The desire to write a 200-page-long dissertation on Percival de Rolo’s journey and the deep importance of how trauma presents itself and isn’t easily healed and on the meaning of vengeance and the trials and crushing guilt that manifests which one must fight through to truly forgive themselves and learn to live again baked into his story Vs. my biological requirement of sleep to be a functioning human being: FIGHT

broke: eddie munson has handcuffs in his room cause he likes kinky sex 

woke: eddie munson has handcuffs in his room because he was once arrested by officer Callahan for possession of marijuana at a halloween party they busted his junior year, but as soon as Callahan sat him on the pavement and turned around, Eddie jumped up and hauled ass into the forest until he reached the trailer park. His uncle had to pick the lock to get them off his dumbass nephew (making eddie swear to 1. never ask how his uncle knew how to pick locks and 2. never get fucking arrested again) Eddie kept the handcuff’s as a memoir of the night he outran the Hawkins Police Department. 

Life as a JGY stan is so hard because sometimes I want to make posts about the ways his very justified paranoia turns against him sometimes, rare moments where I think being more trusting or vulnerable would have helped but he felt like it couldnt, or talk about how his brutal survival instinct intersects with society's existing bigotries in a such a way that most of his violence is actually aimed at people lower on the ladder than him, with people like Jin Guangshan being the exception not the rule. Because he's a fascinating character and these parts of him are interesting!

But when I do that I have to live in perpetual fear of the moment that it escapes its target audience and someone takes it to go "Yeah he's a monster who fucked over everyone and is incapable of love! I wish he was killed earlier and his death was a thousand times more painful 🤪"

I mean, take my last example. Due to existing hierarchies it is, at any point, easier and safer for jgy to harm people less powerful than him instead of more powerful than him, even if the more powerful are the ones threatening his safety in the first place. Even knowing how it harms him and while working against it, Jin Guangyao is not immune to internalizing the mindset of the world he lives in. Even when killing Jin Guangshan- one man- it ends up costing the lives of 20 sex workers. You think I can bring up the sex workers in this fucking fandom? You think that will go over peacefully? The well has been so thoroughly poisoned here it feels like any conversation around morality automatically turns into a courtroom to determine a sentence for this fictional fucking character who's already dead.

- Bruno Is Orange by Hop Along

there was a post about daiba nana as a body snatcher horror from junna’s pov and it has me in a fucking chokehold.

imagine being roommates with somebody you haven't gotten to know yet, and it's a little awkward but you're both polite and she seems like a nice girl. she's kind and open and warm, ready with a helping hand or a listening ear, beloved quickly by your classmates in a way you never quite managed to convince people to love you. you could be friends with her, given time. you think she might want to be friends with you, too. 

you go to sleep as hoshimi-san and wake as hoshimi-san and walk to school as hoshimi-san, but, without warning, you cross the threshold of the classroom and suddenly you're junna-chan. 

suddenly, the friendly interest in daiba-san's eyes has deepened with an intensity that unnerves you, even when it manifests in entirely benign ways—an uncanny familiarity with your schedule, a fond glimmer for your quotations, an offering of your favourite snack food with a side of dishonesty in the way she claims it was a lucky guess. 

you feel seen. the way prey does when a predator reveals itself upwind. exposed and unprotected. 

but daiba-san is easy to like, easy to love, easy to forgive. you forget your unease in the face of her sincerity. she takes care of everybody as though it were her sole purpose on this earth, so you take care of her. 

when daiba-san becomes nana and you become junna-chan, willingly this time, you wonder if you imagined the anticipatory gleam in her eyes when you served her your first name, as though it were a favourite dish she'd long been craving.

why were you digging? what did you bury? before those hands pulled me from the earth

Omg hi Ms. Yellow Caballero big fan of your work <3 For real though, I'm really excited that your sharing the Weekenders, it was a joy to read and I'm bongocat-ing now that others also get the privilege to read it as well.

Referencing your tags, would you please elaborate of ableism in fandom and, like you said, how fandom treats characters with unpalatable disabilities?

Hi Ms. Bud Lite I'm a big fan of you <3

TL;DR A fear of writing characters of highly marginalized identities shields you from criticism and discomfort, but it's actively stigmatizing to people of these identities and as a writer you really need to get over yourself and write The Icky People.

I guess I'll come out swinging on this one and say that fandom doesn't like severe mental illness. (As a note, when I say severe mental illness (SMI) I mean illnesses such as psychotic disorders, bipolar disorder, substance use disorders, personality disorders, etc)

Obviously, nobody likes people w/SMI. It's just insanely egregious in fandom to me, since fanfic writers absolutely love writing characters or HC characters with depression, anxiety, or a specific variety of PTSD That Isn't Scary. People actively reject any character HCs for a SMI. When people write a character with SMI, they nicely downplay it, ignore it, substitute it for a disorder they like better, or rewrite it. It's completely untolerated, in both headcanons and in fanfiction, and every time I bring it up I always get the most interesting reasons why somebody couldn't possibly acknowledge a character's SMI in their writing. I've heard all of these:

"I don't know enough about the disorder to write it accurately." Do research.

"I'm not X, so I can't really depict it." You probably aren't a cis white man, but you depict those guys just fine.

"It feels insulting to the character." There is no shame in having a SMI.

"I can't understand what it's like, so it's better to be cautious and avoid giving characters stigmatized identities." There are LOTS of experiences that you'll never understand because you've never had them - you just don't want to write anything you're uncomfortable with. People with SMI make you uncomfortable, and you don't want to write anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, or think of a comfort character in an uncomfortable way. SMIs are marginalized differently than solely depression/anxiety/The Nice PTSD, and by refusing to write them you're actively contributing to the stigma.

I think (?) I've spoken in the past about how I believe that the rigorous external and internal policing of writing people of marginalized identities is actively harmful towards efforts to increase diversity of experience and background in fiction. A lot of fanfiction writers are just terrified to write people who they can't directly relate with, because they're worried 'they'll get it wrong' and be Big Cancelled. I think this is negative enough when it prevents people from going outside of their comfort zone, but on a macro level I think this results in people refusing to write characters of marginalized identities as all. It's an insidious thought process, and it's reflected in people's unwillingness to diversity their writing or acknowledge canon diversity.

'Well, I don't understand what it's like to be Black, so I don't want to write Black people'. 'I want to project on this character, so I only want to write them with mental illnesses and identities I have'. 'If I write a marginalized character incorrectly people will yell at me, so I won't write a marginalized character who's marginalized differently than me at all'. Can you imagine writing a lesbian character with a boyfriend because 'you feel uncomfortable writing lesbian experiences'? It's blatantly homophobic. But people do that with disability and race/ethnicity ALL THE TIME.

People with SMI notice that you feel uncomfortable with them. It's obvious. They notice when a character has a SMI + anxiety, and you only write their anxiety. They notice when a character displays symptoms of a SMI in canon, but you write it out. And POC notice when the characters of color are written out. I know we all like to project on the blorbos and relate to them, and in the joys of your own head do whatever, but as a writer if you only stick to identities you're comfortable with you are actively being a worse writer. Which to me is the REAL sin lmfao.

colorful summer boy

been in SUCH a bad art block lately but i want to post art so here is a rough kirillov WIP i've been working on...........ive been obsessed w the idea of drawing him like an icon/saint/etc but im not satisfied with any of my attempts so far T_T

babe would you still love me if we were superheroes and you were in danger and i went absolutely bonkers and crossed every moral boundary imaginable to protect you at literally any cost?

wow those birds sure do sibling,,,

Canon: Hannibal & Clarice decor a christmas tree together and grab accidentally for the same christmas bauble. They celebrate their very first christmas holidays in Buenos Aires.

After her father's dead, Clarice has never attented a christmas party ever again which is why Hannibal bought the tallest pine he could find at the christmas tree sale to surprise her.

When he asked her whether or not she has prepared a wishlist for Santa, she was just replying, "All I want for christmas is you, stupid." As if he hadn't already known...

And it filled him with the greatest satisfaction. And love.

So he whispers, "So do I, mi amor."

Simon Henriksson is Cupioromantic by the way send post

he's so important to me

"Needed comfort"