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beescake · 3 months

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PLEASE PLEASE MEGADUMP THE ARASOL!!! PLEAAASEE MR BEESCAKE I AM ON MY KNEES BEGGING YOU

HFHGHD GLADLY aaa i’ve been adding notes to it here and there for months but just hesitant to post it bcs im 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂

also this is just my own takeaway of the events, it doesn’t necessarily comply to the Ultimate Truth of Canon-Alignment or represent the actual facts of what hussie intended! v sentimental smh but hopefully its still interesting to read

i love when characters inform each other by proximity, it's one of my fave things to see in media :') it feels even more significant when two characters deliberately choose to stick together, so that when one operates, you can tell the other is similarly aligned in associative solidarity.

sollux is a keystone of this trope — whoever he aligns with is a wordless statement, a nod of approval. this stood out to me bcs the main four humans were alr friends by default, but once you reach hivebent you realize the trolls can actively choose who they want to hang out with.

and as we all know, after assessing every troll's biases/loyalties, sollux is the only one who maintains his selective preference for innately Good 👍 people.

aradia is such a beautiful character honestly, she evokes such incredible feelings in me. she might not have been consistently written with care but the best parts of her character are truly stunning. i think it's easy to remember sollux as the self-sacrificing one bc he's so open about it (and his friends frequently react to his Moments) but when you compare him to aradia, it's always struck me

how much more. raw it is

to be so alone as an agent of time, having to orchestrate immeasurably harrowing events nobody understands or gives a fuck about

with your role painted in the story as one who must tend to the needs of the narrative, responsible to match every next note

because when you're given the capabilities, it becomes your duty to carry it out.

it becomes expected of you to keep experimenting and arranging the machinations to work for everyone, dusting off hundreds of necessary failures to keep going

and having to be so unwavering in your drive knowing miserably that there's no one who can help you but yourself.

or alternatively: to make things fun! so other people won't think twice about letting you go off on your own.

sure she's had some very good buds, notably thanks to Team Charge v Team Scourge antics.

and yet, at the end of the day, the one friend that kept choosing her time and time again was the friend with the highest standards.

i can see why people like to define arasol as moirails/matesprits but surprisingly i find the nondescript, unlabeled aspect of their relationship more straightforward to understand.

there's no shortage of people who would accommodate sollux. most of the surviving trolls are his oldest friends bcs he’d chosen them well. his transparency with his feelings had built him strong friendships that won’t falter or break, regardless of how much of a dick he can be. they’ve already seen and accepted him at his worst, and they still like him for who he is.

contrast that with aradia, who'd been so approachable, friendly and reliable in her exchanges it was super fun to talk to her. but the moment she became depressed, all her connections broke down.

her friends became hesitant to interact with her (until she became god tier, “happy” and amicable again) because her gloom and resignation didn’t serve them. she dealt with it alone.

there’s def something of note here abt the disparity between the way male & female characters are written+perceived in homestuck (esp parallel arasol with davejade) but i won’t go into that lmaoo

with this in mind i like to think of sollux as a gift to her, a loyal companion given to complement and commend her resolve. she's capable of doing so much alone but hussie took the time to build her and sollux's relationship as one of a unit; a set.

the ambiguity of their status does complicate things, but i do believe it makes sense with their characters. aradia's relationship with romance is a rocky one, the dubious stringalong equius had with her is a pointed reminder that her feelings of attraction are ultimately controlled by the author writing her.

unlike the other trolls who can openly address and own up to their crushes, aradia had romantic emotions forced upon her (especially when hussie implies 'she kissed equius back on her own volition'). and it seems like her character is so intrinsically neutral abt attraction that even when forced by the almighty powers above, she's unable to retain it wholly.

however, looking back to pre-game when she could actually "choose" her own feelings, she did have a crush on sollux.

their soft spots for each other were so obvious to the point where other people could see it.

taunting aside, when vriska comments on their unit as bf/gf it actually informs the audience that arasol's relationship is romantic in nature despite not aligning with the quadrant system.

even while dead, aradia could still describe her care for sollux, expressing that she would like to see him happy. if they had more time to explore their relationship on alternia, it's possible they could've settled in a quadrant once they grew older.

but going back to the lack of labels, their dynamic was affected once more when aradia became god tier.

to me, her ascension was both the perfect culmination and possible closure of her character. it's the light at the end of her journey toiling through countless of timelines where she had to actively assess and participate. that's why it's cool to see her being silly and having fun giving guidance, passively exploring and watching other people do their parts.

and yet the joy of her freedom makes it hard to explore further introspection. if we take her by her word, she'd already come to terms with the hurt she's been through and forgiven those involved.

i can't help feeling attuned to how impersonal and detached it can be, to devote and meld your identity so completely with your designated position as Maid of Time until you've become hard for your old friends (and even some readers!) to personally connect to.

idk post-canon but i assume there’s some degree of similarity to be bridged here with aradia's god tier and how the hs2 humans' Ultimate forms was described as a consolidation of all their possibilities. since aradia's classpect is inherently of service to Time, going god-tier may have elevated her beyond personhood with the "game construct" possessing her entirely. sollux doesn't realize the extent of it bcs he's still mortal, but a part of him may have subconsciously understood this.

i think there is a core aspect to aradia that was lost to the dehumanizing glory of god tier — a core aspect that may have contained an element of why sollux enjoyed talking to her in the first place.

to him, aradia hadn't just been a nice girl, she was a cool girl. despite not having much in common, he's still willing to chill next to her so she's not alone while she does what needs to get done.

back on alternia, they held a mutual and equal-level regard for each other that could've definitely settled into something permanent. but now, he's placed himself in a position where he can be kept around or left behind at will. the parameters of the relationship are largely in aradia's court, so any label she suggests to identify their relationship with he's likely to accept.

but that's why it's so difficult to label it. because god tier aradia may not necessarily Want quadrants or relationship labels. rather than the initial romantic attachment, their commitment to each other had evolved into one fundamentally of companionship.

no label? ok fine. no matter what, he still thinks she's a good soul worth latching on to. the best, actually. aradia > everyone else.

even if it gets stilted at times. there's an unexpected struggle to connect when sollux's go-to default for talking points is his feelings about things, and aradia may not want to talk about emotions all the time.

not to mention god tier aradia became an observer, especially of chaos. but sollux's avoidance of involvement comes partially from his innate pressure to get involved if something goes wrong. and he can't always tell when something goes wrong, because aradia doesn't mind if things go wrong anymore.

it's a non-negotiable preference that causes them to take the occasional time apart, a new boundary that wouldn't have existed before the game and aradia's god tier.

but just like how his friends tolerated his moods, sollux accepts aradia as she is. with no quadrants, their connection doesn't break down because there's no implicit romantic expectations to be disappointed by or resentful over.

sometimes when i see hs content that deliberately distances sollux from aradia, i assume this is the dissonance people might have felt. people might find it "easier" to be cynical about them bcs of this strange tension.

but idc lmao. grab that shit by the neck

lack of easy resolutions and cleanly tied ribbons is pretty standard of homestuck and imo it doesn't make arasol's dynamic any less incredible. with the right affection and consideration, there's still so much potential to develop the nuance of their relationship outside of the popular quadrant-based depictions.

hs has a lot of really great character compatibilities but the way aradia and sollux are in their own special orbit is why i can write this much about them in the first place. it's that frail innocence between first loves that makes it so sweet to me, two kids who grew up too fast playing guesswork without being clear where they're going.

ultimately i do think you're meant to feel a little tragedy for just how much they care for each other, even if they can't quite establish it in simple terms.

maybe they keep taking breaks to progress their own paths. maybe they remain as anchor partners while seeing other people. but even if you decide to separate them, they're still (awkwardly) texting each other updates all the while. and when they reunite it feels like coming home.

and well. more than anything, i like to believe that they do want to be exclusive.

they're just afraid. after all, they're still learning how to love, beyond the projections of the foursquare quadrant system they had inadvertently distanced themselves from since young.

they might not have everything figured out, but they'll get there eventually if you just hold them together and write them there.

optional post-canon segment:

one of the limitations of main hs is that (monogamous) relationships are often written as the go-to solution to wrap up character growth; it's an easy "patch" to imagine characters getting their happy ending because they have a partner, and those who don't end up with someone don't get that closure (most notably jade).

hs2 reaffirms this by suggesting that aradia's character cannot progress without letting sollux go, because happily settling in a relationship automatically locks your potential.

that pathetic panel of sollux staring emptily into the sky is still my fave hs2 spoiler ngl i find the impact of their parting so emotionally provoking precisely bcs they were written in original hs to be each other's forever, coming back together again and again

but now, they're subject to the decisions of the post-canon authors who might choose to deviate from that.

it's not new for them to part, but now there's an underlying worry that her dropping him off this time might be the last time. while i think the prospect of shattering their stability to make them grow separately sounds fun on paper, no amount of me desperately hoping for a good execution is gonna guarantee it

idk. i guess prediction-wise im expecting sollux in classic dramatic-hs2 fashion to tell dave to back off aradia LMAO. otherwise it's just gon be sollux and karkat pathetically watching aradia and dave from a distance swimming in their unresolved feelings for narratively-powerful time players smh obvs it sounds corny as hell but who knows its still plausible

srsly tho i hope they take the opportunity to develop arasol's relationship in a fresh direction that doesn't hurt me too badly...... and i hope they force sollux out of his comfort zone. i like watching him struggle :-)

#sorry if this isnt fully accurate heh its just my personal impressions/feelings #despite best efforts to simplify my annotations the wall of text still ended up massive #there's also a comparison i wanted to make abt characters who “broke up” from romantic expectations losing a lot of what they had before #dave(sprite)/jade‚ karkat/terezi‚ dirk/jake etc = which is why i think arasol was rescued by hussie on purpose. arasol endgame truth #ngl there mightve been more moments that shouldve been mentioned but i have no memories of... limited cloud storage #long post #ask #anon #homestuck #arasol #aradia megido #sollux captor #arapostings #2024 #vioart #not disqualifying acespec/qpr reading i think its also possible :]#if anything i dont understand fanon killing off aradia for their sollux ships haiyaaa why is this trope so damn popular #every time i open a slkt fic and aradia is dead i go outside and burn a tree. global warming could not come sooner #slkts who treat aradia like dvkts treat jade…. i punt u football style

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writingwithfolklore · 1 year

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5 Writing Rules I Like to Break

Listen, I am firmly of the belief that writing doesn’t have rules. There’s no one way to do it—no one schedule or technique or tip that’s going to work for everyone and produce perfect narratives. Which is a good thing! I think if we all had to write exactly the same way, our stories would end up looking very similar.

So while in general I tend to say throw out any and all rules (and yes, even including the advice I give on this blog if you so desire), here’s 5 common writing rules I specifically and intentionally break, and why:

1. Write what you know

I already talked all about how I tend to ignore this advice here if you’re interested. The TLDR version of it is that you can absolutely write things beyond your scope of knowledge (in fact, I’d guess that’s where the majority of fiction comes from) as long as you write it genuinely—this rule should be instead ‘write what you feel’.

2. Don’t edit as you write

Booo!! Okay maybe it works for some of you—if so, by all means continue (this applies to all the rules I’m about to mention, so just keep that in mind). Editing as I go is how I get back into the swing of things in a new writing session, and also allows me to try a scene a few different times to get the most I can out of it. I tend to believe that words are words even if they’re edited, rewritten, or even deleted.

If your goal is to finish your project as fast as possible, I imagine going back to edit before you’re finished your draft might slow you down. However, I also imagine editing as you go might save you an entire draft. Whatever works for you here is what you should do, but I personally love to edit as I write.

3. Avoid ‘said’

At least I think a lot of you guys are with me when I say that ‘said’ is sometimes just the best word to use. Using lots of descriptive words like, ‘yelled’, ‘begged’, ‘exclaimed’ can be distracting. When the dialogue speaks for itself, the ‘said’ disappears into the background of the scene, while necessary for grammar, it’s a formality for the actual storytelling. As well, I like to experiment with said by adding a descriptor afterwards. ‘Said quietly’ ‘said through a laugh’ ‘said without taking a breath’ etc.

4. Avoid adverbs

Here’s what I’ll say about word usage in general, as long as you pick your words with thought and care, you may use whatever words you want. Words have different specific connotations, and not always will avoiding the adverb have the same impact. For example, changing “he laughed lightly” to “he giggled.” We may have removed the adverb ‘lightly’, but ‘giggled’ holds a completely different connotation. It evokes a sort of immaturity, not unlike the ‘schoolgirl’ stereotype. If we don’t want that connotation, in this case, laughed lightly may be better.

So don’t count out adverbs for the sake of it. As long as you’re choosing your words with intention and you understand the meaning behind them, you can experiment with a world of adverbs!

5. Never use passive voice

This one I didn’t realize was important to break until quite recently. We tend to be taught that passive voice automatically equals bad and I’m here to tell you that isn’t true. Passive voice should equal focus on action. Active voice equals focus on character. There may be certain sentences in which focusing on either the character or the action is more beneficial.

For example, “the alarm was pulled by Alice” (passive) kind of sounds clunky and wrong, whereas “Alice pulled the alarm” (active) is much more effective.

BUT “Alice was dragged out of the way” (passive) focuses on the action of Alice being dragged, rather than “Something dragged Alice out of the way” (active) focuses on the something that is doing the dragging, which in a moment of action, may take away from the pacing.

As long as you choose your voice with intention, both passive and active voice can be used to create strong, effective sentences.

What are some typical writing rules you tend to ignore?

#writing #writers #writing tips #writing advice #writing inspiration #creative writing #writing community #books #film #filmmaking #screenwriting #novel writing #fanfiction #writeblr #writing rules #5 writing rules i like to break

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opia-tarot · 1 year

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Okay so group one I got the siren card instantly. Like I was just shuffling and connecting to your energy and the card literally flew out of my deck. And I was like oooooo.

Anyway doesn’t matter what gender you are but you make men crazy. Like this is a message I got early on. You make even the most composed men absolutely feral. There’s something about your energy it makes people so obsessed. and this could be an actual problem because I see very obsessive energy in response to your energy. When I got the Hades card from my Oracle deck I was like 😨 ahaha. I even got the eighth house on my Astro dice.

I can’t even express how feral people become when they see you. There’s something about you, like you make people act out of character and even people who are very rational and logical would be completely irrational and animalistic in regard to how they feel about you. Or should we say how you make them feel. Some of you here could attract people who lacked a mother figure or people with issues regarding their mother. And this is because some of you here have a very dom parental Energy. I don’t know how else to describe your energy ahaha. You are a sexy group. Like in terms of your attractiveness, it’s not even a question you are sexy. Like a complete package.

There’s something about your appearance like you look very put together and you take care of yourself and this really shows and it attracts people towards you. You look like the type of person who really invests in themself. You are very intimidating and you have influence over people. you are strikingly attractive. you’re the type of person where people can’t take their eyes off of you. Like seriously you have striking and unexpected energy where people feel electrified around you.

What makes you sexy is how multifaceted you are, you have an aspect of your personality where you are this nurturing person and then you also have an aspect where you can be very feisty. You set boundaries where necessary, and you don’t allow anyone to disrespect you. it’s this type of energy where people want you to put them in their place ahaha.

You’re the type of person who evokes this really intense change and metamorphosis in others. And it’s like people can never be the same. You have the ability to trigger this metamorphosis. And you evoke intense change and you have also experienced a Phoenix rising which is why I think you are so comfortable in this energy. Actually I channelled never be the same by Camila Cabello. I’m just having a look at the lyrics it’s so intense. Like if you haven’t listened to this song then read the lyrics and this is how people feel about you and this is how you make people feel. Your energy is so intense!!!!!

You can be very sassy. And people know they can’t mess around, or disrespect you.

This is really specific but I channelled something about your features or your skin tone that’s incredibly attractive to others. I tried to channel what’s sexy about you specifically and I literally kept getting cards saying everything. Like I kept hearing there’s nothing to pinpoint because you are the complete package. I actually got the ace of pentacles and the Queen of pentacles. But I did hear that some of you here have a resting bitch face and this is actually very attractive ahaha. And your legs are very attractive like there’s something about your thighs or your legs and it makes people 😩

Okay Group 2 so something I heard is some of you have a very voluptuous body. And if not voluptuous then there’s a really attractive balance to your body shape. like you have a very attractive cohesiveness, how do I describe this? Like there’s something about the proportions of your body and it’s very sexy.

So this is my group of incredibly feminine people. some of you are more whimsical and some of you just have a general femininity about you. There’s something very mercurial about your appearance and this could be your height or it could be your hands. Very attractive. This is very elegant energy. And people feel very protective over you because of femininity you exude. And you’ve either had a glow up or if this doesn’t resonate then you will have a glow up in the future. This is definitely something I see in the cards.

I kept channelling a giraffe and I can see you have a very sexy neck area. Very elegant and very poised. There’s something about how you speak that’s very very attractive. And it’s not just your speaking voice in particular but it’s also how genuine you are. You communicate authentically and you actually make people feel better. Your nurturing nature is very attractive. People immediately love your energy because they can sense this authenticity. You exude this comfortability where you make other people feel comfortable & people can also tell you are comfortable in yourself. And even if this is not the case people see you and they think yeah this is someone who is very comfortable in their own energy and it’s incredibly sexy to others.

You have this familiarity about your energy where people see you and they get déjà vu like they think they’ve seen you from somewhere. this is really interesting. also in terms of your personality I channelled lady chatterly from Lady Chatterley‘s lover.

okay group 3 your pile is so interesting. Like so so interesting. Group 3 you’re my troublemakers aren’t you? ahaha this is my group of innovators iconoclasts eccentric people and rebels. your energy is so interesting.

You are incredibly eccentric. Like honestly the amount of times I pissed myself during your reading is actually ridiculous. This is so random but sometimes I think about how I come across when I type these readings because sometimes I use British lingo and I just wonder if people take it literally. But anyway ahaha.

You don’t care about conventional stuff and you don’t care about societal expectations. And honestly this is what makes you incredibly sexy. Your individualism and basically your I don’t give a shit nature is incredibly attractive to others. I was channelling your energy and I kept thinking these are the type of people I would be friends with. And honestly the amount of mishaps I experienced channelling your energy it’s actually ridiculous, like your energy is chaotic group 3. like my decks kept burning on my candles and my string light started burning. And I channelled the song burn by Ellie Goulding. this is the type of energy where you aren’t hesitant to cause chaos if it means pursuing your individualism. And it doesn’t mean you’re selfish it’s just you are an incredibly independent person.

And you have this really sexy detached energy where people feel like you can just cut them off at any moment and it’s like this tight rope people wanna walk just to experience you. there is an aspect of risk within your personality. And you have the sense of independence where you do what you want and you do what you think is right. And people really admire this because they wish they had your decisiveness.

Your personality is based on your independence and your self expression. And you have this hustler personality where you don’t wait around for someone to make things happen you want to make things happen. And this is so sexy. Like seriously this is such an attractive quality. And also in terms of personality I channelled Jennifer Lopez’s character from the movie hustlers. you are the boss. And it’s so interesting because you’ve got this decisiveness and this dominance. And I can see here group 3 you can be hotheaded and perhaps too blunt sometimes. this bluntness is what people find really refreshing because you aren’t going to keep anything in.

You are incredibly confusing to others and you are this enigma and people just can’t figure you out and it’s incredibly attractive. I actually channelled this tiktok sound where it’s like why would I listen to you? ahaha You don’t care about other peoples opinions and it’s so sexy because you just do what you want and you don’t care. people who are incredibly feminine are very attracted to you.

And it’s interesting because your detached nature actually attracts people to you. And I kept hearing something about how you don’t care about partnerships you want money ahaha. Hustle grind ahaha.

group 3 you are naughty ahaha and you have very provocative energy. I really like this group.

Hi everyone it’s been a while since I posted something like this. Any feedback is appreciated, I can’t wait to see what everyone thinks🌹

#tarot pac #18+ post

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ethanhuntfemmefatale · 21 days

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spent a bit of time today writing out some thoughts on ford as a character and thought it might be fun to put them here. I think ford is a really interesting commentary on heroism and his role in gravity falls is specific and pointed. theres a lot more i COULD get into (the way he and Stan act as foils for example) but here I just want to explore the fundamental ideas of his arc which includes parts of his dynamic with Bill Cipher and Dipper.

I really love the way gf combines the ideas of the lone hero/adventurer (a classic hero trope) with the ideas of the mad scientist (a classic villain trope) to reveal the way they're really based in similar lines of thinking and emotional pitfalls. Ford's isolation & paranoia, his tendency to put his own body on the line, his (relative) willingness to endanger others for his cause...it all points out a neat overlap between the guy who wears all black and carries a gun at his hip and the guy who WOULD inject himself with some kinda substance in the name of Science. I think that's part of why from what I've seen the fandom can be pretty conflicted on Ford--even on a basic design level, he evokes strong and conflicting feelings.

A key moment to me in establishing the ideas of Ford's arc happens at the very beginning of Weirdmageddon--a strange point to choose maybe since it's so late in the show, but I feel like those three episodes beautifully encapsulate Ford's failures and his development. After realizing what's happened, Dipper is desperate to find Mabel and make sure she's all right. Ford tells him, there's time to find her later--right now we have to stop Bill before the weirdness spreads. I love the way that the show presents throwaway moments like this: they're not questioned in the moment, but they stick out to you anyway because they run so counter to the philosophy of the show. Through the past 2 seasons, not only has the show proven that saving Mabel is more important than stopping Bill, it's also proven (and proves again after this) that saving Mabel is essential to stopping Bill. Evil isn't defeated by one guy being brave enough to shoot a gun at it, it's defeated by a community that works and fights together. And, hilariously, Ford is captured within the first 7 minutes of the episode, making everyone else's jobs way more difficult.

To be clear, it would be a complete misunderstanding of the character to say that Ford prioritizes stopping Bill first because he doesn't care enough about Mabel or her safety. It's precisely because he cares so much that he doesn't look for her right away. Ford has bought thoroughly into the lie that Bill fed him, which is that devastating personal sacrifice is not only right & good, but necessary in order to accomplish great things. As long as Ford believes that lie, he remains Bill's perfect prey—even with a metal plate in his head, even 30 years after the initial manipulation. Ford will easily give up sleep, food, friendship, family, sanity, and his own life, if he can be convinced he's doing it for the right reasons. And he's very easy to convince! Ironically, despite being arguably one of the most formidable characters in the show, he's also arguably the weakest and most gullible of the main cast, because he's so obsessed with the idea of giving up everything for something greater than himself.

That lie of the moral necessity of self-sacrifice, the lie that makes it possible for Ford to give up his brother, lock himself in his basement, be angry when he’s brought back home, and nearly destroy the world, is heavily in the offing through the Ford-Dipper plotline of Dipper and Mabel vs the Future. Ford offers Dipper apprenticeship and tells him that he’s capable of handling it—but it would require personal sacrifice, giving up his childhood with Mabel to join Ford in his self-imposed isolation. A test of Dipper’s aptitude for that kind of sacrifice occurs in that episode: Ford nearly dies, and orders Dipper to let it happen so that the rift is kept safe. Dipper doesn’t even think before disobeying him. He doesn’t seem to consider it a decision. There's no thought of the greater good when his uncle needs him.

Later, talking to Mabel about the idea of joining Ford as an apprentice, he says how ridiculous it is--sees it for a fantasy. The image of heroism Ford presents is appealing, but it's a lie.

For Gravity Falls, a show with two central protagonists, a show arguing over and over that the only way to change things for the better is to work with, trust, and care for your loved ones, Ford's position is an interesting one. I'd argue that thematically he stands in a more relevant antagonist position than Bill Cipher. He represents everything that the show is poised against. He's set up carefully as the epitome of Cool, with a masterful buildup to his entrance, badass styling, and hero worship from Dipper (the closest thing GF has to an audience insert.) And then, slowly and subtly, the show reveals how the lie of the lone hero has convinced him to hurt himself and everyone around him, nearly to the point of destruction.

I love him dearly. The best awful guy of all time

#gravity falls #ford pines #stanford pines #cecil meta

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 9 months

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Trimax Thoughts Vol. 10 Pt. 1

Stream of consciousness again. Here goes (I say with a lot of trepidation even though I have a sinking feeling I already know what's going to happen)

Coming back to edit the beginning here to, ah... inform you all that this pretty quickly devolved into a record of my complete mental breakdown. So, uh, idk, maybe this will be actually somewhat funny to read, especially for those of you who knew what was coming. My tears will be your balm for this week. Maybe.

I don't know how to verbalize this but there's something about this image I really like compositionally. There's something about it that evokes a kind of bittersweet peace. It just really sets a tone for what I'm pretty sure I know is to come. I am not ready.

"It's 'specially because of times like these that an idiot like him plays an important role. He's doin' somethin' extraordinary. He believes." <- so so so very true! A light in the dark is not just rebellious, it's necessary. He's allowing himself to hope, not because he suddenly believes as strongly as Vash in the world at large (he's still far from that) but because he believes in Vash himself.

Fuck right off Chapel.

He's literally being impaled by a cross. There's. Something to read in that but I'm sorry I know nothing about Catholicism/Christianity...

"obsessive sense of attachment" <- so long as his disciples do as he molds them to do. in that sense, it's a little reminiscent of Knives' desperation to keep Vash with him and his quick anger when Vash does not behave the way he expects him to, but it also kind of makes Chapel the anti-Wolfwood, in a way. The true lack of hope, the way he would apparently do just about anything for his child disciples, but only out of a sense of them being easier to mold/manipulate, rather than Wolfwood's genuine love for the kids at the orphanage, and the compassion he's shown downtrodden kids in general. Chapel values Razlo because he values his usefulness, which unfortunately makes sense as to why Razlo would be so loyal to him. I have to wonder the circumstances that led to Razlo killing all those people... I don't think it would've been for no reason at all - he killed Livio's parents because they were abusing them, killed the dog likely because of a grave miscalculation of cause-and-effect when it came to Jasmine almost dying, and killed the men who were tormenting Livio when he ran off. But anyways I hate how the EoM keeps shackling him and restraining him like he's some feral animal. Has anyone ever been kind to Razlo? Has anyone ever rewarded him for anything other than being useful? Look, kid had some serious issues that needed to have been addressed (instead of training the severely traumatized hair-trigger violent kid to be... even more violent lol what did they expect would happen?), but... look at him. He was still very much a kid who saw someone who proved that he was useful to them through an incredibly violent act - the only language Razlo actually understood. Idk if there's any reaching him now but... ugh.

Orphanage lady I adore you. Also the kids refusing to scatter hjdfhbvsjdf

"Why else would he bite the hand of his master?" Really, with this and the way Razlo is restrained in flashbacks, we're going for a strong "trained attack dog" theme going on here huh? Fuck you dude. (There's also "bite the hand that feeds you" as an expression... which is interesting too, because Chapel clearly feels Wolfwood should feel honoured by his teachings... but his was never the hand that fed. Chapel tore this child down.)

NO FUCK OFF THIS IS WHAT HE WAS MOST AFRAID OF. And I hate this so much more because this means that Chapel actually knows Wolfwood's fears quite well... but ASSHOLE WHOSE FAULT IS THIS?

Yes!!! They love you! Get loved, idiot!!!!! You never had to do everything alone... :')

*ugly sobbing*

I still think Wolfwood tried to do this alone out of a sense of personal accountability and not wanting to burden Vash with his own problems - while he thinks they could've done this as a team here, I think he's still only thinking in "I failed" rather than realizing that helping would've been far from a burden. If that makes any sense. I still think Wolfwood devalues how much he matters to the people he cares about.

Here he is! Using his Plant powers without hesitation again to intervene and help Wolfwood. I can't believe the way they allow each other to become less afraid.

"I made a friend." Yes! You! Did!!! I reiterate! GET LOVED.

Aaaaaaand Wolfwood still can't quite wrap his head around the idea that his personal struggles might actually be incredibly important to Vash. See, I don't think it's that Wolfwood thinks Vash doesn't care about him - far from it, I think he definitely knows that - the heartbreaking part is the way he never seems to think he is anyone's priority. (And he really has become a priority to Vash hasn't he? He's postponing the confrontation with Knives to help him. :O) Also the way "I can't believe it." is overlayed on the panel with the church bell and the "angel" wing. Ha. Nice. Nice. This is fine.

I'm sorry but this made me laugh so hard. Imagine some angel looking guy appears out of nowhere and blocks all your bullets. Like. Yeah. That would be the response hdjfhbsdjfvh (Also I think this is a fantastic reaction image pfft)

"That overdose will make your heart rupture!" ...no...

Did he just throw Chapel? Is he dead???

AUGH I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE SUNGLASSES. He's trying to hide his eyes again (just like he does earlier in the series when he's about to shoot with lethal intent/is trying to hide his feelings) because he thinks they reveal him as a monster or irredeemable - they do not. They never have. But Vash... apparently either hearing his thoughts or just knowing him well enough to know what he needs and responding to that instantly... :'(

...I wonder... is this the first time Razlo has registered a death as cruel? Chapel died instantly; that's not really all that cruel... the cruel part is that Razlo is experiencing personal loss.

NOOOO WE'RE GETTING A FLASHBACK TO THEIR FIRST MEETING WITH VASH'S THOUGHTS AND THE FUCKING BIRD??? THE BIRD REALLY IS MEANT TO BE VASH AND HIS IDEALS, ISN'T IT? AUGH

AW YEAH THEY'RE TAG-TEAMING BABY!!! Everything is different when they are back to back :)

Ahdjfhvbd and now they're saying the exact same things at the same time. Soulmate behaviour fr

I missed them being silly together so much... it's amazing too, because in spite of the situation, they both seem so much less tense than earlier. Still though... "why are you here?" and he can't spit out an answer, even though it should be really obvious... like I think they both know but accepting/admitting that is another matter.

God this is such an "I missed you I'm so glad you're here" moment. Probably as close as Wolfwood is going to get to outright saying that

Hello? Wolfwood's loved ones in one panel right next to Vash's loved ones in the other? Vash repeating Wolfwood's arguments of "realism" and "have to get back to the kids"? Wolfwood, you're scaring him...

I'm fascinated that the "he had become very close to me" part is overlayed with the scene where Wolfwood tries to get Vash to shoot. The whole "if I pull that out of you"... then combined with "What is important? What are we willing to do to protect it?" ...Livio and Vash are important to Wolfwood, so he is trying hard not to kill. Has Wolfwood become so important to Vash that... he might?

YOU CAN SEE HIS EYES THROUGH THE SUNGLASSES AHHHH

NO. NO. NO. HE WANTS TO LIVE PAST KNIVES. HE WANTS A FUTURE. HE WANTS A FUTURE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THE STORY. HE WANTS WOLFWOOD THERE WITH HIM. ALSO I JUST NOTICED HE TOSSED HIS FUCKING GUN ASIDE TO CATCH HIM. He doesn't want this kind of life for them... he wants peace for them both... he wants them to stick together, even when there are no more battles to fight... he wants to live for Wolfwood. He wants to live with Wolfwood. Oh my god. No. No.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

STOP. WHY WOULD YOU FOCUS ON THE HAND. IT'S DIGGING INTO HIS BACK. He can't hold him... he can't...

Hey uh. Does it mean something that Vash didn't even react or feel the knives (the knives) in his shoulder because the pain of this hurts so much worse right now? (Also did I need to cause myself emotional damage by writing that out?)

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Oh damn I think he is mad enough to kill. Holy shit.

In other news. I hate everything.

The sunglasses blown off his face again. When Razlo threatens Vash. Fuck off.

This fight scene is awesome and I love how brutal yet clever of a fighter Wolfwood is. ...I wish I could enjoy it more. Alas. I feel only pain.

I'LL NEVER BE WHOLE AGAIN. I'LL NEVER BE WHOLE AGAIN. RAZLO'S LINE AND THEN THIS. WHY WHY WHY

:O (reminds me of the Diablo chapter...)

Ok first off how the hell was Chapel still alive. Secondly, AHEOHJBFSHUCBSJVHSBJHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Livio :') (I feel pretty bad for Razlo though all things considered... I hope he's not gone for good? That'd be weird I think...)

Wolfwood, after all this shit, just laying on the ground: "yeah seems like a good time for a cigarette"

AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH AHH AHHHHHHHHHH

HNNNNGGGHDFBSUHCBUHSB... HHHHH A BAPY

wait. how could it have only been six years. what.

NOOOOOOO GOD THIS IS JUST LIKE VASH THINKING MERYL WAS SCARED OF HIM ALL OVER AGAIN. SWEETIE NO I AM POSITIVE THAT KID ONLY SCREAMED BECAUSE OF THE BLOOD. THEY LOVE YOUUUUU

...oof. I think Livio's hiding too. :(

GHHHHHHHHHHH THE COINS

Hjfshvbdfjhbv Livio comic relief. I'm so sorry buddy but I needed that. Hope you're ok...?

...so this is the scene the "infamous couch" is from. Okay. Okay. I get it now. Ow.

...I'm actually fighting back tears right now. I. I don't usually cry at stuff like this. I don't know if I can do this man.

He wants him to smile even if it's not a real one. He just wants to know he'll be ok. But Vash can't smile. He can't handle this kind of genuine talk. It'll make it all real. He's actually praying. Praying for just this one person. He's. He's never done that before, has he...?

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

ugh yeah no i'm crying. i'm tearing up. oww...

Oh, well, so is Wolfwood. Ugh. Ow. Ow.

...I saw the bell and had to stop and take a break. I don't want to turn the page. I don't want this. I'll come back tomorrow. Bye.

Hhhhh... What if you died knowing you were loved and you didn't realize how much until the end. What if you died realizing you always could've come home; that you would always be recognized for who you are, not what you'd been cruelly forced to become. What if you died seeing a possible future with the ones you loved but never being able to obtain it. Because it is far, far too late for that. The gratitude, the relief, the anguish that it all ends just as you realize what you could've had, and you cry out. But you still died knowing you were loved. And that's far more than you ever imagined for yourself.

I like to think he was smiling at the end because... it finally sank in.

And the bottle is labelled Bride??? What does that mean??? (Oh wait now I want to go back and look at the other alcohol bottles in the series to see if there's anything interesting on them) But uh, yeah, is this a religious thing, because I'm... why Bride. Why "The Bride". Huh?

^Hey this is really effective. Also, fuck off.

^Nightow sensei WHAT THE HELL MAN. Was this necessary?

Yeah I saw the first page of chapter 8 and my entire stomach just lurched. I think we should all receive compensation for emotional damage here. The bird... but it's not the black kite (Vash)... what kind of bird is that, I wonder?

Ah... Vash buried him. Alone. Hm. Yes, feeling normal about this. (Also Livio woke up inside the house which means... he must've moved him there too...)

"What do you mean "why"? You of all people should know why." <-oh. ow. yikes...

Oh... oh. His hair. :(

And it's so... he protected the area from the Ark. Ok he's protecting the place Wolfwood died to protect. Par for the course for Vash really. Except... hasn't everyone here evacuated already? He's protecting the place itself. ...also idk if this is right or not, but given the way the black hair is expending his own lifeforce it's... kind of hard not to see this a little as him expending the time he was planning on sharing with Wolfwood... and also that his hair went black... like the colour of mourning. ...with the "Bride" thing too it's... no. I shan't say it. I hate it here.

Hhhhhh... they both associate him with food...

Well. This has wrecked me. Thank you guys. I don't think I can analyze anything this week I'm too sad.

#trigun #trimax #trigunbookclub #how could you do this to meeeeeee #storyrambles

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commsroom · 7 months

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I'm really glad for all the love you've put into w359 fanworks. every time I see you post about it, my heart glows a little.

I'd originally felt that way while listening to the show, and your interpretation & vision feels so tightly knit to the source material. you even go farther in your explicit discussions about hera, her autonomy, her emotional depth, her treatment by other characters, and her arc as a trans allegory

totally understand why you might feel embarrassed, but I wanted you to know: thank you 💜

oh, that's so sweet of you to say!! i'm honored you think so.

i genuinely think there's a case to be made that eiffel/hera is as canon as the parameters for romance in wolf 359 allow it to be. like: gabriel urbina's policy was always "never confirm or deny 'on-screen' romance unless absolutely necessary" and from the AMAs we know they at least discussed it with regard to eiffel and hera, though we'll never know how that conversation went. it's not really a secret that sarah shachat and zach valenti, at least, viewed it that way. i still think about zach saying (paraphrased) that he thinks his non-answer is an answer, because if he didn't ship them, he could just say so.

and that's kind of how i feel about eiffel/hera within canon. like. anybody at all familiar with shows the wolf 359 writers like (especially things like btvs and farscape) can tell you there are plenty of scenes that mirror and meta-textually reference scenes from other shows. both gabriel urbina and sarah shachat were huge fans of the new doctor who, and whatever you believe the intent was, i find it hard to believe they didn't at least know they were evoking "if it's my last chance to say it, rose tyler, i-" with "and hera. hera, i-" it's what isn't said, the fact it has to be left unsaid, that speaks the loudest.

and anyway, talking about hera and romance / sexuality is especially interesting to me because it's not a given for her. it's not assumed to be something she should want or can have, and the way that intersects with her canon disability and with readings of her as a trans woman re: autonomy and desirability is very interesting (and very personal) to me, especially in the broader context of stories about AI women. but that's a topic for another post.

it's not a new observation by any means, but i think there can be a tendency to treat romance as separate from character analysis, and that's always sat poorly with me. romance isn't unique in either a good or a bad way, it's just... one type of relationship people can have. i think a lot about the unique approach wolf 359 has to romance because, while i understand why a lot of people would find the lack of romantic subplots refreshing, the characters aren't written to be intentionally disinterested in sex or romance (in some cases, textually... the opposite, even), so much as the writing carefully skirts around it. and... i don't know! there's something fascinating there.

obviously, i think you can recognize what's important about eiffel and hera's relationship (that it's the most equal one hera has ever had, that he has no real hierarchy over her or expectations for her other than companionship, how they share values and mutually support each other, etc.) without needing that to be romantic. and i think you can even acknowledge there's some degree of romantic intent without being invested like i am or "shipping" them. but i do think there's some intent there, and i think the the themes of the show can be expanded in some interesting ways to explore that beyond the intentional ambiguity of it. if you want to.

i would also never deny having an emotional bias here!! complete objectivity is never possible because we always bring parts of ourselves to our interpretations of art, and that's only amplified by how close to my heart wolf 359 is as a story. but i do really want to communicate, to the best of my ability, how much love i have for the show and how much thought i put into it. and i definitely don't mind being known for my love of eiffel/hera; they're my favorite characters from anything ever, both individually and together. but i do get kinda embarrassed when i talk about them too much, because it's not that i don't have plenty of thoughts about every other character and aspect of the show, it's just... that they are close to my heart in a particular way. anyway. i really appreciate it, thank you!!

#this still isn't worded as well as i'd like but i can't rework it any shorter without losing something. i hope it's clear enough what i mean #like in my mind eiffel/hera is functionally a canon romance but an unresolved one and i find that very compelling #fwiw i do not think gabriel urbina perceives it that way (nor would he ever say even if he did) but like. in the context wolf 359 created #i am sure he was aware of how that would come across.#anyway. remember how that one track on the ost used to be named 'eiffel and hera' and gabriel described it as the show's tenderness theme #and said their relationship became what that song guided his understanding of it to be. beats my head against the wall.#... you just got a bunch of thoughts that were on my mind and i apologize but i do appreciate it very very much #this was such a kind thing for you to say #asks

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neonscandal · 1 month

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Hi, Neon....Are you free now? If yes, please read this BL manga : Loss Time ni Hanamuke o by Cocomi...

It's not the sweetest but it's the one of the most realistic BL that I've read until now. It's an angst with a happy ending. And somehow I got SatoSugu vibes from this couple (sorry if I'm wrong). Like they love each other but lack of communication became their problem. It's a break up come together again story...

If you have read it, can I ask your opinion on it? Thanks.....

ANON. ANON. 🧡

I hadn't read it but prioritized it at your request and so, so Satosugu. Haha I wonder if I'd have noticed that had you not framed it up but at the same time, even visually, the long hair and Suguru's own mane... it was bound to happen. Also, don't apologize for your thoughts or interpretations! I definitely don't and I'm sure I've been loud and wrong before (and will be again✨). I appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me and thank you for recommending this!

OPINION

There was something so nostalgic about it. Not just because, unlike most stories, it begins at the tail end of a relationship. But to see what's clearly established affection cooled by the disconnect of miscommunication and a lack of appreciation... I think everyone can relate. It wasn't a sad, traumatic story. But it was a bitter and rueful story that could still evoke tears if you've been in a similar situation. That situation, of course, being one that proves that sometimes love is simply not enough.

Two perfect pieces don't fit together one day and call it happily ever after. Four years in and the couple still struggles with selfishness, with the idea that sex is the same as intimacy or honesty. That someone who can be unilaterally focused on their words, to the point where personal care falls to the wayside, can come up so short when they really matter.

This felt like a really honest (and short!) insight into what broke Tsukushi and Toui apart but also what made them work. In fact, this ask reminded me of another ask wherein I kinda lamented that BKDK or STSG-esque dynamics would be hard to find in something short. But here we are, you with the ultimate sauce and me eating my words. 🏆

We don't know if Tsukushi and Toui end up staying together. Returning to one another with the promise of change could very well be short lived regardless of how earnestly they want to be with one another. But the idea of love spoiling into resentment, especially in the presence of what are clear acts of love being taken for granted do feel SatoSugu-esque in nature. We know there's More (TM) to their story, of course, but this almost shows us that, even if they weren't child soldiers, there would still be a point in their relationship where Geto's overly caring and accommodating nature may want more than catering to Gojo who is so closed off in his own little world. In JJK universe, he's driven by his own identity as The Strongest regardless of how he drags Geto into that entitled status that it blinds him to Geto's own withering mental condition. Moreover, this fundamental idea of Understanding being a necessary part of love is a huge point of contention between SatoSugu that was so disheartening, as well. Thus far, it feels like we only get Gojo's interpretation of events but this story gives voice to Geto's as well which makes him snapping and breaking away from Gojo slightly less uncharacteristic but rather justified when he lacks critical support.

TL;DNR: This story wasn't an emotional rollercoaster fraught with traumatizing drama. Instead, it was a quiet reminder of the love that lingers when things don't end in a bang but rather a whisper. Two lovers desperately huddling their hands around the flickering flame of what once was, uncertain why things simply don't work between them any longer. Relatable pining, would recommend. Especially if you're looking to get a whiff of SatoSugu in another flavor.

#neon asks #anon asks #neon recs #anime #anon recs #feels like satosugu #manga #mlm #shonen ai #loss time ni hanamuke wo #send them a farewell gift for the lost time #cocomi #manga recommendation #satosugu dynamic #queerness in anime

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beevean · 11 months

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Kinda on topic of blorbofication of Prime Sonic, but what is it with some media adaptations trying to insinuate that Sonic being cool/badass is an exception and not the norm. Like, yeah yeah, perfect people are boring and failure makes characters more "relatable" these days but do we really need it to this extent?

It's the belief that a character that is primarily cool is "flat" and thus "boring" and thus needs character development to be deep and compelling and relatable. It's a very... modern Western mentality.

Now admittedly I also sometimes smile at Sonic being painted as this exceptional being, like in Unleashed where he could simply resist Dark Gaia's influence without even being aware of it. But Sonic is effortlessly cool, and he's meant to be an ideal. Sonic is not meant to evoke feelings of "oh he's just like me", he's meant to evoke feelings of "oh wow I want to be like him! I want to meet him! Oh he's so cool, I love playing as him!". Let's not forget that, that Sonic was born as a videogame mascot so there is always that inherent factor of controlling a cool character and stepping in their shoes. You want a relatable character? Tails is literally right here.

Of course, videogames =/= comics and cartoons, so I understand the need to tweak the character a little to emphasize his flaws and create more conflict - as it's often said here, Sonic in the games is a flat character who mostly improves other people's lives, but to be honest, I doubt you can do that for a whole show. I don't think it's a stretch to make the connection between "Sonic in X was fairly faithful to his game counterpart" and "Sonic in X barely appeared and left most of the conflict to Chris and the others" (disclaimer: I never watched S3). But Prime goes way beyond what was necessary, to the point that he barely feels like Sonic anymore: he's more like a fandom take on Sonic. Hint hint.

#sonic the hedgehog

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nadziejastar · 2 years

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Why the Roxas/Ventus Plot Point Needed Ironing Out

The KH online fandom is quite zealous in their assertion that Nomura always intended for Roxas and Ventus to be two entirely separate people who just accidentally looked identical. But is that really true? Was that really what all the foreshadowing implied?

Since healing the necessary “pain” of Axel’s is different than with other people, if he is revived he will take a form like Xehanort’s. In the end of the story, Namine says, “Those whose memories are sleeping inside Sora need relief.”

I am aware that Xion, Ventus, and Roxas were all displayed as separate people in Coded and DDD. Of course, those scenes are very ambiguous. You could just as easily interpret it as three distinct sets of memories sleeping inside Sora, rather than three separate hearts. In an interview question about Coded’s ending, Nomura only confirmed that Axel’s pain would be healed by getting a physical revival. This is consistent with his recent interview where he claims he was hesitant to revive Roxas and Xion. Here is why I believe Nomura always intended for Roxas and Ventus to be the same person with the same heart.

“Because inside Sora, which is Roxas’ body, is Ventus’ heart. As was shown in the opening to BbS and the ending to Last Episode, Sora and Ventus’ heart are linked. And so Roxas, who is a part of Sora, was affected by that and looks just like Ventus.”

Lea met Ventus in BBS and they became fast friends. Axel meets Roxas and, despite how aloof he is with all the other members, he and Roxas become fast friends. In the Japanese version of BBS, Isa teased Lea, and Lea joked that he should have chosen Ventus as his friend instead. And later on, Axel chooses Roxas as his new best friend to replace Saix.

There was meant to be a sense of continuity between the story of BBS and Days. You were supposed to feel like the same characters were meeting again. From Axel’s view, Roxas was the same exact kid he had met in the past and he was keeping this a secret from him. There was conflict between Axel wanting things stay the same, and Roxas wanting to learn who he was as a human and why the Keyblade chose him.

“Because he had gotten to close to both Sora and Ventus, his ‘real self’. Before Day 297 in Days Sora had been to Castle Oblivion, as well as the fact that Ventus is asleep somewhere in the Room of Awakening. Both Sora and Ventus can be called Roxas’ “real selves”, and when he felt their presence it made him faint.”

In KH2, there is an iconic scene where Xemnas asks Roxas his true name. In Days this scene is extended. Although Xemnas calls Roxas “Sora”, he pats his shoulder. It was clearly a nod to the Terra/Ventus relationship. This scene was very purposeful. It was intended to hint to the audience that perhaps “Sora” really isn’t Roxas’s true name. Again, a sense of continuity between BBS and Days. Nomura wanted to imply that Roxas did have a human past.

“As you can see from Xemnas calling Aqua’s armor ‘friend’, it seems Xemnas has Terra’s memories and so is searching for Ventus, and is making the other Organization members look for The Chamber of Awakening.”

That shoulder pat scene is actually a dream Roxas had when he fell asleep. Standing over his bedside, Xemnas made a cryptic comment that seemed to refer to both Ventus and Roxas simultaneously, as if they were one and the same. He also did this in KH2FM+. Roxas’s dream was supposed to evoke a feeling of deja vu. He had met that person somewhere before in a past life.

“At that time, although Ventus has awakened, his heart is not fully formed. The imagery is the same as the first week after Roxas entered the organisation in ‘KH Days’, when he was spacing out.”

Yes, I am well aware that Nobodies can grow hearts. I think that was the explanation created for the normal Nobodies, like Axel. However, Roxas was always said to special, like Xemnas. This whole concept of special Nobodies was something Xigbar brought up on the day called “Secrets”. His secret report from that day was also a reference to Ventus.

What made Roxas so special? He was created from Sora, whose heart was fused with someone else’s when he became a Heartless. Terra’s heart went to the Heartless and Xehanort’s heart stayed inside the Nobody. Sora’s heart stayed with the Heartless while Ventus’s stayed in the Nobody. Xemnas said that some members grew a “burgeoning replacement”. But did Roxas even need a replacement heart?

“In KHII FM there were clues to him having a heart, and in Days we saw Roxas crying--proof that he could have a heart. As was said in Q1, he has taken a lot of himself from Ventus. But perhaps when Sora and Roxas were separated, Ventus’ heart stayed in Roxas?”

On forums, the prevailing idea was that Ventus’s heart was dormant inside Roxas, causing him to look just like Ventus, but then Roxas grew his own heart on top of Ven’s and they became two people who accidentally look the same. But if Nomura wanted to portray such an idea, why include a scene like this? After Xion leaves, Roxas wonders if he has any place he truly belongs or any friends he belongs with. While doing so, he looks up at the stars, a very obvious nod to the Wayfinder trio. Then he sheds tears, proof he has a heart.

“Regarding Roxas and Xion reappearing Kingdom Hearts 3, I was hesitant up until the very end about bringing them back, and even had a story route where they would not return. However, since I knew that the fans would want to see these characters again, I went with the route where they would return.”

The evidence suggests that was just a popular fan theory. It probably confused the heck out of Nomura, and that interpretation made little sense to him. When he finally did write it that way, he had a lot of trouble. He went out of his way--even breaking the fourth wall--to point out that it was confusing and a plot point that needed ironing out.

I was not the least bit surprised when he admitted he was hesitant about it. That was probably an understatement. To be perfectly honest, I always got the feeling that Nomura felt pretty embarrassed writing all the scenes with Ven and Roxas, and he did so very begrudgingly. Like he just couldn’t hold back how stupid he found the whole thing.

“Yes, it is the same actor. Therefore the player will only look at Ven as Roxas from Kingdom Hearts 2. However, are Roxas and Ven really the same character?”

This one quote is often used as proof that their connection was just intended as visual and Nomura always planned for them to be separate characters. However, I believe it has been taken out of context. People forget that this interview was from 2007. It was in reference to the secret ending of KH2FM+.

Neither Days nor BBS had even come out yet. Nomura wanted to keep the Ven/Roxas connection a secret. They were obviously connected, but fans still didn’t know how. BBS was a prequel, so fans were still asking things like, how could Roxas exist ten years in the past? Well, is it really Roxas? It wasn’t meant to be direct confirmation of anything, because that would have been a spoiler. In hindsight, it was probably a mistake to keep it a secret for as long as he did. It led to a lot of confusion, and it built up false expectations among fans.

“Moreover, what about the mystery surrounding the existence of Ven and Roxas? These are keys that will be revealed from playing Birth By Sleep. You will be able to separate Ven from Roxas with ease; I will hint though by connecting the story between Roxas and Sora, you will understand who Ven is.”

Nomura said we would be able to separate Roxas from Ven with ease. And I believe that was also used to draw certain conclusions prematurely. Fans always say that Roxas couldn’t be Ventus because of how different they are. Roxas was so much angrier. Ven was so pure. Well, yeah. That was the whole point. Ventus was sifted apart nice and neat.

“Based on the premise that he was 'an expression of the reverse, hidden inside Sora', I gave him pretty much the exact same face as Sora, just with slightly narrower eyes. And then, I made white the basis for his clothes, in contrast to KHII Sora. The black and white checkered pattern, 'neither darkness nor light', was to be a hint.”

KH is all about two halves making a whole. Duality. Light and Darkness. We were first introduced to Roxas in Deep Dive. The idea behind him was originally akin to Anti-Sora. He was described as Sora’s other half. An incomplete person that resided in darkness. And Ventus was only the light side, also half-a-person.

If he was to be whole, he would be neither Roxas nor the completely pure innocent Ventus from BBS. Ven’s body may have been in stasis, but his heart was not supposed to be. He was not supposed to wake up exactly the same incomplete two-dimensional character. He was supposed to be a three-dimensional character and have a multi-game-long arc similar to Riku. He wasn’t just light, and he wasn’t just darkness. Unfortunately, that message fell very flat. Ven is obviously going to be forever stuck as the boring “light” twin and Roxas the superior “dark” twin.

"Roxas is the utmost secret for Kingdom Hearts 3. He's the top-secret actually for Kingdom Hearts 3 so I really can't say anything about him."

I am aware that Sora told Roxas he should be his own person. I just think the big secret was going to be that Roxas really was his own person from the very beginning. When Ventus woke up, it was meant to be the triumphant return of Roxas, now his true original self, a person entirely distinct from Sora. One of the big reunions of KH3 was supposed to be Lea and Ventus. They’d get to meet again in the next life, like they promised in KH2.

I found the whole idea of Roxas in KH3 pretty creepy. A fifteen-year-old with one year’s life experience of living in a cult and a data world. He was born out of another person’s heart and is an exact clone of another person. He was named by the leader of the cult. His best friends are a clone of Sora’s girlfriend, fake data versions of real kids he never met, and a man almost twice his age. Even Sora didn’t know what to do with him and suggested just sticking him back in the data Twilight Town. The other option was they could just stick him inside of a fake puppet body. Nomura probably thought Roxas being reborn as a real human would be more satisfying than...that.

Is that the outcome that many fans wanted? No, I realize it’s not and so did Nomura. But my point is, there is a lot of evidence that this is original story route he had in mind ever since BBS. It is not an outlandish theory, as many suggest. FAR from it.

#kingdom hearts #kh ventus #kh roxas #kh meta

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blackjackkent · 11 months

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We completely sidelined the actual plot for a while last time because Aerie had got dead and we had to deal with that situation bc Caden was not handling the idea of his girlfriend dying very well. But we also, as a result of killing Bodhi, have access to an elven lantern we were trying to get, which is a tool necessary to bring back the city Irenicus is in, which has been whisked off to another plane or otherwise hidden by an illusion that can't be dispelled. (Convenient.)

I only meant to briefly stop at the inn because everyone in the party was exhausted...but lo and behold, there's another dream sequence waiting for us!

These are always good and emotionally devastating. o.o

The sharp scent of oak and pine registers in his senses. Beneath his feet he feels the gentle rasp of his boot heels on rough tree bark. The nostalgia this evokes is like a punch to the gut; he remembers clambering up trees in Candlekeep, always a little faster than Imoen with his extra height, calling down to her with a laugh, "Keep up, slowpoke! I can see the whole keep from here!"

But this is no such tree as they had back in the gardens of his home, so far away now. It is an enormous tree, the branch stretching like the arm of some great monster out into the distance ahead of him. Behind him, the great trunk of the tree has been abruptly lopped into a stump just above the level of the branch he stands on, and is adorned with some elaborate structure he cannot quite see.

And the voice whispers in his ears, a soft woman's voice, a counterpoint to the constant low murmur of Bhaal's darkness in him. The speaker wears a green cloak that half blends her with the leafy shadows around them, and moves with the light tread of a ranger or a spirit. He does not recognize her face, though she clearly recognizes him.

"Awaken. Awaken and hear me. I bring visions of warning, of what is happening now and what may happen soon."

Whatever it is she wishes to speak of to him in this strange dream plane, it is urgent. Her tone and the look in her eyes conveys that intensely, and even through the flat apathy that has consumed him since his soul was taken, he cannot help but focus his eyes on her and listen.

"This image will speak true, for you are of two sides, and the liars have said their part. You travel in search of yourself, divided, splintered. There is a piece of you missing."

He hesitates, then nods slowly. Who she is, how she knows what has happened to him...it doesn't matter; he feels that empty place in his chest ache in answer to her words.

"The hole inside you fills with death, with darkness, while another -- Irenicus -- kills you with your strength. Look. Look at the destruction he has wrought. See the corruption that he brings."

Visions elsewhere in this enormous winding tree. Irenicus -- cloaked in darkness, a shadow among the shadows -- emerging onto a group of elves, a burst of fury and violence and death.

"He has stolen your future to replace his own, avoided his proper fate. This must be undone! For your sake, and theirs, you must take back what has been stolen. If their lives are not enough, then think of your own. You will lose yourself to the hole within."

He wants to speak, to explain that he is trying, so terribly hard. That he would gladly die at this moment if it weren't for Irenicus continuing to live, and the destruction he will cause. That he is acutely aware of the spreading emptiness where his soul used to be.

Help me... he wants to say. But the words will not come out. And hers continue, soft and implacable.

"Yours is the potential to be your own worst enemy... or your own savior."

She reaches out, lays a hand on his shoulder, and as the soft touch presses through his armor, he snaps awake, a ragged breath choking in his throat. He is in Trademeet, in the inn bed he is sharing with Aerie, who is wrapped around him tightly enough almost to bruise. The sheets are tangled around him and the darkness seems to have a thousand eyes watching him.

#bjk plays baldur's gate 2 #caden of candlekeep #long post #thanks so much for that dream #which told us nothing we didn't know already but just made Caden more stressed out :P

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gillianthecat · 1 year

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Not Me

These are my notes, raw and only lightly copyedited, from four months ago, taken as I watched Not Me (around September 8th). In them I think about revolutions and the culture of activism, make predictions about what happens next, am endeared by romance, and fangirl over First. Among many other things. It is interesting to read over what I noticed then and how I felt about it, after having had months to mull it over and reading other people's thoughts on the show. Even now, I still have complicated tangled feelings about the show. It felt incredibly important and unique, and also like it was trying to do too many things at once. It felt flawed to me, swinging between a very human sort of realism and complete ridiculous nonsense. But having since learned more about it's fanfic roots and how much was changed from the novel it was based on (thanks @moonchildridden!), I can see why that came to be, and admire just how political they managed to make this show despite everything. I wrote early on, "this is not escapism for me," and that still very much feels true, even though the romance was beautiful and tender and I adored it. It brought up all my feelings about the times in my life when I was an activist, and about why I'm not doing that now and how I can get back to that. And all my thoughts about how to do activism, and how to actually make change in the world. Which is a lot, and the main reason it took me so long to write about this show. I only took notes up to episode 9, so there is nothing on the last three episodes. It got too intense for me to want to write about it, though I do remember many of my thoughts and want to write more about the series as a whole. I did write some about the romantic relationships in (or not in) the show, my love for Sean in response to an ask, and talked about the realism of the Not Me world in comparison to KinnPorsche in this conversation with @lelephantsnail.

long so all my notes are below the cut:

Episode 1

I get so anxious for characters when they have to pretend to be someone they're not. Although less so here than usual.

Ok. Looks like they have chemistry! I see why they're a popular actor pair!

That dirty oil fight is adorable but also... dirty motor oil! Blech. I can't focus on the cuteness for the grossness of it.

I like the voice overs actually. They're not necessary, Gun is conveying everything with his acting. But it's nice to have my questions articulated.

Yok is hot -> Wait, is that First？-> *checks MyDramaList* -> Ah, yes. That is First.

Episode 2 (and 3?)

It's so fascinating to be putting together a picture of Black based on the little snippets of what people say or how they react to White. And of course White is going through the same thing.

I live in a much drier climate than Thailand, but it still makes me nervous to see people starting fires in the middle of the forest. 😳😬

Oh no! Please don't have this fellow activist vandalizer die in the fire!

This show is intense for me. I'm feeling kinda raw about it. Definitely not escapism.

I love that they have this mute character and are portraying real issues. I wish it wasn't portrayed in a scene where it felt like Yok and his mom had never met each other before.

Wow they are not pulling their punches. I am really curious about the context that this got made in, and what the reception in Thailand was like.

Lots of feelings on my failures as an activist. Something about that room in the garage, evokes all those warehouse punks from my 20s. They still exist, I'm just not a part of that world anymore.

This show is very didactic. I don't know how it would work for me if I was a Thai activist. Or Thai in general. I think if it was a US show, or English language at least, it would feel too didactic. Either annoyingly earnest or I wouldn't trust the filmmakers.

But because I'm watching it as a foreigner, and it's about a political scene I know little about, the didacticism doesn't bother me.

Also I'm watching with the assumption that this was politically risky to make. I'm guessing that just making the film is a political statement in Thailand, and so I already admire it for that. Whereas in the US it often feels like it's relatively, not easy, but uncontroversial to make a political film, so I accept more. Or at least don't admire their bravery. It may be hard to get funding, but for the most part it doesn't feel like the government is breathing down filmmakers necks in the same way

I am making a lot of assumptions about the Thai political context. I need to learn more to have a proper opinion.

However, it feels really honestly radical, and getting that on mainstream tv in the U.S. would simply not happen. Indie films yes. Series by a mainstream company this overtly political no.

In this us there might be radicalism for the aesthetic, but not actually a look into the issues. Not actually a show that direct action as anything real, rather than a dramatic superhero moment.

I can't even think of any tv shows that are directly about activists and activism. In a metaphorical way, yes, but not direct like this. I'm sure they exist, but what are they?

And a lot of the tv shows films that are about activism are historical. Black panthers, etc.

I don't even know about in other counties.

Whew, this show has got me in my feelings and thoughts.

Anyways

I wonder if this show is going to address the parents each abandoning half their children. And how/why etc Black and White didn't talk for a decade(?). Or if that was mostly a plot device to get the false identity thing going.

I like that this is a lot about White's relationships with other people besides Sean. That those seem to be equally important, or more important than his awaking.

So far it is more about his radicalization than the romance. Which I actually am glad about.

The pace of Sean figuring out something is wrong is good. There is chemistry but no flirtation or anything like that yet, which feels right. And the fake identity thing gives a good reason for Sean to be an asshole without making him seem like an unredeemable asshole.

I wonder if we'll ever get to hear what Sean was thinking during this time. I hope so.

Voiceovers. Getting very didactic. Mixed feelings about that - see above.

Are they contractually required to have a pratfall kiss? The towel mechanism was stupid (although better than a bouncy wall, á la The Eclipse), but at least the almost kiss was better than usual. I liked that their faces were actually offset, no lips touching or almost touching. That fits them better, is more realistic to what bodies would actually do in that situation, and I'd better for the pacing.

Guns are a lot more terrifying in this real world than in the mafia world.

I hope we get more of that dude from the diplomats exams.

Episode 4

Political modern dance!!

Aaah! The Kinnporsche pool. I'm afraid that's seared in my brain as part of mafia mansion now, I don't know if I can buy it as another place but I'll try.

Are we suspicious of Todd?

Initially I wasn't because he was the one bringing White in. And I think people ship Tod & Black.

But I got suspicious when I saw how rich he is. (Oh right, they were childhood friends.) Is his dad Tawi? Would White have known/remembered that?

They seem to be a totally isolated group? Which is probably plausible for self radicalized university students? But also makes the show feel less grounded in real political activist work. Gives everything more aesthetic activism vibes.

Also these boys don't know how to organize or create a campaign? Which is also plausible, but they feel like dilettantes. I guess I don't need the ideas to be any better, just lots more talking to get there...

Episode 5

Oh, and hooray for a trans woman character who like an actual character and not comic relief or whatever. (Possibly multiple characters in multiple settings (I don't know what I was referring to here)).

This violent stretching while they're cold is making me anxious.

Ok this leaping across building stunt is annoying me more than it should. I think I have to let go of my expectations of realism here. The political message is legit. But the depiction of activism is closer to the aesthetic/fantasy side of the scale than I initially hoped.

Ok. I think I'm not going to love this as much as @lelephantsnail does. Or as much as I want to. But I admire it a lot. And if I adjust my expectations I can like it a lot. It's hard to enjoy exactly because it's hitting too close to home. Or at other moments too watered down didactic. (Black is defending capitalism and monopolies? How are they not more suspicious?) But I can enjoy parts.

Episode 6

Oy. I don't like thread of Gumpa constantly testing them. I get that it's to heighten the tension without going too far into plot that can't be backed out of but... partly I guess I don't think the emotional fakeouts are a good thing.

And partly I feel like it makes a joke of the activism? Like, it's quite possible it's a real training technique used. But combined with the general floppiness around the activism world building, it just... it's just like a standard spy thriller. Which is fine I guess but not what I expected or wanted.

Also, if Gumpa can call on all these extra guys for this test, why is their little group so isolated. Gumpa acts like a mentor but is supposedly not the leader? What is their internal organization anyway? What are their connections? Are they just privileged kids who decided to become anarchist [vigilantes] on their own? Are they connected to any broader movement? Have they considered and rejected less violent/illegal means, or is that not happening in this world? Would I understand better if I knew a lot (or even a little) about Thai politics? Or even if I just understood Thai?

Ok, final having a conversation about how to do activism.

Ok I genuinely love that this... romantic? not exactly yet but there's something there... scene is White-as-Black earnestly discussing political philosophy while Sean is drunk and floppy and red faced. It's just so unique and real.

Which maybe is why I get annoyed at the other stuff that feels less real. But I will hold judgment to the end, because I honestly don't know who's evolving in what direction. And what the final message on activist tactics/philosophy is going to be.

I also really like the music (other than overdramatic hospital music.)

Also! They have a beverage sponsor, and the plot is them targeting a beverage manufacturer?! Bold.

Police brutality is brought up as well.

I like getting insights into Sean, but I don't think it works with the structure that’s been set up. Mostly we're discovering everything along with White, and then all of a sudden we'll get Sean's memory? It feels out of place.

Also, I appreciate this version of only-one-bed. OOB as a get-along-shirt.

These boys are beautiful in sunlight (see: Sean on the rooftop).

Like I know it's usually good storytelling technique to not have them endlessly talking in the same place. And it adds drama to have the conflict in the moment. But also why the fuck did that not plan all this basic stuff out ahead of time? Why are they having these basic conversations at the site? There had to have been a third option.

I guess part of what makes me anxious is I can't tell if their bad plans are because they're supposed to be inexperienced activists or if it's because of filmmaking shortcuts (or perhaps even ignorance on her part about radical activism?).

I genuinely love that they gave this romantic moon gazing scene to a platonic pair.

Oh poor Gram. I keep forgetting, but these boys don't know their friend is in the hospital and almost died 😞

Episode 7

I don't know if I've mentioned this yet but I really like the cinematography.

Sometimes I really love it!!

See I'm glad they agree with me that Sean's plan was stupid. But why they hell aren't they discussing this beforehand? I feel like every activist group, even the most pro-destruction anarchist terrorists, has endless discussions of philosophy and strategy. Anarchists especially are not just going to follow one guy without asking questions or sharing their opinion. It's just so odd.

Unrelatedly, I love Yok's tattoos. So hot. I unironically kind of want the bird one. Although I do not have First's biceps and deltoids.

And I love the set design and these kids hanging out in boxers and low cut tanks all the time. The aesthetic feels very authentic. Which is why it's weird when the activism style doesn't. It's not so much that they're bad at it, but the way in which they're bad doesn't feel genuine to me. But also what do I know. I've never been part of the anarchist property destruction movement. And I don't know what it's like in Thailand obviously.

Thank you Yok! Finally some logical strategic thinking.

Ohhh. Interesting intersections here...

(I'm trusting this is not going to end with oh Tawi isn't so bad after all, we should be happy to be part of society etc. But if it does I will be PISSED.

Ok. This is going somewhere interesting. Starting a movement?

(Yok's fireworks moment was ridiculous but also a wonderful image. And hot. By the way.)

Oh thank god other people. I should have had more faith in the director.

Yay! Huge rally! But also

Where did this huge rally come from? This is not a spur of the movement reaction to their (frankly) silly little direct action thing. There have been other people planning and organizing against Tawi all along? Why are these kids so disconnected from it? Like I believe it's plausible that they would be, I just want to understand the story there.

The secret identity plot creates some weird constraints around the activism plot. Like in a way Sean et al are being de-radicalized? Instead of getting frustrated with the slow pace of community organizing and turning to property destruction, it seems like they started there?

So Sean and White will meet in the middle?

This dance! This feels like a real protest.

I mean, sometimes a small seeming thing will light the spark. But there also seem to have been organizers there ready to seize the moment and build the movement

And Black is clearly part of a larger movement with Eugene and her political dance. Yok & Sean and there street artists. Will we ever find out why they were so isolated? I'm starting to have hope that we may.

Gram is staring at Eugene. But I can't tell if it's because he's in love with her or jealous of her and in love with Black. Was he lying to Yok about Yok not knowing the person he was in love with?

Also, why couldn't anyone see that video of Black that Eugene took? Was their relationship a secret?

Registering protesters? I need to read up more.

Gun does a good job of making Black seem like a different person than White, even than White pretending to be Black.

Again I keep forgetting Black's friends don't know he's hurt and then I get sad.

So I guess that Gram is in love with Eugene. What's with the card White found then?

When is White going to tell them all? Are they going to deal with the fact he's been hurting them all with this?

Nuch's... PSA is what it is. It works here. Despite most of her dialogue being political statements she feels like a real person. And the didacticism of her statement on marriage equality feels good actually. It's a reminder that this film is not just about activists, but it is activism. And to put myself aside, because I'm not actually the target audience. I can watch and appreciate, but it's not about me.

Oh my god this scene. This fucking scene. I teared up when the queer couple catwalk across the rainbow flag started. I was not expecting that. And then Sean and White staring at each other across the flag. And walking toward each other underneath it. Sean's expression. Like he doesn't even know what to think any more. Taking his hand. And it isn't even romantic exactly. It's victory. That temporary victory.

This is the slowest of slow burns and it feels exactly like how their story needs to be told.

Who is Gumpa in all this, anyway? Why is he training them but not participating?

The high of victory!

Ooh, Sean and White are sitting on the couch together...

Ok, one thing a love about this is seeing a trans or any visibly queer character I can trust the show will treat them with respect. It's such wonderful and also a relief as a viewer.

Yikes. I was thinking why is he cooperating with the police and then he started to run, lol. Again. Love this building. Feels like a real art school.

Is this cop or whatever kind of bad guy driving product placement car? That would be hilarious and... something.

Oh, probably not the bad guy actually. Probably the artists friend rescuing him. It's still hilarious to see him getting handcuffed against the sponsors car.

God I love all these sets!

Oh wait, that's the artist himself. I forgot what he looked like. And that he had the cop ID card.

Yok you flirt. First's smile is dangerous. But Yok, why are you carrying this man's wallet around with you? Have you been waiting for this very scenario to arise?

Hmm. How are they going to handle this cop romance? I was kinda thinking the ID card was fake.

I'm not so sure about this other guy yet, but First can probably carry their chemistry on his own. His smile! My god.

Yok, you flirt! "Of course you can paint me…” I had to stop and make my terrible gif.

Ok, maybe this INAR actor can keep up.

Halfway through and it seems the romance arcs are starting in earnest. I am pleased with this pacing I think.

I was gonna go to bed but now I gotta see what happens now that Sean pushed his way into White as Black's room.

Also the way Sean (nervously?) fixed his hair though the peephole was adorable.

Episode 8

I love the physicality of all the characters in this. They feel like real people. The way they were slouching on the couch last episode so their jackets rode up. So real. Like I feel like I went to college with these dudes at moments like that.

This scene! The soft warm lighting. The blocking floor bed floor etc. the way they're looking at each other. The way White listens. That story.

Ack so much adorable. The head bonk 🥺 the trust fall

There's content and awww here and I don't know what to write about first because the aww is so cute. And such a relief. The first real softness between them.

Oh but the lying. I'm guessing White doesn't even remember he's lying right now. He means it that he wants to trust and be trusted. But it's kind of ironic considering. Will Sean be mad when I finds out Will it be addressed? I'm somewhat hopeful yes.

Although that last line sounds manipulative so I don't know what to think...

And again all I can say is:

This scene. Tears charcoal intimacy the closeups on their faces so much of the time. Inar actor you've got me convinced. The flirting to start that turns so quickly to intimacy. Yes that makes so much sense he would cry being vulnerable like that to this man of all people. Yok's reaction? To draw first and then comfort without asking questions? I'm very curious about where this regretful cop story will go.

Everybody's spying on everybody. Which is stressful in an activist setting. But fits the enemies to lovers with several twists thing going on. So I don't feel bothered.

Honestly I think simply connecting them to a broader activist community though the rally eased all my anxieties. I don't know if my objections have been/will be solved but I feel better.

Oh yeah, I forgot about my glasses related questions. How had he been seeing this whole time? They never show him putting in contacts, he just removes the glasses and goes. Does he have a very mild prescription? Are the just for fashion? Has he just not been able to see much (seems unlikely).

But anyways, Sean is about to figure something out, we'll see how much...

Lol, ten seconds later there's a contact lens case.

Ok but he took his advice and is trying to bite himself out of those ropes. 🤣

Oh hello mic pack holder. But I honestly do appreciate the actors' commitment to physicality. In this case squirming around on the bed.

They are starting to get sexy together and I like it. I really appreciate the slow development of their chemistry actually. Immediate BAM! is fun, but this fits better for them and their story and is nicely nuanced.

Ooh I love the recall to the first day with him now unthinkingly jumping this same wall.

Dudes. You or someone else should have made a plan for how to protest this lecture. It doesn't even need to have been a good one. But there was this whole street of organizers? And apparently Tawi is the Jeff Bezos of this version of Thailand? So someone would have tried to organize a protest, right? Thai organizing can't be that different, even with a different culture around respect? Or maybe it is???

Like I get this shows Sean's passion and anger but...

Oh forgot their last interaction was Sean leaving White-as-Black tied up.

This really is Only One Bed: The Series. How many different places can she conspire to have them sleep together.

Episode 9

Sex scene tender sweet and hot. Consent communication can be very sexy omg.

This feels very different from any BL sex scene I've seen yet. More real somehow? Why? The intimacy of the tent? The way the are communicating? Maybe because White's anxiety is not about sex but about being intimate while lying about who he is. The hands! The ear bite! Maybe because I haven't seen a bl sex scene get that montage/time lapse editing yet. It was a wonderful way to make it feel like they weren't just fading to black while still not showing a lot. (Which I guess why it's commonly used technique in other film industries lol.)

Did Black wake up because his twin was fucking? I'm not even sure what to think about that. And were the tears his own or transference from White?

That heartbeat convo and the little kiss. It felt so genuinely post coital.

They seem to be transforming from enemies into softest boyfriends ever. Which I think I'm good with.

It felt rushed in a way but then also it didn't. Like there was all this under the surface that suddenly was ready to emerge.

I love how they got a scene with the gayest bridge but it was actually about the decaying pier. Perfect. Although I'm disproportionately annoyed by the impossible leaps.

I'm anxious about this cop boyfriend thing. Which side of the storytelling will win out, bl's hea or activism's acab? Why was he there to rescue Yok?

Ok. Yok may be falling for the dude but at least he's being smart about not revealing their work.

Return sad poignet (probably I meant poignant? I don’t know what I was trying to say though.) amazing acting Gun. The grief of your long lost dead brother staying closed off to you ...

De transformation. Give me my phone. (I have no idea what this comment was supposed to mean.)

Called it! about shady Todd.

And that was all the notes I took. After episode 9 I think I was too overwhelmed by the show and my thoughts about it to write down my reactions.

#not me #not me the series #nuchy anucha boonyawatana #thai pro democracy movement #thai politics #political thoughts #gillianthecat reacts to bl #kind of like liveblogging #activism in media #clearing out my drafts

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iphigeniainaulis · 2 years

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Ten Thousand Leaves

Pairing: Shingen x Inoue Eri (OC)

Warnings: this is generally SFW with some not so spicy moments. Also for the sake of the plot let's imagine that Shingen’s first trip to the future was really quick

Here is a little something I prepared for lovely @tacogawa

Honestly, I think I’ve become too invested into this couple. Eri is such a brilliant character to write, and Shingen is…Shingen. Hope you’ll like it even though it’s not perfect!

And many thanks to @ikemenlibrary and @sunnyikemen for all your time and efforts put into bringing together the whole bunch of extremely talented and sweet people 💛

Learning more about your born in the XVI century boyfriend is not a great deal when you live in his world. Letting him know more about your relatively ordinary life in the XXI century is way harder. Of course, he can rely on Sasukepedia, but even reliable sources may sometimes face the Blue Screen of Doom.

Standing against inequality in every form and measure, Eri perfectly realized the large disparity in access to knowledge that existed in her relationship with Shingen Takeda. That's why when her boyfriend mentioned that he “wanted to visit the future one more time just to be able to know her better” during another day walk to the town, the young woman took it seriously.

She didn't want to consider for a moment the possibility of putting Shingen in danger of getting stuck into the time whole, so instead she decided to bring a part of her world into his own.

Eri spent the whole day in the kitchen, boiling, roasting and even baking dozens of dishes, from sweet sakura wagashi to spicy curry bread, modern dorayaki and vegetable cream soup that was useful for the warlord’s health.

It was necessary to keep her present a secret, but since when did she ever succeed in hiding something from the Tiger of Kai?

Eri was thinking a lot about what and how exactly she wanted to tell Shingen about her world. In terms of historical accuracy it was better to ask Sasuke for help since he was the true king of theory and practice. But no, she didn't want it to be another boring retelling of cold hard facts. Her strong point was her imagination, expressiveness and ability to show a wide spectrum of emotions. So, why not tell her story through the language of memories, food, scents and feelings?

For Eri her friends were the biggest source of emotions in all their vivid diversity, but she could no longer reach for them. There was also that old traditional minshuku where she worked, loved and met so many new faces, watched, enjoyed and cried over the movies of their good and bad days. Maybe she should show Shingen a glimpse of her daily life there?

Not to say, Eri really wanted to spoil Shingen with her favorite coffee with a great milk foam. The problem was that in Sengoku’s Japan people weren’t that much invested in the coffee culture, and she didn't have enough ingredients to use.

Shingen was a brilliant man. A perceptive one. He didn't need words to know that something was wrong with his lover. She began to twitch her nose impassionately more often, the tone of her voice became a little bit more shaky — the wrong note played in the middle of a perfect sequence. And her eyes, of course her eyes. Two deep dark pools evoked the memories of a willow tree covered with the storm clouds.

Having flirtatious nature but not mind, Shingen Takeda knew quite well when it was necessary to build temples of sweet flattery and when it was better to approach people with strict honesty. Therefore, he asked Eri just one simple question.

“My angel, tell me what’s happened?”

There was no point in keeping secrets anymore. After her confession Shingen didn't say anything, only took Eri in his loving “bearish” embrace, and she forgot about their conversation for a while. Until one day she saw a large box full of dark coffee beans in front of the bedroom.

Shingen never mentioned how he managed to find them. Eri never asked.

When everything was done, Eri put a blindfold on Shingen’s eyes and led him to their room that was now turned into an improvised restaurant.

He removed the cloth and saw Eri standing with an ink brush and a piece of paper in her hand.

“What would you like to order?”

“As long as I’m blessed with your company, my goddess, I don't really care.”

Sitting at the table and sharing the meals, she tried to describe her working days, remembering all those little details that made them so ordinarily special. How she liked to talk with her clients, how funny it was to dance while baking chocolate cookies and how at first she missed it here. Shingen in return paid countless compliments to the coffee drink she’d made and told her some stories about his childhood.

But as the amount of food on the plates was reducing dartingly, Eri’s gaze turned more gloomy. No wonder. That big baby ate all the desserts, completely ignoring the tray with rice, vegetables and soup.

Come on, man, that's not how it works!

Crumpling the napkin, Eri leaned back with her eyes bored into Shingen’s handsome face.

“You know what I haven't told you yet?” she asked thoughtfully.

“I’m all ears.”

“About games. There were days when the restaurant was crowded with parents and their children, so I was usually asked to entertain them.”

“And what game do you want to play with me?” Eri recalled the names of all the kamies she'd read about and begged them to give her enough strength to ignore the damn smile that possessed enough power to make the coldest winter day warmer.

“Truth or Dare. My version. Basically there is one main rule: the loser has to grant the winner's wish.”

“Sounds pretty good.” Dew-drops of laughter were splashing in his voice. ”And what will happen if one of the players refuses to obey the rules?”

“Oh, so you’re going to give up even before we start?”

“How cruel.” Even if the warlord did sound offended, the look of pure joy on his face betrayed him. “My love may have the look of an angel, but her tongue is sharper than a devil’s spear.”

“I thought you liked my tongue.” Eri couldn't help sticking out her tongue just a little bit.

“Surely. Especially when its on my c—”

“Shin!”

“...candies. Why, did you think about something else?”

After having found three wooden dice and three shallow cups, the couple sat at both sides of the table as Eri kept on explaining the rules.

“I'll write one word on each dice. Then we’ll put them under the cups and mix. The one who gets the “Truth” dice will have to answer honestly any question asked by the other player. And if you’re lucky to have “Dare”, then you’ll have to do anything your rival wants you to. There are three rounds, three different choices. Sometimes I may write two dares and one truth or vice versa. You'll never know.”

Three upside-down cups were exposed in front of them.

“Ladies first, my dear.”

“Not this time, my dear.”

Eri’d had enough time to practice and almost perfect the art of how to know exactly where each dice was hidden and how to make her opponent pick the right choice. Whatever the ”right choice” meant. There were plenty of options from moving the cup just slightly closer to the player to picking up the right angle for the other two.

Rough fingers with surprisingly delicate, dove pink nail plates were teasing Eri with their elegant dance over the table and accidentally touching her hands. Suddenly they reached the “Truth”cup, and Eri held her breath, hoping he wouldn't pick it up. After all, she suggested playing the game for a completely different reason.

The eyes of steel on fire spotted the flush on her cheeks, and for a moment they reflected so many shades of emotions, from ultimate happiness to complete understanding. The woman could swear that Shingen knew what kind of tricks she’d used and what was hidden beneath the egg-shell china as if he looked at the glass.

He dropped his hand abruptly and pointed at another cup with the needed “Dare” dice under it.

“Dare.” A tiger’s lazy hum. “So, what do you want me to do, princess?”

“I want you to try this.” She acted with no hesitation and gave him a plate with soup.

Shingen smelled the plate with poorly hidden curiosity. Then took a spoon and said, “My precious lover cooked this for me. I cannot be more happy than..ough—”

“What do you expect, pumpkin juice?”

The quote left her lips spontaneously, and Eri didn't have time to think of how much her voice resembled Madam Pomfrey. Truly, it wasn't that important. She put back the tapestry of jade black hair and broke into laughter, watching one of the best moments in her life. A crease on her lover’s forehead — crescent moon shadows on the silver top of Fuji. Showing when surprised, disappearing when composed — a split second. Eri knew quite well how rarely Shingen allowed her to see him so vulnerable; but thus did she feel so proud of herself — for being able to break through that cool, calm and collected facade.

Shingen made no attempt to stop her. Right now he was the epitome of silence and reminiscent of a painter who’d been searching desperately for an ideal view for his picture and occasionally found it behind his own window. He was diving himself in the endless warmth of her laughter and thought that if the sun was her, then he, Shingen Takeda, wanted to become Icarus.

Finally, Eri managed to regain her temper, but a wide happy smile still rested on her happy face. She was studying the man in front of her and could see nothing more than the true embodiment of composure: relaxed posture, his usual hot smirk, massive hands dropped on his crossed knees. There was nothing in Shingen’s Herculean figure that could indicate the hurricane raging in his heart. Except the hawkish gaze that was the only thing preventing Eri from accepting his playfulness as true.

“What does it mean? Another interesting expression from your time?”

“Well..”

She was about to open her mouth to answer but cut herself immediately, imagining how awkward it would be to tell the XVI century’s daimyo about wizards flying on the brooms, Horcruxes, moving stairs and ginger beer sold at Diagon Alley. Shingen heard her muttering something like “forget it”, and then Eri looked down, so he could no longer see her expression. The flirtatious atmosphere was gone with the last bubble of it burst in the air, and as it often happened after another peal of emotions, Eri felt empty, confused and guilty of the moment ruined.

Although, there is this full-package option to be brought back 500 years in the past, one doesn't simply rewind just a few seconds, right?

But she missed the fact that her lover was none other than the famous Tiger of Kai, the man who fought with the same lust he lived and conducted talks as flawlessly as he waltzed with Death on the battlefield.

Soon they were exchanging jokes and enthusiastically discussing Eri’s life, dreams and goals as if nothing had happened. Talking about her dreams with Shingen was as easy as breathing. He listened carefully, never interrupting, and asked questions directly and only when needed.

There were times when Eri wanted to open an animal shelter and saved money despite getting paid peanuts. As they say, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

“I’m not talking about juridical nuances. Well, they are important, and pet owners must be obliged by law to bear responsibility for those they’ve tamed. But there is also massive public ignorance.”

“Explain.”

“People don't know how to act when they see homeless or sick animals. They are scared to do much harm by their actions, they are confused about how to feed animals and where to find a shelter. So, some people just— ”

“...prefer to do nothing,” they said simultaneously and grinned knowingly at each other.

“What you’re saying, princess, can be applied to many situations. Regardless of who’s involved — animals, humans or gods — the questions are always the same. Are we ready to take responsibility for our actions? And if the future offers us a bed of thorns, will we find enough courage to move forward or surrender to fears and despair?”

Eri had the feeling that what Shingen’d told her was way more personal than he wanted it to be and that his true intention was not to admonish but to warn her. At the end of the day, who better than the legendary Tiger of Kai could approve that the nobility of intentions shouldn’t prevail over the nobility of actions?

“I have a plan.” She squeezed her hands so tightly that the knuckles went frost white. But when she dared to raise her eyes and meet Shingen’s direct gaze, there was no sign of insecurity. Only that loud like silence, adamantine confidence in herself. “It's necessary to create and spread information cards to point out all places where the future shelters will be located. And also add the contact details of volun…I mean, people who will be glad to help us and look for animals until they are safe. In my world it is possible to do so using computers or tablets, but here we’ll have to use paper only.”

“In other words, this way it will become possible to get rid of the main preventing factor — the lack of knowledge”, Takeda nodded. He remained silent for a moment, considering Eri’s words, and when he finally spoke, his voice was overwhelmed with affection.

“My goddess is so beautiful, body and soul. Who am I but a poor servant ready to grant every wish of her?”

Eri raised her eyebrow questioningly, and he added with a boyish grin,

“I'll think about how I can help you create these maps. Can't promise it’ll be quick, but— ”

All other words melted in the black sea of curls, in jasmine and orchid, in a raining fire of touches, in lips caressing cheeks and neck until finding each other and bursting into deep, passionate kisses. A moan of pleasure flitted from Eri’s chest when Shingen’s wet demanding tongue drew the line of her lips and pushed inside with a loud smack, tasting the sweetness of their love.

When the lovers finally parted from each other, the sun was almost below the horizon. Each and every thatched roof in Kai province was painted with rays of reddish gold. The sky still held the memories of day heat, but the refreshing coolness of the night promised to be soon on its way. The streets were half-empty with traders closing their shops and local people rushing to their families. Lights from hundreds of windows kindled the empty streets with the tangerine gold color of ten thousand maple leafs, and the air was quickly loaded with the scents of boiling meat, rice and wood fire. Somewhere near the market square an old man with a lost smile was playing the shamisen. The echo of his music was written in the clouds with ethereal inks.

For our past where we held out our hands.

For our present where we reach each other.

For our future where we’ll go together hand in hand.

Eri was wrapped in her tiger’s tight embrace, and she didn't complain. Let some people fear his sharp claws — Eri was the only one who felt the safest when being so close to him.

“I think we’ve got distracted in the middle of our game,” he hummed.

Eri wanted to reach Shingen’s lips to wipe that arrogant smirk off, but the man was faster, emerging on the opposite side of the table in no time.

“My turn to lead, princess.”

She signed and began to watch how those sun-kissed hands with stretched veins were moving the cups. Of course, with Shingen it was necessary to be 200% concentrated, but Eri couldn't resist the temptation to admire the elegant contour of his wrists, the red marks that she’d left in a minute of passione and that now embellished his elbows.

Eventually, he stopped, and Eri pointed at the cup that, as she noticed, was moving slower than the other one — the sign that probably something could be hidden under it.

“Dare.”

“Show me another one!”

“Accept your faith with pride, Eri,” Shingen noticed calmly. Never ever did she want to pull his ears so badly.

“Shingen!”

Raising his hands in defeat, the man turned over the other cup, and Eri jumped on her feet, screaming,

“That's not fair! You haven't put a second dice.”

“I don't remember you mentioning using several dice in each round. So, I decided to improvise.”

“Liar!”

“That doesn't change the fact that you owe me.”

“Geez, sometimes you do act like a jerk.”

“And you love it, don't you? ”

"No, I would rather kill you for that."

"Oh, but can you really?"

"I won't hesitate, bi…Ah, never mind!"

Brushing away the plates, Eri leaned over the table and quickly kissed the tip of his nose, making sure another blush pinched his cheeks.

“For daring to trick me,” she replied, shaking her shoulders as if not mentioning an unspoken question in Shingen’s eyes.

But this time the response followed almost immediately. His breath was tickling the softness of her earlobes when Eri heard another bewitching whisper.

“The way you described dance in your world seems pretty fun. Why don't you teach me some basics?”

Though she really enjoyed it, dancing was not Eri’s virtue. On any other day, she would politely decline Shingen’s offer. But now love, intimacy of night and bitter-sweet taste of coffee in her blood made her bold, and she pulled the man closer to painted shoji where the melancholic play of strings could be heard.

The layers of silk tied tightly on her body made it almost impossible to move effortlessly. Every step — childish, every turn — clumsy. So different from the man’s elegant posture and rhythmic movements, so graceful, surprisingly graceful considering his rather impressive figure and non-poetic lifestyle. Shingen indeed was a man of many talents. God, she could just (but could she?) play some random Youtube tutorials on building ships, singing Mozart’s operas or playing otome games, and he would learn everything in a matter of seconds. No doubts.

At some point, when Eri got tired of imitating the jig when dancing the waltz, she let herself be guided by Shingen’s strong arms. All the stress and exhaustion from the previous days were threatening to burst out of her, but she tried to fight a sleeping curse with desperation worthy of samurai’s praise.

“A-and also I promised you an unforgettable night. Now let me show you—”

Giving a throat chuckle, Shingen gracefully made another step to the music and gently kissed her forehead.

“You make every night special, my love. But right now holding you in my arms is enough.”

“D-don't be so confident! You know how good I am at seduction." Her hands slowly caressed the line of his waist and then dropped lower to squeeze the muscular curves.

The next moment the world began to tremble as if somebody pushed the swings with all their might. Eri found herself lying on the soft futon with Shingen being on top.

“That's what happens when you lose control, Eri.” For once again the gentleness in his voice faded away, giving place to the stern resolve and deep, hidden under myriads of ice sheets passion.

“I’m your lover, but most importantly I’m a man. And I’m not a stranger to certain thoughts, especially when you act like this, warm, sensitive and longing for my touch.”

More than anything in the world Eri wanted to satisfy the hunger torturing her body and mind. Thick dark lashes lowered — black silk slipped on the floor. Her lips were burning in anticipation of kisses.

But the only thing she got was a single light touch on the forehead and then the woman was wrapped in a cotton blanket that covered her from head to toes.

“You’ll get what you want, princess. But only in the morning, when we’re both ready for this. I prefer to give pleasure rather than be the one who gets it.”

The last part of the sentence was met with the sounds of her calm breathing.

The night air in August was rich. The scent of rocky mountains. A pale trace of smoke was coming up from the engawa, where the man in white yukata was sitting. He couldn't help but gaze every minute at the woman in his bed only to find out another bunch of perfect little things about her much to his own amusement.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small wooden dice. At that very moment Eri moved in her sleep and mumbled, “Shin..do you..love me?”

He looked at the word ‘Truth’ written on the dice and softly squeezed it in his hand.

“Yes.”

More than you can imagine.

What did the greatest of the greats say?

“I will tread the sharpness of the

double-edged sword

And die with a good heart,

If it be for your sake.”*

*MYS XI: 2498 from the Manyoshu ('Collection of Ten Thousand Leaves'), the oldest anthology of poetry in classical Japanese.

#ikemen sengoku gift exchange #ikemen sengoku #ikesen #ikemen series #ikemen shingen #ikesen shingen #shingen takeda

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glaive-guisarme · 1 year

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Academia Animalia - rambling about magic

Sometimes you get deep into design and you have to stop and be like... am I overthinking this? And if you ask yourself that, the answer is probably yes.

So. Academia Animalia, my game about completely non-anthropomorphic animals that are also wizards. I am happy with how the animal half works, and need to re-structure the wizarding a bit, and one thing I am confident of is that everyone needs a facet of their school of magic that is Always On. But like... I want them to be able to cast spells too. More importantly, I want them to cast spells BADLY. They are animals squatting in the ruins of a college, casting spells made for human mouths and hands! The whole vibe should be "this does powerful shit but also causes problems because you do not have the ability to control it properly."

But what I am avoiding, however, is lots of randomness in spellbooks. Like, you don't roll dice to cast, because magic works Differently from regular stuff. Instead, I had a half-dozen little subsystems which all worked differently; a noble effort to make everything Feel Different, and which wasn't that bad on paper since every player only needed to know their own, but which did not help me meet my goals of making all the schools feel roughly equivalent in power and importance. It was, in retrospect, a balancing nightmare. Was I overthinking this?

Here's the new plan... we make the mechanics a little more standardized, using tech that's already present in the game. Most of the moves that already exist are choosy moves, where you get that "On a 10+ choose 3, on a 7-9 choose 1" or whatever, with a list of possible effects. This is familiar, but it's also extremely balanceable... if a move is consistently too useful, you can reduce the number of choices to make, or let the GM make a choice, or add a choice that's like "Also you don't take damage doing this move," which is powerful because it implicitly puts "taking damage" on the table whenever someone attempts it. And vice versa, you can add more useful bonuses and choices if something isn't hitting where you want it to.

SO, the new plan for spellbooks is that they work like this, with the exception that A) there is no rolling, it's just a matter of "when you cast this spell, choose X," and B) wherever possible they should interface with whatever the passive effect of your spellbook is.

For example, let's consider Elements of the Elements - a child's guide to fun and safe evocation.

(Every spellbook is also a BOOK, you see, with a title and tagline).

Passively, you are attuned to an element--earth, air, fire, water, maybe something like lightning and shadow for flavor--so that it's always a little bit all over you. If you're currently attuned to fire, you're a little bit on fire; if you're attuned to air, there's constant gusts of wind around you, etc. That's just what being an evoker is (when you don't have the manual dexterity to fully close off your connection to the elemental planes).

Your passive effect is a Thing That Is True, for all the good and ill that comes with that; if you're on fire, you don't need a light in the darkness, but you can't hide in the shadows either.

You can also cast Elemental Blast... you know, good old-fashioned fireball-type magic. No rolling necessary, just a free paw and a target. Choose 2:

You decide what element you are blasting (otherwise it's a random roll)

You hit your target

You don't hit anything else

It's not obvious where the blast came from

There is a hint of randomness in the element you choose... if you want to for sure use fire, then that's fine, but there's gonna be consequences. Else, you might get something else entirely. Oh, and whatever element you end up calling forth, whether it's by choice or by chance, that's what you are attuned to now, so if you decide to hurl a lightning bolt, then your fur is going to be all staticky for a while.

I think this is a good baseline to start from, and I shall see if I can get more and different flavors of magic that function in this fashion.

#academia animalia #indie rpgs #thinking about mechanics #animals can be wizards too

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strigwrites · 11 months

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Sisterhood

“You’re one of Basque’s girls, aren’t you?”

“Ma’am?”

“Down at the Polite Society. I’ve seen you.”

Sister Cressida’s round face crinkled with an intimate smile, a lunar body made blood moon by the dying embers of a late hearth painting her weathered features warm and ruddy. The boarding house had historically seen its share of late-night wraiths milling through its drafty halls well after midnight, sleepy women with lingering scent trails of busy kitchens, stables, and smithies. Present for the nightly comings and goings of late-shift workers were a handful of watchful sisters who would keep the lanterns lit and stewpots bubbling, but weren’t particularly given to conversation not just as a matter of the late hour, but also of an innate distance they held on purpose from their impoverished wards. But not Cressida.

A delayed, incredulous laugh punctuates Delphine’s response as she searches the elder’s face for signs of jest. “Forgive me, I just never expected one of the good sisters to make a joke like that.”

“Who’s spinning comedy here, little girl? I’ve seen you hustling into that building before, first by happenstance, but then because I was curious to know if what I’d seen was true, and it was. So I ask you again: You’re one of Basque’s girls, aren’t you?”

The younger of the two grows wary and lapses to silence that stretches uncomfortably until there seems no choice but to confess under her unflinching gaze. “Yes, I am, but I resent that phrasing. I’m waiting tables until the baby comes, nothing more. It was the only place that would hire me in this state. I promise you, there’s nothing untoward happening.”

“Nevermind that,” the wizened woman grunts with a brusque wave of her hand. “How do you protect yourself?”

“Protect myself? Well, I don’t think that’s necessary, the area is fairly quiet. I know it’s not the safest to be out and about after midnight, but I’ve never felt threatened.”

“And how do you protect yourself inside the club?”

Delphine falters, her mouth twisting to one side in soft dismay. “There are guards posted throughout who keep watch over it all. They seem reliable, but I’ve never had need. I’m a cheerful drinkmaid, nothing more. Most patrons can see that I’m pregnant and give me a hard time but it’s all in good fun. They’ve been a little raucous, but never a threat.”

Cressida sits back in her seat with a low creak from the wood shifting, her knobbed fingers folding together over the slope of her belly. Her posture is casual, but her pointed question strikes with a killer’s aim. “Do you think they’ll want you to keep serving drinks when your belly shrinks again and they no longer have to feel sorry for the single mother at the gentleman’s club?”

Delphine plays host to silence in response, her brow sinking heavily at the implication. The glowing hollow of a burnt log crackles quietly in the hearth, offering little filler for the uncomfortable, wordless stretch. She wallows in the indignity raised by Cressida’s implications, ruminating on her objections just to find that there are only uncomfortable truths waiting for her. An unborn baby was both a shield and a vulnerability; a precious token that placed her as something to protect just as long as it remained visible every bit as much as it revealed her most obvious weakness like guts torn open for a gathering omen of vultures. She wears the troubling thought as plain as day on her face, but the sister appears to take no pleasure in having evoked it. “I don’t envy you,” the elder finally states, breaking their impasse. “You’re set up like dominoes for a life of pain that we can’t shield you from.”

“Oh, to have made all the right choices,” the younger shoots back, bittered. “If this is the price of your help, then I suppose I’ve got to let it happen, but I’ll have you know that it wasn’t so long ago that I thought I’d be living like you instead of like me.”

“Is that so?”

“It is. I was in love with the whole, grand image of the church. I loved the ceremony and pomp of it all, the chants and candles. I thought it a fairytale to marry yourself to heaven, and heavens forgive me that I married a fool, instead.”

A scraping laugh makes her jump. “To be young and dreaming again,” the sister guffaws, tilting her head back to look up at the soft light painting the ceiling above. “What have I been doing all these years when I could have been spending it huffing the candles.”

“I’m not joking. I had every intention of devoting myself before—you know, all of this. I wanted to swear myself to the sisterhood. I had just started preparing myself to read the sacred polities when I met him and it all went sideways.”

“He was either terribly charming to overcome the fire of duty burning in your heart, or the fire was about as strong as a match in a gale.”

“That’s not funny,” the young woman protests, shooting a look of disapproval to her blunt companion.

“Which part of it is true? I’ve struck a nerve.”

“It was the former, alright? I fell for him so suddenly that I didn’t know what was happening. I’d never had someone take a shine to me like that, and he painted this beautiful future for us that felt so real to me. How was I supposed to know any better? He kept strange hours, but I didn’t care because the time we did have together was pure magic.”

“Did he spoil you?”

“You couldn’t imagine the gifts, sister. Flowers by the dozens, more than I could find vases for. Enough perfume to clear an auditorium, fine jewelry…” She pauses at a particular recollection and laughs incredulously, shaking her head. “A basket of kittens. Six little cats, only just opened their eyes. I said, ‘Niels, they are so precious, but who is going to take care of them all?’ and he said, ‘Don’t worry honey, I’ll hire someone. A kitten nanny, so all you have to do is enjoy them’. Well, I don’t have to tell you that he didn’t hire anyone, and I was heartbroken when I had to give them away. I was renting only a single room, barely enough space for me and my belongings—”

“And your burgeoning indoor garden,” Cressida interjects dryly.

Delphine sighs wistfully and leans back in order to rest her hands over the steep hill of her growing belly. “I should have seen that as a sign. Who does that? Who brings home an entire basket of kittens?”

The conversation trails off without an answer to that lingering question, leaving them both to their thoughts and the occasional sound of a wooden door opening and closing again with a heavy thud. Delphine’s recollections made the memories she’d shared feel years in the past, but the ever-present reminder attached to her body was a grounding anchor attesting that barely any time had passed at all. Her eyes meander over to the sister’s reclining figure at the sound of a deep exhale, expecting the older woman to have gently nodded off, but instead her counterpart gazes pensively into the fireplace, soundlessly tapping her fingers against the wooden arm of her seat.

#original writing #delphine

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darspeaksout · 1 year

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SUSMARYOSEP Is My Most Surprising Fragrance Yet

- DAR DAR G

Today is April 22, 2023, and I made SUSMARYOSEP. It has notes of green tea, frankincense, tobacco, chypre, and amber. The ratio is 1:1 for all of these notes, which amounts to 2.3 ml each in a travel-sized spray bottle. I figured if I wrote down the formula here, I wouldn’t need to write it in my notebook. Writing on Tumblr has always been more familiar and nostalgic, anyway.

SUSMARYOSEP is a Tagalog phrase which literally means, “Jesus, Mary, Joseph.” The phrase is used to express exasperation or surprise. I arrived at this name because the opening of the fragrance reminded me of the wooden pews in church. This wood feeling is created by the note of frankincense. In addition to the wood, there is a cleanliness which is created by the notes of green tea and tobacco. When I first smelled these raw materials, I was surprised to find that tobacco actually smelled more pleasant than I had anticipated. I guess I was thinking of cigar, which is closer to what I had imagined all smokes to smell like - dirty, grown, ultimately difficult to blend in a fragrance. But tobacco is rather smooth and easy on the nose. I picture a dark blue when I smell it for some reason.

To continue, chypre gives the fragrance that department-store cologne feel. And amber grounds everything together, making it warm. In deciding the name of this fragrance, my mind went from wooden pews to rain (as it was raining earlier today). So we have the image of Mass while it’s raining outside. I thought, what is a Filipino term or expression that derives from religion? And that’s how SUSMARYOSEP came to be.

For those who are already familiar with this term, it may come as a surprise that this is the name chosen for a fragrance that is essentially a woodsy, contemplative scent that leans masculine. SUSMARYOSEP does not evoke shock, anger, or surprise - to me, its creator, it evokes calmness, poise, and self-assuredness. Because of the gap between what “Susmaryosep”, the term, means, and how SUSMARYOSEP, the fragrance, smells, it invites anyone who has the chance to smell it to use their imagination to bridge these two ends together. If there is any shock factor to speak of, it’s that this fragrance does not embody the personality that one would expect from such a name. It is quiet and subtle, yet clean and sharp. It remains close to the skin and is not a projection beast. It does not announce itself because it has no need to. Like someone confident in themselves, their personality is no surprise to them but may come as a surprise to others. This confidence is what I tried to embody in my reel.

I took advantage of today’s weather - cloudy, gloomy - to issue forth the emotions necessary to be felt in order to produce SUSMARYOSEP, and my accompanying reel. This is the first reel I have created which provides a closer look into my process of making a fragrance. As a hobbyist, I enjoy tons of freedom when it comes to creating whatever scents I want, at my own pace, with no external pressure, and a limitless capacity to explore my own creativity. Of course, in the reel I am using pipettes, measuring liquids, spraying tester strips, and the like. But I am also sipping coffee, drinking water, taking my vitamins, and sometimes just sitting in my chair as I stare into space. This is to show that in the creative process, it’s not only about being productive and producing the results that everyone sees. It also consists of pondering, imagining, reminiscing, emoting. It is work and meditation at once. Similar to when I throw knives, I forget everything else and concentrate on the task at hand as I let my “flow state” take over.

The song, “Waves”, by LeRoyce, captures the relaxed and melancholic vibe I was aiming for. The last few clips feature the gray sky, and myself as I walk away from the camera with my back turned towards it. Walking away symbolizes that, at least for now, this fragrance is complete. I say “for now” because as a creative, it’s common for us to revisit previous works and try to perfect them, although objective perfection does not exist. In the ending of my reel, I take a sip of my coffee before the beat drops and it cuts to a clip of a black screen with “SUSMARYOSEP” written at the top, and some of its prominent notes listed underneath. The reel cuts back to me - I turn my head forward then walk to the right until I exit the frame completely. The casualness of my movements shows calm, poise, and trust. As the viewer, you don’t know where I’m walking towards. But from the self-assuredness I have demonstrated, you can trust I’m going to a good place.

This is the essence of SUSMARYOSEP - a confidence that is not performative and heavily charged with hypermasculinity which is the version often seen now in the media, but rather one that is subtle, cultivated by and exists for itself. It’s self-assuredness after having broken away from religion and homophobia, finding strength as an individual for once and not as part of a collective subscribed to the same ideologies as everyone else. A confidence gained only after tapping into your creativity and bringing it to the surface. A confidence that shocks others because of how apparent it is, but also how natural it is to the individual that it often goes undetected. One is left to wonder, “Jesus, Mary, Joseph. How is that possible?”

Personally, SUSMARYOSEP is by far the fragrance that has surprised me the most. A phrase similar in usage that I often hear is, “Diyos ko, ‘day” (”My God, sis”), which is a term mainly used by women. I have not given this potential new creation much thought beyond its name. “DIYOS KO, ‘DAY” is funny, colloquial, and lighthearted. If I were to pursue this scent, I can see it becoming the woman’s version of SUSMARYOSEP. We’ll see if it comes to fruition. Instead of making any promises, I would rather deliver it as a surprise.

#SUSMARYOSEP #fragrance

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