though, and that has always been the secondary that the SHC test has picked out for me. With this in mind, I do wonder what you would make of all this?

Well I certainly don’t think you’re a Snake Bird. If the test was so off for you, I’m actually going to put that as a point in favor of Bird primary. Bird primary has so many different looks that the test sometimes gets confused. I love the test, it’s the best version of itself that could possibly exist, but it is a tool.

Thank you very kindly for your time, Wisteria, and I hope you have a good evening! =)

#submission #sortinghatchats #sortme #wisteria sorts #bird primary #exploded bird primary #badger secondary #bird secondary model #bird badger

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seepygoat · 3 years

Text

Okay time for a little rant.

This is NOT for the people who simply really like and sympathize with Catra (I like her a lot, she's a super compelling character), this is for the people who stan Catra to the point of toxicity, and hate Hordak and think he shouldn't even have gotten a hint of a redemption arc.

Hordak was raised in a hive mind, basically without free will. He was presented with nothing but what Horde Prime taught him. To Hordak, that was what was right. He was following the wishes of his god, his brother, the closest thing he ever had to a friend. This deity taught him nothing but war and destruction. And as so often happens, the abused became the abuser. When he found himself on Etheria, yes, he could have magically decided to turn away from all of Horde Prime's teachings, and become "good," but remember, to him, good WAS war and concurring and death, as long as it was done in the name of Horde Prime. What do you expect from him? He knew nothing but what Horde Prime told him. We have no idea how old Hordak was when he was cast away from Prime. He could have been, comparatively, a child. Since his defect was just discovered, it makes sense to think that he hadn't been alive for very long before that. Even if he wasn't, that only argues his case stronger. A lifetime of living a certain way (in a hive mind with little to no free will) doesn't suddenly go away when you're no longer in direct contact with your god/abuser.

Does that make anything he did ok? Absolutely not.

He was monstrous, and perhaps we could even call him a monster. Should he be held accountable for how many people he hurt? Of course. But does he also deserve the opportunity to learn true right and wrong, repent, change, and find healing? Fuck yeah. Does he deserve the opportunity to be forgiven, and welcomed into the family (like Catra and Scorpia)? Yes, yes I think he does.

Does everyone have to forgive him right away and be totally ok with him? No, of course not. That will obviously take time, perhaps years, if ever. But at the very least he should be given the opportunity of redemption and healing.

We don't really know how Catra came to be in the fright zone. But what we do know is that she had an extremely abusive and manipulative mother figure, who basically shaped her into the (dare I say monstrous) person she becomes in some of the latter seasons. Like Hordak, the abused became the abuser. But there's a difference here, imho. Catra had Adora (and later Scorpia and Entrapta). Adora was there, all the time, showing Catra love, showing her right from wrong. And what happened? Catra chose (yes I said choose, shoot me) to abuse, time after time. She abused Adora, she abused Entrapta, and she abused Scorpia.

Catra had a choice. She was shown what was right and wrong. She had someone, several people in fact, who cared for and loved her. Yet she still chose to continue the cycle of abuse. I understand that it's not even close to easy to break that, but she had people willing to stay by her side and help her, and she chased them all away.

Did she deserve the opportunity to change and be redeemed and loved? Yes. But, she was given that, multiple times, through her whole life (by Adora and Scorpia and Entrapta) and she kept turning it down. Don't get me wrong. Im glad she was given the opportunity to heal and be loved and get that wonderful happily ever after, BUT (I say again) I think it happened far too fast.

Im really not here to complain about how things were handled with Catra (I could, and I have my reasons, but that's not what this post is for.) Im here to point out the hypocrisy of those who stan Catra, but hate Hordak and hate that it was even hinted that he might get a happy ending.

We either need both, or neither, imho.

Catra was abused and manipulated in horrible ways by her mother figure, but was also loved and cared for (and given chance after chance) by Adora, Scorpia, and Entrapta.

Hordak, for the majority of his life, had no influence save an abusive, tyrannical deity (who basically mind controlled him until he was cast out), and started to soften almost the moment he was presented someone who legitimately cared for him.

They were both responsible for tons of pain and death in the war. So how can you say that one deserves a chance for redemption, with all her wrongs wiped clean, while the other deserves no chance?

I could also talk about the ableism in people not wanting the disabled character and the autistic character to have their happy ending, but that's a whole other post.

Basically, neither Catra or Hordak really DESERVE a second chance (or in Catra's case, a lot more than second), but that's the beauty of redemption. And it's one reason I loved the show so much, because it showed that there's always hope that the darkness can turn to the light, no matter who the darkness may be.

Sooooo there's my rant. I'm not going to argue, so if you're looking for that, kindly heck off.

#hordak #catra #she ra and the princesses of power #she ra #entrapta #adora #scorpa #entraptdak #abuse #emotional abuse #cult survivor #religious trauma

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lonelier-version-of-you · 3 years

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Holby S23E05, or: Will The Real Sahira Shah Please Stand Up?

So phase 1 of the racist, sensationalist, exploitative sexual abuse storyline comes to an end, and with it, we said goodbye once again to Sahira Shah.

What a complete and utter waste of a return.

Why did they even bother bringing her back? This woman was Sahira in name, actress, and husband only. That’s it. They retconned away all her backstory - where she was once Henrik’s former mentee whom he had unrequited feelings for, and who eventually got fed up of his behaviour and left, telling him never to contact her again... now apparently she’s a childhood friend of Henrik’s, he’s super close to her family, and he was “like a big brother to her”.

To borrow a quote from Ange last week: Pull the other one, Holby, it’s got bells on it.

If they were going to re-write everything about Sahira and her relationship with Henrik, and even her personality, why didn’t they just bring in a new character? What was the point of having it be Sahira/having Henrik’s abuser be Sahira’s dad? Plus, bringing in a new white character would have avoided the grossly racist implications of Henrik’s abuser being a ~creepy Middle Eastern man~.

And once again, Sahira’s storyline ends up revolving around men. (Well, men and one teenage boy, but the point still stands.) Holby’s misogyny hasn’t changed a bit in 10 entire years.

Now, tonight’s episode wasn’t totally horrible for Sahira. She felt more in-character in her exit scenes than she has in the entire rest of this stint. I can genuinely believe that Sahira Shah - the Sahira I know and love, as someone who has watched old Holby - would take the fall to protect her son like this. And Laila Rouass really brought out the metaphorical big guns for her final performance. What a talented actress indeed.

But the story is just such a mess.

Speaking of talented actors in messy storylines, I won’t be surprised at all if Ali Hadji-Heshmati wins an Oscar in 20 years or so. He’s really, really good and I can see him being one of those former soap guest stars who makes it big.

After tonight’s episode especially, I also think Abs is really interesting as a character. Poor kid’s gonna have so much trauma to deal with though :( But like, he killed his abuser and now he has to live not only with that, but with his mum being in prison for it. Oof. I hope Abs takes up a healthcare profession in a few years so we can see him as a main character, because that would be really interesting. He kind of gives off the vibe that he could be the next Bobby Beale, you get me? Seeing how all of this shapes him... oh no I think I’m going to have to write an Abs Raza character study fic now.

Yet another incredible actor tonight was, of course, Guy Henry. His performances in the first scene and the last scene were particularly haunting. He is so good and I can’t praise him enough.

But I really hate the direction this is going in for Henrik. And I hate that that last scene was aired without a trigger warning. (Although I do find it fascinating that I wrote a fic - chapter 6 of “it’s death by a thousand cuts” - over a year and a half ago that had Henrik self-harming with broken glass, and now that’s actually happened in the show. What a weird coincidence.)

Henrik’s part of the storyline - and the only part, now Abs and Sahira are gone - just feels so exploitative. (Especially when you keep in mind that Henrik is autistic, this storyline is being written with that in mind, and the writers of the show are mostly abled... what’s with the weird obsession with a disabled man’s suffering, eh?) I hate it. I think I almost would rather have been right about there being no aftermath once Sahira was gone than have things playing out this way.

And Henrik being CEO again isn’t a good sign, either. At least they’ll probably actually acknowledge how harmful that job is to him this time. I can’t see this being more than a temporary thing. :/

#Holby City #Henrik Hanssen #Sahira Shah #Abs Raza #holby city spoilers #tw;sexual abuse #tw;csa #henrik csa storyline #tw;self harm mention

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hargrove-mayfields · 3 years

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Headcanons Part Two!!!

My last headcanon post was all about Billy and Steve, but they won’t be the only ones showing up in my stories, so here’s some hcs for a few of the most recurring characters!

Starting with Max!!

My preferred middle name for Max is Nicole, because Maxine Nicole sounds pretty, but can double as being intimidating if someone was yelling at her. Also, she’s named after her aunt Nicole just because I can see Susan being like that.

Most important thing to know about Max in my writing is that she is ALWAYS autistic. I might not specify depending on the content of the story, but she is never ever ever meant to be allistic. I imagine her as being on a moderate support needs level, meaning for those who don’t know the term that she has highs and lows! There’s days where she can pass as allsitic and days where she can’t, and she maybe doesn’t need a lot of assistance in everyday life, but she still needs lots of stimming and has meltdowns and stuff!

Related to this fact is that in the 80s, autism was not a very common diagnosis at all, and so I don’t think she’d really have a word for it other than like, that just being the way she is. Because no one will give her the official diagnosis, Neil thinks she’s faking, so she gets told to stop stimming, isn’t treated fairly during a meltdown, told to “act normal” etc, etc, and she needs a lot of therapy in the future for it.

Her favorite ways to stim are rocking on her heels, humming, listening to loud noises (like sirens/car engines/lawn mowers, NOT things like music/Susan doing the dishes, those do the opposite) and dancing!

Her least favorite sensory things are raindrops touching her skin, her hair brushing her shoulders or her face, overwhelming smells (cologne, candles, food on the stove) and furniture that’s too firm! (like a memory foam mattress or a leather couch)

The first time she feels truly seen in the way she is is when Fraggle Rock starts airing in ‘82. Susan tells her to watch it because she thinks Max is still a baby no matter how old she is, but the minute she lays eyes on Wembley Fraggle she knows he’s like her. He stims vocally and with his hands, his friends don’t understand him, he’s empathetic, bad at choosing, gullible, and in every way just so much like her! Her and Billy have an inside joke where, if she’s putting something off or can’t make a decision, he’ll tell her to stop her Wemblin’ and sometimes he calls her Wembles without thinking!

There isn’t a lot of personalized furniture in the Hargrove-Mayfield, so I think it’s safe to say that she doesn’t really have any comfort items lying around. No favorite blankets or stuffed animals or toys of any kind, and I think because of that she clings to people. That’s why she is so insistent on getting in with the party, and why was so excited about having a brother in Runaway Max, because she relies on comfort people instead of objects.

She’s not very good at putting a name to her relationships. Like, she doesn’t really know how to describe how she feels about somebody, she just knows if she likes them or not. If she feels happy and sage with someone, that’s all that matters, she doesn’t feel the need to classify them beyond that. But she’s also aware that others don’t feel that way! And she feels pretty special when Lucas calls her his girlfriend!

In the future, there can be a lot of different outcomes for her.

If Billy stays dead, I can see Max ending up two ways, either staying in Hawkins because that’s where her brother is dead and buried and trying to move on in her own way, or leaving Hawkins entirely, just cutting ties completely with everyone and everything there to move away from the trauma that’s there, except for every year on B’s birthday when she comes back to visit.

If Billy lives though, I think there’s again two outcomes for her. One where she feels guilty about not noticing the mindflayer and her and Billy’s relationship gets a little strained, because they don’t cope well when they’re trying to pin the blame, or one where she is just grateful her brother isn’t dead and decides to live life to the fullest after that.

In any scenario, she would obviously get the happy ending she deserves, she just has to get there a totally different way.

And also, regardless of what path she takes, I think she’d make for an excellent writer in her future career. She’s smart, she’s got lots of story to tell and draw inspiration from, and it just seems right for her, because it isn’t super constricting and it’s a job most people who do it love!

Now onto Robin!

Her middle name is Leora!

For some reason I have this idea in my head that she doesn’t live with her parents anymore. Not that she got kicked out or anything, just that she moved out pretty early on.

I also think she isn’t from Hawkins. I like the idea that her family moved there just before high school from either Ohio or Maryland, not sure which.

In band, I think she’s a flute. She just gives me flute vibes but I got kicked out of the band so maybe I could be wrong.

It’s canon that she’s goth, wearing her spiky leather bracelet with her work uniform and all, but I think she also sometimes goes in the totally opposite fashion direction, like, sometimes she’s just feeling the patterns and fabrics and colors of the sixties and seventies her mom gave her.

One of her favorite things to do with her friends is go shopping! Not like, around malls, in part because other than Starcourt, the closest mall to Hawkins is forty five minutes away, but she likes to go out with her group and visit all the local thrift shops and cafés and stuff like that.

And she’s super crafty! She has embroidery hoops, beads, jewelry making kits, all of it scattered everywhere!

She has like, the tips of her hair bleached, they sort of look like highlights in a way, so I think it was her that convinced Steve to get his highlights done too.

Matter of fact, I think she teaches Steve a lot of things about himself without either of them realizing. She’s just so, not-superficial I guess, that it starts to rub off of him.

In my head she’s just always got like, a suuuuuper good read on people even if they just met, like, she just sees straight through everybody ever, and that’s why she even gives Steve a chance despite knowing how he treated her in school.

Her Scoops! shorts are pretty big while Steve’s are tight as heck, so I hc that those are his shorts. The uniform used to be a skimpy sailor skirt, but she’s seventeen and not particularly keen on being creeped on by older men when she gets hired there, so she refuses to wear it. She gets in trouble on the first day for wearing jeans, and Steve feels bad about it so he gives her the extra pair of shorts from his uniform!

Robin totally bottles up everything from Starcourt until she can’t anymore. Like, Steve is very open about his struggles with what happened under the mall because he wants help and he’s done it alone before, but she feels like she should be strong, grateful that they survived, and just, move on and forget about it. It doesn’t work and she ends up crashing hard. Like she goes from silently suffering to getting panic attacks all the time, and falling in a super deep depression rut. Obviously her friends are very supportive and provide her with the help she needs, and with time (lots and lots of time) she gets better!

Heather!

Her middle name is Ernestine! It was her grandma's name!

I head canon that she is a lesbian and I ship her and Robin!

She calls Billy William all the time because she was raised to be formal and respectful, and Billy just doesn’t feel or sound right when she says it. Even though she insists her name is Heather and she doesn’t need a nickname, Billy calls her Hetty or H!

She wears clip on earrings! Her parents refuse to let her get her ears pierced because they say she needs to respect her image and all that, but she always felt like she was missing some accessories, and found out from one of her friends about clip ons, which they allow!

Even though she has popular girl vibes, I don’t think she was in high school. Just sort of a floater, and she liked it that way! She’s way too sweet to be in with Steve’s crowd, but had some things in common with pretty much everyone else. Once she’s graduated she sort of falls into that popular category around Hawkins because she’s rich and older now, but she’s still the same old Heather.

Heather is a super good baker and cook! Her mother always had her helping in the kitchen while her dad was staying late at work, and eventually she got really good! Sometimes she’ll just randomly bring her friends like, a load of banana bread or a hot dish because it makes everyone happy!

She's a very affectionate person! If she hasn’t seen her friends for a while she’ll kiss them all over, and everytime you see her you have to hug her (unless you don’t want to, she’s equally as understanding as she is lovey!)

I reject canon! Heather is not dead! I know it’s very unlikely but I think the clones in the upside down were like fail saves, and the real versions are all still alive somewhere!

In the case that this is true, when everything gets fixed I don’t think her memories of what happened to her would be intact, and I think that would be super traumatic for her. Almost worse than how she would be feeling if she knew.

In the future she wants to be in the entertainment industry! I can totally see her becoming a country singer or a soap opera actress or both!

Robin becomes a librarian at the same school that Steve works at when he becomes a teacher! She also does art commissions on the side. Sculpting, painting, charcoals, all of it, she’s good at all of it!

And last but not least, Tommy!!

My hc for Tommy’s middle name is Byrd. It was like a super common name at one point and then just sort of plummeted, and I like to think his parents thought they were being original choosing that one. All of his friends call him Tommy Bird to make fun of him, but he secretly doesn’t hate it.

Tommy and Steve didn’t really become friends until middle school! Hawkins has two elementary schools based on which region you live in, and because they live in like, opposite ends of town they go to different ones. But the first day of middle school when the two schools merge, they’re out for recess, Steve sees Tommy alone and approaches him, and they become instant besties!

Tommy is very insecure about his popularity. Steve is cool with letting his slip because he has other things to worry about, but Tommy doesn’t. His grades are alright and his home life is decent, and he’s not involved in upside down business, so when Steve ditches him and people start to lose interest in him, he gets extremely upset. It consumes him sort of, the fear that nobody likes him anymore. That ends up being why him and Carol break it off for good.

Another reason he thinks a reputation is so important is because he used to be picked on before being friends with Steve. When he was little he had giant glasses and dressed kinda lame, and he internalized that a lot. He’s scared that without Steve they’ll go back to that.

All of that is why he clings onto Billy so tight. Like, his best friend for the past six or seven years just walked out without looking back, and he’s terrified that he’s going to be bullied again. So when big tough guy Billy Hargrove rolls into town he’s like I have to be friends with this dude right now or I’ll die.

I ship him with Steve! A lot! But also I like the thought of Tommy and Steve and Billy, platonically and shippy-y!

As for where he’s from, I don’t think Tommy is Hawkins born and raised. He grew up down south, maybe Georgia, or Tennessee?, but then his uncle over in Indiana starts a snake oil business with his dad and they have to move.

I think he’s very much a lightweight. Alcohol isn’t really his thing because his dad was an alcoholic and it scares him that he’ll be like that, so he never really tried it and his tolerance is super low. He always designates himself the driver, only he doesn’t have a car of his own, he’s not allowed to until he’s on his way to college, so he always drives other people’s cars to their houses and walks home.

I don’t know if Tommy is able to avoid the upside down beyond st2. Maybe him and Billy try to keep in contact once school lets out, but he notices somethings off with him because he’s flayed. This could result in him also being flayed, depending on the situation, or if not he might get involved later, because he starts putting the pieces together after Starcourt.

Tommy owning up and joining Steve in monster hunting quests! Heck yeah!

If there is no involvement with all that mess though, I’d say it takes a few years out of high school for him to finally admit to being wrong. Like, he always maintained that he was right to be mad at Steve for driving away and right to be basically just a bully like he was, but once he’s older, mid twenties maybe, he realizes that wasn’t the way to be and calls a bunch of people up to apologize to them.

He goes to beauty school and becomes a hair stylist and makeup artist on television sets!

As for other background characters, like other party members or adults, I don’t have a whole lot of specific ideas that aren’t already canon! In the future if I write anything where they are more central characters that might change, but as of right now I don’t really have any headcanons for them!

#max mayfield #robin buckley #heather holloway #tommy h #nonsense from ej #headcanon #obviously I have a bunch more in my head when I write but this is just the basic stuff I wanted to throw out there #it’s also kinda a mess because I’ve been trying to get this list organized before I post my next fic #which I already said a couple of days ago would be up in a few and it will #I’m working on it I just have a heck ton to do right now #anywho pardon all the projecting I did here #and sorry if this is formatted super weird I’m posting this from mobile

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splendidlyimperfect · 3 years

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let me be your haven - chapter 5 [big feelings]

When Natsu runs into five-year-old Sting and Rogue at the Grand Magic Games, he thinks they’re cute kids with a serious case of hero worship. But when it turns out that they’re both Dragon Slayers and they belong to the ruthless Sabertooth Guild, something doesn’t feel quite right. Natsu and Gray quickly grow protective of the two little kids, and they do their best to build a relationship with them to try to keep them safe and figure out what exactly is going on at Sabertooth.

Chapter Summary: Natsu and Gray come back for Rogue's birthday and spend the day at the aquarium. Sting and Rogue both seem to be on edge.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Relationships: Natsu/Gray, Rogue/Sting Characters: Natsu, Gray, Sting, Rogue, Lucy, Erza, Yukino Tags: Canon Universe, Dragon Slayers, Parenting, Adoption, PTSD, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, basically stingue are adorable baby dragon slayers and Natsu wants to adopt them, and then he kind of does, Trans Gray, Trans Sting, Nonbinary Rogue, ADHD Natsu, ADHD Sting, Autistic Rogue

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Gray and Natsu made it back to Ciralto the day before Rogue’s birthday. As soon as they’d picked up the kids from Yukino – who gave them both a grateful hug – Gray crouched down and looked both of them in the eye before asking, “Py’atu Isvan?”

Rogue’s eyes widened and they nodded, giving Gray a shy smile. “Haj,” they said softly. “Ne py’at en ne me’nao. Te?”

Gray exhaled with a smile and grabbed Rogue’s hand tightly. “Yeah,” he said, switching to Fioran so Natsu could understand. “I speak it, too. I lived in Isvan, a long time ago. Is that where you’re from?”

Rogue nodded. “It snowed lots,” they said. “I like snow.”

“Me too,” Gray said, holding out his hand and letting a shower of snowflakes fall around Rogue. They giggled and stuck out their tongue to catch one. “When did you come here?” Gray asked.

“Before,” Sting answered. His expression was more guarded than Rogue’s and he gave Gray an uncertain look. “Master finded us.”

“How old were you?” Natsu, who had crouched down as well, held out his arm and let Sting cuddle up next to him. Sting held out three fingers, then wrapped both arms around Natsu’s neck.

“That’s pretty little,” Gray said, raising an eyebrow at Natsu. “Did you live with your parents in Isvan?” He tried his best to keep his voice light.

Rogue, who was still entranced by the snowflakes, didn’t answer. Sting peeked up at Gray from where he was wrapped up in Natsu’s arms and gave him a very small nod.

“My family lived in a little village called T’sehet,” Gray said, hoping to coax more information out of Sting. “My mom’s name was Mika, and my dad was Silver.”

“They died?” Sting asked. Gray could see something like grief flicker across his face, and his heart ached that someone so small was already familiar with the feeling.

“Yeah,” Gray said gently. “It sucked.”

Sting nodded. “We lived in the mountain,” he said. Gray could see something small and shiny in his hand, and it took him a second to realize that it was the dragon charm Natsu had given him on his birthday. “Rogue’s dad an’ my dad and we maked snowmans sometimes. But the snow falled too much an’ our dads got stucked and…” He rubbed his red cheeks with the back of his hand. “They couldn’t came back. Minerva comed and saided they were gone an’ we had to go with her to be safe ‘cause we were special.”

“Special?” Natsu frowned. Sting poked at the scales on his temples and scowled.

“’cause our magic.”

Gray exchanged another look with Natsu, whose own scales shimmered with barely contained rage. Something about Sting’s story gave Gray the impression that what happened to his and Rogue’s parents hadn’t been an accident.

“That’s not what makes you special,” Gray said, taking Sting’s hand and gently pulling it away from his scales.

“It isn’t?” Sting frowned and looked down at his hand in Gray’s. The scales went all the way down his arms and reached his fingertips, and they glowed a soft white under the bright summer sun.

“Nope.” Gray squeezed his fingers. “Even if you didn’t have magic, you’d still be special.”

Sting looked dubious but didn’t argue. Instead, he looked over at Rogue, who was still trying to catch snowflakes on their tongue. Their scales were still mostly hidden by their long hair and the sleeves of their sweater that they wore, despite the heat.

“All right,” Natsu said, giving the two kids a bright smile. Gray could still see the anger in the lines of his face, though. “Where do you want to go?” The question was directed at Rogue, who looked up at Natsu with wide eyes.

“Go?”

“For your birthday,” Gray said, brushing the dirt from the knees of his pants and standing up. “We went to the fair for Sting’s birthday, but you get to choose today.”

“Oh.” Rogue looked at the ground, digging into the dirt with the toe of their shoe. “I dunno.”

“Yes you do!” Sting’s previously somber expression brightened, and he darted out from Natsu’s embrace to grab Rogue’s sleeve. “To the jello-fishes!”

Gray raised an eyebrow at Natsu as he reached out and helped him to his feet. “The jello-fishes?”

“At the care-ium,” Sting said. He grabbed Rogue’s hand and tugged on it. “Rogue likes the jello-fishes ‘cause they’re lots of colors and have weird legs.”

“Tentacles,” Rogue corrected. Their shy expression turned excited as they looked up at Gray and Natsu. “There’s lots and lots of them and some are bio… bio-limnus.” They frowned at the word. “Bioloomuses,” they tried again, then added, “They glow in the dark.”

“Bioluminescent,” Gray said, laughing as he realized that they were talking about jellyfish. “You want to go to the aquarium?”

Rogue nodded, rocking forward on the balls of their feet as they let Sting hold their hand. “Please,” they said quickly. “We only goed one time with Yukino an’ I was four.”

“Of course,” Natsu said, reaching out and taking Rogue’s hand. “Let’s go.”

As soon as they walked into the aquarium, Rogue tugged on Natsu’s hand, pulling him toward the small room where the jellyfish were kept.

“See?” they said, pointing at the glowing sea creatures. “They’re bio-loomus ‘cause they make lights inside them!”

“They are,” Natsu agreed, watching as the jellyfish flitted across the tank. “That’s pretty cool.”

“They don’t has eyes or hearts or bones,” Rogue informed him, pressing their face against the glass. “Or a brain!”

“Kinda like Uncle Gray, hey?” Natsu laughed as Gray elbowed him in the ribs.

“Can we see the whales?” Sting asked, tugging on Natsu’s shirt. “An’ the dolphins an’ stinging rays an’ seal lions?” He pointed toward an open area of the aquarium that led to an outdoor platform overlooking the tanks. “Please?”

Natsu looked down at Rogue, who was still staring at the jellyfish and watching them flit around behind the glass. “I think—” he started, but Gray interrupted.

“I’ll stay here,” he said, nudging Natsu. “You go with him.”

“Thanks, love,” Natsu murmured, leaning in and kissing Gray’s cheek. Gray felt his face grow hot at the endearment, and he quickly squeezed Natsu’ hand before gesturing for him to follow Sting, who was already halfway to the doors. Then he turned to Rogue and crouched down beside them, watching their expression as they stared into the water, transfixed by the bright colors.

“Some of them are super duper super old,” Rogue said, pointing at one of the bigger jellyfish near the top of the tank.

“Yeah? How old?”

“More than a hundred years!” Rogue turned to him with a radiant smile – one that Gray had never seen before. “A million years! Lots of millions of years. An’ some of them are super scary and can kill persons.”

“Really?”

“Uhuh. They aren’t really fishes ‘cause fishes has bones an’ jello-fishes don’t. They’re inter… inverbates.”

“Invertebrates?”

“Yeah!

Rogue’s voice was soft but excited as they kept talking, telling Gray fact after fact about jellyfish. Gray shifted until he was sitting on the floor next to the tank and Rogue quickly curled up in his lap, still staring at the water and the jellyfish floating in it. They rocked forward and squeezed Gray’s hand, pressing their fingers into his palm in a rhythmic pattern.

“You sure know a lot about jellyfish,” Gray said when Rogue finally took a breath. He was pretty sure he hadn’t heard this many words from Rogue since they’d met.

“Mej a’yat,” Rogue said, switching suddenly to Isvanian. “Mej lira y t’ya seshet.”

I like them. I read a book about them.

“Where did you get the book?” Gray asked, continuing in Isvanian. Hearing someone else speak his first language after all these years made his heart ache with both longing and comfort.

“Yukino gived it to me after we comed here and I watched them for a long long time.”

Rogue leaned into Gray, resting their head against his cheek while they continued to tap a pattern on his hand. They sat for a while, watching the jellyfish float through the water, with Rogue occasionally pulling out another fact to proudly tell Gray.

“Do you wanna go look at the other stuff?” Gray asked after nearly an hour. Rogue made a soft humming sound and shook their head.

“No.” They shifted in Gray’s lap and cuddled closer to him. “I like these best. We can stay here?”

“Of course,” Gray said, even though his leg was starting to go numb. “It’s your birthday, we can stay as long as you like.”

Natsu was exhausted. It had been nearly two hours at the aquarium, and he’d spent most of the time running after Sting, making sure he didn’t get lost or fall into any of the exhibits. They’d watched the dolphin show and seen the sea lions play, and Sting had been thrilled when one of the staff asked if he’d like to touch a stingray. Now he was standing in a group of kids his age, all staring down at a waist-high tank filled with anemones and other sea creatures.

Natsu watched Sting carefully. He’d been out of sorts today – despite his exuberance at seeing all of the animals, Natsu had noticed that he was more on edge than the last time they’d seen him. He kept rubbing at his eyes and ears, and when Natsu had asked if he was okay, he had growled that he was fine and taken off into the crowd. He seemed fine now, though, leaning in and staring at a starfish on the side of the glass.

Natsu yawned and rubbed his face, then pulled his lacrima phone out of his pocket and flipped it open to his messages with Gray.

hows it goin?

It took a second for Gray to respond. We’re still at the jellyfish – Rogue doesn’t want to go anywhere else. I think it’s too loud for him.

Natsu started to type out a reply when he was interrupted by a shout from the crowd of kids. He looked up to see that the shout had come from the little boy who Sting was currently pushing away from him.

“It’s mine!” Sting said, and it took Natsu a second to realize that the other boy was holding the dragon talisman he’d given Sting for his birthday. Before Natsu could react, Sting hit the boy hard in the arm, then grabbed the dragon from his hand and pushed him again.

“I just wanna see it!” the boy yelled.

“No, you can’t! It’s mine!”

Natsu quickly made his way over to Sting, getting between the two boys before either of them could do any more damage.

“Sting,” he chastened. “We don’t push people or hit them. That’s not okay.”

Sting glared at Natsu; cheeks red as he clutched the dragon talisman tightly. He didn’t say anything to the boy, whose mother had appeared from the crowd and was talking quietly to him behind Natsu.

“I’m sorry,” Natsu said, turning to the mom, but she waved away the apology.

“It’s fine,” she reassured him. “Matteo should have known better.” She gave her son a stern look.

“It’s not fine!” Sting interrupted, trying to push past Natsu. “I don’t like him!”

“Sting!” Natsu’s voice turned sharp as he grabbed Sting’s hand and pulled him back from the other boy. “That’s enough. You need to say sorry.”

“I don’t want to!” Sting’s voice climbed in volume as he pulled his hand out of Natsu’s and backed away. “I’m stronger!” He was doing his best to look angry but Natsu could see his lip trembling.

“Sting,” Natsu said gently. “We don’t hurt people because we’re stronger than them, even if they did something wrong.”

“But he tried to take it! It’s mine, you gived it to me and it’s for me and it’s mine.” Sting’s voice wavered as he clenched the metal dragon in his fist and stared at the ground. When Natsu tried to catch his gaze, he ducked his head further and refused to look up.

“I know,” Natsu said. “And that wasn’t nice of him. But you should have asked me for help.”

“I don’t need help.” Sting scowled at the ground. “I’m not a baby.”

“I never said you were.”

“I’m six an’ strong an’…” He hesitated, clutching the talisman until his knuckles were nearly white. “I can’t reply on other persons.”

Natsu frowned at the strange sentence. “Rely?” he asked after a second. “You mean you can’t rely on other people?”

“That’s what I saided!” Sting’s voice grew in volume again and Natsu could feel the curious gaze of the crowd behind them. He reached out to bring Sting closer and was surprised when Sting hit his hand away. “Don’t touch me!”

“Okay,” Natsu said reassuringly, holding his hands up. “I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to.”

“I don’t!” Sting’s eyes were bright with unshed tears, and he still wouldn’t meet Natsu’s gaze. “I don’t want help an’ I won’t say sorry ‘cause sorry is for losers. You can’t make me.”

“Hey.” Natsu’s tone turned firmer, and he shifted closer to Sting, still not touching him. “That’s not a nice thing to say. I know you’re angry, but we don’t call people names.”

“I don’t care!” Sting’s voice was loud enough to hurt Natsu’s ears by this point, but he steadfastly ignored the concerned looks from strangers around him.

“You’re having a lot of feelings right now, hey?”

“No I’m not!” Sting shouted the word through breaths that were getting quicker and more ragged. “Feelings are stupid!”

“They’re not, bud. They’re important. And we need to figure out why you’re feeling them so we can feel better, okay? Can you take a deep breath with me?”

Sting’s whole body trembled as he shook his head. “No, no, no, I don’t want to an’ you can’t make me!” He stared at the dragon in his hand, then took a step back and threw it on the ground. “It’s stupid anyway. An’ you are too. I don’t like you anymore!”

Natsu sighed as Sting turned on his heel and started to run, weaving through the crowds of people toward the door of the aquarium. His quiet sobs receded the further he got until Natsu could barely hear him anymore.

“Should we go get him?” A hand appeared on Natsu’s shoulder and he looked up to see Gray and Rogue standing next to him. He shook his head, grabbing the dragon talisman from the ground and tucking it into his pocket.

“No.” He stood up and took Gray’s hand, squeezing it gently. “Let’s give him some space. I can find him, don’t worry.”

“Why Sting’s angry?” Rogue asked. They looked toward the front door with a solemn expression on their face.

“Someone tried to take his dragon,” Natsu explained, reaching out for Rogue’s hand. They took it carefully, rocking forward onto their tiptoes and back onto their heels. Natsu moved to head toward the door but Rogue pulled back, repeating the rocking motion a few times before nodding and following Natsu.

“They’ve been doing that all day,” Gray said quietly as the three of them headed toward the exit. “I think they’re anxious. Something’s wrong.”

Natsu nodded. “Sting, too. Maybe we should stick around for a few days.”

Gray hummed in agreement as they stepped out the door and into the warm summer afternoon. Rogue shifted closer to Gray and Natsu, trying to sandwich themself between the two of them while they made their way through the crowd.

“You want a ride?” Gray offered, holding out his arms. Rogue gave him a shy smile, reaching up and letting Gray put them on his shoulders.

“I see Sting,” they said, pointing through the crowd to the small park on the other side of the road. “He’s crying.”

“I know,” Natsu said quietly, heart breaking at the quiet sobs. “I can hear him. Why don’t we go sit where he can see us? Then he can come back when he feels ready.”

“’kay.”

The three of them made their way across the street and found a picnic table within Sting’s line of sight. Rogue settled down next to Gray on the bench, still holding his hand.

“You can make a jello-fish of ice?” they asked, looking up at him as they kicked their legs back and forth under the table.

“Sure, bud.”

Nearly an hour and several ice sculptures later, Natsu felt a small tug on his sleeve. He turned around to see a splotchy-faced Sting.

“I’m sorry.” Sting’s voice was soft and full of shame, and he refused to look at Natsu. “I don’t want to be mad. My brain was noisy.”

“I know, sweetheart,” Natsu said gently. “Thank you for apologizing.” Then he held out his arms. “Do you want a hug?”

Sting nodded, quickly climbing into Natsu’s lap and resting his head on his chest. Natsu ran his fingers through Sting’s hair that was tangled and damp with sweat. His heartbeat was still pattering quickly, and his shoulders trembled where he leaned against Natsu.

“It’s okay,” Natsu said as he held Sting close. He dug into his pocket and pulled out the dragon talisman, holding it out to Sting. “Here,” he said. “You dropped this.”

“I’m sorry I said it was stupid,” Sting said again, sniffling and wiping his face with his sleeve as he took the dragon and held it close to his chest. “I didn’t meaned it.”

“I know.” Natsu kissed the top of his head and leaned back against the tree. “It’s easy to make mistakes when big feelings take over. I’m not angry, I promise.”

Sting was quiet for a second, running his fingers over the metal, then asked, “Why not?”

“Why not what?”

“Why you aren’t mad?”

Natsu’s heart hurt at the uncertainty and confusion in Sting’s voice. “Because I love you,” he said. “And I know you didn’t mean it. I used to have a hard time with big feelings too. Sometimes I still do.”

“What’s big feelings?”

“Ones that make your brain noisy,” Natsu said, hoping the explanation made sense to Sting. “Any feeling can be a big feeling if it makes us feel overwhelmed.”

“What’s otherwhelmed?”

“Overwhelmed. It means there’s too many things happening and we can’t deal with all of them. Sometimes that’s noises, or touch, or emotions.”

“The care-ium was loud.” Sting tugged at his earlobe absently. “Lots of things is loud. It hurts my ears an’ I want all the persons to stop talking.”

Natsu nodded, catching Gray’s gaze across the table. He remembered the day he joined Fairy Tail – eight years old with heightened senses and no way to control them. Everything had been loud and bright, and there had been too many smells. He’d hidden under a table, and when Gray had tried to ask what was wrong, Natsu had bitten him.

It had taken several months and lots of help to get used to the overwhelming atmosphere of the guild hall. Erza, who had found Natsu crying out behind the guild after the first day, was the one who had taught him how to navigate the chaos.

“I’m tired,” Sting said quietly, curling up closer against Natsu and rubbing his eyes.

“Me too.” Natsu kissed the top of his head.

“Me three!” Rogue said. “You’re not mad anymore?” they asked Sting, holding out their ice jellyfish proudly.

Sting shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he said again.

“It’s okay,” Rogue replied. They squirmed down from the bench and came around to Sting’s side of the picnic table, then reached up and hugged him tightly. “You’re still my favorite.”

“You too,” Sting said, sniffling and wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

Natsu looked up at Gray again, whose expression was still concerned but tinged with relief.

“Why don’t we head home for now?” Gray suggested, reaching out to pick Rogue up again. “I think we all might need a nap.”

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A/N: I've basically just projected my son on both sting and rogue in this story - ADHD on sting and autism on rogue. Sting's meltdown is very much what my son does when he's overwhelmed. Both ADHD and autism make it difficult for him to control and express his emotions, so lashing out in anger is pretty common. Natsu and Gray are in for a lot of work with these two~

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isvanian translations Py’atu Isvan = do you speak Isvanian? Haj = yes Ne py’at en ne me’nao. Te? = Not for a long time. You? Mej a’yat = I like them Mej lira y t’ya seshet = I read a book about them

#fairy tail #ft fanfic #gratsu #stingue #gray fullbuster #natsu dragneel #sting eucliffe #rogue cheney #fairy tail fanfiction #fanfic #new chapter #update #let me be your haven #my fic

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sleepless-in-starbucks · 5 years

Text

Screw it

LAOFT from someone who’s never read the main story

100% of my knowledge of LAOFT comes from askes of @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors that I read and the one-shots I’ve read. Some of it will be right. Most of it will be wrong. Hopefully all of it is a hilarious, sleep-deprived mess.

Since there’s a good chance I’ve got at least a few bits of plot right there are some spoilers herein so beware weary traveler who really should just skip past this mess of a post.

Sleep-deprivation baby let’s go.

The basics:

Setting: Wickhills

Creepy fae town

I think it’s based in Ohio. Maybe. Probably. idk

Tho if you came here for exacts buddy oh boy I have bad news for you

I digress

I think the description of the first part says smth about the people not minding having their things stolen

Except for uh I think her name’s May Gage

Ro’s Mom?

I think

NO WAIT

Description has to do with Dot Sanders

Mum of Lo and Tho

Will talk about them later but I just had to get that straight first

Even tho there’s, like, nothing straight in this AU

I think the main plot problems arise, originally, due to miscommunication

Or lack of communication

All I know is in the drunk history of Wickhills that I barely remember there was a mention of them not communicating and that basically dooming them

And y’all... lots going on around here

Lots

So uh we’re jumping into characters now here I go

Virgil Lastnamesmth:

No I don’t know his last name and no I’m not going to learn it just for this post

It’s Lastnamesmth now deal with it

I think he’s Spider King

Or smth like that

He rules the forest

After he gets out of his magic coma

He’s in that for a long time tho

100 years I think?

And uh I think Durant did it to him but we’ll talk about the devil in a snake suit later

He got put in a protective coffin by... I want to say Greta but ngl I know nothing about Greta.

She may be one of Vi’s sisters

He has a LOT of siblings actually

Many are spider sisters I think

And I think Elliot and Thomas are also his siblings in a way

Maybe

idk

Again don’t trust what you read when it comes from me peeps

But he’s super powerful

And I think he’s in the winter court

Whatever that means

I know courts exist for the seasons, and I’m reasonably sure Virgil’s is Winter, but that’s about it

He has magic but I don’t think he used it in any of the one-shots I read so what do I know

Well he does in one

That one where Logan gives his full name

That one was good I quite liked it

Well actually they’re all good I like all the ones I read

Back to Virgil

Hates parties which is a mood

He has to host them tho

Being Spider King is cool other than that bit I gather

And the part where the court gossips about you but oh well I suppose

I believe he’s autistic too

Or at least written with a lot of autistic traits

Is that how you say it? Autistic traits sounds wrong

Can fae be autistic? Or just like it?

Y’know what fuck it fae can be autistic and the only one allowed to @ me about that is the author screw off haters

I think the rest of what I have to say can live in the misc section

NEXT CHARACTER

Roman Gage:

I’d like to start with I love him and every time I think about what little I know of his backstory I want to cry

idk how he ended up in an abusive relationship but I know he did

And he’s such a good boi

He doesn’t DESERVE IT GODSDAMNIT

Only Vi would get me this emotionally invested in characters I only sorta know I swear

So yeah

Current Ro still has some problems with that

For very obvious reasons

And yet!

He is a gentleman and a knight and a champion and a prince

Yes that is a direct reference at that one one-shot shhh

His family is also one of witches right

He has a familiar

Tis a cat named Dizzy

I only know about Dizzy from like one fic tho so that’s all I can say about her

Dizzy can talk too in case that wasn’t clear

He made a potion in the microwave despite knowing that he probably shouldn’t and I think that’s a good summary of his character

I think he found Virgil first

At the very least he did find Virgil

He’s a human who found a hot dude in a glass case crawling with creepy crawlies and thought ‘ah yes the perfect place to spend all my time’

Sounds legit I’m sure

I don’t know how this lead to him in a bad place with the motherfucker also called the Serpent King

But it did

But in the end he got glass coffin boy and two others so at least he’s got that going for him

We move on once more!

Patton Uh what’s Remy’s last name again I think it’s that:

Or it isn’t

I said it before I’ll say it again:

Looking up info for this defeats the point

Deal with my horrible misinformation

He got a gift from White!

I believe this is because his Mum saved her or something

The problem?

The gift is also a curse

Because while it’s incredibly written that’s the cliché folks

People have to do what ever he ‘orders’

Basically anything that techincally demands something from the other

Including things like ‘stop’ which is like one-hit KO murder word

Patton had a nightmare about that

That was a fun one-shot

Though if you could just like kill people on accident I guess I’d have nightmares ‘bout it too

He’s the other human of the trio plus one

No I don’t remember the word for a group of four people and no I’m not going to look it up

A Professional Cuddler according to that one fic where the description’s like ‘Patton thinks he’s got the best seat in the house’ or whatever

There’s one fic where Emile help him put make-up on

Wowsers

That fic was fun to read because he flustered ALL his bfs

No question

What else what else

I think he’s got a bodyguard

Named... Bell???

Maybe???

Okay I think that’s most of my Pat knowledge

ONWARDS

Logan (Berry) Sanders:

Yes adding the Berry was very important

It’s a huge part of that name fic

And I like it so

Deal with it

He’s a fae

I believe a changling to be exact

And a selkie

He’s... spring court...?

He was replaced for Thomas in typical Changling fashion

But then Thomas came back (I think Dot got Tho back idk) and suddenly he had a brother

He has nature magic of some form

But his best power is his flower power

He can’t control it and I love it so much

I don’t even KNOW what each type of flower appearing means 9 out of 10 times but that doesn’t make me any less happy about it

*Sigh*

I wish I sprouted flowers at random...

I think he’s also autistic

He and Virgil occasionally bond over that it’s sweet

Like with the painted nails tap tap tapping

Or the singing walls

I know something happened to him

Something relating to something stupid Ro did

I think that’s the stupid thing that got Ro forced to be with the dick that is Deceit in this

But I honestly don’t know what happened to Logan

Hmph

He can be a nervous boi

That fic where he tried to say I love you with his notecards?

Love that one

...Twenty-five percent of this is just me randomly complimenting Vi’s one-shots ain’t it

Huh

Oh well

No regrets

I just realized I use ‘Vi’ for Violet and Virgil interchangeably

That may be problematic but screw off if you think I’m going to change anything

That’s too much effort

BACK TO LOGAN

He has a honey problem from that one fic I read

Where he gets real sappy about his bfs to Thomas

Not like a bad problem

Just a ‘maybe he should stop drinking it if he wants to pretend he has dignity’ problem

Okey-dokie I’m moving on to his bro now

Thomas (Bug) Sanders:

Lo’s incredible brother

And when I say incredible I mean it

Very nice

Will squish Logan when needed

Actually will squish anyone when needed

He has a Squish Instinct

Also has Brother Instinct and no it’s not the Cain Instinct

It’s the opposite

Will Fight if you try to hurt Lo from what I can tell

I think he also had a monster in his head

The monster has a longer name but I can’t spell it so I won’t try

This fact is based on One (1) one-shot where he has a weird freak out

That’s also the fic I base my belief that he’s somehow Virgil’s brother on

But no promises

The fic starts with italics and bolded lines interchanging

I don’t remember the name tho

If you haven’t already figured out I’m not going to look it up you’re even more sleep-deprived then I am

But yeah Thomas is great

Teases Lo about his crushes like a good bro

Helps Lo when he’s panicking or freaking out or something

Even when Lo’s at college

I don’t know as much about Tho so let’s leave it there

Onto the Monster

Durant (is that his name idk) Monsterunworthyoflove:

His last name is Monsterunworthyoflove because that’s what he is

I know almost nothing about him actually

They call him ‘he’ a lot because I think trigger reasons

But honestly he also doesn’t deserve to have his name spoken

He was the Snake King

Maybe Serpent King

Eh idc

I believe he put Virgil in magic coma to rule as King

I think they were brothers but idk

HE SUCKS

I think he’s dead

I wish I knew how or by who’s hand but he is

He got a coffin in the ground which I think if unfair

Let the worms devour his flesh and let me make his bones into my furniture

I am a part of the Kill Durant Again squad only because I missed my chance to kill him first

Like I said I know little about him

But he put the abusive in Roman’s abusive relationship so honestly fuck him to Hell and back and then do it again for good measure

Every time I read a scene with Ro being uncomfy because of him

I want to strangle him

I fucking mime the motions

Violet honestly props on making such a hate-able character

I could talk about him more because I do know a few other things

But honestly the fact he’s not real and my dream to choke him slowly is therefore impossible makes my skin crawl

I hate him so much it’s not healthy so we’re moving on

To minor characters!

Minor Characters:

As in characters I know very little about

I guess they could be vital characters

REMY

MY BOI

I know he’s a classic badboy who will die if Emile kisses him and I love him

Also he’s super smart with his moonshine and I’m so proud

I love him so so so so much and I barely know him

Good job Violet you wrote him well and I love you

Emile is also great

Remy has protected him for wearing skirts because Rem’s a good boy and he’s RIGHT

Emile feels bad for treating Patton bad in the past I think

Hence that one make-up session

Emile also crushes on Remy hard the remile in this AU is on point man

Elliot exists

I think they’re Virgil’s sibling. Somehow. Maybe

I read one one-shot that focused on their relationship with Vi and that’s all I know about them

Mawmaw (Mamaw? mawma? I’mma just call her May. If she’s May. I think she’s May) is Ro’s Mom.

Also a witch I think

Really tough but she cares

Dot is super nice

She’s Lo and Tho’s Mum I think

I don’t remember the one-shots with her in them well but she’s always sweet

Okay there’s this one character who’s name starts with an E

I think she’s Logan biological mom

Logan cut a knot he had with her or smth

Apparently she’s awful and Vi would kill her but it would have a bad mental effect on Ro for... some reason

he got pale when the idea was brought up idk

I would have thrown her in forever prison if I couldn’t kill her but that’s just me

She placed a curse on Lo that stopped him from leaving Wickhills I think

Or smth

Lo broke the curse tho so what does it matter

Linda is the LAMP’s daughter??? I think???

I... haven’t actually read the fics she’s in so idk

But people really seem to love her so that’s neat

Out of minor characters so we progress to my fav part about the series

Gay bois:

Aka the LAMP gang

They’re so gay guys

The gayest gays

I like to think I can write decent gays

But these???????

They barely have to look at each other before they’re dead, murdered, killed by the mere beauty of one of the others

I LIVE FOR IT

In the one-shots I’ve read they’re either completely 100% fluffy gays

Or gays helping each other with one Trauma or another

But they still end up gay-ing over each other in the end

and the KISSING

as an aroace I generally find kisses meh or ew

But these gays

All they want to do is kiss

Sometimes it’s tender and sweet and loving

More often than not tho the kisses are like

‘If one of you didn’t manage to barely hold onto a brain cell throughout the gay you’d be fucking in public’

I am repulsed to write that sentence but it’s TRUE

...I think

Note: idek the difference between passionate but just passionate kisses and passionate about to get steamy kisses

Because you know

aroace

But the main point:

I find kisses meh

But these gays very clearly illustrate how beautiful kisses can be and I think that’s wonderful

Also I just generally love LAMP and this is good good LAMP A++ Vi

They’re so gay and loving and protective of each other

They really deserved their own category

Onto the final section

Misc:

Aka stuff that doesn’t fit in the other sections and/or stuff that did fit in the other sections but I forgot about it and am too lazy to put where it belongs

I realize now that Remy and Pat do not have the same last name

They’re not brothers (I don’t think......)

Does Pat’s last name start with a W?

That sounds right

Fug me if I know what Rem’s last name is tho

Where do they all live

I thought only Vi lived in fae land

But I think Pat may live there too

But Lo lives in non-fae land???

idk

Also fae land is called fairyland and I can’t tell if that’s it’s actual name or the name one of the Bois gave it jokinly

Because if fairyland is it’s serious name, that’s hilarious

No shade Violet I’m just easily amused

Y’know I always forget how young these bois are

Then I remember Lo’s not even 18 by the time the after main plot one-shots come in to play

So like

Damn son they young

I feel double bad for all of them

Triple bad for Ro- the Serpent King’s head will be mine I swEAR

I think Ro’s been a knight twice

Tho if you ask me he’s only been a knight once

Because I refuse to associate him in any way to the dick that is Durant if I can help it so he’s only ever been Vi’s knight suck it

Apparently like almost all of Wickhills hate the Sander bois

Probably the LAMP crew too idk

What I mean to say is despite how desperate I want to live there a lot of Wickhills’s residents are jerkwads

I think I saw a post where Lo can do photosynthesis and idk if it’s a shitpost or not but in this mess of a post I have decided it is canon

Mainly because that’s cool and I would like to do photosynthesis

A new one-shot I didn’t read has sparked a lot of askes about a Matt

I believe this man to be Pat’s father

But I can make no promises as to the accuracy of this belief

Did Linda come out of a tree?

idk why but I feel like she did

That’s weird man

How do you come out of a tree

(me @ me: ‘you could... you could read the fic and find out’

So turns out I can shut the hell up

I am a bitch who understands nothing)

And I have ONCE MORE gotten off track oof

My favorite part of reading LAOFT is all the fae knowledge I learn

Really has sparked my interest in fae

Even if I’ll never know enough to do anything with it asfsdfb

Plus apparently Vi just sprinkles in her own fae lore here and there

Which is super cool

But also means if I tried to write something I’m quite sure someone would be like ‘umm this isn’t true’ and I would feel played

Also what is up with Vi and Lo and rainfall

In that one fic where they hide in a tree and Logan senses a raindrop

His skin breaks open and sews itself together????

wtf????

So confusion

But hey guess whose bitch’s fault that is

*finger guns at a mirror*

ELDRITCH MONSTORITY

That’s not at ALL how you spell it but that’s it that’s the thing that was in Thomas’s head

Go me for remembering it

Fae land has a lot of customs and I know very few of them

Tho I do adore that one Flirt fic

Poor poor Virgil

Oh yeah Logan can make these super cool bushes

I know he used one rose bush when fighting someone who’s name started with a Mrs/Miss

Yes I know the first name wasn’t actually Mrs/Miss

But all I know of her name is Mrs/Miss something

And he used another bush against some idiot of a fae who grabbed Patton

By the way go protective Lo go

Like they can all get crazy protective of each other and I LIVE for it

ROMAN HAD HIS MEMORIES SPLIT UP??????

I mean I knew about a Night Roman and a Day Roman but I thought that was

a metaphor

Like Roman acted differently during the night because he was stuck with a monster whom I shall revive simply to kill again

And he was trying to be separate from that person??

Or something like that

But NOPE

Serpent King is a Bastard of a being and I would happily crush his wind pipe beneath my foot

I hope the most amusing part of this sleep-drunk post is my different names for Durant the Dead Bitch because I am having fun insulting him

Okay listen peeps that is not even CLOSE to everything about this series but I wrote this over a couple of days, and my memory of what has been written and hasn’t been written is nonexistent, and if you think I’m rereading this to edit, you’re a fool (no offense) so like. We’re just gonna do a wrap-up summary and call it good.

Summary: Gay fae messes who should figure out the value of communication get themselves in a LOT of shit because of their lack of said communication.

Also, final apologies to Violet, because LAOFT has incredibly deep, rich, intricate lore and my response to this lore is to grossly misrepresent it and also write this while I’m in the constant state of being sleep-deprived, and more or less acting like I’m drunk or smth

So uh. I hope this was amusing.

#the cryptid speaks #the cryptid is a fool #tired I am #won't stop me from doing this tho #laoft #violet #I have no apologies #also #no fact checking #because we die like men #swearing tw #long post #really #very very long post beware #and almost all of it is my stupid ramblings #violence tw #tell me if I need to tag something I forgot about and it will be done

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beerecordings · 4 years

Note

I am deeply curious, as always, about my Jackieboy. How did the others react when they found out he was autistic? What about his cop crush? Demon AU Jack? I doubt any of them would have *negative* responses, but I’m just what made them realize it, how they adapted their behavior in response, what they said to Jackie, stuff like that.

OKAy so here’s the thing you know more about autism than me for sure so feel free to correct me or add on but I can try. honestly you are probably better equipped than I am to talk about this but this is what i got

In My Brother’s Keeper Jackie’s family recognizes that there are things he does differently and ways he thinks differently and yeah, they all know it’s probably diagnosable as autism, but he’s 29 and didn’t exist three years ago so they don’t know how to go about getting a diagnosis anyway. they could figure it out if they really needed it to get him accommodations or something, but for now they’re just like “yeah that’s Jackie.” He’s always been like that. they don’t see it as unhealthy in most regards, they just help him when he needs help in the unique way that he needs it - the same way they work Henrik through trauma flashbacks, help Chase cope with his situation, etc. there was probably an “aha” moment when they realized he was probably autistic, but it wasn’t a big deal. they just know how to help him better now!

his cop crush was also aware that he had a couple abnormal reactions to certain things, like the one time he was actually in the station he got very upset when they tried to take his super heavy hoodie away, and that he didn’t like to look at them right in the face, and that he bounced and stimmed and moved around a lot. as someone who’s gone out with guys and realized “yeah, there’s something off” it’s not that shocking, you just kind of go, okay, still cute. I’m sure Jackie had a talk with them like “you should know this about me” and they were very reassuring and warm and told him they still liked him and liked how direct he can be and that sort of thing. real warm boy hours. and then they know to be sensitive about the things that bother him and learn to tell him exactly what’s wrong without ever being passive-aggressive or indirect. the cop is quite good at this. neither of them speak bullshit. they’re pretty happy.

in the Bartimaeus au Jackie’s autism presentations are part of the reason Jack summons him. he saw someone else summon Jackie and to the other master it just seemed like Jackie was being disobedient cause he kept losing track of things and getting distracted and then Jackie would be like stippled or burned for it. and he was in a lot of distress and he hates a lot of human sensations and he was just having a really rough time, even had a shutdown and was horribly punished for it. but it seemed like Jack was the only one who even noticed that he was being anything other than being disobedient. and that was like the first time Jack really got to see just how badly these creatures are being treated and he wanted to just. to save him. he didn’t know. he’d been taught all along that these things are evil but Jackie just seemed traumatized and desperate and upset. he was released from service, but then Jack found out the same magician was going to summon him again, so he went to his room and summoned him right then and there. Jackie was violent and tried really hard to scare him, but he got confused once he realized Jack was trying to protect him. Jack summoned him a couple more times later. they started to get along. Jack gave him a couple orders but accommodated for the things that upset him and Joachim was like what the FUCK is this human???

and then the darkness came and Jackie protected him and they were buds. now Jackie likes the human world and he feels very safe and looked after with Jack. Jack figured out what he needs pretty quickly and now when Jackie’s overwhelmed he can just like turn into a ferret and be carried around on Jack’s shoulders, tucked up against his collar, all warm and safe until he calms down.

so yeah!! he’s autistic and still an awesome hero and bad-ass fighter and the leader of his family. they all look up to him and when he’s in distress they’d do anything to be there for him and give him whatever help he needs. cause that’s good family and they love each other a whole lot.

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alexsfictionaddiction · 4 years

Text

Alex Recommends: May and June Books

I must apologise for the late arrival of this post. It should have been up days ago but I’ve been struggling to read much for the last month or so. My head has been very foggy and dark with all of the confusion, anxiety and hate that has been filling my news feeds and I’ve been filled with a desire to combat it. Before this month, I’d have run in the opposite direction from any kind of confrontation but recent events have given me the kick up the butt to actively do better. I’ve been calling out bigotry when I come across it and I’ve noticed that some people, notably my older relatives, haven’t necessarily reacted favorably to the changed, more outspoken Alex. It has been pretty daunting and I’ve worked myself up into fits of rage and tears several times over the last couple of months.

A lot of things have changed for me since my last Alex Recommends post. I’m currently temporarily living in Staffordshire with my boyfriend because my depression got too bad for me to stay at home for much longer. I missed him unbelievably much and I knew that spending some prolonged time with him would help -and it has. Both him and I have spent 12 weeks religiously following all of the rules, so we’re both extremely low-risk for catching and spreading COVID-19 and being together was something that we simply really needed to do. Please don’t hate me for it! In other news, I have also started writing again, which feels amazing. I’m now a few thousand words into a queer Rapunzel retelling that I have lots of ideas for. Maybe I’ll even post an extract or two, when I feel it’s ready to show you.

In the centre of the renewed energy of Black Lives Matter and the undeniable exposure of the horrors that is police brutality, the book blogging and BookTube worlds vowed to uplift Black voices. I wrote a very long, in-depth blog post full of Black-written books and Black book influencers. Please check it out to diversify your TBR and educate yourself on Black issues, which is what every white person should be doing now and always.

June was Pride Month and I tried my best to compile a series of recommendation posts in honour of it. These included gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, non-binary, ace, pansexual and intersex lists. I’ve had some great feedback on this, so I hope you find some fantastic new reads. It felt especially poignant to put them together the same year that one of my childhood heroes came out as an ignorant trans-exclusive feminist. As a lifelong Harry Potter superfan and someone who has repeatedly publicly supported Rowling in the past, I feel the need to clarify where I now stand. I do not support or agree with a single thing that she has said in recent times with regard to transgender people. I’ve never felt my own status as a cisgender female threatened by trans people wanting more rights or believed that children or women were at risk due to their existence.

I read her words more than once and struggled to find any semblance of the woman who wrote the books that have most defined my life. I’m hesitant to say that we can always successfully separate the art from the artist but I will say that it makes sense to me that the Rowling of 2020 is not the same Rowling that wrote Harry Potter. She was a destitute single mother when Philosopher’s Stone was published in 1997 and of course, she is now a million worlds away from that lifestyle. It breaks my heart but it makes sense to me that she has changed beyond belief because her life has changed beyond belief. I’m not and never would make any excuses for her recent behaviour and I have stopped supporting her personally but I will not be getting rid of my Harry Potter books and I will undoubtedly re-read them several more times. However, I am now hugely reluctant to buy any more merchandise or special editions of the books, which saddens me but at the moment, it feels right. There is no coming back for her from this and I will make a conscious effort to keep Harry Potter and Rowling away from my future content. It can be really tough to admit that the people you once really admired aren’t great humans but it’s something that we all have to acknowledge in this case, in order to move forward with our own quests to become our best selves.

It didn’t feel right to post my May recommendations last month as I didn’t feel comfortable promoting my own content in the midst of boosting Black voices. So today I’m bringing you a bumper edition of Alex Recommends. Here are 10 books that I’ve enjoyed since the start of May that I’d love to share with you. Enjoy! -Love, Alex x

FICTION: Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

Set in the affluent neighbourhood of Shaker Heights, Ohio in the 1990s, two families are brought together and pulled apart by the most intense, devastating circumstances. Dealing with issues of race, class, coming-of-age, motherhood and the dangers of perfection, Little Fires Everywhere is highly addictive and effecting. With characters who are so heartbreakingly real and a story that weaves its way to your very core, I couldn’t put it down and I’m still thinking about it over a month after finishing it.

FICTION: Get A Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert

When coding nerd Chloe Brown almost dies, she makes a list of goals and vows to finally Get A Life. So she enlists tattooed redhead handyman and biker Red to teach her how. Cute, funny and ultimately life-affirming, this enemies-to-lovers rom-com was exactly the brand of light relief that I needed this month. The follow-up Take A Hint, Dani Brown focuses on a fake-dating situation with Chloe’s over-achieving academic sister and I can’t wait to get my hands on that.

FICTION: The Rearranged Life of Oona Lockhart by Margarita Montimore

Just before her 19th birthday at midnight on New Year’s Eve 1983, Oona Lockhart finds herself inexplicably in 2015 inside her 51-year-old body. She soon learns that every year on New Year’s Day, she will now find herself inside a random year of her life and she has no control over it. Seeing her through relationships, friendships and extreme wealth, this strange novel has echoes of Back To The Future and 13 Going On 30 with a final revelation that I certainly never saw coming.

NON-FICTION: The Five by Hallie Rubenhold

Atmospheric and engaging, The Five details the previously untold stories of Polly, Annie, Elisabeth, Kate and Mary-Jane -the women who lost their lives at the hands of Jack the Ripper. Full of fascinating research and heartbreaking accounts of what these women’s lives may have been like, Rubenhold paints a dark immersive portrait of Victorian London and gives voice to these tragic silenced lives. Although we can’t know for certain if these accounts are entirely accurate, they feel very plausible and in some ways, The Five exposes how little time has moved on, when it comes to the public portrayal of single, troubled women.

NON-FICTION: Unicorn by Amrou Al-Kadhi

From a childhood crush on Macaulay Culkin to how a teenage obsession with marine biology helped them realise their non-binary identity, Unicorn tells the story of how the obsessive perfectionist son of a strict Muslim Iraqi family became the gorgeous drag queen Glamrou. Packed full of humour, honesty and heart, this book will give you the strength and inspiration to harness what you were born with and be who you were always meant to be.

MIDDLE-GRADE: The Super Miraculous Journey of Freddie Yates by Jenny Pearson

When fact-obsessed Freddie’s grandmother dies, he discovers that the father he has never met may actually be alive and living in Wales. So he has no choice but to grab his best friends Ben and Charlie, leave his home in Andover and go to find his dad! I laughed so many times during this madcap adventure and I know the slapstick crazy humour will hit the middle-grade target audience just right. It’s also a wonderful depiction of small town Britain with a focus on the true meaning of family.

MIDDLE-GRADE: A Kind Of Spark by Elle McNicoll

When Addie learns about her hometown’s history of witch trials, she campaigns tirelessly to get a memorial for the women who lost their lives through it. This wonderfully beautiful novel gives a unique insight into the mind of an 11-year-old autistic girl with a huge heart. Busting myths about neurodiversity while tackling typical pre-teen drama, you’ll laugh, you’ll cry but most of all, you’ll close the book with a huge smile on your face.

HISTORICAL FICTION: Hamnet by Maggie O’Farrell

In 16th century Warwickshire, Agnes is a woman with a unique gift whose relationship with a young Latin tutor produces three children and a legacy that lasts for centuries. This enchanting, all-consuming account of the tragic story of Shakespeare’s lost son, the effects that rippled through the family and the play that was born from their pain will send a bullet straight through your heart. Wonderfully researched and beautifully written, Hamnet is worth all of the hype.

HISTORICAL FICTION: The Mercies by Kiran Millwood Hargrave

When a vicious storm kills most of the men of Vardø, Norway, it’s up to the women to keep things going but a man with a murderous past is about to come down with an iron fist. At the heart of this dark tale of witch trials, grief and feminism, two women find something they’ve each been searching for within each other. Gorgeously written with a fantastically slow-burning queer romance, Kiran Millwood Hargrave’s first adult novel is an addictive, atmospheric read with a poignant, tearjerker of an ending.

SCI-FI: Q by Christina Dalcher

When one of Elena’s daughters manages to drop below the country’s desired Q number, she is sent away to one of the new state schools and Elena is about to find out something she’d really rather not know about the new system. Packed full of real social commentary and critique of life as we know it while painting a picture of how things could be even worse (yes, really!), this pulse-racing, horrifying sci-fi dystopian gripped me from the first page and refused to let me go.

#book recommendations #recommended #recommendations #may #june #books #bookworm

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unsureofreligionname · 4 years

Text

This was meant to be me venting, but accidentally became a history of my relationship with religion instead.

Alright. So.

Came here to talk about religion because I have no outlet. If you don't want to hear it, just block me. I'm not trying to convert anyone, I'm just explaining things to see if anyone has a feckin name for my damn belief system, because I really want to avoid accidentally starting a religion or something and pissing everyone off more.

People who got pissy last time got on my ass about how I probably wasn't even ethnically jewish, so here's the whole story.

I was raised by a mother who was raised by a non-practicing jewish mother, both of whom converted to christianity in the late nineties, shortly before I was born. They're ethnically jewish, or so I'm told.

Not super related, but, in case it comes up later, I was raised with the belief that my mother's family is a long line of very careful psychics, which roughly means "a lot of the family is sensitive to spirit shit but avoids it like the plague because it's scary."

I was raised by a father who is, as far as I know, not ethnically jewish. He's of mixed asian heritage, so i guess maybe, but I'm going to assume he's not. His parents, however, were both religiously Jewish; my grandmother was adopted and raised Jewish, and my grandfather converted sometime between meeting and marrying my grandmother. They are reform. My father wasn't the most religious guy in the world, but, if you asked, he'd probably either make a joke about ohio state football or say that he was jewish.

I was raised by my father and mother together until I was seven. We didn't always consistently go to church in early childhood, but my mother did take me to two or three for months or years at a time during the 2-5 period. We celebrated christmas and easter, and i had an illustrated children's bible that, if I remember right, was split into two parts: the first was marketed to christian and jewish kids, and the latter- new testament- to christian kids. Guessing the marketing from the publishing organizations. I think I had a few other religious books and videotapes directed towards kids, both jewish and christian. I specifically remember one that illustrated mana as vanilla wafers for some reason. At seven, my parents divorced, and I primarily lived with my dad.

My dad didn't take me anywhere on the regular, but when I visited his parents for the full weekend, they'd take me to the synagogue. This was every couple of weeks. We celebrated major jewish holidays, but smaller festivals only really got a mention. When I was ten, my dad and stepmother married. She wasn't really religious, but her parents were christian, so christmas was back on our roster then, too.

I started going to hebrew school in 6th grade, but I didn't actually have a bar mitzvah because I ended up getting kicked out at around the time I turned 13 due to a whole thing about me going trick or treating when I was "too old" or whatever, shitty parents, so I ended up having to go live with my mom after that.

At this point, my mom was studying to become a youth pastor, and enrolled me into a local christian school with about a hundred students. Unfortunately, this ended up being a weird fundamentalist cult with its own textbooks and teachings, including that bacteria was not real, AIDS was a summoned by The Gays™ to kill all the christians, evolution was a conspiracy meant to dissuade people from religion, et cetera. It was fucking bizarre, at one point they called several of us posessed for being autistic and otherwise neurodivergent, and they categorized us students into the groups wise, fools, simple, and scorners. (I was a fool, by the way.) It was really not ideal, and the weird punishments were pretty traumatic. There was some weird brainwashy type word repetition involved with lookatthepersonsayokayanddothetask over and over and over, and it sucked.

So, I was at that school for about 18 months before they kicked me out for refusing to stand on one foot for an extended period of time after tapping my foot in class which caused a student who disliked me to complain.

At the same time, my mother was working at a small church out of town that wasn't exactly a cult, but I think the pastor kind of wanted it to be? It was like he wanted the cult aesthetic™ and devoted followers and shit, but only had the skill to make a really sketchy and toxic small town church with a lot of people sitting on blankets on the floor instead. That church honestly wasn't a big part of my life the way the fucked cult was, I just sort of went most weeks. I went to a confirmation class there- I'm pretty sure it was a methodist church- and got confirmed into it shortly before my mother left because the administration was weird in like an asshole way, and that was the last I knew of it.

I was homeschooled for a while during the end of this period due to all of the school stuff. Religiously, by this point in my life, I'd developed some of my own beliefs. I believed in most of the new testament and most of the torah, but I didn't have much exposure to the talmud or much of a comprehensive education in any religion. I think I read a bible cover to cover at least once as a kid, including some shitty commentary (it was a preteen bible) that gave me some internalized homophobia issues for actual years. I was also super curious about the paranormal but terrified of possession- remember the cult?- and I was curious about the idea of some people being reincarnated if they were needed on earth again. Not sure where exactly that idea came from, but it was there. People told me from a lot of sides that those with the wrong religion would go to hell, and the cult tried to teach us all to convert people at any opportunity, but, after leaving, the whole situation just made me massively uncomfortable. I did continue to practice the jewish traditions I knew how to do on my own- like hannukah and a weird private sort of passover- and my mother would support this by getting me what I needed for it, even though she didn't participate and I didn't go to any place of worship during holidays.

After getting kicked out of school not that long after adjusting to not seeing my dad or siblings on his side, we moved. My dad lost custody at some point and we no longer had to live close, so we moved and tried to find a better school. It was a Catholic grade school this time, and I was there for about six months, if I had to guess. It was actually a pretty good school, but I had some issues at the time, so I didn't enjoy it much. I was scared of teachers and administration by then, and I had trouble going the entire school day without panicking or not being able to work. There was a period of a week or two in which I didn't speak at school at all. We ended up settling on half days, and, after that, I did well.

The religion class was awkward. The other kids seemed to know more than me even though I'd thought I had a good grasp on religion at that point, and the little information we shared I'd been taught from a very different perspective. Everyone was very nice to me, but I definitely stood out as the kid who wasn't catholic at that point.

Chapel was even weirder. We had to go every wednesday during school, and catholic churches had so many traditions I didn't know about, and the stuff I knew about from either my jewish grandparents or protestant churches had a different name for some reason.

I'm looking at you, sacraments.

Anyway.

I don't think I got much out of the chapel, but religion classes were kind of cool. I liked learning about stuff I hadn't heard before, and the things that were the same were a comfort.

Soon, though, I was graduating eighth grade. I ended up going to a catholic high school. I was still out of place, but I at least had a basic idea of what to do during the mass this school had monthly.

I liked the religion classes here more, how they were an open discussion of everyone's opinions and experiences, and I liked that both of the most recent schools I'd gone to had actual textbooks with facts and studies in them. There were more kids there who weren't catholic, and I felt more comfortable to actually explore religious topics with people. I had a better understanding of catholic beliefs, a decent idea of their traditions, and could recognize at least a few of their holidays I couldn't have before.

I spent my last year of high school at a public career center to start working towards a medical career.

Now, my current beliefs. If you don't want to read it, then just don't.

I haven't been to any place of worship since my school required it, but I do have strong beliefs. I believe in one God (which I generally write all the way out after a billion essays for religion class) who created everything and watches over humans, which he made in his image, etc etc etc. I believe the old stories from the tanakh/old testament/don't care what you call it and the new- yes, including the key messiah bit- though I do think it wasn't all translated perfectly and that it was written by humans who made mistakes and poor decisions sometimes in their writing. I believe people's salvation comes through their intention, not through a piece of knowledge or a creed or good deeds or a tradition, and I believe different people worshipping in different ways is how it should be, because different people NEED different styles of worship. I believe that if someone is genuinely mistaken and incorrect in who or what they believe in, it doesn't MATTER because it's the intention to strive to do good and not harm fellow people that counts. I'm a little guarded about sharing my own beliefs, hence why I made an anonymous tumblr account, but I'm generally very curious to hear about what other people believe. I find that, for me, celebrating Jewish holidays and traditions helps me get closer to God, and I'd like to find a place of worship one day, but churches fucking terrify me now. I worship best by sitting and discussing beliefs, but I have no place to do it now that I've graduated school. I also developed some of my less related beliefs now: I believe in a lot of old stories that have popped up around the world, like fairies of various places, different creatures and entities and things that have become the subject of curiosity or worship, spirits and things, etc. I think many of these creatures exist, just that they may be different from us in the nature of how they interact with the world and matter and that, and I don't think they're deities or anything. I believe in ghosts of humans in some cases, too, though I believe sometimes other things mimic them. I don't find the idea of God having someone reincarnated if he wants the same soul to play many parts in the world unlikely at all, though that's really just me speculating. I still believe in demons, and I still don't want anything to do with them.

A lot of my understanding of things comes from Jewish, Catholic, and Protestant teaching in a strange mishmosh of culture and religion.

I relate to a lot of things directed at Jewish people, and I understand what's directed at Catholic people. Things directed at Protestant people are both understood and, unfortunately, make me instinctively wary due to weird cult trauma (that in no way reflects on actual protestant people, i love you guys some people just suck and twist religion) so are hard to interact with.

In a lot of ways, I'd consider myself Jewish. Culturally, at least, if my religious beliefs aren't "validly jewish" or whatever.

I have literally zero actual connections to any Catholic church, but I almost feel like a weird half-catholic. That's not a thing, but it's how it feels. I believe a lot of it, and I'm interested in all of it, even if I have my disagreements, plus I understand the environments and culture of it, even if I'm a bit of an outsider.

A year- or maybe two years, idk- ago, I mentioned some upcoming holiday or smth in a post and tagged it messianic. That's the closest name I could find for my experience, but apparently some organizations who use the term suck or something. I ended up getting a bunch of asks calling me a predatory fake jew or a fundamentalist christian trying to appropriate judaism or other weird shit that I'm NOT DOING. Because of my experiences in the past, those comments still weigh so damn heavy on my that I broke my resolve and made this stupid account to complain about it.

I don't have a name for what I am. I don't know where to go to talk about my beliefs with people, or what environment I could find to actually practice whatever weird faith I've dreamt up with other people in a way that isn't just picking part of what I believe and leaving the rest to rot. I feel closer to God and more spiritually fulfilled practicing the festivals that call back to what the Jewish people of old went through, but I also believe in the messiah of the new testament, and I like to read the pope's opinion on things, even though I think no human is perfect or infallible. I want to talk about old writings with people and discuss what they mean, from my religion or others, and I don't want to give any of what's right for me spiritually up.

I don't know what this post is for.

Maybe I'm just venting, but I do want to know if this is a thing or if I'm the only one with this belief system. I'm sick of getting shit for the actions of people who I'm not affiliated with, so apparently calling myself messianic doesn't cut it. I can't call myself "spiritual but not religious" either, because I'm very religious, it's just very personal and not something I shove at people, and "christian" doesn't describe a solid half of what I believe. Off and on again I've considered converting to Catholicism, but I think that's kind of grasping at the closest thing that won't piss off tumblr anons as much. (And yeah, the larger Catholic church can suck, but I honestly think I'm gonna get that with any religion with a large following)

Rambling aside:

I want to find a short description that hits the major points of what I believe in order to help me find a place or group of worship that actually matches my spiritual needs without compromising the cultures that I grew up with and making me feel like shit.

(Also don't try to change my beliefs thanks)

I'll be tagging this with anything I've mentioned or vaguely heard of that might be related so relax ok

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