#but I just don't have the emotional stability to talk right now. No it's gonna be fine. I have faith in me and God.
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Batmom Cass : enter Barbara
Part one of 2
“You did good work,” Barbara said, in a casual tone. Proud.
Timmybird nodded and gave a flash of teeth in a smile. Didn't believe. It's nothing, look away. “Glad you think they'll pass.” He rolled his neck. “I don't want anyone to be able to prove he's Danny F.”
Cass watched their interplay casually, hair damp from the post-patrol shower and comfortably swimming in an oversized sweatshirt. She played with the ends of the sleeve as they talked.
“They can suspect it all they like, but it'd be hard to disprove this is a separate kid.” Barbara ran her palms over her wheelchair handles in an unconscious tic that meant she wanted to go, go, go. “Still, I like the idea of keeping him out of the public eye until we nail down what's going on in Illinois. This GIW group is bad news.”
Cass bit her lip and flexed her toes, uncertain. Danny was getting restless. And he was a teenager: he needed to be in school. He needed to learn, stretch his wings, grow.
But safe. He needed to be safe, first.
The trouble was she didn't know how to make him fully safe. She'd had him for four days now. Judging by the report of his death, Danny baby had been homeless and on the run for more than a month. He was hiding. Even when she was in the room, he was looking for attacks. Who was he looking for? Dad and mom Fenton? GIW group?
“-gonna hit the showers,” said her little brother.” Cash barely registered him heading to the batcave bathrooms. She was internally weighing her bat nosiness sense against her worry about pushing Danny for answers too soon.
“Am I good to meet him, Mamabird?”
Cass blinked back to awareness. “Mama bat,” she corrected. “Yes.” She cracked her lower back. Mm. Too much standing after patrol. She needed to move a little. “Breakfast. Baby wakes up soon.”
Barbara snorted. “I'll go to bed after,” she said wryly, because they had been flying and solving into the morning light. Riddler was out on the streets. “Did someone check with Alfred about adding me to the breakfast table?”
She didn't know. Cass hummed and flipped over to walk on her hands up the stairs. It sent a pleasant ache through her upper back. Stabilizing her core and legs was just the right amount of casual challenge to make her body feel better.
“Christ,” Barbara said quietly, and huffed out a laugh. The elevator dinged. “I'll see you upstairs.”
Barbara Batgirl beat Cass to the top. Cass huffed in displeasure at the loss and flipped back to her feet. She ducked into the first bathroom they passed to wash her hands.
Alfie was in the kitchen in his morning waistcoat and a thin, comfortable button up shirt. Casual day!
“Good morning, Miss Cassandra,” he said. The kitchen smelled like yeasty bread. Cass sneezed happily and peered around to see meats, cheeses, and fruits.
“Morning!” She chirped. “Barbara wants to stay for breakfast,” Cass said. Barbara wheeled in a moment later, sheepish.
“Good morning, Alfred,” she said. “If it's not too much trouble-”
“It's no trouble at all,” he reassured. “Miss Cassandra, would you add an extra place setting?”
Cass hopped to it, mimicking the placement Alfred had made. It was a nearly full table today. Timbird, Batdad, Dickbird, Cass, Danny baby, Damibat. And now Barbara bat.
She heard a jaw-cracking yawn before Danny swung open the door. “Good morning,” Danny baby yawned through his hand. His eyes were bleary. She watches with amusement as he shuffled in, face down. “Have a good ni-”
He stopped. Eyes on Barbara bat.
New adult, he was scared?
No. Cass rapidly calculated and shifted his shifting body language into emotions. Surprise, joy, love-love-lo-wrong! Not love! Sad. Wistful.
“This is my baby,” Cass said, pretending she didn't notice the reaction. “Danny. This is Barbara.”
Barbara must have noticed Danny's reaction to her. She didn't move closer, lifting a friendly hand from across the countertop.
Danny looked haunted. Danny looked small. “It's nice to meet you, Barbara,” he said. Weak smile.
She had to talk to him, Cass realized. She had to talk with him today. No more delaying. After breakfast, she would talk.
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This post is full angst, so be warned!!
"I don't understand," Eddie says.
Steve sits at their kitchen table, hands in fists and jaw clenched. He won't meet Eddie's eyes.
"You heard me."
"I--are you saying you don't want to be together anymore?" Steve doesn't answer, and Eddie can't bear it. "Steve. Is that what you're saying to me right now?
The hard line of Steve's jaw tenses further. "I don't know. I don't know if we want the same things anymore."
He shakes his head, tightening his lips around the furious words that want to spill out. "I want those things. You know I want them too. Nothing has changed for me."
Steve scoffs, turns his face away. "Kids, a dog, the white picket fence, that's not you, Eddie."
Eddie's mad that this is happening here, now, but this at least brings a sliver of understanding. "Is this about what your dad said last night? Because, bab--"
"That has nothing to do with this. I don't care--"
"You do care, Steve, don't lie. Not about this."
"He's a homophobic prick, it doesn't matter."
Eddie sinks to his knees in front of his boyfriend. "It matters, of course it does. He's your dad, the things he does hurt--"
"Is he wrong?" Steve snarls with a vehemence that has Eddie stumbling back. "You can't give me kids or stability or--or normalcy."
Angry tears threaten now, but he blinks them away, has to stay calm has to figure out how to make this right. "I'm trying to give us that life, sweetheart. I'm sorry it's not gonna happen overnight."
Steve shakes his head. "How can we have that when you're never home?"
Eddie lets out a noise that doesn't know if it's a laugh or a sob. "Are you serious? How can you--You can't just--You want to do this now?" He settles on, eyes flicking to where his suitcases and guitar are in a pile at the door. The clock audibly ticks down to when he needs to leave to meet the guys, to go on the tour that could change their lives.
"When else would we do it?" Steve asks, and there's suddenly fire in his voice, a blaze in his eyes.
Fury makes him shake enough that his teeth snap together. "I've been home for two weeks, Steve. We've had thirteen days to talk about this, and you pick an hour before I leave for three months?"
"You're always leaving, Eddie, that's the whole problem!"
"Yeah, so I can give you that life you're so desperate for! This is our ticket out of here."
"It's your ticket! It has nothing to do with me."
Eddie stands, so angry he thinks he might throw up. This isn't the first time they've had this fight, far from it, but they agreed--they agreed. "You said," Eddie's voice shakes. 'You said you wanted me to do this. That it was important to you. I told you what it would be like, that it would be hard, and you, you--" If he speaks anymore it will be a scream.
Steve is crying now, silent tears dashing down his face. "You know how many days you've been home in the last year, Ed?" He can't answer, hides his face in his hands. "One-hundred and fifteen. I might as well not even have a boyfriend, at this point."
"Don't say that," Eddie chokes. "Don't you dare. This is for you. For us."
"Nothing is for me!" Steve yells.
"Everything is!" Eddie shouts back. He's pulling at his shirt, like he's trying to bare his whole heart to the only man he's every loved. "Every song we record, every show we play, every tour we go on, is for you, Steve. Everything I do is for you!"
Silence rings through their kitchen, until Steve's soft, emotion broken voice, asks. "What if it's not enough?"
He does sob at that, can't hold in any longer. "Are you done with me?"
Steve doesn't answer, buries his face in his arms.
"Steve. Say it. Tell me we're over."
Still, Steve doesn't answer.
Eddie doesn't speak again. He crosses to the door, gathers his bags, his guitar, his keys and wallet. Doesn't bother to look back to where Steve sits, can't stand it, opens the front door.
It's the squeak of the hinges that finally drives Steve to speak. "Are you coming back?"
Eddie tilts his head, opens his mouth but closes it again before he says something he'll regret for the rest of his life.
He walks out, the door slamming into it's frame behind him.
#steddie#steve x eddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#angst#breakup#sorry#ficlet#oneshot#almost rockstar eddie munson#corroded coffin#stop#you're losing me#and i wouldn't marry me either#He doesn't come back#they get back together eventually tho#they're endgame#steve's dad is a piece of shit
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hey hi hello i just found out abt the samuri au and U HAVE MY ATTENTION
OK SO RIGHT OFF I'm gonna throw down a few inspiration sources that have my brain absolutely rabid for this samurai/ronin/old japan AU, with the front-runners being a loose Prince And The Pauper (YN is swapped and used as a decoy body double for an actual 'person of importance'), and the aesthetic styling of but not limited to Samurai Champloo, Blade of the Immortal (manga specifically but also the anime), Rurouni Kenshin, Natsume Yuujincho (for spirit-y things), Inuyasha(also for spirit-y things), Princess Mononoke, and Mononoke(Not to be confused with Princess Mononoke), AS WELL AS a big handful of other shows that I have seen over the years and could not for the life of me drag the names out of my subconscious to site.
Mix all that shit up into a blender and you're in the right wheelhouse of vibes for this AU. I am letting my little weeb/romanticized japan fan run wild with this in my head.
HARD FACTS SO FAR:
Sun, Moon, and Eclipse are 3 separate beings. They are also all three non-human/spirit/demon creatures. They themselves don't differentiate between 'good and bad' spirits per say, as it's usually humans that place labels like that on what is GOOD and what is BAD based on human morality. They are usually seen as 'good' protector beings however.
Sun and Moon aren't technically linked to each other in the traditional DCA way. They existed separate from each other before meeting, but their personalities/energies compliment each other so well they formed their bond and began to travel together of their own choice and have been companion spirits for ages. NOW they are linked together, but can exist without each other if the need arises. They'd just be sad about it.
Eclipse is an example of two spirits merging (stares at Sun and Moon with intent, but uncertainty. You can see where this is going maybe. I can see where this is going maybe. I don't know where this is going yet but there are IDEAS). I don't know if they merged willingly, by force, one took over the other, or if it was out of mutual necessity. But there are technically two beings sharing one mind.
Half of him is very calm and stoic, detached(seemingly) from his emotions, but also incredibly calculated. This half only talks when necessary, moves when necessary, and tends to observe the goings-on around him instead of intervening. The OTHER half of Eclipse is wild and playful, a mischievous trickster that likes to keep his 'companion of the moment' off guard with verbal and physical pokes and prods, holding the upper hand and either forcing them to rely on him for stability/support (again, physical or emotional) or without letting them gather ground for stable footing. He likes to stir the pot and rarely lets a few moments of silence go by without striking up new conversation and rambling on wherever his thoughts may take him, whether or not said thoughts are true or not.
All three of these beings are highly skilled swordsmen (obviously) and can usually 1v1 a human without much thought. A good benchmark for a light challenge would be a 3v1, 5v1 getting a little sketchier, and anything more than 6-7 generally skilled opponents leaving them at a slight disadvantage. However, Sun and Moon are rarely apart, and Eclipse has a few 'secrets' up his sleeve that can still tip these numbers in his favor.
DEMON POWERS TBD so far. If anything much more interesting than longer life, generally stronger/more durable than humans/spiritual connection stuff.
MORE IN A PART 2 cause it wont let me send it as long as it was
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Can you elaborate on your interpretation of Flowey's ability to SAVE as a metaphor for trauma?
hi meant to answer this when u first sent it But things were busy and i also have So Many Thoughts SO prepare for my flowey rambling!! i might go a little more into depth about grief and the specific kind of grief flowey has so just be cautious if thats triggering at all
anyway the thing that stands out about saving to me most is that it's linked to control. the person saving has the choice to go back, or repeat everything however many times they like, or just move on and let things play out. flowey himself mentions he knows that power, that was the power we were trying to stop-- when given that sense of control people are bound to uhhh Not Have A Great Time! and it really reminds me of what ptsd and survivors guilt is like to deal with; the idea that somehow you could have stopped it or that only if you did this certain thing you could have saved someone or yourself so much trouble. flowey's ability to sa ve is grown from this belief that if only he made the right choice everything would have been fine, and a need for control for when he might have to make such a decision again in the future
he even says himself that he could have stopped whenever! just let everything go on. but he can't, at least he can't emotionally take something like that. flowey can't move on because of his need for control and stability in a world where he's trapped himself. it's like... a lot of times people who are in a bad state of mind subconsciously don't want to get better, because they're used to feeling the way they are. it's scary to move on and change because sometimes feeling so sad all the time feels like it Must be You, and then who are you if you're happy? there's also flowey's guilt, where he's probably questioning if he even has the right to be happy if chara is gone. especially when he clearly blames himself for what happened to chara. so he'd rather sit here in a world where he's in control and bored because at least he knows what's coming. people are predictable, but it offers him some weird stability
the other thing that really gets me about his ability to save is that he can only go back to waking up as a flower. at this point, chara is already gone, and he can't go back to being "asriel". it feels like... no matter how much he thinks about chara, who they were and their death and his inability to keep them from dying and how they filled their water to the top of the glass, he can't go back. he can reset everything all he wants, but he can't go back to before chara died. and adding onto that, wanting to return ends up idolizing chara in his brain. who knows if he even still thinks of them as they actually were. it's part of the reason why no one feels real to him. he has this distinct disconnect with himself and others because he needs to be in control and know everything, while with chara he felt they were "special". that they're the only one that could possibly understand.
and it makes sense that he feels that way! the only person who experienced his trauma was chara. he has an emotional wall up because the underground can't truly understand what he's feeling. no one feels real to him both because of this emotional wall but also because he's convinced himself that he's in control, that he knows exactly how things are going to go. he has this superiority and inferiority to others and a terrible savior complex because of his trauma, and it shows itself in his ability to save. it's like... he feels so trapped and out of control that he's desperately trying to hold onto any sense of control he can get but he doesn't realize how much his refusal to let go and heal is hurting him.
gonna talk about grief when it comes to suicide specifically here so WATCH OUT!!!! okay i have warned u all i am going to talk about it now. feel free to leave if it may be triggering i am begging u to not put urself through triggering bullshit <3
anyway i think the fact that chara took themself out and asriel felt like he couldn't tell anyone because this was for the sake of freeing everyone is really. that's the nail in the coffin. the heart of his control issues. i feel it might be a bit difficult to understand if someone hasn't gone through that grief themselves, but when someone you've known and loved has told you of a plan to get rid of themselves for the sake of everyone else, it leaves you feeling helpless. after all, if someone plans to do it, they will do it. you can't control that no matter how much you might want to. the fact that he lived through that-- that he couldn't stop chara, that he couldn't save anyone not even himself, that he might have made the wrong choice-- that's the thing that's eating at him. he constantly talks about how If Only Someone Made The Right Choice Everything Could Have Been Prevented. he's taken up chara's death unto himself. if only he did the right thing, then maybe chara would be here. but that's not how it works. chara was their own person, but asriel doesn't know how to be his own person.
that's why him saying he doesn't regret his choice anymore after so much time is so important!! it's him finally accepting that he needs to let go of chara and start living for himself. so his ability to save and finally letting go of his ability to save is so important to his trauma and cycle of self hatred. that's why he begs us to let frisk go. he knows what it's like to live through that cycle. the ability to save can be a metaphor for plenty of things but i think with flowey specifically it's an incredibly well written way of establishing what trauma feels like and the need to be in control after feeling so out of control of everything during the event. i hope that my deranged rambling makes any amount of sense cuz i think about this so very much
flowey is such an important character to me cuz he's really helped me analyze my own process of thinking while dealing with that kind of grief and it's kinda helped me come to terms with what happened. i love flowey sooo very much i really hope we get to see him more in the newsletter stuff cuz i neeeeed to see him being happy and living his life after his trauma i love the fact that he has a ribbon from papyrus cuz hes finally living for himself and his friendships and i am GOING to CRY !!!!
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Left in the Cold (A Witcher fic)
Author’s Note: Again, I'm very aware that not everyone likes the Witcher but this is what demanded my attention this week. TBLP and Permission Granted are being worked on right now though lol
This is a sequel to Opposites Don't Attract I took bits of lore from the show, the books, and the games and mixed them all up into a cohesive awesomeness...I switch between calling the bard 'Jaskier' and 'Dandelion' because he goes by Dandelion in the games/books, because he doesn't like people know he's a noble. No smut in this one, just lovely angst.
Summary: Y/n doesn't think Geralt really wants her so she's leaving before she can be left.
Pairing: Geralt x Female Witcher!Reader, mentions of Geralt x Yennefer and Geralt x Triss Merigold
Word count: 3303
Story Warnings: angst... just mostly a lot of that shit lol
~~~~
“Here’s the other half, Madam Witcher,” the museum curator who hired you said, handing you a bag of gold Crowns.
“Not a ‘madam’ anything,” you disputed, tying the bag to your potions belt. “What are you going to do with all the fakes Lery sold you?”
“They might not be authentic artifacts, but it could be argued that they are very well-done art pieces.”
You shook your head. Humans. So greedy. “Is that how you’re gonna be getting your money’s worth? You’re gonna charge people to see a set of fake Elven ‘art’?”
“I won’t present it as authentic. Don’t worry about-”
“I don’t care enough to worry,” you interrupted. “You just be careful not to get the attention of the guard. Nilfgard doesn’t like frauds.”
The man nodded solemnly as you walked away and jumped easily up onto your horse, Daisy. You rode out of the East gate of Novigrad and started down the path, cutting across a field as you turned North. A flash of pink caught your attention and you slowed Daisy to a trot as another horse came up behind you.
You raised an eyebrow at the sight of Jaskier's fluffy pink hat. "What pink nightmare is that on your head, Dandelion?"
"It was a gift, thank you, from a very prominent Redanian Duke."
"Ah. Which of his daughters did you bed?"
"The youngest," he said nonchalantly. "But he legitimately liked my rhymes before he found out I had defiled his sweetest." You shook your head. At least the bard was consistent. "Where are you going?"
The way he asked the question made your eyebrows scrunch together. "I just finished a job in Novigrad. I was going to search for another contract in-"
"You're going North. Kagen is South."
You bristled slightly at the mention of the town where you left Geralt. "Why would I go to Kagen?"
"I just spoke to Geralt yesterday and he said that you were meeting him in-"
"I'm absolutely certain that Geralt has too much sense to be waiting around for me."
"Wait, did something happen?" Jaskier asked, reaching out to put a hand on your shoulder. "You can talk to me, Y/n."
"Remove your hand from my shoulder or I'll remove your hand from your wrist," you warned.
"Well, someone's touchy today." He pulled his hand back and sighed. "Why aren't you going to meet with Geralt?"
You rolled your eyes. "Why would I go meet with Geralt?"
"Now, I thought you two were together, at least in a physical sense. Highly compatible, right? He's a witcher; you're a witcher. You've got parts that match up nicely. Everyone in the tavern heard you in Lyria. I thought that was the start of something-"
"Gezras save me. Jaskier, shut up." You licked your bottom lip between your teeth and bit into it harshly as you debated the best way to get the bard to stifle his questions. "We are compatible. Of course we are. Physically, we're a perfect match. However...I am not a sorceress...which means I'm not his type...and he will be bored of me before a moon has gone and I am...just getting ahead of that. All right? Have I bared enough of my inner workings to you, Bard? Or shall I pull out a flask of liquor and tell you of my childhood and lack of emotional stability?" you finished, a defensive sarcasm on your words.
"If that's what you want to do, sure, but I get the feeling that's not what you want to do," he responded, making you roll your eyes. "So, you're just going to leave him waiting in Kagen?"
"I'm sure he'll figure out I'm not coming back before too long."
"Do you want me to tell him-"
"I don't want you involved. I don't want you to say a thing about this. I just want to go find a contract to get some coin and put a few more miles between me and the Butcher of Blaviken, all right?"
"Oh, come on. He hates being called that."
"Then revise your song," you snapped. You took a deep breath and adjusted your hold on Daisy's reins. You were losing control of your emotions. You were straying dangerously close back into Feline territory. "I'm going to go. Enjoy your...just farewell, Jaskier."
"And when you run into him again?" He adjusted his hat and patted his horse's head. "It's bound to happen. He was actively avoiding me for years and we still managed to cross paths. What will you do?"
You shrugged. "If he's alone, we'll have sex. If he's with one of the others, I'll go my own way. As I am doing now."
You couldn't keep up the conversation. Jaskier called out after you as your horse sped away down the path, but you didn't turn back. You could not go back to Kagen. You could not go back to Geralt.
You felt...deeply...horribly...terrifyingly. You felt in a way that Geralt of Rivia did not. You cared easily. You loved freely. You desired in a way that Geralt could never even begin to understand. You felt...which meant you could, and would, feel pain. You were left wide open to heartbreak. After analyzing everything, you were left with a single option: walk away. Walk away and leave the White Wolf a sweet memory.
~~~~
You stared at the stars, lying out on your bed roll waiting for sleep to take you. In the three weeks since you left Geralt in Kagen, you’d gone Northwest. Away from Temeria where Geralt was, away from Redania where the king seemed to have a vendetta forming against all nonhuman entities, away from Nilfgard and their dark armies. Tredam in Poviss was a safe, calm place. A witcher would likely be the craziest thing to enter the gates in years. Once you were there, you could take some coin and rent a small cabin for the winter. Hide a while with nothing but your meditation. Force your emotions down. Force your feelings away.
If you made it that far.
There was no sound of boots on frosted grass approaching you, but there was a smell and a sense of movement. You didn't have to ask. You didn't have to look. You knew before he'd rounded the tree closest to you who was approaching.
"You can come out now, Joel," you called, sitting up.
"Quite a bit further up North than I expected, sister," he said, quietly, walking around the tree to look down at you. He was tall with dark skin and his brilliant eyes shined in the dark just like yours did. Joel was a witcher, a Cat School graduate, your brother in every way but blood. You could see pain and anger on his face and it took no guessing to figure out why those emotions were there. He knew, just as well as you did, that you had abandoned him when you left the Caravan. When you saddled your horse in the dead of night and took off without a word almost twenty years before, you left him behind.
"I've been all over the Continent...and Skellige. This is the first time I've been North of Redania in years, actually." You licked your lips and leaned forward, eyes narrowing to take in more of the man. He was scarred, just as you were, but your scars were monsters claws embedded in your skin as constant reminder to move faster, be better, hunt harder...his looked to be knife wounds. The scar across his throat made your heart ache; someone had slashed him from ear to ear. But he'd obviously survived. Gods have pity on the one who tried to kill that Cat.
"Oh, I've heard." He nodded as he came to stand in front of you. "A giant in Skellige, wasn't it? And that trio of trolls in Temeria."
"Just to name a few, of course." You analyzed Joel as he rocked a bit on his feet in front of you. He was on edge. He was anxious. He was in fight mode already.
"Just to name the ones songs have been written about."
You rolled your eyes. Jaskier would need to be throttled. "The songs were...not my decision."
"I noticed, in the songs that weren't your decision...those songs of a White Wolf and a Stray Cat, you seem to denigrate our teachers. Have you spent the last twenty years talking shit about the people who saved you?"
"You can't sully the reputation of a school of assassins and mercenaries." His eyes cut away at the mention and his heart rate doubled for a few seconds. "Is that why you're here, Joel? Are you here to dispatch a naysayer? Here to kill a traitor to your school?"
He scoffed and shook his head. "No. Of course not. I'd never kill you over something like ideology."
"Then what are you going to kill me for?"
"A witcher always fulfills a contract," he said, quietly.
That shocked you. "And there's a price on my head?"
"A woman approached the Caravan. Well-dressed, human, obviously uncomfortable around nomads...but she came anyway." You swallowed as he shifted slightly to stand between you and your swords. "She said her name was Marchioness Taran Woudsly and-" Your eyes closed in silent exasperation at the name. You knew what this was about. "-she needed a witcher to take down the witcher who murdered her husband."
"I did not murder her husband," you argued. "I have not murdered a soul in over twenty years. I have killed monsters and I have killed in defense of my own life, but it has been since the Quadrell contract-" You shook your head and sighed. Joel didn't care. "Her husband was cursed, wolf-bitten. He was killing people because he refused to be locked away on the full moon. I had to kill him. I waited until the wolf took hold of him and then I took him down. I did my job as a witcher. That his wife would rather have sacrificed the peasants of their lands than chained her husband, that she would rather they die than her cursed spouse...that she thinks what I have done is murder but not what he did to those families...well, that's telling, isn't it?"
“She’s put a contract out on you. I’ve taken that contract. It is my job as a witcher to-”
You jumped up and looked into his eyes. “Your job as a witcher is not to murder people. Just because our teachers taught us that was the way, that doesn’t mean-”
“Fulfilling a contract is our job. Witchers do not back down from our obligations.”
“She has no right to see me dead, Joel!” you exclaimed. Your emotions were high. Your adrenaline pumping. You were in peak Cat School condition. "She has no right to force my brother to bear the weight of my-"
"Your brothers and sisters have been bearing the weight of your absence, why should I not bear the weight of your death?!" he snapped, hand moving to grab his steel.
"If you draw your blade on me, I will be forced to fight against you. Please, do not force my hand to-" His sword answered for him. You jumped back as he slashed at you. "Joel, don't do this!" you begged.
He gave no indication that your words even penetrated his mind. He continued to attack you as you rolled and dodged, trying desperately to reason with him as he ignored you. His blade slashed into your chest as you tried to avoid him and you screamed in pain as you fell haphazardly to your bedroll. Regret flashed across his face, but he raised his sword above his head anyway.
He had a contract to fulfill. He was going to go through to the end.
You drew a sign in the air and a pulse of energy burst from your hand, knocking him back. It gave you enough time to grab your own steel sword and raise it to him. "Brother, please. In the name of all that is good, don't do this!"
"Do you remember the Trial of Dreams?" he asked. His hands shaking caused his sword to quake above him. You nodded. You remembered your visions. You remembered the sickness and pain. "Did I ever tell you what I saw?"
"No, Joel. None of us wanted to talk after."
"I saw you," he whispered. "I saw you transform into a wolf." Your eyebrows came together. "You stopped being a cat and you became a wolf and I never understood what that vision meant until I heard that song. I never put it together that you left to become a wolf until I heard-"
"That’s not why I left! I can't change my medallion any more than you can! I left to change my life!" You stepped back and he stepped forward. "I didn't want to be a murderer anymore. I just wanted to kill monsters. The-the Wolf was right, but I wasn’t trying to be like him! I was just trying to find myself!"
"You changed. You left and you changed."
"And that’s why I couldn’t come home! That's why I've been alone for twenty years! That's why I've spent nineteen winters renting rooms in inns and taking small contracts to make coin to survive. I changed for the better and I knew our teachers wouldn't be able to see that!"
Your chest wound stung as you panted, blood leaking down the front of you.
"Should I pity you? Should I feel sympathy for your loneliness? You chose this!" He swung his sword and you caught the edge with your own.
"And you chose to take a contract on me!" You parried his sword and swung at him, stepping around and slashing at his back. "Because I left? Because I betrayed you? Because I walked away from Dyn Marv? Not because some noble asked you! This is personal, isn't it?"
"Of course it is!" He twisted away and slashed at you. You parried again and knocked him back, readying to hit him with another Sign. He hit you first, a jet of flame emitting from his palm and burning your face. "You abandoned me!"
You covered your face with one hand and stumbled backward. He grabbed your shirt and pulled you closer, his sword at your throat. Both of you heard the sound of flesh being ripped by the blade of a Witcher's steel blade, but only one of you felt it.
Your eyes went wide and you looked down at the place where your sword was embedded in his chest. "I'm so sorry," you whispered. There was nothing else to say. He let out a few gasping breaths before he fell to your bedroll.
"I'm...more...sister."
Tears rolled down your cheeks as the pain of watching your brother die settled into your bleeding chest. You'd likely always feel guilty about this moment, but there was nothing you could have done. You tried to convince him. You tried to stop him. He refused. He wouldn't let both of you live.
You collapsed to the ground, eyes on Joel's lifeless body prone on your bedding. The pain in your chest was almost as bad as the pain in your heart, but you couldn't move to clean or bandage the deep gash. Your mutations would save you, or you would meet your brother on the other side.
Your blood loss made you cold, or maybe it was the sting of Northern air on blood-sticky skin. You shivered. Your teeth chattered. Your vision tunneled. The darkness took over.
~~~~
Warmth permeated the air and sunk into your body. Pain was gone. Cold was gone. Sadness and guilt remained. You could sense movement to your left, breathing and someone turning pages on a book. A smell of lilac and gooseberries filled the air.
"Shit," you whispered, opening your eyes. The canvas top of a tent greeted your vision. A fire crackled in the middle of the enclosed space. A raven-haired woman sat at a small desk on the opposite side of the tent from the cot you occupied, a book in front of her.
"Are all witchers so vulgar and uncultured? I thought it was just Geralt," she mused, not looking up from her book. You didn't respond. You weren't sure what to say to her. "There's a pitcher of water beside you...if you're thirsty."
You licked your lips as you sat up, looking down to see your bandaged chest. She must have put a healing salve on you, because you felt no sign of pain from it. "Th-thank you...ma'am."
"Don't pretend you don't know who I am and I won't do the same," she said, finally looking up. Her violet eyes caught yours and you swallowed thickly before looking away and reaching down to retrieve the offered water. "We're the stuff of bardic legend, aren't we? Ballads Dandelion has written about us...and Geralt. 'Wolven Storm' sounds so much prettier from Priscilla but I don't think I've ever heard her take on 'Made In Blood'. Do you think it's better than when Dandelion sings it?"
"I've never heard Jaskier's lover sing, so I cannot speak to it." You took a drink of water and sighed. "Yennefer of Vengerberg. If you've heard the song...why would you save me?"
"I should let a woman die simply because she's a rival for the romantic attentions of a man?" She sat back and tapped a finger against her perfect jawline. "I suppose a lesser woman would. Get you out of the way...help Geralt grieve once he's heard the news of your untimely passing. But that would be the lesser woman...and I am am anything but lesser." She stood and stepped closer.
"He wouldn't," you whispered, focusing on her black boots.
'Wouldn't what?"
"Grieve." You looked up. "Geralt barely knows me. He doesn't trust me. We have had...some time together but...I'm no more important to him than the whores he visits in every city he comes to."
Violet eyes searched your face. "Geralt is a man who does not form attachments lightly. So the attachments he does form are special. He's not attached to the whores, Cat."
"Who says he's attached to me?"
"Dandelion, for one," she started. "Ciri, for another." You swallowed down another drink of water and looked away again. You'd never even met Geralt's adopted daughter. How could she possibly know- "Geralt talks about you."
"To Dandelion, I understand, but to Ciri?"
"He trusts her."
"I'm sure he didn't talk about me to Ciri because I mean anything to him." You shook your head. "He's in love with you."
She rolled her eyes. "We were only ever together because Geralt made a wish to a genie," she argued.
"Are you insane?" You stood. "You're gorgeous, intelligent, powerful, men the world over fall at your feet. You honestly believe Geralt only loved you because of the wish?"
"Are you insane?" She flicked her hair off of her shoulder and looked away from you. "You're a witcher. You are more alike to Geralt than I could-"
"No. You're a sorceress," you exclaimed. "You are just as alike. You went through the same sort of-"
"No." She shook her head, ending the conversation. "Try to keep yourself warm, in the future."
You nodded. "Fine. Thank you for your...assistance, Yennefer."
"I won't help for free next time."
You stepped toward the entrance to the tent and pulled the cloth out of the way. "If you...see Geralt…"
"I haven't seen you, of course," she dismissed.
"Of course." You smiled tightly for a moment before walking out of the tent into the crisp Northern air.
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Could u do a career reading for enhypen sunoo? Thank u very much!!
another lengthy one.. tbh, i got more insight on how he feels rather than how his career is actually going. hope that's ok 😘
sunoo's career
based on tarot, take it with a grain of salt
career right now?
herm, 6ofsw, pagofwrx, highprx+pagofc
i think, sunoo has spent a lot of time reflecting and thinking about what he really wants for his career. it seems like he's had many moments where he wondered if this was the right path for him to chose. i get the vibe he often felt like it isn't really fulfilling him the way he thought it would. there's this disconnect emotionally, where he feels like "yeah, i'm doing everything the way i should, but why do i feel so incomplete?" he also just feels disconnected to this true and raw self. like, he's still finding out who he really is, and thinks he's still got so much to learn. he realizes he's still pretty immature in general. lacks experience that gives him stability and emotional maturity.
if you kept up with my enhypen readings, you'll know he isn't really the type to express his true, unfiltered thoughts or feelings openly as much. like, he's good at making it seem like he does, but in reality he worries and constantly ponders upon so many things on his own behind the scenes. i'm not gonna lie, i just don't think he has that emotional connection to the rest of the group, that'd enable him to comfortably voice his worries. he feels isolated and detached from them. they're friends, but there's no deep bond on his side. so, he's feeling kinda confused and lost as it is, but on top of that he just can't let those concerns out, which makes things even more difficult for him. i also think when he talks about his worries, he struggles wording it in a way where it seems genuine? you know, when you're affected by something, but have problems bringing it across in a way where people understand and take you seriously? that's the vibe i get from him. he might feel silly, and can have an ego as well, so he doesn't like putting himself in a vulnerable place with the risk of seeming "weak". in general, sunoo's career is fine, he's definitely still in the beginning and is more of a student and learning, but i don't see a direct problem work-wise. he's just dealing with many personal insecurities and doubts.
what does he want for his career?
queofc, magic, 2ofp, 3ofsw+emp
wow. he just really wants to blossom into his best self and thrive much more than he is right now. being a cancer sun, i definitely see sunoo as the queen of cups here. (note, i got the page of cups for him right now, which is kinda the younger, more immature version of the queen of cups. so he basically wants to grow!) sunoo is beautiful, emotional, sensitive, empathetic, gentle and in touch with his feminine side. his strong aries moon can easily make him seem too self-centered, when in reality he also has a very loving and kind side in him. and i think sunoo himself knows that side doesn't come out as often as he'd maybe wish, especially in front of cameras. since he still struggles getting ahold of his emotions a lot. not only does he want people to acknowledge that side of his, he also wants to feel comfortable enough in his skin to really embrace his authentic self. i'm not kidding when i say i get the three of swords for this boy in every single reading. he has been hurt and wounded a lot. very sensitive boy. he really wants to strongly overcome all the pain, that he feels like might be holding him back from really being the best artist he could be. he wants to be assertive and solid in his career. still sees himself as too easily hurt and too softhearted.
he really wants to work on his skill, because deep down he truly believes he has a lot of talent. he does know he's someone born for the spotlight, who thrives when all eyes are on him. he wants to realize his true potential and really tap into it. he wants to feel like he's doing well, he wants to feel proud. he wants to be a person who's good at juggling and balancing many things in his career and won't get overwhelmed by his busy schedules. i also think, he just really wants to stand out from the group. he feels like constantly staying stuck as a member of a boygroup is limiting him. he wants people to know him as kim sunoo, not just sunoo the enhypen member.
what can we expect for 2023?
judg, aceofp, knofw&herm, 5ofp&aceofw
oh. this is actually so nice? every "negative" card i got, so basically the ones representing isolation, emptiness, lack of resources or withdrawal, have been clarified by more positive ones. i actually think he might be able to break out of that loop he felt trapped in for a while, if he trusts himself more. both the ace of pentacles and ace of wands coming out is very promising. he'll definitely have opportunities to break out of his shell. it seems like there will be opportunities that are out of his comfort zone as well, but i don't see anything standing in the way of him doing well. he really wants to do more stuff on his own. the judgement card also telling me things will really go the way the universe wants them to. i think, sunoo will start feeling more and more align with his true purpose in this industry and will have the chance to use his strong ambition to realize some of his potential. but i have to say, aces are often just seeds that still haven't blossomed. so if sunoo doesn't get scared or overwhelmed, doesn't somehow lose grip of those chances, he'll definitely be able to make something great out of it, and get a step closer to the fulfillment he's so desperately seeking.
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I think I'm gonna keep making these showing the process of how I write, because I think one of the best ways I learned was yes repetition and just writing itself, but I also read others and I tried to figure out how they did something I liked. And it helped. A lot. At the end of the day I think we're all just trying to learn from each other.
I come up with my ideas usually from emotions or events
In this case I saw a tumblr poll asking you what you would choose to do for a job if you could do something no matter how unreasonable.
And that made me feel something, so I wrote
Someone asked once what I would do
Who I would choose to be and give
If i could be anything,
Truly anything at all
I started with the fantastical
Riding atop beasts of wing and fire
That don't and could never exist
Sleeping on clouds rating them,
which one brought the most comfort
But what if my only job I needed to do
Was to record a singular stream
Take a picture every single day
Same spot, record erosion in action
As my boots leave their own mark
In the stones I'd brace on
Day after day after day
What if I could comfort people
Send letter after letter
Count my earnings in happy tears
And "thank you I just needed someone to hear"
Yet still be here,
sleep here
Be able to eat here
Now don't get me wrong, that's not terrible
It talks about the idea of being excited to be anything, starting with the adventurous and fun, but eventually realizing you're happier with the mundane, the simple, and the gentle. It conveys those themes, and it has some sense of flow and metaphor.
But that didn't match the feeling I got seeing that poll.
And rereading what I wrote I realized why. The reason that poll struck me, is because as children you already have safety and stability, and so yeah the dreams you have are of the fantastical and the adventurous.
But between being told to be realistic, and realizing you have to not only because others said so but because you're now the one who's in charge of keeping yourself stable, the things you want to be and dream about are different.
So I took some quick notes of what I wanted to put into prettier words
Child
Dragons, clouds, fly
Teenager
Writer, biologist
And I rewrote the whole poem in a completely different style
What if
What if I could ride dragons!
They breath fire!
Maybe
Maybe not, but
What if, what if
I could sleep atop clouds!
Clouds!
I bet they'd be comfy
What, what if I
I could build some wings and fly!
Maybe dragons don't exist
But I can create my own right?
No? Oh,
Well
I mean, you're right
I could,
I could though maybe write
I've always liked poems and-
Oh
Could I, could-
I could research?
I don't know what
But I'm sure I could find something
Or or
Or maybe
Could, can I
I'm sure they need teachers
No no but-
Oh.
I don't really like business
But it could be open all night!
And we'd have chairs
And they could just read or-
Ah,
you're right
Maybe, maybe
Can I-
Do you think there'd be time?
I know I need to
But I'm sure I'd be able to-
oh
And that hit what I had felt
It didn't convey the exact scene I had originally had. It doesn't give as many details as the poem above, but it carries more emotion and I think that's more important in the end
Hope this helped!
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Partners II
The year is 1960. Tragedy separates Ben and Reagan literally and figuratively, likely for good. On top of coping with their professional split, they now have to cope with the ever-hovering idea that they may no longer have each other to lean against when they need to, which sends both of them spiraling into their personal brands of hellish nightmares.
And with over 5,000 miles between them indefinitely for the first time in 30 years, those spirals become almost impossible to grind to a halt.
Protagonists
Reagan Gilmore • 39 • August 15th, 1921 • Ireland
Reagan went on to become an internationally beloved performer and actor with a few Academy Award nominations under his belt. He's doing his level best to be the best single dad to his two kids that he can, and though he's always considered Ben to be a covert co-parent, he can't help but let his own guilt and insecurities overshadow him.
Being pulled back to Ireland for an undetermined amount of time wreaks havoc on his mental state, unleashing a reckless and irresponsible component of his personality that previously went undiscovered.
Ben Murray • 35 • February 27th, 1925 • New Jersey
Ben has become an accomplished singer/songwriter in his own right, composing a few scores for films—some of which Reagan was a star—as well as topping several music charts and earning gold records in the infancy of the certification. His life with Faye and their daughter seems pristine on the surface, but he's not quite sure he wants to keep it that way.
The deep-rooted emotional tribulations he'd carried with him his whole life reveals itself to be poisonous, eating away at his mental stability and his physical health simultaneously.
• • •
"You destroyed me that night, you know." Ben cast despondent eyes across the shoreline, the salt of the breeze rustling through his hair. The looming void of night and the pliant sand swallowing their feet foreshadowed their immediate futures. "I had no god damn idea what I was gonna do without you. I was terrified."
A knot manifested in Reagan's chest that he couldn't shake. "What, exactly, could equal that?" He observed the fissure between Ben's brows. "What could I possibly say that would be as devastating, if not more, as tellin' you we had to dissolve our partnership?"
"I don't even know."
"Would it be that we can't be together anymore? After all this time?" Reagan meant to sound casual but the words made him bite a bit more than he expected. "After all we've been through? You know better than that."
"It's what you're doin'. It's exactly what you're doin'." Ben finally turned to him. "By packing your shit and movin' all the way across the Atlantic, it's what you're doin'."
The knot in Reagan's chest ballooned painfully into a leaky bubble of frustration he could no longer ignore. "Do you think this is easy for me? I can't take my kids, Ben. My dad has never met his grandkids and he probably never will. I can't take you. It's killin' me that I gotta leave you behind, but that's just the way it's gonna have to be, isn't it? You'll be here with your family and Faye's family and...you get to be here with my family, for fuck's sake. You're not gonna be alone this time; I am!"
It dawned over Ben's face in slow motion. The swell of his throat bobbed and he dropped his gaze to the sand, unspeaking for several moments, allowing the miles of crashing waves to do the talking. The familiar reddening around his eyes betrayed his despair.
• • •
"You are possibly the most touched clown known to man," Mickey grumbled in his face. "Where is your manager and why is he allowing this caterwauling to continue?"
"I don't have a manager," Ben said, breathless from nerves. "I've never needed one."
Mickey's expression was hard and unforgiving unlike anything seen from him before. "You've always needed one. You needed one when you had one, as I can't fathom the meaning of letting you flounder on your own while your supposed better half sits pretty on his Hollywood throne." His gun found its way out of his shoulder holster, and a glint of the ceiling light bouncing off the gold metal and mother of pearl handle spoke words he chose not to speak himself. He pressed the tip of the weapon into Ben's shoulder. "Get out there and do your job, right now."
"What the fuck, Mickey?!" Ben shoved the barrel away from him with the hand not currently pinned behind his back. "Put that away!"
"You're the first man to ever say that to me. Do you feel special?"
"I hate you so much. I hope you know that I hate you with all the rage I got left in me."
"How ever will I live without your approval?" Mickey snapped.
Though he spared a furtive peek at the gun first, Ben grit his teeth and turned a resolute glare onto him. "You wouldn't shoot me. You've protected me and Reagan for ten years, and you're not stupid enough to undo all of that by killing me. And even if you only catch an arm or a leg, I still wouldn't be able to perform."
Mickey jammed the tip of the gun into the underside of Ben's jaw, sending a shock of pain through his throat and under his tongue.
"Just how much are you willing to gamble in your own favor, Stick?" Mickey murmured, a perilous gleam overcoming his widened eyes.
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Everything you said regarding haylor is right. This is why I have a pet peeve when people use MR to haylor edits. If anything they were both midnight rain and that's what drew them closer. They were constantly looking for light in other people to balance the darkness. Their relationship itself and the parallels between them as individuals is what makes us still talk about them. Not because we think they are meant to be. Harry and Taylor fandom has the biggest crossover of fans because there is an undeniable/unintentional mirroring that fans are unintentionally drawn to. I lost the count regarding the number of people who compared HsH and 1989 era and overexposure(though T had it worse because of misogyny). There is an unintentional parallelism in their music even when the songs have nothing to do with each other. They are the BIGGEST male and female pop artist RN and through their music we know they struggle with similar issues (listening to AIW and Dear Reader back to back is one hell of an experience. ) Which is why they need partners who can give them stability and comfort. T knew it after 1989 era and found it. And considering the way HsH era has gone I won't be surprised if harry came to a similar understanding. (And I hope he finds it someday). Like you said they were meant to meet because without these dead end streets Taylor wouldn't have met joe.
people have used "he was sunshine/i was midnight rain" for...harry...??? "chasing that fame, he stayed the same"????? how
i love what you said about them both being midnight rain, they really are - and this JUST made me connect ttds/midnight rain to changes, the song harry gave to cam. "there is a town, somewhere down a country road/I see it now, I take it everywhere I go/the river sways, I can almost hear it now/as if to say, "You're not the only one who wants a way out"/so, I go 'cause I don't wanna feel like I don't know you anymore/I memorize those roads.../God bless the young hearts sippin' cheap wine/Gettin' drunk with their friends for the first time/Thinkin' nothing's gonna change/'Til everything changes/They never leave/They're all havin' babies now/Watchin' daytime TV/Livin' off the gossip of a cruel small town/So, I go/'Cause I don't wanna feel like you don't know me anymore/Don't recognize my face," and that's very connected to love of my life too: "take you with me every time i go away, in a hotel usin' someone else's name.../i don't know you half as well as all my friends, i can't pretend i won't be doin' everything i can, to get to know your creases and your ends, are they the same?" it's: the road not taken looks real good now, and it always leads to you and my hometown. and it's: i guess sometimes we all get just what we wanted, and he never thinks of me, except when i'm on tv. they are the midnight rain, the one dreaming to get out, escaping, and finding themselves haunted. "we're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me..."
They were constantly looking for light in other people to balance the darkness. this is very interesting in them too, because they're often perceived as light/bubbly/upbeat people (and they both do have that sparkle and those bright aspects!), but then we know from the songs they've written and things they've shared that they grapple with their darkness and loneliness too.
Their relationship itself and the parallels between them as individuals is what makes us still talk about them. Not because we think they are meant to be. Harry and Taylor fandom has the biggest crossover of fans because there is an undeniable/unintentional mirroring that fans are unintentionally drawn to...There is an unintentional parallelism in their music even when the songs have nothing to do with each other. exactly! the reason why many fans love them both and connect in similar ways to their music is because that mirrored expression and empathy and artistry draws us in! there are themes and emotions they both express that we connect to. the expressionism in how they craft their lyrics and how they present their art strikes something in us.
listening to AIW and Dear Reader back to back is one hell of an experience. oh nooo, i've never done this! you're no good alone /// a house, not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there /// why are you sitting at home on the floor, what kind of pills are you on? /// my fourth drink in my hand, these desperate prayers of a cursed man...ouch 💔
yes, they need that groundedness and quiet and comfort to balance everything else out. the person who only wants sweet nothing. without all of the exes, fights, and flaws, we wouldn't be standing here so tall. all of the dead end streets led you straight to me, out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar...and i think that makes so much sense, that you need someone constant and who gives you a sense of peace and freedom and completion to be your whole self, and who loves you in the best and the worst of it. the person who loves you for you, in the noise and the silence.
#me typing taylor and harry lyrics from memory and just hoping i can trust they're right vs me having to copy the cam lyrics 😭#i really like that song though it'd been too long since i listened to it!#anonymous#letterbox#haylor#thrown out speeches#love them both sm and they both deserve to be happy like that
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Hey there! I wanted to ask for advice, just a couple months ago I meet a boy, and though all the kind, soft, delicate and funny interactions we had I kinda felt for him, I honestly denied it so many times cause I knew maybe I was confusing "being treated like a human being" (cause i spend 2 years in total isolation for mental health issues) with love, and kept reminding me that in the back of my mind I was just really happy to have someone who didn't treat me like shit and really listened and care for me, but in some way I know that's just a facade (from him?) Because idk, males are shit and now that im so vulnerable and starving for love maybe I'm trynna fulfill this "fantasy" where he loves me for who I am and all that stuff, and idk maybe it doesn't make sense? I'm a little high while writing this and just spitting my thoughts as I write, and I don't have anyone to ask or talk bout this, and I hate that I'm putting all my trust and emotional stability in his existence? Because honestly I don't wanna be near men anymore, cause I know the starter pack of a male is basically being a misogynistic piece of shit, consuming porn, etc, etc, but pretending he's a nice guy, and today a new manager came to work with me (he quitted from work, thats how we met) and honestly she's soooooo beautiful, like gorgeous, and he came to just say hi and told me to go eat together after my shift, and that he was gonna wait for me and also one of his friends, when we were eating, his friend mentioned that "he heard from someone" that my new manager was beautiful and wanted to work there to tal to her blablabla and I kinda felt jealous cause the only person that saw her was the boy that I "like" and kinda made me felt super self conscious about my appearance (I try to be as far from the beauty industry and cosmetics etc, thus i have notorious facial hair, moustache, a big nose, dont use make up, have crooked teeth, small acne scars, you know just a normal woman lmaoo) and I kinda starred thinking in the old ways (patriarchy: should i fix my nose? Maybe if i shaved people would look at me differently, maybe i should get rid of this black spots in my face in a expensive spa, because i feel like a goblin and maybe i would be more loved that way) and I hated it, it scared me, and couldn't shake the thoughts, and kinda feel jealous of beautiful woman, i wished i could have and feel what they do, but I just know that that's just a lie, but idk I kinda feel terrible, I don't wanna "hate her" just cause I felt jealous for a boy that maybe isn't even the greatest shit but idk how to stop feeling this way and stop falling in this misogynistic rabbit hole to the patriarchy again
Hi. My advice for you is to not beat yourself up about feeling this way, jealousy via internalized misogyny can happen to the best of us, even me (in the homosexual way but yeah). I'm sure you're right and you just look like a normal woman. What's really helped me over the last decade, when it comes not judging myself by patriarchal Barbie doll standards as they become more the norm and not comparing myself to other women for any reason, is to just kinda unplug from media as much as I can. Social media but Instagram and Snapchat especially, as well as like just Hollywood shit and film in general, in which women are made up 10x as heavily as males like 99% of the time and so many of these narratives are about some woman just orbiting some man.
The narrative that we (even me) should be competing for male attention is everywhere, even when it isn't explicit the beauty industrial complex has the male gaze as its main benefactor ($$$) and director, so much so that unless you're like Amish or have never seen an advertisement no one is really immune to the propaganda. This guy you like may actually be sweet and not a typical porn addicted moid but (and I really do hate to say this I wish it were different) the odds of that happening are probably slim.
If they aren't though and he's your future husband to me it still says something that you're feeling off about the tension this is causing in this moment. It's good you're at least sitting with it and considering your negative response to this other woman
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Im curious how girls who didnt know cnco when hooking up with them feel after finding out. Idk if i could be quiet after thinking we have something to finding out im a body count yk. Im chris lane and it makes me sad that i could imagine him have a situationship but the girl isnt attention seeker and dont want to hurt his reputation by talking bad about him publicly.
That's why it's best to try not to participate in hook up culture, period. If you know that you aren't someone who can do casual, it's best to stay true to that and avoid any emotional pain and self-esteem issues. Chris streamed on Kick (which is kind of like a newer Twitch app) tonight, and he said that he's not looking for a serious relationship right now cause he knows that maintaining a serious relationship requires stability and he doesn't have that right now because of having to be on tour for the rest of the year. I truly don't think Chris would be the type to just be looking to add to his body count. At this point, I think it's clear that he values the interactions he has with the people he meets and he's never looking to hurt anyone. I'm not sure if any of the boys have hooked up with anyone who didn't know who they were already, but if you meet someone at the club and decide to hook up with them, it's usually pretty clear that it's gonna be a one time thing. And I can only really recall one time where a girl Chris had hooked up with violated his privacy by sharing a picture of his passport, and possibly a pic of him naked? I never saw that pic, but I think I remember some of the older fans that were here back in 2019 talking about it
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I hate reader so much 💀 like all of their actions leave me completely flabbergasted you have that dream about hurting a woman you love (or loved i can’t even tell anymore) because you know you’re a toxic person whos been using and hurting her and immediately after ending that jump straight back into things with another woman. I really want pietro to see reader maybe with yelena and just snap and have a fight and then somewhere in that lets it slip what wanda did cos reader needs to know and i’m interested to see how they react to that tbh i can see if reader does find out then wanda potentially getting the wrong idea like reader only suddenly cares out of pity or something like that. Also yelena is a weird one cos in some ways shes very similar to wanda in the sense that she doesn’t seem to want to give up on reader (genuinely cannot understand why but uno). Yelena surely must know that reader is not good for her (especially not without therapy and lots of it) and there are other/better options. It just seems that yelenas sense of self worth isn’t great either if she’s so willing to keep putting herself through things with reader. I also think if reader really cared about yelena they wouldn’t be perusing anything yet, since they ended things with wanda they haven’t really been alone and not knowing how to be alone seems to be doing more damage than good. Now im gonna talk a bit about wanda, I don’t know how you have me feeling so much sympathy towards a cheater (especially as someone who was cheated on). One thing i wanted to ask is why did wanda cheat? Like i can’t really get my head around it because there didn’t seem to be any problems or sense of unhappiness from her? Like seriously every chapter I’m waiting for a reveal like she was being drugged or blackmailed or something anything cos I can’t understand why. But anyway, im glad wanda is getting therapy finally someone in this fic is it’s about damn time. The dream in the start made me so sad because its so true reader is hurting wanda so much and shes just taking it all because she’s convinced herself it’s justified and she deserves it. Even when she was defending reader against her brother it was just heartbreaking because reader doesn’t deserve that. And like i know she was wrong and she cheated but even then she doesn’t deserve what reader is doing to her using her for sex and being so rough just doesn’t sit right with me at all. Also hearing reader say they wanted to hurt her is sad i was half expecting something saying that they just said that for yelenas sake and deep down they still love her but nope. And at this point i dont know if they should work things out even though i wanted them to at the start. The more i read the more i think reader fucked up more and keeps fucking up and honestly wanda deserves better than giving herself up and letting someone use her. Im not team yelena or team wanda im more team therapy or team make wanda happy 😂
💀 anon, is this you? if not, i hope you assign yourself an emoji cos this is GOLD reaction haha (minor spoilers ahead-wont affect you experience i think)
Reader - Not gonna make an excuse about her actions because Pietro is right. But Delayed-onset PTSD, is showing us the ACTUAL effects of the cheating on R's mental and emotional stability.
Piet - He promised not to tell R, and he will respect his sister's wishes. But... yes, R will find out.
Yelena - I didn't want to say anything about Y being that she's the one who's least fucked up, but to go after someone hard and refuse to give up on someone despite the red flags is also a cause for alarm. R and Y were each other's first loves. R got married. Then miraculously, R got divorced and Y couldn't believe the window opened to The One That Got Away/Love of her life. How do you let that opportunity go? Yelena is stubborn because she grew up with R, she think she still knows R, still knows how to fix her, that she can get better for her in the long run. Don't we all, at one point, chose to stick with someone even tho they are bad for us, because love gave us hope?
Wanda - "we accept the love we think we deserve" as long as Wanda hasn't forgiven herself, she thinks she deserves every bad thing thrown her way. Sometimes people really are genuine remorseful. This is why I questioned my belief if I can forgive cheating (and IFISS and ILGOSS was born)
Back to Reader - someone mentioned Reader is becoming the villain of the story. I kinda lean on that because out of everyone, R is the one who needs therapy, especially because on the surface she seems sane. She IS trying to still be good, to be decent, to give people what they want, and the thing that happened with Wanda was her momentarily giving in to her darkest deepest desires, and snapped out of it, stopped herself further by ghosting Wanda again. But this strategy clearly isn't working anymore, so yeah, therapy for everyone!
whew! I hope you get some insights about this, but as the story unfolds, i hope all the things ive said above will bleed through.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!
Even more so for sending this reaction. I love reading everyone's thoughts!
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Vaux ⚡
08/11/2023
11:21 am
Needless to say-- we have had a very eventful week--
The tour I booked for Akarii was a successful endeavor... Filled them with vigor, inspiration, motivation and something to strive for--
As it should have--
Because it was supposed to.
Their math in dealing with their mother however was not so much helpful as it did to dampening their spirits instead--
I have decided to go minimal contact with their mother--
As much as it pains me to put Akarii through that, she has just become far too toxic for the kid's mindset to handle.
They're having a hard time with this...and admittedly, it's going to take some doing--
They've just been emotionally abused and repressed and sheltered by this woman for so long it has affected their situation and place in life right now--
*She got pissed at them for booking the tour-- (which I remind you was ME nut Akarii)
*She got pissed at them for going
*And she got pissed at them for talking and getting excited about things they learned on it--
All she does is point out the negative rather than just listening to them--
Sometimes that's all they want--
Sometimes that's supportive enough--
Just listen
She wanted them to keep her updated on their life--
Well THAT'S what's going on in their life right now!
But instead all she did was talk them down and treat them like the dumbass they're not---
Assuming they don't think-- or put thought into anything--
When in actuality they think and put thought into everything--
Acting like SHE'S the one paying for it--
She's not.
(Akarii has dreamed of going to this school since they were 18-- and now they know it's actually doable--)
(literally she said that "You never put thought in--")
If Akarii never put thought into it-- they wouldn't be talking so highly about it now would they >:/ ?
Literally, Akarii is:
*The oldest (For fucks sake they're 30--)
*Has a job
*Lives on their own in their own place that they pay rent for themselves--
*Pays all their own bills
*Is putting them fucking SELF through College--
Honestly --
Of all 3 of the kids between Akarii and their siblings, they are the only one not crashing on someone's couch in someone else's FAMILY'S house-- you know-- with the rest of said person's FAMILY--
And yet that's not good enough--
They're not good enough.
Frankly I've grown sick of it.
I'm not gonna tolerate my kid being belittled or talked down at and being hot with double standard bullshit--
And I'm not going to tolerate letting them tolerate it.
This woman has come to be far too negative and too toxic for Akarii's mindset and emotional stability--
Especially since I'm trying to build them up and push them forward towards a career goal they WANT in a better place in life that they want and need to be--
So I'm pulling the plug on it.
Contact with her is minimized.
They're having a hard time coming out of that repression-- but they're doing better. Smell successes is all it takes and those build up to much bigger ones--
Made it back from that trip by the skin of their teeth in time to do their final for the last math class they needed-- passed it so now math is done. No more Gen Eds. Just Bachelor's classes now--
AND they even got a call back and scheduled for an orientation to a new-- better paying-- night job giving them more hours, benefits and higher pay. We just put their 2 weeks notice in today--
So they will be saving for around a year to build a nest egg before moving out to attend the school of their dreams for their second Bachelor's in a career of their choice. (Might even finish this Bachelor's, just to have it)
Soo...yeah.
They're doing fuckin'great and If their mother refuses to support and be proud of them-- then hell-- I WILL.
I helped make it happen, this is my job in this system a.d I like to think I do it pretty damn well.
--Vaux ⚡
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nobody asked but here's my opinion on the fitf songs
the greatest: the song that made me and @hellolovers13 become friends obviously I fucking love it. it's just so fucking beautiful and power coupley and ugh I'm love it so much
written all over your face: yk when I first say the title I thought it was gonna be a sad moody song but turns out it's literally just "when you're finished pouting, can I put it in you?" and yk what I'm here for it. the hey babe makes me fucking melt. if sex was a song this would be it. no control's freaky little sister
bigger than me: I would first of all like to acknowledge that my mum loves this song and sings along to it all the title so this is a win. this shows off just how powerful louis' voice really is, something that walls didn't really do, and it's just so great because we've gotten to the point where louis feels confident enough in his voice and in our support to know that he can hit those notes and we will back him up? king shit
lucky again: this makes me want to get into a car and go on a road trip with the windows down just breathing in the late night summer air. I don't have a license. it's also no longer summer.
face the music: again I would just like to acknowledge that my dad vibed along to this song happily (until he recognised louis' voice at which point he pretended he hated it but I fell flat cause now I know he loves louis). I don't wanna face the music but I still wanna dance with you? can you be any more closeted gay coding? gorgeous literally love it so much
chicago: will always remind me of zouis and myri's fic, both of which get me to immediately break down sobbing. so needless to say, I absolutely fucking love it, it's gorgeous. and the I didn't have to search cause I still know. your. num. ber. kills me every time
all this time: i feel like this and lucky again are connected, but that also may be just because they make me feel the exact same things aka get into a car and drive with the windows down while enjoying the fresh summer night air despite the fact that it's autumn and if I got into a car I would most likely crash it
out of my system: scream jump dance pop punk louis stans rise my god it's just so amazing, the perfect jump along song. i wish I had more words other than go absolutely feral but I don't so yeah I leave you with this
headline: this is my wine aunt swaying along to every song dance song. also yes baby you go throw the money grabbers out your life you deserve so much better. just listen and vibe and throw your middle finger up for all the shallow people in your life
saturdays: this song makes me ascend. but also I just wanna stare at a wall while listening to it and hope that somehow the answers to all my life's problems will magically appear because this seems like the song that would do it you know
silver tongues: this makes me wanna have friends and do stupid shit like get drunk and get high. but then it ends and I remember that I can't drink bc I'm on the mental stability tic tacs. and also I hate people and socialising.
she is beauty we are world class: when we first got the track list and said this one would be banger and I was fucking right. gives me very 2010s vibes too no idk why it just does. amazing. tattoo it on my brain pls and thank you
common people: louis just woke up one day and said hmm what if I wrote a love song for Donny and then that's exactly what he did. I wanna live there. this makes it sound so wholesome and peaceful and kind and just ugh I want that
angels fly: myri told me that the first time they listened to it they thought louis said we can talk to mama instead of we can talk tomorrow and I think of it every time I hear the song now. it already got me in my feels before but this just made it worse. literally amazing I have no words. makes me wanna have him as my emotional support friend.
holding on to heartache: the BRIDGE I actually go feral when I listen to it just scream it at the top of my lungs, I fucking hope this is played on tour cause otherwise I might actually cry I fucking need this okay I need my scream at the world like a fucking psycho moment it will be so cathartic
that's the way love goes: beautiful soft princess song gives me be alright by dean lewis vibes it's just so sweet and loving and like it's okay you're gonna be fine, we're all here for you I've never had my heart broken romantically but I can still feel the support healing parts of me I never knew were broken
changes: i need the studio version on spotify Mr Tomlinson but cool I'll just hear it downloaded like that for now it's cool. the bridge is a fucking masterpiece. if you need you can call on me I feel so supported and not at all alone this whole album just feels like a big warm hug from louis
high in california: I have never smoked a day in my life but this goes right next to my chase atlantic songs in my shotgun with a hot girl in my lap playlist. I want a hot girl in my lap. but ig this will do for now. amazing
paradise: this should be on fucking spotify it's literally so good louis what the fuck. it gets me pumped for the day. just so good. literally I have no words it's like musical paradise (HA!) for me. just yes.
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Hiii hello. Sorry I didn’t send anything about flux, I wanted to sooo bad but I got covid (this is now my third day of fever☺️), lost a really close relative in the span of like 12 hours and I’m in pain cause I’m about to get my period sooo my concentration is stagnant: level 0🙂. Everything is pretty much hurting like a bitch but don’t worry I read as soon as it came out and OF COURSE I sent it to 🌚 and we started arguing again. (Btw she knows everything because even tho she’s still at the beginning I was tired of not having anyone to vent to so I literally told her every single detail that made me go crazy lol).
Let’s start off by saying I’m like 50% satisfied? Wtf jk? Nothing more to say? Sure? Never took a pill in Ibiza? Alright that’s gonna be a fun conversation, just saying☺️. I swear with this guy it’s like one step forward and 10 steps back. Also jungkook got MAD, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this angry towards her before. Should I say justified? Eeh I mean he never expressed how he actually felt regarding the Seojoon thing so for him to explode at some point was to be expected. I mean he got mad like at the beginning when the whole Lasagna Gate happened in her apartment but I don’t know, it hits different now.
Also, dr Kim I have a crush on you and the emotional stability you provide. You’re doing god’s work, truly. Even if you make me feel bad for defending Sasha because the rational side of me knows how there is no right or wrong in *most* situations here and everything is on a spectrum buuuut my irrational side is like fuck everything hug Sasha. A week ago we were talking about this in my group chat and I said “I think I empathize this much with her because we share some toxic traits so I try to find justification in her” and my friends (including 🌚) said “you think we’d let you to all the self sabotaging shit Sasha does? Don’t you dare, ESPECIALLY if you’re hooking up with Jeon Jungkook. You’re our key to become millionaires and you think we’d let that go to waste??” So loving and caring, my friends.
By the way I loove the discord channel, that was a great idea. I just need to figure out the time zones so i can text when everyone is awake😵💫
🌸
NOooooooooooo! I am so sorry! You have so many terrible things going on at once! I'm so sorry for your lost most of all; hopefully you'll be over the worst of covid soon. 💟💟💟
I hope the Flux drama a mental and emotional distraction when you needed it! Get wrapped up in their drama but rest in your own life 😢
I don't see why you would nee to feel bad about defending Sasha, though! Do you mean overall or in this specific instance?
It's been interesting reading commetns because I think we're all just so primed to be like "ok who was most right" in any situation we read, but I intentionally write really gnarled ones where there isn't usually some villain with an evil plan lol. I think too we were all so excited for Jungkook to finally speak up about some things we know he's been holding onto that we've forgotten he made that choice to not speak up about them in the first place and that doesn't excuse his behavior, even if it explains it. He can't hide his feelings and then when it's a convenient defense, finally let them erupt! Even if that's very human to do haha. Like if my kid kicks his brother, he can't just tell me "but he kicked me first" and I say oh ok, you're good to go then. Or even "he called me a poop head three days ago," "ah, got it baby, take him down then." 🤣
As much as we may want a partner to read our mind and notice when we are hurt, it's not fair to expect that and we need to communicate those things if we expect change. Now there are things they've argued about before that might still be happening, so I'm not saying this is just a wash in Sasha's direction either! That's why I had suggested in some other asks, it's really probably best to take things one at a time rather than trying to balance out some grand summation --not just because there are things on both sides, but because even though the context and cause behind things may be cumalitive, that doesn't mean the resulting actions were the mature/right ones. The mature relationship skill isn't to hold onto those things until you've hurt your partner and then whip them all out to deflect. I don't know that he was consciously doing that, but it's not that different actually than what everyone was mad at Namjoon doing. "Forget about X, she did Y so she's not allowed to be mad about Z."
Anywayyyy this is fun and tangled and I suspect mrelationship conselors would be salivating over this scenario LOL. But I'm glad you have friends who are looking out for you and your relationship with JK, even if it's so they can piggyback on your wealth 😂
I hope you get to feeling better soon and my best warm vibes go out to your family, I hope that isn't lessened by the goofy fic talk in the iddle of this ask.
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Oh god, thank you so much for your time to reply my ask about Leon and Chris settling down. I have to admit, i wouldn't hold any hope for Capcom to do it, especially with the way things are headed with remakes.
I used to love Ada and Leon and i still do in a way but seeing as how they took a completely different route on their "romance" or lack there of, it saddens me that Ada just doesn't look like this person that would ever wanna plant here roots somewhere and actually be happy. And i think for as much as Leon cares about her and ends up trusting her, he does deserve better. I think she knows this too.
So all in all, with the power of fanfic writing and creativity, i'm gonna be a bit corny here probably and i'm sorry for that but i just love giving Leon stability, if that makes sense? I want him to just be happy with someone who will always have his back and be there for him. I want him to grow old and before all that, i'd love for him to become a dad. I think he'd be a good one, and i think it would give him alot of piece of mind and hope. I also wanted Luis to live so badly, i loved his chemistry with Leon. But again, like you said, it's just not what Capcom envisions for their main protags i suppose. Ah well. We don't need a green light from them to explore these characters in numerous ways we'd like, right?
Thank you so much for your time, you're such a lovely and warm person here on tumblr that it's just a delight to see your opinions on this franchise. 🥰
Aw hey thanks anon! It was such a surprise to me to even get your ask, cause I kinda keep to myself and don't really participate in the fandom, but I'm more than happy to talk resi on here :)
As for Leon and Ada - there's a lot of potential there, to me. I love Ada in the 4 remake specifically. They took her in a really cool direction: she's mysterious and sexy, but there's an authentic emotional core to her, where you can feel how fond she is of Leon (and, eventually, Luis) and how conflicted she is about her work. The voice acting and the fantastic subtle facial animations in the cutscenes really sold me on her. I think if they remake 6 with the same sensitivity with which they remade 4 there could be a future for Ada and Leon, because there were some touching moments between them in 6 that started to feel reconciliatory to me, like they're growing to understand and care for each other on a new level. I think if the two of them had a chance, if they felt like they had a choice, they might choose each other, eventually, and I'd be really curious to see what that would look like.
Re: wanting to give Leon stability, that's not corny at all! He deserves peace and quiet and love, however he gets there and whatever it looks like for him. I've read so much fic and have seen so much art where he gets to grow old and content in so many different ways, and it's all very cathartic for me... I guess Capcom could surprise me and come up with a darker ending for him that still feels right to me, I'm not discounting that outright, but for now I'm having a nice time with softer scenarios for him, whether that's with Ada or Luis or Chris or whoever else!
Thanks again for your asks :) There's so much I adore about these games and characters, and that's what I like posting about here. Glad it resonates with you!
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