#but ALSO they keep trying to be like just tell me if im making you uncomfortable
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𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐲𝐚 (18+) ‧₊˚ ✧
Summary: Daryl needed some love and you gladly gave it to him.
Warnings: TWD violence, gore, blood, character deaths, explicit language, smut (oral f receiving, unprotected p in v, simple aftercare). Not proofread.
Pairing: Daryl Dixon x f! reader smut + fluff.
Setting: Quarry.
A/N: I read a post some time ago that said that Daryl in season 1 just needed some kisses to calm down and I couldn't agree more so I wrote this. It's also my first time trying to write smut, so I am so sorry if this sucks, and I was so hesitant to post it so please be nice lol. 😞
“Ha-ha, funny girl,” T-Dog deadpanned, rolling his eyes and suppressing a genuine laugh. It was the third bad joke you told in a row, and he was starting to find them funny.
“I really am,” you replied breathlessly, finally able to catch your breath after cackling at your joke.
“Okay, Eddie Murphy,” T-Dog, added jokingly, making you giggle as he placed a bunch of firewood you'd been helping him split for the past 40 minutes. “Let's head back.”
“I just thought of another one!” You exclaimed as you walked next to him. His groan of annoyance made you laugh before you even told the joke. “What do you call a fish with no eyes?”
“I. Don't. Know.”
“A fsh,” you replied after a dramatic pause, hardly able to contain your laugh as he gave you a side-eye, pressing his lips together to hold a smile back. “Please, I-” you started, but interrupted yourself as a commotion reached your ears from the camp. You recognized Daryl's voice.
Sharing a confused look with T, you both picked up the pace, coming into view with what seemed like a heated discussion between Daryl, Shane, and Rick, the man who joined the camp yesterday. You felt a little annoyed that they ignored T-Dog's request to let him tell Daryl, but oh well.
“Rick Grimes,” he introduced himself to Daryl.
“Rick Grimes,” Daryl mocked him, “y' got somethin' you wanna tell me?”
“Your brother was a danger to us all, so I handcuffed him on a roof hooked into a piece of metal,” Rick stated, apparently with confidence. “He's still there.”
You stayed in place, watching as T-Dog slowly took a few steps closer to the scene.
Daryl hummed as he turned around, pacing shortly before he spoke, “Le' me process this,” said he while turning to face Rick again, clearly growing irritated. “Ya' sayin' you handcuffed ma brother to a roof, and you left 'im there!” His veins popped as his voice got raspier as he yelled at the other man.
Rick gulped before admitting. “Yeah.”
Suddenly, Daryl tossed the squirrels he was carrying toward Rick, the latter swiftly dodging them before Shane jumped into action, tackling Daryl to the ground. Next, he pulled a knife from its holster, swinging it at the former cops, but being stopped in a matter of seconds.
In the blink of an eye, Shane put Daryl in a chokehold, while Rick snatched the weapon out of his hand. “Ya best let me go!” warned Daryl, struggling in Shane's grip as the cop brought him to the ground. You walked closer toward Carol as your eyes remained on the scene, but decided to walk to the other side as you noticed Ed was next to her.
“I think it's better if we don't,” Shane replied, almost mockingly.
“Chockehold's illegal,” Daryl added, face red from the struggle.
“'Kay, file a complaint,” If this situation was not so tense, you would've laughed. You did a little on the inside. Rick kneeled in front of the restrained man as Shane spoke again. “C'mon, man, can keep this up all day.”
“I'd like to have a calm discussion on this topic. You think we can manage that?” Rick spoke, trying to find Daryl's eyes. “You think we can manage that?” the cop repeated when no answer was obtained.
Panting and growling, Daryl grunted in agreement, finally getting Shane to release him; more aggressively than he should, if they asked you. Sitting up quickly, Daryl pointed at Shane warningly. Rick continued: “What I did was not on a whim,” he explained. “Your brother does not work and play well with others.”
“It's not Rick's fault,” T-Dog spoke up, his leg bouncing anxiously as he confessed. “I had the key. I dropped it.”
“Couldn't pick it up?” Daryl retorted. His voice was calmer, but you recognized in his stormy eyes a hint of grief. Nobody else cared about his brother when his brother was everything he had. You couldn't imagine how terrible this situation was for him.
“Well, I dropped it in a drain.”
Dropping his head, Daryl slowly got up, gathering his composure again. Anger returned to his expression as he walked past T-dog, “'f it's s'posed ta make me feel better, it don't,” glaring daggers at the 'culprit.'
“Maybe this will,” T went on to say, “I chained the door to the roof so the geeks couldn't get at him... with the padlock”
“It's gotta count for something,” Rick piped in.
Drying a tear as soon as it came, Daryl took a deep breath. “Hell with all y'all!” he screamed. “Jus' tell me where he is, so's I can go get 'im.”
“He'll show you,” Lori stated, staring into her husband's eyes. “Ain't that right?” Rick's eyes left his wife's after a few seconds, finding T-Dog's shortly before nodding.
“I'm going back,” he declared, almost solemnly, hands on his hips as his eyes met Daryl's again. The younger Dixon clenched his jaw before walking past everyone to get his crossbow and stomping to his tent.
You didn't notice you went behind him until Dale stopped you by grabbing your wrist. “What are you doing, honey?” the older man questioned. He'd always been kind and sweet to you, so you gently released yourself from his grip.
“He's upset,” you explained, and he seemed to understand as he nodded reluctantly, but understandingly. On your way, you grabbed your half-full water bottle, and slowly approached the edge of the camp, where the tent of the Dixon's was.
You found Daryl sitting on the chair outside his tent, shoulders hunched forward, fists clenched with anger as if grasping the last shreds of control. His head bowed low and his eyes were shut tight. You caught the way his body shook softly with quiet sobs. You stilled, not daring to interrupt this stolen vulnerable moment.
After another minute, he abruptly stood up, drying his tears before cursing loudly while kicking the chair he was sitting in. You were suddenly hesitant to approach him and decided to turn around and leave, but before you took one step, his voice reached your ears.
“Whaddaya doin' here?”
You took a deep breath before turning back around and walking up to him, your water bottle hanging from your hand. “I- uhm, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about Merle, and-”
“Ya don' even like 'im,” he snapped defensively.
“No, I don't,” you confirmed, “but I like you, and he's your brother. Even if my brother would annoy the shit out of me before, I loved him, and... I'm sorry you're going through this, Daryl,” you took a few steps closer, eyes on the ground as you spoke before meeting his.
His gaze remained on yours, before studying your face, finding nothing but the truth.
He frowned deeper, angrily huffing out a breath before turning away from you to rant. “He's jus' so fuckin' stupid. Nobody can fuckin' stand him an' he can't keep 'is fuckin' mouth shut!” he yelled, pacing from left to right, hands dancing through the air practically independently, punctuating his words.
“Why he gotta be such a fuckin' pain in the ass? Not even when we gotta surv-” mid-sentence, your hands found his cheeks, and with utter sweetness your lips impulsively found his, silencing his words.
He stilled, hands slowly dropping to his sides, body completely tense.
You quickly pulled away, opening your eyes to find his eyes slightly wide and totally confused. Your hands left his face and you took a step back. Your eyes awkwardly looking anywhere but at him. “Fuck, Daryl, I'm so sorry,” you started, a knot of anxiety growing in your chest. “I don't know why I did that... well, I know why, 'cause I like you, but I shouldn't have, I'm- I'm so sorry, really.”
Your rambling was interrupted by his hands on your waist, pulling you closer to connect his lips with yours. This time he was more relaxed, and the kiss was slower. His hands slid down to gently grab your hips, pressing his body to yours.
Your arms snaked around his neck, dropping your water bottle, and allowing your lips to part when his tongue requested entrance. Exploring the taste of each other, time stilled for a moment, but you loved it. The kiss grew almost desperate and the grip on your hips got stronger.
Unhappy to pull away, but needing to do so to breathe, you found yourself gasping as his lips left yours. You smiled brightly, cheeks rosy, and he smirked while dipping his head. “Also, I brought you water,” you added, grabbing the bottle from the ground, and dusting off the little dirt that stuck to its side before handing it to him.
“Thanks,” he nodded, taking it from your hands before opening it, downing the liquid, and emptying the bottle.
“You're gonna find him,” you reassured him, placing a hand on his shoulder and a quick kiss on his cheek. He smiled and nodded once again, muttering a thank you. You sounded pretty confident as if you knew, which gave him the confidence when he left on the search for his brother later that day.
Everybody screamed as they tried to avoid or fight the walkers emerging from the thick forest. The evening that started so peacefully suddenly turned into the perfect scene of a terrifying horror movie.
Things moved fast and slow at the same time. It was a blur. Tunnel vision, solely focused on surviving and protecting your group, moving on automatic pilot as you dug your machete countless times into the head of those flesh-hungry monsters.
You didn't even notice when it ended, barely feeling a pair of strong hands gripping your shoulders. His voice sounded distant asking if you were okay over and over. But you couldn't answer, you weren't sure if you were okay, the adrenaline didn't let you feel your body.
His loud voice calling your name finally snapped you out of your trance. “What?” You asked, brows knitting in confusion.
“Were ya bitten? Are ya alright?” Daryl questioned, nealy manhandling you as he searched and scanned for bites or scratches on your neck, lifting the sleeves of your flannel to make sure the skin of your arms was intanct.
“I didn't get bit or anything,” you shook your head, still a bit gone.
Cupping your face to study your eyes, he quickly pulled you into his arms, and you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. You felt finally safe now. You wrapped your arms around his torso, closing your eyes and hiding your face in his neck.
After everyone agreed to get some rest and leave the cleaning for the morning, Daryl offered to stay in your tent with you that night.
He helped you into your pajamas, and you cuddled for a bit as he told you what happened in Atlanta. Then you simply lay in silence. You played with his fingers and he watched you adoringly, rubbing soothing circles on your back with his free hand.
You looked up to find his eyes on yours. Gently he cupped your chin, leaning down to capture your lips in a kiss. Your hand went up to cup half of his face, returning the kiss with equal passion. It was almost needy but slow. It was like he needed the confirmation that you were both here and okay.
Tongues met in a slow dance, and his hands reached down to cup your ass, easily moving you to lay on top of him. You couldn't help but moan as your body completely pressed against his, but it also made you want to feel more.
His hands slid under your shirt, and you broke the kiss in need of oxygen, immediately latching your lips onto his neck, sucking and kissing. He hummed in satisfaction, which was all the confirmation you needed to keep going, but he stopped after a few moments, pulling his hands out of your shirt, and cupping your face again for you to look at him.
“You sure 'bout this?” he asked, his face stern as he waited for your answer.
You nodded hastily, licking your lips. “Yeah. Are you?”
“'M sure,” he said without hesitation, pulling you onto his lap so you could straddle him. “Need ta feel ya,” he whispered in a husky voice, sending a shiver down your spine as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a passionate kiss.
His hands caressed the dip of your waist up and down under your shirt as you made out. You buckled your hips up unintentionally but did it again on purpose when you heard him moan into your mouth.
You were straight-up grinding into his hips before he pulled away from your mouth, “not yet, doll,” he whispered as he took your shirt off. His hands went to your breasts like magnets, kneading and massaging the curves shamelessly as he peppered your neck with hot, open-mouthed kisses that trailed down to pop a tit inside his mouth.
Your clothed cunt clenched on air, as you closed your eyes and moaned, enjoying the attention, and you could feel his excitement tenting in his pants as well.
He slowly shifted the position, you back now on the mattress. After he decided both tits had been given enough attention, albeit still reluctant, his mouth trailed lower and lower, hands smoothly pulling your shorts and panties at the same time as his tongue and mouth kissed and licked the skin of your stomach.
His eyes met yours as he kissed your thighs, silently asking for permission to go further. “Please,” you whispered, surprising yourself by how needy you sounded, but then again, you did feel like you needed him right now.
He wasted no time, and in less than a second his mouth was latched to your clit. Tongue swirling on it and sucking, making you gasp. He used his whole face, pushing himself deeper and moving side to side as his tongue flicked over your sensitive pearl quickly. Hungrily. You arched your back involuntarily, fingers finding his hair to pull while simultaneously pulling him closer.
With a hand on your hip, he sucked a few more times before he licked a strip down to your entrance where his tongue began to fuck you. His thumb replaced his mouth on your clit, rubbing at the same speed as his tongue went in and out of you. You moaned and whimpered and cursed, trying to keep quiet, being apparently unsuccessful.
“Quiet, sunshine,” he whispered, his free hand reaching up to make you suck on two fingers to silence you, and you happily obliged. Your legs wrapped around his head as he continued his ministrations, the familiar knot forming in your stomach.
“Fuck, Daryl, I- wait,” your back arched further, legs pulling him closer, contradicting your plead as he moved faster and faster, changing again to suck on your clit and fuck you with his fingers. He hummed and the vibrations brought you closer. “So close.”
Your pitch was higher and higher, the knot tighter and tighter. All it took was a final, flick and suck of his tongue, feeling him moan against your cunt before pushing you over the edge into a shattering climax. The free hand covered your mouth as the other slowed down, prolonging your pleasure until your body relaxed and you came down from your high.
“Fuck,” you looked at him with hazy eyes.
“Fuck,” he said as a confirmation, looking down to see a damp spot on his sweatpants.
“Come here,” you said, pulling him into a kiss. He gladly kissed you back as you slid your hands under his shirt, trying to pull it up, but he stopped you, grabbing your wrist.
“I-” he started, looking away from your eyes and knawing on his bottom lip. “I have- I....”
“You don't have to take it off, it's okay.”
“No, I wan' ta, jus'” he sighed, slowly taking the shirt off. He was thankful his back was away from you. At least you wouldn't have to see those yet. “My dad... was a drunk,” he reached to touch, kind of trying to hide, one of the scars on his shoulders, but you gently pushed his hand away, tracing the scar with your fingertips before looking up at him. You smiled and kissed him shortly, before kissing the scars on his shoulders.
“You're so strong,” you whispered.
His heart was beating fast but in a good way. His lips found yours again as he settled himself between your legs. Your now-familiar mouths found a rhythm as he started to pull his sweatpants and boxers down.
His erection hit your thighs making you pull away. You bit your bottom lip at the sight; he was thick, and the size was a bit on the bigger side. “All for you, baby,” he whispered, as he pumped himself a couple of times.
He rubbed the tip on your clit and entrance, spreading your and his juices all over your cunt again. “Ya ready?” he asked, slapping your cunt with his dick gently. You nodded. “Nah, need ya to speak up.”
“Please, Dar, I'm ready. I need you.”
He hummed in satisfaction, leaning to prop himself up with his forearms around your head, kissing your cheek, before slowly pushing into you. You moaned and he groaned. You were wet and ready enough, so the stretch felt like pure bliss for both of you.
He grabbed both your hands with one of his and pinned them above your head, starting to move when you wrapped your legs around his hips. “Feel so good, doll.”
He started slow, savoring the moment but also nervous to hurt you. But soon, he picked up a rhythm and started moving faster. Your boobs bounced beneath him as he kissed and worshipped your neck and breasts. You felt so deliciously full as he thrust up into your tight, dripping heat, moaning and whimpering underneath him.
He was in heaven, eyes inevitably closed as he made love to you, but he wanted to keep them open to look at you. To him, you looked like a work of art just like that.
“Harder,” you breathed, and he obliged. Your skin met over and over and the sounds filled your tent. He grunted, reaching down to rub on your clit, eliciting a gasp from you. “Oh, right there,” your voice was getting higher, letting him know you were close. “Don't stop, fuck, please, don't stop.”
“I won', baby. I gotcha,” he moaned. His thrusts became more and more urgent, each one hitting that sweet spot that made your body arch and your toes curl. If your hands weren't inside his gasp you'd be grasping the sheet beneath you. With one last flick of your clit, you shattered.
His mouth claimed yours to silence your cries of pleasure. Pure ecstasy filled your body, and prolonging your high, Daryl continued moving inside you, until he, too, reached his peak, quickly pulling out and releasing himself on your stomach.
Spent and breathless, he collapsed next to you, who was in the same state as him. Your body tingled with the remnants of your passion, and you couldn't help the smile on your face as he kissed your face lazily.
Your eyelids were too heavy to notice when he pulled a little rag from somewhere and cleaned you up, then you felt him put your clothes on again, and his too. All too relaxed, you nestled into his embrace as he pulled you into his arms, both falling asleep in a matter of seconds.
#daryl dixon fanfiction#daryl dixon imagine#twd daryl dixon#daryl dixon#daryl dixon x reader#daryl dixon headcanons#twd#daryl dixon x you#daryl dixion imagine#twd fanfiction
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the thing that annoys me the most about the bullying claim among the stark sisters is that they talk about how much it affects Arya that she thinks she’s ugly and such and like she does, but she’s so much more worried about being “bad” she killed a boy. She’s also going through poverty and war and starving and being introduced to cults/bands of “justice” by murder
but nooooo she totally is more affected by being called horse face despite being compared to SOOOOOO MANY PRETTY PEOPLE AND THAT MEANS SHES GOOD (never mind that good looking=good person should NOT BE YOUR BASIS)
I think most people, and especially girls, know exactly how it feels to worry about your appearance and feel ugly and unattractive, and I get that this is a particular pain for Arya, who apparently has never been called pretty except by her dad one time in AGOT, in an offhanded comparison to her aunt Lyanna. I don't think attractiveness is the most important thing to validate in any child, but I do think that it is good and nice to affirm to your child that they have their own beauty, so that they can then negotiate their relationship with that word from a safer place in adulthood.
It's not about telling your child they don't look a certain way (e.g. no good telling Brienne she's a normal height and her nose is hardly crooked at all), but that the way they look is something unique to them and something they should take pride in, regardless of what others say. Like I think it's an OOC moment in the show, but I think it's sweet when Olenna tells Brienne she looks 'marvellous' or something. She's not saying 'you look like bella hadid', she's saying 'I love the way you look!' to a woman who has received nothing but insults (despite looking like fuckin. Gwendoline Christie lmao). that is nice. it's not the most important compliment anyone can receive, but it embraces divergence as positive.
as it goes though, Arya is a pretty girl and it's just weird that the adults found countless compliments for Sansa and none for Arya. and that's why I find it so bizarre that everyone wants to pin Arya's self-esteem issues on Sansa, a prepubescent child!! like, would Arya have taken these insults so hard if Cat had stepped in and said 'don't listen, you're a lovely girl and your father says you look just like your aunt Lyanna! sansa i am telling you off for calling people names'. children are always going to call each other mean names! it is one thing that is practically guaranteed to happen in any sibling relationship, and anyone who says otherwise is an only child or lying.
but it is much harder for a child to manage that hurt if they're getting called those names, and society seems to be reifying to truth of them at every turn! Septa Mordane is calling her ugly! Cat is calling her a mess! Ned has never complimented her till AGOT! etc! she has never received a compliment before! so how on earth can you say 'and Arya's self-esteem issues can all be traced back to the playground bickering between she and Sansa and Jeyne' when Arya is obviously getting the same message from what seem like far more authoritative sources! is it not worse that those sources are all complimenting Sansa all the time and never Arya? does that not make it worse when Sansa acts like a child about it? like!!
and yeah I agree that there are other more painful insecurities Arya is struggling with. I do think at least part of the reason that this argument keeps coming up in fandom is that people keep trying to claim that Arya's story is similar to Brienne's, in that she IS ugly according to society's standards and that's ok! which isn't true, Arya is canonically a pretty kid with a dirty face and unbrushed hair. that's all it is. so if we could just accept that, there'd be no excuse for the insistence that this is an important aspect of Arya's story.
because it isn't. like im sorry but the ugly duckling means nothing when there are plenty of people who don't grow up to be swans. they get called ugly as children, and they get called ugly as adults. look at Brienne: she has suffered far, far worse prejudice as a result of her appearance in childhood, and she doesn't get the catharsis of growing up pretty to show them all how wrong they were. Brienne has been treated like a fucking monster for how she looks, all of her life. this is a character for whom her appearance IS actually an important theme, and it will be meaningful to see her realise it's a strength, and find love etc. I'm sorry but Arya growing up to be beautiful doesn't mean shit to me lol. I fully accept it's canon, but it is not a meaningful story beat, in a story with people like Tyrion, Brienne and Sam. Arya's story has so many more fascinating themes about identity, trauma, justice, war, friendship and family. if Arya was pretty all along, why should I care?
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The amount of. Just anger i feel toward porter is insurmountable he is fully looking at a student that he refuses to understand and looks at said students close friend and says “i like you more than my student of going on 3 years” LIKE SHUT UP god he pisses me off so much its like he expects every barbarian to be the exact same and the MOMENT gorgug is like “haha i do this a bit differently and i like being nice and processing my emotions but im still a functional barbarian and also i like making magical tools” he refuses to help or understand and instead constantly within one day has insulted him to his face ALSO in front of his friends and its like why does gorgug have to try so fucking hard god i hate him so much and i hate that hed fucking like how much i hate his stupid fucking face it is rare that i feel like this in regards to a character but it is difficult for me to have an understanding of a character that teaches fucking children and refuses to understand one of his students in such a way where he is actively holding him back to where he has to do so much to do what he wants he makes me so upset IM SORRY this is so disorganized and theres barely any sort of stop or punctuation here its difficult for me to not be upset by this stupid fictional character that hits too close to home bc i unfortunately relate to the character hes a fucking ass to
Ok ive calmed down a bit and i know that porter thinks he is helping but at the end of the day its just. Detrimental. And being angry and a fictional character helps no one but i had to say it or id keep thinking about it. Someone please tell me if porter stops being. The way hes been. Like character development. At some point. Im on ep 4 of fhjy and having fun i swear
#fantasy high#dimension 20#fhjy#d20#d20 fhjy#d20 fantasy high#d20 porter#sorry for the rant i saw red for a moment he makes me so angry#anywayyyyy ill regret this later maybe if porter get some sort of#fucking character development#gorgug thistlespring#gorgug fantasy high
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Hi there!! May i request SMG4 and SMG3 (separate) with a very VERY cuddly and clingy reader? (gn!reader pls)
୨୧ GLUED ୨୧
SMG4 & 3 X CLINGY READER
A/N: this took so long cuz Tumblr fucked up the post and didnt save it till the end... sincerest apologies
type: Headcanons, romantic, fluff
triggers: none
song(s) recommendation(s}: glued / hug me
୨୧ I hc him to also be a bit clingy, so everytime he gets sad or at least a bit upset, he would use it as an excuse to jump into your arms and feel your warm embrace, your touch simply sooths him<3
・❥・SMG4
୨୧ Smg4 would eat up all the affection you give him, he was already happy that he finally pulled someone, and they are affectionate and clingy? he is loving it and is living for it!! everytime you just hug him suddenly, he would hug back 10 times tighter, sometimes it takes all of your breath, but he does that to show how much he loves your hugs!
୨୧ Imagine him babbling to others how he haves such an loving and affectionate partner, my man would be all "hey look at my partner, they are such a sweet person with me, i love them so much, they are so-" and continue to ramble about you and your cute features (which is everything about you) and behavior.
୨୧ If he cant give you attention he will simply warn you and tell you he will try to make some time for you later and when he finally gets that time, he is IMMEDIATELY jumping on you.
୨୧ Smg4 loves your affection indoors and outdoors too, he isnt afraid to show it, he loves it so much that Smg3 once said for you two to get a room, only to get an "Your just jealous" back.
୨୧ If you (somehow) is shorter than him, he would just pick you up and carries you to his room silently, he just cuddles u on the bed once he gets there.
୨୧ He doesnt feel overwhelmed by your cuddly and clingy behavior, not at all! he is easily able to keep up with him as surprising as it seens.
୨୧ Whenever you two are in a adventure, he is always holding you, holding on your arm, waist, hand doesnt matter, he just needs to hold you whenever he gets the chance to.
୨୧ "Hug me! bring it in!"
✮⋆˙ SMG3 ✮⋆˙
୨୧ *Insert embarrassed angry face*
୨୧ Do i really need to explain it? this man is simply flustered, but aint complaining... much, he just never had someone as affectionate as you to give him so much love and affection, its kind of new to him.
୨୧ It just breaks him "tough" character facade, it gets him all flustered and silly and ahshshshebsjwj did you cast an spell on him? are you a witch? cuz you making him feel alot of things he never experienced much before.
୨୧ In public he may show himself to hate it but in private he will just eat it up as much as Smg4 does and maybe soon he will eventually warm up to also getting it in public, he just doesnt really wanna show it outdoors in the beginning because he wanted to keep his "bad guy" reputation, but dw, he eventually gets used to it.
୨୧ He goes up to you everytime he is mad or mildly upset too, he looks like Smg4 in that aspect, but he sometimes does it unconsciously, as in "i did it on auto pilot" unconscious, he got too used to seek for your touch.
୨୧ He 100% is a secretly touch starved person, i dont make the rules (i do), so he will hold onto any part of you he can, and i really mean any part, if he need to he will hold onto your ankle.
୨୧ He will brag about you, saying things like: "Look at my partner, they are so cool and sweet, bet you cant have that" "i have the most sweet partner and YOU dont" and etc, hes a little bitch sometimes but still fine as hell
୨୧ You are his soft spot ‼️ like he will soften his behavior around you SO MUCH that anyone who knows him like Smg4 would be so impressed, would usually get mocked because of it but he didnt really care since he HAS YOU‼️‼️‼️
୨୧ "Why are you blushing? thought you were tough" "I-IM NOT BLUSHING! BAKA." <3
#smg3 x reader#reader x smg4#smg4 x reader#reader x smg3#smg4#smg3#smg4 smg3#Smg3 fic#Headcanons smg3#smg4 headcanon#fluff#clingy reader#reader#x reader#୨୧ cherry works
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wait u are a genius and i want a full explanation of ur analysis on the florida lyrics w jason
⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ FLORIDA!!! + JASON GRACE — AN ANALYSIS BY CYNTHIA
masterlist | rules
on the radio . . . florida!!! (taylor swift ft. florence + the machine)
an THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR ENABLING THIS. jason might be a little ooc in this but that's just me looking deeper into his character (something mr rick riordan failed to do). also obvs im not doing lyrics that repeat twice both times LOL also sorry if this is bad these r all off the top of my head
you can beat the heat if you beat the charges too
they said i was a cheat, i guess it must be true
there are many possible meanings for the first line but im choosing to interpret it like this - you can escape their criticism if you prove them wrong. this, to me, is similar to when jason came back to camp jupiter. when leo (unwillingly) fired against camp jupiter, the romans immediately began attacking. instead of fighting them himself, jason begs them to listen to him and tells them he's on their side (thus trying to beat the charges of being a traitor)
however, it didn't work and he ended up getting a brick thrown at him and passing out - "they said i was a cheat, i guess it must be true" - while taylor's saying cheat as in a cheater (romantic relationships), for jason this refers to the emotional cheating he did on camp jupiter. sure, he didn't want his memory wiped and to be placed in a whole new camp with the greeks, but he liked it, so in a way he did cheat
and my friends all smell like weed or little babies
and this city reeks of driving myself crazy
we all know jason never fit in in camp jupiter. even in his pre-memory loss days, he seemed to stick out like a sore thumb (despite also being their golden child and the son of the camp's namesake). when he comes back to camp jupiter, jason feels even more left out - his friends are all either stuck in the past and incapable of growing and developing ("all smell like weed") or have moved on an extraordinary amount which he cannot keep up with ("or little babies")
as i said above, jason didn't fully merge with his fellow romans. a primary example of this is the fact that he willingly joined the fifth cohort simply to improve it, and im pretty sure he says somewhere he's always been a little more rebellious than the average roman. it also took him a lot of effort to become praetor. coming back to camp jupiter probably brought back all the judgement and criticism he received from the romans - "and this city reeks of driving myself crazy". the verb "reeks" also implies a bad smell, not a good one, so the memories are not a good kind of nostalgia
little did you know your home's really only
a town you're just a guest in
so you work your life away just to pay
for a time-share down in destin
okay so the first part - "little did you know your home's really only / a town you're just a guest in" - again, emphasises how alone and solitary jason feels in camp jupiter. however, i'd like to bring up the fact that percy became praetor within a week (? if not less) of arriving at camp jupiter. praetor is a position which jason grovelled for for ages, only for some random greek guy to be able to replace him after one single quest. why? well, that's simply because the romans saw him as a guest, not a resident of camp or new rome - someone who is temporary and will leave to go somewhere else eventually
jason has been a member of camp jupiter since he was two. he was quite literally working his life away, work is all he ever knew since his childhood was robbed from him so quickly. he worked so hard just to become praetor and so he could make a change and maybe finally fit in with his fellow romans. however, he simply ended up with a timeshare - which (according to google) is "shared ownership of vacation property" - he and percy practically shared the position of praetor, and both saw camp jupiter as somewhere temporary (although jason realised that later on), just like how a vacation home isn't the place you're going to stay in forever
florida
is one hell of a drug
florida
can i use you up?
for jason, florida is camp half-blood. while camp jupiter is orderly and constantly forces him into tight lines, camp half-blood allows him to express himself for who he really is and makes him feel as if he were on cloud nine (similar to how a drug makes you feel when you're high)
however, jason is still hesitant to fully commit to camp half-blood. after all, his father is jupiter, not zeus. could he really be a part of the greeks, or will they see him as foreign too? ("can i use you up?")
the hurricane with my name when it came
i got drunk and i dared it to wash me away
in the song, florence welch is referencing hurricane florence, which caused major damage in south-east of the US. since jason is the son of the god of winds and sky, in a way, all hurricanes have his name since they're all semi-controlled by his father - hurricanes run in his blood. he probably sees himself as the hurricane, causing damage to both others and himself. he most likely feels like the piece of domino which started the chain of disasters he and his friends faced, since his arrival at camp half-blood is what began the second great prophecy (for them)
i'm choosing to interpret "i got drunk" as jason changing once he got introduced to the life and culture of greek demigods. he was no longer perfect, proper praetor jason grace. although it (naturally) took him some time, he became wild and carefree like them, similar to how a drunk person may act. this also ties in with the idea of camp half-blood being like a drug to him. everything about it is addictive, the more he gets, the more he wants
barricaded in the bathroom with a bottle of wine
the bottle of wine here is a symbol for camp half-blood. when jason feels unsafe, he chooses the greek camp over the roman to keep him company.
also, this lyric is reminiscent of the great war - "i drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone" - in which taylor swift isolates herself from everyone else and dwells on the end of her relationship with her ex, which in turn makes her believe they were the bad one in the relationship. similarly, jason is often depicted as thinking about his days at camp jupiter (the few memories he can recall, at least) and from what i can remember it's never really fond. the more he thinks about it, the less camp jupiter feels like home. this reaches a climax in house of hades when he speaks to the god of the southern winds and realises he wants to stay at camp half-blood - he drank his poison and killed any tie he had with camp jupiter
well, me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time
yes, i'm haunted, but i'm feeling just fine
i think this is pretty self explanatory. growing up in the harsh environment of camp jupiter, jason has killed and witnessed death to the point where he seems desensitised to it. however, jason is soft on the inside. he puts up a facade when he's praetor jason grace, not letting anyone else see how much this affected him - "yes, i'm haunted, but i'm feeling just fine"
and your cheating husband disappeared, well
no one asks any questions here
i feel like this is him talking to reyna directly (real ones know i am the biggest jeyna shipper so obviously i had to bring them up LMAO). since praetors often end up being in romantic relationships, jason was probably seen by a lot of romans (especially the more traditional ones) as reyna's husband, despite them never even dating
you can sense a bit of snark here as well with "no one asks any questions here" - again, i bring up the fact that the romans were incredibly quick to accept jason's betrayal of camp jupiter, even though he didn't, and reyna siding with them (even though she knows its not true)
a cheating husband is also mentioned in fortnight ("my husband is cheating / i wanna kill him") which i believe is reyna's song but that's a story for another day
so i did my best to lay to rest
all of the bodies that have ever been on my body
and in my mind, they sink into the swamp
is that a bad thing to say in a song?
this is the turning point - the scene in hoh where jason makes the choice between camp jupiter and camp half-blood. he lets go of his past and everyone he knew pre-memory loss ("so i did my best to lay to rest / all of the bodies that have ever been on my body"). please keep the line "i did my best" in mind, as healing isn't a linear process and obviously there were some days where jason wanted nothing more than for things to go back to the way they were
a swamp is described as 'uncultivated', meaning you can't grow any plants in it. similarly, his relationships with the romans will never grow back as "they sink into the swamp"
"is that a bad thing to say in a song?" PURE SASS. he's mocking the ideals of romans but for once doing it without fear. he's saying sure, it might be, but do i care? no 🥰
little did you know your home's really only
the town you'll get arrested
so you pack your life away just to wait out
the shitstorm back in texas
this is once again referencing the fact that jason was exiled from camp jupiter after his 'betrayal', even though he should be the first person they trust in a confusing time like this - discovering there are whole other counterparts of the Gods they know and love. not only because he's praetor (reyna is praetor too, after all), but because he's been at camp for the majority of his life
i need to forget, so take me to florida
i've got some regrets, i'll bury them in florida
tell me im despicable, say it's unforgivable
at least the dolls are beautiful, fuck me up florida
again, pretty self explanatory considering the themes of drugs and alcohol i've mentioned above. jason wants to forget (haha very funny cynthia you all say in unison) anything and everything to do with camp jupiter and roman culture, so naturally, he runs to their antithesis - camp half-blood. i like to think if you played a song in his head while he was choosing between cj and chb it'd be this banger of a bridge
however, he still feels guilty. after all, loyalty is a very serious thing for romans. i think reyna tells annabeth something about how if you swear on your life and break that swear, the romans won't hesitate to actually kill you. no matter how much jason tries to pull away from roman culture, some things (like the loyalty) simply run in his blood - "tell me i'm despicable, say it's unforgivable" he wants to be held accountable by anyone, even though he knows his friends on the argo ii are the last people who'd judge him
"fuck me up florida" is jason completely succumbing to everything greek. we all know how the romans look down at greeks (prime examples being the ghosts calling percy graecus as an insult when he arrives and octavian immediately assuming the worst when the argo ii arrived). to the romans, the greeks are lousy and messy, everything they don't want to be. jason has always been this way deep down. he's willing to let the greeks completely fuck him up
love left me like this and i don't want to exist
so take me to florida
love has constantly been bringing jason down. he has a big heart and yet he's lacking so much luck in that department. his relationship with reyna was completely destroyed the moment hera took his memory and put him on that wilderness school bus, and he and piper's relationship has always been awkward, ending in them breaking up and dating someone else while he was left truly alone
here, i don't think chb is florida. however, i don't want to say its elysium because that hurts. so lets just say its a magical place where everything is perfect and he can escape
(take me to) florida
i chose this specific one for the (take me to) bit, which sounds exactly like the "take me to" in the lakes - "take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die"
i don't remember if this was ever mentioned/implied anywhere in the books or if it's something my brain came up with and i accepted as canon, but jason is definitely the type of person who romanticises things he shouldn't. the lakes is one of the the most romantic places in england and is a commonly used date spot
here, jason wants nothing more than to just die peacefully (he is the poet) than have to endure any more pain and misery. what better place to die than in his florida? (i read somewhere that he was buried in cj and nothing makes me wanna kill myself more LMAO)
#jason grace#percy jackson#percy jackson and the olympians#heroes of olympus#jason heroes of olympus#hoo#pjo#jason hoo#taylor swift#ttpd#the tortured poets department#florida!!!#cynwrites
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Hi, I have a few of "What if" list in Under Rageous: The Runaways, sorry if this might bit too long:
What if Velvet caught Cressida earlier trying to touch Veneer? The situation might get worse like these two might get into fight and I don't know who will win 😥?
What if the twins didn't manage to escape from her? All I can think of is in present day, Veneer's situation would be more like Beverly Marsh from 2017 movie IT, until he accidentally killed her as self-defense.
Not really a "What if" but, imagine, Velvet keeps really blame herself and cry for not saving her brother from Cressida's assault, even though he keeps saying "Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault, it's never be your fault"
Hehe, thanks 😁
You brought soooo many great ideas! Okay let me see if I can answer them in a really short story type of format. Here we go! I’ll separate them by bulletin points. Also, TRIGGER WARNING ‼️:
Red Handed:
Velvet grew concerned. It was silent… too silent. Something wasn’t right. Velvet throw the blankets off of her and quietly began to make it down to her brothers room. Walking by Cressida room, she noticed her door was open… she wasn’t there.
“No…no, no, no.” Velvet repeated to herself. Her pace quickened, she now bolted to her brother’s room. The door was closed…but it wasn’t locked. Velvet pushed open the door with such force….
…..Her heart sank. She saw her brother lying on the bed, her aunt hovering over him, attempting to slide her hands down his shorts. Veneer had tears in his eyes, attempting to hold her hand away from touching him any further.
“WITCH!” Velvet ran and jumped on Cressida. Velvet began hitting her, beating her. Cressida was twice her size, but Velvets furry and anger made her twice as strong. She put her aunt in a chokehold.
“HOW DARE YOU!” Velvet tightened her grip around her neck, she began cutting her air. “DONT YOU EVER TOUCH IM AGAIN!” Tighter and tighter she gripped.
“Velvet!” Veneer called out attempting to stop her. But she then turned around into beating Cressida l. She landed blow after blow on her face.
“VELVET!” Veneer grabbed her fist before she could his their aunt again.
“She touched you Ven!”
“I’m okay now. I’m okay.” Veneer hugged her tightly. He knew she was just trying to protect her, but killed their aunt would put her into trouble. He looked down at Cressida… blood was all over her face…but she was alive, barely. Velvet grasped his hand, she turned and spat at their aunt as she lay unconscious on the floor.
“HAG!” She cried as she pulled Veneer and bolted out the front door.
No More
The only happiness Veneer knew, was either being outside from home, or when Velvet was there. When his sister was around, Cressida wouldn’t dare touch him…. Velvet didn’t know, he didn’t dare tell her.
He was twelve when it first happened, now he was seventeen. Five years…. Five years of pain and disgust. It didn’t help that as became more attractive as he grew. It began with just touching, but by fifteen, his innocence was taken away… it only got more frequent after that.
He cringed at physical touch now. Velvet would reach to take something off his shirt, he’d flinch. She’d arch an eyebrow, but he wouldn’t say much. Veneer knew the furry that was inside his sister. He knew that she was capable of killing Cressida when she’d find out.
Many times it would happen in the middle of the night. Velvet would be sound asleep. When Cressida was in the mood she’d sneak over to his room… and lock it, then having her way with him. He’d close his eyes until everything was over, feeling disgusting at the end.
One day, Velvet was out far longer than normal. He began to panic as his aunt came home early. He locked himself in his room, hoping he’d be safe, hoping she’d forget.
KNOCK. KNOCK.
Veneer hugged his knees tighter.
“Come on sweetheart. Open the door.” He heard his aunts voice boom from the other side.
“No.” He said firmly.
“Open…. The door. Now.” Her voice was firmer as she began to jiggle the handle.
“No!” He covered his ears. The door shook harder and harder until she was able to bolt it open. Fear shot in his eyes as she made her way towards him.
“You don’t EVER so no to me!” She yelled pushing him on his back. He struggled to get her off of him. Even after what she had done to him, he still didn’t want to hurt her… but she was making it harder. He wanted to leave this behind, grab his sister, and leave.
“Please just stop! I don’t want this anymore!” He begged.
“Stop being ridiculous.” She went to move down his pants.
“Stop!” He pushed her off and stumbled to his feet…. He was growing desperate. She tried pulling back by his feet. Cressida slapped him across the face, but this time Veneer didn’t submit, he was done….. no more, he wanted no more.
“Please! Stop!” He begged again. But she kept pursuing, ripping his shirt in attempt to pull him back. She kept striking him and hitting him…. Desperation was peaking, he reach for something, anything.
“STOP!” He turned, stabbing his aunt with a pair of scissors he was able to grab. She grunted in pain, a look of surprise across her face. It took her a moment, until she finally went limp and fell to the floor….her breathing stopped.
“…. Oh my god….” He covered his mouth with his hands. “…. Oh my god…. Oh my god….” Tears began to fill his eyes. What did he do? What would Velvet think of him?… he was a monster….. he was a killer. He shrunk down and hugged his knees…. He was a murder.”
I’m Sorry
Velvet sat at her vanity, staring at herself…it was an hour before the concert. She promptly did her make as victory rang across her mind… they did it…. They made it to the top. Them, some loser teens from no where. A triumphant smile spread across her lips.
“Who’s a nobody now.” She murmured as she gazed upon herself in the mirror. All those who told them that were now beneath her, like ants, she squashed them. The loosers at school, the punks down in the under city, their aunt….her mind faded into darkness.
Aunt Cressida. That hag. The one who…. Velvet went silent as those thoughts filled her mind…. The one who took advantage of her brother. All that time, and Velvet didn’t know. All that time Veneer quietly suffered in pain.
“….. it was my fault…” she glumly told herself. If she had noticed it sooner, the sooner the would’ve been safe.
“Vels! Are you almost done? It’s almost show….” Veneers words were cut short as he walked into her dressing room. Velvet was bent over her vanity in tears. “Vels?” He quickly ran to her side.
“Leave me alone Veneer!” She demanded as she felt his hand on her shoulder, avoiding his gaze.
“No. What’s wrong? What’s going on?” She was fine just a moment ago.
She wipes the tears from her eyes, “I said go away!” She couldn’t look at him.’she couldn’t imagine the filth their aunt did to him those nights.
Veneer attempted to meet her gaze, “Tell me!” He demanded.
She never met his eyes. “It’s my fault…”
“What?”
“What that hag did to you….its my fault.”
Veneer cocked his head to the side, “…Velvet…that was… that was awhile ago… why are you…”
“BECAUSE ITS MY FAULT VENEER! If I… If I would’ve known, acted sooner… and she’s still running free!” Velvet buried her face in her hands against as she felt the tears begin to form. There was no seat for him to sit, so he knelt down in front of her.
“How many times do I have to say it… no it isn’t. None of what happened is your fault, Vels. You were already trying to protect us…”
“But I didn’t Veneer! I let her do what she did to you! You suffered for so long!….. I’m sorry.” Her shouldered began to shudder as she began to cry. He knew there would be nothing he could say that would change her mind…Velvet was stubborn like that. Instead he embraced her, holding her close, making sure she felt he was okay.
“It will never be your fault, Vels…”
#trolls band together#dreamworks trolls#trolls 3#velvet and veneer#trolls veneer#veneer#velvet trolls#velvet#fandom#velvet and veneer trolls#dw trolls#trolls#trolls 3 veneer#trolls 3 velvet#veneer trolls#trolls velvet#trolls fanfic#trolls 3 band together#fanfic writing#fanfic#fanfics#fanfiction#oneshot#answered asks
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I love Monkie kid and the way they tell stories but oh my GODS this unreliable narrator stuff starting to stress me out
(Note: i've only seen up to ses 4 ep 8 no spoilers in the tags please)
#knox rambles#LOVE THE SHOW#BUT ALL THIS 'THIS IS WHAT HAPPENDED' BUT ITS NOT ACTUALLY WHAT HAPPENED IS STRESSING ME#CAN WE GET A STRAIGHT ANSWER FOR ONCE#ALL WE'VE GOT IS UNRELIABLE NARRATORS WHO TALK TRASH ABOUT MONKEY KING#EVERY TIME I TRY AND COME UP WITH A THEORY I HAVE TO CHECK WHO SAID THE THING IM BASING IT OFF OF TO SEE IF ITS PLAUSABLE OR NOT#AND HECK NO MATTER WHO SAYS IT YOU CANT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY#I JUST WANT A STRAIGHT ANSWERRRRRR#WE HAVE LIKE NEVER GOT ONE AND NOW THAT WE'RE INTO LORE ABOUT MONKEY KING ITS STRESSING MEEEEE#LIKE AZURE (spoilers for ep 8) MAKES IT SOUND LIKE WUKONG NEVER GOT THE MOUNTAIN OR RAN INTO BUDDAH#AND ITS POSSIBLE HE DOESNT KNOW BUT ITS ALSO POSSIBLE THEY JUST TOOK THOSE BITS OUT#BUT THERES NO WAY TO ACTUALLY TELL#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i mean whatever the outcome im not gonna stop writing monkey king with his usual furnace buddah mountain stuff#just gotta add on him being low-key used by azure and fun stuff HDHDHFHHFG#also heck off topic suddenly but thinking suddenly about how Azure and Macaques perspectives of monkey king are opposites#FACINATING#mac: hes selfish he only cares about himself get out while you can he always wins and gets what he wants and leaves you behind#azure: hes selfless hes great he cares so much about his people and puts them before himself but he failed and keeps failing#azure: he doesnt know what hes doing#mac: he knows exactly what hes doing#SORRY SUCH A SIDE BAR THERE I MIGHT MAKE AN ACTUAL POST ABOUT IT LATER GOOD DAY
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As a fellow Dovewing lover, it's frustrating how the fandom watered her down into a whiny brat who never cared about Ivypool. I mean, seriously? Not only did Dovewing care about her sister (reacting in horror when Lionblaze, her own mentor and Jayfeather are willing to potentially sacrifice Ivypool's safety by employing her as her spy instead of trying to get her out of the Dark Forest's clutches, hiding a thorn in her nest to cover for her scarring from her training).
Heck, even the scene where she tries to feed Ivypool her catch during a hunting patrol was demonized because 'she was trying to make Ivypool break the code like SHE does, as if it doesn't matter' and because she got upset when Ivypool started arguing with her! But you guys said she didn't care, right? Plus, people act like being forced into a prophecy is something you should be grateful for, as if it didn't irreparably change her close relationship with her sister? As if Lionblaze and Jayfeather didn't still keep her out of the loop (and for all the fussing they made about keeping it a secret, Lionblaze confesses his power to Cinderheart and Jayfeather doesn't even care).
Meanwhile Nightheart is angry he isn't orange and hates his mom for being exiled and the whole world has to stop for him. 🤪 And Bramblestar is simply so tortured by having an evil father, the only choice is to train with him and his evil half-brother and hide this from his wife! (But remember, it's bad when that witch Squirrelflight hides the parentage of the three from him, even when Blackstar and Leopardstar were still around after being complicit in the torture and killing of halfclan cats.) Why are these male characters sympathized with, even when they actively harm people (Nightheart forcing himself into Sunbeam's life by lying to everyone about being her mate without even asking her if she would be fine with that beforehand), Bramblestar (we all know what he does), but when Dovewing or any other female character is upset, people freak out and call them whiny brats or abusive for (checks notes) asking her partner if he loves her anymore after they argued multiple times in a book. Really makes you think! (Sorry this is so long, you just have based opinions!)
dovewing being characterized as this flighty airheaded vain popular girl stereotype in fanon is like. one of those biggest "we didnt actually read the books" things in the fandom. like theres so much fanart where shes grinning and giggling over the prophecy and shes besties with the trio and shes got preferential treatment, and then in the actual books shes basically the autistic kid no one actually likes. people really, REALLY overexaggerate that one scene where she snaps at ivypaw and brags. (and i dont wanna shit on amvs but i am forever side eying how the animation community handled dove back in the day. more than one person animated her getting murdered. normal.)
i do think its gotten better recently at least. but wow does it feel like at least one person on the writing team has a bone to pick
(also awww thank you <3 no need to be sorry i love getting stuff in my inbox)
#it does also feel so insidious to me just how long the bramblesquirrel conflict was painted as ''equally kind of wrong''#the ppl who put words in squilfs mouth sometimes which. btw ill get to that when i read the book#and tbf part of it is that sometimes abuse isnt as easy to spot if youre primed to the mainstream version of it#like. bramble isnt a born evil wifebeater everyone can see coming from a mile away. hes a complex guy with his own insecurities#and his own goals and people he openly cares about. and even in some fanon stuff i see ppl kinda erase that part of him#(which i wont pretend im above- ive been trying to walk that line myself)#and that doesnt match how abusers are usually percieved by the public. or in this very series.#like. the main excuse for clear sky is literally ''hes sad his sister died and tried to save her! no one changes THAT much''#anyone can be an abuser. you could be an abuser. i could be an abuser. that doesnt mean that we ARE but we are capable of it#and the thing that catches ppl off guard is that abusers are really good at hiding who they are and theyre often charming#i often hear this account of abuse that goes something like ''my parent abused me but no one believed me bc theyre nice in public''#you dont know whats going on behind closed doors. and ik this is about funny kitties at the end of the day but its quite telling#so... yeah bramble has his nice moments. hes got his GREAT moments even. i love his relationship with his mom for example#but those moments dont mean that hes not capable of being worse. of being a monster to his loved ones#its why squilf keeps getting sucked back in. hes not a one dimensional asshole. hes capable of being kind to her.#and thats what makes his disgusting moments hit so much harder#wow ok i got off topic in the tags but yknow. idk i got feelings abt this matter as someone who's experienced toxic relationships
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Also I am VINDICATED that literally all bosses and p.e.s at my new job has said to me "wow you're good at this. This is the fastest anyone has picked this up. You'll advance fast if you actually stay here" Because I can spot design flaws that take like idk engineering sense? I just know what kinds of things are important in design.
So vindicated that I'm a good engineer. Vindicated that I held that company together. They can keep it going (because I set them up to be able to do that) but there is nothing to hold them together. I told the principals that what they'll lose with me is someone to make sure all the parts of the business work together and someone who can make holistic solutions, and that's what they're seeing.
The implication was always that I wasnt a talented engineer. That's what they thought from literally week two (which I know from sources). I wonder what about me made them think in two weeks I was bad at engineering 🤔 I wonder what about me made them think that when I was still learning things like who our customers were and being introduced to people 🤔 literally before I ever took on an engineering project 🤔 not sure! A mystery!
As I was saying in the 'think of things no one has thought of' business class: I have come up with industry standard systems. Is it small? Yes. But it was 100% my design with no co-designers.
#totes bro#is this me not being humble? maybe#but I legitimately think im good at engineering. like i really think im not bad at it#now that everyone around me keeps telling me im good at engineering at the new job (lol)#working in an over 50% female (over 50% nonwhite too) office is great because people dont automatically assume im an idiot#the misogyny in engineering is unbearable#apparently all of the contractors my coworkers work with commit misogyny crimes regularly so its not my imagination#also our whole kind of thing is men make us do their work for them for free because we check for the publics interest#and they dont even try to work inline with what is best. they just try to get away with shit.#EXCEPT for the female PEs! they try to do a good job! so we dont have to pick up their slack#anyway women are simply better engineers. having everyone assume youre bad at engineering makes you better imo#will anyone ever tell you youre better? no.#OH. ALSO. at my last job if the fraud engineer sales guy presented my solutions and products as his own he would get praise from customers#so i eventually stopped saying things were my designs because at least i could get credit that they were good when he presented them#this isnt engineering ethics this is me bitching about misogyny#also with the last post all fields are subject to the military industrial complex. let mech e (and aerospace but you should have known) is#a specific hell because its such a conservative engineering still
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I get the impression that money was a bit tight on clouds on the horizon in general, what with the uneven time put into the lumity kiss vs the hexsquads fight outside blight manner w/ the infamous cha cha slide, plus background details going wonky (like baloony hunter), but my favourite semi-wonky frames are the closeups on Hunters face when he's talking with Luz about him being a grimwalker.
bc the proportions are just. So funny to me. Why is his nose so long. Why are his eyes in the middle of his face. When did his forehead get so big. What's happening. Did I die. Is this purgatory. I unironically love this bc it reminds me that this show was made by people who were trying their best. And sometimes their best looks the Bunter Vs hexsquad fight in thanks to them and other times it looks like this
[ID: a screenshot of a close-up on Hunters face from clouds on the horizon. The placement and proportions of his face are slightly off. End ID]
(although in searching for this image I was informed that a different studio than normal animated clouds on the horizon. Which is probably at least part of the reason why there's so many bungled frames. Also probably why the cha cha slide got animated the way it did. God I love animation)
#ramblings of a lunatic#the owl house#toh#hunter toh#I'm sorry if this post seems mean i promise you I'm trying not to be this is unironically one of my favourite parts of rewatching this ep)#my thoughts on clouds on the horizon are that i like it's individual elements but it struggles to be more than the sum of its partd#*parts#mainly i think that everything is pretty strong minus. literally the ''main'' storyline of amity and her family#i think you need at least one extra scene to communicate to the audience that the relationship between al and odalia-#-is more abusive than we'd previously been led to believe. because as it stands it feels like too much of a leap between previous eps#but like. everything else about this episode is good and works#its that storyline that lets this ep down and makes it feel incongruous to me#i recognise that it's a result of the shortening and I'm not mad about it so i don't make a big stink about it#but its the reason i dont really care too much abt alador as a character. he's good when it lets me explore other characters feelings#(Darius Amity even Willow or Camilla etc)#but other than that he's just kinda there#anyway i think i mostly wanna get to the specials#im fighting the part of me telling me to just rewatch my comfort eps (asias and labyrinth runners. also ftf a lil bit) bc WE JUST DID THAT#IF I KEEP WATCHING THEM TOO MANY TIMES I'M GONNA GET SICK OF IT AND DIE#but like. i really wanna :(#being strong tho /j
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rant <3
#so i told my friend im thinking abt engaging more in my christian community again starting w going to church more and visiti g exchanges etc#she kniws abt basically all my other friends being more than less religious and active in their respective communities#+ my family being religious even during soviet times and she even kniws abt the orthodox side of my family#so this shouldnt surprise her this much#why is she trying to talk me out of it saying christianity is evil and she cant agree to creationism like ok bitch me too#she acting as if im gonna become some republican american blonde woman or an primitive medieval peasant wthhh#and like i get it she and her family have always been agnostic and she doesnt have any personal experience with believe and faith#but that is even more reason to shut the hell up?? especially bc i just told her as like a life update i didnt want to start a discussion#w an agnostic no less#ppl like that make me so uncomfortable and then she kept saying things like this person is godless as a joke like stfu???#and kept bringing up she csnt believe in god at random times it made me so umcomfortable#especially bc now i feel hesitant to invite her to hangouts w my more 'strict' friends like idk what she thinks abt them and i dont want to#expose my friends who have to listen to enough shit to someone like that like i want my home to be a safe space for my friends#anyways thats the same girl who keeps telling me she doesnt think im white and when i tell her her saying this makes me uncomfortable#shes argues its ok bc she is not white herself ok wth im literally german/slavic how is that not white im crying#cant really articulate what exactly makes me uncomfy abt this but feels like she wants to enable me its really weird#also with tge christian stuff like ive always been religious she kniws abt me reading religious texts its so weird to me#why are you my friend if you disagree with a foundamental part of my life#maybe she thoight i was an ok one bc me and my familys approach to believe and faith is very relaxed but wth man
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ok i figured it out finally. the secret to becoming friends with somebody is to keep doing smalltalk and asking how peoples days are and listen to them and share your own experiences and be genuinely curious about theirs, until you find people who also want to be friends with you enough to talk to you outside of the setting you regularly meet in, and then just initiate communication on a regular basis (at least 5 times a week or some shit idk.) also assess their comfort zone before talking about like social taboos . like ask them if they are ok hearing smth youre unsure about before you say it. also you dont necessarily succeed every time but dont get discouraged theres always more ppl and more room to grow =]
sidenote: try to make sure that when you make conversation it isnt exclusively about things you feel negatively about and keep an open mind about peoples interests, even if you dont necessarily agree with them - some people dont know some tjings are offensive bc theyre just too busy living their lives to stay on top of everything, but you can always explain that thought about it being offensive, just dont shut them down right away... imagine how youd feel if someone shut you down when you were talking about something you liked
#idk if this helps anybody but ive been trying to figure it out for years#also be confident in urself.#for the uninitiated#being confident in yourself meams#catch yourself when you start talking about negative things about yourself#when you start apologizing for little things#when you start making jokes about not wanting to live#and when you feel like a fuckup of course#just start catching yourself#note it down#note down how other people actually respond#and how things change after and on what scale#and then start opposing it when you envounter it. after u know how to catch it#tell it “no actually i dont have any reason to apologize. no actually im doing my best. no actually people do care about me. no.”#even if you feel like its a lie!#and if you keep doing this over time. and sometimes it takes a loooong long time. you will eventually see a decrease in anxiety attakcs#decrease in panic attacks and you might even begin to love yourself#or at least not put yourself down instinctively
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ppl who like making friends solely with one-note cardboard boxes who will hang out with them when it's convenient and never open up about who they are as people and what their lives are like dni
#the salt just caught up with me and now im pissed#hi welcome to what i like to call a friendly reminder that hanging out with someone just because its convenient is kind of shitty#and a less friendly reminder that talking about yourself to connect with people is an autistic trait#and an even less friendly reminder that not telling someone if theyve done you wrong and then proceeding to blow up on them is ALSO SHITTY#ESPECIALLY. WHEN. THEY THINK. YOU'RE ON GOOD TERMS. BECAUSE YOU ACTED LIKE IT AND THEY CAN'T READ YOU.#IM REALLY FUCKING MAD#I THINK I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE.#the people who actually somewhat knew me and hung out with me and were on good terms with me think the same#so like BLEH MYEH :PPPPPPPPP#like okay youre entitled to your opinions but sometimes you need to keep those to yourself#did u see me insulting u to ur face#nope i have not done even once#and thats on getting better communication skills instead of lashing out at someone for trying to fit in with your own vibes#like yeah oversharing is my deal. anybody who sees me here knows that#i bond by being open with people about who i am and what i like in the hopes that theyll do the same#if u think im just around for gaming and making silly jokes u would be wrong.#but of course nobody told me people weren't there to bond like that which in my opinion shouldnt be on me#and once again i am outcasted over something honestly kind of fucking stupid#some of the jokes i made were stupid yes but thats solely because i severely misjudged the vibes#and checks notes oh yeah nobody pulled me up for it even once.#okay so let me get this straight you barely know me and have been making assumptions about me since day one#pretty much let me believe you liked me for two whole weeks instead of asking me about things or cutting me off#and im the one who gets treated like im in the wrong? okay#this miscommunication was not my fault in the slightest and i KNOW that#if you hadve just talked to me things would be fine but theyre NOT.#if you hadve just looked at my gosh darn profile and seen im the queerest fucker around making gay and homophobic type jokes maybe you woul#have had half the mind to ask me if i could stop making those jokes!!!!!!!!!#i am not transphobic!!!!!!! I AM TRANS!! I WAS MAKING A MOCKERY OF SOME TRANSPHOBIC CULTURE I HATE!!!!#i mightve vented on main ONE TIME under the guise of a silly joke but oh my god guess what?? that was an attempt to see if anybody related.#you never liked me in the first place dont lie to yourself
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I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away
#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd#ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding.#i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way#when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee#but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo#and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards#not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony#my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like#marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there#i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my#parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL)#but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school#nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is#same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL#i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not.#i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds#but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice#i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring#that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases#and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason#you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident#im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like#i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS#i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3#i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔
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hold on everyone shut up im getting super emotional about jonathan sims
#tma#kara stop blogging#thinking about the web. thinking about how it was his first mark#and how that mark how that unaddressed trauma so deeply affected him.#and how befitting that is for the web too- to tie someone up its strands for YEARS#thinkin about how almost every single decision that man makes is made out of fear#that motherfucker has never felt safe in his god damn life you can tell and im EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT#thinking about how so much of his fear response is CONTROL because of it. His ridiculous skepticism was him trying to control it#if he denies it if he refuses to believe in it it cant hurt him#about his paranoia and desperation for knowledge is so rooted in that fear of losing control#about his entire s4 arc and grappling with becoming inhuman. about not feeling like he has any kind of personal autonomy#and how so often thats written off as him making excuses (and dont get me wrong- he makes excuses too. im not saying he doesnt) but also-#like you look at what happened with his first leitner and its like. he couldnt move. couldnt do anything to escape#and then when the other boy got taken he couldnt do anything to save him either#of course he feels like hes never had any control#of course hes desperate for knowledge- if he had only *known* what couldve happened then he couldve prevented it.#the survivors guilt is so deeply part of his character#and thats what makes jonah targeting him so fucking insidious and scary#he took his man who is already so terrified- put him in a situation where he was so out of his depth#knowing that his fear response would be to desperately try and figure out what was happening- to keep asking questions--#pulling himself deeper into the eyes influence and easily turning it around and making it Jon's fault#as if Jon isn't trapped like everyone else- it's just his fear response is so fucking perfect for the role the eye needs him to play#and then it leads to the ultimate trauma of ripping control away from Jon and forcing him to do something so fucking horrible#something he would never in a million years CHOOSE TO DO#how he's so terrified of being made a pawn and he is. playing a game against elias where he couldn't even see the board#locking him out of his own body...forcing him to open the door. like. FUCK#I MEAN FUCK DUDE. PETER LITERALLY SAYS “HE GOT YOU” WHEN JON ASKED WHAT HIS 'PRIZE' WAS#LIKE SCRATCH THAT!!! FUCKING SCRATCH THAT!! he wasn't even a player he was a fucking PIECE in the game#GOD!!!#GOD!!!! free my boy he did nothing wrong (he did so many things wrong)
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Hey Uncle Nina! I hope this doesn't sound rude, but why aren't you on AO3 anymore? I miss you :(
hi, anon! no this is not rude at all -- that is a very valid question! plus, it can be really confusing and disheartening when an author that you follow on ao3 randomly stops posting! i totally, totally get it! <3 :')
but for me, at least, posting my updates onto ao3 got suuuper stressful and unpleasant. like literally shredded my mental health.
but this!!! this is Fun for me <3 :) there's just somethin abt tumblr, idk.
i was holding myself to all these standards on ao3, stressing myself the fuck out...& i know i'm not supposed to delete the asks i respond to, but its nice that if i feel that compulsion, i can delete stuff/edit it without it being this big, gigantic thing i'm tampering w/.
...because an ask disappearing when i'm anxious is a bummer, but me deleting Entire Chapters and possibly entire fanfictions because of panic attacks i got...due largely in part to the ungodly Stress i incurred while writing them? not cute.
also, it was a little different when style/sp was super popular on ao3 and there were new fanfics/updates for stories everyday so when you posted something, it was very low stakes and if you just gave the tags a couple hours, your fic could be washed away onto page 2/3...
...but ohHHHHH my god its so SLOW right now!!! that i shit you not updates are sitting on the front page for like multiple days??? which is nice for people that want exposure ( and deserve it tbh! ) but a large part of the ao3 posting stress was me...watching my fic get views and not get kudosed or commented on so...if i was updating rn, i would be in hell. and i'm already in hell 25/8 doing my damn job.
which! i'm a working lady! i'm very busy and stressed! running a tumblr blog is waaaay less stressful than constantly updating a fanfiction tbh. and whats more? this is stress relieving for me. <333
i enjoy this little community of people who like my content on tumblr. its less vulnerable than a03 and way less aggressive than twitter. fr. you guys are super nice to me on here and i never feel stressed or pressured ever to post stuff. <33 its really fun for me to be able to answer really super specific questions about my fanfic for people who are actively seeking out that information! like its very...curated.
and its very specific in terms of my fanfics/ncuniverse stuff, but its nice for me because i can post a variety of diff content! like i can post up my little para things, snippets of dialogue, be silly and goofy in my ask memes, but also really serious in my ask memes, i can be in depth or mysterious, sad, funny, happy, really weird like idk you guys, i really enjoy the freedom i have on here to...create without limits? ig
it feels like i can give you a shit ton of information in different mediums without having to update my fanfics, like, idk, i guess its probably not as exciting to see my ask meme answers as it is to get fanfic updates, but i try to make them like little updates, yknow? it was also really annoying to have to keep you guys in the dark abt stuff in my fics/ideas i have bc i...havent updated, so now its like!! i can tell you stuff again which!!! AAAA!!! makes me so happy omg
but yeah, sorry for the sudden switch. sorry for not really writing but...this is much better for me. i feel a lot safer and comfortable doing this. i like answering my ask memes...i like talking to yall. in terms of my fanfics, i'm not entirely sure what that means...like if i'm going to update on ao3 or if i'm gonna just post experimental updates or pieces of my fics on here? if i'm just gonna tell all my stories thru elaborate answers to ur questions...
idk! IDK! and thats okay. i am having fun and i hope you have fun. thats all that matters. <3
-uncle nina in her healing idgaf era
#sorry tldr#ao3 was stressful#i dont like twitter#i like tumblr i like doing my asks i like answering ur specific questions and idk i feel like we built a lovely community on here#where like u guys ask me stuff u wanna know and i tell u idk i feel like we are having a little book club i like it here#i like that i can like make ooc posts like hey guys what do we think about the style yuri? when im off 3 ciders#or that i can in depth describe scenes to you through the hc asks and you get that info but in a less stressful and formal way#than it would be if i had to write that up as a para#but then the freedom to write para things or long form stuff or even just dialogue and post that to a group of people who are excited 4 it#like theres just so much possibility and its very low stakes#if i get overwhelmed answering the big ask memes i can take a break w/o consequence or do less serious asks#i can shoot you guys ideas and also talk about my life in a safe place where i feel supported#i can drop you guys experimental stuff i'm worried about and have it received by people who will be kind to me abt it in ways i am not ofte#with myself idk like this blog seriously saved my life a little#and i am very happy here and i love you guys and i love my stupid tumblr abt my stupid au style fics with the best readers in the world#i hope people are okay with me being a tumblr primary ff retired for now girlie i'm sorry if thats upsetting but i also try to keep it cute#on here like i feel like we can just do so much more like this and i can talk to you guys and be so specific idk i love this sm
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